Chapters

To Canterlot!
Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 filles N' colts, and Merry Part 1
Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 Foals, and Merry Part 2
To the East!
Descent into the Rabbit Hole
Short adventure in Baltimare
Alone in the Dark
A Monster, with a hint of Mercy
I Used to be Human
Monsters should fight monsters
Remember Everything
The show must go on
A Place to Die
Epilogue: Demi gods are dicks

To Canterlot!
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The Rage of a Damaged Father

To Canterlot!

Dear Princess Celestia,

Before Merry left he had asked me to send you a letter to welcome him to Canterlot Castle as he was hoping for an audience with you. Of what he wished to speak of I have no idea. He simply told me to let you know. I am concerned for Merry Princess. When he left Ponyville he was wearing a black adamantine breastplate and helmet. Not only that he had a large greatsword over his shoulder. What worries me most is when he told Rainbow Dash of his plan to start a war with the griffins. When he arrives please do your best to talk him out of it and return to Ponyville.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle.

P.S. He refused to take the train and wanted to walk, Why is beyond me. He even had Rarity put together an orange cloak for him before he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today has been a good day for Sam and his family. He finally got the letter from one of Canterlot's restaurants, The Prancing Pony, asking for him to work as the new head chief. They had taken a wagon and filled it to the brim with all of their valuables and other things, then set out.

They had stopped in Ponyville and all the ponies were a lot nicer then he expected and the service at the Inn was impeccable. Some pink mare even threw him and his family a welcome party. He felt like the day couldn’t get any better.

“Hey dad, how much longer until we reach Canterlot?” Sam put his head up in thought.

“I’d say we can get there by tomorrow afternoon. You don’t mind camping do you?” the young grey colt shook his head

“No way, I love camping. I like using my firefly lantern every chance I get.” Sam just laughed as he looked over to his wife Grace.

“I’ll never understand why you colts love camping so much.” Grace sighed “You’ll help keep me safe from all the bugs right Mustang?” The small colt smiled and stuck his chest out

“Of course mom!” Grace just smiled with Sam as they laughed along the way.

After traveling around a bend they could see a figure slowly walking ahead of them wearing an orange cloak. It was nothing like they had seen before. It walked upright like a minotaur but it didn’t have the size and judging by it's head, it had small horns or none at all. It couldn’t of been a diamond dog because it walked completely upright instead of hunched over. The only thing that really worried them was the large sword hilt poking through the orange cloak it had upon its back. It kept a steady pace as it walked. At the current pace it was traveling they would eventually pass it up.

“Dear, maybe we shouldn’t pass that thing, it looks dangerous.” Sam just scoffed

“Don’t worry my love. We’ll just quickly pass it up, besides, would something so dangerous be using a road?” Grace gave a nervous sigh as Mustang jumped in front of Sam.

“What do you think it is dad?” Sam just looked to his son then at the thing wearing the orange cloak in front of them.

“I have no idea son, we might find out if its friendly soon enough.” Mustang just gulped along with his mother. After 15 minutes of walking they eventually were right behind the cloaked figure and Sam had decided to call out to try and get its attention.

“Oy! How are you stranger?” The cloaked figure didn’t turn around or even acknowledge the fact that Sam tried to get it’s attention.

“Sam, honey maybe we should just ignore it, it doesn’t seem to be friendly...” Grace had trotted up next to Sam and was quietly talking to him.

“It seems so. Alright hopefully it wont get mad when we pass it up.” Sam had increased his pace along with Grace while Mustang just sat in the cart on top of all the stuff. When they came up next to the creature in the orange cloak it turned to face them. What they saw under the orange cloak was a hairless flat looking face. It looked like a large ape. What happened next made Sam question wether it was friendly or not. It nodded its head down in greeting and moved over to the side to let them pass easier. After they got ahead of the strange creature they went back to the center of the road and kept their pace going. Mustang jumped off the cart and ran up next to his dad.

“Hey dad, that strange monkey smiled at me.” Sam furrowed his brow.

“We may have misjudged that strange creature. Oh well, no harm no foul right?” Sam just rubbed a hoof on Mustangs head as they went along. “I wonder why it was bobbing its head like that though?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Twilight’s new spell Merry had decided he would walk all the distances he could listening to music. The music helped get his mind off the past and keep him going. He was currently in the mood for some industrial dance and Eisenfunk - Pong hit the spot. Hopefully it would cheer him up a bit.

After getting directions from Twilight on how to reach Canterlot he left Ponyville. With Spikes ability to instantly transfer letters, there was no way they didn’t know he was coming. After all, he had to figure out how to get to the griffin kingdoms, and figure out which royal family was responsible in the 1st place, assuming there is more then one.

“I’m glad I custom made a spot in my breastplate for my iPod. Don’t wanna risk it getting smashed if its in my pocket when a fight breaks out.” Merry had made a small cloth pocket in the bottom left side of the breastplate for the iPod. His sallet style helmet made it easy to get his earbuds in and out without having to take it off. It reminded him of a combat helmet that the military used, but the sides came down a bit over his ears and back of his neck for some added protection.

Before Merry knew it some ponies pulling a cart had come up next to him. So he bowed his head a bit and moved over to let them pass. The Mare was a blue unicorn and the stallion a dark grey regular pony. As they passed him he noticed a colt on top of the cart, he was a grey Pegasus. Merry smiled at him as thoughts of Scootaloo entered his head. After a few minutes they were long gone and Merry sighed to himself and got back into the music.

An hour has passed since the cart from before passed him. Yet up ahead he saw that same cart on the side of the road with the blue unicorn pony talking to three minotaurs. Merry just shrugged and kept his steady pace. During the transition to a new song he heard some shouting up ahead. Merry squinted his eyes and turned his iPod off. In the distance he could hear the mare shouting to leave her colt alone. Merry quickened his pace.

“Look, all we wanted was your stuff, but you had to go and resist.” The tallest minotaur had his arms crossed as he spoke. The minotaur on his right side was holding the small colt by the neck. The minotaur on the left side was the shortest, and he was just licking his lips.

“Heh, might as well leave your little mare self here with us as well.” The mare just had a disgusted look on her face but gulped as she stepped forward

“Just leave Mustang alone, I wont...” Before she could finish her sentence Merry had stepped up in between them all. Merry placed his hand on the hilt of his greatsword and looked at the minotaur holding the colt by the neck.

“Put the kid down.” Merry just stared at them as they laughed

“Who does this little ape think he is? Don’t you think that toy sword is a bit big on you?” While they were laughing Merry rushed up to the minotaur holding the colt and gripped his wrist. He dropped the colt and fell to his knees gasping for air. Merry was exhaling the whole time the minotaur gasped for air, until the he fell over limp.

“What did you do to Scot?!” The other 2 minotaurs pulled out their weapons as the mare just held on to her colt. Merry saw the stallion from before, he was beaten pretty badly in front of the cart. Merry pulled out the greatsword and held it behind him as he got into a lower stance. When the shortest minotaur rushed, Merry lunged forward turning his body with the greatsword and sliced cleanly though the poor minotaur. Everyone just stood in awe what just happened, the Mare had turned around holding her colt in her arms not wanting to see the violence.

“You, How dare you kill Pete!” The tallest minotaur lowered his head and began to charge at Merry violently turning his head in every direction hoping to gore him. Merry performed a simple upward slash and sliced his face in two. The only one left was the minotaur who had passed out. His name was Scot apparently. Merry gathered up their stuff and tied Scot up before he woke up. The mare and colt had gone over to the Stallion who was on the ground. They were both crying, and Merry just sighed as he walked over to them.

Merry looked down at the stallion, he was still awake but 2 of his legs were obviously broken. The small colt just looked up to Merry and rubbed a tear away.

“Stranger, you can help my dad right? I saw you use magic on that minotaur! Do you have any healing magic?!” Merry just sighed again.

‘Why do kids still hit a soft spot for me.’ “Move aside kid.” Merry walked past the small pony and sat down next to the stallion and placed a hand on his chest.

“What are you doing to my husband?!” Merry just looked at her.

“You’re lucky I have a soft spot for kids lady.” Merry just closed his eyes at her confused look. After awhile the stallions legs went back to their original shape, and he no longer had labored breathing. Merry on the other hand had some blood dribble from his mouth. When he was finished he fell over and coughed up some blood. It would be awhile before he could walk again.

The Mare just witnessed everything unfold before her eyes, the strange creature placed a hand on her husband, and his injuries disappeared, but the creature for some reason was taking damage.

“Oh my Celestia! What happened to you?!?” The mare, colt and the stallion just looked at Merry and realized he now had broken legs and was coughing up blood. Merry just sat up and looked at them

“I just absorbed his injuries, but I’ll be fine, I’m a fast healer. I’ll just need some food...” The colt ran over to the cart and pulled out a basket. He then tossed it down in front of Merry.

“Here! You can eat my lunch stranger! As thanks for helping us out and all.” The small colt just smiled at Merry as he opened up the basket. The Stallion stood up and walked over to Merry.

“Thanks stranger, when we first saw you we figured you didn’t speak equestrian or something. You didn’t look very friendly. But those minotaur bounty hunters were far less friendly. Thanks for the help, names Sam this is Grace and my boy is Mustang. You’re welcome to ride in the cart until you’re feeling better.” Merry just lightly chuckled

“Seeing as how my legs are broken, I guess I cant turn down your offer.” Merry cleared his throat “If ya don’t mind, I could use some help getting up there.” He looked over to the unicorn mare as she began to levitate him on top of the carts pile of stuff with the basket.

‘I would of liked some of those minotaurs to eat, but I don’t wanna freak them out if they are offering a free ride.’

“Thanks a bunch, just call me Merry.” Merry had taken out one of the infamous salad sandwiches and began to eat it, despite its bitter flavor. As they set off Merry raised his repeater crossbow and unloaded 5 bolts into the minotaur that was tied up. The family had continued on their way with the colt Mustang and Merry in the back, unknowing that he had just killed the minotaur they left behind.

‘Glad I made this thing mostly silent, that should make sneaking around a little easier I guess. Assuming I want to sneak around, hehe.’ Merry just laid back in the cart and decided to try and take a nap. Unfortunately for him the small colt felt like being in a talkative mood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile in Ponyville, Twilight was having a ball with the news of 3 dead minotaur body’s that were found on the road leading to Canterlot. A Pegasus mail pony had spotted them in the middle of road with a cart about a mile ahead of them. Of course guards were summoned, and they went to investigate. The conclusion was that they died from the dangerous bounty they were tracking.

Twilight knew otherwise, word was spreading fast and the only ones who knew of the bounty on Merry’s head were the Mane 6 along with the few guards that stayed behind in town after the incident and at request of Princess Celestia. With so many bounty hunter’s roaming the city’s she had increased the number of guards in each town as some added protection.

Twilight was in a rush looking for her friends, and luckily Rainbow Dash was in her usual spot napping on a cloud.

“Rainbow! Have you heard the ‘terrible’ news?” Rainbow Dash just stirred and looked over the edge of her cloud

“I’ve been napping, how could I of heard any news.” Twilight just smiled up at her cloud

“Its about Merry! He defeated 3 minotaurs on the road to Canterlot!” Rainbow sat upright and flew down to Twilight

“What really?! So he’s ok.... even though he’s only been gone for 4 hours, trouble has already found him...”

“But isn't it great?! At least he can fight.” Rainbow Dash just shook her head

“I don’t know Twilight, Griffins are entirely different, At least a minotaur is slow and doesn’t fly. I had a spat with Gilda once awhile back. I’m just glad it wasn’t a death match.” Twilight just raised her brow

“I’m sure its not that bad, Remember him fighting those two griffins?” Rainbow just looked down

“Yeah I do, he ended up with a hole in his stomach. I’m pretty sure Royal Griffins aren’t even taught how to fight, its all instinct...” Twilight suddenly got a frown on her face as she looked up to the sky.

“I pray Celestia can convince him to come back... I don’t want another friend to die because of something as stupid as revenge...” Rainbow Dash just walked up to Twilight and put a wing around her back.

“Hey cheer up, Lets go find everyone else and do something fun yeah? Maybe just celebrate the fact Merry’s still alive at the start of his journey.” Twilight smiled and looked up

“Yeah its just the start, nothing bad ever happens at the start of a story.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Mustang had finally finished questioning Merry and by the time he woke from his nap it was starting to get dark out. They had pulled to the side of the road and looked to be setting up camp. Merry checked his legs and everything seemed to be in working order. When he jumped out of the cart he landed on his feet and a light cracking sound was heard, followed by a pleasure filled tingle running along his thigh and shin bones.

‘Well that cant be good, I need to find a good source of calcium so my legs can finish healing.’ Merry stretched his arms and looked around. Mustang was drawing on some nearby rocks with some chalk. ‘Hmm, wasn’t chalk made from a type of calcium? Would that even work? Is eating chalk even safe?’ Merry just shrugged ‘Well here goes nothing’

Merry went up to Mustang who was happy to see Merry up and walking around.

“Wow you do heal fast! Mom said we should probably have taken you back to Ponyville to get you fixed up. But dad said you would be fine because you said so. Said we should just trust our saviors words.” Merry just laughed

“Well I’m not totally fixed up yet, I was wondering if I could get some of your chalk.” Mustang just smiled and hoofed him some chalk

“Yeah sure, did you wanna draw with me? There’s another rock over there.” Mustang had pointed to another large rock nearby when Merry just flipped the blue chalk into his mouth and chewed it up. Mustang turned around to see Merry eating it and just looked at him raising an eyebrow

“Chalk isn’t for eating...” Merry just smiled as the chalk turned the inside of his mouth blue. Mustang started to giggle as Merry’s teeth were all blue. “I told you its not for eating...” Merry swallowed the rest of the chalk and stuck his blue tongue out.

“Yeah I guess you’re right, it tastes pretty bad to boot.” Merry noticed the tingle in his legs was slowly disappearing. ‘Well what do ya know, it actually works. I’ll have to remember to pack some chalk in my 1st aid kit. Chalk without color anyway. I wonder if could buy flavored chalk...’ Merry just sat down next to Mustang trying to figure out what he was drawing. It was really hard to tell.

“What are you drawing anyway Tang?” Mustang turned around

“My names not Tang, its Mustang! And I’m drawing you defeating those meanotaurs that beat up dad.” Merry just nodded his head and watched Mustang finish drawing. He really had no clue it was about anything, it looked like a bunch of scribbles. His talent wouldn’t be for art it would seem. Merry got up and walked over to the stallion and mare who had been setting up the tent the whole time.

“Thank you for your hospitality, but I must be going now.” Sam just huffed

“Come now, you weren’t lying about being a fast healer, but you're just going to leave? Why not stay the night?” Merry shook his head

“I have to head over to Canterlot, and besides those bounty hunter’s are looking for me. I don’t want to risk endangering you or your family. It was just bad luck those 3 from before decided to play highway robbers.” The stallion just looked at Merry along with his wife. They just smiled at each other and nodded.

“Well alright then, If you don’t wanna stay that’s fine with us. Just come by and visit The Pranceing Pony, I’m getting a job there, I’ll get you a free meal as thanks. It’s the whole reason why my family and I are moving to Canterlot.” Merry just smiled.

“Well aright, I’ll see you some other time I guess. If I get a free meal I’ll show up if I can.” Merry waved his goodbyes as he walked off into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry walked all through the night. It was a pretty uneventful night. The roads of Equestria seemed to be rather safe. He met a few guards along the way and told them he was just a bounty hunter looking for the alien. It was rather odd, Merry didn’t know Pegasus could have bat wings. He ended up having to the pass the time listening to some System of a Down The only band he considered to have nothing but good songs in each album. Therefore, the best way to pass a few hours of walking.

Of course, listening to one of the best bands of all time leads to one singing along to the music and even dancing around. Or in this case, head banging.

Before he knew it the sun was coming up and he had reached the outskirts of Canterlot. All the guards looked at him curiously as he came dancing up to the front gate. One of the guards walked up to Merry before he reached the gate

“Halt! Bounty Hunter’s aren’t allowed into the royal city of Canterlot.” Merry just took his earbuds out and looked at the pony holding a spear up to him

“Huh? Sorry I couldn’t quite hear you. What was it you said?”

“I said, bounty hunter’s are not allowed within the royal city of Canterlot.” Merry just laughed at him and slapped his knee

“Oh don’t worry my good pony, I’m no bounty hunter, I am Princess Celestia and Luna’s future husband, your king if you will. Now if you will kindly let me pass I’ll make my way to the castle.” All the guards just looked at Merry like he was crazy.

“I uh, we don’t believe you. Such a statement is so far out there its most likely to never happen. Not until a male alicorn shows up.” Merry just shrugged and raised his hands up

“Really? You wont believe your future king? Just call your princesses and I’ll show you.” the Guards were starting to become angry

“No such thing will possibly happen you ruffian” Merry just sighed

“What if I said I wasn’t a bounty hunter and I was here to see a friend, would you let me in?” the guards just looked at each other and huffed

“No go huh? What if I...” Merry reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of sand “Give you this handful of SUPER rare sand?” One of the guards looked at the pile and laughed

“That’s just normal sand you fool.” Merry gasped

“WHAT?! I spent 500 Bits on this sand! How DARE that bastard rip me off!” Merry threw the handful of sand into the guards face and ran off. The guard yelled and started to spit the sand out of his mouth.

“Hey come back here!” Merry jumped into a group of bushes and disappeared.

‘Well shit, now I gotta find some other way into town.’ Merry looked around and saw an unguarded area off to the far right, it looked like the train station. Merry made his way and hid in some bushes until a train showed up.He tried to blend into the crowed getting off the train. It didn’t work as he was the only non-pony to get off the damn train. ‘Its cool, just act natural. I was always on the train.’ Merry was confronted by 5 guards almost immediately.

“Halt! Who are you?” Merry just looked around and decided to go the more truthful route for once.

“My name is Merry and I’m from Ponyville, I had Twilight Sparkle send a letter to Princess Celestia to expect my arrival.” The guards visibly calmed down.

“Truly? We have been awaiting the one named Merry since yesterday. The Princesses told us to watch for your arrival and bring you straight to the castle when you were found.” Merry just sighed

‘Well fuck that was easy, Maybe I shouldn’t fuck around so much... Na its too fun. The looks those guards gave me when I said I was gonna be King was priceless.' Merry just saluted the guards and smiled at them

“Good good, Celly did well to inform you of your future king. Now lead the way to my two honey buns.” The guards just looked at him like he was crazy, the same look the ones at the front gate did actually. It made Merry wonder if they were all trained to give that same look.

The guards all huddled together and seemed to be discussing something.

“King? Is this foal serious?”

“Well both princesses did tell every guard to be on the look out for a strange creature named Merry and to give him our upmost hospitality.”

“But really, king? He’s not even a pony, let alone an alicorn...”

“Maybe the princesses just have odd tastes...Or perhaps he is hung like a whale? The princesses are twice the size of your average male pony...” all the guards continue to debate whether what Merry said was indeed true. Merry lost patience and just decided to join their conversation.

“Did you know Luna’s horn tastes like blueberry's?” All the guards gasped and moved back, some even had blushes. “Oh, and Celestia’s is sweet like honey, kind of odd if you ask me. And there this one spot on her left wing that when you...”

“Stop!” most of the guards were breathing heavy with severe blushes on their faces. “Fine, we believe you, lets just take you to the castle...” Merry just laughed and shrugged

“Well alright then guys. Lead the way...but uh, are you sure you don’t wanna know about your princesses sweet spots?” All the guards just shook their heads trying to clear their heads of impure thoughts.

“No Sir Merry, we are fine. Besides knowing of such things will just distract us.” Merry just shrugged

“Alright then your loss. Just thought it would come in handy when you volunteer for guarding her bed chamber door...” One of the guards stumbled over his own hooves

“You aren’t suggesting...”

“Of course I am. Even when I’m king I don’t think I could handle both princesses at the same time. They even told me themselves that the guards at their doors are usually in the room instead of outside it.” Merry just kept his cool as he kept filling the guards heads with impure thoughts of their princesses.

As they walked through the city Merrywas telling them of ‘sweet spots’ and little things they liked. Like how Luna enjoyed the back of her left ear to be rubbed while her horn is being licked, and how the 5th row of feathers on Celestia’s left wing was an odd pleasure spot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia was sitting in her throne room going over papers and other business as usual. When all of a sudden the doors opened up. Celestia looked up and saw a grip of guards walk in with a tall creature wearing an orange cloak walking in the middle of them all. Celestia remembered in Twilight's letter that Merry was wearing an orange cloak. Her slight confusion disappeared as a smile grew upon her face.

‘I wonder how long I can keep up this act...’

“Ah, Merry I see you made it to Canterlot safely. I am glad that the bounty hunters along the roads haven’t made things any less safe. I had heard horror stories of them resorting to robbing travelers.” Merry just walked out from the group of guards and approached the throne.

“Yes well, I came upon 3 minotaur’s trying to rob some poor family, so I had to deal with them. You should probably set up mini guard posts along the roads until this whole thing blows over my dear.” Merry stayed at the bottom of the staircase leading up to her throne but removed his hood and brought his cloak back to revel his armor.

“Oh my, was it near Ponyville? I heard the news of 3 minotaurs being slain along that road.” Merry just nodded

“Indeed it was Celly. Now where is Luna? I haven’t seen her for awhile.” Celestia just smiled

“She is asleep in her room. She watches over the night so she sleeps during the day.” Merry just laughed.

“Yes, she is quite something during the night.” Celestia just raised an eyebrow at Merry then looked at her guards. She noticed most of them had light blushes on their faces while they looked at her. She cleared her throat and spoke

“Yes well, you guards are dismissed, and look into setting up temporary guard posts along the roads, as Merry suggested.” All the guards saluted her and ran out of the throne room. “You know Merry, I read Twilights letter and what you’re planning to do exactly. I can’t allow you to travel to the griffin kingdoms on a suicide mission.” Merry just sighed

“So how do you plan to stop me exactly?” Princess Celestia just smiled warmly at him

“By helping you heal the pain in your heart over Scootaloo’s death. Not all griffins are evil you know. We have a few around the castle that I’m sure would make good friends with you.” Merry just laughed

“Oh I know that princess. A coin always has 2 sides, I only want the royal family or families that set this bounty on my head, that in turn led to the bounty hunters that caused the mess. I have no plans for mass genocide... I’ll just dispose of those responsible and those that stand in my way.” Celestia just sighed

“Just stay here at the castle for awhile. If nothing seems to be working, then I shall give you the information you seek. But I will not support you on your mad man’s quest. If they find out I helped you in killing who knows how many of their royalty a war will break out.” Merry just laughed

“I’ll be sure to be such a large thorn, they all forget about you Princess. Besides, if I go to them, then the bounty hunters will most likely leave Equestria, and wouldn’t that be nice?” Celestia just shook her head

“I think you're severely underestimating the griffins fighting potential.” Merry just shrugged and tapped his helmet

“As long as I have my helmet, I’m fairly confident I wont go down easy. Besides I have a couple tricks up my sleeve.” Celestia just shook her head and sighed

“Just stay here with us. Maybe we can help you change your mind. I’m sure if anyone can understand your pain the best, it would be Luna. She has had a troubled past.” Merry just sighed

“Look, I don’t care for your sob stories or anyone else’s. You can do all you want to try and convince me not to go. But I will go, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me...unless you kill me, but hey I don’t think you will.” Celestia sighed yet again.

“Fine, I will have a room arranged for you, in the meantime feel free to wander. It shouldn’t be hard finding you with that bright orange cloak.” Merry just laughed

“I would hope not princess. And I stand out more then other’s with the whole, not being a pony thing.” Merry just laughed as he left the court room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry walked around the castle and boy it was big as hell. He was pretty sure he was walking in circles and decided to just screw around until someone found him or he found someone.

“ECHO! ECHo ECho Echo echo.... PENIS! PENIs PENis PEnis Penis penis...” Merry was about to shout another word down the large hallway when he heard something clear its throat.

“I don’t think shouting such obscene things down a royal hallway will be looked good upon... Are you a new guard perhaps? When did we start hiring non ponies?” Merry turned around and saw a regular pony with a pillow as a cutie mark

‘Good upon? Is this bitch retarded? Or could she just not think of a better word?’ “Ah, I apologize, no I’m not a new guard, I am the princesses future husband. It hasn’t been formally announced yet, but they were planning to do so in a few days once I get settled in. Names Merry by the way.” The pony had a look of shock on her face

“So the rumor of a king the guards are speaking of is true?” Merry just put on a huge smile

“Its no rumor, its true and I’m right here. You know all those Business trips and or royal duties that involve them leaving the castle?” The mare nodded her head with her mouth open a little. “Yeah, its really cause they were going off to see me.” The mare just looked at him, then squealed.

“Oh my gosh! A real king! This hasn’t been heard of since the olden days! Oh I need to tell everyone!” Merry patted her on the head.

“Hey wait a minute, do you guys have a pool or something I can use? As you could tell, I’m bored outta my mind and I got lost.” She smiled and blushed at the contact.

“Oh yes king Merry. Let me take you there right away!” Merry just laughed again and smiled at her.

“Merry is fine and I never got your name.” She blushed again at having forgot her basic manners.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry, my name is Pillow Fluff. I make sure all the beds are made and in 100% working condition so that the maximum levels of sleep are reached.” Merry just narrowed his eyes and smirked.

‘Is this bitch for real?’ “Well alright then Fluff, lead the way to the Pool.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a 10 minute walk and several glances from both guards, other maids and house keeper ponies they reached the pool, it was huge and deep.

“How big is this pool? And it’s indoors as well.” Pillow fluff just nodded.

“Yes it is, it’s the biggest in all of Equestria, its 40 feet long, 30 feet wide and 18 feet deep. The shallow end is about 3 feet deep. I’m not even sure the princesses use the pool at all though...” Merry just laughed

“Well its fine don’t worry about it. So anyway, I’m just gonna hang around here you can go now. I’m just waiting until my room is finished, Celly said she was going to send someone to get me when it was ready.” Fluff bowed her head and ran out of the pool room.

Merry looked around and saw a table with a few chairs near the middle of the pool. So he walked over and stripped down to his boxers leaving all his stuff on the table.

‘I should look into getting a hair cut, its too long now.’ Merry pulled his bangs down until they touched the tip of his nose. ‘Yup way too long.’ Merry sighed and walked over to the pool edge and leaned over to touch it.

‘A heated pool eh? That makes this seem like a giant bath!’ Merry jumped into the pool and sank straight to the bottom. ‘What the fuck?’ Merry looked up and saw the water was about 3 feet above his head. ‘Why did I sink. I’m pretty sure I still have air in my lungs.’ Merry jumped the best he could and struggle swam to the surface and grabbed the ledge pulling himself out of the water.

“So I cant swim anymore or what the fuck? Lets try this again in the shallow end.” Merry walked over to the shallow end of the pool and jumped in, the water only went up to his hips. Merry proceeded to walk to the deeper end of the pool and took a deep breath before the water reached his neck. Apparently he wasn’t floating, and to swim was a huge effort. For some reason he couldn’t stay buoyant without an extreme amount of effort on his part. However it made walking underwater a breeze. It was kinda gay however because Merry enjoyed swimming.

Merry just sighed to himself as he sat on the edge of the pool and flicked his feet around in the water. After a bit he got bored and went over to the table and brought out his iPod. ‘Time for some Linkin Park - Numb.’ Merry laid back on top of the table and used his cloths as a pillow. He spent about 20 minutes listening to Linkin Park until a group of ponies wearing maid outfits walked up to Merry and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Excuse us Sir Merry, but your room is ready. We will take you there when you're ready.” Merry leaped off the table and proceeded to flex as he moved to get his cloths back on. He watched all the maids blush as he made exaggerated movements to get his cloths and armor back on.

“Alright I’m ready, you can show me to my room now.” All the maids nodded and led the way to his room. Merry just followed them with a smug look on his face

“So did you mares enjoy the free show?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry was just in his room laying on his bed relaxing with his iPod playing some more Linkin Park, when a bright flash appeared with Celestia standing in the middle of his room with a discerning glare on her face.

“So it has come to my attention that you are Luna and I’s secret lover that I decided to make public with the idea of marriage. Not only that, apparently I am carrying your foal and Luna is a better lover then me.” Merry just looked at her and laughed

“Oh man, I don’t know where that part with the foal came up, maybe its because your belly is bigger then it should be?” Celestia just scoffed

“So what if I indulge a little to much cake at times... Its just so hard to find time to work it off with so many things happening.” Merry just nodded his head in agreement

“Ah yes the life of a ruler must be hard. Tis a good thing a king is coming along to help lesson your load eh?” Celestia just closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As she exhaled she broke into a sly smile

“Yes, Indeed it is. I’m sure Lulu will be thrilled as well. No longer will we have to rule alone. If I remember correctly, you don’t have to sleep is that correct?”

‘Uhh...fuck, I was hoping she would get mad or something...’ “Yes that’s correct, but I don’t remember telling you that...” Celestia just giggled

“Oh I have my ways of knowing things, even if you tell me or not.” Merry just crossed his arms and nodded.

“Well alright then, if we are all in agreement, As King I demand you make me a sandwich. I just hope its made with love from you.” Celestia just gave Merry a glare

“Don’t push your luck. The day is almost out, and Luna will be taking over soon. I am going to visit her and let her know how things are now. Anyway just wait here. Lulu should show up shortly after the moon rises.” With that Celestia’s horn glows a bright yellow and in a flash she disappears again.

‘Fucking god’s can teleport, but they can’t save a life.’ Merry just sighed ‘heh, Never figured she would go along with the rumors I spread though. I hope this isn’t some ploy to make me stay longer. Now what to say when Luna comes in...’ Merry laid back into his bed and sifted through his iPod.

Before he knew it, he came across Bad Company - Feel Like Making Love. ‘I think this is perfect...hehe’ Merry just waited on the bed with his hands behind his head and legs crossed. Waiting for the door to open or Luna to teleport in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna was busy bushing her mane and preparing for the night. She really didn’t enjoy sitting in the throne room all night as no one ever came. The only things she could do were the left overs Celestia didn't finish. But even then she could only decide a few of them before the kingdom began going to sleep. It was rude after all to decide things when everypony was asleep, and night court was mainly created for ‘emergencies’ that never happened. Luna sighed as a bright flash filled her room with her older sister Celestia standing in the middle of her room now.

“Luna I must speak with you before you raise the moon and I lower the sun.” Luna put the brush down and stood up.

“What is it sister? What is happening?” Celestia just smiled

“Something interesting Lulu, it would appear that shortly after Merry arrived...”

“Merry’s here!?” Celestia just cleared her throat

“Yes he is, anyway, he spread some rumors stating that we were both his lovers, I am carrying his foal, your horn taste’s like blueberries, and he is going to be named king after our marriage in about a week after he gets settled in.” Luna’s mouth dropped.

“Wait what?” Luna touched her horn “Blueberries...” Luna gasped “Tia, don’t tell me its true! How could you go to him without me!” Celestia scoffed

“Luna please, stop being such a foal. None of it is true, I told you he was going on a suicide mission after we got that letter from Twilight yesterday. If this foolishness of his continues, he may just stay here instead of going off and getting killed. We cannot allow a one of a kind creature to go off and die due to its own stupidity.” Luna just nodded her head in agreement

“Indeed, and not testing out his magic hands would be a shame...” Celestia cocked an eyebrow

“How did you...” Luna just scoffed

“Oh please sister, I read some of the letters Twilight sends you, but really? She learned the magic of being friends with benefits and Merry’s magic hands...That was the most awkward letter she has ever sent...and most intriguing. She offered far too many details in my opinion.” Celestia just sighed and laughed

“Yes she can be a bit over enthusiastic at times. Anyway, Now that you’re up to speed, lets go do our duty.” Luna just smiled at her sister as they trotted to the balcony to set the sun and raise the moon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry saw it get dark outside and just got a smug look on his face again. About 2 minutes later a bright blue flash appeared and Luna just stood in the middle of his room.

Merry hit Play on his iPod.

“Baby, when I think about you. I think about loove. Darlin, couldn’t live without you and your loove...” Luna just backed up a bit as Merry got up from the bed

“If I had those golden dream’s of my yesterday, I would wrap you, in the heavens, and I feel it dyin, dyin, dyin all the way...” Luna just kept backing away until she up against the wall with a light blush on her face

“Merry I don’t...” Merry just smiled and took a deep breath

“I Feel like Makin, feel like Makin love!!! Feel like Makin Love! Feel like Makin Love! Feel like Maakiing Love to yooou...” Merry whispered the last part into Luna’s ear and saw her blush even harder. Her horn began to glow and she teleported to the other side of the room.

“Well um, Some other time perhaps. We have many things that we need to do.” Merry just sighed

“Did I come on too strong? Or are you just shy?” Luna shook her head

“I uhh, we just don’t have time right now, I have to go finish up what Celestia left for me. You are welcome to join me however. Night court is the easy part of ruling...As Celestia tells me.” Merry just nodded his head

“Yes well If I am to be king soon, I guess I should learn how to do the easy things 1st.” Luna just huffed at Merry.

“It’s not always easy you know...” Merry just smiled as he followed Luna out of his room and to the throne room to begin night court.

Merry walked next to Luna with an arm around her neck. It was rather easy as she was closer to his height and not overly large like Celestia was. Celestia was closer to being a real horse not a pony. Speaking of, Luna was close to a normal pony, while the others were more like mini Shetland ponies. As they both walked many of the guards and maids were giving glances while smiling as they passed. Luna however was a bit flustered because Merry had his arm around her neck.

When they made it to the throne room Luna donned her crown and sat down leaving Merry to stand next to her.

“Scribe, bring me the things that my sister left unfinished.” The scribe nodded and ran off, only to return shortly after with a small pile of papers. He brought them forward and separated it into 3 different piles.

“One of them deal’s with the guards asking for more rations for home away missions. Another is about some guards wanting to transfer to being door guards, with emphasis upon your highness’s bed chambers. And the 3rd deals with an orphanage here in Canterlot.” Merry raised an eyebrow as Luna levitated all three in front of her and read through each one quickly.

“Hmm, triple the amount of rations for the guards...them transferring is a most odd request, but I don’t see why not...” Luna grumbled as she read the one about the orphanage “Didn’t we send a vast amount of bits to this one already?” The scribe brought up a clipboard and looked it over

“Umm, it would seem Celestia sent them 7,000 bits about 4 weeks ago.” Luna read over the document again.

“How many foals does that orphanage have. How could they go through 7 thousand bits in 4 weeks?” Merry just sighed

“Let me see it real quick.” Luna just raised an eyebrow at Merry then levitated it over to Merry who grabbed it and began to read it over.

‘Let’s see here...we formally request yadda yadda yadda for the children, they are in need of new things. Really, things, couldn’t they specify? I smell a scam, what’s the name of this place...The Wayward Foal. Oh yes, that sounds like a place I would love to go adopt a kid from, jesus.’

“Hey Luna baby, Lets go check out this orphanage.” Luna just raised her eyebrows

“And why would we do such an unorthodox thing?” Merry just smiled

“Because I feel like adopting a kid.” Merry just laughed “Na just fucking with ya, been there done that. But I wanna know where 7,000 bits went, I have a strong feeling it didn’t go toward the poor kids.” Luna just tilted her head up in thought

“Scribe, take over night court for me, I will be traveling out with Merry to this orphanage, I too am curious as to how they went through so many bits.” The scribe bowed his head and took his place back at the side of the throne. After Luna got out of it he placed a big crown in the center of the throne.

“I shall watch over your seat while you are away.” Luna nodded her head and walked with Merry to the throne rooms exit. When they walked out the two guards outside looked at Luna.

“You two guards, Come with us. We are traveling into Canterlot to an orphanage called The Wayward Foal.” The two guards saluted and began to follow in suit. Merry looked at them and saw them with bat wings and their eyes even looked like a cats, it was pretty fucking cool.

“Soo Luna, I’ve been wondering why the night guards look like a cross between cats, bats and ponies. Did you guys have some kind of crazy breeding program?” Luna just laughed

“No nonsense, its all an Illusion brought on by their armor and helmets. The enchantment turns a Pegasus’s feather wings into a bats, and the enchantment on the helmet gives the illusion of the cat eyes.” Merry just nodded

“Interesting...Tell me more about enchantments yeah?” Luna spent a good amount of time explaining to Merry all the different kinds of enchantments possible, but only the best of unicorns could do any of them. Having to combine a permanence spell with an aura spell with another spell containing the effect, while affixing it to something.

Before they knew it, they had arrived at the orphanage. Merry didn’t realize it, but apparently they had entered the ‘seedy’ side of canterlot. They had passed a restaurant called The Prancing Pony on the way to their destination and Merry remembered that stallion and his family.

‘Maybe I should drop in some time...They seemed open still.’ Merry stopped with Luna and the two guards in front of the orphanage. Merry went up to the door and knocke, they heard a clatter of things fall followed by a male voice shouting through the door.

“I told you, they wont be ready for another 2 hours!” A few more things could be heard falling when the door opened. A large male unicorn with a ragged looking mane opened the door and looked at Merry. “Hey yer not that foal fiddler Brimhat...” The Unicorn stopped dead when he heard the guards behind Merry shift in their armor. Merry turned around to see the guards with an angry face.

“Hey Luna, what exactly is a foal fiddler?” Merry saw Luna grit her teeth as her eyes went white and a gust of wind came from no where. The guards slowly backed away from Luna as the male unicorn dropped his ears and his pupils went to the size of pinpricks.

“THOU DARES TO CONDUCT SUCH FOUL CRIMES WITHIN THE CONFINES OF OUR ROYAL CITY?!” The male Unicorn hunched down low while Luna yelled at him. “THOU SHALL ROT IN A CELL FOR THE REST OF THY LIFE!” at the mention of a jail cell the Unicorn jumped up and ran back inside slamming the door behind him.

“So uh, I’m guessing a foal fiddler is bad? I don’t know a lot of your pony terminology yet.” One of the guards moved forward

“A foal fiddler is a pony who commits sexual acts against foals or underage ponies.” Merry put his hand to his chin and nodded

“Ah, so a pedofile then...” Merry spun around and fireman kicked the door in “Do you guys do public executions?” Merry walked through the broken down door with a smile on his face followed by the two guards and Luna who was hovering behind them.

“COME OUT FROM THINE HIDING PLACE!”

“Hey Lulu honey, why don’t you and the guards search the rooms and gather all the young ones, I’m sure all your yelling has gotten them scared and confused.” Luna settled down and gasped

“You’re right! I forgot about the children in my rage. Guards come with me, we must gather them quickly and take them out of here.” Luna and the guards began to open rooms one after another. Each room only had 1 or 2 colts or fillies. When they got upstairs all the young children were cramped into single bed rooms, it was about 5 per bed. The thing Luna noticed was that all the children had glazed over eyes and empty expressions on their faces.

“Children do not fear any longer, I am princess Luna and these are some of my personal guards, we will keep you safe” Luna gave the children a warm smile as they all looked up at her and the guards. A loud crash was heard followed by some screaming. Shortly after Merry was walking down the stairs dragging the Unicorn by his horn. A small filly was following Merry down the stairs.

“Look what I found in a closet!” Merry lifted the Unicorn by his horn in front of Luna and the guards. Luna’s eyes went wide when she saw the unicorn was missing an eye and his genitals. “You might wanna stop his bleeding if you expect to toss him into a cell.” Luna gritted her teeth and used a light healing spell to prevent him from bleeding out.

“Where did his eye and...member go?” Merry just laughed

“Oh those? I tossed em out the window. He obviously wasn’t using them right.” Merry looked down at all the children and saw the looks of broken souls and glazed over eyes. “Hey kids come with me to this room over here.

“Merry what are you...”

“Don’t worry Lulu, this shouldn’t take long. Watch over this turd pie yeah?” Merry tossed the Unicorn next to Luna and the guards. The kids followed suit into the room after Merry with their heads hung low. Some shuddered as they entered the room. After a few minutes a single colt came out of the room and he smiled at Luna.

“Is it true Princess? Did you come to adopt us all?!” Luna gasped and became flustered

“I uh wha huh?”

“Yeah that nice guy told me that Princess Luna had come to personally adopt us all!” Before Luna could voice her opinion another colt came out followed by a filly.

“ITS TRUE! SHE DID COME!” Luna and the guards just looked at each other as the little colts and filly jumped around them. One after another the children were walking out of the room with the same happy expression’s and excitement at being adopted by the Princess. After all 30 of the fillies and colts were outside of the room Merry came out holding his head.

“My brain...it hurts so much, among other things.” Merry shook his head, took a deep breath and whimpered. Luna just looked at Merry and all the children.

“Merry, what did you do?” Merry just walked up to Luna and quietly whispered into her ear.

“I returned their innocence by taking all of their bad memories and healing their broken bodies.” Merry just rubbed his ass then spoke up so everyone could hear him “Now! Lets go get something to eat in celebration of your new momma, Luna!” Luna blushed and became flustered muttering random words as all the children cheered in unison and bounded around the room. One of the fillies looked over to the Unicorn who had passed out on the floor.

“Hey why is Mr. Peen asleep on the floor?” Merry just laughed and looked at her

“He passed out from sheer joy after hearing that Luna wanted to adopt all of you.” The filly nodded her head.

'None of the kids seemed to care the door was broken down, how odd'

“Yeah, I almost passed out when I saw her out here too.” The filly giggled in excitement and ran out the door following all the other kids. Merry, Luna and the guards were left in the main room, Merry just had a huge smug look on his face.

“Guard take this foul criminal to the dungeon at the castle, and you watch the children outside. And you Merry...” Luna brought up a hoof and touched Merry on the back causing him to leap forward at the contact.

“Ah, sorry about that, I’m just a little jumpy I guess, anyway what did you want?” Luna shrugged off his jumpiness and spoke

“What made you think that taking in 30 of these children was a good idea?” Merry just held his head again and closed an eye.

“They need someplace to go, they sure as fuck are not staying here. And besides the Castle looked like it could use some happy faces around anyway.” Luna just sighed and smiled at the thought of being a mother, she then remembered it was 30 kids and not just one.

She frowned.

Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 filles N' colts, and Merry Part 1
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The Rage of a Damaged Father

Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 filles N' colts, and Merry Part 1

Luna, Merry, the guard who shall be known as Paul, and the 30 foals were traveling to the restaurant called The Prancing Pony.

“So you truly brought back their innocence and its entirety?” Merry just nodded

“For the last time yes, now unless you have a spell to get rid of my headache, please stop talking. My brain feels like its going to explode.” Luna just licked her lips and set her horn aglow. She then brought it up to Merry’s forehead and the glow moved onto his head and Merry sighed in relief.

“But what about your own mind? Couldn't taking in all those painful memories be really bad?” Merry tilted his head in thought then smiled

“I’ll be fine, I’m older I can handle it. Besides, you cant break what’s already broken.” Merry looked to the ground with a slight smile on his face. “Now I know the faces of every foal fiddler in this city, and fuck there is a lot, we can deal with that at a later date however, for now we should celebrate.” Luna just looked to the ground and took a deep breath, she then smiled

“I cant wait to see the look on Tia’s face in the morning.” She brought a hoof up to her mouth to stifle a giggle. After a bit some of the colts were shouting we had arrived. So Merry went up to the front door and flung it open as it was still unlocked. He walked in alone, it was a rather small place, it reminded him of one of those small Chinese noodle shops.

“I’m sorry sir, but we are closing soon.” Merry just sighed

“Aww really? But I’m here to see your new head chief. I think his name was Sam?” The waitress just cocked an eye and went to the back. Luna, Paul and the rest of the children walked in after the waitress left.

“This place seems rather small Merry, are you sure it will be ok?” Merry just laughed

“Yeah I’m sure this place will do just fine. I meet the head chief on my way to Canterlot, nice guy.” Sam walked out of the back with the waitress, and they both gasped at the sight of Princess Luna.

“Your Highness... and Merry? What...” Sam was just gawking as he looked around at all the children. “What’s going on?”

“Well we were just looking for a place to get some grub before heading back to the castle, and I thought what better place then here. But apparently you’re closing soon so we will have to find elsewhere to celebrate.” Merry just sighed as Sam cleared his throat.

“Well that’s true, but there’s no way I could turn down my families savior and the Princess, even if it is closing time. Jane get all of these ponies and Merry a seat and table. I hope you don’t mind a bit of overtime.” Jane just laughed

“Are you kidding? Princess Luna showed up in our restaurant! I’ll stay as long as needed if I get to hang out with a Princess!” Merry and Sam laughed as Luna got a blush on her face. Paul remained steadfast watching over everyone in the back by the door.

“Well alright then, Gonna need a table for 33, or you can just spread us out as evenly as possible.” Paul raised an eyebrow and smiled as he took a seat by the door.

They pushed tables together and arranged it so all the children could sit as close as possible to Luna. Many of the children placed orders for pasta type dishes and other expensive things off the menu. Merry picked out a fish dish while Luna ordered a simple salad. Paul actually ordered a full 3 course meal. Within minutes Jane had brought out a small salad for everyone and their drinks, except Luna, whose salad took an entire dinner plate. And after 30 minutes of waiting food starting coming out of the kitchen.

“He’s pretty quick, we’ve only been here for like half an hour and everyone already has what they ordered.” Merry nodded

“Yes he is quite fast, or he has an army back there. Hehe” As Merry ate his food Sam walked out from the back and smiled at everyone eating. He spotted Merry and went over to his side

“How’s the Food Merry?” Sam just had a smug look on his face.

“Its pretty damn good actually. Considering you served 33 people in like 30 minutes.” Sam just laughed

“Yes well, My cutie mark is a lighting bolt with a frying pan. I picked up the nickname Lighting Hooves...” Merry took another bite of the fish and looked at him.

“What is your full name anyway?” Merry raised an eyebrow

“Sam Lighting. So the Hooves part was just added later on, Heh” Merry just smirked

“Nice, I think I found my go to spot in Canterlot from now on. How’s that Salad Lulu?” Sam went wide eyed as he turned to look at Luna who choked a bit at being called Lulu in public in front of strangers. She coughed and cleared her throat

“Its actually quite good, What is this you put on top of it?” Sam just grinned

“Its my newest thing to make salads more interesting, I call it Salad dressing, its just a basic one. Some olive oil mixed with a bit of sugar. I’ve been planning more complex ones.”

‘This guy just made Salad dressing, I wonder if he’s gonna make ranch or Cesar dressing...it will probably have a different name hehe.’

Everyone just enjoyed their meals as they all talked. Jane was having a blast talking to Luna and even just watching her chew. Sam was talking up a storm with Merry about cooking. Merry picked up a few things and in return he told him how to make his Stir fry. Telling him how everyone in Ponyville enjoyed it and with his skill he could probably mimic it. He even told him about french fries.

All the children were having a blast. They were exchanging foods and asking Luna, Paul and Merry questions. Mostly about what its like to be a princess, guard, or walking on two legs. Some of the children even told Sam they loved his cooking and wanted to come back again. When Jane found out that Luna was going to adopt all of them she gasped and fainted. Everyone laughed at Jane, even Paul. Paul eventually got up from his seat and helped Jane back up to her hooves.

“You okay there?” Jane shook her head clear and looked at Paul, she then blushed a bit.

“O-oh yes, I’m fine. Thank you.” She moved off him and cleared her throat, Paul just chuckled and went back to his seat to finish eating. Jane went back to princess Luna’s side and kept staring as Paul ate.

“Who is that stud, I didn’t notice him before” Luna looked up and turned to face who she was looking at.

“Paul Revere? He’s one of my night guards, He’s probably the least talkative of them all. I don’t know much about him other then that.” Jane just pouted her lips out and sighed

“I think I’m gonna go talk to him. You don’t mind do you Princess?” Luna just shook her head.

“Not at all, knock yourself out.” Luna went back to eating her salad while Jane sat with Paul. They seemed to be hitting it off pretty well, but Jane was doing most of the talking.

After about an hour of everyone having a blast Merry got the bill and coughed. He handed it to Luna who looked at it and shrugged.

“I don’t have this much on me, but if you give me a moment I shall be back with the required bits.” Luna’s horn glowed and she teleported away. Sam just squinted his eyes a bit

“I hope she just didn’t skip out on paying the bill...” Jane smacked him upside the head

“She not gonna just abandon all these precious little foals here.” as she finished her sentence Luna teleported in with a large sack of bits

“Here this should cover it, keep the rest as a tip for the wonderful service and staying open later then normal.” Sam and Jane just looked at the huge sack of bits as it fell to the ground in front of them spilling its contents.

“Princess this far to generous...”

“Nonsense, I don’t normally get to do things like this as everyone sleeps during my nights. And those that don’t are normally ne'er-do-wells. Just think of this as an investment.” Sam and Jane clapped their hooves together while Merry just laughed.

“I’ll be back tomorrow with Princess Celestia, she has to try your cooking as well Sam.” Sam’s jaw just dropped

“How do you know the Princesses Merry? I thought you were just a wanderer when I 1st meet you.” Merry just smirked and turned around to face Sam.

“I forgot to mention, I’m going to be King someday, Celestia and Luna are pretty much in agreement for it.” Sam looked like he had a heart attack while Jane fainted again. Merry laughed as he left the restaurant with all the kids in tow.

“Does that mean you’re our dad, since Luna is our mom and all...” one of the colts asked as all the other fillies and colts just looked up at him. Merry just tilted his head to the side

“Yeah I guess that does, if I marry her anyway. I might only get hitched with Celestia and be your uncle...Or Maybe Celestia and Luna will be your moms and you could have two moms!”

‘I gotta figure a way out of this shit, this rumor is starting to spread a little too fast. I fear it may get out of control soon. Heh’ Merry just laughed out loud to himself and everyone looked at him.

“What’s so funny Merry?” Luna just raised her eyebrow at Merry as he just shrugged

“The current situation is all, and the look on Celly’s face when she finds out what we did.” Merry, Paul, Luna, and the 30 kids all just walked to the Castle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The scribe was just sitting back in his chair playing with his mane when the throne rooms doors swung open and in walked Luna, Merry, the guard from before, and a butt load of children.

“Princess Luna! What happened?!” Before Luna could speak Merry jumped up in front of her and spoke

“Princess Luna saw all the children and decided to adopt them all out of the kindness of her heart.” All the foals were just in awe of the throne room while Luna just moved in front of Merry and cleared her throat

“Yes, as you can see we now have 30 new additions to the royal family. I would love for you to make arrangements for them all at once.” Merry raised his hand up and yelled

“FOR NOW WE SHALL TAKE A BATH BEFORE BED!” All of the fillies and colts just moaned.

“We don’t wanna sleep yet!”

“Yeah! We wanna play with momma Luna more!” All the children yelled in protest and Merry just laughed

“And that is why Momma Luna is going to take the bath with all of you. Have you not seen the royal bathroom? IT'S HUGE!” Merry walked over to Luna who was just confused at the idea of washing 30 foals. “Don’t worry honey bun, just get some of the maids to help you, I’m sure they would enjoy it. I on the other hand have some business to attend too.” Luna just raised an eyebrow at him

“And what exactly are you going to do?” Merry just smiled at her as he cracked his neck. He leaned in close and whispered into her ear

“Three of the day guards are foal fiddler’s.” Luna’s eyes went wide as Merry leaned back with the smile still on his face “I GOTTA GO CLEEAAN HOOUSE!” Merry pointed over to Paul and motioned for him to follow him.

Merry and Paul left the room while Luna and the scribe just looked at each other. Luna cleared her throat again

“Scribe, gather all the maids that are still awake and tell them to meet me at my bath. About 10 should do.”

“But Momma Luna we wanna stay up with you!” Luna just smiled warmly

“Perhaps tomorrow little ones, I’m sure you’re tired after such a long day anyway. You can adjust to staying up late with me if you wish. After all, we can get to know each other better in the bath. I have still yet to learn all of your names after all.” All the fillies and colts just looked up to Luna and smiled. As they walked to the bath many of them were running around and looking in awe at everything the castle had to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry and Paul walked down toward the day guards Barracks, or more accurately, Paul lead the way.

“So Paul, We should meet up with the day guards commander first.” Paul didn't turn around or nod he simply took a sharp left

“Then we must go see Commander Blade. He took over after Shining Armor left to watch over the crystal kingdom with his wife Cadence.” Merry nodded as they walked over to Blade’s room. Apparently it wasn’t far from the day barracks. It was actually next door, he just had a room to himself. Merry barged into his room as the door was unlocked

“Commander Blade!” The white pony jumped out of bed and quickly got to his hooves with a small blade clenched in his teeth. After looking around for a bit he calmed down and spat the blade out.

“Who are you... and what’s going on Paul?” Paul just cleared his throat and motioned over to Merry who was just smiling at him.

“Names Merry Commander Blade, You’re gonna help us weed out some foal fiddlers among the day guards, 3 to be exact.” Blades face turned red as he snorted steam.

“You have proof I assume?” Merry just gave him a smug grin

“That I do, extremely detailed descriptions of what they look like and their cutie marks. Now don your armor, lets go wake them up. We have 3 predators to catch.” Blade huffed out more steam from his nose

“I’ll gut those muthabuckers alive!” Blade threw on all of his armor and weapons and charged out the room. Merry laughed as he and Paul followed him out the door and around another corner leading to a large double door. Blade spun around and bucked the door open knocking one off its hinges. Many of the guards jumped to their hooves and stared at the commander. One of them stepped forward

“Sir! Are we under attack?!” Blade just looked at him and snorted again.

“Were not under attack, Now LINE UP AND MAKE YOUR CUTIE MARKS VISABLE!” All the guards scrambled to line up at attention while Merry just walked around the room.

‘Lets see, looking for a yellow shield... a blue sword...aand aha, the axe.’ Merry pointed at the 3 stallions with the cutie marks from the memories he extracted and motioned for them to move forward. “The rest of you are dismissed, but you are more then welcome to stay.” Merry just grinned at the 3 stallions who stepped forward.

“Hello why don’t you take a seat.” Merry motioned to the nearby table with the chairs. So they sat down and asked

“Who are you supposed to be?” Merry just smiled

“My name is Merry Sue, and welcome to How to catch a Foal Fiddler.” The 3 stallions tensed up, Blue was the 1st to speak up.

“W-What do you mean?” Merry put his hands on the table and leaned in close

“You three have been accused of the rape of underage colts and fillies at a local orphanage called The Wayward Foal. How do you plead?” Axe spoke up next

“What?! That’s crazy! You have no Proof!” Merry grinned at him

“Oh really? Because 3 colts and 4 fillies disagree with you. The scar on your belly was mentioned numerous times.” Axe gulped and then Yellow spoke up

“Where are these foals then? Why not have them point us out?”

“Excellent question! You see, I have the ability to extract information from another’s mind forcefully or willingly. The colts and fillies were more than willing to give me the information. The headmaster meet with an unfortunate accident as he was unwilling to share the information. And as for the colts and fillies, they are now all bathing with Princess Luna and some smoking hot maids at the moment.” The 3 Stallions gulped visibly as Blade drew his sword and walked closer to the table.

“No wonder you three always hung out together, ya sick bucks.” Blade slammed his sword into the table and shouted. “HOLD THESE 3 CORRUPT BASTARDS DOWN!” Many of the nearby guards that didn’t leave jumped the three stallions and held them down to the ground. Blade yanked his sword out of the table and cut their manes off along with their tails. Merry shook his head in disappointment

“Is that all? You cut their hair?” Merry just shook his head “Let me show you how to deal with sick bastards like this.” Merry walked up to the Stallion he named Yellow and looked him in the face as the other guards held him down.

“I don’t know how you got this way.” Merry reached over and grabbed his testicles “I know its not alright.” With a huge grin on his face his began to crush them with all his strength. Through the Stallion screams Merry yelled “SO I’M BREAKING THE HABIT!” A popping sound was heard as the stallion passed out. Merry released his grip and moved on to the next Stallion, Blue.

“Please stop!” Merry just laughed as he griped Blues testicles

“But I’m breaking your habit!” Merry began to squeeze with all his might again. “Clutching the cure, I...” Another loud pop was heard as the stallion passed out. Axe looked on in fear as he struggled to get away.

“Please you don’t have to do this!” Merry just laughed again as he shook his head

“Why does that sound so familiar? Oh yes that’s right, that’s what little Lincoln told you right before you told him to...What was it again?” Merry reached down and grabbed his testes and grinned “ah yes that’s right, SHUT-UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A STALLION!” Instead of crushing them he simply pulled back and ripped them off. Axe screamed and Merry shoved Axe’s torn off balls into his mouth, shutting him up.

“Quit your bellyaching ya stupid foal.” Axe foamed at the mouth as he passed out. Blade, Paul, and all the guards in the room backed away as Merry looked up to the ceiling and sighed.

“That’s a decent stress release. Now, you guys head back to bed after these 3 are taken care of. I have a big day planned tomorrow with Celestia.” Merry left the barracks with his hands in his pockets leaving all the guards behind.

“Commander Blade?”

“Yeah private?”

“I’m scared of Merry, I hope he really isn’t going to be King.” Blade and Paul nodded.

“Me too private, me too.” Off in the distance they heard Merry yell

"I'M BREEAKING THE HAABIT!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna was washing several of the little colts and fillies with her magic while some unicorn maids did the same.

“Oh my, Princess Luna are we really going to have so many cute fillies and colts around the castle now?” one of the maids was looking at Luna who had her tongue out in concentration while washing one of the colts.

“Yes, Merry decided that we should, I was skeptical at 1st, but I’m starting to enjoy this lifestyle already.” Luna rubbed her nose against a colt and hugged him. “Besides, They all love their momma Luna!” all the fillies and colts cheered in unison

“Yeah! Momma Luna is the best!”

“Does this make me a prince?”

“Oh oh! Does this make me a Princess?!”

“Doesn’t this make us all royalty!?” Luna laughed and smiled

“Yes, you are all technically Princes and Princesses now. But that means you will have responsibilities when you get older as well.” Some of the kids moaned a bit but stopped when they heard some noise coming from outside the door.

“This is Luna’s bath right?”

“Yes Sir Merry, Luna, several maids, and the young ones are all inside at the moment, I suggest you wait out here.” Merry laughed

“I do what I WANT!” Merry flung the door open and waltzed inside. “Hi Everybody!” The maids, Luna and some of the fillies tried to cover up and shouted

“What are you doing?! Get out we are in the bath!” Merry just face palmed and laughed

“What does it matter? You’re all naked 90% of the time anyway, what does a little water matter?” Several items were thrown in Merry’s direction until a blue magical bolt hit him squarely in the chest and flung him outside.

‘Magical bolts, another weakness.’ Merry just laid on the floor where the bolt flung him and put his hands behind his head. “I’ll Just wait right here then!”

The door guard shook his head and closed the bathroom door. After a few minutes Merry got bored and put in his earbuds. Hoobastank - The Reason. He began to sing out loud as he lay upon the floor.

“I’m Not a Perfect Person!” the guard just looked at Merry

“There’s many things I wish I didn’t do, but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you!” The guard looked around and didn’t see anyone else around him.

“And so I have to say before I gooo! That I just want you to know!!” The guard raised an eyebrow

“I’ve found a reason for me! To change who I used to be!!” The guards eyes went wide

“A Reason to Start over NEEWW!!! And the reason is yoou...” The guard began to blush

“I’m Sorry that I hurt you” the guard shuffled around nervously

“But uh, you didn’t hurt me...” Merry ignored him and kept singing

“It’s something I must live with everyday! And all the pain I put you through. I wish that I could take it all away! And be the one who catches all your tears! That’s why I need you to heeaar!” The guard was starting to blush even more as Merry just sang on the floor looking at him.

“You know I uhh...” the guard spun around and saw Luna and a few maids had peaked their heads out to see what all the noise was along with some of the fillies. Merry ignored the fact they were now looking at him

“I’ve found a reason for mee, to change who I used to bee! A reason to start over neew. And the reason IS YOOUU!!! AND THE REASON IS YOOOUU!” Luna and the maids all blushed with the guard. Luna yelled out the door at Merry

“What are you talking about!” Merry just smiled at their confused and blushed faces as he continued

“I’m not a perfect person...You know you look pretty sexy with your mane down like that Luna. I guess a little water goes a long way.” Merry took out his ear buds and stood up. “So you guys done in their yet?” Luna just sighed

“Let us dry off and rinse the last few off, and we will be done.” Merry just crossed his arms and nodded his head.

“Eggcellent.” While Merry waited outside a few more maids came up to the bathroom door. They nodded at Merry and the guard, then shouted through the door.

“Princess Luna! The rooms for the children have been all set up.” Princess Luna walked out of the bathroom followed by the maids and children.

“Good timing we have just finished our baths. Now we can get the children ready for bed.” Many of the children moaned is disagreement.

“Now now children, there is a big day planned tomorrow. We still have some things to do to make sure you are all a proper part of the family and coronations must be done as well. And introductions must be done for my sister in the morning.” Some of the foals dropped their heads but agreed to it anyway and they were all whisked off to the rooms. Six in a room and they each had their own beds. The rooms were more like large apartments with three bathrooms in each one. When Luna and the maids had finished tucking all the children in she sighed and decided to go back to her throne room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Merry! You can't sit in the throne, Princess Luna will be back shortly!” Merry waved his hand limply at the scribe as he put on the crown that was on the seat.

“I do what I want. I’m going to be king anyway.” The scribe sighed in defeat

“Fine just don’t blame me if Luna gets mad at you.” Merry just laughed

“She wont get mad...I think.” As Merry finished his sentence and sat down Princess Luna walked through the door and gasped.

“What are you doing?!” Luna ran up to Merry

“Just seeing what its going to be like as a king is all...its kinda boring.” Luna just sighed and used her telekinesis to take the crown off Merry and set it to the side.

“Yes night court is rather...boring.” Merry raised as eyebrow and stood up

“Why don’t you let me take over tonight while you go back to sleep.” Luna just cocked her right eyebrow at Merry and tilted her head.

“And why on Equestria would I do that?” Merry just gave her a smug smile

“Because you and Celestia are going to hang out with all the kids tomorrow while we travel around the city to flaunt our stuff.”

“Huh?” Luna thought for a moment and smiled “Yes that is a good idea, nothing ever happens in night court anyway, and I would to love get to know the children better...If they are indeed to going to stay with us.” Merry nodded his head

“Yes, of course it’s a good idea I came up with it. Now you should get your rest so you can stay awake all day, or most of it anyway.” Luna nodded her head in agreement

“Yes, I haven’t had time to be with my sister in awhile. This will be perfect if you are going to ‘watch’ over my duties for tonight.” Merry nodded his head again

“Yes yes, big day tomorrow so get your self some rest so you don’t yawn all day.” Luna kissed Merry on the cheek

“Thank you for letting me have some fun, for once...” Merry just shooed her out of the room

“Yes I know I’m a saint and everything. So go do yer thing while I do mine. I’ll come get you with the kids so we can go wake up Celly.” Luna giggled and left the throne room leaving Merry and the shocked scribe behind.

“Sir Merry...” Merry turned around and looked at the scribe

“Hey you wouldn’t happen to know anything about prisoners would you?” The scribe shook his head

“No, I do not deal with them and I only know what comes in the papers, or if something serious has happened.” Merry just nodded and sat back down in the throne and sighed.

“So is there really nothing to do during night court?” The scribe tilted his head in thought.

“Well, yeah nothing happens normally. Sometimes during holidays it can get busy around here, or if the Gala or some other large event comes along that will go into the night. But there is no such thing happening any time soon I'm afraid.” Merry just sighed again and put his earbuds in.

“Well alright then, you are dismissed, you may do what ever it is you feel like doing, I’m just gonna sit here. Oh yeah, when does Celestia usually wake up?”

“Its around 5 A.M. she wakes up, prepares then raises the sun while Luna lower’s the moon. Then they eat breakfast together and exchange pleasantries before Luna goes to sleep.”

“Hmm, sounds like a boring type of schedule poor Luna is stuck with. No wonder she seemed so happy at the idea of hanging out with her sis during the day time.” Merry just sighed “time to pass the time with some music then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna was sleeping peacefully after having a hard time getting to sleep. It's pretty hard to sleep when you’re not sleepy. She was probably only asleep for 4 hours before Merry barged into her room being as loud as possible.

“WERE ALL LIVING IN AMERICA! AMERICA! ITS WUNDERBAR!” Luna literally fell out of her bed yelling

“Merry! Did you need to wake me in such a rude manner? And what is America?” Merry just laughed

“Haha, sorry Lulu. I was listening to all the Rammstein albums and some of the songs just got stuck in my head. America is the country I am originally from. Its an alright place, I just think it could be better managed, some areas anyway” Luna just shook her head and walked over to her vanity mirror and began to fix her mane.

“What time is it?”

“Its 4 A.M. love, we gotta go get the kids and make sure we get to wake Celestia up as well.” Merry just had a huge grin on his face and Luna just raised an eyebrow

“Are you planning to wake her up the same you did with me?” Merry just gave her a stupid grin.

“I have something even better planned for her. Now hurry and lets go.” Luna decided to just use a spell to fix her mane up and put on her royal decorations. They left her room and nodded to the guards as they traveled to the rooms the children were sleeping in.

When they got to the rooms Luna and Merry woke them all up gently, telling them they were going to go wake Celestia now. Many of the children immediately woke up while others needed a bit more convincing before waking up before the sun was up.

With the children all awake and ready to go they traveled to Celestia’s room, they had about 10 minutes before she woke up. It was a good thing the maids had placed the children’s rooms so close to both Luna and Celestia’s rooms. When they got to Celestia’s room the two guards looked at the massive group coming and just raised an eyebrow at what was happening.

“Hello there gentlemen, we are here to wake Princess Celestia so she can begin her day, I know she will be waking shortly but we want to surprise her.” The guards nodded and opened the door. The door closed behind them when everypony was inside. Merry just put his finger up to his lips and said

“Shhh, I’m gonna wake her up now.” Merry crept over to her bedside and went up to her sleeping face. He proceeded to put his right hand on her face and kissed her on the lips. “Its time to wake up baby girl.” Celestia’s eyes shot open and realized she was face to face with Merry and her lips were wet.

“TIS NOT FAIR!” Merry turned around to face Luna as Celestia jumped out of bed not completely sure what just happened.

“What exactly...” Celestia saw all the foal’s in her room standing around looking at her. “Who are they?” Merry just smiled as he spoke

“Luna and I got busy last night, nothing too crazy ya know? But uh, say hello to the 30 new filles and colts that will be joining your family, Aunt Celly.” Celestia’s mouth dropped as Luna went up to Merry

“Why did she get a kiss when all I got was you singing stupidly loud!?” Merry just cocked an eyebrow

“You sounds jealous Lulu, Did you want a kiss as well?” Some of the fillies giggled while the colts just went blegh.

“I-I uh, I just, guuh!” Luna closed her mouth and puffed out her cheeks. Causing Merry to laugh who just walked over to her and placed his hand on her cheek.

"Have some suger baby.” Merry kissed her on the cheek “I’ll give you some more sugar another time. For now we must go!” Luna began to blush a bit while Celestia was still just confused

“I need an Explanation as to whats going on.” Merry just chuckled

“Yes yes, well last night we went to an orphanage and Luna loved them all so much she wanted to adopt all 30 of them, so we did. I’ll give you all the details at a later date. Fo now the introduction must begin! Children, would you kindly introductory yourselves to Aunt Celly?” All the children ran up and around Celestia with big grins on their faces as they began to introduce themselves.

“Hi, My names Adam Apple!”

“I’m Abbie Feather!”

“Names Charlie Horst!”

“I’m Daisy!”

“They call me Echo Ed!”

“You can call me Fifi”

“My note said I’m called Pink!”

“Just call me Floyd”

‘OH SHIT! PINK FLOYD! I wonder if those two will combine and make a musical band’

“My name is Gizmo Gears!”

“You can call me Grimm”

“They call me Hannibal.”

“And I’m Lecter”

‘That sounds familiar.’

“Hi princess, my name is Isabelle.”

“Aand maah naame is Ju-Ju Jinx”

“I am known as Kalypso .”

“you can call me Kira...”

‘The shy type huh?’

“MY NAME IS KRATOS!”

‘GOD OF WAR! Oh wait...’

“My name is Lillian Lily”

“I’m Loki, Princess.”

“Hi I’m Maggie Pie!”

“My name's Nick!”

“They call me Noah Ark!”

“I AM OZZY OSBOURNE!!”

‘WHAT THE FUCK?!’

“Mah names PJ Aunt Celly, its short fer Peanut Jammer”

‘How did they come across a name like that? No wonder he goes by PJ’

“You may call me Quincy Adams”

“My name is Robin, like the birdie”

“My name is Sandy”

“My name is...um, its Lincoln.”

“My name is Tabitha Aunt Celly!”

“And last, but not least is me, ZOEY!”

Celestia gave them all a nervous smile and a giggle as they each introduced themselves.

“My word, It may take me a bit of time to remember all of you, but I shall try. Why don’t you kids go wait with Luna on the balcony while I speak to Merry for a moment.” All of the colts and fillies jumped up and down as they traveled to the balcony with Luna behind them all.

“Merry explain this at once!” Merry sighed

“Long story short, I convinced Luna to go visit the orphanage that was asking for more money. When we got there with some guards we found out they were running some kind of sick foal fiddler business. So we shut them down and I opted for Luna to adopt all the children after I absorbed all the children’s bad memories of being sexually molested. Not only that but I also absorbed all the damage done to their bodies...basically making them all virgins again.” Celestia’s eyes went wide at what Merry had just said.

“So all those children...” Merry put a hand on her mouth

“Just forget it all happened and just go along with it ok? I also have vivid memories of everything that happened, I know who is a foal fiddler and who isn’t now. I remember all the Cutie marks. And 3 of them were in your day guards no less. Oddly no night guards, guess that says something about the screening process eh?” Celestia sighed

“I’m assuming you took care of those day guards already?” Merry just grinned

“Of course I did Celly. Now if you want more details it will have to be at a later time when the little ones aren’t around. Luna can give you some details seeing as how she was there the whole time.” Celestia smiled warmly at Merry

“It sounds like you were very busy last night indeed, and Luna does love children, However 30 may be a bit much for her to handle all at once.” Merry just scoffed

“Pish posh my dear, she is a god, if she cant handle 30 prepubescent children how could she handle a country? Now go and do yer thing so the kids can watch and we can all go out for Breakfast!” Celestia just looked down at Merry

“Breakfast? We wont be eating in the castle?” Merry shook his head

“Nope! Were gonna go to a place called The Prancing Pony.” Celestia just raised an eyebrow

“That low end place in the bad part of town?” Merry just chuckled

“Didn’t seem all the bad to me, and the food was exquisite. So bring all yer bits cause were gonna need a table for 33 plus any guards you bring along!”

Celestia face hoofed as she walked out to the balcony followed by Merry.

Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 Foals, and Merry Part 2
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The Rage of a Damaged Father

Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 Foals, and Merry Part 2

Moma Luna, Aunt Celly, the 30 Foals, and Merry Part 2

All of the children were thrilled to witness Luna bring down the moon while Celestia brought the sun up. The little Unicorn fillies and colts asked if they would be able to someday do that. Celestia giggled while Luna tilted her head up in thought and just answered with the classic maybe.

After the sun was up Celestia turned around to Merry and just shook her head. She went over to her door guards and cleared her throat to get their attention.

“Would you two gentlecolts care to join us all for breakfast in the city?” The two guards looked at each other and then saluted Princess Celestia before walking up to her side

“We would be honored Princess.” Celestia smiled as she left the room followed by Luna, the kids, Merry and the 2 guards.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the large group of people walked down the streets of Canterlot everyone bowed as the two princesses walked by and the princesses would simply nod back. One of the ponies went up to Princess Celestia after he bowed

“Princess, are you leading a school field trip or something?” Celestia shook her head and giggled

“No no, nothing of the sort. I am an aunt while Luna here seems to of adopted these 30 fillies and colts over night...” The high class ponies simply nodded then paused for a moment at hearing what Celestia just said.

“Wait what?!” Merry just laughed and he went between Celestia and the ponies

“We have a schedule to keep here, if you don’t mind we are heading over to get some breakfast at The Prancing Pony.” Merry gently pushed the stunned pony out of the way and led the way to the restaurant in question.

When they arrived a crowed had formed behind them as they traveled. Merry opened the door to the establishment and announced his presence.

“HEY GUYS I’M BACK! I brought some guests as well.” The waitress from last night, Jane, looked up from the pony who was already seated and placing an order. When she saw Celestia and Princess Luna she fell over a bit but caught herself before falling completely.

“When you get the chance I need seating for 35 over here.” The 2 other ponies in the restaurant stared in awe at the 2 princesses walking in who were followed by 30 children.

“I don’t know Merry, this place doesn’t seem like it would make high class food.” Celestia just looked around and saw the place looked rather plain. Merry just shook his head in disappointment

“Celestia my dear, All the great things in life aren’t on a silver platter, sometimes they are found in a dirty hole. All it takes is a keen eye and bit of time, Now let us get our seats yes?” Jane had run into the back to bring out some extra chairs and a fold up table to accommodate the large amount of ponies. In a few minutes everyone was seated. Jane wiped some sweat off her head and took a deep breath

“Now that everyone is seated, I have just one question. What made you come back Luna?” Jane looked Luna directly into the eyes as she waited for an answer.

“Well, honestly it was the cooking, or preparation if you will. That salad I ordered was delicious. Sam’s Salad dressing was something entirely new, and frankly I loved it.” Jane got a huge grin on her face

“Be right back.” Jane galloped into the back of the restaurant and into the kitchen. About a minute later some excited shouting could be heard from Sam in the back. They both came back out from the kitchen and Sam just gawked

“Well I’ll be damned, I didn’t think you would come back with the whole family so soon.” Sam just laughed. “Merry ya son of bitch, You actually brought both princesses and all the little colts and fillies with you?” Merry just laughed

“Yes, yes I did, now if you don’t mind we would like some breakfast.” Sam just chuckled

“Well alright then, Jane will take your order while I prep the kitchen up.” Sam went back into the kitchen and the sound of pots and pans being brought out was clearly heard.

The two guards took their seats by the door while the children were seated around Luna and Celestia yet again. Merry, Luna, and Celestia sat in a table in the middle of the madness with a few of the children. Jane was going around collecting orders from the children and came to Princess Luna and Celestia last.

“I shall have a salad, and some of that dressing that Luna spoke well of.” Jane nodded and turned to Luna who was looking through the menu and pointed at an item on the list.

“This wasn’t here last night, when did you make new menus?” Jane just frowned and looked at Merry

“After he told Sam two new things to try he went home and made them, he promptly created new menus and went to bed late last night. His wife came with him this morning and told him to sleep more, but he insisted on coming to work today and told her to come by later with Mustang for a surprise.” Jane just shook her head “Honestly he needs to watch his own well being. I’ve only known the stallion for two days, and I figured out he was reckless with his own health.” Merry just grunted

“Thanks for the story doll cakes, but could we place our order now?” Jane just glared at Merry as she brought out her notepad, Luna cleared her throat

“Well that was rather rude of you Merry, but none the less I want to try some of these fried potato strings with another delicious salad.” Jane nodded and turned to Merry

“Yes, I will take the uh...the...Potato Discs with a side of Mackerel.” Jane scribbled in her notepad and then went back into the kitchen to hand Sam the huge order. Merry just leaned back in his chair and looked out the window.

“Do people like watching Royalty eat or what the fuck?” Merry just looked at the huge amount of ponies standing outside the window looking in. The only thing he noticed that was different was that many of them wore cloths. Like suits, pants, and ties. It was really weird looking. Luna and Celestia turned around to look as well and gasped

“Sister, Why are so many ponies outside? Are they just waiting for a spot to open?” Celestia just bit her lip

“Actually, this would be the 4th time I’ve eaten a meal outside the castle, its always been this way. For some reason ponies like watching royalty eat.” Celestia shook her head “it’s the reason why I always eat at home.” Merry just smiled

“Let em watch, I bet they are all super jealous that they cant come in and eat with the princesses and their 30 new kids.” One of the colts at the table looked at Merry.

“Yeah! I cant wait till school tomorrow when I get to tell everyone my mom is Luna now.” Merry just looked at him

“What was your name again?” Before the Colt could answer him Luna spoke up

“He is Kratos, Merry.” Luna pointed her hoof at the colt then went around the table “Lillian, PJ, Ozzy Osborune, Zoey and Sandy are seated at the table with us.” Merry’s mouth just dropped

“You memorized all of their names already?” Luna nodded her head

“But of course, I am their mother right? I should know their names.”

‘’Bitch better know the names of her kids''

Merry looked around and couldn’t figure out who said that, but shrugged it off because Luna and Celestia didn’t say anything about it. The rest of the meal went as normal, everyone ate and had a good time, the crowd outside grew to an enormous amount of ponies. It looked like they were going to a show of some kind. After an hour or so everyone had finished eating and conversing and the bill came yet again. For some reason Jane passed it to Merry again, who just made a funny face and handed it to Celestia.

“Why do you always pass me the bill Jane?” Jane just smirked

“I figured the king would be able to handle such a little bill.” Merry just scoffed

“Yeah ok, I'm not the king yet, so my dates will handle it for me.” Celestia just raised an eyebrow as she looked between Merry and the bill then sighed.

“I suppose this match’s up for a party of 35.” Celestia levitated out the bag of bits she brought and took out the required amount plus an extra 30 for the tip.

As they were leaving Merry looked out into the crowed of ponies and saw a little orange Pegasus sitting on top of one the ponies heads.

“Excuse me for a second ladies, I need to go check something.” Merry broke off from the group and went into the crowd to the pony that had the young orange Pegasus on his head. By the time he reached the blue pony the orange one flew off into the sky and disappeared.

“Hey, who was that little filly who was sitting on your head just now?” The pony and everyone else around him just looked at him and around at each other.

“What are you talking about?” Merry looked around at all their faces and then back to his group who was just staring at him. He sighed

“Nevermind...” Merry looked at the regular pony and saw his cutie mark, he had a vivid flash back of the orphanage again with that same cutie mark of 2 bowling balls. “Say what’s your name?” The blue pony just shuffled his hooves around a bit

“Its uh, my name is Turbo.” Merry just nodded his head

“Alright, why don’t you come with us to the castle, you seem like the fun type.” The blue pony suddenly got excited

“Really? In the castle!?” Merry just nodded his head

“Yup, let us hurry now.” Merry went back to the group and nodded at Celestia who just raised an eyebrow at Merry and the new pony.

“Who might this be?” Merry just cleared his throat

“I have personally selected this gentleman to join us at the castle... or would it be gentlepony? I still haven’t gotten all of your terms yet.” As the stallion looked around at the group he was smiling, but his smile faded when he saw all the children around Luna. Luna noticed how his demeanor changed when he saw the children.

“I uh, On second thought I have other business to attend to.” Before Turbo could leave Luna levitated him back near one of the guards.

“Nonsense, join us at the castle would you? I’m sure we all could have plenty of fun. Guards keep him company yes?” The guards simply nodded and stood on either side of him to prevent him from leaving again. Celestia just raised an eyebrow at Luna’s actions and dropped her head low to whisper to Merry

“Is he one of them?” Merry simply nodded and pointed up to the sky

“LET US BE OFF TO THE CASTLE NOW!” With Merry yelling many of ponies had brought their hooves up to block the sound.

They all traveled to the castle together and the whole way Merry was making exaggerated steps as he put an ear bud in. He began to sing some lyrics to the song Disturbed - Never Again.

“All that I have left inside is a soul that’s filled with pride. I tell you never again. In a brave Society, Didn’t end up killing me.” Luna, Celestia, the guards, Turbo and the children all looked at Merry as he sang

“Scream with me, Never Again! NOT AGAIN!” Some of the children in the group also shouted after Merry did

“NEVER AGAIN!”

“NOT AGAIN!” Merry laughed as he continued to sing.

“A generation that was persecuted endlessly, Exterminated by the Nazi war machine. We will remember, let the story be told to realize how we lost our humanity.”Celestia and Luna looked at each other as they kept walking

“You Dare to tell me that there never was a Holocaust. You think that history will leave the memory lost? Another Hitler using fear to control. You're gonna fail this time for the world to see” Celestia looked at Merry

“Merry who is...” Merry didn’t bother to let her finish and kept going

“All that I have left inside is a soul that’s filled with pride. I tell you never again!” Celestia just shook her head at being interrupted mid sentence.

“In a brave society, didn’t end up killing me. Scream with me...” All the children joined in this time louder than before

“NEVER AGAIN! NOOT AGAAIN!!! RA!” Celestia and Luna just looked at all the children and Merry as they shouted together in the middle of the Canterlot street.

“For the countless souls who died, Their voices fill this night, Sing with me NEVER AGAIN!” The children sang the never again line with Merry with just as much enthusiasm as before.

“They aren’t lost you see, The truth will live in me, Believe me NEVER AGAIN!” Merry stopped singing and just kept walking like nothing happened. Celestia and Luna weren’t gonna have any of that, they wanted an explanation.

“Merry what was that all about?” Merry just turned around with a confused look on his face

“What was what?” Celestia face hoofed while Luna spoke

“That song, it was a song correct? What was it about exactly? Who was that Hitler character?” Merry just sighed

“At a later date perhaps, I’ll just leave it as a dark time within human history where the man named Hitler hunted a specific type of person, with the thought of extermination in his mind.” Merry got his smile back “But the only thing you do need to know, is that it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!” Merry had stuck his hand into the air as he yelled up to the sky. Merry then turned to look at Turbo who was still between the two guards, he pointed at him and smiled

“Never again” Turbo gulped as they finished traveling to the castle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone went into the throne room with the exception of Turbo and the 2 guards, who went straight to the dungeon per request of Celestia and Luna.

“Merry now that we have a bit of time, we must speak for a while.” Luna interjected Celestia

“But sister! Merry took over night court for me so I could get some sleep and so we could spend the day together with the children!” Celestia sighed

“Yes I know Luna, I only wish to speak with him for a moment, why don’t you take the children out to the courtyard to play? I will join you shortly.” Luna nodded her head with a smile on her face as she led the children out.

“Come children! Let us go have fun in the courtyard while we wait for my sister to join us!” The children happily bounced around as they followed her out the door.

“Now that the children and Luna are gone things can get serious here.” Merry nodded his head at Celestia

“Indeed, when are you gonna tell me how to reach the griffin kingdoms? Or am I just gonna be forced to wander aimlessly?” Celestia just sighed

“I wont tell you yet, first we should talk about you, and how Luna ended up with 30 kids. You once told me you were an open book, I hope that still stands now?” Merry just grinned at her

“But of course, you just need to ask the right questions.” Celestia took a deep breath

“Why? Why must you travel to the griffin kingdoms just to enact revenge?”

“Why? You ask me why I wish the see the river’s run red with the blood of those responsible for causing her death? I know full well I am partly to blame for it. It was me they were after and she ended up being collateral damage.”

“Merry, you are not to blame, and neither are the griffins that set the bounty on your head. It was all the bounty hunters fault, He went after her specifically for his own sick games.” Merry just growled

“So its all that bounty hunters fault? Who’s fault was it that the bounty hunter came in the 1st place? The Fucking Griffins! And who’s fault was it they placed a bounty on my head? It was my own stupid fault. We’re all to blame.” Celestia sighed

“Alright then, we can pick this up again later, but tell me again how Luna now has 30 children?” Merry just laughed

“Well you see, it all started when...” ‘’Celestia didn’t save her either’‘ “...when Luna was looking over the paper work that was left over from the day before and one was an orphanage asking for some money. The scribe said you had already sent them a bunch of money before hand but they were asking yet again.”

“Yes, but how does that explain why she has 30 of them now?” ‘’Let him Finish ya fucking Whore!’‘ Merry cleared his throat as he looked around the room

“Well uh, Hey did you hear anything just now?” Celestia just looked around

“No I didn’t hear anything...” Merry just sighed

‘So am I going crazy now?’

‘’You were always fucking crazy you stupid bitch’‘

’‘’Its rude to call him that Curse’‘’

’...fuck’

“O.K. so anyway, uhh, I convinced her to travel down to the orphanage with me to see what was going on, that’s when we find out they were running some sick shit down and we fixed it up all good like. However there was no way in hell I was going to let any of those kids stick around there any longer, So I took away all of their negative memories of that place and any physical damage.” Merry grinned at Celestia as he closed his eyes.

“It was kinda cute actually when they snapped back into it and the light returned to their eye’s, they would look around the room and ask me what’s going on. So I made something up real quick and the 1st thing I thought of was...”

“That Luna came to adopt them all?” Merry just smiled

‘’SHE DID IT AGAIN!’‘

“Yeah, Figured you could afford it anyway.” Celestia just sighed then smiled

“Well alright then, Luna has always had a thing for kids.” Celestia giggled a bit “She still tells me of the time she went to Ponyville and a small colt told her she was his favorite Princess.” Merry just rubbed the back of his head

“Hey Princess, what do you know about hearing voices of those that are not in the room?”

“You mean like a spell or...?”

“No, just hearing voices, like a crazy person.” Celestia pondered it in thought for a moment

“I’m not quite sure, it sounds like a mental illness of some kind. Why do you ask?”

“Oh nothing really, just wondering what you ponies know of psychology.”

“Well, it isn’t much, we have only had a few cases over the years of ponies going crazy, and when they do, it's normally the fault of the god of Chaos, Discord, but he has been sealed up and only escaped once recently. But that is all said and done now.”

‘Great so they know nothing of this? I doubt there’s a spell to fix it now.’

‘’Yup’‘

‘’‘Do not fret dear, its not going to be all that bad’‘’

‘’yeah! Its just the two of us ya numb nuts!’‘

‘’‘Must you always be so rude Curse?’‘’

‘’Shut-up Mistress! Go choke on a fat dick!’‘

“Well alright then Celestia, I’m gonna go to my room for a bit to unwind. I’ll come find you guys later I suppose.” Celestia raised an eyebrow at Merry as he turned around

“Are you Okay Merry?” She brought up a hoof and touched him on the shoulder causing him to jump forward and spin around breathing heavily. He exhaled and raised a hand at Celestia

“Sorry about that, I think I might of bit off more than I can chew when I brought all those kids to normal.” Celestia just raised her brow in concern

“What do you mean exactly?”

“When something touches me and I don’t see it happen, my mind is flooded with images of what had happened before...you know when the kids would just be grabbed and brought into a room or something. I’m going to have to get used to that.” Merry just shook his head “Anyway, I am going to unwind in my room for a bit. Time for some happy thought time” Merry brought out his iPod and began to scroll through his list.

‘Hmm yes, this should work Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom’

‘’That songs gay! You need something more violent and angry!’‘

‘’‘I think it’s a perfect choice’‘’

Merry just shook his head again as he hit play on his iPod. He walked away putting his ear buds in. Celestia just watched him leave with a worried expression on her face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile in Ponyville Spike was reading through the daily gossip magazine, Ponies, and went wide eyed at the article about Princess Celestia and Luna.

“TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!! TWIIILIIGHT!!!” Twilight came down the stairs with a frown on her face

“Spike what is it this time? You’re not seriously reading through one of those Gossip magazines again are you? I swear just because Rarity does something doesn’t mean you have to as well.” Spike just huffed some green flame from his nose

“I’m only doing it so we could have something to talk about... But anyway look! There’s an article about the Princesses!” Twilight went wide eyed and snatched the magazine from Spike’s claws with her magic and she read it. Twilight jaw dropped

“King?! The Princesses are going to get Married?!” Twilight went through the article some more “It doesnt give any details on who the king is! All it says is that its not a pony!” Twilight quick bout of confused rage settled fairly quickly as it hit her “MERRY! WHAT DID HE DO?!” Spike slowly backed away and lifted his left claw up

“Calm down Twilight, maybe its not what you think.” Twilight just glared at Spike

“Calm down!? It says Celestia is carrying his foal AND LUNA’S HORN TASTES LIKE BLUEBERRY’S!!” Twilight was fuming and looked like she was ready to burst

“Twi please lets go see him! Maybe its not as bad as you think! They are probably just exaggerating!” Twilight calmed down and clapped her hooves together

“Excellent idea! Lets get the girls and head out to Canterlot to clear this mess up!” Twilight ran upstairs and grumbled to herself “why doesn’t my horn taste like blueberry’s...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry was just laying on his bed talking to himself.

“Soo, the angry ones name is Curse, and the nice ones name is Mistress then?”

‘’That’s right ya Stupid fucking bitch, took you long enough!’‘

‘’‘Please Curse there’s no need to speak in such a way’‘’

‘’But if I don’t tell him he’s a dumb bitch, who else is going to do it?!’‘ Merry just sighed

‘’‘Because calling him a dumb bitch is totally unnecessary Curse.’‘’

“Yeah I don’t need to be told things I already know.”

‘’BAWHAHA! Not just that but you’re pretty damn useless, your only talent so far seems to be killing things.’‘

“Hey Curse, shut the fuck up.” Merry sat up in the bed

‘’Why should I? What are you gonna do hit me? You cant even find me ya bitch!’‘

‘’‘Curse that is enough, can you not see you are upsetting him?’‘’

‘’Aww, is the poor little faggot gonna cry now?’‘ Merry gritted his teeth and yelled as loud as possible

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Both of the voices in his head stopped responding when the door to his room opened and a maid walked in.

“Is everything ok, Sir Merry? I heard you yelling from down the hall.” Merry just sighed and rubbed his head

“Yeah I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

‘Guess I shouldn’t yell when talking to you two.’

“Well, alright then Sir Merry, do you need anything?” Merry just watched as she came up to him.

‘’Hey, you should totally fuck her, I bet she would let you.’‘

‘’‘No! Don’t do such a thing! What if she is saving herself for someone?’‘’

‘’If she was saving herself she wouldn’t be swaying her hips and tail like that in our direction.’‘

‘Would you both shut-up? Besides, my dicks too small to do anything good.’

‘’Who cares as long as you get yours?’‘ Merry looked up as he thought for a moment then shook his head.

“Yeah, can you take me to see Celestia and Luna? I think I’m done relaxing for now.” The maid nodded her head

“Yes of course, they are still out in the yard, follow me” Merry followed her out the room toward where the Princesses and the children were.

‘’Look at her sway! She wants the D!’‘

‘’‘She is swaying pretty hard’‘’ Merry just face palmed as he followed the maid

‘Could you two just shut-up for awhile please?’

‘’fine... yer still a stupid bitch’‘

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia, Luna and the children were just playing in the castle garden when Merry showed up with the maid. Celestia nodded her head at them

“Good afternoon Merry and Julie, Have you come to play tag with us as well?” Just as she said that one of the children ran up and bopped her on the back of her leg

“TAG! YOU’RE IT!” He promptly ran away as Celestia just smiled. Merry just shrugged

“Ehh, I’m not really one for Tag. Hey I was wondering If I could go see the castle enchanters and what not?” Celestia put a hoof to her chin in thought for a moment

“Yeah sure, I’ll have Julie here escort you, she is good at those sort's of things, LUNA!”

“Yes sister?” Luna lifted her head as she looked in Celestia's direction

“Come here for a moment please” Luna walked up to Celestia when she saw Merry.

“What is it dear sister?”

“Oh nothing much, Merry just told me he was going to visit our enchanters, Also...” Celestia brought up a hoof and bopped Luna on her side “TAG YOUR IT!” Celestia promptly flew over to the children and stuck her tongue out.

“TIS NOT FAIR!” Before Luna went back to the group she looked at Merry “Look for Swirl, she’s one of our best.” Luna then flew up into the air and went straight at Celestia

“PREPARE TO BE TAGGED SISTER!” Merry just shook his head as he laughed

‘’Maybe this Swirl mare will let you hit it and quit it?’‘

“Come Sir Merry, it seems I am to be your guide today.” Merry just nodded his head

“Indeed it does, I hope you don’t mind.” She shook her head

‘’Maybe she can lead us to the bed’‘

“No I don’t mind at all, it beats dusting things that don’t need dusting” Merry just nodded his head

‘’Maybe she can dust your D!’‘

‘’‘Please, that’s enough Curse’‘’

“Yes, please guide me to the enchanter’s.” Julie nodded her head and led the way again.

‘’SHE’S DOING IT AGAIN!’‘

‘’‘Maybe that’s just how she walks?’‘’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Swirl was working in her lab when the door was suddenly opened and in walked a maid followed by a creature on two legs wearing an orange cloak.

“Who are you and what are you doing in my lab?” The maid bowed while the taller creature just stood his ground and looked at her

“Excuse us, But Sir Merry here insisted on seeing you so that he could obtain some enchantments.” Swirl nodded her head in understanding

“I suppose you already have permission from the princesses?” Merry just smiled at her

“Yes I did, she had this lovely maid Julie escort me here.” Merry just patted Julie on her head, and she pulled back blushing. She cleared her throat

“Well um, yes, I must be going now. I’m sure you will do just fine now.” Merry just nodded his head

“Yes, yes I think everything is under control now.” Swirl raised an eyebrow

“Wait, so you’re just dumping him on me now?” Merry just laughed as he shooed the maid out the door

“Not quite, why don’t you tell me the kinds of enchantments you’re capable of, Princess Luna said you were the best.” Swirl just scoffed

“Of course I’m the best, It is my talent after all, and I can do any enchantment you could think of. Assuming I know the spell base for it anyway.” Merry thought for a moment

“Do you have anything that can amplify sound? You know, make a whisper sound like a yell?” Swirl just rolled her eye’s

“Of course I do, that’s ones of the easier ones.” Merry just grinned at her

“Perfect! Lets get started shall we? I have a few other things that should be interesting as well.”

Luner and Merry spent several hours working on enchantments, or actually, Merry just watched as Luner did the enchantments she was able. Merry had her enchant his armor with some spell resistance and his cloak with a mending spell so if it were ever torn or damaged it would return to normal over time. Last but not least he had her enchant his iPod with that amp spell. It was the 5th generation Nano so it had a built in speaker that would play music if headphones or ear buds weren't plugged in.

“Hey Swirl, I have one last question for you.” Swirl groaned

“Ya know, I thought I would have some peace and quiet today, but I guess not if you’re just going to keep having me enchant things.” Merry rolled his eye’s

“Okay, its two questions now. 1st question is, can you enchant a living being, and second do you know how to reach the griffin kingdoms?”

“Enchanting a living creature is possible, but dangerous, and to reach the griffin kingdoms? I suppose you would just head to the east coast and find somepony heading in that direction, probably onboard a merchant ship.”

“Is the griffin kingdoms far or something?”

“Well not exactly, it only takes about 2 days travel by airship and 4 days by water, you see they are across the ocean above the dragon lands. They have been bugging Celestia for land here in Equestria, a griffin colony if you will, but they insist on taking an area of land that Celestia is already setting up a new town, much like Ponyville...” Merry put up his hand

“Ya, know I really don’t care much about the politics, all I wanted was some directions, and thanks for that, now last question...” Swirl just rolled her eyes

“And what could your last question possibly be?” Merry just gave her an awkward smile

“You wouldn’t happen to know an enchantment to make my dick bigger would you?” Swirl just face hoofed and tossed Merry out the door using her magic.

“Is that a no?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The train was pulling into the Station at Canterlot and a purple unicorn mare forced the door open followed by 5 more mares, 2 were earth ponies, 2 Pegasus and the last one was another unicorn.

“Twilight, I read that article as well, but I think you’re just over reacting a bit darling.”

“Its just soo, Arg! Even if none of it is true I would like to know who spread such false rumors so I could give them a piece of my mind!” Applejack walked up to Twilight and tipped her hat

“Just calm down fer a moment Twi, let's just head to the castle and see whats going on.” Pinky Pie bounded up next to Twilight and gave her input as well

“Yeah! It cant be as crazy as the papers make it out to be! Besides I don’t think Merry could even get a pony pregnant to begin with anyway! We’re too different!” Rainbow dash flew up above Twilights head

“Yeah Twi! Pinky is right, they would have to adopt or something, and besides, you even said it yourself all he had going for him was his hands, and without your magic it was pointless.” Fluttershy just nodded her head

“Yes, I was most... disappointed when I found out, I mean, its not like I could go to Twilight every time we wanted to...you know.” Twilight just rolled her eyes

“Lets just head out girls, I would like to get this cleared up as soon as possible.” Twilight hung her head as she marched in the direction of canterlot castle followed by her 5 best friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry had wandered around the castle until he found a guard and demanded he be taken to the kitchen. After a short trot and a walk he ended up in the castle’s kitchen. Merry had decided enough was enough, and hopefully getting drunk would stop the nagging voices in his head. Because if it did, he was gonna have to find a way to bring a large amount of liquor with him.

“Sir Merry, what can we get you? Dinner will be ready in about 2 hours from now.” Merry just waved his index finger at the chief.

“No need good Sir, I would just like something to drink.”

‘’You think you can drown us out with booze?’‘

“What would you like to drink? We have juice water, milk, tea, coffee...”

“Your strongest Liqwhore!” The chief put a hoof to his chin

“Alcohol Sir?” Merry nodded his head

“Yes, and make it the strongest thing you got.” The chief nodded and pulled a green bottle from a cabinet and poured him a shot glass worth.

“No No! It must be a big glass! You see, I want to NOT know what’s going on anymore.” The chief just raised an eyebrow

“Try this 1st, then maybe I’ll get you a bigger glass.” Merry rolled his eyes and picked up the shot glass. He sniffed it and winced, he then downed it as fast as possible and gagged.

“Oh God! What proof is that?!”

“Its 180 proof, we use this when we Flambé certain recipes, its still quite drinkable.” Merry jumped in the air and clicked his heels together

“Fuck yeah lets get wasted!” The chief backed up a bit

“But I cant drink on the job!” Merry just smiled at him

“Pfft, Just say I forced you to drink then, I don’t wanna get fucked up alone, I’ll feel like a lame.” The Chief sighed

“Alright fine, the next head chief is coming in an hour anyway.”

“Na Na! Everyone here is gonna drink! Even the guard that led me here! Were gonna get fucked up and have a good time!”

‘’‘I hope you know what your doing...’‘’

‘’Yeah! Ya Stupid BITCH!’‘

“PAARRTY!”

The Chief brought out the other bottles of the Flambé liquor and poured out 6 glasses for Merry, the guard Stin, himself, and his 3 assistants. After the 1st 3 shots everyone was completely trashed. Merry on his fourth was actually farther gone then everyone else.

“WE NED MOOSIC!” Merry brought his newly enchanted iPod and unplugged his earbuds and put on Billy Idol - Rebel Yell.

“Sing with me if you know the Lyrics!” Everyone else just wobbled around a bit as they looked at each other

“Rast night my Rittle dancer came dancing to mah door. Last right mah rittle angrel came hoppin on mah floor. Hey come on baby, do ya got a Ricense fer rove? And if it expire-rez, Pray for Help FROM ABOVE! IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR! SHE CRIED MO MO MO! WIF A REBEL YELL! SHE CRIED MO MO MO! MO MO MO MO!”

Everyone tried to sing along with Merry as best they could, and Merry even replayed the song a few times until everyone was singing the song together as best as drunkenly possible. It was completely butchered by sober status, but by drunken standards it was epic and done perfectly.

“Cerestia and Runa must hear us SING DIS SONG!” Exclaimed Merry as loud as possible, The chief, guard, and chief assistants stuttered for a moment

“But, we cant do dat! We could be Fired! I can’t loose mah Job!”

“Nonsense! If she gives you rip! I’ll just give her some of mine and say it was all mah Ideer, so don’t yall worry none, Let uss head out!”

Like most drunken idea’s this one was considered perfect and fool proof. They would perform for the princesses and probably get a pay raise or even better, a compliment from the princesses, Merry however, just felt like doing some karaoke with an audience.

To the East!
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To the East!

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Descent into the Rabbit Hole
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Descent into the Rabbit Hole

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Short adventure in Baltimare
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Short adventure in Baltimare

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Alone in the Dark
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Alone in the Dark

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A Monster, with a hint of Mercy
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A Monster, with a hint of Mercy

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I Used to be Human
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I Used to be Human

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Monsters should fight monsters
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Monsters should fight monsters

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Remember Everything
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Remember Everything

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The show must go on
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The show must go on

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A Place to Die
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A Place to Die

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Epilogue: Demi gods are dicks
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Epilogue: Demi gods are dicks

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