Zombie Plan

by Red Letters

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Alternate Universe, Human, Doctor Whooves, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 14183

Twilight Sparkle, Gordon Freeman, Guy Montag, and Sherlock Holmes fighting a Draqonequis and Cthulu.

After a Draqonquis (or however it is spelled) named Psychosis decides to mess up all of time and space by blending dimensions together, Twilight must create friendship with the different humans, robots, and aliens she meets in order to use the Elements of Harmony against Psychosis and his roomies...Cthulu and the Ender dragon.
Oh, and no Derpy censoring! A big bonus!

Published 2013-03-03 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-05 16:30:10 UTC

Uh-Oh

It was a peaceful day in Ponyville until the city-sized demon flew in from the sky and started killing thousands. Which is odd since I'm not even sure if there are a thousand ponies in Ponyville.

The Doctor had just bought some apples. He and his companion, Derpy, were making their way through the markets when, in the distance, smoke started rising. There was a lot of screaming.

"Uh-oh," the Doctor said as the smoke appeared in the distance, dropping his bag of apples.

"W-what is it Doctor?" Derpy asked.

The Doctor's eyes widened. "Miss Hooves?" he asked.

"Y-yes?"

"You have the key to the TARDIS, correct?"

"Right here," Derpy said, reaching into her pouch like pocket.

The Doctor turned to face Derpy. "Okay, Miss Hooves. I need you to listen to me, and listen good. Alright?"

Derpy nodded, her eyes spinning about.

"You are going to run to the TARDIS," the Doctor said, looking behind him as the smoke grew closer, "get inside, shut the door, press the big red button underneaath the control panel, and hide. Do you understand that?"

Derpy nodded. "B-but what about you?"

"You just need to go, Derpy, go! Don't worry about me."

Derpy nodded once again. "O-okay."

"Then run!" the Doctor said. "Fly, you fools!"

The Doctor watched as his companion galloped off. He then turned and saw the looming shadow of the ancient demon on the horizon.

"Fly, you fools?" the Doctor asked himself. "Why did I say that? It's such a garrish thing to say. Ahh, well, nevermind. Ancient creatures to challenge are ahead of me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his trusty sonic screwdriver. "Allonsy!"

Twilight Sparkle had been eating a sandwhich with her friends. Needless to say that she didn't expect a skyscraper sized greenish-black tentacle faced demon to land not far from their picnic sight, stare directly at Twilight, and say in a deep and terrifying voice, "I'm sorry. I owe him rent."

It just wasn't Twilight's day, she guessed.

She ran with her friends across the fields, barely missing the heavy treads of the enormous creature who was crushing everything in his path.

A few ponies around them started going crazy and howling, shouting at themselves, and started kicking each other in the face. As this happened, fires were lit in rage; anarchy seemed to reign as Cthulu's assistant.

I would just like to say that, for the record, I'm not sure if Lovecraft would like the idea of Cthulu destroying Ponyville or hate it.

Just saying.

That being set aside, Twilight Sparkle and her friends continued to run, scared out of their minds, until a brown earth pony with a stylish green tie and an alien-flashlight-looking thingy ran up to them.

Before Twilight could respond, the Doctor activated his sonic screwdriver.

Now, the sonic screwdriver really didn't do anything to Cthulu besides alert him that this insignificant little pony was trying to challenge him. Which was what the Doctor wanted.

"So," he said, shouting at the top of his lungs so that Cthulu could hear him, "you think you can come and bring destruction on this world too, huh?"

"I'm sorry," Cthulu said. "I owe him rent."

"Well, not today!" the Doctor said. "There are good ponies here, and I'm going to protect them!"

Cthulu reached down with his enormous arms to strike down the Doctor, but the Doctor quickly ran in between the enormous legs of the demon. He then aimed his sonic screwdriver at the ankles of the demon.

Cuddly Hulu felt a little prick on his feet. He turned and slashed once more at the Doctor, who was now galloping as fast he could away from the enormous ruler of destruction.

On any normal day at work, Cthulu wouldn't really care about a small, insignificant thing like this. It was like a fly buzzing about. He would just go on working. But he was angry. He hadn't signed up to destroy cute little ponies. He liked a challenge that was harder to conquer, and less adorable.

Stupid Psychosis.

Twilight watched from afar as the god of chaos started to chase after a tiny little time traveling pony. And, before her eyes, things started getting even weirder.

In the fields, where Cthulu now tried to swat the Doctor like a bug, the very fabric of things started to warp. Right in front of the demon and his annoyance, a tiny black dot appeared on the material of reality, like a hole in a painting.

There were whirlwinds now, and, upon looking behind herself, Twilight realized that there was another one of these holes behind her.

A voice called out through the winds. "Come on Twilight!" The unicorn felt Rainbow Dash, her athletic friend, start pulling her away.

Realizing that something bad was about to happen, the purple unicorn started running, keeping close to Rainbow Dash. Applejack was on top of a hill a few yards away, beckoning them to get closer.

The ground started folding and bending like a carpet being pulled. Twilight tripped and felt herself getting sucked towards the black hole.

"Twilight!" Applejack called. Twilight saw her friend Fluttershy crying alongside the cowgirl pony.

Rainbow Dash turned around and, in a leap of bravery and loyalty, flew after Twilight, who was getting closer and closer to the black hole.

Twilight could hear the shouts of her friends as she reached out and grabbed Rainbow Dash's hooves.

But it was no use. Rainbow Dash, in all her strength, was pulled away from her friend. The two ponies, elements of Magic and Loyalty, went swirling into the void.

Twilight got one last glimpse and saw the demon Cthulu being sucked into the other black hole, right before the whirring sounds stopped, and everything went black.

Crowbars and Flamethrowers

Twilight opened her eyes.

She was in a large, dark room. The air smelled foul and damp, and the entire structure of the building she was in was made of stone.

"R-rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked in a broken voice.

No answer.

The purple pony stood up, feeling a bit heavier than normal. Maybe that was because she was so tired. She groaned and looked around the place.

She was alone. No friends there to help her.

There was a window nearby. Instinctively, she went over to it and looked outside.

The world was covered in clouds. Wooden and stone structures dotted the landscape while cobblestone streets stretched about in grid formation. There was an enormous factory made out of metal in the distance, but no smoke came from its smokestacks. Only the fog, and the haze that seemed to gently lull reality to sleep, was there.

Twilight looked about. What was going on? This wasn't Ponyville.

She heard a grunting noise behind her. Twilight turned.

Standing there was something that Twilight had never seen before. It was like some sort of tall, bipedal, hairless ape thing. It wore some sort of fabric, but the fabric was ripped and torn. The creature was covered in blood, some of this blood stale, some of it fresh out of the vessel it had come out of. The creature had a blank look in it's eyes as it reached out towards the pony and moaned.

Twilight, scared and confused, screamed and braced herself to be caught and hurt by this...thing. Yet the moaning suddenly ceased with a violent crack.

Twilight looked up.

There was, standing there, holding a crowbar, another hairless ape. This hairless ape wasn't covered in blood, and his eyes did not look blankly into the night. Instead, he seemed civilized...and just as surprised as Twilight was.

"Wh-who are you?" Twilight asked.

The crowbar-dude didn't say anything.

Twilight smiled. "Thanks f-for saving me," she said.

The crowbar-dude continued to stay silent.

The unicorn looked at the human. He was wearing an orange and dark gray suit, with the orange parts of it glowing. He had a short brown mane for hair and glasses with bright green eyes

"My name is Twilight Sparkle," Twilight said, trying to get some sort of words out of the crowbar wielder. "What's your name?"

Silent.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "This is gonna be fun, isn't it?" She exhaled, then looked back up. "Well, whatever it was, I thank you for saving me. I'll be on my way..." Twilight forced a grin.

Silent. Not even a change in the facial features of the tall crowbar wielding ape.

Twilight backed away, the turned and walked down the stairs of the structure. Hopefully there were other hairless apes here that could actually, in some way or another, communicate.

The streets of the city were empty. At least, as far as Twilight could tell. She had been walking for about thirty minutes now, and not a single person was in the city.

Well, except for the creepy silent crowbar dude who was following her. She had been scared, at first, upon stepping on the stone walkways, to hear the tread of feet behind her. When she turned and saw the crowbar guy, who just kind of stood still and stared at her, she didn't feel threatened. But she did feel weirded out.

Twilight looked into the sky as a gentle sprinkling of rain began to fall. She groaned and looked behind her. There, standing completely nonchalantly, was Mr. Crowbar.

The purple unicorn turned forward and whimpered. "Where am I?" she asked again.

Twilight was a brave unicorn. But now she was scared.

Through the haze, a silhouette of one of those hairless apes came into view. Twilight walked a bit faster, calling out to it.

The creature turned.

Covered in blood.

Twilight backed up a bit. She didn't scream in fear this time, but she was still terribly afraid.

Her flank bumped up against the metallic suit of the crowbar guy. Angrily, she looked up at the socially awkward ape, but then watched as the human ran over and beat the walking dead ape to the ground with his crowbar.

The human strutted calmly over to Twilight Sparkle, some blood from the creature on his feet and on his crowbar. Twilight could've sworn that he was smiling on the inside, yet his face was still near expressionless.

"Th-thanks again..." Twilight said.

The crowbar-dude...okay yeah, you know he's gonna be silent every time in between Twi's dialogue. No surprises there.

"I guess I owe you twice," The purple pony said. "I...I'm gonna stick with you from now on."

There was shouting in the distance. Twilight turned to see a fierce blast of fiery light coming from one of the buildings. The light died down quickly, and you could hear some shouting.

Twilight turned and gestured the crowbar dude to come with her as she galloped towards the building. It wasn't really that Twilight had an exceptional want to see zombies and fire, but, if there were people, there might be some way to get home.

The two companions, a pony and an alien-beating zombie-slaying scientist, went through one of the alleys and looked in through the windows into the building.

Inside, a man wearing a fire-pony suit...except fitted for the ape-beast...had a flamethrower in his hands, and was proceeding to fry zombies with it. He had a helmet on that had the number '451' on it, a number that seemed to be a motif for his entire outfit, as it appeared on his shoulders and on the tip of the flamethrower.

He turned off the flamethrower and aimed it at the two companions. Twilight shouted and stared at the end of the machine, while the crowbar-dude just stood there.

The fireman took of his helmet and mask and smiled. "Not zombie people!" he said happily.

Twilight instantly smiled. This ape-beast spoke, and spoke English at that! What good luck!

The human leapt through the window into the alleyway with his flamethrower in hand. He extended his arm to shake. "Guy Montag, Fireman," he said.

Silence.

As usual.

Guy Montag looked at the scientist, then kind of shrugged and looked over at the pony. Twilight, still a little scared of these ape creatures, peered out from behind the crowbar-dude to look at the flamethrower-dude. What was with it and humans being associated with weapons?

"Well then," Guy Montag said. "That's odd."

Twilight Sparkle walked forward a bit. "I'm odd? You guys are the odd ones!"

Montag stepped back a bit. "Uh..."

The purple unicorn stepped forward. She stood about at the level of Guy Montag's waist, so she had to look up when she spoke. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, student of her Royal Princess Celestia at the Academy of Magic, sent to the town of Ponyville in Equestria in order to learn about the Magic of Friendship."

"Well then," Montag said.

"I was having a nice day with my friends when, all of a sudden, an enormous monster attacked Ponyville. Then there was that earth pony, and the black holes, and...now I'm all alone. Except for this guy. But he doesn't even say anything, so..."

"You learn something new every day," Montag said.

A few groans were heard in the streets near the alleyway.

"We need to leave," Twilight said.

Guy Montag nodded, and placed his helmet on his head.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" Twilight asked of Montag.

"Earth," Montag said. "A younger earth than I'm used to. I was pulled through some sort of black hole, too."

Twilight nodded. "We need to find a way back to our homes." She looked at the crowbar-dude, then back at Montag. "We need to get to shelter, and think things out."

Guy Montag placed his mask down.

Twilight galloped away from the groaning noises of the oncoming zombie horde, with the crowbar-dude following her, just as the undead rounded the corner. Montag lit up his flamethrower as he backed away.

Flames erupted in the haze.

Blue and Orange are Nice Colors

Rainbow Dash groaned as she opened her eyes and sat up. "Where am I?" she rasped.

The rainbow Pegasus looked around. Everything around her was bare and white, and the entire room she was in was covered in an odd smelling white tile.

Rainbow Dash stood up and stretched her wings, then turned to get a view of the place.

It was white.

That was about it.

"Well this sure isn't Ponyville," Rainbow Dash said.

The pony nearly jumped out of her skin when a voice came on the announcer in the room. A very robotic yet feminine...something...spoke on the radio, "Welcome to the Aperture Science Portal Training Test Chambers. The portals will open and you will begin testing.

"Testing will begin in three...two...one."

There was a 'blorp' sound as the wall seemed to shift and open up. The hole that now lined the white tiles of one side of the wall was circled in a bluish pulse of light.

Rainbow Dash eyed the portal. "What in Celestia's Mane is that?"

Yet Rainbow was no coward. She was brave. And in her thoughtless bravery, Rainbow Dash leapt through the portal.

Safely on the other sound, R.D. turned around. "Woah," she said.

She was now in an entirely different room. Behind her, there was another hole warping the fabric of the white tiles, showing the room that she had just been in. It was lined with an orangish glow.

"Cool!" Rainbow Dash said, turning away from the portal. She walked over to the chamber.

Not watching what was happening, an enormous block came from the ceiling and landed straight on R.D.'s head.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash shouted in her raspy voice. She looked up and saw an enormous tube coming out of the ceiling.

The robotic voice came on again, this time starting with a sigh. "Button testing and cubes are a vital part of every portal experiment, and it is vital to be able to...ah, what the heck-" the transmission stopped.

Rainbow Dash turned and saw a button lying on the floor, and, coming from the button, a trail of lights in the tile leading to a door in the wall.

"Simple enough," the rainbow pony said, grabbing the cube with her teeth and her hooves and carrying it onto the button. She placed it on the button, and the door opened.

Rainbow Dash walked through the door.

The room was dark, unlike the hospital-like blinding light of the other rooms.

"H-hello?" Rainbow Dash called.

Two enormous glowing eyes peered out of the darkness.

Rainbow Dash stepped back a bit. "Uhhh..."

A pale claw stepped forward, entering the light. There was a guttural noise coming from the monster that resembled growling.

"Not one of these things," the feminine voice on the announcer said. There was a burst of light, and Rainbow Dash watched for the briefest second as a pale, ape-like, completely hairless, tiny creature ran from the light into a hole in one of the panels.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. "Uhhhh..."

The female robotic voice came up again. "You know, I didn't even care about the fact that there are Morlocks running about my entire laboratory, but the fact that a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow colored mane is trying to go through my test chambers is just too much. Ha. Ha."

"Hello?" Rainbow Dash called. "Who are you?"

"I run this Testing Facility," the robot said. "And how did you get in here? I've been testing with robots only since...that incident...stupid potatoes. And now I have a laboratory running rampant with creatures that shouldn't even exist. How nice is that?"

"I don-"

"I'm too lazy for you to go through all these chambers, so I'm just going to give you the dual portal device and let you go through the main chambers. How does that sound?"

Rainbow Dash stuttered. "Uh-"

"Main testing in three...two...one..."

One of the tiles in the wall moved, and out from behind it came an arm with a device in it. Rainbow Dash trotted over and grabbed it, placing it on her hooves.

It was sort of like a gun, except it was sleek and white. There was some sort of advanced technological rig-a-ma-role going on at the tip of it, and one of the three prongs that sprouted from this technological rig-a-ma-role slightly smelled of potatoes.

Rainbow Dash accidentally pressed one of the buttons, and the wall across from her suddenly had a large oval of swirling orange light on it.

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, then aimed at another wall and fired the other trigger.

There was now a fully functioning portal. Rainbow Dash could look through it at herself, and walk through it.

Rainbow Dash's mind imploded.

Not literally. That'd be kind of tragic.

Rainbow Dash walked through the open door and entered an elevator.

The doors shut behind her, barely fitting her length. She almost fell over as the elevator descended.

"If it helps," the female voice said, calm and monotone, "I have been getting...passive. So I won't be planning on killing you or anything like that anytime soon. Ha. Ha. As long as you aren't boring. Let's hope you're not boring. Haha."

Rainbow Dash groaned upon figuring out that the cubes didn't go through the Emancipation Grill.

"Then how am I going to get the cube over there?" she asked, firing her portal device at the grill. Nothing happened.

Rainbow Dash watched as a new cube dropped over on the other side of the test chamber, across a series of lasers and turret line-of-sights.

Before the rainbow pony could swear against Celestia's mane, she heard a shifting noise behind her.

Scared of the Mor-whatever they had been called.

One of the tiles got kicked down, and a human walked through.

The human was tall and slim, and dressed in elegant nineteenth century clothing. Well, it was elegant when it was made. But after wear, tear, and apparently an unnatural amount of fires, this clothing had seen its fair share of days, and should have been put down. He had unkempt hair at shoulder length, and was holding a shard of glass that had somehow been molded to form a kind of lens as a monocle in front of his left eye.

The human turned and saw Rainbow Dash, and had apparently seen enough weird things in his life to not really care about the fact that a rainbow Pegasus was using portals to navigate a robot AI's test chambers of death.

"You, hello there!" he said with a slight clip in his accent, apparently completely aware that Rainbow Dash could talk.

Rainbow Dash stared at the hairless ape thing. "Uh....hi?"

"Oh, so it does talk! How splendid!" The human ran towards the pony, still holding the shard of glass monocle close to his face, into the Emancipation Grill. As he ran through it, the monocle disintegrated.

The human landed and looked around. "Oh, bloody...!" he said. "I liked that monocle. Ah well. I guess I don't actually need to see out of this eye, huh?"

Rainbow Dash stared at the human.

"Ah! How rude of me." The human outstretched his hand. "I might have had a name before, but I forgot it now, so don't bother trying to remember it cause you don't know it yet. Just call me the Time Traveler."

"O.....kay..."

"And you. You're a talking pony! At least kind of some sort of small equine creature. Did they transplant marshmallow DNA splices in you! You look part marshmallow." He glanced over at R.D.'s wings. "And part bird. And part Rainbow. You see something new every day, don't you?"

"Can I...help you?"

"What was that?" the Time Traveler asked. "Ah, yes. We need to get out of here and I think that we also need to get out of here. Didn't I just say that?" The Time Traveler laughed. "Jumping from the future to the past and then to alternate dimensions really does kind of mess with your head. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's why I'm seeing candy colored ponies. Oh well. You know what they say!"

This statement was followed by an awkward pause. Rainbow Dash glanced over and looked up at the Time Traveler's face, which was now staring rather blankly at the row of lasers and turrets.

"What do they say?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"What?" the Time Traveler said. "Oh. I don't know, I thought you knew. Why would I know what they say? I'm imagining colored ponies." He sniffed and looked back up, and then turned to look at Rainbow Dash again. "Are you my conscious?"

"You're weird, mister."

"I'm not the one who's a Technicolor dream Pegasus."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "You were saying about escaping?"

"Oh, yes, precisely!" the Time Traveler said. "I have the perfect plan! Not really."

"And this plan is...?"

Before Rainbow Dash could respond, the Time Traveler grabbed her by the hoof that wasn't wearing a portal device. He leapt through the air, holding a rainbow colored pony in one hand, and kicked open the panel he had come through in the Aperture Science Testing are.

Did I just write that?

The Time Traveler pulled Rainbow Dash into the walkway behind the test chamber right before Rainbow Dash pulled away from him. "Get off of me!"

"I'm sorry," the Time Traveler said. "I thought you wanted to be rescued.

"I-" Right as Rainbow Dash began to talk, the panels they had come through were moved by the robotic arms that held them, closing the only source of light they had.

A guttural growling noise came through the thick, damp air.

"T-T-Time Traveler?" Rainbow Dash asked.

A few bulbous pale eyes peered through the shadows.

"Yes, miss...I didn't get your name."

"Rainbow Dash."

"Yes, miss Reyna Flash?"

A soft and quiet 'tink' on the metal pierced the air like a staccato note of a High E while the orchestra played a low C.

"What are those things?"

"You don't know?" the Time Traveler said, nonchalantly. "Well, I'll show you."

Rainbow Dash was too scared to try to shout out for the human to stop as he pulled a lighter out of his waistcoat and lit it, revealing, not a foot away from them, a pale creature with enormous eyes, screaming at them, its mouth open, baring its sharp and numerous teeth.

Something Blue

Twilight ambled along behind Montag, with the crowbar dude behind her.

"Where are we going?" Twilight asked after a while.

"To the top of the tallest building we can find," Montag replied.

There was a pause. "So...what do you do for a living?" Twilight asked, trying to make conversation.

"I'm a Fireman," Montag answered.

The trio walked on in silence. Twilight coughed.

And crowbar dude remained crowbar dude.

"...and how does being a Fireman entail lighting things on fire?" Twilight asked. "I thought fireponies...I mean, firemen...were supposed to put fires out."

"Nnnnot where I come from."

"Well, then what do they do?" Twilight asked.

A loud moan came from an alleyway as a rather fast walking zombie ambled towards the trio, right before the crowbar guy used his weapon wisely.

"We need to hurry up," Montag said plainly.

"I'll say," Twilight replied.

The trio began walking again, the scientist looking behind for them.

"I was asking," Twilight continued, "what do Firemen do?"

"We burn stuff."

"Well, burn what?"

"...stuff."

"What kind of stuff."

"Burnable stuff."

"What's with the 451 on your outfit?"

"It's the temperature."

"The temperature of what?"

Guy Montag sighed. "I used to burn books," Montag said. "It was a simple profession. Any fictional or fantastical novels we found, or really anything besides history and fact books, we burnt. Fahrenheit 451 is the temperature at which books burn. Thus, the number."

Guy Montag stopped and turned around. The purple pony had stopped and was standing there, aghast.

"W-w-why would y-you do such a thing?" Twilight asked.

"It's confusing," Montag said, turning back around. "And human. And, I said, I used to do that. I stopped. I like books now. I am a book, but we won't get into that."

"So...why are you still wearing that outfit?"

"An even longer story," Montag said, rolling his eyes, "what, with after hiding from the government, getting chased by robotic dogs that poison you, the book people, the nuclear war, the return of the colonists on mars..." Montag sighed. "Yeah. Too long of a story."

Twilight shook her head. "I just don't know why you would ever burn books. I mean, what's the point?"

Guy Montag stopped and looked behind. A plethora of growls and groans came from behind, and there was the sound of a herd of heavy treading zombies floating in the air.

"A horde," Montag said. "We need to go."

Twilight turned and saw a large number of undead ape-beasts ambling towards them, coming in through the fog. She turned around and started to gallop after Montag, who was, apparently, a very fast runner. She heard the metallic thump of the crowbar guy's feet behind her as she ran.

The three of them saw an open door, and Montag ran into it, with the other two following. They all jumped inside, hiding behind the wall as the heard the groans grow closer.

All of a sudden, Mr. Crowbar ran out into the street. Twilight called for him to stop, but there was no stopping him. Twilight and Montag heard the smashing noise of skulls against crowbars, and, within a minute or so, crowbar dude came running back, his crowbar drenched in rotten blood.

Montag and Twilight peeked out from their cover and saw the pile of dead bodies. The scientist had taken care of them all.

"Well then..." Twilight said, stepping out into the open. "Thanks, mister."

The crowbar dude said nothing.

Montag stood and patted the crowbar dude on the back. "Yeah. Thanks."

The crowbar dude said nothing.

There was an awkward pause. Montag looked at the two companions.

"Well," he said, "we still need to find a place for shelter."

Just as he said the words, something stirred in the air, as if it got a bit thicker. Before Twilight could point this out, there was a whooshing noise in the air.

VWHOOOM, VWHOOM....

"Do you hear that?" Twilight asked.

Montag nodded. "Do you know what that is?"

"No," Twilight said.

Guy shrugged. "As if any of this could get any weirder."

The whooshing sound got louder. A shape appeared in the haze, not that far away. It seemed to phase in and out of reality, in and out of existence. With each phase, it gained more and more physicality, and, in a few sets of whooshes, it was there, standing before them, a large, blue, police box.

The whooshing stopped. The wind settled down, and the air returned to normal as the door opened. Out of the blue police box, a gray pony with a yellow mane and wall eyes peeked out. "D-Doctor?" she called.

There was a pause.

"Oh good," Montag said. "It can get weirder."

The House of Derp

"...Ditzy?" Twilight asked.

The wall eyed mare turned to look at the purple unicorn. "T-Twilight?"

Twilight ran over to the pony that had delivered her mail ever since she had gone to Ponyville. "What's happened?" she asked, Montag and the crowbar guy running after her. "How did you get here?"

"The TARDIS took me," Derpy said, glancing at the blue box through her right eye.

"The...what?" Montag asked.

A groan came from a few streets away. "You guys need to get inside," Derpy said.

Before Twilight could argue that not all of them would fit in the small blue box comfortably, Derpy opened the door for them and revealed the inside of the TARDIS.

Twilight gasped.

In the small, blue, vintage police call box that didn't seem like it could fit more than two ponies, an enormous chamber awaited, with enough room for a crowd. In the center, a large dashboard sat, covered in buttons and levers, a few screens here and there coming off of the pillar that connected the control board to the roof. A bunch of staircases winded around and off into the distance, suggesting that there were other rooms in the TARDIS.

As the three companions walked in, Derpy hurriedly shut the door. "W-welcome to the T-time And Relative Dimension in S-space," she said, gesturing at the chamber that everyone had already saw.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Twilight said, "it's bigger on the inside."

"Actually," Derpy corrected, "It's smaller on the outside."

Twilight glanced at the blonde Pegasus.

"What?" Derpy asked.

"What does it do?" Montag asked.

"I-it moves throughout all of Time and Space if you know how to use it," Derpy said. She slightly frowned. "I don't."

"Did you build this?" Twilight asked.

"What?" Derpy asked. "N-no, this is the Doctor's."

"Whose?"

"Uh, T-time Turner."

Twilight looked at Derpy. "That earth pony that sells hourglasses and clocks is actually a time traveler?"

Derpy nodded vigorously.

"Well," Twilight said. "We could use this for shelter."

Guy Montag nodded. "If it's alright with our host," he said, smiling at the Pegasus.

"Totally," Derpy said. "There are extra rooms."

"Wait," Twilight said. "If these thing can travel through time and space, and Ditzy came from where I am, we can return to where we came from!" Twilight exclaimed.

"There's one problem," Derpy said, frowning.

"What?"

"I don't know how to pilot it," she said, a little embarrassed. "And the Doctor isn't here. And he doesn't even now how to that good."

Guy Montag looked at Twilight.

The Crowbar guy stood still.

"Don't worry," Twilight said. "It can't be that complicated, can it?"

"Uhhh..."

Twilight galloped over to the control panel and placed her hooves on it, determined to try to go back home.

There was a thirty second pause.

"Need help?" Derpy asked.

"No," Twilight said affirmatively. "I've got this."

Guy Montag looked down at Derpy and smirked.

Crowbar guy stayed crowbar guy.

"Uhhhh huh," Twilight said after another pause. "I think I got this."

The purple unicorn reached with her hooves and pulled down a random lever.

The entire TARDIS main chamber's lights flicked and the TARDIS shook.

Derpy sighed.

Twilight turned around and blushed in embarrassment, then quickly reached over and pressed another button.

BOOSH!

There was confetti everywhere.

"I don't know why he h-has that button," Derpy said, walking over to the control board.

"Hold on, Miss Ditzy Doo," Twilight said, "I can do this. I got this. I'm Princess Celestia's prized student and most trusted pupil! I'm Ponyville's Librarian! I can do this!"

"You okay Twilight?"

Twilight burst into a fury and started randomly grabbing every lever she could, pressing every button she could, trying desperately to get something to happen. Guy Montag started to walk over to help Derpy, who was trying to get the insane purple unicorn to stop.

And crowbar guy...he stayed still.

Before Guy Montag could stop Twilight, there was another explosion of confetti, and the control panel burst into sparks as all three of the beings atop the control center went flying back.

The lights dimmed.

There was silence.

The lights flickered back on.

"Hello?" a British voice said. "Anyone there?"

Derpy dragged herself up from off the floor. "H-w-h-what?"

The wall eyed Pegasus stood and looked at one of the screens.

"D-Doctor?"

"Derpy?" the image of the brown earth pony said. "Is that you?"

Twilight slowly stood up.

"Wh-where are you?" Derpy asked, frantic. Guy Montag had already gotten up, and was walking towards the screen.

"There's no time to explain, Mrs. Hooves," he said. "I'm in a laboratory, and there are martians, and creatures from the future, and another time traveler, and a whole nonny-wagging bunch of stuff and...is that a human?"

Guy Montag stared at the camera. "Uhhh..."

"Oh, a fireman," the Doctor chortled. "Those murderous people who burn books. 451, eh?"

"I...I don't do that anymore," Guy Montag said.

There was a pause. The screen flickered, and then Doctor Whooves was back. The sound of an explosion came from the television.

"Listen," Doctor Whooves said. "I don't have much time. I need to go. STAY IN THE TARDIS. The TARDIS took you to Earth. But I was sure it was to take you to the earth in the twenty first century, not the earth during the Martian Chronicles. Huh. Fancy that."

"What?"

"Just stay there," the Doctor said. "I'm coming for you. The big cuddly guy is still after me. Destruction everywhere and all about." He nodded at the camera. "Allonsy!"

The camera went black.

There was a pause. Guy Montag looked at Derpy.

Derpy sighed and went back on all fours. She looked down at the floor for a second, then, with a determined glare in her eyes, she looked back up.

"Come on," Derpy said. "You guys need rest."

The Device has been Modified

The Time Traveler thought about what he had just gone through.

His time machine had apparently caused a warp that took a large amount of vicious animals into an abandoned laboratory filled with dangerous experiments where a rainbow Pegasus pony was using portals to get through test chambers. And then they tried to escape. And then another time traveler, who turned out to be a pony, had run in and was apparently worried about an enormous demon of destruction chasing him.

He loved his job.

Not that he had any real, actual job. Being a gentleman of high class in Britain had its perks. But it also had a lot of downsides to it.

Like, for example, having so much free time on your hands that you just go and build a time machine.

Now the Time Traveler, having gone almost insane trying to convince his scientific colleagues that he had actually invented a working time machine, had forgotten his name, most of his family, and quite a few of his friends. He did, however, remember that he had gone to the far future, where evolution had created two different sub species of human.

The first race lived happily and nicely in the sunlight, yet they had an uncanny fear of the darkness. After living with them for a while, the Time Traveler soon figured out why.

The Morlocks were the second race. The Gollum-like beasts who prowled the caverns and loathed the sun. The creatures who preyed upon the first of the two.

And now, he was stuck in a laboratory with them.

The Time Traveler ducked below a pipe and followed the two marshmallow-equestrian creatures. They had somehow escaped the scourge of Morlocks when the time traveling pony, who called himself the Doctor, had arrived through the warp.

"Now we just need to find a way out of the lab," the Doctor said a millionth time. He looked around in the dim light of one of the lamps that was hanging menacingly above.

The three companions walked forward and stopped. The metal walkway had ended.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Now what?" she asked.

The Time Traveler looked at the wall near the metal walkway. It was white. He then turned and saw another white wall across the enormous canyon of metal they were over. This white wall was right near another metal walkway.

"Rainbow," the Time Traveler said, "can you portal us over there?"

The Pegasus turned and looked at the white wall, then used the device she had been given by the robot to move her and her companions over the gap to the next walkway.

This occurred a couple of times during the adventures behind the panels. All the while, an eerie silence hung over the companions.

The three had gone through these portals, walked over the walkways, almost ten times before something interesting happened. That is to say, more interesting than tunneling through time.

In the almost pitch blackness of the metallic underground, a red laser pointed through the shadows.

Rainbow Dash stopped as soon as she saw it and placed her hoof out to stop the Doctor from walking into it.

"What?" the Doctor asked. "What is it?"

Rainbow Dash pointed at the laser.

"...oh," the Doctor said. "A turret, eh? Nasty little buggahs. What should we do then?"

The Time Traveler walked up and saw the red line. A soft metallic voice said, "I'm different."

To the shock of the two equines he was with, the British human grabbed the white, round, pale, metallic thing filled with bullets and stared it in the eye.

The two of his companions braced for impact. This could not end well.

The silence filled the room. It was a calming silence.

Mostly because the other option was the sound of pain and gunshots.

But there was silence.

The Doctor was the first of the two equestrians to open his eyes.

"I'm different," the turret said softly.

The Time Traveler stood, holding the turret not two feet away from his face, looking at it. The red laser was aimed directly at the human's forehead.

"You're different," the Time Traveler said. "You don't look different, though. Tell me about it."

The turret's insides whirred as it examined the human's face.

"I'm different," it said again.

"Yes," the Time Traveler said. "I know that. Why are you different?"

There was a pause. The Doctor walked up.

"It won't work."

"What won't work?" the Time Traveler asked.

A pause.

"I'm different."

"You already said that."

"It won't work."

"You said that too. You shouldn't repeat yourself. You just shouldn't repeat yourself. Wait, I just did repeat myself. Isn't that interesting. I repeated myself. Whatever."

"Her name is Caroline," the turret said.

"That's quite a lovely name. Now why are you different."

"Prometheus was cast into the bowels of the earth for giving the gift of knowledge to man."

"Actually, he gave them fire, but that's besides the point. How are you different?"

"He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds."

"Well, he actually had an eagle come down every day and rip out his liver right before that organ grew back so it could be ripped out again." The Time Traveler pondered a bit. "Or was it his kidneys? Nevermind."

"Get mad."

"Why should I get mad? I want to keep my stress levels down, thank you very much."

"Don't make lemonade."

"Why not? Lemonade isn't bad, it's actually quite good on a hot summer day and-"

The Doctor reached up, grabbed the turret from the Time Traveler, and threw him down into the pit.

"Noooooooooooo...."

The Time Traveler paused for a second, then turned and looked at the brown earth pony. "Well what was that for?"

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said. "But we just can't waste time. We need to find the closest warp and try to get out of here."

A crashing sound echoed throughout the enormous chamber. A horrifying roar resounded soon after, followed by the sound of the gnashing teeth of the pale, hungry Morlocks.

"Cthulu," the Doctor said, glancing behind his shoulder. "Come on. We need to go."

The Doctor started galloping away from the sound of the crash. Rainbow Dash flew after him, and she was quickly followed by the human.

They rounded a few corners before coming across a door into a control room. What the control room did, none of the companions knew, but they ran into it anyway.

As the door closed, a metal crate fell down and broke the metal walkway, blocking off all paths to any escape.

In the darkness, the Time Traveler could see a few Morlocks climbing the metallic walls.

"We need to think of a plan and fast," Rainbow Dash said, bracing the wall with her back.

The Time Traveler watched as the Doctor ran towards the screen and pulled out a small, metallic device. He aimed it at the screen and activated it, the device glowing green.

The screen flashed a bit, then popped with sparks.

"The sonic is picking up a few things," the pony said," but I need more power. And I need something else to connect to."

"What are you trying to do?" the Time Traveler asked.

"Call for help," the Doctor said.

Another roar ripped the air as one of the Morlocks slammed on the door.

"D-Doctor?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Hold on for a jiffy," the earth pony said as he continued to point the sonic screwdriver at the screen.

The screen blared with static.

"What exactly are you a Doctor of?" the Time Traveler asked.

"Not important," the Doctor said as he pulled down one of the levers on the screen.

An image appeared.

"Derpy?"

What followed the transmission was a blur to the Time Traveler.

He vaguely remembered seeing an enormous death beast with a tentacle face, enormous black wings, and fire in his eyes. He remembered the Morlocks breaking in.

Then, all of a sudden, there was a lot of red lasers everywhere.

And then bullets. And screaming.

And then the floor beneath the three companions disappeared, and into the darkness they fell.

The Time Traveler dwelled on this as he sat up in a large, plain white room, with the Doctor to his left, and the rainbow one to his right.

"I have had a lot of things happen to me," a female robotic voice said. "But now this. An ancient demon and a horde of future beasts together, in my lab. And you know what? I'm not even angry. Not at all."

A buzzing sound whirred on the intercom, followed by what sounded like a censoring noise.

"--it, I'm very mad. I thought that after the other human left everything would be fine. And you know what? You little things have brought more trouble on me than--"

Another buzzing noise, followed by what sounded like a sigh.

"You know what?" GLaDOS asked. "I'm done. I'm finished." A hole opened up in the floor in front of the companions, and what looked like a portal device came up from the ground.

"I've been working on this ever since the last incident," GLaDOS said. "To find the Borealis. But you know what? (Censoring noise) the Borealis. Take it. Leave. It will portal you somewhere else. I don't really know where. Just go."

What sounded like another censoring noise followed for a period of time longer than most curse words. It ended, and silence filled the room.

Before the two equines could say anything, the Time Traveler got up, walked over to the portal device, and placed it on his arm.

He glanced at the two equines, then aimed it at the wall and fired.

"Before you say anything," GLaDOS said on the intercom, "the device has been modified."

The Knock on the Door

The TARDIS hummed.

Derpy was walking in the main chamber, sighing as she examined the room with both of her eyes and thought about the Doctor.

Montag had found the library in the bowels of the TARDIS and had found a book called 'the Illustrated Man', which he took to as he sat near the wall and read it quietly and solemnly. The wall-eyed Pegasus took little mind to him as she walked around.

The TARDIS rumbled a bit. Montag looked up.

"Don't worry," the wall-eyed mare said, seeing the human's distress. "They c-can't get in here."

Montag nodded and looked down at his book. He looked back up again. "Might I ask," he said, "why you did not seem surprised to see me, a human?"

Derpy looked back at Guy. "The Doctor is a h-human...o-or, was, or someth-thing like that. H-he told me a-all about what h-humans are like. I kn-knew what you w-were."

There was a pause as Derpy resumed walking around aimlessly and Montag resumed reading. After a while, Montag looked up again.

"Would you mind me asking," he said, "about your walled eyes?"

Derpy blushed immensely and looked down at the ground, making Montag immediately regret asking.

"Wh-wh-what a-about th-them?"

Montag shook his head. "N...nevermind."

Derpy sighed slowly and walked up to the control panel. She stared at the screen for a bit, then turned around to start walking back to her room.

Montag looked at the Pegasus again. "So, this Doctor," he said, "how did you meet him?"

Derpy sighed. "It's a long story," she said. "It's rather c-complicated."

Montag nodded. "That's fine," he said.

A bang resounded against the door of the TARDIS just as Twilight walked into the room.

"What was that?" the purple unicorn asked.

"Don't worry," Derpy said, smiling at the librarian she had always given mail to. "The zombies can't get in."

Twilight looked anxiously at the door, not exactly reassured.

Another slamming noise against the door of the vessel.

"I'm getting kind of worried," Montag said.

"I know," Twilight shuddered. "Are you sure we're safe, Ditzy?"

"Actually," Montag corrected, "I was talking about the story I'm reading. This author, he's really good. Ray Manburrow or something. There's this future, and these kids with a nursery that simulates stuff, and it's come to life and the father of the kids is locked in there."

Montag smiled and looked at Derpy, who was looking at the human quizzically.

Another banging noise against the door.

Twilight trotted over to where Montag sat with his book. "Where'd you get that book?" she asked anxiously.

"The library," Montag said. "It's not too hard to find, it's past the kitchen."

Another banging noise against the door.

Twilight gasped. "Ditzy!" she said suddenly.

Derpy ran over. "Yes, T-Twilight?"

Twilight grabbed Derpy's shoulders and shook her. "You have a library and you didn't tell me?"

Derpy rolled her eyes.

"What kind of books do you like to read, Twilight?" Montag asked.

"Books."

"Uhhhh...what?"

Twilight glared at Montag. "Books."

"So, books."

"Any kind of book. As long as it is a book."

Montag looked at Derpy, who shrugged.

"I just love books," Twilight said. "Books, books, books books books. Hehe. Hahahahaha."

Twilight's mane rustled a little out of place as she laughed. After her laughing, she looked to see Montag staring at her oddly.

"What?" Twilight asked. "I haven't read a good book in over forty eight hours. I'm having withdrawals."

Montag smiled and handed Twilight his copy of the Illustrated Man. "You might like this one, then."

Twilight giggled as she took it. "Thank you," she said.

Montag smiled.

One more loud burst hit the door, making all those present in the room jump. This sound was followed by the voice of an arrogant Brit.

"Back! Back I say, ruffians! Do you know who I am!"

Derpy glanced for a brief second at Twilight, then ran to the door. Montag was close behind her, holding his flame thrower.

The wall eyed pony clumsily opened the door, and in stumbled a tall man, dressed in English clothing, with a large hunting hat on and a pipe in his mouth. He had a cane that was, at the moment, being used to bash in the skulls of one of the zombies that clung to his foot.

The human was suddenly pulled from the clutch of the undead creature by the clumsy gray equine, and he watched as another human ran up and proceeded to burn the zombie to a crisp and close the door.

Derpy fell on the floor, as did her cargo. His hat fell off, revealing a head of matted black hair.

The Englishman stood up and puffed out some smoke from his pipe. He glanced at Derpy. "An equine with wings and eyes that don't match," he said plainly. He turned to look at Montag. "And a...man with a flamethrower. Nothing that unusual, I suppose. But blasted undead beasts lurking in the dark! They aren't even traditional Haitian zombies, actual living people drugged to be mindless workers for witch doctors. No, these are the actual thing! Blasted fate."

Montag lowered his flamethrower. "And...who are you?"

The man picked up his hat and placed it on his head. "Why, haven't you heard of me? Oh, well, nevermind. Something must be happening with the Universe that places me in the care and possession of a man outside of my time. Sorry about that." He puffed a bit of smoke. "As for me, I am called Holmes."

Montag blinked. "Sherlock Holmes?"

Holmes smiled. "I see you have heard of me. Well then. I guess it is time to find out what is going on here. I didn't even mention the fact that I'm inside a structure that's bigger on the outside, or that there are apparently two equines here."

Montag stared at the other human. "You mean...THE Sherlock Holmes?"

Holmes looked at Montag. "Well, are there any others? Now come on, man." He smirked. "We have a mystery to solve."

That Hideous Strength

Twilight Sparkle paced around the room. Sherlock Holmes sat near the dashboard of the TARDIS, smoking his pipe, while Montag continued to read. This time, he had found interest in a sci-fi book by C.S.Lewis, "That Hideous Strength".

"So," Sherlock Holmes said after a while, "what is our plan, Mrs. Pegacorn?"

"Unicorn."

"...whatever. You are a purple pony."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "I don't know what to do," she said. "When I tried to use the control panel..."

"...she kind of failed miserably," Montag chimed in.

Twilight glared at the human, then sighed and continued to pace. "The Doctor said that we need to wait for him. But how long is he going to take?"

"I would presume that this Doctor can move freely about in time?" Holmes asked. "Either that, or he has the technical power to travel throughout dimensions, if he is, in fact, in an alternate timeline like you people have told me."

"He's a time master or whatever," Twilight said. "This is his ship."

Holmes turned and looked at Twilight. "So...this thing could, theoretically, travel to our old home worlds and old times?"

Twilight nodded.

"Well then," Sherlock said, walking towards the panel, "allow me..."

"NO!" Twilight and Montag shouted in unison.

Holmes stopped and looked at the two companions. "You doubt my intelligence to grasp control system of this vessel?"

"Yes," Twilight said.

"But...I...I'm Sherlock Holmes."

The unicorn nodded.

Holmes stuck the pipe into his mouth and puffed out a burst of smoke. "Well then."

Montag chuckled.

The heavy tread of metal feet startled Twilight, who turned to see the crowbar-dude standing in the doorway of the main chamber.

"Oh!" Twilight said, suddenly feeling guilty. "Uhhhhh...Mr. Crowbar! I haven't introduced you to Mr. Holmes!"

The purple unicorn went over and nudged the human towards the other human.

"Mr. Crowbar?" Holmes asked, looking over the human who stood there, holding the bloodied weapon. Twilight forced a grin as she stood between the two very awkward ape-beings.

Holmes looked at the man there, holding his crowbar. He looked down at his metal shoes. They were bloodied a bit. He looked at the metallic-suit with orange coloring. He looked at his startling green eyes and the glasses that stood between his eyes and the rest of the world. He looked at the short black hair on the top of the crowbar guy's suit. He looked at the symbol on the chest of the suit that this crowbar-guy wore. He puffed a puff of smoke.

"I got nothing," he said finally.

Montag looked up from his book for a brief second, then shrugged and continued to read.

Twilight groaned and walked over to the control panel where she had left the copy of the Illustrated Man. She picked up and started to walk towards the rooms, where she planned on reading it.

"Wait!" Sherlock Holmes called. "Mrs. Pegacorn!"

"Unicorn," Twilight said.

"Whatever," Sherlock Holmes said. "How long should we wait for this Doctor?"

"I don't know," Twilight sighed. "I just hope that Ditzy is right, and that those zombies can't break down the door."

Sherlock Holmes nodded. "Well, I guess we'll just have to wait here."

Twilight nodded her head of purple and pink hair, then turned and started to walk into the dimly lit hallways where the rooms were. Montag exhaled slowly as he relaxed, reading.

Sherlock Holmes put his pipe down and called again to the purple unicorn.

"Yes?" Twilight asked, walking in, becoming perturbed with the human detective.

"These rips in reality," Holmes said, "and the destruction being caused. It has to be caused by something. A basic principle of science is that anything that has a beginning has to have a creation, or has to be caused. And there is a lot of weird stuff going on that just doesn't HAPPEN." Sherlock Holmes smoked a bit and then put his pipe into his pocket. "What I'm trying to say is, something caused this. Something big and something evil. And anything that powerful that is that intent on causing destruction...I am sure that the doors of this vessel cannot stop them."

Twilight stared at Sherlock Holmes as she thought about it. She knew it was true.

"Thanks for the uplifting words," Twilight said after a bit.

"Don't mention it," Sherlock Holmes smiled.

With that, Twilight turned to look at the three humans who had made their presence there, where she was. She sighed and then went to read her book.

Psychosis laughed. This was fun!

The Draqonequis laughed and turned to look at Mr. Ender, who was sitting, watching the television.

"And now, in Cosmological News," a feminine voice said, "more and more reports of rips in spacetime and enormous demons of the malevolent old gods are coming in. Destruction and insanity are everywhere. Chances of meteorite storms. Now, on to sports!"

"Ender," Psycho said, "you have to see this!"

Mr. Ender stared at the television.

"Fine," Psychosis said. "Be that guy. Be that guy. Fine. I don't care."

Mr. Ender continued to watch the TV.

Psychosis sighed. "Oh well," he said. "Cuddly is doing a bang up job of killing everything. Isn't he...myself?"

The Draqonequis turned to look at an exact replica of himself, standing there.

"Oh, yes he is," the replica said. "He is quite good at that."

"But...he is sometimes a jerk to us. Isn't he, me?"

"Sometimes," the mirror image said. "But sometimes we're kind of a jerk to him."

Psychosis rubbed his goatee. "Was that bad grammar, or just grammatical irony?"

"We don't know," the mirror image said.

There was a pause.

Psychosis sighed and turned to look back at Mr. Ender.

Who was, in fact, watching the TV.

All of a sudden, the phone rang. Psychosis grumbled and picked it up.

"House of Death," the Draqonequis said dramatically. "...and Satan is here too."

"Psychosis?" a voice similar to that of the Draqonequis replied.

"...Discord?"

What Mr. Ender heard after that little greeting went like this:

"Listen, brother, just because YOU got all gushy and mushied up in friendship doesn't mean that every single person in the family is going to be all nice and happy!...No, I don't actually care if you're friends with one of them. I don't....Yes, I do remember that time you shared destroying a planet with me. But I don't actually care. Isn't it funny, not everyone in the family is a little nice-jerk like you!...No, I don't actually care about our friendship....No, I don't actually care about friendship in any way at all....My roommates are not my friends....Actually, I do kind of hate them....What?....No. You didn't....You DID?...Listen, it's n-not that I'm a-a-afraid of m-mother, b-but...Oh, so it's going to be like that, eh?"

The pixelated dragon heard the phone violently slam. Then he heard his roommate grumbled, and something that sounded like an atom-bomb explosion rent the air inside the apartment. The dragon turned to see a smoldering crater where the phone used to be.

"Stupid tattle-tale brother," Psychosis said, sitting down next to Mr. Ender on the couch. "Stupid little twirp. That nasty little...freaking...GAAAAHHH!"

The TV burst into a billion pieces with the anger from the Spirit of Disharmony.

Mr. Ender turned to look blankly at Psychosis.

Psychosis growled and walked back to the panorama of reality (his window). "Well then," he said. "Let's just make things more complicated, shall we?"

The Doctor is In

There was a crash as the Doctor, Rainbow Dash, and the Time Traveler ran through the streets.

"This is not the way it is supposed to be," the Doctor said. "The TARDIS was supposed to go to Earth. This looks like Earth. I guess it is Earth. But why are there ZOMBIES?"

A horde of the undead burst through some of the shaky wooden walls and started ambling towards the survivors who ran for their lives.

"Could be because of all the warps," Rainbow Dash said.

"But it just doesn't make sense," the Doctor replied. "WHY ARE THERE ZOMBIES?"

The screen of the TARDIS shook a bit.

Holmes was the only one who was still in the chamber. He slowly ambled over to it.

The screen suddenly turned on, showing only static for a few seconds.

It then turned off.

Sherlock Holmes stared at the screen a bit. He looked around the room a bit, then grabbed his cane and smacked the screen.

The screen once again jolted on, and displayed a video of a street. It seemed as though it was a security camera. The video had horrible quality. Static once and a while blurred on the screen, and the sound was muted and fuzzy.

As Sherlock watched, into the view of the camera ran a brown pony with a tie. This equine ran up to the camera and glared into it.

"This is on?" he asked, poking the camera. "I found the wiring a while back and I used the sonic to home in on the TARDIS. Don't ask how," he said to no one in particular.

He looked into the camera. "Is anyone there?" he asked. "Please tell me someone is in there, please! We're searching the streets and I'm pretty sure I found you guys, but listen. I need some backup."

A moan was heard from the streets behind the Doctor as Rainbow Dash and the Time Traveler ran past the camera. The shadows of zombies approaching appeared within view of the camera.

"We need backup," the Doctor said. "We need help."

The decayed foot of a zombie stepped on screen.

The Doctor turned and ran as fast as he could, galloping after his two companions. Zombies started to flood the screen.

All of a sudden, the screen started to slowly become static, as the images of zombies slowly faded to a screen of every-moving black, grey, and white.

The TARDIS shook a bit as a laughing sound came from the screen right before it shut down.

Sherlock Holmes grabbed his cane and adjusted his hat. Time for backup.

"What were you doing back there?" Rainbow Dash asked as the Doctor caught up with them.

"Calling the TARDIS," the Doctor said.

The zombies let loose a collective moan as the three ran forwards. A shout of terror rang from the rooftops.

"What was that?" Rainbow Dash asked.

The Doctor glanced up at the rooftops and saw three skeletal figures charging across the structure of the building.

"Run," the Doctor said.

"Run?" the Time Traveler asked. "What is a run?"

One of the skeletal zombies leapt from the rooftops and landed in front of the three. The creature was soon followed by the other two.

The zombies behind the companions ambled forward, just as the first of the three skeletal zombies let loose another cry and ran towards them.

Rainbow Dash, in a jolt of courage, ran forward and jumped up, propelling herself with her wings. As she jumped up, she kicked the first of the beasts in the back of the head.

The creature's head easily fell off. Yet the skeleton beast was not so easily killed.

The pieces of flesh that still hung on swayed as the creature ran blindly about, bumping into one of its kind.

The Time Traveler turned around. "They're getting closer," he said.

The Doctor looked at Rainbow Dash as she landed abruptly beside him, just before he turned and kicked the second running zombie that approached. This one was not so easily slain, as it simply shook its almost decayed skull and glared back at the two equines. The headless skeletal creature had crawled its way towards the Doctor and Rainbow Dash as well.

The Time Traveler had successfully kicked the other zombie away from him. Screaming and shouting rent the air as the three struggled to survive.

Where was the backup?

Just as the moans grew louder and the zombies closed in on the three companions.

A shout of "I say!" pierced the air as Sherlock's cane laid a fatal blow to the second skeletal zombie, then swiped fast enough to bash the headless one away. The Time Traveler startled as the crowbar-dude cut into the zombie's back, then violently ripped out its spine.

The Doctor, the Time Traveler, and Rainbow Dash got up and were about to thank their saviors as the walking zombies finally caught up with them.

Just as the companions started to run, Montag charged towards the horde.

"Let...loose...HELL!" he exclaimed as the companions got behind him.

A torrent of fire burst from his flamethrower as the horde of zombies began to burn. Though they were many, and though they were vicious and hungry, filled with avarice of all kinds, they could not stand up to the burning flames of the weapon that the fireman held. As they burned, a stench rose up in the air, and the corpses now fully dead lay on the ground, burnt.

The horde slowly diminished to ashes.

The threat was gone.

Montag turned around and nodded.

The Doctor nodded solemnly.

So many dead.

He turned to Sherlock Holmes. "I would like to thank you for service," he said.

Holmes nodded. "I would like to compliment you on your ship. Extraordinary thing it is. Although I have to say, you still have some residue of coal from when you went to the coals in China. Hanging on the handrails. But, still, you're vessel is extraordinary."

The Doctor stopped, then looked at the Time Traveler. "Who is this guy?"

The Time Traveler shrugged.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Doctor," Holmes said. "My name is Sherlock Holmes."

The Doctor nodded. "I've met you before. Or maybe I'm going to meet you later. But I should have recognized you, no doubt. Ahh, well. Good work by the way, although the mines were in Mongolia, not China. Southern Mongolia, though. Close enough anyway."

"I should have guessed," Holmes said. "The mines from China sometimes lead to Mongolia. Same mineral composition."

"Almost exactly the same," the Doctor said.

Montag looked at the Time Traveler, who, in an effort to be social, awkwardly shrugged.

A moment of silence and happiness waited in that instant.

"Shall we...return to the TARDIS?" the Doctor asked. "I have some ponies awaiting me."

Before another word could be said, an incredibly loud burst of sound rippled through the air as the entire realm of the city shook.

The set of companions turned and stared at the sky. Above them, a dozen glowing green objects were falling from the sky into the city, landing with an earth-rattling pound each time.

In the distance, large machines began to appear.

"Let's," Montag said. He started to jog towards the direction the TARDIS was in, the others following close behind.

The companions ran through the abandoned city streets as more and more rattling noises were heard behind them. Great shaking vessels seemed to be approaching.

A few zombies began to leak out of the alleyways and the abandoned houses and ambled after the companions, who began to sprint.

"How far away is the TARDIS?" the Doctor asked Montag.

"Not two blocks," Montag said.

Suddenly, the sound of thunder being violently let go from the hands of some malevolent god rushed through the air. A beam of greenish white smacked one of the taller buildings, sending it crashing down just as the companions escaped its destruction.

"What was that?" Rainbow Dash asked as they continued to run forward.

The howl of the skeletal zombies pierced the air again as a few more of them started running after the team of heroes. The air grew thick with tension.

Another heat ray blasted across the path that the three were headed for, leaving a slight trail of white fire on the bricks, right before it hit a wooden house and set the entire thing on fire.

The companions carefully ran their way across the fire (Rainbow Dash flew over it) just as the running zombies caught up with them.

The first of the two ran through the flames and caught the flesh that still hung onto him on fire, creating the effect of a demonic skeleton figure light with green flame running at full speed. He did not last long, he collapsed just as he caught up with the companions.

The second dodged the flames, but to no avail: another heat ray wiped across the landscape, scorching him to a crisp.

As numerous waves of ungodly flame started to completely decimate the city, the companions got to the TARDIS in the middle of the street. The Doctor was the first to get to the doors of the police call box. He quickly and swiftly pulled out a key and opened the door just long enough to let the others in.

Derpy and Twilight ran into the room, confused and scared, as the TARDIS door slammed shut.

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Doctor!" Derpy shouted.

The Doctor ran up to the control panel and placed his hooves on the levers and buttons atop it. "No time now, Derpy!" he shouted. He pulled one of the levers down, and the TARDIS lights dimmed.

"Someone was messing with the control panel," the Doctor observed, pressing a button that turned the lights back on. "No matter. I can deal with this." He pulled up one of the screens and started typing onto a keyboard below it. He looked at the screen for a second as it flashed a few details, then pushed it away and ran over to another part of the controls.

The TARDIS shook as that lighting sound of vengeance of the heat rays came from outside.

"D-Doctor..." Derpy said.

"Yes," the Doctor said, "their are, in fact, Martian invaders out there, yes, they have the power to break down the TARDIS doors, yes, I am trying to get us out of here, and no, I still don't fully understand why their are zombies!"

The Doctor pulled another few levers and reached underneath the panel to pull a lever below. The TARDIS shook again, then started to whirr with a sort of surreal power.

The TARDIS shook even more violently. The door vibrated, and the howls of avarice filled zombies came from outside.

The Doctor reached over and pulled another lever, then reached over, turned over a small hatch, and pressed a large red button that was positioned below the hatch.

The TARDIS shook the most it had, sparks flying, people and ponies tumbling to the ground, lights flickering, just before the lights went out, the shaking stopped, and silence filled the TARDIS.

So We Meet

The lights of the TARDIS lit up again, and the steady thrum of her energy echoed across the infinite space of the ship.

The Doctor groaned and stood up. He stood for a moment, then smiled. "Well, that was rather fun, wasn't it!"

A few groans came from the other passengers of the spacetimeship. Twilight stood up, followed by the Time Traveler.

"What was that?" Twilight asked before falling over again.

"Those, my dear purple unicorn friend," the Doctor said, "were Martians. A lot of Martians, all teleported to that part of Earth spacetime."

"Teleported?" the Time Traveler said, helping Montag up.

"Why, yes," the Doctor said. "Oh, the Martians are completely capable of flying to Earth themselves. But this isn't the Earth they were aiming for."

"I'm confused," Twilight said, still on the floor.

"Well, it is kind of confusing, I guess," the Doctor said. "But there are, if you think of it, infinite dimensions, all with different characteristics. And all of them have something in them. Obviously. But all of them have something...important in them. And some sort of extrauniversal force is messing with these dimensions."

The Time Traveler walked over to where the pony timelord stood. "That makes sense," he said.

More and more of the passengers were standing up as the Doctor walked over to the Control Board.

"There, there, TARDIS," he said, "did you miss me?"

The Time Traveler stumbled over and stood near the Control Board. He looked at the Doctor, who was busy talking to his ship, then turned and looked at the Control Board.

"Where are we?" the Time Traveler asked suddenly.

Twilight got up and shook her head, then looked at the Doctor. "Yeah," she said, "where are we?"

The Doctor grinned wildly. "Let me show you," he said.

As he turned, he was greeted by a hoof to the face.

"OW!" he exclaimed, stumbling back a bit. He looked sheepishly at Derpy.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" Derpy exclaimed. "I was worried sick!"

"This isn't the first time that I've been gone," the Doctor said. "I was just keeping you and the Universe safe!"

Derpy sighed and hugged the Doctor.

The Time Traveler looked over at Montag, who shrugged.

The Doctor smiled. "I'm sorry," he said. "But at least you're safe."

"I t-try my best," the wall-eyed Pegasus said.

"You tried very good," the Doctor replied, walking around Derpy. He trotted over to the door of the TARDIS, beckoning his followers to come.

The crowd of passengers and travelers all walked over to the door. The Doctor grinned as he opened it.

Stars. Stars everywhere.

"The final frontier," the Doctor said, staring off into the void in front of them.

There it was: space. All around them. Everywhere.

There was a pause. The Time Traveler spoke up.

"How are we not being vacuumed into the black void of space right now?" he asked.

"Good question," the Doctor said, closing the door.

The group of friends gathered around. Sherlock Holmes was smoking his pipe, the Time Traveler was trying to fell the fabric of Holmes's waistcoat. Twilight and Rainbow Dash were talking for a bit, and Montag was standing patiently. Derpy was staring at the Doctor.

Before the Doctor could make an address, the screen on the control panel flickered.

The snarling and smirking face of a Draqonequis came on screen. "Hello?" he asked. "Hellllloooooo?"

"Dis-oh wait," Twilight said.

"Not, I'm not Discord," the omnipotent chimera said. "I'm not a pansy like him. I'm good old Draqonequis, and I'm here to say hello!"

The Doctor stepped forward from the crowd. "Why are you contacting us?" he asked.

"I know a lot of the people on board here like a mystery," the creature said. "So I'm ruining your fun and revealing myself! I'm the bad guy!"

"Oh, joy," Montag said.

"He seems quite crazy, doesn't he?" Holmes said.

"You'd be crazy too, Holmes, if you knew as much as I did!" Psychosis said. "My name is Psycho. Discord is my brother. He's a pansy. Did I already say that?"

"Hinted at it," the Doctor said. "Sort of."

"He's a pansy," Psychosis said.

"And you're the one, then," the Doctor said, "who is messing up all the dimensions and warping spacetime?"

"Duh," Psychosis said. "I already said that."

"Well, I just have to say," the Doctor replied, smiling, "that you're dealing with forces you shouldn't be dealing with. I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor of what?" Psychosis asked.

"...just the Doctor," the earth pony said. "Have you ever heard of me?"

"I know all about you," the Draqonequis said. "I know it all. All of it. You kind of know a lot when you have millennium to sit and watch things happen."

The Doctor grimaced. "I know you aren't intimidated," he said, "but you will be."

"Nah," the Draqonequis said. "I don't think I will be."

The dragon creature snapped his fingers, and the doors of the TARDIS suddenly flung open, revealing the insides of a technologically advanced spaceship. "Oopsy," Psychosis said. "I guess you've been sent to another dimension. Let's hope nothing bad happens here, shall we?"

A maniacal laughter rent the air as the screen shut down. As if on cue, a series of well dressed soldiers came in.

"This is the Star Fleet Voyager," a voice said, "and you have trespa- Ensign? Call Janeway. We've got more of these pony things on board."

Voyage to Dawn

The Doctor and his motley crew of human-pony companions were escorted through the halls of Voyager.

A few guards who would probably die as soon as confrontation arose surrounded them, and the lead man, an African American with very pointy ears, told them that they would be seeing someone called 'Captain Janeway'.

As they walked through the halls, Derpy walked up to the Doctor.

"What are they gonna do to us?" Derpy asked.

"No worries, Miss Derpy," the Doctor answered. "I've been on a Star Fleet ship before, and these people are good. They have no intention of hurting us...I hope."

Derpy stuttered. "Y-you don't sound t-to sure of yourself."

"I'm not. Isn't that fantastic?"

Derpy shrugged. "I'm kinda used t-to it now."

The guards rounded yet another corner in the immense complex of hallways.

"Excuse me," the Doctor said, suddenly. "What are you going to do with my TARDIS?"

The lead guard turned. "Pardon?"

"My TARDIS," the Doctor said. "My ship. What are you going to do with it?"

"We're going to beam it to the hangar," The guard said. "There, you can leave if you must."

There was a beeping noise. The lead guard pressed a button on his chest.

"Yes Captain?"

"There's a large human ship approaching. Just an update, team: this might be it."

The guard nodded. "Affirmative, captain. Tuvok out."

Tuvok pressed the button again and continued to walk forward.

There were a few more corners to turn, and then, finally, they stepped into the Bridge.

When they entered, all of the people working at the helm of the spaceship turned towards the crew of human and pony friends. Then, a woman in red walked forward.

"It's a pleasure to have you onboard, friends," she said. "My name is Captain Janeway, of the Starship Voyager."

"Pleasure to be taken hostage," the Doctor said. "Joking, joking. This is my crew: there are some of the denizens of Equestria here, as well as some humans."

"Ponies," Janeway said. "Yes, we know about them."

The Doctor looked skeptically up at the Captain. "What century is this?

"The 24th."

"I don't remember the human race having the ability to travel through dimensions in the 24th century," the Doctor said, breaking off from the crowd. "Ohhhhhhh, so there must have been a pony who got onboard somehow because of the Rift. Fantastic!"

"Correct," Janeway said. "She's safe onboard. In fact, her and another crew member, 7 of 9, are having a tea party in the mess hall as we speak."

"Another pony?" Twilight asked, walking forward.

"Yes," Janeway said. "A Pegasus, I believe."

Rainbow Dash laughed. "I bet that Pegasus thinks it's all fast, but wait till I shot it!"

"She calls herself Fluttershy," Janeway said.

Twilight and Rainbow stopped dead in their tracks.

"Do you know her?" Janeway asked.

Rainbow jumped up and hovered in front of the captain's face. "KNOW her? She's our best friend!"

"We need to go see her!" Twilight said.

Janeway stopped and stared at them. "We'll arrange it as soon as we can," she said affirmatively. "But right now, we need to find out what is going on."

The captain looked behind to see Sherlock, Montag, and the Time Traveler standing awkwardly. "Humans, I see."

"You can talk to us directly, you know," Montag said. "We are kind of...here."

"She was still talking with the Twinkle pony," Sherlock intruded. "It would have been rather rude of her to just stop and talk to us. Manners and all. Bothersome, I say."

"Might I ask your names?" Janeway asked.

Sherlock nodded. There was a pause.

"...what are they?" Janeway asked after a second.

"I am Guy Montag," Montag said, stepping in before Holmes could interrupt him. "These are my friends, the Time Traveler and Sherlock Holmes."
] "Sherlock Holmes?"

"Sherlock Holmes."

"You mean...THE Sherlock Holmes?" Janeway asked, incredulous.

"No, my dear," Sherlock said. "He means the other one."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Holmes," Janeway said, ignoring the detective's sarcastic comeback.

"Well, cheerio," the Doctor said. "Now that that is all honey and rainbows, could you please let my friends go and talk to their friend? I can answer any questions you have. I am the Doctor, you know."

Janeway turned and nodded towards Tuvok, who began to escort the ponies to their friend.

"Captain," Paris, the pilot, said. "The ship is approaching."

"Onscreen," Janeway said.

The giant screen flashed as the scene appeared. Floating in space was the giant cylindrical ship. It looked torn and ripped apart, as if it had been sawn in half, and only half of it had made its way there. Displayed on its sides, in human lettering, were the words 'UNSC Forward Unto Dawn'.

"It's not a federation ship," Paris said. "Yet it is definitely human."

Janeway stopped and turned towards the three humans and the two ponies who were still there. "I need answers," she said.

"Hold you're horses, if you excuse my saying," the Doctor said, trotting over to where Janeway stood at the helm. "We aren't your puppets."

"Listen," Janeway said, "I need someone to tell me what is going on with this warp. Cause right now, I don't know if that ship is hostile or not. And the life of not only my crewmembers but also YOUR crewmembers is in my hands."

The Doctor smiled and nodded, obviously unaffected. "You are a good captain. Quite affirmative. Not that it will matter if all of Tartarus breaks loose on your ship."

The Doctor turned and trotted to where Paris sat. "Which, with this warp, just might be the case. That ship. I don't know anything about it. But, from intuition, it looks like a human ship from a different timeline. In this one, humans have, apparently, gotten past all wars, famine, and disease. That is, that's what you think. Its debatable, really. Regardless, this human ship is from a different era."

"An era where warfare is quite present," Sherlock chimed in. "And obviously, the ship was damaged by an actual warp. It was going through one of those...holes in space. Whatever they are called, Wormtongues or whatnot. Only half of it made it."

"Brilliant," the Doctor said. "And Holmes is correct, madam. You can tell it is warfare oriented. You can tell it was cut in half by slipstream effects...now, for the obvious part. Scan for signs of life."

The deed was done.

Only one survivor.

"Probably in cryogenic suspension," the Doctor surmised. "And I'm guessing that this person is either incredibly important or incredibly not. Have you tried hailing the ship?"

"We tried," Janeway said. "But we don't know if it go along with our signal, seeing as how its from an entire different timeline."

"Try again," the Doctor said. "Just for kicks."

Janeway nodded. The signal was sent.

Chekotay looked up. "We're being hailed," he said.

"Onscreen," Janeway said.

Again the screen flashed. This time, the bluish figure of a holographic woman was on the screen.

There was a pause. "Woah," the Time Traveler said.

"This is Cortana," the bluish figure said. "State your affiliation to the UNSC."

"Cortana," Janeway said, "this is slightly confusing. But you aren't in the dimension you knew."

"Alternate timelines," Cortana said. "So there is no UNSC?"

Janeway shook her head. "We are the Starship Voyager, from Star Fleet. We've been stranded in the Delta quadrant for a few years now."

"I've been stranded as well," Cortana said. "Well...the survivor and I have."

Cortana suddenly flashed red for a brief second. It stopped.

"Could the Starship Voyager have a ship come over and pick the survivor and I up? Or you could use radio transmissions to insert me into the computer of your vessel-"

"That won't be necessary," Janeway said. "Lock onto the life form and teleport him here. Then get the AI. We need them to get to the bottom of this."

Boredom

Psycho S. Osmosis was bored.

He had been stuck in a dorm room with Mr. Slimy Tentacles Face and that dragon...thing ever since the whirling of the cosmos had finally settled and out of the void came some really powerful and really bored monsters.

Psychosis being one of them. He was especially bored now ever since that stinking twin brother of his, Discord, had gone all goody-two-shoes on him. Leaving him to sit alone with Cuddle T. Hulu, or Cthulu, as his mother the Comos calls him, and Mr. Ender. That was all Psycho really knew about the pixelated dragon, besides the fact that every once and a while he would leave for months on end a return badly beaten up.

The Draqonequis sighed and decided to look out he window of his room into the Void of Reality. He peered down and saw a group of candy colored ponies having a picnic.

Psychosis knew these creatures. They were called the Mane 6. They were the ones who had not only at one point turned his brother to stone (which, albeit, made Psycho a little happy, having hated EVERYONE EVER), but also reawakened Discord in order to convert him to liking Friendship. Blech. Psycho didnt like that.

Then, a brilliant idea came into Psychosis's head.

"Hey, Cuddly!" Psychosis called of his friend.

The ancient squid-faced demon god walked up. "I told you," he said, "my name is Cthulu, destroyer of worlds. Not cuddly."

"Sure, whatever, Cuddly," Psychosis said. "I need your help with something."

"Anything you for, bro."

"I need you to go down there to Equestria and start wreaking havoc."

"But...I dont hate ponies."

"Look," Psychosis said, a little annoyed, "you still owe rent from last Era. Now I'm gonna let you off the hook if you just go down to Equestria and cause destruction and anarchy."

Cthulu looked into the void at the cute little ponies. "O...okay...."

"While you're doing that, I'm going to warp you through different dimensions."

"How many are we going to kill?" Cuddly Hulu asked.

"Uhhh....everyone."

"I like killing and all," Cthulu said, "but if we kill everone, who are going to cause misery to after that? We'll be bored for all of eternity."

"We can just, I don't know, restart the Universe or something."

"That makes no sense."

"You still owe rent."

Cthulu groaned and spread his wings. "Fine," he said. "But you'll be bored afterwards."

"I'll think of something. Just start killing everyone in Equestria. I'll do the rest."