My Little Pony: Shipping Is Magic

by MinT Manga Team

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Random, Dark
Length: 6374

Hilarity is ensured after the Canterlot Wedding

After the wedding of Shining Armour and Princess Cadence, there has been an outbreak of Love Poison in Ponyville. Can Twilight Sparkle figure out the cause of it without the help of her love-struck friends?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-12 02:29:22 UTC

Chapter The First

My Little Pony: Shipping Is Magic

Chapter The First

It was quite a peaceful day in Ponyville. Shining Armor and Cadence have recently gotten married and they have gone to Fillydelphia for their honeymoon. Twilight Sparkle was calmly cleaning up her library of a house, because they were coming to visit in about two weeks. Okay, actually, she was freaking out. Due to a recent accident involving Pinkie Pie, a rubber duck, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, the library is now a nest for a pack of sleeping phoenixes.

“Where in the hay did these phoenixes come from?” Twilight Sparkle thought to herself while she swept the floor with her magic.

Spike was asleep in his small bed, dreaming about Rarity. Guess what? Spike has a crush on Rarity. I know! I didn’t believe it either! But, not only is it true, it’s canon. I know, right?! Amazing, what these writers come up with.

Well, Twilight Sparkle decided that she was sick of Spike sleeping, so she woke him up.

“Aughh! Twilight, I was having a great dream about Rar-”

Twilight Sparkle stared at him. “About what, Spike?”

“A-about… um…” Spike stammered. “About a raving party Pinkie Pie threw!”

“You were talking in your sleep. You mentioned something about Rarity giving you a sapphire gem.”

“Well, that was part of the party, I guess.”

“Then you started to drool. Never mind. I need your help getting these phoenixes out of here!”

“There were phoenixes in here?”

“Yes! Where were you for the past three days?! They’ve been in here since Saturday!”

“Oh, yeah! So, what’s your plan today, and how is it going to fail?”

“Ha-ha. It’s not going to fail, Spike. I know that I can solve this problem!”

“Uh huh.”

Twilight Sparkle came up with an elaborate plan involving a muffin, Fluttershy, a lampshade, and the Sundance Film Festival. It worked… somehow, and the phoenixes have nested safely in the Everfree Forest.

“So, did this plan fail, Spike?”

“No~”

“I know, right? I told you I could do it.”

Suddenly, a flash of rainbow and cloud had filled Twilight’s eyes. Once Twilight was able to open them up, she saw a huge grin on Rainbow Dash’s face. Twilight was not as excited, mainly because she felt a large pain in her head.

“Sorry, Twilight.”

“Rainbow! What in the hay are you doing?!”

“Oh, well, Berry Punch is selling some delicious fruit punch!”

Now, Twilight Sparkle knew of Berry Punch and her infamous fruit punch. Just three months earlier, her punch had caused several ponies to drunkenly dial the Royal Guard as a prank to see how Princess Celestia would react to multiple ‘emergencies’ (such as a dragon attack, parasprites, or Discord) happening at the same time. Princess Celestia did not do shit, except she banned the use of ‘bad idea elixir’.

“Well, no. Sorry, Rainbow, but I have to, um, go help Apple Jack with something.”

“Oh, well, it’s okay. I might see other ponies there. See you later!”

Rainbow Dash flew off in blinding speed.

Twilight Sparkle trotted along at a reasonable pace. She arrived at a reasonable time, reasonable because she arrived ten minutes early.

“Apple Jack! I’m here to help you!”

She did not see Apple Jack around, but she saw Big MacIntosh standing there. Strangely, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Miss Cheerilee were hanging around him.

“Hey, everypony, what are you all doing?”

Cheerilee raced in front of Twilight.

“Twilight! What are you thinking right now?”

“Umm… that you’re being creepy. What’s going on, Miss Cheerilee?”

Miss Cheerilee ignored Twilight’s question. She went on to say, “Good. You’re not infected. Come on in.”

She shoved Twilight into a barn.

“Hey, where’s Apple Jack?”

Miss Cheerilee breathed a heavy sigh. “She’s been infected. It’s been hard on Big Mac.”

“Infected?” Twilight Sparkle was confused.

“There’s been a strange outbreak of Love Poison.”

“Love Poison?”

Cheerilee began to explain.

“Love Poison is a chemical similar to Love Potion in that it makes a pony fall in love with the first person you see.”

“Oh, I think I read about that.”

“Except it makes you so entranced by the other pony that you ignore everything else. Love Poison has been known to destroy entire kingdoms and empires.”

“So, it’s bad?”

“Yes. It’s really bad. The real experts on this are Sweetie Belle and Applebloom, because they used it before.”

“Really? On who?”

“Me.”

Sweetie Belle and Applebloom smiled awkwardly and let out a small chuckle.

Twilight resumed the conversation. “Okay, so what is this love poison?”

Sweetie Belle answered, “It’s the colour of a rainbow and a tuft of cloud stirred with a pegasus feather.”

“So it has to be synthesized by somepony. It’s very likely that we’re searching for a pegasus.”

Big MacIntosh shook his head. “E-nope.”

“What do you mean, Big Mac?”

Cheerilee answered that one. “Anypony can have access to a pegasus feather.”

Twilight Sparkle reasoned that this was true, but this meant that they had no leads to go on. It could be anypony that was love poisoning the populace.

“Okay everypony, I’m going to get all of the Elements of Harmony together. You say Apple Jack has been infected?”

“E-yup.”

“What about the others?”

Cheerilee answered, “We don’t know if they were infected or not.”

“Alright! I’m going to gather them all up, so we can stop this madness once and for all!”

Sweetie Belle and Applebloom cheered for Twilight Sparkle.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” stated Twilight. “Where’s Scootaloo? I think it’s rather weird that she’s not here.”

Applebloom looked rather sad. “Ma’am, she got infected.”

Twilight Sparkle thought this to be ironic and left without another word. She arrived at Fluttershy’s house first. She knocked calmly at her door.

“No! Go away! I’m not interested!” was the response.

“Fluttershy? It’s me… Twilight.”

After about five minutes of fumbling around locks and an array of cartoonish noises, Fluttershy finally opened the door and let Twilight in.

“Why did you put all those locks on the door?”

Fluttershy spoke in a soft and timid voice. “Well, Twilight, Rainbow Dash has been acting rather weird lately…”

“Yeah yeah whatever. Listen, Fluttershy, have you ever heard of Love Poison?”

“Well, I think that what I wanted to say is…”

“There’s been an outbreak of Love Poison in Ponyville.”

“I think this has…”

“And I need your help. I believe that the Elements of Harmony can cure this town.”

“You’re not listening to me!”

“Wait your turn, Fluttershy. Okay, I’m done. Now what were you going to say?”

Fluttershy attempted to speak once more, but a sudden flash of rainbow rammed straight into her.

Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy with a look of betrayal. “Nice, Fluttershy. Can you not ditch me back there? I was all alone with Rarity!”

“Well, Dashie, I’m sorry.”

“Ohh. I can’t stay mad at you. After all, you are my very special somepony.”

Twilight, at first, looked thoroughly confused, but she figured that Rainbow Dash was infected with Love Poison.

“Fluttershy, we need to escape from here.” Twilight whispered.

“But… but we can’t escape from Rainbow Dash. She’s Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash wanted to be a part of this conversation. “She’s right. In fact, she’s always right. Nothing can escape my love for you.”

Twilight could not believe that she was hearing this from Rainbow Dash. However, she reminded herself that it was not Rainbow Dash, but that the Love Poison was controlling her.

Twilight Sparkle used a teleportation spell on herself and Fluttershy. Unfortunately, she did not control where they went, and they ended up in the Everfree Forest. Fluttershy was shivering.

“Um… Twilight? Do you think you can teleport us out of here?”

“No. I’m completely drained. We have to walk out of here ourselves. Come on. I can see Canterlot in the distance. If we just go over in that direction, we’ll make it to Ponyville.”

“Umm… okay, then. As long as we can make it there quick.”

As Fluttershy and Twilight continued their quest to find Ponyville, they were suddenly hit by a rather horrid smell. A large growling noise seemed to follow them.

Fluttershy shrieked.

“Fluttershy, there’s nothing to be afraid of. See? Sweet Apple Acres is just right ahead. It won’t be long before we get there.”

Suddenly, a Timber Wolf appeared.

Actually, that’s a lie. It’s a pack of Timber Wolves. Seven, to be precise. Also, they were all huge and scary.

Fluttershy screamed.

“Okay, Fluttershy, we can take these Timber Wolves! Come on!”

Twilight was not about to back down from this fight. She knew exactly what to do. She would distract them with a ball that Pinkie Pie kept in strange hiding places throughout Equestria.

However, before Twilight Sparkle could execute her ingenious plan, a flash of white light suddenly broke the Timber Wolves apart.

Suddenly, Rarity jumped from above a tree. She looked up as the smoke began to clear.

Fluttershy seemed rather worried. “Umm… maybe we should get out of here now?”

“Nonsense, Fluttershy, we can’t just leave Rarity here. Besides, she just saved our lives.”

Rarity, however, completely ignored Twilight Sparkle, and went straight to Fluttershy.

“My love, what are you doing out here in the Everfree Forest?”

Twilight sighed. “Rarity, too? In the name of Celestia…”

“It’s so good to know that you have given up on Rainbow Dash, darling. I know how much she can get in our way.”

“Well, I’m not really interested…”

“What are you talking about? You obviously left Rainbow Dash. That means that I’m the only logical choice left. You haven’t fallen for Apple Jack, have you?”

“Of course not. I~”

It was at that moment that Rarity first noticed Twilight was there.

“A-ha! It was you!”

Rarity charged at Twilight Sparkle as if she were going on a rampage against somepony who insulted her hair.

“I will destroy you for stealing my Fluttershy away from me!”

“I didn’t ‘steal’ Fluttershy!”

That did not deter Rarity. She continued to charge against Twilight Sparkle. Twilight did not want to attack Rarity, because they were friends. However, Rarity had every intention of maiming Twilight Sparkle.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!” shrieked Fluttershy.

Rarity paused right before she did any serious damage to Twilight.

“Rarity, I’m flattered. But… I’m just not interested in anypony right now. And, no, I’m not in any relationship. I’m sorry.”

Rarity thought about this for a moment.

“Well… that means I still have a chance! Victory for Miss Rarity!”

It was at this moment that Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy made their escape. They galloped over to Sweet Apple Acres, and they made it into the barn. However, it was rather dark. Something was not right. Twilight meekly called out.

“Cheerilee…? Are you there?”

Nopony answered.

“Big Mac? Sweetie Belle? Applebloom?”

Still, nopony answered.

It was at this moment that Twilight wanted somepony to actually talk back with her. So, she mumbled the words: “Fluttershy…?”

No answer came. Fluttershy flew away in fear before Twilight entered the barn. She was all alone.

Suddenly, a loud crash shattered the perpetual silence.

“What? Who’s there?!”

A low-level light slowly came on. It was as if it was meant for a romantic atmosphere.

“Howdy, who goes there?”

“It’s me, Twilight.”

Apple Jack looked down from a pile of hay. “Oh. It’s you.”

“Apple Jack? What is all this?”

“This? Oh, this will be for my one true love Rarity. After drinking that punch, I saw Rarity, and BAM! I fell head over hooves for her.”

Twilight Sparkle had forgotten that Apple Jack was infected with Love Poison. The only pony left was Pinkie Pie. This was bad. Half of her friends were infected. Was there even a cure? What are they going to do? So many questions filled her head.

“Well, are you just going to stand there?”

“Well… um…”

“Cause, I’ve gotta get my body ready for Rarity.”

Twilight Sparkle attempted to cleanse her brain and unhear what she has heard.

“Okay, fine. I’m leaving. I have to go see Pinkie Pie.”

Twilight Sparkle left Sweet Apple Acres. Now that the farm has been taken over for the sole purpose of Apple Jack’s love nest, where did the others run off to? She figured that perhaps she would go to Pinkie Pie, and hope to Celestia that she’s not infected.

Chapter The Second

My Little Pony: Shipping Is Magic

Cha

pter The Second

Twilight Sparkle walked into the Cakes’ bakery. There was a sign on it that said Bakery Closed~ Owners on Vacation. Twilight was about to give up, when the door creaked open, and a deep, almost god-like, voice called her in.

“Twilight! Enter, if you wish to live.”

She cautiously entered the bakery. Once inside, she saw Cheerilee, Big Mac, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom. However, Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie were there as well. Twilight Sparkle asked the ponies, “So, I feel as though I missed something. What’s going on?”

Pinkie Pie answered. “Well. I’m the new leader of the Ponies Against Love Poison Association. Otherwise known as P to the A to the L to the P to the A! PALPA!”

Twilight couldn’t believe Pinkie Pie became the leader of PAL… PAL- something. She’s not sure. Well, she couldn’t believe that Pinkie could become the leader of whatever-this-is so quickly.

“Alright. So, the only pony that wasn’t infected was Fluttershy.”

Sweetie Belle said, “So, my sister’s infected, too?”

“Where is Fluttershy, then?” asked Cheerilee.

“What do you mean? Fluttershy’s right…”

Apparently, Twilight Sparkle didn’t notice that Fluttershy was missing. In a last ditch attempt to change the subject, Twilight Sparkle asked, “Hey, I thought you said Scootaloo was infected?”

“I am not ‘infected’. I’m here, because no amount of time or space can keep me apart from my very special somepony.” Scootaloo latched on to Cheerilee. Cheerilee did not look thrilled.

“So, Twilight, do you think you know what’s been causing this outbreak?”

“Hmm… I think I know. Apple Jack mentioned that she fell ‘head over hooves’ over Rarity…”

Applebloom said, “Ewww… my sister fell in love with your sister Sweetie Belle? Does that mean we’re going to be sister-in-laws?”

Twilight Sparkle coughed. “As I was saying… She fell ‘head over hooves’ over Rarity after drinking some punch.”

“Well, what does that have to do with it?” asked Cheerilee.

“Well, she fell in love with Rarity. Rarity fell in love with Fluttershy, as did Rainbow Dash. So, they all drank the same elixir. Earlier today, before this whole mess started, Rainbow Dash said she was going to drink some of Berry Punch’s fruit punch.”

“So, the fruit punch is to blame?”

“Yes it is, Cheerilee. We’re going to take a visit to Berry Punch.”

“Got it. Anything we need?” asked Cheerilee.

“Yes. I have just the thing,” replied Twilight.

Spike began to complain. “But I don’t want to cure the Love Poison! Can’t I stay home and sleep?”

“No. You’re here in case I need to send a letter to Princess Celestia. In case anything goes wrong.”

“Yeah, whatever. Just hurry up. I got some gems at home that I’d like to eat, thank you very much.”

Twilight Sparkle ignored that comment and approached the house of Berry Punch.

The seven ponies and one dragon carefully knocked on Berry’s door, until Pinkie Pie brazenly tore down the door and yelled, “Come out with your hooves up!”

Berry Punch came out, but was not entirely sober.

“Huh? Oh, hi!” she said drunkenly.

Twilight Sparkle was the first to speak. “We know it was you who had been infecting these ponies with Love Poison. Admit it!”

“Oh yeah… I know. It was me. I just wanna part-ay!”

Pinkie Pie liked this idea. “Ooh! I like this filly!”

“But why have you been doing it?”

“For fun, and profit. I’m getting paid by that white unicorn to…”

Suddenly a flash of blue light appeared before the ponies’ eyes. Only moments after the light disappeared, the body of Berry Punch lay there. There were no signs of life left in her eyes.

“What in the hay?” Twilight looked around frantically. She was searching for the perpetrator.

Twilight finally saw a silhouette in the distance. She teleports directly toward the direction of the shadow. The words ‘she’s a very powerful unicorn danced in her head,’ as Twilight caught up with the Unicorn. She knew that it was not Trixie, for this unicorn is even more powerful than her. In fact, Twilight feared that this unicorn rivaled her in magical capacity.

“A-ha! I caught you!” As it turned out, Twilight caught a rock. The Blue Unicorn had used a replacement spell, which is a fairly high level spell. Twilight Sparkle knew how to use it, but never found the opportunity to do so.

Twilight growled. The others, who were so shocked at the death of Berry Punch, finally decided to move. Their journey to find out who had been spreading around the Love Poison has gone back to square one. However, now they know that somepony is doing this for a lot more insidious reasons.

“So, what do we know?” asked Twilight.

Not a single pony spoke up. They didn’t know what to say.

“We know that there are two perpetrators. A white unicorn and a blue unicorn.”

“How do you know that?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“The blue unicorn used blue magic, and Berry Punch mentioned a white unicorn was paying her.”

“Well, she was drunk,” commented Cheerilee.

So, the white unicorn may or may not actually exist. However, they are not going to just ignore that vital piece of information. Twilight Sparkle decided that they needed to look for any unicorns that fit that description in Ponyville. So, they traveled to Mayor Mare’s office at town hall.

Once they traveled to the City Hall, Twilight noticed that the clouds were hanging ominously overhead. They continued to the Mayor’s office and knocked on the door.

I think this is a perfect time to pause for a moment and see what Fluttershy had been doing this entire time. Well, after Fluttershy raced out of there for fear of the dark barn, she ran into that one group of stupid male pegasus ponies. The same group that bullied Rainbow Dash in the Sonic Rainboom episode. Yeah, those three. The ones who don’t seem to have names. Well, once they saw Fluttershy there, they began to mess with her and call her ‘The grounded Clutzershy’.

“Umm… if you don’t mind, can you not…?”

“Can we not… what?” sneered one of pegasus ponies. “We do what we like!”

Another pony gave a sinister remark. “What’s it like to have wings, but still be a weak flier, Miss 2.3 wingpower?”

Fluttershy felt like she was about to cry. She did not wish to remember her troubled past. However, right when the tears were about to enter her eyes, Rainbow Dash sprinted at the pegasus ponies, and knocked them down like bowling pins.

“Don’t you dare say anything about my Fluttershy! If I ever catch you doing anything like that again, I will tie you to a flagpole, and dismember you with my sonic rainboom!”

The pegasus ponies took note of Rainbow’s threat. They sulked off, and did not appear for the rest of the fanfiction.

“Um… thank you Rainbow…”

“No problem, love. Hey, want to get a bite to eat? I know this great place in Cloudsdale that you’ll just love! Let’s go!”

Fluttershy felt conflicted. She never had any pony treat her this way. However, this wasn’t really Rainbow Dash, and she’s never been to Cloudsdale in such a long time. Maybe things will go well. Nopony will make fun of her, not when Rainbow Dash is around.

“Uh-huh. I’ll go.”

Rainbow Dash leaped fifty feet into the air, and somersaulted with absolute joy.

“Alright then, I’ll pick you up tonight, then.”

The two ponies said their goodbyes, and they left to their respective homes.

Rarity had stumbled across them, but did not interrupt what they were doing. This was mostly because she did not notice what they were talking about, until it was too late. Once Rarity figured out that her Fluttershy was going on a date with Rainbow Dash, she said to herself, “Of all the worst things that could happen! This is the… worst… possible… thing!”

Rarity sulked off, in a pout of disappointment. This emotion quickly changed when Apple Jack ambushed her.

“Apple Jack? What is the meaning of this?”

“Hi, my sweet Rarity, did I mention that I think you have pretty eyes?”

“I’m flattered, but I need to stop something from happening.”

“Well, whatever it is, I want to help you with whatever it is. After all, what are friends for?”

“Exactly, Apple Jack. That is what friends are for.”

Apple Jack mumbled to herself, “And maybe, by the end of this, we can be more than just friends, Miss Rarity.”

Okay, time to bring this story back to Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie. They slowly opened the door to the mayor’s office. Pinkie Pie ran straight into the room, while Mayor Mare turned around and saw her.

“Ohh… Pinkie Pie, you look absolutely lovely. Is that a new coat colour?”

Pinkie Pie responded by saying, “Huh?!”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Mayor Mare’s office desk. Some of Berry Punch’s fruit punch was right there.

“Pinkie Pie! Mayor Mare’s been infected!”

“Oki-doki-loki!”

The mayor continued to stare at Pinkie Pie.

“Mayor Mare, I am Twilight Sparkle. May I see some of the residential records, please?”

“No. Go away.”

Twilight Sparkle thought that to be quite rude. Pinkie Pie, however, decided to ask the exact same question.

“Of course, Pinkie. Anything for you!” Mayor Mare took out a large book, which made Twilight Sparkle look absolutely thrilled.

“These are all the ponies living in Ponyville. There are Earth Ponies first, Unicorns second, and Pegasus Ponies last.”

“Thank you, Mayor Mare.”

“Anything for you Pinkie Pie.”

Twilight Sparkle searched throughout the Unicorn section. She found only two blue unicorns (not including Trixie) but not a single white unicorn. Okay, she found Rarity, but she doubted that she was responsible. The two blue unicorns were Colgate and Lyra. Twilight Sparkle could not believe that either unicorn could murder Berry Punch like that.

Twilight Sparkle decided to talk to Colgate first. She didn’t know if Colgate had anything to do with that. She knocked on the door.

“Colgate? Are you home? It’s me, Twilight!”

Colgate opened the door. “How are you Twilight?”

“I’m doing very well. However, there has been a problem. Berry Punch has been murdered by a blue unicorn.”

“Wait, do you think I had something to do with this? In case you haven’t noticed, Berry Punch was very close to me. I can’t believe she’s dead…”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Well, there’s only one other suspect, and that’s Lyra. But I think that’ll be a dead end, too.”

Twilight Sparkle noticed a bottle of Love Poison in its purest form in Colgate’s closet.

“Wait a minute, why do you have this?”

Colgate suddenly used an extremely powerful Teleportation-Counter spell on Twilight Sparkle, trapping her into a sphere of darkness.

“What, Colgate?! What are you doing?! Any pony? Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Chapter The Third

Chapter The Third

Alright, so that ended on one hell of a cliffhanger, so before we go to see what happened to Twilight, let’s see how Fluttershy is doing on her date with Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash was waiting along the side of the road. She was eagerly awaiting the appearance of her beloved Fluttershy. Oh, how she longed to see her beautiful face once more.

Some time passed, and Rainbow Dash was worried. She wondered if Fluttershy ditched her again. Dashie knew that Fluttershy was not entirely okay with the relationship that she wants with her, and that thought danced in her head and tormented her. Rainbow Dash began to panic. Although she was outside, she felt as though imaginary walls were closing in on her. She was in full-fledged panic mode. It may have been a good thing that Rainbow Dash was alone. If anypony saw her breakdown, she would lose any reputation she has left. It was at this time that Rainbow Dash began to get scared. She wondered if something might have happened to Fluttershy. Could she have been attacked? Rainbow swore that whichever pony hurt her Fluttershy would pay dearly for what they have done.

While Rainbow Dash was thinking about all this, Fluttershy had been spending a majority of the time trying to get Dash’s attention.

“Umm… Rainbow Dash? What are you doing?”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe her ears. It was the sweetest sound she had ever heard. Fluttershy’s voice was like the flap of a butterfly’s wings.

“Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash ran straight into her, and hugged her for a good ten minutes.

“Fluttershy! I was so worried about you! Don’t ever leave me again!”

Fluttershy looked quite shocked, but after two minutes she got used to it. After three minutes, she got bored of hugging. Of course, they ended up hugging for ten minutes.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew off together, and they entered a restaurant. The restaurant was called Love and Hay. It was a restaurant in Ponyville, because they decided not to go to Cloudsdale. The reason for this was because Rainbow Dash was being considerate of Fluttershy’s feelings. There was a low-light romantic setting in the restaurant as other pony couples were staring into each other’s eyes.

The couple sat down at a window. Two seats away from them were Diamond Tiara and Silverspoon. Apparently, they had been infected with the Love Poison, too. However, since they are irrelevant to the plot, we shall ignore them.

Lyra and Bonbon actually work at this restaurant together. Bonbon makes the food. Well, actually, it’s not really a restaurant. Although they do serve food like hay fries, they mostly serve things like shakes or malts. Making things like that is the specialty of Bonbon. Lyra plays fitting (and romantic) music in the background.

“Well… um Rainbow Dash? What… um… do you want to talk about?”

“Fluttershy, I lived my entire life with nothing to love.”

“I don’t understand. What about Tank?”

“I do love Tank, but not in the same way I love you.”

“Wait, you said you never loved anypony?”

“No.”

Fluttershy thought for a moment.

“Well, if something like that is personal in your heart, then I wouldn’t want to impose…”

“No! Of course I want you to know. After all, you are even more near to my heart than my past.”

Fluttershy remained quiet.

“When I was a little filly up in Cloudsdale, I always wanted to join the Wonderbolts.”

“Yes. I know that.”

“Well, my dad has always been supportive of me, so he signed me up for summer flight camp one year. When I came back from it… I dropped out, you see… he simply said to me, ‘it wasn’t for you, let’s try something else.’ He was never disappointed in me.”

“So…”

“However, my mother was a completely different story. She was never impressed with anything I did. Even after I did the sonic rainbow, she was like ‘all right, that’s nice.’ If I were to become an alicorn princess, she still would never be proud of me. She wouldn’t give a flying feather!”

“Dashie…”

“And what’s worse? My whole life, I kept trying to impress her, but to no avail. I completely ignored my dad, and left him for granted. I had to impress my mother. Nothing too big happened, but I eventually figured out that I had wasted my entire fillyhood on such a trivial pursuit.”

Seeing how distraught Rainbow Dash was, Fluttershy hugged her with her wing.

So Colgate is holding Twilight Sparkle captive. She turns out to be a very powerful unicorn, about as much as Twilight Sparkle. Twilight called out for about an hour, and there was still no reply. Colgate entered once this timespan had passed.

“Colgate? What are you doing here?”

Colgate waited for a while.

“Why, because I captured you, of course.”

“What? Why did you capture me?”

“Because you were interfering with my plans. Do I need to spell everything out for you?”

“Yes, please. I do not understand this at all. Are you responsible for the Love Poison?”

“In a way, yes. In a way, no. Berry Punch and I are not the only ponies who are infecting others with Love Poison.”

“How many others are out there?”

“You know, somepony might think that telling you my plans would be overkill, but since I’m going to kill you anyway, I guess I can tell you a little bit.”

“You’re going to kill me?”

“Of course. I found it very easy to kill Berry Punch. I have a long history of murder. You will be my 42nd victim, Twilight Sparkle. Congratulations.”

Twilight Sparkle had never before been so scared. This unicorn was insane. At least she had her friends with her when they defeated Discord and Nightmare Moon.

“So, about my plans. You see, there are nine of us. It was the job of Berry Punch to give out fruit punch spiked with Love Poison. It was my job to make sure she succeeded.”

“She mentioned a white unicorn. Which pony is she talking about?”

“I don’t know a white unicorn. All I know is that there are nine ponies. I don’t know all of their names. I only come into contact with a gray earth pony and Berry Punch.”

“Names. I need the name of the gray earth pony.”

“Her name? It’s Octavia, of course.”

“Octavia? Doesn’t she come from Canterlot?”

“She spent her time there at the Gala, but that doesn’t mean she lives there.”

“So, this concerns even outside of Ponyville, doesn’t it?”

“Of course it does. I don’t know the full extent of it, though.”

Twilight was simply stalling, because she was looking for a way to get out. She found nothing. Actually, if she knew how to use King Sombra’s dark magic, she could have gotten out of there easily, but these events happened prior to the Crystal Empire’s return.

“Twilight Sparkle. I am about to kill you. Would you like me to use my magic, or do you prefer that I use some earth pony methods and cut off your legs?”

Twilight Sparkle was trying to wriggle out.

“I wonder if a pony can be drawn and quartered? Let’s find out!”

Colgate tied some ropes to each of Twilight’s hooves. She proceeded to clone herself into four different Colgates.

“A cloning spell?! I didn’t even know that was possible! I never read anything about that in my books, except maybe something about a mirror pool…”

While Twilight was rambling on, Colgate had tied the ropes to her body. She proceeded to gallop away, which began to tear apart Twilight Sparkle.

The pain was immense and unbearable. Twilight had felt a large ripping sensation in the base of her knees. Fortunately, before any limbs were ripped off, a voice had interrupted Colgate.

“Colgate. This is the police. Come out with your hooves up.”

The police are here! Although, Twilight didn’t know that they even had a police force. They usually depended on the Wonderbolts, or when they failed (which they usually do), they rely on Twilight and her friends.

“The cops? What the hay, man!”

Suddenly, the door was kicked open. The lights were flicked off for a moment, and Colgate was gone. The ropes were undone, and Twilight Sparkle did not know what was going on.

She walked outside, and saw Carrot Top leading Colgate into the police car.

“Carrot Top? You’re a police officer?”

“Me? A police officer? No. I just pretended to be one. It worked, and I saved your life. I think I should be thanked.”

“Hmm… okay. Thank you, Carrot Top.”

But then, an idea came into Twilight Sparkle’s head.

“How did you get her into the car so easily without training?”

“Well, um, I’m just that good.”

“Nopony’s that good.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that Colgate is a psychopathic killer, and you were able to stop her just like that, by pretending to be a cop. I don’t buy it.”

“What? You think I’m a part of this, or something? That I’m one of the nine ponies who are trying to overthrow Celestia?”

“Overthrow Celestia… Wait, how did you know there were nine ponies? You must be one of them!”

“Okay. Fine. I’m one of the nine ponies. But, I fear that I wish to not speak with you at the moment, I have someplace to be. I’m meeting up with the others. And don’t worry about Colgate. We’ll make sure she pays for her crimes… with death.”

And just like that, they were gone.

While Twilight Sparkle walked back over to Sugarcube Corner. The words ‘overthrow Celestia’ danced in her head and tormented her.

“Is this Love Poison a distraction?” she thought to herself. “Or is it the actual main event? If these ponies are going to try to overthrow Celestia, then why? And how would they do it?”

She walked into Sugarcube Corner and saw Spike with a milkshake from Love and Hay.

Right before Spike was about to drink it, he burped out a letter. This time, it was from Fluttershy. It read as follows:

Dear Twilight,

I just wanted to let you know that there is Love Poison in all the drinks at Love and Hay. Do not drink anything from there! I repeat, do not drink anything from there!

Fluttershy

“Spike! Don’t drink that milkshake!”

It was too late. Spike already downed the whole thing in one swallow. At this moment, he took one look at Twilight Sparkle. He began to gaze at her. His eyes widened, and his tongue slipped out. He began to breathe heavily, and his heart began to race. Twilight was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

“You know what would make this milkshake better? Gemstones!” Spike commented.

“Wait, that had Love Poison in it! Does it not affect you?”

“Love Poison? Maybe it doesn’t work on dragons. Or maybe because I’m already in love. Or maybe it will work if I ever see another dragon, which would hopefully be never again.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that it didn’t work on you. I don’t know how Fluttershy can handle it, but I do not want the attention.”

“I completely agree. Can you imagine somepony always following you around? It’s creepy.”

Twilight nodded in agreement.

“Wait, where did Cheerilee and the others trot off to?”

“I think they went to get some supplies. I’m not sure.”

“Can you go and see if they’re in the back? I have some thinking to do up here.”

“I’m on it!”

It’ll take a while for Twilight to think up a plan, so while she’s doing that, I’ll give you a quick synopsis of Rainbow Dash’s and Fluttershy’s date. Well, if you thought they had a pleasant night together, you are quite mistaken. Rarity had been following them, and purposefully trying to ruin their night together. Apple Jack was helping Rarity, but this was just an excuse to be near Rarity the entire time. All of their plans backfired in the end, because Fluttershy began to feel as though Rainbow Dash actually cared for her. It was as if she was sincere, and not because of the Love Poison.

Fluttershy did not want to admit it, but she fell in love.

“Rainbow Dash, I… I love you.”

“Fluttershy… I love you too.”

In the background, a unicorn was grinding her teeth while saying, “Of all the worst things that could happen… this is… the… worst… possible… thing!”

“So, um, Rarity. Do you mind if I show you what’s inside my barn?”

“It’s all the fault of that Rainbow Dash. She stole my Fluttershy away from me! Apple Jack, mark my words, we will take our revenge on Rainbow Dash, if it’s the last thing we do!”

Apple Jack really liked the ‘we’ part of it. She could spend more time with her beloved Rarity.

So, Twilight Sparkle made a list of the ponies she knew were a part of this coup.

Berry Punch

Colgate

Carrot Top

Octavia

Lyra

Bonbon

There were only three left. She needed to find Cheerilee and Big MacIntosh before doing anything, though. Where was Spike? He should be back by now. Twilight was wondering what was going on, so she walked over to where she thought Spike was at. What she saw was such an amazing spectacle, that she had no idea how to react to it. It was so wonderful, she had no words for it. In fact, it will make this story 20% cooler. Sorry for that joke.

It’s awesome. Let me put it that way. It is the thing that will transcend time itself. The thing that made god look down and say ‘what the buck!’

But before I tell you about that, let’s see how Big MacIntosh and Cheerilee are doing… (suddenly, a table gets thrown at me). Okay, I’m sorry for always interrupting scenes with other scenes. I am really, really sorry.

Now, let’s continue on to the thing that Spike was doing. Actually, Cheerilee was there, too.

“Spike! What are you…”

Spike was staring at himself in the mirror.

“Who’s the most handsome dragon ever? You are! You are!” Spike proceeded to caress the mirror.

Twilight looked over at Cheerilee.

“He’s been doing this for over half an hour…”

So, Spike is completely useless now.

“Spike, did the Love Poison actually make you fall in love with… yourself?”

Spike did not answer, but remained looking at himself in the mirror. Twilight decided to try to make the best out of such an awful situation, and told Cheerilee about what she found out.

“An elaborate plot to overthrow Celestia herself? What do these ponies think they’re doing?”

Twilight Sparkle had asked Cheerilee if she had discovered any new pieces of information that could be useful in some way.

“Well, I recently got a letter from Derpy that said that your brother and Cadence are going to come visit Ponyville some time soon.”