Coup d'Pone

by Tatsurou

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6
Length: 1876

Celestia becomes aware of a plot to overthrow her...and handles it her way.

In quite a few of my favorite stories on this site, I've seen that the 'plot/conspiracy to overthrow Celestia' pltline utilized, either as the primary threat or just something in the background. I decided to do my own take on it, taking a page out of "Winning, and the pitfalls therein" by RandomPC, found here

Published 2013-02-25 07:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-25 07:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Coup d'Pone

Three middle aged stallions sat in the anteroom of Canterlot Castle, awaiting their meeting with Princess Celestia. First Edition, a rather influential newspony, glanced at his companions, Silver Sword - a retired unicorn general - and Red Tape - a well connected pegasus bureaucrat. While this was not the first time the three had met, most of their meetings were held well away from the public eye. First Edition didn't like this, but he knew he'd have to keep the cool head.

Red Tape was the first to speak up. "Why do you think Celestia summoned us?" he asked quietly, fear audible in his voice.

Silver Sword snorted. "We'll find out soon enough. Quit your flinching."

Red Tape only continued to shiver. "You don't think she knows about our plans, do you?"

"Shut up!" First Edition snapped. "We don't talk about that in public. You know that."

This was the problem with Red Tape. While he was very reliable as a source of information regarding the bureaucracy and was easily able to tell what ponies in general would respond well to, when he got truly rattled - which, admittedly, was rare - he could not stop his mouth.

Silver Sword spoke up. "Think about this, Red Tape. You know why it is the three of us regarding...that, yes?"

Red Tape nodded. Between the three of them, they were able to get exact ideas regarding how ponies felt about any given situation regarding the country or the government as a whole...and with a bit of effort, were in perfect positions to slowly alter it.

Silver Sword smirked. "She probably wants our services in that regard. How perfect for us."

First Edition smiled. Trust Silver Sword to see the strategic advantage in the situation.

The door opened. "Her Highness will see you now," the Royal Guard said, ushering the three into the throne room.

First Edition walked in through the door, the other two flanking him. Princess Celestia sat on her throne, going through some paperwork as they approached. When they stopped at the steps up to the dais, she set the paperwork aside.

"Hello, my little ponies," she said pleasantly. "I suppose you are wondering why I've called you three here today?"

First Edition nodded. "Yes, Your Highness," he said calmly. "What can we do for you?"

Celestia smiled. "I understand the three of you are spearheading a movement to remove me from the head of the government?"

First Edition flinched. Silver Sword pursed his lips. Red Tape all but fainted dead away. Silver Sword spoke up. "Umm..."

Celestia continued. "Remove me from power, relieve me of my royal duties, prerogatives, and privileges? That sort of thing?"

First Edition decided it was time to go for broke. "Yes, Your Highness. We are. We seek to end the royal yoke that chokes Equestria-"

"So you want to retire Luna as well?" Celestia asked sweetly.

First Edition blinked. "Umm...yes..."

"Wonderful," Celestia said happily.

First Edition looked up in shock as he heard a few heavy clangs. Celestia had discarded her regalia and donned a tie-dye T-shirt, straw hat, and dark sunglasses. A suitcase was held in her magic. "Y-your Highness?" he managed to stammer out.

"Just Celestia now," she corrected him. "Hey Luna!" she called out.

Luna entered the room from a side passage. "Yes, sister?" she asked formally.

"We've been overthrown!" she said happily. "I'm heading to Acapulcolt. Want to come?"

Luna smiled. "Perhaps another time. I have other plans."

Celestia shrugged. "Alright."

First Edition glanced between the two Princesses, convinced he was dreaming. "You're just...giving up?"

Luna glanced over the three stallions before turning back to Celestia. "These are the ones overthrowing us?"

Celestia smiled. "Indeed."

"Do they have a plan?"

Celestia paused. "Good question." She turned back to First Edition. "I assume you have a plan regarding the new form of government?"

First Edition stumbled over his words. "Umm..."

Celestia continued. "I mean, there's rewriting the tax code, rearranging the legislative process...oh, and the sun and the moon, but I'm sure you'll take care of it."

"The sun and moon?" First Edition asked. "But..."

"Raising them," Celestia explained. "Part of the royal obligations we aren't supposed to have anything to do with anymore?"

First Edition blinked. "Umm...I'm sure you'll be...happy to explain how to do that?"

Celestia looked shocked. "Oh, I could never do that. Interfering in such an important matter would raise serious questions about the viability of the new fledgling government." She tilted her head. "I suppose you could appeal to Twilight Sparkle. She knows a bit about that magic."

"Oh yes," Luna said calmly. "You could appeal to Miss Sparkle to officially endorse the overthrow of her beloved teacher and mentor. She won't turn you into anything horrible...probably."

"Oh, but I'd get right on the solar magic," Celestia said calmly. "When I severed my tie to the sun a bit ago it froze in place, and won't move again until somepony else connects to it. I'd give it say...50 or so years until the unending sunlight renders all of Equestria uninhabitable-"

"If that long," Luna interrupted.

"-so no rush," Celestia finished.

Silver Sword attempted to bluster. "I am sure we can handle moving the sun and moon eventually-"

"You keep your hooves off my moon," Luna interrupted with hostility.

Red Tape blinked. "Y-your moon?" he asked incredulously.

Luna smiled. "Apple v. Bloodeye in the case of the Appleoosan territory. International law declares that the first being to set hoof, claw, or foot on unsettled land may claim it for their country." She pulls out a magically crafted iconograph. "This is visual evidence of my claiming the Moon in the name of the Lunar Empire, 1000 years ago when I was first banished there. The flag's still there, if you'd care to check."

Celestia smiled indulgently at her sister as the three stallions began to sweat. "So what do you plan to do with your moon, Luna?"

Luna smiled. "Well, I'd actually like to run a kingdom my way, as opposed to the way things are run here, so I think I'll terraform and colonize it. I'm sure there are several ponies and other beings of this world who might be interested in swearing loyalty to me. Then...I think we might take the moon and set off to explore the cosmos."

"But if you move the moon, the tides will go out of whack!" Red Tape said urgently. "You'll cause untold damage and death to Equestria and the world at large! The gravitational shifts alone will be catastrophic!"

Luna looked at him calmly, coolly. "As the Lunar Empress, my ties with this kingdom and world officially severed, I fail to see how that is my problem."

Silver Sword began to swallow convulsively. This was not going at all how he anticipated.

Celestia suddenly gasped. "Oh, I just remembered. If we cede the throne, the treaty will go back into effect. You'll have to work through the Tribal Tribunal to rearrange the government."

First Edition blinked. "Tribal Tribunal?"

"Oh yes," Celestia said with a smile. "Before Luna and I were given power over Equestria, it was run jointly by Hurricane, Platinum, and Puddinghead. If we step down, the treaty dictates that their descendants take over until a new form of government is established."

First Edition nodded, trying to maintain his calm. "And...who might they be?"

Celestia smiled. "Well, I have kept track. Platinum's descendant is my nephew Blueblood, of course."

First Edition snarled inwardly. As stuck up a snob as Blueblood was, he was devoutly loyal to his aunt. Not only would he alienate everypony, he'd be resistant to even the idea of dethroning Celestia.

"Hurricane's direct descendant is actually a mare named..." Celestia consulted some paperwork. "...Ditzy Doo. She's Ponyville's mailmare."

Silver Sword shuddered. The idea of Derpy in political power was a disaster waiting to happen. She'd oppose Blueblood at every step...assuming any of Canterlot was left standing by the end of the week.

"And Puddinghead's descendant actually played her in a recent Canterlot Hearth's Warming Eve Pageant. Pinkamena Diane Pie. She's actually one of the Element Bearers, you know."

All three stallions visibly shuddered. The idea of Pinkie Pie with any sort of political power made surrendering to Discord seem preferable. At least with Discord, you knew to expect total chaos.

Celestia smiled. "I'll have to let them know about all this so they can come to Canterlot to begin their rulings. And then I think I'll write Cadance in the Crystal Empire. Seems like a nice place to retire."

Red Tape shivered. This would probably lead to the Crystal Empire and Equestria becoming enemies...

"...but first I really must make an announcement to the press regarding what's happening, and who to thank for it." Celestia smiled disarmingly at First Edition. "For your hard work bringing such dramatic change to Equestria, your names really must be immortalized in History. Everypony should know all about what you've done."

First Edition stared in shock as Celestia turned away. Everypony knowing exactly whose fault it was this was happening... "Celestia! A moment!"

Celestia turned back. "Yes?"

First Edition turned to his compatriots, receiving a confirming nod. "We may have been...rash in asking for the two of you to abdicate the throne. Might you consider...reclaiming it?"

Celestia lowered her sunglasses and looked at him coolly. "I beg your pardon? I'm on my way to blissful retirement and relaxation, and you want me to take back the thankless job of handling every major and minor decision of ruling to tend to this kingdom? All that stress and drama with so few breaks? Just for that pittance of a royal stipend we receive for personal expenditures? I'm sorry, but from my perspective it just isn't worth it."

"But...but..." Red Tape stammered.

"What my sister is asking you," Luna said coyly, "is,as we ARE private citizens at the moment...what's in it for us?"

A half hour later, Celestia had once more donned her regalia and was sitting calmly at her throne as the three stallions walked out of the throne room. She listened to their conversation as they left.

"First? Weren't we trying to end the royal drain on the country's resources and all of that?"

"Yes, Red Tape, that WAS our goal."

"Then how come we ended with promising to work towards giving the Princesses even more royal privilege and benefits?"

"Shut up Red, and be glad we still have our hides!"

"Yes, Silver Sword..."

Once they were completely gone, Celestia smiled at Luna. She then spoke to the curtain behind the throne. "You can come out now, girls."

The first to tumble out were a pink mare and a cyan one, flopping onto the floor to finally release the uproarious laughter they'd been holding in for the past half hour. As Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie reveled in their laughter, Rarity and Flutershy also stepped out, managing to hold in their amusement, for the most part. Applejack was grinning from ear to ear. Twilight was barely managing to hold in her laughter, hiding her choked expression with one of her new wings.

Celestia smiled at her former student. "So tell me, Twilight Sparkle...did you enjoy your first lesson in practical politics?"