Bacon and Hobbes: The Purple Doll.by ImpressmeChaptersI'm Twilight Sparkle!Bacon the Scientific Filly.Experiment 64.27 A. AKA Learn How to Walk...(Mini)Bacon The Bratty Bundle of Bolts!Edgar Allen Crow (Part One)Noob! (Intermission)The Overlord (Intermission)Edgar Allen Crow Part 2 (Jimmy the Brony and Cheese Legs Say Hi)Dinner (Intermission)I'm Twilight Sparkle!"Look your dad and I went over this already! We're going to keep it the way it is!" The orange and black tiger had been at it with his new owner for the past five minutes, explaining to her that he had been the co-founder of this marvelous device and HE wanted to keep it as is. The frustrated, blonde girl would have none of it though, as she tried everything she could to make a few modifications to this dull, brown device. "Everyone knows that something works better if it has a design!" She hissed, trying to pull the box away from the hardheaded tiger. "Just let me put one butterfly on it!" "NO!" The tiger roared, baring his fangs. "Bacon! Bacon are you up there!?" A husky voice called, distracting the young girl as she ceased her tug of war match with the tiger. "Bacon I have a surprise for you!" "If it's not an M-16 assault rifle, than I'm not interested!" She called back, with her voice cracking a little as she yelled out her preference in weaponry. "Come on Bacon, I promise you won't regret it!" Her father called, as he sat on his couch, hiding a small box behind his back, hoping to put smile on his precious daughters face. "Ask him if he brought some tuna!" Hobbes whispered, as he pushed the transmogrifier back into its respective corner. "Hobbes wants to know if it's tuna!" Bacon called, as she stuffed her crayons and stickers back into a small box, heaving an annoyed huff at yet another failed attempt at re-designing her father's old, but sacred, piece of technology. "Yeah!" Her father yelled, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he chided himself for being such an handful as a child. Karma had always been at his back, ready to make him pay for the grief he had caused as a child, but today was the day he turned all of that around. His own dad had given him something to cherish as a child and he felt that it would be best if he gave his daughter her own keepsake, aside from Hobbes. "I bought him a bag full of tuna and salmon!" "Tuna!" Hobbes exclaimed, giving a small hop and a happy cheer. "Come on lets go!" Grabbing the girl by one her scrawny arms, Hobbes began dragging her out the small room. "Fine I'm going! Just let go of my arm!" Bacon cried, pulling her arm away from the tigers tight grip. After making a mental note, reminding herself to poison every can of tuna her father ever bought. "What is it dad?" Bacon mumbled, as she descended the last few steps of the staircase. "Hobbes won't quit bugging me about the stupid tuna." Her father chuckled, feeling a wave of nostalgia pass threw his body, as he looked down at the young, blonde headed girl, who was carrying a stuffed tiger in her arms. "I've got something for you! If you like Hobbes than you're going to LOVE this!" he exclaimed, pulling out a purple box with a whip of his arm. What was on this box? Well the purple box had a small, clear square wall of plastic revealing a purple plastic pony, adorned with a golden crown and a pair of poorly designed wings. Bacon was familiar with the show, but she couldn't remember who this purple creature was. Lucky for her, the box had massive letters plastered on the front telling her exactly who this mysterious pony was. Twilight Sparkle, a hero from the infamous show called My Little Pony. "Oh dad!" Bacon groaned, slapping a small, white hand on her embarrassed face. "My Little Pony!? That's the dumbest show I've ever SEEN!" She exclaimed, staring at her dad with annoyed eyes, waiting for an explanation to such an egregious act. "It's not THAT bad!" Her dad replied, still wearing his bright smile. "The show is based on a bunch of stupid ponies learning about friendship." she replied, spitting out the word friendship like it was poison. "I'm eight years old dad!That's the kind of junk you give to a baby!" "Hey just give her a chance!" Picking himself up off of his red couch, her father bent over and gave her a small peck on the top of her head. "I have to go to work Bacon, so you're gonna have give "Twilight" the grand tour. Just be nice to her okay?" "Fine." Bacon groaned, admitting defeat as she examined the box with a hint of annoyance in her blue eyes. As soon as she heard the front door close, she decided to let this odd being out of her cramped, little box. The winged pony pushed herself out of her poorly made prison, giving her aching wings a nice a little stretch in relief. "Thank Celestia I'm out of that box!" The pony exclaimed, looking at her savior with a gentle smile on her face. "I'm Twilight Spar-" "I already know what your name is!" Bacon yelled, as she turned her back on the perplexed pony and made her way back to her room. "Are you coming or what!?" "Of course!" Twilight said with a confident smile. "Are you sure we can trust her?" Hobbes whispered, as he stared with wary eyes at the clumsy pony, who was trying to navigate the length of the living room without knocking anything. "No." Bacon replied flatly. Smash! Just as Bacon uttered that single word, the clumsy pony had knocked over a small, white vase covering the floor with shards of pottery, water, and wilted roses. "For Celestia's sake!" Twilight hissed, nearly backpedaling straight into a flat screen TV. "These stupid wings are always in the way!" "WHY ME!?" Bacon cried, raising her hands into the sky in hopes of a divine message, straight from god himself. She got none. Bacon the Scientific Filly."And this is the bathroom. If you need to know where anything else is, please hesitate to ask." Bacon's final stop on her grand tour through her magnificently average home had ended with Twilight staring at the puny toilet, unable to comprehend how these "humans" could use something so small. Why couldn't they just use the restroom outside? "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a transmogrifier to re-design." With an arrogant look on her face, Bacon pushed the purple newcomer out of the way and stormed off towards her comfortable bedroom, with Hobbes in tow. "How do ponies use the bathroom anyway?" Hobbes asked, looking down at his newest owner with curious eyes. "Who cares? If she really needs to use the bathroom then she can go outside." The little girl was interested in a number of things. Science, Lindsay Lohan's apparent invincibility, and her inevitable rise to power, through scientific achievement and good looks. A ponies urinary system, on the other hand, was not worth her time. Let the purple freak figure that out on her own. she thought cynically. still fuming at her father's choice in toys. The two continued their journey down a blue hallway, doing their best to cheat each other out of their share of the brown box, shutting Twilight out of their two way conversation. "I am his daughter. By right, his share is mine. He made the device, so he had a majority of the share. I get to do whatever I want with it." Hobbes ignored the little girl, as he walked up to a white door and shoved it open, revealing a tidy, pink room. A queen sized bed dominated the left corner of the room, lit by a small window, showering the room in sunlight. in the opposite corner of the room was a small pink table, typically a place where homework was forgotten and her diary was written in, recording her deepest thoughts, darkest secrets, and foolish plots. Boring to Hobbes, but enough to keep Bacon satisfied. "All right Hobbes bring out the transmogrifier!"Bacon exclaimed, rushing over to her small table, extracting her diary from one its small drawers. "Experiment number sixty one point seven. Do natural extincts carry over after transformation?" "What the hay are you talking about?" Twilight asked, sticking her purple head into the small room. "I didn't know humans could use magic." This got a good chuckle from the blonde-headed girl, who was scribbling down a few notes in her diary while Hobbes brought the makeshift machine from its designated corner. "Magic!? That's stuff for little kids, lady. Here, we only focus on things that are real." Bacon replied, still laughing at the pony's crazy assertion. "So what are you going to change into?" Hobbes asked, with a small sharpie at the ready. "Pelican? Ocelot? A bottle water?" "I don't really know. I haven't thought about it. Did we already do centipede?" Hobbes gave a small nod, as he stared at the list of animals etched onto the side of the box. "Yeah. I don't think your mom was to happy about it either." Bacon began to rub her chin in thought, before turning to look at her newest companion with analytical eyes. "Can unicorns really use magic?" "Of course they can. All it takes is a little practice." Twilight replied, pointing a hoof at her horn. "But I'm not sure you want to become a pony." Her pleas, however, were met with a raised hand, effectively silencing her. "Be quiet Twilight, I'm thinking." Bacon stated, as she began to mull over the opportunities magic would offer. What could I do with magic? Levitation? Mind control?............Necromancy! Bacon's frown quickly evolved into a devilish smile, as the perfect plan came to her. Necromancy. The perfect plan to bring the world to its knees, begging its newest master for mercy! The money! The power! The GLORY! The Empire of Bacon! It will be *perfect!* Bacon thought. "Are you alright? You look like you're having a seizure." Hobbes asked, scratching his ear with a confused paw. "Do you want me to add unicorn? "Do it!" Bacon exclaimed, as she picked up a side of the box and rolled underneath it. "Turn it on!" "Hold on!" Hobbes exclaimed, as he furiously scribbled "unicorn" onto the box, and turned a small, black dial. "I hope this works." He was about to get his answer, as the machine began to the stir, and a buzzing sound filled the air. The small holes that covered the exterior of the transmogrifier began to emanate an ominous light, only to go off with a small pop. The tiger and the alicorn simply sat, waiting for something to come out. A minute passed, yet Bacon said nothing, "Are you all right?" Twilight asked, slowly inching towards silent contraption. With a hesitant hoof, Twilight began to lift the box off of Bacon, fearing the worst. "My hands! How am I supposed to grab anything!?" An extraordinarily squeaky voice demanded. Twilight threw the box off of the little girl to reveal a very confused filly. She was perfectly fine, but she wasn't proud of the form she had taken. Bacon, once a little girl that barely met four feet, was reduced to a light brown filly, with a bright, blonde mane and a puny horn, which barely passed as a nub. She couldn't see straight, walk properly, or even grab anything. She was perfectly immobile. And vulnerable. "You look SO ADORABLE!" Twilight squealed, picking up the little filly and crushing her against her chest. "You shouldn't worry me like that! Celestia knows what I would have done if something bad happened to you!" "LET GO OF ME YOU FREAK!" Bacon hissed, trying, but failing, to push the gushing Twilight away with tiny hooves. "Can you use any magic now?" Hobbes asked, examining his friend's newest form. "You don't look magical." "I don't know! I can barely see straight with these weird pony eyes!" Bacon complained, still being held captive by a cooing Twilight, who was cradling Bacon in her hooves like a baby. "Shhhh. Hush my scientific little filly. I'll take care of you." Twilight cooed, pressing her face against Bacon's face, hoping to comfort the little filly with her presence. "HOBBES! KILL HER!" Experiment 64.27 A. AKA Learn How to Walk...(Mini)"All right Bacon. Just a little more. You're doing really good!" Bacon's plan of world dominance was still in full swing, but she had to learn how to walk properly before she could trample her enemies underneath her hooves. "Left hoof right hoof left hoof right hoof." Bacon chanted, trying to keep herself in a proper rhythm, aiming straight towards Twilight's chest. "Come on Bacon. Just a few more steps." Twilight stated, trying her best to encourage the struggling filly, in a motherly tone. "Shut up woman, I know how to do this!" Bacon replied, focusing on walking in a straight line. Her legs, however, refused to comply, and she fell, face first, right onto the unforgiving floor. With her face still planted firmly into the floor, Hobbes took out a pin and opened up Bacon's notebook. "So how does it feel to be a horse? Did that hurt more than it usually does?" Hobbes asked, as he thought of other occasions when Bacon's face had opportunities to become more acquainted with the ground. Bacon weakly pulled herself up, with her wobbly legs barely offering any support to her scrawny frame. "Well I can't see directly in front of me. I guess thats why ponies have big eyes." Bacon stated, wondering how Twilight got around with that huge horn on her head without bumping into everything in sight. "And the pain? It's actually not that bad!" "Really?" Bacon was a tough girl, but Hobbes knew that she wasn't the best when it came to handling pain. "Yeah." Bacon replied, rubbing a hoof against her eyes, which were forming small tears. "It downgraded from blinding pain, to crippling agony." Bacon finished her sentence with a small sniffle, trying to hide her tears from prying eyes. Bacon didn't have time to utter another word, however,as she was met with a tight hug by Twilight, who pulled the sad filly against her chest with her wings. "It's all right. Most fillies fall down on the first day." Twilight whispered, as she attempted to console the sniffling filly. "It's not t-that you d-dumb pony." Bacon whimpered in between little sniffles. "How am I supposed to take over the world if I can't even walk!? I can't bathe in the blood of the innocent when they're all laughing at me!" "Bombs?" Hobbes suggested, before giving a glaring Twilight an innocent shrug. "Just trying to help." Twilight ignored the tiger, who was trying to hide his face behind the notebook, and looked down at the bacon, who had buried her face in a patch of Twilight's lavender fur. "Bacon, I promise that, once you learn how to pull off a decent trot, you'll be able to take over the world in no time!" Twilight exclaimed, as she gave Bacon a big grin, which was brimming with confidence and kindness. "You really think so?" Bacon asked, wiping tears away from her big, blue eyes. "Of course!" Twilight exclaimed, patting her hoof against her chest. "I am a princess of magic, after all!" "And I spent all this time thinking that your dad was a big sissy." Hobbes huffed, rolling his eyes at the so called "heart warming scene" of mare and filly sharing a quick hug. Bacon The Bratty Bundle of Bolts!"All right Bacon the key to casting a proper spell is all about balance. Every unicorn has their limits and overdoing it can be a painful experience." The trio had taken their magical endeavors outside, where Hobbes wouldn't have to sit and deal with two emotional mares. They had taken residence on a hill, overlooking the back of Bacon's two story house, as well as much of the small neighborhood. The sky was clear, and the grass was as green as ever. Perfect for a little tutoring. Bacon, however, wasn't in the mood for any of Twilight's mentoring. Her face was covered in dirt and grass, due to her inability to walk in a straight line without Hobbes tripping her up for a cheap laugh. "Can we get straight to the zombies?" Bacon asked, as she rubbed gravel from her messy mane. "That's a little too complex for someone your age. Let's go with something a little easier." Twilight suggested, before pointing a hoof down at a little dandelion. "Levitation is the first thing my dad taught me, so we'll start there. Try and pull this flower from its roots." "Easy!" Bacon exclaimed, as she zeroed in on the helpless flower. With her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Bacon sat and stared at the flower, clenching every muscle in her head in a attempt to summon a single spark from her stubby horn. Nothing happened. "I don't think you're doing it right."Hobbes stated, as he watched the foolish filly completely fail at her attempt at levitation. "let me help you out. All you really need is a little......Motivation." Hobbes added, snicking up behind the oblivious filly with a predatory glint in his eyes. "What are you taAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Without warning, Hobbes had gently, but effectively, stabbed the filly with one of his sharp claws right on her unsuspecting flank eliciting an ear shattering scream from the injured pony. "ARGH THE AGONY!" Bacon cried, as she rolled around in the grass hoping for the pain to subside. "What was that for!?" Hobbes didn't reply at first, with that evil glint still very much present in his eyes. "Motivation! There's nothing like the idea of pain to get the ol' magic flowing!" He snickered, as he began to circle his prey. "Basically, you're going to torture her until she does something?" Twilight asked, as she watched the orange predator leap into a tall patch of grass. "Interesting. I should probably write a report about it." Hobbes wasn't listening, however. Much to Bacon's dismay, he had hidden himself from view. "Aren't you supposed to be doing something? You have ten seconds to pull that flower out of the dirt. Or else." Hobbes sneered, as he watched the helpless pony look at her mentor for help. "Aren't you going to do something!?" Bacon cried. She could hear the tiger pushing his way through patched of grass, but she couldn't put on finger on his location. All she knew was that he was out of view and he was alot faster than she was. Twilight only gave her a simple shrug. "Are you crazy? He'll kill me! Good luck though." Twilight replied, as she backed away from the sitting duck. "Remember! Focus!" And with that, Twilight scampered off and ducked behind the nearest tree. "What am I supposed to do!?" Bacon squealed, as she watched her tutor sit behind a tree like a coward. "IS THERE A CODE!?" "One!" Hobbes called, as he prepared himself for his inevitable attack. "Two!" "OH MAN!" Think of something you fool! Bacon thought, as she mentally chided herself. In desperation, she looked back down at the flower. "Alakazam! Hocus Pocus!" Nothing happened. "Three...........Four.............Five!" "Abra cadabra!?" Still nothing. Her horn wouldn't comply and the flower simply sat there. Mocking her with its amazing ability to stay rooted into the ground. "EXPELIARMUS!?" "Eight.......Nine.........TEN!" Hobbes roared, as he leapt out of the grass and dove at the helpless filly. Everything that occurred in the next few seconds went by in slow motion, for Bacon. She could see Hobbes launch himself at her, and she also noticed that Twilight had covered her eyes with a hoof. The fear and the anxiety had finally reached a breaking point. Her horn finally began to glow a brilliant blue, after giving off a few sparks. After a split second spent blinking, Bacon opened her eyes once more, to see that Hobbes was only a few feet away from her face. She also noticed that Hobbes didn't look very happy. BZZZZZZT With a mighty yowl, Hobbes crashed head first into the dirt. "What was that!?" Hobbes hissed, still laying in the dirt in a defeated heap. Poor Hobbes hadn't been prepared for the electrical properties Bacon's horn had, and he had payed dearly for it. "Bacon that was amazing!" Twilight squealed, as she trotted over to her pupil. "I've never seen anything like that! How did you do it!?" Twilight added, as she sat next to Bacon with an excited smile. Bacon simply rubbed her head with a confused hoof. "I don't know! I all know was that I was really scared." Bacon grunted, as she stared at her twitching tiger with amusement. "Is that how magic usually works?" "I don't think so." Twilight replied, as she picked up the tiger with a flash of her horn. "I've never met a unicorn whose magic was based off of emotion." "That doesn't matter! I have the perfect tool to create my army of zombies! All I need is a test subject!" Bacon snickered, as she rubbed her hooves together devilishly. "Hobbes! Find me a proper test subject! The Bacon Empire shall wait for NO ONE!" "Like what? It's not like there are a ton of dead animals laying around." Hobbes muttered, as he gestured towards the area they were occupying. Nothing but green grass and a few trees. "We would have to spend all day digging! Tiger's don't dig." "Hmmm. Animal cemetery?" Bacon suggested, as she looked at the horrified expressions her companions wore. "What!? It's not like anyone's going to miss them!" "Bacon that's terrible!" Twilight exclaimed, taking a quick look around to ensure that no one was listening to this conversation. "They might be dead, but they were still someone's pets!" "Than come up with a better idea!" Bacon grumbled, as she prodded the dirt with her hoof. Hobbes sat and stared out at the neighborhood, waiting for the ponies to come up with a plan, when he heard a very interesting sound. The roar of an engine, as a large truck drove down the road and barreled past Bacon's home, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. "I think I have an idea." Edgar Allen Crow (Part One)"That thing is disgusting!" After a very short and unhygienic plan was put together by the clever tiger, the group had finally found its first test subject, who was aptly nicknamed Crusty. "DISGUSTINGLY BEAUTIFUL!" Bacon exclaimed, as she rode on Twilight's back. "He's perfect! Not only will he be an effective test subject, but he'll lead the undead air force on its first few raids against the living! I can already hear the screams of the innocent!" Bacon stated, as she wiped a small tear of joy from her brown cheek. "It's going to be perfect." Hobbes said nothing, as he held the dead bird in between two claws. "I don't think he's going to be hurting anybody like this." Hobbes pointed out, as he held the carcass as far away from his body as possible. "Is that a worm hanging out of his stomach!?" The group found itself in the local pet cemetery, much to Twilight's dismay, where further test subjects could be found on a whim if the first round of experimentation succeeded. Bacon knew that she needed to put together a decent sized army if she ever wanted to conquer this country, and resorted to her usual tactic of whining and rolling on the floor to get exactly what she wanted. It worked to perfection. "How long is this going to take?" Twilight asked, as she looked around the eerie cemetery with anxious eyes. Twilight despised many things, such as failed exams, but the one thing that always shook her to the core was the prospect of staying out late at night. "I don't really like to miss curfew. I still have nightmares about the last time I was late to bed!" She exclaimed, as she mulled over the horrific night her parents took away her precious book on magical physics when she was late to magical kindergarten. "It won't take that long. I only need about seven or eight zombies to take over the planet. I mean, how many soldiers could America possibly have?" Bacon pointed out, as she hopped off of Twilight's back. "Are you ready Hobbes? Just like we planned it, okay?" "Alright." Hobbes replied, as he sat the dead bird on a patch of grass. "Do you think he'll try to kill us, when he "Comes back"?" Hobbes asked, using his claws to make quotation marks in the air. "Who knows. As long we focus, we'll do okay." Bacon replied, as she wobbled her way to her precious subject. Finally, with a loud thud, Bacon sat herself a few inches away from Crusty. "All Hobbes. Do it." Hobbes sat himself next to the excited girl and unsheathed a claw from his left paw. "Are you sure this is gonna work? I don't want to get shocked again." The tiger grumbled, as he waited for his owner to give him an answer. "Don't be such a baby, Hobbes!" Bacon hissed, as she stared at the crows limp body. Just do it alreadYYYYYYYYEOW!!!" Oddly enough, the culprit happened to be non other than Twilight Sparkle. With a manic look in her eyes, she finally decided to take matters into her own hooves and stabbed the unsuspecting filly with her sharp horn. What followed Bacon's shriek, was the familiar flash of blue and the buzz of electricity. Bacon had successfully hit her target, covering the dead crow in a small blanket of electricity. Its body shook and it's limbs trembled, as electricity covered every inch of its body with a blue glow. After a few seconds of buzzing and bright light, all had gone silent in the pet cemetery. The group said nothing and waited for their subject to reanimate. As minutes passed, the groups patience had begun to wear thin, and Bacons lust for power was slowly overtaking her. "ARGH! Why didn't it work!?" she shrieked, as she covered her head with her frustrated hooves. "Maybe it wasn't enough power." Hobbes stated, as he scratched his head in confusion. Before Twilight could throw in her own opinion, The small crow began twitching. Its wings began to flap wildly and, eventually, it began to rise. After unleashing a long, drawn out yawn, it finally spoke. "SHUT UP! Can't a crow get some sleep!?" "Umm.....It talked." The lavender alicorn pointed out foolishly. "Didn't it?" "Yes I can talk! What do y'all want?" The crow hissed, in a harsh, scratchy voice, which was probably the product of its time spent in death. Bacon was at a loss for words. Her plans had finally come together! No more chores, homework, or broccoli! Life had finally stopped sucking for the little girl! "I can't believe it." She whispered, completely in awe at the sight that was unfolding before her. "It worked." "What worked?" The crow asked, as he irritably hopped around on mangled legs. "We brought you back to life." Hobbes stated, as he looked down at crow in disgust. "To fight in our zombie army." "Zombie army?" The crow was completely lost. Resurrection was one thing, but to be revived and drafted right into army of zombies? Not exactly a top priority on this crows list of things to do. "No can do kid. I'm a pacifist." "Wh-what?" Bacon asked, staring down at her experiment with shocked eyes. "B-but I brought you back to life. You have to-" "I have to what? Just because I'm a zombie doesn't mean I have to eat brains!" The zombie pointed out with a rotting wing. "I didn't even ask y'all to bring me back to life!" "Can we ATLEAST write down a few notes about you?" Twilight asked, as she withdrew a notebook and a pencil from her mane. "If this doesn't get me my own castle, I don't know what will." "What do y'all guys want to know?" "Everything!" Hobbes and Twilight exclaimed at the same time, while Bacon sulked with her face in the dirt. Noob! (Intermission)Pvt. Paterson was on edge. This was his first mission in South Africa and he was beyond nervous. The mission was a simple move to stop weapons dealers, but these guys were ruthless. AK-47's, grenades, and a hell of a lot of machetes. Luckily he had his favorite, diamond encrusted Mp-7 to keep him company. Why it was encrusted with diamonds, he would never know. But that didn't matter! And then he heard the signal over his helmet. "Search and Destroy. Stay focused. Stay alive." And then his squad rushed into the fray, him included. With the confidence of an arrogant 8 year old girl, Pvt. Paterson began his trek through the run down slums, taking down a few enemy soldiers as he went on his way. His objective was located in a small house and there wasn't a single enemy in sight. With a cocky smirk plastered on his face, he approached the small, red house with his sub machine gun in tow. The first room he cleared was the kitchen that had been ruined by gunfire and shrapnel. The cabinets were bare and the refrigerator had been ransacked and knocked onto the floor. No sign of the enemy and the bomb is RIGHT THERE. With a greedy grin, the fool rushed into the next room and began planting the bomb on a box labeled with a large white A. And than he heard it. CHICK-CHICK BOOM! And the career of Pvt. Paterson was over in a short second. "Aww you freakin NOOB!" "Damn it Bacon and Shells 42! Look around the corners!" "I'm gonna find you and KILL YOU!" With a loud shriek, Bacon ignored the voices of her disappointed teammates and hurled her white controller onto the floor. "Dang it Twilight! That's the fifth time today! Stop CAMPING!" Hobbes was reduced to a laughing wreck, and Twilight was trying her best to repress a few giggles. "What? I'm not gonna run out there and get myself killed." Twilight replied, with a purple hoof pressed against her mouth in a losing effort to suppress giggles. 'It's called strategy!" "HAHAHAHAHA! D-id hear those guys on the other team!? They called you a noob! HAHAHAHAHAHA." "Shut up! It's because of these stupid hooves!" But her excuse fell on deaf ears. So she resorted Plan B. "MOOOOOOM Twilight and Hobbes are laughing at me!" With a disappointed frown on her face and a wooden spoon in her hand, Susie poked her head out of the kitchen doorway. "What did I say about playing Call of Duty? It's just a bunch of pointless violence and gore!" Susie stated, as she pointed her wooden spoon at the annoyed filly. "Now stop complaining about being a noob and go outside." "Daaaaaaaad! Mom is being a poop face!" "Listen to your mother, Bacon." Calvin ordered, still reading a newspaper from his seat at the kitchen table. "Fine! I was leaving anyway!" The Overlord (Intermission)Embarking into the darkness sent sharp chills down the spines of the two, terrified unicorns. They were seemingly engulfed in the maw of the black abyss, with nothing but the brilliant light of emanating off of the large ponies horn to guide them in it's weak, purple glow. Each step seemed to echo in the walls of this horrid cave and the suspense had built to an unbearable level. With a heap of courage and a powerful thirst, the two ponies ventured forth. The smaller of the two seemed to be leading the large, lavender pony, but her entire body was a shaking mess. The larger companions was no different and, with a heavy gulp, the two began their descent into the underbelly of the cavern of nothingness. Step after squeaky step, the two adventurers had finally set foot on the harsh, cold floor of the cavern. The floor itself was unspectacular, but it did have odd structures protruding from it's tough surfaces. These odd structures were....Strange to say the least. They looked as if they were meant to be used as......Tools for a living being. "Twilight?" "Yes Bacon?" "I'm scared." The filly whispered, her voice almost echoing in the vast expanse of nothingness. "Me too." The wiser alicorn replied, as she eyes the contents of the visible area. "YOU SHOULD BE." A horrific voice boomed in the darkness. With a pitiful yelp, Bacon scrambled and hugged the leg of a petrified Twilight. With strained breaths, Twilight mustered up the courage to finally ask a simple question. "Wh-Who are you?" Twilight whimpered. "WHO ARE YOU!?" The voice roared, causing the princess to cower closer to the cold floor. "WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO INTRUDE UPON MY DARK DOMAIN!?" "I'm T-Twilight....Twilight Sp-Sparkle. Princess of-" "YOU ARE PRINCESS OF NOTHING!" The lavender pony could do nothing, but cover her head with her hooves and pray to Celestia that somepony would come and saver her. "YOU AND THAT SAD EXCUSE OF A MARE HAVE TEN SECONDS TO LEAVE THIS PLACE BEFORE I UNLEASH MY WRATH!" With a quick flash of her horn, the two ponies promptly escaped from the darkness and retreated to the safety of Bacon's blanket. Meanwhile, in the darkness, all that could be heard was suppressed, husky chuckles and giggles. "Do you think that they'll be alright?" Hobbes asked, in between chuckles and laughs. "They'll be fine." Calvin replied, with a confident smirk. "I told her that she didn't need to drink any more coke! She had to learn her lesson the hard way." With a loud yawn, Calvin finally stood up and stretched his weary arms. "I'm exhausted! I'll see you tomorrow." "See ya." With a small wave of his paw, the tiger dismissed Calvin. Hobbes said nothing after that, as he watched his previous owner climb up the stairs. He knew that he had something to do, but he couldn't remember what it was.....Oh! Now he remembered! With agile feet, and claws meant to rip flesh from bone, the orange tiger began the another long hunt. His prey? A tall, blonde haired monkey with the IQ of a raisin. Edgar Allen Crow Part 2 (Jimmy the Brony and Cheese Legs Say Hi)"And that's why Capitalism will fail! Why do y'all think I ran out into the middle of the road!?" "Wow.......That's really depressing." Hobbes replied, as the group, excluding a still sulking Bacon, laid in a small circle as the watched the clouds float by. "Hey Edgar?" "Yeah?" The undead crow squawked, as he stared at a cloud that looked suspiciously like a tire. "Somethin ya need?" "What was it like being dead?" Hobbes asked, as he drooled at the school of cloud tuna fish that were floating by. "Is there really something waiting for everyone once we're dead?" "Maybe." The crow screeched, as he twisted his malformed head towards the curious tiger. He could see the curious glint in the predator's eyes, but he could also see something more brewing behind his eyes. The crow could tell that he was anxious to hear the answer. "I think it would be best if you figured it out for yourself." "Well can you atleast give me an idea of what it's like? Just a LITTLE hint?" The tiger pleaded, as he rolled onto his stomach. "Well it's kind of like sleeping. It's not nearly as bad as it seems." The crow screeched, earning himself a reassured nod and a relieved smile from the tiger. "That's good enough for me." Hobbes whispered, as he rolled onto back once more. "Y'all want to know what would be good enough FOR ME!? A crow that could physically injure a few soldiers!" A few feet from the group was the brown filly, who had resorted to uprooting grass with her horn to relieve her overwhelming sense of anger. "BOY WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF I GOT EVERYTHING I WANTED! THANKS ALOT GOD!" She screamed to no one in particular. "What about you pony? Aren't you a little curious about the afterlife?" The crow asked, as he tried to stretch his dislocated legs. "Oh I'm immortal." Twilight replied calmly, as she curled her legs against her furry stomach. Normally, this conversation would indeed pique her curiosity, but her newly granted immortality had sucked all the fun out of the particular subject. After some time learning to accept her new fate, she found it easier to deal with. She knew that there would always be somepony to watch over the weak and that somepony happened to be her. She accepted that duty with a smile on her face. "As if something so soft and weak could ever deserve the privilege of immortality!" A cruel, familiar voice hissed from the shadows of a tree. With a small, collective gasp from Bacon And Twilight, the group turned to see two figures strolling closer to there position in the pet cemetery. "JIMMY!" Bacon hissed, as her blue eyes narrowed at the sight of the 8 year old boy. Jimmy was infamous for his strange need to wear his "brony"ism on his sleeve. He was only an inch taller than Bacon, with a darker shade of skin, light brown eyes, and a skateboard tucked away under his thin right arm. "Bacon. Long time no see." He stated nonchalantly, as he chewed on a piece of gum. "Chrysalis!" Twilight hissed, as she saw a dark, four legged figure trot into the open with a baseball cap on her head. Twilight wasn't quite sure why she was wearing a baseball hat, but she was indeed wearing one. "Twilight Sparkle. I see that your sad excuse for a mentor decided to make you a cute little princess." Chrysalis spat, as she chewed on a piece of gum of her own. "It's a shame that you won't be around to tell her how your little experiment goes." As the two began a verbal battle, a duel was occurring between the two eight year olds. "What are YOU doing here!?" Bacon asked, as she glared at her rival. And he has his stupid Rainbow Dash shirt on! She thought with disgust, as she looked over this pathetic excuse for a boy. "Shouldn't you be playing fairy princess with your little pony toys?" "Hey! My Little Pony is a show for EVERYONE! I can watch it whenever I want to." He replied, quickly spitting his piece of stale gum out in annoyance. "I don't need to take this from someone running around as a pony." He stated, as a large smirk began to grow on his cocky face. "Hey I did it for science! THAT'S IT!" Bacon stated, denying his accusations. A small blush began to form as the boy began to circle the brown filly with a devilish grin on his face. "Sure sure. Blank flank!" He snickered, before he began to make his way back to his black companion. "Let's go cheese legs. These losers are just a waste of time." With that said, Chrysalis spat out one last cutting remark towards her enemy before she began to take her leave with the skateboarding brony. "Princess Celestia IS NOT A FAT DIABETIC YOU JERK!" Twilight roared, as the unwelcome party left the angry group alone in the silent cemetery. "I'm gonna kill her!" Twilight hissed to herself, as she made a mental note to put an extra hole in the changelings big head. The group sat in an awkward silence as the tiger and the crow whispered between one another at the odd event that just took place and the two mares tried to calm themselves down. "So." The crow squeaked, trying to break the awkward silence. "Do y'all still want to hear about the week I spent in Russia?" "Nah. I think we should just go home." Bacon grumbled, as she dragged herself off of her spot on the ground. "My mom's gonna kill me if we miss dinner." "He was pretty cute wasn't he." Twilight snickered, as she gave the small filly a playful pat on her back. "Shut up." Bacon muttered, as she climbed onto her usual spot on Twilight's back. With Bacon safely mounted on the princess's back, the group began to take their leave from the horrible boring cemetery, leaving the horribly confused crow alone in the large cemetery. "Guys? Where are y'all going?" The crow screeched, as he tried to hop around on useless legs. "How am I supposed to die!? DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Dinner (Intermission)Twas another simple afternoon for Susie, whom had finally received a few nights off from work, and she finally had a chance to bond with her precious daughter. Of course, Susie and Bacon often clashed over the simplest issues due to their opposing views on Bacon's future, but they got along fairly well......As long as it doesn't involve a bath. With a hot cup of tea in her hand, Susie sat by the open window and watched with a hint of amusement as a blonde girl finally crawled into view. Normally Susie would be in a rush to drag her daughter's muddy body straight into the tub, but she just couldn't help herself. Bacon was just too adorable! The sweet girl was crawling towards the front door with her toys on her back and a headlight strapped to her forehead. Susie could only hold back a flurry of giggles, as her daughter finally reared up on her legs and opened up the front door. "H-Hey Bacon!" Susie snickered, trying to cover up smiling face with a white hand. "Did you have fun?" "No! Twilight was gonna help me raise an undead army, but Jimmy was was being a big jerk!" Bacon exclaimed, as she crawled her way towards the stairs. "The next time I see him, I'm gonna knock him upside the head with a rock!" "Honey? What's that on your head?" Susie asked, as she crossed legs in anticipation for a mind blowing answer. "It's a horn mom! Haven't you ever seen a unicorn? Gosh!" Bacon exclaimed in exasperation, as ascended the staircase and began a long, painful journey towards her room. Susie wanted to scold her daughter about the ruined pair of pants and the mud covered hair, but she had seen all of this before. She'll get dirty again, anyway. Susie thought to herself, as she made her back into a quiet kitchen. She had to cook something before the little demon came at her with the fury of a thousand suns.
I'm Twilight Sparkle!"Look your dad and I went over this already! We're going to keep it the way it is!" The orange and black tiger had been at it with his new owner for the past five minutes, explaining to her that he had been the co-founder of this marvelous device and HE wanted to keep it as is. The frustrated, blonde girl would have none of it though, as she tried everything she could to make a few modifications to this dull, brown device. "Everyone knows that something works better if it has a design!" She hissed, trying to pull the box away from the hardheaded tiger. "Just let me put one butterfly on it!" "NO!" The tiger roared, baring his fangs. "Bacon! Bacon are you up there!?" A husky voice called, distracting the young girl as she ceased her tug of war match with the tiger. "Bacon I have a surprise for you!" "If it's not an M-16 assault rifle, than I'm not interested!" She called back, with her voice cracking a little as she yelled out her preference in weaponry. "Come on Bacon, I promise you won't regret it!" Her father called, as he sat on his couch, hiding a small box behind his back, hoping to put smile on his precious daughters face. "Ask him if he brought some tuna!" Hobbes whispered, as he pushed the transmogrifier back into its respective corner. "Hobbes wants to know if it's tuna!" Bacon called, as she stuffed her crayons and stickers back into a small box, heaving an annoyed huff at yet another failed attempt at re-designing her father's old, but sacred, piece of technology. "Yeah!" Her father yelled, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he chided himself for being such an handful as a child. Karma had always been at his back, ready to make him pay for the grief he had caused as a child, but today was the day he turned all of that around. His own dad had given him something to cherish as a child and he felt that it would be best if he gave his daughter her own keepsake, aside from Hobbes. "I bought him a bag full of tuna and salmon!" "Tuna!" Hobbes exclaimed, giving a small hop and a happy cheer. "Come on lets go!" Grabbing the girl by one her scrawny arms, Hobbes began dragging her out the small room. "Fine I'm going! Just let go of my arm!" Bacon cried, pulling her arm away from the tigers tight grip. After making a mental note, reminding herself to poison every can of tuna her father ever bought. "What is it dad?" Bacon mumbled, as she descended the last few steps of the staircase. "Hobbes won't quit bugging me about the stupid tuna." Her father chuckled, feeling a wave of nostalgia pass threw his body, as he looked down at the young, blonde headed girl, who was carrying a stuffed tiger in her arms. "I've got something for you! If you like Hobbes than you're going to LOVE this!" he exclaimed, pulling out a purple box with a whip of his arm. What was on this box? Well the purple box had a small, clear square wall of plastic revealing a purple plastic pony, adorned with a golden crown and a pair of poorly designed wings. Bacon was familiar with the show, but she couldn't remember who this purple creature was. Lucky for her, the box had massive letters plastered on the front telling her exactly who this mysterious pony was. Twilight Sparkle, a hero from the infamous show called My Little Pony. "Oh dad!" Bacon groaned, slapping a small, white hand on her embarrassed face. "My Little Pony!? That's the dumbest show I've ever SEEN!" She exclaimed, staring at her dad with annoyed eyes, waiting for an explanation to such an egregious act. "It's not THAT bad!" Her dad replied, still wearing his bright smile. "The show is based on a bunch of stupid ponies learning about friendship." she replied, spitting out the word friendship like it was poison. "I'm eight years old dad!That's the kind of junk you give to a baby!" "Hey just give her a chance!" Picking himself up off of his red couch, her father bent over and gave her a small peck on the top of her head. "I have to go to work Bacon, so you're gonna have give "Twilight" the grand tour. Just be nice to her okay?" "Fine." Bacon groaned, admitting defeat as she examined the box with a hint of annoyance in her blue eyes. As soon as she heard the front door close, she decided to let this odd being out of her cramped, little box. The winged pony pushed herself out of her poorly made prison, giving her aching wings a nice a little stretch in relief. "Thank Celestia I'm out of that box!" The pony exclaimed, looking at her savior with a gentle smile on her face. "I'm Twilight Spar-" "I already know what your name is!" Bacon yelled, as she turned her back on the perplexed pony and made her way back to her room. "Are you coming or what!?" "Of course!" Twilight said with a confident smile. "Are you sure we can trust her?" Hobbes whispered, as he stared with wary eyes at the clumsy pony, who was trying to navigate the length of the living room without knocking anything. "No." Bacon replied flatly. Smash! Just as Bacon uttered that single word, the clumsy pony had knocked over a small, white vase covering the floor with shards of pottery, water, and wilted roses. "For Celestia's sake!" Twilight hissed, nearly backpedaling straight into a flat screen TV. "These stupid wings are always in the way!" "WHY ME!?" Bacon cried, raising her hands into the sky in hopes of a divine message, straight from god himself. She got none.
Bacon the Scientific Filly."And this is the bathroom. If you need to know where anything else is, please hesitate to ask." Bacon's final stop on her grand tour through her magnificently average home had ended with Twilight staring at the puny toilet, unable to comprehend how these "humans" could use something so small. Why couldn't they just use the restroom outside? "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a transmogrifier to re-design." With an arrogant look on her face, Bacon pushed the purple newcomer out of the way and stormed off towards her comfortable bedroom, with Hobbes in tow. "How do ponies use the bathroom anyway?" Hobbes asked, looking down at his newest owner with curious eyes. "Who cares? If she really needs to use the bathroom then she can go outside." The little girl was interested in a number of things. Science, Lindsay Lohan's apparent invincibility, and her inevitable rise to power, through scientific achievement and good looks. A ponies urinary system, on the other hand, was not worth her time. Let the purple freak figure that out on her own. she thought cynically. still fuming at her father's choice in toys. The two continued their journey down a blue hallway, doing their best to cheat each other out of their share of the brown box, shutting Twilight out of their two way conversation. "I am his daughter. By right, his share is mine. He made the device, so he had a majority of the share. I get to do whatever I want with it." Hobbes ignored the little girl, as he walked up to a white door and shoved it open, revealing a tidy, pink room. A queen sized bed dominated the left corner of the room, lit by a small window, showering the room in sunlight. in the opposite corner of the room was a small pink table, typically a place where homework was forgotten and her diary was written in, recording her deepest thoughts, darkest secrets, and foolish plots. Boring to Hobbes, but enough to keep Bacon satisfied. "All right Hobbes bring out the transmogrifier!"Bacon exclaimed, rushing over to her small table, extracting her diary from one its small drawers. "Experiment number sixty one point seven. Do natural extincts carry over after transformation?" "What the hay are you talking about?" Twilight asked, sticking her purple head into the small room. "I didn't know humans could use magic." This got a good chuckle from the blonde-headed girl, who was scribbling down a few notes in her diary while Hobbes brought the makeshift machine from its designated corner. "Magic!? That's stuff for little kids, lady. Here, we only focus on things that are real." Bacon replied, still laughing at the pony's crazy assertion. "So what are you going to change into?" Hobbes asked, with a small sharpie at the ready. "Pelican? Ocelot? A bottle water?" "I don't really know. I haven't thought about it. Did we already do centipede?" Hobbes gave a small nod, as he stared at the list of animals etched onto the side of the box. "Yeah. I don't think your mom was to happy about it either." Bacon began to rub her chin in thought, before turning to look at her newest companion with analytical eyes. "Can unicorns really use magic?" "Of course they can. All it takes is a little practice." Twilight replied, pointing a hoof at her horn. "But I'm not sure you want to become a pony." Her pleas, however, were met with a raised hand, effectively silencing her. "Be quiet Twilight, I'm thinking." Bacon stated, as she began to mull over the opportunities magic would offer. What could I do with magic? Levitation? Mind control?............Necromancy! Bacon's frown quickly evolved into a devilish smile, as the perfect plan came to her. Necromancy. The perfect plan to bring the world to its knees, begging its newest master for mercy! The money! The power! The GLORY! The Empire of Bacon! It will be *perfect!* Bacon thought. "Are you alright? You look like you're having a seizure." Hobbes asked, scratching his ear with a confused paw. "Do you want me to add unicorn? "Do it!" Bacon exclaimed, as she picked up a side of the box and rolled underneath it. "Turn it on!" "Hold on!" Hobbes exclaimed, as he furiously scribbled "unicorn" onto the box, and turned a small, black dial. "I hope this works." He was about to get his answer, as the machine began to the stir, and a buzzing sound filled the air. The small holes that covered the exterior of the transmogrifier began to emanate an ominous light, only to go off with a small pop. The tiger and the alicorn simply sat, waiting for something to come out. A minute passed, yet Bacon said nothing, "Are you all right?" Twilight asked, slowly inching towards silent contraption. With a hesitant hoof, Twilight began to lift the box off of Bacon, fearing the worst. "My hands! How am I supposed to grab anything!?" An extraordinarily squeaky voice demanded. Twilight threw the box off of the little girl to reveal a very confused filly. She was perfectly fine, but she wasn't proud of the form she had taken. Bacon, once a little girl that barely met four feet, was reduced to a light brown filly, with a bright, blonde mane and a puny horn, which barely passed as a nub. She couldn't see straight, walk properly, or even grab anything. She was perfectly immobile. And vulnerable. "You look SO ADORABLE!" Twilight squealed, picking up the little filly and crushing her against her chest. "You shouldn't worry me like that! Celestia knows what I would have done if something bad happened to you!" "LET GO OF ME YOU FREAK!" Bacon hissed, trying, but failing, to push the gushing Twilight away with tiny hooves. "Can you use any magic now?" Hobbes asked, examining his friend's newest form. "You don't look magical." "I don't know! I can barely see straight with these weird pony eyes!" Bacon complained, still being held captive by a cooing Twilight, who was cradling Bacon in her hooves like a baby. "Shhhh. Hush my scientific little filly. I'll take care of you." Twilight cooed, pressing her face against Bacon's face, hoping to comfort the little filly with her presence. "HOBBES! KILL HER!"
Experiment 64.27 A. AKA Learn How to Walk...(Mini)"All right Bacon. Just a little more. You're doing really good!" Bacon's plan of world dominance was still in full swing, but she had to learn how to walk properly before she could trample her enemies underneath her hooves. "Left hoof right hoof left hoof right hoof." Bacon chanted, trying to keep herself in a proper rhythm, aiming straight towards Twilight's chest. "Come on Bacon. Just a few more steps." Twilight stated, trying her best to encourage the struggling filly, in a motherly tone. "Shut up woman, I know how to do this!" Bacon replied, focusing on walking in a straight line. Her legs, however, refused to comply, and she fell, face first, right onto the unforgiving floor. With her face still planted firmly into the floor, Hobbes took out a pin and opened up Bacon's notebook. "So how does it feel to be a horse? Did that hurt more than it usually does?" Hobbes asked, as he thought of other occasions when Bacon's face had opportunities to become more acquainted with the ground. Bacon weakly pulled herself up, with her wobbly legs barely offering any support to her scrawny frame. "Well I can't see directly in front of me. I guess thats why ponies have big eyes." Bacon stated, wondering how Twilight got around with that huge horn on her head without bumping into everything in sight. "And the pain? It's actually not that bad!" "Really?" Bacon was a tough girl, but Hobbes knew that she wasn't the best when it came to handling pain. "Yeah." Bacon replied, rubbing a hoof against her eyes, which were forming small tears. "It downgraded from blinding pain, to crippling agony." Bacon finished her sentence with a small sniffle, trying to hide her tears from prying eyes. Bacon didn't have time to utter another word, however,as she was met with a tight hug by Twilight, who pulled the sad filly against her chest with her wings. "It's all right. Most fillies fall down on the first day." Twilight whispered, as she attempted to console the sniffling filly. "It's not t-that you d-dumb pony." Bacon whimpered in between little sniffles. "How am I supposed to take over the world if I can't even walk!? I can't bathe in the blood of the innocent when they're all laughing at me!" "Bombs?" Hobbes suggested, before giving a glaring Twilight an innocent shrug. "Just trying to help." Twilight ignored the tiger, who was trying to hide his face behind the notebook, and looked down at the bacon, who had buried her face in a patch of Twilight's lavender fur. "Bacon, I promise that, once you learn how to pull off a decent trot, you'll be able to take over the world in no time!" Twilight exclaimed, as she gave Bacon a big grin, which was brimming with confidence and kindness. "You really think so?" Bacon asked, wiping tears away from her big, blue eyes. "Of course!" Twilight exclaimed, patting her hoof against her chest. "I am a princess of magic, after all!" "And I spent all this time thinking that your dad was a big sissy." Hobbes huffed, rolling his eyes at the so called "heart warming scene" of mare and filly sharing a quick hug.
Bacon The Bratty Bundle of Bolts!"All right Bacon the key to casting a proper spell is all about balance. Every unicorn has their limits and overdoing it can be a painful experience." The trio had taken their magical endeavors outside, where Hobbes wouldn't have to sit and deal with two emotional mares. They had taken residence on a hill, overlooking the back of Bacon's two story house, as well as much of the small neighborhood. The sky was clear, and the grass was as green as ever. Perfect for a little tutoring. Bacon, however, wasn't in the mood for any of Twilight's mentoring. Her face was covered in dirt and grass, due to her inability to walk in a straight line without Hobbes tripping her up for a cheap laugh. "Can we get straight to the zombies?" Bacon asked, as she rubbed gravel from her messy mane. "That's a little too complex for someone your age. Let's go with something a little easier." Twilight suggested, before pointing a hoof down at a little dandelion. "Levitation is the first thing my dad taught me, so we'll start there. Try and pull this flower from its roots." "Easy!" Bacon exclaimed, as she zeroed in on the helpless flower. With her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Bacon sat and stared at the flower, clenching every muscle in her head in a attempt to summon a single spark from her stubby horn. Nothing happened. "I don't think you're doing it right."Hobbes stated, as he watched the foolish filly completely fail at her attempt at levitation. "let me help you out. All you really need is a little......Motivation." Hobbes added, snicking up behind the oblivious filly with a predatory glint in his eyes. "What are you taAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Without warning, Hobbes had gently, but effectively, stabbed the filly with one of his sharp claws right on her unsuspecting flank eliciting an ear shattering scream from the injured pony. "ARGH THE AGONY!" Bacon cried, as she rolled around in the grass hoping for the pain to subside. "What was that for!?" Hobbes didn't reply at first, with that evil glint still very much present in his eyes. "Motivation! There's nothing like the idea of pain to get the ol' magic flowing!" He snickered, as he began to circle his prey. "Basically, you're going to torture her until she does something?" Twilight asked, as she watched the orange predator leap into a tall patch of grass. "Interesting. I should probably write a report about it." Hobbes wasn't listening, however. Much to Bacon's dismay, he had hidden himself from view. "Aren't you supposed to be doing something? You have ten seconds to pull that flower out of the dirt. Or else." Hobbes sneered, as he watched the helpless pony look at her mentor for help. "Aren't you going to do something!?" Bacon cried. She could hear the tiger pushing his way through patched of grass, but she couldn't put on finger on his location. All she knew was that he was out of view and he was alot faster than she was. Twilight only gave her a simple shrug. "Are you crazy? He'll kill me! Good luck though." Twilight replied, as she backed away from the sitting duck. "Remember! Focus!" And with that, Twilight scampered off and ducked behind the nearest tree. "What am I supposed to do!?" Bacon squealed, as she watched her tutor sit behind a tree like a coward. "IS THERE A CODE!?" "One!" Hobbes called, as he prepared himself for his inevitable attack. "Two!" "OH MAN!" Think of something you fool! Bacon thought, as she mentally chided herself. In desperation, she looked back down at the flower. "Alakazam! Hocus Pocus!" Nothing happened. "Three...........Four.............Five!" "Abra cadabra!?" Still nothing. Her horn wouldn't comply and the flower simply sat there. Mocking her with its amazing ability to stay rooted into the ground. "EXPELIARMUS!?" "Eight.......Nine.........TEN!" Hobbes roared, as he leapt out of the grass and dove at the helpless filly. Everything that occurred in the next few seconds went by in slow motion, for Bacon. She could see Hobbes launch himself at her, and she also noticed that Twilight had covered her eyes with a hoof. The fear and the anxiety had finally reached a breaking point. Her horn finally began to glow a brilliant blue, after giving off a few sparks. After a split second spent blinking, Bacon opened her eyes once more, to see that Hobbes was only a few feet away from her face. She also noticed that Hobbes didn't look very happy. BZZZZZZT With a mighty yowl, Hobbes crashed head first into the dirt. "What was that!?" Hobbes hissed, still laying in the dirt in a defeated heap. Poor Hobbes hadn't been prepared for the electrical properties Bacon's horn had, and he had payed dearly for it. "Bacon that was amazing!" Twilight squealed, as she trotted over to her pupil. "I've never seen anything like that! How did you do it!?" Twilight added, as she sat next to Bacon with an excited smile. Bacon simply rubbed her head with a confused hoof. "I don't know! I all know was that I was really scared." Bacon grunted, as she stared at her twitching tiger with amusement. "Is that how magic usually works?" "I don't think so." Twilight replied, as she picked up the tiger with a flash of her horn. "I've never met a unicorn whose magic was based off of emotion." "That doesn't matter! I have the perfect tool to create my army of zombies! All I need is a test subject!" Bacon snickered, as she rubbed her hooves together devilishly. "Hobbes! Find me a proper test subject! The Bacon Empire shall wait for NO ONE!" "Like what? It's not like there are a ton of dead animals laying around." Hobbes muttered, as he gestured towards the area they were occupying. Nothing but green grass and a few trees. "We would have to spend all day digging! Tiger's don't dig." "Hmmm. Animal cemetery?" Bacon suggested, as she looked at the horrified expressions her companions wore. "What!? It's not like anyone's going to miss them!" "Bacon that's terrible!" Twilight exclaimed, taking a quick look around to ensure that no one was listening to this conversation. "They might be dead, but they were still someone's pets!" "Than come up with a better idea!" Bacon grumbled, as she prodded the dirt with her hoof. Hobbes sat and stared out at the neighborhood, waiting for the ponies to come up with a plan, when he heard a very interesting sound. The roar of an engine, as a large truck drove down the road and barreled past Bacon's home, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. "I think I have an idea."
Edgar Allen Crow (Part One)"That thing is disgusting!" After a very short and unhygienic plan was put together by the clever tiger, the group had finally found its first test subject, who was aptly nicknamed Crusty. "DISGUSTINGLY BEAUTIFUL!" Bacon exclaimed, as she rode on Twilight's back. "He's perfect! Not only will he be an effective test subject, but he'll lead the undead air force on its first few raids against the living! I can already hear the screams of the innocent!" Bacon stated, as she wiped a small tear of joy from her brown cheek. "It's going to be perfect." Hobbes said nothing, as he held the dead bird in between two claws. "I don't think he's going to be hurting anybody like this." Hobbes pointed out, as he held the carcass as far away from his body as possible. "Is that a worm hanging out of his stomach!?" The group found itself in the local pet cemetery, much to Twilight's dismay, where further test subjects could be found on a whim if the first round of experimentation succeeded. Bacon knew that she needed to put together a decent sized army if she ever wanted to conquer this country, and resorted to her usual tactic of whining and rolling on the floor to get exactly what she wanted. It worked to perfection. "How long is this going to take?" Twilight asked, as she looked around the eerie cemetery with anxious eyes. Twilight despised many things, such as failed exams, but the one thing that always shook her to the core was the prospect of staying out late at night. "I don't really like to miss curfew. I still have nightmares about the last time I was late to bed!" She exclaimed, as she mulled over the horrific night her parents took away her precious book on magical physics when she was late to magical kindergarten. "It won't take that long. I only need about seven or eight zombies to take over the planet. I mean, how many soldiers could America possibly have?" Bacon pointed out, as she hopped off of Twilight's back. "Are you ready Hobbes? Just like we planned it, okay?" "Alright." Hobbes replied, as he sat the dead bird on a patch of grass. "Do you think he'll try to kill us, when he "Comes back"?" Hobbes asked, using his claws to make quotation marks in the air. "Who knows. As long we focus, we'll do okay." Bacon replied, as she wobbled her way to her precious subject. Finally, with a loud thud, Bacon sat herself a few inches away from Crusty. "All Hobbes. Do it." Hobbes sat himself next to the excited girl and unsheathed a claw from his left paw. "Are you sure this is gonna work? I don't want to get shocked again." The tiger grumbled, as he waited for his owner to give him an answer. "Don't be such a baby, Hobbes!" Bacon hissed, as she stared at the crows limp body. Just do it alreadYYYYYYYYEOW!!!" Oddly enough, the culprit happened to be non other than Twilight Sparkle. With a manic look in her eyes, she finally decided to take matters into her own hooves and stabbed the unsuspecting filly with her sharp horn. What followed Bacon's shriek, was the familiar flash of blue and the buzz of electricity. Bacon had successfully hit her target, covering the dead crow in a small blanket of electricity. Its body shook and it's limbs trembled, as electricity covered every inch of its body with a blue glow. After a few seconds of buzzing and bright light, all had gone silent in the pet cemetery. The group said nothing and waited for their subject to reanimate. As minutes passed, the groups patience had begun to wear thin, and Bacons lust for power was slowly overtaking her. "ARGH! Why didn't it work!?" she shrieked, as she covered her head with her frustrated hooves. "Maybe it wasn't enough power." Hobbes stated, as he scratched his head in confusion. Before Twilight could throw in her own opinion, The small crow began twitching. Its wings began to flap wildly and, eventually, it began to rise. After unleashing a long, drawn out yawn, it finally spoke. "SHUT UP! Can't a crow get some sleep!?" "Umm.....It talked." The lavender alicorn pointed out foolishly. "Didn't it?" "Yes I can talk! What do y'all want?" The crow hissed, in a harsh, scratchy voice, which was probably the product of its time spent in death. Bacon was at a loss for words. Her plans had finally come together! No more chores, homework, or broccoli! Life had finally stopped sucking for the little girl! "I can't believe it." She whispered, completely in awe at the sight that was unfolding before her. "It worked." "What worked?" The crow asked, as he irritably hopped around on mangled legs. "We brought you back to life." Hobbes stated, as he looked down at crow in disgust. "To fight in our zombie army." "Zombie army?" The crow was completely lost. Resurrection was one thing, but to be revived and drafted right into army of zombies? Not exactly a top priority on this crows list of things to do. "No can do kid. I'm a pacifist." "Wh-what?" Bacon asked, staring down at her experiment with shocked eyes. "B-but I brought you back to life. You have to-" "I have to what? Just because I'm a zombie doesn't mean I have to eat brains!" The zombie pointed out with a rotting wing. "I didn't even ask y'all to bring me back to life!" "Can we ATLEAST write down a few notes about you?" Twilight asked, as she withdrew a notebook and a pencil from her mane. "If this doesn't get me my own castle, I don't know what will." "What do y'all guys want to know?" "Everything!" Hobbes and Twilight exclaimed at the same time, while Bacon sulked with her face in the dirt.
Noob! (Intermission)Pvt. Paterson was on edge. This was his first mission in South Africa and he was beyond nervous. The mission was a simple move to stop weapons dealers, but these guys were ruthless. AK-47's, grenades, and a hell of a lot of machetes. Luckily he had his favorite, diamond encrusted Mp-7 to keep him company. Why it was encrusted with diamonds, he would never know. But that didn't matter! And then he heard the signal over his helmet. "Search and Destroy. Stay focused. Stay alive." And then his squad rushed into the fray, him included. With the confidence of an arrogant 8 year old girl, Pvt. Paterson began his trek through the run down slums, taking down a few enemy soldiers as he went on his way. His objective was located in a small house and there wasn't a single enemy in sight. With a cocky smirk plastered on his face, he approached the small, red house with his sub machine gun in tow. The first room he cleared was the kitchen that had been ruined by gunfire and shrapnel. The cabinets were bare and the refrigerator had been ransacked and knocked onto the floor. No sign of the enemy and the bomb is RIGHT THERE. With a greedy grin, the fool rushed into the next room and began planting the bomb on a box labeled with a large white A. And than he heard it. CHICK-CHICK BOOM! And the career of Pvt. Paterson was over in a short second. "Aww you freakin NOOB!" "Damn it Bacon and Shells 42! Look around the corners!" "I'm gonna find you and KILL YOU!" With a loud shriek, Bacon ignored the voices of her disappointed teammates and hurled her white controller onto the floor. "Dang it Twilight! That's the fifth time today! Stop CAMPING!" Hobbes was reduced to a laughing wreck, and Twilight was trying her best to repress a few giggles. "What? I'm not gonna run out there and get myself killed." Twilight replied, with a purple hoof pressed against her mouth in a losing effort to suppress giggles. 'It's called strategy!" "HAHAHAHAHA! D-id hear those guys on the other team!? They called you a noob! HAHAHAHAHAHA." "Shut up! It's because of these stupid hooves!" But her excuse fell on deaf ears. So she resorted Plan B. "MOOOOOOM Twilight and Hobbes are laughing at me!" With a disappointed frown on her face and a wooden spoon in her hand, Susie poked her head out of the kitchen doorway. "What did I say about playing Call of Duty? It's just a bunch of pointless violence and gore!" Susie stated, as she pointed her wooden spoon at the annoyed filly. "Now stop complaining about being a noob and go outside." "Daaaaaaaad! Mom is being a poop face!" "Listen to your mother, Bacon." Calvin ordered, still reading a newspaper from his seat at the kitchen table. "Fine! I was leaving anyway!"
The Overlord (Intermission)Embarking into the darkness sent sharp chills down the spines of the two, terrified unicorns. They were seemingly engulfed in the maw of the black abyss, with nothing but the brilliant light of emanating off of the large ponies horn to guide them in it's weak, purple glow. Each step seemed to echo in the walls of this horrid cave and the suspense had built to an unbearable level. With a heap of courage and a powerful thirst, the two ponies ventured forth. The smaller of the two seemed to be leading the large, lavender pony, but her entire body was a shaking mess. The larger companions was no different and, with a heavy gulp, the two began their descent into the underbelly of the cavern of nothingness. Step after squeaky step, the two adventurers had finally set foot on the harsh, cold floor of the cavern. The floor itself was unspectacular, but it did have odd structures protruding from it's tough surfaces. These odd structures were....Strange to say the least. They looked as if they were meant to be used as......Tools for a living being. "Twilight?" "Yes Bacon?" "I'm scared." The filly whispered, her voice almost echoing in the vast expanse of nothingness. "Me too." The wiser alicorn replied, as she eyes the contents of the visible area. "YOU SHOULD BE." A horrific voice boomed in the darkness. With a pitiful yelp, Bacon scrambled and hugged the leg of a petrified Twilight. With strained breaths, Twilight mustered up the courage to finally ask a simple question. "Wh-Who are you?" Twilight whimpered. "WHO ARE YOU!?" The voice roared, causing the princess to cower closer to the cold floor. "WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO INTRUDE UPON MY DARK DOMAIN!?" "I'm T-Twilight....Twilight Sp-Sparkle. Princess of-" "YOU ARE PRINCESS OF NOTHING!" The lavender pony could do nothing, but cover her head with her hooves and pray to Celestia that somepony would come and saver her. "YOU AND THAT SAD EXCUSE OF A MARE HAVE TEN SECONDS TO LEAVE THIS PLACE BEFORE I UNLEASH MY WRATH!" With a quick flash of her horn, the two ponies promptly escaped from the darkness and retreated to the safety of Bacon's blanket. Meanwhile, in the darkness, all that could be heard was suppressed, husky chuckles and giggles. "Do you think that they'll be alright?" Hobbes asked, in between chuckles and laughs. "They'll be fine." Calvin replied, with a confident smirk. "I told her that she didn't need to drink any more coke! She had to learn her lesson the hard way." With a loud yawn, Calvin finally stood up and stretched his weary arms. "I'm exhausted! I'll see you tomorrow." "See ya." With a small wave of his paw, the tiger dismissed Calvin. Hobbes said nothing after that, as he watched his previous owner climb up the stairs. He knew that he had something to do, but he couldn't remember what it was.....Oh! Now he remembered! With agile feet, and claws meant to rip flesh from bone, the orange tiger began the another long hunt. His prey? A tall, blonde haired monkey with the IQ of a raisin.
Edgar Allen Crow Part 2 (Jimmy the Brony and Cheese Legs Say Hi)"And that's why Capitalism will fail! Why do y'all think I ran out into the middle of the road!?" "Wow.......That's really depressing." Hobbes replied, as the group, excluding a still sulking Bacon, laid in a small circle as the watched the clouds float by. "Hey Edgar?" "Yeah?" The undead crow squawked, as he stared at a cloud that looked suspiciously like a tire. "Somethin ya need?" "What was it like being dead?" Hobbes asked, as he drooled at the school of cloud tuna fish that were floating by. "Is there really something waiting for everyone once we're dead?" "Maybe." The crow screeched, as he twisted his malformed head towards the curious tiger. He could see the curious glint in the predator's eyes, but he could also see something more brewing behind his eyes. The crow could tell that he was anxious to hear the answer. "I think it would be best if you figured it out for yourself." "Well can you atleast give me an idea of what it's like? Just a LITTLE hint?" The tiger pleaded, as he rolled onto his stomach. "Well it's kind of like sleeping. It's not nearly as bad as it seems." The crow screeched, earning himself a reassured nod and a relieved smile from the tiger. "That's good enough for me." Hobbes whispered, as he rolled onto back once more. "Y'all want to know what would be good enough FOR ME!? A crow that could physically injure a few soldiers!" A few feet from the group was the brown filly, who had resorted to uprooting grass with her horn to relieve her overwhelming sense of anger. "BOY WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF I GOT EVERYTHING I WANTED! THANKS ALOT GOD!" She screamed to no one in particular. "What about you pony? Aren't you a little curious about the afterlife?" The crow asked, as he tried to stretch his dislocated legs. "Oh I'm immortal." Twilight replied calmly, as she curled her legs against her furry stomach. Normally, this conversation would indeed pique her curiosity, but her newly granted immortality had sucked all the fun out of the particular subject. After some time learning to accept her new fate, she found it easier to deal with. She knew that there would always be somepony to watch over the weak and that somepony happened to be her. She accepted that duty with a smile on her face. "As if something so soft and weak could ever deserve the privilege of immortality!" A cruel, familiar voice hissed from the shadows of a tree. With a small, collective gasp from Bacon And Twilight, the group turned to see two figures strolling closer to there position in the pet cemetery. "JIMMY!" Bacon hissed, as her blue eyes narrowed at the sight of the 8 year old boy. Jimmy was infamous for his strange need to wear his "brony"ism on his sleeve. He was only an inch taller than Bacon, with a darker shade of skin, light brown eyes, and a skateboard tucked away under his thin right arm. "Bacon. Long time no see." He stated nonchalantly, as he chewed on a piece of gum. "Chrysalis!" Twilight hissed, as she saw a dark, four legged figure trot into the open with a baseball cap on her head. Twilight wasn't quite sure why she was wearing a baseball hat, but she was indeed wearing one. "Twilight Sparkle. I see that your sad excuse for a mentor decided to make you a cute little princess." Chrysalis spat, as she chewed on a piece of gum of her own. "It's a shame that you won't be around to tell her how your little experiment goes." As the two began a verbal battle, a duel was occurring between the two eight year olds. "What are YOU doing here!?" Bacon asked, as she glared at her rival. And he has his stupid Rainbow Dash shirt on! She thought with disgust, as she looked over this pathetic excuse for a boy. "Shouldn't you be playing fairy princess with your little pony toys?" "Hey! My Little Pony is a show for EVERYONE! I can watch it whenever I want to." He replied, quickly spitting his piece of stale gum out in annoyance. "I don't need to take this from someone running around as a pony." He stated, as a large smirk began to grow on his cocky face. "Hey I did it for science! THAT'S IT!" Bacon stated, denying his accusations. A small blush began to form as the boy began to circle the brown filly with a devilish grin on his face. "Sure sure. Blank flank!" He snickered, before he began to make his way back to his black companion. "Let's go cheese legs. These losers are just a waste of time." With that said, Chrysalis spat out one last cutting remark towards her enemy before she began to take her leave with the skateboarding brony. "Princess Celestia IS NOT A FAT DIABETIC YOU JERK!" Twilight roared, as the unwelcome party left the angry group alone in the silent cemetery. "I'm gonna kill her!" Twilight hissed to herself, as she made a mental note to put an extra hole in the changelings big head. The group sat in an awkward silence as the tiger and the crow whispered between one another at the odd event that just took place and the two mares tried to calm themselves down. "So." The crow squeaked, trying to break the awkward silence. "Do y'all still want to hear about the week I spent in Russia?" "Nah. I think we should just go home." Bacon grumbled, as she dragged herself off of her spot on the ground. "My mom's gonna kill me if we miss dinner." "He was pretty cute wasn't he." Twilight snickered, as she gave the small filly a playful pat on her back. "Shut up." Bacon muttered, as she climbed onto her usual spot on Twilight's back. With Bacon safely mounted on the princess's back, the group began to take their leave from the horrible boring cemetery, leaving the horribly confused crow alone in the large cemetery. "Guys? Where are y'all going?" The crow screeched, as he tried to hop around on useless legs. "How am I supposed to die!? DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!"
Dinner (Intermission)Twas another simple afternoon for Susie, whom had finally received a few nights off from work, and she finally had a chance to bond with her precious daughter. Of course, Susie and Bacon often clashed over the simplest issues due to their opposing views on Bacon's future, but they got along fairly well......As long as it doesn't involve a bath. With a hot cup of tea in her hand, Susie sat by the open window and watched with a hint of amusement as a blonde girl finally crawled into view. Normally Susie would be in a rush to drag her daughter's muddy body straight into the tub, but she just couldn't help herself. Bacon was just too adorable! The sweet girl was crawling towards the front door with her toys on her back and a headlight strapped to her forehead. Susie could only hold back a flurry of giggles, as her daughter finally reared up on her legs and opened up the front door. "H-Hey Bacon!" Susie snickered, trying to cover up smiling face with a white hand. "Did you have fun?" "No! Twilight was gonna help me raise an undead army, but Jimmy was was being a big jerk!" Bacon exclaimed, as she crawled her way towards the stairs. "The next time I see him, I'm gonna knock him upside the head with a rock!" "Honey? What's that on your head?" Susie asked, as she crossed legs in anticipation for a mind blowing answer. "It's a horn mom! Haven't you ever seen a unicorn? Gosh!" Bacon exclaimed in exasperation, as ascended the staircase and began a long, painful journey towards her room. Susie wanted to scold her daughter about the ruined pair of pants and the mud covered hair, but she had seen all of this before. She'll get dirty again, anyway. Susie thought to herself, as she made her back into a quiet kitchen. She had to cook something before the little demon came at her with the fury of a thousand suns.
