Ernest Goes to Equestria

by Mystery Psychotic Studio

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Human, Comedy
Length: 3747

Hey Vern, It's talking ponies

Ernest P. Worrell, camp counselor, savior of christmas, criminal capturer, curse stopper, treasure protecter, janitor, basketball player, safari explorer and army man. He's been in so many adventures than someone can count. But nothing as crazy as this. When he falls into a hole and winds up in Equestria he'll have to learn to get along with a speecies of talking ponies and learn the importance of friendship and save the day along with it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-11 22:41:39 UTC

Hey Vern, It's Talking Ponies

It was a normal day in the neighborhood. Vern was watching tv when a knock came at his door and opened it and found his neighbor Ernest P. Worrell there.

"Hey Vern! Did you hear the news? Two little kids fell down a hole and then disappeared without a trace. We gotta go save them, knowwhatImean?! Come on!" He shouted and then ran off with Vern right behind him.

Ernest lead Vern to the forest to the hole and said,

"Here's the hole Vern. My daddy once told me about a hole like this. Anybody who fell down it was never heard from again. It's a mystery Vern, knowwhatImean? Now, I tied this rope that's attatched to this fishing pole. I want you to lower me down into the hole so I can find the missing kids and be a hero. You got all that Vern?" He asked.

Vern shook his head but Ernest said,

"Good. Here I go."

He then jumped down into the hole and Vern grabbed the pole and tried pulling him back up to slow him down but couldn't and suddenly the entire pole was pulled in and all that was heard was Ernest's screaming.

Ernest was falling down the hole as fast as he could count. Twirling around pipes, jumping across gaps, tumbeling down slides. Eventually he was shot out of the ground and fell on his head. He then got up and dusted himself off like it was nothing.

"What the hey just happened there? One minute I'm trying to save the kids. The next I fall down it and suddenly I'm in the 16th century. That hole must have been a time portal. I know what I have to do... Go talk to the king and queen and convince them to give me a job." Ernest said to himself. He then looked up to see the moon shining and had a picture of pony with a horn on it.

"Hm. That ain't something everyday and I know cause I've been to the moon." The blabbermouthing jokester said. He then saw that the stars were sort of aligning to each other and then saw the picture on the moon disappear.

"What the?" Ernest said confused.

"She's gone!" Someone shouted. Ernest heard the voice coming from the place he suspected as the Town Hall and walked up to it and put his ear up to the door. He heard people screaming and shouting and suddenly a poof and then gasping.

"What's going on in there?" He asked.

"Oh no... Nightmare Moon." Someone whispered.

'Nightmare Moon? Must be some kind of creature from the fourth dimension.' Ernest thought to himself,

"Don't worry everybody! I'm gonna save you!!! On the count of three I'm gonna break down these doors."

He then backed up a good couple feet and counted to three and shouted,

"Ernest P. Worrell to the rescue!!!!!"

He then took off charging but didn't noticed the doors open on themselves and then slip on something and crash into a buffett table. He got up wearilly and said,

"It's alright. I'm okay."

He then saw a bajillion colorful ponies everywhere. He then rubbed his eyes and bit to see if he was dreaming.

"Huh. Colorful ponies. Who knew there were colorful ponies in the 16th century?" He asked himself.

"What is that thing?" He heard one of them say.

"Hey Vern, It's... Talking Ponies!" Ernest shouted,

"I knew there were talking ponies in the 16th century. Greetings... I am Ernest P. Worrell. I come from the future and I mean you NO harm."

Twilight was took her attention from Nightmare Moon and was observing Ernest.

'A human? I thought they were just a part of mythology. But a REAl one here in Ponyville I have so many questions for it.' She thought to herself.

"How dare you interrupt me you welp!!!" Nightmare Moon shouted.

Ernest looked up to see a tall dark pony with wings and a horn and armor. Plus some mist around it.

"And just who in the name of Amelia Earheart are you?" He asked.

"I am Nightmare Moon. And remember this day for now the night will last FOREVER!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!"

"Not. Just, Yet." Ernest said.

"You dare defy me? You'll throw your life away and shame your forefathers!" The mare in the moon shouted.

"I didn't have four fathers! I only had one father and I didn't know him that well!" The accident prone hero shouted.

"Whatever. I shall smite thee." Nightmare Moon said,

"You'd better stay away. I know jujitsu, kung fu, karate, tai chi, and I saw "Hulkamania" three times. Once in slow-mo." Ernest said.

He then did a whole bundle of karate moves, chops and kicks to intimidate her.

"Seize her! Only she knows where the princess is!" Mayor Mare shouted.

Two guard ponies then flew up to try and apprehend her.

"Stand back, you foals!" Nightmare Moon shouted and shot an electricity spell which hit the guard ponies.

"Whoa. Now that was shocking." Ernest joked,

"That's a pretty good move. But you can you do this?"

Suddenly he lit up his finger and fire appeared and he wasn't burnt.

"Hm. I don't have time for this. But mark my words... Strange creature. You will soon suffer the wrath of Nightmare Moon!" The dark alicorn shouted and then turned into mist and flew off.

"Come back here! [pants] Nighttime? Forever? Where's she going? " Rainbow Dash panted.

"I don't know." Ernest said.

"Wait a minute. You're that creature from inside. Who and what are you?" The blue pegasus asked.

"Ernest P. Worrell at your service. I'm whatcha call a human being. We're pretty smart and I happen to come from the future. The year 1998 to be precise. I jumped into a time portal and here I am in the 16th century." The bumbling human said.

"16th century? It's the year 1000." Rainbow Dash said.

'O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. One Thousand?! I think I'm gonna faint." Ernest said and that's exactly what he did.

Hey Vern, It's the Elements of Harmony

Ernest awoke slowly and found himself in a bed.

'Man was that a crazy dream. I dreamt I was in a world full of talking ponies and the year was 1000.' He thought to himself.

He then found himself looking into the eyes of six ponies and a baby dragon.

"Nope... Still dreaming. No wait scratch dream this is NIGHTMARE!" Ernest said to himself.

Suddenly he felt a kick to his chest and the one who delt it was the blue pegasus he saw earlier.

"Ouch! What'cha do that fer?" He asked it.

"You felt pain so that prooves you're not dreaming Ernest." The pegasus said.

"How'd you know my name?" The goofy adventurer asked.

"Uh... You told me it back at Town Hall. Well I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all of Equestria." The pegasus said.

'Uh... If there's one thing I can't stand It's a show-off.' Ernest thought to himself.

"Well I'm Twilight Sparkle Princess Celestias' faithful student, you've met Rainbow Dash, the others are Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Now what's your name?" The lavender unicorn asked.

"I'm glad you asked. The names Worrell... Ernest. P. Worrel." Ernest introduced himself.

"What does the P stand for, darling?" Rarity asked.

"I haven't got the simplest clue. My daddy decided to name me Ernest Worrell at first but my mom decided to put the letter p in the middle and when daddy asked her what the p would stand for she said she didn't know." The bumbling man said.

"Uhhhhhhhh... Oooooookay." Dash said confused.

Everybody just stared at each other for awhile and when Twilight decided to break the silence,

"Okay. Well okay Mr. Worrell you took quite a hit to the head when you hit the ground so you're gonna have to rest here for awhile. Me and the others here will have to go find the Elements of Harmony."

"The Elements of Who-What?" Worrell said confused.

"Oh... You should probably read this book first." Twilight said levitating a book with a strange emblem on it.

Ernest grabbed it, opened it up and began reading,

"Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies. But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon. (The fourth dimensional creature was actually a princess? And she had a sister? Must'a been that 'Princess Celestia' I overheard at the Town Hall) She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: the Elements of Harmony. Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister, and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility for both sun and moon and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since."

After reading through the whole thing he was star-struck.

"So you mean to tell me that that Nightmare Moon is not a creature from the fourth dimension and in fact one of the royal sisters who ruled over this land and let her dark emotions get the better of her?" He asked the ponies.

"Yes. I guess I could have explained it to you that way. But no matter we still need to find the Elements." Twilight said.

"Make way for Ernest P. Worrell!!! I'll find those elements faster than a rattlesnake can slither it's way out of a net." Ernest said and then ran towards the door.

"Hang on Ernest watch that first..." The lavender unicorn tried to say but was too late. Ernest tripped on the first step and tumbled his way down the stairs and crashed into the door and caused a book to fall on his head.

"Step." Twilight finished.

"I'm okay. ... I meant to do that, knowhutImean?" The bumbling hero said.

"Look, no offense but I don't think you can handle this on your own. Nightmare Moon would smite you to the moon." Twilight said.

"Huh... When you put it that way it sounds more like a challange. Okie dokie smokey, you six lead the way. So where are these Elements of Harmony?" Ernest asked.

"Hold on a minute I still need to tell you what the elements are. *ahem* There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known: Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty. The sixth is a complete mystery. It is said, the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters." Twilight explained.

"Well I noticed a castle on a hill when I first got here. Now you're telling me they had a castle before they had that one?" Ernest said confused.

"Eh heh heh. It's complicated. Well the castle is located in what is now known as..." Twilight started.

The seven were then in front of thick dark forest.

"The Everfree Forest!" The mane six said together.

"Everfree Forest? That is one of the weirdest names I've ever heard of... Next to Ronald Reagen, knowhutImean?" Ernest said,

"Okay now let's do this."

"Not so fast. Look, I appreciate the offer, but I'd really rather do this on my own." Twilight said.

"No can do, sugarcube. We sure ain't lettin' any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone. We're stickin' to you like caramel on a candy apple." Applejack said.

"Eeyup. And that means you ain't going nowhere's without them or me, knowhutImean?" The bumbling hero said.

"*Sigh* Fine. Let's do this." The lavender unicorn said.

The seven then traveled into the dark forest.

"So, none of you have been in here before?" Twilight asked.

"Ugh, Heavens no! Just look at it - it's dreadful." Rarity complained.

'Ugh... What a drama queen.' Ernest thought to himself.

"And it ain't natural. Folk say it don't work the same as Equestria." Applejack said.

"And just what in the name of Hickery Dickery McDoo is that supposed to mean?" Ernest asked.

"Nopony knows. You know why?" Dash said menacingly.

"No. Why?" Ernest asked.

"'cause every pony who's ever come in, has never come OUT." Dash finished sounding scary.

"If you're trying to scare the bajeepers outta me ... It ain't working. I'm a grown man and I don't scare easy." The bumbling hero said.

Suddenly the ground cracked which caused our heroes to tumble down but Pinkie, Rarity and Applejack were saved while Dash and Fluttershy flew up. Twilight and Ernest grasped to the edge and tried to to go back up but were unable to. Then AJ grabbed them by their hooves but was still unable to pull them up.

"Applejack! What do we do?" Twilight asked.

AJ looked down and saw Fluttershy and Dash ready to catch them and said,

"Let go."

"Are you crazy?" Twilight said surprised.

"We will crash down on the ground and break our necks." Ernest said.

"Now listen here. What I'm sayin' to you is the honest truth. Let go, and you'll be safe." The orange cowpony said reasuringly.

The two looked at each other and then Ernest said,

"Although we've known each other for a short time I just want to say: I knew I made the right decision."

"What decision?" Twilight asked.

"Making you my best friend." The bumbling hero said.

The lavender unicorn giggled at this little remark and then the two let go and screamed at they were falling towards the ground awaiting for the crash. They opened their eyes to see that Fluttershy had caught Twilight and Rainbow Dash had caught Ernest.

"Man. You way a ton." Dash said to Ernest.

"I should probably lay off the Christmas cookies." The bumbling hero said.

"What's Christmas?" Twilight asked.

"I'll explain later." Ernest said.

The trip was anything less than safe there were lots of traps that showed that Applejack was honest, Rarity was generous, Pinkie Pie was laughter, Fluttershy was kind and Rainbow Dash was loyal. They were then at an old castle and Ernest tried breaking it down but ended up crashing against the door and fell down. Twilight then opened the door with her magic and they walked right in.

"Whoa. Come on, Twilight. Isn't this what you've been waitin' for?" Applejack asked pointing towards some pedastel with some rock spheres with symbols on them.

"Huh... Hey Vern, It's the Elements of the Harmony." Ernest said.

"Who does he keep talking to?" Pinkie whispered to Dash.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Dash said.

"One, two, three ... four? Ain't there spose to be five? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me?" The goofy hero asked.

"The book said: when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth Element to be revealed." Twilight said.

"Well what in the hay is that supposed to mean?" Applejack asked.

"Maybe it's a riddle. Maybe if we set the Elements on fire maybe the fifth and sixth elements appear. Good thing I always keep a cigarete lighter in my pocket for emergencies." Ernest said pulling out a cigarete lighter and lighting it. He then threw it at the elements but suddenly the lighter disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Huh. Well I've done all I can do. Let's just go home because I just lost the only spark and we don't got anything else to spark stuff with." The goofy hero said crestfallen.

"Wait, I have an idea. Stand back. I don't know what will happen" The lavender unicorn said. That's what they all did and then Twilight lit up her horn and then suddenly in a flash of lightning she disappeared.

"Where the hay did she go?" Everypony asked.

"The Wicked Witch of the West obviously kidnapped her and locked her up upstairs. Don't worry Twilight Ernest P. Worrell is coming to save you!! KnowhatImean?" Ernest said running up the stairs.

Twilight awoke upstairs and saw in horror to find Nightmare Moon laughing evilly and her mists holding the elements.

"Stop right there you fiend!!" Someone shouted. Then it was found that Ernest ran all the way up the stairs and was exhausted from his trek up the stairs.

"Huff puff huff puff. I need a glass of water." He said. Suddenly he found a bucket of water, grabbed and splashed all the water on Nightmare Moon. She was not amused.

"What... Was that supposed to do?" She asked.

"Huh? You're not melting. It worked in the Wizard of Oz." Ernest said.

"Foolish human! You shall pay dearly with your life!!" Nightmare Moon shouted.

"Bring it on Witch. I've biten down air bubbles that were tougher than you and I know cause I was trapped in giant bubble container." Ernest said.

"No. Don't Ernest. You could get killed." Twilight said.

"Please Twilight. I've been through a lot worst than this. I even took down a criminal. I remember as if it happened yesterday." Ernest said.

(Cue Flashback)

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(End Flashback)

"You took that many hits, an electrical shock and an explosion and you still survived?" The lavender unicorn asked confused.

"What can I say? Lady Luck's got a thing for me, knowhatImean?" Ernest said.

"I hate to break up story time, not really. But I have some elements to smash to pieces." Nightmare Moon said.

"I don't think so. So... I comes to this... Man to ... Mare, Mano to... Ponyo, Shirts to armor, Fists to Horn, Feet... to hooves." Ernest said confused.

"Heh, foolish mortal. You really think you have a chance against me?" The dark alicorn sarcastically said.

"If a woodchuck can chuck wood then I can chuck a witch." The goofy human said.

Suddenly Twilight teleported in front of Ernest and said,

"No... I will." Immediately she snorted and then rubbed one of her hooves against the ground and the two charged at each other.

"I can't look." Ernest said covering his eyes. Suddenly a blast of magic happened and then Ernest opened his eyes and found Twilight on the pedastal Nightmare Moon was standing on. And then the five stones were in her possession but the sixth wasn't

"[laughter] You little foal! Thinking you could defeat me? Now you will never see your princess, or your sun! The night will last forever! [evil laugh]" Nightmare Moon went and then fired a lightning spell. Ernest knew Twilight was gonna get creamed so he ran as fast as he could between the two and jumped while shouting,

"Look out!!!!" Then the electricity hit Ernest which caused him to richochet against the walls and finally crash onto the ground.

"Ernest!!!" Twilight shouted.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That foolish foal really is foolish. And in turn gave away his life. I knew that the humans were weak." The dark alicorn said. Suddenly she saw some electricity course through his body and then get back up on his feet and saw electricity come from his finger tips.

"I'm Electroman again!!! Cole McGrath eat your heart out." He said. He then shot out electricity and it slammed against the evil alicorn and slammed her into the pedastal. Suddenly the two saw the others come up and the shattered elements go around them.

"You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Elements of Harmony are right here." Twilight said.

"What?" Nightmare Moon shouted.

"She said the Elements of Harmony are right here." Ernest said.

"Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... honesty! Fluttershy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... kindness! Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of... laughter! Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... generosity! And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of... loyalty! The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us." Twilight lectured.

"You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!" The dark alicorn shouted.

"But it did! A different kind of spark. I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all... are my friends! You see, Nightmare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the element of... magic!" Twilight shouted. Then suddenly to everyponies surprise another stone appeared with a symbol that looked like Ernest's hat shattered and the remains circled around him.

"What's this? A seventh Element of Harmony?" Nightmare Moon said confused.

"But this doesn't make any sense. There should only be six. ... Wait a minute. I heard rumors that there were more than six but apparently the rumors are true. You put your own life in danger to save another. Then that means... You must represent... The Element of Selflessness!" Twilight shouted.

"Well I do tend to risk my life for others... One time I tried to save a baby from a wolf." Ernest said.

Suddenly the seven floated up into the air and Twilight's eyes turned white and a rainbow blast covered Nightmare Moon and then the entire room was covered with a white gale. Ernest was then super dizzy and found everypony unconscious and he said to himself,

"I came... I saw... I done got spinned like a roulete wheel." Then he did the exact same thing he did when he first arrived: pass out on the ground.