A Fairly Odd Childhood

by Lunar Metal

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Braeburn, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Crossover
Length: 2404

He's Cosmo! She's Wanda! And they're! Some fairly odd unicorns

Watch and be amazed as two of the most powerful unicorns in history are born!!! One's a moron and the other's a bit naggy, but that's not the least of their problems as they're faced with a crazy Changling who wants to steal their power and trying to help a poor buck toothed young colt who nopony understands.

Published 2013-03-01 06:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-01 06:50:02 UTC

A Fairly Odd Birth

A Fairly Odd Theme

Youtube Video

“AHHHHH!” Yelled out Twilight Sparkle, lying on a hospital bed as two doctors and a nurse at Ponyville Hospital worked feverishly about her.

“Now, now Twily honey. Just do what Dr. Stables said and take nice, deep calming breaths now, ya hear?” Said her husband Braeburn, dressed up in a sterilized get-up like the medical professionals, holding one of her hoofs and patting it reassuringly.

Twilight however, used her Unicorn magic to lift him off the ground and put his muzzle dangerously close to hers, threateningly. “You try thinking reasonably when YOU’RE the one having a foal, and THEN you can tell me what to do in this situation you…you…COUNTRY BUMKIN!” She said, a demonic glow in her eyes and voice.

With tremendous force, Twilight nonchalantly tossed Braeburn out of the nearest window where the sounds of his screams grew fainter and fainter. About ten seconds later, he finally hit the ground. “Sweet Celestia what a tall buildin’!” He shouted back up from below before sticking his tongue out and falling unconscious.

Turning to the nurse, doctor stables said, “Nurse Redheart! I thought I told you to put on that magic dampening yoke on her! We’re wet-nursing the world’s most powerful Unicorn over here whose been known to go absolutely bonkers with her powers you dolt!”

“Dolt!” Yelled out the nurse, offended.

Twilight’s horn glowed and she let out a beam of energy that almost struck the good doctor, who managed to duck just in time, and watch as it continued through wall after wall of this floor of the hospital.

Blanching, doctor Stable looked towards the livid lavender mare on the bed and then to Nurse Redheart. She blanched as well.

“That—that was—what she said she was going to do to me if I—“

“AHHHH!” The birthing pains of Twilight cut her off.

Suddenly, all three medical ponies along with a great deal of the medical tools and equipment were carried off by the aura of Twilight’s magic and were sent spinning out of control like a Pegasus created tornado. Caught in complete and abject terror as they were hit, cut, jabbed, and stabbed repeatedly by the flying debris, each other, and the howling wings themselves, they looked on as more and more purple power gathered at the tip of Twilight’s horn.

Like a volcanic eruption, this power shot forth straight into the air, obscuring the town, the country, and the entire hemisphere in its brilliance. For years afterwards, ponies and other creatures everywhere would see things in a far more lavender hue than they naturally would.

After a few more seconds, this incredible display of magic died down, along with Twilight’s yelling. Now, panting with relief, Twilight looked up to find the roof completely vaporized and looked around to see the warzone she had made of the hospital room.

“Did…did I do all this?” She asked, confused.

Regaining their composure, the medical ponies stood back up, ignoring the needles biting into their flanks. Coughing into a fetlock, Dr. Stable said, “Ummm…yes. But not to worry Ms. Sparkle. For I do believe all is now well.” He then said to himself, “Though all of these damages will have to come out of your expenses, of course.”

He gestured for Nurse Redheart to move back to Twilight’s side, and she did, though hesitantly.

“What makes you say that Dr. Stable?”

Nurse Redheart smiled brightly as she saw what the good doctor had.

“Because Twilight—“ He started before the nurse cut him off.

“—because you and Braeburn managed to create something beautiful in the world.” She said, teary eyed, pick up something beneath Twilight’s hind-hooves.

Held in one hoof, the nurse held out a plump, bundle of white fuzz. Its mane and its horn were opposing shades of green. It blinked sleepily several times before its eyes opened and it took in the sight of Twilight’s face, near its own. It’s eyes were the dullest green present on or around its body. It closed them soon after, deciding to spend its first few second of life in Equestria, resting.

This was it. This was her child. Nine of waiting, and now, the stork had finally made his delivery (and what a delivery it was). She was now a parent, and, an exceptionally proud one at that.

Like the Nurse, her eyes started welling up as well.

“Congratulations Twilight.” Dr. Stable whispered as he walked up to them. “You and Braeburn have yourself a sleepy litte…errr…”

“Colt.” Said the Nurse.

“That’s right. A sleepy little…colt.” The doctor said, unsure as to how the Nurse could tell…without…ummm…looking, but chalking it up to mare’s intuition.

“Can I…hold him?” Twilight all but bawled.

“Twilight, he’s your son! Do you even have to ask?” Beamed Redheart.

Nodding slightly, Twilight reached out to her darling boy, her child, with her hooves…only for him to be snatched away from the nurse’s hooves before she could claim him.

“Dr. Brickhouse! What on Equis are you doing lad!?” Yelled out Stable towards the other doctor, who had remained as quiet as a mouse for the entire procedure. “Give back Twilight’s foal at once!”

“Ahhhh…but doctor! You must have me mistaken for somepony else! For I am not, in fact, Dr. Brickhouse! He is currently taking a little nap in the janitor’s closet, where last I left him! In truth, I am—“

The body of the stallion twisted and turned until, eventually, it morphed into something else entirely.

“Egads! You really AREN’T Dr. Brickhouse!”

“It is good to see such a firm grasp on the obvious doctor. For, as you can clearly see,  I’m—“

“—You’re really my long lost evil twin brother, Dr. Wobbly! In disguise! Whose no longer long lost!” Interrupted Dr. Stable.

At this shocking revelation, Nurse Redheart put a hoof to her head, gasped, and feinted onto the ground, kicking up gauze and scalpels. Were this a cheezy Soap Opera, this would be the part where a dramatic organ sting would play.

“Uhhh…what?” Asked the mad stallion now holding Twilight’s baby. He took a quick glance at a nearby fragment of glass and, using it as a mirror, found that he was the spitting image of the good doctor, except for a moustache goatee combo that just screamed “evil.”

He looked back to Stable, who bent his horn towards him and pawed at the ground, looking as though he were ready to charge. “Well, I’ve news for you brother! I would rather burn for all eternity in the deepest fiery chasm of Tartarus than let you make off with this good mare’s, an element’s bearer’s, one and only child!”

Despite her weakened, unable to exhaust any more magic state, Twilight couldn’t help but put on a small smile of grim determination, as well as let out a weak, “Yeah!”

“Or replace me, run my practice, and date Nurse Redheart in my stead!”

“Yeah?” Twilight asked, confused and honestly surprised by this revelation.

“But mostly that former thing I said!”

“Yeah!”

Facehoofing, the foalnapper said, “I’m not your long lost evil twin brother, who is no longer lost, you dolt! I’m a changeling! Look!” With some mental effort, the foalnapper reverted to his true form and revealed that, indeed, he WAS a changeling.

At this shocking revelation, Nurse Redheart, who had just gotten up, put both hooves to her head, gasped even louder, and fainted onto the ground again, kicking up an even larger pile. Were this a cheesy soap opera, this would be the part where TWO melodramatic organ stings would play.

“Double Egads!” Said the doctor before finding himself lying on the ground by his secret girlfriend in much the same style.

The changeling, who stood looking on in morbid curiosity, said, “Huh…I can see why those two are going out. By the looks of it, they were made for each other. Who knows?” He turned his head towards Twilight. “Maybe one day, they’ll have a foal of their own that I’ll have to steal myself too.”

With a maniacal cackle, the changeling buzzed its insectoid wings and jumped out of the window, the newborn still in hoof and still sound asleep.

“Noooo! My baby! Sompony! Anypony! Save my baby!” Twilight mustered up the energy to yell beyond the typical top of her lungs.

Not long into its flight away from the hospital and from Ponyville proper, the baby began to stir. Bright green eyes opened to see a jet black, chitinous shell. This was definitely not the foal’s mother and without so much as a warning, the tiny colt let loose a high pitched, nearly deafening, wail. The Changeling was rightly surprised and nearly flew into a tree, but soon regained its composure.

“Geez, pony babies sure do cry a lot. Never have this problem with larva. They just hiss a little.” The Changeling said absent mindedly as the colt continued to bawl its eyes out. The insectoid equine stopped and began to hover, trying to stop the infant’s crying.

“Come on you little brat! Shut up for Uncle Thorax!” The Changeling said in a half menacing, half pleading tone. Suddenly the foal’s horn began to glow light green as a poof sound was heard. Before the Changeling could react, it was bashed in the head by a frying pan. This caused the foal to cease its incessant wailing and giggle.

“Oh you think that’s funny do ya? I’ll show you funny you squishy mammalian of a brat!” The foal-napper growled at the infant, causing it to yet again scream its lungs out. Soon, another poof filled the air as storm clouds suddenly appeared and lightning zapped the insectoid, leaving its black exoskeleton several shades darker...as well as crispier. The foal cried louder and louder as massive winds began to blow and thunder and lightning filled the sky. It was all the Changeling could do to avoid the lightning this time. As the foal continued to cry its eyes out, many random objects began to strike its captor in the head. Said objects included, though were not limited to: a safe, an anvil, a chicken coop, several bricks, a grand piano, a recliner, and lastly, the literal kitchen sink.

“THAT’S IT!” The Changeling yelled as it flew full speed back to the hospital room. “HERE TAKE IT!” It screamed frantically as it shoved the foal at Twilight before attempting to fly back out the window. He was soon, however, tackled to the ground by Braeburn.

“Ya’ll think ya can just up and take mah boy and then bring him back without gettin’ a whoopin’?!” The cow-pony snarled at the insectoid, before both were covered in a lavender glow and lifted up. Braeburn was simply sat down, though the Changeling was not so lucky.

“You think you can just steal my baby and and there won’t be any kind of punishment?” Twilight said in a voice that, while calm, was doing a great job of making the foal-napper quake in its exoskeleton.

“You will be tried for foal-napping, possibly attempted murder, and then you will either be sent back to the Changeling Hive, or be imprisoned in a maximum security dungeon where the odds of you seeing sunlight again will be slim to none.” Twilight said in the same calm and collected tone she had been using. She then brought the insectoid close to her face and gave a glare that could turn all the ocean, indeed, every drop of h2O on the face of the planet, to ice. “Do I make myself clear?” The lavender unicorn said in a low and harsh tone that made the Changeling gulp and slowly nod.

“Good.” Twilight said cheerfully as she then slammed the Changeling repeatedly into the wall, before slamming its head into the floor, thus, knocking it out cold.

“Braeburn, please go fetch the hospital guards. They can hold him until the Royal Guard gets here.” Twilight said as she nuzzled her son.

“Oh, I’ll take care of that dear. You three need some alone time.” Nurse Redheart said as she recovered from the effects of such gasping and trotted out.

“He sure is a cute little cuss ain’t he?” Braeburn said as laid down next to his wife and wrapped a foreleg around her.

“That he is. You know, we still haven’t decided on a name.” Twilight said as she rocked the now sleeping foal.

“Dangit, yer right! Hmm, hey! How ‘bout, now what was that word ya said that one time? About outer space? It started with a ‘C’.” The cowpony said as he tried to remember the word his wife had used to describe the beauty of the stars once. Before Twilight could answer, her husband suddenly blurted out, “Cosmo! That’s it!”

However Twilight just giggled and said, “The word is ‘cosmos’, but I like the sound of Cosmo. Its got a nice ring to it. We still need a middle name though.” Braeburn nodded as he thought. Soon Twilight leaned over to him and asked, How about Cainito?”

At this Braeburn looked at her in surprise and asked, “Beg pardon?”

Twilight smiled and replied, “It’s a type of fruit. In some parts of Equestria it’s called the star apple.” Braeburn smiled at that as he kissed his wife.

“Hey there Cosmo, I’m yer Daddy!”

The newly christened Cosmo responded by wagging his forelegs about playfully and blasting his father with magic who, in a puff of light pink smoke turned into a small yellow and black reptile with beaded leathery skin, also wearing a smaller version of his usual stetson and duster.

“Cosmo! You just turned your father into a gila monster!” Twilight exclaimed as the little colt giggled and clapped his hooves together.

“Wow, you’re already a lot more along than you should be.... I knew it! Who’s my little prodigy? You are! Yes your are!” Twilight squealed as she nuzzled her son, before a hissing sound interrupted her. She looked over to see a rather irate gila monster glaring at her, forked tongue stuck out.

“Oh, sorry honey.” Twilight said as her horn glowed and blasted the reptile, changing it back into her husband.

“That was weird.” Braeburn said as he then stuck his tongue out to check if it was normal.

“Braeburn, it looks like we’ve got ourselves a genius on our hooves.” The unicorn mother said as she beamed with pride at her only son.