Discord went to Appleloosa.
Fanfic by Englishwitch
Based on the song: The Devil Went Down to Georgia by The Charlie Daniels Band
The train screeched to a halt outside Appleloosa station. Multiple ponies climbed off onto the wooden station platform. Unlike the first time the train had arrived at the station there had been no attack from angry buffalo along the way. The peace that had been formed between the buffalo and the settler ponies was still holding strong.
As well as the usual visitors departing the train came three unusual ponies. The unicorn stallion in the centre of the group was by far the strangest. He had a chocolate brown coat with a dark grey mane with streaks of white he had a small goatee beard to match. His cutie mark was of a scroll and he wore a dark grey jacket with a green bow tie. The feature that made him the oddest of the bunch though were his eyes. The pupils were bright scarlet and instead of whites was a rich shade of yellow.
To his left was a large tan coloured earth pony with light brown hair and a cutie mark of a doughnut. To his right was a unicorn mare with a white coat and black mane, black horn-rimmed glasses, with a cutie mark of an ink bottle and quill.
As the crowd thinned two earth ponies approached them; Sheriff Silverstar, a stallion with a pale brown coat, dark brown mane, a black moustache and a sheriff star cutie mark. Next to him was Braeburn, a stallion with a light gold coat, amber coloured hair and an apple cutie mark.
The sheriff took his hat off and nodded at the trio. “Howdy, Sheriff Silverstar at your service. You three the experts the Princess sent?”
The unicorn mare nodded. “We are. I am Raven Writingdesk, Princess Celestia’s assistant. This is-”
“Mane, Con Mane.” The big earth pony interrupted her. He gave the sheriff and Braeburn a nod of the head then smirked. “Friends call me Joe.”
His companions didn’t react to this bizarre statement with anything more than a bored sigh. “He’s Joe, and this is-”
“Dr Ocsid,” The chocolate coloured unicorn said with a bow. “at your service.”
“Ocsid?” Braeburn cocked an eyebrow. “That’s an unusual name.”
The Dr just smiled, the sheriff and Braeburn saw that one of his teeth was quite long and pointed, almost like a fang. “I’m a very unusual pony.” he said with great pride in his tone. He laughed lightly for a few seconds. “Now then, what seems to be the trouble?”
Braeburn and the sheriff glanced toward the distant Macintosh hills. Was the Dr asking as a joke? There was no missing it. Thick black clouds were building up around the mountain range, slowly growing and drifting toward the town on the wind. It wasn’t the black clouds of a storm but thick black smoke.
Dr Ocsid looked to the mountains and nodded. “So you have a little dragon problem. Not a problem my dear Sheriff. We know how to deal with dragons.”
“I would hope so.” Silverstar, “Considering the Princess sent you to handle the problem the least I’d expect is for y’all to know how to handle ‘em.”
“But first,” Braeburn said, “I’m guessin’ y’all would need to get yourselves prepared.” He looked up and down the platform as though searching for something. “Don’t y’all have some luggage or fancy equipment?”
“No need.” Raven said. She pushed her glasses up with the tip of her hoof. “Dis....Dr Ocsid I mean, is the only pony we need to persuade the dragon to move on.”
Braeburn glanced at the Dr, taking in the suit the unicorn was wearing. He didn’t think any pony who chose to wear bow ties would be one to trust when it came to handling a dragon. He would have bet his bits on the big stallion. Still, according to cousin Applejack, being big and strong wasn’t always the way to deal with a dragon. Her quiet friend Fluttershy managed to scare one away from Ponyville. Perhaps the Dr had a few tricks up his sleeve.
“So why do you need the big guy?” He nodded at Joe.
Dr Ocsid smirked. “I’ve been asking that the entire journey.”
Raven glowered at Ocsid. “Joe is here for....other reasons. He has certain skills the Princess found useful.”
“Oh yes,” Ocsid snorted. “If you ever need a cruller, Joe’s the pony in the know.”
Joe and Raven glared at him while Braeburn and sheriff Silverstar looked confused. Dr Ocsid however just smirked and laughed through his nose. He seemed to be enjoying what he viewed as light-hearted teasing. He reared up on his back hooves and wrapped his forelegs around his two companions. “Come my friends, why don’t we get a light meal before we depart for our painful and fiery deaths?” He laughed and pulled them along as he walked toward the town.
Silverstar glanced at the smoke laden mountains and back the the three ponies. “But, the dragon!”
A hoof tapped his shoulder, he turned and was met with the bright yellow eyes and the fanged grin of Dr Ocsid. “My dear sheriff,” the Dr said with a confident wink. Silverstar’s head whipped back to the other ponies. Raven and Joe were standing there but Ocsid was by his side.“The dragon will wait. He’s smoking because he’s napping and dragons can nap for up to a hundred years. An hour for lunch won’t make much of a difference.”
...***...
Joe, Raven and Dr Ocsid sat around a table in the corner of The Salt Block, the local bar and restaurant. Joe and Raven were making their way through large waldorf salads, with extra apples. Ocsid however was perfectly content to eat the decorative wax fruit that had been their table’s centrepiece.
“You shouldn’t have frightened the sheriff like that Discord.” Raven said across the table in a low voice.
Dr Ocsid popped a wax grape into his mouth and shrugged. “Raven, I agreed to do this menial task for Celestia, I even agreed to adopt this ridiculous disguise to not frighten anypony, I even agreed that you could bring along your puff pastry friend here so you could have some muscle to keep an eye on me,” he glanced at Joe who looked like he was trying to set Ocsid alight with the power of his glare. “however I’m not going to stop having my fun. Even if it has to be such simple, harmless, fun.” He sighed and shook his head before taking a bit out of a fake orange. “I know I can’t have everything my own way, but you have to let me lift my boredom somehow.”
Raven pushed her glasses up with her hoof. Celestia had instructed her to be firm but fair. After all the concept of friendship and getting along with others was still very new to him.
Ocsid’s ears twitched. “Do you hear that?” Without waiting for an answer he left the table and headed out of the restaurant. Joe was at his hooves in a second and went running after him. Raven followed after leaving behind enough bits to cover the cost of their unfinished salad and a replacement bowl of wax fruit.
She didn’t have to run far to catch up with Joe and Dr Ocsid. They’d run across the street to a large gathering of ponies. They were merrily square dancing to the lively music being played by a mare with a violin.
She was wearing a white stetson hat, had a light yellow coat and a royal blue mane and tail. A faded orange scarf was tied around her neck and her cutie mark was of a treble clef.
Dr Ocsid stared at the mare with a goofy smile on his face. “What are those dulcet tones?”
Braeburn appeared out of the crowd of dancing ponies. “Hey there doc,” he said with his usual enthusiasm, “that there’s my cousin, give or take a few relatives, Fiddlesticks.”
Ocsid continued to stare at the fiddle playing mare. He didn’t even notice Joe smirking away next to him. Raven too was surprised. If she didn’t know any better she would swear Discord was enamoured, maybe even infatuated by Fiddlesticks and her music.
Suddenly there was a flash of light next to Fiddlesticks. She yelped, jumping off the chair she’s been sitting on. The burst of light faded and standing in its place was a tall and slender creature with a deer antler, a goat horn, a lion’s paw, eagle’s claw, a goat’s and a lizard’s leg, a dragon’s tail, a bat and an eagle’s wing.
Joe and Raven looked at the figure of Dr Ocsid between them. What they were met with was a life sized plush doll of Ocsid, roughly sewn together the stitching was already coming apart to reveal its straw innards.
Joe and Raven turned to the draconequis. “DISCORD!” they bellowed as one.
At the sound of his name the ponies around them started to panic. A mare with a flower cutie mark screamed, which started the panicked stampede.
Discord rolled his eyes and snapped the fingers on his lion paw. The whole town of panicking ponies were suddenly floating off the ground, their legs waved frantically but they couldn’t move. They tried to scream and shout but their mouths wouldn’t open.
Only Joe and Raven were unaffected. However they stared at Discord in disbelief. After promising that he had reformed and was willing to do good, this was how he ruined it? By bullying a town of settler ponies?
Out of nowhere Discord produced a megaphone. “My little ponies,” he said with a gleeful tone, as if he was completely oblivious to the seriousness of the situation. “there is nothing to fear. I am here for one reason and one reason only.” He pointed his eagle claw at Fiddlesticks, who was hovering in front of him. “To challenge you.” He declared dramatically.
Fiddlesticks was lowered to the ground and was given control of her mouth. Around her the other Appleloosians had stopped trying to run away. Discord’s declaration had caught their curiosity.
Fiddlesticks cocked her head. “Challenge me?”
Discord reached down to the ground and picked up the violin Fiddlesticks had dropped during his surprise entrance. “You’re quite the fiddle player my dear. Not once in thousands of years have I heard music quite like that, pray-tell what do you call it?”
Fiddlesticks looked confused. “It’s just country music.”
Discord chuckled. “Country. How simple, how apt.” He held out the fiddle and she took it gingerly.
Raven and Joe approached slowly, neither one was able to work out what was happening but they were beginning to entertain the possibility that Discord hadn’t returned to his old ways.
Discord ran his claw through his long beard. “I thought it would be exciting for the two of us to play together.” Then his grin widened. “Than I thought, where’s the fun in that?” From behind his back he produced a violin case decorated with an insane pattern of stars, spirals, flowers and spots, all in violently clashing colours. “Why not play against each other instead? And perhaps...a friendly little wager too?”
Raven stepped closer. “Discord you-” She was cut off by Fiddlesticks. She was an Apple even if her name and cutie mark didn’t reflect it, like cousin Braeburn, and one thing Apple’s all had in common was a love of competition. They never turned down a challenge if they could help it.
“What kind of wager?” she gave him a sly look.
Discord’s grin widened. “You and I will have a showdown. A hoedown showdown as it were.” he chuckled. “As for terms, it’s all very simple, one would even say democratic.” around them the Appleloosians, who’d been just hovering in place and listening to their conversation, had been pulled into a group and placed on the ground, making an audience. “The audience will decide who will win,” Discord continued. “If I win,” he reached behind his back and pulled out a pair of electric sheep shears. “I shave off your coat. Every last hair!” He laughed heartily. “Completely bald!” He guffawed “Oh how ridiculous you’ll look.”
“Discord!” Raven snapped. “You can’t-” Fiddlesticks cut her off again.
“And what if I win?” She asked cautiously. She’d heard Discord was tricky, she’d have to look at the fine print on this.
Discord opened the violin case and pulled out a gold violin. “If you win, you get this.”
Fiddlesticks’ jaw dropped. A gold fiddle? It couldn’t be. She leaned in close and stared hard at the instrument. Her expression turned from surprise to annoyance. “You just painted an ordinary fiddle. The paint’s still wet.”
“What do you want?” Discord dead-panned. “you side of the bet is to have your fur shaved off, it’ll grow back soon enough. You think I’m parting with a real gold violin for that?” He gripped the violin and drew the bow across it. Surprisingly the instrument made a squeaking noise; like an exited mouse. “Are you in or not?”
Raven put a hoof on Fiddlesticks shoulder. “You don’t have to do this. You risk being shaven completely bald for his amusement. Discord is a trickster, he’ll do anything to make sure he wins.” She glared at Discord who tried to put on a look of total innocence. A small halo appeared above his head. It hung crooked on and flickered like a faulty lightbulb.
Joe rose a hoof. “Say the word Raven and I’ll-”
“You’ll what?” Discord laughed. “get me a danish and coffee?” he glanced at Raven. “Seriously, why’d you bring his guy?”
Raven didn’t respond. Discord didn’t need to know why Joe had been chosen for this mission.
“You’re on.”
Two ponies and a draconequis turned to look at Fiddlesticks. She’d picked up her own fiddle and looked at him with a determined expression. “But I want your promise you ain’t gonna interfere with our audience. They’re gonna be free to make their own decisions and pick the winner. AND,” she yelled as she suddenly realised, “you ain’t gonna interfere with my fiddle. No makin’ it outta tune, or makin’ it get up and run away. No freaky powers. Nothin. It’ll just be a normal fiddle all the way.”
Discord smirked. Making her fiddle run away, he was almost ashamed to admit he hadn’t thought of that. Since catgut was supposed to make the strings he would make it meow too. That would be funny.
His head twitched in the tiniest of shakes. There was no point making the bet in the first place if he was going to cheat. “I give you my solemn word, “ he placed his paw over his heart and held up his claw, “I, Discord, shall not use my magic in any way to interfere with our contest. This includes you fiddle and our viewing audience.”
A second Discord, half the size of the original and dressed in a grey pinstriped suit, appeared out of thin air, holding a long parchment in his hands. The words CONTRACT were printed on the top in big, bold, letters. “Sign here.” The smaller Discord squeaked. Original Discord produced a quill and scratched a big X on the bottom of the page. The small Discord rolled up the parchment and tossed a half-hearted salute to the group before exploding into a cloud of confetti.
Fiddlesticks couldn’t help giggle slightly at the ridiculous sight. She rose her fiddle into place. “Without your fancy tricks you ain’t gonna beet me. Not to brag or nothin’ but I’m the best fiddle player this side of the San Palomino Desert.”
Discord chuckled. This mare was really rising to the challenge. This was going to be fun. “Well then,” he rose his gold painted violin, “I suppose you won’t mind if I go first.” Without waiting for permission, he snapped his fingers. There was a burst of fire and sparks and a violin bow appeared in his claws. Maybe he couldn’t interfere but he still was going to show off.
Joe leaned in toward Raven, “are you gonna let this happen?”
Raven shrugged. “He’s not causing trouble,” she glanced at the audience of ponies. they’d been freed from Discord’s hold but they’d still remained silent and hadn’t run away. They were genuinely curious as to what was going to happen. “and she isn’t being forced, she’s taken up his challenge of her own free will. Let him have his fun now and maybe he’ll be more cooperative later.”
Discord drew the bow across the violin, it squeaked like a frightened mouse again. He laughed lightly and adjusted the pegs. He tried again and this time it sounded like a fiddle. “I think I need a little back up on this.” He glanced at Joe and Raven. They opened their mouths to protest but the hair of his tail snapped like fingers. They were teleported to his side with instruments ready to play. Joe was sitting behind a huge drum set, the drumsticks strapped tightly to his hooves. Raven found a viola in her own hooves. Their limbs moved with a will of their own, or rather they moved by Discord’s will.
Discord placed the bow against the strings, playing a slow, almost haunting, melody. Then suddenly Joe started pounded on the drums, building a powerful and rapid beat, Raven’s hooves moved the bow against her viola to produce a deep bass sound. The rapid music and Discords haunting melody shocked and thrilled the listening ponies in equal measure, many found themselves nodding or swaying in time with the Music. Fiddlesticks watched in awed silence as the beet became quicker and more violent, more thrilling to listen to. It made her heart race and her breath catch in her throat. How was she going to compete with that?
Just as suddenly as it had started the music was finished. The air was silent and still as the power of the music washed over the crowd. Discord’s companions were teleported back to where they had been standing before, their instruments had vanished into puffs of smoke. Discord bowed to the silent audience as they were giving him a standing ovation. He then turned to Fiddlesticks and took a step back, giving her the imaginary stage. “Your turn.”
Fiddlesticks took a deep breath and stepped up. She should have been concentrating on which piece she was going to play but instead her mind was full of thoughts of her inevitable baldness. How long would it take her coat to grow back? How would she cover herself in the meantime? Just how was she supposed to be able to compete with Discord? She should have known the trickster had something up his sleeve; figuratively speaking.
She placed the bow to the string but stopped herself before she played the first note. “If y’all had back up then I should have back up too. It’s only fair.”
Discord looked thoughtful for a moment. “Very well, you can have any pony pony you wish.” He slowly swept his eagle claw across the crowd.
Fiddlesticks looked out among the assembled ponies. There were some good players among the Appleloosians and under ordinary circumstances she’d have any one of them at her side. She let out a small hmmmmm as she thought on the matter. Then she realised something in Discord’s words, “Any pony? Any pony at all?”
Discord let out a long contented sigh. “Yes my dear any pony at all..” He then chuckled lightly, “for all the good it will do you.” He held up the electric sheers again.
Far from looking worried Fiddlesticks actually started to smile. “I want Vinyl Scratch.”
Discord’s eyes widened and his smile dropped in surprise. He had said ‘Any Pony’, he had intended the Appleloosians, but the crafty little Fiddlesticks had found herself a nice little loophole. Well, he had said ‘Any Pony’ and he had to stick to that. “Unexpected.” He smirked. “I like it.” He snapped his fingers.
With a flash of light and a puff of smoke Vinyl Scratch appeared, with her decks and huge bass speakers. She was a white unicorn pony with a mane of cobalt blue and brilliant cyan, a cutie mark of a backwards double quaver, and a pair of large glasses with purple lenses that completely hid her eyes.
She darted around, looking left and right. Even with half her face hidden behind the glasses her surprised expression was obvious. “What the hay? I was just sitting down for practise....what happened? Did I black out? What was I drinking?”
Fiddlesticks cleared her throat to grab the DJ’s attention. “I’ll explain later. Right now I need y’all to lay down a beat to back me up. I gotta showdown to win.”
That was language Vinyl could understand. She might not have had a clue where she was or how she’d got there but a gig was a gig and she wouldn’t let down an audience. If you do a few parties for Pinkie Pie you learned to work through the unexpected.
Vinyl gabbed a disc from under her table and placed it down on the deck. “Aww yeah, let’s get this party started.” With a nudge of her hoof the deck started to turn and a deep rhythmic bass started building. Fiddlesticks started to play her fiddle with a lively, bouncing, rhythm. The audience of ponies started to move and sway to the rhythm. It was catchy, lively and wonderful. Even Discord found his foot tapping to the beat. The rhythm increased, building in intensity to a stunning crescendo then slowly fading away into echoes on the wind.
There was barely a second of silence before the crowd cheered for Fiddlesticks. They stamped their hooves and whistled. Vinyl Scratch and Fiddlesticks both bowed to the cheering ponies.
The cheering slowly died down and the noise of slow and deliberate clapping rose until it was the only sound ringing through the air around them. All heads turned to Discord. He continued clapping as he approached Vinyl and Fiddlesticks. A dark look on his face.
Raven tried to step forward. “Discord-” Joe stopped her by holding out a hoof. He didn’t know what was going to happen but he didn’t want Raven to be near it if it went wrong.
With a snap of Discord’s fingers Vinyl Scratch vanished in a puff of smoke. Fiddlesticks felt a very cold chill run down her spine as she looked up at Discord.
Suddenly the Draconequis smiled brightly. He bowed low to Fiddlesticks and lay the gold painted fiddle at her hooves. “A good contest. Well played Fiddlesticks, well played.”
Fiddlesticks laughed in relief. The crowd started to cheer and whoop in jubilation.
Discord continued to smile as he clapped his hands together. His Draconequis body vanished and the pony form of Dr Ocsid returned. He trotted past the stunned crowd over to Raven and Joe.
“Well now, that was fun. I feel quite ready to handle a dragon, don’t you?”
“Discord.” A voice called behind him. The pony discord turned to look at Fiddlesticks, Sheriff Silverstar and Braeburn. It had been Braeburn who’d yelled. “Y’all really the one sent to handle our dragon problem?”
Discord nodded his head and adjusted his bow tie with one hoof. “Hoof picked by Celestia herself.”
Fiddlesticks raised an eyebrow. “So y’all came here to help us? Not cause trouble?”
“I am reformed now, so no trouble.” He chuckled. “At least not for you. Although that dragon will get more than his fair share if he won’t move on.” He turned back to Raven and Joe. “Come my friends, let’s go and deal with this fiery menace before it brings death, destruction and all that other unpleasant stuff you ponies hate so much.”
He didn’t get more than three steps before, “Discord.”
It had been Fiddlesticks who’d called out this time. The disguised Draconequis looked at her curiously.
Fiddlesticks gave him a cocky grin. “C’mon back and visit any time y’all want a rematch. I’ll whup your butt again, but it’ll still be fun.”
Discord threw his head back and laughed heartily. “Oh I think I will come back Fiddlesticks. And maybe next time,” his eyes glowed with an evil expression that was too dramatic and over the top for anypony to take as a serious threat, “I won’t go so easy on you.”
...***...
To: HRH Princess Celestia
From: Raven Lyka Writingdesk
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am happy to report the success of our mission to remove the dragon from the Macintosh Hills, south of Appleloosa.
After some initial resistance Discord was forced to use his magic to remove the creature, however, as per your request, the dragon is alive and unharmed so the likelihood of revenge attacks on Equestria is minimal. We are assured the dragon is no located some two thousand miles away from Equestria on a deserted volcanic island in the south sea. The island is large, hot and filled with many gems freshly raised from the depths of the earth. The dragon should have little to no reason to leave his new dwelling.
Despite some mischief Discord seems sincere in his reformation. He has provided some rather...unique....entertainment for the locals of Appleloosa in the form of a musical contest. Perfectly harmless, if a little surprising for some. From this competition it seems Discord has made some new friends in Appleloosa which, of course, can only strengthen his reasons to do good.
Apologies for the shortness of this report, we are in rather a hurry as the townsfolk have invited us, Discord and all, to a celebratory “hoedown” to thank us for removing the dragon.
Your faithful assistant,
Raven.
Author's Note
Sharp-eyed fans will know where I got my description for Discord's pony form; Dr Ocsid.
With a few small changes, like his eyes and fang.
If you haven't seen the video Let's Go And Meet The Bronies, I recommend that you get over to YouTube and check it out now.
Doughnut Joe is there for no reason. Ever since S02E24: MMMystery on the friendship express, when Pinkie said Joe was known in spy circles as "Mane, Con Mane!" I've seen some stories and lots of artwork involving Joe as this James Bond-like character. Mild mannered doughnut shop owner by day, Celestia's secret agent by night.
I was just going to have Discord and Raven be escorted by a royal guard out of uniform but with secret agent Con Mane in mind I decided to go with him rather than some nameless OC.
Raven Lyka Writingdesk, anyone get the gag there? ;) Has been seen working as a secretary for Celestia, an identical earth pony works for the mayor of Ponyille. Her name is only given as Raven, so I just worked from there to make the pun.
The hardest part of writing this little oneshot wasn't converting a song into a story, it was finding the right music. Well over an hour of searching YouTube went into picking those two pieces.
When I wrote their showdown those were the pieces I had them playing in my mind.
Maybe I could have written the fic without the video links but I pictured having them in there from the start so the fic wouldn't have been the same without it.
P.S. if anyone doesn't know, in the letter to Celestia, HRH is an abbreviation for Her Royal Highness.
