Pinkie Pie let her mind drift back as she stared into her Dashie's eyes. She'd seen them this way before. They were cold and cloudy, and they didn't look anymore, just stared straight through the little note into some other world.
~~~
Rainbow Dash only looked half there. She stood shivering in the rain and cold, her head sunken down, staring to the cobbles beneath her. The first light of the moon danced across her glossy wet mane, and her eyes were raw and red from crying. She didn't move. Didn't blink. Didn't breathe.
"C-can i stay here tonight..?"
It hurt. It hurt just see her like this, to hear her trembling voice; all of it burned like a wood-stove. She'd never seen her Dashie crying before...
Maybe her special talent was spreading smiles. Maybe. Maybe she was Ponyville's Premier Party Pony. Maybe. Maybe sunshine and smiles really was all she'd known ever since that day Rainbow Dash herself had saved her from her dreary life on the rock farm. Maybe. Though even she knew this wasn't something a song and a smile was going to cure.
So she didn't. She didn't smile. Didn't sing. Didn't try to force her friend to feel better. She just nodded and headed off silently to grab a towel for Rainbow and some blankets and pillows for the both of them.
Rainbow stepped inside and pushed the door slowly shut behind her; it latched with a 'click'. She took the towel without a word and dried herself before following Pinkie Pie into the living where an assortment of colourful pillows and heavy blankets had been arranged near the fireplace. She laid down, though a little hesitant at first.
The flames shimmered and twisted, their reflection the slightest bit frayed in Dashie's rosy eyes. The crackling of logs and the rhythmic patting of raindrops on the window glass were the only noises in the room. Neither of them spoke for a long while.
"...I ran out on my own dad..." Her voice was so soft and sweet... it burned to hear it like this...
Rainbow Dash's head feel to her pillow, and she began to sob.
~
The eyes. They tore at Pinkie's mind... Her Dashie was so young then... Why her... Why him...
~
For the second time that night, the bell rang, and Pinkie let the door swing slowly open, the rain becoming all the louder as it did. Before her stood a stallion--pegusai. His coat was a dark gray-blue in the midnight, and his rainbow mane looked like a spectrum of gray under the starlight. There were tears in his eyes.
"...I-is she here..?"
Pinkie didn't answer.
"...please, please, i need to see her..."
Pinkie didn't answer.
"...Please... Please!" He didn't sound angry. Not even impatient. He sounded desperate, painfully desperate.
Pinkie took three steps backward, clearing the doorway for him. He stepped inside, his hoofsteps faltering a little as he did.
"...D-Dash..?"
Rainbow's eyes were an even more violent tone of red than before, but her sobs had faded to little whimpers, and her tears had mostly dried. She never took her eyes from the floor as she walked toward them.
When Rainbow Dash finally looked up, the stallion's eyes drifted down to her hooves. His mouth would open and close, but for a moment, no words would come.
"...P-please come home, my sweetheart..."
With that, she ran to him and buried her tears and sobs in his shoulder.
~~~
The eyes. They were there too. She always dug back inside.
~~~
"You're lying to me, Dashie."
"Huh? N-no, i would nev-"
"You're doing it again."
Pinkie looked into her friend's gaze as these rosy-red eyes drifted downward. Her lips were twitching and tears began to form in those eyes. They didn't blink as they stared to the grass.
"...He never hits me hard... Sometime's he's even really nice..."
Pinkie wanted to cry as she took a good, long look at Rainbow Dash. Her beautiful, cerulean coat had shifted to purple and black in places, and others were stained deep red. No fall had done this to her friend.
"...Pinkie..? He... He still love's me... right..?"
"...I don't know..."
~~~
She fought to push the images away, but it hurt to even try. Eventually they came over her again.
~~~
"...How long ago was it?"
"...Almost a month... She lied to me... She took my little brother, just to go shopping... I haven't seen them since... Neither has daddy...
~
She was older now, but still too young... Years before this.
~
"...I'm so sorry..."
"...It's fine... I guess i knew it was coming... It would have happened a long time ago... She only stuck around for me and my lil' bro..."
Pinkie took one of her Dashie's hooves between her own and squeezed.
"...Pinkie?" Dash pulled away. "...Is it wrong to hate your dad..?"
"...Not for you."
"...Then why do i feel so bad for doing it..?"
~~~
The eyes never changed. Not through any of it.
~~~
Pinkie froze.
"I don't have to listen to you!"
"I am your father!"
"You're not my dad! You made me, but you aren't my dad! You didn't raise me! Didn't care for me! Didn't care about me! All you do is put me down for being who i am and try to live the life of your dreams through me! You don't own me!"
Glass shattered.
"You don't control me! Y-you don't even l-love me! So y'know what?! I... I don't love you either! I don't need you! So fuck you!"
"What did you say to me you little cunt?! I poured my life away for y-"
"I said 'fuck you'! You wanna know why you drink so much?! Why you're so fucking miserable?! Because everypony fucking hates you! Mom left you, your son left you, your work buddies only like you because you buy them beer, and guess what?! It's my turn!
"Oh, bad move, you little bitch..."
"Don't touch me!"
There was a loud snap, almost like wood, but thicker. Then, he gave a scream that sent chills through Pinkie's spine. The door burst open, and Dashie, her Dashie, stepped outside with an opaque glass container. Rainbow Dash threw it to the ground, and it shattered, sending a shower of light-red liquid across the lawn.
Pinkie Pie threw herself into a sprint. Rainbow Dash lit the match. Pinkie slipped at the edge of the grass, soaking her in the liquid, and crawled on bloody legs toward the gravel as Rainbow Dash threw the match to the ground. All of the sudden, the yard was a wildfire.
Pinkie crawled further and further, putting as much distance between her and the blaze as she could manage. Rainbow Dash stepped passed her and began to walk.
She was exhausted. For a while, she just lay still, watching her Dashie walk further and further away through the barren fields.
~~~
"C'mon, c'mon!" Rainbow fumbled with the locked doors, slipping plastic card into the crease between the door and the frame and trying to slip the latch back. The air was cold, and a strong wind blew as she worked. "Who the hell locked the doors?!" In a moment, the latch finally gave, and Pinkie followed Rainbow Dash into the garage of the little farmhouse.
They made their way through a clutter of just about everything--empty bottles of booze, broken farm equipment, a baseball bat, crumpled sheets of tin, etc.--to the door into the house.
"Good thing this lock's broken." Rainbow turned the knob and gave the swollen door a shove, and in a moment, they were inside.
The house wreaked of piss, alcohol, and some other odors she didn't quite want to attach a name to. The kitchen floor was coated in a thin layer of a sticky once-liquid. The sink was filled with dishes that had been dirty months ago and were moldy and rotted now.
"We'll be gone soon, I promise! I just need to grab a few things for my uncle."
"...Where's your dad?"
"He's in rehab again. Only the sixth time." Rainbow said as she stepped into a room in the nearby hall.
"...Sounds fun..." Pinkie said dryly.
"As long as i don't have to put up with him whenever my uncle sends me out here, I'm happy. Sad part is he's supposed to be out soon."
Rainbow stepped out again with a small saddlebag draped across her back. She gestured for Pinkie to follow, and the door swung open once again. Then, Rainbow Dash stopped cold, looking around the room.
"...Someone stayed out here."
"How do you know?" Pinkie followed Dash's gaze to a day-old coffee filter that sat on the counter. Beneath it was a slip of paper and a pen.
Rainbow Dash pulled the paper from the counter and unfolded it, reading it silently. After a little while, Pinkie looked back to her friend and noticed that she wasn't reading anymore, just staring blankly.
-
Rainbow Dash let the note flutter from her hold, and the air dragged it to Pinkie's hooves. She reached cautiously for it.
Hey, Sweetie. I'm sure you have a lot going on in your life, so I'll do my best to keep it quick.
First things first, I guess. I'm sorry, Dash. Sorry about all of it. It was my fault. Sometime's it's hard to remember your face. Half the time i was too drunk to remember your name, let alone your pretty little face. I'm sorry for that. I don't have any old photographs of you i can look at whenever i want to change what happened. Whenever i have regrets. Always. I didn't have any money for a camera back then. Only booze. I'm sorry for that too. I won't lie, I couldn't tell you your birth date. I'm sorry for that. I even tore you away from your mother an little brother. I'm sorry for that most of all. Though i guess my biggest regret is that it's far too late to try and make it up to you. Been far too long to fall to my knees and plead for forgiveness. I'd do it if i could. Don't worry, i won't bother you with trying. I'm an old psychotic fool haunted by his past, and even i know i don't have a shot in hell at forgiveness.
This could just be my senile old mind at work again, but maybe we'll see each other again someday. I know this wasn't my first time in rehab, or the first time I've told the good folks at AA that "my name is Thunder", but I promise it will by my last. I promise it to you, to your mom, to your brother. To me. That's all in the past now. So maybe someday we can try and start fresh! You and me. The new me.
We'll see, I suppose.
Until then.
-Dad
p.s. I still love you, Sweetheart.
