Discord Day Party

by Alleria Windrunner

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 4387

drunken princesses. dancing on tables. prepare for a wild night. rated T for language.

Drunk princesses. Dancing on tables. Prepare for a wild night. Rated T for language.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-15 00:29:50 UTC

Drinking

       Prisma walked into the bar to the ending of 'Pony Rock Anthem'. She plunked down on an empty bar stool and ordered her first round, swigging it back and ordering another. She started a tab and put the drinks on it, watching the door for any of her guests. She'd invited a ton of ponies, and some of them were her mom and aunt, as well as her sister and her friends. Her dad was busy wrangling in the cotton candy clouds released annually on Discord Day, and the boss had promised him a raise if he could finish the job alone before midnight, and he'd accepted.

     As she pounded back another mug, the first of her party guests started trickling in: first her mom, in Nightmare Moon form for the occaision, with her aunt Celestia walking next to her, and her sister Twilight walked next to them.  Goody. Now all they neede to complete the crew of female immortals was the element and season sisters, as well as her other sister, Cadence. Their family tree was pretty messed up, if you count the fact that they all had different fathers and the same mother.

    She swore once again that the next time she saw grandma aka the creator, she was going to give her a goddess-sized whack upside the head for making it damn near impossible to intoxicate an immortal, and she wasn't by any stretch of the imagination happy about that fact.

   Her silver-clad hoof clanged against something, and she wasn't at all surprised to see the other goddesses, her mom being directly next to her, sitting in barstools and giving the bartender quite a workout as he filled cups only to have to fill them again and again as the immortals pounded them back in tandem.

    As if on cue, Freya burst through the door in a blast of cold air, which permeated the warmest places in the bar before Celestia used a solar shield spell that drew from the sun that was invisible but would keep her natural temperature from freezing every one and everything inside the bar.

     Falliaia quickly followed, catching all the leaves that fell out of her mane in her magic with a dry crunch, like a potato chip being squeezed, and stuffed them back in, which caused more rustling and crunching to sound from her brownish orange mane.

     Persephone walked in, grumbling something about the traffic in the underworld almost making her late to drink and how much of a plothole her husband had been that winter. Luna had to use a lunar shield spell to make sure that her warm spring and summer magic wouldn't leave the whole bar sweating.

       Prisma listened to idle chatter and some juicy bits of immortal gossip (technically by immortal standards, Celestia was only 19, and was the oldest of the bunch. In mortal years, that was about 1,900. So they were all immortal teenagers, to pretty much sum it up). At the same time, she was also wondering whether or not her grandmother would make an appearence and if she should really go through with her plan to smack her grandmother because she made it nearly impossible to get drunk for an immortal.

       She downed her thirtieth mug and levitated her cellphone out of her bag. It was a common necessity among immortals to keep in touch on their separate planets. Sure enough, there was a new message in her inbox from her grandmother. She skimmed its comments and just barely had time to let out a rapid-fire string of curses ending in "oh motherbucker" that nopony else really paid attention to before a glowing orb centered itself in the middle of the room  and began to grow, changing colors as it drew off the magic off the alicorn occupants of the bar.

      It started at yellow, then went to cyan, orange, purple, navy, magenta, and finally stoped on red as it reached the size of a pony a whole two heads higher than Celestia herself. Prisma felt the orb anchor itself on her magic as it began to smoke, and then with a a bang that shattered a couple windows it popped and revealed the figure it had trabspoted into the bar.

.....Grandma? What are you doing?

   Lauren Faust popped into existence as the last shards of glass scattered at her hooves. As her flapping red mane settled, she turned her aqua eyes to her gps navigator floating beside her. She muttered some things at it and finally came to a conclusion: "Damnit, I overshot the timing. I got here during the party." She seemed to take stock of the room, and came to another startling conclusion: "I've been alive for twenty thousand years and I have never been at a party as dull as this. Where are the table dancers and cider spilled all over the floor? What happened to a DJ? You know, there was that one pony..."

     She trailed off as her horn lit up, but she continued talking after DJ-Pon3 popped into existence, along with a turntable with massive speakers on either side. She continued casting spells until you couldn't move without slipping on cider spilled on the floor, and after she got over the initial pissed off period after being whacked upside the head with an armored hoof she even decreased the number of cups of cider required to entoxicate  an alicorn from 72 to 50, but she warned that it would be temporary before charging her horn, jumping on a table, doing a few moves, and disappearing.

    Everypony gaped for a moment, shrugged, and then kicked the party up a notch.  Falliaia managed to be the first completely hammered immortal, but the others soon followed after. The dancing on the tables started soon after, starting as an organized competition but deteriorating into ponies just shaking their groove things at random, some with cider in hoof or magic.

      The last unintoxicated pony happened to be Phoenix, immortal goddess of fire, who got pissed at the bartender for not skimming her glass correctly after she was fully drunk. In one quick flash there was a pile of ashes where the bartender used to be. Then everypony else realized that with no bartender, there would be no more drinks, and that led

to many unhappy goddesses.

       First they elected Falliaia to go and find a new bartender,  but she came back with a date instead, and while they were busy making out in the corner of the bar they elected a new pony. Celestia just shrugged and teleported Twilight's friend Applejack there, and she was careful to make every glass perfect after hearing a drunk rendition of what Phoenix had done to the other bartender, spoken by her sister Gaia, and luckily managed not to be vaporized  by the time Inyl Scratch passed out, having reached and gone past her limit of alchohol.

      Luna removed the alchohol poisoning from Vinyl's body, but the alabaster DJ pony remained passed out, much to the dissappointment of all in attendance but Falliaia and her date, Thunderlane, because they were still in the corner, making more risque moves.

     About a half hour later, the Drunk Immortals dance contest was in the finals, with Prisma locked against her mother. The loser had the either play cider pong or find a date. They'd already locked in their responses, Prisma would rather drink and stay a virgin for a bit longer, but her mom had other ideas.

    Prisma won the finals and got a special shot of Goldhoofer delivered to her table by Applejack, while Luna exited the bar and returned with a handsome stallion. After a couple more rounds of drinks, she gave him her best 'bedroom eyes' look, and they took another corner and started rutting.

    Most of the bar was too busy starting the cider-pong playoffs, or watching the start, to notice or care, but every so often, Celestia would seemingly sober up again and glance at her currently busy sister while muttering "Not again Lulu three are enough. Please not again."

    Prisma didn't quite understand or care what that meant. Only later would she realize that her mother had three kids, each of them with a different father, and now her mother was rutting another stallion.

    Eventually growing tired of cider-pong, the occupants staged a full-scale revolt when they ran out of cider and all the other spirits the bar had to offer. Luna, now quite finished, left her newest personal acquantance lying where he'd passed out from the alchohol and the rut, and proposed to everypofny that they went to the lake just outside of

ponyville and combine their powers to turn all the top layer of water to alchohol.

     Her proposition was met with roughly two dozen goddesses starting a fullscale bottle war before they left the bar. Applejack cowered in fear behind the actual bar inside the bar but Twilight found her and teleported her back to Sweet Apple Acres to wonder what the hay happened before shrugging it off and going to bed.

      Goldhoofer bottles and pieces of cider barrels were flying around along with empty cans for Dr. Whoover and Coors Crystal, both being specially imported spirits. The immortals then snuck quietly under the light of the moon in black jumpsuits they'd pulled a Pinkie Pie to get,  aka they pulled them out of nowhere, leaving behind the passed out dates of Luna and Falliaia along with Vinyl Scratch and the ashes of the previous barteder, towards the outskirts of Ponyville. They almost got caught by somepony taking a late-night walk, but there was enough time for Luna to bend the moonbeams to make them invisible.

     At last they got to the lake. Some how, Pinkie Pie popped out of Celestia's mane with a boombox and a couple bottles of Goldhoofer and a six-pack of Coors Crystal with two cans of Dr. Whoover, all of which were quickly downed by eager immortals  searching desperately for booze.

Holy Legs and Green Magic

      They pried Cadenece away from the sleeping stallion she had beeen sucking off  and struggled to keep their hold on her thrashing forelegs as they went into a steep nosedive over the edge of Neighagara Falls, following Queen Chrysalis, who claimed to have a 'secret emergency party hideout at the base of the falls.

    Part of their problem was mainly Cady and Luna. In every town they'd so much as glanced at they'd had to pry the two away from unconscious stallions and drag them along. And now they were following a changeling queen to a boozeroom she'd had built near the beggining of her reign as queen of her race.

    They finally reached the bottom of the falls, and without so much as pausing their guide zoomed through a narrow opening in the cliffs behind the falls. Drenced and semigrumpy, yet still drunk, they emerged in heaven. They were in a simple stone chamber that was easily as tall as Canterlot Casrle's second highest tower, and wide as the gardens, but that wasn't the important part.

     That part was beyond the scattered tables or the dancefloor complete with a disco ball. It was the BAR. Behind the counter, on shelves that went so far up you couldn't see the top, lining three of the walls was shelves upon shelves of booze, glorious booze. Plastered to clear glass separating the two parts of the counter were cocktail recipe posters which were stained from previous parties the room had evidently seen.

    For a moment all the goddesses present couldn't talk. They could only gape at the glorious heaven of alcohol laid before their eyes. Then a changeling in an apron decorated wih pictures of hearts and flowers slid open the glass and asked "may I help you?" Celestia was the first one out of her stupor. "I'll take two Bahama Mamas."

    And then everypony else was ordering their drinks all at once. They had to keep all twenty stations busy mixing and concocting drinks to satiate their thirst for alchohol while they danced and sang off-key drunken songs and, most importantly, drank. And drank and drank and drank. Did I happen to mention that they drank? And then they drank some more.........and more.........and more.......until finally Chrysalis came to a heart-shattering conclusion "Oh shit, we ran out of alchohol. Any ideas, girls?" And thus began their adventure to visit-and don't forget trash-every bar in Equestria......

Son Drags Mother to Nearest Bar

   "I still......can't belive......you guys managed......to take out our......entire reserve," Staghorn panted as he dragged his mother by her long teal tail. They were next stopping in at Appleoosa, but Chrysalis had passed out after somepony(luna had whistled and loked away) had slipped her some Absynthe.

     He'd been elected to drag her to Appleoosa much to his changeling chagrin. Although, dealing with hammered goddesses wasn't that bad except for the fact that he was a married  'ling, and his wife Double would be pretty damn pissed if she found out he'd cheated, and she'd probably use her military training to kick hiss ass in front of his son and daughter,so he'd decided on no flirting.

    However traveling at the back of the pack and being the only stallion present was starting to weigh heavily on him. Not that there was anything wrong with Double, but damn..... every time one flicked her tail up or to the side, he couldn't help but look, and then look away again, mentally slapping himself repeatedly.

     He could've sworn that he heard them giggling, and got the distinct feeling that they were doing it on purpose, but he couldnu't stop.

     Look. Look away. Mentally slap self. Repeat.

      So naturally he was beyond the point of relieved when he spotted their destination, the town of Appleoosa, but more specifically, The Dusty Wheel Ale.

    He spat out his mom's tail and dumped her uncerimoniously onto the street before racing into the local bar to get first pick of the alchohol  while a blue blur and a pink blur sped off giggling to find their next rape victims while the others drank.

    Only after everypony had disappeared did the jolt of her head against the road wake her. She raised her head, looked aroud with a confused expression, muttered some things, rolled her eyes, and went back to sleep on Apple lane.

   This was a waste of time, Staghorn thought. I dragged my mom BY HER TAIL from NEIGHAGARA FALLS ALL THE WAY TO BUCKING APPLEOOSA, AND THEY DON'T CARRY ANY DOCTOR WHOOVER CANS! With each mental yell he kicked the wall nehind him, till at last it gave way with a splintering crash behind him. He turned around, fully ready to swear, but a golden light stopped him in his tracks. He lunged at the source of the light.

      Chrysalis got up and headed on impulse into the wooden building behind her. When she'd heard the crash from inside she'd been steeled for a fight, but now after ten minutes it was completely silent inside. She readied her fangs and leaped through the open doorway.............to find her son stifling a burp on top of a bed of empty Dr. Whoover Golden cans.

     Scanning the cans her son was sitting on, she noticed on thing they all had in common...they were...."empty?"

     "STAGHORN!" Cadnece looked up for a minute, then went back to rifling through a big black bag until she pulled out a whip. "Perfect." She grinned evilly at the trussed up stallion on the bed.

From Mustangia to......Where Exactly?

    "Mustangia."

     "What?"

     "It's where we are. I thought I taught you better geography than this."

      "You did?"

      "Trust me, she did."

      Once again, Cadence and Luna had zipped off to continue their rapist streak before they even knew where they were. The others were all starting to get hangovers, and that made them grumpy and desperate for alchohol. Thus, the band of immortal females with one exception were currently in the act of locatingn the local pub, bar, ale house, etc.

     Gaia had left with Cadnece and Luna to find a toilet, porcelain throne, crapper, etc. She was with them again now though, and like the rest she was grumpy and desperate for alchohol to keep the hangover at bay. She was doing her best to remain calm, but was failing miserably as the grey cloud that was the hangover settled over her blue skies and sunshine attitude.

    Finally they found it, and stampeded throuh the sleeping city in their need of a drink. After his eys had stopped doing one-eighties in their sockets, Staghorn took to the air and chased after them towards the Mustangia Bar & Grill, 154 West Plot Avenue, which was where the booze resided.

    At last they were all their happy drunk selves again after sucking Mustangia's bar completely dry. Now all they needed was the next part of their diabolical plot-wait, Larry, what do I say now? Oh right, thanks.-which was already to visit  and trash all of Equestria's bars, pubs, and taverns.

     But the problem now was where the hell to go. Equestria was huge, and they'd only covered three towns and one private bar. So where the buck did they go now?

Manehatten for a Nite

   It was seriously getting harder and harder to stop looking at the immortals in front of him, and even the mind's eye replay of Double kicking his ass to within in inches of his life couldn't regulate it anymore. He raised his hoof and smacked himself across the face for real, in a last-ditch effot to control himself.......and.......was..............working! He thought of Double, Mandible, Silkworm, even his annoying older sister Hope...

     As if on cue, his sister popped out of no where, almost making him drop the stash of hangover prevention Goldhoofer for the next time they got all pissy and PMSish because they were starting to get hangovers.  "How much of the party did I miss" she asked, like appearing from thin air was completely natural. After getting the response, she looked crestfallen for a moment before remembering to tell her brother "Double's pissed. Silkworm went off the deep end yesterday over a toy that her brother broke."

     Glad for a reason to leave and head home, he tossed the bottle of Goldhoofer to his sister before breaking at least three sound barriers in his rush to get home and away from some hot goddesses. "So will you guys fill me in when we pick  our rooms in that hotel?" She asked. "What hotel?"

      "That one."

      "Oooooohhhhhbh."

    She opened the bottle and sipped some, then took a huge swig, completely abandoning royal eiquette and chugging the bottle. Even her mom was drunk at this party!

   They finished laughing about Staghorn's control issues and went out into the hall to figure out whether or not Cady and Luna were done picking their next victims. They hadn't even rounded the corner before they heard the moaning. They turned around like they found a corpse in the woods and headed back to their rooms.

   They made small talk and asked each other whether or not they  were straight, bi, or lesbian. Turned out all of them were bi or lesbian, so they were sleeping in pairs. Hope was sleeping with Freya. In the morning they woke up in different rooms for someodd reason. They swiged down what was left of the Goldenhoofer to ward off the hangover while ghey looked for the tavern.

The End of the Line

     "Alright troopsh, thish ish the end ofthe line," Celestia slurred out, barely standing upright as she faced her compatriots. A large "AWWWWWW!" was the answer to her announcement.

     "As a side note, I have decided that thish ish somthing we shhould do again! So I will see you all..." she collapsed sideways, luckily hitting a pillow as one of the assembled goddesses grabbed it with their magic and stuck it under her.

      "Thank you. On our shisters's behalf, she has decided that we will do this again in....." Luna lifted up her front hooves, miraculously staying balanced, and tried to count on them,before realizing that she only had two and dropped back down to all fours again. "The next drink gathering will be hosted by Gaia, Aquasiria, Phoenix, Venia, and Aphrodite, on their home planet of.....um....oh yes, Bragonia,"

       Venia leaned over and whispered something in her ear. "Oh.....of course. On their home planet of Trebanin." Gem Cluster leaned over and whispered in a midnight blue ear.

      "Dreaemon." Cosma and Starcatcher whispered in both her ears at the same time. Luna's eyes glowed white.

       "OH BUCK IT!" she stormed off down the gilded hall, running into a few walls before she left the line of sight of the goddess group.

      "What's she's..........she's trying to say is.......um.......oh, right. Um.....it's on Cosma and Starcatcher's planet. Meet there in a century, no.......a half century. Deal?"

       Now appeased, the happy drunk goddesses gave a collective hoot before disappearing in various noises and flashes of color. Walking over to the door of Andromeda and Orion's room, she looked in and saw the happy alicorn foals resting in their cribs.

       Prisma shut the door before collapsing in a heap next to her sister, and as she drifted off, her double rainbow mane wrapped around her form like a blanket.

* * *

EPILOGUE

* * *

    The hangovers................

    Repeat after me: BUCK ALCOHOL! I LOVE IT!

Hangovers

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Lake of Booze

      And with a poof that knocked about two to three dozen hammered goddesses flat on their butts, elicitng a couple squeals as marehoods hit or rubbed against things, the lake became booze. When taking a roll, thay had to drag Cadence away from a tree with a protrusion shaped like a stallionhood so she would stop humping the tree.

     Everypony greedily shoved their muzzles into the water-magically-transformed-into-booze and drank as fast as they could. Prisma smirked and used her magic to freak out Braestira, goddess of animals, whom later ended up sharing saliva with Twilight because the former reminded the latter of a certain pegasus, by bending the moonbeams in the water to make the fish look like they were born with rainbow scales. She snorted with laughter, all but falling over, as the animal goddess fainted.

   Then they all took a swim in the lake of booze. Their thoughts were voiced almost immediately as they were thought of and quite a couple interesting ones came out of the intoxicated alicorns. Kissing contest. Underwated kissing contest. Tree humping contest. These were a few of their ideas.

   They all paused for a moment when a metal box appeared in the air, and the door opened, revealing Dr. Whooves. Using her best seductive tone, Celestia stepped forward and slurred: "Hey, honey, come join us...come join me." I he hadn't been a unicorn, he would have a massive wingboner as he gazed at all the goddesses standing around the lake. He was blushing a shade of crimson that would've rivaled Big Macintosh's coat, and it only got deeper as she slurred out: " You know you want to."

    He was pulled back inside the tardis and three unicorn heads poked out, followed by their winged bodies. The lead pony was Derpy, and the other two were her daughters, Ditzy and Dinky (though they were fully grown adults). Ditzy asked "Can we join you?"

      The current partygoers shrugged and continued partying as the tardis dissapeared, leaving behind three new additions to the party.

     When they regrouped at the lake of boozefor drinks, Celestia announced that she and her sister and her nieces had stopped time, giving them all the time they wanted to party and trash all of Equestria. Then, for some odd reason, they changed the lake of booze back to water and lifted off, leaving one empty, trashed, partied-out clearing around a still moonlit lake.

Onward, Troops!

    They'd so trashed the Manehatten pub. At first they were discouraged, but then lo and behold a miracle ocurred. It turned out not all ponies in Manhatten weren't stuck-up pricks after all!  The pub had been on the outskirts of a seedy neighborhood........had been because Phoenix had torched it to encourage the ponies who weren't snobs to move.

    Now they themselves had hit up the Crystal Empire which had a NICE bar, courtesy of Prince Shining Armor, and were  sucking it dry. Since Shining was still asleep under the enchantment, when he woke up he probably wouldn't be happy to have one wife with a hangover and the only bar in the empire completely drained of all alchohol. Oh well.

     They dumped some sixpacks of Dr. Whoover onto the already slick crystal floor and created a skating rink around the bar, dumping some of their own drink whenevr they needed the floor to be more slippery. Celestia smacked into the wall and stumbled off. Later they found her passed out kissing a picture of Discord behind the bar counter.

    Eventually the party moved outside, and they started daring each other to do things. Prisma pumped her wings until she was just barely inside the atmosphere, then turned and plunged towards the ground. She broke five sound barriers and performed five consecutive double rainbooms, and plowed head first into the ground........coming out of the planet on the other side! She turned and plunged back through the hole she'd created through the center of the planet.

      In Mustangia they accidentally burned a building while Cadence zipped around town like a pingpong ball, trailing white drops of liquid. They stayed well away from her back end in flight.

       Philomena joined them with a couple other birds that looked like duplicates of her. They were white, black, blue, green, and one that looked like her twin except for a shock of white on her forhead. They flew around and crashed into things like they were impersonating Derpy. Evidently, those birds could drink.

     They covered half of northern Equestria in three weeks. They actually took the time to make a statue to be erected in the middle of the Everfree as they passed it. Then, onwards they went.