Pupa Noire
The young, impressionable changeling daughter of Queen Chrysalis was hard at work doing the one thing she did best on a Saturday…that thing being “absolutely nothing”. Specifically, sitting with her tiny bottom on a giant purple pillow as she drank from a red plastic bottle filled with special formula.
Why this red plastic bottle and not the fancy, well-decorated crystalline one that her mother’s servants had crafted? Simple. A red “Solo” brand was the best receptacle for babies, barbeques, fairs and festivals and YOU sir, do not have a pair of testicles if you like drinking from glass.
“Now my red little bottle’s quite decomposable, and like the servants are real disposable, my mom’ll have their houses made foreclosable if they don’t kiss her ass!”
Pupa had to stop amusing herself by listening to the “adult” songs the servants had when they got into the stocks of Pure Love in the pantry…which happened ANY time her mother was out of the illustrious estate she called home. When Chrysalis WAS home, however, Pupa could amuse herself by watching tiny little stars dance above her head inside of her very considerable imagination. Luckily she couldn’t express anything inside her head beyond “Bah-dah-bah-bah” and other incomprehensible baby-talk. Which meant, luckily, her mom would never hear what the servants liked to sing about her-
And speaking OF Chrysalis, her mother’s holey form made its way past her room, storming angrily down the hall and muttering just as incomprehensibly, albeit this was from sheer FRUSTRATION and not a lack of a fully-developed larynx.
“Where is-of all the things, I just-this is the LAST, I’m going to-GET IN HERE!”
Pupa stopped drinking from her red plastic bottle and stuck her head out of her room, blinking her pale yellow eyes a bit as her mother glared out at the assembled servants, stomping one of her holed hoofs down on the dark blue floor. “Which one of you remarkably foolish morons misplaced my favorite CROWN?! Come forward and tell me where it is right now and I promise you will only be whipped to a pulp.”
Every single servant in the room immediately seemed to shrink in size, flinching visibly as they all clumped together like gazelle seeking safety in numbers from a hungry lioness; which might not have been too far-out a metaphor considering what they’d heard about servants who ticked off the queen a bit TOO much.
Pupa’s eyes narrowed a bit as she thoughtfully rubbed her chin, a soft jazz track playing in the back of her mind, low and funky as she let out a “Hmmmm”. It looked like a tough case to crack, but…I hate seein’ my mother so angry with the servants. She looked like trouble…but dames always are.
In that instant the world around her went dark and grey as a pretend overcoat and detective’s cap covered her head, and she made her way to a nearby pillar, holding a camera up in a hoof and taking a photograph as her mother, still muttering angrily, left the room. One person, however, had lingered behind whilst the other servants had left…specifically, Remy the Rat. She KNEW she smelled something.
Remy let out a visibly loud “squeak”, racing off down the hall in an attempt to escape, no doubt aiming to hide in one of the many holes littered about the palace as part of its architecture. “I’ve gotcha dead to rights, you rat!” Pupa thought to herself as Remy dived under a table, Pupa attempting to dive under as well, only to get caught underneath it. She glowered at him as he scampered off, but two could play the “use the palace grounds against your enemy” game. She knew where the tunnelways within the immense Changeling palace were, every single one from top to bottom. Racing across the hallway, she slid underneath a nearby suit of armor and into a hole, popping out into Remy’s path a few minutes later, pinning him to the floor, eyes narrowed.
“I’ve gotcha now, Remy-San. Talk. Where’s momma’s crown?”
“I don’t know what you might be talking about. I’m an honest cook now!” Remy shook his head back and forth, tail whipping in the air as Pupa looked over his chin…
Wait a minute. LIPSTICK. And she knew that lipstick shade anywhere.
“How’s Quiche-Chan doing?”
“Don’t you go near her!” Remy muttered angrily, struggling in her grip as she waved a dismissive hoof in the air.
“Relax, baka. Me and Quiche are…dinosaur bones. She is nothing to me now. That night at band camp was…many moons ago.”
“Good, because I’d be SO jealous if you were.”
“Just tell me ‘bout the crown.”
“I don’t know nothin’! I didn’t do anything, honestly!” Remy squeaked out as Pupa pushed him down into the floor, her muzzle up against his.
“TALK, rat. Or I’ll turn your tail into a two-course spaghetti meal with lots of red sauce, capiche?”
“Okay, okay, Pupa-Sama! L-look, the last place yer mom was with that crown, it-it was in the kitchen, right? Ch-check the pantry! It’s so huge, it’s easy to lose stuff in there!” Remy blubbered out as Pupa lifted her hoof off of him.
…
…
…
… “Of course I didn’t trust him. I knew I was walkin’ riiight into a trap. But I didn’t care.” Pupa thought to herself as she slowly strode to the enormous steely set of doors that led right into the palace pantry, taking a deep breath as she pushed against them. “I had to open those doors no matter WHAT. I had no other leads.”
She let out a loud groan as her frail limbs struggled to get the door open, finally flopping down onto the pantry floor as the long expanse of pantry hallway stretched out before her, a single, solitary light casting a faint glow on the far end as she made her way towards the shelves. She could faintly see something glittering in the far back of the room…could that be the crown?
She scrambled up the shelves, grunting a bit as she lifted herself onto the topmost level…
No. A crystal bottle of wine. The last thing she could see before the light suddenly turned off, and the door slammed shut with a loud BA-BANG. She’d fallen right into a trap!
Letting out a yell, she raced towards where the door had been just a few moments ago, banging uselessly on it. “Let me out, let me out!”
“Let me IN, let me IN!”
“Huh?!” Pupa stood away from the door, a familiar smiley-faced cat doll on the other end with a fake police chief’s cap over its head. First Officer Feline, however, was only smiling on the outside. His arms were folded across his chest.
“What’re you doin’ here? We’ve got this under control, kid.” It insisted as Pupa was “escorted” through the hallways and back to her room, First Officer Feline giving her a look. “Stay out of trouble and don’t go LOOKING for it.” He insisted. “Or we’ll be throwing you in bars instead of throwing you a party. Which reminds me. Are we still on for 8’o’clock?”
“Oh yes Feline-Sama, with Ms. Tamagotchi and Taka-San. Absolutely.” Pupa said, vigorously nodding her head as First Officer Feline walked off…or rather, Pupa deposited him inside of a fake dollhouse as she rubbed her hooves together, making her way through the hallways and towards the kitchen, specifically, towards the ladder at the far end of the room. Rung by rung she climbed up, making her way to just the lady that could lead Pupa to the perp…
Ms. Quiche, the cormorant chicken. One of many royal pets that also provided additional nourishment for the Changeling royalty’s estate. And it looked like she was going out tonight, she had lipstick smeared all over her mouth. Unfortunately it was that cheesy seafoam color. Yecch.
“Oh, Quiche, Quiche, Quiche. You like your outfits like I like my omelets. Extra CHEESY.” Pupa sighed, shaking her head back and forth as she climbed up into the dusty attic, sighing as she folded her arms before her chest, standing shakily up and slowly circling around the cormorant chicken. “Where’s is it? Mom’s been looking for it all hours.”
“What makes you think I know anything?”
“I saw your lipstick on the rat’s fur, Quiche.” Pupa told the comorant chicken, shaking her head back and forth. “Don’t get so cute.”
“Sounds like somebody’s JEALOUS.” Quiche giggled, holding a wing over her mouth as Pupa shook her head again.
“Look, tell me where Remy took the queen’s precious item.”
“HA!” Quiche laughed. “If Remy was MAN enough to steal something, I wouldn’t have spent my night with Akuma.”
“AKUMA?!” Pupa gasped, holding her cheeks with her hooves, eyes widening before she chuckled a bit. “So Akuma is man enough to steal a sock.”
“Wh-what? No! No, y-you’re puttin’ words in my mouth, Pupa. Akuma doesn’t know anything about Chrysalis’s crown.”
“Funny. Because I never said it was a crown.” Pupa chuckled as she slowly walked back to the front of the room. “And don’t go a-tellin’ me that you heard it on the NEWS. Feline-Sama has the case locked up tight.”
“A-alright!” The comorant chicken whimpered as she shuddered a bit. “Akuma did it, he took the crown! But can’t you just forget about it.”
“Forgetting things isn’t in my job description, babe.” Pupa snorted as she walked off, waving a hoof in the air.
“Does that mean you remember…us?”
Pupa stopped cold in the doorway, one hoof out, about to head down the ladder and back to the kitchen before she turned her head around, chuckling a bit. “Oh, Quiche. Still the same spitfire.”
“Just don’t tell Remy.” Quiche insisted as Pupa made her way down the ladder. “You know how he gets when he’s JEALOUS.” She murmured softly, unaware of the pair of eyes watching from the darkness behind her…
…
…
…
… Akuma Matata. The dirty pig.
He likes to manhandle women.
Pupa approached the small crane game machine in the far end of her playroom, smacking her hoofs together before striking the crane game on its boar-like “face” insignia squarely between the eyes as she knocked it down onto a pile of dust bunnies nearby. “AH! Pu-pupa! Wh-what’re you doing here?” Akuma asked, his large-eyebrowed face filled with sheer terror as Pupa held him up to the hole-filled wall of her playroom, eyes narrowing tightly.
“You’d better tell me where the crown is, Akuma Matata!” The young changeling princess snapped angrily as she held up another hoof, smacking the machine around a bit as the tiny “Catz” and “Hoofie” dolls within it were tossed about. “I’m not in the mood for your games!” She hissed before grabbing hold of a small pile of grimy dust bunnies, smushing it in the boar-like face of the crane game.
“GAH! S-stop!”
“I talked to Quiche, BAKA. She sold you down the river in a second.”
“But-but it wasn’t me! It was that dirty RAT!”
Pupa lifted her dust and grime-covered hoof up, blinking in surprise as she looked from her hoof to Akuma Matata. “R-Remy? What? Why?”
“I dunno! I dunno! Ohhhh…Quiiiiche…Quiiiiiche…” It whimpered, Pupa shaking her head back and forth. It made no sense. Pupa sighed as she walked off, heading for her little bathroom.
“I’m washing my hands of you. But I’m coming right back. When I do, well…you sure better have a better explanation for what’s going on.” Pupa yelled behind her back as she pushed her way inside the bathroom, hopping up to the sink, washing her hooves as water freely flowed from the faucet and through the almost stigmata-esque holes in her hooves as she sighed.
“I don’t get it. Nothing about this makes sense. Why would Quiche finger that scumbag? I mean, yeah, he’s a brain fart born from a factory in Foxconn, where they beat people with sticks all the time and are always throwing women around all the time. Something doesn’t make sense…” She murmured as she made her way back inside the playroom…
With the crane machine on its back, the plug pulled clean out of the wall.
“It’s…oh no. He-he’s DEAD?! What’s going on?” Pupa gasped out as she heard a faint meow, turning around to see First Officer Feline-sama making his way towards her. “AH! It-it wasn’t me! I was set up!” She yelled out, barreling out of the playroom, sweat dripping from her brow, the long hallways seemingly stretching out further, further…why was the door so far away? Why wasn’t she getting anywhere closer to it-
She tripped on the rug, catapulting through the door, bouncing down the stairs one step at a time, gasping as she finally collapsed in a heap, bumped her head on the floor…
And remembered…
Nothing more.
…
…
…
… “Pupa…awaken, Pupa.”
Pupa blinked slightly in surprise, glancing around as she found herself in a very large garden, an octopus pouring her a nice cup of tea with a cheery grin as she sat on a large bean bag chair of red velvet. The brown-furred, brown-maned actor known as Doctor Hooves was sipping on a similarly pearly tea cup across the circular white table they had, which had been carved from what appeared to be a mushroom.
“Good morning, Pupa.”
“Doctor Hooves? What’re you doing here?”
“Why Pupa, I got here the way British people dispensing comfort and aid have travelled for hundreds of years.” Doctor Hooves said, holding something up in the air. “A magic flying umbrella. It is how I get to work every day.” He insisted as Pupa sipped her tea.
“What’s going on?”
“This is YOUR party, Pupa. But you’re missing something crucial. But the answer you’re looking for is right in front of you. Staring you right in the face with beautiful black eyes. Do you understand what I’m saying, Pupa?...Pupa?” Doctor Hooves inquired, tilting his head slightly to the side as everything began to be whited out, an abyss of blinding light filling her vision as she strained to see forward.
“Ooooogh…”
“Pupa? Pupa? Pupaaa?”
Pupa slowly rubbed her head as she struggled to get to her feet, Morphin staring down at her, the young changeling cousin blinking dumbly as he put a hoof to his mouth, some drool dribbling down his chin as she frowned a bit up at him, looking around at the spit around her.
“MORPHIN?” She grunted. “Didn’t your dad tell you not to do that anymore!?”
“Sorry, I keep forgettin’.” Morphin insisted. “And I don’t got a dad anymore.”
“Oh. Gee. Wow. What happened?” Pupa wanted to know as Morphin helped her up from the floor with his other hoof as she realized she’d fallen down into her mother’s private basement, where she kept her most delectable treats that DIDN’T have anything to do with emotions, such as cherry garcias, chocolate-covered fruit baskets, “ramune” soda drinks, and, one of Pupa’s biggest favorites, crystal candy hearts.
“A chimera had him for breakfast.”
“Really?”
“Nah. Mom did when she found he was sneaking cigars inside the house.”
“Not much better.” Pupa sighed, flinching as she hobbled slowly back onto her hooves. “Good thing the cold, hard floor broke my fall as I was running from First Officer Feline.” She added.
“Oh, I thought he was after Remy. After all, that rat was in here earlier.”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah.” Morphin said, gesturing with a hoof and waving it in the air as Pupa scratched her head. “He took a bunch of crystal candy hearts. An armful’s worth I think-”
“An ARMFUL’S worth of crystal candy-that’s it!” Pupa gasped. “That’s just enough to fill up my mom’s special crown, that’s why he stole it, to hold his stuff in it! Then he framed Akuma Matata and killed him!”
“You know, you lead a weird life.” Morphin admitted as Pupa began crawling up the stairs, heading back the way she’d come, determined to put an end to this once and for all. “Hey, Pupa, y’know, we should spend more time together. Could I come with you?”
“…Morphin. I’d sooner lock lips with a PORCUPINE than ever, EVER hang with you. You’re creepy. And you smell like egg.”
…
…
…
…Pupa had come back to the main hall of her mother’s majestic palace expecting an epic confrontation with one Remy the Rat. She was instead confronted with a “ketchup stain” of epic proportions and a poorly-scribbled chalk outline of a rat as the fuzz spoke amongst themselves, looking over an apparent suicide note.
“What happened?”
“WOAAAAH!” First Officer Feline snatched the note away from Pupa as she tried to look it over, shaking his head back and forth. “You’re not touching this! Don’t you know what’s on this thing, Pupa-Chan?”
“No, not really. That’s why I’d like to see it.”
“These are his last words on Earth. A joke. One we didn’t expect to read. But it’s one that’s so funny that if we read it out loud, you would die laughing. It involves a pig and a horse and a race-”
“BA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” Pupa began laughing hysterically, First Officer Feline quickly slapping her across the face as she rubbed it, blushing a bit. The joke was that the pig would win, or in other words, “ton-katsu da kara”, the “pork cutlet” would win…the funny part that “katsu” meant “to win”. You may think it’s silly, but this was Changeling culture. They had very specific ways of thinking and deep cultural differences in comparison to the people of Ponyville. For example! Recent reports indicate the Changeling’s economic crisis was showing no signs of improving. If anything, it was getting worse, why, just last week the Origami Bank had folded, and earlier today Sumo Consultation had gone belly up. Even Bonsai Retail Supply had plans to cut back some of its branches!
Meanwhile, our heroine, Pupa, had noticed something. The note. It smelled.
Of a particular brand of lipstick.
Had she had fingers, she would have snapped them. So instead Pupa let out a “EUREKA” and bounded off, racing for the “airport”…also known as her “playroom”, seeing that Quiche was about to step inside a plane. “Quiche! Hold it right there!”
“Ah-ah, Pupa. I earned all these crystal hearts.” She said, patting the pile of crystal hearts she had with a single wing, chuckling a bit. “The baka-no were at each other’s throats the whole time and I got to make off with all the goods. Serves them right for trying to frame each other.”
“What about the crown?”
“Oh, THAT. I don’t need it. Couldn’t really carry it, anyway. And it wouldn’t fit on my head.” She added. “I stuck it in our secret kissing place…at band camp.”
Pupa blushed. “…arigato…Quiche. Sayonara.”
“Sayonara, Pupa…” Quiche cooed as Pupa walked off, heading for her mother’s private music room, slowly opening up the door…
…BINGO.
…
…
…
… “Ohhh. Where IS it?!” Chrystalis muttered to herself, pacing back and forth in her bedroom as she shook her head. “I’ve had my servants check all through my room eighteen times, they’ve checked the ballroom, the attic, the pantry, there must be SOME PLACE that-”
“Gahhhh.”
Chrysalis wheeled around, eyes widening as Pupa stood in the doorway, crown tucked underneath her little arms as she shakingly made her way to her mom, then gently lifted it up. “Heeeaaah.”
“You…found it.” Chrysalis remarked, eyes wide in surprise. “How in-YOU had my crown?!”
Pupa immediately gaped. What? NO! Oh, but if only she was capable of forming cohesive sentences.
“You know what you get now, Pupa?” Chrysalis whispered quietly, faint, eerie Latin chanting seeming to echo through the air.
“Nah dah squh-squh?!” Pupa whimpered out, trembling as she dropped the crown to the ground.
“Yes. The Squirty-Squirts!” Chrysalis proclaimed, Pupa flinching as her mother opened up her bedroom closet, taking out a large spray bottle and spritzing her daughter squarely in the face over and over, the little changeling coughing and spluttering. PSSH-PSSH! PSSH-PSSH!
“Aaaah!” Why? Why did she even KEEP a spray bottle in her bedroom closet? She had no plants in the whole palace. What kind of sicko keeps a spray bottle around just to squirt her daughter with?
“Now you walk back to your room! MARCH, young lady!” Her mother roared out, pointing with a hoof down the hall. Pupa sighed sadly, water dripping all over the carpet as she slowly made her way out of her mother’s room…the hat and jacket of a detective coming back onto her as she gave a firm nod to First Officer Feline, the two walking back to Pupa’s playroom.
“Feline…I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
