"Royalty"by RickHammersteelChaptersChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 5Chapter 4Chapter 1Luna walked down the long hallway, Her hooves knocking against the marble floor. She looked at the various stain glass windows, each telling a different story. She smiled as she placed a hoof on the large twin doors leading to the dining room. The doors were decorated with the images of the sun and the moon intertwined with each other. It was then she smelled a foul stench. ”Uggh! What smells like zombie pony sweat?” Luna muttered to herself as she walked through the doors. In the shadows, a white unicorn mare chuckled to herself as she closed a bottle in her magic,”Yes, my plan is now in motion.” She walked away...then she bumped into one of the royal guard. The surprisingly large guardian mare glared at her and pointed a hoof at a nearby closet. The mysterious unicorn was about to protest, but the guard’s snarl took away her willpower, thus she took out her Super Special Janitor’s Mop Named Moppy from said closet and started her routine cleaning. Luna sat down at the large, mahogany table. It was decorated with an equally large tablecloth that had sunflowers adorning the edges. However, to Luna, it was a shame it was covered, as the table itself was decorated with various amounts of rubies and sapphires; it was Sombra’s answer to their negotiations about a thousand years ago, so it could be assumed that her big sis couldn’t remove the bloodstains. There seemed to be a sense of unease around the room. Luna looked at her sister on the other side. She looked unusually stern, and she was quiet. Celestia was never quiet at their dinners. ”’Tia, is something wrong?” Luna asked. “Oh, nothing. I may still be a little mad about that time you left me at the holey hooves of the Changeling Queen, and I got stuck in a gross cocoon for a few hours!” Celestia said with a grin. Luna blinked, ”I didn’t leave you! I overslept!” “Oh, oversleeping! I see, so you became a heavy sleeper. So heavy in fact, that you slept through an entire invasion.” Celestia sipped her tea. “Well excuse me for learning to be a heavy sleeper after you put me in the moon for a thousand years!” “Oh, I’m so sorry you tried to kill everything on the planet.” Celestia put her cup down “Hey, I didn’t know what I was thinking at the time!” “Sure you didn’t, that’s why you actually written out a speech on why only the moon should be up in the sky.” A royal guard pony leaned on the cold wall. His gold armor resting on his body. He listened to the argument and sighed to himself. It was nothing new for him to hear two siblings bicker. After all, he had a little sister and they tended to bicker quite a bit. His partner, somepony who has been a guardspony longer than he had, thought differently. “Don’t you think we should get in there?” The guard asked. “Spear, relax. I know one of them used to be evil, but I assure you nothing’s going to happen other than maybe a thrown table or two.” That was when a scream was heard and a flash of light was seen. The two guards ran into the dining room to find...nothing there. “Oh, buck. EMERGENCY! CALL ALL THE ROYAL GUARDS!” Spear yelled. Princess Cadance paced along the throne room. It had been a few hours since Celestia and Luna had gone missing. The pink alicorn frowned as she stopped to take a look at the front doors. Shining Armor had burst through the door, his mane a bit of a mess,”I’m sorry, hon, but we can’t find them anywhere in the city!” Cadance sighed,”Then I guess we’ll have to get a search party going for the entire country.” She shook her head,”If only we had something to help us find them, but until we find them, I’ll have to act as princess!” She said, her wings spreading outward. “Are you sure? Do you want me help you?” Shining asked. “No, Shining, you have to gather a team to find my aunts. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Cadance trotted over to the throne. “That only makes me worry more. I don’t know if you can handle both the Day and Night courts.” Shining trotted over next to his wife. “Well, if Auntie Tia could do it, so could I!” Cadence smilad,”Besides, I don’t trust Blueblood with ruling of any sorts. Its a good thing that he’s still panicking in his room.” she noted the loud, muffled screaming and galloping in another room in the castle. Shining shuddered. The thought of Blueblood ruling was scary: Blueblood’s statue stood in the precipice of the flames. screams were heard as many ponies ran for their lives from the cruel monsters that were once guards. “Go my minions of the dark! Go, and wreck havoc amongst the simple charltons that dare call my make-up horrid!” Blueblood stomped his hoof. Cadance shook her head,”Nah, I don't think Blueblood could handle minions of the dark.” Shining stared at her. “You tend to think out loud for some reason.” Cadance answered his intended question. Shining gulped,”Well, I take after my dad in that respect...Anyway, I’d better get going,” he peck the alicorn on the cheek,”Don’t overwork yourself.” “I could say the same to you, Shining.” Cadance sighed, watching her husband leave. Twilight closed her book. She yawned as she put her Bookworms Monthly bookmark into its midsection. The unicorn had started up the stairs when she heard a strange clanging noise. She gasped,”That must be another prowler trying to take my books away!” She whispered to herself as she walked slowly to one of the backrooms. Another book levitating above her as she opened the door slowly. She peeked inside and immediately threw the book at a random shadowy figure. Her body slowly went pale as she saw who she hit. “Ow, those hardcovers really hurt!” Celestia muttered, rubbing her ear. Chapter 2Celestia looked down on her most faithful student,”Twilight...” “Imsorryimsorryididntmeanit” Twilight cried into the floor “Twilight.” “Ithoughtyouwereaprowlerimsosorry” “Twilight!” Celestia shouted. Twilight’s tear-stained face looked up,”Yes?” “It’s alright, you were just trying to defend your home, so no, I’m not going to banish you and put you in a cage where I banished you, alright?” Celestia smiled. “You’re not?” Twilight breathed a sigh of relief,”So why are you here, Princess?” “Because I need your help.” “For what? Has the Changeling Queen returned? Did Discord break out again? Has the royal cooking staff summoned another eldritch abomination?” Twilight asked, standing up immediately. “No, I just need the Elements of Harmony so I could banish my sister to the moon.”Celestia said with a stern look in her eyes. Twilight gasped,”Luna became Nightmare Moon again!?” Celestia turned away,”Yes, however she has decided to find the Elements as well, so she could banish me, and become the sole ruler.” Twilight raised an eyebrow,”Wait, why banish her when we could just cure her again?” Celestia just stared into the rows of books, then she turned to Twilight” you can’t cure her again, she’s just too far gone...” “...Why?” Twilight shook her head. Darn it, why must you be so inquisitive? Celestia thought,”Look, My faithful student, you trust me right?” “Of course I do! You were my mother figure for several years after all.” Twilight said. “Then you will follow help me no matter what, right?” “Well, truth is, Celestia, what you are saying right now has some holes in it and I’m not gullible.” Twilight looked at her teacher. Celestia stomped her hoof a bit,Well, time for my last resort, Celestia teleported a book in front of her. Using her telekinesis, she waved the book in front of Twilight’s face,”This is Creatures and Other Inhabitants of Equus, written by Clover the Clever. It’s not Starswirl the Bearded’s journal, but it does have some interesting stuff.” Twilight’s eyes followed the book,”Like what?” she said, amazed. “Oh, information on various monsters, demons, creatures you’ve never even seen before like the Amnopterix...” “The Ahm-no what?” Twilight was drooling as her entire head was following the book. “Read the book and find out! Oh, I should also mention that this is the unabridged version, and I’ll only give it to you if you help me.” Twilight leaped up and grabbed the book,”I’ll do it!” She said, cuddling the book. Fluttershy flew around the large bird-like thing, her hooves rubbing each of its rainbow colored feathers. She soon landed, her head only reaching the middle of the bird’s four long legs,”There, you don’t have to worry about those nasty maxterix parasites anymore, Mister Amnopterix.” The bird squawked as its three beady eyes looked towards the buttery pegasus. It flapped its wings as it headed back into the forest. Fluttershy smiled, then she walked back to her cottage...where she noticed her door was cracked open,”(Gasps) Has a another prowler come to take away my animals? I hope he or she doesn’t meet Angel...” She peeked through her long, wooden door, and she sees a dark blue figure, wearing royal regalia backing away something,”Stay away from me, you spawn of Tartarus!” the figure said. Fluttershy crept closer into the room to see what the figure was afraid of. She looked at the small flying object in front of the alicorn’s face: a monarch butterfly. She looked at the princess before her,”Um, Princess, you’re afraid of butterflies?” Luna’s scared face turned to her subject,”YES, I’VE HATED THE THINGS EVER SINCE I WAS A FILLY!” Fluttershy nodded and flew up to the insect,”Excuse me, Gertrude, but you need to go back home,” she led it to a window in the back of the room. She opened it and the monarch flew off,”There, its gone now.” Fluttershy smiled. Luna let out a deep breath,”Thank you, Don’t mention that little fear of mine to anyone, please?” She put her hoof over her heart. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with that fear, but I’ll never mention it to anyone.” Fluttershy nodded,”Why are you here, if you don’t my asking that is...” “I need your help,Lady Fluttershy, for my sister...is being a jerk!” Luna gritted her teeth,”So,I must gather the Elements to banish her!” “W-what? Have you tried to talk to her, maybe?” Fluttershy squeaked. “Talking to her is what showed me that she needs to go to the sun!” Fluttershy gulped,“W-w-well, aren’t you overrea-” “I’m glad you decided to help me!” Luna grabbed the pink-maned mare in her magic and floated her out the door. “Eeep!” was the sound that the pegasus made. In Celestia’s room, the white unicorn mare with a mop cutie mark rummaged through the princess’ drawer. She moved the various gold horseshoes and necklaces until she tapped her hoof on a false bottom. She smiled as she opened it to reveal a piece of paper,”The map! Now I’m one step closer to becoming ruler of the discos! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Clean Wipe, what are you laughing about-” Cadance looked into the room to see the still laughing janitor, she gasped,”Were you rummaging through my aunt’s drawer? You pervert!” the alicorn frowned,”I’m docking your pay for this.” “Um, Princess?” “Yes my faithful student?” “You’re kinda getting attention,” Twilight said, looking at the various denizens of Ponyville either bowing before their princess, looking astonished, or being just apathetic. “I’ve noticed, but in order to defend myself in case a certain sister decides to attack, I need to be in my normal form,” Celestia walked towards Sugarcube Corner. “But, she won’t attack you if you disguise yourself. She won’t know what you’ll look like.” Twilight put a hoof on the door. “Trust me, she has mind beams... ” Celestia’s eyes narrowed. Twilight just raised an eyebrow as they walked in. They headed towards the counter, where Mr. Cake was manning the register. The yellow stallion gulped as he saw the sun alicorn. “Um, Welcome back, Princess,” He gave smile. Celestia frowned at Mr. Cake’s rather nervous look,”Why must they always be nervous around me?” “Because their entire business depends on you not saying that they’re terrible?” Twilight said. “Really!?” Celestia blinked,”But I do like them! Although, while I’m here” She teleported a big bag of bits,”Here, put a branch of Sugarcube Corner in Canterlot.” Carrot Cake grinned, then he turned around,”Hey Pinkie!” Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared out of nowhere,”Yes, Mr. Cake?” Carrot put the bag of money onto Pinkie’s back,”Take this and get us a branch in Canterlot!” “Yes sir!” Pinkie saluted with her hoof, and sped out of the building in a flash. “But...I...needed her...” Celestia held out a hoof. Chapter 3Pinkie Pie stood on her hooves, watching as the brown-maned unicorn scribbled down information on her little clipboard. They were looking at a building with various parchments peeling off its walls; an empty room was visible inside the window. Pinkie grinned as she told the mare,” We’ll have this place fixed up in no time!” Pinkie took a look at the unicorn’s perpetual frown,” Why are you so grumpy?” “ Well maybe because I had to listen to you talk all day, or maybe it’s because I have to work on my birthday.” The unicorn salesmare growled. The pink pony gasped,” Its your birthday!?” She made a wide grin, then she pulled out a cupcake and a wrapped gift,” Happy Birthday, Estate!” the mare, Estate, took the gift in her magic,” You... You’re giving me a present? I’ve never had a client do that for me before!” She teared up,” Here, sign, you... you wonderful crazy pony you!” she gave Pinkie the clipboard and quill. Pinkie took the quill and scribbled her signature. The unicorn took a look at the parchment and began to cry,” Your mouthwriting is so elegant! I’ll get everything prepared, Miss Pie.” She sniffled as she walked away. Pinkie Pie’s attention, however, was directed at a white unicorn mare with blond mane and tail and a mop cutie mark. “Now that I have used my magic potion on the two princesses, and I’ve gotten the map, I will be one step closer, mwahahahaha.” Clean Wipe whispered to herself as she trotted down the street while holding a piece of paper, when she came face to face with a certain pink mare. “Where did you come from!?” She screamed. “My Mom and Dad, silly! So, what you looking at?” Pinkie said. “Oh, just a map to a very powerful artifact that was sealed away in Celestial Year 978.” Clean said nonchalantly. “Wow, that was 34 years ago! Usually these ancient artifacts or ancient beings come from 1000 years ago... ” “Well, I guess... But that’s not important right now! I must get going!” Clean walked away. “Oh, can I come!?” Pinkie asked,” Estate won’t come back for awhile so I’ve got some free time on my hooves.” “No.” “Please?” “No.” “Please?” “No!” “Please?” “Alright! you can come.” Clean Wipe said, then she muttered “Random pony from out of nowhere... “ Pinkie Pie squealed as she hopped along Clean Wipe. Luna knocked on the door to the Carousel Boutique, hoping to get her next soldier. Fluttershy stood with her head drooped next to the princess, feeling bad that not only had she let herself get taken away so she could help banish Celestia for no real understandable reason, but that she eventually consented to coming with the obiviously-not-thinking-straight princess. The door opened to reveal not Rarity, but her little sister, who’s face was stained with tears. Sweetie Belle looked up at the mares and hope seemed to fill her eyes,”Fluttershy! P-Princess Luna! Please help!” She said sadly. “What’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked. “Rarity won’t come out of her room no matter what I try to say. She keeps talking about how she can’t bear to be outside looking like she does and she was stuck there for three hours and I want my sister back!” Sweetie cried. “Don’t worry, she’s probably having a bad mane day. We’ll get her out as quick as we-” Luna ran up to Rarity’s room “RARITY BELLE!” “Go away, I said I’m not coming out!” Rarity’s voice was heard, alongside a few grunts and an angered shout while something hit the door. “HOW ABOUT YOU COME OUT FOR A PRINCESS!?” Luna shouted. “No, I mean I’m not coming out!” Rarity’s voice said, while some scuffling was heard. “THEN I’M COMING IN!” Luna opened the door magically... then she was attacked by a long purple strand of hair with a mouth. Luna quickly closed the door on the thing. “Oh, my!” exclaimed Fluttershy, flying up next to Luna. “So that’s why you wanted me to leave!” Sweetie said. “Yes, I was hoping you could get Twilight, but I guess a princess could work too... “ Rarity’s voice chimed in,”I would’ve told you what was wrong, but I didn’t think you could believe it without seeing for yourself and I didn’t want whatever is possessing my mane right now to attack you. A little help, please?” Luna frowned,” I have seen this happen before. What is affecting you right now is known as Hairicanitus.” “What’s that? Can you cure it?” Sweetie Belle asked, with worry on her face. Luna looked down on the young filly,” Allow me to recount a tale to further explain things: Luna looked out her balcony, watching the beautiful starry night she had created. She had admired the fact that she did so much more than her stupid, ugly, stuck up... “Uh, Luna? I think you’re going off track a bit... “ Fluttershy said. “Oh, sorry about that.” Luna gave a sheepish grin. Luna breathed in the brisk, night air. Then she heard a scream. She turned and saw a massive colossus of a mane. It seemed to be alive. Several ponies were running around frantically, with a stallion running around screaming,” Somepony help! My son is stuck in there!” Luna flew towards the thing. It growled menacingly as two red eyes glared at her inside a tornado of follicles,” THOU DARE THREATEN OUR SUBJECTS!?” Luna growled back as she pulled out a metal instrument from her saddle. The thing laughed,” As if you could do anything, Filly, I have more power than you could ever imagine!” “THOU UNDERESTIMATE US!” Luna flew into the thing, her blade slashing every strand of hair. “... Luckily it doesn’t have the ability to talk or give bad villain lines.” Luna said as she finished. “But that doesn’t explain why it happens! Or if Rarity will be okay... “ Sweetie’s face was drooping. “No one truly knows where it comes from, but your sister will be safe, I promise” Luna said, putting her hoof on the young crusader. “If you help me and stop this thing, I’ll be in your debt!” Rarity exclaimed. Luna smiled,”Good, gives me even better reason to save you... “ A long blade appeared in front of the alicorn as she quickly ran into the door. There were sounds of slicing, dicing and screaming in the long twenty minutes that Luna was in there, fighting for all of equinekind. What followed was silence. Then the door opened and a huge mound of purple hair fell out. Luna walked back through the doorway, a very bald Rarity behind her. Sweetie Belle giggled at the sight. Fluttershy gasped,”Rarity, your mane!” Rarity shook her head,” It’s fine. I’m glad I was able to make a sacrifice for the greater good.” Rarity shuddered,” Even if it was My mane...” Her horn glowed as a large golden version of her mane popped out of a drawer and was placed on her head,” Luckily I always keep extra emergency wigs just for this kind of occasion!” Rarity took a look at the remains of her cursed mane,” This little disease-curse-thing isn’t contagious, is it? I’d hate to leave good hair to waste... “ She watched Luna shake her head,” Good! This’ll go straight to charity! Now, is there any reason why you came down to my house, Your Highness?” She bowed. “I need you... to help me banish my sister!” Luna said. “... What?” was the only thing Rarity could say. Twilight stared at the book encased in her magic. She thought about what it contained, what sorts of creatures it talked about. Did it mention changelings? Hippogriffs? Does it contain anything about dragons? However, the unicorn soon begins to think about how she got this tome: bribery. Shining had told her many tales of guard ponies falling to this great evil of the known universe, and now she had fallen victim to it. She sighed, feeling a little more than guilty. She looked towards her mentor, whose face was drooping. “I can’t believe I let her slip away from me like that!” Celestia muttered as she walked on the road in between the many trees of Sweet Apple Acres,” Well, maybe I’ll have better luck with Applejack... “ Chapter 5Luna had to get out of that farm; the risk that Celestia might have been planning something was too great! Why, her big sister might have wanted to poison her with this apple fritter! The alicorn frowned as she realized she had eaten half of it before she thought of that. If it was poison, it was very slow acting, delicious poison. She pondered her next course of action; her soldiers refused to work with her, so she must find a way to defeat her sister without them. “Wait, let me get a picture with the princess!” A random pony shouted as she ran towards Luna. Luna smiled for the camera. In retrospect, sitting on a bench in the middle of a populated town while eating a possibly poisoned apple fritter is probably not the most conspicuous of actions. “Darling, I was wondering where you were!” a certain fashionista had appeared behind the princess of the night. “Oh, it’s you. Come to assassinate me? Not a good idea to do it broad daylight.” “Oh, no! Perish the thought, my princess! I’m merely here to help you usurp the Sun Tyrant and fulfill your destiny as the sole ruler of the WORLD! MWAHAHAHA!” Rarity yelled, lighting striking the ground behind her “Actually I just want to control Equestria, but now that you mention it... taking over the world does sound like a good idea!” Luna grinned. “Ah, yes, but first: you must drink from the Chalice of Power!” Rarity pulled a chalice that appeared to come from nowhere,” It may give enough strength to defeat your sister with little effort.” “Why would I need such a thing?” “To embarrass her of course!” “What a brilliant idea! Embarrassment! It’s so... useful!” Luna grabbed the chalice,”Why does it smell and look like coffee?” “Because... er... it just happens to have the properties of coffee?” the fashionista shrugged. “Oh okay!” Luna chugged the drink. Then her head went up and down, back and forth, and she made a sound much like that of a hippo hitting it’s head with a bell while a mutant combination of a dog and a kangaroo is barking loudly at a koala, shortly before the princess fell down. Just when Rarity sighed and began to walk away, Luna sprang up and grabbed her by the shoulders,”FORCE FEED ME COFFEE AGAIN AND I WILL SUBJECT YOU TO HORRORS SO BAD THAT EVEN DISCORD WOULD CRINGE AT THEM!” she said, her mane filled with electricity and her eyes a glowing white. then she popped back to normal,”Wait, why did you force feed me coffee?” A white blur tackled the moon princess,”Lulu! You’re normal again!” Luna gasped,”Sister, I’m being crushed.” She got up when Celestia let go,”What do you mean ‘normal again?’” Celestia frowned,”Something made smell hate incense and caused us to fight each other.” “Hate incense! The bane of ponies everywhere!” Luna growled,”But who would do such a thing?” “How about somepony with a grudge!?” Shouted a voice. The group of ponies turned towards the sound to see Clean Wipe, dressed in a shiny shirt and wearing a massive afro. She wore a disco ball necklace around her neck. At seeing this, Rarity’s mouth foamed and she fainted. Beside her, was Pinkie waving,”Hi everypony! Look who I just met!” She bounced over to her friends. “Oh, my Mother, I never thought that the 970’s would come back in equine form to haunt me!” Celestia shouted, her hooves holding her head. “Um, no I’m your janitor, remember?” Clean Wipe asked with a sad tone of voice. “... Oh, well I have a lot of janitors so I can’t be expected to remember everyone of them, I apologize.” Celestia looked closely at her, trying to figure out who she was. Clean Wipe growled,”My name doesn’t matter, for now I shall take over the kingdom with the Amulet of All That is Disco! Mwahahaha!” “Amulet of All That is Disco? Sister, what is she talking about?” Luna asked. Celestia just sighed,”Remember how I said that the 970’s was a weird decade? Yeah, I had an amulet made to give me super disco powers, which basically meant I could out-dance anything.” Twilight blinked,”Wait, how do you expect to take over Equestria with disco?” Clean Wipe blinked,”Uh... I haven’t gotten that far yet.” Twilight looked at her,”Wait, does that also mean you haven’t the faintest idea of what you are going to do when you do eventually win?” She watched Clean slowly nod her head,” Right, do you know what’s going to happen when you take over?” “Uh, I take revenge on those who insult the janitorial service?” Clean Wipe cocked her head causing the afro to bounce. Twilight sighed,”Right. Look I did the research when I thought of taking over in my rebellious teen years and I found out the problems with usurping the throne: you’d have to worry about the rebellions, the crime, the taxes, making laws, sending ambassadors to various countries to negotiate trade, and so much more! Are you prepared for all that?” “No.” Clean Wipe sat down,”I just wanted to... be in a ruling position.” Celestia walked over to her and took the amulet off,” Look, why don’t you come with me and we’ll talk about getting you promoted to Head Janitor, okay?” Clean Wipe looked up into the sun princess’ eyes, and wiped away a tear,”You really mean it?” She saw Celestia give a nod,”Thank you.” “But, don’t try to create hate incense ever again, okay?” Celestia asked. “Yeah, I won’t mix those detergents ever again.” “”Now come, the guards at Canterlot must be worried.” Celestia took Clean Wipe in hoof and teleported, while Luna did the same. At that moment, Shining Armor ran into town,”Princesses!” He looked around. Twilight shook her head as she went back to the library,”Sorry Big Brother, they already left,” She sighed as she said to herself,”Today’s been way too exhausting.” When Celestia and Luna and their got back, they found the throne room in a burning heap. They saw the city in flames and right in front of them, was a ragged Princess Cadance. “Uh, I can explain this?” Cadance said, with nervous chuckle. Author's Note And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why Cadance is a princess and not the empress of the Crystal Empire. Chapter 4Rainbow Dash ran through the long, white, sterile corridors. She wanted to get away from the thing that wanted to keep her bound;Its tendrils wanting to grab her and tie her down. She never liked getting tied down. She stopped at a dead end, then she turned around only to get caught by the malicious tentacles. “You will get your Feather Flu shot!” the tendrils spoke “Noooooooo!” Dash screamed. Rainbow Dash awoke with a horrible sounding cough; she groaned as she looked over her shoulders and at her wings. Her droopy, pale feathers attached to very droopy limbs. “I hate Feather Flu.” She moaned. She hated the fact that the flu not only gave her a terrible cough and a horrible sneeze, but it kept her from flying. She was also a bit annoyed that her friends kept telling her that she should’ve gotten that shot; she didn’t want to get a shot, as she hated getting her legs tied. The cerulean mare looked in front of her... right into a pair of yellow wall-eyes. “Hi Rainbow Dash!” The gray coated mare said. She was in a nurse’s outfit, and right next to her was a bowl of daisy noodle soup. “Hi Derpy-” Dash went into another fit of coughing. “Oh, That sounds terrible! Time for your medicine!” Derpy grabbed a spoon full of syrup and shoved into the other pegasus’ mouth.”Now I know it tastes bad, but don’t spit it out! Now its time for your soup-” Derpy’s wing accidentally tipped over the bowl and onto Rainbow’s lap. Rainbow yelped in pain,” Whoops, sorry, I’ll get you new bowl!” Derpy said, happily walking away. “You mean to tell me that we only have five Elements available!?” Luna yelled as they went closer to Sugarcube Corner. “Um, I’m sorry.” Fluttershy’s head drooped. “Four actually,” Mrs. Cake’s head popped out of the store,”Pinkie’s off to get us a branch in Canterlot!” She said with a big smile. Luna glared at the mare. Mrs. Cake, realizing who she spoke to, quickly closed the door. Luna snorted,” Well then, We will have to do things the old fashioned way!” “And that would be?” Rarity flipped through her golden wig. “First, I duel my sister, then after I kick her flank, I will stuff her into a locked box for all eternity!” “That’s a well thought out plan, but I think you forget step three... “ Rarity mused.. “That’s still-” Fluttershy was about to say. “And you will help me! It is likely Celestia will get some ponies to her cause, and I need some distractions!” Luna grinned maliciously. “... You want my help for what now?” Applejack asked as she sat on the grass in front of the two figures in front of her. “To help defeat my sister once again. She has gone insane with jealousy and you six have to put her in the moon again!” Celestia looked down at the earth pony. “... And we can’t cure her again because?” AJ stared at a very focused-at-reading Twilight Sparkle. “... She’s too far gone, my little pony. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do except put her in the moon.” Celestia shook her head in sadness. “I’m mighty sorry Princess, but that sounds kinda-” “LIKE A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!?” Luna landed in front of her sister, nearly breaking the ground under her. “Oh look, it’s Temper Tantrum!” Celestia smiled,” Decided to take away my AJ?” “No. You see, Princess Sparky-Hooves, The Element of Loyalty is out of commision so I decided to do this the old fashioned way!” Luna glared up at her. “Out of commision? Well, I’m fine with the old fashioned way. Speaking of which, how are you going to fight me, Short Stuff? Hopping?” Celestia chuckled. “Short!? I am not short, you are unnaturally tall!” Meanwhile, Rarity and Fluttershy had reached their friends,”Celestia has gone nuts too?” Rarity asked, “Darn, I was hoping she was going to help fix this mess.” “I don’t know! I feel like I just randomly got shoved into an argument!” AJ scratched her head. “Hmm, Twilight?” Rarity poked the reading purple unicorn to get her attention. “Huh? Sorry, I was reading up on the Haricaneitus... mons... ter. What happened to your mane?” Twilight looked at Rarity in confusion. “Long story. Do you know what’s going on?” “Well, no. Apparently Celestia wanted to gather the Elements to banish Luna. Let me guess: Luna wanted to do pretty much the same thing?” Rarity nodded,” But I didn’t expect you to go along with it! I mean, I did it as a promise and Fluttershy is, well, herself, but you?” Twilight’s tears burned her cheeks,”I was bribed!” She hugged the book tightly as she cried. “It’s okay, we all make mistakes.” Fluttershy caressed the librarian’s back. “Enough talk! Rarity, Fluttershy, fight for your future sole ruler!” Luna shouted. “Oh, really? Sending the fashionista and the quiet one to fight for you? Aren’t you scraping the bottom of the barrel? At least I have the most powerful unicorn in existence and one of-if not the- strongest earth pony on my side! Applejack, Twilight, defend your princess.” Celestia ordered. “Now hold on a minute! I didn’t agree to fight for you! Besides, look at Fluttershy, poor filly wouldn’t survive against me!” AJ protested. “And why would we fight our own friends anyway?” Twilight glared at Celestia. “Hah!” Luna pointed at Celestia with a hoof. “We’re not going to fight them either!” Rarity exclaimed. Celestia just chuckled. “Well... I guess...” Luna lunged at her older sister,” IT’S BETWEEN ONLY US! TIME FOR A BEATDOWN!” Celestia teleported behind the night princess, letting the younger hit the ground face first,”Nice try.” Luna shook her head after she quickly got up“Well, how about some hard rocks!” Her horn glowed and twelve rocks floated up and attempted to strike at Celestia with them. Celestia caught ten of them with her own telekinesis, while the other two flew past her. She then threw them back at her little sister. “Oh no! We need to stop them!” Rarity exclaimed. “Yeah, but we can’t just go in-between them and go-” Twilight was about to say, when an old voice shouted, “AHEM!” The two sisters looked beside them to see an old,, grey-maned, lime-green mare tapping her hoof at them. “Uh, Granny Smith, is it? We’re kind of in the middle of something.” Celestia said. Granny looked to the two, and pointed to the farmhouse,” Rooms, now!” “But we don’t even live there.” Celestia objected. “Yeah, plus she started it!” Luna pointed at the solar princess. Granny glared at them,”Don’t make me get the hammer!” They both sighed,”Yes, Granny Smith.” they walked away to the farmhouse The old mare walked up to the younger ponies,” Well, now that’s over, who wants some of Big Mac’s apple fritters?” She said with a big grin. “Big Mac’s made apple fritters!? I’m there!” AJ sped away, while the other just stood in shock. “Trust me, when you have three kids, and several grandchildren, you’d know how to handle sibling problems!” Granny answered the question that was on their minds The white unicorn chuckled as she looked at the chest before her; she and Pinkie Pie were in a hedge maze, and they had just found the area Clean Wipe had been looking for. The chest had a cement color scheme, with finishes of sparkles and music notes around the rims. Clean Wipe used her horn to pick up her lock-picks... only for Pinkie Pie to immediately open it without a problem,”Ooh, a Qilinese Box! I love these!” the pink one said as she picked up a box in the chest, opened it to reveal another box, opened that one to reveal a jewelry box and opened that to reveal a long shiny necklace with a big shiny ball on it. “Give me that!” Clean Wipe yanked the jewelry box away and taking out the necklace,” This is the Amulet of All that is Disco! With it, I will rule everything in a preferably thousand-mile radius! MWAHAHAHA!” Shining Armor’s head popped into the area,”What was with the maniacal laughter?” “Hi, Shining! This janitor pony just found a really pretty necklace!” Pinkie said. “Oh. Well, carry on! By the way, have you seen the princesses?” “Well, Celestia was in Ponyville...” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin. Shining grinned,” That’s all I need!” He went back behind the hedge wall,”Ponies! We’re heading to Ponyville, ASAP!” Celestia stared at the wall. She was contemplating the various things inside the room she was in: the rather nice wallpaper, the big red bed she was sitting on, the Smarty Pants doll near one of the pillows(Which she reminded herself to mention to Twilight later), and the little filly who had just brought in an apple fritter and a cup of coffee. The little filly looked up at the rather tall ruler of Equestria,”Princess, I was wondering: How come you ain’t queen?” “Now, that question deserves a long hefty answer, give me a minute,” Celestia smiled as she took a sip of the coffee. Her head suddenly went side to side and then she started making odd noises that sounded like a combination of a train and a gorilla, then finally she fell face first into the bed. Apple Bloom screamed and ran out of the room,”Celestia’s dead!” Twilight, who had just eaten her fritter, stared at the filly who came down the stairs and was waving her hooves wildly,”... what?” “I was just asking her a question, and then she took a sip of coffee and she fell down and I don’t want to be executed!” She was crying into Applejack’s body. “It’s okay, I won’t let anyone execute us.” AJ rubbed her baby sister’s back. “I’ll go check on her!” Twilight immediately ran up the stairs and into Big Mac’s room to find... Celestia, alive and looking around in a confused manner. The solar princess looked at her faithful student,”Twilight, what am I doing here?” “... What do you mean?” Twilight cocked her head. “The last thing I remember was smelling zombie pony sweat on the way to the dining hall and then waking up here.” She frowned.,”Do you know what happened? Unless... There is a surprise party here!” Celestia smiled,” Twilight, my birthday isn’t until two months from now, you know that!” “Um, you don’t remember anything about wanting to banish Luna again?” Twilight asked,”Also, zombie pony sweat?” “Have you ever smelled it? It’s disgusting! Anyway, why would I want to banish her again? Unless... Twilight, tell me everything that happened.” “Okay,” Twilight began to explain the events that occurred with her and Celestia. Celestia frowned at this,”Hate Incense, scourge of ponies everywhere.” She said, finally. “Hate Incense, the kind that, after being inhaled will cause them to outright despise the next pony they see!?” Twilight exclaimed. “Congratulations, my faithful student, you gain an A for memorising that.” “Yay!” the unicorn clapped her hooves together. “It’s a good thing I drank this coffee, or I would’ve really killed her!” Celestia sighed in relief. “... wait, the cure is coffee?” the purple unicorn raised an eyebrow. “It was rare at the time Hate Incense was invented! Anyway, where’s my sister?” “In Applejack’s room I think!” “Good,” Celestia ran out to look in AJ’s room and said,”Well, I have some bad news, and some worse news.” She frowned as she turned to Twilight, who followed her,”The bad news is that Luna hates coffee, and the worse news is that she’s gone.” “Oh, no, what’ll we do!?” Twilight screamed. “Simple, I’ve got a plan.” Celestia smiled.
Chapter 1Luna walked down the long hallway, Her hooves knocking against the marble floor. She looked at the various stain glass windows, each telling a different story. She smiled as she placed a hoof on the large twin doors leading to the dining room. The doors were decorated with the images of the sun and the moon intertwined with each other. It was then she smelled a foul stench. ”Uggh! What smells like zombie pony sweat?” Luna muttered to herself as she walked through the doors. In the shadows, a white unicorn mare chuckled to herself as she closed a bottle in her magic,”Yes, my plan is now in motion.” She walked away...then she bumped into one of the royal guard. The surprisingly large guardian mare glared at her and pointed a hoof at a nearby closet. The mysterious unicorn was about to protest, but the guard’s snarl took away her willpower, thus she took out her Super Special Janitor’s Mop Named Moppy from said closet and started her routine cleaning. Luna sat down at the large, mahogany table. It was decorated with an equally large tablecloth that had sunflowers adorning the edges. However, to Luna, it was a shame it was covered, as the table itself was decorated with various amounts of rubies and sapphires; it was Sombra’s answer to their negotiations about a thousand years ago, so it could be assumed that her big sis couldn’t remove the bloodstains. There seemed to be a sense of unease around the room. Luna looked at her sister on the other side. She looked unusually stern, and she was quiet. Celestia was never quiet at their dinners. ”’Tia, is something wrong?” Luna asked. “Oh, nothing. I may still be a little mad about that time you left me at the holey hooves of the Changeling Queen, and I got stuck in a gross cocoon for a few hours!” Celestia said with a grin. Luna blinked, ”I didn’t leave you! I overslept!” “Oh, oversleeping! I see, so you became a heavy sleeper. So heavy in fact, that you slept through an entire invasion.” Celestia sipped her tea. “Well excuse me for learning to be a heavy sleeper after you put me in the moon for a thousand years!” “Oh, I’m so sorry you tried to kill everything on the planet.” Celestia put her cup down “Hey, I didn’t know what I was thinking at the time!” “Sure you didn’t, that’s why you actually written out a speech on why only the moon should be up in the sky.” A royal guard pony leaned on the cold wall. His gold armor resting on his body. He listened to the argument and sighed to himself. It was nothing new for him to hear two siblings bicker. After all, he had a little sister and they tended to bicker quite a bit. His partner, somepony who has been a guardspony longer than he had, thought differently. “Don’t you think we should get in there?” The guard asked. “Spear, relax. I know one of them used to be evil, but I assure you nothing’s going to happen other than maybe a thrown table or two.” That was when a scream was heard and a flash of light was seen. The two guards ran into the dining room to find...nothing there. “Oh, buck. EMERGENCY! CALL ALL THE ROYAL GUARDS!” Spear yelled. Princess Cadance paced along the throne room. It had been a few hours since Celestia and Luna had gone missing. The pink alicorn frowned as she stopped to take a look at the front doors. Shining Armor had burst through the door, his mane a bit of a mess,”I’m sorry, hon, but we can’t find them anywhere in the city!” Cadance sighed,”Then I guess we’ll have to get a search party going for the entire country.” She shook her head,”If only we had something to help us find them, but until we find them, I’ll have to act as princess!” She said, her wings spreading outward. “Are you sure? Do you want me help you?” Shining asked. “No, Shining, you have to gather a team to find my aunts. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Cadance trotted over to the throne. “That only makes me worry more. I don’t know if you can handle both the Day and Night courts.” Shining trotted over next to his wife. “Well, if Auntie Tia could do it, so could I!” Cadence smilad,”Besides, I don’t trust Blueblood with ruling of any sorts. Its a good thing that he’s still panicking in his room.” she noted the loud, muffled screaming and galloping in another room in the castle. Shining shuddered. The thought of Blueblood ruling was scary: Blueblood’s statue stood in the precipice of the flames. screams were heard as many ponies ran for their lives from the cruel monsters that were once guards. “Go my minions of the dark! Go, and wreck havoc amongst the simple charltons that dare call my make-up horrid!” Blueblood stomped his hoof. Cadance shook her head,”Nah, I don't think Blueblood could handle minions of the dark.” Shining stared at her. “You tend to think out loud for some reason.” Cadance answered his intended question. Shining gulped,”Well, I take after my dad in that respect...Anyway, I’d better get going,” he peck the alicorn on the cheek,”Don’t overwork yourself.” “I could say the same to you, Shining.” Cadance sighed, watching her husband leave. Twilight closed her book. She yawned as she put her Bookworms Monthly bookmark into its midsection. The unicorn had started up the stairs when she heard a strange clanging noise. She gasped,”That must be another prowler trying to take my books away!” She whispered to herself as she walked slowly to one of the backrooms. Another book levitating above her as she opened the door slowly. She peeked inside and immediately threw the book at a random shadowy figure. Her body slowly went pale as she saw who she hit. “Ow, those hardcovers really hurt!” Celestia muttered, rubbing her ear.
Chapter 2Celestia looked down on her most faithful student,”Twilight...” “Imsorryimsorryididntmeanit” Twilight cried into the floor “Twilight.” “Ithoughtyouwereaprowlerimsosorry” “Twilight!” Celestia shouted. Twilight’s tear-stained face looked up,”Yes?” “It’s alright, you were just trying to defend your home, so no, I’m not going to banish you and put you in a cage where I banished you, alright?” Celestia smiled. “You’re not?” Twilight breathed a sigh of relief,”So why are you here, Princess?” “Because I need your help.” “For what? Has the Changeling Queen returned? Did Discord break out again? Has the royal cooking staff summoned another eldritch abomination?” Twilight asked, standing up immediately. “No, I just need the Elements of Harmony so I could banish my sister to the moon.”Celestia said with a stern look in her eyes. Twilight gasped,”Luna became Nightmare Moon again!?” Celestia turned away,”Yes, however she has decided to find the Elements as well, so she could banish me, and become the sole ruler.” Twilight raised an eyebrow,”Wait, why banish her when we could just cure her again?” Celestia just stared into the rows of books, then she turned to Twilight” you can’t cure her again, she’s just too far gone...” “...Why?” Twilight shook her head. Darn it, why must you be so inquisitive? Celestia thought,”Look, My faithful student, you trust me right?” “Of course I do! You were my mother figure for several years after all.” Twilight said. “Then you will follow help me no matter what, right?” “Well, truth is, Celestia, what you are saying right now has some holes in it and I’m not gullible.” Twilight looked at her teacher. Celestia stomped her hoof a bit,Well, time for my last resort, Celestia teleported a book in front of her. Using her telekinesis, she waved the book in front of Twilight’s face,”This is Creatures and Other Inhabitants of Equus, written by Clover the Clever. It’s not Starswirl the Bearded’s journal, but it does have some interesting stuff.” Twilight’s eyes followed the book,”Like what?” she said, amazed. “Oh, information on various monsters, demons, creatures you’ve never even seen before like the Amnopterix...” “The Ahm-no what?” Twilight was drooling as her entire head was following the book. “Read the book and find out! Oh, I should also mention that this is the unabridged version, and I’ll only give it to you if you help me.” Twilight leaped up and grabbed the book,”I’ll do it!” She said, cuddling the book. Fluttershy flew around the large bird-like thing, her hooves rubbing each of its rainbow colored feathers. She soon landed, her head only reaching the middle of the bird’s four long legs,”There, you don’t have to worry about those nasty maxterix parasites anymore, Mister Amnopterix.” The bird squawked as its three beady eyes looked towards the buttery pegasus. It flapped its wings as it headed back into the forest. Fluttershy smiled, then she walked back to her cottage...where she noticed her door was cracked open,”(Gasps) Has a another prowler come to take away my animals? I hope he or she doesn’t meet Angel...” She peeked through her long, wooden door, and she sees a dark blue figure, wearing royal regalia backing away something,”Stay away from me, you spawn of Tartarus!” the figure said. Fluttershy crept closer into the room to see what the figure was afraid of. She looked at the small flying object in front of the alicorn’s face: a monarch butterfly. She looked at the princess before her,”Um, Princess, you’re afraid of butterflies?” Luna’s scared face turned to her subject,”YES, I’VE HATED THE THINGS EVER SINCE I WAS A FILLY!” Fluttershy nodded and flew up to the insect,”Excuse me, Gertrude, but you need to go back home,” she led it to a window in the back of the room. She opened it and the monarch flew off,”There, its gone now.” Fluttershy smiled. Luna let out a deep breath,”Thank you, Don’t mention that little fear of mine to anyone, please?” She put her hoof over her heart. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with that fear, but I’ll never mention it to anyone.” Fluttershy nodded,”Why are you here, if you don’t my asking that is...” “I need your help,Lady Fluttershy, for my sister...is being a jerk!” Luna gritted her teeth,”So,I must gather the Elements to banish her!” “W-what? Have you tried to talk to her, maybe?” Fluttershy squeaked. “Talking to her is what showed me that she needs to go to the sun!” Fluttershy gulped,“W-w-well, aren’t you overrea-” “I’m glad you decided to help me!” Luna grabbed the pink-maned mare in her magic and floated her out the door. “Eeep!” was the sound that the pegasus made. In Celestia’s room, the white unicorn mare with a mop cutie mark rummaged through the princess’ drawer. She moved the various gold horseshoes and necklaces until she tapped her hoof on a false bottom. She smiled as she opened it to reveal a piece of paper,”The map! Now I’m one step closer to becoming ruler of the discos! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Clean Wipe, what are you laughing about-” Cadance looked into the room to see the still laughing janitor, she gasped,”Were you rummaging through my aunt’s drawer? You pervert!” the alicorn frowned,”I’m docking your pay for this.” “Um, Princess?” “Yes my faithful student?” “You’re kinda getting attention,” Twilight said, looking at the various denizens of Ponyville either bowing before their princess, looking astonished, or being just apathetic. “I’ve noticed, but in order to defend myself in case a certain sister decides to attack, I need to be in my normal form,” Celestia walked towards Sugarcube Corner. “But, she won’t attack you if you disguise yourself. She won’t know what you’ll look like.” Twilight put a hoof on the door. “Trust me, she has mind beams... ” Celestia’s eyes narrowed. Twilight just raised an eyebrow as they walked in. They headed towards the counter, where Mr. Cake was manning the register. The yellow stallion gulped as he saw the sun alicorn. “Um, Welcome back, Princess,” He gave smile. Celestia frowned at Mr. Cake’s rather nervous look,”Why must they always be nervous around me?” “Because their entire business depends on you not saying that they’re terrible?” Twilight said. “Really!?” Celestia blinked,”But I do like them! Although, while I’m here” She teleported a big bag of bits,”Here, put a branch of Sugarcube Corner in Canterlot.” Carrot Cake grinned, then he turned around,”Hey Pinkie!” Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared out of nowhere,”Yes, Mr. Cake?” Carrot put the bag of money onto Pinkie’s back,”Take this and get us a branch in Canterlot!” “Yes sir!” Pinkie saluted with her hoof, and sped out of the building in a flash. “But...I...needed her...” Celestia held out a hoof.
Chapter 3Pinkie Pie stood on her hooves, watching as the brown-maned unicorn scribbled down information on her little clipboard. They were looking at a building with various parchments peeling off its walls; an empty room was visible inside the window. Pinkie grinned as she told the mare,” We’ll have this place fixed up in no time!” Pinkie took a look at the unicorn’s perpetual frown,” Why are you so grumpy?” “ Well maybe because I had to listen to you talk all day, or maybe it’s because I have to work on my birthday.” The unicorn salesmare growled. The pink pony gasped,” Its your birthday!?” She made a wide grin, then she pulled out a cupcake and a wrapped gift,” Happy Birthday, Estate!” the mare, Estate, took the gift in her magic,” You... You’re giving me a present? I’ve never had a client do that for me before!” She teared up,” Here, sign, you... you wonderful crazy pony you!” she gave Pinkie the clipboard and quill. Pinkie took the quill and scribbled her signature. The unicorn took a look at the parchment and began to cry,” Your mouthwriting is so elegant! I’ll get everything prepared, Miss Pie.” She sniffled as she walked away. Pinkie Pie’s attention, however, was directed at a white unicorn mare with blond mane and tail and a mop cutie mark. “Now that I have used my magic potion on the two princesses, and I’ve gotten the map, I will be one step closer, mwahahahaha.” Clean Wipe whispered to herself as she trotted down the street while holding a piece of paper, when she came face to face with a certain pink mare. “Where did you come from!?” She screamed. “My Mom and Dad, silly! So, what you looking at?” Pinkie said. “Oh, just a map to a very powerful artifact that was sealed away in Celestial Year 978.” Clean said nonchalantly. “Wow, that was 34 years ago! Usually these ancient artifacts or ancient beings come from 1000 years ago... ” “Well, I guess... But that’s not important right now! I must get going!” Clean walked away. “Oh, can I come!?” Pinkie asked,” Estate won’t come back for awhile so I’ve got some free time on my hooves.” “No.” “Please?” “No.” “Please?” “No!” “Please?” “Alright! you can come.” Clean Wipe said, then she muttered “Random pony from out of nowhere... “ Pinkie Pie squealed as she hopped along Clean Wipe. Luna knocked on the door to the Carousel Boutique, hoping to get her next soldier. Fluttershy stood with her head drooped next to the princess, feeling bad that not only had she let herself get taken away so she could help banish Celestia for no real understandable reason, but that she eventually consented to coming with the obiviously-not-thinking-straight princess. The door opened to reveal not Rarity, but her little sister, who’s face was stained with tears. Sweetie Belle looked up at the mares and hope seemed to fill her eyes,”Fluttershy! P-Princess Luna! Please help!” She said sadly. “What’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked. “Rarity won’t come out of her room no matter what I try to say. She keeps talking about how she can’t bear to be outside looking like she does and she was stuck there for three hours and I want my sister back!” Sweetie cried. “Don’t worry, she’s probably having a bad mane day. We’ll get her out as quick as we-” Luna ran up to Rarity’s room “RARITY BELLE!” “Go away, I said I’m not coming out!” Rarity’s voice was heard, alongside a few grunts and an angered shout while something hit the door. “HOW ABOUT YOU COME OUT FOR A PRINCESS!?” Luna shouted. “No, I mean I’m not coming out!” Rarity’s voice said, while some scuffling was heard. “THEN I’M COMING IN!” Luna opened the door magically... then she was attacked by a long purple strand of hair with a mouth. Luna quickly closed the door on the thing. “Oh, my!” exclaimed Fluttershy, flying up next to Luna. “So that’s why you wanted me to leave!” Sweetie said. “Yes, I was hoping you could get Twilight, but I guess a princess could work too... “ Rarity’s voice chimed in,”I would’ve told you what was wrong, but I didn’t think you could believe it without seeing for yourself and I didn’t want whatever is possessing my mane right now to attack you. A little help, please?” Luna frowned,” I have seen this happen before. What is affecting you right now is known as Hairicanitus.” “What’s that? Can you cure it?” Sweetie Belle asked, with worry on her face. Luna looked down on the young filly,” Allow me to recount a tale to further explain things: Luna looked out her balcony, watching the beautiful starry night she had created. She had admired the fact that she did so much more than her stupid, ugly, stuck up... “Uh, Luna? I think you’re going off track a bit... “ Fluttershy said. “Oh, sorry about that.” Luna gave a sheepish grin. Luna breathed in the brisk, night air. Then she heard a scream. She turned and saw a massive colossus of a mane. It seemed to be alive. Several ponies were running around frantically, with a stallion running around screaming,” Somepony help! My son is stuck in there!” Luna flew towards the thing. It growled menacingly as two red eyes glared at her inside a tornado of follicles,” THOU DARE THREATEN OUR SUBJECTS!?” Luna growled back as she pulled out a metal instrument from her saddle. The thing laughed,” As if you could do anything, Filly, I have more power than you could ever imagine!” “THOU UNDERESTIMATE US!” Luna flew into the thing, her blade slashing every strand of hair. “... Luckily it doesn’t have the ability to talk or give bad villain lines.” Luna said as she finished. “But that doesn’t explain why it happens! Or if Rarity will be okay... “ Sweetie’s face was drooping. “No one truly knows where it comes from, but your sister will be safe, I promise” Luna said, putting her hoof on the young crusader. “If you help me and stop this thing, I’ll be in your debt!” Rarity exclaimed. Luna smiled,”Good, gives me even better reason to save you... “ A long blade appeared in front of the alicorn as she quickly ran into the door. There were sounds of slicing, dicing and screaming in the long twenty minutes that Luna was in there, fighting for all of equinekind. What followed was silence. Then the door opened and a huge mound of purple hair fell out. Luna walked back through the doorway, a very bald Rarity behind her. Sweetie Belle giggled at the sight. Fluttershy gasped,”Rarity, your mane!” Rarity shook her head,” It’s fine. I’m glad I was able to make a sacrifice for the greater good.” Rarity shuddered,” Even if it was My mane...” Her horn glowed as a large golden version of her mane popped out of a drawer and was placed on her head,” Luckily I always keep extra emergency wigs just for this kind of occasion!” Rarity took a look at the remains of her cursed mane,” This little disease-curse-thing isn’t contagious, is it? I’d hate to leave good hair to waste... “ She watched Luna shake her head,” Good! This’ll go straight to charity! Now, is there any reason why you came down to my house, Your Highness?” She bowed. “I need you... to help me banish my sister!” Luna said. “... What?” was the only thing Rarity could say. Twilight stared at the book encased in her magic. She thought about what it contained, what sorts of creatures it talked about. Did it mention changelings? Hippogriffs? Does it contain anything about dragons? However, the unicorn soon begins to think about how she got this tome: bribery. Shining had told her many tales of guard ponies falling to this great evil of the known universe, and now she had fallen victim to it. She sighed, feeling a little more than guilty. She looked towards her mentor, whose face was drooping. “I can’t believe I let her slip away from me like that!” Celestia muttered as she walked on the road in between the many trees of Sweet Apple Acres,” Well, maybe I’ll have better luck with Applejack... “
Chapter 5Luna had to get out of that farm; the risk that Celestia might have been planning something was too great! Why, her big sister might have wanted to poison her with this apple fritter! The alicorn frowned as she realized she had eaten half of it before she thought of that. If it was poison, it was very slow acting, delicious poison. She pondered her next course of action; her soldiers refused to work with her, so she must find a way to defeat her sister without them. “Wait, let me get a picture with the princess!” A random pony shouted as she ran towards Luna. Luna smiled for the camera. In retrospect, sitting on a bench in the middle of a populated town while eating a possibly poisoned apple fritter is probably not the most conspicuous of actions. “Darling, I was wondering where you were!” a certain fashionista had appeared behind the princess of the night. “Oh, it’s you. Come to assassinate me? Not a good idea to do it broad daylight.” “Oh, no! Perish the thought, my princess! I’m merely here to help you usurp the Sun Tyrant and fulfill your destiny as the sole ruler of the WORLD! MWAHAHAHA!” Rarity yelled, lighting striking the ground behind her “Actually I just want to control Equestria, but now that you mention it... taking over the world does sound like a good idea!” Luna grinned. “Ah, yes, but first: you must drink from the Chalice of Power!” Rarity pulled a chalice that appeared to come from nowhere,” It may give enough strength to defeat your sister with little effort.” “Why would I need such a thing?” “To embarrass her of course!” “What a brilliant idea! Embarrassment! It’s so... useful!” Luna grabbed the chalice,”Why does it smell and look like coffee?” “Because... er... it just happens to have the properties of coffee?” the fashionista shrugged. “Oh okay!” Luna chugged the drink. Then her head went up and down, back and forth, and she made a sound much like that of a hippo hitting it’s head with a bell while a mutant combination of a dog and a kangaroo is barking loudly at a koala, shortly before the princess fell down. Just when Rarity sighed and began to walk away, Luna sprang up and grabbed her by the shoulders,”FORCE FEED ME COFFEE AGAIN AND I WILL SUBJECT YOU TO HORRORS SO BAD THAT EVEN DISCORD WOULD CRINGE AT THEM!” she said, her mane filled with electricity and her eyes a glowing white. then she popped back to normal,”Wait, why did you force feed me coffee?” A white blur tackled the moon princess,”Lulu! You’re normal again!” Luna gasped,”Sister, I’m being crushed.” She got up when Celestia let go,”What do you mean ‘normal again?’” Celestia frowned,”Something made smell hate incense and caused us to fight each other.” “Hate incense! The bane of ponies everywhere!” Luna growled,”But who would do such a thing?” “How about somepony with a grudge!?” Shouted a voice. The group of ponies turned towards the sound to see Clean Wipe, dressed in a shiny shirt and wearing a massive afro. She wore a disco ball necklace around her neck. At seeing this, Rarity’s mouth foamed and she fainted. Beside her, was Pinkie waving,”Hi everypony! Look who I just met!” She bounced over to her friends. “Oh, my Mother, I never thought that the 970’s would come back in equine form to haunt me!” Celestia shouted, her hooves holding her head. “Um, no I’m your janitor, remember?” Clean Wipe asked with a sad tone of voice. “... Oh, well I have a lot of janitors so I can’t be expected to remember everyone of them, I apologize.” Celestia looked closely at her, trying to figure out who she was. Clean Wipe growled,”My name doesn’t matter, for now I shall take over the kingdom with the Amulet of All That is Disco! Mwahahaha!” “Amulet of All That is Disco? Sister, what is she talking about?” Luna asked. Celestia just sighed,”Remember how I said that the 970’s was a weird decade? Yeah, I had an amulet made to give me super disco powers, which basically meant I could out-dance anything.” Twilight blinked,”Wait, how do you expect to take over Equestria with disco?” Clean Wipe blinked,”Uh... I haven’t gotten that far yet.” Twilight looked at her,”Wait, does that also mean you haven’t the faintest idea of what you are going to do when you do eventually win?” She watched Clean slowly nod her head,” Right, do you know what’s going to happen when you take over?” “Uh, I take revenge on those who insult the janitorial service?” Clean Wipe cocked her head causing the afro to bounce. Twilight sighed,”Right. Look I did the research when I thought of taking over in my rebellious teen years and I found out the problems with usurping the throne: you’d have to worry about the rebellions, the crime, the taxes, making laws, sending ambassadors to various countries to negotiate trade, and so much more! Are you prepared for all that?” “No.” Clean Wipe sat down,”I just wanted to... be in a ruling position.” Celestia walked over to her and took the amulet off,” Look, why don’t you come with me and we’ll talk about getting you promoted to Head Janitor, okay?” Clean Wipe looked up into the sun princess’ eyes, and wiped away a tear,”You really mean it?” She saw Celestia give a nod,”Thank you.” “But, don’t try to create hate incense ever again, okay?” Celestia asked. “Yeah, I won’t mix those detergents ever again.” “”Now come, the guards at Canterlot must be worried.” Celestia took Clean Wipe in hoof and teleported, while Luna did the same. At that moment, Shining Armor ran into town,”Princesses!” He looked around. Twilight shook her head as she went back to the library,”Sorry Big Brother, they already left,” She sighed as she said to herself,”Today’s been way too exhausting.” When Celestia and Luna and their got back, they found the throne room in a burning heap. They saw the city in flames and right in front of them, was a ragged Princess Cadance. “Uh, I can explain this?” Cadance said, with nervous chuckle. Author's Note And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why Cadance is a princess and not the empress of the Crystal Empire.
Chapter 4Rainbow Dash ran through the long, white, sterile corridors. She wanted to get away from the thing that wanted to keep her bound;Its tendrils wanting to grab her and tie her down. She never liked getting tied down. She stopped at a dead end, then she turned around only to get caught by the malicious tentacles. “You will get your Feather Flu shot!” the tendrils spoke “Noooooooo!” Dash screamed. Rainbow Dash awoke with a horrible sounding cough; she groaned as she looked over her shoulders and at her wings. Her droopy, pale feathers attached to very droopy limbs. “I hate Feather Flu.” She moaned. She hated the fact that the flu not only gave her a terrible cough and a horrible sneeze, but it kept her from flying. She was also a bit annoyed that her friends kept telling her that she should’ve gotten that shot; she didn’t want to get a shot, as she hated getting her legs tied. The cerulean mare looked in front of her... right into a pair of yellow wall-eyes. “Hi Rainbow Dash!” The gray coated mare said. She was in a nurse’s outfit, and right next to her was a bowl of daisy noodle soup. “Hi Derpy-” Dash went into another fit of coughing. “Oh, That sounds terrible! Time for your medicine!” Derpy grabbed a spoon full of syrup and shoved into the other pegasus’ mouth.”Now I know it tastes bad, but don’t spit it out! Now its time for your soup-” Derpy’s wing accidentally tipped over the bowl and onto Rainbow’s lap. Rainbow yelped in pain,” Whoops, sorry, I’ll get you new bowl!” Derpy said, happily walking away. “You mean to tell me that we only have five Elements available!?” Luna yelled as they went closer to Sugarcube Corner. “Um, I’m sorry.” Fluttershy’s head drooped. “Four actually,” Mrs. Cake’s head popped out of the store,”Pinkie’s off to get us a branch in Canterlot!” She said with a big smile. Luna glared at the mare. Mrs. Cake, realizing who she spoke to, quickly closed the door. Luna snorted,” Well then, We will have to do things the old fashioned way!” “And that would be?” Rarity flipped through her golden wig. “First, I duel my sister, then after I kick her flank, I will stuff her into a locked box for all eternity!” “That’s a well thought out plan, but I think you forget step three... “ Rarity mused.. “That’s still-” Fluttershy was about to say. “And you will help me! It is likely Celestia will get some ponies to her cause, and I need some distractions!” Luna grinned maliciously. “... You want my help for what now?” Applejack asked as she sat on the grass in front of the two figures in front of her. “To help defeat my sister once again. She has gone insane with jealousy and you six have to put her in the moon again!” Celestia looked down at the earth pony. “... And we can’t cure her again because?” AJ stared at a very focused-at-reading Twilight Sparkle. “... She’s too far gone, my little pony. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do except put her in the moon.” Celestia shook her head in sadness. “I’m mighty sorry Princess, but that sounds kinda-” “LIKE A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!?” Luna landed in front of her sister, nearly breaking the ground under her. “Oh look, it’s Temper Tantrum!” Celestia smiled,” Decided to take away my AJ?” “No. You see, Princess Sparky-Hooves, The Element of Loyalty is out of commision so I decided to do this the old fashioned way!” Luna glared up at her. “Out of commision? Well, I’m fine with the old fashioned way. Speaking of which, how are you going to fight me, Short Stuff? Hopping?” Celestia chuckled. “Short!? I am not short, you are unnaturally tall!” Meanwhile, Rarity and Fluttershy had reached their friends,”Celestia has gone nuts too?” Rarity asked, “Darn, I was hoping she was going to help fix this mess.” “I don’t know! I feel like I just randomly got shoved into an argument!” AJ scratched her head. “Hmm, Twilight?” Rarity poked the reading purple unicorn to get her attention. “Huh? Sorry, I was reading up on the Haricaneitus... mons... ter. What happened to your mane?” Twilight looked at Rarity in confusion. “Long story. Do you know what’s going on?” “Well, no. Apparently Celestia wanted to gather the Elements to banish Luna. Let me guess: Luna wanted to do pretty much the same thing?” Rarity nodded,” But I didn’t expect you to go along with it! I mean, I did it as a promise and Fluttershy is, well, herself, but you?” Twilight’s tears burned her cheeks,”I was bribed!” She hugged the book tightly as she cried. “It’s okay, we all make mistakes.” Fluttershy caressed the librarian’s back. “Enough talk! Rarity, Fluttershy, fight for your future sole ruler!” Luna shouted. “Oh, really? Sending the fashionista and the quiet one to fight for you? Aren’t you scraping the bottom of the barrel? At least I have the most powerful unicorn in existence and one of-if not the- strongest earth pony on my side! Applejack, Twilight, defend your princess.” Celestia ordered. “Now hold on a minute! I didn’t agree to fight for you! Besides, look at Fluttershy, poor filly wouldn’t survive against me!” AJ protested. “And why would we fight our own friends anyway?” Twilight glared at Celestia. “Hah!” Luna pointed at Celestia with a hoof. “We’re not going to fight them either!” Rarity exclaimed. Celestia just chuckled. “Well... I guess...” Luna lunged at her older sister,” IT’S BETWEEN ONLY US! TIME FOR A BEATDOWN!” Celestia teleported behind the night princess, letting the younger hit the ground face first,”Nice try.” Luna shook her head after she quickly got up“Well, how about some hard rocks!” Her horn glowed and twelve rocks floated up and attempted to strike at Celestia with them. Celestia caught ten of them with her own telekinesis, while the other two flew past her. She then threw them back at her little sister. “Oh no! We need to stop them!” Rarity exclaimed. “Yeah, but we can’t just go in-between them and go-” Twilight was about to say, when an old voice shouted, “AHEM!” The two sisters looked beside them to see an old,, grey-maned, lime-green mare tapping her hoof at them. “Uh, Granny Smith, is it? We’re kind of in the middle of something.” Celestia said. Granny looked to the two, and pointed to the farmhouse,” Rooms, now!” “But we don’t even live there.” Celestia objected. “Yeah, plus she started it!” Luna pointed at the solar princess. Granny glared at them,”Don’t make me get the hammer!” They both sighed,”Yes, Granny Smith.” they walked away to the farmhouse The old mare walked up to the younger ponies,” Well, now that’s over, who wants some of Big Mac’s apple fritters?” She said with a big grin. “Big Mac’s made apple fritters!? I’m there!” AJ sped away, while the other just stood in shock. “Trust me, when you have three kids, and several grandchildren, you’d know how to handle sibling problems!” Granny answered the question that was on their minds The white unicorn chuckled as she looked at the chest before her; she and Pinkie Pie were in a hedge maze, and they had just found the area Clean Wipe had been looking for. The chest had a cement color scheme, with finishes of sparkles and music notes around the rims. Clean Wipe used her horn to pick up her lock-picks... only for Pinkie Pie to immediately open it without a problem,”Ooh, a Qilinese Box! I love these!” the pink one said as she picked up a box in the chest, opened it to reveal another box, opened that one to reveal a jewelry box and opened that to reveal a long shiny necklace with a big shiny ball on it. “Give me that!” Clean Wipe yanked the jewelry box away and taking out the necklace,” This is the Amulet of All that is Disco! With it, I will rule everything in a preferably thousand-mile radius! MWAHAHAHA!” Shining Armor’s head popped into the area,”What was with the maniacal laughter?” “Hi, Shining! This janitor pony just found a really pretty necklace!” Pinkie said. “Oh. Well, carry on! By the way, have you seen the princesses?” “Well, Celestia was in Ponyville...” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin. Shining grinned,” That’s all I need!” He went back behind the hedge wall,”Ponies! We’re heading to Ponyville, ASAP!” Celestia stared at the wall. She was contemplating the various things inside the room she was in: the rather nice wallpaper, the big red bed she was sitting on, the Smarty Pants doll near one of the pillows(Which she reminded herself to mention to Twilight later), and the little filly who had just brought in an apple fritter and a cup of coffee. The little filly looked up at the rather tall ruler of Equestria,”Princess, I was wondering: How come you ain’t queen?” “Now, that question deserves a long hefty answer, give me a minute,” Celestia smiled as she took a sip of the coffee. Her head suddenly went side to side and then she started making odd noises that sounded like a combination of a train and a gorilla, then finally she fell face first into the bed. Apple Bloom screamed and ran out of the room,”Celestia’s dead!” Twilight, who had just eaten her fritter, stared at the filly who came down the stairs and was waving her hooves wildly,”... what?” “I was just asking her a question, and then she took a sip of coffee and she fell down and I don’t want to be executed!” She was crying into Applejack’s body. “It’s okay, I won’t let anyone execute us.” AJ rubbed her baby sister’s back. “I’ll go check on her!” Twilight immediately ran up the stairs and into Big Mac’s room to find... Celestia, alive and looking around in a confused manner. The solar princess looked at her faithful student,”Twilight, what am I doing here?” “... What do you mean?” Twilight cocked her head. “The last thing I remember was smelling zombie pony sweat on the way to the dining hall and then waking up here.” She frowned.,”Do you know what happened? Unless... There is a surprise party here!” Celestia smiled,” Twilight, my birthday isn’t until two months from now, you know that!” “Um, you don’t remember anything about wanting to banish Luna again?” Twilight asked,”Also, zombie pony sweat?” “Have you ever smelled it? It’s disgusting! Anyway, why would I want to banish her again? Unless... Twilight, tell me everything that happened.” “Okay,” Twilight began to explain the events that occurred with her and Celestia. Celestia frowned at this,”Hate Incense, scourge of ponies everywhere.” She said, finally. “Hate Incense, the kind that, after being inhaled will cause them to outright despise the next pony they see!?” Twilight exclaimed. “Congratulations, my faithful student, you gain an A for memorising that.” “Yay!” the unicorn clapped her hooves together. “It’s a good thing I drank this coffee, or I would’ve really killed her!” Celestia sighed in relief. “... wait, the cure is coffee?” the purple unicorn raised an eyebrow. “It was rare at the time Hate Incense was invented! Anyway, where’s my sister?” “In Applejack’s room I think!” “Good,” Celestia ran out to look in AJ’s room and said,”Well, I have some bad news, and some worse news.” She frowned as she turned to Twilight, who followed her,”The bad news is that Luna hates coffee, and the worse news is that she’s gone.” “Oh, no, what’ll we do!?” Twilight screamed. “Simple, I’ve got a plan.” Celestia smiled.
