Chapters Crisis of Infinite Offspring
Applejack pushed opened the front door and trotted up the stairs. As she reached the top, she caught Big Macintosh closing the door to his room.
“Big Macintosh, where are you off to now?”
“Town. I got somethin’ I gotta pick up, and then I got somethin’ else ta do.”
As the stallion spoke, Applejack noticed an odd smell coming from him.
“…Mac, why do you smell like that?” Applejack tried to block the smell from entering her nose. “Smells like somepony took a bath in rottin’ apples.”
“…well, uh…” the stallion stammered.
Applejack’s ears perked up in realization, “You’re wearin’ cologne? Why in Equestria do you need something like that?”
Instead of responding, the stallion remained silent, averting his gaze. Applejack smiled.
“I get it. You’re off ta Rarity’s ta’ pick something nice up for Fluttershy.”
“Well, it…” Applejack cut off Big Macintosh’s response.
“No need to explain yourself. You go and have fun.”
Applejack trotted off.
CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE
Big Macintosh quickly glanced around; making sure nopony had followed him. Satisfied, the stallion pushed open the door.
“One moment!” a voice called out. Rarity trotted out; her mane tied back in a messy ponytail, and her measuring tape wrapped around her neck. Her expression became startled once she realized Big Macintosh’s presence.
“Big Mac! I wasn’t expecting you for…” The fashionista snuck a glance at the clock, before doing a double take, “IT’S THAT LATE ALREADY!?! Oh, I am so sorry Mac, I was caught up in this dress for my date…I mean it’s not quite finished, but it’s…”
Rarity trailed off as Big Macintosh held up a hoof.
“Miz Rarity, I know yer very busy, but is the basic suit done?”
“Well, yes.” Rarity paused, “But I need…”
“Let me take a look, if you would?” the stallion politely asked.
“This way.”
Rarity lead Big Macintosh into the back room. Off to the side was a mannequin in Big Macintosh’s body size with a simple black jacket and dress shirt.
“It’s no where near what I would like it to be.” Rarity hastily apologized, “if you can just give me a little more ti-”
“It’s fine. She ain’t into the fancy stuff anyway.” Big Macintosh smiled, “Now, how much was it again?”
Shortly after
Big Macintosh exited the store, now clad in his new suit. A grey pegasus in his own suit touched down next to him.
“Lookin’ pretty sharp, Farm boy.” Thunderlane grinned.
“Ain’t lookin’ too bad yourself, Fly boy.” Big Macintosh grinned back, “You might wanna wait a bit, she’s tryin’ ta finish up her dress for yer date.”
“I figured.” Thunderlane shrugged, “Tell your date I said hi.”
“Eeyup.”
PONYVILLE CAFÉ
Big Macintosh trotted into the café. He stopped by the Maître d.
“Table for Macintosh?”
The Maître d quickly scanned the book of reservations in front of him.
“…Ah, yes. Right this way.”
The Maître d led Big Macintosh past other happy couples and nervous dates. She stopped by a table, blocking Big Macintosh’s view of his date.
“Here you are sir, a waiter should be here shortly.”
“Thank you kindly.”
The Maître d stepped out of the way, giving Big Macintosh a view of his date. She perked up and smiled.
“Hello Mac.”
“Hello Miz Heartstrings.” Big Macintosh took a seat at the table, across from Lyra. The unicorn laughed.
“Macintosh, we’ve been dating for what, Six months now? I think you can stop calling me that.” A mischievous grin crept onto Lyra’s face, “Unless you’re trying to tell me something…”
“No, no. Miz He- Lyra.” Big Macintosh quickly corrected himself, “It just don’t feel proper.”
“Mac, let it go.” Lyra vacantly waved her hoof, “Be casual. Relax a bit.”
Big Macintosh sighed. As he did so, his shoulders dropped slightly. “Alright.”
“Anyway, Happy Hearts and Hooves day.” Lyra smiled again.
“Same t’ you.” Big Macintosh smiled back.
“Ready to order?” the waiter inquired.
“I’ll have the Eggplant Parmesan.” Lyra responded.
“Th’ Apple and Rhubarb Pie seems fine.” Big Mac shrugged.
“As you wish.” The waiter trotted off. Lyra smirked at Big Macintosh.
“…What?”
“Is that really what you’re gonna get?” Lyra shook her head, “More apples?”
“I like apples.” Big Macintosh defensively countered.
“There’s more to life than just apples. Like pears and oranges.”
“Pears ain’t nothing to get worked up over.” Big Mac snorted, “they taste like mush. Oranges ain’t much better.”
“What about Pineapples?” Lyra pressed on.
“Never had one.” The stallion paused, pondering over the question, “Although I reckon it can’t be that bad if it’s got the word ‘Apple’ in it.”
Lyra rolled her eyes in amusement, “Flawless logic”, the mare deadpanned.
“I reckon so.” Big Macintosh chuckled. “But in all seriousness, I would probably have to try it before I give you an opinion on it.”
“Good.” Lyra beamed, “I’ll order one.”
“…It ain’t expensive is it?” Big Macintosh cautiously inquired, “I mean I-”
“Relax. I got it.” Lyra motioned to a waiter, “Can we get an order of those fancy fried pineapple rings?”
“Certainly.”
“Thank you kindly.” As the waiter trotted off, a smile crept onto Big Macintosh’s face. Lyra turned her attention back to her coltfriend, “…what?”
“’Thank you kindly?’” Big Macintosh chuckled, “That’s not something I expected a Canterlot girl th’ say.”
“I’m still a Ponyville girl at heart.” Lyra grinned back, “Besides, it’s only natural to pick up some of your significant other’s catchphrases, yes?”
“Eeyup.”
The waiter returned, levitating three plates with him. With professional flair, he set all three down. “Enjoy your meals.”
The waiter trotted off as Big Macintosh eyed the pineapple rings with suspicion.
“…are they suppose t’ look like that?”
“Mac, they’re battered and deep fried.” Lyra’s magical aura surrounded one of the rings, and levitated it towards Mac’s face. “Just try it.”
“I can feed myself.” Big Macintosh grumbled, “No need t-”
“Oh stop whining. I’m offering to you already.” Lyra rolled her eyes, “Besides, don’t you think it’s sort of romantic to be fed by your marefriend? I think it is.” The unicorn giggled.
“…sounds like something Rarity would say.” Big Macintosh noted, “But if it makes you happy.”
The stallion opened his mouth as Lyra moved the fried pineapple ring towards him. As he reached out to take a bit, Lyra yanked it out of his reach. The stallion glowered at her as she giggled.
“Sorry, sorry…this time for real.” Lyra continued to grin as she stammered out an apology.
“It ain’t funny.” Big Macintosh sulked.
The fried pineapple ring moved towards Mac’s mouth, this time staying in place as he took a bite out of it. The stallion’s expression became uncertain as he chewed and swallowed.
“It ain’t bad.” He admitted.
“Told you.” Lyra grinned, “Bonbon likes to use them for some of the candies she makes.”
The two began to work their way through the pineapple rings. Big Macintosh paused before sticking his own fork in the last one.
“Go ahead and take it.” Lyra waved a hoof.
“Eenope. My turn to feed you.”
Big Macintosh picked up the back of the fork with his teeth. The stallion leaned over the table, offering the final pineapple ring to Lyra… only for it to slip off the fork and land on top of the table cloth. Both ponies blinked in momentary surprise before laughing.
“Nice.” Lyra’s magical aura lifted the ring off the table and towards her, “Still, it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?”
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh sheepishly grinned, fork still in his mouth.
Lyra chuckled once again before popping the last ring into her mouth. After she swallowed it, she paused in thought.
“So,” Lyra began, “Did you tell your family yet?”
“…” Big Macintosh dropped the fork onto his plate, “not quite… I reckon Apple Bloom and Granny Smith have got it figured out, but neither of them have said anything. Applejack still thinks I’m dating Fluttershy for some reason.”
Lyra burst into hearty laughter, slamming her hoof onto the table. She continued to laugh, even as other ponies in the restaurant began to give her dirty looks. After another minute of laughter, she finally calmed down, panting heavily.
“Oh that is hilarious.” Lyra gasped, “Why does she think that?”
“Hell if I know. I know th’ first time she set tried ta’ get me back into the datin’ scene, she set me up with her.” Big Macintosh paused, “You ever been stuck in a restaurant with two hours o’ silence?”
Lyra snickered, “I can see that.”
“Next was Rainbow Dash.” Macintosh shook his head at the memory of that particular date, “Girl can talk, that’s for sure. Too bad it’s all about her an’ th’ Wonderbolts.”
“Of course.”
“Then was Miss Rarity.” Big Macintosh paused, “She’s a very nice mare, just not my type.”
“…I can imagine that.” Lyra nodded, “It explains where you got your suit.”
“Eeyup. We’re just friends now. Her coltfriend ain’t a bad fella either.”
“Oh, what’s his name, Boltroad? No…” Lyra tilted her head to the side as she thought, “Lightning Street?”
“Thunderlane.” Big Macintosh corrected.
“Ah, that was it. He seems like a nice guy.”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac took a bite out of his pie before continuing, “And then was Twilight.”
Lyra blinked at the mental image of Big Macintosh and Twilight on a date. She stifled a snicker before continuing “…how did that go?”
“…I don’t want t’ talk about that.” Big Macintosh shivered.
“…Does this have something to with…”
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh interrupted Lyra. “We ain’t talkin’ about that again.”
Lyra chuckled, “Oh, Bonbon would love to hear that story….”
“…Why do you live with her anyway?” Big Macintosh inquired, “I mean; I was mighty surprised to find out you were my blind date, considering that…” Macintosh grimaced, “You know what they say ‘bout you an’ Miss Bonbon.”
Lyra scowled, “Seriously, I want to find out who spread that rumor, so I can buck ’em in the face. We’re friends. It’s cheaper to share the house and the rent than it is for each of us to live separately.”
“Ah. Makes sense.” Big Macintosh took another bite out of his pie, “Still, rumors are rumors. Ponies’ll believe them even if all the evidence points to th’ contrary.”
“…I suppose so.” Lyra shrugged, “Anyway, we better eat this before it gets too cold.”
“Eeyup.”
Later, outside of the café.
“Well, Mac, As usual, it’s been nice.” Lyra smiled, “You sure you don’t want to come over for coffee?”
“I’m sorry, but tomorrow is gonna be a busy day.” Big Macintosh apologized, “Maybe after I get all th’ planting and all done.”
“That a promise?” Lyra’s face broke into a mischievous grin.
The farm stallion paused in thought, before a grin crept onto his face, “Eeyup.”
Lyra stretched up and kissed Macintosh on the cheek, “See you then.”
The unicorn turned, playfully drawing her tail across Big Macintosh’s face. The stallion blushed as Lyra trotted off.
“Hell of a mare, that Lyra, hell of a mare.” Big Macintosh shook his head as he turned to head back to the farm.
SWEET APPLE ACRES
Big Macintosh paused in front of the house, “….Well, I guess I should tell AJ tonight. Otherwise tomorrow mornin’.”
Before he could start up the stairs, Applejack trotted out of the house. The two stared at each other for a moment, and then Applejack scowled. She started towards Big Macintosh, her facial expression growing more and more infuriated by the step.
“…Somethin’ a ma-”.
Applejack interrupted the stallion’s question with a hoof to his face. Big Macintosh, caught off guard, stumbled backwards, down the stairs. Applejack quickly followed up and smashed her hoof into his face once again.
“HOW COULD YOU!?!?” the farm mare yelled. “How could you do that to my friends without tellin’ me?!?!”
“Applejack, what are you talkin’ about?” Big Macintosh clutched his face while backing away from the mare, “…I can smell whiskey on your breath.”
“DON’T YOU GO ACTIN’ ALL INNOCENT ON ME!” the Mare stabbed an accusing hoof at him, “You know exactly what the hell ya did, and I can’t believe it!”
“Applejack…”
“DON’T GO APPLEJACKIN’ ME!” the mare walked around the stallion and pushed him towards the house.
“Applejack just what is goin’ on?” Big Macintosh protested.
Applejack ignored the stallion and forced him into the house with a mighty push. The stallion stumbled through the doorway and collapsed onto the floor.
“What’s gottin’ into you, Applejack?”
“Look at that, and tell me.” Applejack jabbed a hoof at the scene in front of the two of them.
Granny Smith sat in her rocking chair with three young fillies; one pegasus and two unicorns, in front of her, listening to her story. One of the unicorns had a mulberry coat and her blue mane had a single orange streak running down it, while the other possessed a white coat and a carefully cared for blonde mane. The pegasus filly, with a red coat and long pink mane remained between the two of the unicorns, trying her best to remain unnoticed. All three were engrossed in Granny Smith’s story, oblivious to the scene behind them.
“..and just when ya thought things couldn’t get any worse, Applejack ended up in th’ cake, sendin’ chunks of it all over th’ place. An’ Uncle and Aunty Orange got into one heck of a screamin’ fit over that.” The old mare chuckled at the memory, “an’ that’s why we’re no longer welcomed at that restaurant. Not that we need any fancy smancy food like that.”
The two unicorns began to laugh at the story, while the pegasus meekly smiled. Apple Bloom trotted into Big Macintosh’s view; her bow dirty and her mane disheveled.
“Granny, I can’t take it any more, I wanted ta play with th’ two of them bu-”
Apple Bloom is cut off as a scarlet blur and a magenta blur smashed into her, sending the filly tumbling forwards. As the dust settled, a scarlet pegasus filly with a rainbow mane and a magenta earth pony filly with a fleecy, curly pink mane grinned at each other before turning their attention to Apple Bloom.
“We wanna do it again!” The rainbow-maned filly grinned at Apple Bloom.
“Again! Again!” the magenta filly bounced up and down in excitement.
Instead of responding, Apple Bloom let out an anguished groan as her head dropped to the floor with a thunk. The exhausted look on the filly’s face faded once she noticed Big Macintosh.
“Big Mac! Thank goodness yer’ back!”
The five other fillies perked up at the mention of his name and spun around to look in the same direction of Apple Bloom. The five grinned and darted toward Big Macintosh. Each one skidded to a halt and they lined up, all facing Big Macintosh. The farm stallion pulled himself off the floor and into a sitting position as he scanned the fillies. As he studied them he noticed that each of the fillies looked remarkably like the other Elements of Harmony.
In a flash of insight, he realized one other thing. Before he could respond or react to his revelation, the two unicorns, earth pony and the scarlet pegasus threw themselves at him, embracing him with a bear hug.
“DADDY!”
Author's Note
Thanks to Insanity X for proofreading.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
Big Macintosh struggled against the four fillies, still holding him in a tight embrace. The last pegasus filly quietly trotted over and hugged Big Macintosh’s free leg. Big Macintosh continued to struggle, whipping the Earth filly back and forth around his neck.
“WHHEEEEEE! FASTER FASTER!” the filly giggled.
“Alright, all of you. Let go.” Big Macintosh ordered, “I mean it.”
The sulking fillies peeled themselves off of the stallion and sat in front of him in a line.
“Applejack, who are they?”
“You tell me, ‘Daddy’” Applejack growled, “Just look at ’m!” Applejack jabbed a hoof at the first filly; the rainbow maned pegasus, “Tell ’im who you are!”
“He knows who I am, He’s my daddy.” The rainbow pegasus grumbled.
“But he’s my daddy too.” The white unicorn added.
“Mine too.” The other unicorn nodded in agreement.
“ME TOO! ME TOO!” the earth filly continued to leap up and down in excitement.
The last pegasus meekly nodded, and smiled.
“Macintosh, how could you have had an affair with all my friends?!” the mare jabbed her hoof into Macintosh’s face, “I TRUSTED YOU, and look what you did! I oughta rip ’m both off and stuff it where the sun don’t shi-”
“Applejack, Think for a moment.” The stallion interrupted his sister. “Look at them!”
“I AM. And I can see it quite plainly that they all look like my friends, ya filthy lecher!” Applejack jabbed her hoof at him again.
“No, I mean look at them!” Big Macintosh motioned towards the fillies, “Twilight’s only been here for about a year, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“An’ you’ve known Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie an’ Rarity for about four years now, right?”
“So?!?” Applejack stomped her hoof in anger, causing all the fillies to shrink back in fear, “Get to the point!”
Big Macintosh quickly turned his attention to the fillies, “Girls, how old are all of you?”
“I’m Three.” The white unicorn responded. The other ponies all nodded in agreement.
“What’s that got ta do with anything?!” Applejack demanded.
“So if Twilight’s only been here for a year, an’ she’s supposed to be my kid with her, how can she be three years old?” Macintosh countered, “It don’t add up. And further more, how could somepony like Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity or Pinkie keep this a secret for so long? You spend plenty of time with ’em and you’ve seen ’em on a near daily basis for about four years.” Big Macintosh shook his head, “You think they could really do that to you?”
“…” Applejack looked down, doubt in her eyes, “…No, no they wouldn’t.”
“So, let’s figure this out.” Big Macintosh turned his attention to the fillies, “…Erm, what’s your names?” He winced as four of them started to babble at the top of their lungs, yelling at him and each other.
“I’m Golden Gem.” The filly beamed, “My mommy’s Rarity, and she’s the prettiest pony in Equestria.”
“My name is Sparkling Cider.” The other unicorn smiled, “My mother is Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“Wait, Princess?” Applejack’s eyebrow rose in suspicion, before she shook her head. “Nevermind, I don’t want to know.”
“I’m Scarlet Tornado!” The rainbow maned filly grinned, “And my mom’s the coolest, most awesomest, and fastest pony in Equestria! Rainbow Dash.”
“I’m Apple Pie!” the earth pony excitedly yelled, “My mommy’s Pinkie Pie!”
“I... I’m Garden Royal.” The final pegasus stuttered. Garden Royal looked away from Big Macintosh and Applejack, before muttering something under her breath.
“Definitely Fluttershy.” Applejack sighed.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh nodded in agreement, before turning his attention back to the fillies. “...how did you all get here?”
“I dunno.” Scarlet shrugged, “Mom was teaching me to do a sonic rainboom, and I crashed into an apple tree.”
“Aunty Sweetie Belle was practicing her magic.” Golden Gem sulked, “She said it would make my mane look prettier, but I ended up here.”
“Cousin Skyla tried to do something like that.” Sparkling Cider scratched her head in confusion.
Garden Royal meekly mumbled something.
“Lil’ louder, sugarcube.” Applejack tried to coax the filly. Instead of responding, Garden Royal shrunk back, hiding behind Sparkling Cider and Golden Gem. The Apple siblings shrugged and turned their attention to the last filly.
“I HAVE NO IDEA!” Apple Pie shouted at Big Macintosh and Applejack.
“Who wants cobbler?" Granny Smith called out.
“I do!” Apple Pie, Golden Gem, Sparkling Cider and Scarlet Tornado yelled. The four blitzed over to the kitchen, pushing and shoving one another in order to be the first. Garden Royal meekly looked up at Big Macintosh and Applejack, before returning her gaze to the ground.
“Go on, sugar cube.” Applejack coaxed the filly on.
“Okay.” Garden Royal stood up and trotted into the kitchen.
“Applejack, when did they all start to show up?”
“’Bout an hour after you left.” Applejack sighed, “Started with Scarlet Tornado, as she crashed into one of the trees. Then Sparkling Cider an’ Golden Gem popped into the Bath when Apple Bloom was there.” Applejack chuckled, “That one was a bit of a mess. Then Garden Royal showed up on th’ doorstep. She ain’t much of a talker, is she?”
“Nope. And… Apple Pie?”
“I haven’t the slightest clue. She just popped up in the middle of everything. We didn’t even notice her until she tackled Scarlet and began to play with Apple Bloom.” Applejack sighed, “What are we going to do?”
“…I got an idea, but it’s gonna have to wait until t’morrow. I ain’t botherin’ Miss Twilight at this hour...” Big Macintosh motioned towards a clock.
“I reckon so…”
Applejack and Macintosh trotted into the kitchen. The two were greeted to a scene of carnage: Apple Pie and Scarlet Tornado ducked behind an overturned chair, shielding themselves from the chunks of cobbler flung by Golden Gem and Sparkling Cider. Garden Royal cowered in the corner, avoiding the fight. Scarlet Tornado popped back out of the chair, flinging more chunks of cobbler at the other two unicorns. It splattered onto the two unicorns, causing them to shriek in terror. Golden Gem furrowed her brow in anger, glaring at the other two.
“IT. IS. ON.” Golden Gem focused, lifting the entire pan of cobbler into the air. The pan flew forward, stopping above the other two fillies.
“…Uh-oh.” Apple Pie gulped.
The pan flipped over, dumping the remains of the cobbler onto the two.
“That’s not fair!” Scarlet Tornado screamed at the other two.
“Deal with it.” Golden Gem smirked. The smirk quickly vanished as Scarlet Tornado launched herself at the unicorn, tackling her into another glob of cobbler. Apple Pie began nibble the cobbler on the floor, as Sparkling Cider finally noticed Big Macintosh.
“Um…Apple Pie started it.” Sparkling Cider pointed a hoof at the earth filly who greedily continued to eat cobbler.
Big Macintosh loudly coughed, catching the attention of all the fillies; Apple Pie paused mid chomp, while Golden Gem and Scarlet Tornado managed to get one last punch in, before finishing. “Looks like you all need a bath.”
“I... I don’t.” Garden Royal meekly answered. Before Big Macintosh could respond, Apple Pie picked up a half-eaten piece of cobbler and flung it at the pegasus filly, splattering her with cobbler.
“Now you do!” the earth filly sung out, bouncing up and down, splattering pieces of cobbler all over the place. The pegasus filly whimpered in defeat.
“That’s it. All of you, march up to th’ bathroom and get in the tub.” Big Macintosh glared at the fillies, all of whom began to protest. “NOW.” The stallion firmly scolded the group. All five fillies quickly rushed out the door, and up towards the bathroom. Big Macintosh sighed.
“Just look at the mess. Where are Granny and Apple Bloom?”
“I ain’t puttin’ one hoof in the same room as Apple Pie and Scarlet Tornado.” Apple Bloom peeked into the kitchen from another room.
Granny Smith slowly made her way into the kitchen, and chuckled as she looked around, “Well, looks like they all enjoyed themselves.” The elderly mare slapped a hoof onto Big Macintosh’s shoulder.
“Good Work sonny. Now I can die in peace.” Granny Smith turned her attention to Applejack, “But I want more Great-Grandbabies. Get to work.”
“Granny!” Applejack yelled in disbelief, as Big Macintosh blushed.
“Applejack, I don’t have much time left in this world.” Granny Smith solemnly shook her head, “I want to have that final joy of great grandfillies an’ colts. I mean look at Macintosh, He’s given me five smilin’ great grandfillies. Apple Bloom! You got yourself a coltfriend yet?”
“Granny, I ain’t old enough for that kinda thing.” Apple Bloom responded.
“Nonsense!” the old mare scoffed. “Ain’t no such thing as bein’ too young for love.”
Big Macintosh trotted out of the room, leaving the mares to argue among them. He trotted up the stairs, following the trail of crumbles, apple bits, and other pastry remains. He pushed open the bathroom door, to see Apple Pie, Scarlet Tornado, Sparkling Cider and Golden Gem fighting among themselves, as Garden Royal sat off to the side.
“QUIET.” Big Macintosh scolded the fillies, “Didn’t your mommas teach ya any manners?”
“Mommy said that a lady has to be able to be polite, courteous, kind, gentle, and know how to beat a pony up if she must.” Golden Gem sulked.
“Mom's too busy meeting with the other princesses.” Sparkling Cider looked down.
“Mom says manners aren’t important.” Scarlet Tornado stuck her tongue out at Apple Pie.
“NOPE!” Apple Pie stuck her own tongue out at Scarlet Tornado.
Big Macintosh sighed, “Alright, all of you in th’ tub.”
The fillies once again began to fight with one another, struggling to get into the tub. Big Macintosh sighed. Something tugged at Big Macintosh’s left fore hoof. Macintosh looked down; Garden Royal smiled.
“Can I go first?” the pegasus asked.
“You’re all getting’ in the tub at the same time.” Big Macintosh responded, “It’s easier for me t’ give all of you a bath at th’ same time.”
Big Macintosh picked up Garden Royal, and dropped her into the tub, followed by Apple Pie, Scarlet Tornado, Golden Gem and Sparkling Cider. The fillies began to splash one another, as the water filled the tub. Big Macintosh trotted off, looking for soap. He spun around at the sound of a massive splash and gasped. Scarlet Tornado struggled for breath as Apple Pie and Golden Gem laughed.
“HEY! That ain’t funny!” the half-drowned pegasus yelled at the other two.
“Cut that out.” The stallion scolded the fillies, “Now behave.”
The five fillies sulked as Big Macintosh began to scrub them clean.
“After this, can I go see mommy?” Sparkling Cider looked up at Macintosh as he washed the suds out of her hair.
“Tomorrow.”
“But it would take a few days to get to Canterlot.”
“We… aren’t goin’ to Canterlot.” Big Macintosh paused, “This ain’t your world.”
“… huh?” Sparkling Cider blinked.
“Whatever... Cousin Skyla did, it sent you to a parallel world.”
“What?”
“Well, for starters, Twilight…er...your mom hasn’t been here very long. And I like a different pony.”
“Huh?” Sparkling Cider blinked in confusion.
“…It’s complicated.” The stallion sighed, “Now close yer eyes.”
The stallion took a bedpan, filled it with water and dumped it on the filly’s head. The process continued as Big Macintosh finished up Sparkling Cider, Apple Pie, Golden Gem, Scarlet Tornado and Garden Royal. Big Macintosh picked each filly out of the tub and began to dry them off.
“Alright, now that y’all are clean, you better stay that way. That means no fightin’, Scarlet, Apple Pie, Gem.”
“..Fine.” the three fillies sulked.
“Alright, now let’s go an’ get a room set up fer all'a y'all.”
The stallion pushed open the door and the fillies trotted out. The group descended the staircase, to find Granny Smith, Applejack and Apple Bloom arguing.
“Granny, It ain’t like that between me an’ Rainbow Dash!” Applejack yelled at the old mare.
“Good. Now you outta go an’ get yourself an actual coltfriend. How about that Caramel?” the Old Mare smiled.
“Granny, He’s got himself a marefriend.” Applejack retorted.
“What about Time Turner?”
“He’s got one too.”
“Noteworthy?”
“Got one.”
“Pokey Pierce?”
“He’s with Pinkie.”
“Boxy Brown?”
“Married.”
“Doc Stable?”
“Also married.”
The elderly mare paused in thought, “we outta send you ta’ Manehattan or some other place so you can look for a husband. What about you, Apple Bloom?”
“…I’m goin’ to my room.” The filly trotted off as Applejack and Granny Smith began to argue again. Big Macintosh coughed, catching the two mare’s attention.
“Granny, where’s th’ extra bed?”
“Oh, that. I’ll go fetch it. Girls, why don’t you help your old great-granny with it?”
“OK!” four of the fillies called out.
“…Okay.’ Garden Royal whispered.
The elderly mare hobbled off followed by the fillies, leaving Applejack and Big Macintosh alone.
“…what?” Big Macintosh questioned his sister.
“You’re taken this well. I mean after your date with Fluttershy, you come home to find that your kids from some other fancy sci-fi thing an’ you’re actin’ like there ain’t nothin’ wrong.” The mare commented.
“Panicking ain’t gonna do nothin’ is it?” the stallion countered.
“I suppose not.” Applejack muttered.
“…An’ there’s one other thing.” Big Macintosh added.
“What?” Applejack pressed on.
“I ain’t datin’ Fluttershy,” The stallion paused, unsure about continuing, “I’m datin’ Lyra Heartstrings.”
“…WHAT.” Applejack stared at him, jaw agape.
LATER
Big Macintosh, now sporting a black eye, pulled the blanket over the five fillies.
“Daddy, how’d you get a black eye?” Apple Pie inquired.
“…I’ll tell ya later. Now goodnight.”
“Goodnight kiss!” Scarlet Tornado chanted. The other fillies began to chant it with her. Big Macintosh sighed.
“Alright.”
The fillies’ squeed as Big Macintosh kissed each one on the forehead.
“Now go to sleep.”
The stallion trotted over to his bed and collapsed on it. He began to fade into blissful sleep, but was suddenly awaked, as five hooves tugged at his.
“Grmph?”
“Daddy…” Apple Pie looked at Big Macintosh, her eyes large and watery, “Can we sleep with you?”
“…Fine. But no jumpin’, no fightin’, no none of that. Otherwise y’all are goin’ back into your bed.”
The five fillies scrambled into Big Macintosh’s bed and did their best to snuggle next to him. Soon the room was filled with the sound of snoring.
THE NEXT DAY
“GROPHH!”
Big Macintosh was abruptly awoken as something landed on his stomach.
“Apple Pie!” the stallion bellowed, “What did I say?”
“It wasn’t me, daddy.” Apple Pie looked groggily at the stallion.
“What?”
“HI PA!” Another voice called out.
Big Macintosh looked down. A new earth filly, cerise in color with a rose-grey mane and freckles beamed back at him.
“What the…”
Sparkling Cider poked her head out from under the covers.
“Who’re you?” the unicorn asked.
“I’m Acey Mac!” the filly’s grin grew, “I’m here ta see my daddy!”
“Your… daddy?” Big Macintosh blinked.
“EEYUP!” the filly responded.
The door to Big Macintosh’s room opened and three more ponies entered. The first pony was a unicorn colt with a bright red coat not unlike Big Macintosh’s. His cornflower blue mane is slicked back and around his shoulders is a small blue cape with a star pattern. Behind him are an earth pony filly with an orange-yellow coat and orange-red mane, and a pegasus filly with a dirty red-brown coat, fiery orange mane and freckles followed him.
“There he is.” The colt told the other two fillies, his voice tinged with a slight Neigh Orleans accent.
“What is goin’ on?”
Author's Note
Thanks to Insanity X for proofreading.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
“Who are you?” Golden Gem leapt off the bed and eyed up the new colt.
“I am the GREAT AND POWERFUL CENTER STAGE!” the colt announced. As he reared up, fireworks suddenly exploded around him. The pegasus and earth pony filly accompanying him leapt backwards, avoiding the smoke and explosions. The colt, Center Stage, collapsed, coughing from the smoke.
“You’re really weird.” Apple Pie told the colt.
“Yeah, like you’re one to talk.” Scarlet Tornado shot back.
“And the two of you?” Golden Gem trotted over to the pegasus, eyeing her.
“I’m Apple Cinnamon.” The pegasus returned Golden Gem’s glare.
“I’m Golden Sweet.” The earth filly stepped back from the two.
The door opened wider, and Applejack trotted into the room.
“Big Macintosh, I heard an explo…” the four new ponies turn to look at her, “…What in tarnation?”
“I’m here to see my daddy.” Golden Sweet sat down.
“EEYUP!” Acey Mac beamed.
“What they said.” Apple Cinnamon returned to her stare down with Golden Gem.
Applejack glanced at the colt, before doing a double take.
“You should refer to her as the MAGNIFICENT AND ILLUSTRIOUS TRIXIE!” Center Stage announced, “She likes it better.”
“And who are the other three?”
“I’m Acey Mac, and my mommy’s Cheerilee.” The cerise filly beamed.
“I’m Golden Sweet.” The other earth filly smiled, “and my mom’s Carrot Top.”
“My mommy’s Spitfire.” The pegasus told the assembled fillies and colts.
“You’re mom’s Spitfire?!?!” Scarlet Tornado snapped to attention and leapt out of the bed towards her. “That’s awesome! My mom’s Rainbow Dash.”
“I noticed.” Apple Cinnamon snarked. “You’re mom’s an OK flier…”
“OK?!?” Scarlet Tornado yelled, “My momma’s the bestest, most awesomest flier in Equestria!”
“Even Rainbow Blitz wasn’t that annoying.” Apple Cinnamon complained.
“Big Macintosh!” Applejack yelled, startling all the fillies and colts.
“Applejack,” the stallion protested, “I don’t even know ho-”
“HOW COULD YA MARRY CARROT TOP!?!? You know how much she hates us, and me especially!” Applejack screeched.
“Applejack, I don’t think that’s th’ problem here.” The stallion sighed.
The kitchen was filled with noise, as the nine fillies and colts ate their breakfast. Applejack, Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh sat to the side, as Granny Smith passed more food around the table.
“Who wants more Applesauce?” the elderly mare beamed.
“Me!” three of the fillies called out.
“I want another apple turnover.” Golden Gem requested.
“I want a beignet.” Center Stage complained. Granny Smith shook her head.
“Sonny, we ain’t got nothin’ fancy like that. We have fritters if ya think that’s good enough for ya.”
“Grandma Stage Light always make beignets when I’m at her house…” The colt grumbled as he levitated a fritter towards him.
“Well, you ain’t at her house, sonny, and you better like what you get.” Granny Smith scolded Center Stage.
“Big Macintosh, why does that filly look like Miss Cheerilee?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Because it’s her daughter.” The stallion sighed.
Apple Bloom blinked, “It was Scootaloo’s fault.”
“Apple Bloom, stop talkin’ about that.” The stallion sighed again.
“How’d ya get a black eye anyway?”
“Applejack.” Big Macintosh stood up. “Alright, now listen up.”
The fillies and colt ignored him, as they continued to munch their way through the breakfast feast.
“…AHEM.” Big Macintosh coughed loudly, catching the attention of the younger ponies. “Alright, You all listen up. We’re goin’ into town today, ‘cause we got business.”
“Can we see mommy?” one of the fillies inquired. Several of the other ponies began to murmur between themselves, asking similar questions.
“No.” Big Macintosh was interrupted by a chorus of groans and whines, “Now listen.” The stallion firmly continued, “We’re gonna find out how to get you back to your moms an’ dads.”
“But you’re my Dad.” Golden Sweet responded, “At least I think you are, my daddy has a metal leg.”
The stallion sighed. “…I don’t know how to explain it. I am th’ same pony as your dads, but I ain’t him.”
“…I don’t get it.” Sparkling Cider frowned.
“I don’t know how else I can explain it.” The stallion sighed in defeat, “Now c’mon.”
PONYVILLE
Big Macintosh trotted through town. Hooked to his yoke was a large cart, lined with old blankets, and filled with the fillies and colt.
“Dad, I wanna go see mom.” Scarlet Tornado whined.
“No.”
“But...”
“I sai-”
A rainbow streaked blur whizzed past Big Macintosh. The stallion looked up to see the filly flying off.
“…Ah hell.” The stallion grunted and glanced behind him, “None of you get th’ sa-”
The stallion fell silent, as he realized that the only ponies left in the cart were Apple Cinnamon, Center Stage, Garden Royal, Acey Mac, Sparkling Cider and Golden Sweet.
“…where did the others go?”
“They all jumped out a while ago.” Center Stage yawned, “I told them not to, but they still did it anyway.”
“An’ none of you tried ta’ tell me?” the stallion scolded.
“We did.” Sparkling Cider frowned. “But you kept hushing us.”
“This ain’t gonna end well.” The stallion sighed, “Why didn’t nonna you jump out?”
“I’m not flying to Cloudsdale.” Apple Cinnamon sat down.
“Mom isn’t here. I didn’t see her cart, so that means she’s touring again.” Center Stage added.
“The town doesn’t look like how I remember.” Golden Sweet frowned. “and I don’t wanna get lost.”
“I was gonna, but Sparkling Cider pulled me back down.” Acey Mac sulked, “I wanna see Ma.”
Garden Royal muttered something inaudible
“…Alright, who jumped out first?”
CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE
“…I don’t know why daddy doesn’t want to let me see mommy.” Golden Gem scoffed.
The filly pushed the door open, and trotted into the boutique.
“Yes! One moment!” Rarity’s voice called out, “Now, Mr. Cake, stay there, and don’t move.”
Rarity trotted out into the shop and noticed the filly.
“Oh, Hello.” Rarity greeted the filly. Rarity quickly glanced around,
“Here.” Golden Gem smiled.
Rarity frowned and quickly looked around, “...I do not see any other pony here, are you certain?”
Golden Gem’s smile quickly faded, “…You don’t recognize me?” the filly asked.
“I’m sorry, dear, but I cannot say that I do.” Rarity apologized, “Are you lost?”
“…No.” Golden Gem sat down on the floor.
“...Are you alright?” Rarity trotted over to the filly.
“…No.” Golden Gem sniffled, her lip quivering.
“Don’t worry” Rarity tried to assure Golden Gem with a smile, “I’ll help you find your mother.”
Golden Gem began to cry, confused and upset at Rarity’s inability to recognize her.
“Oh dear.” Rarity turned around, “Mr. Cake, I’m sorry, we have a bit of a situat-”
The door opened again, and Big Macintosh trotted in with a frantic worried look on his face, “Rarity, have you se-” the look faded once he saw the sobbing filly.
“Big Macintosh, do you know who this is?” Rarity asked. “She sai..”
“Daddy, how come mommy doesn’t recognize me?” Golden Gem sobbed.
Rarity blinked in confusion, “…I beg your pardon?”
“It’s… complicated.” Big Macintosh sighed, “I can explain later at Miss Twilight’s.”
“I’m finishing up something for Mr. Cake, and then I will be right over.” Rarity nodded.
“Great.” Big Macintosh nudged the still crying filly, “C’mon sweetie.”
“Idunwanna.” Golden Gem sobbed.
“Gem, we need to go and look for the others.” Big Macintosh gently reminded the filly.
“No.” the filly collapsed onto her side.
Big Macintosh sighed.
“Big Macintosh, just what is going on?” Rarity pressed on.
“Well…” Big Macintosh sighed, “It’s like this. See, after I got home yesterday…”
“An’ that’s why she’s lyin’ on your floor.” Big Macintosh concluded, motioning to the sniveling filly who sat behind him.
“…Big Macintosh, that is quite frankly the most ridiculous and absolutely stupid story I’ve heard in a very long time. Even more so than the story about what Sweetie Belle and her friends tried to do for you on Hearts and Hooves day.” Rarity shook her head, “I mean, where do I even begin?”
“..Miss Rarity, I don’t think it matters if you believe the story or not, th’ flesh an’ blood of the matter is right there, and I really don’t know what else I can tell her.” The stallion shook his head, “But th’ real problem is that she doesn’t understand it.”
“…I see.” Rarity looked over at Golden Gem, “Golden Gem, right?” after the filly nodded in confirmation, Rarity continued. “That’s a very pretty name.”
“…Mommy named me.” The filly sulked.
“Yes, that does seem like a name I would like.” Rarity smiled, “I know it’s difficult to understand what’s going on, but think what your mother would say to you?”
“…” Instead of responding, Golden Gem lied down, “I don’t know.” The filly finally responded in a very weak voice.
Rarity sat next to the filly, and placed a reassuring hoof on her shoulder, “I know what I would say. This is a very scary situation for you, but what you have to do now is be a big girl, and do what Big Macintosh tells you, alright? Don’t you think that’s what your mother would say?”
“…yes.” The filly weakly agreed.
“So don’t you think you should do what she would tell you?”
“…I guess.” The filly looked down, “How come you look like my mommy, and talk like her though?”
“Because….” Rarity paused, uncertain of how to continue, “I sort of am your mother. Just like how Big Macintosh is sort of your father.”
“….I don’t get it.” The filly frowned.
“Don’t worry sweetie, everything will be alright.” Rarity assured the filly, “How do you feel now?”
“…A little better.” Golden Gem got back onto her hooves, with a small smile.
“Good. Now be a good girl for your mother, no more crying or frowning, alright?” Rarity smiled at the filly.
“Okay.”
“No, no.” Rarity shook her head, “I want to see you smile when you tell me that.”
Golden Gem’s smile grew a little bigger, “Okay.”
“Good. Now do what Big Macintosh tells you.”
“Thank you Miz Rarity.” Big Macintosh turned his attention to the filly, “Now Gem, I want you to go outside and wait with the others. Don’t try to run off, an’ don’t let anypony else run off, alright?”
“OK daddy.” The filly trotted outside, as Big Macintosh sighed in relief.
“Thank you very much, Miz Rarity.”
“Oh, it’s not a problem.” Rarity vacantly waved a hoof.
“I think you’re takin’ this pretty well, everything considered.” Big Macintosh continued.
“Darling, after some of the adventures we’ve had, a filly claiming that she’s my daughter is probably the least interesting of them all.” Rarity joked, “Still, she’s quite a cute little fil-”
“Miss Rarity?” Carrot Cake’s voice called out from another room, “I hate to be a bother, but my hooves are starting to fall asleep, and I don’t think I can stand much longer.”
“Oh my goodness, I completely forgot he was there.” Rarity slapped her forehead with a hoof, “Big Macintosh, I’ll see you at Twilight’s.”
Big Macintosh trotted outside, and returned to the cart. Apple Cinnamon, Golden Sweet, and Sparkling Cider all were sitting atop Acey Mac, who continued to struggle and try to free herself.
“Daddy, how come everyone else is sitting on Acey Mac?” Golden Gem inquired.
“…It’s a bit of a long sto-”
“There he is!”
A rainbow blur whizzed past Big Macintosh and touched down by the cart. Rainbow Dash trotted over, a sleeping Scarlet Tornado perched on her back.
“Heya big guy.” Rainbow motioned towards the sleeping foal, “So I was takin’ a nap, and suddenly this little filly flew up to me, sayin’ that I was her mom.” Rainbow blinked, “I know Pinkie threw a couple of wild parties lately, and I’ve been drinking a lot of cider, but I think I would remember gettin’ it on with you, and having a kid.”
“…Eyup.”
“Which means this is something for the egghead to figure out.” Rainbow Dash shook her head, “Anyway, we flew around for a bit, but she’s all tired out no-”
“Hi Aunty Rainbow Dash!” the fillies called out.
Rainbow glanced at the cartful of fillies, before turning her attention back to Big Macintosh, a mischievous grin on her face, “I guess what they say is true, Big Macintosh does get all the mares.”
“Miss Dash, that ain’t the problem here.” The stallion sighed.
“Right, right.” Rainbow Dash brushed the thought away, “So I’m really jus-”, Rainbow Dash blinked in sudden realization, “Waitaminute, how come that filly looks like Fluttershy? And that one looks like Rarity? And that one looks like Twilight?”
“Well, it’s kinda complicated. And before you jump to any conclusions, I didn’t sleep with them.” Big Macintosh defensively replied, “Last thing I need now is another black eye.”
“Okay, Mac, you’re really going to have to explain this one to me.” Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“Head over to Miz Twilight’s place, and I can explain it to y’all at once. And bring Fluttershy with you, alright?”
“Gotcha big guy.” Rainbow nodded, “Just take her, and I’ll be on my way.”
Big Macintosh picked up the sleeping filly and placed her in the cart, followed by Golden Gem. Rainbow Dash took off, as Big Macintosh hooked the cart back up to his yoke.
“That leaves…one more.” The stallion sighed, “…Oh this is going to be a problem….”
SUGARCUBE CORNER
“…Alright, you all stay out here. Sparkling Cider, Cinnamon, I’m leaving th’ two of you in charge.”
“How come they’re in charge?” Center Stage argued, “I should be in charge!”
“No way.” Golden Sweet countered, “You’re not very nice.”
Before the two can start arguing, Big Macintosh coughed loudly, “Fine. Center Stage, You’re coming with me.”
“Ha!” the colt laughed.
“But you ain’t gonna do any talkin’, got that?”
“Ha!” Golden Sweet stuck her tongue out at the colt.
“Let’s go.”
The stallion and the colt trotted into Sugarcube Corner, leaving the fillies behind.
“…What’s wrong?” Apple Cinnamon asked Golden Gem, “You haven’t been acting like yourself sense you came back from your mom’s place.”
“…She’s not my mom.” Golden Gem replied.
“What are you talking about?” Sparkling Cider joined the conversation, “That’s the place where Aunty Rarity works.”
“It’s her, but it’s not her.” Golden Gem frowned, “I don’t know how to explain it. She looks like my mom, sounds like my mom, acts like my mom, but she isn’t her.”
“…This sounds like one of my mom’s books.” Acey Mac butted in, “She has this really weird one where the Elements of Harmony go to this other place that’s exactly like it, but everypony’s a girl or a guy.”
“That’s how every place is.” Sparkling Cider countered.
“No, I mean all the mares are colts and all the colts are mares.” Acey Mac continued, struggling against the ponies on top of her, “Can you get off? My insides feel like they’re being smushed.”
“Are you gonna run away?” Apple Cinnamon eyed her suspiciously.
“Ee…nope.” The other filly avoided the pegasus’ gaze.
“I think you’re lying.” Apple Cinnamon countered, “So I ain’t moving.”
“You’re mean.” Acey Mac pouted.
“Gem, I think daddy knows what he’s doing.” Sparkling Cider ignored the other two ponies.
“I hope he does.” Golden Gem looked down.
“He always knows what he’s doing, that’s why he’s the best dad in the world!” Golden Sweet joined the conversation. Garden Royal nodded in agreement.
“...I gu-”
“HI EVERYPONY!”
Apple Pie leapt into the cart, carrying a box with her.
“You found your mom?” Sparkling Cider asked the cheerful earth filly.
“YEP! We had plenty of fun! We baked a bunch of stuff for the “All-twelve-of-the-alternate-offspring-of-Big-Macintosh-have-arrived-in-this-universe party she wants to throw for us later!”
“But there’s only nine of us here.” Sparkling Cider counted off.
“I dunno. Mom always knows these sorts of things.” Apple Pie shrugged, “But she made us cupcakes!”
The cheerful filly opened the box, and passed out the cupcakes.
“Oh, Scarlet’s still asleep.” Apple Pie frowned, “I’ll just put it on the side for her.”
Center Stage hopped back into the cart, followed by a levitating beignet.
“Alright, now we’re going to the library.” Big Macintosh announced to the fillies and colt.
PONYVILLE LIBRARY
Big Macintosh trotted up to the door, followed by the fillies and colt.
“Now when we get in there, I want you all on your best beha-”
The stallion was interrupted by a massive thump from within the library, followed by a crashing sound.
“Follow me an’ stay outta trouble.”
Big Macintosh pushed open the door and entered.
“Miss Twilight, I heard a noise, Are you alrig-”
A red pegasus colt with a pale apple-green mane landed face first on the floor in front of him. The colt got back onto his feet, shook his head, and opened his eyes; both of which stared in different directions. The colt smiled at Big Macintosh.
“Hi Pa!” the colt smiled.
“Um… hi.” Big Macintosh returned an uneasy smile.
“Oh no, what did you do now…” Twilight trotted into view, “Big Macintosh! Thank goodness you’re here! There’s a bit of a situation….”
“I know. Lemme guess, this fella here claimed I’m his dad, right?” Big Macintosh asked.
“How did you…” Twilight trailed off, “Never mind, it’s not just him.”
“What do ya me-”
Big Macintosh was interrupted by the sound of crashing thunder, causing the fillies behind him to scream in terror. A storm cloud formed in the middle of the room and dissipated. Where the cloud was, a purple coated colt stood, his long gamboges mane, loose and flowing. Most startling was the colt’s appearance; upon his forehead was a unicorn horn, while on his back was a pair of wings.
“…Oh no, don’t tell me…” Big Macintosh muttered.
“GREETINGS FATHER!” the Colt yelled, startling the others. “TIS I, YOUR SON NOVA!”
“…That’s the other thing.” Twilight grumbled, “What brings you here today?”
“Well…” Big Macintosh motioned for the other fillies to come forward, “You ain’t gonna believe this.”
“Try me.”
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
“-and that’s why we’re here.” Big Macintosh concluded.
Twilight sighed in exhaustion and disbelief, “Big Mac. that has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. It sounds like a bad novel. But…” Twilight motioned to the collected fillies and colts, “It’s sitting right there in front of all of us.”
“Miss Twilight, I don’t think it’s very polite tuh refer to all of them as ‘it’.”
“Tr-”
“ENOUGH!” Nova yelled at the fillies, causing most of them to once again squeal in terror, “MY HORN AND WINGS ARE INFACT A PART OF MY BODY AND ARE NOT REMOVABLE!”
“Yeah but how come Scarlet and Cinnamon and Garden and Carson only get wings, and Gem and Cider and Centy only get a horn?” Apple Pie countered, “It’s not that fair, not to mention that me and Acey and Golden Sweet don’t even got those!”
“’Tis because I am of royal blood and the house of Equestria!” Nova replied.
“Yeah, but my mom’s one of the Elements of Harmony, not to mention Twilight got to become a princess tooooooooo.” Apple Pie continued.
“…Why do they keep saying that I got to be a Princess?” Twilight shook her head, “Never mind, it’s not something I should know. If I learn something I shouldn’t I could end up changing the future.”
“Miss Twilight, I reckon the presence of eleven kids I haven’t even had ought to have done plenty of changin’ already.” Big Macintosh sighed.
“…They haven’t really interacted with anypony else, right? I mean other than you, Apple Bloom, Applejack and Granny Smith, right?” Twilight continued.
“…Scarlet, Golden Gem and Apple Pie ran off to see their mothers.” Big Macintosh sighed, “You oughta talk to them about it, not me. I told them th’ meet you here, so that I can explain it to them.”
“What about Cheerilee, Ditzy Do and Carrot Top?”
“…I’m not sure. I guess I should ask them to come here too.” Big Macintosh shrugged, “I can’t do much for Apple Cinnamon, Center Stage or Nova though. Unless you wanna get th’ princesses involved.”
Twilight shook her head, “No, bad idea, they’re still dealing with the Changling attack. I can go get them; can you just stay here with them all and make sure they don’t blow up my library?”
“Eyup.”
“I’ll be right back.” The unicorn trotted to the door and left.
“Fine! If you don’t want to help us all become alicorns too, I guess I don’t have to give you the cupcake my mom made for us!” Apple Pie stuck her tongue out at Nova.
“I do not require your baked goods, for I HAVE BROUGHT MY OWN!” Nova triumphantly yelled back, as he levitated a basket towards him.
“SO WHAT? MINE ARE BETTER!” Apple Pie yelled back.
“He’s really loud.” Center Stage grumbled to Apple Cinnamon.
“Like you’re one to talk.” Apple Cinnamon and Golden Sweet giggled.
“What’s that suppose to mean?”
“You keep bragging about how smart you are so you figure it out.” Apple Cinnamon snarked.
“…How come your eyes are pointing in two different ways?” Acey Mac poked Carson’s head, “You look like Miss Ditzy Do.”
“That’s cause she’s my ma.” The colt responded, “Stop poking me.”
“I’m trying to see if I can make them go the same way.” Acey continued to poke the colt’s head much to his discomfort.
“Y…you shouldn’t do that.” Garden Royale stuttered.
“Why not?” Acey continued poke his head.
“It’s not very nice. And he did ask you to stop.” Garden Royal noted.
“…I guess.” Acey put down her hoof. “It’s still weird though.”
Big Macintosh sighed, “Oh boy…”
“Daddy.” Golden Gem tugged at his hoof.
“What is it Gem?”
“Sparkling Cider is missing.”
“Wait, what?” the stallion looked up, “…Oh shoot.”
Twilight trotted down the street, followed by Sparkling Cider. The mare cast an uncertain glance at the filly, who beamed back at the mare.
“Why are you following me?”
“’Cause daddy would get mad if I went back now, so I should follow you. That way I stay safe, and he won’t get as mad.” Sparkling Cider told her.
“…Well played.”
“I learned from the best.” Sparkling Cider beamed.
Twilight knocked on a house door and waited. A few moments latter, Ditzy Doo opened the door, followed by Dinky.
“Oh, Hello Twilight.”
“Hello Ditzy, Dinky.” Twilight returned the mail mare’s smile.
“…Who’s that?” Dinky pointed at Sparkling Cider.
“I’m Sparkling Cider, Twilight’s- MRHPH!”
Twilight quickly shushed the pony with a hoof to the mouth.
“What was that?” Ditzy continued as Dinky’s eyebrow rose in suspicion.
“She’s…a relative.” Twilight recovered and gave the two ponies a suspicious smile. “But I need you to come to the library.”
“For what?” the mare inquired.
“It’s…. a little complicated. Once I get Carrot Top and Cheerilee, I can explain.”
“…Alright, but I’m going to bring Dinky with me.”
“That’s fine.” Twilight nodded, “Let’s go to Carrot Top’s next.”
The four trotted off. As they walked, Dinky gave Sparkling Cider a strange look.
“What?” Sparkling Cider returned her gaze.
“You look like somepony else I know…” Dinky replied.
“Well, Shining Armor is related to me.” Sparkling Cider puffed out her chest a little.
“No, you look like a different pony I...you look a little like Apple Bloom’s brother.” Dinky pondered for a moment, “Mom, doesn’t she look a bit like Big Macintosh?”
Ditzy glanced at the filly before taking another look. Sparkling Cider. “…She does look a little like Macintosh.”
“She’s…well, she’s…” Twilight stuttered.
“He’s my cousin.” Sparkling Cider beamed.
“Right, cousins.” Twilight smiled, “one of the Apples married one of my… mother’s second cousins.”
“…Alright.” Ditzy gave Twilight a look of doubt.
“…So how come you’re here anyway?” Dinky continued to ask Sparkling Cider.
“…To visit.”
“Yeah, but why? There isn’t really anything here.” Dinky pressed on.
“Well, there’s D… Big Macintosh, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith an’ the farm.” Sparkling Cider countered.
“So you came to visit and work? That doesn’t sound very fun.” Dinky shook her head.
“Girls, enough.” Twilight and Ditzy scolded the two fillies.
“Sorry.”
The group came to a stop in front of another house. Before Twilight could knock on the door, another voice called out.
“Oh, hello Ditzy, Twilight.” Carrot Top trotted over, her hooves and muzzle dirty from working, “What brings you here?”
“We have a bit of a situation that needs you at the library.” Twilight informed her.
“Sure. Give me a bit to clean up.” Carrot Top nodded in agreement.
“And now we need Cheerilee.” Twilight sighed as the group continued on.
“Why do we need her?” Carrot Top inquired.
“It’s… complicated.”
“You keep saying that, but you won’t say just how complicated it I-” Carrot Top suddenly tumbled over, as something landed on her back.
“Oh my goodness, are you alright?” Ditzy Doo trotted over.
“HI AUNTY DERPY!” Acey Mac leapt off Carrot Top’s back.
“Oh no.” Both Twilight and Sparkling Cider groaned.
“Hi Miss Twilight! I know you told me and the resta them to stay in the library but I got bored, and Apple Cinnamon an’ Apple Pie an’ Nova are all fighting and I got bored so I snuck out and found my ma.” Acey Mac beamed.
“Oh no, what did you do?” Cheerilee trotted over and helped Carrot Top back onto her hooves, “Carrot, are you alright?”
“I’ll be fine. What hit me?” the mare groggily replied.
“Somepony claiming to be my daughter.” Cheerilee frowned, “I know I’ve done some strange things before I came here, but I think I would have remembered giving birth.”
“But she’s right!” Sparkling Cider blurted out. The three mares and dinky quickly turned to look at the filly.
“She’s just joking.” Twilight quickly tried to convince the others, “it’s-”
“No, I’m not!” Acey Mac yelled back, “Cheerilee is my mom, just like how you’re Sparkling Cider’s mom!”
The other three mares looked at Sparkling Cider, then Acey Mac, before finally settling on Twilight.
“Twilight, I think we do deserve an explanation for all of this…” Cheerilee trailed off.
“Ju...Fine,” the mare conceded, “But it involves a lot more that just these two and you three. The rest of the elements are involved, so I would like to go back to the library and explain to all of you at once, alright?”
THE LIBRARY
Big Macintosh stepped around the sprawled out sleeping fillies and colts.
“Cinnamon, where did Acey Mac go?”
“I dunno dad.” The pegasus shrugged, “I think she might have snuck out when Apple Pie and Nova started fighting.”
The stallion sighed in exhaustion, “This ain’t goin’ well.”
“I think she’ll be able to find Miss Cheerilee though.” Apple Cinnamon went on, “She’s pretty driven.”
“I suppose.” Big Macintosh smiled at the filly, “Spitfire was your mom, right?”
“Eyup.” The pegasus nodded.
“She did a pretty good job raisin’ you.”
“She’s off with the Wonderbolts most of the time. You’re the one who raised me.” Apple Cinnamon blinked, “well, a version of you did.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the story you an’ mom always tell me about how you met is that Aunty Jacklyn met Soarin’ and the two of them got married. Then you and mom met at the wedding and started seein’ each other.” Apple Cinnamon paused, “But Aunty Jacklyn lives in Manehattan, and has a different cutie mark.’
“..You are a very bright filly.” Big Macintosh chuckled while patting her on the head, “wish I could say that about th’ rest of them.”
“They’re still young, Dad.”
The library door opened, as Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie trotted in.
“Shhh. They’re all sleepin’.” Big Macintosh motioned towards the fillies and colts.
“Oh,” Fluttershy turned around, “We can come back later.”
“You ain’t getting out of this one, Shy.” Rainbow Dash spun the pegasus back around, “...Hey, why does that one over there look like hes got a horn and wings?”
“Because as best we can tell, Luna’s his mother.” Big Macintosh shrugged, “Don’t ask me how that one works.”
“Damn, big guy, you really scored in that one.” Rainbow Dash swooped down, and nudged the stallion’s side.
“Rainbow, don’t be so vulgar.” Rarity shook her head, “How is Golden Gem doing?”
“Everything considered? Not too bad.” Big Macintosh sighed, “Still, I’m a bit worried about her.”
The door to the library opened again, as Twilight, Acey Mac, Sparkling Cider, Carrot Top, Cheerilee, Ditzy and Dinky entered the room.
“HI PA!” Acey Mac yelled.
“…Oh no.” Big Macintosh, Twilight, and Apple Cinnamon groaned in horror. The assorted fillies and colts woke up and noticed the new ponies in the room. Apple Pie and Scarlet Tornado launched themselves at their mothers.
“MOM!” the two fillies yelled.
“Hi filly-who-I-haven’t-had-yet!” Pinkie beamed back at Apple Pie.
“…Okay, Twilight, this is getting ridi-” Carrot Top was cut off as Golden Sweet trotted up to her.
“Mommy?” the filly looked up at the earth mare.
Ditzy quickly dived forwards, catching the clumsy pegasus colt. He opened his eyes, and stared into Ditzy’s eyes with his own.
“Hi momma!”
The library door opened one last time and Applejack and Apple Bloom trotted in, followed by a white coated unicorn filly with a two-toned mane.
“You missed one, Mac.” Applejack beamed at the stallion, barely containing her rage.
“Hi daddy!” the Unicorn bounced over to Big Macintosh and gave him a hug.
“Who’s this?” Big Macintosh motioned towards the filly.
“Why don’t you ask her, Dad?” Applejack’s eye twitched in rage.
“I’m Apple Jam and my mom’s Sweetie Belle.”
The entire building fell into silence at the filly’s statement.
“Big Macintosh…” Rarity trotted over, “Did that filly say what I think she said?”
“...I hope not.” Big Macintosh whispered back.
“…What the fuck.” Apple Bloom stood slack-jawed, staring at Apple Jam.
“APPLE BLOOM! That ain’t the kinda language a filly should be usin’!” Applejack scolded her.
“Alright, Enough.” Cheerilee stared daggers at Big Macintosh, “Big Mac, I believe we are owned some answers. Now.” The tone of her voice made Big Macintosh sigh.
“Well, it all started last night…”
“...And that’s why I called you all here.” Big Macintosh concluded.
Rarity, Twilight and Applejack sighed in exhaustion as the other mares glanced at the fillies and colts and then back at Big Macintosh.
“…That’s quite a story, Mac.” Carrot Top shook her head, “and I’m really not sure I can believe it.”
“…But you look like my mom.” Golden Sweet frowned, “and he looks like my dad, but with four legs instead of three.”
“…I believe the exact quote is, ‘There is more in Heaven and Equestria than dreamt of in your philosophy, Horneightio.’”, Cheerilee quoted, “But what do want us to do? I can’t really drop everything I’m doing to care for a filly, Big Macintosh.”
“Nor can I.” Rarity shook her head. “I have a very large business order to take care of, and…I’m sorry.”
“Oh, um… I could take care of a few of them” Fluttershy offered.
“No, I can’t let you do that Miss Fluttershy.” Big Macintosh shook his head, “In fact, I can’t ask any of you ta’ take care of them for me. They all showed up looking for their dads, and I reckon it’s my duty to take care of them until we can find a way to send them all back.”
“…I’ll start looking it up, Big Macintosh.” Twilight sighed, “It’s going to take a while.”
“In the mean time, I just wanna say… that you’re all takin’ this rather well.” Applejack admitted.
“I… am not sure how to respond.” Carrot Top shook her head, “It’s just… like something out of a bad story.”
“I agree.” Cheerilee nodded.
“Well… It’s not the strangest thing to happen to me.” Ditzy shrugged.
“…Yeah, one o’ these days you’ll have to explain that to me, Ditzy.” Applejack shook her head.
“Well if nopony else has any thoughts, I reckon I oughta head back to the farm.” Big Macintosh rose up, “Alright, girls, colts, we’re leaving.”
A chorus of murmurs echoed in the treehouse as the other ponies got up to leave.
Big Macintosh trotted through the town. Nova trotted while Sparkling Cider and Apple Cinnamon sat on his back. The rest of the fillies and colts remained inside of the cart, hooked up to Macintosh.
“How come they get to stay out of the cart?” Acey Mac and Center Stage whined.
“’Cause the three o’ them actually behav-”
“Big Mac? Why do you have all those fillies and colts with you?”
Big Macintosh froze in his tracks, as he recognized the voice. Turning very slowly, he found the speaker.
Lyra.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
“Mac? What’s with all the kids?” Lyra trotted over. She scanned the cart, getting a good look at all the fillies and colts, “…That one kind of looks like Rainbow Dash, and that one sort of looks like Pinkie.”
“…It’s really complica-”
“Um… Miss Heartstrings, I can explain.” Sparkling Cider interrupted, “Um… we’re all his kids.”
Lyra blinked in confusion at the filly’s statement, “…What.”
“Can we head somewhere a bit more private?” Big Macintosh interrupted Sparkling Cider, “I don’t want th’ entire town to know.”
“You know, I did believe you were a good guy, Mac.” Lyra shook her head, “I really did.”
“I can expl-”
“So I’ll give you a chance.” Lyra frowned, “That’s a lot more than I’d give some other ponies.”
“Thank you.” Big Macintosh turned to the cart, “Alright, listen up, I want you all on your best behavior.” A chorus of mumbled agreement followed his orders.
“I suppose my house is the only option. Bon Bon’s at some convention in Manehattan, so we don’t have to worry about being interrupted.” Lyra continued to stare at the fillies, “Why does that one look like Ditzy?”
“Because it is her kid.” Macintosh sighed, “I can introduce all of ‘em to you latter.”
The group turned around and followed Lyra through town. Lyra glanced at Sparkling Cider.
“You look an awful lot like Twilight.”
“That’s because she’s my mom.” Sparkling Cider responded.
“And… the Alicorn is… Princess Luna’s kid?”
“Correct.” Boomed Nova.
“And I have no idea who the pegasus on your back is.” Lyra frowned.
“Spitfire.” Big Macintosh and Apple Cinnamon responded.
“Spitfire? ” Lyra looked at the two of them in disbelief, “…Princess Luna, Spitfire, is one of them Princess Celestia or Princess Cadance’s kid too?”
“Nope.” Big Macintosh paused, “...Well, not that I know.”
Lyra sighed, “This is going to be one hell of a story isn’t it?”
“Eyup.”
The group stopped in front of a house. Lyra unlocked the door and glanced back at the group.
“You have to leave the cart outside, though.”
“Eyup.”
Big Macintosh unhooked himself from the cart and began to pick the foals and colts out of the cart.
“Alright, inside.” Lyra opened the door and motioned for them to go inside. “Don’t touch anything, just sit on the sofa and stay still.” A chorus of groans and mumbling acknowledged her orders, as the fillies and colts marched inside. Big Macintosh followed them in.
“Eyup.”
Big Macintosh trotted into the kitchen, passing the pouting fillies and colts.
“You heard what I said.” He reminded them.
“We know.” They all groaned.
Big Macintosh trotted into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. Lyra trotted over to the stove and started to work with the coffee machine.
“Daddy?” Sparkling Cider trotted in.
“What is it?”
“Everypony’s hungry.”
“Didn’t Miss Pinkie just give all of you some treats?”
“Apple Pie ate them all.” Sparkling Cider grumbled.
Big Macintosh sighed, “Lyra, I hate ta’ be a bother…”
“Cupboard by the sink.” Lyra responded, not looking up from her work.
“Thanks.” Big Macintosh stood up and trotted over to the sink. Opening the cupboard, he found two plastic bags of cookies. The stallion pulled them out and placed them on Sparkling Cider’s head.
“No fightin’ and you all better share. Don’t make a mess either, understood?”
“Alright dad.” Sparkling Cider trotted into the other room to the sound of cheers, followed by the sound of ripping cellophane and noisy chewing. Big Macintosh took his seat again, shaking his head.
“Hope they don’t leave a big mess.” Lyra trotted over with two cups of coffee. She placed one of the mugs in front of Big Macintosh and took a sip of hers.
“Start talking.” She ordered.
Big Macintosh took a sip of his coffee and sighed.
“Well, it all started after our date…”
“And that’s why I’m sittin’ in your kitchen, drinkin’ coffee with twelve fillies and colts sittin’ in your living room.” Big Macintosh concluded.
Lyra took a sip of her coffee, “That’s a hell of a story Mac. But time travel doesn’t work like that.”
“Lyra, I think somewhere down the line in each of their timelines, something happened that made it workable. I don’t know what, but something did.” Big Macintosh shook his head, “But as much as I’d like to learn more an’ figure it out, we’re still dealin’ with little kids who don’t know much.”
“Has it occurred to you they might be lying about where they came from?”
“It did. But then I figured it didn’t make sense for them to come up with a wild story like that.” Big Macintosh shook his head.
“…I hate to bring this up, but are you sure they aren’t Changelings?” Lyra shook her head, “When I was in Canterlot for the wedding, they snuck in and replaced a lot of ponies.”
“Never occurred to me.” Big Macintosh paused in thought.
“But then again, it doesn’t match up to what I saw in Canterlot.” Lyra continued, “Their queen disguised herself as Princess Cadance, and some of the other changelings disguised themselves as other ponies. So if these were changelings they would have disguised themselves as… I don’t know, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, myself…”
“So that don’t add up either.” Big Macintosh concluded.
“Which means… that it’s either completely legit, or the entire town has gone insane again.” Lyra concluded, “And given all the things that usually happen, I’m willing to say it’s legit.”
“Eyup.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“See if we can send’m back. Twilight said she’ll do what she can, but I think it might be better to contact the Princesses and see if they can help.” Big Macintosh shrugged, “For now, I think I oughta take care of them all.”
“Twilight didn’t think of sending for their help first?”
“She said they were busy with the fallout from th’ Changeling attack. That and Spike doesn’t seem t’ be here, so it’s harder to contact them.” Big Macintosh shrugged.
“…And if they can’t?” Lyra sipped her coffee.
“…That hasn’t occurred to me.” Big Macintosh paused, “I can’t let them go off on their own, and I don’t want to put th’ burden on ta’ others.”
“It won’t be possible in some cases either.” Lyra pointed out, “What do you think will happen if Princess Luna, or Spitfire suddenly find out they have a kid?”
“Media would have a field day.” Big Macintosh nodded.
“So it’s pretty much damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
“Eyup.”
The two ponies sighed and sipped their coffee.
“You’re taking this well, Lyra.” Big Macintosh noted.
“I’m not sure what else to do.” Lyra frowned, “I mean it. This… this is very strange.”
“Well, I guess I should introduce you to the twelve of them.” Big Macintosh stood.
“Right.”
The two ponies trotted into the other room and found all the fillies and colts sleeping.
“Alright kids, get up.” Big Macintosh prodded Sparkling Cider. The collection of fillies and colts woke up, groggily rubbing their eyes and yawning.
“Alright, You all know who this is, right?” Big Macintosh motioned towards Lyra. After assorted murmurs and nods confirmed it, Big Macintosh continued, “Alright, I want you all to introduce yourselves to her. One at a time.”
“I’m Sparkling Cider.”
“I am Golden Gem.”
“I’m Apple Pie!”
“I’m Scarlet Tornado, and I’m awesome.”
“G...Garden Royal.”
“Apple Cinnamon.”
“Golden Sweet.”
“I’m Carson Apple.”
“Acey Mac!”
“I am Nova.” Nova bowed, “Please to make your acquaintance.”
“Apple Jam.”
“I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CENTER STAGE!” Fireworks went off, as Center Stage reared back. Apple Jam and Nova stepped away from him, fanning the smoke towards him. Center Stage collapsed onto his rear, coughing from the smoke.
“I AM BELLONA.” A new female voice shouted, startling all the ponies.
The new filly stepped forward revealing herself to the others. For the most part, the filly appeared to be a normal red coated pony with an amber grey mane. The pony’s left foreleg ended in a talon, while her right closely resembled that of a cat’s paw. Instead of a pony’s tail, the filly possessed a snake-like tail, covered in red fur and ending in a tuff of white fur. Upon the filly’s back were a pair of blue pegasus wings and upon her head was a single crooked horn. The filly grinned, revealing a long tooth among her otherwise normal teeth.
“Mac, I though you said there was only twelve kids.” Lyra whispered.
“There were.”
“Oh, Daddy, how could you forget about me?” the filly-thing shook her head, “Discord would be very displeased to know that you forgot about your only daughter.”
“…WHAT.” Lyra’s jaw dropped at the filly-draconequues’s revelation, “How did...wha...gu... Excuse me; I’m going to yell at the stove for a bit.”
Lyra trotted out of the room. A few moments later screams echoed through the house, shocking the others back into action.
“Daddy!” Nearly everypony except Nova, Sparkling Cider and Garden Royale dived behind Big Macintosh, in panic.
“SO! IT SEEMS THAT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SEALED AWAY.” Nova announced, “THEN I SHALL DEALWITH Y-”
Bellona appeared atop Nova’s back, startling the alicorn.
“…You’re not Princess Midnight Star.” Bellona peeked between Nova’s back legs, “Definitely not.”
Nova flushed with embarrassment and fluttered his wings, knocking Bellona off. The other fillies giggled, as Bellona floated above Nova’s head.
“ENOUGH!” the colt attempted to regain his posture, “I SHALL NOT TOLERATE SUCH EMBARRASSMENT!” Nova’s eyes glowed as he focused his magic on his horn.
“But Discord became good where I’m from.” Sparkling Cider cut in.
“Mine too.” Garden Royale nodded.
Big Macintosh sighed. “Stop. Both of you.”
“But…” the glow faded from Nova’s eyes and horn as he pleaded.
“But I’m having fun.” Bellona complained.
“I said stop.” Big Macintosh firmly repeated.
“…Fine.” Bellona touched down and sat.
“…As you wish father.” Nova sat down, across from Bellona.
“As for the rest o’ you…” Big Macintosh turned his attention to the ponies behind him, “I want you to behave around her.”
“But she’s scary!” Acey Mac countered.
“She’s just like th’ rest of you. Jus’ a little more mischevious.” Big Macintosh sighed, “And you, Bellona, none of that chaos causin’ mischief, do you understand me?”
“Fine. Other Dad’s a lot more fun…” Bellona rolled her eyes.
“Well he ain’t here and I am. Now you all behave, I need to check on Miss Lyra”
Big Macintosh trotted into the kitchen and was greeted with the scene of Lyra banging her head against the table. Between smacks, she noticed Big Macintosh.
“Seriously! I can take you having a kid with Twilight. I can handle you having a kid with Carrot Top. I can take you having a kid with one of the Princesses, but Discord?” Lyra smacked her head against the table again, “How does that even work?!?! I need something to scrub that mental image out of my head!”
“…I ain’t gonna think about it, and I don’t reckon you should either.” Big Macintosh shook his head, “If you’re having second thoughts about things, I understand.”
Lyra grimaced, “I said I’d help you, and I intend on keeping it that way.”
“…By the way, I told Applejack about us.” Big Macintosh chuckled.
“I was going to ask about the black eye, but I guess that tells me everything I need to know.” Lyra chuckled, “Well, let’s do what we can for n-”
A crash interrupted the two adults. The two ponies exchanged quick glances and ran off to the living room.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
Lyra and Big Macintosh were greeted by a scene of chaos. Nova and Bellona whizzed around the room pursuing one another, knocking over furniture. Sparkling Cider and Apple Cinnamon attempted to stop the two of them, while Golden Gem and Golden Sweet tried to keep the other fillies calm.
“I SHALL NOT STAND FOR SUCH INSULTS!” Nova screamed at Bellona. The draconequus hybrid snapped her fingers, hurling a chair at Nova. The alicorn knocked it aside. Lyra’s aura surrounded the chair and set it down again.
“STOP!” Big Macintosh shouted at the group. Every pony in the room froze, turning their attention to Big Macintosh and Lyra. Bellona and Nova froze in mid-air.
“Come here.” Big Macintosh ordered. The two ponies landed and meekly trotted over to Big Macintosh.
Sparkling Cider, Apple Cinnamon and Golden Sweet trotted over to Lyra, their faces heavy with embarrassment and guilt.
“Miss Heartstrings?”
“Yes… Sparkling Cider, Right?”
“Uh-huh.” Sparkling Cider nodded, “We just wanna say that none of us had anything to do with that, and we were trying to stop them, honest.”
“We were.” Apple Cinnamon added.
“Don’t worry girls, I believe you.” Lyra sighed, “What did they br-”
Bellona snapped her fingers, returning the room to its original state. The alicorn and draconequus sulkily trotted over to Lyra, keeping their heads down and averting her gaze.
“Yes?”
The two mumbled something inaudible. Lyra held a hoof up to her ear.
“Couldn’t hear that, you two.” Lyra replied.
“We’re sorry.” The two half-heartedly apologized.
“AHEM.” Big Macintosh prodded the two. Behind them, Apple Pie, Apple Jam and Carson fell asleep on the newly repaired sofa.
“We’re sorry for not listening to dad and wrecking your living room.” The two apologized.
“What was that, Nova?” Big Macintosh growled at the alicorn.
“Nothing dad.” Nova quickly responded.
“Heh, dummy.” Bellona smirked.
“Bellona…” Big Macintosh turned his attention to the draconequus.
“Sorry dad.”
“Cinnamon, Sparkling Cider, gather th’ others. I think we’re gonna have to head back to th’ farm.” Big Macintosh ordered the two fillies.
“Alright dad.” The pegasus and unicorn trotted over to the others.
“Well, Lyra, I’m gonna head home, then.”
“Alright Mac. If you need anything, just let me know.”
“Eyup.”
Big Macintosh pushed open the door, letting the fillies and colts trot in.
“Granny we’re back.”
“Good timin’! Who wants apple bread puddin’?” the elderly mare called out.
“I DO!” all the colts and fillies yelled back, before making their way into the kitchen. Big Macintosh sighed and followed them. Granny Smith eyed the group, counting each of them while passing out plates with generous amounts of bread pudding to them.
“…Macintosh is it me or is there more of them, than there were at breakfast?”
“There’s more granny. That’s Apple Jam, that’s Nova, that’s Carson an’ that’s Bellona.” Big Macintosh pointed to each of the ponies.
“Thirteen? And one of them looks like the princess.” Granny Smith smiled, “Good work, sonny. I don’t reckon the Apple family needs that sort of attention, but that’s how love works out sometimes.”
“Granny, it ain’t like that.” Big Macintosh sighed, “Can you keep an eye on them? I’m gonna try an’ get some work done today.”
“Alright.” Granny Smith nodded.
“Alright, listen up.” Big Macintosh announced, “I need to get some work done. In th’ meantime, I want you all to stay here. Don’t wreck the house, and don’t give Granny Smith trouble, understand?” As the fillies and colts muttered their understanding, Big Macintosh nodded.
The stallion trotted out of the house.
“Tell us a story!” Acey Mac and Apple Pie both shouted.
“Alright then. Everypony go to the living room.” Granny Smith chuckled as the group made their way out of the kitchen. “Well, what story do you want to hear?”
“One about Apple Bloom!” Apple Jam yelled, “Mom has plenty of stories about their crusading days.”
“Alright, then, lemme tell you about th’ time Apple Bloom got her head stuck in the toilet…”
Seven minutes and Twenty-nine seconds later...
Apple Jam poked the snoring Granny Smith.
“…I don’t think she’s waking up.” The filly turned her attention to the others, only to find Sparkling Cider, Golden Gem, Golden Sweet, Garden Royal and Apple Cinnamon behind her.
“…Uh-oh, Dad’s going to be mad.” Apple Jam gulped.
“Eyup.” Apple Cinnamon shook her head, “I’m not going to Canterlot.”
“I don’t think Bellona and Nova went there.” Sparkling Cider countered, “Neither of them are stupid enough to fly there and attract attention. Especially Bellona.”
“You hope.” Golden Sweet countered, “Since all our moms are here, everyone probably ran off to go see them.”
“But Center Stage isn’t here, and his mom isn’t here either.” Sparkling Cider countered. “So where did he go?”
“Why did I agree to come with you?” Center Stage rolled his eyes.
“I dunno.” Apple Pie shrugged, “Something about bagnets.”
“Beignets.” The colt corrected, “They’re beignets.”
“That’s what I said, Bagnets.” The filly beamed. Center Stage sighed in defeat.
“HERE WE ARE!” The filly bounded through the door of Sugar Cube Corner. Center Stage sighed and followed. Mrs. Cake looked up from setting trays in the display case.
“Well, hello there.” Mrs. Cake beamed at the fillies, “What can I do for the two of you?”
“Is mo…Pinkie Pie here?” Apple Pie quickly corrected herself.
“She’s a bit busy right now, dearie. If you can wait a little while she can come out and…do whatever you need to do.” Mrs. Cake informed her.
“OK!”
Apple Pie bounded off to the side, as Center Stage trotted up to the counter.
“Are there any Beignets left?” He inquired.
“Sorry, dearie.” Mrs. Cake shook her head.
“…Can I have a cupcake then?”
“Certainly! Which one?”
“The blue one.” Center Stage pointed towards a white cupcake with blue frosting.
“Here you are, that will be Two bits.” Mrs. Cake placed the baked good on the counter as Center Stage levitated two coins onto the counter. His magic aura surrounded the cupcake, and he trotted off to join Apple Pie.
“How come I don’t get one?” Apple Pie frowned.
“Because I keep my allowance.” Center Stage took a bite of the cupcake, “and I save it.”
“…How do you know what I do with my allowance?” Apple Pie countered.
“You probably spend it all on baked goods.” Center Stage took another bite, “Kinda obvious, really.”
“…Why are you so mean?” Apple Pie frowned.
“Because.” Center Stage finished off his cupcake.
“I’m gonna tell my mom not to bake anything for you.” Apple Pie stuck her tongue out at the colt.
“Alright Mrs. Cake, I finished the batch for tomorrow.” Pinkie trotted out of the back room, “Now who wanted to see me?”
“HI MOM!” Apple Pie leapt away from the table.
“M...Mom?’ Mrs. Cake stuttered, before turning her attention to Pinkie.
“It’s… her nickname for me!” Pinkie beamed at Mrs. Cake, “See, Apple Pie’s mom kinda sorta vanished, and when I met her, she felt that I was like a mom to her, right?” Pinkie flashed a nervous smile at Apple Pie.
“…Eyup!” Apple Pie responded without missing a beat, “I just came because I wanted to bake cupcakes!” the Filly bounced in excitement, “…Oh, and Center Stage came because he’s mean.”
“I am not!” Center Stage countered, “I’m just bored.”
“…Well if you want to make cupcakes, let’s get started!” Pinkie leapt back into the kitchen, as Apple Pie followed her lead. Center Stage rolled his eyes and followed the two, leaving a baffled Mrs. Cake behind.
“…I think I’m going to go lie down…” The mare trotted off.
Dinky and Sweet Wheat trotted down the street. Sweet Wheat quickly glanced behind them before turning her attention back to Dinky.
“He’s still following us.” Sweet Wheat frowned.
“I know.” Dinky continued along.
Sweet Wheat glanced behind her again, as Carson tripped over his hooves and landed face first on the road.
“…Should we help him?”
“I don’t know.” Dinky continued to ignore Carson.
“…Who is he, anyway?” Sweet Wheat continued to question Dinky.
“He’s… some weird pony.” Dinky trailed off.
“…He kinda looks like your mom.” Sweet Wheat winced as Carson walked into a pole, “Is he related to you?”
“I dunno.” Dinky quickly turned around a corner.
Sweet Wheat frowned and followed Dinky.
“Wait for me!” Carson’s wings began to flutter, as he lifted off the ground and followed the two fillies.
“HI MOM!”
Scarlet Tornado plowed through Rainbow Dash’s wall, startling the pony, nearly causing her to drop Tank. Scarlet Tornado flew around the room a few times, before landing next to Rainbow Dash on the sofa.
“Hey kid.” Rainbow Dash grinned at the filly, “Aren’t you suppose to be with Mac?”
“I got bored, so I flew here.” Scarlet patted the tortoise on the head, “Hi Tank! You look younger.”
“You don’t think your dad’s gonna be mad?” Dash lied down on the sofa.
“As long as I get back before he comes home, I should be okay.” Scarlet shrugged and lied next to her.
“So what do you want to do, kid?”
“Take a nap.” Scarlet snuggled next to Dash and closed her eyes.
“…Good Idea.”
Rainbow Dash followed suit and soon the house was filled with the sound of snoring.
“Can we go to the park?” Acey Mac asked.
“No.” Cheerilee responded, not even bothering to look up from her paper work.
“Can we go get ice cream?”
“No.”
“Can I get a pet?”
“No.”
“Can I get a coltfriend?”
“No.” Cheerilee continued to chew on a pencil, “…Scootaloo, I need to talk to you about your school work later….”
“Can I become a Princess?”
“No.”
“…You’re boring.” Acey Mac flopped onto her back and began to roll around the schoolroom floor.
“I know.” Cheerilee sighed.
“How come you aren’t married to pa?”
“Because Big Macintosh and I are just friends. Besides, he has Lyra.” Cheerilee responded.
Acey Mac stopped rolling around and stared at Cheerilee upside-down, “And you don’t have anyone?”
“…No.” Cheerilee sighed.
“…That’s kinda sad.” Acey Mac rolled onto her stomach.
“…I know.” Cheerilee dejectedly sighed.
Acey Mac stood up and trotted over to Cheerilee.
“I think you’ll find someone, Ma.” Acey Mac beamed, “Somepony’ll figure out that you’re really smart and stuff. Even if it ain’t Pa.”
Cheerilee smiled, “Thank you. And it’s “Even if it isn’t Pa”.”
Acey Mac spread her hooves out, “Can I have a hug?”
“…Yes.”
“Alright, so why do I have to deal with you two?” Twilight frowned.
“Because you are one of the Elements of Harmony so I COMMAND YOU TO SEAL HER AWAY!” Nova boomed as he jabbed a hoof at Bellona. The draconequus floated past, sipping a milkshake.
“…No.” Twilight turned her attention back to her books.
“But Princess Twilight!” Nova continued, “You mu-”
“Why do all of you keep calling me ‘princess’?” The mare grumbled.
“Because you married Cousin Blueblood.” Nova curtly responded.
Twilight’s face changed from one of annoyance to one of absolute horror. Before Nova or Bellona could do anything, she slammed her face into the book in front of her with a loud thunk. She continued to smack her head into the book, as Bellona and Nova slowly backed out of the library. Bellona opened the door and the two gave each other an uncertain look.
“We are going to pretend this never happened, agreed?” Bellona cocked an eyebrow.
“Agreed.” Nova nodded.
They slammed the door shut and trotted off.
“…Well, where to next, dear Nova?” Bellona sneered.
“Shut up.” Nova grumbled, “If we’re going to be stuck with each other we should try not to antagonize each other so much.”
“…Pfft.” Bellona stifled a giggle, “Yeah right.”
“…And it will decrease the likelihood of father punishing us.”
“…Touché.” Bellona grumbled, “…Do you get the feeling that everypony is staring at us?”
“I am an Alicorn and you are a… hybrid, of course we attract attention.” Nova rolled his eyes.
“Yeah.” Bellona nodded, “Hey, watch this.”
Bellona zoomed over towards three earth ponies, smiling menacingly. One of the ponies gasped in horror.
“Boo.” Bellona’s smile grew as her mouth filled itself with sharpened teeth. The three ponies fainted in terror. Bellona suddenly vanished and reappeared next to Nova.
“Gotta love it.”
“…Your behavior is most unladylike.”
Big Macintosh sighed in relief.
“Got that done. I think I can leave most of th’ harvestin’ to A-”
“Daddy!”
Big Macintosh turned around to see Sparkling Cider and Apple Cinnamon run up to him.
“Scarlet and Acey and Center Stage and Apple Pie and Carson and Nova and Bellona ran off.” Sparkling Cider informed him.
“…Girls, get the cart.”
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
Big Macintosh trotted down the road again, his cart behind him. Sparkling Cider and Apple Cinnamon sat on his back, looking around for their siblings.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Big Macintosh grumbled.
“’Cause we couldn’t wake Granny up, an’ we had to go all over the farm looking for you.” Sparkling Cider responded.
Big Macintosh sighed, “Alright girls, let’s just find them before they cause any trouble.”
“Eyup.” Both fillies bobbed their heads up and down in agreement. The group passed a building. Several seconds later, Sweet Wheat and Dinky trotted out from the side of the building and caught up with Big Macintosh.
“Mr. Macintosh?” Dinky caught the stallion’s attention, “Carson’s been following us.”
“He’s nearby-”
Something crashed into Sparkling Cider, knocking her off Big Macintosh’s back. With a thud, two ponies landed on the ground in a tangle of limbs. Apple Cinnamon leapt off Big Macintosh’s back and trotted over to Sparkling Cider.
“Are you alright?”
“I think so.” Sparkling Cider rubbed her head, “What about Ca-”
The two fillies stared at the pony, before exchanging glances.
“…Um, Dad…” Apple Cinnamon motioned for Big Macintosh to come over, “We have a problem.”
“What?” Big Macintosh trotted over, getting a good view of the pony: a blue coated pegasus colt with a spiky, sandy blonde mane. The pegasus got to his feet and shook his head. He looked at Sparkling Cider and Apple Cinnamon before looking at Big Macintosh.
“…Dad?” the colt blinked, “Who’re they?”
“…You gotta be kiddin’ me…” Big Macintosh groaned.
Sugarcube corner
“Oh, I know!” Apple Pie beamed, “What if we put gummy worms and we grounded up the peppermints for the inside of the hushpuppy?”
“That sounds disgusting.” Center Stage made a horrified face and a retching noise.
“I think it sounds good.” Apple Pie countered.
“No, I tried that.” Pinkie shook her head, didn’t work out.
“Ha!” Center Stage stuck his tongue out at Apple Pie.
“So we’ll use it to make crepes!” Pinkie Pie beamed.
Apple Pie returned the gesture at Center Stage, while Center Stage groaned in horror.
“So your mom’s Cloudchaser?” Apple Cinnamon eyed the other filly.
“Uh-huh. My name’s Stratos.” The colt nodded.
“How come your mane sticks up like that?” Sparkling Cider looked at the colt’s mane.
“I dunno. Mom’s sticks up like that too.” Stratos shrugged.
“…Get in th’ cart.” Big Macintosh sighed, “We’re lookin’ for your brothers an’ sisters.”
“…I have siblings?” Stratos blinked.
“Well, half-siblings, I think.” Big Macintosh pondered over something.
“Dad?” Sparkling Cider interrupted Big Macintosh’s thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“What does that make Golden Gem and Apple Jam?” Sparkling Cider inquired, “Because Aunty Sweetie Belle and Aunty Rarity are sisters. So does that make them cousins and sisters?”
“…I think so,” the stallion shrugged.
Rainbow Dash yawned and stretched. The mare sat up on the sofa and glanced at the sleeping filly and Tank.
“Hey kid, wake up.” Dash nudged the filly awake.
“Mrah?” Scarlet Tornado groggily woke up.
“I gotta go to work.” Dash paused, “We better find Big Mac.”
“Can’t I just stay here?” the filly pleaded.
“No.” Dash shook her head, “Mac said he’ll take care of you and… I’m not really the best pony to be taking care of kids right now.”
“But you’re my mom.”
“I know. But…” Dash sighed, “Listen, your mom’s older than me right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m still young. And I’m not quite ready to take care of a kid on my own. Heck, I hardly have enough food in my house to feed me for a week.” Dash shook her head, “Besides, you get along with all the others, right?”
Scarlet Tornado pondered for a little while, “Cider and Apple Cinnamon are okay. I don’t like Center Stage though, he’s kinda a jerk.”
“Heh.” Dash chuckled, “Wouldn’t you rather stay with them?”
“…I guess.” Scarlet shrugged, “But can I come and hang out with you tomorrow?”
“Sure thing, kid.” Dash grinned at the filly, “Now let’s go find Big Mac.”
“So you’re saying I got eleven other siblings?” Stratos’s mouth hung open in shock, “But Mom’s still pregnant!”
“My mom’s not your mom.” Apple Cinnamon pointed out, “We all have the same dad, but our moms are different.”
Stratos blinked, “huh?”
“My Mom’s Spitfire. Her mom’s Twilight Sparkle.” Apple Cinnamon pointed to herself and Sparkling Cider.
“…I think I get it.” Stratos nodded, “Does this mean Dad had a kid with Aunty Flitter too?”
“…We dunno.” The two fillies shrugged.
“…I said I’m sorry dad.” Carson pouted from inside of the cart, “I just wanted to look for ma.”
“I told you all t’ wait at th’ farm.” Big Macintosh scolded, “She’s got her own work ta’ do, and I don’t want you ta’ cause any trouble for her.”
“…An’ Dinky was ignorin’ me the entire time.” Carson pouted.
“Well, she ain’t use to havin’ a brother.”
The group continued through town, passing other ponies.
“There he is!” Cheerilee trotted over with Acey Mac. The filly bounded over and beamed at Big Macintosh.
“Hi pa!”
“…What did I tell you all before I left?”
“…Uh…It was Apple Pie’s idea.” Acey Mac’s smiled turned into one of embarrassment.
“I don’t care, you followed her.” Big Macintosh jerked his head back towards the cart, “I’ll figure out how ta’ punish you later.”
“…Fine.” Acey pouted and trotted over to the cart. Big Macintosh turned his attention to Cheerilee.
“I’m terribly sorry, Cheerilee.” The stallion apologized.
“Oh, not, It's alright.” Cheerilee waved the thought away, “For the most part I was able to get all my work done.”
“Still…”
“Hey, who’s that?” Acey Mac pointed at Stratos.
“I’m Stratos.”
“Another one?” Cheerilee chuckled, “Big Macintosh this is starting to get rid-”
“There he is!”
Rainbow Dash and Scarlet touched down next to the two earth ponies. Scarlet trotted over to the cart and fluttered into it, next to the other ponies.
“Who’s that?” Scarlet poked Stratos’s head.
“He’s our brother.” Apple Cinnamon and Sparkling Cider informed her.
“Another one?” Rainbow Dash grinned in amusement, “Damn, you’re a regular baby makin’ machine, Big Guy.”
“Miz Dash….”
“Heh, sorry, sorry.” Dash’s smile vanished, “Sorry about that. The kid came over to my place and we… well, we took a nap.”
Big Macintosh sighed, “Well, she wasn’t suppose to leave the farm when I was working. I left them with Granny.”
“Mac, your granny always nods off at the weirdest times.” Dash shrugged, “It wasn’t gonna work, who else is missing?”
“Just Apple Pie, Center Stage, Nova an’ Bellona.”
“Who’s Bellona?”
Big Macintosh paused, uncertain of continuing. He sighed in embarrassment and continued “…Discord’s daughter with me.”
The two ponies stared back at him in utter shock and silence. Cheerilee and Rainbow Dash exchange a quick, worried glance before the two of them burst out into rambunctious laughter. Both mares quickly collapsed onto the ground; Cheerilee rolled on to her back, unable to control her laughter as Rainbow Dash pounded the ground and buried her face in her forelegs. Big Macintosh turned an even brighter shade of red and sighed in embarrassment.
“Dad? Why are they laughing?” Sparkling Cider asked.
“…Don’t worry about it.” Big Macintosh sighed, “Let’s just find the others and head home.”
The mares finally got themselves under control and got back onto their feet.
“I’m so sorry, Big Macintosh.” Cheerilee wiped away her tears, “But Discord? Really?”
“I-”
Big Macintosh was interrupted by Bellona, as she touched down in front of the stallion.
“Dad, I’m sorry for whatever I did, Just please make them go away.” Bellona pleaded.
Rainbow Dash and Cheerilee exchanged startled glances with one another.
“…Oh my.” Cheerilee took a step backwards.
“…Holy Shit .” Rainbow Dash blinked in shock as her mouth hung open, “I thought you were kidding. How does that even work?”
“I don’t know.” Big Macintosh shrugged, “Bellona, what do you mea-”
Big Macintosh was interrupted as Nova and another alicorn touched down. The new alicorn looked nearly identically to Nova, save it’s gender: female.
“That’s what I’m sorry about Dad.” Bellona groaned, “One Nova was bad enough.”
“…Wait, One?”
“…Mother?” the alicorn blinked.
“…Oh boy…”
Sugarcube corner
“But you can’t put that in the King Cake!” Center Stage shouted.
“Don’t be silly, of course we can.” Pinkie smiled, “that’s the entire point of the cake!”
“…You put one plastic Alicorn inside the cake.” Center Stage countered.
“But we have three alicorn Princesses. Unless we count the changeling queen, but she was all like insecty and didn’t really look like a pony.” Pinkie paused in thought, “But what if we melted a fourth alicorn a little so it looked like her?”
“I wanna do it!” Apple Pie grinned.
“Alright! Let’s get to it!”
Center Stage responded by smashing his face into the table.
“So lemme see if I get this straight.” Big Macintosh paused, “You’re Midnight Bliss. Your mother is Big Paula Red, who owns Sweet Apple Acres, an’ lives there with her brothers Applejack and Applebud, and her grandpa, George Cave.”
“Yes.” The Alicorn filly, Midnight Bliss, nodded.
“An’ your father is Prince Erebus, who was sealed away because he an’ his brother, Prince Solarius turned into Imperator Tartarus an’ Imperator Hyperion.”
“Uh-huh.”
“An’ Your… cousin is Prince Tempo, who rules Equestria.”
“Yep.” Midnight Bliss nodded.
“…Except for th’ names that sounds an awful lot like Nova’s story.” Big Macintosh frowned.
“Well Mac, in the infinite multiverse, there should be a universe where it is functionally identical to another, save the genders.” Cheerilee pointed out, “Although…the probability seems mind boggling.”
“…A male version of me sounds like he’d be a jerk.” Rainbow snorted, “Applejack seems like she’d be the same.”
“…Alright. I can believe it.” Big Macintosh shrugged, “Wouldn’t have been the craziest thing to happen t’day.”
“Daaaaad” Bellona groaned, “I don’t wanna get stuck with them…... Nova’s weird and Midnight smells funny.”
“I do not.” Midnight countered.
“Stop arguin’. We still need t’ find Apple Pie an’ Center Stage.” Big Macintosh sighed.
“I’d say find Pinkie and you’ll find one of them. Anyway, I gotta go to work, Catch you all later.” Dash waved goodbye and took off.
“I also have things to take care of.” Cheerilee smiled, “Take care.”
“You too.”
The two ponies trotted off in separate directions. Bellona landed in the cart with the others, while Nova and Midnight Bliss trotted alongside him.
“…How did you get here?” Big Macintosh asked Midnight.
“I am not certain.” The filly shrugged, “I was with Mr. Mandolin, and something went wrong with the spell he caste.”
“Mandolin?”
“Mr. Harpsy Mandolin, the Element of Magic.” Midnight Bliss responded.
“Nova, Didn’t you say Lyra was the Element of Magic from where you’re from?”
“Indeed.” Nova nodded.
“…How am I gonna explain that one th’ her?” Big Macintosh shook his head.
The group continued down the street, catching odd looks from other ponies.
“…Did you go to Canterlot?” Sparkling Cider asked the alicorns and Bellona.
“No. Why would we?” Bellona gave the unicorn a confused look.
“Because Princess Luna’s there.” Sparkling Cider responded.
“If a strange alicorn and Bellona show up in Canterlot with no warning, what do you think is going to happen?” Midnight Bliss pointed out, “Stuck in prison, if we’re lucky, dead if we’re not.”
“…I didn’t think about that.” Sparkling Cider frowned.
“Just what I want.” Bellona groaned, “More alicorns.”
“Oh quiet you.” Nova grumbled.
“You’d be saying the same thing if you were in my shoes.” Bellona argued back.
“That would require more Draconequusi to begin with.” Nova countered.
“…Do I sound like that?” Midnight Bliss asked Apple Cinnamon.
“I dunno.” The pegasus shrugged.
“Who’s this anyway?” Bellona pulled Stratos out of the cart and held him at the others, “And what’s wrong with his mane?”
“My mane is naturally like that.” Stratos grumbled, “Mom’s mane is too.”
“He’s Stratos. And be nice to him.” Big Macintosh informed them.
The Group stopped in front of Sugarcube Corner, as Big Macintosh unhooked himself from the cart.
“Cider, you’re in charge out here. Cinnamon, you’re coming with me.”
“Alright dad.” The unicorn nodded. Apple Cinnamon flittered out of the cart and landed next to Big Macintosh. The ponies entered Sugarcube Corner to see Mrs. Cake managing the counter again.
“Oh, hello Big Macintosh.” Mrs. Cake smiled, “What brings you here toda-”
Center Stage dashed out of the back room, and grabbed hold of Big Macintosh’s left forehoof.
“Dad, I’m sorry, make them stop please.” Center Stage begged, “They’re trying to put chocolate and mints in the crawfish pie.”
“…I didn’t know we had crawfish here.” Big Macintosh frowned.
“Oh, you know how Pinkie is.” Mrs. Cake shrugged, “Always finds it somehow.”
Pinkie, Apple Pie and a third filly trotted out of the kitchen, carrying platters of cupcakes. The new filly was an earth pony with a yellow-white coat and curly pink mane.
“Pinkie, who’s that?” Mrs. Cake pointed at the filly.
“Oh, this is Apple Cake.” Pinkie smiled.
“Hi dad!” the filly beamed at Big Macintosh. Apple Cake turned her attention to Mrs. Cake, “Hi Grandma!”
Mrs. Cake’s eyes widen in shock, “G...Grandma? But that would me…” Mrs. Cake’s eyes rolled back as she collapsed to the floor.
“I told you Mom and Dad wouldn’t think it was funny.” Apple Cake scolded Apple Pie.
“I thought it would be.” Apple Pie shrugged.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
It won't always be this way
Several days later
Big Macintosh knocked on the door to Lyra’s house. The door swung in, as Bon Bon looked out.
“Oh, Hello Big Mac. Looking for Lyra?”
“Eyup.”
“Is this for pleasure or about…” Bon Bon shrugged “The other thing.”
“The other thing.” Big Macintosh sighed.
“Come on in.” Bon Bon trotted in. Big Macintosh followed her into the kitchen.
“So… sixteen kids now, right?” Bon Bon set to work making coffee.
“Eyup.” Big Macintosh nodded.
“And you got them from Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Carrot Top, Ditzy, Cheerilee, Spitfire, Trixie, Princess Luna, Sweetie Belle, Discord, Cloudchaser, a male version of Princess Luna and Mrs. Cake, right?”
“Eyup.”
“And no new ones have popped up in the last few days, right?”
“Eyup.”
“So…” Bon Bon set his cup of coffee down, “You think it’s over?”
“Possibly.” Big Macintosh took a sip of his coffee.
“I hope so.” Lyra trotted into the room and took a seat next to Big Macintosh, “Sixteen is plenty to take care of. Speaking of that, where are they?”
“At home, helpin’ Applejack on th’ farm. Sparkling Cider an’ Apple Cinnamon are keepin’ an eye on them.” Big Macintosh took another sip of coffee, “I told’m it’s their punishment for runnin’ away.”
“Alright then, so what’s your plan now?” Lyra sipped her own coffee.
“Check on Twilight, see if she’s figured anything out.”
“Mac, nopony’s heard anything from her since that day.” Lyra frowned, “She won’t even let Spike back in.”
“…So where is he?”
“Rarity’s.” Lyra took another sip of coffee, “Sooner or later he’ll figure out she’s just not that into him.”
“I think it’s cute.” Bon Bon chuckled, “Reminds me of how I was when I was little.”
“Speaking of Rarity… did you tell Sweetie Belle?” Lyra frowned.
“Enope.” Big Macintosh took a sip of coffee, “I already promised Rarity I wouldn’t.”
“Good. Last thing we need is them to be running around screaming ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders underaged mothers’ or something.” Lyra frowned.
“I don’t think anypony’s going to like that.” Bon Bon nodded.
“Eyup.”
The three ponies continued to drink their coffee in silence.
“Why isn’t there a filly from Macintosh and me?” Bon Bon broke the silence. Big Macintosh and Lyra responded by spewing their coffee, drenching each other in it.
“Why would you say that?” Lyra finally managed to spit out.
“Well, think about it.” Bon Bon waved her hoof, “He’s got a kid with each of Applejack’s friends, Ditzy, Carrot, Mrs. Cake, a couple of ponies who we’ve really seen a few times, Celebrities, the Princess, and… whatever Discord is.
“…I suppose it’s possible.” Big Macintosh agreed.
“Yeah, but why would you want to see that?” Lyra frowned, “I mean… that would be really weird, seeing what would have happened if your best friend married your coltfriend.”
“It would be interesting.” Bon Bon shrugged, “…How come there isn’t a filly from the two of you?”
“What?” the two ponies turned their attention back to Bon Bon.
“Well, think about it.” Bon Bon waved a hoof, “They’re all from the future.”
“Right.”
“So why hasn’t a filly claiming that you two are her parents popped up yet?” Bon Bon pointed out.
“…They never specified how much time has happened between now and…whenever they were born.” Lyra countered, “Which means… that it hasn’t happened yet.”
“Or perhaps that it can’t.” Big Macintosh added.
“What do you mean?” the two mares gave Big Macintosh an odd look.
“Well, they’re all from alternate universes.” Big Macintosh pointed out, “The ones that Golden Gem, Acey, Sparkling Cider, Scarlet Tornado, Apple Pie, Apple Jam and Garden Royal are from are seem to be nearly th’ same as this on, except for who I ended up with. Th’ one Center Stage is from seems ta’ have changed earlier, ‘cause he mentions me findin’ her before th’ Royal wedding.”
“Right.” Lyra sipped her coffee.
“Th’ others all got wild stories about them. Fer instance, Nova an’ Midnight both have Lyra as one of th’ Elements of Harmony. Golden Sweet says that I’m an Element in her world. Cinnamon says that Applejack stayed in Manehattan in her world, and I don’t even know what’s goin’ on in Bellona’s world.”
“So?” Bon Bon frowned, “what’s your point?”
“I’m gettin’ to that. Th’ way I think it works, is that they can cross over because they work on different frequencies, th’ reason there ain’t any kid from me an’ Lyra is because it doesn’t work.”
“…Huh?” the two mares blinked.
“…Give me a pencil an’ some paper.” Big Macintosh sighed. Lyra quickly levitated a pencil and paper towards Big Macintosh, who set to work.
“Alright, here.” Big Macintosh pushed a sheet towards the mares, holding the pencil in his teeth.
“These ones represent th’ ones that Cheerilee, Sweetie Belle, and th’ other elements are from. For th’ most part they’re similar to ours, so they don’t look too different.”
“These three are specifically representin’ Nova, Cinnamon an’ Golden Sweet; since their universes are very different. For starters they have different ponies as th’ Elements, an’ in Nova and Golden Sweet’s case, they got different ponies in charge. So they’re further away from our universe. That makes sense, right?” Big Macintosh looked at the mares, who nodded in agreement.
Big Macintosh quickly added onto the lines, so that they all crossed over with the straight line.
“So they can all cross over since they’re separate. Th’ line representing our universe isn’t able to cross over itself, hence why there isn’t a kid from us.”
“…There’s a flaw in your idea, Mac.” Lyra pointed out, “Here give me that.”
Lyra took the pencil away from Big Macintosh and flipped over the paper. She drew a straight line and several squiggly lines, followed by an X in the middle of the straight line, and Xs further down the squiggly lines. She pointed to the straight line.
“This is our universe. The ‘X’ represents now.” Lyra pointed to the other Xs, “This represents the point in time where all the kids are from. Especially with Sweetie Belle and Mrs. Cake.” Lyra’s muzzle crinkled in disgust.
Big Macintosh paused, “…I guess that didn’t occur ta’ me.”
“So there’s something else at work here.” Lyra frowned.
“…My head hurts.” Bon Bon shook her head.
“Well, all that really matters is that we still don’t know anything.” Lyra crumbled up the paper and tossed it aside.
“Eyup.”
The kitchen once again fell into silence, as the ponies drank their coffee. Suddenly, a knock on the door alerted the three of them.
“Who could that be?” Bon Bon set her cup down and trotted off to open the door.
“Somethin’ looks like it’s botherin’ you, Lyra.” Big Macintosh noted, “Wanna talk about it?”
“…I’ve been giving it a lot of thought.” Lyra placed her cup down, “What if we can’t send them back?
“Then I take care of’m until we can.” Big Macintosh shrugged, “Simple.”
Lyra looked down, towards her cup of coffee, “…What if I said-”
“..That you ain’t ready for kids?” Big Macintosh finished her sentence. Instead of responding, Lyra simply nodded. Big Macintosh paused, pondering what to say.
“I ain’t gonna force you t’ care for them.” Big Macintosh informed her, “My kids, my responsibilities.”
“But there’s still what we want.” Lyra countered.
Big Macintosh sighed, “I’ll figure it out when it happens.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“It wasn’t supposed to.” Big Macintosh sighed, “Lyra, I really don’t know what I’m gonna do. Th’ kids are a reminder of what might have been, not what is, an’ I don’t think it’s fair to any of us. I’ll take care of them, but I still don’t know how I really feel about them.”
Big Macintosh paused, as Lyra looked at him.
“They deserve ta’ be with the Macintosh who loves them, not me. I know that much.”
“…Makes sense.” Lyra managed to chuckle a little, “You got a really good head on your shoulders, you know that?”
Big Macintosh smiled back, “Eyup.”
Bon Bon trotted back into the room, followed by Midnight Bliss.
“Big Mac, you got a… visitor.” Bon Bon motioned towards the alicorn.
“Hi Mo... erm, Macintosh.” Midnight Bliss corrected herself.
“Did you all finish your chores?”
“Eyup.” The filly nodded, “But I came to say that Miss Twilight sent a message home, saying to go to her house.”
“Alright, go home and tell everypony ta’ get ready.”
“Alright, Macintosh.” The filly nodded and took off.
“…She’s the one from the universe where you’re a mare, right?” Bon Bon cocked an eyebrow in amusement.
“Eyup.”
“What did she say my name was?”
“Sucre.” Big Macintosh stood up, “Lyra, you don’t have ta’ come if you don’t want to.”
“No, no… I’ll come.” The unicorn stood up, “I think I should.”
“Alright.” Big Macintosh nodded.
The two ponies trotted out of the house, leaving Bon Bon alone.
“…Sucre? That’s a silly name.” Bon Bon shook her head, “Well it’s better than Bar Bar, I guess.”
Big Macintosh, Lyra and the children trotted through town. Sparkling Cider sat upon Big Macintosh’s back, while Golden Gem, Apple Cinnamon and Midnight Bliss followed Lyra. The rest of the ponies sat in the cart, as Nova and Bellona struggled to pull it.
“Daaaaaaad, we said we were sorry.” Bellona groaned, “Can we stop pulling it yet?”
“Nnnope. I told you, that’s your punishment for wreckin’ the barn again.” Big Macintosh paused in thought, “I don’t think I should let Applejack build th’ next one. Every time I let her, it seems like it just gets knocked down again.”
“But it was Nova’s fault!” Bellona yelled.
“’Cause you egged him on.” Acey Mac countered.
Bellona fell silent, and frowned as she continued to pull the cart.
“Mac, don’t you think we should let them all say goodbye?” Lyra inquired.
“Let’s see what Twilight got first. If it’ll work, then we’ll let’m know. Otherwise no point.” Big Macintosh shrugged.
“I suppose.” Lyra agreed, “Here we are.”
The group stopped in front of the Library. Big Macintosh frowned at the pile of Newspaper on the door step and the overflowing mailbox.
“…Well, she is working a big spell.” Lyra noted.
“Eeyup. Cinnamon, you, Gem and Bliss are in charge. Sparkling Cider, you’re coming with me.”
The fillies and colts respond with a chorus of groans, as Big Macintosh opened the door. Big Macintosh, Lyra, and Sparkling Cider trotted in, only to be greeted by the smell of rotting garbage.
“Damn, that stinks.” Lyra wrinkled her nose.
“Sometimes mom forgets to do things when she focuses on her work.” Sparkling Cider informed them, “Princess Celestia and Luna assigned guards to remind her to do things, like eat and bathe.”
“…Hardly a good sign.” Lyra snorted, before wincing.
The three ponies stopped in the middle of the room, glancing at the haphazardly tossed books covering the floor, scribbles, spilt inkwells and other scattered items.
“Miz Twilight?” Big Macintosh called out, “You called?”
The room was suddenly filled with the sound of cackling. Sparkling Cider backed up behind Lyra. Suddenly a disheveled Twilight appeared in front of the ponies; her mane messy, with hair sticking up at wild angles, her eyes bloodshot and twitchy. The unicorn broke into an unsettling grin as she noticed the others.
“Hiiiiiiiiii there…” Twilight’s eyelid twitched as Lyra frowned.
“You said you figured out how to send them back?” Big Macintosh cautiously asked.
Instead of responding, Twilight burst into laughter, as her horn glows with its magical aura. A chalkboard skidded to a stop behind her.
“This is my plan!” Twilight rubbed her hooves together as she turned to the board, “We gather all the little babies, put. Them. Into. A. GIANT CATAPULT. And launch them into space, in the opposite direction, where they break the sound barrier and get sent to their home planets!” Twilight turned back to face the utterly baffled ponies.
“What do you think?” Twilight once again breaks into a maniacal grin.
“…I think we need a second opinion.” Lyra curtly responded.
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh and Sparkling Cider agreed.
“But this plan. Is. Perfect!” Twilight countered, “Even if yo…”
Twilight collapsed to the ground, unconscious.
“…Don’t tell me she stayed awake for all those days…” Lyra shook her head, “Looks like we’re stuck at step one again, Mac.”
“Eeyup.”
The door opened again and Spike entered.
“Twili-” Spike blinked at the scene in front of him, “…Oh not again.” Spike groaned, before he noticed the other three ponies.
“Spike.” The two ponies smile at the young dragon.
“Hi uncle Spike.” Sparkling Cider greeted him.
“…I’m never gonna get use to that.” Spike grumbled under his breath, “But that’s not important. I just got this letter from Princess Celestia. For you Mac.”
Spike held out the letter for Big Macintosh to read. The stallion trotted over and looked over it, silently mouthing the words as he read.
“Well?” Lyra pushed on, “What does it say?”
“Get everypony t’gether.” Big Macintosh sighed, “We’re goin’ to Canterlot.”
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
Ponyville-Canterlot Railway
Big Macintosh gazed out the window, watching the scenery pass by. Within the train car, the many fillies and colts slept, alongside most of their mothers. Rainbow Dash and Ditzy trotted over towards Big Macintosh and Lyra.
“Seriously, big guy?” Rainbow Dash took a seat across of him, “The Princess wants to see you? What, did you have a kid with her too?”
“Given how everything’s been goin’ I wouldn’t be surprised.” Big Macintosh grumbled, “Is Twilight doin’ alright?”
“She’s still asleep.” Ditzy blinked, “Did she really stay up for the last three days?”
“Seems like it.” Big Macintosh sighed, “This is just like that thing with th’ doll.”
“I’m just surprised we were able to get everypony to come along.” Ditzy continued on.
“Eyup.” Big Macintosh nodded, “Why didn’t Dinky want to come along?”
“I think she’s a little upset about the whole thing.” Ditzy chuckled, “She’s not use to being a Sister.”
“I reckon so. Did Carrot Top say how Sweet Wheat took it?”
“Fairly well.” Ditzy shrugged, “I think Sweet Wheat always wanted a little sister, and I don’t think she really thinks of Golden Sweet as a niece.”
“Huh. I suppose that’s one way ta’ think about it.” Big Macintosh frowned, “Apple Bloom hasn’t come out of her room, since Apple Jam showed up.
“Heh, that’s a hell of a thing to deal with,” Rainbow chuckled, “Hey Applebloom! C’mon down an’ be an aunt. An’ dis filly ‘ere’s yer best friends kid with me, yer older brother.” Rainbow Dash imitated Big Macintosh’s accent before bursting out in laughter. Ditzy, Lyra and Macintosh gave the pegasus a dirty look until she calmed down.
“Sorry.”
“I really just hope they all behave themselves in Canterlot.” Big Macintosh sighed.
“Pfft,” Rainbow Dash smirked, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Bellona laughed in enjoyment as giant spiders made of candy chased the wealthy ponies down the street, and battled the Royal guard. Big Macintosh sighed in exhaustion as the other ponies tried to keep the fillies calm. Rainbow Dash trotted over, her face coated in embarrassment.
“…Mac, I am so sorry.” Rainbow Dash smacked her forehead, “I jinxed it, didn’t I?”
“…Nova, Midnight, take care of the spiders.”
“As you wish Father.”
“Alright.”
The two alicorns took off, using their magic to immobilize one of the spiders, forcing it to explode into candy. Apple Pie, Acey Mac and Apple Cake ran up to the remains of the spider and began to stuff their mouths with the candy.
“Girls, don’t do that.” Cheerilee trotted over to the fillies.
“That’s right! Save some for me!” Pinkie rushed over.
“Bellona! Get down here.” Big Macintosh ordered the hybrid.
“But I’m having fun!” the Draconequues continued to look away from Macintosh, as Nova and Midnight bliss yanked a spider off a Royal Guardspony.
“NOW.”
The draconequues spun around to argue with Big Macintosh, but quickly withered under his stern gaze.
“But…” Bellona feebly continued to argue as Macintosh’s frown intensified, “…Yes dad.”
The draconequues landed at Big Macintosh’s feet. She continued to cower under Macintosh’s stern gaze.
“What did I tell you before we left Ponyville?”
“…To behave.”
“An’ what are you doin’?”
“…Acting like other dad.”
“An’ what do you think I’m gonna make you do?”
“…Other dad never showed me how to stop the spell.” Bellona looked up, “I thought it would be easier to stop.”
Big Macintosh sighed, “How many did you make?”
“Twelve.”
“…” Big Macintosh turned to Rainbow Dash, “How many are left?”
“One! But it’s a big guy!” Dash dodged a shot of licorice silk, “Twilight’s still out of it, and I don’t think Nova and Midnight are enough to beat it!”
“What about th’ others?”
“Lyra and Applejack are doing what they can and Fluttershy’s…” Rainbow Dash glanced off in another direction, “Hiding from it.”
“Well, we just gotta keep trying unti-”
The final candy spider exploded into a show of powdered sugar and candy.
“…Good work.”
“Wasn’t us, big guy.” Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“Nor was it us, father.” Nova and Midnight Bliss touched down next to him.
“Don’t look at me dad.”
“Look!” Mrs. Cake pointed up.
Every pony turned to look in the direction she pointed at, as two alicorn fillies landed. The first filly’s mane was striped with gamboge, pink and blue, and her coat was pure white. The second filly’s mane was dark violet with streaks of rose and gamboge, and her coat was a shade of salmon.
“Father.” The white alicorn bowed, as the other followed suit.
“…Mac, You know I was kidding when I said that, right?” Dash nudged the stallion.
“I know.”
Bellona, Nova and Midnight Bliss landed next to Big Macintosh, and stared at the new alicorns.
“…Oh no…” Bellona groaned in terror and pain. The draconequus mimicked stabbing a blade into her gut and fell over, groaning. “More of them.”
The four Alicorns stared at each other in silence, before Midnight Bliss smiled.
“Sisters?”
The two new alicorns exchanged a quick glance, before nodding.
“I am Idun, and this is Fantasia.” The white alicorn motioned towards the pink one.
“I reckon so.” Big Macintosh sighed, “Lemme guess, your mom is Princess Celestia and her momma is Princess Cadance, right?”
“Of course. Mother wishes to see you in the castle,” Idun smiled.
“Well, let’s get goin’ then,” Big Macintosh turned his attention towards everypony else, “Everypony ready to go?”
“Lead the way.”
The Royal Castle Throne Room
The guardponies pushed open the doors to the throne room, as Idun and Fantasia lead the procession of ponies. Princess Celestia looked up from a scroll, and smiled.
“I see you all made it here in one piece.” The princess stood and motioned to the guards, “Please leave us alone.”
The guards nodded and pulled the doors shut. Princess Celestia stood up and trotted over to Big Macintosh.
“Big Macintosh, correct?”
“Eey… Yes, your majesty.” Big Macintosh quickly corrected himself.
A sly smile crept onto Celestia’s face, “Now, now darling, there’s no need to be so formal.” The princess’s smile grew as Big Macintosh’s face flushed with embarrassment, and the fillies behind him giggled.
“Um… Princess Celestia?” Ditzy Doo uncertainly stepped forward, “Where is Princess Luna?”
“My sister shall arrive here shortly with Princess Cadence and Shining Armor,” Princess Celestia’s smile turned from one of amusement to one of embarrassment, “The… other two are a bit of a hoofful.”
“Other two?” Big Macintosh echoed, “…Oh, don’t tell me…”
“Indeed. Idun and Fantasia are not the only ones here.” Princess Celestia looked over Big Macintosh at some of the fillies, “Ah, so that is why we couldn’t find Luna’s child.”
“Eeyup, both of them,” Big Macintosh nodded.
“Two children?” Princess Celestia pouted, “Why do I only get one, but you and my sister have two?”
“Well…” Big Macintosh shifted the weight on his feet, “Technically one o’ them’s from a universe where I’m a mare, an’ Princess Luna’s a stallion.”
Princess Celestia blinked in surprise at the stallion’s statement, “Interesting.”
Another door opened, as Princess Luna and Shining Armor entered the room. Luna appeared greatly amused, as Shining’s face remained a mask of unhappiness. Princess Cadence followed the two, gently urging somepony else to enter before her. A red unicorn filly with a blue streaked mane trotted in. Cadence looked back.
“You too, come on now, don’t worry.” The princess coaxed an unseen pony on.
A timid dark grey unicorn filly with a flowing, smoke like black mane streaked with red and purple mist leaking out of the sides of her eyes, trotted into the room and hid behind Cadence.
“She’s very shy,” Cadence apologized to Celestia and the others, “I’m not sure what I can do about it.”
“That is quite alright. Girls, why don’t you go and speak to your father?” Celestia nudged the fillies.
“…Geh,” The grey filly sulked over towards Big Macintosh and sat down by him. She looked up at Big Macintosh and finally managed a smile, “Daddy?”
Big Macintosh returned the filly’s smile, “Eyup.”
The other filly bounded over, and hugged Big Macintosh.
“Daddy!”
“Erm… girls, don’t you think you should tell him your names?” Lyra edged them on.
“I’m Oaken Shield!” the red filly beamed, “My mom’s Radiant Shield!”
“…” The other filly looked down, “Princess Oscura.”
“Alright,” Big Macintosh turned his attention to the others, “Line up an’ tell th’ princesses your names.”
The other sixteen fillies and colts scrambled around and began to push and shove each other trying to get first in line.
“AHEM,” Big Macintosh coughed, “I ain’t gonna tell you again. Line up nicely.”
The colts and fillies stopped scrambling and quickly lined up in front of the princesses.
“I’m Sparkling Cider and My mom’s Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“I’m Scarlet Tornado and my mom’s awesome! And Rainbow Dash.” Scarlet Tornado quickly added.
“Golden Gem, and my mommy’s Rarity.”
“I’m Apple Pie!”
“…Garden Royal.” The pegasus mumbled.
“I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CENTER STAGE!” Center Stage reared up, only for his fireworks to sputter and fizzle. The colt blushed furiously as the other fillies giggled, and Princess Celestia let an amused smile creep onto her face.
“Golden Sweet. My mom’s Carrot Top.”
“Acey Mac!”
“Apple Cinnamon. Mom is Spitfire.”
“Apple Jam an’ my mom’s Sweetie Belle.”
“Carson Apple an’ my mom’s Ditzy Doo.”
“Prince Novamac, son of Princess Luna.” Nova bowed, as Luna’s expression changed from boredom to astonishment.
“Bellona. Other Dad is Discord.” She yawned.
“Stratos. My mom’s Cloudchaser.”
“Apple Cake, my mom’s Cup Cake-Apple.”
“Princess Midnight Bliss.” The alicorn also bowed, “My father is Prince Erebus, ruler of the night.”
“This explains why there was no child for Luna,” Celestia giggled.
“Sister, this is hardly a humorous matter,” Luna chided the other alicorn, “Twenty children that do not belong here and no way to send them back to their homes.”
“Indeed,” Celestia regained her composure, “Where is Twilight Sparkle?”
“Sleepin’ your majesty,” Big Macintosh flushed with embarrassment, “She, uh…stayed up for a couple o’ days tryin’ ta’ figure out how ta’ solve this.”
“And?” the princess of the sun pushed on.
“Her plan involved buildin’ a giant catapult an’ launchin’ them into space.” Big Macintosh sighed.
The three princesses blinked in confusion, before bursting out into laughter. Shining Armor rolled his eyes and buried his face in his hooves.
“Ah,” Princess Celestia finally got herself under control, “I haven’t laughed that hard in years.”
“But Princess Celestia!” Twilight uneasily stood up and trotted forwards, “I-”
“Twilight,” the alicorn looked firmly at the unicorn, “I can say without any doubt, that you are one of the most talented magic users I have seen, but even you have limits. There is no shame in asking for help. Big Macintosh, would you kindly follow me?”
“Yes, your highness.”
The Princess and the farm stallion trotted off to another room. The throne room fell into uneasy silence, as Oaken Shield trotted up to Twilight Sparkle.
“Aunty Twilight? How come mom’s a guy?”
Twilight blinked in confusion, “What.”
“Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Luna interrupted Oaken Shield’s response, “As best we can tell Oaken Shield is from another universe where it appears some of the genders of ponies have been switched, while others have stayed the same.
“And who is… Oscura, is that right?” Twilight looked at the grey unicorn, who simply nodded in agreement, “Oscura’s mother?”
Princess Luna’s gaze flickered to the ceiling before returning her gaze to the unicorn, “I am not at liberty to inform you of her parentage, Twilight Sparkle. It is a matter that is out of my hooves.”
Princess Celestia and Big Macintosh stopped in a room filled with books and mirrors. The farm stallion glanced at one of the mirrors, only to realize that no reflection stared back at him.
“Yer Highness, can I ask what this is?”
“Big Macintosh, how do you think these foals got here?” the princess ignored his question.
“I had a theory that they’re part'a a parallel universes that crossed over at a certain point,” Big Macintosh scratched the back of his head, “But Lyra pointed out it don’t quite work out.”
“I see,” the Princess turned her attention to one of the mirrors, “You are very close. Alternate universe are… irregular. Because they operate on alternate frequencies than our universe, any crossover between them is unpredictable.”
“So it can allow time travel?” Big Macintosh responded, suddenly understanding.
“In theory,” the Princess answered, “I must speak to some of our experts on that. In this case, twenty cases of apparent time travel are beyond what we would expect.”
“But how does this affect getting ’m back home?”
“Because each one has a ‘dimensional frequency’ that is nearly undetectable. Sending the wrong pony to the wrong dimension can have catastrophic effects,” Celestia turned to Big Macintosh, “Our dimension is a sort of ‘catch-all’, which allows any pony to stay here.”
“I see.” The earth stallion fibbed.
“It’s quite alright if you do not fully understand it, Big Macintosh,” the princess chided him, “Even ponies who have made it their life’s goal to understand it do not fully understand.”
Princess Celestia turned around and headed towards the door, “Come, I need each of the foals here to send them to their home dimensions.”
“Eyup.”
The two ponies trotted out of the room and back to the throne room.
“Alright, you all listen up,” Big Macintosh ordered, “We figured out how to send you all home.”
The foals began to mumble to one another, discussing something. Sparkling Cider trotted forward.
“What if we don’t want to go?”
“…That ain’t an option, Cider.”
“But I wanna stay here!” Scarlet Tornado stomped her foot. Several other foals echoed her sentiment.
“Kids…” Big Macintosh sighed, as the foals grew louder, “Kids…”
The stallion stomped his foot, “ENOUGH.”
“Look, I don’t want to see you go either. But you have to remember, your dads and your moms are worried sick about you, and I don’t think it’s fair to them if you get to stay here.”
Scarlet Tornado opened her mouth to argue, only to close it as Big Macintosh glared at her.
“This is what’s right,” Big Macintosh sighed, “I am not your dad, or your mom, and neither are any of the ponies here. What I want is you all to be with the ponies that do love you, understand?”
“…Can we say goodbye?”
“Of course.”
The foals spread out, going to their mothers.
“Bye kid.” Rainbow Dash hugged Scarlet Tornado.
“Bye mom.”
“Next time, can we make even more cupcakes?” Apple Pie asked Pinkie Pie.
“Of course we can!” Pinkie beamed back.
“…Next time can we make a dress?” Golden Gem smiled.
“Certainly darling.” Rarity hugged the filly.
“Dad?” Bellona, Center Stage, Apple Jam, Apple Cinnamon, Stratos and Oscura trotted up to their dad, “Can we get a hug?”
“Sure.”
The fillies and colts embraced Big Macintosh and were soon joined by the other foals, engulfing him in a mass of ponies.
“Alright my little ponies, it’s time to go,” The princess smiled, “Please follow me.”
Princess Celestia lead the fillies into the other room, as Big Macintosh left the throne room. Lyra trotted after him.
“Mac, aren’t you going to say good bye?” Lyra pushed on.
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?” Lyra caught up to the stallion and grabbed him, “You sh-”
Lyra trailed off as Big Macintosh turned to look at her. The stallion sniffled and wiped away his tears.
“I can’t.”
Author's Note
and thanks to our new proofreader Katherine Kerensky , who also went over the last eight chapters.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
The End is Still a Beginning
A Week Later Ponyville
Big Macintosh groaned as Thunderlane laid out his hand.
“Flush, all diamonds,” The weather pony grinned.
“I’m out. All I got as a pair o’ twos,”” Big Macintosh threw down his hand.
“Well…” Rarity trailed off, “I have a full house.” The unicorn placed her hand down, revealing three queens and the other twos. Her magical aura surrounded the pile of bits in the middle of the table and began to levitate it towards her.
“Not so fast,” Lyra interrupted, before telekinetically spinning her cards around, “Straight flush.”
Thunderlane and Big Macintosh burst into laughter, as Rarity released the coins. Lyra’s magical aura surrounded the pile, and dragged it towards her. Rarity levitated the cards towards her and began to shuffle the deck.
“One more hand?” the fashionista offered.
“I gotta use the can, but deal me in anyway.” Thunderlane stood up and trotted off.
“Deal me in,” Lyra grinned, “I still have money to win from the rest of you.”
“I’m in.” Big Macintosh nodded.
“Macintosh, how have you been?” Rarity inquired.
“Fairly well,” the stallion responded, “Everything’s back ta’ normal, although I kinda miss them.”
“Yeah, I kind liked Apple Cinnamon,” Lyra added.
“I do sort of miss Golden Gem,” Rarity sighed, “But I’m certain things will work out.”
“I hope,” Lyra added, “And now Mac and I can finally get to work on the important things.”
“What’s that?” the farm stallion and fashionista gave the musician an odd look.
“What are we gonna name our kid?” the unicorn grinned, as Big Macintosh and Rarity blushed.
“…I don’t think I want to have this conversation,” the farm stallion paused, “Yet.”
“That’s better than our relationship,” Rarity grumbled, “Thunderlane thinks children would be a wonderful idea. I don’t.”
“I know you don’t, Rar,” Rarity jumped a little as Thunderlane snuck up behind her placed his hooves on her shoulder. The pegasus grinned, “But give it time.”
“Shut up and sit down,” Rarity blushed. The other couple chuckled as Rarity dealt out the cards.
Big Macintosh picked up his cards and glanced at it; the king of hearts, the ace of spades, the ten of diamonds, the ace of hearts and the king of clubs.
Lyra looked at her cards; the queen of hearts, the queen of diamonds, the three of spades, the two of spades and the jack of clubs.
“I’ll take one.” Big Macintosh slid the ten away from him.
“Two for me.” Lyra dropped the jack and the three.
“I need one.” Thunderlane placed a card down.
“Alright…” the unicorn passed out the cards, before taking two for herself, “and two for me.”
Big Macintosh glanced at his new card: the two of hearts. Lyra peeked at hers; the three of hearts and the three of clubs.
“Alright then, sense this is the last hand, it is all in, so…” Rarity levitated her remaining bits into the middle of the table, as the others tossed theirs in, “Dealer’s left first.”
Thunderlane tossed down his cards, “Triple sevens.”
“Two pairs,” The farm stallion dropped his hand.
“Three threes.” Lyra frowned as she revealed her cards.
Rarity grinned, “straight,” the fashionista revealed her hand: the four of clubs, five of spades, six of hearts, seven of diamonds and eight of hearts. The unicorn mare let out a loud laugh as she dragged the coins towards her.
The other three ponies sighed and Big Macintosh stood up.
“Well, I think that’s it for us. Thank you both kindly for invitin’ us.”
“Not a problem, Macintosh,” Rarity smiled.
“Yeah, you guys can come next time too,” Thunderlane grimaced, “Maybe you guys can win back all the stuff I lost to Pinkie.”
“Maybe,” Lyra stood up, “see you next time.”
“Well, that was nice,” Lyra grinned, “You want to come over for coffee?”
“…Sure.”
The two trotted through town and reached Lyra’s house. The unicorn levitated the key out of her satchel and stuck it in the keyhole. She paused, frowning.
“Something a matter?”
“It’s unlocked,” Lyra’s frown grew.
“Maybe Bon Bon forgot ta’ lock it?”
“She’s out of town; I guess I forgot to lock it.” The mare pushed opened the door, and the two trotted inside.
“Take a seat; I’ll get the coffee started.”
“Eyup.”
Big Macintosh settled into her sofa as Lyra trotted into the kitchen. The stallion closed his eyes, and listened to Lyra work.
Giggling.
Big Macintosh opened his eyes and glanced around the room for the source. After being unable to confirm the source, the stallion shrugged and closed his eyes again.
“Mac, did you hear giggling?”
“Eyup.”
The two took a sip of their coffees, listening for more giggling.
Lyra set her cup down on the table, “Whatever it was, I think it-”
A closet door exploded outwards, shocking the two ponies. Lyra kicked the table, splashing Big Macintosh with the still hot coffee.
“EEEYOUCH!” Big Macintosh yelped, leaping up and kicking the table over.
“SURPRISE!”
The startled ponies turned towards the closet, where Apple Pie, Scarlet Tornado, Golden Gem, and Acey Mac stood, beaming.
“What the…How did you all get here?” Big Macintosh demanded.
“Princess Celestia gave us these!” Apple Pie held up her left foreleg; a small box was strapped to her leg, with two small buttons on it.
“What is that?”
“She said they’ll let us travel between our home dimensions and this one, so we can come and visit you whenever we want.”
“…She gave one to all of you?” Lyra blinked in surprise.
“Eeyup!” the fillies simultaneously responded.
“And are they…here?” Big Macintosh cautiously pushed on.
“Um…” Acey Mac rubbed behind her leg, avoiding Big Macintosh’s gaze.
“SURPRISE!”
An explosion rocked another closet. Lyra rushed over and yanked open the door, while telekinetically summoning the fire extinguisher. Sparkling Cider, Center Stage, Carson, Golden Sweet and Oaken Shield tumbled out, coughing from the smoke.
“I told you that wouldn't work,” Golden Sweet scolded Center Stage.
“If Oaken Shield opened the door when we said to, then the timing would have been perfect,” Center Stage countered.
Lyra sighed, “Mac, I take back what I said earlier, I don’t want kids.”
“Eeyup.” The stallion sighed.
Crisis of Infinite Offspring
From the Notes of Princess Celestia
FROM THE NOTES OF PRINCESS CELESTIA
Subject: Macintosh incident.REDACTED -REDACTED
Parallel and Perpendicular universes intersect with our own in some of the most peculiar ways.
SUBJECT 1 : Sparking Cider.Parentage : Twilight Sparkle.Notes :
There appears to be no radical changes in the history with this child. She has, however made references to REDACTED .REDACTED .
SUBJECT 2 : Scarlet TornadoParentage : Rainbow Dash.Notes :
As best I can tell, the divergence in this universe seems to occur during an incident where Applejack was injured during one of Rainbow Dash’s new tricks.
During this time, it appears that the two fell in love.
It took an apology from both Soarin and Spitfire to convince Rainbow Dash to return to the academy.
SUBJECT 3 : Apple PieParentage : Pinkamena Diane PieNotes :
….I have no censored clue how this worked.
SUBJECT 4 : Golden GemParentage : RarityNotes :
This timeline appears to diverge shortly after the Grand Galloping Gala.
It appears that not all Prince Charmings have to be royalty.
SUBJECT 5 : Garden RoyalParantage : FluttershyNotes :
It appears that the two have always been in love, and merely kept it a secret from the others.
Errata
SUBJECT 6 : Acey MacParentage : CheerileeNotes :
The events of Hearts and Hooves Day resulted in the formation of an actual relationship between Big Macintosh and Cheerilee.
SUBJECT 7 : Apple JamParentage : Sweetie BelleNotes :
As best we can tell, Sweetie Belle’s fillyhood crush on Big Macintosh bloomed into full blown romance.
Sometimes Romance is found in the strangest of places.
SUBJECT 8 : Carson AppleParentage : Ditzy DooNotes :
It appears that the two began a relationship, due to a blind date set up by mutual friends, sometime after the disastrous Hearts and Hooves Day incident.
Other information from this Timeline seems to point towards REDACTED as the true father of Dinky, resulting in a clash between Big Macintosh and REDACTED .
Other than that, much of the timeline seems similar to our own.
SUBJECT 9 : StratosParentage : Cloud ChaserNotes :
I am uncertain about this.
It also appears that Cloud Chaser was selected as the “Perfect Pony” for the Cutie Mark Crusader’s Hearts and Hooves Day incident.
SUBJECT 10 : Center StageParentage : Trixie LulamoonNotes :
Center Stage appears to be from an alternate universe where Trixie was discovered in the Everfree, shortly after the Ursa Minor incident.
There is no evidence of the REDACTED Incident occurring.
Perhaps redemption is found in the oddest of places, and the unlikeliest of ponies.
SUBJECT 11 : Apple CinnamonParentage : SpitfireNotes :
Apple Cinnamon appears to hail from an alternate universe where Rainbow Dash was able to achieve her first Sonic Rainboom, but it appears that several ponies did not witness it.
Magic: Twilight Sparkle
The Status of REDACTED element bearers are noted below.
Applejack: Remained in Manehatten.
SUBJECT 12 : Golden SweetParentage : Carrot TopNotes :
Golden Sweet hails from Universe REDACTED , where Discord has become a force for good, while my sister and I succumbed to the darkness within us.
Magic: Time Turner.
The Carrot Top of this universe appears to work under Macintosh on the Sweet Apple Collective.REDACTED Element bearers is below.
Twilight Sparkle: Criminal Necromancer.
SUBJECT 13 : NovamacParentage : LunaNotes :
Novamac appears to be from a universe where both my sister and I engaged in open Civil war, until Princess Cadance lead the Elements of Harmony and defeated both of us.
The Elements of Harmony in this universe are as follows:
Magic: Lyra Heartstrings.
The status of REDACTED Elements is as followed
Twilight Sparkle: Minor Noblity, Married to Blueblood.
SUBJECT 14 : Midnight BlissParentage : Prince Erebus.Notes :
See notes under Novamac.
The Elements of Harmony are as followed:
Magic: Harpsy Mandolin
SUBJECT 15 : BellonaParentage : DiscordNotes :
It appears Discord was somehow Redeemed by Big Macintosh, and their friendship blossomed into a relationship.
Errata : I need a ****ing drink to deal with this. Discord a Father?
SUBJECT 16 : Apple CakeParentage : Cup CakeNotes :
In this universe, it appears that a fire ravaged Sugarcube Corner. Carrot Cake appears to have sacrificed himself in order to save his wife, and his children; Pound and Pumpkin Cake.
SUBJECT 17 : IdunParentage : Princess CelestiaNotes :
This universe is nearly identical to that of Novamac and Midnight Bliss, save that it appears that I, as Corona, escaped first.
SUBJECT 18 : FantasiaParentage : Princess CadanceNotes :
This universe appears to have swapped the roles of several ponies. Here, Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle own the Twilight Orchids in Ponyville, while Big Macintosh is captain of the royal guard, and Applejack is part of the Nobility.
Applebloom appears to be my student, and the leader of the Elements of Harmony.
The Elements of Harmony appear to be:
Magic: Applebloom
SUBJECT 19 : Oaken ShieldParentage : Radiant ShieldNotes :
Oaken Shield appears to be from a universe where certain pony’s genders have switched.
The Elements of Harmony are:
Magic: Twilight Sparkle
SUBJECT 20 : Princess OscuraParentage : Queen UmbraNotes :
REDACTED
