Doctor Whooves Dumps... Who?

by Paleo Prints

Rating: teen
Tags: Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Crossover
Length: 4189

Who is the Doctor's special lady, and what desperate will he take to save their relationship?

It’s been a whirlwind romance, but the Doctor has worries. He’s going to try one last crazy scheme before he has to break an innocent mare’s heart.

Can YOU guess who she is before it’s revealed, dear reader?

Published 2013-03-01 08:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-01 08:10:01 UTC

Doctor Whooves Dumps... Who?

The flickering candles in the Le Herdnadin Cafe painted the Ponyville street in lights. Silhouettes framed in the windows partook in a joyful dance of shy glances, inviting smiles, and touching hooves. At some point this week, you could guarantee, somepony would use the famous ambiance to propose to special pony in their life.

The Doctor took all this in, grumbling as he hunched his shoulders and willed himself to step inside. The maitre d's eyes lit up, recognizing that a good publicity draw was eating there tonight.

“Mister Time Turner!” He waved the Doctor past the line of ponies waiting for their tables. Some of them grumbled, but they understood.

A long-suffering sigh fled from the Doctor. “Yes, of course.” She had thought he needed a normal, Ponyvillian name to blend in while they dated. He kept thinking irritated thoughts about phone booths, capes, and long underwear.

“Is she here yet?” The Doctor took off his trench coat and passed it to the waiter.

The headwaiter nodded emphatically. “She is, indeed! The lucky mare in question arrived only a little while ago. Of course, we had your usual table reserved.”

The Doctor nodded. In response, the maitre d’ stood motionlessly and kept staring at him, standing in his way.

Is something wrong? The Doctor nervously glanced at the other diners as he fiddled with his lapel. Did I put on the celery sprig again?

“Sir,” the maitre d’ said with occupationally trained patience, “please release your coat so that I may put it away.”

”Oh.” The Doctor nodded, handing it over. “Don’t go in the pockets. Or hit it with a hammer. Or run a current through.” He smiled. “Won’t be responsible, you know.”

The maitre de produced a smile that anypony in the service industry would recognize as the “One Day I’ll Murder You Grin #5.” He nodded. “Of course, sir. As you always say, sir.” He nudged the Doctor with an elbow. “And we’ll be sure not to stand too close if we want children, as you always say,” he said with a wink.

Many nations, emperors, and priest-kings had tried to execute the Doctor. Being sentenced to death had become as routine as a dentist appointment, the long walk to the axe relegated to a time to think up quips after the explosions. Just for a moment, he wondered if normal prisoners felt the aching fear he now felt in his stomach for the first time as he walked to the table. He straightened up out his perennial slouch, furrowed his brow, and prepared to face his worst fears.

She was there, and she was beautiful.

He felt his tension leave as she smiled at him. Not for the first time, the Doctor tried and failed to calculate his odds at landing such a marefriend. A musical laugh flowed out of her as she shared some private joke with a blushing waitress. With just the right sense of timing her eyes turned toward his and he felt the planet tumble away, gravity relenting to her embrace.

Forever, the Doctor thought. Whichever way tonight goes, he would remember this moment for the rest of his life and the next few to come. This moment on the razor’s edge would never leave him.

Sitting down on the stool, he looked into her eyes and said “I’m sorry.”

He could never know if she had to practice that perfect double blink when she was surprised. Actresses would swoon over her casual movements.

“Pardon me?”

His hooves tapped on the table. “I mean, I’m sorry for being late, Love. Time just gets away from me sometimes.”

A menu coyishly lifted in front of her face like a Neighponese geisha fan. “Perhaps you need to treat her better.” The menu was raised further, leaving him staring at dinner specials. "I'll probably get the daffodil pasta. It'll go right to my hips, though."

Might as well start nice. He picked up his menu. "I like your hips."

Her laugh was a sign that he had done something special in a previous life. He even had a few theories as to which one.

The Doctor’s mind seethed for distractions. He put down the menu as he rubbed his brow. “This is just a show, Love.”

Her menu lowered as an eyebrow raised. The Doctor leaned across the table with a smile. He had long ago learned the skill of enjoying himself regardless of a painful and inevitable future.

“Dear, you ordered the moment you sat down. Our usual meals are waiting, with the soup and appetizers chosen for variety.”

Her menu was gently placed down in amused defeat. She let the seconds stretch to provoke further comment.

The Doctor sighed. I’m going to miss this. I can’t believe what I’m going to try tonight to avoid missing this. “You can be quite meticulous sometimes. Very logical and rational, as well... ”

His voice trailed off as she blew a raspberry at him.

“... as surprising every so often.”

He thought back to yesterday at the library.

One would be surprised at how much time she actually spent in libraries, given her schedule. He had canvassed the shelves, idly wondering if anyone ever had wrote the Book of Love. That was when he sensed with surprise another presence in the stacks.

A toned back, delicately balanced between white and grey strained upwards to examine the top shelves. Every so often a light blue aura gently pulled a book down for careful consideration. Illustrations of swooning mares and muscular stallions were scrutinized like famous masterpieces.

She jumped with an adorable squeak when he cleared his throat. A book hit the floor.

“Doctor,” Rarity said with a hoof over her chest. “I didn’t see you there.”

Everyone... sorry, when in Equestria etc. Everypony must see how hard she’s cultivated those little moments.

Gallantly, he lifted her novel and presented it to her with a bow. “I’m usually closer than you think.”

Her laugh was the tinkling of wine glasses. “Of course. After all, we’ve spent so much time together lately. It’s wonderful to have you finally pulled down to Equestria.” She gave him a skeptical squint. “And what are you doing in this section, pray tell?”

She smiled at his obvious discomfort.

"I need some goopy, trashy novel.” He continued at her shocked stare. “One of the things you read. Chests must heave. I need something to read with somepony very special."

He noted how her eyelashes batted with pride. “Well, I personally prefer the pirate ones.”

"Wonderful news. What does she like, by the way? You know her, after all." He grabbed random books, eyes agog at the saddles the heroines on the covers were bursting out of. "One with knights? Maybe castles?" He dropped the copy of “Lady Trotterly's Gardener” and stared at Rarity hopefully. "How about one with time travelers?"

The scattered mess at his feet raised into the air with a pale glow. Rarity grit her teeth as she paced around him. "Mr. Time Turner, I am sure of a few things. I am certain I have never discussed my 'trashy' novels with your significant other, I am quite doubtful that this is what you need, and I am absolutely clear on one point. Nopony writes romances about time travelers."

The Doctor snapped back to the present as a plate of batter fried petunias appeared in front of him. Curious eyes regarded him from across the table.

“Where were you, my dear Timey? I lost you for a second.”

He popped a petunia into his mouth to buy time. He might hate the alias, but hearing her say his pet name made it worth it. Surprising to him, he finally settled on the truth.

"I... almost got you something."

A tea cup hovered under her lips. "Almost, dear?"

He scratched back of his neck and looked sideways. "Um. I tried to find a romance novel for you. I asked Rarity for help." He blinked and turned. "Waiter, could we have some more napkins?"

She coughed slightly on poorly swallowed tea. “You sought Rarity’s advice on romance novels?”

His shrug was shared by males across the universe trying to show their ineptitude at romance.

“I tried to figure out what you wanted. Stallions on the frontier, castles, pirates... ” He let his voice trail off into a question.

Her teacup was placed onto the plate with an air of contemplation. He watched her think. He had done it for hours, sometimes.

“Pirates,” she said looking upwards, “are nasty figures. In reality, hardly the romantic type to tie you to the mizzenmast or carry you gently to the captain’s cabins. They’re criminals, after all.”

His snort broke her train of thought. She haughtily refilled her teacup. “Did I say something funny?”

The Doctor let her stew in mock offense until a smile started to appear. “Love, you seem quite familiar with the plots of some of those novels for somepony with such strong opinions.” He leaned forward, crossing his forelimbs on the table while she looked away blushing. He smirked.

As he leaned forward his hoof landed fully in a bowl of sunflower soup. Her loud, vindicated laughter drew admiring smiles across the restaurant. The Doctor took refuge in a wad of napkins.

“You never notice when the food arrives, Timey.”

He shrugged. “Look who I have to pay attention to. It’s not even a contest.” Finally dry, he looked back up. Her eyes were oddly expectant. “What?”

“Timey,” she said in reproach, “what kind of book were you going to get me?”

This is a test. He stopped, locking eyes with her. “The Royal Guard of Her Heart. It had knights and castles.”

The seconds stretched out as he waited for her opinion. The Doctor had felt more calm while disarming bombs. Finally, with her hooves placed on the table she leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss.

“I do like knights and castles,” she said with a breathy whisper in his ear. “How did you know?”

A wave of relief flowed over him. “Well, I remember watching the sunset on roof of the cottage. All the birds were landing around us as we locked necks together.”

She blushed. “I remember.”

“Anyway,” he continued, “you said that you could see the castle from there. I remember commenting that a certain yellow pegasus had a fine taste in real estate with a view.”

She smiled as she carefully rolled up pasta onto her fork. “It was too bad that so many ponies were there. There’s nothing better than a party with friends, but sometimes its better to party with a special friend.” He eyes widened. “Speaking of parties, what do you think of dessert at Sugarcube Corners tonight?”

His gigantic, messy sandwich was lowered as he also chewed over the suggestion. “Isn’t it a bit late for them?”

Doors across Equestria would have opened at her smile. “I’m sure they’ll make an exception for me.”

The Doctor was very still for several seconds.

“Love,” he said guardedly, “if you happen to still be in the mood for Sugarcube Corners after dinner we’ll get the whole store to go.”

They ate in silence. It wasn’t the uncomfortable silence of a couple with repressed tension. This was a silence of smiles and winks, hooves moving above and below the table. It was the silence only two comfortable ponies in love could share. Through it all, the Doctor’s brain fought a war with his hearts.

She suddenly looked up with a mischievous smile. “Oh, Timey, that reminds me. Somepony asked me about our vacation, by the way.”

He blinked.

“The vacation. Oh, sweet Celestia, that vacation.”

“I thought you quite enjoyed it,” she said with no small touch of feigned petulance.

He rested his elbows on the table. In for a bit, in for a bag. “I loved it. I assume you shamelessly told people how much I loved it.”

“You were magnificent, that night under the triple stars.” Her stage whisper made an mare at the nearby table drop her cup. “I never thought any planet could have sand like that.”

His eyes scanned the room, noting the growing amount of ponies pretending not to listen. “Yeah, I’m great at broadening geological horizons. Maybe we should... ”

“And, of course, shortly after that, there was the long, detailed tour of the TARDIS control room.” Her eyes stayed on the ceiling, her face a mask of feigned innocence.

The Doctor squirmed.

“I can’t remember the last time I had a night like that.” She breathed out, wings spread out. Every nerve of her body seemed at rest.

He was a monster, and knew it. It was time to stop dragging this on.

“Look, Twilight... ”

He blinked. “Wait, what? Here?”

She nodded. “I just saw her. Never thought it would happen, but isn’t that Twilight over there in line with that gallant pony from the observatory? I think they’ve reserved a private room.”

A breath of relief of flowed out of him. “Oh. That’s all right.” He noticed her raised eyebrows. “I mean, lovely girl, don’t get me wrong. She’d come over in a blink if she saw us, though. You know, ruin the nice private ambiance.”

She nodded, with a giggle. “She certainly does take those friendships lessons seriously.”

The Doctor lifted a breadstick. He weighed it back and forth in his hooves. It would be so easy to keep it going like this. It was a trap they would both fall into willingly, he knew. Experience told him that they would hate each other by the end if he let it fester without resolution. He tore the bread stick in two, then dropped it onto his plate. Well, here goes. He furrowed his brow. Time to try something new and break this curse.

She was looking at him with concern, her eyes flickering to the destroyed appetizer. The Doctor cleared his throat.

“Let’s talk about taking things too seriously,” he said, instantly regretting the change. For once, one of the most opinionated mares he knew had nothing to say. She had never had much experience with relationships, and the fear in her eyes made his soul burn.

Well, she’s going to be more afraid before it gets better. If it gets better.

“Love, almost every second of our trip that we weren’t... ‘being magnificent,’ you were thinking about here. Your mind was on your job, your responsibilities. About your family.” He snorted.

She leaned across the table. “You have a problem with my family?”

“Absolutely!” He stood up, eyes flaring.

She was silent for several seconds, and he was terrified at this sudden change of character.

He gestured wildly, drawing looks from every neighboring table. ‘Yes, I do! I have major, pressing issues with your family! You and I wanted a quiet night, and we need to talk. So, utterly of course, the girls are hiding in the bushes outside, watching our every move. You could see their horns.”

She blinked. She was silent for several seconds, and he was terrified at this sudden change of character.

The Doctor sighed. He leaned over, taking her hoof in his hands. “I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. I just want,” he paused as he looked around the room, “as private a conversation as we can have. So, I’m going to go tell them to bugger off. Then, I’m going to come back in, and we’re going to talk about this like adults. And I’m sorry for this. I’m so sorry.”

She leaned forward, wet eyes staring at his. “Please be soon. We don’t have... ”

“... All the time in the word,” said the Doctor, finishing their private joke. His hoof caressed the underside of her neck as he closed his eyes and gently kissed her, raising a symphony of whispers around the room. Pulling back, he gave her a firm, lingering second kiss on the nose. “Stay here. Wait for me. This is worth it.”

He turned away, not daring to look at her. As he galloped off he raised an forelimb toward the maitre d’, who was doing excellently at pretending to have not heard the raised discussion. Obediently, the headwaiter threw the Doctor his trench coat. Putting it on mid-stride, the Doctor stepped outside and marched with purpose toward the two horns sticking out of the bushes that overlooked his table.

They’re so devoted to her. She’s struggled with so much for them. I hope I don’t bite their heads off.

“Look out, Mister Turner!”

The Doctor dived to the ground, promptly avoiding a collision with the grey pegasus who crashed at his feet. “Package for a Mister Time Turner!” Two mismatched golden eyes stared at him as she offered him a pen and clipboard.

“Finally.” He quickly dashed off a signature, some of the weight lifted off of his soul. “I really needed that. You always arrived just in time, Derpy.”

She squeaked as he tapped her nose with his hoof. She stopped giggling long enough to pass him two packages, then with a salute dashed off into the sky.

There goes a mare who’ll make someone very happy someday. He drew a deep breath. Now, to business.

The cafe had a tasteful row of bushes surrounding it to offer lovers a feeling of privacy. Out of the one closest to his window, two horns were sticking out. From their vantage point, they could easily watch her nervously playing with her brilliant multicolored mane. He could only imagine what they thought of him.

“All right, you two! Come off it.” The Doctor crashed into the bushes as two angry glares tried to burn him away. He sighed.

Good kids, he thought as he sat down down next to them.

“Listen to me. I know what you’re doing here. It’s adorable, but she deserves a life of her own. She’s the bravest mare I’ve ever known, and she can do this without you two interfering.

Two guilty heads rose from the bushes

“You lot.” He shook his head, turning to the smaller mare. “If you actually were intending to do what I think you were, she’d hate you forever. She has to do this on her own.”

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza sighed.

The Doctor leaned closer. “I very nearly stopped, because I care for her so much and didn’t want to hurt her. I’m giving it one more crazy try tonight. I would hate to think my hearts weren’t my own at that moment.”

She shook her head. “No, Doctor. You just care for her as much as we do. I know whatever the problem is, neither of you could love each other more.”

A voice boomed the bush beside Cadence. “But thou promised me that she would not be hurt!”

The Doctor kneeled. “I said that it was always a risk, didn’t I? Listen, I need your permission for something. I’m going to try to make it work. I’m dead serious about what I’m going to say, even if you have a hard time believing me when I tell you.” He gestured at both of them. “Lean in. I’ll tell you my plan, and if you disagree I’ll call the whole thing off.”

They listened. They gasped. They nodded. Luna hugged him.
___

The Doctor sat back down at his table. The eyes of the restaurant were on him. Aside from curious customers, the Royal Guards surreptitiously standing at the back of the wall glared daggers at him. He ignored them. Angry armies were just another day in his calendar.

The worried mare in front of him was a different story. She sipped her tea calmly, supported by a lifetime of perfect control only he had broken through.

He sat down. “Oh Celestia, I don’t think its working. You’re not ready for dating yet.”

Celestia placed her teacup on the table. “You know, I thought that maybe having another Princess meant that I could relax.”

He blinked. “I didn’t even think about that. It did take us all by surprise.”

She nodded, her eyes both on him and faraway. “I’ve felt this way about you for centuries, Doctor. Remember the night on the fields of Dream Valley, so long ago?”

“Your hair was all pink back then.” He grinned. “We were so young. Listen. If you’ve ever listened, please listen to me now. I’m not saying it can’t work. It just won’t work now unless we get through this one thing. I have to travel, and you won’t stop thinking about all your little ponies. They all love you, you know. They’d want you to be happy as much as I do.”

“What do you suggest?” Emotion had fled from her voice

“Okay.” He thought carefully for a moment. He had spent a full month out of the timestream considering his next move. It was calculated risk, but either way it had to be.

“Here’s my final offer to see if things would work.” He stood up. “If you say no, it’ll break all of our hearts.”

He pulled a circuit out of his trench coat. “This is the navigation cortex for the TARDIS.”

Light laughter greeted him. “That’s not normally what a stallion shows a mare at a restaurant like this, Timey.”

“It’ll take me some time to replace it,” he said with no change in emotion, “especially if I’m distracted. I’m willing to gamble control of my life on the right decision for us. I do love you. I always have. It’s absolutely unfair of me to say so, but I want you to know I’m serious. So let me drop this in the soup and run away with me.”

Worlds of possibilities played across Celestia’s eyes. “But that means... ”

“Yes. Randomly hopping through the galaxy. Not knowing when we’d be coming back. You and me together for anything from weeks to decades, blazing a legend throughout the history of the cosmos. Follow your heart, leave all your responsibilities here, and show me that we’re what matters most.”

She was silent for a moment, then sighed. “You and me, on... what? What do you call this? It’s a bit long for a vacation.“

The Doctor placed the circuit board very carefully next to his soup, then took another smaller package out of his coat. The entire restaurant stared as he placed it on the table and clicked it open. He reached over and took her hoof in his. “I have a very traditional lump of carbon here that says we can call it a honeymoon, if you’d like.”

For the first time in centuries, she had nothing to say.

“Your sister’s agreed to take on your responsibilities for however long you’re gone. She has Cadence and Twilight to help. Heck, maybe even Discord will pull his weight around here.” His voice lowered. “I’m not promising we’ll be right back when we left afterwards. I know it never works out exactly right. But we’ll be together, and my hearts will beat only for you for as long as I live.”

“Say yes!”

Celestia and the Doctor turned to the third Royal Guard from the left at the back of the restaurant. Their stares could melt steel. He nervously stepped behind his compatriots.

The distraction over, Celestia returned to look at the small box of futures sitting on the table. She glanced up. “This is a big decision.”

The Doctor stood up. “I know. Celly, please consider what I’ve said.” He took a handful of ancient gold coins out of his trench coat pocket and placed them on the table.

She smiled through the tears. “You always want to pay for dinner. I do have a royal treasury, you know.”

The Doctor squirmed in embarrassment. “It’s the principle of the thing. You have to know I’d be here even if that all disappeared tomorrow. It could, if you want.” He walked around the table and knelt next to her.

She snorted. “You don’t bow to royalty much, Doctor.”

He shook his head. “I’m not starting now. I’m going to go wait by the TARDIS. It’s out by the town fountain. I’ll wait until sunrise for you. Think about it, talk it over with your sisters, or just say ‘yes’ right now and never stop running. I can’t bear to see you chain yourself down, and chains never worked on me very well. Please. Join me there.”

He kissed her gently. Pulling back he searched her eyes, finding only confusion. The Doctor nodded before turning away, leaving the box on the table. He walked out of the restaurant. He didn’t look back.

It was hours later that he saw the carriage. It gleamed over Ponyville momentarily, then was carried away into the night.

He stood there for a long time.

“Maybe she’ll be ready someday,” he said to no one in particular. Suddenly, he smirked. “Well, now. I have a time machine,” he said while scratching his chin with his hoof.

The Doctor turned and walked into the TARDIS, ready to chase after a someday.