Chapters The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
Day 1
One day I was walking home from work, I don't own a car so walking is my prefered mode of locomotion, (also it's free!) when out of no where, while crossing the street, I get nailed by some jack ass in an el camino!
The last thing I remember was the sound of screeching tires, bright lights, and what felt like Thors hammer impacting my everything. Then darkness.
Lots and lots of darkness.
"What a shame, so much life left in this one."
"Who said that?" I try to look around for the voice but it's completely dark, and I appear to be immobile.
"I don't normally do this, but, seeing as it wasn't really your time I am willing to make you an offer." The gender neutral voice says.
"So I am dead?"
"Yes and no, you're sort of in a limbo of sorts, I'm afraid that you were 'ended' before you were meant to."
"Wow...that sucks." I try to wrap my mind around the fact that this voice just told me I died...well it's probably the second weirdest thing to ever happen to me, not counting that one time in Vegas...no not gonna tell, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Word to the wise NEVER take a pill some dude in a club gives you that you've never met.
"You said something about an offer?"
"Indeed, if I were to leave you like this you'd float around here in the void until your designated time, which isn't for a long while from now. Or I could send you some where else to live out your life to its designated end. Your choice."
Well gee I wonder which it'll be? "I'll go with door number two Alex."
"*chuckle* Alright then, again I'm sorry for you dying and everything. This is the first time it's happened in almost a milenia. You'll have your old body back with everything you had on you when you died, unfortunately you will have absolutely no way of returning to your world,as you no longer exist there, are you sure this is what you want?"
"No need to apologize, it's not your fault some douche on his phone ignored a red light, and yes I'm sure. I didn't really have much going for me in life anyway, dead end job, no living relatives, I only had like two people I could call friends and even then only just."
"Then it's settled, live well." And with that my consciousness fades again.
MEANWHILE IN TWILIGHT SPARKLES LIBRARY! (must be read in the super friends announcers voice)
Twilight was sitting at her desk reading a book, entitled "Humans, the Myth, the Legend", that she borrowed from Lyra.
"Hmm interesting, according to this book humans are omnivores." The scholar notes to nopony in particular.
"This certainly is an interesting read, even if it's just fairytials and make believe, I wonder who it was that dreamed up humans anyway?" She closes the book and walks towards the stairs leading up to her room.
"Spike!" Silence.
"Spike!!!" Silence again.
"SPIKE!!!"
"What?!?" Spike calls out to her from behind her. Having just come out of the kitchen.
"Oh there you are. I need you to return this book to Lyra please." She asks her draconian assistant as she levitates the book towards him.
"Ok, but then you have to go in the kitchen and keep an eye on the stove, we're having spaghetti and hayballs tonight." Spike replies as he grabs the book out of the air.
"Oh yum, I love your spaghetti and hayballs. I'll keep an eye on it, so please make sure Lyra gets the book back, and tell her I said thanks for lending it to me it was an...interesting read." She trots off into the kitchen to watch the pot of noodles.
"I'll be right back." Spike walks out the door only to stop and peek his head back in. "And don't eat it all before I get back...again."
"I wont." Twilight replies from the kitchen rolling her eyes.
MEANWHILE IN THE EVERFREE FOREST!
"Ugh, my head, the hell happened?" I start to slowly sit up.
I looked around at my new surroundings. I was in a dense forest of some kind, so dense there was almost no sunlight coming through the tree tops at all. But what little was coming through allowed me to better survey my surroundings.
'Now how the hell did I wind up here?' I question myself.
"Oh right I died...hehe." I try to stand but when I get my legs under me and try to push myself up I end up launching myself into the air a good ten feet.
"OH SHIT!" Suddenly the ground decides that it and my face are to be good friends, as I plop back onto the dirt with a thud.
"Son of a..." I try to lift my self up again with my arms, but like last time I end up launching myself into the air backwards this time into a tree. Shaking it with the impact causing some leaves to fall.
"This is getting ridiculous." I say out loud as I slide down the tree and come to a rest at its base on my feet.
I slowly take a step forward using as little force as possible. My foot makes contact with the ground and I slowly shift my weight to it and lift my other foot. I could feel myself lifting up a bit so I lowered the amount of force in the motion again. Soon I am able to compensate for the sudden onset of 'what the fuckery' and start slowly making my way through the trees, careful not to use too much force while walking so I don't end up vaulting my self into another tree. Which surprisingly didn't hurt as much as slamming into a tree should.
"Okay, re-learn how to walk? Check, now where the hell am I?" I start looking around the forest as I trudge on through the undergrowth.
I begin running everything that's happened through my head.
'I am walking home and get hit by shit wad and die.' I accidently bump into a small tree ripping it from its roots a bit.
'Huh? that shouldn't happen.' I continue walking in a straight line careful to avoid trees.
'Then, I am presuming death, tells me I wasn't meant to die and offers me a new life in another world. Wake up and am now super strong.'
I look at another tree and decide to see how strong. I gingerly walk towards it and reel back my fist. I bring my fist forward making contact with the tree with as much strength as I could, comlpetely shattering the poor piece of flora.
"Well shit." Is all I'm able to mutter as I stare at the shards of what was once a tree. 'So somehow I am super freaking strong here, and I didn't even feel any pain from punching a tree.'
"Well now this is an interesting development." I whisper to myself not noticing the three pairs of eyes watching me from a bush.
Applejack, Scootaloo, and Sweetie belle were on their way to Zecoras to try their hand at a potion making cutie mark again. When they suddenly hear a loud thud followed by what sounded like muffled screaming.
"What do ya s'pose that was?" Applebloom asks looking towards her fellow crusaders.
"I don't know but I bet if we check it out and find a new animal we'll get our cutie marks in animal discovery." Scootaloo replies with an excited glimmer in her eye.
"I don't know what if it's a dangerous animal?" Sweetie Belle looks towards the direction the sound came from and hears another thud.
"Well there's only one way ta find out." Applebloom says as she starts slowly making her way to the source of the sound.
When the crusaders finally make it to the source their eyes shoot open. there in a small clearing was a large creature that stood on two legs. It was really tall, and seemed to be hairless except for the top of its head which had a short black mane. It also seemed to be wearing clothing, a black top that covered its entire torso but stopped at the elbow on its front limbs, and a dark blue material that covered its entire lower half. It also had claws like Spike did only they weren't sharp. It was making deliberately slow steps forward, and the crusaders followed close behind.
After a few minutes of walking the creature stops and walks over to a good sized tree. The crusaders see it look the tree up and down then pull one of its front limbs back and hits the tree, completely shattering it into a cloud of dust and splinters, sending the top of the tree crashing to the ground and a jagged stump where a once proud tree stood.
Their eyes were wide open in shock, what ever this thing was it was absurdly strong. Even Big Mac wouldn't be able to shatter a tree that big as if it were nothing. Yet this creature just destroyed a tree and didn't even look like it broke a sweat. The crusaders were freaking out at this point, what if this thing got to Ponyville, there's no way they could stop it, and if it kept walking in this direction it'll reach Ponyville in no time. They quietly made their way ahead of the 'monster' and bolt towards Ponyville, they had to warn everypony about this thing.
BACK IN PONYVILLE
Spike was just heading back home from delivering the book back to Lyra, when a trio of panicked voices caught his attention.
"Girls?" Spike asks as he sees the crusaders quickly coming into his vision.
"Oh Spike! We gotta warn everypony, this scary monster we saw in the Everfree forest is heading straight for Ponyville!" Sweetie says in her high pitched voice right in his face, squeaking a bit towards the end.
"Yea and it's real strong, we saw it punch this tree into a bazillion pieces!" Scootaloo made a grandiose movement with her front hooves to emphasize the explosion.
"And it was real tall like, and had claws like yers but they weren't pointy or nothing." Applebloom added.
"Ok, ok, calm down. So scary tall super strong monster is on its way to Ponyville, possibly tartarus bent on total destruction?" Spike looked at the trio and they nodded.
"Well that's not good." Spike began to panic as well. "C'mon let's go warn Twilight and the others I'm sure they can stop it."
"YEAH!" The crusaders cheered in unison as the four children ran off towards Twilights library.
EVERFREEE
I had been walking for a while now and was getting super BORED. I finally got the hang of moving around again, it was more like I had to take baby steps everywhere, and treat everything with kit gloves. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my Iphone, still fully charged, and start playing some music. I didn't have any head phones so I just let it play out loud. I start singing to the song as it starts .
Carry on my wayward son, There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more
Totally air guitared here.
Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say:
Carry on my wayward son, There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more
Masquerading as a man with a reason My charade is the event of the season And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know On a stormy sea of moving emotion Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say:
Carry on my wayward son, There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more NO!
More air guitar baby!
Carry on, you will always remember Carry on, nothing equals the splendor Now your life's no longer empty Surely heaven waits for you
Carry on my wayward son, There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry Don't you cry no more
The song comes to an end and I shut the Iphone off as I see a clearing just ahead, and what seems to be a cozy little cottage.
'Oh look civilization, finally some one to talk to.' I head over to the building and see a multitude of animals running around.
Ok now before I continue I want it to be known that I am a man. A MANLY MAN!!!
"Oooohhh a bunny!" I say totally without a girlish squeel as I rush over to a nearby bunny nibbling on a carrot. The poor thing never saw me coming, as I scooped it up and began to hug it with as little force possible else I have a bunny pancake in my arms.
Ok so I like cute things. Sue me. I've always had a huge soft spot for cute things from babies, to animals, to baby animals. I can't even hunt because I think the deer are too cute to shoot. Don't get me wrong I still eat meat, just I could never harm another living creature of my own free will with out due reason.
"Oh you are just the most precious little thing I have ever seen." I squeel as I hug the little bunny. The whole while it was thrashing about trying to get free from my vice like grip.
"Uh...um...excuse me?"
"Huh I could have sworn I just heard something." I look around a bit but don't notice anything, and go back to the bunny. SO FLUFFY!!!
"um... if you don't mind, could you...put him down....if you want that is..."
"Ok now I know I heard something, was it a mouse? Ooh I want to pet it!" I turn around excitedly dropping the bunny to look for my new cuddly friend. I look down and see quite possibly the most adorable thing in the history of anything EVER!!!
It was a little pony, but not just any kind of pony, a butter yellow pony with wings. A pegasus? It had a beautiful long pink mane, and mesmerizing blue eyes that seemed too big for its head. It looked so invitingly fluffy I just had to hug it till I died. And so I hugged it.
"OHMYGOD!!! You're the cutest thing that has ever existed and I am going to hug you until my heart explodes from adorableness!!!" I squee like I've never squeed before.
I look down at my new bestest cuddle friend and see that it's unconscious. I look towards the cottage and make my way over to it. I gently nudge the door open with my foot but end up using too much force and accidently kick it off its hinges. I wince as I hear the crunch of the door hitting the opposite wall and have to duck in order to enter the humble abode. The interior was just like the exterior, humble and practicle. Not much in the way of furniture and no pictures or anything adorning the walls.
"Man whoever lives here must be really short." I take a look around and see several little animals scamper off into tiny houses.
"And loves animals more than I do." I notice a little couch sitting near the center of the room and move over to it and place the little pegasus on it gently.
"I'm sorry for scaring you little pony." I whisper as I gently pet its mane out of its face.
I start taking a better look at it and notice it to be female. There was also a strange mark, almost like a tattoo on her flank, of a trio of pink butterflies. Her wings were soft to the touch and looked way too small to actually lift her up.
Although she could have been alot lighter than I thought. My whole sense of weight has been thrown off since I got here, almost everything is lighter and weaker than I'd imagine it to be.
"I don't want to scare the poor thing anymore than I already have, I should go before she wakes up, her owner will be able to take care of her."
I make my way to the door and notice a quill and stack of paper on a drawer near the door. I pick it up and write down a note before placing it on the drawer.
'I don't even know if who ever lives here can read this but it'd be rude of me not to leave an apology of some kind.' I think to myself as I make my way outside. I notice what looks like a dirt road leading away from the cottage and decide to follow it.
'Maybe I'll finally meet someone to talk to.'
A FEW MINUTES LATER IN FLUTTERSHY'S HOUSE
Fluttershy was just starting to wake up. She looked around groggily before she noticed her door was smashed against her wall. She was frantically looking around having finally remembered the creature that she saw hugging Angel bunny outside. It picked her up so suddenly that she fainted right on the spot.
"Oh my, how'd I get inside, what happened to my door, what was that thing, and where's Angel?" She was starting to panic, what if the weird creature had eaten him?
Just as she was about to hyperventilate she was smacked with a fluffy little paw, to bring her back to her senses. She looked to her side and saw Angel bunny stomping his foot impatiently.
"Oh Angel Bunny I'm so glad you're safe, what's that in your paw?" She looked at the piece of paper Angel was holding and he showed it to her.
"Sorry for breaking your door and making your cute pegasus faint. Sincerely the stranger that hugged your bunny and pony." She read aloud.
Fluttershy blinked twice before having to re-read the letter again just to make sure she hadn't mis-read it. After reading it a couple more times she blushed a little, what ever this thing was it seemed friendly. But what puzzled her more was how the letter was written, it almost sounded like whatever it was thought she was somepony elses pet. She shook her head once and grabbed the letter and rolled it up before galloping out her door towards Ponyville.
"I'm sure Twilight will know something about that weird creature." She then remembered how it said she was cute in its letter and had to shake a light blush off her face again.
Author's Note
Ok so here's the first chapter of my very first HiE ever. And also only the second fic I've ever done. EVER!!! Any and all criticism is accepted and greatly appreciated. Thank you :)
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
ON THE ROAD TO PONYVILLE
I had taken out my Iphone again and decided to listen to a bit more music. I was scrolling through my huge collection of random music until I found a song that I wanted. As the intro guitar starts I once again start air guitaring and begin singing along, high pitched voice and all.
Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel
Touching you, touching me touching you, god you're touching me
I am also now dancing down the road, I can be very theatrical when no one's looking. Side stepping and sliding around on the balls of my feet, I then began rubbing my hands all over myself in a semi sensual semi crazy way. Looking like a complete idiot.
I believe in a thing called love Just listen to the rhythm of my heart There's a chance we could make it now We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down I believe in a thing called love Ooh!
HUH!
I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK!
Touching you, touching me touching you, god you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love Just listen to the rhythm of my heart There's a chance we could make it now We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down I believe in a thing called love Ooh! Guitar!
AIR GUITAR SOLO
Touching you, touching me touching you, god you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love Just listen to the rhythm of my heart There's a chance we could make it now We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down I believe in a thing called love Ooh!
I start shredding on my imaginary guitar like my life depended on it. Eyes closed I slide to a stop and flash both hands into the air with devil horns for good measure.
As the song comes to an end I look ahead and notice another little pegasus pony, only this one was a nice cyan color and had a rainbow colored mane and tail. No I'm not making that up. It was split perfectly into solid stripes of colored hair with no overlapping of colors. That coupled with it actually hovering in the air broke my physics engine in my brain.
"Oh how cool another pegasus pony thing." I whisper to myself. I crouch down a bit and start reaching out to it like you would a dog.
"I aint gonna hurt ya, why don't you come on over here and we can be friends?" I tried to coax the cute little critter my way so I could pet its mane and see if it was naturally that way.
"Uh... how about no." It said as it turned in mid air and shot off into the sky at a blinding speed leaving a rainbow colored trail in its wake.
I must have been crouching there like that for a good two minutes or something, considering my brain just stopped.
"HOLY FUCK IT TALKED!!!" I shout out as I jumped to my feet completely forgetting about my new gained strength.
Now close to fifty feet in the air I saw what seemed to be a town in the distance. It looked to be a pretty low tech looking little village, with a tall building towards its center. The buildings however were absurdly bright in color and looked like they had thatched roofing. 'Is that a gingerbread hous?' I also saw the ground quickly coming to meet me from my new found height.
"OH SHIT!" I scream out as I got closer to the ground on instinct I straightened out my legs and bent them completely once I felt the ground to act sort of like a cushion.
It worked completely. I was now crouched down inside of a small crator that I made. I felt absolutely no pain, a bit of vibration from the shock but nothing else. It was like jumping onto a bounce house that was deflating. I let a small smile cross my face as I bent further into my crouch and placed my right fist on the ground in front of me. I could not control the nerd in me as I coiled up for the jump.
"To infinity, AND BEYOND!!!" I squeel like a fangirl as I launch myself into the air. Leaving an even larger crator in my place.
OVER THE SKIES OF PONYVILLE
'What the hay was that thing.' Rainbow thought to herself. She had never seen anything like it before. She couldn't help but giggle as she thought back to the silly way it danced and sang down the road...to Ponyville.
'What ever it is I better tell Twi about it.' She thought to herself before speeding off towards the library.
TWILIGHTS LIBRARY
"Ok ok just calm down ok?" Twilight tried to calm the four children that had just rushed in through the door to the library.
"Now let's start from the beggining, and one at a time please." Twilight sat down on her haunches as she listened to the crusaders and Spike.
"Well first we were on our way ta Zecoras, cuz we wanted ta see if we could get our cutie marks in potion making." Applebloom started.
"And then we heard this weird sound." Sweetie Belle took over.
"Yea, and we thought if we checked it out and discovered a new animal we'd get our cutie marks in creature discovery." Scootaloo piped in.
"And then we saw it, it was tall and scary looking." Sweetie Belle stood up on her hind hooves to try and imitate the monster.
"We followed it for a while and then out of no where it hits a tree and makes it EXPLODE!" Scootaloo jumps in the air waving her hooves about.
"Yea, yea, and that's when we noticed that it was heading fer Ponyville, so we hightailed it here to warn everypony." Applebloom finished.
It took awhile for Twilight to process everything the girls told her. They looked way too worried for this to be a prank. As she was about to open her mouth to speak the door to the library swung open again and a cyan and rainbow blur slammed into Twilight sending the mares tumbling into a book case.
"Ugh RAINBOW!!!" Twilight exclaimed. As she pushed her friend off of her.
"Hehe sorry about that Twi, but there'e something I need to tell ya." Rainbow said as she helped her friend to her hooves.
"What ever it is it can wait, the girls here said they saw a monster heading this way." Twilight said as she brushed a book off of her back.
"Wait what's this monster look like?" Rainbow asked as she turned towards the crusaders. A brow raised.
"Well it was tall and was walking on two legs." Applebloom tried to stand on her hind legs but fell back to four immediately.
"It didn't have any fur except for the mane on its head." Sweetie Belle patted the top of her head.
"And it looked like it was wearing some clothes." Scootaloo finished, a sparkle in her eyes while she talked to her idol.
"I think I saw it on my way here." Rainbow said as she remembered the strange dancing creature she saw before.
"I don't know if it's as bad as you girls say it is, when I saw it it was singing and dancing and being all silly." Rainbow had a small smile on her face and let out a giggle as she remembered the image of the dancing biped.
Before anypony could say anything else a loud almost deafening thud could be heard from outside of town.
"That doesn't sound good." Spike said as he made an audible gulp.
"Rainbow you get AJ and Fluttershy, I'll get Rarity and Pinkie and meet us in the center of town." Twilight ordered. Rainbow gave a salute and launched out the still open door.
"Spike you stay here with the girls and keep them safe."
"You can count on me Twi." Spike saluted and closed and locked the door as she left the Library.
RIGHT OUTSIDE PONYVILLE
"OH MY GOD!!! That was SO cool!"
I could not contain my joy. I had just jumped like the incredible hulk to the town I saw, and felt absolutely no real pain from the landings. I did feel a bit tired but that was it. I looked ahead and saw a large sign on an archway that read
"Ponyville? The hell kinda girly name is that?" I ask aloud as I crouch and readied myself for another jump, squeeling like a child in a candy store. If I'm gonna live in this world I'm gonna make a hell of a first impression. And I launch myself into the air again. Using even more force to gain as much height as possible.
THE CENTER OF PONYVILLE
"Twilight dear, tell me again why we had to rush to the middle of town? You didn't really give much of an explanation." Rarity was brushing some of her mane out of her face as they waited for the others.
"Yea Twilight, I was in the middle of a cupcake eating contest with myself!" Pinkie exclaimed."And I was SO close to beating myself too!"
Twilight just ignored Pinkies' complaints.
"Because for all we know a crazy, super strong, tall, and scary monster is on its way to Ponyville for Celestia knows what." Twilight said to her friends as she saw Rainbow approaching with AppleJack and waved them over.
"Now what in tarnation is all this 'bout a monster?" AppleJack asks as she comes to a stop infront of her friends.
Before anypony could say anything however they all looked around after hearing an odd song playing in the distance coming from seemingly no where.
RIGHT ABOVE PONYVILLE
'Time for an epic ass entrance.' I think to myself as I slip out my phone and start playing a song , right at the absolute highest of my jump before I feel myself start to fall.
I let the guitar rif play as I plummet towards the ground, using my arms to shift my weight around and aim my self away from a group of ponies I can see from the sky, I can't make out any details but I saw atleast five of them.
"I AM IRON MAN!" I scream as I crash through the statue of a pony and land on the other side of the fountain it was on. Pulling off the Iron man landing pose perfectly. I squeel with delight on the inside as I slide my hand into my pocket and cut off the music. After letting the chorus play once.
PONIES POV
Some strange music was steadily getting louder. The five mares were looking around to try and see where it was coming from. Then they all looked up as they heard something scream. "I AM IRON MAN!" before crashing through the statue of Princess Celestia and smashing into the ground. The music was emenating from the creature that crashed into the ground but abruptly stopped.
The five ponies looked through the smoke wide eyed as a large figure began to stand up. It was atleast 15 feet away from them and hidden by dust from its impact, but even then they could see that it towered over them. It was bipedal just as the crusaders and Dash said. They couldn't make out any other details about it since it was clouded in dust. But the fact that what ever this was just smashed through the solid stone of the statue and seemed unphased was more than enough to intimidate the group.
"What in the name of Celestia?" Twilight said as she slowly began to approach the creature, the dust finally settling.
MAIN CHARACTERS POV
I stood in the crator I made surrounded by dust and dirt I had made airborne through my landing. I slowly turned around as I heard a voice behind me. It sounded feminine, so I turned around and did a grandiose bow.
"Good afternoon madame my name is Damien Wilson and I would like to formally apologize for the destruction of your statue." It's important to make a good first iimpression.
"Uhm, hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle." Said the voice.
The dust had fully cleared now and there before me stood five brightly colored ponies. All of which I wished to hug right away, but I held myself back. There was a purple one infront of me with a purple mane and tail with a pink stripe running through it. It had a horn so I assumed it was a unicorn. There was another unicorn behind it, this one was a brilliant white with a royal purple mane and tail styled up in a way that would make Marilyn Monroe jealous. Next to that one was an orange pony, this one was hornless, and lacked wings. But it did have a blonde mane and tail, both done up in pony tails, redundent no? Directly behind that one was a pink pony, with pink mane and tail, it was also smileing at me which unnerved me for some reason. And hovering above all of them was a familiar cyan pegasus.
"Wow, colorful." I said out loud. "Now where are you ma'am?" I asked as I looked past the colorful equines.
"Uh, I'm right here." I heard the voice again.
I looked down at the purple unicorn.
"Hello, as I was saying my name is Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess Celestia ruler of the land of Equestria."
I saw the unicorns mouth move and the voice I heard before came out of it. Yet the idea of this seemed to stall my brain and put me in a temporary state of 'uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'.
"The pony just talked." I told myself outloud, as I smacked myself once hard in the face.
"Why'd you just hit yourself? And of course I could talk." This, what was it? Twilight Sparkle, looked at me with a mix of worry, confusion, and a bit of fear.
"So all of you ponies can talk?" I ask looking between Twilight and the others.
"Well, I'd say so. Unless you meet a pony whose mute, or a foal that hasn't learned yet." Twilight reasoned.
"Then that means...that yellow pegasus...I...hugged..." I whispered to myself.
It was apparent that these ponies were the dominant race of atleast this villiage, there fore I would assume of the whole planet. This was reinforced as more ponies came out of the buildings around us looking on in curious caution. This also means that I had treated one of these sentient beings like a puppy. First impression? All things considered, it could have been worse.
"Ehem, as I was saying my name is Twilight Sparkle, and you said yours was Damien?" The unicorn said inturrupting my thought process.
"Uh yes." I didn't look at her at first, I was still trying to wrap my mind around the whole talking, unneccesarily adorable, ponies thing.
"Ok then, Damien, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?" Twilight asked, this time I looked right at her and she visibly flinched as if I was scowling. Wait I might have been scowling, I tend to do that when deep in thought.
"Well, I am a human. Are there no humans here?" I ask as I look through the crowd of multi colored equines.
"As far as I know you're the first of your kind in Equestria, or atleast Ponyville." Twilight said as she looked me up and down as if trying to find a hidden knife or something.
I notice her looking at me intently so I decide to do a little bit of trolling.
"I know that I'm quite sexy, but please atleast try to keep your lustful gaze above my waistline." I say as I cover up my crotch in mock embarassment. This brings just the kind of reaction I want as I see her face turn a nice light shade of pink and she quickly looks away, the rainbow maned one rolling on her back laughing. I flash her a mischievous grin as she glares death at me.
"If ya'll don't mind me askin'? What are ya here fer and why'd ya trash our fountain?" The orange pony said with a thick country accent approaching me in a defensive stance.
"Hehe, yea sorry about that, I guess I didn't take into account colaterol damage when I jumped in to town." I rub the back of my head embarassed.
"As for why I'm here? well it's kinda a long story so here's the short version." I take a huge breath before beggining.
"I died got mystically transported here to live out my life by death because I wasn't meant to die yet I wake up in some forest punch a tree find I'm super strong hug a cute bunny then hug an even cuter pony danced like an idiot and jumped to this town with my newly accuired super strength accidentally bust through a statue and am now talking to technicolor talking sentient ponies." I take a huge breath after giving the jist of my story in one breath.
The five ponies before me blinked twice, before a soft yet frantic voice is heard from behind them and a familiar yellow pegasus gallops up to them.
"Oh girls I am so glad I found you all, there was this big scary monster and it hugged angel, but when I tried to ask it to let him go it hugged me instead and..." She trails off as her eyes settle on me. At once the frantic yet still quiet ramblings turn into in-audible murmmers as she hides behind her mane and then behind the orange pony.
"It's ok sugarcube." Sugar cube? "This here is Damien, though ah'm not right sure if we should trust im." The orange one says, a bit of venom in her voice as she looks between me and the yellow pony.
Said yellow pegasus peeks out from behind her orange friend and looks at me with one eye. I smile awkwardly and she retreats behind her friend and even lets out a little frightened squeel.
No no, bad brain do not glomp cute pony!
I cautiously walk toward the orange pony, earning a protective glare from her and the cyan pegasus. I see them eyeing me so I raise my hands in peace and proceed slowly until I am close enough to look behind the orange one at the cutest thing that has ever lived ever. I try to smile in as friendly a way as possible and kneel down to their eye level. Can't be towering over them when I'm trying to make a good impression. At full standing height these ponies only reached to about my waistline at the tip of their ears.
"I promise, I'm not here to hurt anyone, I just want to live in peace. And if you truly don't want me here I can leave." I look the orange pony in the eye as I say this, and glance to her right and see the yellow pegasus peek out again.
Before anything else could be said though a loud trio of screams were heard that echoed across the entire town. Without even thinking I stand up, about face, and run off as fast as I could in the direction of the screams, bounding over every building that got in my way.
I raced through the village as fast as possible towards the sound until I see a large grove of apple trees and three little filly ponies running away from what I could only describe as a giant lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail. I land right between the fleeing fillies and the lion thing bracing for impact. The lion thing barrels right into me, but I bury my feet into the ground and hold taking the brunt of the charge. The creature struggles to get free but I hold tight and wound up turning it around so its back was against my chest. I grab around its chest and lift the creature into the air before flexing my back backwards and slamming its head into the ground in a german suplex. Its body goes limp and I let go only to have a sharp and excruciating pain shoot out from my back. I wing around quickly and see another one of the lion things only this one had some blood trickling off of its stinger like tail.
'Oh shit did I just get stung?!?'
I rush the creature and shoulder tackle it a good twenty feet before a apple tree stops it. But I don't let up, I rush again shouldering it once more this time through the tree and about two others. But it still isn't enough apparently, the stupid thing gets back up, all be it wobbly as a chihuahua in a moving car. I'm in no better a state though as my vision starts to get blurry and the world spins around me.
'Dammit, gotta end this quick.'
Using what strength I have left I rush at the creature again, it swinging its tail at me again. Only this time I grab hold of the tail as it slammed into my side, thankfully not getting hit by the stinger again. I grab hold of the tail tightly and begin spinning, at first I start out slow, but eventually I build up a lot of speed. I keep it up until I can't stand it anymore and finally release letting the creature sail off into the sky clear past the barn and deep into the forest.
"That's right!" I exclaim as I raise a fist to the heavens.
"Like a booooss..." And then darkness overtakes me, and the last thing I remember is my face hitting the ground and the sound of hooves on the ground around me.
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
"I didn't expect to see you again so soon."
"Huh, what? Where am I?" I try to open my eyes but can't, I can't even feel them.
"Well the where is hard to explain." says an all too familiar voice.
"Wait I know that voice, death?"
"Indeed, and I see you are yet again in quite the perdicament."
"Oh shit! The lion things! Don't tell me I'm dead again!" I begin to panic, if I could feel my eyes I bet they'd be bugging out right now.
"Luckily no, though you are in a state of near death right now. Those ponies you met took you to be treated after you fought those manticores."
"Manticores? Is that what those lion things were?" Seems legit.
"Yes, though I must admit while what you did was stupid beyond belief. It was also extremely brave." The voice was warm and comforting. It almost made me forget that I was talking to the voice of death.
"Really? Cuz to me it was more stupid desperation than anything. I ran in head first into a fight against a pair of unknown enemies with super strength that I still can't fully seem to control, by the way what's up with that?" I ask the disembodied voice.
"It might have something to do with the world you're on right now. In your world magic wasn't as abundent as it is here. The very planet itself radiates it. And you soak it up like a sponge, though instead of being able to do anything new it enhances your physical abilities much like how it enhances an earth ponies ability to cultivate the earth or their strength. You lack the ability to fly and cast magic, so all the magic that is being collected into your body instead enhances your natural abilities making you far stronger than before."
"Well that makes sense I suppose." So basically my cells are being super charged by 'magic' making every cell in my body stronger and more efficient at what they do. It seems a bit iffy to me but it'll do for now.
"Well it seems it's time for us to part ways again. Hopefully when next we meet it wont be for a long, long time. Farewell."
Then the voice disappeared and I awaken to a pounding headache. Imagine if some one took two jackhammers and placed one on either temple, yeah it was that kind of pain. I try to open my eyes but quickly shut them when a bright light assaults my sensitive retinas. I roll my head to the side and try again to open my eyes, I have to blink them several times to fully open them though, but I eventually succeed.
I am finally able to take a look at my surroundings. Everything was a bleach white, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, even the sheets that covered me. I sit up, still feeling the pain in my head but ignore it. I am on a sterile looking white bed with dull silver head and foot board, where my Bleach Hollow mask t shirt once was, a green hospital gown covered my chest, though my blue jeans were still in place. I look around the room again picking up the smaller details, to my right was an EKG machine giving off a soft steady beep and a simple IV both hooked up to me. I scan around to my left and see a short bedside table with a empty glass and a good sized pitcher of water with plenty of ice floating in it.
I completely ignore the glass and take the pitcher and begin chugging as much of the life giving liquid as possible, my throat felt like the damn Sahara and now I felt like I had just gulped down liquid ecstasy. Water never tasted so good in my life.
"Oh god yes, I needed that." I say as I wipe my mouth with my hospital gown and place the now three quarters empty pitcher back on the table. Just then though I hear a clatter and turn my head to see another pony.
This one was a pure sterile white, with a soft pink mane done up in a tight little bun at the back of her head. She didn't have any wings or a horn. She had a stethoscope around her neck and a red med cross on her flank. I guessed this to be a nurse of some sort.
"Uh, hey there..." I say before letting a long awkward silence loom between us.
Before I could break the silence, however, she turned around quickly and galloped off yelling for a doctor. Not two minutes later she returned with another pony. This one was a stallion and a hair taller than the nurse pony and a unicorn. He had on a white doctors coat with sleeves that went down his fore legs. He had a stethoscope on his neck as well. His fur coat was a milk chocolate brown, and his mane was a dark shade of orange and was cut short and straight, just above where his neck met his torso. On his flank was a syringe and a scalpel in an X pattern.
"Impossible..." The doctor said in a low voice, but I still picked it up.
"So what's the damage doc." I say as I raise an inquisitive eyebrow.
"You should've been unconscious for at-least another three days, there was enough manticore venom in you to kill three good sized stallions in an hour!" The doctor almost shouted in an amazed tone as he quickly trotted up to my bed and began looking me and the EKG machine over.
"That sounds bad...so how long was I out for?" I ask the doctor pony. he whipped around from the machine before putting on an air of professionalism.
"Only one day, after that manticore stung you, you were brought here immediately by Ms. Twilight Sparkle and her friends and were given quite a few doses of anti-venom." He paused to look at the clip board that he levitated from the foot of my bed...wait a second.
"Dear sweet raptor Jesus." I mutter as I intently watch the clip board dance in the air while glowing a faint chocolatey brown.
"What was that?" The doctor asked as he looked up from the board.
"How are you doing that?" I ask as I point at the floating clip board.
"You mean levitation? It's very basic magic, almost all unicorns can do it." I just stared, like if I turned away the clip board it would start dancing to 'hello my baby'.
"Uhm, sir?" The doctor waved his hoof in front of my face.
"Oh uh, sorry I kinda had a...moment there." I stare at the doctor.
"Well, ok then. I'll need some information if that's ok with you?" he held up another clip board.
"Ok, shoot." I sit up in the bed and place a pillow against the head board and sit against it.
"Alright then first question, what are you? your species I mean."
"Human, or to be more technical, Homo Sapien, primates of the Hominidae family."
"You're a human?" He asked almost incredulously.
"Yeah, have been all my life, unless I'm forgetting some thing." I add a bit of sarcasm to my remark.
"But humans are just a myth."
"Well pegasi, unicorns, and manticores are myths where I'm from. I've always believed that just because no one has ever seen it before doesn't mean it's not real." I had a point too. For the longest time Gorillas were thought to be just a made up creature from stories, a 'myth' yet look at the present.
"I...I suppose I can understand the logic in that. Ok then next question."
And the questioning went on for a little while after that. Just the usual stuff doctors asked, do you drink? do you smoke?
"Alright then that should do it for questions. I must say you have the strongest immune system I've ever seen in a living creature." The doctor commented before putting the clip board he had into a pocket in his jacket.
"So when can I leave doc?" I ask as I take the hospital gown off, damn thing was too small and uncomfortable as heck.
"Well I'm afraid you can't leave until Ms. Sparkle has returned and spoken to you directly."
"Really, well damn." I cross my arms and stroke my chin in thought. "There anything I can do to kill time?" I ask turning towards the doctor before he left.
"Hmm, not much really. If you like I could have a nurse bring you some books."
"I'd like that very much, thanks doc." He nodded once before trotting out the door.
I began to think as I sat there for what seemed like hours, ok maybe it was more like five minutes, I have the attention span of a rodent so sue me.
'I am in a world full of talking, sentien, colorful, magical ponies.' This is strange even for me. I began fidgeting in my sheets before just leaving the bed to wander around the small room.
I didn't notice before, but there were three beds in here. I was in the one farthest from the door next to a good sized window, which showed a beautiful bright sun shiney day just passed the glass. The other two were bare, with the exception of the mattresses and sheets. The EKG machine was taken out of the room during the questioning but the stand for the IV was left behind. So as the responsible, mature adult that I am I did the only thing sensible. I took the mattresses and the pillows and made a fort.
The outter walls of my fort were made from the three beds turned onto their sides, the three beds just long enough to cover one wall to the other parralell to the wall with the window. I tied the three bed sheets together, corner to corner, making one long sheet. I then took this new super sheet and used the IV stand to prop it up into a tent shape while tying the corners to the window sill and bed frames. After that I arranged the six pillows in the room as a half circle in front of my fort for a pretend mote, and the two wooden chairs I had flipped upside down with the legs pointing away from the fort as a sort of spike wall. I heard hoof steps and quickly took cover behind my new awesome fort...... Just cuz I'm 21 doesn't mean I have to act like it.
"He's right in here Ms. Spar....." The sentence got cut off as the door squeeked open.
I peeked out from between the beds and eyed the intruders who dared set foot in the kingdom of Whiteingham. Twas seven ponies in total, the six from before plus the white nurse from when I woke up. I cracked the beds apart just enough to stick my head out.
"Who dares set foot in the teritory of I king Archebald Victorian the fourth." I spoke out in a regal voice.
"We dare, for we are here to take thine castle in the name of the Frosted kingdom." The pink pony said as she stepped forward with a ruler in her hoof held at her side like a sword.
"Think not so lightly of my armaments, foul murauder. I will have thee in the stockades before nightfall!" I boomed as I closed the beds together.
"We shall see who falls this day Archebald, for I Pinkie the knight of frosting shall tear thine walls down and take your hold for my own." The pink pony brandished her 'sword' before dramatically striding towards my fort.
"Taste my blade!" I shout out as I part the beds with a ruler of my own I found in the drawer.
As I thrust forward with my 'sword' she parries it to the side and comes at me with a thrust of her own. I side step it and bring my 'sword' about in an over head chop. She sees this and quickly rolls to my right and lightly thwacks at my leg with the ruler.
"Yargh, not me leg!" I let out a faux scream of pain as I fall to one knee, as if my shin was cut off at the joint.
She gave me no moments reprieve as she spun around behind me and took my other knee. Now kneeling I thrust to my left only to get my arm 'cut off' as well. Then in an attempt to fight back I reach for the 'blade' with my right and got it 'chopped' off too.
"Victory is mine." The pink pony exclaims as she hold her sword ruler high into the air.
"Not yet it's not." I say as I fold my arms behind my body still on my knees.
"Surrender good sir, you were an admiral adverasry." She sheathes her 'sword'.
"Come on ya pansy."
"You have no arms."
"Yes I do." I argue.
"Then what's that then?" She points at where my invisible dismembered limbs lay.
"I've had worse." I say nonchalantly.
"What are you going to do bleed on me?" She asks with a questioning look.
I stand up and take the pink ponies hoof as she stands on her back legs and do a grand bow with my co-star. We bow a good three times to silence before letting go and assuming a normal standing position. Relatively speaking of course.
"And that my good audience was a scene from, "The Knights of Confection", please return next tuesday for the full show, now good day." I walk off behind the bed sheet like a curtain.
"Uh... excuse me..." said a familiar voice.
"I SAID GOODDAY!" I say cutting her off while peeking my head out of the sheets.
"Ooh he's fun." I heard the pink one exclaim.
"Alright enough of that sillyness." I say as I step out from behind the bed sheets and begin straightening out the room, hauling the beds around with one hand each.
"Sorry for yelling just now, I was still in the 'zone' so to speak." I apologize to Twilight after I remembered who the voice belonged to.
"It's ok, I guess, any way we weren't expecting you to be up and about yet, let alone...this." She points around the room as I finished deconstructing my fort and resetting the room to its default look.
"Yeah, turns out I'm a super hero so I totally have super immuneity and healing factor." I nonchalantly shrug.
"A super hero? But you don't wear a suit or anything." the white one with purple mane said as she eyed me up and down in a odd way, as if measuring me. I think I saw a slight smirk on her face when she looked at my bare torso.
I was by no means out of shape. I was also by no means 'ripped'. Yet I still had just visible muscle tone, since I did go to the gym regularly before my 'trip'. I also had some slightly defined muscle tone in my arms. Though it seems that with my magic charged muscle cells, my musculature had become more defined. My once barely noticeable abs were now more well defined as were the rest of the muscles on my body. Also my once dull green eyes were now a vibrant emerald color. And my medium length raven hair seemed to shimmer in the light, and was now silky soft to the touch. I looked at myself in the mirror that was on the wall behind the door, one phrase escaping my mouth as I fully took in my new appearance.
"I am one sexy beast." I muttered to myself as I subconsciously flexed my muscles at my reflection.
"Ahem." I was interrupted from my self admiration and turned to see six slightly blushing ponies, who were all staring at me.
"Uh...this is awkward." I said as I stopped flexing and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Well, as I was saying, we weren't expecting you to be awake so soon, but nevertheless I sent a letter to the princess about you, and she should be arriving very soo....." A blinding light engulfed the room which forced my eyes shut.
As the light finally faded I opened my eyes and beheld one of the most regal looking creatures I have ever seen. I'm assuming it was female by its slender shape. She was taller than the other ponies but still equine in form. Standing straight we were about the same height at the tip of her horn, which was a lot longer than twilights or the unicorn doctors. Her coat was a brilliant white that almost seemed to glow with beauty, her magnificent wings only adding to her impressive sillouhette. But what got me the most was her mane. It was multi colored rangeing from a light blue to a soft pink, but that's not what caught my eye. It was the way it seemed to flow in the wind even though there was no wind to be found. The only words that I could find to express what I saw, I also bluttered out like an idiot.
"Freaking beautiful."
"Why thank you." A regal, caring, soothing voice rang forth from her mouth. Filling my ears with a grace it has never known before.
Out of sheer impulse I drop to one knee and take up one of her forelegs and kissed it just above the joint that would have joined the hoof and leg. Every pony in the room, save the one before me, gasped as if I had just committed a horrible crime. Who knows maybe I did, but I don't care. You can't be in the presence of such grace and not show the due respect. Unfortunately no one else shared this sentiment as I was immediately dog piled by four ponies, which turned into six as I heard Pinkie shout "DOG PILE" before jumping on top with the yellow one. Even with all that weight however, I was still able to stay upright in my kneeling pose.
"Forgive my forwardness your grace." I bow my head before standing to my full height, the mound of ponies stumbling unceremoniously off my back.
"But I have never known anything in my world that could even hold a candle to your elegance. And as a gentleman I was compelled to show you due respect as is accustomed with my kind." I bow once more while standing.
"Well you sure are quite the gentlecolt aren't you?" She looked at me with a warm smile, and a bit of a mischievous grin.
"Now am I correct in assuming that you are this 'strange' creature my faithful student has told me about?" She asked as her caring demeanor curved into serious mode.
"Why yes, your grace, I am Damien the now super human." I bow once more.
"And my name is Princess Celestia, co-ruler of the land of Equestria, and goddess of the sun." She says it so non-chalantly it almost passes over my head.
"...Princess...ruler...and goddess...damn. You win." I say as I sit crossed legged on the ground and fold my arms.
"Indeed." She smirks at me before sitting on her haunches.
"However the only thing Twilight has told me is that you crashed through the statue in town square and fended off not one but two manticores. If you'd indulge my curiosity I'd like to know more about you, however, I would like it if you came with me to Canterlot so that my sister, Luna, may hear your story as well." She said with the same warm smile, and I couldn't find it in me to say no.
"Of course your highness, I will tell you anything you could possible want to know about me, within reason of course, and I would very much like to meet your sister. Am I right if I assume that since you are a sun goddess that she is the goddess of the moon?" I inquired.
"Why yes she is. Quite perceptive of you." She stands up and motions me to follow her out the hospital room, with the other six ponies following behind me.
After a short walk out of the hospital we come outside and see a large chariot. It was primarily an ivory white color with gold trim, a wing of gold emblazoned on the sides that held the wheels. It was a bit bigger than what one might imagine a chariot to be considering its romanized design. Next to it was a somewhat smaller chariot similar in color pallette but instead of simple wings emblazoned to the side it had intricate detailing that looked like a horned pegasus mid flight. At the head of each chariot were two pegasi, each one seemed to be a clone of the other. With only bleach white coats visible under their armor, also roman in design, feather plumed helmet and everything. I had no idea their mane or tail color since it was covered in their brilliant gold armor.
"We will be arriving to Canterlot on these chariots, I made sure to bring a large one for you and your friends Twilight." Said Celestia as she entered the smaller chariot.
The six ponies along with myself entered the larger chariot. (Twilight took it upon herself to formally introduce me to the others. There was Pinkie Pie, the one who played along with me in my little improv. Applejack, the cow-pony. Rainbow Dash, the speedy prismatic mare. Rarity, the alabaster fashionista. And finally Fluttershy, the most adorable thing in the multiverse). It was large enough to accomadate all of us with some room to spare. I held on to the railing as the chariot jolted forward and left the ground. How two pegasi can haul a chariot full of six ponies and a human and keep it level was beyond me. The ride was rather boring so I decided to do what I always do to kill time, sing a song. I looked through my Iphone looking for the right song, earning curious looks from my equine company. And before any of them could even open their mouths to question me the song began and I stood up in the chariot to give my performance.dancing doing my best to do Chris Farley proud. I still lacked a shirt so it was perfect.
Everyone's watching, to see what you will do Everyone's looking at you, oh Everyone's wondering, will you come out tonight Everyone's trying to get it right, get it right
Everybody's working for the weekend Everybody wants a little romance Everybody's goin' off the deep end Everybody needs a second chance, oh You want a piece of my heart You better start from start You wanna be in the show Come on baby lets go
I get Pinkie Pie, Apple Jack, and Rainbow dash to join me in the dance somehow balancing on their back legs easily following my arm movements.
Everyone's looking to see if it was you Everyone wants you to come through Everyone's hoping it'll all work out Everyone's waiting they're holding out
Finally Rarity, Twilight, and Fluttershy join in on the fun.
Everybody's working for the weekend Everybody wants a little romance Everybody's goin' off the deep end Everybody needs a second chance, oh You want a piece of my heart You better start from start You wanna be in the show Come on baby lets go
I really start going all out, going as far as balancing my self on one of the wheel wells of the chariot as I continued my dance.
You want a piece of my heart You better start from start You wanna be in the show Come on baby lets go
You want a piece of my heart You better start from start You wanna be in the show Come on baby lets go
As the song died down and I jumped back into the chariot proper I was met with a round of applause from my new companions. Well more of hoof claps.
"Oh darling that was so much fun, I didn't expect you to be quite the singer." Rarity complimented as she straightened out her mane.
"Yea that was super duper funerificly fun! You gotta sing and dance at the next party I throw...GASP!!!" Pinkie cut herself off as she closed in on me and got right in my face.
"I never got a chance to do your "Welcome to Ponyville" party!" she seemed genuinely upset so I tried to cheer her up.
"It's ok Pinks, you can throw me an awesome party later, how's that sound? I'll even sing a bit too." This seemed to cheer her up.
"Okie dokie loki, I'll hold ya to it." She suddenly disappeared and appeared right next to Rarity like she never moved.
"Oh but must we wait till then to hear another song?" Rarity asked.
"I don't see why not, I think I have the perfect song too." I searched through my phone's library of songs before I found the one I was looking for.
"Ok so this one is one of my favorite songs ever, it pretty much describes my outlook on life perfectly, we have no idea when it will end so live each die like it is your last. I did ."
My best friend gave me the best advice He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind And try to take the path less traveled by That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the prize is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you'll never live it twice Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day
If today was your last day Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart? You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars Regardless of who you are So do whatever it takes 'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life Let nothin' stand in your way Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day
I look around and see smiling faces adorning my little audience. I love that sight. If I can even bring one person to smile, whether it be by my antics or with a song, then I feel truly happy.
"That was a beautiful song Damien." Twilight said as she walked over and sat next to me.
"Yeah, it sounded great and it kinda makes your heart feel good." said Rarity.
"Yeah, I guess it does." I sit back down and lean my back against the side of the chariot.
"I've always had that kind of outlook on life, I have no idea when it'll all end, but instead of worrying about it I treat every day like it'd be my last and try to go out with a smile on my face."
"Well that sounds like a mighty fine way ta' look at things if ya ask me." said Applejack with a genuin smile.
We sat in the chariot for a little while after and just talked abit. Nothing much, mostly about the ponies. I asked them if they could hold off on questions about my personal life until we got to this Canterlot place so I wouldn't have to explain it twice. They didn't have a problem with it.
I learned quite a bit about them. Applejack runs the apple farm where I fought the manticores (a shocker I know!). PinkiePie was a pastry chef that worked for a couple known as the Cakes in the local bakery. Rarity made custom order dresses and suits of what I can only assume is the highest quality. Fluttershy is an expert with animals and takes care of any critter that needs the help. Rainbow is apparently charged with the weather around Ponyville, which apparently needs to be manipulated by pegasi. I'm not saying it's magic, but, it's magic. And lastly Twilight is the town librarian and was sent to Ponyville to study the magic of friendship.
We finally arrived at Canterlot and let me tell you something, it was freaking magnificent looking. The entire place looked like a stereotypical fairytale kingdom, only polished to an almost mirror finish. At the center was a massive ilustrious castle and surrounding it were several more mansion style houses. The further away from the castle however the smaller the houses got. I assume that the less wealthy ponies lived in the smaller houses.
"Wow." was all I could say as we were taken over the city and towards a large balcony on the side of the castle.
For some reason, I'm not entirely sure why, I decided to do something stupid. So with out any warning what so ever, I stood up, walked over to the edge of the still in mid flight chariot, and swan dived into what looked like a pool near the bottom of the tower that the balcony we were aproaching was on.
"DAMIEN!!!" I heard all six ponies shout as I fell from the chariot at alarming speed.
I looked up, or down considering I was falling head first, and saw a rainbow streak coming my way. So in an attempt to pick up speed I flattened my arms. She never even got close as I made contact with the water. I braced myself and felt the water hit my body, though it didn't hurt all that much. I felt a bit numb but that's good considering I'd be dead if it weren't for my awesome new magic powered body.
I sank like a rock before I righted my self under water and re surfaced. I looked up and saw a stunned, but still angry looking Rainbow. Above her were the rest in the chariot also looking rather steamed. Except for Pinkie who held up a card with the number 9.5 on it. Atleast I nailed it.
Author's Note
It may be a while before I can get more chapters up as I have to decide where I want this to go. It shouldn't be too long though.
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
So scaring the non existent pants off of my new friends may not have been a good idea at first. But let's be honest here, It was worth it. If for no other reason than the fact that the once silent halls of the castle were now filled with the sqiush squash of my soaked through shoes. Enhanced by the echo, the only other sound that could be heard were the hoof fall of the ponies and my child like giggles.
"I can't believe you would do something so reckless and make us all worry like that!" Twilight was still rather peeved about my near perfect dive. I should've done a few flips or something.
"Sorry about making you guys worry and everything, but I saw the pool and the opportunity to defy normal human restrictions was far too great." I was slowly drip drying, but was still pretty soaked.
"I have to admit it WAS pretty cool." Rainbow calmed down compared to the others.
Pinkie quickly added."Yea, it was a pretty good dive, though it could've done with a few flips." I KNEW IT!!!
As we walked through the halls towards the throne room where Celestia was waiting I took note of my surroundings. The halls were immaculate. Not a single spec of dust was present on any one surface. The walls were a sparkling white, vividly bright despite the lack of artificial light. The floor was marble, not tile, just massive sheets of marble. It almost looked like the floor was made out of a single gargantuan piece of it. It too was spotless, polished to a near mirror sheen. Every now and then there was a table with a potted plant in it, but other than that, the only other thing of note were the many stained glass windows depicting epic scenes.
I began asking about them and was actually quite surprised about a few of the stories behind them. Apparently the six ponies with me had defeated an ancient evil known as Nightmare moon. An evil entity that wanted to reign in the night for all of eternity.(Man what a bitch) She was also the culmination of jealousy and avarice born from Princess luna and given power enough to corrupt the princess. 'That sucks something hardcore.'
Twilight also told me about their bout with someone called Discord. He was apparently the physical embodiment of chaos and disharmony. He was able to turn the girls against each other, but ultimately failed and was imprisoned in stone after he underestimated the power of true friendship. And was now being held in a vault hidden somewhere in Canterlot within his stone prison.
I had no idea these six little ponies had done so much. It really made me think about how I've been living my life up till now. I never really aspired to do anything. Once I dreamed of being a singer but that died down after I became an adult and got myself a job. I've never really done anything with my life. Now though, I'm in an entirely new world. I have awesome super magic powers, and a new start at life. I'm gonna be something here........OR I will use my powers for my own personal gain and have as much fun with this new life as possible, not really accomplishing anything. Yea I like option two too.
"Man, you guys have been through alot huh?" I had finally dried off as we approached the throne room doors.
"I guess so, but we always found a way to come out on top, thanks to the friendship we all share." Twilight was practically beaming as she praised her and her friends.
"Well, we're here, princess Celestia should be waiting for us right through these doors." Twilight was about to open the doors with her magic.
"Hold on a sec Twi, I'd hate to be a bother but something has come up." I stopped her before she could open them.
"What are you talking about?" She looked a tad confused.
"Let's just say the hoover dam has a crack in it."
"..."
"The river's about to turn into rapids?"
"..."
"The supersoaker's been pumped one too many times?"
"..."
"I need to pee!!!" I ran off in a general direction as my bladder decided at that moment that it needed to be emptied.
I think Twilight was calling after me. Something about getting lost. Whatever, I had more pressing matters to attend to as I searched for a lavatory.
I don't know how, but somehow I found a bathroom. After sprinting through the castle halls and checking every door I could find, some leading to empty rooms, others to closets filled with random shit, and one that was locked. Though I only found this out after I had ripped it off its hinges scareing the living crap out of a pair of guards in a most...suggestive position. Don't ask don't tell.
The bathroom was rather spacious. And man did it shine. At first I thought everything was chrome, but it was all just that clean. After I finished my business and made my way out of the bathroom I realized my fatal flaw in my search for relief. I was lost.
Some how, even though I never went up any stairs I found myself looking out over a balcony at the top of one of the castle spires. There was a telescope on it so I decided to do a bit of peeping.
At once I spotted the same two guards from before trying to continue what they started behind a bush in the gardens. I immediately looked away and saw another pony in another tower across from me. It looked to be a stallion with golden blonde hair and stark white coat. He looked to be giving a pony in a maid outfit a really hard time. Considering he was making this pony who looked absolutely adorable in a maid outfit cry I automatically came to the conclusion that I don't like him. Looking around again there was nothing interesting to point out, so I decided to try my luck at finding the throne room again.
I had come across a set of large double doors. Only these were different from the other doors I've seen in the castle. The were a dark midnight blue color with black borders speckled with diamonds making them look like the night sky. The door handles were silver and shaped like apposing crescents of the moon. The doors themselves were covered on more sparkly diamond, only this time arranged in the shape of constellations. And what does one do when faced with such a door? Why open it with out knocking of course!
"Who dares open my door without first requesting to do so? Have I not made it clear that I am not to be disturbed with out due cause."
Out of the corner of the room I could see the silhouette of a pony behind one of those fold-able covers that you change behind. She had the same basic body shape as Celestia. She was taller than the others but still shorter than Celestia, had a long horn, and I saw wings flutter on her back as it looked like she was putting something on. I took this to be Celestias sister, and had the brilliant idea to mess with her a bit.
"Pardon for the intrusion your highness, but Princess Celestia request your presence in the throne room." I had to use all my will power not to giggle as I attempted to impersonate a guard.
"Yes I know, that is why I am donning my royal attire." She sounded a bit frustrated. "But that is no reason to barge into my room without knocking."
"I apologize your highness, it's just that Princess Celestia was wondering why you were taking so long and sent me up here to make sure you didn't just go to sleep." Oh man, I'm really pulling this guard voice off.
"What? How could she assume I'd just go back to bed?" She was getting even more frustrated as she was still fighting with whatever it was she was trying to put on.
"Just because I dozed off that one time before the Griffon ambassador was supposed to meet us, she thinks all I do is sleep before night court."
Wow, I didn't think I'd call her out on something real. This was getting too good. Time for the lulz.
"Here your highness allow me." I said as I walked around the back of the cover after making my way across the room.
She was a beautiful midnight blue color with an even darker shade of blue for her mane, that flowed in non-existant wind like Celestias and was filled with tiny lights that looked like stars. She was much shorter than Celestia, and effectively me. She seemed to be having trouble securing a breastplate of some sort around her frame. So I gingerly took the straps that were supposed to clasp around her neck and secured them without letting my hands touch her coat.
"Ah, thank you very much guar........" She turned around expecting to see a guard pony, but instead got a face full of my bare abs. She slowly looked up at me until our eyes met.
"Well hello there." I said with my most sincere smile, flashing my pearly whites. And apparently my canines because she shouted right in my face.
"MONSTER!!!" It sounded like getting blasted in the face with a set of those speakers used at a rock concert.
"YOU DARE TO ATTEMPT AN ATTACK ONTHE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT IN HER OWN HOME?!?!?" At least that's what I thought she said, my head was still spinning from her supersonic attack. I attempted to flee but was instead kicked to and through the wall outside onto a balcony after she turned around and bucked me straight in the chest.
It hurt like a mother fucker. The only time I had been hurt while here were when I was stabbed by that manticores tail and now. Man that kick was no joke. I groggily lifted myself up with my arms and looked towards the princess. She seemed to be charging her horn but looked puzzled when nothing happened.
"Why can't I levitate you creature?" She sounded confused. I on the other hand was starting to feel a whole lot better as the pain in my chest suddenly faded.
It must have been the magic, I absorb magic, and magic is what gives me my super strength and healing factor. She was trying to levitate me so instead of doing so, I was inadvertently absorbing her magic. So now I can add immune to magic to my list of tricks. Sweet.
I rolled over onto my back and pulled my legs back before kicking my self into an upright position. I stretched my back which earned myself a few satisfying cracks. I did the same to my arms and fingers finishing off with a swift neck crack.
"Good lord that was a hell of a kick princess, but..." I never got to finish my sentence as she tackled me at a great speed off the balcony.
It would have been a free fall if it weren't for the tower that I was heading towards. I righted myself in the air and landed on the side of the tower making a nice and sizeable crater in the once immaculate building. She gave me no time to breath as she made a bee line right towards me. I dropped from the wall right as she impacted it and landed on a balcony right below it. I looked around for the princess of the night but saw her no where. That is until I felt both her back hooves on my back smashing me through the balcony I stood on, and the one below it, plowing me straight into the ground of the large garden below leaving a large crater and me shaped hole in the ground.
I slowly got up and was wobbling all over the place as I stood back on my two feet. I looked at the princess, who had jumped off my back a good distance away from me. At least I think it was her, everything was getting a bit blurry.
"Why do you still stand monster? Most would have succumbed by now and lost consciousness, save maybe a dragon." She sounded genuinely curious.
"Heh heh, guess I'm just too stubborn..."
I was once again interrupted as she shot forward reeling her left fore-leg back for the equivalent of a punch. I was able to react this time though as I brought my right arm up to block it. As her hoof connected with my fore-arm I felt the entire right side of my body vibrate with the hit and my arm go numb. She brought her other fore-leg around and I blocked that too, receiving the same reaction to my left side. This however left my torso completely open. Seeing her opening she does a back flip in mid air and strikes at my exposed chest with both of her rear hooves, blasting me at least thirty feet backwards. I was still standing though, how I don't know. My whole upper torso was covered in cuts and gashes, I had two distinct hoof marks on my chest that were bleeding as well. I could feel myself healing, but also getting weaker. I guessed that my body could only do one thing with the magic in it at one time. The magic was being used to heal my wounds, but had to be diverted from my strength. I couldn't fight and heal at the same time pretty much. And considering how slowly it was taking to heal the smaller cuts, I was running out of magic quicker than my body could absorb it naturally.
I was breathing heavily, trying my damnedest just to stay standing. I don't even remember her moving, but before I knew it Luna had closed the distance between us again and delivered a upper-buck to my chin sending flying into the air. The whole world spun around as I descended back down, slamming into the ground on my back. I could only see the shape of what I was assuming was Luna, and barely made out the sound of seven very worried voices approaching before I blacked out.
I was now in a familiar place. Not the void where I met death, no some place...from my memories. I was back home, not just on earth, but back where I grew up with the only person in the whole world that ever really cared for me, my Grammy.
This looked like a memory of when I was little still living with my Grammy. I never knew my parents, grammy said that my father was a deadbeat who didn't deserve to be mentioned, and that my mom never even got a chance to meet me. I know now that she meant she died during child birth, but back then I just thought she went away like my father did. It was just me and my Grammy, and our tiny house. But we were happy. Grammy worked two jobs to keep a roof over our heads and our stomachs full. I vividly remember one day, it was my sixth birthday, Grammy had come home from work and said she had a surprise for me. When I asked her what it was she pulled a stuffed puppy out from behind her back. It was adorable, and I fell in love with it immediately. I was so happy that day.
I thought we would live together forever, happily, just the two of us. But Grammy got older, and older, and older. One day six years after Grammy got me the stuffed puppy, which I still had at that point, Grammy got sick. Really sick. We didn't have enough to take her to the hospital, so I took up a job as a paper delivery boy to earn some money. But I was only twelve, and it was just a simple paper route, of course it wasn't enough.
It was at this time that some distant relative I had never even heard of showed up. Aunt and Uncle Fillis. At first I had thought they had come to help us, to get Grammy the attention she needed. But all they were after was the house, and anything they could get their greedy little paws on. I hated them.
And then one day the inevitable happened. I was trying to feed Grammy some soup I made for her but she wouldn't eat it. She said it was her time.
"NO! You're gonna get better!" Twelve year old me cried.
"It's ok Damien, it's my time, and I've accepted that." She still wore that same warm smile, even as she spoke those words.
"But...but I don't want you to go." I had begun sobbing into the side of her bed, holding onto her hand in fear that if I let go, she'd be gone in an instant.
"Now, now. Enough of that, you're a big boy now and big boys have gotta be strong." She held up my chin, very weakly.
All I could do was nod my head as tears and snot flowed freely from my face. Her smile still never left her face.
"Now promise me something ok?" Again I nodded.
"I want you to live your life to the fullest, never live a life of regret." Nod.
"But most importantly Damien, I want you to be happy." I nodded again as I held her hand close to my cheek.
"I promise Grammy."
"..."
"Grammy?"
"..."
"Grammy!?"
I awoke in a cold sweat in a room I was unfamiliar with covered with bandages.
'Well there goes my first impression with the princess of the night.' I thought to myself as another thought came to mind.
"I promise I'll try harder and make this place somewhere I can be happy." I spoke aloud.
"Ok, Grammy?"
Author's Note
Well I drop some back story for the character and flesh out his powers a bit more. Let me know what you think please. :)
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
Ok so a quick update. I have been smacked in the face by writers block for the past while.
Edit: I'm terribly sorry about the long absence.
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
I must have been laying there in the darkness for an hour, just staring at the moon right outside the window by my bed. Okay so maybe it was more like twenty minutes, the point is I was bored, it was like two in the morning, and I was now really hungry. I hadn't had so much as a nibble since I got here. So with that in mind I got up from the bed and began my journey into the darkness in search of sustenance.
My eyes were well adjusted to the low light already and I could see pretty clearly considering the darkness. I attributed it to magic enhanced eyes. I quietly prowled the halls as I searched for a kitchen of some sort. I had left my shoes by the bed I woke up in so I wouldn't risk waking anyone who may be sleeping. At least that'd be the idea had I not been humming the mission impossible theme as I peeked around corners and rolled into cover behind a pillar.
'Alright, now if I was food where would I be?' I came across a set of double doors with a picture of a chefs hat with a knife and fork in a X formation.
'Nah, too obvious.' I was about to move on before I saw a light ahead of me.
Thinking quickly I ducked into the double doors and held them shut till I saw the light pass by beneath the door. I turned around and was met with (surprise, surprise!) the kitchen I had been looking for. I immediately found the fridge and almost ripped the door off its hinges. As the ever present light shone its way into the darkness, I had to shield my eyes so as not to be blinded. By the bright light, or the beauty of food, who knows?
In the fridge was a plethora of tasty looking treats. From fresh looking veggies, what looked like a bowl of chocolate pudding, and the most delicious looking cake I had ever seen. The frosting was a pure white with pink frosting lining the edges of the cake. It was perfectly round and had little flowers made of frosting along the top ridge. I snatched the little beauty up and found my self a knife in a drawer and sliced myself a nice big piece. It was a triple layer vanilla with strawberry and cream filling between the layers. Simple yet delicious. At first I was gonna get a fork, but ultimately gave up and ate it right off the plate, going so far as licking the plate clean. Strangely enough that one slice was enough to sate my appetite, I wasn't full, but I wasn't hungry anymore either.
My mission now complete I made my way back to the room I woke up in. I was sneaking through the halls, only this time the metal gear solid theme was what I hummed. I reached the room easily enough. I had the fore sight to wedge the door open with a chair I found so I know which room it was.
As I slid back into bed a thought crossed my mind. 'I'm bored.'
So in an attempt to kill my boredom I decided to listen to a bit of music. I took out my Iphone, some how it was still intact and had FULL battery! Damn thing was resilient, I'm gonna just assume it's magic and leave it at that, freaking thing could be a nokia in disguise.
I had trouble finding a song to my fancy, until I looked out the window at the moon. Then it hit me. I got out of bed and opened the window and sat on the sill dangling my left leg out of the window while I brought my right leg up with my knee against my chest. I turned on the I phone and let the music play as I snapped my fingers to the beat. I began singing along with the song .
When the night has come And the land is dark And the moon is the only, light we'll see
No I won't be afraid Oh I won't be afraid Just as long as you stand Stand by me
So darlin', darlin' stand by me Oh, stand by me Oh, stand Stand by me Stand by me
If the sky That we look upon Should tumble and fall Or the mountain Should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry No, I won't shed a tear Just as long as you stand Stand by me
So darlin', darlin' stand by me Oh, stand by me Whoa, stand now Stand by me Stand by me
I jumped away from the window and began to waltz around the moonlit room along to the song. Twirling around gracefully with my invisible partner. (forever alone)
So darlin', darlin' stand by me Oh, stand by me Oh, stand now Stand by me Stand by me
Whenever you're in trouble Won't you stand by me Oh, stand by me Whoa
I really gave my all to the last few lines of the song as the music was drawing to a close, completely forgetting that it was night time and that ponies might be sleeping now. I ended my performance to myself with a grand bow to the darkness. And heard clapping, or was it clopping, you know cuz of the hooves.
I immediately froze up and slowly turned around. There standing in the door way was none other than the god damn juggernaut, I mean Princess Luna. She was wearing a smile, one that looked to be a mixture of entertained and apologetic. I inched my way towards the window, seeing as the unstoppable wrecking ball of a pony was blocking the only other exit.
"Please, don't be afraid." She said gently as her horn glowed a dark blue and the window closed shut.
"I'm not afraid, I just wanted to shut the window is all, it's drafty in here." I lied, hopefully my shaking knees were unnoticed in the darkness.
"I...I wanted to apologize to you in the morning, but then I heard music and came by to investigate." She wasn't looking me in the eye, as if she were ashamed.
"Apologize? So...you're not gonna toss me around like a gorilla with a rag doll?" I continued to inch my way towards the window, I'd break through the damn thing if I had to.
"No, of course not!" She was defensive, but then shrunk back when she noticed she raised her voice.
"I merely wanted to apologize, and perhaps make amends?" She gave me puppy dog eyes.
God damn it! I have never been able to resist puppy dog eyes, and hers were freaking weapons grade.
"Ooohh, don't look at me like that." I pleaded as I tried to look away.
"Like what?" She now tilted her head to the side.
HNNNNG My heart!
"Ok, ok apology accepted, just...stop with the cute attack already, I don't think my heart can take that for very long." I gave up the window and sat down on the bed.
"Thank you." She said as she made her way towards the bed, got up on it and sat down next to me.
"Now let me formally introduce myself, I am Princess Luna Everfree of Equestria." She extended her hoof towards me which I looked at for a second before gently grabbing it and shaking it lightly a couple of times.
"I'm Damien Wilson, the human with super magic powers." I couldn't help but stare into her eyes.
They were the most beautiful shade of greenish blue. it was like looking into two deep pools that I could lose myself in and not care at all. I thought to myself how nice it'd be to stare into these gorgeous orbs for all of eternity. I would have too if those very same eyes didn't change into a very confused look.
"Uh, Damien?" Luna prodded me in the head with her hoof shaking me out of my trance.
"Huh? Oh sorry, I guess I was day dreaming." I shook my head a bit and looked away from her eyes lest I become entrapped again.
"Ok....I wanted to ask you something?" She got off the bed and stood infront of me, with her standing at full height and me sitting on the bed, we were almost eye level.
"Go ahead princess."
"Please, call me Luna." She sat down on her haunches before me.
"Ok then, Luna, what did you want to know?"
"If you don't mind, would you...tell me more about yourself?" She had her head down but looked up at me, she's doing this on purpose I know she is! She's using her cute as a weapon!
"Sure, I guess that'd be alright."
So for the rest of the night I told Luna about my life. About how I never knew my parents, about Grammy, my shitty relatives, and everything in between. I don't know why, but for some reason I felt like I could tell her everything about me. So I did, I became an open book in front of her. I told her about the very first time I fell in "love" and how she rejected me within a minute of me confessing.
After I told her about myself I asked her to do the same.
"Well, I assume you already know about me once being Nightmare moon?" I nodded
"It must have been so lonely, being up there for a thousand years." We had since moved from the bed and both sat on the
"Indeed, I love my moon, but I wouldn't want to go back there, at least for a while." She crossed her front legs and rested her head on them.
"I could imagine." I stared into the moon, entranced by its hypnotic beauty.
"It really is beautiful, huh?" I looked over to Luna and saw that she had nodded off.
'Heh heh, guess she must be tired.' I would be too after tossing someone around like she did. I looked back to the moon before my gaze drifted back to the sleeping mare. I could hear a very soft snoring resonating from her and every now and then her ears would flick about. She was just too damn cute to let sleep on the floor, so I very carefully picked her up without disturbing her slumber, and placed her in the bed and tucked her in. I grabbed one of the extra pillows and made myself comfortable on the side of the bed, sitting upright with the pillow against the back of my head.
"Sweet dreams Princess." I said before beggining my trek into dreamtown.
I awoke to the sound of birds singing and the sun blasting its rays right into my face. I groggily looked around, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the blur. I looked up and saw the blankets shift a little bit. 'Heh Luna must still be asleep.' I thought to myself as I stood up. I looked towards the bed and sure enough there she was. She was in no where near the same position she was last night though. Apparently she tosses a lot in her sleep because she was now spun 180 on the bed, where her head was supposed to be were her rear hooves and vice versa. The blanket I covered her with was flung to the side and hanging limply off the side of the bed. Not only that but she somehow managed to turn her self around on her back and was spread eagle with her mouth wide open and a little bit of drool dripping out.
I suppressed a chuckle as I turned around avoiding looking at "that" region of her body. I walked around the bed and picked up the blanket and placed it over her still form. After making sure her highness was covered up I left the room.
I stood in the hallway and stretched my back popping a few joints in the process making a series satisfactory cracks as I did so. I continued my morning stretching with my arms and neck, once I was finished I decided to try my luck at finding the bathroom again.
This time I found it in one shot, conveniently enough the door immediately infront of the room I was in was a bathroom. I took a light shower, just washing my body and shampooing my hair with some fruity smelling shampoo I found. The shower was a bit small so I had to duck a bit to get my head under the shower head. I dried my body off and put my clothes back on, I thought about asking the ponies if anyone could make me some new ones, I doubt their clothing stores catered to my kind. As I opened the door I saw Luna stirring in the bed as she began to awaken.
"Morning sleepy head." I said as I dried my hair.
"Mnn... wha? Where am I" she asked as she warily sat up in bed. She looked at me and suddenly turned a crimson shade.
I walked towards the bed and sat down right next to her, to which she diverted her eyes out the window. I finished drying my hair and let the towel rest on my shoulders. I reached down and began putting on my socks and shoes. I looked up towards Luna and caught her looking at me for a brief moment before she turned away quickly trying to hide a light blush.
"So, what's on the agenda today Luna?" I leaned back in the bed using my arms to prop me up.
"Well, you were supposed to have an audience with my sister yesterday, but...you know." She looked crestfallen again.
"Hey now, it's alright, it was my fault anyway, I shouldn't have been messing around." I looked towards her and she was looking at me.
"Besides, if anyone needs to apologize it's me, it was very rude of me to barge into a fine young mares room uninvited, then again you came to my room for a 'midnight visit' too." I wiggled my eyebrows.
"*giggle* I suppose you're right." My god that giggle was down right adorable. I don't know how I'm gonna last in this world if all its inhabitants were this radioactively cute.
"If you don't mind me asking Luna?" She looked at me awaiting my request.
"Do you think anyone could make me some new clothes? I'm still going shirtless here and the clothes I do still have aren't going to start getting clean themselves." I motioned towards my bare torso and dingy looking pants.
"Oh that reminds me, miss Rarity said she had a surprise for you, knowing her I'm thinking she's already granted that wish." She got up from the bed and shook her self a bit and ruffled her wings a little before resting them by her side.
"I better go and thank Celestia, she must have set the moon for me last night since I sorta...nodded off." She looked pretty embarrassed.
"Okay, what should I do until Celestia decides she wants to see me?"
"You could explore the castle some more if you wish, though this time you might want to have this." She magically conjured a map out of thin air. I'm gonna need sometime to get used to that.
"This is a detailed map of the castle, with this I doubt you'll get lost." Oh really? Challenge accepted!
"Thanks Luna, this'll help keep me out of trouble." I touched the floating map and the second I did the magical aura around it disappeared and it fell to the ground.
"Oh right, magic leech powers." I bent down and grabbed the map, folded it, and stuffed it in my pocket.
"Well then, for now dear princess I bid you farewell till we meet again." I bowed in an over exaggerated fashion.
"And to you, sir human." She bowed as well. Look at me having royalty bow, I'm totally not gonna let this get to my head....ok maybe a little.
Trekking through the castle halls this time was much easier. I followed the map to the kitchen, even though I already roughly knew where it was from last nights stealthy adventure. As I was about to open the doors I heard an fairly peeved off voice.
"WHO ATE MY CAKE!?!?"
` With out even looking up from the map I turned around. Breakfast could wait for a bit.
I was able to get most of the map down in my head. I at least knew where I'd find the throne room and how to get to the garden. With nothing better to do I decided to check out said garden.
It was just as beautiful of not more so than the castle interior, only in a natural way. There were multiple flower beds along the walk way leading from the castle entrance to the center of the garden. There were far too many animals scurrying around for me to even count. I saw wide varieties of birds from blue jays to secretary birds. I even saw a freaking wallabee. The fauna was just as diverse, there were willow trees with benches beneath the shade they provided, and several different kinds of fruit trees. I followed the walkway until I came across a fountain with a statue of what kinda looked like Luna and Celestia, only more stick figure looking, like the murals in the stained glass windows.
I sat down at the fountain and stared into the water. I looked myself over trying to see if I had any scars from my tussle with Luna. (No 'tussle' implies I fought back, it was more like an arm wrestling match between a gorilla and a snake) There were no scars to be seen, not even a little scratch. I did note however that a certain scar on my shoulder was still very much there. I lifted my left hand to it as the memory of how I got it rushed to my mind.
I had been living with my aunt and uncle for about a year now and I hated every second of it. It's not like they beat me or tormented me, but they treated me as if I wasn't even there. Sometimes, for a kid who needs love and affection, that's worse. I had a small room with a dresser and a small bed, and that was it. No toys, games, books, or tv. There logic was 'why would he need any of that stuff? he should be happy enough with a room and food. Talking about food, they not once cooked a meal for me. If I was lucky they'd have some leftovers from their meals, but mainly I had to cook for myself, but even then I would get yelled at if I made something they wanted to eat that night. Which happened a lot.
I would go out of my way to stay out of the house just so I wouldn't have to be around them. I joined any club I could after school, drama, math, history, the martial arts club, I even went to the song/dance group for a while. I never ended up staying with them. For math and history, I just couldn't keep up. I was a good student but man those guys sure did love their subject, it was almost scary. Drama was similar, I was told I was a pretty good performer but I just couldn't stand the guys that took their roles way too seriously. This one guy spoke in 'ye olde english' for a week for some play I dropped out of. The martial arts club was pretty fun but I got bored with it real easy once the instructor began lecturing us about calm centers and stuff. Song and dance was really the only one I stayed in for an extended period of time, it was there I discovered my love of song and my lack of talent in dance.
I remember one night when I was walking home from the song/dance club. It was already dark since I wasted a lot of time just singing to myself after everyone else in the club left. I wanted to take as much time as possible so I decided to walk through a local park. I never really liked going there, the happy families having picnics and what not was kind of a buzz kill.
As I made my way through the park I heard some laughing and a bunch of thudding sounds. I sneaked my way around towards the noise and hid behind a nearby bush as I found it. It was a bunch of random teenagers, three senior high schoolers by the look of them with their letter-mans jackets, illuminated by a couple of the lamp post that dotted the park. They were thwacking a burlap sack around with a stick and laughing up a storm as they kicked it. I wondered what was in it and what could possibly be so funny. That is until I heard a whimper coming from the sack.
My eyes shot wide open as I heard the cries of a dog coming from the sack. I didn't even think about my actions. Because before I knew it I had launched myself from the bush and grabbed the arm of one of the teenagers as he was about to hit the sack again. I grabbed onto his arm and spun around on the heels of my feet as I flipped him end over end into one of his buddies.
"What the hell!" I heard the third one yell as he watched his crew get back to their feet.
"Look at this little shit." He said as his friends circled around me and I tried to keep myself between them and the sack.
The one I threw was to my right cracking his knuckles and the guy I threw him into was to my left doing the same. Their assumed leader was in front of me and had picked up the stick. I looked him straight in the eyes but kept note of his cronies positions. I've been ganged up on by bullies plenty of time trying to defend some one that couldn't defend themselves. I;m not gonna lie, I got beat. A lot. But I also learned.
The leader shifted his eyes to my right. As soon as he did the one on my right rushed me. Predictable. I simply stepped back and held out my foot as he ran by me and tripped straight into his friend. Again.
The leader face palmed as he watched his goons fumble all over each other trying to get up.
"C'mon you idiots! It's just some little fucker, whoop his ass already." He pointed his stick towards them then towards me.
The two finally got up but I didn't wait. As soon as the first of them turned around I delivered a swift jab right to his adams apple. As he dropped to the ground grasping his throat I grabbed his face and pushed him towards his friend right into his legs sending him toppling towards me. I braced my right arm by placing my right fist into my left palm and pointed my elbow upwards and let his weight do the damage as his stomach hit my elbow with the full force of his fall. I heaved him off me and turned around to see their leader running at me. I ducked under his first blow but couldn't dodge his second as he hit me square in the stomach and actually sent me flying a foot or two. He was older than me, and stronger. I clutched my stomach as I tried to regain my stance. I looked up and saw him looking down at his friend and kicking them lightly.
"Man I can't believe you guys got your shit pushed in by this little turd."
I had finally gotten back up to my feet and was panting pretty hard. My heart was racing, I had been in a couple of fights before, but those times my opponents were more my size and weight class. These guys were much bigger than me. I readied my stance as I waited for their move. The leader seemed to be the only able since the other two were still on the ground groaning and gurgling.
I saw that the sack was now behind them. I steeled myself as I slowly closed the distance. The leader was unimpressed as he pulled out a butterfly knife and whirled it around before brandishing the blade at me.
"Just calm the fuck down little man, you don't want me to hurt you now do you?" He twirled the knife around in his fingers, yet I still moved towards them. And there it was, I saw it in his eyes, for just a split second, but it was there. Hesitation.
"J-just keep back man."
I ran towards him and out of instinct he thrust the knife forward. I moved my head to the left just in time to avoid the blade in my face but a sharp burning pain coursing through my arm stopped me in my tracks and I tumbled past the trio stopping at the now still sack.
I grabbed at my shoulder and felt something cold. I looked to my right and winced in pain as I saw the knife sticking out of it, crimson liquid trickling down my arm shining in the park lamps light. I rolled on the ground crying out in agony as I tried to pull the knife free only to deal more pain to myself.
I looked over and saw the teenagers eyes wide with horror. He scrambled to get his friends up as they made their way away from the scene.
"I told you to stay back man, I fucking told you!" The three of them ran off and I heard them cussing at each other and screaming about being in trouble.
I lied on the ground crying openly. I turned to my right and saw the sack. I crawled over to it with my left arm and untied it. When I opened it I almost threw up, the poor creature barely resembled a dog anymore. I wailed out loud before passing out from the blood loss.
The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital room with my right shoulder bandaged. I looked around and saw that I was alone. Of course I would be, why would I expect my family to be there. I heard the door open and looked at it to see my uncle standing in it. He didn't look sad, or worried. He looked my annoyed than anything.
"You happy now?" He asked as he walked across the room and threw some clothes at me.
"Now your aunt and I can't go on our vacation cuz of you." He turned around and was about to walk out. But before he closed the door I heard him say underneath his breath. "We never should've taken this little shit in."
I let my self cry silently as I thought back to the happier times I shared with Grammy. I looked out the window let the tears roll freely down my face. The dog in that sack looked so much like the puppy she got me.
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
I sat there on that fountain for a while longer as I mulled over the sudden memory. I finally shook my self out of my stupor and stood up from the fountain and continued my stroll through the garden. I kept walking, admiring all the different forms of flora and fauna, until I came to a section of the garden dotted with statues. I strolled down the walkway that branched off to each statue and studied the master pieces individually, until one in particular caught my eye.
This statue stood out to me the most. It was of a very heroic looking pony. It looked male from its bulkier build. He stood proud, a unicorn with a long beard that reached down to his forelegs knees. He had a stern expression, one that told of the vast wealth of knowledge he held behind the stony eyes of his. Atop his head he wore a stereotypical wizards hat and on his back a long flowing cloak that covered his entire body from his neck to back.
I stood in front of the impressive statue as I read the inscription below it out loud.
"Star Swirl the Bearded, a great hero to pony kind. A scholar and a pony of unparalleled intellect. His knowledge in the field of magic advanced pony civilization to where we are now. Let us never forget the impact he has had on us."
I stood infront of the statue admiring the stoic ageless expression the unicorn wore. He revolutionized the world apparently. He used his gifts to change the world for the better, and in doing so earned himself immortality in the record books. A hero and revolutionary.
It got me to thinking, maybe I should do something with this new gift of mine. I'll need to learn how to control it better. I'd have to figure out how to control my absorption of magic, and find out if I can channel it in any way. It might be alot of work but hey, who knows, I could become a hero too.
My thoughts were interrupted as a voice from behind startled me.
"Sir, the princess has requested your presence." A pony clad in white and gold armor with a white coat addressed me.
"Oh, okay then. Lead the way good sir." He nodded and about faced and I followed.
After a short walk through the garden and through the halls we were outside of the throne room. The guard motioned to the two unicorns stationed at the door to open them. Their horns lit up in shades of blue and white and the massive double doors slowly creaked open.
I was greeted to a large open room. Not just large, HUGE. You could probably fit a football field in here. The ceiling was high and had romanized columns as supports. The floor was the same immaculate marble with a long crimson, gold lined, carpet that led from the door to the throne. Which was impressive in its own right. It was an ornate piece of furniture, white in color with gold trim. It was also situated upon a pyramid shaped stair case with what I could only guess were Equestrian flags behind it depicting two ponies circling each other in a yin-yang type pattern, one sporting the sun, the other the moon.
And sitting upon this throne fit for a god was, well a god. Princess Celestia looked over to me when the doors opened and offered a warm smile. On either side of her throne stood a stone faced unicorn guard. These ones wore the same armor as the others I had seen but both had a dark charcoal colored coat.
"Ah, Damien. So glad to see you up and about. I assume you had a good nights rest." She spoke to me in that ethereal motherly voice that just radiated a sense of comfort.
"Yea, I slept pretty great. You know considering what I went through yesterday." I scratched the back of my head awkwardly as I recalled the events of what will now be referred to as "The Beating".
"That is good to hear, though I am curious as to how you seem to have not a scratch on you." She ventured with a curious tone as she got up from her throne and motioned for me to follow her.
"But you can tell me all about it over breakfast, the others are eager to hear your tales as well."
She led me to a set of double doors on the right of the throne room and magicked them open revealing a rather large and lavishly fancy looking dining room. A chandelier made of what I assumed were legit diamonds hung from the ceiling above the long table. Said table was decorated with vases with various colorful flowers and an extravagant looking candelabra with no less than ten red candles situated in its intricate golden arms.
There were nine chairs set up at the table. Three on one side, four on the opposite side and two larger chairs set at one end of the long table. Each of the chairs were made of wood (what kind I couldn't tell) and had red felt cushions on them. They had large seats on them but were really low to the ground.
I saw Twilight and the others come in and take six of the smaller chairs, Twilight taking one closest to the larger chairs. Celestia Walked over to one of the larger chairs and sat in it while I made my way to the spare chair on the left side of the table with Applejack, Pinkie, and Rarity. I stared st the chair for a while, it was too short for me to actually sit in it comfortably but the table was too tall for me to sit cross-legged on the ground. So I just sat cross-legged on the chair.
"Damien how are you feeling?" Twilight asked me from across the table.
"Just fine, feeling pretty good actually." I said as I re-adjusted my sitting position.
"That's good to hear, but when we found you it looked like Princess Luna had beaten you to near death!" She looked a bit skeptical of my obvious health.
"How are you perfectly fine and not have a scratch on you?" Rainbow piped in as she searched my bare torso for any scars.
"I think it has something to do with your worlds magic." I explained.
"Where I come from there's no such thing as magic, at least not the kind here, and I think my body acts like a sponge and absorbs the foreign energy." I tried to explain it as if I thought of it myself rather than death telling me. Don't want to go through the trouble of trying to explain that.
"But instead of flying or spells, my cells get super charged by the magic. Which I think is what gives me my super strength and hyper regeneration. So long as there's magic around I can probably heal indefinitely, that is if I can learn how to purposefully absorb and direct magic to healing. When Luna was tossing me around like a rag doll I felt weaker in terms of my strength, I think that was because my body was subconsciously diverting all the magic in my body to healing. If that makes any sense." I scratched the back of my head as Twilight looked to be in deep thought.
"That makes sense I guess, for unicorns we manipulate magic with our horns and weave together spells." She demonstrated this by lifting a fork that was in front of her with her telekinesis.
"Pegasi channel it with their wings to allow flight and their hooves so they can manipulate the weather." Rainbow got up and hovered a bit to show off her wings before sitting back down.
"And the magic in earth ponies enhances their physical capabilities and their connection with nature, allowing earth ponies to be great with growing crops and such." Applejack just nodded in affirmation, I guess I'll get to see that aspect in action later.
"I still find it amazing that you guys can even do something like control the weather, back home the weather kind of just happened whether we wanted it to or not." I looked towards princess Celestia.
"Or that you can control the sun and the moon. In my world our planet orbits around the sun in an oval pattern while rotating on an axis. That's what gives us our day and seasonal cycle." I made a crude diagram with one of the spoons on the table and used a nearby candle for the 'sun'.
"Hmm, I see. Your world is self sustaining. That's SO fascinating I would love to hear more." Twilight seemed more than ecstatic to find out more about my world.
Before I could say anymore a pair of double doors, on the opposite wall Celestia and I walked in, opened up with a train of pony in maid outfits trotting through with platters of food on their backs. One had a large platter with eggs of different varieties, sunny side up, scrambled, omelets, even a couple of hard boiled eggs already de-shelled. Another mare behind that one walked through with a platter just as large with a variety of pancakes and waffles on it. There were also many plates of salads, fresh fruits, and vegetables.
I immediately locked my sights on the chocolate chip waffles and a steaming omelet that looked like it had some green peppers and other veggies in it. A large glass was levitated towards me and a pony in a maid outfit was at my side with three pitures in her telekinetic grasp, one had milk, another had orange juice, and the last one had water.
"What would you like sir?" She asked me with a smile.
"Uh, OJ sounds nice thank you." I smiled back as she poured the OJ in my glass before moving on to Rarity next to me.
"Well, everypony. Help yourselves, don't worry about running out our chefs can make more if you like." Celestia motioned towards the now full table as she levitated a small cup of coffee towards her lips.
"Alrighty then." I immediately began stacking my plate with waffles and scrambled eggs.
All the ponies at the table happily accepted the meal and chowed down at their leisure. Pinkie and I on the other hand were already on our second stack of eight waffles each in an unspoken agreement to a eating contest before any of the others had even finished selecting.
Small talk among the ponies was made as Pinkie and I had our battle, Rainbow and Applejack cheering us on as we both attacked our fifth stack. She kept a steady yet quick pace while I was taking whole waffles, rolling them up and dunking them in syrup before consuming them in one bite. Finally as we each reached our eighth plate I began to slow down. My method of eating the waffles whole back fired, whilst Pinkie looked good to go for another two plates at least. But I wasn't going down that easy .
I stared down my glutenous adversary, waffle in hand. My stomach begged me to stop, yet my pride urged me to continue. The pink menace bore a smug smirk as she continued bite after bite of her breakfast. Finally she tossed aside all reason and began matching me waffle for waffle. I would consume a waffle and she would inhale one soon after. Our audience watched in awed (or disgusted) silence as our standoff reached its climax. Pinkie and I had but one waffle left on our plates along with a lone cherry on the large platter between us and it even seemed pinkie was succumbing to the morning match. I rolled up my waffle and slowly lifted it to my mouth, Pinkie matching me move for move, until both her and I had a waffle hovering before our open mouths. Our bodies trying their damndest to stop us but our wills perseveering as we both shoved the last waffles in our mouths. Pinkie chewed hers and swallowed with a sickly look of pride adorning her face. I chewed mine. Once. Twice. Three times, before forcing it down my throat. As I felt the waffle side down to meet its brothers in my gullet I caught a glimpse of a smug smiling pink pony as my vision tilted sideways and I fell to my side in defeat as my nemesis took the celebratory cherry and popped it into her mouth, securing her the victory.
"Well fought soldier." Pinkie said as she trotted around the table to my side.
"At least I lost to a worthy adversary." I responded as I gripped the side of the table and brought myself up. I looked down and noticed that a good portion of my chest was now covered in syrup.
"Ugh, how come you're still clean?" I questioned Pinkie as I tried, with little success, to clean off some of it with a cloth napkin.
"You have much to learn young one, but auntie pinkie pie will teach you her ways." She gave me an all knowing smile before bouncing off to her seat as if she wasn't filled with at least a hundred pounds of waffles.
"I think I need a shower." I gave up the napkin and turned to Celestia.
"Can I take one before we continue the questions?" She smiled and nodded before turning to one of the maid ponies.
"Would you please show Mr. Damien here to the bath and get him anything he may need." The maid nodded as she trotted up to me.
"Right this way sir." She was about to open the double doors the food came in through before Rarity stopped us.
"Oh, wait just a second darling, I nearly forgot to give you this." She levitated a pile of neatly folded clothing towards me which I let drop into my open hands.
"Wow, Rarity this is so cool of you. I don't know how I can thank you."
"Think nothing of it darling, you needn't worry about any sort of payment or anything. Consider it a welcome to Equestria gift." She gave me a kind smile.
"Thanks Rarity, I'd hug you right now but I'm kind of in a sticky situation here." I shrugged
"Hehe, then later dear, once you're all clean and well dressed." She gave me a smirk before the maid pony led me out of the dining room.
The maid pony led me to a nearby bathroom that contained a bath within it. She nodded her head before leaving me to my privacy, stating that she would be right back with a fresh towel. The bathroom looked nearly identical to the one I used earlier though instead of a simple shower it had a below floor bath tub. I turned on the faucets to the rather large bath, even for my size, and tested the waters for the perfect temperature. I undressed and stepped into the tub and switched it to the overhead, which I still had to duck under. I washed off all the syrup and thoroughly scrubbed myself down before switching the water back to the lower faucet and flipping a lever to block the drain, allowing the tub to fill. I layed myself down in the tub and stopped the water as it reached about to my neck.
I loved taking a nice warm bath, it's always so calm and relaxing. Also it's the best time for one to spend on thinking about their issues and problems. Though I opted for instead letting all of that wash over me as I simple enjoyed the blissful feeling of relaxation. I re-surfaced and slicked my hair back before resting my head against the rim of the bath and drifted off.
Author's Note
Kinda a small chapter but I've been a bit busy with IRL stuff and haven't had much time to write. I should be getting a break soon though, and I'm gonna use it to try and pump out chapters like a fountain.
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
I don't know how long I was in that tub for. All I know is that when I was woken up from my nap in the tub I was a little pruny. I Was jolted awake by the sound of knocking coming from the bathroom door. I lazily looked around trying to find the towel and making my way out of the tub. It was at this moment that I realized I was now standing in the bathroom, completely naked, dripping wet, without responding to whoever knocked. I was also facing the door at the moment the door swung open.
"Sir are you ok in he...." The Maid from before stopped in her tracks, a perfectly folded towel on her back. A brilliant blush making itself known through her fur.
She quietly put the towel on the counter next to the door and slowly backed out of the room while closing the door, not once taking her eyes off of my...."region". I Face palmed as I grabbed the towel and dried myself off before getting dressed with the new clothes Rarity made me.
There were three sets of clothing that Rarity made me. Three pants and three shirts. There was a dark navy blue shirt with three embroidered diamonds on the left shoulder. The other two shirts were similar with only the color being different and one of them had long sleeves, one was a nice burgundy color and was the one with long sleeves. The last one was a straight black shirt and only its V neck collar differentiated it from the others. Each pair of pants were the same however. All three of them were done up like my jeans but with slightly different feeling material. They were all a dark navy blue color and were equipped with a pocket on either hip.
I donned the black shirt and pulled on a pair of pants, it was a bit uncomfortable at first since I was going boxer less at the moment. I'd have to figure out a way to ask rarity to make me some with out embarrassing myself out of existence. They also fit so perfectly, not too loose any where but also not restricting at all. I looked myself in the mirror above the sink and gave myself an admiring nod as I folded up the rest of my clothes, relocated my Iphone, and headed out.
As I walked out of the bathroom I spotted the maid from earlier sitting a little ways away from the door, facing away from it.
"Hey..." I said a little awkwardly.
"I see you are finished sir, I'll bring you back to the throne room. Her majesty and the element bearers are waiting for you." She continued to avert her eyes and what little glimpses I caught of her face seemed to be red with a bright blush.
"Alright, lead the way." I opted not to bring up anything to further the awkward tension hanging in the air like the aftermath of a burrito supreme.
After a very awkward walk through the halls we arrived back at the throne room doors. The two guards nodded at the maid and opened the doors with their magic. I thanked her for being my guide as she moved to the side to allow me entrance before walking off, most likely to do maid things or tell every living thing that could understand her about her "encounter" with the strange visitor to the castle. Yea.....maid stuff.
I slowly walked towards the throne still enthralled by the sheer brilliance of the room I was in. As I approached the throne proper I finally diverted my gaze from the architecture and saw Twilight, her friends, Celestia, and Luna. Also amongst them was a unicorn I had yet to meet. I assumed it was a male due to it's larger build in comparison to the six ponies who weren't princesses. He wore armor similar to the guards I had seen previously, only his was purple and much more ornate, probably a pony of high rank to get custom armor.
"Ah, Damien darling, I see the clothes fit perfectly, and might I say you look rather dashing in them if I do say so myself." I blushed a little from Raritys compliment. I'd never been called dashing before, many other...not so nice names... but not dashing.
"Thank you Rarity, these clothes are amazing. They fit just right and feel great, though how'd you get them to fit so perfectly." It was Raritys turn to blush as she divulged this information.
"Well you see darling, while you were unconscious at the hospital, I may have snuck in to take... your measurements." She backed away shyly.
"I'm terribly sorry, but I simply couldn't wait for you to wake up before I could start making your clothes, it was such a tantalizing challenge to design clothes for one such as your self and I deeply apologize for breaching your privacy like that." She looked like she felt downright awful about it, so I naturally forgave her.
"It's ok Rarity, I got some really great apparel out of it so I suppose it's ok." I patted her on the head and at first thought I fucked up but the pleased and content look on her face told me otherwise.
"Besides all that though, I don't believe we've met. I am Damien Wilson." I said with a slight bow as I addressed the armor clad unicorn.
"No we haven't, I am Shining Armor, captain of the royal guard." He took off his helmet and extended his hoof, which I accepted and shook no less than three times.
"Well it is a pleasure to meet you Shining Armor." I gave a light bow as we released our shake.
"Like wise, I have heard a lot about your abilities and have to say I'm kinda interested in seeing them for myself." He placed his helmet on a small hook on his side letting hang.
"Well I'm not against showing off, but don't you guys have some questions for me?" I turned to Princess Celestia.
"Actually, I am most interested in your abilities as well. I would like to see a demonstration myself if you don't mind." She looked genuinely interested so who was I to deny the lady.
"Ok then, I don't see the harm in it. How you wanna do this?" I turned back to Shining.
"We have a chamber near the barracks for the guards that we use for testing new spells and training the new recruits with magical illusions. As I understand it you are immune to magic so the illusions would just disappear so we will use something a little more...intense." He held a slight smirk as he began to lead the way out of the throne room through a door behind the throne.
It took us maybe fifteen minutes to walk to the chamber Shining spoke of. The walk was accompanied by light conversation. I found out Twilight was Shinings little sister. I also got into a discussion with pinkie about the diversity and perfection of pie and how nothing bad happens when there's pie around. I have a feeling I'm gonna get along just fine with this mare.
As we finally arrived at the chamber I was, to be honest, a little underwhelmed. For,what I understood was essentially a magical version of the danger room, it was kinda bland looking. It was just a large blank white building with a massive set of doors at the front. Next to these, big enough to fit a fighter jet, doors was a smaller door, which is the door Shining led me to while the others went up a flight of stairs on the opposite side of the giant doors.
The moment I stepped through the door my feeling of under whelment disappeared. The phrase "It's bigger on the inside" was an understatement. It looked big on the outside but on the inside it was quite a bit bigger. The building I saw was just the top half of the full size to the chamber, it was still a bland white and mostly blank but the sheer size of the room I was in was quite impressive. You could've easily fit one of those cargo ships that carries other boats in here.
"Whoa..." Was all I could say as my voice echoed epically in the empty room.
"Don't get excited just yet." Shining led me to what looked like a control panel to our left and pulled a series of levers and pressed a large red button.
As the button was pressed the sound of gears and machinery coming to life whirred throughout the room. I was speechless as the floor disassembled itself and opened up as panels realigned and connected to re-shape the simple room. As the sound of the gears and machinery came to a stop I no longer saw the simple empty room, it was now re-assembled into a coliseum the likes of which would make the Romans proud.
"That...was...so...cool." I let out in a near whisper as Shining led me down a set of stairs that were built during the transformation that led straight to the coliseum.
"Yeah, even after all my time spent in here I still love seeing this stuff." Shining opened a door and moved to the side as I thoughtlessly walked through into the coliseum.
I turned around quickly as I heard the door shut. I looked around and saw that I was now alone. I looked up at where the seats of the coliseum were and saw Shining along with the rest sitting in the V.I.P. booth thing.
"Alright now Damien." Shining spoke into a microphone.
"This is gonna be a very simple demonstration, we use this method to train our more seasoned guards but I think you'll be fine. Don't worry though if anything looks like it gets too hairy I'll pull the plug." He looked like he was fiddling with more controls as I heard the screech of metal on metal and turned around to see a gate being lifted.
"Just defeat the targets. I will be sending a small group of three autonomous golems after you, your goal is to disable them, simple right?" It sounded simple enough I suppose.
"Alright, here they come. Get ready big guy." Shinings voice echoed before a gate to my left slowly opened.
As the gate dropped I could see a trio of shadows slowly move their way out of the darkness. As they stepped into the light I finally got a good look at them. These "golems" looked like blank featureless dolls that stood on four legs. That is they stood on four legs before they looked at me and stood up to an upright stance, their bodies shifting slightly to more resemble a humans build.
"What the hell?" I looked up to where Shining and the others were looking for answers.
"These golems are designed to fight on par with their opponents, they normally take on the appearance of ponies but they changed to match your physique so as to better match you in combat." I was actually getting a bit excited as Shining explained the golems. I was finally going to see what I could do. Didn't hurt to show off a bit in front of my new friends either.
I turned back towards the golems and took off my shirt, it was brand new and I didn't want it to get torn up. I folded the piece of clothing, tucking my Iphone into it for safe keeping, and placed it near the entrance door before returning to the center of the arena. I cracked my knuckles and did a few stretching exercises before giving Shining the thumbs up. He nodded at me and pressed a button switching a light that was in the golems eyes from blue to red.
The first golem to charge came at me from the front reeling back its right arm and bringing it forward like a bullet where my head would've been had I not ducked. I quickly tensed my right arm as I sprung up delivering an uppercut to the construct. It went flying backwards landing at the feet of its two comrades. I thought it was a pretty good punch, until it got back up. It turned around eyeing me eerily before snapping its neck with a teeth grinding sound like metal on stone.
'Well than' I thought to myself as I got into an offensive stance.
'These things are tougher than I thought, better try going on the aggressive offensive.
I shot forward far faster than I thought possible, closing the distance between me and the golems in mere seconds. The golem standing in the center stood its ground as the two on its side bolted out to flank me. I launched a quick jab to the golem before me with my left, which it easily dodged. I quickly brought my right hand into the golems face sending it skidding into the ground. My victory was short lived however as I got all the wind knocked out of me as one golem leg connected with my back as another leg caught me right in the abdomen, as the two other golems attacked with a syncronization that would have been cool to watch. Experiencing it though was another story entirely. I fell to my knees clutching my stomach with my left hand while my right supported me.
I was given little time to recover as both golems leapt into the air intending to stomp me into the ground. I was just barely able to jump out of the way as they left a crater in the ground. I didn't get far though as a powerful clothesline caught the back of my neck before a cold hand gripped the back of my head and slammed it into the ground.
I slowly pulled my head out of the ground, a trickle of blood from my forehead staining my vision. I could feel my injuries recovering but like before I was feeling weaker. I shakily got to my feet just in time to see the third golem that planted me join its brothers.
This was not going as I had first planned. I glanced up at the booth and saw what looked like Twilight arguing with Shining, probably telling him to call off the golems. I locked eyes with Shining and shook my head. His eyes widened a bit, before he nodded. I turned back towards my foes and tried to assess the situation.
Three quick and powerful foes that operated as one cohesive machine and could move in nearly complete synchronization. I closed my eyes as I concentrated trying to figure out on the spot how to manipulate magic. I shook my head as nothing came to me and just decided to wing it. I shook my body as I finished healing and took a defensive stance.
The three golems rushed me, together this time. The one in the middle shot forward with a right jab as the ones on its sides swept a leg each towards my midsection. I dodged the jab by moving my head to the left while bringing my arms down to intercept the incoming legs. I caught each leg with my hands, my right hand catching the leg coming from my left and vice versa. I gripped them tightly as I brought them to my center intent on crushing the one in the middle with its buddies. It jumped back however and was sparred as I crashed the two golems in my hands together shattering a good portion of their bodies upon impact. That was two down and only one to go.
I could feel myself getting tired so I rushed the last golem. It brought its arms up in a defensive posture but instead of hitting it in any way I planted my left foot right before it as I brought my right fist around catching it in the side sending it to my left where I met it with a blow from my left fist sending it back to my right. I continued the pattern for a good eight hits from each arm respectively as I dempsey rolled the stony bastard before delivering one final blow to its now exposed face. My fist impacted the golems face with everything I had creating a small shockwave, like you see in anime, sending the construct flying before skidding to a halt on the floor twitching.
I was breathing heavily as I let my stance drop. I looked around at the scraps of the first two and the now un-moving body of the last golem...wait... was it getting back up?
I backed up a bit as the pieces of golem at my sides slowly gravitated towards the still intact golem. It began standing up as the pieces from its fallen comrades merged with its body, its red eyes blinking out of existence only to be replaced with violently glowing purple orbs morphed into what looked like a scowl. The parts changed shape as they attatched themselves to the main body warping it into a golem that was more than twice my height. It was similar looking to the original three only instead of looking like Sunny from I-Robot, it looked like Sunny from I-Robot...on steroids and injected with "fuck you up" juice.
I audibly gulped as I backed away from the monstrosity. I looked towards Shining actually hoping for some intervention and saw him frantically pressing buttons and pulling levers. I dreaded the answer but I still asked.
"Shining? What's the matter?" I almost whimpered as I heard his frantic voice from the microphone.
"I have no idea! For some reason the golem's not responding! It's raised its danger level to 30, the ones you fought before were only at 20!" Well that's reassuring.
"Well.....this blows..." I was cut off as a massive back-hand sent me flying into a wall.
I coughed up some blood as I impacted the wall, leaving a sizable crater. I winced in pain as I forced my eyes open just in time to see the super golem charging me with its fist coming right at me. I quickly pulled my legs up to my chest and kicked myself out of the wall before dodge rolling to the side avoiding the blow and ignoring the pain that shot through my body like electricity, only there was something else I noticed in my adrenaline induced senses.
It felt warm and comforting. I could also feel it spreading, as if the warmth was alive. I was moving from my legs to my back. As it hit my back I could feel the damage done be healed. I dodged out of the way of a massive foot springing away like a cricket. yet again I felt the warmth move, this time to my legs. I stood still for a sec and focused on that feeling. I could feel it become intense as I jumped but die down and spread through out my body as I relaxed.
'This must be the magic in my body!' I thought to myself as I jumped out of the way again out of the way of a heavy fist. When I felt the warmth intensify in my legs yet again I was pretty much convinced.
I looked towards the booth again and saw the ponies' terrified expressions and Celestia getting up from her seat, most likely to intervene. I looked right at her though shaking my head, stopping her in her tracks earning me a surprised look from her. I just offered a smile before I spoke up.
"Don't worry Princess." I eyed the large golem. "I got this."
I closed my eyes feeling the warmth in my body, I also heard the stomping of the golem but ignored it as I focused solely on what I was about to do. I concentrated on the most intense part of the heat, in my heart, and willed it to move. Which it did, almost effortlessly. I felt it move from my chest to my right arm, just where I wanted it. The stomping got louder and I could feel the ground shake, but I continued to focus. I concentrated on the warmth throughout the rest of my body channeling it to my right arm. As the heat migrated from my body to my arm I could feel a distinct difference in strength between my left and right arm. Finally when I felt the last of my magic flow into my arm I opened my eyes just in time to see the golem almost within striking distance. If this was gonna work it had to work now or I'll be seeing death again very soon.
I planted my feet into the ground and looked at my arm that I channeled all my magic into. To my surprise it was glowing a bright vibrant orange in color, the heat coming off of it was so intense I could see steam rising from it as it distorted the air. I grinned widely as I knew exactly how I was gonna do this.
The golem closed the distance and I ran to meet it as I shouted out something I have always wanted to shout since my childhood, a particular tune playing in my head .
"Here I go!" I sectioned my fingers off to look like a tri claw, my middle and index together, ring and pinkie, and thumb.
"This hand of mine if burning red!!!" I looked the golem right in its eyes.
"It's loud roar tells me to grasp victory!!!" My hand makes contact with the golems face bringing it in the direction I was running knocking off its feet as I held its face.
"Erupting!!!" I squealed on the inside as I began crushing its head in my grasp, still running.
"Burning!!!" I slammed its head into the opposite wall and crushed it, releasing all of my magic in that final blow.
"FINGEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!" I was so happy I could taste it.
"And now!!! Heat! End!" The golems head exploded spectacularly as well as its entire upper half and a good portion of the coliseums wall.
I panted heavily, clutching my knees to steady myself, as I looked at the destroyed remains of the golem and the wall. Apparently I shot a beam of energy because I could see a hole in the main wall as well, that a pair of familiar looking guards were shaking like leaves as they peered inside.
"That...was...AWESOME!!!" I heard Rainbow cheer before the cheers of the others joined her.
"That was incredible!" Twilight was already by my side as I began wakling towards the exit door.
"I mean the way your arm glowed like that! As if it were made oiut of raw magic! And when you shot out that beam! I still can't believe you did that!" She was breathing almost as heavily as I was.
"Meh *wheeze* it was *huff* nothing *cough* oh god." I leaned against the wall and slumped down next to my shirt trying to catch my breath.
"Oh this is just SO fascinating! I can't wait to study you."
"What was that?" I asked not completely hearing her.
"Uh...nothing" She smiled sheepishly.
"So....questions huh?" Sweet harmless questions, how bad could that be after the golems?
Author's Note
I'm ALIVE!!! Seriously though, super sorry about the super long time it took to get this out and I apologize that it's not all that good.
I am finally starting to flesh out Damiens powers and have much in store for the would be super guy.
Also changed the chapter names cus WHY NOT!?!?
Please let me know if there were any mistakes, and any criticism is appreciated. maybe some suggestions as to what you would like to see.
Stay brony friends.
The Adventures Of Damien The Not So Average Guy
I learned something today, Twilight Sparkle is a curious mare. A "very" curious mare. When we started the Q&A session it was mostly expected questions. She wanted to know about everything from my world. Her questions went from
"For the last time Twilight, I don't care how much you want to study my body I'm not just gonna strip naked here for all of you!" I kinda felt bad when her ears flopped down but a man's gotta draw the line somewhere, and I think that line was somewhere between forcefully removing my shirt and asking me what my "preference" was. Btw, I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
"I'm sorry, I guess I went a little overboard there huh." A little?
"It's just that you're so fascinating, your whole world is so fascinating!!!" She perked up again and began running in little circles like a dog chasing its tail as she ranted. Fucking adorable.
"I mean a whole world that's just like the Everfree? Giant flying vehicles made of metal? Landing on your moon without the use of magic!?!?" She was getting a little too close. *Sniff sniff* I could smell the waffles she had at breakfast.
"Yea, I still don't buy the whole "not controlling your weather" thing." Rainbow motioned with her hooves as if to make air quotes but it kinda just looked like she was doing the caramelldansen.
"Well I suppose there really is no way for me to prove all of this is there? OH WAIT THERE IS!!!" I shouted out as I held out my Iphone. Still charged btw, I'm assuming that since it's like me and foreign to magic it absorbs it too and converts it to energy......or something more complicated I couldn't be bothered to think about. *trolololololo*
"We've seen that device before, on the ride here, what is that thing if I may ask darling?" Rarity spoke up as she approached to get a better look at the Iphone.
"Ah yes my dear, this little marvel is an Iphone, the Iphone five to be specific and it is an amazing little piece of technology." I caressed my phone like it was a safety blanket.....not that I had a safety blanket.....well...maybe when I was a kid but I didn't keep it for very long. Just till high school.
"You see this thing here has many awesome abilities such as..." I pause as I take a quick picture of Rarity before showing it to her.
"It's a camera?" She gasped as she saw her face on the phone.
"It is also a video recorder, go on do or say something." I trained the camera on Rainbow.
"Alright, check this out." Rainbow did a triple back-flip in the air. I stopped the recording and played it back, the audio and video coming through clearly.
"Amazin' that little doo'hicky can do what them big ol' movie cameras do only better." AppleJack seemed to be impressed, as were the rest.
"And of course, as you've all seen, it can play music." I played a song but cut it off half way through to show the girls more stuff.
After showing them a few more features I had on the phone I put it away and they continued with the questions. It wasn't just Twilight asking me questions though. Rarity was very interested in my worlds fashion, so I showed her some pictures I had, pretty much all of them were pictures I had taken of cosplayers from my treks to comic and anime conventions. She loved everything I showed her and said each picture gave her more and more ideas for designs of her own. Rainbow wanted to know about the more athletic scene so I told her about baseball, football, soccer, basketball, pretty much anything I thought would spark interest for the athlete. I found out they already had games similar to soccer and football. Pinkie was super hyped about what kind of parties there were, unfortunately for her I hadn't really been to too many myself so I ended up describing what I knew and saw from movies and TV. Fluttershy wanted to know about the different kind of animals I had seen, and that was where I went off on a rant about all the different creatures I had personally seen and the ones I really wanted to see. I had to cut myself short however before I ranted for too long. Finally Applejack wanted to know about my diet. Surprisingly enough they weren't all too freaked out when they found out I was an omnivore, atleast not after I told them I would never consider eating anything sapient, or that I could never kill something of my own accord.
"I have to say, your world does sound quite fascinating." Celestia, who had kept quite for the most part finally spoke up.
"But I think that should do with questions for now, we should now focus on a more pressing issue." She looked at me with a serious, but still kind face.
"We need to introduce you to the populace, it would be most unwise to hide you from the public." She got up and motioned for me to follow her.
"I will arrange for a press conference of sorts to introduce you to my little ponies. In the meantime I would like to talk to you in a more private manner." While she still held a face of kindness, there was that hint of coldness in her voice that would've passed over anyone who wasn't paying attention.
"Of course your highness." I followed her without question, considering how badly Luna trounced me, it would probably be in my best interest to listen to everything she says.
Celestia called for a guard and told him to prepare the conference room for a press meeting, and to invite the more prestigious of the news companies. She wanted unbiased reporters not some kind of gossip or tabloid column giving the world the news of my presence. After she dismissed the guard to his new duty she led me to a secluded room while telling the others to stay where they were till we returned. As the door shut behind me I audibly gulped, now completely alone with the leader of this land.
The room wasn't as extravagant as the others I had seen up till now. It was more or less unfurnished with the exception of a pair of couches facing each other in the center of the room and a lone coffee table between them. The walls were white and noticeably less polished than the ones in the hall outside. Outside of the solitary window on the far wall there was really nothing else of note in the room.
"Now, Damien." She focused solely on me, sending a shiver up my spine.
"I would like to ask you some questions myself, and please be honest with me." She sat on one of long couches in the center of the room and motioned for me to do the same on the couch opposite her.
"Damien Wilson." her voice was serious and calculating, making me stiffen up in my seat.
"I want to know about what kind of creature you are, you spoke of not being interested in harming any kind of creature, yet since your documented arrival you have beaten two manticores into submission, got into a physical confrontation with my sister, and took down three of our most advanced training golems in a rather violent fashion." She fixed me with an almost cold stare.
"You seem to be a smart individual, so you must know where I am going with this. For one who proclaims to love peace you seem to be quite well versed in the art of violence." She stopped speaking and gave me a look that seemed to be asking for my reply.
"You're worried I might be dangerous? Is that right?" I looked into her eyes trying to find any sort of leniancy, there was none.
"Heh, I guess in this case there is no way for me to guarantee you that I can't or wont hurt anyone while I'm here." I saw her feathers rustle slightly at my words.
"But believe me when I say that I would never willingly hurt anyone of my own free will and without a reason. The only thing I can offer you as proof that I mean you guys no harm is my word, whether or not that's enough isn't my say." I looked down at my feet to avoid her gaze.
"I understand if that's not enough and wont blame you if you need to take certain...measures...to ensure your subjets safety." I could feel my heart racing with every second that passed.
"......"
The silence seemed to drag on as I awaited my judgement. Only when I heard the ruffling of feathers and the clop of a hoof hitting the ground did I tense myself for what may come. I shut my eyes expecting something horrible, but instead I felt something warm and comforting. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up. Celestia was sitting right infront of me, one of her gold clad hoofs resting gently on my right shoulder, and that same warm and careing smile I met her with.
"I have been told I am a good judge of character, even without magic I could sense the good in your heart. I am sorry if I scared you, but I needed to know if you were a threat or an ally." She took her hoof off my shoulder and stood up gesturing for me to follow.
"Pfft, me scared? Naw." I tried my best not to fall over from my wobbly legs as I stood up.
She rolled her eyes at my false bravado. "Uh huh, well than fearless human, when your legs stop shaking we will procede to the conference room and have you intriduced to equestria." She giggled as I gave her an awkward smile and actually had to grab my legs to stop them from shaking.
I spent the next three hours being run through basic etiquette when addressing the press by Twilight.
After that Rarity took some proper measurements from me and fashioned me a quick little suit. It was a simple navy blue jacket that fit over my shirt, a pair of matching pants made from the same material. She even managed to fashion me a pair of fancy looking black shoes. I took the chance to ask her about procuring some......under-garments. She giggled at my ruby red face when I asked her, but none the less agreed to make me a few pairs. I insisted on paying her back in some way, but she was even more stubborn than me so I ended up conceding and letting her make it all for me for free.
After leaving Raritys room I made my way to the conference room, led by a guard this time so I wouldn't get lost.....again. I was ushered in by the guard and told to stand behind a large red curtain next to the stage until I was called. In the front center of the stage stood a podium about half as tall as Celestia, only coming up to her chest. This meant that when i went up that thing would just barely come up to my waist. The room itself seemed fairly spacious. Several ponies with reporters hats sat in many seats in front of the stage. Each pony seemed to be holding a pencil and a note pad, each one also had another pony next to them that was holding a camera held on with a mount of some sort around their neck. The commotion they were making was pretty annoying.
My attention snapped to the stage as I heard Celestia speak up.
"My little ponies, please calm yourselves." Celestia continued to speak in that motherly tone of hers, yet the feeling that came from her words made it seem more like a command one MUST follow, and so the crowd quited down.
"Now, my little ponies, I have a very important announcement, and no it isn't anything bad." She eyed one pony that had shot her hoof into the air only to slowly lower it back down. She looked towards me and smiled once more.
"In fact, I believe it to be a rather good sort of news."
"We have a visitor, one even I have not seen in all my years." She motioned for me to start making my way towards the stage.
"Allow me to introduce Damien Wilson, the first human of Equestria." She moved to the side and motioned for me to take up the spot behind the podium she stood in previously.
"Uh.....hi everyone." I had to grab the microphone and lift it off its mount to speak into it properly. Unfortunately when I picked it up it made that terrible screeching sound and everyone in the room winced at the noise.
As i stood there a long and dead silence overtook the room. I scanned the faces of all the ponies and saw a wide range of differing facial expressions. They ranged from utter shock, barely contained excitement, and most prominently, fear. I felt my smile droop a little as I looked into the eyes of each of the ponies that eyed me with varying degrees of fear. This was the last thing I wanted to see, a cute little pony.....afraid of me.
"My name is Damien Wilson..." I trailed off as the silence continued on.
"Does anyone have any questions?" I ask as I looked upon the reporter ponies, immediately each reporter ponies hoof shot into the air.
"Are you here to take over Equestria Mr. Alien?" A mare in the front shouted more than asked as her hoof hung in the air.
".....uh......No." I awkwardly fidgeted behind the podium.
"What gender are you?" A mare from somewhere in the middle of the crowd asked me.
"Last I checked I was a male." I made like I was looking down my pants and nodded.
"Yup, I'm a male alright." I winked at the mare earning a very slight blush and a round of light laughter.
"What are you going to be doing while here in Equestria?" A stallion from the back shouted out at me.
"Honestly? I haven't thought that far ahead, I suppose I will attempt to purchase a house for myself and live peacefully among you ponies." I paused for a second before continuing.
"Although I guess a job would be in order first." I scratched the back of my head similarly to Phoenix Wright.
"How long will you be here in Equestria?" A pegasus mare asked me in a more leveled voice than the others.
"I actually have no plans of leaving Equestria, I would rather not go into it but I cannot go home and to be honest I wouldn't want to." I smiled at the pegasus before continuing.
"I have seen very little of this world, yet from what I've seen in my short stay here, this place is beautiful and if everyone I meet while here is as kind to me as those I've met so far." I looked off stage to Twilight and her friends.
"Then I think my life here will be, if nothing else, rather pleasant and hopefully eventful."
Author's Note
Okay, so I'm not even sure anyone's still reading this thing but dammit I started this and I intend on finishing it.
I also apologize for the grievous lack of updates. Some real heavy stuff happened IRL and I had to deal with some financial business.
I won't make any promises of more updates but I do intend on continuing this story, if anyone has any suggestions or critique please don't hesitate to let me know. Thank you very much. *bows respectfully*