The Original Character Immigration Offices

Chapters

Shining Moon
Nikki Stamp
Golden Lining
Midnight Chorus
Geno the Giraffe
Typewriter Error
Iron Bars
Solo Gamer1
Wandering Cloud
Klondike
Dirt Nap
Pipe Dream
Pageturner
Digital Chaos
Lord Smoked Meat and Fishes
Cherry Skies
Cassandra Truth
Grey Streak and Comet Burst
Sugar Sweet
Blood Diamond
Table of Contents and Preface

Shining Moon

I blinked, my eyes not really wanting to focus. I could see the door, yes. Above it lettering, the... O.C.I.O. Yes, this was the place. I shook my head a bit, trying to clear the haze. Well, it should be about the time for my appointment. Or not, most likely though.

I had only started drinking my reserves about an hour ago, or was it two hours? No, definitely an hour, meaning I should have plenty of time to get in and take my appointment. But I couldn’t be interviewed like this, I needed to sober up a bit.

Looking around, I noticed a barrel, something reflecting out of it. Water! I thought to myself, trotting over and dunking my head in. The cooling sensation felt nice as I just stood there for a bit. I pulled my head up, smiling. The bleariness of my vision had mostly gone, and also the headache that I had not realised I had until it was gone.

I turned around, ignoring the muttering around me. I had an interview to do! If I was going to become an equestrian citizen then I’d have to be at the top of my game. I walked into the building, dripping slightly as I walked.

The receptionist eyed me strangely as I walked forward. “Hello there! Pleasant day is it not?”

“Of course...” the mare said, eyeing me as though I was some madpony, or else that I had walked from the shower to this place without even remembering to put my bags on. “May I help you?”

“I have an appointment with one Twilight Sparkle, I believe that it is relatively soon?” My demeanor was cheery enough. At least I hoped it was cheery enough, I didn’t want to seem like some ungrateful pony for getting this chance.

“Name?” the receptionist asked, looking down at her clipboard.

“Moon, Shining Moon,” I replied, smiling.

“You’re late,” the receptionist said, looking up.

“Wh-what?” I was aghast. I took a couple of steps back, not sure what to say. Thoughts raced through my head. I could have sworn I had gotten the time right. I tried to argue, “I could have sworn I was to come by the rising of the moon...”

“Your appointment was at 4:30 this afternoon, it has since gone past that time,” the receptionist said.

“But, there surely is something you can do, right?” I wanted, no I needed a break. It’d be as though I had launched for the moon but never left the ground.

“Well...” the receptionist said, looking at her clipboard again, “I can slot you in at seven...”

“Oh would you? Please? I’d be over the moon if you could do such a thing!” I opened my eyes wide, in their blue depths I’d hope to show my desire to get this interview.

“Very well,” the receptionist said, making a mark on her board, “please have a seat and wait your turn.”

I sighed, wandering over before collapsing on one of the chairs. I knew it would have been too early to have started drinking. But boredom and an idle jug of liquid moon can cause one to suffer moon madness after all. I sighed, reclining and closing my eyes. Perhaps a quick resting of my eyes would be good before I saw Twilight Sparkle.

I wasn’t there for very long before I heard a voice beside me. “Hey there baby. I can’t help but notice your cutie mark. A moon is good because baby, I’m over the moon about you.” I cracked one eye to take a good look at the pony who intruded on my shut-eye.

The thing that caught my attention first had to be his silver and gold striped coat. A small smirk appeared on my face, somepony like that would never have a chance to get into Equestria. What was worse he appeared to be an Alicorn, I didn’t think they were letting any in. Still, humouring him might be nice.

“Over the moon? Wow that’s impressive.” I said, trying to sound more sincere than sarcastic. I don’t think I managed it that well, but I think he bought it.

“Indeed. If you want, we could meet up in Equestria tonight, show each other the sights.” Oh dear, I certainly didn’t want to meet up with a ham like this equestria. I had to think, and quick, where would be the best place we could go that I could ditch him afterwards.

“The Lunar Lakes? Or how about the Crater Cafe?” It was the first two places that came to mind. At the Lakes I could make a dash towards the forest nearby and lose him in there. And the Crater Cafe was almost always packed, it’d be easy to sneak out of the back of that. Or at least, so I’ve heard. Books tends to be useful when you want to move to a place.

“We can do whatever you want sweet cheeks.” Oh gosh, this was unbearable. Was he... making bedroom eyes at me? Last chance, I had to find some sort of activity that I could do with him that would make sure he’d forget everything about me. Like the clouds moving to reveal the moon it suddenly came to me.

My smile spread across my face, I knew what to do. “Ooo... then let’s go Moonshining, I think there’s a full moon tonight. It’ll be... beautiful.” It’d be mean to get him so drunk off his plot that he might suffer memory loss, but if I was honest with myself then I’d say that he deserved it.

He blindly agreed, before silence fell between us. I shuffled a bit, he just kept staring at me. The uncomfortableness just seemed unbearable, so I just started talking. I needed to fill the silence and perhaps get him to stop staring where I thought he was staring. Were all stallions like this? He didn’t appear to be listening to what I was saying even though he was responding.

I sighed in relief when he was called to be interviewed. I glanced over at the clock, my appointment would be next. Good, I can watch him get rejected before I go in and triumphantly return. I went over what I was going to say in my head, wondering what questions were going to be asked.

The doors opened, and I saw the cocky stallion walk out dejectedly. I smirked slightly after he had passed me. Looks like I wouldn’t have to go moonshining with him after all. I heard my name called. Standing up, I walked confidently through the doors. I quickly found the appropriate door, knocking lightly on it as to not be rude.

“Come in.” I heard a sweet voice call. I opened the door, a unicorn sitting at the desk inside greeted me. All right Shiney, this is it. Just answer honestly and assume nothing. The unicorn smiled, motioning with her perfectly haircut head. “You may have a seat.”

I smiled, taking my seat. There was silence between the two of us for a moment before she started the interview. “Alright miss Moon, that is your name correct? Shining Moon?”

“Yes, that is my name,” I replied. I really didn’t want to chit chat much. If I got in I’m sure that the two of us could become friends later. This right now, however, was business.

“Ooook, tell me what are you looking to do in Equestria?” Twilight asked, looking up from my application. I blinked. Really? It was that simple?

“I’d like to live in Equestria,” I said with complete honesty. It seemed like kind of a dumb question to me, isn’t that why I was taking this interview?

“I see... and how will you live? What will your occupation be?” Twilight followed up. This seemed like a much more reasonable question.

I had my answer ready, doing my best to keep my excitement from spilling out as I answered. “I want to open up a distillery up near Lunar Lakes. Moon Mad Distillery, where I’d brew Moon Mad Moonshine.” I smiled, hoping that my plan to be able to give back to the government would be a bonus to my chances of getting in.

“Moon Mad Moonshine huh?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “I’m curious, how happy would you be if I just accepted your application right now?” I blinked, was she suggesting what I thought she was? Was she really suggesting that I might already be approved?

“Well I’d be over the moon about it!” I said, grinning. “It’d be like the moon itself was smiling on me.”

“Mhmmm... and how would you feel if I denied you entry?” My face froze, this had to be some sort of test, it had to be. I let the smile slowly slide off my face as I regained posture.

“To be perfectly honest Miss Sparkle, I’d feel as though the moon had gone dark never to shine again.” She looked at my application again, nodding.

“What do you distill your moonshine out of?” Twilight asked, glancing up at me as she slid my papers aside.

“Why I distill moonlight. It’s my special talent, I created the spell myself after watching my ma distil her whiskey.” I smiled, I was pretty proud of my talent. There aren’t many ponies who have learned distilling spells on their own and to have created one seemed like a great accomplishment to me.

A thud on my papers. I resisted looking over too eagerly. I waited for those fateful words telling me I was approved to immigrate into Equestria...

“Miss Sinning Moon your application and request to enter Equestria and become one of its citizens has been denied.”

The words entered my brain, but they didn’t quite register. “W-what?” I said, finally losing my composure completely. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. I wasn’t an Alicorn. I wasn’t something that could threaten the Princesses. Why had I been rejected?

“Your application has been denied,” Twilight said, smiling softly. “I’m afraid that Equestria already has enough moon-themed ponies.” That was it? That was why I had been denied? Because I was “moon-themed”? Really? “Don’t worry though, you will be able to re-submit an application. Either in one fortnight or when one of the moon-themed ponies is sent to the moon due to upsetting the Princess.”

I smiled weakly, getting to my feet. “T-thank you for your consideration, I shall revise my application in that time.”

Twilight smiled. “Well have a good rest of the day.” I nodded, making my way out of the interviewer’s office, back through the doors into the receptionist hall, and finally back onto the streets. I looked for the moon, not being able to find it through the clouds in the sky. Its absence weighed heavily on my heart as I made my way towards the bar.

Nikki Stamp

Nikki Stamp
By
Sasha Nein

I admired the beautiful day as I walked up the street to the O.C.I.O. It had been four months and the inspector had been rotated out again. Hopefully I could make it into Equestria this time; I had been working hard on my presentation. There had been months of practicing in the mirror and friends making me confident that everything I was going to say would be perfect.

With a spring in my step, I walked in the door. Being early in the evening I was surprised to see the waiting room empty, this was usually the busiest time to come. Moving over to the reception desk, I was startled to see the mare doing her best to reign in what seemed to be laughter.

“Um, excuse me?”

The mare immediately stuffed the clipboard she had been looking at away and turned to face me. There were tears in her eyes and her cheeks were red.

“Hello, how may I *snrk* help you?” she asked breathlessly.

“I would like to make an appointment with Miss Twilight Sparkle?”

I looked at the clock, it read ten till five. I grinned sheepishly as the mare looked from the clock back to me. She sighed and hoofed over a sign-in sheet. Surprised, I noticed there were already a few names on the evening list. The appointments were slotted out into thirty minute meeting times. At the top of the page was a 4:30 with a certain Shining Moon, so I supposed that pony would be out shortly. To my relief there was a slot open at 6:00. I booked the time before pushing the pen and paper back to the receptionist, reminding myself to stop forgetting to make appointments before hoof.

Turning to the room, I scanned it for signs of life. It took me two passes to finally notice a blue Earth Pony with a pink mane huddled in the darkest corner of the waiting room. That was weird, I don’t think I would have missed a pink mane like that, especially on a male. At least, I was pretty sure he was a male; that was a rather buff build for a mare. Puzzling over how I could have missed him, I sat down near a window and picked up a magazine.

One could easily make the argument that all waiting room reading material was trash. I am inclined to agree with them; how in the lands beyond Equestria could a pony find interest in a magazine that gave you tips on cleaning your counter? I wrote fictional stories myself. They were mostly about Equestria of course. I don’t want to say I’m the most engaging writer in the world but I’ll be darned if they weren’t better than this junk. Nevertheless, I became enraptured with the positively drab articles in an outdated Equestrian Living magazine.

Fifteen past five the door jingled and a unicorn mare with a black and silver streaked mane walked in. It was hard to place her coat color, the closest I could come up with was yellowish silver. She walked rather unsteadily to the desk. It was then I realized she was also dripping wet and making an absolute mess of the floor. Shrugging, I went back to my reading, she was probably just lost.

Hearing an agast, “Wh-what?” I looked up to see the mare leaning over the receptionist’s desk, but I couldn’t hear what else was said. A few moments later the silvery mare walked over to the chairs and slumped into one, oblivious to her surroundings. I crinkled my nose as the scent of alcohol washed over my position. I hoped none of it would stick to me when I had my interview.

While I was agonizing on whether or not to move, an Alicorn with a black coat and fiery red mane came barreling through the waiting room making a beeline for the door. I only saw him for a second, but I could have sworn there were tears leaking from his eyes. He burst through the exit and almost collided with another pony walking in. No, it was another Alicorn! Jeeze, I had heard of there only being three Alicorns in Equestria and that they were very powerful, but here they seemed as common as Earth ponies.

“Mr. Purple, you are next, this way please.” The receptionist called a minute later, gesturing towards a hall lined with doors. The stallion with the pink mane got up from the corner and made his way towards the mare who led him to an office.

I looked up at the clock, thirty minutes for him before I could begin my appointment. Sighing, I glanced at the new Alicorn making his way towards the chairs. He sat down in a chair away from my damp companion before taking a long look at her flank and scooting closer.

The first words out of his mouth made me bring a hoof to my face. “Hey there baby. I can’t help but notice your cutie mark. A moon is good because baby, I’m over the moon about you.”

I watched in shock as the mare shook herself out of her stupor and began conversing with the not-so-subtle stallion. I buried myself back into my magazine, wishing for all it was worth that I would get into my appointment early.

No such luck. After an agonizingly long thirty minutes later, I finally hurried down the hall after the receptionist. That “Purple” fellow had not been happy when he had returned. He had promptly begun ranting about the injustices of the world or whatever to anyone who would listen in the waiting area.

We stopped after a short ways in front of a door marked T. Sparkle. As the receptionist walked back to the front, I could still hear Purple’s raised voice. I took a deep breath and knocked.

“Come in,” a brisk voice said.

I opened the door and walked inside. A purple mare sat looking at me over a file she was holding in her magic. Calming the fluttering in my stomach, I turned and closed the door.

“Stop,” she commanded as soon as I turned back. I had never been told to stop before, I wasn’t ready for this! I froze, already panicking from the scenarios my mind was churning out.

Before I could hypothesize further, her lavender magic washed over me. Once it finished she grunted.

“I apologize,” she hesitated, glancing back at the file, “Miss Stamp, I’ve had to take a few new measures to check the authenticity of ponies recently.”

I sighed with relief. I could handle this. All I had to do was remain calm and get control of the situation. “Oh, that’s quite alright, I understand completely,” I said lightly, moving to sit down on a cushion opposite her.

“Well, Miss Stamp. It says here you have been evaluated three other times,” Sparkle said, not looking up. “Needless to say, you were rejected each time for... various reasons.”

I laughed nervously, it was never a good sign when others avoided recanting your direct reaction to things.

“Yes, well, I’ve been doing my best to become a model Equestrian citizen since last time.”

“Oh? Do tell,” Sparkle said, looking up from the file.

Good, I had her attention. Now, I just had to get what I had worked on out perfectly.

“Of course! Let me see, I suppose I should start with when I was here last,” I began. “I realized that when I was rejected a third time, that it was not going to be easy to get into Equestria. I resolved to find out all I could from the society. It took a while, but I studied history, current events, social behaviors, economics, military endeavors, your princesses and... and well, you get the point.” I paused, delighted she was still paying attention.

“So, I’ve learned much of Equestrian history to about six hundred years back. I’ve only read smatterings about the Chaos War and the banishment of Nightmare Moon, I’ve not been able to get my hooves on much. I know that Princess Luna has returned and I must treat her with as much respect as I would give to your monarch Princess Celestia. I know that there are also six bearers for the Elements of Harmony which are your most powerful magical artifact who I must show respect for. I also know that if I do make it in I must be on the lookout for changelings since the country has been on high alert for those recently.”

Twilight held up a hoof when I stopped for breath. “Well, it seems you have been doing your homework, Miss Stamp.”

“Nikki will do just fine,” I responded, aware that getting on first name terms helped.

My heart soared as she flashed a quick smile. “Indeed, I don’t suppose you saw any suspicious looking ponies as you walked in today did you? Any that might be changelings?” she asked in a nonchalant tone.

Oh! This must be a test! She sure seems awfully casual, almost as if she doesn’t want me to make anything of the question! That must mean there was a changeling that they made sure I saw. My mind worked furiously as I tried to remember every pony I had seen since arriving.

“Hmm,” I said finally, “If I didn’t know better I would say that bluish Earth Pony with the pink mane was a changeling. But of course, I would never take matters into my own hands if I knew for sure. I would direct my concerns to your- your umm,” I stopped, trying to remember the name of their policing forces. “Oh, um, your Royal Guard!” I almost cheered the last, ecstatic that it came to me before I started to panic.

The lavender mare’s mouth was shaped in a small “o” and one of her eyebrows was raised. I had a sudden feeling I had done something wrong.

“Are you alright Miss Sparkle? I- I didn’t mean to assume anything! But, you asked so I thought-”

Twilight waved me into silence. “No no, it’s quite alright Miss... Nikki. I would like to ask you some other questions though. You say you have been studying pretty much everything, so let me give you a simple quiz.”

She paused with a hoof on her chin. “Deciding what to ask me,” I imagined.

“Alright, explain to me the purpose of a Cutie Mark.”

I did not hesitate, this was an easy question. “A Cutie Mark represents your own special talent. In a way, it is also like a unique identifier since no mark is the same. You are not born with it, instead it appears usually during the adolescence stage of a young filly or colt’s life when you find the one thing you are best at and love. It also works as a guide for to the respective ponies because it allows them to begin focusing their skills into a career that will last a lifetime.”

I stopped and waited for a response. Sparkle had raised her eyebrows, but that was about it. I knew I was right, of course, but I was hoping for at least an “okay” or “good job” or something.

“Alright, next question: Where would you like to live?”

I did not hesitate. “Why! Ponyville of course!” I exclaimed. “I hear the Elements of Harmony live there and I would love to meet them! Also, the idea of a small, quiet town appeals to me. I’m sure I could fit in and pick up some kind of job.”

“Uh-huh.” Sparkle checked my file again. “So, last time you were here you made quite the... scene,” she said dryly.

I gave a nervous laugh. “Heh, well I would like to apologize officially for that. I was not in my right state of mind then. When I made it home I concluded I would have to work hard and becoming a better pony; I’m proud to announce that is exactly what I’ve done!” I sat up straight and gave a confident grin.

“Alright, why don’t you tell me what you have done since last time that makes you so confident?” Twilight asked.

“Okay, I, I um...” I stammered for a moment, wondering where to begin. “Alright,” I picked up firmly. “I’ll just start at the beginning, or, when I left last time.”

“It took a couple of weeks for the realization to come to me that I must become a citizen before I even gain access. How else would I be able to integrate into the society right away? So I went home and began at an elementary level with my learning. I’ve gone over all the basics, I browsed those things like language arts and math since they aren’t different. But I made sure I knew the history, the legends; made sure I understand innuendoes and cultural behavior.” I listed off every subject I had gone over and gave a short explanation of what I learned.

It took a while, but I was able to complete an accurate list which detailed how well I would fit into Equestrian society. I was able to list off what to say or not say; to do or what not to do around other ponies, as well as having a story for my lack of Cutie Mark. I had it all worked out. Nothing could go wrong, I had planned for everything, I would be perfect.

Coming back to reality, I noticed Miss Sparkle giving me an odd look. She looked a little askance, with an eyebrow raised and her tongue poking the side of her left cheek. I checked the clock. No, we still had ten minutes, I didn’t go over. I did a mental check of my appearance, I didn’t think anything was out of place. Was I too enthusiastic? I gave a tiny frown, but groaned inwardly... Surely not. Why was she staring at me like that?

“So, you don’t have any wild fantasies you want to fulfill? No places in Equestria you want to see? No desire to see the princess or find yourself a stallion to sleep with?” Twilight questioned, still with that look on her face.

“Um, not really? I mean, sure every mare wants to have a stallion at some point, but I figure I can just wait and let that come with time right?” I grinned nervously. “I’m pretty sure I told you I’ve written quite a bit, for both pleasure and money. It’s a dream come true to settle down in a small town in the world of my fantasies.”

Twilight Sparkle gave a long sigh and looked over the file again.

“Miss Stamp,” she began. Oh crap, she is addressing me formally, this isn’t good. I thought with a cringe. “Miss Stamp, everything you have told me today will get you into Equestria.” She paused, looking at my file. I felt a glimmer of hope which I began to cultivate like the embers of last night’s fire.

Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath. “But-” The ball dropped, the winds blew, my embers were gone faster than that snow cone I bought today. “But,” she repeated, “looking at your file your behavior has done a radical about turn. This seems too good to be true.” She stopped, I could do nothing but stare in disbelief.

“No, it doesn’t seem too good, it is too good to be true. I can’t approve your form Miss Stamp, not unless I know for sure you aren’t hiding something. However, if you keep up the good face leaving here, and for the next four months, I will leave a personal letter of recommendation in your file for the next time you take this interview. Perhaps then you will make it into Equestria.”

She had the nerve to look sympathetic, but I knew better. As the loud thump of the stamp hit my latest form, I plotted my revenge. Looking at the large red letters of DENIED, I knew that Equestria as a country had it in for me.

Twilight Sparkle looked up at the clock. “I’m very sorry Miss Stamp, but I have another appointment and we are out of time. Please, return in the allotted time and your application will be reviewed again at that time.”

What could I do? Rage? Scream? Throw a temper tantrum? Those had not worked the last time, I didn’t see how they would help me here. No, I thought as I stood. I will leave now, I have four months to bring this place down around their ears. We would see who was king of this silly test and who was buried underneath a couple tons of rubble.

I left the office quietly. I walked down the hall and into the waiting room. I sat down in a chair without thinking, my mind in lockdown. I barely noticed that stupid Alicorn heading down the hall for his interview.

What to do now?

Golden Lining

Golden Lining
By
DarkPhoenix

I approached the door into the O.C.I.O. office, a swagger in my step. This was going to be the easiest thing I had ever done. Even easier than the time I actually took candy from a baby. What? Don’t judge, I just wanted to test out the saying.

Anyway, I was still trying to get used to walking on hooves. I wasn’t falling on my face... muzzle... anymore, but I wasn’t the most steady. The wings did help though, just flare them out if I ever felt my balance failing. It wasn’t foolproof and that one cute mare I had smacked in the face meant I had to be careful in crowds, but I just flashed her my most charming smile, watching as she melted on her hooves trying to forgive me.

Oh man, I hope the interviewer is cute, I thought. If I can charm her than this will be even easier. I made it to the door and my horn powered up to open it. Before I got ahold of the handle, the door was flung open, nearly hitting me in the face. My quick dodge sent me tumbling head over hooves. “Whoa!” I cried out. I hit the side of the building and lay there, looking up at my attacker.

“Well I never...” said the pony striding out the door. He had the most peculiar coat and mane color combination: a totally black body with a flaming red mane. He had both wings and a horn, though based on the imprint in the door he had used neither in his hasty exit, instead simply kicking the door open. “Just because I have unique colors doesn’t mean I should be denied entry!”

I picked myself off the ground, stumbling slightly. Sucker, I thought. Shoulda picked better colors. I glanced at my own impeccable coat, with its stripes of silver and gold. I spotted some dirt from my fall on my wings, but a quick burst of magic took care of that. Flipping my sun-golden mane and making sure it was perfect, I entered the building, trusting that someone else would close the door.

There were several others sitting in chairs in the waiting room but I didn’t pay them any attention. Instead I locked eyes with the bored looking mare at the check-in desk. She was shuffling some papers around.

I walked up to the desk, my hooves announcing my arrival. She looked up and I fixed her with my second best smile. “Hello there,” I said. “I’m here for a 6:30 with Twilight Sparkle.” I raised a single eyebrow.

The mare stared at me for a moment before speaking up. “Name?”

I leaned casually on the desk. “Golden. Golden Lining. And what’s your name? It must be lovely to match someone as lovely as you.” I made my voice as suave and smooth as possible.

The mare glanced down at her schedule. “You’re early. Please have a seat over there.” She gestures towards the others you noticed upon entering.

“Thank you my lady,” I said. I grasped her outstretched hoof in mine, bringing it up to my lips. I planted a short kiss upon her hoof before releasing her. The mare’s cheeks flushed red as I turned and made my way over to the chairs. Oh ya, I’ve got this in the bag.

I took a seat in one of the chairs, finally taking notice of the other ponies around me. Sitting two seats over was a unicorn mare with a yellowish-silver coat. Her cutie mark was of a jug with a moon over it. She was pretty cute, though she looked like a quiet one. But that was fine by me, just meant less pillow talk afterwards.

There were a few other ponies, but none of them were as hot as this unicorn. I slid over a seat and struck up a conversation. “Hey there baby. I can’t help but notice your cutie mark. A moon is good because baby, I’m over the moon about you.”

She looked up at me, her eyes a silver color with hints of blue in it. “Over the moon? Wow, that’s impressive.” she said.

I nodded. “Indeed. If you want, we could meet up in Equestria tonight, show each other the sights.” I stared at her flank, trying to get a look at what was back there.

“The Lunar Lakes? Or how about the Crater Cafe?”

“We can do whatever you want sweet cheeks.” Oh man, this is awesome! My first night in Equestria and I may not even have to look for someone to celebrate with.

She smiled at me. “Ooo... then let’s go Moonshining, I think there’s a full moon tonight. It’ll be... beautiful.”

“Yeah, it is.” I had no idea what she was saying, but if it got me a night with her, I’d say anything. She kept going on about the moon and moonlight and other things. I stopped paying attention, instead just staring at her flank and giving automatic responses. Finally though something managed to break through my thoughts.

“Mr Lining?” the desk mare called. “Ms. Sparkle is ready for you.”

I stood up. Now was my time to shine. I turned to the mare and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll see you on the other side baby,” I said with a wink. She looked taken aback, but I just chalked that up to shock.

As I walked past the desk, an earth pony mare was walking past me. Her tan coat didn’t really stand out, but as I got a good look at her flank, I noticed it was blank. She didn’t look very happy though, and as much as I wanted to chat her up, maybe invite her along tonight as well, I had an interview to get to.

I made for the door marked T. Sparkle and knocked. A familiar voice called from inside. “Come in.”

I opened the door and sitting on a cushion behind a desk was a lavender unicorn, someone I recognized. Twilight looked up and I took her in. She was even more gorgeous in... person? pony? than in the show. Her mane hung over her forehead, the pink and purple stripes positioned perfectly. Her deep purple eyes stared at me as I stood in the doorway.

“Come in and have a seat,” she said, indicating the pillows set up in front of her desk with a hoof.

I stopped staring at her long enough to sit down. And I didn’t stumble along the way, so that was a plus. I could tell that she was observing me, taking in my appearance. As soon as I was seated, I flipped my mane, making sure it was absolutely perfect and that my horn was front and center. A quick ruffle of my wings and I desisted from drawing her eye and returned to taking her in.

“Are you one Golden Lining?” she asked.

I nodded. “Indeed I am. And you must be the beautiful Twilight Sparkle.” I held out a hoof, which she took. But rather than shake it, I planted a kiss on it, just as I had the desk mare. While the desk mare had blushed, Twilight simply looked at me, her face blank. Hmm, I’ll need to step up my game.

I released her hoof, which she set down on the floor. She glanced at the open file in front of her. “I see from your file that you listed reason for entry as: A cultural education. Care to elaborate on that?”

“Straight to business, I like that.” Time for me to get to work. I gave her my best flirtatious stare. Only the best for Twilight. “I want to experience the Equestrian culture, and I think that they should experience mine.” I stole a glance at her flank, the stars cutie mark emblazoned there. It was slightly juicy, but not fat. Her entire body was plump, a typical scholar who didn’t get much exercise but somehow managed to keep mostly in shape. Size didn’t matter though, and that juicy flank would just mean more cushion.

Her eyes watched me, taking in everything. “Culture huh?”

I nodded. “Indeed, culture. Perhaps you would like to show me some culture? Tonight, in Ponyville?”

“You seem certain about getting in.”

I returned to my flirtatious stare. “I know I’m getting in,” I said.

“And what makes you say that?”

I leaned forward, closer to her. She stood her ground. “Because I’m a shoo in.”

Her eyebrow arched. “Really?”

“Really. I’m the only one like me. Equestria could learn a lot from me.” And I could totally learn a lot from it, like all about mares. And stallions. And gryphons. Ooh and zebras.

Twilight broke eye contact to glance at the file once more. “Well, you are unique, there’s no disputing that.”

“I am. Tell me Twilight, would you like to know just how unique I am?”

She nodded. “Please, enlighten me.”

I continued to lean over her desk. Time to really turn on the charm. “I can show you things, things that you’ve never seen before, never experienced.”

She put her front hooves on her desk, leaning forward towards me. “What kind of things?”

I had her right where I wanted her. She was biting the bait and soon I would not only have my entry into Equestria, but I could cross Twilight’s name off my list a lot earlier than I had thought. “I know things, things that you don’t know.” I leaned in closer. I could smell her scent, she looked like lavender and smelled like it too.

“There’s not a lot that I don’t know.” She held her ground against me.

I smiled at her, my best one of course. Almost, just a little more. “Do you want to know what I know, to experience what only I can give you?”

“And what would that be?” She leaned in to me. I could now feel her breath as it ghosted across my lips.

“A world that you could only dream of. A world of passion and excitement.”

“Sharing our cultures?”

I nodded. “Yes, sharing our cultures.” I leaned forward once more, our faces separated by only inches. Her face was all I could see, her eyes staring into mine. “Don’t you want to experience another culture?”

“I do,” she answered, her voice breathless.

I moved closer to her as she moved into me. Her lips passed over mine, just a brush that sent a shiver down my spine in anticipation.

“Are we alone here?” I asked. I hoped the answer was no. After all, the more the merrier.

She nodded, the action brushing her lips across mine once more. “We are.” Her voice sent vibrations across my face, her breath blowing past me.

I smiled once more and simply said, “Perfect.” And now, time to seal the deal. I leaned forward, capturing her lips with mine. She tasted like berries. I felt like I was in heaven. Here I was, making out with Twilight Sparkle and ready for more, when something interrupted us.

There was a thump from the desk, loud enough to break my concentration. And Twilight pulling back didn’t help either. I glanced up and saw her horn alight, magic flowing through it. I looked around, trying to figure out what she was doing.

I glanced down at my file. A stamp was hovering over it, surrounded by her glowing aura. On the file in large red letters was the word DENIED.

I looked back up at her. She was sitting back on her haunches once more, a smile on her face. Though this one was less friendly and more smug. “Sharing culture, really? That’s the best excuse you could give me?”

“Wha?” I sputtered, confused. Everything had been going so well, I had her right where I wanted her. What had gone wrong?

“Mr. Lining, it’s obvious to me exactly what your intentions are in Equestria. You think you’re the first person to try and get past me? I see at least a dozen of you a week.”

“But...” My brain refused to form coherent sentences.

“Golden Lining, your application to enter Equestria is denied, have a nice day.” She closed my file and stuck it on top of a stack of others in a red tray on her desk. There was also a green tray, which was nearly empty.

“But the culture,” I said.

“Is fascinating I’m sure. But don’t try and hide from me that ‘culture’ isn’t what you’re talking about.” She pointed a hoof at him. “You have, shall we say, other needs.” She pondered for a moment, her hoof moving to her chin. “No, that’s not right. Desires, that’s the right word.”

She pulled a file off the top of the short stack in a third tray on her desk. “Now if you would please leave, I have another appointment at seven. You may feel free to resubmit your application in... never.” She giggled at her joke.

My mouth was working but no sounds were coming out. Twilight looked up from her paperwork and saw me still sitting there. “Oh great, another one,” she muttered.

Her horn lit up again and I felt a tingling sensation surround me. My vision was tinted with a red aura, the same color her horn was glowing. I felt the floor vanish from underneath my hooves and I was floating. The door behind me opened and I soon found myself in the hall. The sensation left and I was dropped to the floor. Twilight sent me a final smug look before the door to her office closed with a resounding click.

What just happened?

I sat in the hallway for a moment longer before my brain started working again. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I did everything right, by the book (the one that I wrote for my use). She had seemed hooked and ready to go. But she had been playing me, probably the entire time. She had seen right through me.

My dreams of mares, stallions, and everything in between had just went up in smoke. Sure I got to kiss Twilight, but that’s it. I wanted more, I wanted all of them. I could see them, just waiting for me. Yet the door had been closed, both literally and figuratively.

I stood up, walking back down the hallway and into the waiting room, passing the lovely mare I had spoken to earlier. I exited the building and into the evening light. Spotting a bench nearby, I sat down. The door to the O.C.I.O. stared back at me, taunting me. I’m not sure how long I sat there, but eventually the door opened and that one moon mare walked out, the tan mare with the blank flank following her. I need a drink... And some company.

Midnight Chorus

Midnight Chorus
By
Mendoza

He fiddled with his blue and black hair for the umpteenth time, looking in the two-way mirror on the wall opposite him. After paying for and filling out the mountain of paperwork for an inter-dimensional passport, then the even more mountainous mountain for simply the interview for immigration; the time had come. The hopeful pegasus had only to make a decent impression and Equestria would become his oyster. Now all that remained was to count the seconds until the interviewer would saunter through the door into this tiny room lit only by a single hanging ceiling lamp. Ponies in this realm saunter, don’t they?

He laid his chin on the table at which he sat. He adjusted his rump on his stool, which was bolted to the floor tiles for some reason. Since he had thoroughly exhausted joints to crack, he settled for sweeping his foreleg over the table. The silver bracelets adorning his limb, bought with the leftover savings for the papers and portals, rattled across the surface; the sound was likely aggravating whomever was supposed to be watching him through the mirror, but he doubted very much that a little noise would be a valid reason for rejection.

There was the sound of hoofsteps out in the hallway. A tangerine aura enveloped the door handle and the door was magically thrust open to reveal a grey unicorn with a bushy handlebar moustache and matching shaggy black mane. His flank bore the image of a sheet of parchment under a magnifying glass.

“Three things: my name is Glasseye, it’s only been ten minutes, and you can stop that.” he related irritably. The pegasus swiftly withdrew his hoof, a tint of embarrassment on his cheeks as the interviewer marched to the chair across from him. A small crystalline cube and bland file folder held in the unicorn’s magical grip followed and softly landed upon the table between the two stallions.

“Now before I even look at your file, Blueberry” he said, noting the colour of the pony opposite him, “I’m going to ask you one question.”

“Okay.” the pegasus nodded semi-calmly, his monochrome-teal eyes betraying the rest of his anxiety.

“Why do you want to leave behind your world in favour of Equestria?”

The anxiety diminished considerably; he had practiced this question for 4 weeks. “Equines of my realm,” he began matter-of-factly, “are inherently greedy beings. In my world, there is no such thing as a truly selfless act; there is always something to be gained later on. I want to get away from that; the inhabitants of Equestria have always seemed more genuine and sincere.”

The gruff, grey Glasseye nodded sagely, “I can understand that.” He turned his gaze on the crystalline cube and tapped a hoof twice on it’s transparent surface. It began to emit a faintly pulsating emerald glow which continued for four beats and fell dark once more. His eyes counted the hopeful immigrant’s jewelry.

“You’re wearing magical artifacts.” stated the unicorn. “Four of them.”

“Indeed I am.” replied the pegasus. He placed his forelegs upon the table and admired his purchases, “The amethysts are enchanted with a simple colour-change spell. They cost me less than I thought, considering magic in my world is next to non-existent.”

Glasseye leaned forward to examine the bracelets, they reflected the dull light fixture above them in the violet gems. “And why,” he began slowly, ‘are you wearing these to what’s supposed to be a somewhat formal interview? Don’t you worry about the first impression in your dimension?”

The limbs disappeared back beneath the table, “Of course we do,” said the interviewee, “I simply figured it would make a better impression to not hide behind an outfit I’ll rarely use.”

Glasseye’s eyes narrowed as he leaned on his forehooves and grunted for the pegasus to continue.

Midnight began shucking off his accessories which rattled onto the metal table, “You see, these bangles are part of my stage attire. I feel the most at home and the most free to be my true self when I’m in front of a crowd, giving my all in a song.” Without the enchantments, his eyes turned from a solid teal to a dark purple with a visible pupil in the center.

The grizzled pony froze. His eye shot to the file on the table and his tangerine aura picked it up once more. It opened and hung in front of his face and he began reading the information within for the first time. When the file dropped, his eyes were blazing with contempt. He took a steadying breath and slowly sat back in his chair and crossed his hooves over his chest. The sudden ignition of such anger bewildered and shocked the pegasus, whose colour paled considerably at the change in the atmosphere.

“Mr. Midnight Chorus” he hissed with severe acidity, “a... ssssssinger.”

“Y-yes.” stammered the quaking musician as he gestured to the microphone emblazoned on his flank. “I w-want to join in the m-marvelously e-energetic world of m-music in Equestria.”

“Well y’see that’s gonna be a problem.” mocked Glasseye. “Do you know how many singers we have in Equestria? Hm?”

Midnight only replied with a strangled whimpering at the sheer animosity in his voice.

“Too many,” continued the steely unicorn whose voice rose with each sentence, “we have thousands of records produced each minute across the land. Entire towns are breaking out into song and dance just about each and every day!” he lurched forward and planted his hooves on the table, “Districts are backed up for miles because of the dozens of flash-mobs erupting out of nowhere! And y’know who has to deal with all this? My poor father and sister in the royal guard!” He snorted with frustration and continued his verbal crusade, “But they can’t ever catch the leaders; the organizers of these disruptive parties. So they just keep on happening and happening. No more! I’m nipping this one in the bud!”

Glasseye’s hoof darted under the table and pounded twice on a large, red button. A section of the wall spun around to reveal a long cylinder, which took aim at the now severely terrified vocalist. There was a high-pitched hum and the cylinder discharged a load of a sticky, black adhesive which pinned Midnight’s wings to his body. The tiles behind his stool slide away and uncovered a hole, into which he was dumped by his stool mechanically tilting backwards. The sounds of Midnight’s screaming and tumbling down the chute were followed by the metallic clinking of his bracelets being tossed down after him.

Glasseye took a deep breath after the trap door had closed again. He conjured a cell phone out of thin air and hit the speed-dial for his father. The triumphant news and proud congratulations on another ne'er do well repelled were, unfortunately, cut short by the sound of a polka troupe starting a riot outside the guard post on the other end. But, at least the cities of Equestria were saved again from another potential threat to the peace.

Geno the Giraffe

Geno the Giraffe
By
Metool Bard

When I first approached the O.C.I.O, I had a feeling this wasn’t going to work. The front entrance was too small. Far too small. Seriously, I don’t think even my legs would fit in that tiny little door. But, I had no reason to give up hope. I had an appointment to keep after all. I used a side entrance that was reserved for dragon OCs and found my way to the reception area.

My hopes were rekindled when I found that I had plenty of room to move around once I got to the right room. Again, it was probably a measure for the occasional (and in my experience, very rare) dragon OCs that could come into play. I walked over to the receptionist, taking great care not to step on anypony as I walked. Trust me, when you’re a giraffe, minding your step is harder than it looks. I arched my neck down and cleared my throat.

“Um, excuse me? I have a six o’clock appointment with Her Royal Eminence Twilight Sparkle,” I said.

The peach-colored mare looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. “And, you are?”

“Geno,” I replied, “Geno the Giraffe.”

The receptionist checked over the list. “Geno, Geno... Ah, here we are. Just have a seat, Mr. Geno. We’ll be with you in a moment.”

“Many thanks, my good mare,” I said with a nod. I then carefully made my way over to the waiting area. Again, there was plenty of room for me to move around. However, I noticed that there were no chairs suitable for a creature of my size. I guess dragons don’t need chairs.

Making due with what I had, I knelt down to the ground and sighed.

Perhaps a giraffe doesn’t fit into Equestria. I thought to myself. How would I function? How would I entertain guests or run my business? Zebras have it so lucky...

“Geno the Giraffe?”

An angelic voice snapped me out of my moping as the great princess herself approached me. I bowed my head in reverence.

“Y-yes, Your Highness?” I said.

“Come with me,” said Twilight. “Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of space.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought the office would be too small. But, once again, dragons had to be accounted for. I followed the purple alicorn into her office.

“Have a seat,” said Twilight as she took out a bunch of papers from my desk (I assumed it was my file).

“Oh, yes. Thank you,” I said, finding that once again, the chair was too small. I swallowed. “Um, Your Highness? Could I perhaps request a larger seat?”

“Hmm? Oh, let me get that for you,” said Twilight, using her magic to cause the chair to grow. “There. Better?”

“Oh, much. Again, thank you,” I said as I sat down. I smiled to myself. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

“Well, let’s see here,” said Twilight, looking over my file. “Apparently, you’re aiming to be a side character in the Daring Do novels.”

“Indeed,” said I, “I am an expert at deciphering ancient languages and codes.”

Twilight nodded slowly. “So, if you’re supposed to be a fictional character, how are you talking to me right now?”

“Oh, I filled out some paperwork with a lovely mare named Pinkie Pie,” I said. “Something about being able to break something called the Fourth Wall for this interview. I don’t know, there was a lot of legalese in the paperwork. Or at least I think it was legalese.”

“Of course it was Pinkie’s doing. I don’t know why I’d expect otherwise.” said Twilight, rolling her eyes. “Well, apart from that, this looks pretty impressive, Mr. Geno.”

As she continued looking over my file, I noticed a tantalizing tray of mints on her table. Twilight seemed to notice this and smiled.

“Oh, help yourself,” said Twilight.

“Thank you,” I said. “Doreimi!”

On cue, my fine feathered friend flew from off of my back and snatched up one of the mints. Twilight noticed this and raised an eyebrow.

“Um, Mr. Geno? What was that all about?” she asked.

“Oh. Yes, I probably should explain,” I said sheepishly. “As a giraffe, I need to keep all four hooves on the ground at all times while standing, or I’ll lose my balance. To cope with this, Doreimi here acts as my hands... er, hooves.”

“Uh huh,” said Twilight. Her expression was hard to read. I wasn’t sure if she approved or not. “So, what’s your place like?”

“Well, it’s not a typical pony home, I assure you,” I said. “Being as tall as I am, I’d probably have the largest house in the city of Hoofington, as well as the largest door. Also, my furnishings would be a bit, different.”

“Different how?”

“Well, everything would be bolted to the walls or ceiling,” I explained. “The only things that would be on the ground would be beds and chairs and such.”

“I, see.” said Twilight. “It would probably be difficult for a pony to relax in such a, big house.”

I honestly couldn’t argue with that. Nevertheless, I felt as though I still had a shot. “Th-that’s just one aspect of my character, Your Highness. I think you’ll find that I’m very considerate, intelligent, and...”

“Considerate?” asked Twilight, cutting across my train of thought.

“Um, yes,” I said nervously. “I, try my best not to step on other ponies. You know how it is, being a giraffe and all.”

“I can’t say that I do,” said Twilight tersely. She then pulled out a red stamp, and I knew that couldn’t be anything good. “I’m sorry, Mr. Geno. Your request for entry into Equestria, even if it’s into the fictional Daring Do universe, is denied.” She punctuated her statement by stamping my file. Sure enough, a red DENIED sign was there, as clear as day. My expression drooped.

“I was, expecting that,” I muttered. “It’s my size, isn’t it?”

Twilight sighed, “I’m not going to sugarcoat it, Mr. Geno. You have a lot of good ideas, but they just won’t work in an Equestrian setting. A bird acting as your hooves? Desks bolted to the ceiling? The fact that you have to watch your step all the time? It, just wouldn’t work out.”

“I understand completely,” I said. “Will you consider a revision?”

“Well, of course,” said Twilight. “Honestly, I’m giving you an A for effort. There aren’t many giraffes in Equestria, after all. Plus, you’re a lot more pleasant than some of the other OCs I had to deal with. Seriously, I had to deny five black-and-red alicorns this week alone, and all of them didn’t take the news as well as you did.”

I had to blush. “Th-thank you, Your Highness,” I said as I got up. “I-I hope to see you again soon.”

“We’ll see.” said Twilight. “Have a good day, Mr. Geno.”

I bowed my head in reverence, and made my way out of the office. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I pictured it, but it went more or less the way I expected. I turned to Doreimi, who simply offered me a shrug as I sighed.

So close, yet so far.

Typewriter Error

Typewriter Error
By
TypewriterError

She straightened the magazines again in the lobby of the O.C.I.O. Every time some fool pony opened the door, the incoming air shifted the piles. There were rumors that Princess Twilight was sometimes involved in the interviews. She would probably be understanding. At least even if Type could not get in, she could meet one of the Princesses. She’d dreaded being interviewed by a pony who had lost his patience already.

Five minutes of worry left until her interview.

There was a smudge on the table. She rubbed it with her hoof. Nope. Still there. She though she heard something but when she stopped rubbing the mahogany surface the other sound had already ended. The smudge was lessened but not by much. She brought her muzzle close and exhaled forcefully onto the polished wood.

“Miss Error!” Type jumped, turning red as she glanced at the confused unicorn stallion.

“I’m sorry. I have trouble hearing,” she explained sheepishly.

“That’s fine. Follow me,” the receptionist said, waving his hoof at her. Type followed the orderly stallion through the halls past a few doors with names on them. Her meadow green eyes scanned them lazily. Each nameplate had something different about it: a different font for the name, a different metal for the sign, a different design on each sign or lack of design. It was random enough not to bother her. The pair of ponies stopped in front of a door labeled “I. Strike” and the receptionist knocked politely.

“Come in!” shouted an irritable voice. Great.

“He’s been getting alicorns all day...” the receptionist explained as he opened the door, allowing Type to enter. She raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips, nodding to herself as she stepped inside the cramped office. She’d probably be irritable too if she were in her interviewer’s hooves.

“Sit!” a rude voice barked. Type obeyed and the white earth pony stallion looked from her horn to her wingless sides before giving a heavy sigh.

“Long day?” she offered.

“Name?” His red eyes flashed as his mouth snapped shut on the hapless word.

“Typewriter Error!” she yelped accidentally then clamped her hooves over her muzzle. At least she didn’t need to worry about her hearing problems with him barking everything; just her nerves.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Uh... I’m afraid not—”

“Age?”

“Didn’t you get my forms?”

“They’re faulty.”

“Faulty?”

“Your picture,” he showed the confused unicorn her photo and she blushed, “Not only is your mane completely different, your cutie mark is not a typewriter as you said it would be.”

“Well, I submitted my forms back in June. I hadn’t quite worked out every detail about myself yet—”

“Age?”

“22.”

“Race?”

“Unicorn.” He pulled another picture from his file and showed it to Type.

“This shows you as an earth pony.”

“I... forgot my horn that day.”

The interviewer’s already drawn eyebrows drew closer together and his scowl became more pronounced. Type shifted.

“You forgot your horn?”

“It happens to other ponies too, I’m sure,” Type said, laughing nervously. Her interviewer huffed and retuned the picture to the folder.

“Gender?”

“It’s not obvious...?” He turned his eyes on her again. “Mare.”

“Cutie Mark?”

“A lowercase ‘a’ with a circumflex.” When he gave her the now familiar look of irritable ‘Please tell me you’re not serious?’ she rolled her eyes behind her square frames and shifted so he could see her flank. He made a note in the folder.

“Why did you change it?”

“Long story.”

“Make a short one up. You need to notify us of changes in your physical appearance made during the immigration process. I’m doing you a favor here by trying to check it all and give you a chance.”

“I... well. It was just too hard to find the right typewriter?”

He blinked at her intently.

“Eh. That works.” Type sighed slightly, feeling a bit of relief in the snapping tension. “Disabilities?”

“I have to wear glasses and I suffer from hearing loss.”

“Nearsighted or farsighted?”

“Nearsighted.”

“Anything else?”

“Just allergies.”

“I didn’t ask about your allergies. Occupation?”

“Student. Hoping to be a writer though.” He groaned and the flush of embarrassment in Type’s cheeks turned to anger. “Is something wrong?”

“Why are they always writers?” he muttered to himself.

“Excuse me?”

“Reason for Entry?”

“Uh...” she stammered for a bit, not remembering what she had put the first time, “To see Canterlot?”

“You said here you wanted to live in the Crystal Kingdom.”

“That was months ago. I have enough trouble remembering—”

“I’m sure you do.”

Type’s mouth opened but she quickly closed it. Her head darted to the side and her coat bristled, but not at the interviewer. Some machinery had clanged threateningly in the next room. An echoing scream sunk beneath her hooves.

“What was that?”

“Probably just another singer.”

“What happens to singers?”

“Nothing. When Glasseye dumps them like that we just wash the tar off and send them home.”

Type sat a little straighter in her chair. A clock ticked somewhere and Type patted her ponytail with a shaking hoof. If she could hold out for a few more minutes there might still be a chance of her meeting Princess Celestia someday or taking a trip to Ponyville to visit Screw Loose and the Elements of Harmony.

“Miss Error, give me one good reason why I should let you into Equestria.”

Silence enveloped both the ponies. Type stared at the cluttered desk, imagining herself straightening everything while she tried to think of an answer.

“Because I can blend into the background?” she offered hopefully. The interviewer frowned, but this time he seemed to be more curious than angry.

“Blend in?”

“Yes. I don’t want to be a pony that everypony hears about. I just want to hide in the background and have a normal pony life. I don’t want anything great, I just want to see Canterlot. I want to see the other ponies. I...I just want to belong with everypony else. I don’t need anything big. I just want to see Equestria with my own eyes.”

“We’re not a country of tourists, Miss Error.” He reached for a stamp sitting by his right fore hoof.

“I know. I do want to contribute—”

She was interrupted when the stamp came down on her form. Six months. Six month ended in less than a second. She didn’t have to see the word to know that she was denied entry.

“If you wish, you may resubmit the correct forms in four weeks. Although I doubt we need yet another writer here.”

Type kept her muzzle shut and nodded. Arguing would do nothing now. Her eyes watched the pony toss her folder into a red tray.

This was far from over.

Iron Bars

Iron Bars
By
Spartan RDash

I approached the O.C.I.O building with a huffed chest, a stone cold stare in my grey eyes, and a helmet full of confidence. The name is Iron Bars, on account that my cutie mark bore the two iron bars that belonged to anypony under the rank of Captain. I pushed my combat helmet up a bit and walked into the lobby of the O.C.I.O.

Approaching the receptionist, I cleared my throat. She looked up at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Can I help you, sir?” she asked.

“I have an appointment scheduled,” I replied simply.

“Name?” she asked.

“Bars. Captain Iron Bars,” I said my voice filling with militaristic pride.

“Please have a seat Mister Bars. Miss Sparkle will be with you shortly,” the receptionist said. I gave a crisp salute, turned on my hooves, and walked to the seats. However, I didn’t see the need to sit, so I stood at attention, eyes forward, my features turning to stone.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a giraffe walking out of the hall, his long head hung low. My eyes followed him as I watched his difficulties with exiting the office.

Heh, giraffes. What was he thinking? I asked myself. A cough caught my attention.

“Mister Bars?” asked another female voice. I traced the origin to find a purple alicorn looking around the room for the next appointment.

“Here, ma’am,” I spoke, saluting.

“Right then…follow me Mister Bars,” she told me. I followed directly behind her down the hall and pass a door that said ‘T. Sparkle’ on the window.

So she’s the infamous ‘OC Rejection Machine…’

The purple alicorn sat behind the desk and she motioned for me to sit.

“With all due respect ma’am, but I’m fine at attention,” I told her. An eyebrow raised and she sighed.

“Alright, so be it. State your reason for wanting entrance into Equestria, Captain,” she said, placing her hooves together on the desk.

“Well ma’am, in my studies of Equestrian war and past conflicts, I noticed that the military technology used at the time, and even right now, is a tad bit outdated. I figured that I’d come to Equestria and help give some insight into improving the military’s power,” I told her. She merely continued to scan over my form with cold eyes.

“It says here that you were raised to follow orders to the letter, am I correct?” she asked looking up.

“Yes ma’am. Always follow an order, never look for a shortcut,” I replied.

“Uh-huh…says you were trained at Zebrican Military Academy. Care explaining that?” she asked, her eyebrow raising once again.

“My parents were both Zebras. They had found me as a little foal somewhere on the border between Equestria and Zebra Territory. So, it was the only other place I could go once I enlisted,” I told her.

Her eyes looked into my grey ones, and the stare was causing my drab green coat to ruffle a bit.

“Also says you lost your parents during training,” she said, her voice dipped in coldness. I bowed my head a bit, causing the forward lip of my helmet to cover my eyes.

“Yes. And if it’s all right, I’d prefer not to go into details. But I can go into details about my military career, ma’am,” I said, looking up again. She merely nodded to let me go on.

“After graduating, I received my cutie mark, and that was when I graduated as a Captain. I’ve been on over twenty mission and engagements in a span of three years.” My voice started to raise as my pride filled every vocal cord. “I’ve received two Purple Hearts, one Armed Forces Service medal, and one Medal of Honor, and-”

But I was cut off with a raised hoof. “Mister Bars, I think I’ve heard enough,” she said.

My voice got caught in my throat. Here we go. Final evaluation. After I get in, I’m going straight to Canterlot and show those Royal Guards a thing or two about new military power.

“As much as we could greatly use your military know-how and leadership skills, given your background and experience…” she said tapering off. Oh no… I thought. “I’m afraid we can’t have you enter,” she said slamming my forms with a red stamp that read DECLINED in bright red ink.

Something in my mind snapped, and I lunged forward across the desk, attempting to get my hooves on her. “NOW LISTEN HERE SPARKLE! YOUR MILITARY NEEDS MY INTELLIGENCE AND LEADERSHIP SKILLS IF YOU’RE GOING TO SURVIVE ANY FUTURE ENGAGEMENTS!” I roared.

Twilight merely looked at me with a blank stare. “If you read further into the history books, you would’ve seen that we didn’t engage in any violence whatsoever when it came to military action. We negotiated peacefully with the opposing army and we will continue to do that. Now, if you’ll just let these security guards take you out. It’s been nice meeting you Mister Bars,” she said placing my form in the garbage as two guards took me by my forelegs and dragged me behind them down the hall.

“YOU PIECE OF EQUESTRIAN FILTH! ONE DAY, YOUR ALL GOING TO BURN BECAUSE YOU TRIED TALKING YOUR WAY OUT OF A FIGHT! YOU’LL ALL SEE! MARK MY WORDS! YOU’LL RUE THE DAY YOU DENIED CAPTAIN IRON BARS INTO EQUESTRIA!” was all that the office heard as I was dragged outside, and thrown back across the border.

“Always wrapped up in their accomplishments and hopes of improving our military…” Twilight said to herself. “NEXT APPOINTMENT!” she yelled siding the next OC forms onto her desk.

Solo Gamer1

Solo Gamer1
By
drweegee1337

As I walked into the O.C.I.O Office, I felt a pang of uncertainty. I heard that I was going to meet the "OC rejection machine" today.

If she is any worse than the others... I'm going to need a G.A to survive...

As I walked up to the counter I saw a stallion with some sort of uniform getting thrown out by two guards, the words coming out of his mouth confirmed that he was a soldier, at least according to me.

"So, are you the next one? Ms. Solo Gamer1, is that correct?" I nodded at the receptionist and took a seat on a nearby bench. The other OCs in the room seemed to avoid me, were red eyes really that scary? I brought out my laptop from one of my saddlebags and began to play Hawken.

After about 36 minutes, a purple mare walked up to me.

"Ahem, are you Solo? I'm Twilight Sparkle and I will be the one taking your case today." I mumbled a "okay, hold on a second" and continued to tear mechs apart in the game.

"If you could come NOW, you just might not get thrown out by me personally." I grunted and turned off the computer. She showed me towards an office with a nametag saying "T. Sparkle".

"I hate you bureaucrats," I mumbled barely loud enough for Sparkle to hear it.

"Excuse me? Did you say something?" I shrugged at the question. Twilight gave me a slightly annoyed look before sitting down behind her desk. She motioned for me to sit in the other chair.

"Now, Miss Gamer1. Could you please explain your files a little, they are just random nonsense. Read here." I took the file and read it loud.

Coat: yes

Mane: clean

Race: Not jew

Sex: wut?

Eyes: two

Cutie Mark: OFC!

Sexual Orientation: Lawl I dunno

I chuckled as I read it, but was interrupted when I met Twilight's eyes. I cleared my throat before talking.

"Well, I figured that none of you... let's just call you bureaucrats, never actually gave a bit about us immigrants and our files. Therefore you probably wouldn't read them anyways, I guess I was wrong on that point." I gave her a smile. No matter what she said to me, I would be able to counter it.

"Quite a cynic, are you? Well, I can't really argue with that logic. So tell me, why would you want to come into Equestria? What role do you want to have? And why are you having a number in your last name?" I thought a while at the question, I hadn't expected it to be said in that way.

"Well, I could be a background character. I would prefer to find a marefriend who shares interests with me and maybe we could settle down in Ponyville. As for the number, it was just a small typo. But I liked it and decided to keep it." That part was true. I wanted a marefriend, the fact that I was gender swapped as an OC hadn't changed my sexual orientation in the slightest (girls, not different species!).

"Okay then. What does your cutie mark represent? What is your special talent?" I thought about how to say it so that it would sound cool and not nerdy.

"My cutie mark is the controller for an Atari-2600, and my special talent is videogames in general." Twilight looked at me confused.

Uh oh, this can't mean well...

"Sooooo, what exactly is "Atari-2600". And what is a "videogame"? Is it what you were doing on that glowing thing earlier?" Twilight looked at me questioning.

Oh but by Stalin's manly moustache! Videogames doesn't exist in canon Equestria! It's only in fanfics...

"Well, a videogame is like a board game. But better in every way since it, it's hard to explain. You have to experience it." I took up my old DS and gave it to Twilight.

"Give it a try." After trying to start it for 10 minutes, and refusing my offerings for help. She gave up and threw the little device back to me. Something told me I gave her ego a powerful blow, I knew she was a wiseacre but this? She is even worse than me. She reached into one of the desk drawers and pulled out a stamp.

*DECLINED* It read in large red, bold letters. And of course the letters had to be in Comic Sans, the ugliest font in the history of ugly fonts! Ugh...

"But, why? Why am I not being accepted?" Twilight looked at me as if I was asking a question with an obvious answer.

"Well, for starters. You didn't fill out your files properly. Second, your special talent is for something that doesn't exist, which practically is like having no special talent at all. And lastly, you are a cynical, excuse my choice of words, troll who seems to have as her goal to piss me off." Okay, the declining wasn't a part I had prepared for, despite the fact that I was a realist. But I didn't stagger, she had the exact reaction I had been hoping for if I didn't pass.

"Oh, so I am the one with a dumb cutie mark and talent? What about you, what exactly does your cutie mark stand for? To me it looks like christmas decoration. Oh wait, you don't have christmas! I guess your cutie mark stands for something nonexistant too then! And your talent is so vague, magic. I mean, why not have something even more vague while your at it, like breathing. Or blinking with your eyes. Or how about STANDING UP? So before you criticise me, let me tell you the major differences between your talent and mine. First, mine is slightly more of an actual talent, and second: I can use mine to win a lot of money from where I come from. So shut up Sparkle butt, you don't have any rights to say that I have a stupid talent." I might have overstepped a few boundaries with that. But seriously, how was I supposed to know that bureaucrats with stupid talents could spontaneously evolve into Rapidash?

I made sure to leave quickly before the crazy pokemon could get me and stormed out of the building so that the next unfortunate soul could taste the axe.

"At least I warmed her up for her next victim. And I didn't need that G.A, it was enough with Mercury Threads." I said while smirking as I walked away from the O.C.I.O.

Wandering Cloud

Wandering Cloud
By
RisingOne

The wind blew softly through my mane as I drifted among the clouds. I wasn’t moving very fast, just a lazy flight on a nice sunny day. My wings beat softly, doing little more than keeping me aloft as I let the wind carry me wherever it pleased. I was just basking in the warmth of the sun on my stomach as I did my thing.

That’s just what I do. Wandering Cloud’s my name, and driftin’ is my game.

A pleasant coolness settled on my bright blue coat as I flew through a cloud. “Oh,” my voice was sleepy, “That was a nice cumulus.” If I had to choose, cumulus clouds would definitely be my favorite. Those are those soft, fluffy ones that match the typical cloud stereotypes. They also make the best beds.

“Speakin’ of which,” I drawled, settling into one of the aforementioned gatherings of condensed water vapor, “A nap sounds pretty darn good right about now.”

My wings fluffed my temporary bed as I scooted around to settle in. I raised my front hooves and placed them behind my head as I let the gentle rays of the sun lull me to sleep. I took a second to scratch an itch on my scalp, ruffling my alabaster mane as I did so. If someone were to look at me, I wouldn’t put it past them to think I was bald. I chuckled softly at the thought.

Just as the Sandmare was about to do her thing, a thought popped into my head.

“Wasn’t I supposed ta do somethin’?” I muttered, scrunching my brow in thought. I let the thought bounce around my cranium for a little while, but in the end I let out a barely audible “Nah, nothin’ I can’t do later.”

As it turned out, later was a bit longer than I thought it would be. Now, I was used to taking naps in the middle of the day, that was just a part of my lifestyle. What wasn’t common was when I go to sleep at the height of the day, and I wake up to a majestic sunset.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the cloud. “Dude,” my voice was as mellow as ever, “I must’ve been tired.”

Standing up, I did some quick stretches. I watched as my cutie mark stretched on my skin. The swirling lines almost appearing to move the cloud they sat behind. I then flared my wings and and faced the final rays of the day. “Nice job there, Celestia,” I said, giving a quick salute to the sun. “I’ll be seein’ you soon, your majesty.”

With that, I leaned to the side and let myself settle into a freefall. The wind in my fur did a good job of eliminating any sleep that may have tried to stick around. I looked down, and saw several ponies pointing at me with worried expressions. I even saw a couple pegasi preparing to take off.

“Can’t have them ruinin’ mah fun, can I?” a grin formed on my face as I spoke, and my wings shot out to slow my descent. I swept low to the ground in a grand arc, pulling up and doing a backflip. I landed on all four hooves, knees bent, and looked around. Instead of the applause I expected, I received a number of blank stares. A moment passed, and most of the gathered ponies shook their heads and walked away.

“Philistines,” I grumbled, “They wouldn’t know good flyin’ if it came up and bit them in the flank.”

I shook my head and cleared the negative thoughts. A laidback grin found its way onto my face once more, and I took a seat on a nearby bench.

“Now what was it I was supposed ta do?” I rubbed a hoof on my chin. The events of the day so far replayed in my head on fast forward.

When I came back to just before I leapt off the cloud, it hit me. “Of course!” I shook my head and laughed, “I have an appointment ta keep.”

I hopped off of the bench and struck a pose. My sky blue wings were stretched wide, and my legs were bent. It was a picture perfect take off pose, and I was sure more than one pony took a second to appreciate it. Why wouldn’t they? I am quite the flyer, after all.

This time, the wind blew past me at a much faster rate. Compared to the type of flying I had been doing all day, I may as well have been doing a sonic rainboom. Stopping among the clouds, I held a hoof over my eyes and looked around. It took me a second, but I spotted it. Not as far as I thought was a rather inconspicuous building that was my destination.

I dropped onto a cloud and kicked off not even a second after, dispersing the condensed water and shooting away like a bullet.

“This is goin’ ta be a piece of cake,” I told myself as I flew, “I’ll just waltz in, say hello to whoever is supposed to approve me, and walk out a citizen of Equestria.” Some would have mistaken my confidence as cockiness, I’m sure. I didn’t care about them though. Those negative emotions were bad for the coat, anyways.

I tilted my flightpath and quickly came to a skidding halt in front of the Original Character Immigration Offices. I noticed a few bystanders coughing in the dust I had kicked up.

I remained in my awesome landing pose, for my fans that I was sure I had just gained.

Looking around, though, I found that none of the others seemed to be paying attention to me. Instead, they all were either walking into the building with a hopeful look on their face, or walking out looking thoroughly dejected.

“Wow,” I shook my head in exasperation, “I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m actually in Equestria to show off. Nobody out here can appreciate a good trick.”

It was a shame, too. But, that’s just how things work, I guess. Some ponies just don’t know talent when they see it.

I walked into the building, my confidence through the roof. I had this whole interview business in the bag, there was no doubt in my mind.

Casually, I strolled up the reception desk. “Hey there,” I said, giving the mare behind the desk an easy grin, “I’m here for an appointment.”

She gave me a cold look, and asked for my name. Wow, I thought, Someone’s a little cranky.

“Name’s Wandering Cloud,” I told her, holding my expression.

The receptionist looked at a clipboard for a moment, flipping through the pages clamped onto it.

“You’re four hours late,” she told me, her voice devoid of emotion.

I laughed lightly, and told her “Oh, I don’t bother ta keep track of the time like that. I get where I need to be when I need to be there. That’s just how I live, baby.”

Her icy glare gave me the feeling that my charms weren’t working their usual magic. “Well, that’s not how this office works. If you schedule an appointment with us, you have to show up at the time we set, or you lose your appointment.”

Well, that would be bad. But I wasn’t going to let some mean ol’ mare keep me from where I wanted to be.

“Now, don’t be that way.” I leaned farther forward, turning my charisma up to its maximum. “I’m sure there is some way you could let me have mah interview.”

She still didn’t look pleased, but I’m sure I saw her expression ease up a bit. Yes! I wanted to pump my hoof, No one can resist the ol’ Cloud charm.

She looked down at her clipboard again, and said “I can squeeze you in at eight o’clock.” I thought I heard her say something like “Anything to get you out of my mane,” but I gave a tiny shrug and thanked her, charisma still flowing.

I took a seat in the rather spartan waiting room, and relaxed. I closed my eyes and decided to nap until my interview. Someone would come to wake me up when it was time, I was certain.

It didn’t feel like long until I heard an annoyed voice call “Mister Cloud!”

I stretched lazily, and looked up to see the receptionist mare giving me a look to match her tone. I smacked my lips a few times and said “Yeah?”

“You’re up for your interview.” Wow, that pony needed an attitude adjustment.

Maybe I’ll take her out on a date later. No pony can stay that uptight around me, I thought, walking past her desk. I didn’t know where I was going, but I figured my hooves wouldn’t steer me wrong.

“Hey!” I paused mid-step. “Your interviewer is Miss Sparkle.” It was the receptionist again. I guess she really did care.

“Thanks, sweet cheeks!” I called back, hardly turning my head. Facing forward, I walked through the hallway checking the names on all of the doors.

“Nope, not that one, not him, nope,” I said, walking at a sedate pace. “Ah, here we are. Miss T. Sparkle.”

I opened the door and walked in, the perfect example of suave. Behind a short desk sat a purple unicorn. On her desk were two trays, one bare and the other covered by quite the stack of papers.

“Looks like a lot of uncool ponies came in today.” In my mind, I was already in Equestria, drifting through those lovely clouds.

“Sir,” Miss Sparkle’s voice snapped me out of my reverie, “If you would have a seat, we can get started.”

“Gotcha,” I flashed her one of my best grins, and smoothly flopped into the seat.

She gave me a deadpan stare in return. Perhaps clicking my tongue like I had was a bit much. Nah, the mares love it. I’m sure she was just tired from a long string of bad interviews.

Good thing I’m here to break the chain, I thought.

“Now, if we could begin, my name is Twilight Sparkle. And yours is,” she took a second to look at some papers on her desk, “Wandering Cloud? Is that correct?”

“Yes ma’am, it is. But you can just call me Cloud.” I looked straight into her eyes as I said this.

“Well, Mister Cloud,” she took special care to emphasize the word “Mister,” “Why do you want to live in Equestria?”

“Straight ta the point. I like that in a mare,” I told her, leaning forward to make sure she knew I was paying attention. She did not seem to be amused. Wow, the mares around her just can’t be pleased. I cleared the thought from my mind as I began to speak. “I want ta live in Equestria because I think it would benefit from my presence,” I told her.

“Oh? How so?” she actually seemed intrigued, judging by her raised eyebrow. I had a hoof in the door, now all I had to do was make my pitch. No problem.

“You see,” I began, “I may not have any fancy ‘skills,’ but I do have something else that is much better. I have coolness. In fact, I’d say that I am so cool that my presence alone could make any place about twenty percent cooler. Which is why I drift from town to town, spreading my awesomeness.”

Her cold gaze could have frozen boiling water. Perhaps I had overwhelmed her, and that was the only reaction she could give.

“Is there anything else you have to offer Equestria? Anything at all?” the way she asked that gave me the feeling that she already knew the answer.

“Well, no,” I even forced myself to seem a little flustered. It was endearing, and I needed her to be on my side. “But what else do you need?”

“I see,” she said, bringing my application papers in front of her. She opened a drawer and pulled out a large stamp.

“My eyes must be playing tricks on me,” I thought, “For a second I thought that stamp looked red.”

“After reviewing your application, and hearing your case, I have come to a decision.” The stamp came down hard on the paper. And when she lifted it up, I saw that my eyes hadn’t been wrong.

“D-denied?” I stuttered in my mind, “What?”

“You’re just another knock off of a close friend of mine. And you don’t even have any of her redeeming qualities, only a cockiness that seems to be your whole personality,” Twilight told me, setting my application on the larger stack of papers on her desk. “You even stole one of her catchphrases.”

I think I felt a twitch under my right eyes, but that was the only movement. Twilight shuffled through her papers for a second, before gathering them and placing them in her desk. Twilight then looked up at me again, and let out a bothered sigh.

Pressing a button on a small box, she said “We’ve got another one.” I wasn’t certain what she meant, but a moment later two large, white stallions came in and picked me up. I still did not move as they carried me out of the building. At least they didn’t throw me, instead setting me on the ground, where a few other ponies were also lying. None of them were moving either, all of our hooves sticking straight into the air.

“My coolness,” a voice whispered, “Failed me?”

I’m not certain the voice was my own.

Klondike

Klondike
By
PegasusKlondike

Dedicated to that one lady at the DMV, the TSA, and AT&T customer service. You know the one I’m talking about.

This was it! The maroon-red pegasus stallion bounced in his seat like a colt before the morning of Hearth’s Warming. He was a rather plain looking fellow, with a simple red coat, a mid length brown mane, and a feather quill adorning his flank. The mare in the seat next to him was much calmer than her partner, but she would admit to a little bit of nervous excitement.

“Can you believe it, honey! We’re finally here, we’re finally gonna make it to Equestria!” he whispered excitedly, bothering the alabaster-white unicorn mare next to him as she tried to read a magazine and pass the time.

Aurora set her magazine down, looking her husband in the eye. “Yes Klondike, I know. You’ve been saying that since we came in an hour ago. Now remember what we went over last night, just submit your applications, and-” she placed a hoof on her chest, taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, “Relax,” she finished.

Klondike placed a hoof on his red-furred chest, taking a deep breath, and letting it out. He spread his wide wings for a bit more of the tension release that he needed.

Aurora nodded, her golden blonde mane falling loosely over her shoulders. Magically scooping up her magazine, she boredly read while the clock ticked. Two o’clock appointment, and it was now one-fifty. Klondike bit his lip, trembling from a mixture of anxiety and pure excitement. He’d seen all those other potential immigrants get rejected because of extraneous wings, horns, garish color clashes, or just being a threat to the solidarity of Equestria. But he had an ace in the hole over those guys, his wife!

Yes, it was easy to reject a single pony, but nopony would reject a family! He wanted to cackle in glee for how easy this would be!

“Mr.... Klondike?” a smartly dressed, peach furred earth pony mare at the receptionist desk called out, reading the name from her clipboard.

“That’s me!” the pegasus called out.

Before he could be swept away back to the offices, Aurora grabbed his tail with her magic. “Good luck!” she whispered excitedly. Klondike smiled eagerly, crossing the primary feathers on his wing to hopefully garner a little more favor from more coincidence based forces of the universe.

“Okay, Mr Klondike,” the receptionist continued, “Princess Twilight is out for her lunch break. Or out saving the world from some unholy terror, she never really leaves a note when she goes out. But you’ll get your interview. Third door down, on the right.” She pointed a hoof down the drab and depressing hallway, slick with the tears of hideous alicorns, and smelling curiously like moonshine.

“By the way Mr Klondike, I love your ice cream bars,” the receptionist commented.

A creepy comment to say the least, but the pegasus shrugged it off. So what if he wasn’t going to get the interview with her royal majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle, this other pony couldn’t be any worse, right?

Klondike entered the office, nervously poking his head in first. And what he saw raised an eyebrow. A rather corpulent zebra mare sat behind a desk, slowly filing away at one of her overly polished and garishly painted hooves. Excessive amounts of bracelets adorned her forelegs, and huge hoop earring swayed on each striped ear. Her office phone rested on her shoulder, and the zebra appeared to be taking a call. Whether it was important or not had yet to be seen, but Klondike felt like this was a less than professional use of her time, and his.

“Mhm.... mhm..... mhm....” she hummed noncommittally. “Girl, I told you! And what happened, that’s what happened! Mhm! You should never have got yo’self into that!”

“Um, ma’am?” Klondike said quietly.

The zebra silenced him with a pink-painted hoof. “Mhm... Zeneesha, girl, I gotta go, ‘nother one of those “original character” ponies came in, and now I gotta deal with him.” She lazily hung up her phone, being careful not to chip her fresh hooficure. “Sit down, sir.”

“Uh, okay,” Klondike replied nervously, quickly taking the only available spot. “So, how long is this process? I kind of wanted to take my wife to see Cloudsdale before dinner, and-”

Again, a pink-painted hoof silenced him. The corpulent mare whipped out her hoof file, working her left hoof. Leaning back in her chair and not even looking at the pegasus, she pulled out his forms. “So what’s your story?”

“Beg pardon?” Klondike asked.

“Why you wanna come to Equestria?” she asked, as if it had been a completely straight-forward question.

“Oh! Well, it’s kind of been a pipe dream for my wife and I. Uh, you probably know that we’re not really from ‘round these parts.” He grinned sheepishly, but the large mare glared at him and his folksy quip. “Okay, guess that, um, was pretty obvious. But this is really more for my family than just for me. My wife has always dreamed about going to Equestria, walking down the avenues of Canterlot, seeing the hustle and bustle of Manehattan, maybe even doing a little tour of Ponyville. We lived in kind of a harsh place up north, in a mining town. It’s a very dangerous place, and we just wanted to get away from that. And it’s always been my dream to raise a family in a good, healthy environment with my wife.”

The large mare didn’t seem to pay attention, or even care. Whipping out a pencil, she marked a check across a box on the forms. Klondike had no idea whether this was a good sign or whether the zebra was simply cordoning off the spot where she wanted to stamp down that huge and imposing DENIED.

“And wha’dya plan on doin’ in Equestria?” she asked flatly.

Klondike ran a nervous hoof through his mane. “Well, once my wife and I move in, I was going to get a job, maybe just appear in the background a few times, and just... really just go about my life.”

The large mare flipped through his forms, barely glancing at them. “Sorry honey, we don’t need that many writers as background ponies, so that’s gonna count against your immigration.”

“Wait, I never said I was a writer! And even if I was another writer, I wouldn’t be dumb enough to put it on my forms!” Klondike replied frantically.

The zebra’s eyes opened angrily, and she dropped her file, leaning over the desk and pointing a painted hoof at his flank. “And just what is that on your skinny buttcheek there? Your file says it’s a quill, and ponies with quills for cutie marks are writers! There ain’t no more room for writers in the background!”

“But I-” he protested.

“Sir!” she barked. “I’m gonna have to ask you to calm yo’self!”

Klondike trembled in his seat. The stallion took a deep breath, letting it out slowly to ease his stresses. “Okay. Sorry about that. Can we move on to the next question please?”

The corpulent mare eased back onto her pillow, flipping to the next page in his forms. “Alright sir, there’s an inconsistency I see here in your forms. You say you’re a miner, your cutie mark says you’re a writer, but it says here that you’re a monster slayer.”

“I never said I was a miner,” Klondike replied as calmly as he could. “I said I was from a mining town.”

“Either way, we don’t need any miners. And as for monster slayers, they’re about as common as demigods around here. And I’ve been through four alicorns this mornin’ alone. And don’t get me started on those dime a dozen writers.” An X went onto his forms, and Klondike’s heart sank a little.

“Look, the monster slayer thing was a one-time deal! I mean, there was no place to put personal accomplishments, so I wrote it in as one of my professions! It wasn’t even a big monster. And for the record, I’m not a miner! Do you see a shovel in my hooves! I worked as an accountant for a mining company, that’s why I have a quill as my cutie mark!” he growled from between clenched teeth.

“Sir!” she barked again. “You gonna have to calm yo’self, or I’m gonna have to call security, then you’re never gettin’ into Equestria!”

Klondike laid back his ears, folding his forearms and sulking on his pillow. “And I thought zebras were supposed to talk in nice little rhymes,” he murmured.

A look of pure scorn erupted from the fat mare’s face, and she stood from her pillow, a tower of overly painted and overly perfumed sassiness. “Oh, you did not just spout that ignorance at me!”

Klondike sat up, trying to stand his ground. But sadly, he knew he was far outmatched here. “And what if I did!”

The mare leaned in, the tip of her nose nearly crushing his muzzle. “You don’t who I am, where I come from, or what I did to get here! You’re a skinny little pony boy who pranced on in here expectin’ me to be all on my knees to make sure your little girlfriend gets to go shoppin’ in Canterlot! My cousin Zecora talks in rhymes ‘cause she chooses to, and here yo’ story writing flank comes in here, sayin’ that all zebras look the same and sound the same! Well, that’s yo’ third strike! You were doin’ pretty darn good til you copped an attitude!” She marked a huge X across most of his form, smugly sneering at the pegasus.

Klondike erupted from his seat, standing on his hindlegs with his wings outspread. “That’s it! You can call me whatever you want, but nopony, NOPONY insults my wife!”

“Well that’s yo’ problem! And you know what my problem is? Slippery hooves!” She grasped up Klondike’s file, holding it over a paper shredder. “Yo’ move!”

Klondike’s wings snapped to his side, and he sat down quickly. “C’mon, i-it was just a joke. It takes two opposing forces to create friction, so that was technically both our faults. So let’s not do anything we’ll regret!”

The large mare lowered the file another inch towards the waiting teeth of doom.

Klondike bit his lip, seeing his future in Equestria inching closer to the shredder. “Can I at least talk to your manager?”

“You’re lookin’ at her!” the zebra replied.

The stallion held up his hooves in surrender, sighing loudly. “Okay, you win. I’m sorry about the whole “rhymes” comment. I know you have a very stressful job, and you deal with a lot of degenerates and undesirables, and I can understand that. So yeah, I’m sorry.”

The mare stared at him with one raised eyebrow, just wondering to herself if he was truly being earnest in his apology. The stallion showed no further aggression, and she lifted his file away from the hungry jaws of the paper shredder. “That’s more like it,” she said. “Now, since you apologized like a decent stallion, I’m gonna overlook your profoundly ignorant comment.”

The red stallion swallowed the knot of frustration in his throat, forcing up a grin. “Thank you.”

For the first time in the interview, the zebra looked with some semblance of intent through his paperwork. The minutes ticked by quietly, and nearing the end of the allotted time for his interview, she finally set down his file.

“You have good credentials, and your past record is clear of too many instances of misbehavior. I have to admit that you have skills that would fill some rather unique positions in Equestria.”

The stallion’s heart rose in glee, he knew that despite the setbacks with the bureaucrats, he was on the home stretch! He could imagine it now; a nice little cottage somewhere in the country, working only when he needed to, and appearing in the background, perhaps on a regular basis!

“But,” she continued, “all of those positions are currently filled. Like I said before you copped an attitude, we have too many ponies who come in here with exactly the same credentials as you.” The large mare lifted her big, red stamp, and brought it crashing down on his file. “Reapply in four to eight months, and we’ll see if there’s an opening.”

Klondike’s eye twitched, he stood from his seat, and he walked silently down the hall, slipping in a puddle of fresh OC tears and majorly screwing up his back. “Aw, screw Equestria! I had better job offers from Middle Earth anyways!” he shouted.

Dirt Nap

Dirt Nap
By
Wildebeest

I quietly strolled into the OICIO Office to find it relatively empty. Empty, that is, except for the baby blue Pegasus being towed out the door by two muscular stallions with milky white coats. On his face, I detected a unique combination of despair and resignation, the kind of face that a fly makes just before it gets swatted. I tried to put that face out of my mind as I directly approached the receptionist. Her mane was done up in a hastily applied knot bun, and the accumulating bags under her eyes suggested that she had definitely seen better days.

"I have an appointment for 8:30,” I said flatly.

“Name?” she said tersely, not even bothering to look up at me.

“Dirt Nap.”

“You’re right on time. Have a seat and Ms. Sparkle will be with you shortly.”

I nodded and complied with her request. I could tell that she wasn’t in the mood to have her time wasted. And neither was Ms. Sparkle, as she called my name less than a minute after I took my seat. I thought I would be able to devote a little time to quiet reflection, but alas, no such luck.

“Dirt Nap?” called a mildly nasally alto from down the hall. I craned my head to the right to spy the head of a lavender- coated unicorn peeking out from behind a glass- paned door. ‘TWILIGHT SPARKLE’ adorned the front of the door, in bold, arial- font letters. I locked my gaze with hers, quietly letting her know that she had my attention.

“You’re next,” she said, withdrawing her head from the crack. “Come in and have a seat.”

I nodded and briskly trotted on down, slipping through the door and immediately taking a seat at the desk. Upon taking my seat, I couldn’t help but notice how meticulously organized her office was. I couldn’t find a single scrap of paper that wasn’t confined to a neatened pile, nor could I find a single picture frame on her wall that was even one degree crooked. Three ballpoint pens were lain on the table, perfectly parallel to one another and comfortably within her hoof’s reach. On the opposite side was an azure- colored porcelain teacup with a generous amount of steam rising from it.

“Chamomile,” I said as a whiff of the steam passed my nostrils. “Feeling a bit unwell, Ms. Sparkle?”

“What?...oh, no,” she said, punctuating her statement with a modest, polite chuckle. “I just like the flavor.”

“I prefer ginger, myself.”

“Mm-hmm,” she mumbled, hastily laying my filled-out form out on the desk in front of her. “Now… Mr. Nap, exactly why do you want to come to Equestria?”

“A number of reasons,” I replied. “For one, I think I could prove to be quite a valuable asset to your reigning monarch, Miss Celestia.”

Twilight looked up from her desk, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. “That’s quite a bold claim, Mr. Nap.” I suppose it didn’t help that I was a mere earth pony.

“I’m aware,” I said. “But I firmly believe that your princess could use someone with my… skill set.”

“Actually, that’s something I wanted to ask you about,” said Twilight. “It says here that you’re a…” She briefly broke eye contact to take a cursory glance at my form. “…hit-stallion?”

“Indeed,” I said, standing up and showing her the red crosshair emblazoned on my flank. “I’m an assassin for hire.”

Twilight just gave me a blank, empty stare. After a few seconds of stony silence, it seemed quite evident that she wanted me to elaborate.

Of course, I thought. Equestria’s an idyllic world run by a benevolent monarchy. There’s probably no such thing as organized crime there.

“Well, a hit-stallion’s job is to help his client… how should I put this… take care of undesirables. If you want somepony out of the picture, I’m the one to turn to.”

The mare’s eyebrows jumped, and she stifled a gasp. “Out of the picture? You mean-”

“Dead, yes. I’m a hired killer.” I figured there was no point in trying to sugarcoat it.

Twilight gave me a pointed look. “And why exactly would Princess Celestia need someone like you?”

“Well, I understand that your people have been suffering from an infestation of changelings lately. Bug-eyed little parasites that deceive you into feeding them, only to stab you in the back a moment later.”

Twilight shook her head. “A group of them attacked the royal wedding last year, but we haven’t heard from them since.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked. “There could be hundreds walking among you right now. Slinking around in the shadows, patiently waiting for the right moment to strike.”

I leaned over the table until I was close enough to feel her warm breath caressing my face. “If you let me in,” I said in a hushed tone, “I will put every single one of them in pine boxes before the month is over. That’s a promise.”

As Twilight returned my piercing gaze, I could see her brow beginning to moisten. I also detected a barely audible gulp coming from the depths of her throat.

“Am I making you uncomfortable, Ms. Sparkle?” I asked.

“A l-little,” she admitted. A moment later, I heard the thump of a stamp colliding with my form. I scooped it up into my hooves, only to find, much to my chagrin, a bright red ‘DENIED’ mark at the bottom.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Nap,” she said, regaining her professional demeanor. “But murder just isn’t a valuable skill here in Equestria. We prefer to use… non-lethal force to solve our problems. To be frank, it doesn’t seem like there would be any place for you here.”

I nodded solemnly. “Understood,” I said, laying my business card on the table in front of her. “But just so you know, the offer will always be open,” I added, causing the mare to shudder.

Without another word, I took my leave and walked back out into the hall. As I approached the front door, I contemptibly eyed the Technicolor cretins gathered in the waiting room, eagerly awaiting their chance to step up to the plate. The worst part was that most of them probably stood a better chance of getting in than me.

Pipe Dream

Pipe Dream
By
wishicoulddraw

His suit was pristine, his cuffs perfect, and his hat sat on his head with some sort of godliness. In short, he was dressed impeccably. Gold buttons dotted straight down from his chest to close up the vest. A small, black cape was draped over his hindquarters covering his cutie mark. The top hat was velvet black with a red ribbon that wrapped around it near the brim. As soon as you pulled your eyes away from his attire and looked at the actual pony you would notice his smile. It was wide and confident, surely a charmer to any passing mare. But if the smile was too bright for you, his eyes displayed mischievousness and were filled with life. The stallion’s body was thin, but not skinny. He had the build of a runner. Compact, fit, and strong. To any pony looking at him, be it mare or stallion, would think he was some sort of noble. Surely a pony with that kind of stature and poise was a noble – even if he was an earth pony.

Nopony ever thought that though. Not even the smallest of child, their minds often filled with glorious fantasies, would think that. You just had to look past the perfect mane, the dazzling smile, and the fancy clothes to see he was simply a business pony. Oh, and the wagon he pulled around everywhere helped ruin the image. The original image shattered in the minds of anypony. Most would pass by him with a snort and stick their snouts straight into the air. Others might cast him a curious or sympathetic glance. Either way, he would tip his hat and continue walking, the smile still on his face.

Don’t get him wrong, he knew he could probably get a mare or two if he so desired, but his smile was genuine. And it was till genuine as he tipped his hat to a group of rather good looking mares as he passed by them. They smiled and he continued on his journey.

“Excuse me,” said one. “It says you’re a magician. But you’re an earth pony.”

Taking a moment to unhitch himself, he stepped over and, with a rather extravagant flourish, took off his hat and bowed.

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Pipe Dream. Name might be unusual, but you’re talking to an unusual pony!”

“Sure,” stated the other, giving him a suspicious look. “Go on. Show us some magic.”

Holding a hoof up, he caused a deck of cards to appear as if by magic in his hoof. Settling back on his haunches, he splays the cards in front of the mares. He motions for one to pick one. The mare does so.

“Don’t show me the card! Alright, got it memorized?”

“Yes.”

“Now go ahead and put it back.”

The mare slid the care back into the deck. Pipe began to spin the card around and around. The eyes of the mares were glued to the deck. Suddenly, he stopped. He brought the cards up and began to fan them out once again. The mares watched with bored expressions until their card appeared before them face up.

“Could you do another?” she asked.

Pipe smiled and shook his head, deftly placing the cards back into his wagon. Though he wouldn’t mind, he couldn’t. Reaching into his vest, he pulled out a gold watch. His heart sped up. Now that wasn’t good. Why did he have to be late on this very important date?! Sweet Celestia, this wouldn’t look good at his interview if he was late.

Blushing slightly at the unexpected need for departure, he hitched himself back up and took off. The OCIO or, if you didn’t know, the Original Character Immigration Offices, was some distanced away. Why it was named “character” offices he didn’t know. After all, he was a pony, not a character, like in some story. Dear Luna, did the Equestrian government really think of them like that? Still, it was the best place to be. He could forgive them for that.

The wheels of his wagon jittered and wobbled. The axle was squeaky at times as he gained speed. The faster he went the more disapproving looks he got. His smile faltered just a bit, yet he kept it up. First impressions are important and he needed that first impression to work. Taking a sharp right turn, he slowed down and skidded to a short stop in front of the building. Rolling his shoulders to relax as he parked his wagon, he hurried up the steps, checking his pockets and saddlebags to make sure he had everything prepared. He neared the doors and stopped. Taking a deep breath, he readied himself.

The door burst open and everypony turned to look at the stallion that stood in the opening. The earth pony looked at every one of them.

“I’m here!” he shouted, rushing forward to the secretary.

The ponies that were sitting in the seats waiting as well looked at him with curiosity. He returned the favor. Some were riddled with piercings. Others looked completely out of character. He spied a few that were walking out of the office, their heads hung down. Most of them were utterly confused. Why had they been denied citizenship? Pipe gulped, yet steeled his mind. He was going to get in.

Brushing his cape from in front of him, he planted a hoof firmly down and looked down at the secretary. The Pegasus looked up at Pipe.

“And you are?” she asked, her voice monotone. Bored. She had done this way too many times.

“Pipe Dream. I’m here for my interview.”

“Of course, like everypony else,” she said, giving him a fake smile. “Now, if you’ll sign here and here, you’ll be set.”

Nodding in thanks, he picked up the quill and wrote his name boldly on the proffered lines. With a final curlicue on the ‘m’ he gave the quill back. The Pegasus eyed the paperwork and stamped it. She handed him a paper.

“Since you didn’t fill out a résumé, you might as well now.”

“Résumé?”

“Yes.”

Pipe sighed. He hadn’t expected this. Clearly they were much stricter than he had imagined.

Pipe turned around, all of a sudden feeling very out of place amongst the variety of ponies waiting for their own interview. Not many of them were dressed even closely to what he looked like. Self-consciousness began to settle.

Just smile and look like you belong here, he thought to himself.

A seat was freed up by a unicorn leaving for her own interview. He gulped as they looked at him and snickered. He showed his pearly whites and took the spot, shuffling his cape in a more comfortable position.

With the complimentary quill and ink jar, he began to fill out the résumé. The questions were sometimes frivolous while the others were serious. One made him think for a while. How would he contribute to society? Well, he would be providing entertainment. Who didn’t like entertainment?

His confidence grew as he picked up the pace. The answers flowed and the quill scribbled endlessly on the sheets of parchment. Often times he would hunch his head over the paper to shield it from the prying eyes of the ponies next to him. They simply leaned in closer out of spite, making him somewhat uncomfortable.

“Do you mind?” he asked.

“Nah, we’re jus’ wondering why you look so funny,” said the one to his right.

“Yeah. Who wears that anyways?” added the one on his left.

“Well, I do. It’s my choice of attire. I’m not forcing you to wear it am I?”

“No. But you look stupid.”

Pipe snorted indignantly but didn’t say another word. This just encouraged the two who began to poke even more fun at him. Their raucous laughter seemed to echo throughout the room. Pipe blocked them out. This wasn’t the first time ponies had laughed at him. His name being called made him sit up and walked away.

“Hey, I’ve been sitting here forever! Why does he get to go first?” complained a pony.

Pipe looked behind him and motioned toward the cape and vest. “Probably because I’m better dressed than you.”

With a sly grin, he followed the intern to the conference room. The intern was silent until they reached the door.

“You’re lucky. You get Princess Twilight as your interviewer,” he said.

“Excellent.”

The door opened. From what he had heard about the new Princess, this wasn’t her. Instead, there was a blue unicorn with a purple cape on, a single gem fastened in a clasp at the neck. The cape had stars sewn in with it. A pointed wizard’s hat lay next to her on the table. The pony’s light blue hair complimented her sea blue coat. The purple eyes weren’t soft. Instead, they had a disconcerting hardness to them. Her smile was less than pleasant. She looked like a pony that enjoyed power and loved using it.

“That’s not Princess Twilight,” said Pipe. Sweat began to run down. This pony didn’t seem merciful or easy going.

The intern looked at the mare. “This is the Princess’s room.”

“Yes, but Trixie knows that she is on a break. So, the Great and Helpful Trixie has decided to give a hoof.” Trixie ended the statement with a wolfish grin.

Pipe gulped and looked at the intern.

“Don’t look at me. I ain’t even getting paid.”

With that, the intern shrugged, turned, and walked away. The door was surrounded by a haze of blue magic. It shut. Trixie beckoned Pipe the come and take a seat. Pipe did so. Whoever this was, he would still wow her with his skills. He was going to get into Equestria and start his travelling magic show. The only earth pony to ever display a talent for magic – at least, that was what everypony would think!

“Now, state you’re name,” began Trixie. There would be no small talk.

“Pipe.”

“Full name.”

“Pipe Dream.”

“That’s a funny name.” Okay, maybe a bit of small talk.

“I know. My parents gave it to me.”

“Alright. Are they already in Equestria?”

“I think.”

Trixie raised an eyebrow. She sighed deeply and held out her hoof. Pipe looked around.

“You’re papers,” she said.

Pipe nodded and began to search for them. He pulled out the documents and handed the stack to Trixie. Reading his information would be quicker than listening to him blabber about his personal life after all. Her eyes skimmed the paper. This was boring. Why she even wanted to do this, she didn’t know. Oh, yes, because Twilight had become an alicorn. She needed something to compete with that! Her heart skipped a beat when she saw his occupation and his proposal at what he would do in Equestria.

“How in Celestia’s name are you a magician? Trixie sees you are an earth pony. What you say is impossible!”

Pipe smiled. This was exactly the question he had been waiting for. On his way here, he had developed a plan on how to impress the interviewer. He started with the simple card trick. As Trixie’s card came up, her eyes widened. She crossed her forelegs against her chest.

“More,” she demanded. Something was fishy and she was going to find out.

Pipe obliged. He continued to wow her with the card tricks. From shuffling them in a certain manor to always being able to pick out her certain card in different ways, he constantly had her watching his every move.

“Do something other than card magic,” she said.

Pipe bowed. With a single bit in his hoof, he made it ‘disappear’ and he pulled it out from behind her ear. Pipe smiled. Every trick he was doing was just simple magic. He and a friend had devised most of these for quick shows. Finally, she demanded more. Pipe revealed three cups and one ball. Putting one underneath a cup, he shuffled them around. Once he had finished, he asked that she pick the one that the ball was under. With a smug smile on her face, she chose the one she knew it was under. It wasn’t. The smile fell and was replaced with awe and disbelief. There was no way that this was possible. How could an earth pony know magic?! The next time he shuffled the cones around, there was a ball underneath the cup. Before she could scoff, he held up his hoof and pulled up another. Just like the first one, there was a ball underneath it. Trixie’s eyes grew wider still. Where did that ball come from? She knew there had only been one ball and now there was another! He knew multiplying spells? But…how?

Pipe smiled and bowed low. He had finished his demonstration. With a flourish of his cape, he bowed low. Trixie began to slowly applaud. This earth pony would be such a great addition to Equestria. Pipe’s hat fell off. Trixie lifted it up with her magic and something fell out. She eyed it with keen eyes. Pipe blushed and rushed forward to grab the hat. Trixie brought it closer to herself. She looked in the hat. There was a small flap at the bottom. There, in the hat, was a bunch of knickknacks. One of them was something he had apparently caused to disappear. Trixie’s mocking grin plastered itself on her face. It was simply illusion, not real magic. With a haughty harrumph, she turned back to face Pipe.

“Now, Pipe, Trixie has seen your feats and tricks. I wonder if you can levitate something? Right now. Using magic.”

Pipe gulped. His plan wasn’t going, well, as planned anymore. This Trixie saw through his ruse. He shook his head. “I can’t.”

Trixie laughed. “Exactly. This is what real magic is.”

Her horn lit up and Pipe’s magician clothes began to unravel from the seams. Thread was all that was left of his attire when Trixie was done. Pipe, now without his clothing, could be seen. His brown coat was clearly visible and he felt vulnerable. His jet-black hair with the blue stripe within hung in front of his eyes. The freckles that dotted his top snout slightly were suddenly blatant. He hung his head. Even his cutie mark, a black and white star, testifying to his talent in illusion, not magic, was evident. No longer was he the supposedly earth pony magician. He was simply Pipe Dream, the earth pony who thought he was a unicorn.

Trixie advanced, her mouth spewing what seemed like hot coals.

“You aren’t a magician. You’re a fake. Trixie knows what real magic is and you don’t have it. We can’t have fake magicians running around in Equestria! Ponies will think you’re a lunatic! Trixie knows what ponies do to lunatic ponies. I think that you’d cause chaos in Equestria!” Her eyes flashed. “Trixie now knows you are in league with Discord. I deny your request to come into Equestria.”

Pipe stumbled out of the office and made his way with his saddlebags stuffed with the remains of his attire in it. Trixie’s harsh words continued after him. He shut them out. He wasn’t getting into Equestria. The charges against him were preposterous. There wasn’t anything in those lines that was true. He wanted to spread joy in Equestria with his stunts and feats of magic. Illusion, yes, but it was all in good fun.

He opened the door and stumbled to his wagon. He threw his saddlebags in and hitched himself back up. He fought a tear that threatened to make its way out. Pipe composed himself. That Trixie was a bi-

No, no need to go labeling ponies like that (even if it is true). He pulled forward. His wagon wheels clacked on the pavement below. Since he was already in Canterlot he might as well stay and simply sign up for another appointment. Clearly, this Trixie wasn’t a normal interviewer. Maybe somepony closer to his predicament would be willing to listen to. He spied two mares heading up to the OCIO.

“Hello!” he called out.

They looked at him.

“Howdy!”

“How’s it going?”

They were both earth ponies. One had three apples on her flank and the other had balloons. The one with apples was orange while the one with the balloons was a bright pink.

“You two going into get admitted?”

“Nopey dopey! We’re going in to interview ponies! It’s so much fun!” declared the pink one.

“Yep. I like it too. Well, we best be off. See ya round, sugarcube.”

Pipe smiled deviously. Rule number one in business, never give up. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the first rule, but it still counted. These two ponies would surely let him in. He smiled, deviousness creeping in. He’d just have to try again. As Celestia as his witness, he’d get into Equestria and it would preferably not be the last thing he did.

Pageturner

Pageturner
By
bottlecap

She had been jumping for five minutes at least. Each leap towards the window fell short no matter how wildly she flailed her little blue hooves. After a particular high leap she landed off balance and yelped when fell backwards, leaving her hooves kicking the air. Her glasses fell off and became tangled in the long, yellow mane flowing from her filly head. A pale yellow head poked out to look at her, surprised.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there!”

“It’s fine!” Pageturner said, crawling to her hooves again. She batted at her glassed.

“Here, let me help,” the unicorn mare behind the window said and a lime green aura soon untangled the glasses from her hair.

“Thank you!”

“Now, where’s your mother? Is she being interviewed?”

“Nope! I have an appointment for myself.”

The yellow head disappeared. “Name?”

“Pageturner.”

“I see. You’re right. It looks like you’ll be called in a few minutes. I believe you’ll be interviewing with Glasseye... that can’t be right... Oh.” The head appeared again. “ You don’t sing, do you?”

“Nope! I read! I read lots of lots of lots of books! My cutie mark is a book, see?”

“That’s a relief,” she said with a warm smile as a set of hooves approached and stopped behind Pageturner. “Well, I’ll have someone come and lead you to his office.”

“Thank you!” Pageturner said with a chirp, jumping into the air. FInally! She was going to be able to join the Filly Scouts! They would have cookies and go to Nightmare Night celebrations and cookies and books and the library in Ponyville! Whoo hoo!

“Are you Pageturner?” barked a grumpy-looking unicorn stallion who towered over her, his Handlebar mustache almost bushy enough to tickle the top of her horn as she looked up at him.

“Yep! I am!”

“At least you’re not another alicorn...” he sighed, giving a hard glare to the window where a black and white alicorn narrowed his eyes angrily at the window.

“But I’m white and black.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“But, you looked at me with judgement!”

“Name?”

“Come on. This will get ugly anyway,” the stallion grumbled as he led the bouncing filly into the hall lined with office doors.

“Thank you so much for interviewing me!”

“Will you stop that bouncing?”

Pageturner landed, started at the glare the stallion gave her.

“Sorry...” she whispered, holding her head down and following him as quietly as possible. He led her to his office and she hopped onto the chair with a small “yeep!”

“You’re not a... singer are you?”

“Nope. Just a filly.”

He grunted and crossed something off a pad of paper in front of him.

“Where are your parents?”

“I can take care of myself!” she chirped.

“We cannot allow that. You will either need to bring suitable parents or sign up to be adopted by a willing pony”

“Oh... Can’t I just live in the library?”

He reached for a much-abused stamp sitting next to him.

“I wouldn’t mind adoption!” she piped. The hoof retreated grudgingly.

“If you make it through this interview or decide to re-apply the forms will be available at the front window.” He crossed something else off.

“Thank you!” She almost bounced again but his stern glance froze her.

“So, why do you want to enter Equestria?”

“I was thinking of taking over the library in Ponyville—”

“Ponyville is overpopulated as is and has been set aside for Official Character use only.”

“Oh... What about Canterlot?”

“No.”

“But—”

“I said no! Canterlot is also set aside for Official Characters only.”

“Manehattan?”

“You can’t run the Manehattan library by yourself.” His hoof reached for the stamp again.

“But, what about when I grow up? I don’t mind just working there.”

His mustache twitched as he grunted but no reply came. He looked down at his pad of paper and crossed something else off. Pageturner breathed an imperceptible sigh of relief. She had a hoof in the door now and she was going to do all she could to keep it there or advance farther into Equestria.

“So do you plan to write books, too?”

“No, just read and organize.”

Another grunt to accompany the item crossed off his list. He dropped the pen from his mouth. “Your mane is too long.”

“What?” she yipped before covering her muzzle with her hooves. He gave her another sour look.

“Your mane. It is three inches too long for someone of your size. It will need to be cut to fit regulation size.”

“Oh... ok! Not a problem!” She bobbed up and down on her seat.

“So, what do you plan to achieve until you can work at the library?”

“Achieve?”

“Why should Equestria allow you to become a citizen?”

“I... uh.”

“That’s all I needed to know.” He reached for the stamp.

“Wait! I can contribute! I was hoping to join the filly scouts and—”

“You need to convince me that you’re actually a benefit to Equestria, not just an annoyance.”

“But the filly scouts—“

“Sell cookies and help little old mares across the street. My dog could do the same and he doesn’t need to file for adoption.”

Pageturner’s bottom lip stuck out and quivered as her eyes grew larger. She sniffed, attracting the scrutiny of Glasseye. He sighed gruffly and crossed another item off his list. That must be a list of things he could use as excuses to say she shouldn’t be allowed into Equestria! She tried to peek to see the end of it, but it continued under his foreleg.

“All right. I guess I can let it slide. But the next thing funny about you and you’re out of here. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Stop shifting and squirming around.”

“Sorry!”

He grunted again. “What is your greatest weakness?”

“Books!”

“What is your greatest strength?”

“Or-ga-ni-za-TION!” she enunciated. He groaned.

“I guess it could be worse... worst flaw?”

“I’m not that bad.” She saw him reach for his stamp. “I get distracted easily.”

“How can that be the case if you like reading so much?”

“Well...it’s like this. I read a book and it tells me about something I can do. I’ll try to do that thing and forget to keep reading. Then after I’m done I’ll pick the book up again until something else distracts me. Then I’ll go and—“

“Wait... what sort of... literature do you often read?”

“All kinds! All kinds of subjects fascinate me! Cooking, building, crafting, history, math, science, music, languages—“

“What about anarchist literature?”

“I’m not familiar with that word but I would love to research it!”

“And then have a ‘distraction’ and overthrow the Princesses?”

“What! No!”

“No, I’m afraid the risk is too great. You try everything a book tells you to do and you’ll find yourself in trouble. Well, I can tell you that trouble will not happen on my watch!” He picked up the stamp in his mouth.

“Wait! I would never—“

The stamp slammed down onto the paper. Tears filled her vision again and this time she let them burst in geysers from her eyes as she wailed from beneath her non-regulation mane.

Another pony entered the office.

“What is that noise? Oh... Glasseye, she’s just a filly...”

“When she learns discernment with her reading and some self-control then I’ll consider it. Now she’s just a threat.”

“You can’t be serious...”

“Get her out of here. She can apply again next year.”

“That’s not the poli— Oh, fine!”

A green aura lifted the crying filly onto the yellow back of the unicorn receptionist. The receptionist poked her head into the front office and said something to the other mare sitting there before carrying Pageturner into an empty room known as “Filly Cry Room 18” to wail it out until she was ready to try again; with adoption forms, regulation haircut, and less threat of anarchy.

Digital Chaos

Digital Chaos
by
Digital Chaos

I walked toward the door of the O.C.I.O office. This was the day I would either fail or be able to live in a new place to... do... stuff. I wasn't even sure if this was the right place. I sure hoped it was, due to the amount of awkwardness that would follow if it wasn't.

"Well, here we go..." I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The first thing I did when I walked into the room was fall on my face. I managed to pick myself up before anyone noticed.

What I saw looked a lot like a doctor's office. Nervous patients, magazines, and an irritable-looking lady at the desk. 'Shoot! I walked into the doctor's office, didn't I? No, calm down, you're sure this is the right place. You're being dumb.'

I hurried over to the desk and looked up. This was going to be a challenge. I'm a filly, and a short one at that. I had absolutely no idea how to get their attention. Then I remembered that I was a pegasus who was, again, being dumb.

I fluttered my wings as hard as I could, and finally made it to the height of the desk. "Uhh... hi. I have an interview for moving into Equestria?"

"Name?" The desk lady barely looked up, probably tired from all the people she'd had to deal with today.

"Digital Chaos."

"Here you are," she said, gesturing. "Sign your name here. Your appointment with Princess Twilight Sparkle starts in ten minutes."

"Right, thanks."

I hurried over to a seat in the waiting area. Ten minutes is like a week to me, but I did surprisingly better than usual. For about three minutes, I silently searched my mind for any memory of a 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'.

Then I realized something. I was having an interview with a princess. Like the embodiment of all things girly. I betted she was going to be wearing a dress, crown, the whole shebang. 'Great, on top of the stress of the whole interview bit, I'll have to try not to laugh or puke. At least if anything goes wrong, I can lie.'

Lying was part of my special talent. It wasn't something I was completely proud of, but it was definitely useful when it came to pranks. I have a habit of relying it too often. In this situation, lying probably wasn't my best option, but it would help if I needed it. I hoped I wouldn't.

After I was done thinking about my interview, I was instantly bored. I proceeded to hum just about every song I knew, until somepony who had come in after me complained. After a few seconds, I started to tap my hoof to music in my head instead.

"Uh, Miss Digital Chaos? It's time for your interview," A voice called from down the hall that most definitely didn't sound like I imagined a princess would. In fact, it sounded like they had a southern accent.

"Right. On my way," I replied. I took a deep breath and walked down the hall until I came across a room that was labeled 'P. T. Sparkle' on a plaque. I turned into the room, and saw something completely unexpected.

There were two interviewers. One was an orange mare with pulled back blond hair, freckles, and a hat. She was most likely the one I spoke to a minute ago. The other looked like she was made out of bright pink cotton candy, especially her mane, and had bright blue eyes. She looked like it pained her to be sitting, and somehow, she still found ways to move while sitting. By process of elimination, I decided that the blond was the princess.

"Are you Princess Twilight Sparkle?" I asked her, sitting down in a chair across the desk from her and the candy machine.

She chuckled. "No, Ah'm not. My name's Applejack, and this here is my friend Pinkie Pie. We're fillin' in for Twilight. You must be Miss Digital Chaos?"

"Yeah, but just 'Digital' is fine. Or even better, just 'Chaos'." I might've been embarrassed about mistaking her for a princess, but the relief of her not being one outweighed that. They both raised their eyebrows at the second nickname suggestion.

Applejack leaned over to Pinkie and whispered something sounded like "Is there an age ruh-struck-shun thingy anywhere in the papers?"

"I didn't see one," Pinkie replied, oblivious to the fact Applejack was whispering and she wasn't. "Hey! Your mane looks just like mine when I was a filly, or when I'm sad! Are you me? Wait, I'm me, you can't be me, and you're a pegasus and you're blue, and your mane is brown and blue, not pink."

"...huh?" I was completely confused by what she'd said. 'What does my mane have to do with anything? Is there something wrong with it? Did I do something wrong?! No, no, keep calm, they can't keep you out of Equestria for your manestyle. Don't be stupid.'

"Uh, sorry 'bout that Miss Chaos." Applejack sent me an apologetic look. "Pinkie, couldja try to be more serious? Just until Twilight comes back?"

"Right!" Pinkie slipped under the desk and came out less than a second later with a suit and a mustache. "Pinkie Totally-So-Serious Pie."

"Right..." Applejack sent me another apologetic look. "So, uh, first question. What do ya plan on doin' in Equestria?"

"Oh, I'd probably just have to go to school for now, right? I'd probably try to get a job at the library or in Equestrian technology branches after that." It was about then I realized I hadn't planned too far ahead after school.

"Err... right, yeah..." Applejack didn't look she had any idea of what 'Equestrian technology branches' meant. That was fine with me, as long as it didn't count against me. "Where do ya plan on settlin'?"

"I'd probably make myself a cloud house next to Ponyville, with stairs made out of clouds up. I could borrow a book from the library on how to do it, and possibly get help from new neighbors."

"Do you have any family? Like a mom, or a dad, or a sister, or a brother? I never had a brother, but I had two sisters! Their names were Inkie and Blinkie! Wait, lemme guess your siblings' names... Evil Chaos? Clown Chaos? Panicky Chaos? Terrifying Chaos? Discord Chaos? Wait... you're not related to Discord, are you?" Pinkie narrowed her eyes at me. I was slightly offended by the creepy names she had come up that match my last name. 'Clown Chaos' had a nice ring to it, though.

"Nope, no known family."

"What's your cutie mark for? Mine's balloons, and it's for parties and fun and smiling! Some people say it's because I move around as much as three balloons in a room with an open ceiling, but they're crazy! What does that even mean, and why would they say I jump around a lot?" Pinkie asked.

"I dunno." I deadpanned. I answered her question with, "My cutie mark's a book with a smiley face on it. It means that I'm smart, am good at research, like to crack jokes and pull pranks." I gave a sheepish look. It wasn't much of a talent, but it actually came handy in many situations. If you're being bullied, it helps to be smart and be able to make jokes to make them look like an idiot.

"Why's it look mad, Miss Chaos? Or shall I say GENIUS EVIL CLOWN LORD THAT IS FRIENDS WITH DISCORD?" I heard the voice come from right next to me and down. I turned to see Pinkie Pie sitting right next to me, and gave a small shriek. I assure you, it wasn't wimpy sounding. It was as non-sissy sounding as a shriek can get from anything. Yeah, let's go with that.

"Oh, heheh, that... yeah, it also means I use sarcasm a lot, think a bit highly of myself sometimes, and... um... I'm good at lying..." The last parts got progressively quieter, and I did it on purpose as I realized how bad of a light I was putting myself in. I lowered my eyes.

Applejack leaned forward and raised her eyebrows. "What was that last part?"

"Err... I think a bit highly of myself sometimes, and I'm good at lying..." I raised my eyes to find her with a disappointed look on her face. Pinkie was next to her again, with the same look on her face.

Pinkie sighed. "You are an evil clown. I should've known."

Applejack sent Pinkie a look that said 'I'm not sure what you're talking about, or why you're even here', then turned back to me. "Ah'm sorry Miss Chaos, but honesty is somethin' Ah value over many things in a good pony. Ya seem like a good pony, but even lettin' someone who's good at lyin' in is probably a right terrible idea. And tha name ain't so reassurin' neither. Ya can come back another day."

I heard the thud and saw the flash of red come down on my papers and knew the deed was done. "Right. Bye then, I guess." I hurried out of the room before I could make a fool of myself.

I sighed. It was back to the streets and whatever else I could find. I headed towards the exit, passing a bright blue pegasus with rainbow hair walking toward an interviewer's room.

As I was making my exit through the door, I fell on my face again.

Lord Smoked Meat and Fishes

Lord Smoked Meat and Fishes
By
Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes

I stood just across the street from the O.C.I.O building wanting to ensure that I was ready. Utilizing a nearby store window (and ignoring the stares of its patrons) I adjusted my golden helmet so it would stop bumping into my horn, made certain that its red crest was tightened and my red cape at just the right angle on my light blue fur. I was ready.

The only thing separating me from glory and riches was a simple little interview. I proudly opened the doors to find a dismal waiting room filled with bored looking ponies. So fantastic was my opening that a few turned their heads and actually looked in my general direction! Holding my pose for just a moment I continued to stroll into the office, and felt a sudden tightening around my throat as I promptly fell flat on my back.

The world was dark now as my helmet covered my eyes and a loud ringing filled my ears. I tried getting up again while fixing my helmet only to fall on my back a second time. What is going on I asked myself. It was then I realized I had gotten my cape stuck in the door.

Turning around I tried pulling my cape out with my magic but it wouldn’t budge. It was then the ringing left my ears and a more horrible sound took its place, laughter. Taking a quick glance behind me I saw that the entire waiting room was laughing at me. Some were even in tears the uncivilized dolts.

I continued to struggle for what felt like minutes until some little filly came up to me. She didn’t seem to be laughing so I looked at her and asked, “Well what do you want?”

Looking concerned she replied, “Would you like me to open the door for you mister?”

The laughter became deafening. Glaring at her I growled, “No thank you I am more then capable of opening a door by myself!”

Her concern changed to confusion as she asked, “Then why aren’t you mister?”

I decided not to dignify this presumptuous little brat with a response. Turning back to the door I used my magic to open it and pulled my now wrinkled cape out of the doorway. Ignoring the snickers of the rabble, I walked over to the secretary’s desk eager to get out of there as soon as possible.

I coughed to get her attention. She was a bored looking pegasus whose expression of disdain threw me off guard for just a moment. Sighing she said to me, “Name?”

“I am, Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes!” I declared hoping to reclaim some of my lost dignity. The resulting laughter caused whatever dignity I had left to go into the negative numbers. I began gritting my teeth in annoyance, as the secretary looked at her papers the faintest glimmer of a smile on her face.

“Ah here you are. Well it looks like you’re right on schedule. Just head down to Princess Twilight Sparkle’s door and somepony will be right with you.”

“Thank you madam,” I grunted as I walked down the hallway doing my best to ignore the simplistic sniggers of the waiting ponies.

“We’ll see who has the last laugh,” I grumbled to myself.

A princess eh? Perfect, I thought. My success is guaranteed. Surely only the sophisticated minds of royalty could comprehend the brilliance of my ambition. Walking down the hallway I spotted the Princess’s door and gave it three solid knocks.

“Come in,” said a dignified voice.

Upon entering I saw a regal looking purple alicorn. She looked like she had just returned from some prior engagement and was still adjusting several papers on her desk.

“Just have a seat and I will be with you in a moment.“

I complied sitting down in a rather comfy chair. I looked around the office as I waited, afraid to say anything lest I should somehow ruin my interview before it began. As I looked around the office I couldn’t help but notice a rather prominent red stamp.

“Sorry for the wait. I swear I don’t understand how Pinkie can make such a mess in just five minutes.”

“That is perfectly alright, madam.”

“Say, did you happen to notice what all that laughter was about earlier?”

“I haven’t any idea in the slightest,” I practically growled.

“Alright, now it says here that your name is… Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes?”

“That is correct,” I said beaming with pride even as a scanned her face looking for any sign of mockery. All I saw was a look of mild confusion.

She looked at me and seemed to notice my helmet for the first time, “Oh, are you planning on entering the royal guard?”

“Please your majesty, my ambitions are much higher than that of a simple guardspony.”

Her expression showed nothing, but her sudden hesitation made me feel that I had somehow made things very difficult for myself.

“Well then, please enlighten me as to what exactly your ambitions are.”

Perfect! I thought. “My ambition madam, is nothing less than the creation of an entire new industry for Equestria! With this industry I can create hundreds, potentially thousands of new jobs, and revolutionize the tourism industry!”

I was proud to see that the princess raised a single eyebrow. Obviously she was so surprised by my response that she couldn’t bring herself to raise both of them.

“Really? And what exactly would that be?”

Standing up out of my seat I triumphantly declared, “Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes Butcher Shop!”

I stood there beaming. Waiting for her response. After several moments of silence I saw her staring at me with a look of horror on her face. She then quickly looked at my cutie mark as if seeing it for the first time. I couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t often you saw a cutie mark with a butcher’s knife, slice of raw steak, and dead fish on it.

“A butcher shop?” she finally asked, “You want to build a butcher shop in Equestria?”

“Think of it princess! There are so many paying creatures in your world that eat meat. Griffons, dragons, minotaur’s, and yet you seem to have little if any means of catering to their tastes. But, with my butcher shop you can create an entire industry. They will come from miles around just to eat from my fine establishment. Think of the money that would bring in! Think of the new opportunities for your citizens!”

“How exactly would one shop cater to so many customers?” she asked.

“Simple, we create a slaughterhouse.”

“What?”

“Fine, meat factory if you want to be PC about it. “

I felt a sudden urge of panic as the ominous red stamp was lifted in a hue of magic. Looking at the princess I saw that she seemed to be conflicted. As if she were torn between revulsion and morbid curiosity. She sighed, placed the stamp back on the table and looking disappointed with herself as she asked, “Mr. Fishes how exactly would a meat factory work?”

“I’m glad you asked, first we knock out the animal and have it hanging upside down from a hook. It is moved down what is called an assembly line where-“ I continued to describe in detail the typical procedure. I spoke for several minutes but was concerned to see that the princess had developed a slight shade of green on her face. I was about to describe what we would do with the innards when I was quite rudely interrupted.

“Enough! Mr. Fishes what you are proposing is absolutely horrible! Not to mention impractical!”

“What do you mean?”

“First off good luck finding anypony who would be willing to invest in what is quite frankly one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard in my life! Even if you did you would have to find enough ponies sick enough to actually do such work on a daily basis. Why if my friend Fluttershy knew that I was even talking to you-”

I started tuning her out at this point. I had hoped that I would find some enlightened minds here. I suppose that was too much to ask especially from some blue-blooded noble. Luckily I came prepared.

Over her incessant prattling I said, “Tell me princess, have you ever had a cake?”

The Princess stopped, her eyes narrowing as if she sensed some sort of trap.

“Yes, but what does that have to do with this?”

“Oh nothing, except… Well I’m assuming that this cake had eggs as a major ingredient?”

“Well of course it did-“

“Now you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders so tell me princess. Where do eggs come from?”

“From a hen but-“

“Now, correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t making that cake require the death or rather the erasing of a baby chicken?”

She was about to say something when she stopped. She opened her mouth before closing it again, as if not sure what to say.

Gotcha. “What I am proposing is no different. Oh I will admit the methods are a bit more gruesome but I assure you that I will personally see to it that everything is done painlessly and that the animals live happy albeit short lives.”

“What sort of animals?” she asked hesitantly.

“Oh a variety of fish to start with. Such as Salmon, tuna, and trout. But that’s just the beginning! We can also have some birds such as chickens and ducks. But the real prize will be the mammals.”

“Mammals?” she asked now with an edge to her voice.

“Well of course! There will be pigs of course, and Griffons will come from miles around for the cows, sheep, maybe some goats just for variety’s sake-“

Before I could continue that ominous stamp was slammed onto a sheet of paper, and practically thrown at my face. I slowly took it off to get a better look and saw the most revolting sight I had ever seen. Eight big red letters that spelled out “DECLINED.”

“Why?” I sputtered.

“Well aside from the pigs, all of those mammals you mentioned just now are sentient and proud citizens of Equestria! Something you would know if you did any research whatsoever!”

“Alright I don’t have to cook those! Believe me the fish alone will-“

“Furthermore, how are you supposed to make a successful business when most of the population is physically incapable of eating your product!”

“Well you see, err you could give them to your pets…”

“Mr. Fishes, just go. You may reapply again in six months. I would recommend you use that time to do some actual research and maybe reevaluate your goals. Good day.”

I tried to think of some witty comeback. Some clever zinger to put this pompous purple princess in her place and let her know how what I really thought of her and her kind stagnating her kingdom. But all I could say was, “Well maybe I will!”

She didn’t even give me the satisfaction of slamming her door myself. The second I left her office the princess shut it with her magic, almost nicking my cape in the process. I stomped down the hallway eager to leave this infernal place. The nerve of her! Obviously her mind was degraded from generations of royal inbreeding. That was the only explanation for how she could reject such a glorious plan.

My rage must have showed, because when I entered the waiting room none of the other applicants so much as giggled. It seems even the most ignorant of rabble recognized pure anger when they saw it. That blasted filly from earlier even hid underneath her chair in fear. That cheered me up a little.

As I left the building I paused for a moment trying to figure out where to go next. If things had gone like they should I would be on the train or, well whatever they used to get ponies like us into Equestria. Instead I was just another nopony. It would be at least six months before I could even try to get back in. Even if I did what would be the point?

If that royal rube had her way I would be nothing more than Equestria’s first fishmonger at best. Your idea just would not work in Equestria. Well what does she know? Then it hit me.

Who said anything about having to work in Equestria? Once I’m in I’m canon. What’s to stop me from moving to the griffon kingdom, or the Minotaur territories? They would appreciate my ideas! They would see the necessary genius of my work!

Word of my success would spread and enlightened ponies from all over Equestria will come to me begging to work at the glorious Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes Butcher Shop! It’s positively foolproof! This called for a celebration! I decided to go to the nearby pub to celebrate my future success.

As I took my first step I felt a familiar tightening around my neck as I began to fall backwards. Through the ringing of my helmet I could already hear the riffraff beginning their lowbrow laughter. But never let it be said that I don’t learn from my mistakes. With as much dignity as I could muster I lifted myself up and put all of my rage and frustration into yanking that accursed door open. My cape was free but a loud cracking noise told me I might have been a tad enthusiastic in my door opening.

“Hey that weirdo’s stealing the door!” cried a nearby unicorn.

“Somepony stop him!” an earth pony shouted.

“Sir why are you stealing our door?” cried the now very angry secretary as she pressed a very intimidating button marked security.

I briefly considered my options and did the only thing a sophisticated and forward thinking visionary like myself could do, I ran like hell and didn’t look back

Cherry Skies

Cherry Skies
By
That_One_Female_Brony

“Alright! Now why don’t you tell me about yourself, Darling?” said a mare with a lavender mane, as she looked the entering pegasus up and down.

“Um well my name is Cherry Skies,” said a pegasus with candy red hair and a buttery yellow coat. “I really like singing and flying... and I like candy too!”

“Oh yes do go on!” said Rarity as she floated over a measuring tape, pencil and paper.

“...What are you doing?” the confused mare asked, her green eyes watching the tape.

“Oh! I’m terribly sorry, Darling! Your ‘coiffure‘ just gave me an idea!” said the fashionista as scribbling some numbers down.

“Oh ok... As I was saying.... I would like to originate in Canterlot—”

“Originate in Canterlot? Why Darling, none of the immigrants are allowed to originate there.”

“Oh... can I at least be a servant there?”

“Possibly...” she said, jotting another measurement down.

“In that case, I want to be a servant to the Princesses... I’m not trying to pry but can I see the design?”

“Oh but of course, Darling!” she said as she used her magic to turn the sketch towards Cherry Skies. It was a long well fitting dress with a cloud like lace near the bottom with a green collar and red skirt.

“Oh... I’m not the type for dresses...” the mare stuttered.

“Nonsense! You will look simply fabulous!!” Rarity said. “Now do go on.”

“Well I’ve thought out my whole history here. May I recite it?”

“Of course, dear,” rarity said distractedly, floating her supplies back to the desk where she began coloring and shading her design.

“Ok then,” the pegasus said before clearing her throat and beginning. “Before coming to work at Canterlot castle, I would have been trained at a very young age to walk with poise, grace and swiftness. I would rarely get sugary treats, so they are a delicacy. I received my cutie mark at a Talent Show for my school by singing a song I heard played by a filly... I can’t really remember her name... She sure did know how to party. I wonder how she is now...”

The silence prompted Rarity to look up with a slight blush. “I apologize. Do continue,” she said, placing a marker down.

“Anyway, when I hit a high note in the song there was a flash of light near my flank. That’s when I saw my cutie mark. I finished the song and ran home to show my parents. My cutie mark is a cloud and two cherries making a musical note. As you can see,” she finished, shifting in her seat to show her flank to Rarity.

“Indeed. Well, It is finished! Now I need you help...” Rarity said quickly while trapping the pegasus in her magic.

“W-Wait! No!” said the startled pony before being thrown behind the curtain while some fabric rolls floated towards her.

1 hour later

“Oh no! This is the worst. Possible. Thing! I have run out of rubies!” Rarity said as she floated her saddlebags to her. “Be a dear and stay put!”

When Cherry heard the door swing shut she sighed in relief and slumped to the ground.

“Hello?” a squeaky voice rang from the doorway. “Is anypony here?” Said a little filly with a half purple, half pink mane. As she walked down the room, she jumped after seeing Cherry sitting there in the half made dress.

“Um... Hi?”

The little filly rose to a defensive pose as she asked “Who are you? Where is my sister?!”

“Sister? Oh you must mean Rarity! I’m Cherry Skies I was here for an interview when I got roped into being a model.”

The little filly giggled. “Yeah that happens to me too. I’m Sweetie Belle! And I’m a Cutie Mark Crusader!” She said as she grabbed a cape with a pony rearing up on it.

“Oh a cutie mark crusader huh? Well have you tried a cutie mark in singing? That’s how I got mine!” Cherry said as she pulled up the skirt to show her cutie mark.

“I have tried that. It did not work out... I sang too loud and broke a window...” the little filly sighed.

“Well lets hear you sing!” The yellow mare said.

“Well alright...” Sweetie Belle said as she stood up and took a breath.

“Hush Now, Quiet Now its time to lay your sleepy head.

Hush Now, Quiet Now its time to go to bed...

Hush Now, Quiet Now its time to lay your sleepy head.

Hush Now, Quiet Now its time to go to bed...

Drifting off to sleep...

Leave the day behind you...

Drift off to sleep

Let the joy to dream land find you...

Hush Now, Quiet Now ,its time to lay your sleepy head,

Hush Now, Quiet Now, Its time to go to bed...”

As she sang the last note a flash came from the flank of the filly.

“Well I guess I was right about you getting your cutie mark in singing.” Cherry said as she pointed at Sweetie’s flank.

“WHAT?!” Sweetie screamed as she looked at her flank. “I-I...I DID IT!!!!” She yelled as she ran in circles.

“Sweetie Belle?!” A surprised Rarity said as she walked through the door. “Y-You got your cutie mark?” She said as she examined Sweetie’s flank.

“Yep!” Sweetie said with a look of accomplishment.

“Oh no... I will get the make-up… You may leave now Cherry” Rarity said as she walked up the stairs.

“Uh... am I free to move to Equestria?”

“I’m afarid not.”

“What?! Why?!” Cherry exclaimed.

“You helped a canon character get their cutie mark. Which is a Mary Sue offence. I am truly sorry for this but you must wait for a full year before applying to have another interview.”

Author's Note

I'm so grabbing that bottom image and applying it to every chapter...

Cassandra Truth

Cassandra Truth
By
CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Alright Cassandra, you got this, I told myself. It wasn’t enough to say it though, I had to believe it. Passing this test was the summit of all accomplishments for ponies like myself; many applied, but few were accepted, and I was going to be one of the few. You know why? Because it was my destiny, and today was the day that I would reach out and grab it. Nervously, I fidgeted with my flowing auburn mane, my long hair partially covering my eye.

As I neared the building, my view was obscured by a cloud of dust and an aggressive tempo of hoofbeats. A distraught-looking stallion in bizarre warrior garb was rushing straight towards me. As a sky-blue pegasus, I was well familiar with collisions caused by other ponies not seeing me, and I had a feeling that this guy's helmet wouldn't be doing his peripheral vision any favors. That, compounded with the enormous wooden slab he was carrying in tow suggested to me that I should cede right of way. Deftly, I sprung into the air, allowing him to pass unabated.

The first thing I noticed about the O.C.I.O. was that the front entryway was nothing more than an arch. Strange choice of architecture, must get cold in the winter. But Twilight Sparkle's input went into this place and she must have had a good reason.

“Talk about an open door policy!” I quipped to the peach-colored secretary at the desk. She kept her expression neutral, and her glance downwards at the stack of papers she was working on. Strange, Pinkie Pie always got a barrel of laughs with her one-liners. Maybe she didn't understand the joke, after all not everypony is gifted with the same highbrow sense of humor as Pinkie and I.

“I said, ‘talk about an open-”

“I got it the first time. Can I help you with something?”

“Cassandra. Here to see Twilight Sparkle.” My omission of the Royal Title demonstrated confidence.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle’s office is down the hall to your right" she replied curtly. They say you should always get on the secretary's good graces, and it was pretty clear that hadn't happened. Not my fault, I told myself, she was being impossible to deal with. Blocking out negative thoughts, I quickly located Twilight's door and gave it a knock.

"Come in please" called the vanilla yet enchanting voice of Twilight Sparkle. I screwed up my courage and entered, giving her a warm smile. "Please, Miss..." she quickly glanced at the papers in front of her, "...Cassandra, have a seat."

"Good evening, Twilight, and might I add it's a pleasure to meet you."

"And you. So, tell me about your prospective life in Equestria."

"As a pony so learned as yourself, I have no doubt you're familiar with the term 'Cassandra Truth.'" I said, showcasing my own talents while simultaneously buttering her up, "hence, I would like to move to Ponyville and be an advice columnist. Ponies can write me anonymously for advice, and I tell them what they need to do, even if it's an answer that's hard for them to swallow."

"That's not bad, actually" replied Twilight pensively. I wasn't a betting mare, but I'd hazard that the gentlecolt with the ludicrous helmet & cape had given a much more outlandish response than mine. I was acing this interview, it was like the two of us were friends already! "Could you share an example of a difficult question and how you'd answer it?" Awesome! This was the question I was hoping to get. Now I'd get a chance to blow her away with all my research and worldly knowledge.

"One letter I might get would be, 'Dear Cassandra, I want to quit my job as a model, but am afraid of disappointing my friends, please help, signed Camera Shy'. I'd respond with something like 'Dear Camera Shy, you must tell the truth, your friends have to understand that your life decisions are in your own hooves. Contrary to popular belief, you will not lose their friendship forever."

"That's very specific. You've really thought it out." said Twilight, though her voice didn't have the awestruck inflection that I'd hoped my answer would elicit.

"Something wrong?"

"The advice is sound, but... could you maybe give me one more?"

"Certainly. Say somepony writes to me, 'Dear Cassandra, I have to give a flying performance in front of my childhood idols. I've waited my whole life for a chance like this, and now I'm so nervous I can hardly fly straight. I need some awesome pointers now! Signed Rainbow Bashful.' I'd tell her—"

"Thank you I've heard enough." I looked up at Twilight, expecting to see stars in her eyes. Instead, I found I couldn't see her eyes at all, because her face was buried in her front hooves. "I had such high hopes when you said you had a normal profession. I was so happy that I even overlooked the fact that you've copied Fluttershy's hairstyle to a T."

"Or maybe she copied me" I suggested in a desperate attempt to add levity.

"I don't know how you've become so intimately familiar with me and my friends' affairs and frankly I don't think I want to."

"C'mon Twilight, the Princess told you to make more friends, didn't she?"

"Cassandra, in doing a background check on you, I came across a few of your manuscripts. The phrase "Mane Seven" comes up a staggering number of times, and while I don't discriminate against bisexuals, your character is..." She fished for the right word, which I hoped would be 'riveting'. "...unsettlingly forward towards me and my friends. I gave you this chance because I didn’t think I’d have to worry about you acting out on your fantasies. Clearly my trust was misguided.”

"Very well, I understand. I'd hoped for Ponyville, but I'll make do with living in Fillydelphia or Baltimare."

"You're not getting in. I don't think it's a good idea for someone with your level of indiscretion to be handling ponies' most embarrassing secrets. In fact, you know what?" She used her magic to open a filing cabinet & levitate out a sheet of paper, on which she began furiously scribbling. "Just in case you, by some stretch of the imagination, do find your way into Equestria, I'm serving you with a restraining order. You are to stay five hundred feet away from me and my friends, and another thousand from Fluttershy."

"Well, I suppose that's the way the cookie crumbles. Pinkie Pie would like that expression. It's been a dream of mine to meet you. Mind if I shake your hoof?"

"Yes. Now get out."

Grey Streak and Comet Burst

Grey Streak and Comet Burst
By
Phoenix Archangel

“Dude, this’s gonna be easy as apple pie!”

I sighed, shaking my head before facing forward once more, calmly setting an easy pace beside my more… shall we say excited, friend. Lifting a hoof, I dragged the headset I’d had hanging around my neck over my recently changed equine ears. Tapping my iPod with the tip of a hoof, the hauntingly chill sound of guitars soothed my ears of the boisterous idiot next to me as I set my hoof back to the ground, frowning as I did so.

Doubt I’ll ever get used to that, I lazily thought while the muted babble managed its way past the music, and my brow eased back into neutral as the song looped to the beginning. A light blue pegasus with a long auburn mane trotted past us almost happily. Past her, a storefront window revealed my discomfort, along with the street.

A steel-blue eye stared back at me in boredom, a folded wing visible against the stormy grey coat. A short, spiky black mane and tail, streaked ashen-grey, stuck out from my body. An ear was divided at the tip while my mouth was expressionless. Shaking my head again, I turned to look at my friend, Comet Burst.

A goldenrod coat, a bright red and orange mane spikier than mine, a long white and light grey tail. A falling comet was on his flank, his light blue eyes shone with confidence and, again, excitement.

… And he was also being a smartass and flying backwards and upside down in front of me.

I gave it three minutes before he hit something, to be honest.

Ignoring him, I continued on our way while switching to another song. In the break between them, I heard a something akin to a gong followed by muffled groans and a pair of thuds. Sparing a glance behind, I confirmed what I suspected.

Amazingly, he’d collided with another pegasus within a minute.

Comet, now sporting a fairly hefty bump on his skull from nosediving the ground, chose to walk beside me the rest of the way to the… What was it again?

Oh right, the Original Character Immigration Office. Seems like a boring place to work.

Comet, getting a look at the structure ahead of us, immediately reverted to his sugar-happy-child-like attitude and blasted forward with a trail of dust. Muttering obscenities under my breath, even more so when I noticed a few kids around the area, I entered the door.

Or would have if there was one. Judging by the warped hinges, a few splinters and the solitary screw halfway out of the wall, someone wasn’t happy. Walking through the archway, I walked to the desk where Comet was just leaving to sit on one of the various seats with an icepack.

Reaching the desk, I raised an eyebrow in question at the receptionist while glancing at the rather new dent in the front of the counter and over to Comet. After she nodded with a grimace, I tossed it to the back of my head while pulling my headset to my neck.

“Someone not happy with their decision?” I asked, twitching my head back at the door.

“Name?” The mare asked instead. I brushed it off.

“Grey Streak, here to see someone ‘bout gettin’ in. A miss Sparkle, wannit?”

With a controlled exhale, she replied, “Princess Twilight Sparkle will see you in five minutes.”

Wait, Princess? Why the hell would they get royalty to deal with a crappy job like this?

“I don’t know.”

“... I said that out loud, didn’t I?” I sighed. Wishing her a pleasant day, I turned and walked to my friend’s side. Taking up two seats to lay down, I stared up at the ceiling.

“Grey Streak, Princess Sparkle will see you now.”

I blinked away the blank-mind-sleep I’d apparently took. Rolling onto my hooves, I stood before trotting to the hallway to cheers from my dumbass of a friend;

“You got this, man! I’ll see ya on the other side!” I used a wing to wave it off.

Reaching a door marked T.S, I nudged it open to reveal… an alicorn, if my research was right.

Wings, check. Horn, check. Lavender coat, six-point star, check. Yep, Princess Sparkle. Whom was in the middle of putting the last of a series of forms through a type of shredding spell.

Her eyes snapped up to mine as I cleared my throat, a blush growing before she hastily stuffed the remains into a bin. Ignoring them, I took the offered seat while she took what I guessed to be my form from a pile.

“You are Grey Streak, correct?” Twilight started, the blush steadily disappearing as the interview went underway.

“Yep.” The excitement in my response just had to rival Comet’s. Seriously, it must’ve.

Looking over my form, she seemed to be rather pleased by what she saw.

“Now then, Mister Streak, why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“Which story?” This seemed to throw her off a bit.

“I beg your pardon?” Oh, right, these ‘canon’ ponies don’t actually know…

“Nevermind. Also, just Grey is fine. Anyway, born in Cloudsdale, attended usual schools, camps etc. Hit third fastest in my year group, kept it that way, yada yada yada.” The blinking I got from Twilight seemed to be in surprise, though she certainly got over it quick.

“And what would you be looking for in terms of work?” This question seemed a bit guarded. In fact, I’m pretty sure her horn was beginning to glow. Unbothered by this, I went with the response that I’d already thrown together.

“Manual labour, save up and become a travelling merchant. About as background as you can get, you’d only see me every couple months, maybe years.” A poorly hidden sigh of relief exited the alicorn.

Musta had one seriously weird idea recently, I thought to myself as her horn died down.

Only to flare back up.

“Now, why do you not have a cutie mark?”

A wha- Oh wait, I reminded myself before replying, “Can’t miss what ya don’t want.” Twilight seemed a little troubled by this, but seemed to come to some kind of decision as a green stamp floated above my form.

“Now, while I’d normally be against this, I think I’ll allow it. Provided, of course, that you visit the Cutie Mark Placement before boarding the train. Before I approve, though, I have to ask;

What can you contribute to Equestria?”

Well, time for some cold, hard truth.

“Nothing.”

Silence reigned for a moment, before Twilight repeated what I’d said. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” I confirmed, “I have nothing to contribute, nor do I have any interest in Equestria.”

… I think I broke her,

“If you have no interest in Equestria, then why are you here?”

I shrugged as I answered, “Bet with my mate, Comet. He put 500 bits saying one, or both, of us’d get in.”

“And you?”

“I said neither. If you want proof, call him in. Do his interview, ask him about it.”

“I think I will,” Twilight said slowly as she sent a note on a magically dusty way. I kid you not, the idiot HAD to slam into the doorjamb for the third time in this weird place. Fourth if you count trying to fly before walking (Took five minutes to pull his head out of the floor… how he broke concrete is beyond me.), fifth for trying to fly through a reinforced glass door.

One of my highlights of the day, to be honest, seeing his stupefied expression through a sheet of four-inch glass that was otherwise clean enough to not exist.

Twilight’s voice cut through my memories of today as she tended to my friend after closing the door and pulling another chair out of thin air with a flash, “Now, Mister Burst -”

“Just Comet, Twi, we’re all friends here,” Comet cockily said, completely missing the deadpan glare Twilight gave him.

“Mister Burst, could you please tell me a bit about yourself?” Despite the question, it seemed more like she knew what was coming. Personally, I wanted to see just how badly he screwed up.

Rule number one of OC’s; Don’t share too much about your story - someone might try and rip you off.

“Well, you see, I went to the same school as my buddy Grey here, et cetera, and became the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria. Heck, I can even perform a Sonic Comet, I’d be happy to-”

The slamming of something wooden, coupled with an exasperated groan, cut him off.

Rule two; Don’t go copying or surpassing a canon. Amazing how this guy’s my friend, really…

“Mister Burst, you, as well as Celestia-knows-how-many-others, need to stop thinking that you’ll get in by copying my friends. In fact,” Twilight took a bit a steadying breath, “I know that Grey here,” Comet shot me a look of disbelief while I just sent him a relaxed look and muttered, ‘Deal with it.’ “Is here on account of a bet between the two of you. However, much as I’d like to prevent you, Mister Burst, from achieving anything, I feel that Equestria would make more use from Grey Streak’s presence than yours.”

… Crap, I was hoping she’d take the whole bet thing more seriously. Oh, how I wish I had my hands again just to… smack…

“Excuse me, miss?”

“Hm?” Twilight acknowledged as she began filing more paperwork, most likely for my entry into Equestria. Comet was sitting there a little shocked, but he still had a little gleam in his eyes that told me he was planning on what to buy. Now that I think about it, the conversion between Equestrian bits and Naruto ryo was fairly high...

“What are the laws concerning violence?”

She blinked at that, slowly looking up to meet my eyes as she said, “Well, in Equestria, you’d be charged with assault, trialled and most likely imprisoned, at most, a month for a minor occurrence.”

Works for me. I quickly turned and decked Comet in the side of the head, knocking him out of the chair before spinning around and kicking him square in the ribs.

Though I didn’t expect him to fly. Or take the door with him...

“Why would you do that?!”

Didn’t expect the Princess to get this startled either, but I’ll take what I get.

“According to your rules, as well as regarding my forms, I can be claimed as prone to violent mood swings,” I smoothly stated as I trotted over to my stunned, slightly bleeding friend, “Therefore, I am no longer eligible for entry into Equestria.”

“Uh, well, I… guess…?” Twilight’s voice was full of uncertainty before it picked back up, “But why wouldn’t you want to be in Equestria? It’s the best place ever!”

Stopping at the door, I tilted my head back at the Princess with a small, almost feral if the reflection I got from her eyes was any indication, grin.

“Because, Princess, this way I get to win the bet. In any case, I have an appointment to get myself sucked into a virtual reality game, where death inside the game means death in real life, with about ten thousand others, and an approximate three-and-a-half thousand death toll, in about… two hours.”

Oh, the look on her face was priceless; Confusion as to what virtual reality was, shock at the existence of such a thing and horror at the fact I was looking forward to it.

“Ja ne,” I finished with a flourish of my limited Japanese before picking up my now-groggy friend and carrying him out, dropping a cheque for 500 bits on the broken door as I passed over it.

By the time we reached the foyer door he was fine to walk on his own. The difference from earlier was that I was somewhat happy, he had a few new bruises and cuts and was complaining.

I tuned him out with the help of my headset, my iPod and a nudge to get his pathetic backside moving. It was a twenty minute trot (as he was in no shape to fly) to the Transition Zone, a further hour getting used to a human body again, and thirty to get to the S.A.O Office branch.

Time was wasting, and I had a game to play.

Sugar Sweet

Sugar Sweet
By
crazypony300

I really always greet everypony. When I walked into the O.C.I.O. it was no different.

I really love candy and I'm ill-tempered. Everyday, I take 3 candies from 3 children. It really amuses me to see them crying for their mommy, but I'm fast. I can outrun a cheetah, not Rainbow Dash. She's too fast. If I try to, I'll fall face-first in the dirt which happened so many times I can't count.

I was almost to the offices when a red and black alicorn OC (Aren't they not allowed?) asked me, "Hey babe, wanna go on a date? You look so sweet. Are you free? I really want to take this candy from a child"

"Go away, jackass. And plus, red and black alicorn OCs aren't allowed."

The drunk stallion, thinking he is a donkey, made a sound like somepony singing that has a cold and left. When I opened the door to the Original Character Immigration Offices, I approached the desk mare directly.

"Uh, hello?" I asked

"Name?"

"Sugar Sweet. Your mane looks cute! What's your name? Can we be friends after I get in? Please? Oh, am I late? I'd love to meet the Princess! I'm a great cook. You want to try one of my sweets after I-"

I got cut off because she put her hoof into my mouth. How rude!

"You're one hour late. Princess Sparkle is in her office now."

"WHAT!? Is there any vacant space?"

"There's one five minutes from now."

"I'll take it! Now put my name beside the numbers! It's spelled S-U-G-"

"I know what the spelling is so please take a seat," she said flatly.

I obeyed though I put in my mind that if I don't get in, I'll beat her up. Then, I saw a pegasus fly in backwards and upside down. I wouldn't be surprised if he hit something sooner or later. And guess what, he did.

He is handsome. I like him.

A few minutes later, Miss Sparkle, oh wait, Princess Sparkle called me in.

"Your name is Sugar Sweet, I presume?"

"Uh," I gulped. "Yes."

"You were late for your last appointment, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Oh my gosh is this your crown!?"

"Yes."

"Can I touch it?"

"No."

"D'awwww"

"Now, please sit down." I sat down and she began, "Okay, now for the interview: What are your talents and how would it contribute to Equestria?"

"Baking sweets, of course! Would you like to try one of my chocolate cookies? They're yummy!" I replied, bringing out a box.

" No, thank you. I'm watching my shape."

"Just one!"

I stopped when I saw her horn glow.

"Oh yeah, so second question? They're so yummy and just the right sweetness that everypony would like one."

She gave me a level stare. "Mm-hm. So if you could enter, what would your occupation be?"

"I'll buy a cart, a sweets cart of course, then go around Ponyville yelling-" I drew in a deep breath "-SWEETS! SWEETS! ONE SWEET FOR SIX BITS!"

Princess Twilight had to cover her ears because of the loudness of my voice. "Okay. Have you studied before going here?"

"Of course!"

"Then give me a description of the Elements of Harmony."

"The Elements of Harmony are six: Laughter, Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Loyalty and Friendship or Magic. The Elements helped Princess Celestia turn Discord, King of Chaos and Disharmony, into stone. The current bearers of the Elements are Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and you, Princess Twilight. Princess Celestia also used the Elements of Harmony to banish her sister, Pricess Luna, to the moon. Did I miss anything?"

"That's good."After she said that, I saw her have a serious face so I tried to charm her with things like 'Your mane looks cute!' 'Can we be friends after I get in?' 'You look so much prettier in pony!' but she responded with things like 'thank you' 'true' and 'yes'. Before she even stamped the application form, somepony went inside her office.

"Princess Twilight! There is a deadly prisoner on the loose! He kidnapped Princess Celestia!"

"WHAT!? The Mane 6 are on it!" Twilight said before flying out the window. Princess Twilight was so shocked she picked up the wrong stamp, and as she left DENIED was stamped across my forms.

The mare who called her was the desk mare and she said to me, "I'm sorry, but with the prisoner on the loose, we can't let you in yet. Better luck next year."

I was shocked. Then something was inside me. Something....the.....opposite.... of..... sweetness. I didn't know what came over me when I said,"WHAT!? I TRIED SO HARD TO BE ON MY BEST BEHAVIOUR AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!? OH, YES! PERFECT! TIME TO PRACTICE MY TAE KWON DO LESSONS!"

When I left, I left the building in pieces and the desk mare was buried under the rubble.I turned to head home, shouting a curse to the offices and all who were inside.

I went to my home while everypony, mostly OCs, stared daggers at me and one even shouted, "I WAS ABOUT TO ENTER EQUESTRIA, DUMB B**TH!"

Why would anypony refer to me as a dog's mother?

Blood Diamond

Blood Diamond
By
[Meep the Changeling/url]

This place's decorations were some of the dullest and most uninteresting ones I ever had the displeasure of seeing. I understood the O.C.I.O. was run by government employees, but still. The simple paintings of landscapes, the potted plants, and the throw rugs were all so bland.

The first thing I would do upon entering this country would be to decorate my home appropriately. A nice wall of black fire around the property line, a skull set into the stonework over the door, soaring Gothic architecture; just the sort of tasteful decor appropriate to a home. None of this, dull, uninspired, vanilla architecture. Honestly, this was a government office and there wasn't even so much as an iron maiden to be seen. How on earth did they keep the peasants in line?

I twitched my hoof to summon myself a drink as I pondered the question. My usual drinking glass appeared in a flash of red and black light. I sniffed the contents, smiling at the scent of pleasantly aged blood-wine. A rather distastefully happy green and gray dapple coated pegasus with an orange mane flinched as I took my first sip.

“Excuse me,” she asked, “I-is that cup a skull?”

“Of course! What better to drink from then... Humm was this one of my enemies?” I turned the chalice in my hoof, inspecting the silver stem for the label, “No label. Must have been one of the early ones. Would you like some?”

I held the chalice out towards her, but she did the typical pony thing and recoiled shaking her head furiously. It's like this every time. What is it about sharing that I don't quite understand?

“Suit yourself.” I took a sip and went back to my pondering.

“Miss, food and drink are not permitted in the lobby.” the mare seated behind the desk suddenly called. “Also you need to sign in.”

“Oh,” I banished my chalice back to its pocket dimension, “I see! By forcing immigrants to wait hungry and in thirst you ensure they are miserable upon reaching the interview and thus less able to conceal a lie. That's brilliant! Hold on a moment I need to write this down.”

I summoned a quill and paper, quickly scribbling down that gem of an idea before I forgot it.

“Er- miss, you still need to sign in.” the receptionist prompted again.

Oh yes. I no longer had an entourage to introduce me. I suppose that's one thing I would miss on this little vacation of mine. I stood up and trotted over to the desk, “Very well, how do I sign in?”

The receptionist rolled her eyes, took a quill and stack of parchment from her desk. “Name?”

“Diamond, Blood Diamond.” I answered, “I have several titles if you also require them.”

“Do you have the word diamond in your name twice or-”

I facehooved, “I was being dramatic! Seriously, has nopony here heard of me? The Great Silence? Friend to the Unspeakable? Mistress of the Damned? Oh for the love of- Just write down Empress Blood Diamond!”

“Ok...” the receptionist droned with a raised eyebrow, scribbling down my name. “You are a unicorn, white fur, tan mane and tail, gold eyes... can you turn so I can see your cutie mark?”

I nodded and turned, lifting the hem of my cloak to allow her to see my flank.

“... flaming talon crushing a heart.” she muttered as she wrote. “There is an open slot in ten minutes. I'll call you.”

I nodded and returned to my seat. There had been something I was pondering before I was interrupted. What had it been? Unable to remember what it had been I retrieved my copy of The Most Common Errors of Evil Overlords and how to Avoid Them and settled in for some light reading.

“Miss Diamond, Princess Twilight Sparkle will see you now.” The receptionist called, pointing to one hallway with a hoof.

I stood up and trotted down the indicated hall, quickly coming upon a rather new looking door with a brass name-plate labeling it as 'Twilight Sparkle'. “Ugh, brass? You're royalty! Use obsidian or something.”

I pushed the door open, my jaw dropping instantly as I saw a lavender alicorn. “I knew mother must have missed a few!”

Twilight looked up, alarm and confusion on her face. “I'm sorry, what are you talking about?”

“Oh nothing important. Your existence invalidates one of my mother's titles. Good thing too, that mare was far too boastful.” I informed.

“Right, and you are?” Twilight asked.

“Diamond, Blood Diamond. I have an appointment.”

“Oh. Sorry I was expecting someone with your name to be, well red and black.” Twilight pointed to a small chair in front of the desk she was seated at, “Have a seat.”

I sat down nodding, “I know. I lament my white coat as well! It completely clashes with my preferred aesthetic. That's why I have my jacket and cloak, I had to get some darker color in there somewhere.”

Twilight sighed, her face falling. “Every time anything seems to be vaguely normal..." she muttered to herself. "Right, let's get this over with. What do you intend to do in Equestria?”

That was an oddly specific question. “What do I intend to do? Well I plan on spending a full hundred years here. Do you want a summery of everything I might do?”

“No, I mean why do you want to come here.”

“Ah, that makes more sense. I am looking for a vacation spot.” I informed.

“A vacation spot?” Twilight asked a little stunned.

“Yes. You are an alicorn, you know how the whole ageless thing goes right? I'm pretty bored with my usual routine, you can only oppress a populous so much before there isn't anything worse to do to them, and then everything is just tediously boring and unsatisfying. So, I got my old friend Hastur to whip everything into a nice paradise, but it's going to take a few decades or so. My adviser suggested I try being good for a while to take a break from the usual, and Hastur wanted me out of his tentacles while he worked and Equestria seems like a place good people live, so here I am!” I gave her a smile as I finished, settling back into my chair a little.

Twilight winced a little bit, she lifted a stamp with her magic for a moment but set it down as she released a breath of air. “No, not yet... at least three questions, that's the rule. Er- What would you do for a living?”

That was a question I had expected, and one I had a prepared answer for. “I am an accomplished sorcerer. I was planning on selling enchanted items and selling my skills as a mage. I could sell luck charms, restore life to dead pets, and if desired I could teach a few apprentices. At least until some big evil thing comes along, at which point I intend to join up with whatever ragtag band of farmhands and innkeepers' daughters seek to slay the evil. That's what good ponies do right? I've never tried the dance from that side before. It should be fun!”

“I almost don't want to ask, but, what exactly dose your cutiemark mean?” Twilight asked hesitantly.

“I have no idea to be honest.” I answered truthfully.

“No idea?” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yes, you see I got my mark in the traditional family way. By entering into a trance state and unleashing our rage upon an unsuspecting populace. I have no idea what specific act earned this particular mark, but I have always been exceptionally good at preparing Grydestegte Hjerter. I suspect I earned it for cooking that particular dish the first time.”

I frowned, realizing Twilight may not speak Alragersian, “Sorry, that's a traditional dish. It translates roughly as 'Oven Fried Hearts' which is especially weird because you actually roast them. It's usually served with carrots, brussels sprouts and mashed potatoes but I find it is much better pared with an orphan's-”

“Yeah, so, I've heard enough.” Twilight lifted the same stamp she head earlier and slammed it down on the papers.

I looked at the red circle with a frown, “Rejected?”

“You are clearly unrepentantly evil. We can't allow you to live in Equestria.” Twilight narrowed her eyes glaring at me, “Now get out of here before I get the other Elements and make you leave.”

I sighed, “Fine, fine. I suppose I'll try the next country on the list.”

I stood up and walked out of her office. A single question filled my mind as I left the O.C.I.O. “Why is being good so hard?”](https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Meep+the+Changeling)

Table of Contents and Preface

Hello! Welcome to the Original Character Immigration Offices! Here’s where your hopes of entering Equestria begin. To understand what we are about, let me provide you with some history:

Since other worlds have recently learned of our Equestrian universe, thousands of pony OC’s have been made. But, not all OC’s are created equal. Because of this inequality, the Princesses have set up an immigration panel to decide which OC’s may be allowed entry and residence. As more OC’s have entered the world, the process has been forced to become more selective. The reasons behind this refinement is that many OC’s have brought undesirable and often violent consequences. After about two years (and multiple catastrophes) the screening has finally become what it is today: A means by which the country is kept safe and desirable as well as a template for OC’s aspiring to gain entrance into the beautiful land of Equestria.

To demonstrate how selective the process is for entering Equestria, the following examples have been provided. These examples are the OC’s who didn’t make it through screening.

Case Studies

Hipster Pony Raven Horn - Shining Moon
Sasha Nein - Nikki Stamp
Dark Pheonix - Golden Lining
Mendoza - Midnight Chorus
Metool Bard - Geno the Giraffe
Typewriter Error - Typewriter Error
Spartan RDash - Iron Bars
drweegee1377 - Solo Gamer1
RisingOne - Wandering Cloud
PegasusKlondike - Klondike
Wildebeest - Dirt Nap
wishicoulddraw - Pipe Dream
bottlecap - Pageturner
Digital Chaos - Digital Chaos
Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes - Lord Smoked Meat and Fishes
CassandraMyOCisBestpony - Cassandra Truth
That_One_Female_Brony - Cherry Skies