No

by theYasha

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 1280

A pointless story about a pony who only says "No."

A pointless story.

A new pony suddenly appears in Ponyville. Many people try to talk to him, but all he ever sems to say is--

"No."

Published 2013-02-26 05:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-26 05:50:01 UTC

No meets Yes

Once upon a time there was this really weird world called Equestria where these weird ponies lived that were all rainbow colored and bright and could totally blind you with their smiles while they pooped rainbows and drank apple cider.

Any of that make sense? 'Cause it wasn't supposed to.

Anyway, there was this really weird dude who came to Equestria, and he came from the Everfree Forest. He looked like he came from the Everfree forest, too.

He had these weird and totally screwed up bangs that looked like some blind pony with safety scissors won a battle with. Seriously, it was like a black squirrel tale taped on to his head, which was pretty weird considering the rest of his hair was all slicked back and perfect. I guess everyone has a weird spot.

Now, this guy, he ran into some really cute pegasus that looked like a cute little pile of butter with some really cute chewed up and twisted bubble gum for hair. She was walking along with a bunch of animals behind her, probably wanting some butter. She saw that squirrel-bangs guy and she said "Oh my, maybe I should greet him! But, then again, he might not want to be bothered. But still, I should at least tell him that I'm passing by with my animals."

As if he couldn't see a rabbit, some squirrels, a raccoon, and this really big bear walking up toward him.

"Um, excuse me sir!" the really big pile of cute, melty butter called up to the squirrel-bangs dude.

"No." he said.

Little miss stack of butter stopped and stared at this squirrel-head in shock. What did he just say?

"What?" she asked.

"No." he answered.

And he just walked right on by.

Now, the pile of butter had a friend named Pinkie Pie, who always liked to visit her and scare the rainbow poop out of her by totally breaking the laws of physics in multiple ways with her animals. Love and tolerate, Love and tolerate. Anyway, Pinkie was walking up the road, when suddenly she saw this pony that she had never seen before. "HIYA!!!! WHAT'S YOUR NAME??!!!" she said in cotton-candy capital letters.

"No." he answered, in slightly licorice.

She stopped and looked at him with really pink confusion. "Uhhh, what's your name? I've never--"

"No."

Pinkie Pie stared at him as he walked past her. Eventually she decided she didn't want to know someone who said no all the time anyway.

This squirrel-bangs-dude (you know what, I'm just going to call this weirdo No) went down to Ponyville, and he ran into this freaking flying rainbow. A FREAKING FLYING RAINBOW! She was kicking clouds and looking totally awesome while doing it. But he only paid 20% attention on her.

She suddenly skid up in front of him, and said "Hey, there! What did you think about my totally awesome moves?"

"No."

The freaking flying rainbow looked at him with a really confused look. "What?"

"No."

She glared at him and said "What is that supposed to mean?!"

"No."

She growled, and got up in his face. "Are you saying I did a bad job?!"

"No."

"...Does that mean I did a good job?"

"No.

"An okay job?"

"No."

"WELL WHAT IS IT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, THEN??!!!!"

"No."

The freaking flying rainbow scowled and zoomed away. No then continued on his journey, and found himself staring at the entrance to a totally fabulous dress boutique. He didn't really care though, because he wasn't a cross dresser.

He did need to go to the bathroom, though.

Rarity was working on this totally awesome dress with sparklies and bows and ribbons and all things that make men puke. She looked up when she heard her boutique door being opened, an saw this ABSOLUTE FASHION EMERGENCY! This crazy dude had roadkill for a mane! SHE WOULD NOT STAND FOR THIS.

"Excuse me, sir...." Said the fashion tigress, preparing to pounce.

"No."

This threw the kitten off-balance.

"Er--dear sir, I believe that your mane is in...EXTREME disorder, and would you like--"

"No."

No looked around and saw that there was no bathroom here. He then proceeded to walk out of the boutique, leaving behind a rather stunned Rarity. Eventually, she went back to her sewing machine, and then began to absolutely beautify this new dress. It was actually going to be somebody's wedding dress, and that pony said that their boyfriend would be pissed if his dress wasn't finished on time.

No walked down to the library, thinking that there might be a bathroom there. After all, there's always a bathroom in libraries, right?

No.

He looked around as he walked through the door, literally, but the obsessive compulsive librarian didn't see him as she organized her shelves for the sixtieth time in a row.

No walked around in circles, looking for an entrance to a bathroom. While he did this, he accidentally bumped into a table, which made this thumping noise, which surprised the obsessive compulsive lavender librarian.

Say that five times. Fast.

Then do the same thing with the words "Cape Horn."

Got you.

The librarian looked up and asked "Can I help you?"

"No."

"Okay."

And so that's pretty much all that happened at the library.

No went out to the open-air market, hoping that there would at least be an outhouse there. Yes, a nice beautiful wood one, with a crescent moon carved into the door, and--

"HOWDY!!!"

No only managed to look non-off-guard because he wasn't.

"Hey, there, mister! Would you like to buy some fresh apples?"

"No."

"Aww, come on, they're all nice and juicy--"

"No."

"But--"

"APPLE BLOOM GET YOUR PLOT OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!" An orange filly with strangely white freckles called the midget who was bugging No, and so he escaped quickly.

Finally, he found an amazing neon green, smelly, flies-flying-around-it porta potty.

No walked up to it, and tried to open the door.

It turns out, he didn't have to.

The door opened, and a stunning sight stood before him. A mare, with well-done lavender hair on top, but totally frizzed up at the edges, and a slightly lighter lavender body, with dazzling pink eyes that perfected the look.

"So...." she said, with an evil smile. "I've been looking for you. I am your evil twin. Wanna guess my name? Too bad. My name is..."

"No" No said.

"Yes." Yes said, calmly.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO."

"YES."

"NO."

"YES."

"NO.

"YES."

"NO."

"YES."

And so began a word battle, which lasted for millions of years. Ponies would often pass by them, and look at them with really strange expressions. Sometimes they would watch them. Eventually, ponies thought of them as some kind of monument, and used the two arguers as a lesson to their children or grandchildren. Ponies died, ponies were born, ponies died, ponies were born, ponies died, ponies were born, ponies died, ponies were born, ponies died, ponies were born, an apocalypse happened, ponies turned into zombies, zombies ate princesses, zombies died out.

It took No and Yes a few more billion years to realize that they were alone.

"...n...huh?"

"???"

"?!"

"?"

"?"

?

"!!!!!"

"Hey, wait a second." Yes looked around, confused.

"What?" No asked.

"The author forgot the apostrophes around that last question mark."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"I love the way you say that."

"??!!"

And that, children, is how Equestria was remade.

Author's Note

Another piece of WTH from theYasha.

Didn't edit, didn't try, and hopefully, didn't fail anyway.

Have a nice day :3

You: No.

ME: Yes.