Stupid, Sexy Apple Bloom

by PaleRider

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Rumble, Sex
Length: 3133

Rumble has a little adventure with the Cutie Mark Crusaders involving hot pony sex, a knife and the love of his life.

Rumble thought it was going to be just another day of his life. Yeah right, like the authors of this fic would allow it.
He is the colt all the fillies want, but never thought that the three girls from the CMC would go this far.

Follow him on this small tale, and see if he survives!

Rated M for crazy and non-sensical chaos

Published 2013-03-02 22:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-02 22:00:02 UTC

Stupid, Sexy Applebloom

Scootaloo saw Rumble across the street. “I’m in love with you.” She exclaimed.

“Whoa whoa whoa, baby, hold up - I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment!”

“Then I will take you without consent!”

“Wut?” Rumble asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

“Hey,“ the filly replied as she handed Rumble a tissue, “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”

“Wow, yeah it does...”

Scootaloo grinned in a satisfied manner as the colt collapsed pathetically to the ground.

“Excellent. Everything is going according to plan. Mwa ha ha ha ha haaa!”

Rumble woke up in a dark room, chained to the wall, his body was covered in a rough, black fabric and bound in a thick rope.

“Awww, hell no!”

Next to him three pairs of small, curious eyes were observing his trembling form.

“Where should we start?” Sweetie Belle asked. Rumble didn’t like the sound of that at all.

“Maybe we could pluck some feathers from his wings to see how he reacts?” Apple Bloom opened a huge grin. As to where her accent vanished to, who knows?

The other two fillies glanced uneasily at Apple Bloom.

“Errr yeah...” Sweetie Belle said with a frown.

“Er, well, anyway. Not ready for a serious commitment, huh?” Scootaloo hissed, trying to reinstate the previous ominous atmosphere. “Then maybe we should just play instead, Rumbly?” Scootaloo passed a hoof over his fur.

Rumble realized he was in trouble now. Scootaloo had successfully subdued him and taken him to some unknown location.

“Not the feathers! Not my beautiful feathers!” He squeaked.

“Yes!” Apple Bloom cackled.

“No!” Rumble cried.

“Yes!” Apple Bloom replied.

“No!” Rumble sobbed.

“Ye-”

“Okay, that’ll do, Apple Bloom.” Scootaloo sighed, gently patting the simple-minded filly. “You go play with your ball again.”

“Okay!” Apple Bloom chirped and started playing with a ball in a similar fashion to how Opalescence plays around with Rarity’s rolls of thread.

Scootaloo returned her attention to the frightened pegasus in front of her and rubbed her hooves together maliciously.

“I’ve got something better to play with.” She cackled. “Sweetz! Did you get everything I told you to?”

“Of course!” the unicorn squeaked innocently.

She trotted to a nearby crate, and opened it, pushing from inside a huge bag made of bag leather.

In front of the defenseless colt, both fillies unwrapped the huge cloth, displaying a plethora of strangely shaped objects.

“What do you want to try today, Scoots?” Sweet asked.

Rumble gulped.

“Let’s start lightly, we are just playing, right Rumbly? Nothing serious.” Scootaloo took a small tube of an exquisite blue color. The orange filly rose her head, and pressing the tube with her hoof, she spurted a strange fluorescent blue substance on her tongue...

“W-w-w-what is that?!” Rumble asked, his voice full of fear.

Scootaloo chomped the slimy substance. The poor pegasus could swear he saw the air exiting her mouth fogging...

“It’s a toy, Rumbly.”

Scootaloo trotted near him and started to lick Rumble’s arm. The pegasus gasped, feeling the fur follicles on his arm freezing like if ice was poured right inside his stomach and was spreading across his body.

“M-m-m-my Celestia! What’s this?! Stahp!” Rumble’s lips trembled with the sudden cold temperature enveloping his body.

Scootaloo stopped. She turned to Sweetie Belle and blinked to her, giving a signal for something.

The unicorn winked back, and produced a similar tube, but this one was red in color. Sweetie did the same as Scootaloo. she spurted the fluorescent red substance on her tongue and chomped it a little. Then, the filly walked to Rumble’s side and licked his other arm.

His skin now almost melted from the heat coming from her tongue. It was like some lava was being brushed against his fur, making him yelp in fear.

“Stahp! Stahp!” He screamed in quick succession, as if the terrible torture was killing him.

“Can you do this on my muzzle, Sweetz? It’s a chilly day and the tip of my nose is a little cold.”

“Of course!” Sweetie squeaked cutely.

However Sweetie Belle, accidentally picked up a third black tube, and squirted it on Scootaloo’s muzzle.

“Goddammit, Sweetz! That’s the mane dye. Now I’ve got a black muzzle, and I look ridiculous!”

“Errr, sorry!” Sweetie Belle apologized, “I think it suits you, though.” She picked up the red tube, squirting it on Scootaloo’s nose.

“Ow, enough, enough!” The pegasus yelped, “That’s too much. Owwww! Geez, Sweetz. Chill!”

The orange filly proceeded to roll comically around the floor. Rumble just stared in a crude mixture of awe and horror. He had no idea where this was going, and his body was still tingling madly from whatever the contents of the tubes were. In fact, his back was developing an unbearable itch.

“Umm, Sweetie Belle?” He whispered, trying not to attract the attention of the squirming pegasus on the floor. “Could you scratch my back? I’ve got the worst itch ever.”

“I can do that!” Apple Bloom yelled heroically and tackled the poor, startled colt to the ground, furiously pounding her hooves into his back. “Is that better?”

“Stop!” He wheezed, “I get the picture!”

“Picture?” Apple Bloom asked, stopping to rub her hoof against her chin, “You know I think I have one just outside the treehouse. One second.”

“Apple Bloom.” Scootaloo whined, rising from the floor, “Now he knows where he is. You’ve spoiled the surprise. You’re a terrible friend!”

Tears welled up in the earth pony’s eyes, “W-what?”

“Nopony even likes you, Apple Bloom! Just go home. You’re worst pony.”

“W-w-worst p-pony?” The filly gasped in horror.

“Yes!” Scootaloo shouted, “Worst pony - ever!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......................”

“Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo yelled, “You go with her. This is just between me and Rumbly Tumbly now!”

“Awww, but I was having so much fun the with the ice cream stuff.”

“It’s not ice cream.” Scootaloo sighed, slamming her hoof into her face. “C’mon, go do something like run in circles around a tree and leave me alone with my coltfriend.”

“Coltfriend?” Rumble asked, dread welling in his gut. Still he couldn’t move, even as Sweetie Belle exited the hideout.

“Now, what have we here?” Scootaloo chuckled as she checked the contents of the bag and withdrew an oddly shaped object that looked vaguely like a pair of giant sized tweezers.

“Welp. Guess that’s why Apple Bloom wanted to remove your feathers so badly.”

“No! Please, not my feathers!” Rumble gasped again.

“Eurgh, Shut up! Don’t be such a fluttershy, I’m not going to that far; I’m a pegasus too remember?” Scootaloo sighed in irritation, “Duh.”

“Oh yeah! I totally forgot because you can’t fly and all.”

The orange filly’s eyes darkened, and she picked a piece of rope and tied it around the colt’s head, ensuring nothing more could leave his mouth other than mumbles and grunts.

“Shut up already! You’re beautiful ‘n’ all, but you’re an idiot when you open that mouth of yours. Now, let’s see what we have here.”

The colt whined in protest, trying to bite through the makeshift gag.

“Stop struggling.” Scootaloo commanded. “I must now perform the right of the Pegasus Overlord Queen - Rainbow Dash!”

Rumble watched in confusion as the filly proceeded to mutter to herself and leap around the room.

“Whuph urr urgh?” The colt asked, his eyebrows unable to shoot any further up his forehead.

“Rainbow Dash told me to do this when I get a colt.” Scootaloo replied, guessing his question.

“Mnurrr wuph?” Rumble mumbled, but Scootaloo ignored him and began searching in her bag.

Rumble tried to catch a glimpse of what Scootaloo was doing, shuffling through her arsenal of bizarrities. She threw some of the more strangely shaped ones to the side, dismissing them completely. After several minutes of tension the orange filly turned to him again, carrying something in her hooves.

“What’s this one do?” Scootaloo murmured to herself, scratching her magenta mane, “Sweetz said this one’s for the colts, but I don’t get it.”

Rumble frowned, internally asking himself the same question.

“Huh. There’s a hole.” She breathed, observing one of the ends. She nudged it, “Eww, it’s squishy and wet.”

She trotted closer to him, and looked through every corner of his small and defenseless body. When her eyes reached the bottom part, she smiled sheepish, “Ah! That’s where you put it!”
Rumble could feel something wet and warm involving the tip of his left wing.

“Mumph Mnurgh!” Rumble protested as the filly tried to force his wing into the small opening.

“Dammit this isn’t working!” She fumed. “I’ll just have to get the jello stuff.”

Rumble didn’t even bother to try and question the filly as she ran over to the bag and withdrew a white tube. She squeezed it and powder puffed in the air everywhere.

“Why did Sweetz get talcum powder?” Scootaloo complained, “What am I going to do with talcum powder!?”

Returning to the back she searched some more.

“What!” She gasped in horror, fleeing from the bag as if there were monster in it. “This isn’t possible! No, this can’t be!”

Rumble couldn’t fathom what was traumatizing the filly so much, and he was dang confused.

“This can’t be happening to me. My life is ruined!” Scootaloo howled, sobbing on the floor. “It was going to be so perfect. I was going to use that jello stuff, and we were going to make sweet, sweet love. Because I love you so much.” The filly suddenly ran up to the colt and whispered in his ear. “Oh, by Celestia, I love you so much.”

Rumble shuddered as he felt Scootaloo’s tongue gently caress his ear.

“And you’re going to love me!” Scootaloo continued, “And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, and it’s going to be amazing. And I’ll please you in every way!” Suddenly the filly’s tone darkened, “But if you try to run away I’ll kill you. So don’t even think about it. But you wouldn’t think that, now, would you? Because you’re my little Rumbly Tumbly.”

Rumbled sobbed through his gag as he watched the filly run back to her bag. “No matter,I’ll just have to make do with this silly, old stuff.

The filly withdrew a tube clearly labeled ‘Lubricant’ leaving no shadow of a doubt as to the contents of the tube.

Rumble eyes shot open in horror. Scootaloo wasn’t being serious when she was saying strange things like making love, was she? The colt shuddered at the thought. No, his heart was for Apple Bloom. Clearly best pony (despite Scootaloo’s earlier declaration, which is false, by the way! And in no way reflects the view of anyone in particular - pony nor human!), with that beautiful coat and addictive eyes. Rumble felt like he could spend hours just gazing into those angelic globes.

It was a shame she never really noticed him, even when he tried. There was that one time-

“Hey! Don’t zone out on me!” Scootaloo yelled, slapping the colt in the face - and hooves hurt, trust me. Rumble felt his vision blur for a few seconds as he grunted past the pain.

“Now let’s get down to business.” Scootaloo sang, “To defeat the Rumble.” The filly opened the tube of lubricant, but before she could start to put it on her hooves, the door opened.

“Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom yelled.

The orange filly turned around, fuming, “What is it now, Apple Bloom? Can’t you see that I’m trying to have some hot, pony sex with this colt who loves me so much while serenading him with my beautiful voice?”

“Sweetz said to come check to make sure you don’t need anything.” Apple Bloom replied, “So, since I’m here... can I pluck his feathers?”

Scootaloo hadn't noticed, but just the sight of Apple Bloom entering the clubhouse to save the day had made Rumble feel hot, his loins burning, prompting the largest erection known to ponykind (Because Rumble has the biggest penis. Deal with it. U jelly, bro?).

“What are you?” Scootaloo yelled, clearly irritated, “Some mad farmer who gets pleasure from torturing chickens? No! No plucking feathers! Got it? Just leave us lovers alone and go find your accent!” Scootaloo yelled at her.

The earth pony lips trembled, “But it’d be really funny...”

“I said no! Okay? Now don’t come here before being able to say some of your old ‘yah’ and ‘tha’ or however it is you do your freaky accent.”

The earth pony turned around, tears streaming from her eyes.

“Silly ponies.” Scootaloo sighed. “Now where were we? Oh, yeah! I was singing wasn’t I? Well, anyway!

“Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons? You're the saddest colt I ever met, but you can bet before we're through: mister, I'll make a stallion out of-”

“BWARK! Scootaloo, I got that ‘Special Stuff’ you asked for!” Sweetie Belle yelled heroically, bursting in through the door.

“By Celestia, Sweetz! I’mma kill whoever next walks through that door, I swear!”

“I’ll be going then.” Spike muttered with a scowl as he entered and exited the treehouse.

“Sorry, Scoots!” Sweetie Belle chirped ignoring the dragon who disappeared as fast as he had appeared, “But I got it. Here ya go. I stole it from Rarity’s “No, no” chest from under her bed. There were a couple of other things, but I think Apple Bloom ate them.”

“Just leave me alone!” Scootaloo howled, “I’m trying to-”

“Hey!” Sweetie Belle interrupted, “What’s that in between Rumble’s legs?”

“Huh?” Scootaloo said before she spotted what Sweetie Belle was referring to. Instantly she let out her most malicious grin ever. “I have you now!” she hissed.

“I’ve got an idea, maybe we could-”

“Thanks for all your help, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo said, eliciting a beam. “That’ll do now, yeah thanks bye!”

And with that Sweetie Belle was forcibly ejected from the clubhouse by Scootaloo’s firm hooves.

“Oh, you’re all mine now, my little Rumbly Tumbly!” Scootaloo giggled madly as she eyed his unrealistically large, semi-erect member.

The orange filly slowly strutted across the room, shaking her flank in a very provocative way. Rumble gulped, noticing her lustful leer. There could be no doubt what was coming next - he was just going to pretend that it was his beloved Apple Bloom.

“Scoots!” the club door slammed open, “You gotta come here! We need to go the the Wonderbolts training grounds, like right now!”

It was Rainbow Dash, wearing her training outfit.

“They’re giving the novices a chance to participate in a presentation, but they have to have a younger partner! C’mon, kiddo, this is your chance to shine!”

Scootaloo quickly hid the knife she had been about to plunge into the side of the intruder when she saw their identity. The cyan pegasus grabbed Scootaloo as if she was a ball under her foreleg and flew through the door before Scoots even had time to protest.

Rumble just observed the whole scene, trying to understand what just happened. He wasn’t sure how to feel. On the one hoof he wasn’t about to get sexually.... what’s the word? Abused? But on the other hoof, he was tied up, unable to to escape, with the largest erection - ever!

Stupid, sexy Apple Bloom.

“Come here, little ball!” Apple Bloom shouted from outside. “You’re so pretty! Heheeee, stop running away, I’m gonna catch you!”

A ball flew in through the entrance, bouncing off Rumble’s stallionhood. He groaned as the ball collided with the tall phallus with a loud THWACK, bending it too far in the wrong direction. He curled up pathetically into a tight ball.

Apple Bloom ran in, her innocent irises rolled from the ball on the ground, to Rumble’s big penis, throbbing right in front of her.

“Ooh! That must be hurting right?” she asked innocently.

Rumble just nodded with his head, his arousal only renewing itself.

“Do you want me to help you?” Apple Bloom smiled and asked, nudging his dick with a soft hoof.

The colt once again nodded, his erection as large as it could get.

“Well, I think Scootaloo dropped the knife somewhere around here. You know, that’s not supposed to be there. I don’t have of those, so it must be some kind of freaky growth.”

Rumble’s eyes widened as he realized what Apple Bloom was suggesting and the filly found the knife. He started squealing in horror, thrashing furiously.

“What? Don’t worry, I’ll cut it off.” Apple Bloom said with a warm smile as she advanced closer the knife in hoof.

By now Rumble was freaking out. Today had been one of the weirdest days. And now his whole life was about to end. He could almost see his entire life flash through his eyes.

His boring childhood, his uneventful schooling, his insignificant presence in the general plotline. Yep, he saw it all. And it was pretty dull.

But now it was all coming to an end.

Oh, what a terrible ending.

“There you go, all better!” Apple Bloom chirped.

Rumble peeled open one eye. Luckily his dick was still there (Jesus how sick do you think I am?).

However his wings were now missing.

Shit, bruva.

“Now we can be earth ponies together!” Apple Bloom yelled heroically. Rumble didn’t even hear her as he fainted from a combination of shock and blood loss.

The end.

Oh, yeah, then Rainbow Dash came in and tried to rape Rumble.

THE ACTUAL END.

Author's Note

PaleRider's not so sexy notes: We were trying to come up with a one shot just to excuse ourselves of our procrastination. This is the result. Also, I was thinking about including our logs from Facebook, but Vexy freaking out from my dark rapefics ideas was not going to really contribute to the humor on this piece... I think. Applebloom is missing her accent because I can’t write it and Vexy was too lazy to put it, also, the comical effect was great.

Vexy’s sexy note: This was just brilliant. I’ve not written anything in - well, forever - and then I started writing the first paragraph of this, brainstorming for a Scootaloo x Rumble fic. Then this was born. What is this, you ask?

No idea, don’t ask me! I just wrote it, geez! I didn’t actually think this idea through. I’m sure the plotline is actually very deep, but I didn’t really notice; I was too busy listening to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWAIJTtvhK0

This was going to be a romance. Now it is Dark. I blame PaleRider. Him and his desire to corrupt everything - ever - into a despicable rapefic.

Title inspired by: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkuqAaGbyEQ

Finally, just to clarify, ponies have arms. If you want to argue then go study horses more and come back to me.