It was almost dusk as I made my way up the steep climb of the ridge. Down below us was a wide canyon, our mark was just getting ready to pass us by from around the corner, a caravan just loaded with goodies! And drugs, oh the drugs! Get me some stampede and I'll be good to go, I was almost running out!
Space Cannon gave us the signal that it was time and we raced down the hill. A whooping sound was made to my left, and I gave out a holler myself as we sped towards the caravan. I felt a sharp sting followed by the most serene feeling in the world as the stampede made its way into my body, the syringe clanking to the earth below me as I charged on. I wanted to kill everything everywhere! Searing Shot was the first one to get to the guards, that stupid pony! She knew damn well I was supposed to be first in line. With a loud growl I jumped from the hill. Landing close enough to her, I lunged at the guard in her grasp and ripped off a chunk of flesh from his side with my claws. The guard hollered in pain, sweet sweet music to my ears. I wanted more of it. I needed more of it!
"Looks like I win again, dog," Searing shouted at me as she started stomping on the twitching pony, his forelegs closing up each time her hoof went down.
"Bitch pony, you know I called first dibs! You only won cause cheated and pumped me full of drugs," I poked her in the side with a claw, drawing blood. It's not that I minded the drugs, I was quite thankful for it, it made the assault much easier on me when I'm pumped full of chems. "And stop fucking kicking him, he's mine to play with." Searing left me to go after the other caravan guards.
"P-please...I h-h-have a famil-," the guard choked on his words, blood pooling in his mouth as I picked up the kicking from where Searing left off.
"I don't care what the fuck you have, you're mine now!" I continued to kick him. There was a pop and a quick spasm as I stomped on his ribs before he stopped moving. "Hey bitch pony! Look, I killed the poor thing! Hahahah, what a weakling!"
Searing Shot looked up, bits of gore covering her muzzle and a wide, smiling face. Good for her, getting in an afternoon snack. I'm not one for eating my kills, but we all need to eat sometime, am I right? I went back to kicking the now lifeless buck. He had something shiny on his leg. It looked useful so I snapped his right leg off to use as a club and looked over the rest of the area. Most of the caravan ponies were already dead. Some were fleeing, some lay under my mates for er...other reasons, and some even surrendered their possessions in hopes of being let go. Space Cannon never let anyone go. Join up maybe, but never let go. I still wanted to kill, still needed to kill. I really hoped none of these ponies were joining up. I needed to hear more music! I looked over to Space Cannon, my eyes asking for more kills. Space nodded, bringing a hoof across his throat. We were free to kill whoever we wanted! Yay!
I raced over to Leaky Acid who had a mare under him, her cries for help making me just a bit uncomfortable. I wasn't into forcing mares. Not really my thing. Ponies I mean. It's rare to find a hellhound like myself out here though. I bent down next to her and blew softly in her ear. She looked up at me, her eyes pleading for me to help her. I gave her a crooked smile before grabbing one of her legs and pulling, a feint snapping sound followed by her shrill scream was my reward. Acid fell out of her, cursing at me for yanking her away. Poor thing's leg was still attached. "Let Fleshstain help you with that," I whispered to her, as I began stopping on the joint connecting her broken leg to the rest of her. More screaming and crying filled my ears. I looked over to Acid, "Help me get this thing off, it seems to be stuck!"
Acid chuckled and stepped over to my side. He pushed in one direction as I pulled in the other, finally breaking her leg off. The mare howled in pain before seizing up. I just laughed and started beating her with her own leg. "Why are you hitting yourself, bitch? Huh? Why. Are. You. Fucking. Hitting. Yourself?" I shouted, each word emphasized with a beating of her own hoof. I chuckled and nudged her over onto her back so Acid could finish up. Aren't I such a good friend? I tossed the mare's leg to Acid who took it in his magic and placed it somewhere else. Most likely to mess with the mare somewhere more er...private. Nothing better than your own hoof these days!
My eyes twitching for more excitement, I decided to give chase to those that tried to flee. I scanned the area looking for anyone I could play with. To the south, out near the mouth of the canyon was a little filly and what appeared to be her father galloping next to her. In my drug induced rage, I gave chase. The filly looked behind as she was galloping, terror in her eyes. For added effect, I started howling, and I even bared my sharp fangs. The filly froze in fear, the buck next to her running back to pull her tail and drag her away. I stopped in my tracks and cackled madly before I took the guard's leg from my back. I hurled it at the father, striking him the back of the head and having him tumble to the ground. The filly looked back at me, a small revolver enveloped in her magic field. I laughed as she pulled the trigger, the bullet missing me by a mile. Again she shot me, and again she missed her mark. I just stood there laughing, I must of looked like a maniac... but then, we all are maniacs, aren't we? The filly tried flinging her gun once she ran outta bullets. Soft sobs could be heard across from me as the filly stared at her father, the buck shaking his head. Must of knew he was done for. I picked up the gun and walked up slowly to the fallen buck.
"It's okay pony, I make it quick." I leaned over the buck and pointed the gun at his head. "BANG," I shouted loudly, the filly squeaking and the buck shaking madly. "Just kidding! Looks like it's empty. Gotta do this the normal way. I can't bare to watch though, it's too bloody," I said as I turned my head towards the filly and bore my right paw into the back of the buck, his scream a choking wet noise of blood and vomit. "Ugh, you stinky, pony."
I thrust my claws deeper into his shoulder. Feeling around for his spine, I finally got a hold of it and tugged. Slicing off his head with my other paw as I lifted his spine, I was rewarded with a nice makeshift, gore filled flail. It was perfect, just what I always wanted! I stuck a claw up the inside of the head, and using my other paw I worked the mouth.
"It's okay baby, I'm still alive! Daddy loves you, now gimme a hug," I said in a slightly altered voice, using my paw to guide the head's mouth for each word. The filly started crying, wetting herself right there. "I'm fine, really! Just come closer and give me a hug. Everything will be better then, I promise," I said with the pony head. The filly just kept crying, but slowly inched a hoof out forward. Then another. And then another. Out of panic or whatever she had going through that tiny brain of hers, she jumped forward, letting her tears fall freely as she sobbed into my hide. I dropped my paw from the mouth as I embraced her in a hug before quickly decapitated her in a flash of gore. She didn't even have time to scream as her body slumped to the dirt path, blood spurting and painting the earth red. I picked up the leg club and stashed it in my pocket. I always wondered how things like that could fit in my pockets. The leg was almost as long as my torso, and it managed to fit in a little 2x4 inch pocket. I didn't really understand it. It looked like just a normal pocket vest to me, pre-war stuff is weird! I then reached over to pick up the filly's head in one claw and the pony 'flail' in the other and strolled back north to the sacked caravan.
* * *
The place was really torn apart now. Wagon parts spread all over the area, the bodies of the guards and passengers on fire. Locked crates scattered the ground, Space Cannon attempting to pick them open. My claws could easily slice through them, no doubt also slicing whatever was inside, but at least they'd be open, right? Leaky Acid was still going at it with that mare from before, but she was limp. Death by sex, what a way to go!
Using the filly's head, I worked her mouth as I addressed the mass of raiders. "Heyo fellow ponies. You look like a nice group, can I join yous?"
Space Cannon let out a light chuckle. Searing rolled her eyes and Acid gave a wide grin. As always though, it was Arid Tissue who had to go and ruin my fun.
"I swear Fleshstain, You have to be the most psychotic of our lot. That's fucking disturbing man."
Tossing the filly head over to Acid, I turned and faced Arid. "You stupid ponies need to enjoy life! Live a little! I just wanted to entertain but noooo, you had to go and ruin it for everyone now, didn't you? Stupid pony." My rush from the drugs was waning, and I was beginning to get grouchy. "We get any more drugs? I need them. Pony give them, yes?"
Space Cannon tossed me a little silver case. I caught it with a claw to the side, splitting the case open to reveal 12 syringes filled with a crimson and gold liquid. Arid gave a smirk. "I swear, never did I ever think I'd see a hellhound addicted to chems. Only in the wasteland, eh?"
"Shut up stupid pony. Least I'm not eating my own kind. Besides, I never thought I'd work with stupid ponies and their stupid tiny brains!"
"Hey! Stupid dog, that's mean!" Searing Shot gave me a feigned look of hurt on her face. I dug the pony flail out from my pockets and gripped the jaw in my paw.
"He didn't mean it baby, honest!" I said with the pony head, eliciting a creeping smile on Searing's face.
"Aww, I could never stay mad at you, puppy. C'mere and give me a hug," she said with an outreached hoof. As best I could, I gave her a hug, careful not to nick her too much with my claws. I even planted a few kisses with the pony flail on her head, causing her a fit of the giggles. She was a nice pony, I liked her. Ew, not in that way!
"So, boss. What did we get out of this other than my wonderful drugs?" Space Cannon looked at me, then back at remains of the caravan. He trotted over to a cloth tarp, lifting it up to reveal a shiny box. There was not one lock on it, but there was a rattling inside when the boss picked it up. I motioned for the ponies to stay back as I entered my slicing stance. When the boss tossed it to me, I slashed deep. My claws caught the wind, slicing through so quickly that the force of my slash had marked the earth, a void where the box was. There was not a scratch on the thing. Very rarely did I find something that I could not cut open with my claws.
"Doesn't look like I can open it, boss. What's inside it anyways? Why were so many ponies trying to protect this thing?" The boss looked at me before letting out a breath of air, shrugging. He wasn't much of a talkative pony. Rather, I don't think I'd ever heard him speak before. He pointed at the box and back to Acid. Acid took the hint and picked it up in his field of magic, stashing it in his saddlebags.
After gazing out at the carnage we caused and a little more scrounging for bits and bobbles, Searing announced it was time to head out. "Alright team, puppy. Let's head back to Sprout Town." Searing gave everyone a once over before releasing her magic, her spell wrapping each of us up in a bright light before taking us away from the caravan and back on home.
* * *
Now, I know what you're thinking, how can raiders like us have a home? Well you see, Sprout Town was where we all met years ago. While I was being escorted from imprisonment from those pony fliers from up above, they stopped in Sprout Town. They thought their silly mind control cap would keep them safe, but they didn't count on Space Cannon showing up. The boss was a well built earth pony stallion back then, a shining white coat with a loud yellow and orange mane. With his freaky zebra like stance he rescued me from the birdies in a time of need, and I took it upon myself to repay him.
Together, we took over the town. Hellhound and pony working together? It's an odd combo, I know. The fellas back west in Ponyville would be so proud of me! Arid Tissue was next to join us when he thought he found an old untouched pre-war town. Of course it was just a trap we set up. With my keen hearing, I was able to tell when ponies or other creatures passed near our town. We'd always play the ghost town, you know? The second he stepped foot inside Sprout's gates, I was already under him, claws reaching up to grasp at his legs. I pulled pretty hard, ripping out his back left leg. After we found out he was unarmed (Or un-hoofed in this case, hah!) we fixed him up. That purple coat of his was scarred up from bullet wounds, thankfully not from any of us. He passed out from too much blood loss, and with no doctor in town, I took it upon myself to heal his leg. I mashed his leg back to his body and force fed him a bottle of Hydra. His cells re-attached themselves, but he still looked wrong. When he awoke, I realized that I put his hoof on backwards! I think that's why he doesn't like me.
Acid and Searing showed up together as a couple seeking shelter. But it was all an act. While everyone else was sleeping, Searing went off looting us blind. By morning they were both gone. Had it not been for my sense of smell, we never would of seen them again. We caught up to them near the Beach of Ashes, a little place south of Sprout Town. I almost killed her before she agreed to join us. Acid, not wanting to be left alone, joined up with us too. There was one other member of our team, but we always left him home guarding the town. He was much too big to sneak around with us when we went for supplies.
* * *
When we were released from the spell, we were outside of the gates of Sprout Town. At least, what used to be the gates. The town was on fire! Charred bodies lay everywhere! Things didn't look good at all.
Footnote:
New Party Perk!
Medicinal Laughter: While in the vicinity of three or more Skyshadow Raiders, you slowly regenerate health whenever a comedic act is performed.
Fleshstain
Strength: 9
Perception: 3
Endurance: 9
Charisma: 4
Intelligence: 4
Agility: 10
Luck: 1
Perks
Plainsrunning: Your days of running as a puppy in the tunnels of Ponyville have paid off! While in pursuit of a target, friend or foe, you are unhindered by weight and move as such.
Packmaster: While under the effects of Stampede or Rage, you can carry an additional 25lbs. Both of these drugs effects, positive and negative, last twice as long. (-1 Strength while withdrawn from Rage, -2 Strength and -1 Endurance while withdrawn from Stampede.)
Equipment
Leg Club: A stiff leg you pulled off from an Earth Pony. There's a something attached to it. You wonder if it can be taken off...
Bone Flail: A flail you made from a pony spine. Head still attached for when you feel the urge to perform comedy!
Pocket Vest: A vest filled with pockets that run wide and deep. You've had it all your life, and you still don't think you've found all the pockets. Just where do they keep coming from?
<<Special Attacks>>
(Rank 1)Air Slice: Relaxing your body and putting all your strength into you right paw, you slash your current target. The force of your swing is carried on air, inflicting double your normal damage. Has a chance to hit anyone in front of you, including friendlies and neutrals for half your normal damage. Can be used twice a day.
Author's Note
So, this idea popped into my head the other night, an FOE Comedy that was still a bit dark and set off in a land not touched by megaspells. I tried waving it off as it was 2 in the morning and I needed sleep, but it kept me awake, so I decided to wake up enough to write down a few notes. Two weeks later I bring out this. Hellhounds are cool, and I have big plans for this guy. Yes, it's sloppy. I'm not used to writing something like this, so give me some slack here. I failed English 4 years in a row during high school. I'm sure you'll find mistakes and I'll do my best to correct them. I, also, don't know, how to, use, commas.
Thanks to Kkat for creating a story so great that it made me give Fallout 3 another chance, which then made me pick up New Vegas and read all the other awesome FOE stories. Also thanks to OneLonelyPickle for helping me push this out. I totally need an editor.
Chapter 1: They Call Him Swiftclaws
They Call Him Swiftclaws
"The inside of the van smells like burnt cheese and mouthwash."
Ahahah, just kidding. The place was always on fire! The charred bodies are new, no idea when they got here, but the flames all over town? That's on purpose! You see, whenever we leave to go out to raid, we leave Skyshadow in town to defend the place. And what's a better defense than a town that looks like its on fire? He just burns a little bit around the walls of the town though, nothing major. It's magical fire, the stuff only dragons can do. Skyshadow said he picked it up from his travels across the wasteland but I don't buy it. Where would you pick up something like that? Aside from setting things on fire, it's also useful for sending things to and from a specific point. No idea where that point is, none of us have ever dared tried to find out. Don't want to get torched, you know?
I know what you're thinking now, 'Where did this incredibly handsome hellhound find such an amazing thing like a dragon out in the wastes?' And I'll tell you the same thing I've told everyone else...I don't remember. Shortly after Acid and Searing joined up with us, something crashed into the swamp to the east of town. My mind is pretty much blank after the thing crashed, and I guess a few months later Skyshadow is hanging out with us like everything is normal. I'm sure something happened to me where my memory was yanked away or something, but I don't remember. Skyshadow is a pretty cool dude, for a dragon anyways.
He's not like your dragons from back in the day either. Skyshadow doesn't have wings. It's not like they were cut off or anything, there doesn't appear to be any scars on his body. He just wasn't born with them. Regardless, he can still fly with his freaky dragon magic. He's more of a snake than a dragon I should say. The only dragon-like thing about him is his face and the fact that he breathes magical fire. He's quite the odd fellow.
Skyshadow greeted us at the gates. "Ponies! Dog! My favorite mea-, erm, I mean friends! Welcome home. I trust we got a nice supply this day, correct?" Space Cannon hoofed him over the strange sealed box from before. "This does seem strange. There's a rattling in there. Maybe I should try sending it off to the other side, see what happens?" The dragon gave a creepy wink at Space, who shook his head in the negative.
I snatched the box back from him and stashed it in my pockets. "I already tried cutting it open, not even a scratch on the thing! What kinda thing does that?" I spat on the ground to my side. "Whatever. Lets kill the flames and get inside. I need to unload."
With a swoosh of his tail, Skyshadow brushed away the flames covering the gate and we stepped inside. On the outside, Sprout Town was nothing fancy. Just looked like a couple of buildings squished together with a big dome in the center. On the inside though that's exactly what it was, above ground anyways. A few years after I realized that Skyshadow had joined up with us, we began getting attacked by more and more scavengers and other gangs for our territory. In an effort to save the town, I began digging holes underground. Well, really it was just to save me and my friends, but as time went on I started adding more and more features to the place. Eventually we had this big underground town, all hand-crafted by me.
The entrance to the the underground was in the dome building in the center of town. Back before the war, Sprout Town was a sapling sanctuary. The big dome used to house thousands of different tree species. They really built the place to last. In 162 years, the place hadn't fallen down. But I don't think they planned all too well for the trees. It seems that years after the war, the water talisman cracked, leaving the soils dried up. The trees began to wither and by the time we took over the town all but three of the trees were dried up tooth picks.
Between the time of taking over the town and Arid joining us, Space Cannon and myself set out to remove the dried up trees from the dome. Fashioning tools and defenses out of the trunks, we armed the town's residents in case someone else decided to take the town over. Sure, many times the residents attempted to throw us out with the tools we made for them. But come on, wood pike and shield VS hellhound, who would win? We tossed out the ones that chose to rebel and kept the good ones. And by tossed out, I obviously meant kill. But they still got to be apart of the town, their bodies strewn up around buildings and other areas.
When I dug the tunnels underground, I used the three trees still living as entry points. Great Abraham, a magnificent Pine located near the back left corner of the dome was the entry tunnel for the housing of the raiders. Sultry Jefferson, the giant Maple in the center was the entrance to the trader tunnels. And in the front right corner of the dome was Topless Maggie, a Spruce with the top half cut off. Topless Maggie was the entrance to our prison, the gang's brothel and the clinic. It alternates depending on the mood we're in when we get there, hah! A ladder was stationed at each tree to climb down to the deeps of the tunnel.
"Alright ponies, I'll see you around," I said as I dove down into the earth, making a new tunnel just before heading into the dome. I've got a bunch of private tunnels. In my mind, I always know where I'm digging, even if I'm digging around like mad. Sure enough, a few minutes later I popped out in a wide room filled with empty syringes and sack in the corner. This was my room. There was no entrance except for the ones I dig into it. I make sure to fill the tunnels back up before leaving, to make sure no one gets in. It wasn't much, but it was what I called home. A bookshelf to the south was filled with old scraps of paper. Next to the side of the shelf was a big locked chest. I carefully picked the lock with my claws and opened the chest up. It was another one of those strange 'hold everything' type of boxes, just like my vest! But this thing was much too bulky for me to carry around. I tried stuffing it down my vest pockets, but apparently you can't stuff a 'holds everything' box into a 'holds anything' pocket.
I reached into my vest pockets and pulled out the stiff leg and the pony flail, setting them aside. I also took out the silver case filled with chems that Space Cannon gave me and set that aside. Then I took off my vest , opened all the pockets I could find, and shook vigorously over the chest. Soon the vest was pouring out everything in them...scrap bones, gemstones, bits and pieces of guns, a couple sacks of caps, more empty syringes, a crossbow. Wait, a crossbow? When did I get that?
I put on my vest and then set out to dig around in my box. I stabbed myself a few times with the empty syringes before finally grasping at the bow string. I yanked out the crossbow to take a good look at it. It was bright blue with a dark red draw string. I don't remember picking this up, but then I don't remember much of what happens when I'm in a fit of chem induced fury. The grip didn't feel right in my claws and I couldn't pull the trigger so well. On the left side there was a name etched into it, 'Stoneshatter'. "Huh, there doesn't seem to be any bolts...I wonder what it uses for ammo," I wondered aloud. I tried various items in the chest, from 12mm rounds to bottle caps. Nothing seemed to shoot off the damn thing. I tossed the thing over near the sack and picked up the silver case, taking out a fresh syringe of the new chems.
Pushing the drug into my bloodstream, I began to get angry. So angry, so very VERY angry! What the hell was this stuff? I felt like I could do anything, kill anything! I felt stronger, strong enough to go toe to toe with a buffalo! And I was thinking a lot faster too. But there was this tingling feeling on my back...like something was being pushed out. Whatever this drug is, it isn't something I've taken before. Not being able to handle my new chem induced state, I picked up the crossbow and flung it at the wall. The weapon bore itself deep into the bedrock before bouncing back out, striking me square in the face. It should of felt like it hurt, but I wasn't phased. "What the fuck! What the fuck," I started shouting when the tiny crossbow landed in my right paw, the now empty syringe in my left. Aha! I felt smart, if only for a moment. I carefully pulled back the draw string and notched the empty syringe into place. It seemed like a perfect fit. I gripped the tiny thing in my claws, aimed at the wall in the far corner and pulled the trigger. It took a couple tries as my claw wouldn't fit into the small hole of the trigger, but I finally got it. The room shook with force as the syringe flew from the tiny crossbow at an incredible speed I don't think even I could see if I wasn't chem'd up. It hit its mark in the corner of the room, blowing clean through the bedrock to continue traveling. I heard a scream through the tunnels. It sounded like Searing, but my room was at least 500 feet from the nearest hallway. There's no way a tiny glass syringe could go so far so quickly, could it?
* * *
Ah, the hell with it. I stuck the dingy crossbow back into my pockets, locked the chest and started tunneling my way towards the sound. Thanks to that crazy new chem, I was out into the hallway within minutes...something that would normally take me ten or fifteen to accomplish. This wonder chem needs a name, but until I know all the effects, I wouldn't know what to call it.
I set out down the hallway, running after the echoing screams coming from down the hallway. Moments later, I was in the main hub of the tunnels. To the south was the screaming, and to the north was a splitting headache of noise...Now what the hell was that thing? I took off to the south first, hearing the high pitched wail of a mare that sounded in pain. Course, it wasn't Searing who was screaming, it was the mare she was with. I'd arrived at the dungeon. Or was it the brothel today, I better ask to make sure.
Stepping in, the room was well lit with candles. There were a row of small cages to the back left. A bloody mattress lay in the opposite corner where we were fixed up or 'fixed up' at. In the center was a large rock, our main torture device. You can do lots of things with rocks. Smash their faces in, break their bones, weigh them down. Huh, I guess you could really only do three things with rocks. The third option was currently in use, a pastel blue mare was strapped down on her side, back hooves spread out with Searing gazing between the mare's legs. That other sound was still going off, and it was starting to dig into me.
"Ah, bitch pony. Are we erm, here for business or pleasure?" The mares' hollering and sobbing magnified off the rock, striking my sensitive ears and driving me crazy! Searing just rolled her eyes and pointed her hoof at the sign above the entrance way. She then started beating the mare's hindquarters roughly with her hoof before dropping her horn to the mares tail as she ignited a small flame spell, singing off her tail. I glanced up at the sign on the wall. We had three stained sheets of paper tagged to one side of the wall, with a hook on the other side. Of course, even though the sign up top read that the 'klinik' was open today, I had a hard time believing that Searing was doing anything other than 'healing' this poor pony. "You forgot to change the sign again, didn't you? It's signed for clinic right now.."
"Oh, is it? I'm sorry puppy, I'll fix that after. I'm just fixing a snack," Searing stated as she began tearing her flames around the mare's cutie mark, a snake bursting through an egg. The mare screaming was just too much for me, so I finally silenced her with a paw to her face. "Mmm, yummy eggs for a snack!" The mare flailed her legs around trying to free herself. "Stop struggling, You don't want me to tear off any more, do you? Puppy, try to get her to stop squirming, will you?"
I reached into my pocket to pull out the pony flail, making sure to stick my claws back into the previous holes. Don't want to wear this thing out too quickly. Bringing it to face the mare I worked the jaw as I told funny jokes and made side comments to the horrified eyed mare. When Searing was finally finished tearing off the marks, she simply let the mare go crawl back to her cage. I stashed away the flail and dug out a healing potion. I walked over to the mare's cage and gave her the healing potion, watching as the liquid healing did its magic to heal her burned flanks. Searing, having finished her meal, switched the sign back to 'dunjin' before leaving the room to leaving me with the mare.
"So pony, tell me about yourself?" I honestly wondered why she was still here. I always asked her, but she would always do the same thing. Searing brought her back a few weeks ago to keep as her snack food. I'd rather have her gone than being here sucking down the stocks of potions we had. The mare just turned her head away from me, curling herself in to keep herself safe in that tiny cage. "Well, whatever. I'm closing the door. Hope you have a good rest!"
Turning the lights off and shutting the door, the mare finally began to cry herself back to sleep. I'd normally sit outside until she fell asleep, but there was that other noise north of here. I figured I should check that out too, so I dropped down into the earth, moving faster through the dirt than I did in the tunnels. The sound was reflecting heavily off the ground, and I was able to pin-point exactly where I needed to go so that I was able to pop back up in front of the noise. The noise was not what I was expecting. It was Space Cannon and a whistle. A very loud, angry whistle. Next to him was Skyshadow, who had shrank down with his freaky magic so that he could float around the caves.
"The fuck is that thing? It's loud! Turn it off, turn it off!" I shouted in pain. That thing was too loud down here, bouncing off all the rocks to refract into my ears.
"See Cannon, I told you he'd come eventually! That thing has power over creatures like him. Drives Minotaurs crazy too, but you don't want to be near them when that happens," Skyshadow laughed as he pointed at me. "I don't think we should be around him right now either. But we have have business to discus. Fleshstain, I've come across another caravan to the north of here. It's pretty close to the swamps though, so I'm only sending you out there. It'll be easier for you to sneak out there. Plus, if you run into any of the hydras out there, you can just dig back underground. We don't want to be fighting any of those right now."
"Pfft, what makes you think I won't just fight them anyways? We're running out of hydra blood as it is, could be worthwhile to pick some up. What are the caravans doing out over there anyways? What are they carrying?"
"Another one of those boxes from what I could see in the sky. Not sure what they're for, but it's better for us to have it than them. What if it's some kind of megaspell?"
"It's just a box with something loose inside," I said. Space Cannon rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I'll get it. Do I at least have free reign on this to go as I like?" It had been a while since the last time I was able to let loose and just have fun with my kills. I looked over to Space, who looked down and shook his head.
"Doesn't look like it. Here, take this card and load it into your pipbuck." My what?
"My What?" I repeated aloud. "What's a pipbuck?
"It's that shiny metal thing that was on the leg of that pony you were carrying around. Some kinda pre-war tech the ponies made for keeping track of everything. Has a bunch of cool features on it, like an item sorter and a..." he droned on as I zoned out, pulling out the leg to look at the device on it. Skyshadow continued to go on and on about the device as I looked it over, not paying any attention to him. "...and can even be used to turn invisible with the right item. Here, let me put that on for you." With my protesting, he tore off the item from the leg, shredding the leg in the process. So much for that cool new weapon! I even had an awesome name for the thing too, I was going to call it Hoofwrench after the gear shaped groove on the hoof! Skyshadow had me hold out my left arm as he attached it to me. It was a little loose and slid up and down my arm as I moved around. No doubt it would be itchy as hell later on. "Now that you've got it on, stick the card I gave you into the side. It's the tracker I dropped onto the caravan. Should lead you right to it, just flip to your map screen and you'll find it easily."
I reached out with a paw to flip through the menus, but my claw sliced the screen open. Skyshadow pulled out a sheet of metal and stuffed it into the side op the pipbuck, which began eating it away and replacing the screen. Cool! "Er, I don't think you should be using your claws for that...better to go with your snout. Just whip your head back and forth on the screen to change menus." I pressed my nose right up to the screen and shook my head right. The map popped up with a little arrow point north-east. "There, that's where you need to go. Just head on in that direction, pick up the box and get back here as soon as you can. And make sure not to kill anything!"
* * *
As I made my way out of the town, I stopped at the garbage heap around back. There were broken terminals, scrapped framework and other old useless items laying around back there, mostly stuff we tossed aside when clearing out the old rooms in the town. Skyshadow told me to keep a few more pieces of scrap around in case I ever forget to move around the menus with my face. A non-functioning pipbuck would be a bad thing. While digging around, I also found one of those stealthbucks he was talking about earlier...the things that make you invisible. I dropped it into my pocket, only to see a new flashing icon on my screen tell me that It stuck the stealthbuck between the Spine and Tainted Bottle. Even though I was told not to, I still needed to resupply on my hydra blood.
Being all stocked up and ready for the run, I set off following the arrow. While it would be faster to dig my way on, my arms would be like wet noodles by the time I got there. Have you ever tried to fight with wet noodle arms? It's not fun or easy at all. As I left the gate, the map marker told me I was leaving Sapling Growth Center #4. Guess that's what they called the place back then...what a stupid name.
Heading north-east I walked what seemed like forever, though was more likely a few hours. The only company I had was a radscorpion that skittered behind me, most likely waiting for the right time to strike to make me its dinner. Checking my map, I noticed that the caravan was no longer moving. Figuring that I was close enough now to see the map marker and that they had stopped for a break, I sliced the poor radscorpion, severing its tail and claws to provide its meaty flesh. I stashed some of it away in my pockets before I dove into the ground to ambush them. Fuck that dragon's stealth mission! I was going in full force!
Digging through the ground for the last hour of the journey, I was finally right underneath the marker. I waited underground a few more minutes trying to come up with some witty line to use as I emerged from the health to scare the shit out of them. I was thinking of something like 'Surprise, Mothafucka!' but it sounded too cliche. I also thought about using a war cry or just going silent, but both of those would be just as over played as the first option. I heard noise coming from above me, hoof steps and a shrieking noise, and figured it was time to react.
"Some Fries Motherfucker!" I shouted as I burst from the ground, right claw raised high in the air as I cleaved my way through something fleshy. The leg severed and began spewing a rainbow colored ichor. Oh great, just what I needed! A massive beast stood above me like a tower. A dual-headed hydra, its skin a dark blue with splashes of red, no doubt from blood not its own. This hydra was clearly not happy to see me. At least I didn't have to go hunting for one of them...slice up three pegasi with one stone, you know? Get the silver box from the caravan, get some hydra blood, get some drugs and get on home...all in one stop!
I reached into my bag to grab the bottle to quickly fill it with the blood. The flow didn't last long however, as the sliced leg began repairing itself in mere seconds. "Hey, meat-head!" I shouted at the monstrous hydra, his left head turned around to look down on me as the right kept doing whatever it was doing. Good, I found me a young one. But why was it here with the caravan? I didn't see any ponies around...maybe it was just looking for a snack. I quickly slashed with my right claw again, this time severing the foot clean off. The Hydra hollered in pain if only for a moment before the foot grew right back again! The severed foot began to melt into the ground, the earth bubbling with goo as the limb disappeared.
Young hydras are the best ones to supply yourself with. They're still growing, so they regenerate like crazy. That also makes their blood more valuable, because you can use less of it to regenerate your own body. This one in particular seems like his head has only been cleaved off once, hence the second head. The more heads a hydra has, the older and weaker it is, because the regenerative properties are working overtime to keep the heads alive. You can either keep going after the heads until it gets too top heavy, or you can go right for the heart. Its skin is harder and thicker surrounding the heart though, so ponies just go for the heads. A hellhound like me can slice through the heart's casing like butter though, so I usually take that route. I sliced the new leg off, but it just grew right back again!
"Quit healing, you fucker! I just want your blood!" I shouted as I hacked away another foot. All around me was bubbling goo from all the severed limbs, the left head roaring furiously. The right head finally took notice of the left's pain and looked down at me. I raised a paw up to greet his stare, only my middle claw waving around. The hydra's right head sunk down low to look at me, his maw gaping open to let out his hideous stench. rather than cover my nose, I quickly shifted my stance and prepared to slice his head off. Holding back my right claw, I focused all my might into a mighty swing. The force of the blow caught the air and sliced right through the hydra's lower jaw, cleaving right through the right head's neck to spray his blood everywhere. I dug my claw into its neck and held the bottle to the wound, making sure not to get any blood on me. I didn't want to grow an extra head from exposure to raw hydra. The split head started to grow new skin around each side of the split, forming a new head from the jaw and a new jaw from the head. I took that as my sign to hop off his neck and dive underground.
Back underground, I had a few seconds to compose myself and think over the coming battle. Now that I had the pure hydra blood, I could go onto killing it and having it not bother me again, or I could try to avoid it, get the box and get the hell outta there. I chose option three, which was to just go back home. Putting my mind together, I snouted my way through the pipbuck menus to the maps and set a marker for Sprout Town. I started digging through the earth when something caught my claws, a burning sensation that was tearing right through them! The dirt around me was a sickly green and smelled of acid. The hydra blood must of really gotten down in deep! I quickly turned back around for the hole above ground, ignoring the pain from my claws.
Popping back above ground, I was greeted with three hydra heads surrounding me. Guess I'll just have to kill it. I readied my claw, preparing to focus my energy when I notice my claws were a lot smaller than they were before. The acid really did a number on my poor babies, I'd never cut them before! Been growing them out my whole life! I could use the pure hydra blood I just got to heal them, but that stuff was much too dangerous to use when not filtered. Plus, I don't think it would grow back blades like my claws. With no way to attack this thing, how am I supposed to kill it?
The hydra roared with fury, each head lunging at me. I couldn't go into the ground because of the goop, the only way to go was up! I leaped with all the might I had, bouncing onto the center head just as it was raising up to go at me again. As the head rose higher, I realized just how tall it was, I was almost able to touch the clouds! I jumped down off the head to slide along its spine, my short claws digging into the neck to deal whatever damage I could to it. I wasn't even able to penetrate it's skin, but it was at least slowing my descent to the body.
I had an idea pop into my head, and I checked the pipbuck to make sure I had everything needed (With my claws, now that they couldn't break the screen!). It was a crazy idea, and I didn't even know how well it would work, but I had no other option at this point. Everything seemed to be there, so I just carried on down it's spine, sliding away. Of course, the hydra wouldn't let me have my fun, and the other two heads came around to snatch at me as I was falling. Each time a head snapped at me, I would jump onto its back. Of course, this didn't make my descent any shorter. But it gave me time to think and plan, and that was all I needed to do right now. So I let the hydra work its heads to eat me. Besides, it was fun to slide down things and be in the air like this. I'm sure this is what those birdies feel like up above the clouds.
My mind ready, I reached into my pocket and pulled out Stoneshatter. I pulled back the draw string and dropped an empty syringe into place. The hydra's left head lunged at me and I took this time to test out my plan. I aimed the shot down below its' neck and fired. A hole almost three times the size of me appeared where its neck used to be. Far off in the distance on the ground was the chunk of hydra neck, slowly dissolving into goo into the ground. The left head slumped while lunging for me, going dead on the spot but still falling at me. I dove to the side and continued my slide as I set in another syringe. Already, the left head was beginning to regrow, a new head splitting from its wound as the old head began to rise back to life. Taking a risk, I aimed the crossbow down at the neck I was sliding on and fired. I fell down to the ground instantly, the hydra falling with me with a thunderous THUD. I quickly jumped off the thing, not wanting any more goop to touch me.
The hydra rose from the ground, ichor leaking everywhere to splash the ground and make it bubble. It was trying to re-grow 4 heads at once now, clearly starting to lose its energy. I set up another shot and was ready to pull the trigger when something caught my eye...something that Skyshadow was talking about earlier about my pipbuck. My screen was flashing, asking if I wanted to activate S.A.T.S. Skyshadow said it was a time-stopping spell, but it didn't last forever. I hit the Y and the hydra stopped, posed in place while offering me a clear shot. I tried firing the crossbow, but I couldn't move it either. What gives!? I tried firing again and again, but nothing was happening!
Time went on like that, seemingly forever as I hung in place along with the hydra, neither of us able to move. Slowly, I was able to regain composure as the spell began to fade. My arm rose up to aim right at the body and I felt myself pull the trigger, without me consciously doing it. The shot tore through the air, and in the after effects of the spell, I saw what the weapon was really doing. It was firing with such force that the air around the syringe was being compressed. When the bolt finally struck its mark, the air around it exploded, fanning out to cover a large radius as the force of the blow carved away at the mark, pushing it out of the way! Why don't I remember picking something this cool up?
The chunk of hydra flesh flew out from behind it, the heart of the thing now exposed to the open air. Magically through the spell, another syringe was loaded into the crossbow, and I felt myself pull the trigger. Another shot rang out and tore through the beast, blasting off both parts of the re-growing left heads. Again I felt another syringe loaded in as I fired, finally striking the open heart. There was no massive hole this time, the syringe just blasted the heart away into the ground several hundred feet behind the thing. The hydra didn't even have a chance to scream as it crashed to the ground. No longer able to regenerate, it began to drip and melt away, pouring down the goop as it began to bubble. Only then did I notice that it had fallen on the remains of the caravan.
I sat there watching the hydra melt as I tried to think of a way to get that case. I could see it right through the gaping hole of the hydra, right where its heart used to be. I couldn't dig underground with all the acid around and I couldn't wait for the hydra to melt down to grab it. There was only one way to go about this, and I didn't like it at all. I'd have to climb the fucker to get at the box.
* * *
Of course, climbing the body of a decomposing hydra is crazy. It's dripping acid leaking from it's body. You run the risk of stepping on what you think is skin, only for it to dissolve as you stand on it, and then suddenly have a skeleton foot! Not cool man, not cool! But there was no other way of doing this...I didn't want the box to be melted away, so I had to do this quickly. But first, I stashed the bottle of hydra blood and my crossbow back into my pockets, my pipbuck categorizing them in separate tags. Steeling myself, I hopped onto the left leg of the fallen hydra.
After being re-grown so many times, the foot was pretty solid and had yet to melt away. The rest of the leg however, was soggy to the touch. I took out a few syringes to use as markers so I knew how to get back. Sticking one into the foot, I stepped off from it to make my way up the leg. Carefully sticking the syringes in, I marked my progress up the leg and onto the hindquarters. Looking back at the thirty syringes along the hydra, I had a quick moment of reflection as to how much chems I've taken. The reflection was ruined when I stuck myself with a syringe of Med-X to ease the pain in my claws. I decided to run along the center spine until I got to the missing head. That way I could just jump down and grab the box. Of course, I didn't think that far ahead, and when I landed next to the box, I realized I was in a hole with acid surrounding me on all sides and no way back up. I couldn't jump that high, not with all the energy I'd used through the fight!
I grabbed the box and stashed it in my vest. Can't dig through and I can't jump over...how do I get back? I stood where I landed and watched the beast melt a while before I realized I was already doing what I needed to do! I could just wait til the hydra melted enough for me to jump back up! But that's a lot of waiting...something I'd get bored with easily...It would take a couple hours at most to get the thing down low enough for me. I took out that radscorpion meat from before to eat up. I'd need my strength for later.
* * *
SIX HOURS! Six fucking hours it took for that fucking hydra to melt away enough for me to get back. Of course, the pathway I took was melted too much for me to take anymore. Thankfully, I could just jump off the side of him to head back. when I was far enough away from the giant, I dove into the ground. Or rather, I tried to get into the ground. My claws were hurting and much too short for me to slice anything with them, let alone tunnel my way back. I slumped down and began to walk, the world dark to my accomplishments for the day. The day was almost over, and it would be another two hours before I made it home. Dragging my feet along the road, I passed through a heavily irradiated park. I must of not seen it from traveling underground, but up here it was quite depressing. Nothing like a lonesome walk in the swamps to show you how much life really means. Not having any radiation prevention, I had to just walk through it and soak it up.
I continued walking through the night, at a much slow pace than I had before. I was suffering from medium radiation poisoning, I was out of chems, and my claws had that burning feeling again. I heard a commotion a few yards up and decided to play it safe. I took that stealthbuck out and slotted it into the pipbuck. I didn't really feel any different, but when I looked down at my claws, my paw was invisible! Huh, guess this thing really works after all. With my new sneaking abilities, I calmly walked on past the ponies gathered. Something caught my eye as I was crossing and I stopped just in time to see a midnight blue alicorn fly by me, inches from my face. She looked back in her flight as if she could see me, before moving on towards the other ponies. Rather than continue on, I decided to stop and watch. I mean, it's not every day you come across an alicorn out here in the swamps!
The alicorn was meeting with a jet black stallion. I wouldn't of paid much attention to him, except he had a yellow metal covering up his lower jaw. They were talking to a mare who looked like she couldn't control her chem addiction. Not like me, I can control it well! The mare went on to beg the two of them to let her go, something about promising that she'd have a box for them soon. The alicorn didn't look like she believed the mare, and the mare was soon wrapped up in a blue bubble. The mare began beating on the bubble from the inside, her shrill voice piercing my ears. A second bubble appeared from inside the first bubble, and looked like it was trapping the mare in place, rapidly expanding. The mare's voice was soon silenced as the second bubble expanded to merge with the bubble from the outside, the inside nothing but a mash of gore as the mare was crushed.
"Holy shit," I muttered and then started running as I realized I had just announced my presence top them. I looked behind me, but they had both vanished. I expected them to show up ahead of me, but that didn't happen. With fear giving me strength to not end up like that mare, I ran the last forty minutes and made it back home safely.
Footnote: Level Up!
New Perk!
Honed Claws Rank 1: You may have lost your long claws, but these shorter ones are much deadlier! At Rank 1, claws can cut rock. Strength +1
New Equipment!
Stoneshatter: A crossbow that compresses air and explodes on contact. Uses empty syringes as bolts.
Pipbuck: The best pre-war tech money couldn't afford! Does practically everything!
New Special Attack!
Wind Ripper: (Replaces Air Slice). With claws stretched out, you twirl like a fan, tossing your slices through the wind a short distance. Damages everyone around you for half normal damage.
