Trips, Tales, and Gabby Gums Fails

by BloomBoy06

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cheerilee, Random, Derpy Hooves, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3974

A Namby Pamby story about when Gabby Gums reads Gabby Gums.

As Namby Pamby and Gabby Gums read the recent Foal Free Press, they see one of their names has been used "without permission". Gabby wants to get down to business, but what does that necessarily mean?
A second story of what I consider to be the "Unofficial Deleted Scenes of Ponyville", this one being based off of the ending scene from "Ponyville Confidential", taking place just before that.

Published 2013-02-25 16:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-25 16:10:02 UTC

The Main Story

A cream-pink mare woke from her brief nap to a slight knocking on the door. It was a little annoying to the dormant mare, her roommate from the Coltbert Journalism Academy only just got out of her class for the day, so she had no idea who would be at the door at this given hour. Not even bothering to brush her aquamarine mane, she briefly hollered, “Be there in a moment,” though she figured it must be mumbled by the door and her lack of energy.

Once she opened the door, she found a familiar face on the other end. Somepony who loved their job more than any other mare of delivery, “Hey Namby Pamby! I got a package from home just for you.”

Indeed, the former school paper editor was so glad to have seen an old friend, “Ditzy Doo! Been a little too long since I’ve seen you. What have you been up to recently?”

“Usual stuff,” the grey pegasus mentioned with energy, “Still shipping everything around Equestria.”

“Ponies too?” Namby asked jokingly.

Ditzy had to join in on a quick chuckle, “Hehe, if I had a bit for every time I heard that little quip.”

“I’m sure you’d have enough to retire.”

“…and buy Celestia’s castle on top of that with how many times I’ve been asked if I can see out of my crooked eyes.” Although Namby thought it was impolite to laugh at that joke, Ditzy understood why a small giggle escaped, “Nah, but in all seriousness, I love this job. I’ve even volunteered to help deliver out the newspaper from Cherilee’s class.”

Suddenly, the meek mare took a more interested investigation, “the Foal Free Press?”

“Yeah. Apparently, it’s had a boom since you left.”

“Figures though, I earn my cutie mark because of it and already it’s being overrun,” Namby Pamby longingly looked at her own mark, fairly simple, a smiling daisy upon a quill to top it off, “I hope Featherweight is doing a good job, don’t want him being overwhelmed by the quickened pace.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” the eyeing mare interrupted, “Dinky told me that he earned his cutie mark the other day. A simple quill, but it’s still there.”

“My cousin has his already? Huh, and a few months earlier than when I had my realization.”

“There’s a slight problem in that,” Ditzy felt an addendum was necessary to mention what would follow, which made her companion perk up in inquiry, “Apparently, he’s starting off as a photographer for the paper. What that has to do with quills is beyond my comprehension,” she could tell that concern was becoming a more prominent emotion on her friend’s face, “I admit it’s kind of annoying doing their rounds twice a day.”

“Twice?” any comprehension of the issue had been thrown away at this point, “I know I left for this school just this year, but we only had to produce it once a week, maybe twice if something important happened.”

“Well, Dinky did tell me about some friends who complained about the new editor. She didn’t really care about the stories, she just wanted what would sell in the market. You know, printing stories that disown just about everypony.”

“Reminds me of my roommate.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t have expected anything less from the daughter of Filthy Rich. But then again that perfectly describes-“

An abrupt third voice joined in, “Hey Derpy. What brings you here?”

“A little courtesy for Ditzy Doo here!” flamed Namby. She leaned in to whisper to the offended pegasus, “Sorry about Gabby Gums over there, a little bit of a cold-hearted flame-head if I ever seen one,” making reference to the new arrival’s navy blue mane with indigo streaks.

“One more bit for the castle fund I suppose,” and after the brief moment, she addressed both, “I best be going anyway, I got to be back in Ponyville soon to deliver the afternoon route of papers. Hope to catch you later Pamby.”

“I was actually thinking of visiting Ponyville this weekend to visit Miss Cherilee, I wanted to thank her face-to-face for the interview on Equestria’s school systems. I got an A in my Interview 101 class.”

“Great for you,” exclaimed Ditzy, “But as I said, in a bit of a rush,” as she darted out. She did manage to creak out, “Good luck with whatever you do,” before speeding out.

Although the rush was out of haste, Namby Pamby felt that a certain pony was to blame, “Gabby, you know that her name is Ditzy Doo. Everypony just calls her ‘Derpy’ because of her eyes. I’ve never understood how the name came to be in the first place.” Although she was trying to be serious, she could tell that the velvet-coated roommate closed her mind to other thoughts, “Oh, did you flirt with Muckraker again? Honestly, he makes your articles look like mine in comparison.”

That seemed to get her snarky attention, “This coming from someone who wanted to interview an elementary school teacher to see if she liked her job. Honestly, if her cutie mark is an indicator, why would she not like the job?”

“Well you’d be the type of pony who would question her mark because she was a school teacher who had flowers for a cutie mark. ‘Oh, what is a flower mare doing teaching children’?”

“And that’s why I’m not a language major, too much symbolism. I’m a fact-based mare,” Gabby Gums proceded stomp to her bed, and flopped onto it. With a heavy sigh, she stared up to the wall and asked, “Doesn’t that cross-eyed pony work for a shipping company anyway?”

Would that be one or two bits, pondered Namby snorting at the contradictive statement, but after deciding the shipping one didn’t count yet, she detailed the conversation from beforehand, “Ditzy mentioned that she was volunteering for the Free Foal Press to deliver papers around Ponyville.”

“The school paper? Doesn’t that sound like a special job?”

Now I can say two bits, even if they were both for the same reason, she mumbled to herself, then increasing the volume so her friend would hear, “Apparently, it’s been a town-wide success since they had a new editor-in-chief.”

“Cherilee’s not in charge?”

“She only guides the group; it’s a student-run paper. Whoever runs it now, I don’t know, Ditzy left before she could say who it was. Mentioned that she was the daughter of Filthy Rich, though.”

In a deep moment of thought, Gabby had to admit, “Don’t know who either one is.”

“Yea, I only recognize the name, but nothing about him,” the optimistic mare stared at the small package briefly. It indeed came from her home, but it seemed too small to be a care package. Too thin to contain a reasonable supply of snacks, so disappointment grew at the fact she would have to buy her own later. Deciding to open it, Namby was all too disappointed to come across a lone clump of paper. Flipping the box over only resorted in the clump falling out and an additional slip of paper flew across the room landing beside Gabby Gums’s bed.

“Care to explain?”

“Give me a moment,” came the angsty reply as she retrieved the seeming scrap, “believe it or not, I’m just as curious as you on the matter. Rather abrupt of them to send just a newspaper.” She got a chance to read the note, “A little short for a note, ‘Wanted to show you how much the paper has grown in popularity because of you. We can tell you’ve had such a grand influence on the way it was written. Best of luck, Mom and Pops’.” She managed to catch a glimpse at the headline, but tossed it to the side in frustration, “They don’t make the headlines like they used to.”

Knowing Namby Pamby’s standards, that peaked the interests of Gabby Gums to take hold of the paper. Quizzically, she reviewed the paper to start, but after having a chance to read the headlines, she was much more amused, “Snips and Snails and Bubble Gum Fails?” a fit of laughter followed before continuing, “Oh, wow, Namb, your paper’s become much better since you’ve left.”

“What?!”

“Oh, now you want a peek?”

“I never said I wanted to, but if you’re taking so much joy in this why don’t you read it out loud?”

Without confirmation or denial, the story was read, “‘It started out as a simple competition: who could blow the biggest bubble, but then it turned into who could be the biggest idiot….’”

“Since when did the newspaper resort to calling anypony an ‘idiot’ anyway? Who edits the paper anyway?”

“And they put that where?”

Of course you’d never know that, Namby spoke in her mind.

“I take that back,” the talkative pony revised, “Apparently somepony who goes by ‘Diamond Tiara’ is the main editor of this.”

“HER?!”

“Do you have something against this student?”

“Let’s just say that the best way to describe this silver-pink monstrosity is that she would be you if you had unlimited access to money.”

Gabby Gums thought it was a pleasure to have that comparison, “Glad to see somepony’s taking inspiration from a wonderful pony.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” commented the companion, “If you like the article so much, why don’t you write a letter to the author of the article? I’m sure that pony won’t mind fan mail.”

“Splendid idea,” Gabby mentioned on pepped energy, “Even skimming through most of it, it seems to be what I would write. I am willing to bet the Foal Free Press won’t mind if I send a letter to…” but a strong pause prefaced any more words. The name seemed to provide the most shock, “Gabby Gums?”

“Huh,” huffed the friend, “no wonder it seemed so hyped up from nothing.”

“I think you fail to see what I’m talking about,” the original of two fumed, “Some imposter is-“

“Imposter? First of all, you’re not that much older than me, so I doubt you would have garnered much fame to the point where ponies would believe your name is real, or at least would question your relativity. Second, with the material you write about, scandals of all varieties, you expect schoolfillies and colts to know who you even are? Wow, I could write an entire story about the rage you have toward this alleged impersonation.”

“Maybe if you’d write something like that, then you’d have a quality story,” quipped Gabby Gums, but she didn’t rejoice in her victory too long, “Still, I’d rather not have stories given credit to me when I never wrote them.”

“Yeah, you never write stories about stupid ponies, you’d write stories about stupid governments who spend tax money on princess coronations.”

Briefly, Gabby blanked out on her rage, “Wait, a coronation?”

“I dunno, I overheard Speculation talking about Twilight Sparkle becoming a princess next year or something like that. I didn’t catch all the details.”

“You see, why don’t you go after stories like that? That’s what gets ponies to read your article.”

“Understood, but I don’t believe water cooler talk should be placed in a headline article, especially since it will more than likely turn out to be false. I wouldn’t consider another classmate a ‘reliable source’.”

“Sure,” Gabby admitted, “not much to go on, so no use going after it I suppose.”

Despite admiring the serene moment the two were sharing, Namby Pamby knew she needed to appease her roommate, “So, you want to get this over with and go to Ponyville so we can talk to the paper about this?”

As much as it pained her to see her friend progress on aggression, Gabby Gums responded, “Assuming I want to save my own flank as well as my dignity, I should probably get going with you. I’m presuming you want to visit your old teacher while you’re in town.”

“That, and somepony has to keep you from turning a simple complaint into a headline,” and a smirk crossed her face as she spoke those words.

Even the guilty party had to admit, “It’s what I do for a living, but I appreciate the concern.

Aside from the time at her house, the only time Cherilee could get away from the students was during their afternoon recess. It was the first time all day she could get away from it all, and it had felt too long since eating breakfast. The schoolteacher hadn’t had a chance to eat the banana nut muffin she bought from Sugarcube Corner before arriving to class, and lunch was the perfect time for this delicacy. This time, she sat at her desk; she could see out the window at all the fillies and colts playing on the swing set and running around, avoiding the leading tagger. One thought ran through her mind though, and it concerned the area she couldn’t see from her desk.

In the basement, as popular as the school paper had been over the past week, she couldn’t help but feel concern about what was being printed. It wasn’t normal to take on Princess Celestia’s eating habits, whether they were true or not – and Celestia had taken it upon herself to say so to the morning news networks to prove she didn’t only eat cake and sweets. The article that bothered her most was one that wasn’t on the front page, but by nature of being in the Foal Free Press, may as well have been public knowledge. Granted, all of Ponyville knew about her escapades on Hearts and Hooves Day only a few weeks ago caused by the Cutie Mark Crucaders, but this went too far. The article went as far as to say that Cherilee had been out on countless dates with Big Macintosh; she couldn’t figure out how many that would constitute, but definitely more than the three that were true to that point. She needed a distraction.

In the form of a gentle knock on the door, she found an excuse to lose those thoughts, “Give me a second,” she called out. The teacher had forgotten that she had been holding onto the muffin all that time. If it was important, the muffin could wait for one of her students, and placed it back upon the lunch bag.

There, Namby Pamby merrily greeted her former teacher, “Well, well, well, I couldn’t help but come back and see how everything was going, Miss Cherilee.”

And the reply came with the same vigor, “Namby Pamby! Oh, Celestia, I know you went on to that journalism school not that long ago, but it feels so long.”

“I can already tell,” the reminiscent pony mentioned, “I could have sworn that the classroom was much larger.”

“It wasn’t really that large to begin with.”

As if to prove the point, Namby tried to sit in the front row desk closest to the door. She might have been able to fit, but it was quite tight in there. While she made an attempt to scoot out of the chair, she was stuck to it as if by Velcro; this was no longer a task she could do herself, “Hey, Gabs,” directing her plea to the roommate who tagged along, “think you could help me unglue me from my seat?”

“Oh, you’re sillier than Pinkie Pie can be,” Gabby Gums jibed, and made her best attempt to shove her friend sideways out of the desk.

Cherilee couldn’t help but giggle at the pathetic attempt, “Um…have you tried moving the chair back?”

It seemed so simple in retrospect, but once Namby slightly moved the chair backward, Gabby was able to pull it back with relative ease. The kinder one defended her actions, “I suppose I never really wanted to leave this school to start with.”
Her teacher enjoyed the retort, “Oh, but I know you much enjoy that journalism school, better to be somewhere where they specialize in what your cutie mark is, right?”

“I suppose,” but she felt it would be rude to have a stranger in the presence of a known mentor, “Beg your pardon, Miss Cherilee, for the lack of introductions, this is my classmate and, more often roommate, Ga-”

“Oh, sorry to interrupt, do you mind if I eat my lunch as you explain all this, I haven’t eaten much for breakfast today.”

“Whatever you need to do,” motioned Namby Pamby, although Cherilee had already taken a hearty bite of the muffin by this point. In order to let her properly eat the muffin, she took it upon herself to pad time between bites, “Oh, before I forget, I wanted to thank you for last week’s interview on the school and the system as a whole. I aced the project for my Interviewing 101 course.”

“Splendid, glad to hear it worked out,” Cherilee managed to blurt out before arching for another bite. Before taking that leap, however, the teacher reminded her former student, “My, I’m terribly sorry for interrupting you earlier, who is your classmate?”

“This,” she said putting her right forearm around her friend, “is my roommate, Gabby Gums.”

Even with the solid purple earth pony having bitten the muffin for a second time, the silence fell on even more awkward terms, “Gabby…Gums?”

“That’s what I’ve been called,” the culprit answered.

“The same Gabby Gums that’s been writing all these atrocious articles about Equestrian citizens?”

“Well, I wanted to address that situation to you.”

But the plea fell on ears that wouldn’t bother to hear, “Private business is private business, you shouldn’t have gone that in depth.”

Gabby Gums began to earn the same frustration level, “Look, I haven’t even been in Ponyville before Namby Pamby brought me here.”

“That’s never stopped those internet bloggers.”

“Good grief, I’ll admit I stoop low enough in politics and celebrities, but I do it on a national level, I don’t bother with quality this low.”

A small light red unicorn filly, as blind as she was to what was being conversed, could provide quality comedy, “Would any of you three care for some ‘low quality’ news?”
Namby Pamby took the opportunity to diminish the situation, “Uh…I think I’ll take one for Miss Cherilee. The three of us will be able to share it, Pinchy.”

The mere mention of the filly’s own name gave a reminder as to who she was talking to, “NAMBY PAMBY!!” she squealed, “Wow, how’s that journalism school?”

“Been going well, I actually came here to thank Miss Cherilee for an interview I did well for one of my classes. Gabby Gums wanted to come here to clear up her name from the paper, but,” taking a moment to look back at the pause in anger, “it appears it’s caused a little more annoyance than what I’d hoped.”

“Well, this paper should explain that.”

“Come again?”

“Read and find out,” cooed Ruby Pinch, “I can’t give away anything more than the headlines,” and then she skipped on to bring more copies to the rest of Ponyville.

As Namby held the paper’s headlines in full view, the great debaters peered over to glimpse at what the main headline, “Is that the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” questioned Cherilee too perplexed to comprehend. Indeed, the headline confirmed the confusion: Gabby Gums: Never More, Never Was.

“‘Never Was’?” the titled mare inquired.

“Let’s just read it,” the newsholder calmed, “Doubt you know who anypony working on the paper is.”
As the supposed adults read, they read an open letter to the paper that seemed to have been written by young ponies well advanced for their age:

“…we apologize for the pain and embarrassment that we’ve caused. You see, I’m actually three little fillies, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo. As the popularity of our column grew, we got swept up in the hype. We knew what we were doing didn’t feel quite right, but we ignored the guilt because everypony seemed to want to read what we were writing. From now on, we promise to respect everpony else’s privacy, and we won’t engage in hurtful gossip anymore. All we can do is ask for your forgiveness, Ponyville.

Signing off for the very last time,

XOXO

Gabby Gums."

“Go figure,” mused the solo Gabby Gums, “I traveled all that way from Coltbert just to disown the work of three fillies? What kind of pony does that make me?”

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” Cherilee soothed, “it was my fault to begin with. I’m kind of wondering in retrospect why I put Diamond Tiara in charge in the first place. I think I just wanted to make the paper more popular among the students. Uh, no disrespect, Namby Pamby.”

“Times change, I understand.”

“As much trouble as those three get in on a constant basis, they would never stoop that low on their own.”

“What next?” asked Gabby in mild confusion.

“I probably should have given the position to Featherweight,” the teacher admitted, “He earned his cutie mark after a perfect research project, and I feel that would be more warranted for such a position than family lineage.”

Even Gabby had to intervene with the truth, “Well, I don’t really think owning a newspaper counts as a family lineage.”

“Haha, noted. Now if you two will excuse me, I need to sort this out before recess ends, I’d rather it not pass into class time,” and with that, the justified last muffin bite was achieved, and Cherilee left for the door.

“We best be on our way anyway,” Namby added before the departure, “our intention for the visit was to drop in and say hi.”

“Yeah, sorry for the trouble, it’s best we leave before I go rogue once again,” Gabby Gums disclosed, “Nice to visit, though.”

“Hopefully, your next visit will be more friendly than this one. Again, my apologies,” stated Cherilee, and all three left, the roommates heading toward the train station back to their dorm.

On the ride back, Gabby remained silent, not because she couldn’t speak, but because she contemplated what to go about next. She had a story in mind, but Gabby felt that, despite the lesson she had learned from that day, she wasn’t ready to take on the project herself. Next to her was Namby Pamby, gazing out the window with a splendorous smile on her face, no doubt because of her cousin’s heightened rank in the newspaper. Gabby heavily sighed before bringing up to her friend, “Have you thought about an article yet for next week?”

Ripping her attention from the outside reflection, she replied, “I’m guessing you have.”

“I suppose, but I feel it would be more your story.”

“What exactly do you mean by that?”

“Well, if you wanted a more personal visit to Ponyville, you could interview those three fillies from the paper. I even have a great title for you to use: Liberating Truth of the Youth. Sound great to you?”

Although she was confused why such a gesture was being performed, Namby was no less appreciated, “Thanks, but why don’t you take that project yourself?”

“Nah, you’re the one who takes on these soft stories. Maybe I’ll work on one like that one of these days, but my talent is finding the scoop, visible or not.”

One final question crossed Namby’s mind, “Why wouldn’t you want to try a namby pamby story one of these days?”

With an enlarged smirk, Gabby Gums concluded, “It wouldn’t be a Namby Pamby story without you.”

Author's Note

Let me know if there are any mistakes or areas that seem inconsistent. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Although the story is listed as complete, I'm debating adding an epilogue which would be the article mentioned at the end. Any reaction to that idea?