My Little Spartan: Or, a Tale of Thundering Hooves

Brothers and Sisters. Long have we struggled for vengeance against the inhabitants of this pitiful land. Their days are numbered. They thought themselves safe in the company of their friends. Unbeknownst to them, one of the deepest, dearest of their number shall rise up and transcend them! Our sister has joined our ranks as a conqueror! We are Chaos. Knowledge of the Art of Bloodshed is our birthright! Go forth, my generals! The hour is at hand! All of our efforts shall soon come to fruition. Soon, a new day of reclamation may begin! This was met with the cries of an army, eager for triumph. Cortana could only sigh.

I've already sold my soul. We'll see if it'll be worth it. This…this is the way the world ends…

/

It had been nearly a month since John had first come to Equestria. In time, he had garnered the respect of many of the ponies. When the Apple Family heard how he had helped Apple Bloom, and how he had helped with the harvest, they welcomed him with open hooves. John had done much in the past two weeks, such as fending off timber wolf attacks, and joining the Crusaders. In addition, he and Cortana had received tutelage under Twilight Sparkle. Despite his earlier annoyance at being forced to live in a world without glorious war, John grudgingly began to respect the ponies and their work ethics. He could still do without all the singing, however.

"La-la-la-la-lah! La-la-la-la-lah!"

"Pinkie! Nein! Could you please stop with the singing? I'm trying to remember what Twilight told me about the mystical Element of Wisdom." For his efforts, he received a very wet raspberry and a giggle. Being in Ponyville for so long, he had grown used to such antics as this.

"As I seem to recall, there are only six Elements of Harmony: Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, and Magic. No offense, but the existence of a seventh element that nobody has mentioned up to this point doesn't sound plausible. In fact, it sounds more like a cheap McGuffin used in a subpar fanfiction. Oh, wait…" This came from Cortana, Chief's ever-present Jiminy Cricket. Although he was used to sarcastic quips from Cortana, John couldn't help but notice the snarkiness in her tone. Upon his recollection, she had been growing steadily moodier during their stay. Cortana, I hope everything's all right.

"McGuffin? That sounds like muffin! Ya know who else likes muffins? Derpy! Or is it Ditzy? Either way, she had to go away."

"What. Never mind." Because he had been in-country for so long, John had grown accustomed to such madness from Pinkie.

"She certainly does have a knack for breaking the Fourth Wall, doesn't she Chief?" teased Cortana. "Certainly something you never saw anyone do back in our world."

"I suppose so. But then again, metaphysics seems to be broken in this place."

"Oh, so you're just gonna wave your hand and say 'Derp, look, magic haxors powers, durr?'"

"Hey, you're the one that told me to believe in magic anyways." John chuckled as an indignant, Cortana huffed back her reply.

"If I told you whiny fourteen year olds were capable of bringing about the apocalypse, would you believe that?"

"What. Never mind. Heh. Who'd have thought this would be our fate, Cortana? Old soldiers truly do just fade away…"

"Maybe their skin just gets too pale from staying in their armor all the time." Despite the obvious jab at him, John was pleased to hear the return of Cortana's teasing nature. He felt it was a better contrast to his stoicism than the perpetual happiness of Equestria. He shook his head and laughed, and watched Pinkie dance around full of joy. Suddenly, she stopped. John couldn't help but feel a huge sense of unease. He noticed Pinkie was nervous about something too. Her whole body was racked with spasms. Fearing that Pinkie was undergoing a seizure, John knelt down to help her.

"My Pinkie Sense is tingling," she muttered. "Uh-oh." THOOM! John heard it before it came. Rushing forward, he fell down over Pinkie to protect her from the falling debris. Looking up, he saw the top part of Twilight's library explode in a shower of wood and leaves.

That's almost as if a…a shell struck. Who here has the capability to do that? His ruminations were cut short, however, as Pinkie Pie began to scream.

"Twilight! Sh-she's still in there! We have to save her!" John stood up, and nodded down at Pinkie.

"Look for cover, stay low to the ground. I'll save her." Scared, Pinkie nodded. Turning back towards the shattered library, John ran. As he reached the door, he punched a fist through and pulled back, ripping the door off its hinges. In the main room, he saw Spike frantically clawing at a pile of rubble. As he saw Chief, Spike began blubbering.

"Something hit the library! An-and then, the whole upstairs exploded! And, Twi-Twilight…she's hurt! Help her, please!" John nodded grimly at the little dragon. He quickly began to lift up the wreckage, and freed Twilight. Checking her, he felt her pulse and noticed that she was unconscious. Gently cradling her in his arms, he stepped out of the ruined library. Surveying the damage, he heard the sound of more of the unknown shells striking the city. Everywhere he looked, he saw ponies running for their lives as the fires consumed their once proud home. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

"A pony's Cutie Mark measures their special talent," he mused aloud. "Well, I don't need a Cutie Mark to know my special talent: The complete and utter devastation of my enemy!" At this point, he noticed the rest of the Mane Six galloping up to him. Aware of their worried expressions, he tried to assuage their fears. "Don't worry, she's fine." Reveling in the chaos of battle, he began to take charge of the situation. "She's fine. However, if we don't do something, Ponyville won't be. You!" He pointed to Rainbow Dash. "Fly overhead and recon the area. See if you can find the source of the destruction." Rainbow Dash nodded grimly, then flew off. "You," he pointed to Rarity and Fluttershy. "Take Ms. Sparkle to a secure area. After that's done, use it as a makeshift hospital. Search for anyone that needs medical assistance. Treat them the best you can, then bring them there." Inspired by John's zeal, the two set off to do as he said. Finally, he turned to Pinkie, Applejack, and Spike. "You three, with me. I'll need your precognition, Pinkie. Applejack, I'll need your level head and strength."

"Uh, what do you need me for?" asked Spike. "Shouldn't I go help the medics?" Even though he didn't have X-ray vision, Spike could sense the mad grin spreading across John's face. "Ulp."

"You're a dragon aren't you?" said John. Well, if there's one thing that I remember about dragons, it's that they-

Breathe fire. Like I said, ulp." Before Spike could react, John hoisted him up. With one hand cupping his neck, underneath his chin, and the other gripping his tail, Spike was transformed into a crude approximation of an M7057/Defoliant Projector. "Listen, don't even breathe fire that well. I'd make a horrible weapon." As if to test counter Spike's arguments, John squeezed his tail. A long jet of flame came roaring through Spike's open maw.

"Seems good enough to me," whistled John cheerfully.

"Soldiering really is your thing John," muttered Cortana. "And…saving lives…"

"It is," enthused John. "I just wish I had another weapon. Or two. Or twelve. Mwahahahahaha!" Suddenly, he had an idea. "Pinkie, I need you to take me to Sugarcube Corner." This seemed to confuse Pinkie and Applejack.

"I don't really think now is the best time for baking," began Pinkie Pie. "Not that there's anything wrong with cupcakes, but-"

"Well than, let me show you how I cook," said John. Wasting no time, they got to the bakery. Once inside, John began rounding up anything that could be used as a weapon. That meant knives. Lots and lots of knives. While he was gathering the knives, he directed Pinkie and Applejack to bring him as many jars as possible. In fact, he requested any jar that contained a sort of liqueur. Next, he gathered as many napkins and towels as possible.

"Uh, beggin' yer pardon sugarcube, but where exactly did you learn how to cook?" asked a concerned Applejack.

"Why, the Patriot's Cookbook of course," said John cheerily.

"And, uh, what exactly are ya makin'?"

"Bombs," said Cortana in a flat voice.

"Oh, good. Fer a second there, Ah thought y'all said you were gonna ma-Ah, Hay. Ya did say bombs after all."

"Ooh! Ooh! Does this mean I should break out the Party Cannon?" asked Pinkie.

"Hell yeah!" shouted John. Pinkie began to hop with glee. Taking one last second to inspect his cocktails, John whistled in appreciation. He hadn't lost his touch after all. "We're done here. To the construction site!" And away they went.

As they ran to the construction site, John noticed that many of the ponies were able to curb their panic. Rarity and Fluttershy were taking care to mind his instructions, and keep the others as calm as possible. Good. The more under control they are, the less likely they'll be to do something stupid.

"Incoming to the left!" shouted Pinkie. Without missing a beat, John picked up the two and dodged to the right. Taking time only to put them down, they continued sprinting towards the construction site. As he did in the bakery, John began to look for supplies. Luckily, he found a nailgun. In addition, he found a sledgehammer. After giving it a few swings, he decided it would be useful for close quarters.

"Let the games begin," he whispered.

"Indeed," Cortana whispered back. Satisfied, john prepared himself for the task at hand. He then turned to his three compatriots.

"Long have I waited for the day when I could engage once more in the glorious slaughter that is my special talent. We will surround the foe, we will overwhelm them, we will leave none alive! Although we may perish in battle, we do so with dignity and honor benefiting our profession. My body is ready! Are yours!?" As if to accentuate his point, Pinkie's Party Cannon fired after he had finished his speech. At this moment, Rainbow Dash came zooming in. John leapt to the side, as she skidded to a halt. "Rainbow Dash: Report."

"I found the source of the attack. They nearly got me too, but I was way too fast for those bozos!" Despite the mare's confidence, John knew something was wrong. It wasn't just the shock of nearly getting blasted out of the sky, however.

"Rainbow Dash, where is it coming from?" At this, Rainbow Dash's bravado ceased. The fear buried underneath came to surface.

"You're not going to like this," Rainbow Dash said grimly.