Asterix and the Equestrian Legions

by Lolsternater

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 5759

A classic mixed with a modern master piece. Asterix in Equestria

A large roman force has pushed the Gauls of a small Gaulish village to create a new potion that will hopefully be the hope they need to save their home. A small Gaulish man and his friend test the potion, and find it doesn't give the hope they had intended.

(Tags will be added as things happen)

Asterix and My Little Pony crossover.
DISCLAIMER:
Asterix belongs to and is written by René Goscinny and illustrated by Albert Uderzo (Until 1977 when Goscinny died and Uderzo took over writing)
My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust

A new cover-art would be appreciated.

Published 2013-02-24 10:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-13 05:04:55 UTC

Intro: "Will you quit with the puns, it's making me see colours!"

The year is 50 B.C. and we find ourselves in a forest on the outside of a familiar village, just off the cost of Armorica, Gaul. The sun is shining off the ocean and not a cloud in the sky, a perfect day by any description; the birds chirp and the wild boars skip happily through the dense bush.

“You know,” said one boar, “Those barbaric Gaul’s have been keeping it quiet lately.”

“True,” said the other, “It’s times like this when it’s best to find a mate and repopulate!”

“Yes, but sometimes I just stop and think, ‘Is it all worth it?’. I mean, the hassle of females is hard enough with all their oinking and squawking. But then you think about the piglets, all they have to grow up to is Gaul’s and the same forest every morning.”

The other boar stopped in his tracks and put a hoof to his chin in thought.

“You know, I think you might be right. Why do we bother at all when all we… Brian? Where did you go?”

True to his eyes, the boar hence named Brian was nowhere to be seen. Jeff, as the boar still there is called, began to panic, his hairs on the back of his neck rose. He turned slowly; dreading to meet the eyes of whatever Gaulish monster awaited him, but found nothing.

“Huh, I wonder what drove Brian off.”

An explosion to his left answered him, and out of the treeline came many men in hardened armor with spears and swords strapped to their sides. They pushed large wooden machines we would identify as catapults through the trees, knocking over all that stood before them.

“The Romans are coming! The Romans are coming!”

The Gaulish village population were running circles, all the women gathering the children and hiding in their homes while every able bodied man rushing to gather weapons and armor before gathering around their brave and hot-tempered chief, Vitalstatistix, who was in a spot of panic himself while talking to his greatest warriors.

“Boys, I can’t stress enough how dangerous this is. You know I can’t lose you, the rest of us just aren’t skilled enough to defeat such a large force; even with the magic potion.”

He sat on a stool, unable to stand on his shaking legs while his wife brought him another mug of wine. In front of him were the two said warriors. One was a short man, a yellow mustache and winged helmet were the main features on his head; he wore basic red pants, a simple black top, pair of shoes made from solely leather, and a belt that held his trusty sword, which he hardly ever used. Next to the short man was a giant in comparison. Tall, and very fat, with white and blue striped pants and his own leather shoes, smaller red mustache with ponytails out the back, and small horned helmet. He held a massive stone menhir in on hand and a small dog in another.

“I must ask one more time, are you sure you want to go through with this?”

The short man took a long breath in before releasing and answering with a stern nod. “We’re sure; we will happily do what we can to ensure our villages safety!”

“Very well then,” came a voice behind them. They turned and greeted the old and wise yet still strong village druid and his long grey beard, Getafix. “The proto-type potion is ready. All that is needed is someone to test it, and you have volunteered your self’s. Come.”

Getafix led the two warriors through the village towards his own home, Vitalstatistix and several Gaul’s stopping what they were doing to follow as well. They came to and surrounded a bubbling cauldron filled with a mixture, Getafix standing on one side and the two on the other.

“This is it my boys. I’m not sure whether this will work, but that is what you are here for. Before we begin, I prepared a gourd of magic potion to use to revitalize your self’s should it fail and leave you weakened.” He handed the gourd to the short man, who placed it on his belt. “We will need you at your top strength for the coming battle.”

And what a battle it would be, for outside of the Gaulish walls, the thousands of Caesar’s army approached. Because with all of his current battles over and Cleopatra having another one of her ‘moods’, Julius took the opportunity to finally deal with the last defense in Gaul.

“Well let’s get this over with, Dogmatix is getting edgy,” said the fat one.

“Very well, I will-“

“WAIT!”

A voice called out from the crowd and Cacofonix, the village bard, came running.

“Before you take a sip from the potion, I would like to give you a song of good will and luck-“

He was cut short as an anvil dropped on his head, sinking him into the ground up to his knees. “Oops,” said the blacksmith.

Getafix could only bring his palm to his face before returning to the two.

“Right, now if there isn’t something else someone would like to say,” He cast his gaze across the Gaul’s gathered, all of whom looked after and started whistling. “We can finally get under way.”

He picked up two mugs from beside his cauldron and filled them with the liquid, before passing one to each warrior. The short one took the mug in both hands and the fat one put his dog, Dogmatix, on his shoulder and taking his own cup.

All those standing by watched with baited breath. The two warriors razed their mugs high.

“Here’s to us and our village, Obelix,” said Asterix.

“Oh, and bashing Romans,” added Obelix.

They both smiled and drank. Their cups empty, they stood and waited. Many of the Gaul’s nearby ducked under cover for fear of explosions, a fear gained from a mis-shot menhir a while ago. For a while, nothing happened. No big flashes or body parts being inflated like the normal potion, and no exploding Gaul’s either.

Eventually, Getafix approached.

“Well, I think it might have-“

BOOM!

All the trees, buildings, and men were thrown about as a flash of rainbow coloured lightning flashed and hit the spot where the two warriors stood. The Gaul’s soon recovered and raced back.

“Oh my, that was shocking!”

“It was absolutely electrifying!”

“I think my eyes just went over the rainbow.”

“Oh quit your puns, they are making me see colours!”

In place of two of this time ad world’s greatest hero’s, were now patches of burnt marks, and nothing else. Vitalstatistix and Getafix gazed down at what were once their friends.

“Well bother. There goes our tank.”

“Yes, this might prove a real problem.”

A massive boulder soared through the sky and crashed into Cacofonix’s tree house, causing it to fall and demolish several other buildings at the same time.

Vitalstatistix drew his sword and marched to the front gate. Other Gaul’s followed in his wake, including his shield barriers that dropped to their knees so he could climb atop. Getafix was already waiting for them, another cauldron at his side and a spoon at the ready.

Each Gaul passed him, and took a gulp of the magic potion that had sparked so many adventures. They soon joined Vitalstatistix by the gate, each full of power and ready to go.

“Friends, Gaul’s, countrymen, idiots, today we are to face an enemy we have faced several times and won. But today, they come in greater numbers, numbers we thought that would only come if the sky fell on our heads, but they have come neither the less. But we shall still fight, and we shall still-“

“Err, Vitalstatistix?” Getafix coughed politely.

Vitalstatistix looked down at the old druid. “Hmm, what do you want? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a very important speech to increase our warrior’s bravery?”

“Well maybe that would go better if they could hear you,” replied Getafix calmly while pointing a thumb towards the small army of Gaul’s, who were already half-way down the distance of the battlefield between the Romans and them.

“Well oh buggery; quick, onwards boys!” He shouted to his shield barriers that sped off running.

Getafix could only chuckle before giving chase.

^\/^\/^\/^

Several hours later, Julius

^\/^\/^\/^

“Well, that could have gone better,” said Vitalstatistix, holding his painful black-eye.

“Yesh, fhat fould have,” agreed Getafix who sat in the cage next to him, without any teeth.

Around them sat many other cages, each with an occupant that had injuries of varying degrees. All of the Gaul’s looked beaten and tired, mentally and physically, from the past battle. They watched as their village that had been their home for so long slowly got smaller in the distance, the fires destroying everything they had.

Julius Caesar laughed triumphantly as he rode alongside the prison carriage, the only injury he had was a small bump on the head he had gained when he fell off his horse before the battle had begun.

“I told you Gaul’s to give in before-hand, I gave you plenty of warnings, but you never listened. Now look where you lay, forces depleted and friend-less in cages like you belong.”

He only laughed more as he caught up with the head of the war party. The Gaul’s could not have fallen any lower.

As they traveled, Julius talked with his trusted ally and friend, Brutus.

“Well Brutus, it seems we have finally conquered the whole of Earth. When we return to Rome, I want these Gaul’s thrown into the coliseum imminently. We shall give Rome the show it deserves for this victory!”

“Of course Julius, but first why not have a private party, one where we can fully enjoy this momentous time without the worry of pleasing an empire.”

Caesar thought about this for a short time, than smiled.

“A brilliant idea Brutus and I will leave you to plan this ‘party’. I know you will not leave me down.”

Unknown to Caesar, Brutus gave an all-knowing smirk behind his back.

“Oh course, and what a party to remember it will be.”

^\/^\/^\/^

Meanwhile, Asterix

^\/^\/^\/^

The winds of the storm blew hard, shaking all the trees and whipped the grass. The noise of thunder and the light of lightning easily covered the sound of screams as a small man with a yellow mustache fell from the clouds.

He spun and twisted in the air, the storm giving him no mercy for trespassing and was going to give him the works for doing so. Rain and hail pelted his clothes, causing the wind to get colder, further increasing the miserable experience already being taken.

Asterix felt lost, confused, and disappointed in himself. He had failed his town and friends, where he should be fighting alongside them he was falling to his death. There were no friends to comfort him or join in his final moments like he had wished he would die. No wife to cry over him, to children to pass on his legacy, no friends to say how proud of him they were, just him with the cold air and stinging hail.

His voice got caught in his throat; he could give no more sound for the world for what little it could do him. Without anything more he could do or could of done, he gave in to untimely fate and a-waited to meet the ground.

”Asterix!”

Asterix opened his again, and only saw the ground beneath him. It didn’t grow closer like he had expected, but sat there below him. Slowly, he was lowered to the ground and set upright by a big hand. He turned towards his fat friend; it seemed he was not alone just yet.

“Obelix, you’re alive!” Asterix threw himself into his best friend’s arms and all but cried into his shoulder.

“It’s a bit windy to be learning how to fly, isn’t it Dogmatix?” Obelix asked, his trusty dog giving a bark from the ground.

They both laughed, slightly warmed with the knowledge they were both alive. However, the storm still raged and reminded them of this with a howl.

“Come on Obelix, we need to get out of his storm!”

“Right, I saw what looked like an inn in that direction, but I don’t think they have boars so we should find someplace else!”

Asterix looked at his friend in confusion. “What makes you think they don’t have boars? Besides, we shouldn’t be too picky with what we currently have!”

“Well, for one they seem to be obsessed with apples!” Obelix gestured around them; they were surrounded by apple trees. “And for another, they have ponies running around everywhere! I don’t think the smell of boar would do them any good!”

Asterix only chuckled at his friend’s obsession, but decided to take his word and find someplace else. If they were confused and lost, then they should at least be confused and lost in comfort.

“Fine, let’s go and get out of this storm before we get colds!”

Obelix bent and picked up Dogmatix, who took shelter in his flabby arms, then picked up his menhir in the other hand.

“Obelix, do you really need to keep carrying around that thing?”

Obelix only snorted, “This is one of my finest works, top dollar! I’m not just going to leave it lying around. And don’t say to leave it here and pick it up later, I’ve already lost five from kids with sticky fingers!”

Asterix only shrugged and led them through the trees, towards what looked like lights in a nearby town.

Ch 1:"This lightning is crazy!"

The village edge was finally in view, only a few more hundred meters till they could finally get out of this seemingly unending storm. Asterix pushed hard against the muddying ground as the wind denied any progress, while Obelix had no problems. This resulted in Obelix picking up his friend and perching him on his shoulders.

“Growl…”

*Translated*

“This rain is ridiculous, I better be getting some bones after this.”

“Don’t worry Dogmatix, it’s just thunder and lightning, it can’t hurt us.”

Dogmatix just gave a snort and hid on the inside of Obelix's flabby armpit to get dry again. The trio of heroes had yet to meet anyone on the road and the ever present sense of being watched only drew out the long walk. They were almost at the first houses with the glow of light on the insides reaching toward them with comfort, when a large crack sounded above them.

BOOM!

A strike of lightning struck right in front of the path, causing the heroes to jump backwards.

“This lightning is crazy!” stated Obelix.

More lightning strikes soon followed, pushing the Gauls away from the village and towards a forest. They ran until they were under the cover of the dense bush, which also served as a dry place to sit. Obelix placed down his small friend, his also small dog, and large menhir, before starting to gather sticks for a fire. Asterix quickly helped and before long they had a roaring fire of warmth.

Asterix sat silently, pondering what would cause lightning to chase them like that. Obelix was also deep in thought, but deeper in his stomach.

“Hey Asterix, do you think they have wild boars here?”

“Hmm? Oh,” Asterix snapped back to reality, “I’m sure that this forest would have something similar. It looks a lot like the one we have back home, granted a bit denser. I take it you’ll want to go for a hunt?”

Obelix nodded excitingly, before hopping to his feet and disappearing into the forest, Dogmatix following close behind. Asterix chuckled to himself and curled up in front of the fire. Obelix should be fine by himself, and he needed some time to think.

He didn’t notice a small black cloud, invisible against the mass of vapor behind it, slowly slink away. Once at a safe distance, it broke apart leaving a rainbow trail in its wake.

^\/^\/^\/^

Sometime later, Unknown

^\/^\/^\/^

“There were three of them, and a big rock; a really small dog, a great big fat ape thingy, and a really smaller ape thingy. They were headed right towards Ponyville! So I chucked a couple of lightning bolts to throw them off.”

The brightly coloured equine finished and started breathing again; she would need to learn from her friend how she did that. Her other friend, the one in front of her, held a hoof to her chin in thought. The brightly coloured one didn’t give too much of a description so searching through books for a match wouldn’t give much information. Still, news of new creatures never before seen did strike an interest.

“So where did they go after you chased them away?”

“They fled into the Everfree forest. The fat one and the dog went deeper in while the small one stayed by a fire.”

So they knew how to light a fire, which proved that they were of some higher level of intelligence. Also, with the bigger of them gone off it would be safer to approach the smaller one, yet that might anger the former if it was the mother of father.

“Hmm, can you take me on a cloud where I can observe without being seen?”

“Ahh,” started the coloured one, pointing to a pair of sky blue wings on her back.

“Ahh,” the other responded, pointing to a pointy purple horn sticking out from its forehead.

“Oh, right. Fine, let’s go before the storm blows over, and then we won’t be able to get anywhere near.”

^\/^\/^\/^

In the forest at that time, Obelix

^\/^\/^\/^

“Well, it’s no boar.” Obelix scratched his head, unsure what dead creature he held in his hands. It had the body of a snake, which Obelix disliked for their sour taste, and the head of a chicken, which he liked for the juicy taste they had. It had found him while he was searching the ground for tracks, staring into Obelix trying to intimidate him. He just flicked its beak because it’s rude to stare, but broke its neck doing so.

“It’s not nice to leave it killed without eating it, so I guess Asterix could make a nice stew out of it.”

Dogmatix was busy still sniffing the ground, slowly picking up a strange scent. It wasn’t boar but it was something similar, and frankly he only wanted to eat at that moment and stew didn’t sit well with him. He gave a growl to alert his father figure to his possible find.

“Ooh! Find something else Dogmatix? Good boy.” Together they rushed into the bush, following whatever could be waiting and could possibly be food.

^\/^\/^\/^

Back at the camp, Asterix

^\/^\/^\/^

This time Asterix could see the small black cloud. The storm couldn’t seem to hold itself over this forest, so it was thinner and easier to see through. He had been sitting by the fire watching the clouds break apart, when he saw a small one come to a stop.

He watched it for a while, but it did nothing unlike the other clouds. After being chased by lightning the first time round he didn’t feel like a rerun, so he got to his feet and hid amongst the bush, slowly edging closer while keeping an eye on it.

Eventually he stood beneath it gazing up. It still didn’t move while other clouds drifted by. Asterix gripped his sword in one hand and his gourd in the other.

After a staring contest that lasted five minutes, Asterix slowly let his guard drop. He looked around the area he found himself in; trees, vines, rocks, and pebbles littering the ground. He picked up and rock at random and tossed it at the cloud, then turned to head back to camp. A muffled “Ouch” caught his attention though and he snapped back to staring at the cloud.

Once standing under it again he heard hushed whispering, too quiet to tell words. Nether the less, there was someone up there.

Asterix took the gamble.

“Hello, is anyone up there?”

The voices stopped dead. Once again a long silence sat around the space between the cloud and the Gaul.

“Er, I’m an Armorican Gaul and my friend and I are rather lost.”

More silence.

“If it’s possible, we would be grateful for any directions back to Gaul, so even knowledge of where we are…?”

Still nothing happened.

“Look, I know you’re up there. I don’t want any trouble, just some help.”

Asterix was starting to lose his patience. Those on the cloud weren’t going to be of any help other than stress relief for throwing stones at.

“Fine, be that way.” Having enough of trying, Asterix turned away from the cloud and headed back to his fire. “I’ve had enough of this, by Toutatis!”

He turned towards the cloud one more time to kick a stone at it, earning another satisfying “Ouch”.

^\/^\/^\/^

Shortly after, Unknown

^\/^\/^\/^

The bookworm of a friend was buzzing away on a scroll, writing all the features of the creature and he said. The colourful one was nursing a sore head, where she had taken two hits.

“Ow, how did he know we were there? We didn’t make a peep!”

Her friend either ignored her or didn’t notice, too intrigued with her new knowledge to care. The colourful one snorted.

“Hey Twilight,” she said to her friend. “Twilight, Twilight! Twilight! ”

The bookworm finally looked up from her notes noticing her friend’s attempts to contact her.

“Yes Rainbow?”

“Can we go back now? I’ve gotta feed Tank and it’s going to get dark soon, not to mention I’ve just missed my afternoon nap.”

Her friend made a disappointed grumbling sound before checking the position of the sun herself, it was getting very close to the edge of the horizon.

“Fine, we may as well go back. I’ve got all the notes I can anyway.”

“Great! See you around!”

And with that she sped away, leaving the cloud without her presence, giving it the chance to break apart.

“Hey, Rain- AHH!”

She dropped through the cloud, coming up to meet the ground at a quick rate. A moment of quick thinking sent a power through her body, reaching her horn which glow was a lighter shade of purple. In a flash she was safe on the ground, standing the right way up on her four hooves.

She sighed at the brashness of her friend before heading off back home, being quick to get out of the forest.

^\/^\/^\/^

Back at fire again, Asterix

^\/^\/^\/^

Well that went wonderfully, he thought to himself, lying against a log he found while waiting. It seems that whoever lives here isn’t too happy with meeting new people, much less give some basic directions.

The bushes to his left rustled before Obelix stepped into view, followed by a proud looking Dogmatix.

“Oh hello Asterix, sorry we took so long but it was harder finding things to eat than I thought. Also, I want to ask you a few things about something we caught.”

He laid his dead catch on his ground, the chicken/snake thing and a few colourful bats. Asterix looked over the dead creatures in awe. These were deffinitely not from around Gaul. Just when he was about to ask where Obelix found these, his friend turned to the sack he had in his other hand.

“Dogmatix found these running around, but I’m not sure we can eat them. They looked like those ponies I saw earlier, but smaller.”

He opened the sack and emptied its occupants onto the ground, each with vines around their hooves and snouts. They looked like foals, with really big heads and strange colours. Another thing was one of them had a horn, another a pair of wings, and the third had a red bow in its mane.

Hmm... they look like they belong to someone, judging by that bow one of them is wearing. Also it’s never been a thing for us to eat horses. The three foals looked up at the Gaul in wide-eyed total fear, shaking uncontrollably. However we are pretty hungry and they must have escaped from their pen if they were out here, but…

“If that bow means anything, they must belong to someone. I think I met a few people while you were gone and they were really shy, so I don’t think eating their animals is a good idea. I think I could manage a soup out of… these,” he gestured to the creatures already dead.

Dogmatix was visibly deflated by this. Sure he still got bones, but they lacked the flavour of fresh meat.

Obelix noticed his pet’s disappointment. “Well, how about just one for poor little Dogmatix?”

“Sorry Obelix, but we don’t know how attached these people are to these ponies. Remember Egypt, they worshipped cats there?”

Both Dogmatix and Obelix growled at that place. They had to help build a palace and help with a bet against Caesar when he started to cheat. Obelix also knocked the nose off an important statue of a cat lady while trying to get a good view.

Obelix nodded and untied the three foals. They still stared at them in fear, slowly backing away. As soon as they were out of sight they split tail and ran.

I hope they find their way back… thought Asterix.

^\/^\/^\/^

After some panicked running and getting lost a few times

^\/^\/^\/^

”TTTWWWWIIIILLLLIIIIGGGHHHHHTTTT!!!” they screamed in union as they stormed the front door of the library.

The mare in question snapped to attention at the sudden outburst, disrupting her from the book titled ‘The ape lands, lands and creatures’.

“Girls, what’s wrong?”

“Theres-scary-monster-in-the-everfree-forest-and-it-had-us-and-was-we-ran-away-when-they-I-really-liked-their-manes!”

They continued to shout and gasp out muddled words and sentences which made Twilight cringe. They kept going until they were exhausted, unable to say anything else through their worn out throats and collapsed on the floor.

“Ahh, I think you should calm down a bit first. Who’d like some hot chocolate?” The three foals nodded slowly from the floor. “Spike, get down here!”

Author's Note

Please point out any mistakes and typos I may have missed. Thank you for reading,

Ch 2: Experts

"Asterix! You won't believe what I've got!"

From Asterix's vantage point in a tree, he looked down through the branches at his large friend who had something red in his hand.

"Yes, Obelix? What did you find?"

"A lion!"

This brought some relief to Asterix, finding lions around here meant they had to be around that Africa he had heard about. He never thought it would be so full of forests. He jumped from the tree to see the majestic creature for himself.

"Good job Obelix! That tells us where we-" Then it saw it. The front looked like a lion, sure, except for the massive bats wings and scorpion tail hanging off it's back end. "Obelix?! What is that?"

"Dinner!" Was the reply.

^\/^\/^\/^
In the library known as Books & Branches
^\/^\/^\/^

With the fillies secure and their story told, Twilight paced up and down the library. The three foals sat at attention, annoyed and still slightly scared as they watched the unicorn.

"Creatures like that? It can't be possible, and so close to Ponyville! Surely we would've heard of them at one point if they are an intelligent species." Once again, she stopped and faced the three fillies. "They were talking, right? They said words, real, understandable words?" And again, they nodded.

Twilight dragged more books from shelves and started to flick through them at lightning speeds. Still, they proved to be unfruitful, and so they joined the rapidly growing pile of discarded literature sitting in the corner.

"Twilight, calm down!" Spike, the ever faithful Dragon, poked his head out of the corner pile carrying some books to place away. "Celestia's already sending down some experts on unknown species, I'm sure they can tell us more."

As if by clockwork of a story that didn't waste time, the door burst open to reveal a very posh looking Unicorn, marked with a beast in cage against his irony grey coat. Slitted red eyes scanned the room, taking in the ponies waiting in the room.

"Hm! So, these are the witnesses? Good! Tell, speak! Let me learn of this-" Before he continued, he spotted Spike giving him the odd glance as he re-shelved books. "Halt! I spot a beast! A dragon!"

The Unicorns horn lit up with red sparks as Spike was thrown into the air, magical chains appearing out of nowhere wrapping his limbs and finishing with a padlock. He then dropped Spike into a waiting silver cage below.

"Capture! Behold, I, Generic Anti-Evil, who has saved the good life of the Princesses student and her foals!" A green mare, who had seemingly popped out of the ground, took photos with a large camera that matched her Cutie-mark.

"Wonderful Anti! You did it again! YAY!"

Generic hopped onto the cage, flipping his golden mane with swayed back as if blown by a invisible force.

^\/^\/^\/^

In the forest...
^\/^\/^\/^

"Oh no." Asterix said, sitting up suddenly.

"What's wrong Asterix? I hope it wasn't that funny lion was it? I thought I cooked those quite well."

"No, not that, I just had the sudden feeling that another idiot was just created."

"Oh. So the usual for you then."

^\/^\/^\/^
Back in the library
^\/^\/^\/^

As Generic Anti-Evil stood over the caged Spike, a rather angry black cloud began to appear above his head, sounded by an equally angry purple glow. Just as it started to spark, he looked up.

"Eh?" Purple lightening stabbed heavily at his head, causing thousands of volts to pass through his body with intense pain. Afterwards, all that remained was a wide-eyed smoking black shade, that roughly resembled a pony.

"Ahem," coughed Twilight, "I'd appreciate it if you'd let my number one assistant out of the cage. Now."

Just as quick as he was struck with lightening, Generic was back on his hooves and releasing the spells holding Spike. Once freed, Spike quickly ran over and took cover behind Twilight in case the nut-job decided to hang him from the roof.

After whipping off the last of his charred fur, Generic motioned towards the door and the small army of royal guards waiting outside. "Well, Princesses student, I've got work to do, as I'm sure you understand. Now please don't worry yourself, this shall end quickly! Or I'm not Generic Anti-Evil!"

As quickly as he had entered and made an ass of himself, Generic left with the camera mare right behind and grabbed the attention of this battalion. "Right! Enough horsing around, we've got creatures to catch!"

Twilight watched as the 'Expert', his overly clingy fan, and the unsure looking guards made off towards the Everfree forest. Once they had gone out of sight, she turned back to her guests.

"Well, this won't end well. Who wants to go visit Fluttershy?"

"ME!" The four shouted in chorus.

^\/^\/^\/^
Again, in the forest
^\/^\/^\/^

"Stop! Everypony stop! We've found... tracks! Yes definitely tracks!" Generic was face down on the ground, closely observing some odd footprints. "Hmm... yes! We've got them now! Forward, march!"

He took off, eager to finally catch his fame. The guards merely sat beneath some trees and were napping, or watching the dimwitted stallion walk around a bush repeatably. "Yes, yes! You lot better keep up! We'll have them soon, just you wait!"

The guards weren't going anywhere, however, as they sat beneath a large tree watching the foolish stallion walk around a bush.

"Sir?" A private asked, "What are we doing with our lives?"

The Sargent just sighed, "We're giving it away to ponies like him. Then, when we're too old to do anything else, we become ponies like him."

The privates expression turned spooked. He didn't want to end up like that!

After saluting, he trotted off, pass the other soldiers, and into the forest. He was going to be a coward, but if that meant he could avoid that kind of future then that was fine for him. After some guilty feelings and a small scale mind-war, he soon realised that he's gone off the path, surrounded by nothing but bush.

In the distance, he spied a small light, similar to a camp fire. He sighed in relief, and went in the lights direction.

^\/^\/^\/^
The Gaulish Camp
^\/^\/^\/^

Finally, after a hectic night, morning, and lunch, the two Gauls plus dog finally managed to get some quiet time which they filled with napping. Asterix slept leaning against a tree facing the rest of camp, while Obelix rested on the other side with his menhir and Dogmatix. All was peaceful.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!"

A very loud, high pitched voice ran through Asterix's ear as a body stood beside the tree he rested on. It was ended suddenly when a stony missile soared into the noise maker, taking half the tree with it with luckily non of Asterix.

"Obelix!" The giant of a man only muttered slightly in his sleep, his arm still in the air from throwing the menhir.

Asterix gave an angry huff, then turned to the damage. The tree somehow still stood with half it's middle missing and behind it was a trail the menhir had left in the dirt. At the end of the trail was an armoured small horse, senseless.

"Oh no." He rushed to the creatures side and was relived that it didn't have any permanent damage, somehow. With not much other assistance he could offer, Asterix popped open his small amount of magic potion and took a drop, enough to lift the menhir away and move the poor creature into a more comfortable position.

Suddenly, he couldn't move his arms as they became locked in chains. They chains were seemingly alive, covering his mouth before he could give a shout of warning and soon his entire face was covered, leaving him blind.

"Yes, I think we'll fetch quite the price for this one," said an unfamiliar voice.

Author's Note

SURPRISE!!

With this chapter, I tried sticking to the comedy of the original comics. How well did I do? Feed back would be nice, have a nice day!