Westboro Baptist Church versus Equestria

A pounding could be heard from Golden Oaks Library.

Ponies in the street turned their heads in confusion. They murmured among themselves, wondering what was causing that din.

“What the…” Twilight had just stepped into the square, and heard the sounds of hammering.

“Twilight what is going on in there!” demanded a Cyan Pegasus.

“I have no idea Rainbow Dash. I’m as clueless….” She then remembered the Neanderthal that she had left in the library.

She quickly cantered up to the door and pushed with all her might, but the door held fast.

“TAKE THAT PONY FAGS! I AINT GIVIN UP!” screamed Darrel, his primal instincts kicking in.

“Please Darrel! Let me in!” pleaded Twilight, pushing against the door with magic now. But it staid fast.

“Never! Ya’ll queers get away from me! You’re trying to infect me with your faggotry!” Darrel exclaimed and continued hammering away.

He had taken apart the bookshelves inside and had found a hammer in the depths of the library along with some nails. So he had used the claw to destroy the shelves and hammer then to the doors and windows. He promised himself that he would not let them ponies into anywhere near him.

He had made a cross out of some of the boards and was preparing to hoist it on top of the tree when a sleepy voice interrupted his activity.

“Uhh Twilight, can you stop the noise… Wow! Who are you?!” A little green dragon had appeared from the upper part of the tree house.

“Ah!” cried Darrel, “ITS SATAN!” he grabbed the cross and began to slowly approach the evil demon, chanting Bible verses in rapid succession. “GET THEE HENCE SATAN!”

Spike looked behind him, sort of confused like, and then down at his scales.

“I don’t get it…” he said, confused even more.

Darrel advanced quickly, swinging his make shift cross at the Great Satan. Spike dashed out of the way, and accidently burped fire.

That gave Darrel an idea...

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The noise had ceased and the ponies in the square had all went on their way. But in the house was a different story.

“Satan get back here!” Darrel yelled, scrambling after the scaly demon.

“Get away from me! TWILIGHT!” Spike yelled.

Twilight had been at the front door the entire time, banging and using magic to try to gain access to her house. But Darrel’s skill made it nearly impossible to get in. He had been making gallows for his fellow Klansmen for years.

“Hush your demonic cry Satan!” Darrel said, and dove to grab the tiny dragon.

“Nooooo!!!” Spike cried as he fell under the weight of the human.

“Gotcha! Now, where’s my cross…” after grabbing his weapon, Darrel took Spike and the cross .

They climbed the tree until they had reached the top, Spike shaking the entire time.

“What are you going to do?” Quivered Spike.

“Show these fags whats what!” Darrel grabbed the cross, and tied it to the tree with ropes attaching it firmly on top. Then, he grabbed Spike and pointed his mouth at the cross.

“Light it now!” He demanded.

“Uhhhh ok!” Spike cried and burped a flame that covered the cross.

But nothing happened.

“Why isnt it on fire!” Darrel said, confused at why Satan’s fire hadn’t lit the cross on fire.

“I’m a messenger dragon!” pronounced Spike, rubbing his side from where Darrel’s hands had clamped down to hard.

“You’re Satan! Not a dragon!” Darrel yelled at the tiny dragon, whilst searching his jeans for a lighter. He never went anywhere without one.

“Ah! Here it is!” he exclaimed when he found his signature lighter with an etched “God Hates Fags” on it.

He struck it twice against the wood of the cross until finally he had gotten a fire started. Then, he quickly retreated down the tree and climbed back into the comfort of his hijacked home.

The cross was now inflames, which brought tears to Darrel’s eyes. He even began to stroke Spikes head for the love of the symbol that made him happy.

The next thing he did was raid the bedrooms and gather sheets together. He began to cut, using the knife he always carried with him, and create a marvelous outfit. The entire time, Spike(or Satan) was tied up in the upstairs closet.
Darrel hummed while he worked, “Stitch by stitch putting it together.” Then stopped humming because he had no idea where that was from.

“Stupid pony fags…” He murmured, while measuring himself for the proper white garb. The outfit was almost done and the banging on the door had stopped completely, allowing Darrel to focus on creating the perfect outfit.

“This is going to be the best night ever!” He exclaimed after the outfit was completed. It featured a high white hood, with a completely white body that gave the impression of a ghost to all who would see the outfit.

With the outfit complete, he put it on, and stared in a random mirror he found in the bathroom. He looked good. Reallll good.

But he began to feel some heat, as if the entire house was on fire.

Weird,he thought¸must be nothing.

Little did he realize that the fire he had started on the top of the tree had spread, well, as most fires do. The fire had consumed most of the tree house, and was starting to spread into the library with surprising speed.

Darrel stepped out of the upper room, and stared in horror at the blaze he had started.

“Oh praise the Lord! Have mercy on my soul!” he yelled, as he dodged flaming copies of My Little Dashie.

He quickly darted out of the flaming mess that he had caused, still wearing his outfit, and into the streets of Ponyville.

As he burst out of the library, he hit Twilight in the face with a door and heard someone say, “I told you Twilight that my Pinkie senses are never wrong.”

Ignoring the random voice, he screamed, “THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT EVER.”