it's not that i don't care and forget, it's cause my mind is congested, (trying to defrag)
he tells me it started in middle school, or whatever the hell you call it,
we did a project together, i barely remember it (naturally)
i just thought he was really kept to himself and was interested in other ponies,
i guess i seemed like a likable pony at the time,
but he didn't even know.
i didn't even like myself.
later that year we forgot about each other,
or so i thought, i really wanted to date some pony, but was having a hard time with knowing who it should be, i would think about it constantly,
it would plague my mind, and conquer my every conjuring notion. it was interrupting everyday life.
i just thought somepony would ask me by now to date them but nopony did, so i thought i wasn't good enough,
then i got a call, which sounded like a prank call, then it was a confession.
sometimes, it was times like these i think everyone has conspired, in pity, for me, but then that is quickly shot down at the fact that i know nopony cares that much. (because of previous encounters)
i was blind-sighted
i didn't know what to think but what the fuck?
...
...
sure, why ...not?
...
...
ffw...(due to lack of memory)
we are sitting in the lunch room,
i'm still in awe,
he was so nervous and cold, timid and with a mind and cluster-fucked as mine.
...
...
ffw...
idk what the fuck happened,
but it didn't work,
was i scared,
uneasy,
unsatisfied?
all i know is we are no longer together,
and i am restless.
...
...
ffw...
i am safe again,
i am in love again,
he is mine again,
...
i feel sad, lonely, worthless, i didn't mean to be so ruthless, so unkind, especially to him,
why?
i keep asking my self,
i want to die...
...
ffw,
i met people, like real people, they had stories, and shared them,
the most random group of people ever,
got some credit, for once, got to yell at the top of my lungs to strangers, ...
i miss them, i am worried about them, yet i am too insignificant to try to be apart of their lives, no matter what anyone says,
FUCK, NOT THIS AGAIN,
...
...
ffw.
too much shit...
everywhere...
but somehow i am more grateful, and disgusted at the same time,
i wanted things to change but feel to guilty to try to manipulate people,
so i repeat the same shit and get the same results, (like i'd remember the x=y bullshit anyhow)
i suck at journaling,
i have to pee
please stop
I'm Sorry
I Love You <3
