Freaky Fridays: An anthology of stupid.
Chapter 1: Cherry Popper (By Pascal)
Cherry Popper
by Pascal
"I was once the greatest rapist in the land. All living things felt the piercing wrath of my thirteen inch cock, but my sins earned me the ire of the Royal sisters.
Equestria, being the progressive state it was (and still is, I assume), refused to give me the death penalty. I was allowed my freedom, but under one condition. My genitals were forcibly amputated, so that I might never rape again. Ah, but even without hormones, there is something about rape that appeals to me on a psychological level. So, I learned new ways to rape my victims. In this day and age, you might wonder how they overlooked such a obvious flaw, but you see, it was I who invented the concept of unicorn horn sex. I shoved my horn up every ass and vagina and male urethra from Trottingham to Canterlot, and once again, the world was filled with terror.
It was not long, however, before I was captured once again, and my horn was removed. But this time, I was ready, for I had taken considerable time to plan for a day when my horn would be removed, and I had invented a backup rape strategy. I used my tongue to invade orifices. Finally, when it was decided that I could not ever be trusted to participate in society without raping everyone, I was given one final option. Have my entire body amputated, leaving me as merely a severed head kept alive by magic and contained within a crystal jar of immeasurable hardness which only the strongest magic could break, or death."
"But you found a way to rape again, didn't you, you bastard?" Bon Bon demanded.
A horrible, sadistic grin spread across the severed head's face, and his eyes lit up with a cruel humor.
"Why, Miss Heartstrings, whatever gave you that idea?"
"Because I woke up this morning to sounds of Lyra trying to cut through her skull with a can-opener, screaming 'I have to get the penises out of my brain!'"
Cherry Popper burst into hacking, uncontrollable laughter like a garbage can bouncing down a flight of concrete steps. Bon Bon grabbed the jar and shook it violently, rattling Cherry Popper's head painfully against the inside of his prison.
"I didn't come here just to listen to your fucking autobiography!" she screamed. "What did you do to Lyra?"
"A rapist of my power can never be contained, Miss Heartstrings, for you see, all the years I have been alive in this prison, I have bent every last moment of consciousness toward devising a new way to rape, and I have succeeded."
"How?" Bon Bon demanded. "How did you do it?!"
"With words. After centuries and centuries of imprisonment, I have discovered a series of words which, when said in a precise order, will form a sentence so powerful, so undeniably true and irrefutable, so sacrilegious, base, and depraved in meaning that it will shatter the mind of anyone who hears it and force them to experience an excruciating rape of their very soul." Cherry Popper smiled. "Provided they understand the language, of course. Unfortunately it doesn't translate well. That's how I was eventually subdued. The Royal Sisters sent zebras who didn't speak Equestrian to the place where I was kept, and had me buried in the Everfree Forest. Until your partner dug me up. I have a way of coming back. It's my special talent."
A split second passed in which Bon Bon could have covered her ears, but didn't.
They never did.
Freaky Fridays: An anthology of stupid.
The Hopeless Endeavor: Week One.
Ideas for better names are greatly appreciated, this is a weekly for-fun writing challenge issued by some faggot called wrath. Feel free to join in, there are no rules and we'll post pretty much post anything. Shits and giggles all round.
~Featherweights Mind By Reverse Hollow
[Romance] [Dark]
At a glance Featherweight is a normal colt. But there is more under it than you'd think...
(Part of the Hopeless Endeavor by The Cockroach Club, go check these guys.)
~The Idle Cup By BleedingArmageddon
[Dark]
So many courteous names given to one unicorn, Celestia's Student, The Element of Magic, and Savior of Equestria. There is one side that is never shown, one who yearns for love and excitement. This the story of that side.
~Friendship Is Volatile By Twifight Sparkill (Password: Cock)
[Dark] [Comedy] [Random] [Slice of Life] [Alternate Universe]
• There exists a limit to what a pony will take when pushed to her furthest point - even if the initial intentions were harmless, the outcome should ultimately dictate the manner in which appropriate retribution is applied, surely. If it just so happens that one of your best friends goes too far, shouldn't she suffer just as much for the slight?
That's all for this week unfortunately, if by any chance you feel like writing something short and stupid, feel free to join the pile.
Here's a link to the original thread and some general 'rules' regarding the challenge:
Important Rules and or Guidance:
~Just because you can't doesn't mean you shouldn't. That is all.
It's not about winning or prestige, it's about having fun and improving yourself, even if like me the best you can do is flailing word vomit comprised of half digested, ill-contrived story lines that meander into nowhere.
Doesn't matter, just write something.
Moar "rules":
No word count limit (100 words or less will be accepted, no chance of return)
Doesn't have to make sense, look nice or even pass moderation. Doesn't even need a storyline to make it here, it could just be pointless, filthy smut.
Please at least try to do your best, for the sake of self improvement and fun. Write for yourself.
If you're going to submit short stories below 1000 words, simply shitpost a piece of text hyperlinked to the published chapter. "Like so". Tis common curtsey.
