The Fragments of Ass

“And some discussing we will do,” said a very, very pink one.

“Why hello there, Cadance.”

Dark skies, hellacious atmosphere, and death abound . . . Sounds fun, right?

“Celestia? What in the name of all things is going on? The royal subjects have all left, Discord is quite clearly destroying things, ponydom is in a state of all-encompassing chaos as we speak, and both ruling bodies are out having a fuckbattle that no one was imformed of. Would you happen to be able to explain any of that to me?”

Left in the dark had the (presumably) innocent one been, though ironic that appeared to be in light of the chaos that had become reality earlier.

“As if any of its really that important,” replied a foreign being very snarkily.

“Pardon me? Was that you, Luna?” asked Cadance pointedly, not expecting such a response ever in her life.

As surely as Luna had only shown the breast of her torso to Cadance (they had not yet touched the ground), a very unknown creature had been hidden from her view on the back of the dark blue one.

“Meet Leroy,” said Luna quasi-spiritedly.

“That’s my line, you fucking shithead. Haven’t you known me well enough, yet? I introduce myself to fuckers no matter who they are,” a very well-endowed one mouthed.

“My word . . is that a penis?!” asked very shockedly a pink princess.

“With a human attached.” stated the one in question.

“A what?” she asked.

“I guess you’re hearing isn’t any better than any of these other horse-faced fools around here. The variety appears to be a fucking joke, despite all of your colorfulness. What the hell good are you dickwads if none of you can hear anything?”

It’s not like they’re deaf, you asshole.

“In all honesty, Leroy, you could stand to be at least a tiny bit more respectful to us. We’re not all that crazy . . even you, amazingly.” Celestia added thoughtfully.

“Maybe if the first fucking I received when I arrived here wasn’t such a let down I would be,” spat Leroy, who was clearly regaining some of his legendary ballsy-ness.

At this, both Leroy and Luna let loose a torrent of laughter causing all the previously felt shame to be pushed back into Celestia’s still tender heart. She dropped her head at this which only provoked even more laughter from the two hooligans.

“Not that you could have done any better,” countered Celestia in defense against Luna's laughter.

“Exactly!” joined Leroy giving Luna’s ass quite the smack, leaving him the last one laughing as per usual.

“All that’s besides the point. Who the hell is gonna explain all of this?” asked the now-impatient pink one, who gave Leroy a look that somehow pierced his gall and quieted him.

“Worry not, for it isn’t quite as bad as we’re making it out to be. In fact, if it weren’t for the human in front of you, we probably wouldn’t stand a chance,” spoke Luna who Leroy was now leaning on.

“Speaking of that,” Leroy began, “what is it about the way you say that that makes me think you were somehow expecting me?”

“Well, you see, we did cast a spell wishing for some sort of help to come to our aid.” Celestia said.

“You don’t mean like that fairy tale bullshit that kids are raised on, do you? Every time I ever made a wish, that is, unless it involved fucking some hot bitch, it really didn’t mean jack in the big scheme of things.”

“Magic is actually a thing in our world, though. As I see it, it is simply a fantasy to you.” the golden one remarked.

“That would be pretty much right. I’m surprised you could piece that together yourself.” the human concurred.

“Being the case as it is, would you care to actually explain something, now?” piped in Cadance.

“Impatient you are, I see. But, impatient for what, exactly?” quipped Leroy. A hideous smirk graced his face briefly — so as to imply sexytime.

“Don’t look at me in such a way, you vile . . . hmph. I won’t be so easily objectified as they.” Cadance noted in reference to the two he had flown to the castle with. Although Luna was still hoping for her turn with him, unbeknownst to her.

Leroy made mental note of the challenge the pink one had unknowingly presented him with.

“Come on, that’s not even what I was getting at . . . Well, maybe it was, but who cares?”

“Shut your mouth for 2 seconds, Leroy!!” the blue one exploded forth.

*2 seconds passed in which Leroy awkwardly passed his gaze around the circle to the plots of the princesses as to compare them, although no clear victor was decided upon*

“So, what were —”

“Just be quiet,” huffed Luna.

At that, the human silenced himself. He took a step back as the golden one moved forward to address Cadance.

“Cadance — the sudden influx of humans is, believe it or not, a product of that wishing spell we cast. See it as an invasion, or not, but we need all of the help we can get.”

As the words slowly flowed out of the great princess’s mouth, Cadance’s brow furrowed gently, which Leroy promptly deemed as “cute” as though he should.

“Go on.”

“You see, Leroy has a unique gift to literally cast aside any and all judgment when the situation becomes sexually focused enough.”

Leroy grinned proudly at the man-whore he was/is.

“And, how in the world is that supposed to help us? Last I checked, the best way to subdue your enemy isn’t to offer yourself to them.”

“You’d be surprised . . .” interjected the fuck-master cocking a single brow up.

“You’re missing the point. Just because you’re female doesn’t mean that your ability to force yourself upon someone else is lowered.”

“Whatever the reasons behind it are, Leroy’s undeniable prowess is sure to come aid in our horrible situation, much as Discord’s has come to cause it—”

“Which I just so happen to not know anything about. Enough of this dilly-dallying; tell me what’s pertinent,” demanded the littlest alicorn.

“If you really must know, Discord is stomping through the lower steppes of the mountains at the foot of our kingdom as we speak. Not exactly a pretty situation.”

“-but a sexy one nonetheless...” added Luna to which Leroy gave an approving nod.

Although Leroy had only been around for less than a day, he had already began to change Luna for the worst/best, depending on your stance. Maybe his powers in the field of sex were that great... or maybe she just wants to get her share of fucking before the end of days. In any case, she appears to be nothing more the a lump of blue, very moldable clay.

“And I didn’t even know, huh? Just goes to show that I’m the only responsible one, around here.”

Um . . isn’t that ironic?

“Yeah, except for the fact that we told the royal guard to evacuate everyone. It’s not like you’re readily available at all times of the day.” Luna snorted.

“Well, um . .”

“Beauty sleep? Clopping?” she asked in aggressive retort.

“I would never!!” the pink one piqued, greatly offended.

“Oh, really then? What else would keep someone as “attentive” as you completely unaware of genuine pandemonium?”

“Um . .”

“Point taken, then.” the navy one decided.

“Well, it’s only—”

“Yeah, natural — I know the whole deal. It’s not like you have to make lame excuses for everything that you happen to get into. Honestly, it’s pretty understandable, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re pretty irresponsible.”

Cadance was just about to burst forth with heated aggression, which would have been quite hawt, before Celestia intervened.

“You two!! I cannot even believe what I’m hearing from your mouths!! For once in awhile, just act like what you are; princesses!! It would make this process quite a bit easier.”

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, but Celestia had made her case.

“Okay, seeing as how we’ve all finally quieted down, here’s what needs to be done.”

Oh, really?

“Celestia . . .”

The aforementioned one looked sternly over to the pinker-colored voice.

“What is it?”

“Perhaps I could have some time with Leroy?”

Just as the human was about to burst unexpectedly with some ridiculous statement, Luna hoofed his mouth swiftly.

“What for?” Luna asked, seemingly out of turn.

“Um . .”

“To tell you the truth, Luna, it doesn’t really matter.”

“And why would that be?” the dark blue princess questioned vehemently — seemingly disappointed that her time with the dastardly human would come after the undeserving one before them.

“Well, Leroy knows the situation just as good as we do, we don’t need him in our personal discussions, and Cadance clearly has a desire to consult with him, not to mention the element holders won’t arrive for several days— is it really that hard to see?”

“Fairytales and fuck ups... As always...” sighed a very underaroused man.