Everypony's Stalkin'

by ChaoticHarmony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Octavia, Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3294

Sometimes writers just want to write in peace.... And sometimes ponies don't let them have that peace they so badly crave to have.

Chaotic Harmony, a pony who crafted mystical stories of woe that made ponies return to their beds and sob as well as one who crafted those that made tears that sprouted from laughter, figured that a simple trip to the market wouldn't change anything about his day other than how much ink was in his inkwell.

Of course, he was wrong.

Just saying this now in my amazing fourth wall breaking powers, don't take this fic seriously. Seriously. You're brain cells will die if you do.

A semi-sequel to Sunshine and Celery... Stalkers?
<This was written as a gift to me by one of my good friends on IRC, who told me I could post it here. I hope you enjoy the randomness.>

Published 2013-02-28 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-28 14:30:01 UTC

Oppan Stalker Style

---- Everypony’s Stalkin’ ----
---- Oppan Stalker Style! ----

He sat in near-darkness, as he always did when he contemplated the massive stream of constantly flowing ideas that was contained inside his mind. The small stub of a once-whole candle sat before him, his eyes reflecting the dancing flame as he looked into its depths. Without warning, it flickered and died, leaving the pegasus in the darkness with his wings wrapped around himself. “Why does this feel so familiar?” Chaotic Harmony was not a pegasus to forget things, but he couldn't remember just why this felt so hauntingly familiar. Walking over to the switch that controlled his overhead lamp, he stopped and felt along the wall before flicking it upward with a snap. He was greeted with a sight that had become standard over the past few months, namely, his special somepony was sleeping peacefully on the bed. Giving her one last glance the dark blue pegasus went back to his desk to resume his work.

It had been a few months since he and Scarlet Scare had started dating but the love between them could probably power the Crystal Heart for decades. Despite her parents’ initial objections to their daughter dating an author of all ponies, they eventually warmed up to him once they saw he only had their daughter's best interests in mind.

Before he started writing, Chaotic Harmony grabbed another feather from his wing, a tradition he had no intention of stopping. Wincing as the stiff tool of flight came free from his wing, he set the newly made utensil of writing down on the tabletop. “Now for the medium of my brilliance...” he chuckled to himself as he pulled a stack of paper from his desk. Opening another drawer, the dark blue pegasus began searching for his 'life's blood' as he liked to joke: his ink. He felt around the drawer with his hoof, fumbling about in search of some, only to find he was out of the precious black liquid.

“Not this again!” He started to scream before remembering Scarlet Scare. He heaved a heavy sigh and resigned himself to the inevitable, “Guess I'll just have to head out to get some more then.” He picked up his saddlebags and left for Ponyville's marketplace closing the door gently as he left.

As he made his way out into Ponyville's bustling marketplace he remembered a time about a half year ago when he'd made a similar trip only to be ambushed by a good portion of Ponyville and Twilight Sparkle herself. Initially Chaotic Harmony was unsure how to deal with Twilight; she had an unusual habit of showing up when he was just slacking around town and slapping him with a seemingly endless supply of trout. After a few months he developed an odd respect for Celestia's Faithful Student and was almost came to miss the trouty motivation she dealt. Almost.

Lost in thought as he was, the majestic blue pegasus didn't see where he was going and ran into some poor unexpecting pony sending them both to the ground. After clambering back up to his hooves he started apologizing to the unfortunate pony he'd just knocked down.

“I'm so sorry! I was lost in thought and wasn’t paying attention.” He was helping the what he now noticed to be earth pony mare pick up her things she'd been holding when he’d ran into her. “My Special Somepony keeps telling me I need to get my head out of the clouds, but what can I say? I'm a pegasus!” He heard a small chuckle come from the mare as she got to her hooves. There was just something uncanny about her, but he just couldn't put his hoof on it.

“It's quite alright my good stallion. Perhaps you could answer a question for me though?” Her accent was that of a traditional upperclass Canterlot resident and her appearance suggested as much as well. Her light grey coat and charcoal grey mane and tail were in pristine condition and she wore a bow tie that perfectly complimented her lavender eyes. “I came to Ponyville in search of someone.”

“Sure. I live here, and I don't mean to boast but I know quite a few ponies,” he smiled as he spoke but somewhere deep down he was getting that odd sensation he usually did right before Twilight showed up and smacked him with a trout. “Who are you looking for Miss...?”

“Octavia. Octavia Philharmonica. I'm looking for a favorite author of mine. He supposedly lives in Ponyville and I'm rather enthused to meet him.”

“Oh? An author? Here? Is his name Chaotic Harmony by chance?”

“Yes!” Octavia blushed a bit as she realized she’d said her previous statement a bit louder than she’d thought. She collected herself and continued, “Do you know where I can find him perhaps?”

“As a matter of fact,” a slight grin spread across the dark blue pegasus’ face, “you’ve already found him. I’m Chaotic Harmony. Pleasure to meet you Miss Octavia.” He bowed a bit as he finished eliciting another small giggle from the mare in front of him.

“You? Actually...” Octavia pulled out a book from her saddlebags and stared at the back cover. She kept shifting her eyes back and forth, squinting ever so slightly as she kept going until she let out a sudden gasp of realization. “You ARE him!”

Before he could react, Chaotic Harmony found himself being crushed in a hug only an earth pony could manage. “Always great to meet a fan,” he gasped out.

“Oh you have no idea how happy I am!”

“Can't.... breathe....”

“Oh! Sorry!” As the light grey mare released her grasp, a slight blush on her face, Chaotic Harmony could feel the air rush back into his lungs.

“Thanks for that. Now then, did you just want me to sign some books or...”

“Well, you see… I love reading your work. It's just so touching and heartfelt that I find myself in tears more often than not. What I mean to say is that you've inspired me. I wish to become a writer myself and I've come here in search of any and all help you can give me in the subject.”

Chaotic Harmony's eyes shot open in surprise as he suddenly realized that the mare now staring at him wasn't going to let up until she got what she wanted: professional help. “Well, I'd love to,” he stammered, eyes shifting nervously about, “but you see I'm working on writing a new novel right now and my editor is really pushing me to get the next chapter done on time.”

It wasn't a total lie. He did have an editor. His editor did like it when he kept a regular deadline. The only problem was he was, as he so eloquently put it to the entirety of Ponyville during one of his more... dramatic... moments a few weeks ago, “on a break from writing until his muse returned him.” While that was more or less true, the dark blue pegasus had started writing on his newest idea and was progressing wonderfully... then he went and told his editor.

He wasn't angry, no... he'd long since given up trying to understand Chaotic's process and just decided to roll with it. This wasn't the first time he'd gone on “break” and had a burst of inspiration that led to him writing a new story and it wouldn't be the last. Chaotic knew what really drove his editor insane though: all his unfinished works sitting in a file locked away in a drawer in his desk. He snickered mentally at the thought.

“Oh...” Octavia visibly deflated a bit, “I see. I shall let you be on your way then. Sorry to have bothered you.”

“It’s no bother Miss Octavia. Perhaps when I've got some more time I can give you those pointers you came here for. Are you staying in town?”

“Yes. I’m staying at the inn.” Octavia brightened a bit at the prospect of her trip not being for nothing.

“I’ll swing by later this week then to give you some pointers. Sound good?”

“That would be much appreciated thank you,” Octavia brightened a bit more at this. “I really could use some tips on writing. I’ve never done anything of the sort before.”

“Well then, until next time,” Chaotic replied as he turned and started walking back towards Ponyville’s marketplace.

If Chaotic Harmony had only looked back at Octavia as he cantered off to resume his errand he would have seen a certain librarian walking up to Octavia with a mischievous glint in her eyes...

After his otherwise uneventful trip to the marketplace, Chaotic made his way to one of his favorite writing places. It was a small café run by a friend of his where he often found himself writing to both avoid Twilight Sparkle and to not bother Scarlet Scare. Upon walking through the door he was greeted with a unanimous cheer of “Chaotic” by all of his good friends. After catching up with some of them, he sat himself down at a table in the back corner of the café where he could work in peace. He pulled out some paper he'd brought along and one of the new bottles of ink and set into writing.

“Whacha doin' Chaotic?”

“Not now! Can't you see I'm writing?” Chaotic sighed exasperatedly.

“Oh, I can see that. I'm just wondering why.”

“Inspiration has struck and it would be a crime to not write while the ideas are flowing!”

“You're supposed to be on break.”

“I know that Dar...” the dark blue pegasus stopped mid sentence as he realized just who was interrupting his work. He was afraid to turn around for fear of what this pony had waiting for him, yet he slowly began to move his body until he faced something he had hoped to avoid: his editor, Dark Aura looming behind him ominously clearly unhappy.

Dark was a, as his name implied, very darkly colored unicorn. Many had mistaken his dark blue/purple coat for black. His mane was a dual grey toned mess as was his tail. He was not only Chaotic's editor but also one of the regular patrons of the café and a good friend. Despite his somber appearance, he was actually quite friendly and jovial… when he wasn’t dealing with Chaotic’s shenanigans.

“If you know it,” Dark coolly stated, “then why are you still writing? I get you like to write while the inspiration's good, but the whole point of this break is to be refreshed so you're good to go for writing the next installment of 'Shards of Hatred'.“

“Funny story...” Chaotic shrunk back.

“I'm listening,” Dark deadpanned.

“Well... I… sort of… ran into a crazed fanmare again and rather than lead her home I... um... decided to come here and work?” While he didn't intend it like a question it certainly came out like one.

Dark just sighed. “What was it this time Chaotic? In town telling everypony to read your newest work when some fanfilly came up to you and asked to see your next novel before it hits the shelves again and refused to stop following you until you showed her?”

“Not quite.” Chaotic had to suppress a slight giggle as he thought about what his editor's reaction would be to this news, “It was Octavia Philharmonica. Apparently she's a huge fan, and I've inspired her to write something of her own.” For good measure Chaotic punctuated this by blowing a raspberry at his editor.

Dark stood there for a moment, and for that moment Chaotic though he'd shocked Dark into speechlessness... until the dark unicorn promptly fell over laughing. “Yeah, right,” he chuckled, “and let me guess: Vinyl Scratch wants to have your foals!” Dark's laughter filled the small cafe and attracted quite a few odd looks, though he couldn't have cared less at the moment.

“Um... excuse me,” the voice of a mare cut through the laughter and silenced the now crying-from-laughing-so-hard unicorn's fit of giggles, “but he's not joking.”

Dark quickly scrambled to his hooves and found himself eye-to-eye with the mare in question looking slightly less than pleased.

“Oh, and Miss Scratch is a close friend of mine. I doubt she would find humor in your comment either.” With the look Octavia was giving Dark the casual observer would have thought she'd been taking lessons from Fluttershy.

“I'm sorry Madam,” Dark stated, class oozing from his voice... or at least what he thought to be class, “but our author friend here has come in making similar statements in the past which had been later found to be less than truthful. I sincerely apologize for my previous statements Miss Octavia,” he punctuated his apology with a low bow, “and if there's anything I can do to help you with your writing just let me know.”

“I'm sorry, but... who are you?”

If Spitfire would have been there, she'd have claimed that the speed at which Dark's muzzle met the floor was an Academy record.

“CH! You didn't tell her about me?!” The dark unicorn wailed in mock disgust as he recovered from his shock, “How could you do that?” He turned to Octavia, a sly smile on his face, “I'm none other than Chaotic Harmony’s editor.”

Octavia's eyes lit up right about the same time Chaotic's grew, his irises shrinking to the size of pinpricks. This was bad. Dark and Twilight were already conspiring to keep him on track, the last thing he needed was to have another pony interfering with his “process”. As the two talked, Chaotic’s mind raced as he tried to think up an escape route. I know! I’ll just say…

“Sorry you two, but I've got to be going again. I just saw the time and remembered that I've got dinner reservations with Scarlet tonight. I'll have to catch you both later.” And with that the fanciful pegasus did his best Rainbow Dash impersonation as he made his way out the door leaving two speechless ponies staring at the space he had been previously occupying.

Did Chaotic feel bad for lying? Yes. Did he feel bad for leaving his editor with a crazed, albeit famous, fan? Yes. Would he do it again? Oh Celestia yes, would he ever! He made up his mind while on the way home that he'd actually take Scarlet out for dinner so he wouldn't technically be making a liar out of himself.

When he arrived back at his humble abode he was greeted by darkness. He flipped on the lights and called out, “Scarlet, you here? I was thinking we should go out for dinner tonight.” It was right about this time he noticed a letter on his desk.

Chaotic

I've gone back to Manehatten for the weekend to visit my family. I got a letter today while you were out and apparently my Brother is back from studying abroad in Stalliongrad. I'll be back by the end of the week, so don't get into too much trouble while I'm out.

Your eternal love

Scarlet

P.S. I found your ink. It was in the kitchen again. I still don’t know how you manage to misplace things so often.

“Awww horseapples.” His plan foiled, he did the only thing left to be done: he bolted his door closed, drew the curtains shut, and turned off any light that wasn't necessary. With any luck Tavy didn't follow me here and I can have a nice quite evening of writing to myself.

Unfortunately, life had other plans for our poor blue pegasus.

Chaotic Harmony had gotten in a good half hours worth of writing before he was interrupted by a sudden voice in the darkness, “Whacha doin'?”

“I'm writing! Can't you see that?!”

“I can, but I thought you were on break.”

“Not you too! I already told Dark today that when I'm inspired I have to write. You of all ponies should understand how this sort of thing works Twili......” Chaotic trailed off as the he suddenly recognized the voice in the darkness.

“Go on.” Twilight Sparkle urged.

To his credit, Chaotic didn't instantly pass out from shock, though the scream he let out was more typical of a filly Sweetie Belle’s age. “HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE? THE DOOR'S LOCKED???” Chaotic shrieked while pointing a hoof accusingly at the lavender mare.

“I'm an Princess now, remember?” Twilight waggled her wings for emphasis, “I can kinda do this sort of thing now. And what's this I hear about you already having been scolded by Dark today? Thought for sure that would have gotten you to take a break.”

Chaotic recoiled slightly and flattened his ears back at the question for a moment before responding, “Well, I had an idea I just had to get out. Scarlet's out of town, and there's another crazy fanfilly after me. It's this or dealing with her,” he trailed off while trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Or?” Twilight smirked.

“You didn't...”

“And what if I did? What can you do about it now? Oh, and expect Dark as well. You wouldn't want to be doing all this writing and NOT have your editor here to look over it, would you?”

There are moments in life when everything seems to slow down, like watching as train wreck unfolds before your very eyes. One such moment just happened to be triggered for Chaotic Harmony when he suddenly heard a knock at his front door. His eyes widened in shock as he saw Twilight making her way over to the door to open it for his unexpected guests. He began to contemplate his options rapidly; he could just let it happen and end up having a good time, but he knew better. He had to escape, and he had to do it now. He shifted his gaze to the window and thought it looked mighty good right about now.

In an instant, Chaotic dashed for the window, tucking his body in so as to avoid hurting himself. As he smashed through the window he unfurled his majestic wings and took off, flying off into the horizon... or he would have if he were a more athletic and coordinated pegasus. Instead, he ended up barreling head first out of his window and landing in his heap of trash while flailing about, staring up at his editor and his newest crazed fan filly.

“Um... little stuck here. Can I get some help?” the trapped author pleaded putting on his best puppy dog eyes.

“What am I going to do with you?” Dark sighed.

“What am I going to do with him?” Twilight retorted.

“What am I going to do with him?” Octavia asked genuinely while staring at her helpless prey.

“Celestia save me.”

“Nope,” Twilight deadpanned, “I'm the one you need to pray for mercy from right now.”

“Feathering stalkers. Can't get anything done without you all bothering me.”

“Love ya too CH,” all three ponies replied in unison.

“Horseapples.”

Author's Note

A/N from the REAL Author...

A short little work (at least that’s what it started as) I wrote for ChaoticHarmony before he hits 500 followers and for when he eventually hit that mark. I've had the distinct pleasure of being a part of his writing process over the past months and I've found myself inspired by his work on numerous occasions as I know some of you have as well. This is my way of saying thanks, and here's to your future success: to the first 500 watchers and for the next 500. Congrats Chaotic and keep up the great work!