A Dish Best Served Cold

by Shaftslammer

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Dark, Comedy
Length: 981

Story of a human who manages to have revenge sex with Celestia & Luna. What more can i say?

Its been over 1000 years since mankind has been extinct. One particularly sadistic (and may i mention rather large) human was frozen in stone for his crimes against ponydom. Follow him on his journey as he breaks out, hits things, sneaks around, and attempts the most glorious suprise buttsecks ever attempted ever.

I decided to be a writefag for /mlp/ mere hours ago, but what i created was better suited here, being a decent sized story and all.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-04 21:08:34 UTC

Prolouge to the Buttsecks

Darkness.

The darkness surrounds me. Comforting me. Taunting me. The darkness keeps me alive.

Many times i tried to sleep, to dream. But to me their is no difference. The darkness is there waiting for me.

I have been in the darkness for over a thousand years. What lies before that time is still vivid in my minds eye. My world as it once was reminds me why im here. The historic event of mankind meeting a sentient species. Ponies as we called them.

I remember the take-over. People all over the world wanting to be like them. Men and women alike complying to the pony princesses generous request. Those that gave up their humanity to transform into them wanted others to do the same. They didn't call it a war, they called it a revolution. The foundings of a superior nation.

Sometimes I wonder why i was left alive. Why others who fought for their species died or were assimilated, and I was settled here. We were all ruthess when fighting them. We proved through our cunning & technology they were no match for us. If only it wasn't for those two princesses...

Anger rose inside of me. It started as a striken match, filling my formless body with pain and frustration as a stream of water grows into a powerfull river. The memory of those two alicorns overflow my senses with a powerfull rage.

All those innocents, all those people. All those beautiful women whose soft welcoming bodies ill never be able to touch again.

A different kind of frustration emerged. The sexual frustration of fuck buddies lost emerged another source of power. My anger and frustration were great rivers of water combining forces to wage their assault against the mighty dam of my imprisonment. The darkness.

I saw something. A speck of light forcing itself through the darkness ive come to accept after all these years. The light shakes along with my billowing rage. It starts to grow. It turns into a splinter. Then a crack. The crack of light spreads across the now visible surface of the endless void. I think more about the princesses, keeping my unstoppable rage alive with hopes of finally becoming free.

My form pulsates with the ever growing energies. The cracks surround my vision like a windsheild were struck by a foriegn object but held tightly together as if by magic.

Magic...

MAGIC!

The cracked surface exploded away from me, filling my vision with a wave of blinding light. I feel a rush of cold enveloping my form, turning it into a body. Senses that were once lost kicked back into life to tell me that i was falling. But not for long.

The marine layed on the ground face down infront of a polished stone platform with pieces of stone strewn across the well kept lawns of the canterlot gardens. Other stone statues surrounded the marine in various poses shining proudly under the night sky. The marine twitched for several minutes as if having a seizure, then stopped. He crawled to the side of the platform and hoisted himself up to a sitting position.

It did not take long for the marine to recover from his 1000+ year sentence, still filled with rage and sexual frustration that empowered him to free himself. He looked around. The first thing that caught his eye was the magnificent canterlot castle. His close proximity to the structure made it seem like it towered into the heavens with the highest points not visible.

"So theres where you've been all this time, Celestia." He said to himself in a hoarse voice.

The marine checked his immediate surroundings. He was alone. Although his head pounded he quickly delved back into his mind, thinking of a course of action.

What to do, what to do, he though to himself. His mortal enemies laid in front of him in a seemingly impenetrable fortress of a castle, probably sleeping from a long day of glorious pony faggotry. It would be a suicide mission to try to break into the place without any weapons, or a decent battle plan. But where would he go? Is there any chance there are remnants of humanity nearby, willing to take him in? Could he find a place to hide before morning came and the news of his escape got to the princesses? What if-

The sexual frustration decided to take hold in him, changing his chain of thought.

He stood up. A different memory presented itself to him. He was never much into ponies, especially during the war. But he did have one fascination with them. He loved their asses.

Celestia was no exception. He remembered the distinct curves and almost marshmallowlike nature of Celestia's royal hindquarters when she sentenced him to be sealed in stone. He imagined feeling her soft fur running through his fingers as each hand circled on the surface of their respective cheeks. He imagined the tingling feel of rubbing his dick up and down the crevis of her prosterier, giving it a healthy smack to see those satisfying ripples before grabbing another handfull.

That was the perfect punishment, he thought to himself. It would be too easy to kill her. Even if she could be killed it wouldn't be as satisfying. No, he wanted to see her suffer. He wanted to see her, the mighty sun god of equestria, lay helpless before him as he exerted his dominance. He wanted her to feel the same mixture of hatred and pleasure until the sexual marathon breaks the alicorns will to fight. He'll give her an experience she will never forget.

"As i stand here before this castle, all is clear. I know what must be done. My cause is just. My will is strong."

He looked down and smiled.

"And my cock is very very large."