Cherry Popper
by Pascal
"I was once the greatest rapist in the land. All living things felt the piercing wrath of my thirteen inch cock, but my sins earned me the ire of the Royal sisters.
Equestria, being the progressive state it was (and still is, I assume), refused to give me the death penalty. I was allowed my freedom, but under one condition. My genitals was forcibly amputated, so that I might never rape again. Ah, but even without hormones, there is something about rape that appeals to me on a psychological level. So, I learned new ways to rape my victims. In this day and age, you might wonder how they overlooked such a obvious flaw, but you see, it was I who invented the concept of unicorn horn sex. I shoved my horn up every ass and vagina and male urethra from Trottingham to Canterlot, and once again, the world was filled with terror.
It was not long, however, before I was captured once again, and my horn was removed. But this time, I was ready, for I had taken considerable time to plan for a such a day, and I had invented a backup rape strategy. I used my tongue to invade orifices. Finally, when it was decided that I could not ever be trusted to participate in society without raping everyone, I was given one final option. Have my entire body amputated, leaving me as merely a severed head kept alive by magic and contained within a crystal jar of immeasurable hardness which only the strongest magic could break, or death."
"But you found a way to rape again, didn't you, you bastard?" Bon Bon demanded.
A horrible, sadistic grin spread across the severed head's face, and his eyes lit up with a cruel humor.
"Why, Miss Heartstrings, whatever gave you that idea?"
"Because I woke up this morning to sounds of Lyra trying to cut through her skull with a can-opener, screaming 'I have to get the penises out of my brain!'"
Cherry Popper burst into hacking, uncontrollable laughter like a garbage can bouncing down a flight of concrete steps.
Bon Bon grabbed the jar and shook it violently, rattling Cherry Popper's head painfully against the inside of his prison.
"I didn't come here just to listen to your fucking autobiography!" she screamed. "What did you do to Lyra?"
"A rapist of my power can never be contained, Miss Heartstrings, for you see, all the years I have been alive in this prison, I have bent every last moment of consciousness toward devising a new way to rape, and I have succeeded."
"How?" Bon Bon demanded. "How did you do it?!"
"With words. After centuries and centuries of imprisonment, I have discovered a series of words which, when said in a precise order, will form a sentence so powerful, so undeniably true and irrefutable, so sacrilegious, base, and depraved in meaning that it will shatter the mind of anyone who hears it and force them to experience an excruciating rape of their very soul." Cherry Popper smiled. "Provided they understand the language, of course. Unfortunately it doesn't translate well. That's how I was eventually subdued. The Royal Sisters sent zebras who didn't speak Equestrian to the place where I was kept, and had me buried in the Everfree Forest. Until your partner dug me up. I have a way of coming back. It's my special talent."
A split second passed in which Bon Bon could have covered her ears, but didn't.
They never did.
