A tale of Good

by Noyman Jayden

Rating: mature
Tags: Bon-Bon, Gummy, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, Sex, Owlowiscious, Spitfire, Tragedy, Big Macintosh, Random, Gore, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Doctor Whooves, Mayor Mare, Granny Smith, Main 6, Lyra, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Trixie, Soarin, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 6711

A trollfic featuring a lot of things

A mysterious human has an affair with a human, and all hell begins to break lose.

Published 2011-09-16 17:54:42 UTC
Last updated 2011-09-20 07:59:16 UTC

Almost the entire Story

There was once a man named Nate who had a horrible secret. He was actually Scott Shelby the Origami Killer.

Nate awoke in a strange place. He seemed to by lying in grass, and his head was elevated by something soft and warm, that appeared to be breathing. He wasn’t sure where he was, or how he got there, but he felt strangely calm.

The sun shone through some clouds and trees, illuminating a small meadow where Nate lay. He turned his head to see there was a light blue unicorn sleeping underneath his head. He looked behind her to see a purple cape and hat with stars on them lying off to the side.

The unicorn’s eyes opened slowly and she yawned. “Oh, you’re awake.” She looked at Nate, narrow-eyed. He sat up and turned to her.

“Who are you? Where am I?” He asked.

“I...” She got on her hooves and stepped in front of Nate, her face directly in front of his, “Am the Great and Powerful Trixie.” She gave a rather sly grin and moved in closer to Nate’s face. Nate leaned away as far as he could until he was laying down, with her standing over him. She got on her knees and pressed her face against his, their lips locking tightly.

Nate was confused at first, and felt wrong. Trixie’s lips pulled slowly away from Nate’s, and she opened her eyes narrowly again. Nate lost himself in her bright, violet eyes, and this time put up no resistance when her lips pushed back to his.

Trixie’s knees slowly gave way and before long she had completely mounted Nate. They continued to make out passionately, neither caring about horribly wrong the whole situation was.

Trixie pulled slightly to the right and they flipped sideways. Nate took initiative now and pulled Trixie close. They resumed passionate kissing as their warm bodies rubbed together tightly. A slight bit of pressure applied from Nate’s end caused them to both roll over further, and they began to roll down a hill.

As they rolled, the intensity of their relations grew greater and greater. In the beginning they resumed making out tenderly, but before long Trixie’s mouth moved away from Nate’s, making its way down his neck. Before long the sheer passion of their sudden love found itself showing completely as the two engaged in several activities that would get them both banished to the moon for sure if anyone were to learn of them.

Norman Jayden downed a shot of vodka and put on ARI. He then laid down in bed and began his descent into Equestria. The murder of Hoity Toity had been resolved long before, and now he continued to return because he was developping somewhat of a romantic entanglement with one of the ponies.

Jayden’s entry into Ponyville always seemed to be random. This time, he wound up in a small meadow, near a human and a unicorn who seemed to be having some sort of sexual intercourse or something underneath a purple star-spangled cape.

“I have to find Twilight Sparkle and court her.” Norman began to think out loud. “It feels wrong, she’s a unicorn and I’m a human. Well, at least she isn’t Jewish.”

Jayden walked awkwardly down the path that lead from the meadow in the woods to Ponyville. When he say Ponyville in the distance he began to think out loud again. “I hope I can find Twilight while I’m still horny and drunk enough.”

Jayden arrived at the library and knocked at the door. Twilight answered and said “Hello?”

“It’s me again Twi.”

“Oh hello Jayden. Thank you for proving that Colgate killed Hoity Toity and not Rainbow Dash.”

“No prahblem. Okay Twi, it’s like this, I’m a man and I’m horny as fuck. So let’s fuck.”

“Oh okay.” Twilight agreed, as she downed a fifth of vodka. Jayden stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

Twilight threw Jayden against a bookshelf with her magic and began to remove his pants with her mouth. Jayden made no attempt to resist in any way. Twilight, who was unfamiliar with how pants worked, wound up ripping them off him violently. She held his hands and head against the bookcase dominatrix style, and began to wrap her mouth around his relatively large cock.

Twilight ran her tongue up and down his penis once or twice before finally shoving the whole thing in her mouth. She lunged her head forward and moved it back, letting her lips rub against his penis both ways. Eventually, a strange, sticky substance shot into her mouth. She pulled Jayden down, magicked his mouth open, and spit it down his throat. Oddly, this turned him on very much, and he lunged at her violently, breaking through her magic, and began to penetrate her repeatedly.

The sound of a TARDIS could be heard in the distance, over Twilight’s violent and angry moans as she and Jayden threw eachother’s naked bodies all around the library. There was semen and blood everywhere. Twilight held Jayden against a table and grabbed a knife, and used it to carve a T all the way across his torso. He enjoyed this immensly.

Suddenly the door burst open. The Doctor, Matt Smith came in and said “Twilight, I need you to... What happened here?”

“I’m having kinky sex with Norman Jayden” She said as she began to shove the tip of the blade down Jayden’s urethra.

“Oh. Sorry, I was going to ask you to have kinky sex with me, but I can see you’re all kinked out. I’ll just go. Bye.”

“Bye.” Twilight shoved the knife all the way through Jayden’s penis, cutting it completely in half down the center. She kept going, forcing the knife up his pelvis and through his colon and intestines. She cut him completely open and starting pulling organs out with her teeth. The entire time Jayden screamed in pain and delight. Then he died.

Twilight chopped Jayden’s body into pieces and put it in a bag and took it out into the forest to bury with all the other human males she had fucked to death. To everyone in the world where Jayden was laying in bed, it appeared that he had just spontaneously combusted.

Rarity was sewing or some shit when David Tennant came into the Carousel Boutique. “Rarity! I need a frilly yellow dress. No time for questions!”

Rarity looked at David. “Don’t worry, I have a dress already. Come back into this dark room.”

“Alright!” David Tennant agreed and followed her in. It was dark so he felt around for a light switch. He found one and flipped it. He was surprised to see Rarity standing across the room in an SnM getup, with a whip floating next to her by her magic. “Come now darling.” She smiled. He looked down and remembered that he had forgotten to put clothes on when he left the TARDIS and was currently naked. So he shrugged and turned the lights back out.

Sweetie Belle was at the Boutique with the other Cutie Mark Crusaders when they heard David Tennant screaming. “Oh no!” Sweetie yelled. “Some Scottish guy is in trouble!”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SCOTTISH PEOPLE SAVERS!” They all yelled. They went into the dark room and turned on the lights. What they saw perplexed them.

David was hanging from the ceiling, his feet tied to a ceiling fan which was moving. Rarity’s torso was tied to the front of his face, with her head at his neck. There was a whip floating whipping at them, and a cattle prod prodding them both randomly. Sweetie Belle didn’t know a lot about bondage, but she was 80% sure they were doing it wrong.

Twilight dragged the bag into the small meadow she had buried Samuel L. Jackson and Scott Pilgrim. She gasped in shocks when she saw Trixie, that show-boaty bitch, lying under her cape with a human male. This infuriated her. She got very pissed off when other ponies had sexual relations with human men, that was HER thing. She pulled a knife out of the bag Jayden was in. She had brought the knife in case she decided to cut Jayden more.

She snuck up slowly behind Trixie, who seemed to be asleep in the human’s arms. She levitated the knife high above her. However, when she was about to bring it down, the human pulled off the cape, revealing that he was in fact Private Eye and serial killer Scott Shelby. “You disgusting pile of shit” he said, pointing the gun at Twilight. “What the fuck is in the bag?”

“Oh, just um... My feces?”

“You’re a fucking liar.” He said, and shot Twilight in each of her legs, making it impossible for her to escape. He also shot off her horn so she couldn’t magic. He looked inside of the bag. “This is that FUCKING ASSHOLE Norman Jayden isn’t it?” He turned back to her. “You’re the Origami Killer aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She cried.

Shelby charged her and picked her up by the neck. “You’re the Origami Killer!” He repeated.

“NO! I’m not a killer, not a killer!” She squeeled in pathetic misery.

“You’re a fucking liar!” He said. He then shoved her into the bag. Trixie woke up.

“Scott, what are you doing?”

“Getting ready to drown to the Origami Killer.”

“Oh okay.” Trixie slept more. Shelby stuffed Twilight into the bag with Jayden’s remains and drug her off through the woods.

Back at Carousel Boutique, David Tennant was now wearing a dress like he wanted. He left happily. He got in his TARDIS and left. However, inside his TARDIS he found Matt Smith. “What the fuck.” He fucked.

“Oh hello.” Further examination revealed that Matt Smith was in the process of having intercourse with Fluttershy.

“Why are you having intercourse with Fluttershy in my TARDIS?”

“I crashed my own in the lake and decided to use yours. Can’t have sex outside the TARDIS, I risk destroying time and space.”

“Oh that’s right. Wait, that pony is crying and yelling help me.”

“Help meeee!” The bitch pony yelled weakly, as though there was a huge dick in her mouth. Because there was.

“Oh, yeah. I decided to rape her. See, every girl that ever lived wants me, it’s just rape is funner. Christopher Eccleston taught me how to do it.”

“Eccleston’s here too?”

“Yeah, he’s over there raping Princess Celestia” Matt pointed to Eccleston, who was in the corner raping Princess Celestia. “I could have raped Princess Celestia too, but she wanted me too badly. This yellow bitch is the only one who didn’t want to immediately suck my cock, so I raped her.”

“My past and future selves are fucked up.” David Tennant noted. He then exitted the TARDIS and raped Spike. He took Spike back into the TARDIS and began to rape him. And then, by some twist of nature, Fluttershy, Celestia, and Spike started having a threesome while the Doctors watched.

And then they all fucked.

Scott Shelby arrived at a storm drain well thing with Twilight and Jayden in the bag. Rainbow Dash was there.

“Dash, if you make it rain right now, I will hook you up with David Tennant.”

“Okay!” Dash said. She then flew into the air and EJACULATED CLOUDS. Which then caused rain.

“I lied. I don’t even know David Tennant.” Rainbow Dash got pissed. Scott pulled out his gun and shot Dash in both wings, causing her to fall into the storm drain well thing. Shelby jumped in and used Twilight’s knife to cut all the tendons and ligaments in Dash’s legs. He removed his pants and decided to bang out a cheap one with the mutilated pegasus, becuase mutilation happened to be his fetish.

He climbed out of the water and grabbed the bag. He dumped Jayden’s remains and Twilight into the well thing and watched as it filled up slowly. Twilight begged him to stop, so he opened the drain and used Twilight’s own knife to cut out her vocal chords so she couldn’t speak. He then closed it again and masturbated to Twilight and Dash dying slowly and horribly.

Shelby looked in the bag and realized that Jayden’s glasses were still in it. He put them on and was suddenly in shitty hotel room. Jayden was there, alive. “What the fuck are you doing here!?” He exclaimed. Shelby freaked the fuck out, and shot Jayden in the head. “Mmm whatcha saaaay” started playing, because Jayden had programmed ARI to play that everytime he shot someone. Shelby took the ARI off and threw it into the well. Twilight put them on in an attempt to escape, so Shelby removed her eyes with the knife as punishment.

Shelby removed Twilight’s body from the well when she finally died, and stuffed her into the bag. He left Rainbow Dash though, no longer caring about her. He drug her body in the bag to Canterlot to ask Celestia to bring her back to life but Celestia wasn’t at Canterlot because she was in David Tennant’s TARDIS being raped by Christopher Eccleston. So he had Luna do it instead. Luna demanded some sort of payment. So Shelby took off his clothes and Luna had him wear a cosplay costume of Bill Nye the Science Guy.

“Teach me the scientific value of sexual reproduction Mr. Nye.” She demanded.

“Well, you see, when two people have intercourse, there is a chance that they create an offspring, which...” Shelby Nye was not able to finish talking because Luna had shoved her strap-on down his throat and grabbed his penis with her magic and ripped it off.

After they were done, she put it back on with magic and revived Twilight. “Thank you for your help” Shelby said then shot Luna 7 times, once in the pancreas, twice in the head, once in her strap-on and twice in her left wing. She died.

Shelby took Twilight back to the rain well. She was alive but unconscious. “Hi Mr. Scott” Rainbow Dash said.

“What the FUCK, you’re dead!”

“Yeah, I am, but that man in that blue box came and ejaculated life into me.”

A FEW MINUTES BEFORE

David Tennant kicked the other Doctor’s and their rape victims out of his TARDIS and went with it to the water well thing. There he saw Rainbow Dash dead. So he pulled her out and did CPR but it didn’t work so he had no choice but to fuck her so hard that his magical Time Lord semen would revive her. It worked. He then left.

“Yes, so I’m alive.” Rainbow Dash bragged, then Shelby shot her wings back off and pushed her into the bag with Twilight.

“Twilight, if you do not have violent kinky sex with Rainbow Dash in the next ten seconds I will kill you both.

“Oh no!” Twilight said, and she grabbed the knife that was in the bag and proceeded to cut out Rainbow Dash’s ovaries. Rainbow yelled and screamed similar to that one time that Pinkie made cupcakes out of her. She managed to live through that because David Tennant just happened to show up and ejaculate more life into her.

“How many times have you died and been raped back to life by David Tennant?” Twilight asked because she read Dash’s mind while removing her ovaries.

“Ten times.” Rainbow Dash said, almost in a bragging manor, as Twilight proceeded to shove her into hoof, knife and all, all the way up through Dash’s reproductive organs and into her heart chamber where she used the beat of Dash’s dying heart to write a song.

“I like killing and raping I like killing and raping!” She sang in tempo to her dying heartbeat and stopped when she died. Shelby then released Twilight from the bag but Twilight lunged at him with the knife. She pushed Shelby into the drain with him and pulled it shut behind her.

“Oh cock now we’re both gonna die.” Twilight bitched.

“Well” Shelby said “We might as well make the best the situation.” And they both somehow managed to mutually rape eachother.

Pinkie Pie was happily eating a cake at Sugar Cube Corner while burning the flesh off of Christopher Eccleston who she’d caught raping Princess Celestia. This angered her because she was the only one allowed to rape Princess Celestia. Also she was doing all this while anally raping Princess Celestia with a strap-on made out of the severed penis of Christopher Eccleston. She had also raped him with it but had now moved on to burning off his skin with his own sonic screwdriver which she had melted into molting metal.

Pinkie Pie took the body of Eccleston out to the rain well where she kept all her other dead bodies. However, she was surprised to find Twilight Sparkle with her head halfway down the pants of a male human.

“Twilight you silly filly why are you giving that man a blowjob?” She then realized that they couldn’t hear her because they were drowning. She opened the grate and let them out. When they got out Twilight thanked Pinkie and Pinkie said “Now give ME a blowjob as payment.”

“Oh Pinkie, you’re so silly, you don’t even have a penis.”

“Yes I do.” She opened her legs to reveal that she had sewed Christopher Eccleston’s penis onto her body. Twilight admitted she was wrong and began to give Pinkie Pie hardcore oral sex. Twilight gave Pinkie such wonderful and orgasmic oral sex that Pinkie broke in tears at the magnificence of the occasion. Scott became jealous.

“Twilight you unbalanced psychopathic asshole the blowjob you gave me wasn’t that good.” He pulled out his gun and shot Twilight Sparkle.

“Scott! Quick! I’ve come down with a sudden case of bullet in my chest. I need my pills! There in the bag.”

“Fuck youuu!” Scott yells and shoots her again.

“STOP!” Yells Pinkie Pie. Pinkie reaches into another dimmension and pulls out an AK-47 and shoots Scott with it 50 times in the penis. Scott lets out a scream of such pure pain and misery that Pinkie bursts into tears at the beautiful sorrow of the situation. She then looked down at Twilight who was squirming in misery as she slowly was dying. “DOCTOR!” Pinkie yelled. Then she ejaculated David Tennant.”Doctor, fix my friend!”

“Okay.” David Tennant said and he had soft vaginal sex with the dying Twilight. Twilight died.

“What? Doctor, why didn’t your semen revive her?”

“What? I’m not The Doctor. I’m David Tennant, the actor.” Then Pinkie Pie ejaculated the TARDIS and the real Tenth Doctor came out. He was holding a machete covered in blood and semen.

“Sorry I was just over in Africa raping people with this machete.” He said. “Hey, who the bloody cock are you?” He asked David Tennant. David Tennant pulled out a rocket propelled grenade launcher and shot it at the Tenth Doctor, but the Tenth Doctor caught the projectile in his mouth and gave it oral sex. David Tennant’s mind was so blown that he fell unconscious into the rain well, and Pinkie closed it, causing him to drown and die.

“Doctor, can you ejaculate into my friend’s vagina.” Pinkie Pie asked gleefully.

“Okay” The Doctor said “But I see other dead people I’ll save them too.” The Tenth Doctor laid down on his back and masturbated into the sky. His sperm went into a cloud and fused with the cloud and rained sperm over everyone. Scott Shelby and Twilight came back to life, and Norman Jayden regenerated. He then grabbed the most deadly weapon around, which happened to be Christopher Eccleston’s penis, ripped it off of Pinkie Pie, and pointed it at Scott Shelby.

“Whoah there.” Shelby whoah’d. “Calm the fuck down.”

Norman sighed and dropped the cock. “I’m sorry, it’s just been such a stressful relationship.”

“It’s okay. How about you and Twilight have delightful make-up sex and I’ll watch with Pinkie Pie and we may write about it.”

“Okay” Norman Jayden began to have WONDERFUL make-up sex while on Triptocaine.

Jayden awoke on his bed as the ARI fell off. He was sad now, because he was right in the middle of hot Triptocaine intercourse with Twilight Sparkle. He realized he had to go to work... But then he remembered that he doesn’t have a job, so he couldn’t go to work.

Jayden took a shower and it was sexy because he’s hot. Then he went into his bed and Madison was there. “Why are you here?” He asked. “You’re banging Ethan not me.”

“Oh sorry I got confused because I’m an insomniac.” Madison said. Jayden put on the ARI and transcended back into Ponyville. Next to him was no longer Madison but was now Twilight Sparkle.

“Welcome back Jayden.” She smiled.

“Weren’t we in the middle of hot make up sex?”

“Yes but then Nyx came in and was confused. So I let her join us. That’s her sucking your penis.”

“What!? She’s a child, that’s gross!”

“Yes but she’s a goddess so it’s okay.”

“Oh alright.”

Scott Shelby and Pinkie went their separate ways, and Scott allowed Pinkie Pie to keep Rainbow Dash as a token of his appreciation. Scott returned to Trixie in the meadow, but she now seemed pissed.

“I swore I would kill the man who killed him uncle.” She pulled Scott’s gun from his coat and shot him with it. In the chest. “You monster.” Scott fell to the ground dead, as Trixie walked off into the woods.

“Trixie, what are you...” David Tennant saw her as he crawled out of the well thing, but she shot him in the face before he could do anything.

Pinkie Pie had strung Rainbow Dash up by her front hooves and was gathering verious tools for her fun night. She had retrieved Christopher Eccleston’s penis, she had a nail gun, a meat cleaver, a hack saw, some lye, and a large bucket of water.

Pinkie grabbed the nail gun and started towards Rainbow Dash. However, right then the door burst open. Trixie jumped through and shot Pinkie six times in the chest and twice in the head, obviously not having to reload because she had Scott’s magic guns.

The sounds of the gun shots woke the unconscious Rainbow Dash, who squirmed in shock at the dead Pinkie and the gun wielding Trixie. “Trixie, what are-” Rainbow Dash started to ask, but Trixie silenced her with a single bullet to the head.

. “Okay Sweetie, now that Applebloom is tied to the chair, you start whipping her.” Rarity explained.

“Like this?” Sweetie lifted the whip with her magic, and was about to whip Applebloom for her bondage cutie mark, when Trixie jumped through the window and shot off her horn, causing the whip to fall. Trixie turned her aim to Applebloom, delivering one swift bullet to the chest. Rarity pushed Sweetie Belle behind her and grabbed the whip with her magic. Rarity swings the whip at Trixie, but Trixie fires at Rarity at the same time. The bullet reaches Rarity’s forehead right as the whip knocks the gun out of Trixies magic.

“Sister! Sister!” Sweetie cried over Rarity, who was stone dead instantly. Trixie sighed as Sweetie grabbed the whip in her mouth and ran at her. Trixie effortlessly picked the gun back up and shot a finishing blow to Sweetie Belle’s head. She turned to leave, but turned around and delivered one last bullet to Applebloom’s head, finishing her off.

“Oh Jayden, this Triptocaine makes this sexual intercourse so much more arousing.” Twilight pointed out. There was a knock at the door, so she got up to answer it. She opened to door and saw Trixie pointing a gun at her. “NO!” She shouted, but it was too late. Trixie delivered a near fatal shot to Twilight’s chest. She fell to the side and Trixie stepped past her. She looked in the bed and Norman was no longer there.

“Alright Norman, I know you’re there.” She shot up the bed, then aimed her gun at the closet. “You in there?”

The closet door opened to reveal Norman inside with a gun of his own. “Yes.” He started shooting at Trixie, who took cover behind the bed, shooting back at Norman. She then jumped on the bed, throwing an alarm clock at Jayden with her magic. The clock succesfully hit his hand, knocking the gun out. Norman fell to the ground and Trixie hovered over him, the gun to his face. She then stopped and turned around, shooting Twilight in the leg, who had crawled up behind her with a knife. She then looked Twilight coldly in the eyes, shot her between the eyes, and turned around and finished Jayden with a well-placed shot to the heart.

Trixie left the library where she had murdered Norman and Twilight. She stepped outside and saw Joseph Stalin raping Princess Luna in the streets, which was necrofillia because Luna was dead. She proceeded to shoot off Joseph’s penis and watch him bleed to death. “Scootaloo where are you?” Trixie shouted. Scootaloo flew down from a cloud where she was making out with Spitfire. Trixie shot Scootaloo eleven times as she descended, and by the time she hit the floor she was incredibly dead.

Spitfire attempted to flee but Trixie shot her in the wings, causing her to crash into a building headfirst and break her neck. Soarin came flying down for vengeance but Trixie jumped out of the way and shot him in the stomach as he flew by.

Trixie walked down the streets of Ponyville, shooting aimlessly through any window she passed. She looked through a specific window in a house and saw Lyra and Bon-bon huddled together in fear. Pointlessly, cold-heartedly, and without mercy, she shot each of them once without taking time to aim. She hit Lyra in the left front leg, and Bon-Bon right in the forehead.

Trixie continued to mob down the streets of Ponyville. She saw the entire Apple family turn a curb and run at her. Applejack lead the charge, Big Mac close behind, and Granny Smith trodding slowly behind them. Trixie shot out Big Mac’s legs. causing him to topple over. Applejack lunged at Trixie, and managed to tackle her, but not before Trixie shot her jaw off.

Applejack’s tackling knocked the gun out of Trixie’s magic. Applejack went to bite her, but couldn’t because her jaw was gone. She jumped off her and turned around to buck Trixie down, but Trixie grabbed the gun and shot a bullet into the base of Applejack’s hoof, which went half way up her leg. Applejack’s legs still met Trixie, and they both fell to the ground in pain. Without getting up, Trixie magicked the gun, pressed it against AJ’s skull, and blew her brains out.

Big Mac stumbled to get back on his wounded legs, and limped towards Trixie. Trixie held the gun out, pointed at him as he continued forward. Finally, he arrived a few inches in front of the gun. Trixie pulled the trigger, and Big Mac’s skull was soon in the same state as AJ’s.

Trixie aimed the gun and remorselessly ended Granny Smith’s life with a single bullet to the chest. Trixie then continued down the streets of Ponyville.

Finally, she arrived at the TARDIS. She knocked four times on the door and the Tenth Doctor answered, who she immediately greeted with four shots to the head. Matt Smith ceased raping Fluttershy for a few moments to see Trixie murder the Tenth Doctor. He reaches for his machete but is unable because Trixie shoots his hand off. Fluttershy takes advantage of this moment to try to escape, but after she runs past Trixie, Trixie turns and shoots her five times in the flank and once in the back.

“Why are you doing this?” Matt Smith asked.

“BECAUSE PRINCESS CELESTIA HIRED SHELBY TO KILL MY UNCLE!” She said, greeting the Eleventh Doctor with four bullets to the face, stopping him from being able to regenerate, just like the Tenth Doctor.

Trixie flew the TARDIS to the Canterlot castle courtyard. When she stepped out, there was a Pegasus guard on each side of her. She drew the Doctor’s machete and her gun. Both of the Pegasi lunged at her. She shot one down with three shots, and stabbed the machete into the other as she jumped out of the way. They crashed into each other and landed on the ground. Trixie pulled the machete out of the pegasus and headed towards the entrance to the castle.

In the corner of her eyes, she saw a unicorn guard with a sniper rifle in an upper window. She turned around quickly and expertly shot the unicorn through the window. While she was turned around, the door to the castle burst open and two more pegasi charged her, knocking her to the ground.

The two large guards loomed over her, ready to go in for the kill. However, she picked up the gun with her magic from behind them and shot the one to her left in the back of the head, then jumped to the right. She grabbed the machete an sliced it across the throat of the remaining. Trixie stepped through the now opened doors.

She made her way up the stairs, shooting down any guard that got in her way. At the top, there stood a grey unicorn with a gun of his own. He raised it to shoot, but the Great and Powerful Trixie was too fast for him. She shot the gun out of his hand then stabbed the machete through the bottom of his jaw, up through his skull. Behind him was another pegasus guard, who was wise and tried to run, but she gunned him down before he had a chance to.

Finally, Trixie arrived at last in Princess Celestia’s chamber. “Oh, you made it past the guards I see.” Celestia smiled. “NOW you DIE!” She pulled two miniguns out from behind her and opened fire. Trixie ran across the room, a cascade of bullets anihilating everything she passed by. She started shooting with her own handgun, with no success.

Two unicorn guards with shotguns came from the second level of Celestia’s chamber. Trixie though quickly and hurled the machete at one of them, lobbing off their horn. As the shotgun fell, she magicked the shotgun and blew the other one away. She ran back down stairs and ran straight at Celestia, both shotguns in front of her. It took Celestia’s weapons a short time to warm up, and the only managed to get a few bullets out before Trixie shot both miniguns out of her magic.

“Fuck you.” Trixie said as she brought the shotguns together and fires both of them, making a mess out of Celestia’s brains all over the walls and floor.

Trixie left the castle feeling pretty accomplished. The ponies on the streets fled in terror, and Trixie picked them off if they got in her way. Then, she got an idea. She returned to the TARDIS and grabbed David Tennant’s RPG launcher. She then flew the TARDIS over Canterlot, firing RPGs at random into the city. She then landed the TARDIS nearby and watched Canterlot burn to the ground.

“You made one fatal mistake, Trixie.” She heard a voice from behind. “You didn’t make sure I was dead.” She turns around to see Scott Shelby standing with Pinkie Pie’s AK-47. Without remorse, he opens fire, riddling Trixie’s body with bullets. They both fall to the ground, as Shelby’s mostly-fatal bullet wound finally claims his life.

Suddenly rain began to fall over Ponyville. The rain had traces of the Tenth Doctor’s semen, which fell onto the face of all the ponies of Ponyville. It evaporated into the air and was breathed by all the ponies who were indoors. So now, though Canterlot lies in ruin, the ponies of Ponyville continue peaceful lives. Everypony gathered guns and swords and sharp sticks, all prepared to fight Trixie upon her return.

The preparations for the fight were in vain, because Trixie took the TARDIS and fled to a far away land. Eventually, the large amounts of Time Lord Semen revived a fair amount of the population, including the residents of Canterlot.

“I’m sorry Twilight, but I must leave.” Jayden sadded all over the place. “I can’t stay here, bad things tend to happen when I’m here... Like everyone getting brutally murdered.”

“But Jayden, murder isn’t that bad!” Twilight objected. “You get used to it after a while.”

“No Twilight, I can’t.” He took of the ARI, severing his connection to the Ponyverse. Twilight fell to her knees and cried.

“What’s wrong?” Spike asked, also in a state of sadness due to almost constant rape.

“Jayden is gone, so I no longer have anyone to have horrifically violent kinky intercourse with.”

“Did somepony say violent kinky intercourse?” Matt Smith came threw the door holding a chainsaw, a gun, a bottle of Grey Poupon, and an issue of Time magazine.

Spike left the library because the sex began. He wasn’t sure where to go so he went to Fluttershy’s.

“Hello Spike, how are you?” Fluttershy happied.

“I’m unhappy because Twilight is always kinky sexing everywhere.”

“Oh I’m sorry Spike that sounds like a serious problem. Here, you can sleep in this bed.”

“Thank you Flutterbitch.” Spike said, not meaning to insult Fluttershy, but when everypony around you is constantly hating on her, it’s hard not to.

“WHA HA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHAAAAHAHAHHA AHAAHAhAAAAH” Fluttershy laughed, as she trapped Spike in a cage. “Now you will be fed to Angel!”

“NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... Wait, Angel? Where is Angel?”

“DEAD! LIKE YOU!”

“Wha... What!?”

“That’s right, you’re dead, this hell.”

“Hell is... Fluttershy’s cottage!? My ultimate damnation is too spend attornity with Fluttershy?”

“Yes.”

“Yay.” And there was some amount of sexy time probably, but no one is quite sure because everypony was busy having kinky sex with the Doctor or tripping on acid. What a wonderful world.

Twilight enjoyed her time with Matt, but he was unable to fill the hole in her heart and spine that Jayden had made. She went to Canterlot University and found Science Pony Man. Science Pony Man was a Pony who did science to make cool inventions and was also a super hero or something. Science Pony Man made Twilight an ARI and she tried to go into Jayden’s world.

“LOL SESAME STREET” The Sesame Street theme song played since Twilight was at Sesame Street now.

“Oh cock fuckles this is not where I wanted to go.”

“Hey fuck you.” Said Oscar the Asshole.

“Bitch please.” And Twilight shot Oscar somehow despite not having any sort of weapon. She then untook the ARI from her face and returnified to Ponyville. However, she didn’t actually go to Ponyville, and was in the chamber of the really sad Luna.

“I’m so cocking sad.” Sad Luna said saddly (lol it’s an alliteration kinda.)

“Why the hell are you so sad?”

“Because everypony hates me and nopony loves me.”

“Yes, it’s true no one loves you, probably because you’re creepy and emo. Also you’re a bitch and tried to destroy the world or something.”

“But how do I be less emo and creepy and a bitch?”

“Well, for emo and creepy you could talk to Rarity, but that might make the bitch thing worse. So after that you’ll have to talk to the nicest pony in Equestria.”

“Who is that?”

“Al Gore.”

“Okay.” And Luna killed Twilight in some generic fashion and flew to find Al Gore. Al Gore lived in Fillydelphia.

“Hello Al Gore I am Princess Luna.”

“I can see that lol.” He said. Everypony within a fourteen mile radius laughed.

“He’s so funny!” Said some bitch pony who was tripping on Acid and LSD and Triptocaine.

“What can I do you for? lol sex.” Everypony laughed again.

“I need you to make me nice I was supposed to go to Rarity first but I decided fuck that. Make me nice and beautiful.”

“Okay, the key to being nice is to not be a bitch.”

“Oh okay, thank you, bye!” And Luna killed Al Gore and everyone that was walking in a generic manner that was slightly different for each pony.

And then this plot arc was unexpectedly dropped and Luna fell into the resulting plothole.

Back in Earthland, Norman Jayden was back home in the hotel that wasn’t his home :(. “This isn’t my home and I am sad. I miss Twilight Spackle. I miss Fluttercock. I miss Arnold Swartzenfucker. Wait no, that guy is Earth.” He laughed out loud at his own joke.

The sky was full of rain as Norman Jayden traveled down the streets of Boston where he was. He saw the people passing by with their hats and sometimes clothes. One or two said “hi” or fuck you.” He wrote a poem.

Once I was happy in Pony type place

Where everypony was cool and let me rape their face

Now I am sad in Earthy American land

Where all the sex I get is from my hand

I miss the one named Twilight Sparkle

I liked to sex her.

It was a shitty poem.

Back in Pony Magic Wonder land, Twilight Sparkle (who was revived by Tom Baker’s sperms after he escaped from Luna’s couch where he had gotten stuck trying to fish out a Pony Quarter. Knowing this story, there was undoubtedly some sort of sex involved) returned to Science Pony Man, who she found in Fillydelphia because he was beating all the shits out of a pony who tried to mug another pony. He then began to beat the same shits out of the cockslapper who was getting mugged.

“Science Pony Man, I need some of your science.”

“Okay but hold on.” He removed the mugger’s spinal chord and used it as a whip to violently beat the victim. “HAHAHAHAH you suck.” He laughed then stopped. “Yes, Ms. Sparkled.”

“It’s Sparkle. I need something that will kill everything everywhere.”

“OH! I happen to have something like that. Yes, but I left it in my super secret base thing at the top of mount Ponyshit. Also it’s a volcano. To get there, scale the mountain, jump into the volcano, sail down the lava, through various obstacles such as giant scissors and Asian mafia guys shooting guns at you. Then just press the big red button and the big purple button. Then everything everywhere will die.”

“Oh okay thank you.”

“Okay but to make it harder I somehow just hired seven well trained ninja ponies to get there before you.”

“You asswaggle!” She yelled and killed Science Pony Man in the same fashion that Luna had killed her. She then fled, and the streets of Fillydelphia filled with crime without a hero to stop them.

Twilight was never seen again.

Tom Baker was bored now. He had just finished eating all of Luna’s furniture and urinating over all her other possessions. He then got in his TARDIS, which he disguised as Luna’s couch. “Shit!” he yelled when he realized he had eaten his TARDIS. Luckily he was able to operate the TARDIS with his appendix and went to Earthplace to find Norman.

Norman walked threw the rain filled sky and orange grey colored day and night. From the blue darkness filled with light emerged a beautiful thing of fright and terror. It was Tom Baker. “Norman, you have to come back to Ponyville.”

Norman’s head turned side to side as if to say “No fuck you” and he looked up to the blue burning rain sky. “I can never go back.” He spoke over the sound of the thumpity rain falling. “Too many people and ponies have died.”

“But they’re dying anyway! You need to save them!”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“...” Tom Baker ate Norman. Norman managed to crawl into the TARDIS which was festering in Tom Baker’s bowls. He then left back to Ponyworldplaceland, leaving Tom Baker in Gaycockhumanland.