Rotting Apples

I. Retreat & Recovery

Long shadows, like fingers, stretched out from everything the blazing sun looked upon as it set down under the horizon. The hour grew late and the precession of the three figures along the lonely dirt road to the farm was more like a death march. The largest, a stallion of red, hung his head low and eyes closed. His normally detached calm expression was twisted into one of great sorrow, reduced to a blubbering mess. Ever since he had heard the news of her passing, he wouldn't stop weeping. Now there were no more tears to shed; he had run dry yet the pain of loss was still there in his chest. A hollow feeling that he had convinced himself would never go away.

Next to him was a light peach coated mare that matched his slow pace. Her head was down and her hands together at her front staring blankly at the ground ahead. Usually Applejack would be the first to react or show emotion but she was like a statue; face utterly blank save her eyes under her antique Stetson. They seemed to see right into the core of the world. Unlike her elder brother, she had not been shaking nor has she shed a single tear throughout the entire week since the news burned through her heart like a bullet. It was the moment when she had to experience loss for a third time.

Between the two was the youngest of the trio. Her hair down over her shoulders without her large bow, Applebloom took the news of Granny Smith's passing the hardest. She would never forgive herself; but for what, she knew not what. Like her brother, she hadn't stopped crying the entire week, but unlike him, she had shown her emotions through the raw, untamed nature of a teen. Applebloom was convinced that all of the village could hear her when she started to wail. She didn't understand death like her siblings did; she was too young to understand. The grief came to her when she caught a glimpse of her grandmother laying peacefully in her bed, never to wake up.

Applejack moved forward ahead of her kin and opened the gate to Sweet Apple Acres. Her movement was like a robot's; not an expression on her face save the one she had since Granny's passing. She stayed at the gate, watching from under her hat brim the boots of her brother and little shoes of her sister’s. Despite wearing mostly black or dark blue, Applebloom's shoes were a stark white in contrast to her funeral attire. It gave Applejack a little happiness as she noticed the little design on it. Three balloons, two baby blue and a bright yellow. A little smile cracked on her lips. 'Pinkie...' she thought fondly of the mare who, until Twilight brought them together, she had only seen in her bakeshop and thought a little loopy. Now the pink coated mare was the only thing that kept the Sweet Apple family in good spirits.

Latching the shoulder high gate closed, she and her family returned to the modest little farm house they once called home. Now a pall hung over the property. Colors seemed faded and even the heat of Celestia's sun brought no warmth on them. Each pony, single file, made their way up onto the wooden porch. While Applebloom and Big Macintosh made their way into the house, Applejack stopped at the threshold. Turning her head slowly, something sparked a memory that commanded her to turn. On the hanging swing, she faintly saw days gone by. Laughing, she saw her mother watching a much younger AJ thrust her little fists up over her head in another victory over her brother at checkers, both sitting on the porch. Big Mac smiled and set up another game as their father came up the steps with Applebloom in his arms, just a filly of barely one years old and wearing a small stetson hat upon her head. Her father's final birthday gift to her.

This memory played out for Applejack for decades, watching the golden time of her family as if nothing was wrong with the world. She was not a bearer of honesty, or honor as Twilight put it, but a simple hick that wanted nothing more than to laugh and work and be happy. Yet it was all taken from her much too early. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and did what she always had to do to pry herself away from such foolish little flashbacks; she closed her eyes and dipped her hat. Opening the steel screen door, she saw her brother at the kitchen table with her sister nowhere to be found. Concerned, she questioned her brother “Where...”

“Her room.” Mac replied “Ah think it's best that she just cry it out.”

At least he had some emotion back in his voice “Ah'm sorry ah couldn't be much help with 'er. Ah know she's taken' it hard.”

“Just like you?” Applejack rounded the table and to the fridge, taking out a bottle of no doubt expired whiskey. Big Mac watched in silence as his sister opened the forty ounces of liquor and started to guzzle it back. He quickly extended his hand out and gently lowered the bottle, convinced that his sister would have finished it all if he hadn't intervened. Applejack looked annoyed but never once broke eye contact with the bottle “Ah know yur just tryin' ta help, Big Mac...just...lemme have this then Ah won't touch another drop.” For a few moments he still held on. Reluctantly, Big Mac let his sister do what she wanted. It pained him to see AJ harm herself but being a teetotaler, he fought another urge to stop her.

Within a minute, the frosty amber liquid was drained from the bottle and Applejack finally took a breath. Her face winced at the fire water's passing into her stomach, making her feel sick but it was a feeling she wanted. It helped her feel something at least. The hollowness and burden of grief was drowned in the old malt liquor, feeling its warmth overtake her. With a heavy sigh, she reclined back in her chair and placed her worn boots up on the table, holding the empty bottle like a child at her chest. She stared off into nothing, slowly panning her vision as her eyes met the oven; convinced that Granny was about to run in at any moment and curse herself for not paying attention to her baking.

It brought a smile to her face that she could still hear the ringing of the elderly mare's shouts as she quickly hobbled to the kitchen, opening the oven and grabbing a dish towel to yank whatever she had overcooked out of the glowing maw of the stove. A sudden loud bang came from upstairs, bringing Applejack's illusions of a happy yesteryear to an abrupt end. Big Mac got up from his chair and quickly stomped up the stairs. No doubt Applebloom had thrown something, in a rage with the conflict of anger and sorrow.

The booze started to hit AJ hard, making her feel a little dizzy. Feeling a bit warm, she took her father's hat off. She held it in front of her and surveyed it. It looked no more the worst for wear despite being nearly half a century old. In her gathering stupor, her thoughts became more lucid and surreal. She saw her father's hand reach down and pluck his hat up, placing it on AJ's head. Her head panned up and over, seeing her father's smiling face. The words he spoke were meaningless to her now, all that she heard was what she needed to hear “Ah love you, mah lil' apple.” Applejack sharply exhaled and shut her eyes tight. A whimper was caught in her throat as she tried to hold back the tears. She didn't know why, but those words brought out a flood of emotions that were absent in her Granny's passing.

She opened her eyes and felt her first tear roll down her cheek, dripping down onto her plaid shirt. She allowed herself more sorrow to flow from her eyes, drowning herself in depression and sadness finally. The wall of her resolute and stubborn nature had crumbled and she didn't care who saw her cry or heard her weep. Closing her eyes again, she thought of her parents. She saw her mother and father standing over her in the black void of thought. Both Clementine and Baldwin looked so happy hand in arm, seeing their little AJ as she grew to be something more than they had ever thought possible. Another heavy sigh escaped Applejack's lips as her eyes opened, seeing the twilight outside of her door. The kitchen was getting dark and her stomach finally rumbled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten all day or most of this week, for that matter.

Slightly angered with her moment of weakness, she felt that food was the best thing for her right now. Before anything though, she needed to see where she was going. It was nearly pitch black in the kitchen when AJ opened her eyes. Slowly getting up from her seat, she carefully moved to the button switch on the wall behind her, one hand out in front. She turned and stumbled over to the old brass faceplate, still gleaming despite the sun having ducked under the horizon a few moments prior. With a dull click, the lights came on and AJ was left blinded. She blinked, trying to get her eyes accustomed to the artificial suns above the table.

Not waiting, she rubbed her eyes and made her way over to the stove. Placing the bottle down on the range, she opened the cupboard and crouched. Inside was a wall of cans, neatly organized by their contents. Beans, soups, peas, carrots and pineapples. Applejack just smirked, thinking 'Big Mac, ya got some strange tastes.' Not in the least fussy, she grabbed a can of baked beans. Standing back up right, she reached over the stove and opened the cupboard, grabbing a sauce pan. Placing both on the stove, she tried to find the can opener. It wasn't in its usual drawer. 'Now where the hay did that get to?' AJ squinted, opening drawers all along the kitchen but failing to see it. With a frustrated, and spiteful sigh, she slammed the last of the drawers off its rollers; forgetting her own strength.

“Applejack?” Big Mac poked his head out from behind the door frame, brows raised “What's wrong?” AJ took a deep, long breath to calm herself. It seemed silly but it was just one more thing that life happened to throw at her just to lose her otherwise easy going demeanor. In answer to her brother, she shook her head, letting that pent up anger go with her exhale.

With a little smirk, she turned and leaned on the counter “Ah can't find the damn can opener.” She shook her head at how silly it sounded. Both she and her brother had smiles growing on their faces.

Big Mac finally came in, giving his sister a comforting hug “Neither could I.” he chuckled, letting go of his sis “Last pony I saw had it was Applebloom. No use askin' her now, though. Sleepin' like a foal.”

Mac glanced and saw the bottle of alcohol, bottomed out and on the range. He understood perfectly why AJ would poison herself. It felt good to hurt once in awhile. Ignoring it, he lazily walked towards the fridge “We got eggs if you wanna have 'em. No can opener required.”

Applejack gave a little laugh “With your muscles? Ah reckon' you'd smash the pan and the egg.” she teased. Mac sheepishly blushed, getting the eggs out anyway. “I might but I can't let you go to bed hungry now.”

“Nah. It's alright. Ah'm to tired to eat now anyway.”

“You sure? I'll put a lil' cheese on 'em.”

“Ah'm sure. Just clea...well ya know.”

“Eeyup.” Mac nodded, cracking an egg in the saucepan as his sister took her hat and left. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened; Mac being back to his usual, easy going self and AJ still trying to be the mother of the household. She made her way into the living room and tried not to make eye contact with the rocking chair by the window overlooking the orchard. It was compelling but the more she resisted, the more her side seemed to heat up. Picking her pace up, she sprinted up the staircase and gave a little puff of relief as she landed at the top. Slowing down and lightly stepping, she made her way down the hall to her bedroom, pausing at Applebloom's closed door. Thinking it over for a moment or two, she carefully turned the knob and pushed it open. The heavy wooden door creaked on its hinges as the dim moonlight escaped the darkened room and into the hallway. There, leaning against the open window was a very glum sister.

Applejack didn't hesitate, “Sis?” Applebloom didn't even flinch, lost in her thoughts “What y'all doin' outta bed?” Again, nothing. Hesitantly she asked “Can Ah at least come in?”

Only then did Applebloom turn her head slightly “Yeah. Ah guess...”

Closing the door behind her, AJ walked in and sat on the bed facing her little sister “Now what's on yer mind, youngin'?” she asked; as if she didn't know.

Applebloom sniffled a little and kept on looking at the night sky, watching the sparkling stars “Ah'm trying ta count if there's an extra star up there for Granny.”

The statement hit Applejack like a buck to the chest, bringing back all of her emotions from earlier. She tried her damnedest to show some strength for her sister, biting her lip and hoping that the pain would push the sadness away. With a deep breath she got up and went to her sisters side, leaning against the frame “Oh Ah reckon' she's up there. Smilin' down at us.”she affirmed.

Applebloom finally started to break down, sniffling the tears back “Then why can't ah see one?”

AJ had no answers and, although it hurt her to lie, it might be the best thing now. She flung her arms into a hug and answered as best she could “There's a lotta starts up there, sugar cube. Might be that Granny is havin' a good ol' time with the rest of them souls.”

Applebloom stopped sniffling “Is that what really happens? You have a party?” Her sister nodded

“Ah'm sure of it. Ah'm sure that Luna and Celestia help 'em on their way to the fields of Elysia.”

“Is that like heaven?”

“Kinda. The way Ma and Pa told it, Elysia was the Ma of Luna and Celestia.”

“So she's like heaven's Princess?”

“Nope. She's Queen; helpin' souls on their way. Makin' 'em happy.”

“So Granny's happy now?” Applebloom sounded hopeful.

“Damn tootin' she is.” That affirmation helped AJ feel a little bit better about herself. She wasn't one to believe in something like that but it gave her a comfort that she needed right now. Looking at her sis, she embraced it regardless if it was a lie or not.

“Thanks sis.” the little filly said, turning to hug her sister's middle tight.

Chuckling, Applejack hugged her sister firmly “Now you git to bed, Applebloom. It's late for us Apples.”

Applebloom let go and looked up at her sister with a smile “Okay sis.” With that, the little Sweetapple jumped up onto her bed and tore the sheets back, quickly tossing them over herself. AJ chuckled at her sister's burst of energy, as if she was done mourning. In a way, the little story of the afterlife gave Applejack comfort, too.

Tucking her youngest kin under the covers, AJ gave a peck on her forehead “You sleep well Applebloom.”

Her sister watched as Applejack walked around her bed. Before she reached the door, the youngest Sweet Apple called out “Love ya sis.” AJ paused and looked behind her shoulder, smiling wide “Love ya too sugar cube. Nothin's gonna change that.” That little reassurance seemed to be what Applebloom needed, snuggling under her covers and turning towards the window. AJ shut her door gently and backed away, impressed at how quickly her sister bounced back. With soft steps, she walked down the hall to her own room. With a little sigh, she opened the door and went in as the door clicked behind her. Once the lights had been turned on, she placed her father's Stetson on her bedpost. Tired and feeling herself recover a little, she sat down on her bed and smiled; hunched forward and leaning on her elbows on her knees.

The twenty-something mare allowed herself a rest. She deserved it after a week of trauma. Only now she started to come to terms with her granny dying. It stung but she knew from experience that it would fade in time. With a little smile, she tossed herself on her bed; not minding the mess of dirty blond hair that covered her face. AJ laid there, eyes closed and relaxing 'It's only natural.' she thought 'Ah guess Pinkie was right, it's just like eatin' a cupcake. It may be gone, but you still remember the taste. Never figured her for the brainy type.' she chuckled.

Her thoughts wandered, thinking back to the day she told her friends that her Granny had passed. All of her friends had taken the news quite hard when she went into town that day for final arrangements. Out of all of them, Fluttershy was the one who cried more than her. The normally shy mare bawled her eyes out on AJ's shoulder. Twilight was the only one who gave her farmer friend the support she needed, offering to giver her books on the subject but of course, Applejack refused. Rarity, being the embodiment of generosity, offered anything, even to pay for the burial in full. Pride made the offer hurt. Although she couldn't bear the thought of telling Pinkie Pie, she noticed the pink mare in the window; her hair fully deflated flat. Somehow, she knew. Rainbow Dash was the only one to be detached. Instead of sorrow, she showed what was expected; hugging Applejack and telling her it was going to be alright. It was a bit surprising.

It was only when Mac's heavy steps came down the hallway did it rouse herself from her thoughts. Reaching up to rub her eyes, AJ reluctantly rolled herself up to her feet. She gently took her duster and clothes off, tossing them on the bed, leaving her jeans on the floor where they fell. It was a more welcomed part of her day, going to her bathroom and running the shower to forget her troubles.

The warm water relaxed her body after the tense day she forced herself to endure. After her toiletries were done, she dried herself off and got her striped pajamas. Her wardrobe was mundane, just jeans, plaid shirts and a dozen socks at the bottom. The only things that were out of place were the two glittering, elegant dresses that hung among the flannel and denim. One was her Gala gown that Rarity had given her. It looked like it did the day she put it on for the first time. Only the leather was cracking. AJ rubbed her fingers along the tassels, feeling her other dress touching the back of her hand. This dress was her secret dress that only Rarity knew about. She still remembered the words she blurted out when Rarity, slack jawed, heard her request: 'Every mare want's to look pretty sometimes.'

It was only then did Rarity embrace her simple farm pony friend. It was their dirty little secret but Rarity swore no pony would know. Applejack only wore it once and that’s when she paid for it. It was the only day she allowed herself to feel vulnerable and when she saw herself in the wardrobe mirror, she felt pretty. Like a proper lady. She also remembered if she hadn't taken it off when she did, Big Mac would have seen her and she wouldn't have lived it down. The reminder of that close call made her chuckle to herself as she slipped her pajama pants on. When she bent down to slip her last leg in, it hit her like a blast of air: the worst case of dizziness she had ever felt.

Everything seemed to slow down to a crawl. She slowly stood up and supported herself on the wardrobe. For a few moments, it was like every feeling was drained out of her. No emotion nor the thought of calling out for help. What seeped into the back of AJ's head was something dark and brooding; almost evil. She had to close her eyes for a moment, fighting off what had gotten into her. Applejack didn't know how long she had stood there in the silence of her room but when she opened her eyes, she felt that her leg was stiff and going to pins and needles. Shaking her head and taking a deep breath made whatever had happened leave her at once. Slowly anxiety wrapped around her like a icy cold blanket. 'It's somethin' at least.' she thought.

She closed her ambry and locked it in case a certain sister and her wild friends got curious. She stopped to think what it was that clouded her mind. It could have been the alcohol. It may have been the stress of the week finally bursting out. Whatever it was, she tried to dismiss it from her mind. With another deep breath, she took in the cool air of her room, exhaling it slow and stiffed. “Now what'n tarnation was that...?” she muttered, rubbing her face in her palms. Shaking her head as her hands slipped off, she felt more tired now than she ever did.

She went over and turned the lights off, slipping under her covers with a little smile. The dizziness, whatever it was, was far from her memory. She knew what tomorrow would bring. She closed her eyes and laid her head on her pillow. She needed her rest.

Tomorrow she had a lunch date with the commander of the Wonderbolts.