"Did you miss me Celestia? I missed you."
Two millennia before the return of Nightmare Moon, Discord, or Twilight Sparkle's ascension, a fair-coated teenage alicorn stood looking up at the waning night sky. Her sister would one day have dominion over this, just as she would eventually come to control the sun. The concept of a distant future was irrelevant to the hopeful young alicorn. There was only tomorrow. Tomorrow, things would be changing for the better. Celestia flicked her pink mane from her face. Tomorrow, she would begin preparations for the raising ceremony. She would need to have a great deal of strength both within and without. At least, so her father had told her.
Her father, the king, did not doubt her worth. Quite the contrary, Celestia knew that he held both herself and Luna in the utmost regard. But he was a king, first and foremost, and while the majority of Equestrian power rested in the hooves of the queen, the king was nothing if not regal. His duties as a king always rested within the forefront of his mind. He loved his daughters, and Celestia knew this for certain, but he would never be content to let his personal feelings jeopardize the well-being of his people. Therefor, no matter what he felt for his daughters, The king would not simply pass on the monarchy to ones who would be ignorant of how to keep it from falling into disarray. The raising of the sun was simply the first step, by his reckoning, along Celestia's road to rule. One day, Celestia hoped she would be wise and just; worthy of leading these ponies.
Celestia shook herself from her stream of thoughts and glanced up at the sky again. The moon rested comfortably in the night sky, just off of its midnight position. Celestia couldn't help but panic slightly. It was already past midnight, and she'd spent most of the time she should have been resting simply thinking. She was about to turn into her room to fall into the sweet silken embrace of her sheets when she paused. A noise like the faintest whisper caught her ears. It was followed by an equally faint sound of hooves. Celestia briefly wondered the cause of this noise as she peered over her balcony into the courtyards. Their castle, built in the middle of the beautiful and vast Everfree Forest, was near enough to the neighboring town of Ponyville that theoretically some dignitary with business could just be leaving. Strictly speaking, the castle grounds directly below her bedchamber were not off-limits. The noise could even be a timid little filly who'd wandered too far from home and was seeking refuge in castle's courtyards.
Celestia pondered for a moment. While the comfort of her bed was tempting, she would be no true Princess of the Sun if she simply allowed a scared, timid little filly to wander out in the night. To make matters worse, whoever it was had to be cold. While it was certainly not freezing, it was quite chilly out on this particular night.
Finally, she resolved to investigate. With a slow exhale she pulled her cloak around her shoulders and leaped over the edge of her balcony. As she fell, the cloak put on a spectacular display of color as a base white emblazoned with a gilded design in the vague shape of a sun fluttered in the air. At the very last moment, she threw open her wings and caught air, then landed steadily upon the ground.
The sound of hooves was coming directly from the other side of the hedging she'd landed near. No wonder she had heard the sound, it was practically beneath her balcony. Now that she was closer, however, she noticed something odd about the noise. There were too many hooves to be a single filly. In addition, there seemed to be a low, choking sobbing interspersed between each stamp of the hooves.
Curious, she flapped her wings and gained enough air to peek over the hedges. What she was treated to was a most unpleasant sight. Several boys, no older than herself, were stepping on what at first appeared to be a serpentine dragon. But they were not simply stepping on it, they were stomping it, and blood was starting to pool underneath the helpless creature. What she'd initially mistaken for sobbing was a small, nearly imperceptible gurgling on the slight amounts of blood trickling out from within the creature's throat. Celestia's wings guided her over the hedging. As she landed, her horn surged with a heavenly yellow light.
"We command thee cease at once, lest thou face the wrath of the Princess."
Celestia despised speaking in this fashion. The royal voice was always so pompous and uptight. The boys though, no more than fourteen, immediately fled in terror. Though she had yet to raise the sun, her magical acuity was great simply by the gift of being an alicorn. She flicked her pink locks from her face and let her magic fade as the four rounded a corner.
"Indeed, take thyself from this place!" she taunted with a smile. She'd need to tell Luna about this later, surely her younger sister would be proud of her.
As she turned her attention towards the animal, however, she realized that this was not merely a dragon. It seemed as if the thing were a chimera to her. For all the world, she didn't know what to call it. Its body was draconic, but each limb seemed to be from a different creature and it sported the head of an equine. His body structure seemed to imply an upright standing nature, which she puzzled over. He was composed of the right arm of a lion, the left claw of an eagle, the left leg of a goat, and the right leg of a lizard. The horns atop his head were mismatched as well; one was of a goat, and the other was more akin to the antlers of a deer. To top off his odd combination of body parts, he also had a pair of wings. One was angelic, the other demonic. The only normal thing about this creature was its mane, which was a deep, midnight shade of black. Its eyebrows and, curiously, the chin-beard it wore were both an odd, salt-and-pepper mismatch of black and gray. It was at though the creature’s facial hair was aging faster than his mane.
Celestia snapped from her observatory stupor as the thing, whatever he was, let out a gurgling cough. Though she found herself sickened, she did not hesitate. She lifted him with her magic and draped him over her back. Even in this position, she had to hold his head up with her magic so that his face didn't scrape along the ground.
It was only a matter of moments afterwords that the doors to the castle infirmary burst open and Celestia sprawled the chimera out on a bed. So late at night, there were only a scant few nurses, but Celestia knew how to get their attention.
"We are in need of royal assistance!" she called out to nopony in particular. The phrase was ludicrous, but the sound of a princess demanding attention always elicited attention from somepony. Though the halls of the castle were nearly desolate, the sound of their booming princess brought the nurses, and several other non-medical servants, running. She couldn't tell precisely where all these servants had been mere moments earlier, but if she had to take a gander she'd guess that they slept in the walls.
That intriguing thought aside, Celestia pointed her hoof at the serpentine form of the chimera laying limply upon the bed-sheets, which were starting to collect small amounts of blood from the several places where his scaled had cracked or his skin had broken. Being stomped on by several ponies, even adolescents, would be immensely painful. Celestia wondered how the thing had even survived this long, although she chocked it up to the draconic resilience to many of the techniques used to liberate a pony from their soul.
"See to this creature immediately. We came across young ruffians who dared stampede upon it like angry cattle. We feel responsible for this being, and thou shalt nurse it to health immediately."
There were no other words, the nurses and doctors simply set about attempting to care for their odd patient. Meanwhile, two bodyguards stationed themselves at the entrance. They acted as though a couple of angry teenagers would attempt to break into the castle and assassinate their princess. Celestia took a seat nearby the creature and waved away several servants who were attempting to cater to whimsical desires she didn't currently possess.
She was wrapped up in her own curiosity. These grounds were not off-limits, but the guards were supposed to be ever-vigilant in their duty. Any sign of disturbance and they would escort the offender off the premises. Yet a living creature had been beaten half to death, and she'd heard it from her chambers. The guard in charge of the area below her balcony was nowhere to be found during this escapade. Father would hear of this for certain. A slacking guard could get her, or worse her family, killed by being so inattentive.
Suddenly, she pondered a different stream of thought. What should she call him? Surely, calling him a creature would be a little cold, assuming he were capable of speech. Dragon horse? No, that was gauche. With her servants and the castle-folk, she could maintain such a level of distance when speaking of him. Yet she felt almost compelled to care about his well being. Certainly, she cared for all those who would one day call her queen, but something was different with this one. A force she could not quite put her finger on.
She shrugged off her concerns about her care for his safety. The late night, and perhaps the sudden bustle of the atmosphere, were imparting a fog onto her mind. She would need sleep soon.
"Draconequus."
She wasn't even aware she'd spoken the word out loud. It had simply been a thought, and she passed it over. It was preposterous. For all she knew, he was the only one of his kind, and giving name to a species that may be extinct within the next few hours seemed both touching and cruel. If he died now, he would die as an individual, not the final breath of a species that never existed. Besides, as preposterous as the name was, it'd never become popular in use.
The princess dared to raise her head, and saw that they were carrying him off into intensive care. She had barely moved to follow them when a nurse with a pure white coat and blazing yellow eyes put a hoof in front of her, although she withdrew almost immediately.
"I'm sorry Princess Celestia, your majesty, but that area must remain sterile. Please forgive me for my trespass and for impeding your progress, my-"
"Thou shalt abandon thy worry," Celestia interrupted her before several more titles she didn't care to hear recited were listed off, "We know thine intentions be pure. At ease, fair lady." Her words were slow and deliberate. She despised speaking in the traditional royal Canterlot voice. Although she'd always pondered why the royal tone was called that when her family had lived in their castle amid the Everfree Forest for as far back as anypony could remember. The only evidence to show any remote indication of the term's origins was that the original alicorns had first been spotting flying near the mountain city before the monarchy had been established, although they'd never ruled there, and likely never would. A grain of truth to every falsehood, she supposed.
Celestia about-faced and resumed her seat next to the bed where the chimera had been laying. As the nurse made her exit into the intensive care unit, she paused for a moment and addressed her princess once more.
"Don't worry your majesty. Your draconequus friend will be okay. We're going to do everything we can." Celestia nodded in response, then took pause. The nurse was gone, and she had used that ridiculous word in reference to the chimera.
Damn it.
Tomorrow was going to be interesting.
The awareness that Celestia had fallen asleep did not catch up to her until she woke up. Of course this was always the case, but this time she hadn't been trying. For a moment, she'd forgotten where she was, for she noticed a punctuated silence. Several moments of this passed, and she shook her weary head. It was far too early to open her eyes, by her estimation.
She remembered now why the silence was so noticeable. The Princess of the Sun, future leader of all Equestria, had been sprawled gracelessly across the bench of a waiting room. Surely this was the reason why no noise could be heard.
She chanced a look up, only to find that everypony in the room was bowing to the Queen and King of Equestria. Aurora Boreale and Caelus Astraeus had never been ponies to dishearten their young Princesses, but the countenance that the two wore terrified Celestia. Aurora's immaculate white face was unreadable. Her father, however, wore his displeasure openly with a deep frown upon his sandy brown muzzle. The princess could not bring herself to look into her parents eyes, so she contented herself with staring into her father's dusk-shaded, swirling mane. Celestia never liked seeing her father wearing some form of disappointed look or another, but her mother was the truly terrifying one. Aurora's features softened slightly, but still held the distinct air of control.
"Subjects, those of you not currently engaged in the care of patients shalt enjoy the rest of thine night, and take leave of your duties," her mother had perfected the Canterlot Voice to a science. With a tone that was not overtly loud, but voluble and strong, she finished, "Vacate this room in addition, if thou wouldst be so kind. Consider this conversation to be of royal business."
Celestia may have loved her father, but she respected her mother more than any other. Her mother was the queen she aspired one day to become. Ponies didn't demanded things of Queen Aurora. When the queen required something, she made it clear, and expected it to be done without complaint. If there were problems, she was informed, and adjusted her plans accordingly. Nothing phased her mother.
"Mama," she had once said as a young filly, "How are you so strong?"
Her mother had simply smiled, and told her, "Because the ones I love need me to be."
Celestia remembered pouting at the time, and telling her mother that Luna and herself were strong enough to handle things on their own. With a laugh her daughter would one day emulate, Aurora had said, "You are not the only ones I love."
In the years that had passed, Celestia had pondered the meaning. Looking into her mother's face now, however, she wondered exactly how far that love stretched.
"Princess Ignis Caelestis Corde! I have been informed by several members of the the guard and I few frantic-looking nurses that you took it upon yourself to leave the safety of your room, exposing yourself to potential assassins who might seek to harm our family," her father paused only for a moment in an attempt to compose himself. Stern as ever he pressed on, "Then, I am lead to believe that you took it upon yourself to carry a potentially dangerous creature upon your back and insist that the castle's medical staff tend to this... common animal. We are not-"
Caelus stopped as Aurora raised her hoof to halt his words. Aurora simply gazed at her daughter for a few moments.
"Mother, I-"
"No words are necessary child. Your concern for all in your kingdom pleases me greatly. Your reckless abandon in the face of danger, however, does not. Your sister understands that there are times when it is pertinent to remain unseen. She has shown this."
Another moment of silence. Celestia had to give her mother credit, she knew how to pause just long enough for her words to grow in weight before she moved on.
"However," she continued, "it is indeed the nature of the sun to be noticed."
Aurora invited her daughter in for a hug, which Celestia graciously accepted. Her mother had a point, and one that her father had failed to impress with his inelegant words. She could not blame her father. He'd been a noble in one of Equestria's most prodigious military houses. As a commander, he knew best how to elicit respect from soldiers. Girls, however, were a more complicated entity.
"Mother, may I please remain here? This creature I found, it was wounded rather gravely, and I desire to see my act through."
A grin plastered Aurora's face. "Very well, my child. But do recall that your Aunt Chrysanthemum arrives this evening from the Crystal Empire. You will be there to greet her, as will your sister."
Celestia barely managed to stop herself from scoffing. Though she did not dislike Chrysanthemum Boreale, there was an air about her Aunt that simply sucked all the fun from whatever room she happened to be standing in. Her quaint complaints about everything from frigid winters and her subjects' lack of unity to her husband's friends (chief among them an upstart noble named Lucis) was particularly unbearable. Still, she would be there, proud and noble, to greet the pest and her children once she arrived.
Soon after her parents vacated the room, ponies began to slowly work their way back into the lobby. Not long after this, the draconequus was wheeled out on an unusually lavish stretcher and deposited onto a bed in the corner opposite Celestia. She rose, and carefully positioned herself near his new bed. With a light hoof touch, she brushed a hoof along his gilded, purple bedding and stared at the odd-looking face of the being before her. What compelled her to care for him? Could he even speak? Many questions flooded through Celestia's mind as she ran her hoof through her disheveled pink mane. She pulled her hoof away from her mane, and gazed thoughtfully at the purple, black, and florescent pink spider that now...
Celestia let out a decidedly unladylike and ignoble scream of terror as she flung the spider across the room. Several armed guards immediately rushed in, but she dismissed them with a barely held amount of composure. Free of prying guard ears, she spun to face the draconequus before her.
"Thou may stop pretending to-"
"Oh, can we skip the part where you do the whole cold and distant thing and get to the part where you admit how funny that was?"
He opened his eyes and now wore a brilliant grin on his face. "I mean, seriously, that squeal of terror you just did? Can your engineers invent some kind of device that lets me record you, because that was just a real treat."
Celestia was taken aback. "Surely thou... ahem... I do not find the humor in-"
And then a downpour of chocolate landed upon her. The mortified nurses and doctors stood slack-jawed at the prospect that a cloud had just dumped chocolate rain onto their princess. Everypony present watched Celestia closely, waiting for inevitable moment of noble fury that would surely follow.
Suddenly, a slight chuckle rose into the air. Then, the chuckle became a full laugh. The ponies in the room were not quite certain of what to make of the sight of their princess, covered in chocolate milk and laughing hysterically. Celestia managed to restrain herself to a series of giggles after a few seconds.
"That... that truly was funny. What can I call you?"
A smile crept across the draconequus' face. "Topsy Turvy is my name. And you, of course, are Princess Celestia. Favorite daughter of the monarchs."
"Well, Topsy, have you ever seen this castle's hanging gardens? They are actually contained within a great greenhouse. Strictly off-limits to the public."
"Oh, won't the nurses have something to say about you wheeling their favorite patient away?" he said, suddenly wearing an obnoxious chartreuse surgical mask.
A devious smile found its way onto Celestia's face. "I think I can manage something. After all, I am the favorite daughter of the monarchs." Celestia couldn't stop smiling. Something about this was so liberating. Being herself with a near complete stranger whose only intent seemed to be to have a little fun. She realized that, with the stress of her eventual trial, this was precisely what she needed. She gripped onto his bed with her magic, and gave him a look to make sure he was ready for the quick, bumpy movement that was to follow.
"You know, Celestia-Favored-Daughter-Of-Monarchs, I do believe I'm beginning to like you."
Several hours and a mess of displeased guards later, Celestia threw open the doors to her bedroom and stepped inside. Topsy followed, but looked visibly uncomfortable to be within the room. Still, he put on airs of confidence, and took a place in the center of the ornate rug which adorned the space between Celestia's bed and the door.
"Are you alright, Topsy?" she questioned. A practiced, but fallacious, smile spread across Topsy's draconic maw.
"Of course? You know, I've been in many a bedroom, your almighty majesty-ness. You have quite the taste for the exotic, don't you?" He brushed his lion paw against a peculiar flower. It was one of many unique items that were spread throughout the room, many from faraway lands or hard-to-reach places. The majority of these places Celestia had never been to. She'd vowed that once she became queen, she would see them all; to the dragon badlands and beyond.
"Topsy. I was referring to walking. You are merely a few hours out of the hospital after only a single night's rest."
"Oh. Yes, I'm fine. My body's always been quick to heal. It's part of my condition."
"Condition?"
"Oh, you know, healitis. It's quite a serious-"
Celestia put a hoof up to stop him before he went to far. She did not utter a word, simply kept her hoof raised and locked her eyes with his own. Something about this gaze brought him to a dead halt. The practiced smile fell from his face, and was replaced by a look of uneasiness. His eyes averted, and he could no longer keep her gaze. When he finally permitted himself to look up, he found the smiling face of Celestia, closer than she had been a moment prior.
"Why did you stop them, anyways? I would've been fine." Celestia did not break her smile as she took another step closer. She wanted his story. The being that was Topsy Turvy was an utterly fascinating thing. She could drill him with questions, demand answers about his life, and return him to loneliness if he refused. It was well within he authority as princess to demand things from a commoner like him. But she didn't. Instead, she did as her mother would have. She simply kept a quiet, firm stance and pushed further. She wanted to know. She needed to know about the life of Topsy Turvy.
To Topsy, this was unbearable. Despite having only met this girl a mere hours beforehand, he found himself repulsed by the concept of disappointing the princess. Her magenta eyes demanded answers he shouldn't give, and yet he found himself compelled to respond to her call for answers. She was not the first pony to be nice to him. In fact, she wasn't even the first to accept his twisted form or his unique sense of humor. No, this was something else entirely, of that he was sure. Love? No, he told himself. The princess was beautiful, he would not deny that, but love at first sight was preposterous.
Then again, he'd seen her before today, but not in person. Once, in Everfree. After his aunt had thrown him to the cold night for the umpteenth time for being "such a failure." He'd been wandering the Everfree Forest and had happened to venture off the trail. During his trek, he'd come to the outskirts of a clearing. Upon seeing her, he'd remained hidden in the brush surrounding it. Complete with a small compliment of guards, Celestia had simply been laying there, no more than a young child like himself. He'd marveled at the sight of her; pristine and content. Compared to her current, chocolate milk stained visage, she had seemed for all the world in that field as if dirt itself dared not cling to her.
Celestia tried her best not to blush. Topsy had been silent for several moments. She finally broke her gaze, and was about to turn away from him when he finally spoke.
"I was born a pony," he finally admitted, "Topsy Turvy is a pony name, obviously. Chimeras are created, not born. My mother tells me that I was turned into this for a reason. She won't tell me why. Healing quickly is just a side-effect of being what I am. I can't remember what being a pony is like, so please don't trouble yourself wondering how it's different. I don't know, and I don't care."
"Neither do I."
Topsy was caught off guard. She didn't care? What could she possibly mean by agreeing with not caring? Celestia took to pacing back and forth before him and finally took it upon herself to explain as she did so.
"You know, I made a friend today," she continued, "I've got a lot of people who call themselves my friend because they respect my position. I've got dignitaries who are friendly. I've got suitors who perhaps want to be a little more than friendly. But I don't make many of what I'd actually call friends."
She smiled at him, and went on, "My new friend is named Topsy Turvy. I have accidentally had him named a draconequus with the castle staff. So a draconequus is what he is. What he was is irrelevant to me, because we had fun today. More fun than I've had in quite some time, and I think I'm beginning to like him."
She found herself in front of him once more, and brought her gaze to his own for the third time since they'd entered the room.
"Now, when you say 'like', should I be buying a tuxedo?"
Topsy grinned wide to reveal that all of his teeth had been replaced by blocks of tooth-shaped cheddar cheese. Celestia burst into an uproarious laughter. For a brief moment, he thought he'd derailed her thoughts and brought her focus onto his humor. However, he found himself sporting a vibrate blush as she pushed herself against him and put a single hoof around him.
"I'll go get my dress. Shall I have the castle's pegasi schedule a rainy day so we can spend our wedding night consummating our relationship? It's been ones of hours, and I'm tired of waiting for you to stop being a prude!"
Topsy was completely caught off-guard. He'd figured the princess for a dainty little girl with no tolerance for the crude. Instead, she'd turned his own attempt at drawing the attention away from the conversation against him with gusto. In the very same breath that she'd turned his joke on its head, she'd also confirmed that she was attracted to him. Although in what capacity, Topsy was still clueless. But the subtle scent of her royal perfume left him without objection to her sudden proximity. He reached up with his eagle claw, and tentatively placed it around her shoulders to mirror her own actions.
Celestia savored the warmth and the closeness. The feeling of his hairs against her neck and his scales against her chest was somehow magical. She pulled back, and immediately felt the sudden lack of contact. In this moment, Celestia reveled in the fascinating creature before her. She was intrigued by him. Her face began to draw close and their eyes locked. Their lips drew ever closer.
Without warning, the loud sound of a throat clearing came from Celestia's doorway. "Come, Celestia. Queen Chrysanthemum of the Crystal Empire has arrived. And Topsy, was it? You will excuse us, my daughter will have to return to you at another date. I trust you will see yourself out of my daughter's chambers," Aurora spoke deliberately. Every word made Celestia uneasy. Her mother was a warrior with her words in the same way her father once had been as a centurion. Each word was spoken with its own intended target. With this in mind however, Celestia was unsure exactly which of her actions today her mother was upset about? She suspected she would soon know.
After Topsy had taken his leave via the window, theatrics that Celestia could have bucked him square in the chest for, she and her mother turned and began the trek to the opposite side of the castle and several floors below, where the entrance rested.
"A dozen suitors, and you take interest in some beast?" her mother's scorn stung like fire, "And that little comment of yours was completely disheartening. You are not some common tramp, raising your tail to every passerby." Celestia had never seen her mother so furious. Certainly, she couldn't actually believe that Celestia was already bedding him.
"It was in jest, mother!" Celestia rebuffed, "I have done such with nopony, let alone somepony who I just met mere hours ago. I may have taken an interest, but I... this does not mean.,," Celestia let out an exasperated yell, and stomped her hooves against the intricate stone floors.
Her mother huffed. "The sultry tones tell me otherwise." Before Celestia could counter her statement, her mother rose a hoof to silence her. "You may continue meeting with this Topsy Turvy. Your meetings are to be purely platonic, however. A dozen suitors we've sent to you, and you will not sully this family by courting a monster," her mother said with a great deal of strain in her voice, "Any time it visits, you will have a compliment of guards at the ready, and you will leave your chamber doors open. This is the end of this discussion. Now, remove the scorn from your face and make yourself presentable to the guests. Queen Chrysanthemum would be remiss to see you wearing such a disdainful countenance.
The last thing Celestia saw of her mother was her flowing, luminescent black and blue mane rounding the bend as she was left with her own thoughts. Her mother was right from a royal standpoint. It would be highly questionable of her to take a non-pony as her husband. Not only for the taboo of it, but because that would make Topsy the King of Equestria, and the Equestrian people would surely never tolerate having edicts passed down from a non-pony.
Then it clicked. Topsy had been a pony, once. Perhaps, if she could find out the spell used to transform him, she could make him a pony once again. It was the only way. Her mother's will would not dictate her, she decided. Quickly, she trailed the footsteps of her mother and headed towards the main hall. She needed to get this meeting with Aunt Chrissy over with so that she could head to the castle library. There was much research to be done.
In weeks preceding their previous encounter, the two had become somewhat romantically involved. In the daytime, they would meet as friends, just as her mother had instructed. When night time came, Topsy would bid her farewell, often in some obnoxious or chaotic manner. Celestia really would need to insist that the guards in charge of her protection be paid a higher sum, so often were they on the receiving end of Topsy's pranks. They could sneak in the occasional kiss or nuzzle when a guard wasn't looking, but for the large part their romance as of yet had been strictly secretive.
Celestia smiled as she set complacently on her bed, pouring through the book before her. This particular book was proving to be no more useful than the last several. Her eyes scoured each page. Something tapped at her window. She ignored it. Nothing, nothing, and more nothing. A frustrated look crossed her features. Wards, dispelling magic, thaumaturgy, alchemy. Nothing in any of these books even mentioned a pony being turned into a chimera, let alone turning them back into a pony.
How in the world had Topsy's family managed to turn him into a draconequus without destroying his personality? Chimeras were typically feral, lacking anything in the way of higher thought. One could not simply transform a pony into a chimera. The tapping came again, and she ignored it again. Page after page, book after book. The frustration grew.
Here! She stopped at a page detailing a transfiguration spell. She marveled at the complexity. The spell was designed to completely negate any attempt to change one's nature or appearance. Makeup would fade within minutes. Tattoos would slide from the skin. Mane dye would wash out with the mere moisture contained in the air. It was a long shot, but it could work for her purposes.
"It's really cold out there, you know. I didn't think you were so callous."
The voice startled her such that she nearly called for the guards posted outside her door. Topsy lay coiled at the edge of her bed, a cocky grin written on his face.
"How did you..."
"Magic. I can do things. And stuff."
Celestia's muzzle curled into a smile at his ridiculous and vague description of his talents. "You know," she paused for dramatic effect, "I should have you bucked off my balcony for showing up this late. Really, letting yourself into a lady's room unannounced without asking permission? What are you playing at, my dear Topsy?"
"Oh, don't be coy Celestia. I know you want me here."
She couldn't deny him that. After a brief moment of silence, Celestia beckoned him to her side. He eagerly complied, and slithered close beside her. He had to coil himself slightly, as he frame was somewhat longer than a pony's.
"So, what are we reading tonight, my glorious sun butt?"
Celestia chuckled and ran a hoof over Topsy's head. "Actually, it's something I was hoping to share with you when you next came," her voice carried a cautious edge that she tried to conceal with a smile. Topsy noticed, but said nothing. Despite the short time frame, they have spent time together often, and Topsy had come to recognize the small twitches and gestures that signified Celestia was worried about something.
"I'm glad you paid your little surprise visit tonight, actually," the princess continued, "This is a spell. I just came across it before you let yourself in... Topsy, I want you to come to my ascendance ceremony. Father will be officially passing on control of the sun to me within the week. But my parents... I've asked, but they won't permit you to come. So I've been looking... for something."
She bit her lip. Would Topsy understand that he couldn't be permitted to attend looking like he did? The people would not accept it. Her ceremony was a place for both noble and common ponies to celebrate. Ponies from all walks of life would spend the entire night eating, drinking, and merrymaking. Come sunrise, these ponies would stand in awe as she lifted her the fire for which she had been named into the sky, to signal the dawn of a new day, and the foreshadowing of a new era soon to come when she took the throne. A draconequus would evoke not merriment, but terror. They did not understand in the way that she did that Topsy wouldn't hurt anypony.
"What've you been searching for? A name for our relationship? Because I rather like Dislestia, myself. Or had we not gotten to that part of our story?"
Celestia ignored his comment and pressed on, unabated by his odd (and confusing) attempt to derail the seriousness of this endeavor, "For a spell to turn you into a pony."
A deafening silence fell across the room. For a moment, she became increasingly paranoid. He had to understand. He simply had to.
"Do you not care for me as I am?"
Celestia's heart sank as she attempted to concoct a way to explain to him her feelings on this issue. While she pondered, Topsy took it upon himself to speak up.
"Don't tell me that you've let them get to you. I am not a monster, Celestia! Don't let them convince you that I'm a monster!" Topsy could barely stop himself for yelling, but the tone of his voice was increasing by the second.
Before he would say another word, a yellow aura surrounded him and pushed him backwards, against her bed. His tail hung limply over the edge as Celestia positioned herself in the space between the top of her lavish bed and himself.
"Topsy Turvy, you foolish, hopeless little trickster. Of all the things you could say to me in this hour, you accuse me of not caring for your form? Your form, which I had examined for injury when you were left bloody!" Now Celestia was getting loud, but she, unlike Topsy, thought to use her magic to soundproof the room, now that her guards wouldn't be searching for wards. In a bellowing Canterlot Voice, she continued, "You would dare accuse me of such insincerity! Topsy Turvy, do you think to know all that I do? Do I summon guards when you appear, unannounced into my room?! You think I do not like having you around?"
Suddenly, her fury dissolved, and she pressed herself against him. Nuzzling her head deep into his scaly chest, she whispered with a smile, "I love you."
Topsy's mother had once called him an agent of chaos. In this moment, he knew she was right, if not in the way she might have imagined. Aunt Mel had said that none would love one who held chaos in their spirit. Topsy decided now that Mel was wrong. Love is chaos. He could admit to himself that for the first time in his life, he loved somepony.
He wrapped his arms around her. "Fine," he said, "I... love you too. So fine. Let's try this. I want to be there." It was all he could manage. He could handle admitting that he loved her, but her anger had been sincere. Had it been his insinuation that had angered her, or merely the concept of being challenged?
Before Topsy could ponder this, she lifted herself from atop him and stepped out of bed. "Come, I would like to practice this before it's time to actually do it for the event. If we practice, I think we can make it last up to twelve hours. That's more than enough time to get you transformed, into the party, and then you can mingle with me. Enough commoners will want to talk to me that being seen speaking to an unknown pony won't raise any eyebrows."
Topsy sighed, and rolled off the bed to follow her. "Very well then, Princess Sun Butt. Let's get to work on making me all... normal." He visibly shuddered at the utterance of the word. Clearly, he liked what made him unique. Celestia thanked her own good fortune that she had only discovered a temporary spell to propose to him. If she revealed to him that she'd wanted to change him permanently... The thought of losing one she had allowed to grow so close to her terrified her, and had incited a portion of the rage that she had, admittedly, played up a little bit to scare him into not doubting her affection again. She wondered for the briefest of moments if it'd been a bit too much. Still, maybe things would get smoother from here, now that they'd admitted that this wasn't a mere crush or some passive fling between a royal and a commoner.
With a smile and a laugh, she stared down her closest companion. "Believe me, my dearest, discordant friend," her words carried none of the weight that she'd held a moment ago, "You and I are anything but normal.”
“My beauteous sun butt, I am offended!” he countered, “A budding young goddess and a hideous freak of nature? Why, we’re the epitome of normalcy!”
Deep within the castle's walls, a squat, round pony with clothes far more expensive than were afforded to most stood before King Caelus. The Duke of Haylem was hardly an easily flustered pony, but he found himself shifting awkwardly in place as King Caelus paced before him.
"You're sure?" the king's voice held gravity, "The Oracle of Haylem told you this herself?"
The Duke, Moneybags as he was called, nodded grimly, "Indeed. I consulted her regarding Her Highness and her ascension to control of the sun, because you requested that Haylem assist with defense of the castle. When I approached, the Oracle was waylaid by a great duress. She kept insisting that the spirit of Chaos was coming to ravage the land on the day of Celest- er... Her Highness' ascension ceremony."
"This is grave news. Are you familiar with the legend, Duke Moneybags?"
"No, majesty."
"Our legends tell that the spirit of Chaos was one of the two great spirits to create this land. The two great spirits, Harmony and Chaos, were sister and brother. As light needs dark, so does harmony need disharmony. The spirits have been missing for some time now, and it is said that this is because of a great conflict that occurred long ago. The nature of this conflict has been lost to time, but what is known is that Chaos grew tired of simple tricks and meaningless disasters to draw the discord he needed to balance out Harmony’s love and contentment. The brother had grown tired of this balance in its entirety.
“So Chaos started a war, and Harmony was left with no choice but to take an opposing banner. Those who followed Chaos reveled in his anarchy, and regarded this lunacy as the absolute freedom. Harmony’s army followed her celestial guidance with pride, and they knew that the only way to save this world was to eradicate Chaos from it entirely.
“And so the war raged, ponies died, but neither spirit seemed to be making headway. Eventually, the two called parlay and met upon a mountain of corpses. Neither would yield, and so they made an agreement. One on one conflict between the spirits was to be held, with their will over the world as the ultimate prize for victory. Many days later, the two met again, and the clash began. Harmony and Chaos released all holds upon their might, and charged into open combat. This combat lasted for nearly a hundred years. Eventually, tired and clinging to their last light, the two spirits took a moment to look around them after their century of open combat.
“The world had been torn apart at the seams by their conflict. All life had gone extinct, even the green life held within the trees. Entire parts of the world they had both created ceased to exist entirely. Both spirits were left aghast by the destruction. Harmony had extinguished the very light she’d hoped to preserve, and Chaos had torn apart the very world he’d hoped to rule. Hopeless now, and without options, the two readied themselves once more. They charged, and clashed, and both fell. In their final, violent strikes in opposition of each other, the two spirits lost form. Yet, as they did so, their essences leaked into the world for just a moment, and both were granted portions of their wishes. Harmony fell into six pieces, which scattered to the corners of Equestria, and her essence restored the life she had once sought to protect. Chaos lost physical shape entirely, and yet in his absence the sun and the moon ceased to function autonomously as they had. Unicorns would recover the knowledge to bring the sun and moon into pony control in the months after the battle. With this, the spirits of Harmony and Chaos fell from the world.”
Moneybags was silent for a moment. “My Lord, I’d no inclination that you were such a masterful storyteller. Although if you don’t mind my saying, the ending was a touch loose.”
“That, Duke of Haytham, is because the story is not yet over. If someone, anypony, has discovered a way to bring the spirit of Chaos back into the world, this means grave danger for all races, not simply ponies. Duke, I will be sending messengers across the globe, to the Griffin Chiefdoms and beyond, to seek out the other five pieces of Harmony. You, on the other hoof, are dismissed, and henceforth not to speak a word of what you learned here. Continue preparations for the event. My daughter’s gala shall be so grand that people will speak of it for eons to come, are we agreed?”
“Yes, your majesty.” Moneybags bowed, and promptly turned and retreated from the chamber.
“By the heavens, Celestia, we’ve been at this for hours. I’m practically dying of boredom,” Topsy spoke as the mismatched horns atop his head rearranged themselves into a tombstone displaying a prominent RIP across the front, “Seriously, you do realize I can transform my shape? Just give me a random pony’s picture and I can turn myself into them so mommy and daddy don’t lose their minds at your event.”
Celestia furrowed her brow in displeasure. “No, Topsy. I want you as a pony. People around here know each other, if you transform into someone else, they’ll recognize you,” her statement ended with an exasperated sigh.
“Come now, Celestia. You’re strong, but not strong enough for this,” his curt reply only served to deepen her frown. She stood, and turned away from him. A small, stone orb levitated off the shelf with a bright yellow glow around it. It was a simple piece of stone, small on all sides save for the shining star emblazoned upon its surface on one side. It found its way to her hoof, where it lay for but a moment before she raised it again to present to Topsy.
“My mother gave me this, when I was young. She told me this charm was lucky, and that it would grant any wish I desired because it was magic itself,” Celestia’s tone was solemn, “Damn this trinket! As long as you keep it near, she said. She was wrong. I can’t even bring the person I love to the most important day of my life!” This sudden outburst was punctuated as the orb was tossed across the room, heading for a quick and untimely death against the wall opposite the princess. Topsy, however, disappeared from the spot he was in and reappeared in front of it. He caught it, and immediately dropped the orb to the ground.
Celestia immediately moved forward. “Why did you catch it if you were going to drop it anyway. I mean-” she stopped as she noticed the smell of burned flesh combined with a strong scent of lavender. Thankful that her barriers were still in place, she quickly deduced that the former smell was coming from Topsy’s lion paw, which had a severe, blackened char in the center of the pads. “Oh my, Topsy are you okay?”
He quickly waved her off with barely a wince. “In a couple of hours I won’t even have a scar. Celestia, that thing showed me the image of a pony,” he said with a twisted glee in his voice.
“No, Topsy. I don’t know why my mother’s charm did… that,” she gestured to his burned paw, “But you’re not turning into a random pony just because pain caused an image to pop into your head.”
“Me.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous, it’s just-”
“No, that was me. Oh dear, I know what I look like. Imagine the fun I can have with this, Celestia!” His humongous grin shone from ear to ear.
“Topsy, don’t even. Seriously, if you-” Celestia was silenced as a zipper appeared and closed itself over her mouth. She had only a second to be perturbed before her companion stepped back, and blinked out of existence. For a moment, she panicked. Not only had she not been able to finish a sentence for the last couple minutes, but now Topsy seemed to have vanished. His magic even faded, and released her mouth from the hold of the zipper that had held it closed beforehand. The only indication he’d even been there was the lingering scent of lavender and charred paw-flesh. She made a mental note to mask that scent somehow before morning.
With a great heaving sigh, she turned towards her bed. A faint pop brought her back to attention, however, and she quickly spun around. Standing in her room was an sandy brown stallion with a messy black mane. The only distinct things about this stallion, outside of his awkwardly colored facial hair, were the mismatched angelic and demonic wings adorning his back, and the fact that his unicorn horn was definitively not the horn of a unicorn. Rather, his horn seemed to be two separate horns, intertwined to form a larger one. He raised his salt-and-pepper eyebrows at her.
“Well, sun butt? Did it work?”
A brief, fleeting moment of fury passed over Celestia. Was this another one of his silly pranks? Even in this shape, he would be so easily recognizable that he’d be expelled from the premises of her party without question.
“Oh, I know that look. Don’t tell me, it is the horns? I added the horns. Too much? Oh fine, I’ll use the boring old sensible shape your little orb stuck in my brain.”
Topsy stomped his hoof upon the ground and, with the same popping noise that had marked his reappearance, his horns and wings disappeared in favor of a single, normal horn that matched the rest of his coat.
Celestia suppressed the urge to buck him. He could see that coming. Instead, a rather large book collided with the back of his head. Before he could utter objection, the princess leapt forward and locked her lips with his own.
“You stupid stallion. Stupid, senseless, wonderful, I-think-I-want-to-kill-you stallion,” she murmured with her face pressed against his neck.
“Yeah, I know. I’m practically an avatar of dissonance, here,” his retort came quickly, and brought a smile to her face.
“You are a necessary evil in my life.” The joke was crass, but she trusted he knew the light-hearted nature of the sentiment. Finally, they separated from their embrace and faced one another. His eyes were still that unsettling combination of yellow and red, but many ponies had odd eye colors. This form was good enough to attend her formal ceremony. Good enough for the people she would rule, and the nobles with their fickle and superior sentiment. She turned, and took care to brush her tail against his muzzle as she strode towards her bed.
“Well, my horrifically normal love, whatever shall we do for the rest of our night.”
A grin crept across Topsy’s face. He drew closer to her grand and sprawling bed, and drew the vanity curtain behind him as he took his spot beside her. “Well, we could always go on an adventure. All you have to do it grab my face.”
The brief moment of confusion passed quickly for Celestia. Instead, she complied readily, and locked him in yet another passionate kiss. Their tongues intertwined for several seconds before the drew back for air.
“Adventure!” proclaimed Topsy, that wicked and devious grin still adorning his features.
And so, the day eventually drew near when Celestia’s gala was upon the world. All day, ponies, griffins, and even the odd dragon began to congregate within the castle grounds, setting up tents and communing with one another. It would not be until after Queen Aurora rose the moon that the true festivities began, and Celestia made herself known to the people of the gala. Of course, always close by, if not always actively engaged, Topsy stayed near the popular young princess. He knew, of course, that they could not spend all day communing, but he quickly found it was difficult not to prank the various people who had gathered here. He’d told himself this day needed to be perfect.
“Topsy?” her angelic voice resonated from behind him, signaling a moment of freedom from the constant, prying inquiries of the common people. For the last half-hour, she’d been regaling them with tales of her various out-of-country journeys. They ponies had merely found this amusing, while the griffins and dragons who’d bothered to pay attention quickly found themselves curious exactly what aspects of their culture she had enjoyed the most. She’d informed them of the grand times she’d had trotting through the vast plains, woodlands, and savannas that made up the Griffin Chiefdoms. Amazed were all but the dragons when she told them how she’d never felt another thrill like galloping through the volcanic mountainous hills in the dragon badlands, despite the danger they posed. In light of her spectacular stories of her travels with her family and the royal guard, some had dubbed this event the Grand Galloping Gala in spirit of the wonderment it brought.
“How can I help you, my Holy Lord-Reagent Sun Butt, Goddess of All Things Everywhere?” his mastery of title-giving was truly a sight to behold. Still, she loved his voice, even if he was obnoxious sometimes.
She bowed low before him, which brought quite a great deal of sudden attention to the two. “Young sir,” she started, her voice booming loud enough that the immediate observers could easily hear her above all the commotion, “It is customary for the central figure of an event such as this to share a dance with one lucky young lad. Thou art just such a lucky individual. Wouldst thou accompany me in this?”
Topsy hated the Canterlot Voice and she knew it, but if she were to speak to what others perceived as a commoner in common tongue suspicions would surely be raised.
“I would be honored, your majesty,” he dropped his forelegs low and returned her bow.
The musical talent for the party was an orchestra composed of all peoples, composed by a stately griffin who was known only as Maestro Bawk. Soon enough, the sound of ballroom music filled the air, and the two ponies took their places and danced.
“Thanks for coming, Topsy,” Celestia whispered in Topsy’s ear, just loud enough that the ponies surrounding them could not hear.
“I would’ve torn down the world to get here,” he replied. She couldn’t tell if he was just joking, but it was corny and it made her smile.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The dance would conclude not long after, and the night would continue as it had before. Hours later, it was growing roughly time for the rising of the son. The exhausted but satisfied people from all around the world watched eagerly as Celestia took the stage, and stood beside her father. In matching blue dresses, her mother and sister stood behind the two, smiles adorning their royal faces. As she stood, a stallion casually made his way to her father and whispered something Celestia couldn’t make out into his ear, then beat a hasty retreat.
“Princess Ignis Caelestis Corde,” he began, his features as unreadable as ever, “Thou spread amongst our great people a happiness the likes of which many have never known. Inspiration is born in the wake of thee. Just as thou hast been our own light, that light must now by granted to thy people.”
Celestia wanted to laugh at her old stallion’s theatrics, but somehow this grand display filled her with a pride she’d never known. Suddenly, her father spun to face the crowd. His long, flowing robes shuffled around his suddenly very animated form.
“However, we have been informed that a pox is upon this night,” Caelus wore a new expression now. It was a face that arose only from a pony who had known battle. “We have a traitor in our midst. Yet, with the help of our loyal friend chief Shattered Claws, the honest form of this intruder shall be revealed.” The king, with a fury Celestia had never known in her father, he raised an orb adorned with a single, solitary apple emblazoned upon the front. Magic from the king channeled into the stone orb, and it emitted a powerful light.
Celestia realized only too late what her father intended to do. Why, though? Why would he have such a hatred for Topsy? She pondered this as the sudden resinous scent of amber filled her nose.
In the crowd, people were murmuring to themselves about the sanity of the king. Or at least, they were until they noticed the sand colored pony near the front metamorphosing into a large chimera. The process wasn’t painful, and for that Topsy was thankful. No, his body merely reformed, just as it did whenever he altered it on a whim. The difference was this time he couldn’t control it. He tried, desperately, to force his form away from his true shape. He’d promised. Just for a day, he’d wanted to make the princess happy.
Topsy stood up and let began to back away from the king as ponies fled around him. “Ah,” affirmed Caelus, “It would appear that the little monster from the other night is contains the Spirit. Why am I not surprised?” His robes dropped to the stage as he unfastened the clasps and revealed a thin plate of chain armor underneath.
“What in the world of Equestria are you talking about?” Topsy growled, warning the others to keep away from him as he bared his teeth, “Stay away from me. Celestia, help! Don’t let your madman of a father come close to me!”
But Celestia could not move. She was frozen in shock. The decision was unthinkable. The one she had come to love, or the one she had been born to love. She lowered her head and let out a pained whimper. She couldn’t decide. This wasn’t a choice they could force her to make.
“Bewitch my daughter no longer, fiend!” cried Caelus as he stepped between them, “See the pain she feels at the sight of you. Her soul knows your odious lies. You may be discord itself, but you are still a monster.”
Topsy dropped low to avoid an incoming burst of magic from Caelus. A monster?
“Celestia… please?” it was the closest he’d ever come in his life to begging. His eyes pleaded for her to stand up for him.
She averted her gaze.
“See how she refuses to even loogurgh-”
The half-finished sentence would be the last words Caelus Astraeus ever spoke as he suddenly found his head facing in the wrong direction. With a series of sickening twists Caelus’ neck snapped back and forth. He dropped to the ground motionless. Aurora rushed towards Topsy, but found her molecules quite unwilling to stay attached to one another. Without a scream, Aurora Boreale dissolved into nothingness mid-stride.
It was only then that Celestia finally managed to scream. That was okay though, Topsy figured, because he was a monster now. Monsters don’t care about screaming mares, even if they’re pretty. He smiled and, in an instant, two princesses became none as they vanished from the stage.
But monsters don’t mind. A monster would kill someone’s parents in front of them. A monster would spare that mare, and let her wallow. A monster was about to play hoofball with the heads of the royal guards. With a quaint smile he spoke, each word punctuated to hammer home his point into the thick-headed guard.
“I am Discord.”
Two years. With the help of their small, and now mostly dead band of rebels, Celestia and Luna had grown strong. On the council of Duke Moneybags of Haylam, she’d retrieved four of the six pieces of Harmony over the course of these two years. During this assault of Discord’s castle, they had retrieved the final two; the charm which Celestia had cherished since childhood and the orb her father had held during that fateful day.
Many ponies had given their lives in the war. Some had opposed the rebels. After all, they argued, Discord never killed ponies that weren’t part of rebel forces. He simply tormented the people, he did not murder them. Now, at the base of the steps leading to Discord’s throne room, Celestia wondered if she would soon join the legions of dead that had amassed tonight.
“Sister, steel yourself. I know you were once…” Luna let her comment hang in the air as Celestia shot her a dirty look. Luna bore Harmony’s Laughter, not Celestia, and she was in no mood for jokes.
Resolutely, they ascended, and found themselves in Discord’s throne room as expected. It was befitting his character. The walls seemed to be composed of entirely different materials from one another; some marble, some granite, some limestone. Entire portions of the room simply defied gravity at various angles. Truly, Discord had erected this castle to reflect his odd tastes.
“Good evening, Princess Sun Butt,” Discord lay sprawled across a large throne, which was strangely uniform in spite of everything else in the room.
“You lost all right to pet names when you murdered my parents, Topsy. Submit; make this easy on yourself.”
Discord shot upright and was suddenly several feet closer to the pair. “Don’t call me that. Topsy Turvy is a pony name. Ponies make sense. Making sense is dreadfully boring. But oh, I do quite like submission, you should give it a try!”
With that, the sisters bodies suddenly felt heavy. Reacting quickly, the two retrieved their respective pieces, three each, and encircled themselves in their protective aura. Six in total, these pieces each represented an element of Harmony herself. Celestia bore the elements of Honesty, Loyalty, and Magic. Luna on the other hoof held position of the elements of Laughter, Kindness, and Generosity.
Discord found himself unsettled by the presence of these magical artifacts. “I’ve had a lot of time, Celestia. Terrorizing ponies gets boring after a while, so I decided to read up on that interesting incident in your bedroom. I do have to say, your little magical orb was quite possibly the second most interesting thing that’s happened to me in your quarters,” the draconequus taunted with a grin, “But then, when I’m the Spirit of Chaos, I suppose that coming into contact with a piece of harmony wouldn’t be very good for me, would it?”
“Last chance, Discord,” she retorted, ignoring his blatantly provocative statements, “Submit. Don’t make me do this.”
Luna glanced leftward at her sister. The armor of false hatred and bitterness her sister had worked these last two years to create was beginning to crack. She could only hope that Celestia would still use her elements if Discord attacked. By herself, Luna could not wield them all.
“Oh, why since you put it that way. After all, I'm practically head over heels for you," as he spoke, his sheet-white beard rearranged itself into the shape of a pair of boots, "What do you want me to do, sing my praises for you from the heavens?” he dramatically placed his lion paw to his chest and rose his claw skyward. Before he could begin his musical exposition, however, he found himself enveloped in a rainbow plethora of energy. Before he could react, his very being was encased in stone. The elements’ power resonated through him, converting his chaotic figure into one of stagnation.
Moments afterward, Celestia fell to the ground. What felt like an eternity of armor shed from her, and she finally did the thing she hadn’t done since the day she’d woken up with her sister in the middle of a field outside Ponyville. She cried.
In the wake of all this, she recognized her father’s expression now. Two years ago when he’d publicly confronted Discord, he’d worn hatred on his face. She didn’t know if what she felt for the draconequus now was hatred or not. She concluded that she might never. But as she gazed upon the statue that was her former lover, she could not help but shed tears. Her mother had been wrong, all those years ago. The sun does more than simply exist, ever noticeable in the sky. The sun brings light to the people, but it also burns. She stood, resolute, tears flowing from her face as the tips of her pink mane and tail became enveloped in an ethereal light. The colors altered, and where there had once been only pink, streaks of blue, green, and indigo joined the original shade.
She and Luna would rule once more. Her light would warm the people, and bring joy to their lives. Her light would scorch their enemies, and burn them into ashes. Her mane began to flow, as if caught in the wind, and yet completely uniform. Just as she would be. Uniform, orderly, kind to her subjects. Powerful, and unstoppable to her enemies. Not for herself, but for the subjects she loved so dearly Discord was but the first. She had loved him once, too, but he’d stood as a threat to her people. Any who shared that sentiment would meet a similar end. Of this, she was certain.
Author's Note
I am in need of editors. Anyone interested in giving my works a once-over would be much appreciated.
