Tales of Fluttershy's Harem
Tales of Fluttershy's Harem
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Disclaimer: yup, I'm going there. MLP belongs to Hasbro. After more than 20 years, they're finally doing it right! All hail Lauren Faust!
Red Bull
Fluttershy never told anyone when the Red Bull came to Ponyville. It was a small thing as bulls went, barely half-again bigger than her. If Fluttershy was the sort to call something pathetic, she would have called it so. She'd have almost let it go by, but it scared the unicorns for some reason, chasing them relentlessly once it had them in its sights.
So every month, when it came back from wherever distant place it came from smelling of dust, age, heat and sorrow, she Stared at it until it went away.
She's once asked Twilight Sparkle about it, and after a fruitless hour trying to coax the unicorn out from under her bed, when she moaned about how she didn't want to live in the sea, Fluttershy decided to ask Spike instead.
"Why? Why does it chase unicorns?"
"No one knows," the little dragon said. "Just that it won't leave the unicorns alone, but pretty much ignores everypony else. And unicorns are all scared of it, even if they've never heard or seen it before."
Fluttershy tried to ask the bull, but it never spoke, never stirred. So she sighed and made it go away, and swore to try again next time…
Want It, Need It
"Twilight, why exactly do you know a 'Want It, Need It' spell?"
Twilight blushed, not looking Fluttershy in the eye. "Everyfilly experiments in college…"
Don't Try This At Home
The explosion came from Sugar Cube Corner.
By the time worried ponies had made their way there, Pinkie Pie had already staggered down the stairs, still clutching the remains of a glass beaker.
"Oh my," Mrs. Cake said, more resigned than anything else. "What happened now,Pinkie Pie?"
"I have no idea!" Pinkie Pie cried. "I was just mixing Blur with Blur, then threw in some Rooster and Donkey, and it went KABLOOEY!"
Everyone stared at her.
She huffed and looked at the readers. "It makes sense if you remember your Mythbusters…"
Obvious Question
"Apple Jack?"
"Yeah, Twilight?"
"Exactly WHY does Pinkie Pie own a hot air balloon and a helicopter?"
"Ever wondered why it sometimes rains fish and frogs?"
"Oh. Well, that makes sense."
Discord-nuity
… little is remembered of Discord's first reign, and the royal princesses refuse to speak of the subject. We do, however, retain some details, such as the brief existence of so-called 'Sea Ponies'…
Deadpie
"Pinkie Pie, what is with that ridiculous outfit? It clashes HORRIBLY with your complexion!"
"I'm not Pinkie Pie, I'm… DEADPIE! Once a perfectly normal pony, Deadpie was struck by a horrible disease in the head! With only one choice, Deadpie becomes part of a group that gave her all sorts of cool powers, but it made her CRAZY, and she ended up talking to people who aren't really there but are actually reading about stuff she's doing! Sometimes when she's naked in the shower!"
"So… you, except with a tacky outfit and no parties?
"Exac— wait! No parties?-! AHHHH! GET THIS OFF OF ME!-!-!-!-!"
Rarity chuckled as she went for her scissors. "Works every time…"
Pinkie looked at her readers. "You don't look at me in the shower all the time… do you?"
Consort
Hear ye, hear ye!
You are cordially invited to the royal wedding of Princess Celestia and her consort, Lord Binky, of Deathsrealm…
…
On the day of the wedding, there were several murmurs regarding the bony white horse in the black robe standing off to the side.
"Who's that?"
"Oh, I heard that's Lord Binky's business associate. I think they have something to do with farming. See the scythe?"
Twilight Sparkle, meanwhile, was inconsolable.
"I thought we had something special!" she bawled.
Shower
Pinkie Pie was taking a shower when she suddenly screamed, dropping the scrubbing brush from her mouth and pulling the shower curtain around herself, hiding her naked, soapy body.
"Ah! Readers looking at me in the shower! Perverts! Don't you have naked girls in the shower your own species to read about!-?"
Recruitment
Fluttershy of Equestria… you have the ability to overcome great fear… you have been Chosen… Welcome to the Green Lantern Corp…
"Oh my," Fluttershy waffled. "Are you sure?"
Well, you're no Takamachi Nanoha, but yeah, pretty sure.
"Well… can my clothes not be green? I have bad memories of green…"
What's wrong with green?
"Well, I was a supermodel, and…"
Say no more! You poor thing…
Recruitment 2
Luna of Equestria… you have the ability to cause great fear… you have been Chosen… Welcome to the Sinestro Corp…
Luna gave the little yellow thing a flat look. "NO!"
Thunder rumbled. Lightning flashed.
You are not helping your case.
Hangover Fallout
"Uh," Twilight moaned as she dragged herself out of bed. "Too… much… scumble… it can't be only apples…"
"Morning, Twilight!" Spike called out as he came up carrying breakfast, and Twilight cringed.
"Spike… quieter…" she pleaded. She looked around, noticing her floor was littered with glitter, ribbons, red construction paper, and a mug that had contained some of Apple Jack's special scumble. It was a wooden mug, since metal tended to oxidize with the drink. Twilight noticed she had one of Fluttershy's feather's tucked behind her ear. She levitated that out. "Ugh, what did I do last night?"
"Well," Spike said, sending down the breakfast daisies and some hay and carrot sticks. "You came in singing about how 'Canterlot fillies can do it all night', started crying about how Princess Celestia had used you— you still need to explain about that— then spent all night making her a card and writing on it and managed to have me send it before you passed out."
Cold dread filled Twilight. "Card? What did it say?"
"You wrote it yourself, so it was kinda messy," Spike said. "I think it started with 'You troll' and got weird from there."
Twilight debated slamming her head repeatedly on the floor. "Oh no…"
Spike suddenly burped, and a letter flamed into existence in front of him. "Hey, looks like you got a repl—"
He was cut off as Twilight took the letter and hastily unrolled it. She read it quickly, her eyes growing larger, twitched, then fainted.
Spike looked over her head to try to make out some of the letter.
To my dearest student,
While I would very much like to (covered by Twilight's horn) your (covered by hair) all night again, I don't think this letter of yours is well thought out or all that sober. And while I'm glad to hear you've gotten close enough to Rarity to (covered by limb) her in the barn, telling me about it isn't likely to get me to go there and join in, regrettably. By the way, Pinkie Pie's balloon was found crashed in the maze. I will send her home as soon as she stops calling herself Deadpie…
Spike got bored and went off to his chores.
Friendship is Magic
This is Incubator, the crimson-eyed white beast reported. I believe I have discovered a new method of countering Entropy…
Other Elements
Dearest Princess Celestia,
I am writing to say I am perfectly safe. I know everyone must be worried about me since I got sucked into Pinkie Pie's computer— where'd she GET something like that, anyway?— but I'm okay. In fact, I've made some new friends! It turns out there are other Elements to Harmony. Here on the other side, there are more than eight! Can you believe it? Some, like Friendship, Kindness (though they call it something else), Honesty (they call it Sincerity), and Loyalty (though it's Reliability here) are the same, but they don't have Generosity and Laughter (though Hope comes close).
Instead, they have Courage, Love, Knowledge, Hope, and Light. And they're pretty powerful too, and don't need to be used together, though that's a mixed blessing. I'll never complain about Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash arguing again!
There aren't any ponies here. The closest I've found are Unimons and similar, though they're not the same. They call themselves Digimon…
Preparations
It was with uncharacteristic seriousness and almost military discipline that Fluttershy faced her little woodland creature live-ins. "All right everyone," she said solemnly. "This is it. Angel, candy!"
The little rabbit saluted and gestured at the pile of sweets they had salvaged from every corner of the cottage. Fluttershy made a curt gesture, and the little creatures fell on the candy with a will, devouring every scrap.
"Curtains!" Fluttershy said.
Several birds flew to pull them close.
"Door!"
Angel bounded over and kicked them shut.
Fluttershy nodded, and put on the orange safety helmet and goggles she'd borrowed from Apple Jack. "Ready!" she declared, and promptly dove under her blanket as Angel locked the door.
She hated Nightmare Night.
Awkward Question
There are some things even Spike won't do for Rarity.
"Spike, dearest, does this skirt make my hindquarters look fat?"
Case in point.
Prepared
Celestia had known this would happen for a thousand years. After all, who did ponies think originally write the legend of how Nightmare Moon would get free?
So when the day came, she was ready. When she was imprisoned in the sun, it was a sun she had steadily pimped out over the centuries to include a water bed, a sound system that could blow your Cutie Mark off, a week's supply of food, and her stash of trashy romance novels.
It was her first vacation in ages!
Decadent Habits
"Twilight, do you have any idea why the princesses would ask me to stitch together maid uniforms in their sizes?"
Twilight blushed. "No idea, Rarity," she lied badly, now realizing why the princess would sometimes scream out 'Luna!'.
The Last Straw
Pinkie Pie would have been inclined to cut Discord some slack, but the big meanie had gone too far! Pinkie could understand being cranky if they'd been a lawn ornament for a thousand years, but they could have worked around that with time, but Discord had done the inexcusable!
"HE MADE ME NOT CARE IT WAS RAINING CHOCOLATE MILK!" Pinkie cried when Twilight had fixed her up. "HE PAYS!"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Pinky, put your Deadpie costume back in the closet."
Decorum
"Gah!" Rainbow Dash cried, running her hooves through her main. "Just how is a pony supposed to keep all this straight! Come on, there are more forks here than I have goggles!"
"Start from close to your plate and work your way outwards. Use the innermost one for the first course, the second innermost for the second course and so on. If you drop one, don't pick it up, just ask for a new one."
Rainbow Dash turned to stare at Apple Jack.
The farmer blushed. "What? I did pick up a few things in Manehattan."
How To Win Friends And Influence Subjects
Luna couldn't fathom why Celestia would have one of her students reporting to her about friendship, of all things. Celestia had never had trouble making friends. Still, it was a stroke of good luck Celestia often left the letters lying around out in the open where anypony might find them.
Luna read hastily and took copious notes.
In her swingin' bachelorette pad in the sun, Celestia snacked on apple chips and read trashy novels as she waited for Luna to finish sneaking into her room. After all, whoever said Twilight's reports were for her benefit?
Didn't We Do This Already?
The little hoof-sized ball of fluff lay on Fluttershy's back, vibrating happily. "Isn't it cute?" Fluttershy cooed.
"I'll say," Apple Jack said. "But what is it?"
"This is a tribble," Fluttershy fluttered. "His name is Jimmy."
Pinkie Pie passed by, took one look at the little fluff ball and screamed. "TRIBBLE!" she cried. "Evil, evil tribble!"
The other two ponied blinked at her.
Pinkie turned and ran. "Gummy! Mama thinks its time to try out your new chomping dentures!"
The other two blinked again. "This isn't going to end well, is it?" Apple Jack said.
Magical Pony Hysterical Fluttershy!
Fluttershy was having a perfectly average day. Get up, get out from under the exhausted, sweaty pile of ponies, feed her little friends, run her errands, almost have 3 panic attacks, head home, hear mysterious voice calling her name…
She screamed and ran for it.
Yuuno Scrya then proceeded to have a very bad day until a little yellow winged-pony, hearing his erminely screams, came to his rescue from a giant evil dust bunny.
He would later have nightmares about The Stare.
"Hysterical! Magical! Stare-light Breaker!"
And the process of hitting something with a buttload of magic became known as 'Befriending'.
Luna considered it a godsend.
MLP: Magical Little Ponies
"Fighting evil by moonlight, winning her subjects adoration by daylight! Never running from a real fight, I am the magical pony… Sailor Moon!" Luna cried.
"Um, I am the pony who has been given a mission. U-under the contract, release these powers? B-but safely! The winds are in the sky, the stars are in the heavens, the light is in my hands and the power is in my heart! R-raging Heart, Set Up!" Fluttershy cried.
Apple Jack looked down at the red dress she was wearing and spat out her spear. "I really don't get this Puella Pony Magi thing. And where's my hat?"
Rarity, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Celestia exchanged looks and began to slink away.
"Come, Magical Little Ponies!" Luna cried. "We ride to fight for TRUTH, LOVE, and JUSTICE!"
She rode, with the other two following reluctantly.
Pinkie Pie ran after them "Wait for me! Deadpie is here! WAIT!"
Too Much Information
"OH,YES!YES!TWILIGHTSPARKLE,DON'TSTOP!DON'TSTOP!OH,YOU'REASGOODASMYSISTERSAID!"
The day after Nightmare Night, Twilight and everyone in Ponyville pretended no one had heard a thing. Apparently, the traditional Canterlot speaking voice was a hard habit to kick.
Cheerilee had a LOT of awkward question to avoid answering the next day…
Too Much Of A Good Thing
"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie yelled from her Pinkie-copter. "While it's REALLY cool you can make a Sonic Rainboom any time you want—"
"AIN'T IT COOL?-!" Rainbow Dash cried as she made yet another rainbow.
"Super-duper cool!" Pinkie agreed. "It's just that, the town asked me to tell you that IF YOU DON'T CUT THAT OUT, I'M NEVER MAKING YOU A CUPCAKE AGAIN!"
Wanted, Needed
Fluttershy's house rumbled with the echoes of six ponies sleeping. Fluttershy lay in the center, Pinkie Pie cuddling against one side, Rarity at the other.
Pinkie opened one eye and made a slow, languorous smile. "Yes. We did. You DID read the title, right? And you missed it."
She closed her eyes and nuzzled further.
"I thought this fic was about me?" Fluttershy muttered.
Pinkie hushed her. "Shh… I'm the only one who talks to the readers, sweetums."
