The Rime of Derpy D. Hooves

by TheNitroPony

The Rime of Derpy D. Hooves

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Nurse Redheart looked up as she glimpsed a pony with light tan fur and a mane of orange curls knocking on the door, peering through the sheet of glass. The nurse gestured for the pony to enter.

Carrot Top swung open the door to the office, sparsely covered with expensive, rich mahogany furniture and plaques that peppered the walls.

"Sorry I'm so late," Carrot Top said as she plopped down into a chair next to the desk, meeting Nurse Redheart's gaze as she slid off her saddlebags. "I was just making sure everything at home was squared away."

"Of course," was the nurse's reply. "So Miss Harvest, you requested an appointment for me in my office specifically. Might I ask why?"

Carrot Top took a deep breath. "You were the supervising medical personnel for a Ms. Derpy Hooves on January 21st, yes?"

Nurse Redheart's professional smile faded. "Yes, I was."

"And as far as treatment is concerned, you were also the staff member in charge of her well-being."

"…Yes."

Carrot Top straightened in her seat. "I am filing for lawsuit."

Nurse Redheart blinked. "I'm sorry Miss Harvest, but-"

"Don't you 'but' me," Carrot Top said, her voice quivering. "You heard exactly what I said, and you know exactly what you did. This is your fault, and nopony else's."

Nurse Redheart cleared her throat, running a hoof along her mane. "Look, Miss Harvest, even if I was to blame, you would have to sue the hospital for-"

"Fuck the hospital!" Carrot Top screamed, punching a hoof onto the top of Nurse Redheart's desk. "I'm talking about you, and what you did. I know full well about the laws concerning malpractice suits, Nurse Redheart."

Both ponies sat unmoving in their seats. Nurse Redheart bit her lip, her eyes darting to and fro across the desk she was sitting behind. "I am terribly-"

"No!" Carrot Top interrupted. "I've heard enough of 'we're sorry for your loss, Miss Harvest'! There is a pony to blame, and that pony is you!"

"Miss Harvest," Nurse Redheart said irritably, "surgery is an exact practice that demands equally exacting instruments and medicines. It is not anypony's fault when a patient suffers because of something beyond our control."

"This was not out of your control," Carrot Top hissed. Ripping her glare from the earth pony in front of her, Carrot Top began digging through her saddlebags, withdrawing two lavender folders. Leaving one sticking halfway out her pack, Carrot Top tossed the other one up onto Nurse Redheart's desk. "January 21st. Derpy 'Ditzy Doo' Hooves arrives at the Ponyville State Hospital for her second extraocular muscle surgery to correct her vision."

"Her strabismus, yes," Nurse Redheart responded, opening the file to see copies of Derpy's medical papers.

"You injected anesthesia before the operation and left her unattended."

"Because of a call from another staff member about a pony experiencing a seizure," Nurse Redheart completed, looking up at Carrot Top with a measure of anger.

"You returned two minutes later to find her not breathing. You administered CPR and resuscitated her, before following through the intended procedure. An examination afterwards showed that she had lost oxygen to the brain and as a result suffered severe brain damage."

The room fell into silence. Carrot Top glowered at the pony across from her, who was staring right back with equal intensity.

"Miss Harvest," Nurse Redheart began, "there is a one in twenty-thousand chance of severe complications or death from the anesthesia used to sedate her. The contract Derpy Hooves signed indicates this. We had previously used it during her first visit to Ponyville State Hospital, with no adverse effects."

"I'm not suing because the anesthesia stopped her breathing," Carrot Top snapped. "I'm suing because you weren't doing your job."

"And how was I not doing my job?" Nurse Redheart leveled a glare right back at Carrot Top. "I care about all of my patients, Miss Harvest. If another patient of mine is in danger, then I will help that patient. I do everything in my power to save and help as many lives as I can, and if I cannot, I have to swallow down my failures, no matter how jagged and painful they are. When I need to calm a pony down who has just been informed she has terminal cancer, I do it. When I have to tell a family their options for a foal who has a malformed wing and will never fly, I do it. And when I am called away from an anesthetized pegasus to help a unicorn who is in danger of hurting or possibly killing himself from his epilepsy, I. Do it."

Carrot Top worked her jaw. "You walked away. You didn't call another nurse over to watch. You just walked away."

"And that decision rips me apart every time I think of it," Nurse Redheart said bitterly. "I will never be able to wrench from my mind the terror and devastation on your face when I told you about what had happened to Derpy. If you recall, I was shedding tears right there with you."

"And who was the one to suffocate for it?" Carrot Top asked, her voice cracking. Snatching the second folder from on top of her pack, she tossed it onto Nurse Redheart's desk. "Your legal notice. I'll see you in court."

Carrot Top slipped her head under her saddlebags' straps and walked out the door, letting it slam behind her.


Derpy Hooves looked up as she heard the sound of a metal key clacking against a metal lock. She shifted in her seat, watching as the deadbolt flipped up.

Carrot Top swung open the door to her home, sparsely covered with cheap, worn wooden furniture and cracks that peppered the walls.

"Sorry I'm so late," Carrot Top said as she collapsed into a chair at the table, refusing to meet Derpy's gaze. "I was just…"

She didn't finish. Glancing at the table, she found that her friend had set out a meager spread of toast with butter and jam.

Derpy smiled a small, sad smile, staring at Carrot Top with her two perfectly aligned eyes. "I always wait for you."

They ate.