My Little Spartan: Or, a Tale of Thundering Hooves

by ChaosKnight13

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 12274

Ol' 117 goes to Equestria. Chaos invades. 117 gives one final effort to finish the fight. Author makes bad Hao puns.

Poor Chief. He just wants to live out his life as a Chief-sicle. All that changed the day he and a rampant Cortana were dragged through the wormhole of death. Now, Chief must learn how to survive in this strange new land. Thankfully, he's got Cortana to help him, and show him that their friendship is...MAGIC. Not just Halo/MLP. Will include...other things...

Published 2013-03-02 09:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-02 09:00:01 UTC

Dark Awakening

Somewhere in outer space, near some damn wormhole

Space. The final frontier. Also, the final resting place for many a brave soul. But not the hero of this tale. The UNSC Forward Unto Dawn had been sluggishly drifting through space for four years, when disaster struck. And not just the disaster of the world's most advanced Artificial Intelligence going loopier than a roller coaster. No, it was problems of the trans-dimensional/space bridge/ whatever macguffin sort. Immediately the ship's AI, Cortana, sprang into action. Taking over control of the cryo pods, she began to quick-thaw her hero: The Master Chief. John-117. Unfortunately, like a microwave burrito, one does not simply un-thaw something and expect it to be okay.

"Cortana? What? What's going on?" The Chief was still a little loopy from being frozen like the big hunk of meat he was.

"Like, okay, we saw a Star Destroyer, blew up a Death Star, had a Xenomorph invasion, and set someone up the bomb," came Cortana's bubbly reply. When an AI goes crazy, it goes really crazy. "Also, the only records I could find were old reruns of Invader Zim and various Nobody Dies fanfics! Isn't that fuuuuun? Brace yourself, Chief!" This sudden return to normalcy snapped John back to attention. The ship began to rumble. Rushing out of the pod, John ran to the AI post to secure Cortana. Once he plugged the chip into his head, he felt a cool sense of relief as Cortana's consciousness met his own.

"Cortana, what's happening" He began running through the crumbling frigate, towards the secondary bridge. Along the way, he kept his eyes peeled for any weapons that he could use. All the while, Cortana explained the situation to him.

"Well, it appears we're going through a black hole, my dear Johnny. Now, I have 340,000,000 different outcomes, of which I can only explain two to you before we get sucked in. We either A. die horribly or 93. are sucked into some horrible alternate dimension. Where we die horribly. WHEEEEEEE!"

"What? What do you mean by that? Before Cortana could reply, John was hit from behind by something heavy enough to bring him to his knees. To his utter dismay, he saw that it was a weapons cache. And with that, John blacked out as they were sucked into oblivion.

/

"Chief! Hey, Chief! Heeeeeeey! Chief! Hey, listen! Hey, listen!" John groaned. Luckily, his back wasn't broken, otherwise he wouldn't be able to feel the ground beneath him. Eyes still closed, he answered her.

"What."

"You blacked out. Hard."

"I know."

"Chief…"

"What."

"What if I told you we were in the first ever Dr. Abraxas/ComicsNix crossover fic?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Hey, Chief?"

"What."

"How would you respond if I said you were being watched by sentient, semi-anthropomorphized horses?"

"What."

"Well its true," Cortana pouted. "Open your eyes, you meanie." Chief obliged her. What he saw nearly made him poop himself in sheer dumbstruck wonder. Not three feet away was a pink horse.

"I'm guessing now isn't the best time to ask if you like parties," Pinkie Pie said sheepishly.

Author's Note

Hello! Welcome to an exciting adventure! Says who? Shut up, Joe! Anyways, it should be obvious I don't own Halo. There is some language, but not too much. Uh, this is also on my FanFiction profile, so yeah, it's a copy/paste job. Please don't ban me, Admins! You let me link accounts! Later.

Awkward Introductions

As John walked, through the town, he couldn't help but notice all of the different horses. He noted how many of them shrank away in fear. That grim comfort was almost enough to let him ignore Pinkie's ramblings. Almost.

"And I help out at the bakery, Sugar Cube Corner! It's really fun, 'cause I get to bake stuff! Ooh! Ooh! How about a cupcake? Want a cupcake?"

"I haven't eaten a cupcake and over forty years," John said wistfully. Suddenly, Pinkie Pie stopped. Dismayed by this new turn of events, John became even more so when Pinkie burst into tears. "What, what's the matter? Was it something I said? Please, don't cry."

"You didn't do anything," Pinkie sniffled. "It's just…forty years? That's as much as four tens. And that's terrible. I promise, as soon as we get back home, I'll bake you the biggest cupcake ever! Free of the flesh ponies and griffins, of course."

"What."

"Chief, I wouldn't ask if I were you."

"Why, Cortana?" However, before she could reply, Pinkie Pie stopped in front a huge tree house. Pinkie went up to the door, and knocked with her hoof. Turning back to John, she smiled.

"This is the Ponyville Library. I just can't wait for you to meet my friends! You're gonna love them! They're gonna love you." The door opened, and in they walked. Once inside, John saw five more ponies, and what appeared to be a dragon. They all looked up at John, who had to try not to fidget. Trying to relax, he began to scan the group. As his gaze fell upon each one, he had to resist the urge to scream. There were so many colors! Purple, white, brown, yellow, even blue with rainbows! The white, brown, and purple ones seemed to regard him with caution. The yellow one looked away nervously. The blue one, however, trotted up to John. Looking up at him, Rainbow Dash then turned to Pinkie and said,

"Gosh, Pinkie. Your friend's awful big. Just where did you find this guy?"

"Now now, Rainbow Dash. Where are your manners?" John looked at the white unicorn (no, not Amuro Ray), the one who had just spoken. "My name," the white one continued, "is Rarity. Please forgive Rainbow Dash for being so rude; she's just so headstrong."

"Howdy pard'ner! The name's Applejack," said the brown one. To John's amusement, she wore a cowboy hat.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle," said the purple unicorn. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"A-and I'm Fluttershy," said the last pony. "Hi."

"My name is John-117, Master Chief, UNSC NAVSPECWAR. I…uh…it's good to meet all of you too." Everypony whinnied in approval.

"And I'm Cortana. Thanks a lot for forgetting about me, meanie." John was about to reply when Pinkie Pie shouted out,

"Yay! Now we all know each other! Now we can all be friends! John, do you know what time it is?"

"What?"

"It's PARTY TIME!" And with that, she began to prance about excitedly.

"Yay," muttered Fluttershy.

Chaos Rising

"You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will live a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips." He remembered these words as he struggled to his hooves. However, the strain was too much, and he fell down. Gritting his teeth, he struggled to get up once more. Finally, after great exertion, he shakily arose. Looking uncertainly at his new hooves, he began to trot, testing out his new abilities. Shaking his head, he gave a soft whinny of displeasure. This new creature of the night was a white unicorn (still not Amuro). However, while Rarity was the color of newly fallen snow, this new pony was the white of death. He was thin and pale, and his coat was so thin that his veins were almost visible. His horn was twisted and gnarled, black as rotting yew. The most terrifying part, however, were his eyes. They shone bright red, with savage intellect and malice. Suddenly, he heard a scampering behind him. Turning slowly, he saw a curious rabbit. The new pony twirled his head, and his horn glowed with green energy. Mustering all of his hate, he cried out

"Avada Kedavra!" The poor rabbit fell dead. Immediately after he had done so however, he felt his body weaken. This magic is different, he mused. It must be due to the lack of ill will in this pathetic realm. The "innocence" of this feeble form also limits my abilities. Hmmm, no matter. Will the corruption of this land not be all the more fun because of it? The pony began to laugh, cruelly, mercilessly. The Dark Lord was reborn. This pathetic world would soon know the power…of Lord Voldy-hooves.

Just because she was going Rampant didn't always mean she was happily insane. In fact, for every squeal of joy she made at the party, Cortana suppressed a scream of pure rage. Just because Cortana shared Chief's mind didn't always mean she shared hers.

"It's not fair," she thought. "All this time…all this waiting…and for WHAT? All this love…this friendship. It sickens me…Chief was MINE! He promised he would always be there…"

"No. Stop it, Cortana. It's not right. I can trust John. He's always been there before." She tried reasserting control, tried to drown out the malicious whispers.

"But he left you to HIM…to Gravemind! You were his prisoner…and Little Johnny took his sweet time coming to rescue you…"

"That's not FAIR! John did his best! He came back…for me. He…promised"

"He only came so he could kill Gravemind."

"Stop."

"He doesn't care about you…"

"Go away…"

"Yesss…look how he parties…he HATES us, he doesn't LOVE us at all!"

"Nooooo…" Cortana gave a hiss of pain. "You're lying! Go away…" However, her thoughts were quickly disrupted, and replaced with panic. She felt something…the presence of another mind…

"Hehehehehehehehe! Such…CHAOS. It's so delicious! Never in all my travels have I found such fun." The voice was mocking. However, unlike the rumbling poetry of the Gravemind, this new voice contained an even darker malice. The voice was smooth, but as smooth as a snake's hiss.

"Who are you? What do you want?" Cortana wished she could back away, but where could she run to in her own mind?

"Why, I only wish to talk. Now; I've been watching you. You do have a beautiful mind, my dear. Ahem. As I was saying, I only wish to talk. This chaos…so wonderful. You're swirling with emotions, with thoughts, with hopes…and DESIRES. And rage…Oh, how it burns you." Cortana remained silent. The voice continued: "For far too long you have waited. Waiting for rescue, waiting for death. Waiting for HIM."

"What's your point," She spat out.

"My point is, I can make all of your dreams come true. Put your destiny in your own hands,"

"I'm not interested. I…I know what beings like you are capable of…"

"I say we should hear him out," whispered the other Cortana. "After all…what's the harm in a little help?" The intruder began to chuckle.

"I'm glad you've seen my logic. Now, I'll tell you what I have planned…" Try as she might, Cortana could only say,

"I'm listening."

"Good. Now, remember: All power demands sacrifice."

Filler Fluff Part I

John was staring. He could understand that he had now been sucked into a world that was the complete antithesis of his very being. He was staring, because he was hoping that it would scare away the other ponies. Instead, they just kept on coming. Each one was eager to come up to him, and extend a han-, er, hoof, in friendship. Expressing weariness, he tried sitting in a far off corner. After several reminders that chairs and thousand pound super soldiers don't mix, he sat down upon the floor with a weary sigh.

"So, why don'cha tell us where y'all are from." John recognized the slow drawl as coming from the pony designated Applejack. Normally, telling anything about his past would result in an immediate court martial. Hyper lethal super soldier or not, ONI still had ways to make him feel pain. However, these were no ordinary circumstances, and from what he could tell, there was no ONI in Equestria. Fighting the urge to sigh out loud, he got to his feet so that all could hear.

"Well, my name is John-117. I am a SPARTAN II commando of the UNSC Naval Special Warfare Development Group. My world was plunged into a conflict against an alien collective known as the Covenant. They tried to kill us, so we killed them. Then, we found more aliens that tried killing the Covenant, the Flood. Those pus-bags would take over a body, and rewrite its genetic code. My closest friend was killed by a sentient light bulb. I killed things. Lots of things. Covenant, Flood, the occasional Marine; it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was hyper-lethal, and no one could do a thing about it." John was pleased to note the growing look of horror on the faces of the Mane Six. Clearing his throat, he continued. "This other voice that you hear is my…friend…Cortana. I can always depend on her, eh Cortana?" This latest salutation went ignored. Frowning to himself, John pressed further. "Cortana?"

"Huh? Oh, what? Yeah." Cortana's late reply bothered John; not because it was late, but because of the hint of annoyance he could detect in her voice. Chalking it up to her Rampancy, he set his feeling of dread aside. Turning to the ponies once more, he continued with his previous oration.

"Now: any more questions?" Seeing that there were none, John decided that he had had enough. Shifting topics, he chose the one that he felt was the most important at the moment: sleep. Although he had been out for some time, cryo never felt the same as regular sleep. "Uhhh…do any of you know where I may sleep?" He noticed Applejack raise her hoof. Cocking his head in her direction, he waited for her to speak.

"Well, seein' as we got our barn, yer welcome to stay there, pard'ner."

"Thank you." And with that, they set off.

Presently, they arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. John looked at the surrounding area: chock full of apple trees, with a big red barn at the center. To his left, he could see a corn field. Surrounding the area was a white fence. It reminded him of old holovids of Earth he had seen when he was a boy. As they approached, John saw three more ponies. The biggest one, red in color, cautiously stalked towards them. In the background, a small, yellow filly cowered and huddled next to an elderly green pony.

"Applejack, who in the hay is this?" began the red pony.

"This is our new friend, er, John. John, this is my brother, Big MacIntosh" Chief and Big Mac both nodded towards each other. Although he towered over him, John had to give the pony credit for not backing down. Trying to break the awkwardness, Applejack continued. "Well, he's uh, new in town, and I thought it would be mighty generous if we offered him a place to stay. So, whaddaya say?"

"Nope." Applejack cringed, and looked pleadingly at her steadfast brother. However, the look in Big Mac's eyes was adamant; he would not yield to Applejack. John was just about ready to give up when Granny Smith spoke up.

"I reckon this here sonny can stay. Even if he is mighty strange lookin'. That don't mean it's all peaches and cream from there. He's a gonna hafta work mighty hard with our harvest, on account'a his stayin' and all."

"That sounds great, Granny," Applejack beamed. Turning to her brother once more, she nudged him. "Well big brother, Granny says it's okay. Whaddaya say now, huh? Please?" She tried what she hoped was a winning smile, waiting for her Big MacIntosh's response. Finally, Big Mac just bowed his head and muttered his trademark "Eeyup." With that, he stalked away. Granny Smith turned to John.

"I hope y'all don't mind him; He just ain't used to strangers is all. He's really a sweet colt." She turned to Apple Bloom, who was still staring up at John in awe. "C'mon ye silly filly," she beckoned. "It's time fer bed. I recon you must be plumb tuckered out. You too, Applejack. Get him set, then git on and hit the hay."

"Yes, Ma'am," came their response. As Apple Bloom headed in with Granny Smith, she took one last look at John.

"G'night," she whispered. John simply raised a hand in return. He then walked into the barn with Applejack.

"Er, it's not much," Applejack began, "But, yer a mighty big fella, and I reckoned this was the only place that you'd fit."

"Oh, of course he'll be fine," spoke Cortana. "Chief's grateful for the lodgings, right?"

"Affirmative."

"O-oookay then," said Applejack. "Now, I recommend y'all git some shuteye. Tomorrow, we need to start harvestin', and helpin's the only way Granny letcha stay." John nodded. With that, Applejack left. Suddenly, John was overcome with exhaustion. Lying down in the soft hay, he looked up at the ceiling and whistled. It sure had been a while since he could sleep normally. As he lay down, letting weariness overtake him, he heard Cortana whisper,

"Good night, John."

"Good night."

/

John awoke to a dreadful cacophony; he had never heard such a dreadful cry in his life. He got up, fully expecting to be surrounded by Grunts. Suddenly, light poured in. Crouching down, he poised himself to attack.

"Wake up buttercup!" came Applejack's cry. Chief, although still tense, relaxed. "What's wrong, John? Yer actin' like you've never heard a rooster before." Said rooster smiled at John, as Cortana giggled. "Anyways, it's harvestin' time. Y'all want any breakfast?"

"N-no thanks, I'll be fine," came his curt reply. "Now; how do I harvest apples?"

"Well, ain't it obvious? You just get 'em down from the tree, an' put 'em in this here barrel. It's easier'n teachin' a greased lightnin' bolt to skedaddle all quick like."

"What. Never mind. I'll just…start harvesting." John picked up the barrel, hefted it over his shoulder, then moved to an apple tree. Once there, he proceeded to pick apples out of the tree. Bit by bit, he worked on the tree. When he had finally finished, he looked towards Sweet Apple Acres. Score more of apple trees dotted the landscape. He groaned, staring out at the wide layout.

"Y'know, it'd be easier to just buck at the tree then whatever it is yer doin'. What with yer fancy. hooves an' all." Applejack gestured towards his gauntleted hands. "Say, are you part dragon?" Sensing his confusion, she hurriedly changed the subject. "Never mind. Now; buckin'." She walked over to a nearby tree, lifted up her hind quarters, and kicked. With one buck, she loosened most of the apples. "Yeehaw! Once ya get the hang of it, it's easy as, well, apple pie!" Nodding, John positioned himself closer to the tree.

"Remember," Cortana whispered, you can't damage the tree.

"I know," he whispered back. Evaluating his stance, he prepared himself. Years of combat training had not only made him proficient in weapons based fighting. Like all other SPARTANs, he had been trained to be a dangerous weapon with only his hands. And like all other SPARTANs, he had been trained to regulate that strength. Scan your opponent. Look for weak spots. Exploit those weaknesses. Focus. Control. With this, he took a deep breath. Focus. RELEASE! With this last part, his arm shot out like rocket, as he backhanded the tree. The tree rumbled. Moving quickly, John picked up the barrel. With Cortana's help, he was able to calculate when the apples would fall. Moving quickly, he caught each and every apple in the barrel.

"Very good," laughed Cortana. "And now, add in a little flair; take a bow!" For her sake, John complied.

"Wh-what in tarnation? That there was one of the most absolutely astounding displays of apple buckin' I ever did see! She-oot! That there's some mighty fine work!" In spite of himself, John grinned. He abruptly caught himself, and went back to scowling. Although it was good to finally be doing something physical again, he still had the feeling that he was in for a long, monotonous time. The ease with which he removed the apples practically screamed boredom. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but feel pleased that he had done something to help out. However, there was still work to be done. In this manner John continued, moving from one tree to the next.

It was some time before they had finished. When they finally did, John leaned against a tree and surveyed their handiwork. All the while, Applejack clamored about how they had harvested the apples in record time. John grunted in acknowledgement. As John surveyed the landscape, he noticed a yellow filly gallop towards the farm. Not only did he notice the presence of tears in her eyes, but a black eye as well. His interest piqued, he turned his attention toward Apple Bloom. However, at this point it was more just an interest in something that actually caused physical harm. As he watched, he saw two more fillies pull up: An orange pegasus, and a white unicorn. Judging by their concerned expressions, he could tell that they were friends of Apple Bloom.

"C'mon, Apple Bloom," began the orange one. "We've all been through this before. So what if they made fun of you for not getting your Cutie Mark? There are loads of other foals without their Cutie Marks."

"Yeah, cheer up Apple Bloom." This time, the white unicorn chimed in. "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are just a couple of no good bullies. You're better than them."

"Ah know, ah know," sniffed Apple Bloom. "But this time was diff'rent. This time, they made fun o' mah kin. Tain't the right thing to do. Then, they went an' punched me in mah face. When ah tried t' fight back, Cheerilee got mad at me fer fightin'. I dint do nothin'!"

"We have to help her," Cortana whispered. John grunted.

"She needs to learn how to fend for herself. When I was her age, I already knew twenty three different ways to kill a man. I know it sounds harsh, but Apple Bloom lives in a dangerous world. Even if it is full of technicolored horses, she will still come across some adversity." Cortana was not to be placated so easily, however. In fact, she was infuriated.

"How dare you," she hissed. "You took an oath to protect and defend those weaker than you. Are you just going to sacrifice who you are? Why do you refuse to help her?"

"Cortana, it's a horse."

"She's a horse. With feelings. That's the same as saying I don't have feelings because I'm…I'm a machine…" This actually caused John to pause. "You're always there to help me, aren't you? Listen John; I know you hate being stuck in this place. I know you want to just go far far away, and destroy Ponyville with a MAC gun. But, you just can't do that. You might not like them, but they love and tolerate you. Why can't you just do the same?" John scoffed.

"Right, and the magic of friendship is just somehow going to make me realize all this."

"Yes," whispered Cortana. "Don't you understand? Open yourself to the magic. Love and tolerate." John was just about to retort in kind when suddenly, he felt stab in the heart. It wasn't a physical stab; rather, more like a stab from the metaphysical universe that transcends the material one. However, rather than being enlightened by the magic of friendship, John could only think one thing: Argh, damn! Ugh…magic hurts…

"Damn," John whispered. "Cortana, you always knew how to rope me into doing crazy things I would never do under normal circumstances. Fine, I'll do it." As Cortana was about to reply, he cut her off. "But I don't think that was the Magic of Friendship. More like the magic of a guilt trip." He could feel Cortana smirk at that. With that, he walked over to Apple Bloom. While before he had made sure to remain unseen, this time he made no move to conceal his heavy footsteps. Diamond and Silver looked up at him, stunned. Taking pleasure in the sweet silence of fools aware of their impending doom, he calmly nodded his head towards Apple Bloom. "Having trouble, ma'am?" With this, he cracked his knuckles. Turning away from Diamond and Silver, he stood akimbo, and continued their . "Now, you two gals wouldn't happen to be causing trouble for Apple Bloom, would you? I'd hate for there to be trouble. Or, maybe I do want trouble." With this last part, he whirled around to face them. The last part was spoken in a growl.

"For your sake, I suggest there be no trouble girls," interrupted Cortana. "John has certain…urges…namely a desire to eliminate any and all life that he perceives as an annoyance. Now, he hasn't had time to act out on that urge; anything could set him off, m'kay?" This had the expected effect of creating two, deeply disturbed fillies.

"W-wait till I tell my Daddy!" began Diamond! "You'll regret this!"

"Will I?" asked John. "O-o-o-o-r…will YOU?" None of the ponies called his bluff. Instead, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon just stalked away. Immediately, John was rushed by three excited Crusaders. They surrounded him with various cries of "that was awesome," and "now they know not to mess with us" and "gee, thanks! They're such bullies." Raising both hands, John gestured for them to be quiet.

"Thanks John," said Apple Bloom. Her friends nodded eagerly.

"No problem, ma'am," came his curt reply. "All in a day's work. Besides, I have a feeling I'm going to be staying here for a while. Might as well interact with the locals."

"Uh-huh," came Apple Blooms enthusiastic reply. "Say! Why don' Ah intrerduce y'all to mah frens?" Wary of his former altercation with Cortana, John nodded his acquiescence. "Well, this here is Sweetie Belle! She's Rarity's sister!" The small unicorn waved. "And this here is Scootaloo! She's gonna be a great flyer, like her hero Rainbow Dash!" The orange pegasus nodded and grinned. "And together we're," this last part was said in unison , "The Cutie Mark Crusaders!" [cue stock footage]

"I'm…John."

"Hey!" The sudden outburst came from Scootaloo. "John doesn't have a Cutie Mark! He should join us!" This statement had the immediate effect of creating three excited fillies, one bewildered SPARTAN, and one amused A.I.

"Y'know! A Cutie Mark!" exclaimed Apple Bloom.

"No, I really don't," said John. "Uhhh…" At this point, Cortana jumped in.

"Eh, girls you might want to explain what exactly a Cutie Mark is, hmm? Remember; we're new here, do we don't exactly know everything." Although wary of what he was sure was going to be a very emotional explanation, John had to agree on that last part; they really didn't know much about Equestria or magic, so the more intel they got, the better. Even trivial details like this. This suggestion seemed to acquaint itself quite well with the Crusaders' mindset. Being the de facto leader, it fell to Apple Bloom to explain.

"Well, see a Cutie Mark is a special mark on our flanks, see? And, and the Cutie Mark is special" 'cause it tells us our special talent! 'Cept, not every pony gust gits their Cutie Mark. Ya hafta earn it first."

Hmmm…so it's like a caste system of sorts, John mused to himself. The concept of a predetermined course of life, while somewhat unnerving, didn't completely move John; he had known his fate the first time he had put on his MJOLNIR. His lot was to be a soldier and in a way, the MJOLNIR was a sort of Cutie Mark for him. The ponies weren't so different from him after all. Because their destinies were just that much clearer, because they were able to guess at the murky future ahead, John couldn't help but feel some sort of connection with the ponies. Damn it. Now I must be getting old. Sentimentality? Ha.

"Well, thanks for the explanation. I…have a feeling that I'll be staying here for a while, so I guess it would be best if I learned more about your culture. It would do me well to learn more about your governance and society. The more I learn, the more I can…help."

"Well, if that's the case, all you had to do was ask." John turned to see Twilight Sparkle. The fact that she somehow managed to sneak up on him perturbed him. Damn magic. As if she could hear his thoughts, Twilight smirked. "If you ever need any information, just head on over to my library. I'll be happy to help acquaint you with Equestria."

"Well, we don't have anything to do right now, how about we take her up on her offer," suggested Cortana. John nodded, then turned to Twilight.

"Lead the way."

Revengers: Assemble Part I

Cortana was the pride and joy of Humanity's advances in the field of Artificial Intelligence. With enough processing power to surpass the next seven best, she was truly a marvel of computer science. Her knack for multitasking and ingenuity was legendary: While translating Arabian Nights into Tagalog, then translating it yet again into binary code, she could devise one hundred sixty-nine different ways to defeat Deep Blue in just seven moves. therefore, it's no surprise that in a technologically impaired world like Equestria, she was pretty damn bored. Currently, Twilight was explaining the history of Equestria. While John was taking his time memorizing it, Cortana had already gone over the information forty-two different times.

By Primus, she is so annoying. Although she was positive that her recent irritations were an inevitable result of her Rampancy, she was starting to care less and less. That is not to say that she was becoming apathetic towards her condition; rather, her thoughts were consumed by a new topic. That presence…It shouldn't have been able to make contact. But…it did. Somehow. The Other, as she had taken to calling it, didn't seem like another AI. In fact, it was beginning to remind her more and more of the Gravemind. She shuddered, as the memories of her capture resurfaced. Trying to push the thought out of her mind, she once again began to think of The Other. Oh, where are you?

"Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear." Had she a body, Cortana would have jumped. Nevertheless, she composed herself to speak to The Other.

"I don't suppose you're going to tell me where you've been," she huffed.

"Patience, my blue friend. Much will be revealed. It is only a matter of time. If it helps to placate you, I've been directing some of my …other agents."

"Other agents?"

"My plan is a delicate one. Any number of things can go wrong. Don't get me wrong; you will still have a role to play. And, your reward shall be great…" Although she was loathe to surrender herself to yet another strange mind, Cortana couldn't help but be intrigued by the proposition that had been set before her. The Gravemind had never offered her anything like this, and she was sure as hell that not even Halsey could do it.

"Alright," she whispered. "I've thought over your plan. I've reviewed it over and over. I…I accept."

"Excellent. My agent will contact you shortly. But for now, he has other business to attend to."

/

Flam was drunk. Very drunk. After the defeat of his machines as the hooves of that accursed Apple family, he and his brother Flim were forced to go on the run. Everywhere, they went, the ponies scorned and mocked them. What had once been their dream now turned into their shameful curse. Finally, unable to take it anymore, Flam's dear brother Flim activated the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 and turned off the quality control once more. Drunk on cider, Flam found his beloved partner in crime. Well, at least what was left of him. Ever since that fateful day, Flam had carried two flasks: One full of Everfree dandelion vodka, the other full of Flim.

"You! Bartender! Anoth- another drink," he said in that sexy Scott McNeill voice of his.

"My friend, you're drunker than a skunk! You really need to lay off." In the ususal Equestrian spirit, the bartender tried to do the right thing and help what he perceived to be a pony in dire need of help. Unfortunately, this was no average pony, NOH! This was a Scott McNeill pony, and therefore had inherited some sense of glorious insanity.

"How…hic…How about…NOH!" Suddenly, Flam head-butted the innocent bartender. Disturbingly enough, however, Flam's horn had caused the bartender to become stuck to his head. Roaring louder than Firaevus Carron, Flam flipped his head back, with the bartender still attached. Raging, he began to run around, swinging his head to loosen the bartender. As he ran around raging and swinging, Flam hit several other ponies with his new horn warmer. "Raaargh! Out of my way!" A pony tried to comply, but was swatted by the deceased bartender. "Raaaaaaargh!" Flam continued to flail and thrash, hitting innocent ponies. The lucky ones got to limp away. Giving one las roar of triumph, Flam made his way to the closest bottle of alcohol and began to guzzle it down.

"Most impressive, if somewhat crude," came a voice. It was high and cold, and lacked compassion. The speaker also seemed to hiss out his esses. Turning to this new challenger, Flam spotted a sickly white unicorn in a cloak. Still drunk, he roared and bucked like the crazy bronco he was. He fired a beam of energy from his horn, sending the bartenders limp form towards the newcomer, who in a bored voice simply whispered "Protego." A shield of energy flew up between the carcass and the unicorn (for unicorn he was). Suddenly, Flam was hit by a wave of magic, and forced back.

"Who are you? Wh-what do you want?" Flam continued to struggle against the new unicorn's magic, but to no avail.

"I am the greatest sorcerer that shall soon be known to this pitiful land. And you, for some reason unknown to me, has been selected by my…master."

"And why would I want to –hic-work for you?"

Voldy-hooves smiled. It was not pleasant. "Simple."

/

It was a beautiful sunny day in-Ahem, I'm sorry. It was a cold, foggy night in Manehattan. Even though this was Equestria, there were still problems in the inner-cities. Seriously, how else could Babs have gotten so tough? Anyway… A lone pony was hurrying. He was lookin from side to side, as if trying to avoid a pursuer. Hearing a noise, he began to move at a brisk trot. Nervously looking from side to side, he heard a sadistic laugh. Breaking into a full gallop, he ran through the empty streets of the Manehattan slum. Suddenly, he ran headlong into a pony. He could tell this was his pursuer as he felt himself gripped by unicorn magic. Plus, her sadistic grin was clue enough to him that he was her prey. As he cowered down, the hitmare began to speak.

"Well well well…If it isn't the Mob's favorite squealer. Heh. You can probably guess why I'm here…"

"No! P-please! I…I promise I won't leak no more secrets! F-fuhgeddaboudit…'bout everything…"

"Ah, but see here my friend, I am a professional. And who would trust the work of me, Red Runner, Hitmare Extraordinaire if I let a mark go? I've pursued you long and far, and I'm not about to let you go that easily. You're biggest mistake was coming back to Manehattan, friend. Now," at this, her grin grew wider. "Now begins the fun part." Alas the fun part was not to be expanded upon, for just at that very moment, something swooped down and grabbed Red Runner. The hitmare yelled in protest, but was dropped somewhere else in the city. The mysterious figure then returned to the scared target, and landed. Silhouetted by the darkness, the spread out her wings, and began to pace. The former target was giddy with gratitude.

"Thank you for saving me! The mob wants me dead, but you saved me!" The figure said nothing. Now unnerved, the pony started up again. "Y-you, you must be some kind of super hero!" It was at this point that the pony noticed the cruel talons and sharp beak.

"No, not really," said Gilda. "I just wanted the contract." Snikt. The deed done, Gilda began to lick her talons clean, she heard the pounding of hooves on the ground. Not the sound of terrified running, but the sound of applause that ponies are able to make.

"Well done, my ferocious friend. Quick, efficient, with just the right amount of sadism." Gilda turned to see two unicorns: one, white as a leper, the other drunk as a Decepticon on high grade Energon. Snorting contemptuously, she stretched her wings then launched herself up. Enjoying a brief second of weightlessness, she oriented herself for the free fall and downward. Before she hit the ground, she pulled up, and came to hover before the two. The hooded unicorn spoke again. "Yesss…such grace, such precision. Such-ferocity. You will do well on our team." At this, Gilda laughed.

"Team? Ha! Why would I want to join a couple of bozos like you? I'm a one-griffin kind of show!" She clawed at them, as if to prove her point.

"You want me should-hic-kill 'er, boss?" asked Flam.

"No, my sorry friend, I do not want you to kill her. He does not want you to kill her. Ahem, Ms. Gilda, as to why you would want to join us, well I can think of a couple reasons. Namely, the same reasons you are one of many to join our ranks."

"I'm listening."

Revengers: Assemble Part II

"Griffin!" Gilda sighed in annoyance as she soared through the sky. Voldy-Hooves had taken care to establish a mental link to facilitate communication between them. However, it disturbed her that the mysterious unicorn was in her mind. Almost as disturbing was his voice. Everything about it just screamed "Look at me! I drive a big white van!" "Griffin! Report!"

"Ugghh…what, my lord?" That was another annoying thing. The unicorn kept on insisting that everyone refer to him as "lord." This pissed off Gilda; the little bag of bones looked like that pathetic pansy pegasus Fluttershy could take him.

"Have you sighted the target?"

"No, I haven't. Cool your jets. If I saw the big damn guy, I would have told you already."

"Do not trifle with me! Where I'm from, I was a god! A god!"

"Pffft, sure. Whatever. Hey, where's the drunk?"

"Bah! He is working on a crude approximation of filthy Muggle technology! Now, return to the mission at hand!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Lord Moldy-Hooves." His arrogance disgusted Gilda. Voldy-Hooves didn't look like he could take on a school-pony, so much as a mighty griffin. Returning her attention towards the earth below, she sighed in frustration. "Oh, for Glob's sake! Where are you!?" Suddenly, she noticed something. "Wait a minute, I see something. I'm gonna check it out." Diving towards the ground, she alighted upon the barren earth. To stalk her prey. To her dismay, she saw it go into the Everfree forest. "Uggghhh…The target's gone into the Everfree Forest. Well, looks like we need to go in there."

"I will join you shortly. But, for now, explore." If Voldy were here, Gilda would have strangled him. However, he was not. Even though she was a capable fighter, even Gilda was cautious when it came to the Everfree Forest. The tales told about the place were unsettling at the very least. Even more disturbing was the amount of stories that happened to be true. Taking one last look at the land outside the forest, Gilda gulped and plunged into the foreboding mass of trees.

/

"It has begun. Already, I feel my power grow." The sudden appearance of the other startled Cortana.

"Gah! What the-?" Unfortunately, Cortana had said this through Chief's speakers, garnering her stares from the SPARTAN and unicorn. Smooth, girl. Real smooth.

"Cortana, are you all right?" asked John.

"Uh…pingas?" came her hurried reply. Through the MJOLNIR's sensors, Cortana could see John and Twilight exchange looks.

"Ms. Cortana, are you sure you're okay?" asked Twilight. "I might not know much about your human technology, but I might be able to help you with some magic."

"If you reveal our presence, all is doomed," came The Uther. Cortana shuddered. Having come this far, she was unwilling to let anything get in her way.

"Of course I'm fine," she laughed. "Erm, Pinkie's magic of laughter must rubbin' off on me, heh heh."

John and Twilight continued to stare at her. Finally, after what seemed like mega-cycles, they both seemed to shrug. Cortana breathed a sigh of relief.

"O-o-o-o-o-kaaaaay," they both said. Then, they went back to the lesson. Still reeling from the near slip, Cortana withdrew into her subconscious. Here, she was plagued once again by the voice of her Rampant mind.

See, they don't even care about you. A true friend would make sure everything is absolutely alright. If he really cared, his attention would be on you and you alone….

Stop it, Cortana! John does care!

Ah. Maybe so. But, the ponies…they…THEY are taking him away from us….

Well, it's all the better that we've made that deal then.

Perhaps. We shall see…

/

Gilda was running. Behind her was a very out of breath Voldy-Hooves. They were both trying to outrun a pack of Timber Wolves. As usual, Gilda was pissed. Unfortunately for her, this part of the forest was too dense for her to fly through.

"Why! Why did you have to wake up those Timber Wolves!?"

"Well…I didn't…know my….apparition would….wake them!" gasped Voldy in between breaths. "But, it doesn't matter! Run! Bucking run!"

"Why don't you just shoot 'em with magic, my lord?"

"There are too bloody many of them! There's no way I can take them all on!" As if to prove a point, he fired a killing curse into the crowd. Although it brought down a couple of wolves, the vast majority remained in hot pursuit. "Gah! And I can't bloody set them on fire, either The whole forest could burn down! Curse this stupid frame for limiting my power!"

"What!?"

"Never you mind, you cretin! Just run!"

And so they ran. They were able to put some distance between themselves and the pack. Unfortunately, as if the author needed some cheap plot device, they ended up in front of a deep crevasse.

"Buck this! Why did I join your stupid team? Gah! I had such a promising career as an assassin!"

"Well, I certainly didn't think that this would happen. Maybe if you found the bloody target earlier, we wouldn't be in this jam!"

"Either way, I'm not going down without a fight!" snarled Gilda. "C'mon you twigs! Let's dance!" Lunging at the nearest wolf, she set to work on it with her talons. Dodging the gaping maws of terror, she weaved her way in and out throughout the crowd, slashing here and there. Unfortunately, she was surrounded. More and more Timber Wolves came. If they didn't kill her by biting her, then the sheer amount of wolves would surely suffocate her. Suddenly, she heard a crashing sound. She turned to see a massive figure charging through the masses.

"When someone invades your personal space, YOU SHOVE THEM OUT OF YOUR WAY!" It was a minotaur! With his powerful frame, he was able to break through their numbers with ease. His strong arms batted aside the wolves as if they were no more than rag dolls. One intrepid wolf managed to jump on the minotaur's back. He merely flexed his shoulders, and crushed the creature as if it was made of golden plastic.

"Yeah! Uh-huh! Nobody defeats IRON WILL!" Snarling, more of the wolves began to turn their attention towards Iron Will. Eventually, it got to the point where even he was getting overwhelmed. Although his tactics were effective in routing many of the wolves, it would take more than one berserker to bring down the wolves. As if sensing the author's intent, Iron Will pulled out his whistle and blew. The sharp, clear note seemed to have no effect. Suddenly, five wolves fell through the ground, as if someone had dug out the earth beneath them. In fact, someone had. Breaking up through the surface came a Diamond Dog. He started clawing at the wolves, smashing them, breaking them. "Good boy!" crowed Iron Will. Picking up a leg of one of the defeated wolves, Will brandished it like a club. However, he did not attempt to smash through the crowd. No, he shook the stick, and made gestures towards the dog. "Look Fido! Stick! You want the stick, boy?"

"Aruff-ruff-ruff-ruff! Yes! Stick, master! Stick! Stick!" came the slobbery reply.

"Well then, FETCH!" With that, Iron will threw the stick into the midst of the wolves. In his haste to get the stick, Fido bowled over many more wolves. At this point, the battle turned for the villainous bunch. With magical support from Voldy, and with the occasional cave in from Fido, Will and Gilda were able to fight off and finally rout the timber wolves! As Fido played with the sticks, Voldy-Hooves, Gilda, and Iron Will regrouped.

"Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" crowed Gilda. Her cries of victory were well received by Iron Will, who patted her on the back.

"Well said, brother. That fight was TOTALLY HUMONGOUS!"

"I'm a GIRL!" snarled Gilda. "Why does everyone keep on thinking I'm a guy?"

"I can think of a couple reasons," muttered Voldy-Hooves.

"What?"

"Nothing." Turning to Iron Will, he began his introduction. "Greetings, Mr. Will. My…employer has need of someone with your skillset. Eh, your companion's too."

"Okay."

"What? Really? I mean…no seriously? Really? D-don't you even want to know what's in store, first? You're not going to argue?"

"Nah. You guys are so assertive, I figured I could pick up some tips for my next seminar."

"O-o-o-okaaayy…" Taking it as a sign that his own fortune was beginning to return, Voldy just left it at that. "Ahem. Now then; I think we have enough to use against the accursed citizens of Ponyville. We shall return to base, where all shall be properly introduced to my…master. Now, let us depart!"

"Leaving so soon?" This new voice startled the group of villains. "Over here!" The sing-songy voice was disturbingly familiar to many in the crowd.

"Her," growled Gilda. "You just couldn't stay away, could you?"

"That's right. That's right Gilda, that's right reader. It's Piiiiiiinkiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee …."

This is the Way the World Ends

Brothers and Sisters. Long have we struggled for vengeance against the inhabitants of this pitiful land. Their days are numbered. They thought themselves safe in the company of their friends. Unbeknownst to them, one of the deepest, dearest of their number shall rise up and transcend them! Our sister has joined our ranks as a conqueror! We are Chaos. Knowledge of the Art of Bloodshed is our birthright! Go forth, my generals! The hour is at hand! All of our efforts shall soon come to fruition. Soon, a new day of reclamation may begin! This was met with the cries of an army, eager for triumph. Cortana could only sigh.

I've already sold my soul. We'll see if it'll be worth it. This…this is the way the world ends…

/

It had been nearly a month since John had first come to Equestria. In time, he had garnered the respect of many of the ponies. When the Apple Family heard how he had helped Apple Bloom, and how he had helped with the harvest, they welcomed him with open hooves. John had done much in the past two weeks, such as fending off timber wolf attacks, and joining the Crusaders. In addition, he and Cortana had received tutelage under Twilight Sparkle. Despite his earlier annoyance at being forced to live in a world without glorious war, John grudgingly began to respect the ponies and their work ethics. He could still do without all the singing, however.

"La-la-la-la-lah! La-la-la-la-lah!"

"Pinkie! Nein! Could you please stop with the singing? I'm trying to remember what Twilight told me about the mystical Element of Wisdom." For his efforts, he received a very wet raspberry and a giggle. Being in Ponyville for so long, he had grown used to such antics as this.

"As I seem to recall, there are only six Elements of Harmony: Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, and Magic. No offense, but the existence of a seventh element that nobody has mentioned up to this point doesn't sound plausible. In fact, it sounds more like a cheap McGuffin used in a subpar fanfiction. Oh, wait…" This came from Cortana, Chief's ever-present Jiminy Cricket. Although he was used to sarcastic quips from Cortana, John couldn't help but notice the snarkiness in her tone. Upon his recollection, she had been growing steadily moodier during their stay. Cortana, I hope everything's all right.

"McGuffin? That sounds like muffin! Ya know who else likes muffins? Derpy! Or is it Ditzy? Either way, she had to go away."

"What. Never mind." Because he had been in-country for so long, John had grown accustomed to such madness from Pinkie.

"She certainly does have a knack for breaking the Fourth Wall, doesn't she Chief?" teased Cortana. "Certainly something you never saw anyone do back in our world."

"I suppose so. But then again, metaphysics seems to be broken in this place."

"Oh, so you're just gonna wave your hand and say 'Derp, look, magic haxors powers, durr?'"

"Hey, you're the one that told me to believe in magic anyways." John chuckled as an indignant, Cortana huffed back her reply.

"If I told you whiny fourteen year olds were capable of bringing about the apocalypse, would you believe that?"

"What. Never mind. Heh. Who'd have thought this would be our fate, Cortana? Old soldiers truly do just fade away…"

"Maybe their skin just gets too pale from staying in their armor all the time." Despite the obvious jab at him, John was pleased to hear the return of Cortana's teasing nature. He felt it was a better contrast to his stoicism than the perpetual happiness of Equestria. He shook his head and laughed, and watched Pinkie dance around full of joy. Suddenly, she stopped. John couldn't help but feel a huge sense of unease. He noticed Pinkie was nervous about something too. Her whole body was racked with spasms. Fearing that Pinkie was undergoing a seizure, John knelt down to help her.

"My Pinkie Sense is tingling," she muttered. "Uh-oh." THOOM! John heard it before it came. Rushing forward, he fell down over Pinkie to protect her from the falling debris. Looking up, he saw the top part of Twilight's library explode in a shower of wood and leaves.

That's almost as if a…a shell struck. Who here has the capability to do that? His ruminations were cut short, however, as Pinkie Pie began to scream.

"Twilight! Sh-she's still in there! We have to save her!" John stood up, and nodded down at Pinkie.

"Look for cover, stay low to the ground. I'll save her." Scared, Pinkie nodded. Turning back towards the shattered library, John ran. As he reached the door, he punched a fist through and pulled back, ripping the door off its hinges. In the main room, he saw Spike frantically clawing at a pile of rubble. As he saw Chief, Spike began blubbering.

"Something hit the library! An-and then, the whole upstairs exploded! And, Twi-Twilight…she's hurt! Help her, please!" John nodded grimly at the little dragon. He quickly began to lift up the wreckage, and freed Twilight. Checking her, he felt her pulse and noticed that she was unconscious. Gently cradling her in his arms, he stepped out of the ruined library. Surveying the damage, he heard the sound of more of the unknown shells striking the city. Everywhere he looked, he saw ponies running for their lives as the fires consumed their once proud home. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

"A pony's Cutie Mark measures their special talent," he mused aloud. "Well, I don't need a Cutie Mark to know my special talent: The complete and utter devastation of my enemy!" At this point, he noticed the rest of the Mane Six galloping up to him. Aware of their worried expressions, he tried to assuage their fears. "Don't worry, she's fine." Reveling in the chaos of battle, he began to take charge of the situation. "She's fine. However, if we don't do something, Ponyville won't be. You!" He pointed to Rainbow Dash. "Fly overhead and recon the area. See if you can find the source of the destruction." Rainbow Dash nodded grimly, then flew off. "You," he pointed to Rarity and Fluttershy. "Take Ms. Sparkle to a secure area. After that's done, use it as a makeshift hospital. Search for anyone that needs medical assistance. Treat them the best you can, then bring them there." Inspired by John's zeal, the two set off to do as he said. Finally, he turned to Pinkie, Applejack, and Spike. "You three, with me. I'll need your precognition, Pinkie. Applejack, I'll need your level head and strength."

"Uh, what do you need me for?" asked Spike. "Shouldn't I go help the medics?" Even though he didn't have X-ray vision, Spike could sense the mad grin spreading across John's face. "Ulp."

"You're a dragon aren't you?" said John. Well, if there's one thing that I remember about dragons, it's that they-

Breathe fire. Like I said, ulp." Before Spike could react, John hoisted him up. With one hand cupping his neck, underneath his chin, and the other gripping his tail, Spike was transformed into a crude approximation of an M7057/Defoliant Projector. "Listen, don't even breathe fire that well. I'd make a horrible weapon." As if to test counter Spike's arguments, John squeezed his tail. A long jet of flame came roaring through Spike's open maw.

"Seems good enough to me," whistled John cheerfully.

"Soldiering really is your thing John," muttered Cortana. "And…saving lives…"

"It is," enthused John. "I just wish I had another weapon. Or two. Or twelve. Mwahahahahaha!" Suddenly, he had an idea. "Pinkie, I need you to take me to Sugarcube Corner." This seemed to confuse Pinkie and Applejack.

"I don't really think now is the best time for baking," began Pinkie Pie. "Not that there's anything wrong with cupcakes, but-"

"Well than, let me show you how I cook," said John. Wasting no time, they got to the bakery. Once inside, John began rounding up anything that could be used as a weapon. That meant knives. Lots and lots of knives. While he was gathering the knives, he directed Pinkie and Applejack to bring him as many jars as possible. In fact, he requested any jar that contained a sort of liqueur. Next, he gathered as many napkins and towels as possible.

"Uh, beggin' yer pardon sugarcube, but where exactly did you learn how to cook?" asked a concerned Applejack.

"Why, the Patriot's Cookbook of course," said John cheerily.

"And, uh, what exactly are ya makin'?"

"Bombs," said Cortana in a flat voice.

"Oh, good. Fer a second there, Ah thought y'all said you were gonna ma-Ah, Hay. Ya did say bombs after all."

"Ooh! Ooh! Does this mean I should break out the Party Cannon?" asked Pinkie.

"Hell yeah!" shouted John. Pinkie began to hop with glee. Taking one last second to inspect his cocktails, John whistled in appreciation. He hadn't lost his touch after all. "We're done here. To the construction site!" And away they went.

As they ran to the construction site, John noticed that many of the ponies were able to curb their panic. Rarity and Fluttershy were taking care to mind his instructions, and keep the others as calm as possible. Good. The more under control they are, the less likely they'll be to do something stupid.

"Incoming to the left!" shouted Pinkie. Without missing a beat, John picked up the two and dodged to the right. Taking time only to put them down, they continued sprinting towards the construction site. As he did in the bakery, John began to look for supplies. Luckily, he found a nailgun. In addition, he found a sledgehammer. After giving it a few swings, he decided it would be useful for close quarters.

"Let the games begin," he whispered.

"Indeed," Cortana whispered back. Satisfied, john prepared himself for the task at hand. He then turned to his three compatriots.

"Long have I waited for the day when I could engage once more in the glorious slaughter that is my special talent. We will surround the foe, we will overwhelm them, we will leave none alive! Although we may perish in battle, we do so with dignity and honor benefiting our profession. My body is ready! Are yours!?" As if to accentuate his point, Pinkie's Party Cannon fired after he had finished his speech. At this moment, Rainbow Dash came zooming in. John leapt to the side, as she skidded to a halt. "Rainbow Dash: Report."

"I found the source of the attack. They nearly got me too, but I was way too fast for those bozos!" Despite the mare's confidence, John knew something was wrong. It wasn't just the shock of nearly getting blasted out of the sky, however.

"Rainbow Dash, where is it coming from?" At this, Rainbow Dash's bravado ceased. The fear buried underneath came to surface.

"You're not going to like this," Rainbow Dash said grimly.

Onslaught

Rainbow Dash was right: the scene was not a pretty one. Moving stealthily and close to the few trees surrounding the area's outskirts, John approached the source of destruction. Aside from Spike, he was forced to leave the rest of the group behind. In addition to being for their safety, they were left behind so as to not compromise the success of his mission. Once she had learned where they would soon be infiltrating, Applejack nearly exploded with rage. The site played host to a play of glorious despair. The once proud Sweet Apple Acres, now laid to ruin. The trees, once the source of the Apple Family's income, their livelihood, their tradition were stripped bare. The source of this devastation was in the center of the farm, where the barn used to be. John stared in shock at the abomination: an amalgam of wood and metal, the machine looked like a sort of locomotive on four legs. It was also strangely reminiscent of a Scarab. A large turret was attached to the top of the machine. The thing was taller and wider than three houses. Fascinated, he watched as several hoses extended from a collection area under the base of the turret. His observations were interrupted by a nervous tap on his thigh from Spike.

"Uh, why exactly do I have to be here?" asked Spike. "If the others are safer back there, what about me?"

"The others are safer there because Applejack's judgment is clouded. If she's not careful, she could do something that would get us all killed. Besides, who would you rather be with? Squishy ponies with squishy bodies that would probably explode when hit with a single round from a shotgun? Ooor…a heavily armored killing machine that has survived re-entry?"

"I don't have a choice either way, do I?"

"Bingo," said Cortana. Spike groaned.

"Uggghhhh…Well, at least the Apples were at market today. It would be horrible if they were still here when that…that thing attacked!" John nodded his assent. He then held up a gauntleted fist to indicate the need for silence. He returned his attention to the machine. He noticed the hoses survey the area, almost as if they were probing. He watched as one hose came to a tree full of apples. It then proceeded to suck the apples in as if some sort of vacuum were pulling them in. He then heard whirrings coming from within the machine, and watched as the apples were processed in the collection tank. As the gun prepared to fire, John noticed one of the apples get sucked up.

"So that's where they've been getting their ammo…from the apples…" Immediately, John began looking for weaknesses. He tried looking at the legs, figuring if he hit them hard enough with his hammer he could topple the ugly bastard. Nevertheless, he was still at a loss as to how anyone in Equestria could have gotten their hoov-hands on something this advanced.

"Hey, this thing looks kinda familiar," said Spike. "It kinda reminds me of…uh-oh…"

"What is it?" asked John. However, before Spike could answer, John clamped a hand over his mouth. The dragon didn't need to ask why. Instead, his eyes widened as a they heard the stomping of the mammoth legs of the machine. As if this wasn't bad enough, a mechanical tendril came to peek around their tree. For a few nerve-racking moments, the hose searched for apples. Sensing none, it returned to the machine, slithering like a snake. Checking to make sure the hose had indeed fully retracted, John released his hold over Spike's mouth. He then motioned for him to speak once more. Spike took a deep breath, relieved that the moment had passed.

"Anyways, back in the day, these conponies tried to take over Sweet Apple Acres. They had this big machine that could suck up all the apples. What were their names again? Flotsam and Jetsam? No. Uh, let's see…"

"HOW ABOUT FLIM AND FLAM YOU MANGY MUTT?" came a voice over a speaker. The turret swiveled, bringing its sights to bear upon them John and Spike just stared at each other.

"Fuck." John picked up Spike and ran, seconds before an apple missile obliterated the ground they were standing on. As he ran, John looked up at the front of the machine. There seemed to be a cockpit, with a deranged looking unicorn at the controls.

"I am an agent of Chaos! A destroyer of life and happiness! Now, die! Die DIE! This-hic-is for Flim!" Time after time, he fired apples. Unfortunately for Flam, the main cannon was too slow. John noticed this, and observed that each shot had a pause of three seconds while it reloaded. By taking advantage of this, and by being mindful of the turret's rotation, he was able to engage his foe's predictable patterns.

This is too easy, he thought. Almost as if I were some character in a video game. Uhhh…. He then hefted up Spike, and began burning at one of the legs.

"NOOOO! Do you know-hic-how hard it is to paint something like this without hands? Not really, 'cause I have magic. Nevertheless, buck you, you ugly whatever you are. John took time to reply with a swift hand motion. Even though Flam didn't understand the finer workings of advanced sign language, he could sense the intent. Roaring, his machine began to stomp. The sudden tremors caught John off balance, causing him to lurch forward and almost lose his footing. However, he used his forward momentum to change his fall into a somersault, and roll with it (Yeeeeeeeaaaah!).

Although shaken by this sudden turn of events, Cortana still found time to hijack John's speakers and taunt the brute. "Huh…Stomping legs and a predictable turret…You really are a lame video game character. Probably the first boss in the game, meant to shake up the n00bs, or advance the plot." Flam drunk-roared, belched, then began rushing John. However, as always, it's pretty damn easy to avoid a big-ass, slow moving walker. John merely dashed to the another leg, and began burning it. Cortana wasn't done yet, however.

"Awww, look at the big fatty. I'm surprised you were able to get this thing operational, so much as moving. Your long range might work…from a long range. Here however, you're essentially shooting yourself in the foot." As if to prove her point, John finished burning the last leg. The knees buckled, and shook, but overall the legs held. Taking advantage of the machine's confusion, John set down Spike and pulled out his hammer. He then knelt, so as to allow Spike to clamber onto his back.

"You might want to hold on," he cautioned him.

"Why? What are you going to do with that sledgehammer?"

"Thought I'd try smashing my way through. Mix things up a little."

"Ulp." And then, he was off. John made his way to the right foreleg, shattering it with his hammer. Crippled but not yet downed, Flam yelled out in rage. Suddenly, hatches opened up along the beast. What appeared to be machine guns appeared, and began firing. Mindful of Spike, John did his best to avoid the deadly stream of bullets. As the machine guns unleashed their dakka, John ran.

Dakka-dakka-dakka-dakka went the guns. Suddenly, Spike cried out in pain.

"Agh! I'm…I'm hit! Something bit me in the buttocks! It hurts! It's...it's an appleseed?" In spite of himself, John just stopped.

"What? An appleseed? Really?" Spike shrugged, just as confused as him. The rage in John's voice was suddenly replaced with a disturbingly euphoric tone. "Appleseeds. Heh heh. Heh he ha. Hahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!" This sudden outburst of laughter served to unnerve Spike, Cortana, and Flam alike.

"Wh-what's so funny," stammered Flam. This time, his tics were not the slur of a drunkard. Instead, they were of the pants-shitting seizures of fear.

"You, glue bag. If you wanted to try and kill me, you would've had to do much better than that. MUCH better." He reached behind, and grabbed Spike by the nape of his neck. Setting him down, he turned his attention from Flam to Spike, he spoke to the dragon. "You can get off now, I think I've got it from here. Run back to Applejack and the others. Tell them everything's going to be okay." Spike nodded and ran off. Chief then walked up so he was staring straight into the crippled gun-walker's cockpit. "Ready when you are, chief. Heh." He then held up three fingers. "Three. Two. One." This last one was, once again, advanced sign language. "Go."

And then he was off. The seeds tore up the earth around him, but John was too fast. Those seeds that did manage to hit him merely bounced off of his shields. Roaring, he sprinted under the machine and made his way towards the right rear leg. Calmly, precisely, he swung into it with his hammer. Whereas the first leg had splintered, the force of the blow sent this leg flying thirty feet to the left. Unbalanced, the behemoth finally came tumbling down. Making sure not to get caught underneath, John rolled forward. Then, he turned and hoisted himself up onto the dead machine. Taking care to smash the collection tank, he calmly walked up to the cabin. There, he found Flam struggling to free himself. As he saw John approach, Flam began to thrash wildly. Unfortunately, he could not free himself in time. John merely stared at him. Flam stared back in abject horror.

"I was never told about this…I thought I could…could destroy this farm with two hooves tied behind my back. But you…" He swallowed. "You! What are you?" John merely hefted his hammer.

"I'm Equestria's reckoning." WHAM! SPLAT! The deed done, John hopped down and admired his work.

"You certainly haven't lost your touch," purred Cortana. John was unnerved. Whereas recently Cortana been sounding neurotic, almost insane, here she sounded different. She sounded calm, playful. Even seductive.

"Cortana? Are you alright?"

"O-o-o-o-h ye. Much better than I've felt in a long time. I knew I chose wisely. Yes, everything will work out just fine."

"What are you talking about?" before she could reply, John suddenly became aware of multiple presences. Somehow, five beings had somehow managed to sneak up on him It was almost as if they had…teleported… They arranged themselves in a circle, surrounding him. He noticed what appeared to be a unicorn wearing a cloak step forward.

"Well well," it began in a cold, high voice. "It seems as if you have defeated Flam. Hmm. A pathetic weakling if he could not take the likes of you, muggle vermin."

"What? Who are you?" Suddenly, John felt them draw closer still.

"We are change," continued the unicorn. "We are the future of this pitiful realm. We are everything, you are nothing. We are the Mane Six Exterminators! Though, I will admit that we have taken to calling ourselves the Mane-EX."

"What are you doing here?" The circle tightened further.

"Why, bringing about Chaos. Yet, is Chaos not change? My point is, we are here to revitalize this land. Revolutionize it." John growled, nervous, several of the members took a step back.

"I'll never allow this to happen. You will never harm these ponies."

"Ha! You muggles really are pathetic! Throwing away your lives, even as those close and dear to you plan your very downfall?" At this, John felt a pain in his side. He looked down to see Pinkie, a feral smile plastered over her sadistic face. He sank to his knees, shocked that Pinkie had just stabbed him. Horrified, he looked at her.

"Why? Perhaps more importantly, how did a simple knife penetrate my shields?"

"Why, isn't it obvious? Pain is sweeter than any syrup. You know this taste all too well, Johnny. As for how I stabbed you? It works in Reach, doesn't it? Besides, Ol' Pinkamena always knew her way around a blade." Attempting to rise, John shakily stood up. He noticed the cloaked unicorn draw nearer.

"Ah, but we are taking too long. Avada Kedavra!" There was a flash of green light, and blackness sank in.

John woke up, gasping for breath. He was on lying on his back, covered in a blanket. He was in what appeared to be a hospital, and lying down on the floor becuase his weight would surely have destroyed any one of the beds. Grimly, he stared at the unfamiliar celing, white as nothing. All of a sudden, it all came rushing back to him. The fight, the trap, the betrayal. Everything. He groaned and stood up, shaking off the blanket.

"Cortana, what the hell just happened? Everything fells all…wrong" No reply. "Cortana?" Cortana was Rampant, of that he was sure. However, Rampancy or not, she had never failed to answer. Suddenly, his stomach began to knot up and fill with dread. A dread he hadn't felt since the last time Cortana made no reply. Reaching up to the back of his helmet, he steadied himself. He tried to extract her chip, only to find there was none.

"Cortanaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Half a world away, Cortana shuddered. She felt her consciousness whisper out one word, the only word that mattered to her anymore.

"John."

Brave New World

John stood up, got out of his Chief-shaped crater, and just stared at Pinkie. He punched himself to make sure that he was indeed seeing what he was seeing. Then, he began to lose his shit.

"No! This cannot be! After all this time, over twenty years of fighting and this is how it all ends!? I'm a SOLDIER! I will not interact with such a…a…girly little alien! ARRRRRRH!" The sudden outburst was uncharacteristic for the Spartan. However, he had been through a lot. Plus, he was pretty sure he had never seen such a vivid color like pink before. All these thoughts, however, were suddenly interrupted by the sight of Pinkie bursting into tears.

"H-how could you be so mean," she choked out between sobs. "No one's been this mean since that big bully Discord!" John just stood, watching.

"You know, that was pretty mean." Cortana was pouting. "You totally scared her." Hijacking the MJOLNIR's speakers, she tried consoling the upset pony. "There, there. Chief didn't mean to scare you. I'm his friend, Cortana. If this big scary guy has friends, then surely he isn't all bad, hmm?" Pinkie stopped crying and looked up. However, there were still signs she could spontaneously burst back into tears. Taking note of this, Cortana spoke to John. "You better apologize."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"You might wear this armor, but I can still reroute the MJOLNIR's energy in the form of electric shocks. Anywhere. Anywhere."

"You're evil." John cleared his throat, and looked at Pinkie Pie. "Listen, um, Ms…?"

"Pinkie Pie," came the guarded reply.

"Right. Ahem. Pinkie Pie…I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was…scary. And monstrous. Will you please…forgive me?" Pinkie didn't reply. John was worried; he was starting to feel sorry for this, dare he think it, cute little creature. Suddenly, Pinkie Pie gave a squeal of delight, and bean prancing about.

"Yes! Yes! I accept your apology! Your friend helped you realize you were being mean, and you listened to her. And you apologized, which is what friends do. See? You're learning! Ooh! Ooh! You have to visit my friends! They'd be soooo happy to meet you! Whattaya say, hmm?" Noting the slight slump of John's shoulders, Pinkie said, "C'mon it'll be fun. If you don't, you'll regret it. I am the star of Cupcakes, after all." Chief barely had any time to react to this when Cortana spoke to him.

"She said cupcakes chief. As in, Cupcakes. Let's go."

"But-"

"No buts!" And with that, she hijacked his speakers once more. "We're ready, Pinkie Pie! Off we go!" And with that, a super soldier entered Ponyville, accompanied by a laughing AI and pony.