Nomad's Requiem

by Shadowflash

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna
Length: 12241

Nomad needs to deal with the fact that he lost a battle and he's now in a new plain of existence. Only option is to obtain more power, right?

Story is going to be rewritten at a later date. Expect that sometime down the road!

Is it out of foolish loyalty to your master, or is it merely stupidity that brings you here? ~ Nomad.

Nomad is a man of intelligence, power and above all witty sarcasm. He used to be an adventurer and what-not, but gave that up to watch idiots fight in an arena and continue to build up power. However, his plans were futile when an adventurer defeated him in a battle, and forcing Nomad to flee.

Now, Nomad is in the land of Equestria, facing new terrain, talking ponies, and Pinkie Pie's antics. It'll take a while to adjust and find any sensible beings to talk to... But, power will always be on his mind and he'll make sure to learn plenty about these silly ponies before he strikes.

Author's Notes:

UPDATES: They will come weekly, I hope. I want to stay ahead of the story. As of now, I have chapters done and some need to be edited. I'll continue to write this to keep chapters constantly going.

Nomad is not a human (although he is defined as one in the wiki, I consider him another race. Style choice). His race is defined as a "nomad", or a race of travelers. His appearance is just very similar and functions on a much higher level than a regular human. So, don't whine when there isn't a human tag (you don't need one with crossovers, anyways).

For those who have played this quest, I altered a lot of the dialogue to work with the story. It still has key points from the original, but I wanted it to be this way so I can add my own backstory to Nomad.

Thanks to The-Wazz for taking my request on DeviantArt and making it capture everything about Nomad!

Takes place after the events of Twilicorn. So, she will be a Princess within this fiction. This is a RuneScape crossover (something that hasn't been done well, yet) and I plan to keep this going for a bit. Going to advise this now, a lot of bull appears in the first bit to add some character background and relationship building. It'll be comedy for the first little bit until everything is set up for actual plot building. Think of this as the "introduction" and then the "rising action" will take place afterwards. So, enjoy!

Lore/Extras:
For those lore junkies out there who don't know much about Nomad or anything about RuneScape:

Nomad's Wiki
God's Wiki + Ages Wiki
Creator-God: Freneskae
Creator-God: Jas

These are just pieces of useful information. Just in case I mention it in the fic.

Nomad and Nomad's Requiem is property of JaGex LTD. I clearly don't claim ownership of either and I only put this here because I don't want to break their copyrights.

Published 2013-06-09 22:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-02 21:01:02 UTC

Chapter 2 - Gielinor? More Like Equestria

Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 2 - Gielinor? More Like Equestria
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
Ghoswriter95
RainbowBob
MisterMissusMaster

Uhg, it smells like a Hill Giant took his crap and threw it everywhere. Who owns this forest? King of the Dung Beetles? Seriously! Whatever, I didn’t have time to deal with smells, so I made my way through the dense forest.

Oh, yes, it was dense. The islands around the span of Gielinor don’t even compare to the density here. It’s like takingknow what? Screw analogies. I made my way through some thick bushes and slid myself through a couple trees. Eventually, I found a nice little path.

It lead two ways. One deeper into this stupid forest, right, and one into a bright opening, left. Being smart and oh-so-intuitive, I took the path left and made my way out of the forest. Simple as that. Honestly, how do people have so much trouble leaving forests? Not a big deal.

Anyways, once I left the forest, I was greeted by bright colours, sunshine and rainbows... Wait, that can’t be right... Gielinor is kind of dull and the sky is usually filled with darkness or fog...

“Where in the hell am I?” I looked around at the scenery and saw mountains of varying colours against the horizon, rainbows spreading across them, animals bouncing around in the nearby outskirts, everything a little girl could dream of...

Seriously, this is just weird. I took another look with my tired eyes and spotted a city hanging off of a mountain face. I trailed downward and saw a small town in the distance, as well. Seeing as there were inhabitants, they could tell me where the hell I am. This was not Gielinor anymore.

Before heading off, however, I decided to check for what I had on my person. Tapping around the pouches on my armour, I found a few Soul Gems, a runite dagger, a potion of energy and my staff. Well, that was in my hand, so, no worries.

“Alright, town, let’s greet each other,” and with that, I started marching my way down the dirt path. Then I realized marching was stupid and started walking like a sane person.

As I walked down the path I decided to just enjoy the colourful scenery. As much as I hated how bright it is here, it was quite refreshing to be somewhere new. Assuming I am outside of Gielinor. It’d be crazy if I am.

But, whatever. Eyeing the scenery, I could spot stone houses with thatched roofs, farms filled with corn stalks and plows. I raised a brow at all of this. Thatched roofs were only used in the lower caste of Gielinor society, but these houses appeared too well placed for that. By that, I mean a house like that would never be near a farm; it’d be in the ghetto.

Looking up at the mountains again, I eyed the city and examined how it looked from here. I could barely make out a large spire to what appeared to be a castle. Alright, so, this society is much like Gielinor’s—medieval. Assuming I’m not in Gielinor. Seriously, I have got to get to that town.

Looking ahead, now, I was just on the outskirts. Many more houses like the one I just saw were all clustered together in this town. Very few pieces of the town represented anything higher than a lower caste - that being the large clock tower in the center, a massive tree on the east side of town and a large boutique near the entrance.

I grunted. It was strange that low castes and high castes like this would live together. It’s not uncommon that there were low castes in the high caste area, but, they never lived together... That’s until I saw the name of the sign.

Welcome to Ponyville
Population: 2,894
Stallion to Mare ratio: 1:4

“Ponyville...? Stallions? Mares?...” I smacked my forehead in stupidity.

“SERIOUSLY?! Ponies?! Oh, dear gods!” I went to the sign and started punching the damn thing. Honestly, why the hell would I end up here?!

After a couple punches, I gave up. If this place is populated by ponies, then I’ll just deal with it. Gielinor has weirder stuff, anyways.

I walked into the town, eyeing each of the houses. It appeared to be deserted with the lack of “ponies” in Ponyville. Especially when the populati

“Hi!”

“BY THE GODS!” I fell onto my arse in surprise at a voice that just bounced through my ear.

“Whoopsy! Sorry there, mister! But I’ve never seen you before and I just had to say ‘hi’!” The voice was female, high pitched, annoying, and bubbly. Everything I hate about women.

Sitting up, I looked around for its location. Nothing was in front of me, around me or, thank heavens, below me.

“Up here, silly!” I looked up and saw this pink face with saucer plates for eyes. I stood up immediately, making the damn thing fall off.

“Ow! Careful!” she whined. I only glared at her. Her entire coat was pink, her mane and tail like puffy cotton candy and her eyes a bright blue colour. Also, there were three balloons on her flankblue and yellow in colour.

“Ugh, sorry,” I apologized sarcastically, “but you scared the living daylights out of me. Who are you, exactly?” Better get some answers.

“Well, let me start over!” She took in a large breath. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie! Ponyville party planner extraordinaire! I throw parties for every occasion and I just love making ponies smile! Heck, not only ponies, but griffons, wolves, dragons, and everything else! Too bad I can’t see your smile, though! Seriously, move that silly scarf and I”

I held up my hand to stop her. Damn, she’s fast. “No, I like my scarf. Look, mind telling me where I am?”

“Not until you tell me your name, first, mister scarfy!” Uhg, did she just give me a nickname? Also, the reason I’m not surprised she can talk is by the abundance of houses. Seriously, an idiot can figure that out.

“Nomad. Please, for the love of all things holy, call me Nomad,” I begged, rubbing my bald head.

“Hole-y? Why would you want to love hole-y things? That’s silly! But, okie-dokie-lokie, Nomad!” She giggled softly. Kind of cute, but, still annoying.

“May I know where I am, please? I know I’m in Ponyville, but, the name of this continent.” Please say Gielinor.

“You’re in Equestria! Best place in the world!” She bounced like a spring in front of my eyes. I only groaned.

“You have got to be kidding me!” I yelled, “How can the teleport matrix of Gielinor screw up that badly?! Half the time I’m teleported to the abyss, not to an entirely different plane of existence!”

“Awww, don’t be sad, No-Mo!” Pinkie just gave me another nickname. Dammit...

“Please, just Nomad,” I growled.

“Hey, I know what can cheer you up!” She stopped bouncing to look at me, waiting for my questioning.

“What’s that?” I asked sarcastically.

“A party! You’re a visitor in Ponyville, so, why not throw a “Welcome to Ponyville” party?” Uhg, is she twelve?

“Listen, I don’t have time for parties. I need to get some things settled and figure out a way back to Gielinor.” I tried to walk away, but, she stopped me.

“Maybe I can help you!”

“Oh, really? Do go on.” I looked down at her, only for her to shake her head.

“Not unless you let me throw you a party!” Dammit. Blackmail. Or was this bargaining? Whatever.

“Fine, fine. A small party. Just... Give me a hand. Or hoof. Whatever the hell you ponies give,” I grumbled.

“Yay! I can’t wait to set it up! Follow me, No-Mo!” She bounced off as I kept up with her at a decent pace.

Yup... Going to be a reaaaaaaally long day...

Author's Note

Chapter two. This chapter was revised less as my editors had no big issues with it.

You see that giant picture at the top? That'll appear in every chapter. So, get use to it. It's to remind you this is a RuneScape crossover. You're gunna like it whether you want to or not!

Kidding. But, as you can see, Nomad isn't fond of le Pinkie Pie.

Chapter 3 - Spending Time In A bakery

Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 3 - Spending Time In A Bakery
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
Ghoswriter95
RainbowBob
MisterMissusMaster

This damn pony never shuts up. For the past five minutes, we’d been walking in circles and she’d been explaining her life’s story! I had been paying attention, though. I do like to keep information stored in the back of my mind.

Most of the information was about herself growing up on a rock farm, or something. Who farms rocks, like, seriously? The rest was based on her friends—Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity. They all met each other locally; Twilight Sparkle was apparently a new addition to their “group”. About three years ago.

“So, that explains all my friends and myself! Oh, oh, want to hear about where I work?!” Pinkie yelled cheerfully.

“Sure. Why the heck not?” I groaned.

“Well, I work over at Sugarcube Corner! Best bakery in town! They make plenty of cakes, candy, pastries, sweets, you name it! The bakery is just over there! Look, look!” I looked over to see Pinkie pointing over at a gingerbread looking house.

It was covered in what appeared to be icing, assorted candy and cupcakes. A small sign pointed towards the entrance stating “Sugarcube Corner.” Boy, this house stood out more than an imp in the middle of winter. Also, aren’t sweets the generalization of candy, pastries and cakes anyways? Whatever, no point in arguing over semantics.

“Lovely,” I sighed, rubbing my bald head of sweat.

“I know, right?! We need to go there for cupcakes sometime an–”

“Pinkie, please... Be quiet. You’re giving me a damn headache!” I made my voice just a tad louder, hoping it’d go through to her.

“What?! You’re crazy!” She giggled. Woohoo, didn’t go through. Stupid, stupid, women.

“No, I ju”

“C’mon! You can help me bake cupcakes!” She excitedly grabbed my arm. I shook my head furiously.

“To the divine beings of the universe, hell no. You said you’d help me–”

“If I could throw you a party!” Pinkie Pie bounced all around me like a toddler playing with a toy airplane.

“Uhg, but a party doesn’t involve me baking!” I’m seriously getting pissed off by this damn party freak.

“Well, no, but I can’t throw a party without treats! So, c’mon and help me bake!” Somehow, she was floating in front of my face. Her eyes just staring at me.

“If I help you bake for this stupid party, will you please help me?” I’m probably going to regret that.

“Of course!” Pinkie then fell to the ground. “C’mon!” She yelled, grabbing my entire body and thrusting me into the gingerbread house bakery.

To say the least, the bakery was filled with sweets. Didn’t see that one coming, didja? The walls were a shade of yellow that made me want to vomit, and the floor was a sick green colour. If I were designing this place, I would at least know how to use a colour palette. It’s not that difficult! Also, there was a sign that displayed the words “Sugarcube Corner,” which was hanging in front of the doorway. Why was that there? Did people need to see two signs to definitely confirm this as Sugarcube Corner?

On to other details... In front of me sat glass cases holding a variety of sweets and such, along with a cash register on top. Besides that, really, there was a back doorway that lead towhat I could see anywaysa kitchen and a staircase. All of this was located behind a counter.

“This is Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie announced. Gee, never would’ve guessed!

“Awesome. Let’s get baking, then,” I started to walk towards the kitchen with feigned excitement, only to be stopped.

“Wait! I gotta make sure Mr. and Mrs. Cake know you’re here!” She then darted off and up the stairs.

“Who?” I stood there, befuddled. Those names are stupid, by the way. Named after a baked good?

So, I waited a few moments before I saw Pinkie jump down the staircase, followed by two others. One was yellow stallion with an orange mane and short tail, while the other was an odd blue mare with a hot pink mane and tail. I assume they were the “Cakes”.

“This is No-Mo!” Pinkie announced to them.

“Uhg, please don’t call me that!” I raised my voice a tad, then looked to the two others. They appeared to be shaking.

“Is something wrong?” I asked simply.

“Uh... Nothing. You’re just... Quite big,” the stallion, who I assumed was Mr. Cake, spoke with a shaky voice.

“Fear, huh?” They nodded to my question. Good. They should fear me. I am powerful, I am mighty, and I am zealot! I will conquer all!

Kidding. I’m not that stupid.

“Well, don’t be. I’m just here to help Pinkie, so she can help me in return. I’ll be out of your hai–er... Manes in no time.”

“Well, if you say what you mean...” The stallion cleared his throat. “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner. Are you new in Ponyville?”

“Nope. I’ve lived here for over thirty years. I’m more of a hermit and stay in a small shack, living the life of a recluse.” The stallion’s eyes filled with dumbfounded confusion. “I’m kidding. I just find the question a bit stupid. Anyways, yes. I just stumbled on through. Kind of lost, but, Pinkie said she’ll help out if I help her bake.”

Let’s hope she does... I thought to myself.

“Oh, really?” Mr. Cake looked over at Pinkie, who nodded.

“Yuppers! No-Mo here is going to help out! I just wanted to let you two know he’s here and that he’ll be baking for a bit!” Both the Cakes raised a brow, then Mrs. Cake looked at me.

“Do you have any experience with baking at all?”

I nodded. “Indeed I do. I’ve trained a bit in the culinary arts, so that, when I’m in the wild, I can cook things without killing myself.”

Didn’t expect me to be a cook, huh? Everyone’s full of surprises.

“Well, in that case, I’ll let you two get baking. I’ll be keeping an eye on the both of you... Just in case you burn something.” Mr. Cake stated. Me? Burn something? I feel insulted!... Well, not really.

“C’mon, No-Mo! Let’s get baking!” Pinkie then darted off into the kitchen.

“Uhg...!” Damn pony, stop calling me that!

I entered the kitchen and I could see Pinkie bolting around, frantically looking for ingredients. I saw her place them, one by one, on the table in the center of the room. Extracts, flour, eggs, a few bowls, milk, water, soda, juice, and other assortments of random crap.

“So, I’m guessing we should start cooking. I’d rather do it now than wait,” I announced calmly to the mare.

“Yup, yup!” Pinkie still had that damn smile on her face. She’s just doing this to spite me.

I watched as Pinkie started to open the bag of flour and put it in a measuring cup. She then began to crack some eggs and pour milk in a separate cup. At the same time. I could see some physicist rolling in hi Nope, not touching that one with a forty foot pole.

“What are we making? Cakes? Cupcakes? What?” I asked.

“Both! No party is complete without a couple cakes and cupcakes!” She was mixing eggs and smiling at me.

“Alright. What do you want me to do? Stand and watch, or what?” I crossed my arms and gave her a placid look. Well, it felt placid, anyways.

“Well, could you grab a cake pan up in that cupboard.” She motioned to a set of cupboards on the adjacent wall. “And pour the milk in it?” She hummed something softly as she set the eggs on the table, cracking a few more into yet another bowl.

“Sure, sure.” Anything to get you to leave me alone.

I walked over to the cupboard, opened it up and found a cake pan sitting on the second shelf. I pulled it out and placed it on the table. Grabbing the milk, I poured it into the pan and then watched as Pinkie pushed the bowl of mixed eggs to me.

“Pour that in, too!” She smiled brightly. For some reason, she’s being extremely calm.

“Alright.” I poured the mixed eggs into the pan and watched as the creamy substances mixed together to make a... Cream colour.

“So, Pinkie, considering I’m bored and I have to help out with this stuff, is there anything you want to talk about?” I asked as I continued to mix ingredients together.

“Well... When’s your birthday?” Well, that’s unexpected. Might as well answer.

“My birthday is...” When the hell is my birthday? “Uh...”

“Do you seriously not know your own birthday?!” I heard her gasp as my gaze was aimed at the ceiling, trying to figure it out.

“No, no, I know it...” I looked down at the pan, pouring the flour in and then I walked over to a stirring machine sitting under the cupboards.

“You really don’t know, do you?” Pinkie giggled.

“Alright, alright, I don’t know my own birthday. Forgive me for being seven thousand years old and losing track. It’s not like I celebrated it, anyways.” That was the truth, it was a meaningless day, really.

“How can you not remember your own birthday? That’s the most important time of the year!” She half-yelled at me and I just rolled my eyes.

“I simply don’t care about it. After I left my home, I just didn’t keep up with it. Why do you ask, anyways?” I said as I finished mixing the ingredients, taking a break to just talk with this annoying mare.

“Well, I want to know more about you!” The pink pony smiled brightly and I could only raise a brow.

“That’s a first. No one really bothers to try and get to know me. I’m quite shocked,” I said politely. No, seriously, I didn’t mean that sarcastically this time. I promise.

“Wow, really? How does anypony go through life without people wanting to know them?” She exclaimed with a look of bewilderment. “Well, No-Mo, what do you like to do? Hobbies and stuff!”

Hrmph. Hobbies, eh? “Well, I enjoy a little bit of adventuring. I’ve trekked through many planes and what-not and can’t help but enjoy the things I've learned. Other than that, all I ever cared about doing was watching other adventurers play a game I created.” Along with having them kill each other for prizes.

“Ooooo! A game? What kind of game? Hide and seek? Pin the horn on the unicorn?” Pinkie made some childlike suggestions and I just shook my head.

“No, Pinkie. This game was a bit... Different. More-so where these adventurers have objectives and have to work in large teams to complete them and dominate the other team,” I decided to take a seat and so did she. I find it funny that she’s genuinely interested.

“Oh, oh, capture the flag?” she asked excitedly.

“Sort of,” She couldn't see it, but, I was kind of smiling. Don’t know why, I hate her guts and the designs of this world are awful, but I think letting off some of my knowledge of something fun to someone else makes me a tad happier. Besides, I have too much on my mind. Like strudels and grogers.

“But, let me explain how it works. Just in brief and then you can question it after,” I cleared my throat for a moment before starting my explanation. “There are two teams: red and blue. Each team may have a minimum of five members and a maximum of five hundred.”

Her eyes widened at what I assumed was the large number of players. I continued, though. “In the beginning of the game, these players fight each other for control of territory. This territory is used to push the team back to where their primary objective is: a Soul Avatar.”

“Ooo, what’s that?” A smile crossed her face and I just rolled my eyes and continued.

“Well, it’s a giant monster that each team has. The primary objective is to eliminate it to gain points. The team that eliminates the other team’s avatar the most wins,” I stretched my arms for a moment having felt a bit of discomfort. “In order to weaken it, however, you need to dominate the land, as I said before. The most crucial piece of land is the ‘Obelisk’.”

“And why’s that?”

“Well, the Obelisk allows the dominating team to weaken the avatar through the collection of ‘soul gems’these gems are found by eliminating the various creatures around the ‘arena’, if you want to call it that,” I answered.

“Wait, so, these players fight creatures to get the creatures’ souls...?” I could see a look of worry in Pinkie’s eyes as she asked this. These ponies must be too innocent.

“Yes. They kill vile creatures that the world could do without anyways. So, don’t worry about moral conscience. Same thing goes with playershowever, through the power of magic, these players don’t die fully. They just come back in a minute or two of waiting in the afterlife,” I tried to lighten up the killing aspect of this. I may be a bit cynical and sarcastic, but I’m far from ruining someone’s life entirely... Excluding Xavier. He can die for all I care.

“Well, that sounds fun! So, you ran all this for what purpose?” Her frown and worry changed to a bright smile. A bit of a relief.

“Well, I do it because I enjoy watching the adventurers fight over the stupidest of things. I offer prizes with various rewards for the winning team, but it’s just so trivial to me,” I chuckled a bit at the thought of a man hugging a baby impling. “I’m not much to attach myself to things, so, whatever floats their boat.”

“So, you don’t remember your birthday and you told me some of your hobbies and an awesome game... But, where do you come from, anyways?” Her eyes filled with what looked like glitter. She should fix that.

“I came from a place called Gielinor, but, if you’re asking for where I was born, I’m not exactly certain about that either. I faintly remember what the plane of existence was calledHospitis was its nameand where it is. I don’t go there often because my race is long gone,” I sighed deeply, hoping she wouldn’t ask.

“What do you mean ‘gone’?” And so she did!

“Killed off, died, conquered. Whatever works for you. They’re basically dead, they’re scattered or they’re enslaved entirely. I only survived because I decided I wasn’t going to stay for tyranny and left on my own. I was young when it happened and I prefer not to talk about it right now,” I had hoped to end the conversation there, standing up and doing my duties to prepare the cake.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it, No-Mo?” She asked, myself looking back at her as I started to slid a cake tin into the oven.

“I just don’t. Dwelling on the past never does good for anyone. Sure, my family may have been killed, but I’m here, aren’t I? I should be happy for that,” I hissed slightly at the mention of my personal emotions Happiness sickens me.

“So you don’t care about your own family?” The mare gasped in what looked like surprise. Not that surprising.

“I did. When I was young. Things have changed... I have changed. Whether it was for good, evil or both. Let’s drop it here. We have work to do,” I spoke solemnly. The conversation died after that.

Uhg, I can’t wait to leave this place. Last thing I need is emotional anguish.

Author's Note

Another super revised chapter. This one was revised four times. This is the final draft.

Chapter 4 - Icing on the Cake

Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 4 - Icing on the Cake
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
RainbowBob

“Well, all that’s left is to ice and decorate everything!” I heard Pinkie announce.

“Hell no,” I gave her a cold stare. “You asked me to bake stuff. Not decorate it. Now, help me with my problems, dammit.” Wow, I sound like a broken teenager.

“Oh, come on! It’s not that hard! It doesn’t even take that long to do!” She was bouncing in front of me again. If I put my hand over her head, she’d be a perfect gnome ball.

“It is hard because it takes hours to decorate everything! I’ve made plenty of cakes in my lifetime and I spent hours icing and putting little candies and whatever good spices go with cakes...” I stopped and thought for a moment of how emasculating that sounds.

“Well, that’s because you were alone silly! Your friend Pinkie is here to make sure we get the job done!” She smiled brightly at me and I scoffed at her statement.

“I am not your friend, and don’t accuse me of being alone at the time of my baking! I baked in a culinary arts school for many years and I had to work with morons who couldn’t decorate for their life!” The nerve of this girl, I swear. The only reason I am upset is that I am very picky with decorations on a cake. And everything with some sort of design overall.

“Please? I promise to help you after we get this done!” I shook my head at her.

“No. From past experience, when you give into something, it just ends up into doing more and more favours and not getting anywhere.” One more favour they said... More like a thousand more favours, if you ask me. “Besides, you have to let this crap cool down before you even ice it. It just came out of the oven!” I explained.

“Well, that’s true... We did just pull it out...” Pinkie started to tap chin with the edge of her hoof. Glad she’s seeing it my way, for once.

“Then, help me find a way home. There has to be someone that has enough power to bring me back home. I’d do it myself, but, y’know. Being lost and stuff.” I shrugged.

“Well, there’s Princess Celestia and Luna... They have a lot of power!” Finally, some suggestions.

“Well, who are they? Bring me to them.” I demanded.

“They’re the rulers of Equestria! But, I think my friend Twilight told me they were gone for another two days... Something about balloons and the Crystal Empire...” Two days?!

“Two days?! What?! I don’t have two days! I have to get out of here as quick as possible!” Uhg, if I have to be here for two days, I’m going to pull my hai... Right, I have no hair.

“Don’t worry! You don’t need to leave so quickly! Besides, you’re in good hooves around me!” Oh, really? That’s very encouraging.

“Uhg!” I stamped my foot on the ground a few times in anger, before taking in a deep breath and calming myself “Fine. If I’m here for two days, then I better make the most of it. I’ll need a place to stay, food, water and a beautiful bedroom to house my activities.” Lots of activities. festivale

“Well, no problem-o! You can stay here with me!”

“NO!” I yelled, and then realized that yelling was a bad idea. “I mean, no, I would prefer not to intrude on your job. I really have to be somewhere more secluded so I’m not too bothered or I’m not bothering others.” I really need to keep my tone in check. This girl is making me go bonkers.

“Well, the only other place is the Hay ‘n’ Stay motel! They have super-duper awesome rooms there! The beds are very, very fluffy, too!” She was smiling again, but, I wasn’t. I don’t have any money!

“Where exactly am I going to get money?” I made sure to give her the most placid look I could.

“I’ll give you some bits! You helped me a lot here, so, I guess the favour can be returned! You’re also my super awesome friend, No-Mo!” I swear I told her she wasn’t my friend. Why does she constantly assume so?

“Right, right. Well, let’s get going. I’d prefer now rather than later.” Hopefully that motel provides food. Damn, am I hungry.

So, we started to clear up some of the mess in the kitchen and left the cake and cupcakes to cool. We left Sugar Cube Corner—thank the gods—and started to wander around Ponyville once more. With nothing but time between the bakery and the motel, I decided to spark a bit of conversation.

“Tell me more about those princesses you mentioned,” Better to get to know it now.

“Well, Princess Celestia controls everything during the day and Princess Luna controls everything during the night! Simple as that, really!” I facepalmed at her answer.

“I know that ‘Celestia’ translated to ‘celestial bodies’ and ‘Luna’ translated into ‘moon’,” I groaned, “I just want to know more about them. Do they have husbands? Children? Are they warlords of some sort?”

“Huh? Oh. Well, I know they’re not married. I’m pretty sure they chose to remain that way,” she tapped a hoof on her chin for a moment.

“So, no children. Are they tyrants or something? Ponies hate them, love ‘em, perhaps think about them when they sleep?” I’m enjoying this conversation again. “Maybe they’re some sort of capitalist leaders and hoard in a lot of the cash for themselves? Dictators? Maybe they flaunt their powers and get all the chicks ‘round the joint? Making ponies go head over hooves?”

Okay, I overdid it with that last line. But, it’s hilarious.

“Nah! They’re super-duper awesome! Everypony loves them! Even ponies who aren’t really ponies love them! They’re always soooo smart and know what to say at the right time, it’s sweet!” She smiled at me while I nodded in response.

“Well, what do they do for Equestria? Stand there and look pretty?” Like most princes and princesses...

“Nope! They raise the sun and the moon and deal with a lot of the super royal ponies to make sure everyone is super happy! A lot of bad stuff happened before they came around, like Wendigos and ponies fighting each other!” Pinkie answered. Oooo! Fighting!

“Like, fighting as in melee battles...?” Please say yes. I need some gore to make me a man again.

“Like sword fighting? No... Okay, a little but nopony was hurt!... I think... They just argued a lot over food and stuff! Thankfully, at the last minutes, those ponies realized that they just needed to be friends to stop all the bad stuff from happening! Like the winter they were dealing with, which was caused by the Wendigos!”

“I... Uhg, okay then” I groaned. At least there may have been some violence. Plus one for regaining some masculinity.

“Uhg... Well, who is the better of the two? Stronger or, perhaps, more influence?” Pinkie just shrugged to my question.

“Not for me to say, really. I like them both! But, I think ponies still like Celestia better than Luna, currently. After the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, ponies are still trying to adjust to her as a ruler of the night.” I raised a brow at the Nightmare Moon statement. Then again, I’m probably going to be let down by who or what it is... This whole society is a let down.

“Nightmare Moon, huh? What’s that, exactly?” I asked anyways.

“Oh, Luna got all jealous of Celestia being more popular amongst the subjects and turned into a super meanie pants! Celestia got all upset at Luna and sent her straight to the moooooon!” She started howling like a damn spirit wolf and I couldn’t help but sigh at the childlike behaviour. “She broke free about a year ago and was an even bigger meanie-pants and tried to put night over everypony! Thankfully, my friends and I stopped her!”

I, again, raised a brow at her statement. “Oh, really? How’d you stop a pony who is clearly stronger than you?”

“We used the Elements of Harmony! Twilight Sparklemy friend I told you aboutwas a new arrival who told us about them and how they were used to seal Luna in the moon the first time!” She smiled brightly at her display of history. At least it looked that way. “So, when we went face to face with her we stopped her with the awesome power of friendship! Afterwards, Celestia showed up and they forgave each other and they lived happily ever after! The end!”

“Well, that’s boring. No destruction? No annihilation of races? Just kiss and forget?” Like, c’mon, Gielinor was awful, but this place is just bad for how corny it is.

“What?! How could you even think about that?! Us ponies don’t do that kind of thing! Heck, the worst thing I’ve ever heard of was King Sombra enslaving the poor crystal ponies!” She retorted at my response. However, that enslavement thing is interesting... Maybe I can as

“Is it all battling and destruction where you’re from, or something?” Pinkie quickly asked before I could analyze anything about this “Sombra” guy.

“Oh, a little. Gielinor is just a big place full of war and chaos. Heck, half of its continent was destroyed and turned into a perpetual wasteland,” I shrugged and her eyes widened.

“How the hay did that happen?!”

“Well, you know, one guy has too much power and the other guy doesn’t like it so he starts a fight, but then another guy gets all upset that his friend,” I said this with distaste. “Is in trouble...”

“That doesn’t tell me much!” Pinkie frowned. Interested again? I’m surprised.

“It’s a super long story and I’m super tired. I’d be sitting here explaining the history of Gielinor to you.” She still held a frown and I couldn’t help but give her a tidbit at least. “I will say that it started with a guy named Zaros and another guy named Zamorak. That’s about it.”

“Awww, okay. Well, here we are!” Pinkie pointed ahead of herself and I followed the direction of her hoof.

In front of me was a two story building with the same boring thatched roof design as the other houses in this town. The only difference was that there was a wooden sign, carved to look like a hay bale, displaying large, neon-coloured letters stating:

Hay ‘n’ Stay Hotel!
Open during every day of the week!
Breakfast is completely complimentary!

“Complimentary breakfast? Yeah, this’ll do,” I smiled underneath my scarf and I heard Pinkie giggle.

“Well, let’s get you a room. C’mon!” She bounced forward to the door of the building and I just stood there, watching her fly at least six feet in the air.

At least I get to be away from this crazy girl. Gods have mercy.

Author's Note

Was going to update this for yesterday, but my editors decided to get a tad busy with alcohol and nearly break their thumb. I don't blame him, though, he's insane. Lel.

Anyways, some things will be changing pace, soon. Going to deviate away from Pinkie and move onto Ponyville in general. Not really a spoiler, so, enjoy!

Also, I'm going to keep up with a regular schedule of a chapter per week. If I can handle it, two, but I am currently ahead by three chapters.

Enjoy.

Also, the part about Nomad getting angry about cakes - my editor was laughing so hard at how formally angry Nomad was that he wasn't sure to have me change it, or keep it. So, I kept it.

Also, referenced a quest you may all hate in this chapter. 10 internets for the person who finds it.

Chapter 5 - Finally Alone

Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 5 - Finally Alone
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
Ghoswriter95
RainbowBob

I followed Pinkie through the entrance of the Hay ‘n’ Stay motel to be greeted by bright, pink, colours. Damn, if my eyes weren’t hardened by the power of gods, I’d probably have had them burnt out of my sockets for how bright the room was. Multiple shades of pink, yellow, and green were plastered around the room as if someone grabbed a brush and swung it wildly at the walls.

Other than the awful colours, the room was filled with a few chairs, a couch, a table with a few books and newspapers on it, and a counter where a cash register sat. No one was behind the cash register, though. Bad customer service.

“Do ponies have problems with interior decorating, or something?” I asked Pinkie quietly to have her giggle in response.

“Some ponies just enjoy a whacky style! I like this style! Anyways, let me get you a room!” I watched her bounce up to the counter and ring a small bell. Almost immediately, a pony sat down in the chair with a big smile on his face. He had a brown mane and a caramel-yellow colour. At least it looked that way, anyways.

“Heh, sorry if you were waiting here! My name is Caramel, how may I help you?” Holy deities be damned, another male pony.

“Hey Caramel! I’m just here to rent out a room for my friend No-Mo!” Pinkie’s hoof waved me closer.

I walked towards the counter, making sure I appeared annoyed by what she called me for the eight-hundredth time.

“Whoa... You’re quite... U-uhm...” His lack of courage just made me sigh.

“Tall, big, whatever. I’m just here for a few nights. I won’t be a bother as long as I get food like the sign promises,” I tried to calm this guy down. Seriously, why is Pinkie not scared of me? Does she giggle at poltergeists or something?

“Oh, well, in that case I can help you out! How many nights will you be staying with us?” I look down to Pinkie, who just shrugged.

“A week sounds good. I assume that’ll be the time I depart.” I watched as Caramel pick up a pen with his mouth and began writing on a notepad.

“How the hell are you doing that?” I raised a brow.

“Doing what?” He looked up at me with confusion.

“Writing with your mouth. The fact that you’re holding a pen with your mouth and writing is just... beyond me,” He only laughed softly at my question.

“You must be new here. Let’s just go with magic, how’s that sound?” I shrugged and then nodded. Best not worry about too many minor details.

After a few more minutes of him writing stuff down, probably his schedule for “battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger”, he finally looked up with a cheerful smile. Ain’t he a peach?

“Well, everything is ready! I just require a payment of two hundred bits!” Caramel held out his hoof to me and I pointed to Pinkie.

“Here ya go!” Pinkie tossed a large coin-purse into his hoof, and he withdrew with a cheerful little laugh.

He tossed me a set of keys in which I caught in an instant. “Room is just outside, three doors to the left of the exit.”

“Thanks, chap!” I replied with feigned happiness, turning around and making sure I made the most annoyed look.

I exited the building and felt an odd presence bouncing furiously next to me. I tried to ignore it, but for an unknown reason, I continued to hear a spring-like noise. interesting how this place works.

“What?” I looked down to Pinkie Pie, finally giving her acknowledgement.

“Just want to make sure you get to your room safely!” What am I, four?

“I can get to it by myself, thanks. I have things to do, so, may I be left alone?” I walked away from her in hope she wouldn’t follow, looking for the door that my keys belonged to.

Counting the doors, I found my room. Room 007. Putting my key in the lock, I unlocked it with ease... Sadly, that pink girl was still here.

“Yes, Pinkie?” I asked with an annoyed sigh.

“Just making sure you’re safe!” She gave me a bright smile and I nodded.

“Yes, well, I am perfectly safe. Thanks to your superior defensive skills and the art of protection, I have arrived at my destination safely,” I let her believe that she actually did something to help. I hoped she wouldn’t catch it.

“Well, I’m glad you think so!” she said and I patted her head like I would to a child who did well.

“Good, Pinkie. Now, run along. I have things to attend to.” She finally bounced away and I entered the motel room as quick as possible, instantly locking the door.

“Thank the gods, I am free! Free from the clutches of oppression and annoyance!” I yelled to the highwell, low ceiling in excitement and exhilaration. Honestly, the burden of a thousand suns was far more enjoyable than Pinkie.

Well, seeing as I was finally alone, I took it upon myself to compose notes of some sort. Looking around the room, there was a large bed to my right, a desk to my left along with a mini-fridgeodd to see that thereand a bathroom at the end of the room. Nothing special, which was fine for me.

I went over to the desk, pulled the chair out and sat down. As I did, the chair broke and I fell onto my arse. Lovely. “Uhg... Can I seriously get a break?”

This is angering me to no end. But, whatever. I stood back up and searched the desk for writing utensils and a piece of paper. I found a quill and ink with some parchment in one of the drawers and began to write out my “to-do” list. Seemed appropriate and I needed to write out my plans for escape and such.

So, after a little bit of scribing my plans out, I reviewed my work, looking it over thoroughly and giving an approving nod to it. “Perfect.”

To-Do List
1 - Avi Avoid Pinkie Pie
2 - Learn Aber About Equistria Equestria (History, Local landmarks, More about its leaders, etc)
3 - Avoid Pinkie Pie
4 - Obtain a meeting with Celas Celestia and/or Luna. Ask to get the hell out of here.
5 - Avoid Pinkie Pie
6 - Relax a bit. Honestly, I need to regain my energy.
7 - Avoid Pinkie Pie
8 - Add more to this list when things arise.
9 - AVOID PINKIE PIE
10 - Get some ice cream. Sweet tooth is acting up again.

“Alright, that should do it,” I said to myself, looking over it once more. After a moment, I decided to check what time it was.

My eyes scanned around the room looking for some sort of timepiece. I checked above the desk, above the doors and above the bed. Nada. Well, that’s just not nice. So, seeing as I couldn't keep track of time, currently, I looked out the window and saw the sun was finally setting.

“Bedtime, then. Not going to stay up any longer,” I decided to just wear my usual brown robes, rather than my armour. I’m not one to sleep naked, and I don’t like blankets.

I also decided to keep my scarf on. Keeps me warm and makes a better cushion for my old neck. Anyways, after all that garbage, I moved onto the bed and found it amazingly comfortable. Its plush, foam-like, structure adjusted well to my body shape and I found my back relaxing from all its tension from today’s “work”.

So, clearly, I had no trouble falling asleep. Now, time to stop my thoughts from running rampant and actually sleep.

Yes, I’m sleeping. Shut up.

Author's Note

Sorry about giving you more filler, guys. I'm going to have my editors look over the next few chapters to see if I can combine any. I feel bad for just giving you no plot what-so-ever.

I promise, things will pick up once Nomad get's out of bed. I have him interacting with a few others of the mane six, but at the same time, I'm trying to avoid exposition.

Also, the humour will die down later in the fic and become a tad more graphic. So, be ready for when it happens.

EDIT: Crap, forgot to give you guys this video:

Chapter 6 - Investigation

Chapter 6 - Investigation

Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 6 - Investigation
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
RainbowBob

I woke up to the smell of something delectable. The scent of steamy-hot baked eggs and something similar to some sizzling bacon. I wasn’t one for too much eatingheck, I could live off of a stalk of grain for eight years before I needed morebut I thought I’d sit up and regain some energy.

As I sat up, I saw a large tray where my assumptions were correcttwo baked eggs sat neatly cut on a ceramic white plate and two pieces of... Wait...

“What the hell is this?” I grabbed the weird brown and stringy-like “bacon” and waved it in front of me.

“It looks like someone weaved this from hay, mixed it in a small child’s greasy hair, and then cooked it in a pan of lard!” I slammed it onto the plate and watched as it broke into three pieces.

“Whatever. Eggs are good enough, I’ll just throw out that... hay crap,” I grabbed the egg halves, lifted my scarf and shoved them in my mouth. What? Do you eat with etiquette while alone? Didn’t think so.

I stood up and took the hay-like bacon imposters, looking for a nearby trashcan. Found one sitting next to the motel room’s door. Tossed those damn things out, for sure. And here I thought horses were omnivores. Anyways, enough screwing around.

I grabbed that list I wrote last night, along with my staff, and bolted out of the door. It was time to do some investigation of this place so I could learn some new things. Like where pony babies come from and how these ponies built houses with hooves. Okay, neither of those things, but it’s the thought that counts.

As I exited the room, however, I was greeted by the sight of billions upon billions of ponies running through the town. Fine, they weren’t running, they were walking... And there weren’t billions, just... a bunch.

Curious as to what was up with everyone running rampant, I stopped a nearby red stallion, who was reading a newspaper.

“Hey, bud, what’s going on here?” I asked simply.

“Ponies gettin’ ready for the princess to arrive,” he answered in a southern accent. Damn. Here I thought I could avoid more morons. Last thing I need is someone who has the IQ of a four year old.

“Princess? Why’s that a big deal? Don’t ponies see them everyday?” I questioned while looking at ponies stampeding to put up banners or some crap.

“Yer new here, ain’tya? It’s a big deal, cuz a local bookworm named Twilight Sparkle was just crowned princess. So, we be celebrating. Ya got it now, bud?” he responded with a somewhat agitated tone.

“Whoa, calm down,” Sheesh, and I thought I was bad. Also, Pinkie never mentioned Twilight was a princess. Damn broads. “So, this Twilight Sparkle is a new princess. When will she arrive?”

“‘Bout sunset. Maybe, seven hours,” he answered. “Why?”

“Well, I’m not suppose to be here, so it’d be great if I could speak to her and get my situation sorted out,” I explained.

“Ah. I see. Well, she’ll be around later today, so why don’t ya’ll spend some time gettin’ your attire fixed up at the Carousel Boutique?” his thick red hoof was pointing at my leather armour. “Looks a bit broken to me.”

I looked down to see large gashes slowly tearing open and revealing a bit of my pale white skin. Dear gods, I better fix this.

“Perfect. Just when I needed to deal with other things...” I sighed. “Where is this boutique?”

“Right over there,” his hoof pointed past me. I looked to my left to see a large, purple and white carousel-looking buildingwhoa, didn’t see that one coming!and a sign hanging from it that read “Carousel Boutique”.

“Well, I’ll be heading over there then.” Troglodyte.

I walked off without me saying another word to him and my direction aimed for the giant purple and white building. At least it didn’t burn my eyes with awful colours. Whoever made it, I’ll have to commend them for colouring it well.

Now that I have to wait about seven hours, I gotta find stuff to do. I groaned quietly to myself. I guess after I visit this boutique, I could ask to find some other places to check out and occupy myself. Might as well get some sort of knowledge out of being here.

It took me, I don’t know, fifty steps before I actually reached it? When I got to the damn place, I ducked to fit through the door. Stupid doors and being small and whatnot.

When I walked through, I was hit by an array of bright pinks, purples and whites. I nearly blinded myself just by walking into this building! I am taking back my compliment from earlier. Dear gods! I was so stunned by the colours I barely heard the bell ring as I entered.

“Just a second!” I heard a female voice yell. Perfect. Another mare! Wait, I shouldn’t be surprised, the sign said the ratio was about four to one.

I decided to look around this ‘boutique’. Equine shaped mannequins were all wearing assortments of clothing that either looked to stylish or too formal for my tastes. Assuming the owner of this place is an actual clothes designer, I’ll give her credit for her quirky style.

Anyways, the rest of the place was... Normal. For a boutique, I guess. A stage with a giant mirror for ponies to look at themselves, some change rooms off to my right, and a bunch of waiting couches to the left of the door, which I myself was now sitting on.

I should mention why I hate bright colours. They burn my eyes. It’s as simple as that. The sun? I could stare at for hours. Godly beings? I could do that too. Bright colours? Hell no. Gielinor was perfect to live in with its dull landscape, but now I have to deal with this... Crap.

Off to the far left was a staircase. I could hear the mare stamping down them quickly and she made herself quite apparent with her purple, curly, mane and brilliantly white coat. Oh dear, I’ve made three compliments. I’m losing my edge. Oh, also, she was a unicorn. Who knew?

“Welcome to the Carou” she stopped when she saw me. I sighed and assumed she was “scared” of me.

“Look, I’m not here to hurt you, stop being so scared,” Seriously, this is getting annoying.

“Scared...? Scared?” She yelled. Ow, my ears. What’s with everyone yelling so loud? “Your attire is hideous!”

“Oh...?” My attire is hideous? Her store is hideous with these colours!

“Yes! Just look at it! Brown, gray, and mixtures of purple? What kind of stylist made that atrocious looking disaster?” She was super close to me while looking over my armour. I couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm.

“This is not a laughing matter, sir! Look, there is even holes in it, too! And that scarf! Oh, do not get me started on that scarf!” She was rolling her bright blue eyes and I just shook my head.

“Look, first of all, what’s your name? Secondly, I’m not here to get my armour redesigned, I’m here to get some leather to fix it. Lastly, I want to know more about you before I head off. I’m a bit new here,” I asked her simply. She seemed to calm down at this point.

“Oh, my, where are my manners? I am Rarityfashionista of Ponyville!” She held out a hoof to me, “and you are?”

“Nomad. Just Nomad,” I shook her hoof quickly. “So, my request?”

“Oh, yes, your request for leather. I should have some, although I have never had anypony ask me for it before. It weirds me out that Griffons use it,” Rarity said, having trotted off past me and to a door next to the change rooms.

She opened the door and quickly started rummaging through, yelling “aha!” and coming back with a large and square chunk of leather.

“Here we are!” Rarity was holding the piece of leather in a blue aura; the aura was coming from her horn and I assumed she was using basic telekinesis. interesting that they have access to some magic here...

“That will be sixteen bits!” She stated with a happy grin. I groaned, knowing I didn’t have this world’s currency.

“Uhg, nevermind then. I won’t bother with the leather if I can’t afford it,” I told her simply. She raised a brow at me.

“Well... I suppose I can just give it to you, it is not like I have use for leather that often. Most of my creations require silk, cotton, or spandex,” She said as she her magic placed the leather in my lap.

“Well, thanks, I guess,” Ew, thanking people for free stuff. Gross. “So, my final request?”

“Ah, yes. Well, I already told you my name is Rarity Belle and I am a fashionista. I was born and raised here in Ponyville, and found my cutie mark when I was about eight years of age,” she announced proudly. What the hell is a cutie mark?

“What in the gods’ names is a cutie mark?” I asked.

“You do not knowell, it is when a pony is becoming of age and it signifies their level of maturity. Some are abstract and others are very specific,” Rarity smiled and turn her body, showing me three blue gems on the side of her ass. Yes, it’s a flank. Shut up, I don’t care about analytics.

“Mine is three gems, as you can see, which shows my ability to find gems out of nowhere, my ability for a fine eye of perfection, and my ability to create beautiful pieces of clothing!” She had a huge grin on her face. I really wish I could slap that off. Too much happiness in this place.

“Hrm. Intriguing. Some of your designs are decent, but I’ve seen far better,” Cynical mode: engaged. “Along with the design of this buildingthe outside is fine, but my eyes are burning because of the inside decor. If you had an eye for perfection, you’d change the colour palette of this place.”

Rarity just looked at me, dumbfounded by my knowledge of semi-decent decoration. Alright, so, I’ve built a few awesome houses in my day and I know what I’m talking about... Maybe some of us also enjoy reading through useless books.

“I... The designs of this building could be revised, yes I agree, and as for your comment about my dresses, I always think they are so dreaded. Ponies just buy them anyways, happy with whatever I make them! I try so hard to stick to the latest trends and they just don’t care!” She huffed, sitting on her rump and crossing her forehooves.

“Well, why the heck does a pony need to wear clothes, anyways? Your tails cover up your genetalia quite well,” I stated nonchalantly while receiving a laugh in reply. At least she isn’t embarrassed by the mention of genetalia.

“That’s true, but ponies buy clothing for formal occasions. Which happen quite frequently,” She corrected me and I only nodded, standing up with my piece of leather.

“Well, I’ll be off. I need to go towning to learn more about this place. Any place I should visit?” I asked her.

“Sugar Cu”

“NO!” I yelled and then quickly stopped to clear my throat. “I mean, I’ve already been there.”

“With that response, I assume you have met Pinkie. She is a handful,” Rarity giggled at her comment. “Anyways, I would suggest Golden Oaks Library, but the owner is arriving for a celebration. So, perhaps try Sweet Apple Acres? It’s just outside of town. Large red barn on a hill. Can’t miss it.”

I nodded. “Awesome. At least I’ll have something to do,” I walked to the exit, opening the door and waved to her as I left.

Sweet Apple Acres. As if this world wasn’t corny enough.

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait! Was dealing with another story edit and it got in the way!

Enjoy it!

Also, some delays in future edits. Sorry.

Chapter 1 - Ending the Beginning

Nomad’s Requiem
Chapter 1 - Ending the Beginning
Written by Shadowflash
Edited by:
Eldorado
Gunsmith
Narlepoax III
Pre-read by:
Ghoswriter95
RainbowBob
MisterMissusMaster

My name is Nomad. Just Nomad. No last name, no aliases, no nicknames. I prefer Nomad and only Nomad. If anyone calls me by something else, then I’ll gladly introduce them to the sharp end of my staff. I’m sure you’re also curious as to what I look like. I’m just some bald guy, seven feet tall, who wears custom leather armour and enjoys having a scarf wrapped around his neck. Good enough? No? All well, that’s all I need to explain to you at this moment.

The land–no. The plane of existence that I am currently existing on is referred to, by the inhabitants, as Gielinor. The name is stupid; I could barely pronounce it when I came into being. Gell-in-orh? Is that how it is? Whatever, the name is dumb, easy to understand. It’s referred to as Gielinor and it was founded by a man who came here through a giant portal. I know, original, right?

But, I’m sure you want to know a tad more about me. Can’t hold everything back. I’ll give a brief summary: I manage a game where people fight to the death for prizeswhich is mildly amusingand I had to build up an arena myself. Yeah, life ain’t easy when you have to build stuff yourself.

While creating the arena, I discovered a... Peculiar thing. It was a cave entrance to an old temple, remarkably still intact. Who knew how long it’d been there, but I decided to adventure into it. While doing so, I found a demonic looking device. It had a giant demondidn’t see that one coming!with twelve arms hanging over a pillar of white light. Streaks of electricity were flowing into each of the clawed hands from the inside of the pillar. Or perhaps the other way around? Around the pillar of white light, there were four blocky supports, all having a face that looked like it was screaming in agony, or pain.

I took it upon myself to investigate further and realize that this device was attached to many sections of the arena I designed. It appeared to me as if it was feeding power to its throne and I had to test this theory.

So, I sat on the throne. What, wouldn’t you do that? C’mon, I trust the first demon-like structure I see in a very ancient temple the second I see it! But, anyways, while sitting upon the throne, I felt a surge of new and rejuvenating energy! It felt fantastic! So, after my little “test run”, I decided to finish my arena building and let idiots fight to the death so I could get back to building my power levels.

Sadly, I just have to be interrupted by children! Don’t they have respect for their seven-thousand-year-old elders? Sigh. Anyways, yes, I was interrupted by two would-be heroes who thought they were top of their class. Which they weren’t. They probably weren’t even in classes for all I know.They just thought being a tad power-grabby in this “world” was evil. Last time I looked over Gielinor’s constitution, it wasn’t against the law to enjoy a bit of power.

~

“You have to pay your dues to Lucien!” An Elite Black Knight barked at me in my own lair.
At this point, I realized that These heroestheir names were Xavier and Zandreliacaught me whilst chatting it up with this wonderful warrior. However, I ignored them to give a fair warning. To both the heroes and my little knight friend.

“Oh, and what are you going to do about it?” I laughed. “Seriously, one guy?”

Two others showed up from seemingly nowhere. Is this temple this easy to breach? Honestly. Still, only an Elite Ranger and Elite Mage. Nothing bad.

“This is all there is of you? I thought there’d be more of a challenge,” I mocked them. Serves them right.

“Attack!” They yelled in unison. Oh, they’re so stupid!

I immediately froze all of them with my ice magic. Then, I casted a simple fire spell upon the Knight and he died immediately. The other two, well, they teleported. Cowards. I think it’s a nice time to address my guests.

“Leave now. If I see you down here again, I guarantee it will be the last mistake you ever make,” I warned them fully and then left.

But... They persisted. Those little brats made their way through all the traps I set up, defeated a personal little creation of minea giant undead monster, to say the leastand destroyed my barrier between them and the throne. Gods be damned, heroes piss me off. They don’t even know the reason why I’m doing this.

I watched them “prissy walk” to my throne like little schoolgirls and only smirked under my massive scarf at their idiocy. They came prepared, though. Both wore runite armour and were wielding abyssal whips. Well, Zandrelia had a whip, Xavier had a godsword. Where the hell did he get that? Kind of made me feel tingly in my groin at the thought of whips, though... But, nevermind, they were prepared for battle. I was sure they’d fail.

“Nomad!” Xavier yelled at me. Ow, a banshee was quieter than him.

“You must be incredibly stupid, or very, very brave to bother to follow me,” I growled.

“Let’s go farther than that, Nomad. You’re performing evil acts here, and we will not let it go without punishment!” Zandrelia barked at me. Typical naive girl.

“Ha. Evil? Seriously? Gaining a tad bit of power is considered ‘evil’? Gods forbid you idiots even bother to grow a brain and look at reality,” Honestly, I felt dumber just from telling these idiots this.

“Shut up! This ends now. We’ll send you and your reign of power to hell!” Xavier was growing some cojones, huh?

“Fine. You want to fight? So be it.” I stood up from my throne and bounced off, smacking my staff at the ground in front of them. Good thing they dodged it. They might’ve been hurt!

The girl attacked first. She attempted to swipe her whip around my legs, most likely to pull me from my defensive stance, but I smacked her out of the way and watched her body fly towards one of room’s walls. Knocked out immediately. Typical women, always so weak. They never know how to train and become a warrior.

The boy swung his sword at me, moving it back like a baseball bat and then proceeding to attack me. I blocked his stupid attack, nonetheless. In my humble opinion, a monkey could fight better, and I’ve been to an island where it’s only populace is monkies! Decided to smack him away from me, too. He, surprisingly, stood his ground.

Now, what happened next was an entire game changer. And we barely even started. I watched him pull out a vial filled with black liquid. He drank the blasted thing and I swore I saw him shaking in pain. Decided it was time to strike, so, I brought up my staff and...

I swung it down upon him, only for our two blades to clash, and sparks to fly everywhere. He then quickly grinded his blade against mine, making me stumble a bit and booted me right in the gut. I think his boots had studs on them, because it hurt quite badly. Finally, a challenge.

“Good on you, boy, for being able to hit me. Let’s have a little fun, shall we?” I watched him nod with a typical young-adventurer smirk on his face.

We basically just swung blows at each other with our melee. He would parry my blade or I would parry his. Jumping around him would really put him off, though, seeing as he was a slow warrior like all warriors are. Sadly, I got really tired of a boring, repetitive process, and mixed it up a little by tossing some magic at him. A simple water spell.

Boy, did he ever scream in pain. I love the conductivity of runite! Idiots with melee never cease to amaze me! At any rate, I watched him use some dumb healing magic and took the time to use a new move in all this.

I summoned little mines called “Vortexes” around me. They basically explode into a massive heat wave and then bring it all back in. Now, imagine a fire igniting, then imagine that same fire being pulled back into where it was ignited. Two times the damage! Sadly, Xavier only hit one or two, but was able to come back and fight me with the same old process.

We traded blows again and again. I couldn’t help but use my magic more often, avoiding his attacks with my agility rather than parrying. He would scream less and less every time I cast a spell at him. When he finally got used to the pain, I thought it’d be sadistic to introduce a new tactic. Cloning.

Yup, that’s right. I used my magic to duplicate myself. The clones all attacked him with weaker magic attacks, including myself, but it confused him. I watched his eyes dart to every single one of me whilst we continued to cast our spells.

“Stop your tricks, Nomad!” Xavier yelled.

“Oh, please,” all of “me” said.

He attacked every clone as fast as he could. It was hilarious because he was so slow to do it. When he hit one of them, my clones and I would just laugh at him and the expression on his face was that kind of “buh-huh?” feel. When Xavier hit another clone, his confidence seemed to grow a bit more. I kept the taunting up though as the rest of my clones disappeared. He finally found me and turned himself around and gave me the silliest of glares.

“You’re adorable when you’re angry. Does your girlfriend think so, too?” I chuckled at him, only to get charging roar in response.

I struck him with some ice magic so he couldn’t move. I watched as he struggled to break the bonds of the ice. Now it was time for him to feel pain.

“I can give you one last chance to leave, Xavier. Never return here again,” I offered. Maybe kindness will let him piss off.

“I’ll fight you until I die, Nomad! Your evil and you’re reign must end!” He responded quite audibly. Ow, my ears.

“Boy, we’re a little over seven feet away. Stop yelling,” I growled. “Anyways, you don’t even know the reason why I’m gathering this power. Where in the world is your evidence upon me doing anything bad, too?”

“I don’t need evidence when the proof is right here!” I watched his hand point up at the throne’s demonic face. Damn kid, stop yelling.

“Oh, wow, you’re really stupid. Whatever, you want to die? So be it,” I lifted my hand into the air, focusing on the energies emanating from the throne.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to stop you!” Xavier, shut up.

The energies soon formed a spiralling cylinder around my forearm. It was a beautiful white colour and it fit perfectly for what I was about to do.

“Let’s see how much punishment you can take!”

I released all the energy and watched him scream in agony. I saw the ice break and him rear back, nearly dropping his stupid claymore. His mouth spit globs of blood onto the floor and I couldn’t help but laugh. He should be dead soon...

But, he was alive. I watched him use his healing magics once more and stand back in perfect posture.

“You cease to amaze me,” I growled under my breath and charged at him once more, repeating our earlier engagement of melee to melee.

We continued to swing blows until, suddenly, he swung his claymore at one of my exposed sides and the force of said sword violently bashed me against the floor. I laid there for a second before realizing Xavier was swinging at me again.

Quick and back to my feet, I pushed him away and decided to pull out a special trick of mine.

“You’re tougher than I thought... Time to even things up!” I used my own healing magic to rejuvenate my body.

This boy just kept pushing and pushing. I released a torrent of vortexes and clones, and even froze him. At the same time! He broke free of the small ice prison, he slid around my vortexes and killed all of my clones without a single hiccup! Well, he did step on another vortex and I watched his platelegs turn black...

But, this was the point in time when I needed to act fast. I was getting weaker and he was getting stronger. With pure, warrior instincts that I despise, I used all adrenaline to focus on killing this boy.

“Enough! This. Ends. NOW!”

I attacked him as fast and as hard as I could. I swung my the blade end of my staff at his sides, usually hitting him, but never making him take a critical blow. I would push him back, slide a few spells in, even throw crotch shots! Sadly, I felt my energy going down and the throne was no longer helping restore it. Dammit, I didn’t want to lose! This kid wouldn’t understand the ramifications if I did. I felt the flat end of his blade smack my sides before he swiped his sword across my chest.

Sigh

The pain was unbearable. I’ve never felt pain like this in my life. It was like I had my muscles ripped from my body, throne in fire to turn to ash and then they were all replaced with singed or burnt muscles. And to top it all off, it’s worse than a nine-tailed whip that would smack against my back to leave a constant, burning, pain! All of my energy from the throneall of my normal energygone. Just like that. This kid... He doesn’t understand it.

“You... You have doomed this world...” That’s all I could say to him as I fell to the ground...

What, you think I’m dead? How am I telling this story if I’m dead? Damn, you’re stupid. No, I was just knocked out. I’m Nomad. The Nomad. I’m not letting a hero kill me off like that! No, I just played dead in hopes he wouldn’t cut my head off. He didn’t, thanks to his own stupidity, but I managed to overhear a conversation between him and Zimberfizz, an impling helper of mine.

“Wows! Ya’s did it, guys! Guess ya weren’t lyin’ ‘bout it!” Zimberfizz laughed... Oh, boy, I wanted to kill him.

“Yeah. Well, no more evil will go on here. But, who’s going to run Soul Wars?” Xavier questioned. Stupid kid.

“I wills! So, no worries there, bub! Anyways, let’s get topside and I’s give ya a reward!” That’s when they scuffled out of my damn temple and I never heard from them again.

I stood to my feet and made sure I would bring hellfire to them. I teleported out of there pronto to find a safe place to recuperate in. Sadly, Gielinor’s teleport matrix had a different idea. Rather than sending me to some city in the Western lands, I appeared in a forest. Whatever, not a big deal. I hoped, anyways.

“Ugh... Going to be a long day...” I groaned.

Author's Note

NO PONIES, DEAR LORD?! Yeah, ponies in the next chapter. Or else this wouldn't be on Fim. Also, I would really appreciate if you guys take into account that this was pre-written twice. This was the final draft.

Also, for people who have played this quest: yes, the dialogue is completely different than the original. I did this to create a personality for Nomad that was very similar to his original. Don't worry you guys, Nomad will be more serious as chapters progress.