Fighting is Magical

by Imaginary Valued

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Random
Length: 4338

The King of the Iron Hoof Tournament has arrived in Equestria. Go through the Story Mode to find out how and why our favorite cast enters the fight. Select Your Characters!

Select Your Characters!

The King of the Iron Hoof Tournament has arrived in Equestria. Competitors from all across the lands have gathered in order to determine the strongest fighter for their own various reasons. Who will be the one to triumph and claim the crown and the title?

A silly parody of Fighting is Magic the game with references to many other fighting games. If you don't know what the game is and have an interest in finding out, visit here: http://www.mane6.com.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-27 23:30:24 UTC

Intro: Twilight and Spike

Within the Canterlot Royal Hall of Fame, the ruler of Equestria silently observed the stained glass portrayals of events long passed as well as contemporary. Her quiet contemplations were interrupted by hoofsteps, preceding the arrival of a lavender unicorn mare and a baby dragon by her side.

"Princess Celestia!" the pony greeted in excitement, while her draconic companion waved enthusiastically.

Smiling kindly, the regal alicorn turned to her approaching guests. "Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student. It warms this heart of mine to see you."

The small dragon pouted. "Hey, what about me?"

Celestia gave a small laugh, and encased the baby dragon is her golden magical energy as she levitated him to her. "I am always more than happy to see you as well, Spike," she said and nuzzled his cheek.

Spike blushed and whined with an unconvincing smile, "Aw, cmon~, quit it! I'm not a big baby anymore, and Twilight's watchiiiiing."

Twilight giggled before addressing her mentor once again. "You wanted to see us, Princess?"

Celestia nodded and gently placed Spike by her own side. "Indeed I do. Tell me, Twilight, Spike, have either of you heard of the King of the Iron Hoof tournament?"

"King of the Iron Hoof?" Twilight repeated curiously. "That's sounds like some kind of a cooking show. I'm sorry, Princess, but I don't think I've ever heard of such a thing."

Spike, on the other hand, was inordinately excited. "Twilight, how can you have never heard of the King of the Iron Hoof tournament!? It's only the biggest, most awesome martial arts tournament in all of everything! Wait, does this mean..." he trailed off, now looking to the princess with shimmering anticipation in his eyes.

"Yes, Spike," Celestia confirmed with a smile. "The upcoming tournament will be held in Equestria. Fighters from all over the lands will be attending, and not just restricted to ponies either. Many griffons and minotaurs are already on their way here, not to mention the zebras and even the wildebeests."

"Wow," Spike uttered in awe.

Celestia laughed slightly at the baby dragon's enthusiasm before she turned to Twilight. "The King of the Iron Hoof Tournament is held at least once every century, but has never adhered to a particular timing. Its origins are shrouded in mystery and lie in a time even before mine." She turned to a particular stained glass window, one that depicted an earth pony shattering the earth with a powerful hoofchop. "The most notable champion of the tournament was a stallion by the name of Ponryu, who hailed from the far east beyond even the borders of the Outlands. He demonstrated an unrivaled fighting spirit and tenacity, and was rightfully crowned the King of the Iron Hoof."

The princess allowed Twilight, who was listening with rapt attention, a moment to absorb. "Still, it is actually not surprising that you've never heard of the tournament, as it has not been held in Equestria for the last three hundred years, and its rather peculiar nature would have disinterested you quickly even if you had stumbled upon the information."

Twilight nodded, but then turned a curious look at her dragon friend. "Then where'd you hear about the tournament, Spike?"

"Rainbow Dash told me about it," Spike answered, "when she helped train me in kung-hoof! She said it was the most radical thing, right behind the Equestria Games! Oh gosh, she's gonna be so excited when she finds out it's going to take place right here in Equestria!"

Twilight shook her head with a smile. "Rainbow would be the one to know about it." She tilted her head in thought. "But, you said the tournament was always held on foreign grounds, why is it being transferred to Equestria now? What changed?"

"Many reasons can be attributed to this new development," Celestia answered, "but suffice to say, it's because I made a request to the Founders of the tournament."

Spike's eyes went wide. "You talked to the Founders? That's so cool! Who are they? Are they even ponies? Maybe they're dragons! What do they look like? Are they tough looking? I bet they're all sorts of powerful!"

Celestia shook her head gently. "I'm afraid I can't tell you anything regarding the identity of the founders, even if I could. I am honor bound to keep their secrets in exchange for the boon they have granted."

"Aw," Spike sighed in slight disappointment, but quickly perked back up. "Still, I can't believe they're going to be holding the King of the Iron Hoof tournament here in Equestria! This is going to be so cool!"

"Indeed," Celestia said with a smile. "And that brings us to the reason I summoned you two." The alicorn princess's visage steeled as she regarded the duo. "Twilight Sparkle, it is time for you to advance towards the next phase of your studies, and enter the King of the Iron Hoof Tournament."

After Spike helped pick her jaw off the ground, Twilight summarized her thoughts: "WHAT!?"

"This is a rare opportunity," Celestia continued, unaffected by her student's outburst, "for you to hone your skills, magical or otherwise, as well as a chance to foster Friendship in ways you've likely never imagined."

"Wait, wait, Princess!" Twilight cried. "I don't know the first thing about fighting or martial arts! Okay, maybe that's not entirely true since I trained with Zecora but we mostly trained in meditation and concentration exercises and...I mean, I haven't read up on the subject, and how does physical combat foster Friendship and...!"

"Breathe," Celestia reminded gently.

Twilight nodded and after a short pause managed to regain regulation over her respiration through the breathing exercises taught by Cadence. "It's just, I don't think I'm prepared for something so grand as this tournament. I'm not some kind of mare of action."

"Is that so?" Celestia said with that particular brand of cryptic smile. "But I have it on good authority that you once showed rather earnest enthusiasm in challenging the escaped Cerberus to a tussle."

Twilight blinked. "Oh, you mean that time when I, um..." She laughed nervously before deliberately coughing.

"Not only that," Celestia continued, still smiling kindly, "but did you forget about the day of the Changeling Invasion? I've received several accounts from civilians witnesses and guards that you and your friends displayed rather impressive proficiency in the combative arts. Defeating an entire platoon of changelings is no easy feat."

Twilight's eyes glistened at the recollection, a small fire sparking to life in an unlit part of her mind. But still, she was hesitant. "But that was because I was with the girls... If I didn't have them at my side, and without my magic, there's no possible way I can handle this!"

Celestia's smile never faltered. "Then I suppose it's a good thing that Spike will be accompanying you."

"What!?" Twilight screamed in place of Spike, who was busy reeling his tongue back.

"The rules and mechanics of the tournament have never been rigid," Celestia explained patiently. "Each of its incarnation so far have been rather unpredictable. Why, I believe two hundred years ago the fights resembled some sort of game of toss with a deceptively heavy volleyball. As for this one, it was decided that the contestants would fight in pairs."

Twilight perked up in achieving self-perceived epiphany. "So that we can absorb the essence of the meaning of a comrade in hooves? So that we may truly understand the heroic natures of our friends as we fight side by side, against incredibly odds, so that regardless of victory or loss, we can walk away with the pride of a battle well fought?"

Celestia stared at an arbitrary point. "Actually, I think it's to reduce time consumption by cutting down on the number of registrations."

"Oh."

"Aside from that, the tournament  is, how do you say, no holds barred. There are no restraints made on how the fighters compete, as long as lives do not perish. As such, you are free to meet your challenges with magic however you wish."

Twilight seemed to gain more confidence, but it could be seen that the flare had yet to fully rise.

Celestia smiled again. "Twilight, I've been watching you since the first day you came under my tutelage. You have an unparalleled talent and passion for magic and an almost unquenchable thirst for knowledge. But that is not all that you are. I saw that underneath all of that drive, buried even beneath the fountain of information you've compelled yourself to collect, was a spirit yearning for something beyond ink and paper; the spirit of a true fighter."

Twilight's stared in exaltation.

"What about me?" Spike suddenly asked meekly, twiddling the tips of his claws. "I mean, I'm totally psyched and everything, but...m-maybe I shouldn't go after all. I'm not that good at kunghoof yet, and I don't want to slow Twilight down..."

Celestia spoke before Twilight could refute the young dragon's doubts. "Spike, just as I did with Twilight, I have watched over you since the day you were hatched. The two of you have been nigh inseparable since day one. You are closer than family, and I guarantee that nopony understands Twilight better than you do. There is absolutely nopony else more qualified to accompany her on this journey."

Spike's stared, awestruck for a moment, before moving his sight to a clawed fist.

Celestia smiled gently. "Spike, there are few souls in this world kinder and gentler than yours, but be that as it may, I know that within you flares a similar fire to that of Twilight's. You yearn for the chance to test your own mettle, for even though you possess the soul of a pony, you have the strength of a dragon. I trust nopony more than you to help Twilight in the coming times. You are more than Twilight's number one assistant. You are her partner."

Spike stared with a shimmering gaze, and smiled widely when Twilight leaned down to nuzzle him.

Celestia beamed at the display. "Have you come to a decision?"

Twilight stood straight and proud. "I won't let you down, Princess."

The alicorn princess nodded. "Then go forth, Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon. The King of the Iron Hoof Tournament awaits you."

After an enthusiast exchange of nods between them, Twilight and Spike raced down the hall and out of the castle, to prepare for the fight ahead of them.

Celestia smiled, now alone within the royal hall. "They will be all right. And with any luck, they too will learn more than they ever thought possible."

She turned her gaze once more to the chromatic glass depiction of the pony warrior shattering the earth. "What did you always say, old friend? The Answer lies in the heart of battle."

Celestia blinked, because she realized that her right foreleg was quivering. She held her right hoof up to inspect, a look of intense contemplation crossing her features. A moment later, she smirked in an exasperated manner. "Oh, Celestia, you old fool. You always were easily riled."

She gave the stained glass image one more look before leaving. It was time to find Luna.

Twilight popped open the door to the library. She breathed in the fresh morning air deeply with a smile. Celestia's sun shone brightly, as if dispensing its blessings upon the day.

The lavender mare huffed fervidly and turned around. "Duffle bags?"

Spike slung said item over his shoulder and saluted. "Check."

"Enchanted canteens?"

"Check."

"The Arsenal?"

From behind him, Spike produced three different colored spell books and counted them off. "Rush Down, check. Zoning, check. Turtling, also check."

"Great," Twilight said and with a spark of her horn, a peculiar looking opaque globe appeared before her. She shook it. "And according to this device they gave us, the first stage is at..." The globe glowed and soon a scenery appeared within its content. "New Derpy, huh?"

With a thought, Twilight willed the globe away. She turned to her partner with a confident smile. "Ready?"

Spike returned the expression. "Do gemstones taste better than garnets?"

"Uh, I wouldn't know."

"Oh, um, they do. Gems are sweeter. So, yeah, I'm ready."

Twilight laughed. "All right! Let's go~!" She whinnied and galloped outside.

Mirroring her war cry with his own small roar, the young dragon followed suit.

Together, Twilight and Spike charged towards their first destination and first challenge, eager to meet the competition and revel in the thrill of the fight, as everything panned into an epic freeze frame.

Let the King of the Iron Hoof Tournament begin.

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Intro: Applejack and Big McIntosh

We bring our tale to a familiar farm, one full of life and rustic charm. But even here in the night it was quiet, with all the critters huddled asleep and silent. But not all was well in Sweet Apple Acres, for you see, our most beloved Ponyville farm...

"What in tarnations do ya mean the farm is goin' under!?"

...was under the threat of foreclosure.

Big McIntosh sighed and produced several enlarged histogram charts, displaying the farm's overall sales, special events frequency such as Zap Apple and Cider Season, quantity of apples supply produced during Applebuck Season, damages incurred as well as the frequency of shenanigans, natural or otherwise, that have occurred over the last three fiscal years.

"This ain't no time to be showing yer abstract whatchamacallits! We've got real trouble a' brewing here, and Ah wanna know what's goin' on!"

Big McIntosh narrowed his eyes before fetching  a large pie chart, concisely and efficiently showing the farm's annual sales, expenditures, gross profits, necessary loans, taxes, and certain outliers in clear, labeled, colored schemes.

"What kinda pie is that? Apple, orange, lemon, cherry, grape pie? That better not be a pear flavor Ah see in there!"

Big McIntosh sighed and used the chart as a coaster as he fetched some apple mead for the upcoming necessary lecture. After he sat his sister down, he then proceeded to explain the mechanics of economics, focusing mostly on the concepts of supply and demand and the effects of a shifting money supply in a free market.

"So we just need more apples? Then Ah'll just buck more apples than we can handle! Just leave it ta' me, big brother! Ah'll git us through this, lickity split!"

The red stallion allowed a moment to smile proudly at the confident display of the cowpony, before he sighed and explained the fundamental workings of currency and how the buying power of the bit was affected by shifting exchange rates and inflation.

Applejack looked aghast. "So yer sayin' that for every three bits we make, we're a' losin' five bits for pretty much not a gosh darn thing?"

"Eeyup."

Applejack pounded on the wooden table, rattling the mugs. "How in the hay does that make a lick o' sense!? So no matter what we do, we're gonna lose the farm!?"

Big McIntosh raised a hoof to his lips in a gesture of suggested silence, as he pointed upwards.

Applejack nodded and tried to calm herself. Applebloom was hopefully still asleep and not made aware of the impending loss of their ancestral home. Granny Smith was, well, the old mare was probably in her rocking chair somewhere in the vicinity. Won't be hard to track down her snores. "Just how much do we owe them stinkin' snakes in the barn, anyhow?"

Big McIntosh passed her a parchment, and Applejack's eyes widened considerably. "Whoa. That there is a mighty big number."

"Eeyup."

Applejack sighed and sagged into her seat, as if losing all the strength to fight. She took off her hat, and scratched the back of her head for the itch out of frustration. "Maybe we can make a deal with them, those, um, wait, who do we owe so many bits to anyway?"

Big McIntosh gave her a name.

"Orbsah? What kind o' silly thing is that?" At the red stallion's shrug, her eyes narrowed on the title. "Why do we even have to throw some many darn bits at this Orbsah anyway?"

Big McIntosh went on to explain that somehow the existence of the farm was irrevocably tied to the necessary support and approval of the company, and that, indeed, the framework and foundation of everything they've ever known hinged on their continuous patronage. It didn't make much sense to her, but Applejack knew what her brother was saying was all true.

"Ain't there anything we can do, Big Mac?" Applejack asked, voice feeble.

Big McIntosh paused for a moment before giving the obvious solution.

"And where do ya reckon we get the money for the debt if we're losing bits with every apple we sell? Ah mean, Ah suppose we could talk to Filthy Rich for some help, but he'd probably want a mighty big stock of Zap Apple jam for the favor, and Ah don't reckon it's a jolly good idea goin' round' asking for more debt. And if we're goin' through so much darn trouble, Ah can only imagine how bad it's gettin' for the rest of the Family. Or maybe...ugh! Ah just don't know!" She barely managed to stop herself from pounding the table again.

Big McIntosh stared at his sister in serious consideration, before asking her a question.

"Course' Ah'm a mighty good athlete! Ah can toss a barrel o' hay farther than a jackrabbit leap and nopony can best me in hoof wrestling without busting a hip! But the next Canterlot rodeo competition ain't for another season. How would mah athletics win any prize money?"

The red stallion, stared at the cowpony, then down at some kind of paper in his hooves. After repeating the shifting gaze several more times, he finally passed the item along.

"What in the?" Applejack uttered as she read on. "This some kinda cooking competition? Ya want me to bake apple pies? Wouldn't that just be as bad as selling apples?"

The elder sibling pointed to a particular part of the brochure.

"Oh, it's a fighting tournament thingy. Wait. A fighting tournament thingy? That's why ya talked about mah athletics. Ah still don't see how this is gonna help--holy jumping apple beans! First prize gets a million bits!?" She read further down. "And it ain't just first prize, even third place gets five hundred Big ones! Big Mac, this might be the answer!"

Big McIntosh smiled, which didn't last long when Applejack looked terribly uncertain.

"Still...Ah don't know bout' earning money by winning tussles. We always carried the family business with pride. Made a living the honest way, not the fast way. Somehow it doesn't feel right to meh if we fought other ponies for money."

Applejack raised the paper for closer inspection. "There ain't no guarantee we could win either. What would happen to the farm if we just packed up and went? Applebloom and Granny Smith needs us here."

Big McIntosh stared. He cleared his throat. "Applejack."

Applejack sighed. "Yeah, Big Mac?"

"How many blue ribbons didja ever won?"

The cowpony blinked. "Uh, Ah don't know, bout' a couple dozen, maybe? Why ya askin?"

The red stallion nodded. "Ah've watched you compete since ya were a filly. Each year ya'd get better an' better. Ya were in your element. Happier than a vermin in a cabbage patch. Ah always were mighty proud of ya, cause' you did everything Ah never could."

Applejack blinked more. "Big Mac, what are ya saying?"

"Ah never was any good at tossing em' hay stacks," Big McIntosh replied, "or racing round' the tracks. So I was mighty glad ya became the rodeo champeen of our family. I know Pa and Ma woulda been."

"Big brother..."

Then, the stallion did something not many townsponies have ever seen, and shrugged off his work collar. With the weight off, Big McIntosh rolled his neck muscles around before continuing, "All Ah've ever been is strong, AJ. Sometimes scary strong. Never could tussle with any other colts even as a foal. Would break em'.  Always had to make darn sure Ah didn't pull mah weight round' too much, in case Ah squashed anypony. But it gits mighty tiring, AJ. Not bein' able to just...let loose." He looked his sister in the eyes. "Ah want to do this. The farm needs help, and Ah need a chance to pitch my weight against somepony who can take it without mah bein' scared they'd snap like em' branches in the wind."

Applejack blinked. "Ah never knew ya felt that way, Mac." She returned her gaze to the paper. "The King of the Iron Hoof, huh?"

"The King of the Iron Hoof Tournament!?" Granny Smith shouted from directly behind the cowpony.

"Whoa Nelly!" Applejack screamed. "Granny Smith!? Where'd ya come from!?"

"Ah, that sure do bring back memories," Granny Smith said, ignoring Applejack's reaction as she looked over the brochure. "All em' ponies and gryphons and whatsits just goin' round throwing smackdowns every which way."

Applejack and Big McIntosh both blinked. "Wait," the cowpony cawed, "Granny Smith, ya were round' for the last tournament?"

"Course' I was," the old mare cawed. "That was how I met yer grandpappy, after all."

"Say wha!?"

"Was a strappin' hunk of a stallion and a tough son of a fingle-fangle, I'll tell ya what. Won his fight right here in Ponyville, too. That's how we gone started a' meeting and a' romancin'. Never did went on his next fight, said he just made his last o' stop on this here farm o' ours." Granny Smith's eyes brimmed with warm nostalgia. "Ah, them lifetimes ago."

Before Applejack and Big McIntosh could follow up, Granny Smith then proceeded to retrieve something from thin air; a dull, polluted-looking snow globe of sorts. "A souvenir from the tournament, I reckon. Them sneaky lookin' proctors or whatsits never did ask fer it back. Said to keep it til' the time came. Don't know what they were jabbering bout', but here it still is."

Applejack reached out when Granny Smith extended the odd looking contraption to her, and the moment her hoof came into contact, the globe released a sudden burst of light, remaining suspended midair even as the ponies were startled and scrambled back.

After a few moments of caution, Applejack crept up to the glowing globe, and saw a familiar scenery replacing the previous dullish black. "That's Manehatten. Why is it showin' us Manehatten?"

"Til' the time came," Granny Smith uttered. "Guess the fight was just left to be continued. After all this time. It seems that thing there wants y'all to pick up where yer grandpappy left off."

The globe dimmed and dropped into Applejack's quick hooves. The cowpony stared at it with a look of dawning determination. "Grandpappy's fight, eh?" She smiled. "Pa always did say never to leave a good tussle unfinished."

Big McIntosh smiled as well. "Eeyup."

Then Applejack frowned. "But we can't go. The farm won't survive for even ten moons if we just up and left."

"Then I guess Ah'm in the right place at em' right times," a voice came from the doorway.

Three pony heads snapped towards the entrance. "Cousin Braeburn!"

Braeburn tipped his hat slightly as he pulled away from his leaning against the door, a wheat stalk hanging from his mouth. "Howdy, partner," he greeted. "Looks like ya could use a hoof round' here, cousin. And Ah just might be the pony to lend it."

The Apple family members all shared a quick but affectionate group hug, before Applejack asked, "Boy, am Ah glad to see ya, cousin! But how did ya git here so darn fast? Appleloosa's a day away by train!"

"Plot conveyance."

"Buh?"

"Sorry," Braeburn said, scratching his ear. "Been sayin' some mighty weird things ever since Ah was left alone with yer pink friend for a couple o' minutes. Ah never could remember what in tarnations happened." He gained a thousand yard stare before snapping back a smile. "But don't worry bout' that none, Applejack! Now that Ah'm here, Ah promise ya on mah honor as a Apple Family pony that Ah'd make sure this here Sweet Apple Acres will be standin' proud and tall by the time y'all git back from whatever yer up to!"

Applejack smiled with moisture in her eyes. "That's very kind of ya. Ah knew Ah could count on mah family." She wiped her eyes, and turned to her brother. "Whaddya say, big brother? Fancy a trip uptown? Ah reckon it's bout' time Ah give ol' Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee some time in the limelight."

Big McIntosh cracked his neck, and grinned widely. "Eeyup."

The sea of apple trees rustled under the caress of the north winds, as if the entire orchard was giving its farewell and blessing upon the departing Apple siblings.

Applejack strung her lasso to her side, ready to be unleashed at a moment's notice. Big McIntosh, now released from his work collar, stood taller and moved stronger than he ever did, even as he carried two enormous saddlebags of supplies.

The two of them waved a fond farewell towards the front of the barn in the distance, where Applebloom, Granny Smith, and Braeburn returned the gesture. Applebloom in particular was waving and hopping with slight tears in her eyes as she cheered her little heart out for her elder siblings.

Applejack looked to the road ahead, and took a deep breath. Upon release, she smiled brightly. "Yeehaw! C'mon, big brother! Time to git out there and buck some ponies!"

Big McIntosh leaned away uncomfortably with a look of nervous disgust.

"Not like that, ya big galoot!"

And so, the Apple siblings galloped forth, ready to show the world the power of their worth. Before them lies challenges and tests unknown, but with conviction and Apple strength, away they will all be blown. And as the world panned into an epic freeze frame, let us wish the Apple siblings the best of luck, on their quest for fortune and fame!

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