I thought that in my retirement from the Guard I would actually manage to have a chance to relax and put the stress and worries of the world behind me. Perhaps I would even manage to forget some of the horrors I have seen and partaken of in the service of the Crown, as unlikely a thought as that is. However, it seems as though the fates have a sense of humour. I have not had a truly quiet moment in quite a while.
Upon retirement and finally settling in Ponyville after a few errands across Equestria, I was almost instantly jumped upon by some form of strange pink daemon that appears to inhabit the local bakery. The feats this strange creature, which I have learned is named Pinkie Pie, is capable of completing boggle the mind of any who try to comprehend them. How one creature can devour that much sugar within a day and not pass out from a sugar coma is beyond me. I heard a story from Twilight Sparkle about a time when parasprites ended up infesting the town, and Pinkie was the only one who knew how to get them to leave. Of course, the unbidden thought leapt into my mind that perhaps the reason she knew exactly how to get them out was that she is somehow related to them. It would certainly explain the eating.
However, if Pinkie Pie and her obsession with throwing random parties was the worst I had to deal with, I suppose I could call myself lucky. At least it was equine in nature, as opposed to certain other things I’ve dealt with in my life. Again, this is where fate decides to laugh in my face. It was common knowledge to me, and everyone else within my division in the Royal Guard, of the Lunar Rebellion and the war that followed. This knowledge was rather important, for it was our job to find the relics from that war and safely dispose of them. A logical conclusion is that since the campaign lasted a mere month before Celestia defeated Nightmare Moon and her forces, not many weapons should have been created, or left scattered and lying around after battle. If only it were so easy. The phrase ‘history is written by the victors’ rings truer there than anywhere else I can imagine. The public works from the time, what few there were, about the Lunar Rebellion and Celestial War all point to it being a short campaign: a month. In reality, though, Celestia herself has admitted to those of us within my division that, in fact, she altered all accounts of the war to say it was a month. In reality, it was a year. A year of uncertain sunrises, days and weeks of unending darkness. A year of fighting, of bloodshed, and uncertainty that nearly erased Equestria from the maps. So perhaps it makes more sense of why even after a thousand years, we were still hunting down these relics.
Perhaps the worst were the Eternity Gates, devices created by Nightmare Moon herself with a specific purpose and design in mind. I’m still not completely sure if they created the monsters, or summoned them from some strange and dark place equine minds were never meant to know exists. I’m hoping it is the former, given that Lunar forces never seemed to be affected by the monsters that came from the Gates, at least according to the accounts. As far as I’m aware there is no actual accounting of all the different types of Eternity Gates; I only know of those that bring forth the Osiari, Seekers, Bloodworts and Nightwings. However, I digress.
As I mentioned, fate seemed to have a sense of humour. After Pinkie Pie’s party, some of the residual war magiks in Everfree triggered an Eternity Gate that released a pair of Seekers. Honestly, I should have realized what had happened; after all, I’d received training to know the signs of a Gate opening. But I didn’t. Though, it seems that wasn’t the first Gate opening to take place. Oddly enough, there was one beneath Ponyville. How it got there, I’m not completely sure, but it wasn’t a recent move. My old friend Sky Blaze died sealing that Gate and stopping the Osiari that it spawned. However, the seal was ether weakened, or destroyed, and the Gate reopened. If I had to guess, I’d say it was the influence of Discord’s magik, though if that were the case, then the Royal Guard is going to have a very busy year.
Either way, Ponyville now had two Seekers running around, as well as an Osiari hanging out in the old mine shafts beneath. Never a good combination. I’d gone with Fluttershy into Everfree in order to help her look for a friend of her, whom we found. A zebra, whose name I can’t quite remember. Spoke in all rhyme, too. One of the Seekers was chasing her, so I guess it is rather fortunate I had ventured along. Otherwise, I doubt those two would still be alive. I killed the Seeker using a trick I learned in the Guard, and then put two and two together to get eighty-six and sped back to Ponyville. Ignore the fact I left Fluttershy and her exhausted zebra friend alone in the middle of one of the most dangerous areas on the planet. Well, sure enough, there was the other Seeker tearing through Ponyville. I killed that one too, but Applejack and another Pegasus -Orillion I think his name was- helped quite a bit before I got there. It was then that the Osiari decided to ramp up its mental attacks. Perhaps it recognized me as a threat, or had built up enough strength to launch the full attack. I’m not sure one way or the other. So in a desperate move, I go and get Twilight, and she teleports us out of town just as all hell is breaking loose.
After being treated for the few wounds I took, and passing out from the mental exhaustion of fighting against the controlling influence of a millennia-old mind-controlling monster, I taught Twilight the spells she needed to get us back. I love the irony of it, though. A Pegasus teaching a unicorn magik. How in Celestia’s name that even works, I have no idea. But true to her Element, Twilight was able to pick up the spells rather quickly, especially since I have no magical background and only knew the basic theory to them. I swear, if she just has the basic theory of any type of magic, she could figure out the spell form to cast it. Advantage of being the embodiment of Magic I suppose. Rather freaky if you think about the raw ability she now has access to.
I lead Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Twilight to the Osiari, and together we rip it a new one. I think I got rather lucky, all things considered. Just had my wing and foreleg nearly torn off by a rusty pickaxe instead of having them completely ripped off. And I still managed to block one of the Osiari’s tentacles long enough for Twilight to cast her spell and kill the thing. Woo, go team?
Next thing I’m aware of is a weird sequence I’m still not sure if it was a dream, a near-death experience, or if I’m just that crazy. And then I wake up to see Celestia and Luna. Moreover, I’m in my least favourite place in the world: the hospital. I suppose it was worth it, but I’m not completely sure. I was there for nearly three months before I've recovered enough to leave, and in that time I hear something about a Changeling attack on Canterlot, and the Crystal Empire returning. At one point, several days before I was released, no less than seven Pinkie Pies visited me . . . at the same time. I almost begged them to put me in the psych ward at that. And life got quiet again, all things considered. No giant rampaging dragon attacks, and other than a brief hostile takeover by some mare named Trixie who really hated Twilight; it was rather nice. Reminded me of why I moved here in the first place. But of course, the fates are weird and I get to have a front row seat to perhaps the weirdest events I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some weird ones.
The day was starting out rather normal, until Twilight discovered coffee or something and bursts out of her house-library-tree singing about how the morning is beautiful. Which, admittedly, it was rather nice; I’m just not a morning pony so forgive me if I say I didn’t join in as a backup singer. Well, it was shaping up to be a nice day, and then the weather went . . . weird. At first, I thought it was something Discord did, as I’d heard through the grapevine that somehow he had been reformed and was now free. But turns out, no, it was the fashionista Rarity controlling the weather. I think I should have called it quits then and there and gone back to bed, but for some reason I decided not to. After all, in Canterlot, unicorns are generally the ones in control of the weather, and that’s how it was back in Hoofington as well. Would have been nice if she knew what she was doing, though. But I have to wonder, though, where the rest of the weather team was. The towns ponies were rather mad at Rarity, but not a single other Pegasus took to the skies in order to even try to clear the weather and get it under control.
So since I decided to stay awake and venture out into this new world of checkerboard cloud patterns raining and snowing at the same time, I went to Sugarcube Corner. They have some delicious breakfast muffins there, and I figured it would be a nice treat and maybe help me figure out why a dressmaker was moving clouds. I get there, and there’s Fluttershy. Not all the strange, I normally see her the few mornings sleep has either eluded me or been stolen from me. The strange part, however, was she was trying to act like Pinkie Pie and get everypony to laugh and smile. Without much success. Tried talking to her about it, but gave up after several horrible jokes and a whoopee cushion to the face. On my way back to my cozy little house, I see Applejack boarding up the dress shop, and some rather . . . disturbing designs on display. I didn’t know Applejack as well as some of the other Elements, but I went over to inquire as to why she was closing the dress shop and not tending Sweet Apple Acres. Her response was, and I quote here, “My destiny is not pretty, but it’s what my cutie mark is telling me,” while pointing to said mark. I knew her cutie mark was three red apples, to signify her work on the apple farm. But what greeted my sight was instead three blue gems, which if I’m not mistaken was Rarity’s mark. I think it was about that point my brain crashed and I retreated into the non-mixed up world of my house, and the unfinished book I’m still trying to write.
It would be nice to say that that was the extent of the weirdness, but it got worse. As I was taking a break to sip some coffee and look outside at the now-cleared night sky, a brilliant bright star appeared. In the shape of Twilight Sparkle’s cutie mark. I watched it descend and land in a flash outside her library, and I think I spit my coffee out when I saw that Twilight now has wings. My first thought was that, while I do have a rather clear line of sight to the square outside her library where they were, something must have been playing tricks on my eyes. Perhaps the brilliant flash of light was leaving after-images on my eyes, or some swamp gas happened to be drifting by. But no, she had wings. Which makes her an Alicorn. And about that time, Celestia just appears out of nowhere to talk to the Bearers. I decided that was enough, and I called it a night.
I woke the next day, figuring that it had all been a dream, but I was proven wrong rather quickly. Pinkie hoof-delivered an invitation to attend the coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle. And not just to be there in the crowd outside, oh no, I was allowed to be in the Chamber of the Heavens as it took place. It was set for tomorrow afternoon. Before she could bounce off, I asked the strange pink thing what happened the previous day. Turns out, Twilight cast a spell that changed all her friends’ cutie marks around. She ended up with Applejack's and tried working on the farm, apparently doing a horrible job at it. The most curious thing I noted was the briefest thing she mentioned. Apparently, the rest of the Apple clan just up and disappeared during that time. My curiosity got the better of me at that.
I spent the day tracking down the other four and getting their version of events. Rarity was driven to mess with weather, which I had seen firsthoof. Fluttershy wanted to throw parties and make every pony smile; which personally I thought was rather ironic. The quietest, shiest pony in Equestria is suddenly put center stage and all but forced to entertain. Didn’t go over so well with the rest of the town. Rainbow Dash ended up in Fluttershy’s cottage dealing with all the woodland critters, and apparently ended up tied up in a cauldron. Applejack was forced to make dresses, which went over as well as I expected with what I saw in the window yesterday. And all because their cutie marks were changed. I thought that over, and how the town was acting before I retreated, while Rarity took my measurements in order make me something presentable for the coronation. I could always have dug out my old dress uniform from when I was in the Guard, but I figured that would be in bad taste.
The coronation went rather well, no mishaps or catastrophes. I’m beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with my brain, though, because it seems everypony else can suddenly burst out into song, except for me, or are able to seamlessly dance without any prior planning or thought. Though I suppose I shouldn’t complain, at least we live in an age where such things can happen, and not back in, say, the time during Discord’s reign, or the Lunar Rebellion, or even the time before Equestria, when the three tribes were at odds with each other. So, while I might very well be horribly broken, at least the world is happy. Right?
But I digress. The true purpose to me putting these thoughts down on paper in the random jumbled mess that this is dwells on something a bit darker than the day’s events. The coronation is over now, and there was a party planned after for Equestria to meet its newest Princess. I’m not too sure if I would like it to have been planned by Pinkie Pie or not, though either way I’m avoiding it. Too many snobby nobles for my liking, and I know Twilight as it is. But thinking about just the events in Ponyville, where five simple mares have their cutie marks changed . . . is Equestria really so fragile? In less than twenty-four hours, the weather patrol stopped doing their job, everypony was practically ready to kill everypony else, the dress shop and Sweet Apple Acres were going out of business, and Fluttershy’s animal friends were going feral. Is the world we live in really just a fragile lie, in that any deviation from the established norms would cause the whole thing to shatter and it to go to Tartatus?
Admittedly, I can understand the animals. Even if their cutie marks were changed, Rainbow Dash still had no way of understanding their wants, needs, and what they were saying. Fluttershy apparently has that as an innate ability that gave rise to her cutie mark. That one makes sense, sure. When Pinkie was trying to work the apple farm, why didn’t the rest of the Apple clan out here step up and show her how it’s done? Or help? Or stick around at all, because from how it sounds, they only appeared once Applejack got back. Are they so fragile themselves that the disappearance of one of their own leads to the complete abandonment of the farm they have worked for generations? I could understand it if they had gone to Applejack to try to get her back, but they didn’t.
Fluttershy I’m not blaming too much on, after all her innate ability is to understand animals, not other ponies and what makes them happy. But does it only take a spot of bad weather and no Pinkie Pie in order for them to completely lose it and become openly hostile? Makes me wonder if Pinkie doesn’t have some weird aura around her that generates happiness. Or maybe the true reason Sugarcube Corner does so well is that she really laces everything she makes with drugs. Alright, even I have to admit that’s a bit of a stretch.
But my thought still stands. How do we know that all we have and all we’ve done isn’t just a beautiful lie we strive to maintain in the hope of forgetting how quick we are to turn against one another, or how soon the world might turn around and try to kill us. And I’m not talking places like Everfree or the strange things from the Lunar Rebellion era. And given what we all witnessed when the cutie marks were changed, they were driven to those acts, and seemed to have no other choice in the matter. It’s as if everything they have ever done in their lives was erased from their memory and replaced with a burning desire for a farmer to make dresses, or a reclusive animal caretaker to try to throw a party.
I did talk to Twilight once about an incident where a filly gave herself a case of the Cutie Pox, and was forced to perform each activity the cutie marks were telling her, without a second of rest. Admittedly, thinking about it now, I’m rather scared by my cutie mark. The mere thought that if somehow it were to be changed, I would have no will to resist and be driven to perform that act, regardless if I actually know how or not is rather disturbing. It also gives rise to the question of what exactly is a cutie mark then, if it has so much power over what you do? I was always told growing up that your cutie mark was the sign of what you were exceptionally good at. Sure, anypony can cook, or draw, or write, or help build something, but for some ponies, they’re just better at it. That’s what sets them apart from a crowd. It makes sense, as not everypony is the same. So we get a magikal tattoo on our flanks to signify what it is we’re good at, and we move on with our lives. But if that were somehow changed, why would it drive us endlessly on to change our lives around to match it? When I was in the Guard, I didn’t write, and I never had a burning desire to drop everything and go write a story. There was a unicorn in my squad whose talent was construction, and she never had an overriding desire to drop everything and go raise a barn or build a house. So what, exactly, are these things on our flanks?
Maybe I’m thinking too much into this. Perhaps all the randomness and weird things happening within a few months of each other has finally scrambled my brain and any minute now, it’s going to begin leaking out of my ears. Admittedly, it is nice to get these thoughts out of my head in some form or another. I just can’t help by feel that there’s something missing to all of this. Maybe it’s something I’m missing, or maybe it ‘s something that hasn’t happened yet. I can’t tell. Perhaps later tonight I’ll go have a chat with Luna or Celestia about this. If anypony could have an insight into the suspected fragility of our world, or the strange nature of our flank tattoos, I’d imagine it would be them. On the other hoof, I could just sit back, wait and see what happens and stop running headlong into everything.
Yeah. Right. That’ll be the day. Sometimes I hate my writers’ curiosity.
Author's Note
First *published* pony story. Yay? And yea, it reads a bit choppy and is weird, but I blame that on the way I wrote it. It's just Quydlin venting his mind onto paper.
Anyway, if you managed to make it through that without quitting or beating your head into a wall, I thank you and hope you'll leave your thoughts below.
