Why I Hate Loving a Rainbow

by FailWhale

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 13989

Pinkie writes about her secret feelings and makes a decision that will change her life.

Pinkie Pie writes about her secret feelings in a journal, and makes the decision to admit her feelings to Rainbow Dash. Little does she know, that decision will change her life. PinkieXRainbow Dash, characters will be added when they appear.

Published 2012-02-02 04:17:19 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-16 04:03:36 UTC

Prologue: Why I Hate Loving A Rainbow

I'm Pinkie Pie, for those of you who didn't know. Of course, I don't know WHY you wouldn't know me! I mean, I REALLY stand out in a crowd! Pink coat, darker pink and poofy mane, balloons as her cutie mark, how do you miss me? Anyway, I like parties, I really like my friends, and I really REALLY like to have fun! Most of all, I love a rainbow.

And I hate it. I hate loving a rainbow.

Why? I can tell that's what some of you ponies are probably asking right now. Why do I hate loving rainbows? How can I hate to love such beautiful things? Their colors, just melding together to form one of the most pretty things in the whole wide world? The thing that gave me my cutie mark? First, I need to stop being Pinkie Pie to tell you about this. I need to be a pony who's stronger than I am. Okay. Let me tell you a couple of things about myself.

Ponies see me on the street, and they see a pink, party-loving, not-a-care-in-the-world, probably not very bright pony. They see me as a simple, probably one-track-mind pony. Just parties and having fun.

Truth is, I'm a lot smarter than some ponies give me credit for. I can do complicated things. I can make plans. I can think things through, even if I don't show it at some times. That's one of the reasons I hate loving a rainbow. And, I'm not talking about rainbows in general. I'm talking about just one. One rainbow that I hate to love. Again, plenty of reasons why I SHOULDN'T hate loving her. She's smart. She's quick. She's fun to be around. She's beautiful. She's a little stubborn, and she kind of acts without thinking things through, but that's one of the things I love about her.

I hate loving her because she makes me stupid. Whenever I see her, I can't think things out too clearly. My heart starts racing. I start to smile for no reason. I start being random. Er, more so than usual. Whenever she's around, I start acting more "Pinkie Pie". I don't try to. I guess I do it automatically to try and make her happy and make her laugh. It doesn't always work. Whenever she gets mad at me or yells, it looks like I just brush it off on the outside. On the inside, I get really sad. Not so much that my hair goes straight, but sad enough.

I also can't stop staring at her. Her cyan blue coat, her rainbow colored mane, those rose colored eyes... I just... can't help it, I guess. When I see her, she makes me stupid. I've already said that. But, she also makes me happy. I see her, and it's like a warmth has filled me up inside. And, the warmth gets stronger when I make her smile. I guess that's why I'm always trying to make her smile. And, that's why I get so sad when she's upset with me. I mean, it's the same with all of my friends. I try to make them happy, and I try not to make them upset with me, but when things don't work out, I get sad. But, with her... it's like everything is multiplied by a bajillion.

I know that I love her. I'm sure of it. But... I don't know if she feels the same way. I don't even know if she likes somepony at all! And that tears me up inside, like if a crocodile was shoved down my throat. Okay, that was a bad comparison, but I hope you get the idea. I know that I should tell her how I feel, but...I'm just scared. And, the more I wait, the more my heart hurts, but the more it hurts, the more I think I should wait, and it just keeps going and going.

It makes me cry at night sometimes. I just think about her while I'm lying in bed, anything about her, and the tears just start coming. Cupcakes don't help, neither do muffins, almost nothing helps when I start crying at night. The only thing that helps is screaming. I scream and scream and scream into my pillow until I can't scream anymore, and I feel a little better. I know I shouldn't do this to myself, but like I said... I'm scared.

But, talking about it seems to be helping right now. I see what I need to do. I need to go up to her, and tell her how I feel. And, if she shares the same feelings, then great! But, if she doesn't...then I'll just hope that this doesn't ruin our friendship. I don't know exactly who is reading this (or who I'm writing this to, for that matter), but I have one thing to say to you: Thank you. Now, I can go back to being Pinkie Pie... Okie dokie lokie! Thank you SO much for helping, everypony! Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna tell Rainbow Dash that... I love her!

See you later, everypony!

Yeah, I wrote this just because. It was a little idea that popped into my head, and ideas that pop into my head tend to assault my mind at all hours of the day unless I type them out(yes, SPECIFICALLY type. Writing it out doesn't do crap.). So, yeah, feedback is appreciated. This is only the second story I've written, so PLEASE tell me how I can be a better writer, because honestly, this just isn't cutting it. Thanks for reading.

Daily Happenings

Pinkie slowly lowered the quill she was using to the desk she was writing on. Then, she sighed. She decided to try pouring her heart out into a journal. It helped somewhat. She got up from her sitting position, and she picked up the journal. She carefully put it away into a container underneath her bed, and she stopped in the middle of the room.

"Okay, Pinkie Pie," she said to herself. "Time to smile!" When she finished the sentence, she began smiling and walked downstairs.

"Hello, Pinkie!" said Mrs. Cake, who was currently baking an astounding amount of cupcakes with her husband.

"Good morning!" said Mr. Cake.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" said Pinkie, as she usually did in the mornings, except when they were already out. They were regularly called out on catering business these days, so it was rare for Pinkie to see them in the morning. She always enjoyed it when she was able to say hello, though. "Since you're here, I won't have to watch the shop, right?" asked Pinkie.

"That's right, Pinkie, but usually you're sadder when you find out you aren't running the shop!" said Mrs. Cake, slightly worried. She quickly glanced at her husband. "Is something wrong?" asked Mr. Cake.

"Of course not, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! I just decided that I'm going to do something today. Something really important!" responded Pinkie cheerily. "Have a good day!" she called out as she walked out the door. Once she made it outside, she took a deep breath.

-Okay, Pinkie, you know what you have to do. You told everypony that you were going to tell Rainbow Dash how you felt about her. Well, it wasn't really everypony...It wasn't even something living...and you didn't Pinkie Promise...but still! She stomped her right hoof on the ground, and a determined look appeared on her face. Today's the day! The day that you tell Rainbow Dash how you feel about her! Pinkie took another deep breath, and she started bouncing along the way, looking for Rainbow Dash, but also noticing everything that was happening around Ponyville. Pinkie was actually a lot more observant than other ponies believed, those ponies including her friends. She noticed the squirrels in the trees, the cute little bunnies, the birds flying free, and the bees with their honey.

"It's enough to make anypony break out into song!" she remarked as she kept going through the town. She said hello to everypony that she passed, and she was still making observations.

-Hmm, Carrot Top seems really sad...I wonder what's the matter...I know! I'll throw her a party! I'm sure that'll make her feel better! Pinkie immediately began planning out the decorations for the party while she walked, but she was still focused on her ultimate goal: finding Rainbow Dash.

"Where could she be?" she asked herself. "I wonder if she's out bringing in some storm clouds, or practicing for the Wonderbolts...Hmm." Pinkie sat down on the ground and began to think. Just then, a rainbow streak appeared in the sky. Pinkie's mouth curved to form a smile as she called out to Rainbow Dash.

"Dashie! Hey, Rainbow Dash, wait up!" she called out as she quickly ran in the same direction Rainbow Dash was flying in. Rainbow Dash looked behind her and saw the pink shape running after her. Rainbow Dash slowly flew to the ground.

"Hey, Pinkie Pie, what's up?" she asked, smiling. Pinkie felt her mind get unfocused and fuzzy. She mentally shook her head to try and alleviate the sensation. It didn't help much.

"Oh, nothing, Dashie, what's up with you?" replied Pinkie, returning the smile.

"I was just trying to get over to Fluttershy's place. She said that she wanted to give me something. I don't really know what it was, but it must be pretty awesome!" replied Rainbow Dash. Pinkie giggled. "So, why were you trying to catch up with me, Pinkie?" Pinkie's smile froze on her face. Oh no, not again...

"What do you mean, Dashie?" asked Pinkie in response.

"Well, you seemed really bent on catching up with me, like you wanted to tell me something," replied Rainbow Dash.

"Uh..I..I just..." Pinkie stammered. She couldn't think straight. Come on, Pinkie, you can do this! Just believe in yourself! "I...I wanted to...ask you something," said Pinkie.

"Well, what is it?" asked Rainbow Dash.

-You can do this, come on!

~No you can't. Stop trying. It won't work.

Pinkie shook her head. "Is...something wrong, Pinkie?" asked Rainbow Dash, a worried tone starting to creep into her voice.

"N-no, everything's fine, Dashie!" replied Pinkie. "I-I just wanted to know...if..."

~It won't happen.

"If what, Pinkie?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"I-If...If...you wanted to come to the party that I'm throwing for Carrot Top!" finished Pinkie, a fake smile plastered onto her face.

~Silly...I told you that you couldn't do it...

"Sure, Pinkie Pie! You know I always come to your parties," replied Rainbow Dash. "So, when is it?"

"Later today!" replied Pinkie in as happy a voice as she could manage. Rainbow Dash cast a worried look at her quickly before she replied, "Don't worry, Pinkie Pie. I'll be there! Now, I have to go meet up with Fluttershy," she said, taking off from the ground. "See you later!" she called out as she flew away.

"Bye, Dashie!" called out Pinkie, the fake smile still on her face. It vanished as she quietly added, "I-I love you..."

-I can't believe it! I chickened out again!

~I told you this would happen...but did you listen? No. You never do. Pinkie frantically shook her head again. She slowly began walking back into town, a very noticeable frown on her face. As she walked past Carrot Top's carrot stand, she heard a voice calling out to her.

"Pinkie Pie! Hello?" said Carrot Top, waving a hoof at Pinkie to call her over. Pinkie smiled slightly as she walked over to the carrot stand. "Hi there, Carrot Top!" she said. "What do you need?"

"Well, I couldn't help but notice that you seemed a little bit sad," said Carrot Top. "Oh...it's nothing, I've just got a lot of stuff crashing and bashing and rumbling around in my noggin!" replied Pinkie. "But, now that you mention seeming sad, I noticed the same thing this morning when I first walked by. You also looked a little sad, Carrot Top. Is there something wrong?" she asked.

"I don't know, Pinkie, I've just been kind of depressed lately. I don't know what's going on," she replied.

"Well, I know what'll help turn your sad frown upside down!" said Pinkie eagerly.

"What would that be?" asked Carrot Top, even though she already knew the answer.

"A PARTY!" replied Pinkie, jumping into the air from her enthusiasm.

"Oh, it's okay, Pinkie, you don't have to do that!" said Carrot Top.

"Oh, please, it'll be my pleasure!" replied Pinkie. "Besides, I can't stand to see ponies frowning like you were earlier! So, will you come to your party?" she asked.

"Oh...Okay, Pinkie," replied Carrot Top, smiling.

"Great!" said Pinkie, returning the smile. "Come to Sugarcube Corner later today!" she called out as she walked away. She felt her heart warm up slightly. It helped to mask some of the pain that she felt. Still, the pain would only worsen when she would see Rainbow Dash later that day. It always did.

After the party, Pinkie was exhausted, even though she didn't show it. She rarely did. She said goodbye to everypony, then began to clean up the party decorations. Carrot Top was in high spirits as she left. The party had really helped her, and Pinkie was glad. Good things happened at her parties. Of course, the good also has its share of the bad. And the bad at this party was yet another failed attempt of Pinkie's to tell Rainbow Dash how she felt. She had succeeded in finding out that Rainbow Dash wasn't partial to bunnies, but Pinkie didn't see how that information was relevant. She tried to focus on her sweeping, but as she did, she remembered her morning attempt to tell Rainbow Dash how she felt. She sighed, and continued her sweeping. Once she finished with the sweeping, she began taking down the assorted streamers, taking all the dishes downstairs, washing said dishes, and giving the room a final glance. When she did, she flopped onto her bed and tried to fall asleep.

As she tried, she eventually started to think of Rainbow Dash. Her multicolored mane, her cyan blue coat, her rose colored eyes that she just wanted to stare at endlessly. Her voice. Her scent. Everything about her. Pinkie gritted her teeth as she felt the tears begin to fall. The drops soon became a steady river, as Pinkie sobbed quietly. She cried for a couple more minutes, then when she couldn't take it anymore, she grabbed her pillow, slammed it against her face, and she began screaming into it. She screamed and screamed and screamed. She yelled.

"WHY?! WHY?! WHY CAN'T I TELL HER?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! WHY?!" she screamed into the pillow, the sounds (thankfully) muffled by the cushion. The pillow only made sure that nopony heard her except herself. It didn't help that her mind was screaming the same things at the same time. "I DON'T GET IT! WHY DOES SHE MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY?! WHY IS IT SO HARD?! WHY?! Why? Why..." She stopped screaming and she lay flat on her bed. She continued to cry quietly, the tears streaming down her face. Only one thought ran through her head as she fell asleep.

Why?

Yeah, another chapter finished. So, I was originally going to leave the prologue as it was, but I got a lot of positive responses from many people, so I decided to try and make this into a full fledged story (OH CELESTIA WHY?). So, feedback will be greatly appreciated, and thanks for reading.

The Voice Inside

Hi everypony! This is Pinkie Pie again. Well, of course it's Pinkie! Who else would it be? So, I really really liked being able to talk to you last time, and...something bad happened yesterday, so I really need somepony to talk to. So, time to be somepony else again...

Okay, here we go. So, yesterday, I held a party for Carrot Top. It went great. But the thing is, I also tried to tell Rainbow Dash how I felt about her. It didn't go so well. Whenever I try to tell her, it's like ice starts pouring itself into my body. I get a sinking feeling inside of me. And...the voice starts speaking. Now, I don't want you to think I'm crazy. Well, maybe I AM crazy, seeing as I think I have a chance with Rainbow Dash...but that's not important. The voice inside starts speaking. Whenever she does, she doesn't say things that are too encouraging. She always tells me how things can go wrong. How it isn't going to work. How I'm going to fail. It gets infuriating sometimes. And...the bad thing is, it usually works. Like yesterday.

I was THIS close to telling her. Then, I got cold and felt like I was sinking, like every other time. Then, she started telling me that it wouldn't work. I won't have a chance with Rainbow Dash. She doesn't even know why I'm trying. All that talk...it gets to you after a while, you know? After hearing it so many times, I start to believe it. She started saying of all that while I was standing there trying to find a way to tell her. And...I got scared.

I started thinking things like, 'What if she thinks I'm disgusting for liking mares?' I mean, I know some ponies who are okay with that, but I also knew some ponies a while ago who think that..."fillyfoolers" are sick and wrong. I don't know what Rainbow Dash thinks about mares like that. And, in the off chance that she doesn't mind, what if she doesn't share my feelings? Will our friendship be the same, or will it be too awkward to be in the same room as each other? Ugh, this is frustrating! I wish I didn't start thinking about this. Now I see more chances of bad than good.

I know that I should tell her. I know that I should be brave. I know that I need to do it for my own sake. But...I'm just scared. That's my only excuse. It's not a good one, but it's true. I'm scared of what could happen. But, there's also the chance that she'll say that she loves me too. I think I'll be happier than I'll ever be in my LIFE if that happens. I'll throw the biggest party in the history of forever if she does. I just need to build up my courage.

I really enjoy talking to you. I feel like I can just pour my heart out into you. Oh no, I'm starting to sound like one of those really bad romance books that I'm pretty sure Twilight keeps and reads in her library. I know that Rarity does. I honestly have no clue what she sees in them. Maybe she likes to lose herself in them and let go of all of her problems when she reads them. I should try that sometime. Oh, getting off topic.

I'm going to try again. I'm going to try and tell Rainbow Dash that I love her. Again. And, hopefully, I'll be able to at least ask her to meet me somewhere. Then, I'll have more time to build up my courage. And if not...here's to hoping that she'll accept me. And this time, I'll try to shut out that voice inside. She doesn't really help my motivation to continue.

So, time to be Pinkie again. Things are so much simpler when I'm Pinkie. Well, that's a lie. I'm still the same Pinkie when I get like this. I can just talk more easily. Like, I wouldn't normally be able to tell you all of this. Oh well....Okie dokie lokie! Thanks so much for listening, like always. I don't really know why I'm talking to a diary like it's a person or a group of people, but it's fun! Next thing I know, I'll be throwing a party for you! Maybe tomorrow? Oh, wait, no, that's silly. Who throws a party for a diary? Or is it a journal...? Anyway, today's a new day, so time to try and forget yesterday and try for a new, better day! And, hopefully, throw a PARTY!

See you later, everypony!

Sorry if this one seems kinda rushed or cliche or stupid, but I've been holding off for too long. There are a million directions I can take this, and I'm still trying to decide. Where am I going with this? Not too sure myself. I also have trouble writing the third chapter of anything. Which is weird. Anyway, thanks, and I hope you enjoyed reading this.

Abnormal Day

Pinkie put down her pencil and closed the cover of her journal. She thought for a moment. "Hm...journal. Yeah!" She replaced the journal in its spot underneath her bed. "Okay Pinkie, start of a new day. It's time to smile!" she said, with a large grin on her face. She walked downstairs from her room and she noticed a sign on the front door. It was labeled, "Pinkie Pie." Pinkie wondered for a moment who it was from. Then she shrugged and took the note. She unfolded it and set it down on the table.

Pinkie Pie,

I left this note to tell you that Mr. Cake and I need to go out of town to get some ingredients for our goods. It seems that we ran out of them last night, strangely enough. So, there's no need to watch the shop today, since there's no point in keeping it open when we have nothing to sell. Maybe you should go and spend time with some of your friends today!

Mrs. Cake.

Pinkie frowned as she read the note. "No cupcakes today? Aw, phooey! I really wanted to eat some! Oh well..." she said, throwing the note behind her. As she walked out the front door of Sugarcube corner, she looked around. "Hm, since I said I would at least TRY reading one of those cheesy peasy squeezy romance books, I guess I should go talk to Twilight, even if the book makes me queasy!" rhymed Pinkie as she bounced along the path. She didn't see anypony who was sad on her way to Twilight's library, which filled her with joy from all of the smiles.

When Pinkie arrived at Twilight's library, she knocked on the door with her head. As usual. Pinkie waited for a couple of seconds, and then she knocked again. She didn't know that Twilight had already opened the door, and thus, she headbutted Twilight's face multiple times before she realized.

"Oh, sorry Twilight!" said Pinkie embarrassedly. She grinned nervously while Twilight rubbed her face.

"It's okay, Pinkie," replied Twilight, giving Pinkie a smile. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to try reading one of those really cheesy romance novels that Rarity seems to eat up to see what it's all about!" answered Pinkie happily.

"Well, come on in!" said Twilight, opening the door fully so Pinkie could enter. Pinkie bounced inside, then froze. Rainbow Dash was sitting on the stairs, reading a Daring Doo book. "Hey Pinkie!" said Rainbow Dash, waving a hoof.

"Hi Rainbow Dash!" replied Pinkie happily. Rainbow Dash smiled at her, and Pinkie Pie felt like she was melting. Happiness began to fill her, and it took her a couple of seconds to realize that Twilight was talking to her.

"Pinkie, what kind of book did you say you were looking for again?" asked Twilight for the third time.

"What?" asked Pinkie absentmindedly. "Oh! I was looking for one of those romance novels. Like the ones that Rarity reads all the time!" she said. She continued to watch Rainbow Dash. The way her eyes moved excitedly across the page, how her mane moved every time she reached over to turn the page, how those rose irises seemed to widen when she reached an intense scene, how her wings would flutter when something excited happened.

"Pinkie!" yelled Twilight. Pinkie snapped out of her stupor and turned around. Twilight was holding the book in the air with her magic. Pinkie grabbed the book out of the air. "Fworry Fwilie!" said Pinkie in a muffled but embarassed tone. She zoomed out of the library with the book in mouth, and she stopped once she arrived at Sugarcube Corner once again. She opened the door and dropped the book on the table. She ascended the stairs that led up to her room, and she slumped into her bed.

"Oh boy..." said Pinkie as she lay on her bed. She was really out of it in the library. Rainbow Dash just had that effect on her. That was one of the things she hated about loving Rainbow Dash. It was hard to focus on anything else. She took a deep breath and sighed. Then, she realized what she had forgotten to do.

"Oh, I was supposed to try and tell Rainbow Dash that I..." she trailed off. "Well, I'll just stay here for a couple of minutes to try and get brave..." Pinkie, as she said she would, stayed on her bed for a couple of minutes, trying to build up her courage. She ended up building up what felt like a stomach ache.

"Oh, my tummy feels weird now..." said Pinkie, putting a hoof on her belly. "I guess I'm really really really nervous," said Pinkie. She jumped off of her bed, and she walked downstairs. She took an unnecessarily deep breath before leaving Sugarcube Corner. As she began walking towards Twilight's library again, she was trying to calm down. Every step she took was another beat per minute added to her heart rate.

~You know this is a bad idea...

-I at least have to try, don't I?

~No, you don't! You can just turn around and walk back home. You know this is going to end badly. Just like every other time. Just turn around.

Pinkie stopped walking and stood there. She stood there, internally warring with herself.

-Well, today might be different. And that's enough for me.

Pinkie took a deep breath, and she continued walking, finally succeeding in tuning out the voice inside. She grew more and more excited as she walked towards the library. And, a new feeling began brewing inside of her. Was it...confidence?

Pinkie finally made it to the library. The trip took roughly about two minutes, but it felt like much longer. She knocked on the door(with her head, of course) and waited. Twilight didn't take very long to answer.

"Oh, hi Pinkie," said Twilight. "Did you need another book?" she asked.

-Here we go...

"No, Twilight. I actually wanted to talk to Rainbow Dash!" she responded happily.

"Oh," replied Twilight. "You actually just missed her..."

"O-oh..." said Pinkie, sadness flashing across her face for a split second, before continuing. "Do you know where she went?" she asked.

"Um, I think she went over to Fluttershy's. Said something about helping."

"Okay, thanks Twilight!" said Pinkie happily as she bounced away. Once she was out of sight, she stopped bouncing and gave a large sigh.

-I can't believe this...

~I did not expect that. Even with all the things that can go wrong, that didn't even occur to me.

-Was that supposed to make me feel better...?

~Did it?

-Not really...

~Well, then I guess it wasn't. I would say I told you so, but I never thought this would be one of the reasons why.

Pinkie sighed again. "Well, time to hop on over to Fluttershy's place!" she said to herself. She resumed her bouncing to the cottage in question.

~Why do you even bother...?

-Because there's a chance that she'll accept me. No matter how slim it is, it's still there.

Pinkie soon reached Fluttershy's cottage, and she heard a lot of ruckus inside.

"Hello? Flutters? Dashie? Are you in there?" asked Pinkie.

"Pinkie?" asked a very quiet voice from inside.

"Fluttershy? Yeah, it's me!" replied Pinkie happily. The door opened.

"Oh, hi Pinkie," said Fluttershy, smiling at Pinkie. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Oh, no, everything's alright, Fluttershy!" replied Pinkie happily. "I just wanted to know if Rainbow Dash was here, I need to talk to her about something," she continued.

"Oh, yes, she's here. She was just about to leave. Come on in," said Fluttershy, opening the door to let Pinkie inside. She bounced into the cottage, peering around for Rainbow Dash. She didn't have to look long.

"Oh, hey Pinkie!" said Rainbow Dash. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Well, I was actually looking for you, Dashie!" replied Pinkie happily. "I went over to Twilight's, but she told me that you had already left!"

"Oh, yeah, I had to help Fluttershy gather some flowers."

"Flowers?" asked Pinkie, slightly confused as to why Fluttershy would need help gathering flowers.

"She needed a lot, and they were in the Everfree Forest," cleared up Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, okay."

"So, why were you looking for me?" asked Rainbow Dash curiously.

-Here we go... Pinkie was very glad that her newfound confidence hadn't deserted her, and that she still couldn't hear the voice inside.

"I wanted to ask you something!" replied Pinkie.

"Really? What did you want to ask?" responded Rainbow Dash.

-Oh no, I don't know what I was going to ask her! So much for confidence if I didn't even plan anything out!, she thought in despair. She would have to improvise.

"I wanted to know if you...uh...if...um...you wanted to...go to a...prank planning picnic with me!" said Pinkie alliteratively.

"A prank planning...picnic?" asked Rainbow Dash for clarification.

"Yes. A prank planning picnic. You know, a picnic where we can eat and plan pranks together! Doesn't it sound like fun?!" demanded Pinkie, slightly louder than usual due to her nervousness.

"Yeah, it kinda does! So, is tomorrow good? I have to get to work right now. The weather doesn't clear itself, you know," said Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah, tomorrow's perfect! Just meet me at the entrance to Ponyville, I'll take care of the food!" said Pinkie happily. If her mood had any physical form, it would've penetrated the atmosphere and drilled a hole through the moon at this point.

"Well, I gotta dash now. Looking forward to it, Pinkie! See you later, Pinkie and Fluttershy!" called out Rainbow Dash as she flew out of Fluttershy's front door. Fluttershy waved goodbye to her.

"Is that all you wanted to do, Pinkie?" she asked, smiling at her.

"Heehee..." Pinkie nodded while beaming.

"I'm happy for you, Pinkie," said Fluttershy. She leaned in close as she continued to speak.

"I hope your date with Rainbow Dash goes well tomorrow," she said as she gave Pinkie a knowing smile.

"Wh-what?!" demanded Pinkie, shocked. "H-how did you..." she said in confusion, then she gathered herself. "Thanks, Fluttershy! I hope it goes well too!" she said, smiling. "See you later!" she said as she walked out the door. Fluttershy waved goodbye. As soon as Pinkie left the cottage, she jumped 20 feet into the air.

"YES! YES YES YES YES YES!" she exclaimed as she leapt into the sky. She was ecstatic beyond all belief. She had never felt so happy in her life.

-I actually have a chance now! It looks like I'll be able to tell her really soon! I can't believe this!, thought Pinkie as she landed on the ground. What do you have to say about THAT, huh?, she asked the voice inside. It was completely silent as she bounced to Sugarcube Corner, much to Pinkie's delight. As she slammed open the door, she galloped upstairs and began planning for the picnic. She tried to work everything out into a schedule which read like this:

Pinkie Pie's Prank Planning Picnic Plan!

1. Make the munchies!

2. Meet with Rainbow Dash at...whenever you see her!

3. Eat the food and plan some pranks.

4. Start up some other conversation.

5. Tell her about how you feel.

6. Hope.

Pinkie Pie looked at her list with satisfaction, and she set off to make the food she and Rainbow Dash would eat at the picnic. She bought enough ingredients for the items she was making, and she proceeded to prepare them. This task lasted the whole day. Before she went to bed that night, Pinkie reviewed her plan several times and she made sure that the food would be perfect for the next day. Once she believed she was prepared, she lay down in her bed. She smiled broadly.

"Tomorrow's going to be a great day..." she said as she drifted off.

It was the first time in a long time that Pinkie Pie didn't cry herself to sleep.

Yeah, I've actually been writing this chapter since I last updated, but I ran out of ideas at the middle. Listening to Portal 2 music somehow increases the flow of creativity in my brain, so I actually have a plan for this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. I'll update soon. Hopefully.

The Picnic

When Pinkie Pie woke up that next morning, she realized something. She had never felt more nervous in her life. She zoomed around Sugarcube Corner, traversing the entirety of its length, width, and height in the timespan of 7 seconds. She would do this repeatedly, remembering what Applejack told her about overwhelming feelings. "If ya can't get yer mind off of it, then do some work to stop thinkin' about it. I usually just buck some apple trees, but you could try runnin' around if ya hafta." It didn't help. As Pinkie zoomed around Sugarcube Corner, she only found that she became more and more nervous.

"What if something goes wrong? What if I don't look nice enough? What if the food isn't good? What if something bad happens? What if she doesn't accept me? What if....ugh!" she groaned as she stopped moving. She pounded her head into a wall several times to try and clear her head.

"Come on, Pinkie, you can do this," she told herself. However, her nervousness continued to pour back in. She ran upstairs and planted herself onto a chair in front of a mirror. She looked at her reflection and frowned. "Do I look nice enough? Maybe I should do something with my mane..." Pinkie picked up an obscenely dusty hairbrush, blew on it to get rid of said dust, and began to furiously brush her mane. She ran the brush through her mane for several minutes, until it was less puffy and more silky and smooth. She smiled, but the smile turned into a frown when her mane returned to her normal style with a poof no more than five seconds after she stopped brushing.

"I guess that's a no for the mane..." She rushed downstairs into the kitchen. A large basket was on a table, all of the food for the picnic arranged around it. Pinkie checked every single item of food to see if there was any way to make it better. She sighed as she realized that there wasn't. She had made all of it perfectly.

"That's a no for the food too...What if something bad happens? Oh, but, my Pinkie Sense would probably tell me before it was too late...I guess there's nothing I can do..." said Pinkie, slightly reassured but worried by her conclusion. She decided to pack all of the items into the basket, humming while she did.

"Hm hm, hm hm hm filly and, hm hm, hm going down..." she hummed as she placed the picnic blanket over the basket. She tossed the basket up and caught it snugly on top of her back.

"Okay...Time to go," she said to herself. She walked out of Sugarcube Corner, and started trotting towards the entrance to Ponyville.

-What if I get there too early? What if I'm getting there too late? What if Rainbow Dash has been waiting for me? What if she doesn't come? What if... Pinkie slapped herself with a hoof to stop her mental train from continuing on that track. "You can't keep thinking like that, Pinkie!" she told herself. She looked up, and saw that Rainbow Dash was, in fact, NOT at the entrance. Pinkie walked up to the sign that said "Welcome to Ponyville!" and stood there for a couple of seconds.

-I'm too late, she already left! No, I'm too early, and I'll be waiting for hours! No, not even that, I'm gonna be waiting here forever and ever and she won't show up! Oh no....I can't believe thi- Pinkie's thoughts were interrupted by Rainbow Dash crashing into the sign.

"AGH!" Pinkie screamed as she shot straight into the air. She landed back down on the ground, hyperventilating all the while.

"Pinkie, calm down!" yelled Rainbow Dash.

"Oh! It's just you, Dashie..." said Pinkie, relieved but still breathing heavily.

"Are you calm now?" asked Rainbow Dash. Pinkie nodded. "Good. Now, can you help me out of this sign?" she asked her. Pinkie Pie turned to look at Rainbow Dash, and saw that she made a hole through the sign, but didn't shoot through it as much as embed herself into it. Pinkie quickly put the basket down, and proceeded to roll onto the floor and laugh out loud.

"Haha, very funny," said Rainbow Dash. "Can you PLEASE help me?" she asked Pinkie. Pinkie got up from the ground and grabbed Rainbow Dash's forelegs. She pulled on them as hard as she could, but Rainbow Dash wasn't budging.

"Um, Dashie! Ngh, you're...kinda...ngh...stuck..." said Pinkie, still trying to pull Rainbow Dash out of the sign.

"I noticed..." said Rainbow Dash, trying to worm out of the hole while Pinkie pulled. Pinkie planted her hindlegs onto the sign, and pushed on the sign while she pulled Rainbow Dash. She finally flew out of the hole with a large pop. Rainbow Dash sat up and grabbed her head.

"Ow..." she groaned. "Ugh, thanks Pinkie," she said, smiling at Pinkie Pie.

"No problem, Dashie!" responded Pinkie. She picked up the basket in her mouth and threw it onto her back again. "So, do you have anywhere you want to go?" asked Pinkie.

"Huh?"

"For the picnic!"

"Oh. Well...I know this really awesome place that gives you an amazing view of Ponyville! You can see all of the houses, and the forest, and it's beauti-" Rainbow Dash stopped abruptly. "Uh, I mean, it's cool and all..." she said with a small blush. Pinkie Pie giggled.

"Well, let's go! Lead the way, Dashie!" said Pinkie with a smile. Rainbow Dash returned the smile and did just that.

While they were walking, Rainbow Dash noticed that Pinkie kept on glancing at her. She would occasionally make eye contact with Pinkie, and Pinkie would quickly look away, or pretend that she was looking at something else. This continued for about 15 minutes. Rainbow Dash was slightly confused, but decided not to pursue the subject.

"Okay, here we are!" said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie put the basket down and looked around. Rainbow Dash wasn't lying when she said that this place had an amazing view. True to her word, Pinkie could see every house in Ponyville and the entirety of the forest. Rainbow Dash was also telling the truth when she said it was beautiful. Or, rather, when she barely stopped herself from saying it was beautiful. Pinkie smiled at the memory while laying down the blanket. She started taking all of the food out and arranging it on the blanket, and Rainbow Dash was amazed.

"Wow, Pinkie! This looks great!" said Rainbow Dash as she sat down onto the blanket. Pinkie felt as if her heart melted and turned to glass from the heat, only to melt again from the compliment. She had a dopey grin on her face as she finished setting down the food. She sat down and began to talk to Rainbow Dash while they ate. In her mind, she was thinking about how well things were going, and how it would take a lot to ruin the time they were having.

Applejack was pacing at Sweet Apple Acres. She seemed to be very worried. Twilight was also there, trying to reassure Applejack.

"Don't worry, Applejack, it'll be fine! Those seeds'll be here any minute now," said Twilight.

"Ah know, Twilight, but..." Applejack hesitated. Twilight groaned.

"PLEASE tell me you're not still worried about Ditzy Doo being the pony to deliver the package!" said Twilight.

"Well, she's not the mos' reliable mailmare..." admitted Applejack, looking away.

"Applejack, they gave her extra days to get here to make sure the package arrives safely."

"But, the seeds are in a huge box! How's she able to carry that all the way?" demanded Applejack.

"Applejack, she's stronger than she looks. Besides, even if she does drop the box, the seeds are all in strong bags. They'll be safe," reassured Twilight. "In fact, the bags are so strong, I'd be more worried for whatever's under the falling box than the box itself..." she admitted.

Ditzy Doo was flying through the air, hauling a very heavy box through the air by rope. She was running late on the delivery. She had overslept two days before, and she flew in the complete wrong direction for six hours yesterday. She was determined to be as on time as possible. It was that determination that led her to ignore all sleep and meals for the past day. Unfortunately, she was starting to feel the effects of that decision. Her stomach growled and pained her while her vision was getting worse than usual.

"Ngh...I have to keep going...I need to deliver this on time...okay, I'm already late, but I can't be any later!" she said. She continued to lift the box, but then, her eyes started betraying her, the lids closing of their own accord.

"No...no no no...I can't fall asleep!" she said. However, her drowsiness was saying otherwise. She fell through the air, trying as hard as possible to continue lifting the box. She nodded off for only a second, but that was all that it took for her to lose her grip on the rope holding the box.

"No!" she yelled as the box fell through the air, plummeting to the ground. Ditzy Doo cursed at herself, then flew downwards, hoping to Celestia that nopony was underneath the box.

Pinkie was having a wonderful time with Rainbow Dash. They had eaten most of the food, and they were really enjoying themselves. They planned a large mess of pranks while they were there. Pinkie continued to think that nothing could go wrong.

Then her tail started twitching. At first, it was a mild tingle. Then the twitching began to increase in intensity.

"Pinkie, is something wrong?" asked Rainbow Dash in mild concern.

"My tail started twitching...And it's getting really super duper bad...That usually means that whatever's falling will really hurt somepony..." said Pinkie worriedly.

"Oh, don't worry about it," said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie looked up in the sky and her eyes widened.

"It's probably just noth-" Rainbow Dash was interrupted by Pinkie tackling her, sending them both flying from the blanket that the seed box subsequently landed on. It seemed to explode on impact, launching both small and large pieces of wood around the area. Pinkie landed on top of Rainbow Dash, pinning her to the ground.

"Pinkie...you just saved my life..." said Rainbow Dash, looking at Pinkie. Pinkie didn't respond. She just realized how close she was to Rainbow Dash and the position that they were in. Pinkie's breathing became more shallow, and her face grew very warm. She began to lose herself in Rainbow Dash's eyes. Those rose irises, the pupils darker than night, her rainbow colored mane, her cyan coat. She slowly moved her face closer to Rainbow Dash's. A blush appeared on Rainbow Dash's face as Pinkie grew closer.

~Don't do it..., said the voice inside, but Pinkie couldn't hear her. She couldn't hear anything besides her own breathing. She couldn't feel anything besides the warmth of Rainbow Dash's body and the movement of her chest as she breathed. The moment was too perfect. The opportunity was now.

And Pinkie took it.

Pinkie closed her eyes as she gently pressed her lips against Rainbow Dash's. She let the soft kiss linger for a few seconds before she pulled away. When she opened her eyes, she locked her gaze with Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash looked shocked. The look in Dash's eyes was enough to frighten Pinkie. She pushed herself off of Rainbow Dash and backed away. Rainbow Dash sat up as best she could and looked at her, the same expression on her face.

"P-pinkie...wh-what was-" she began to ask.

"I-I-I....I don't...I-I-I'm-I...I'm sorry!" said Pinkie, getting more and more frightened by Rainbow Dash's reaction, slowly backing away from her.

~What are you doing? Don't just stand there, run! RUN! screamed the voice inside. Pinkie didn't hesitate to listen. She turned tail and ran away as fast as possible.

"Pinkie! Wait!" yelled Rainbow Dash. Pinkie didn't listen. She ran right past the wrecked box, not noticing the wood stuck straight up in the ground. She tripped over a plank, falling over and sliding on the ground for a couple of seconds. She felt a sharp pain run along her entire side, but didn't pay attention to it. She was only focused on galloping away as fast as possible. She picked herself up off of the ground and she ran along the path that they took to get there, tears running down her face as the voice inside reprimanded her.

~Why did you do that?! Huh?! You know how stupid that was! What's your problem?! That's probably what she was going to ask! She was going to yell at you, tell you she never wanted to see you again!

Pinkie said nothing. When she arrived at the sign that Rainbow Dash crashed into that morning, she stopped. She began to feel very light-headed, and she noticed a wet, warm feeling along her side. When she looked at herself, she saw that her side was covered in her own blood. She was mildly confused, but didn't hold on to that feeling as she collapsed onto the floor, her vision blurry and her breathing heavy. She vaguely saw a purple unicorn and an orange earth pony running towards her before she blacked out.

"...feel so bad right now..."

"Well, you should! She tried her hardest and what did you do? Yell at her!"

"Ah jus' wish that she woulda stopped cryin' after Ah apologized..."

"You only apologized after blowing up at her for ten minutes."

Pinkie Pie slowly opened her eyes. When she did, she saw that she was in Fluttershy's cottage. She was completely disoriented.

"Wh-what happened...why am I...at Fluttershy's...?" she asked. Twilight and Applejack stopped their argument and ran over to Pinkie.

"Pinkie! Yer alright!" said Applejack, grinning at Pinkie.

"Wh-why wouldn't I be...?" asked Pinkie weakly. She tried sitting up, but cried out in pain. She clutched her side and felt cloth. She looked and saw that there were bandages wrapped around her midsection. She vaguely remembered falling over and cutting her side open on a plank of wood while she was...

"We found you staggering outside of Ponyville, and saw that your side was cut open. We took you to Fluttershy's because it was the closest place. She cleaned up your wounds nicely, but we still called a doctor to see if she did a good job. He just left. He said it was okay for you to stay here, and Fluttershy has offered to take care of you to feel better," said Twilight, but Pinkie was barely listening. She was lost in her own thoughts. She remembered what had happened. She remembered how warm Rainbow Dash was. She remembered the movement of her chest. She remembered kissing her...

"Pinkie!" yelled Applejack. Pinkie looked up at her, startled by her outburst. She didn't realize that Applejack was asking her a question.

"Wh-what? I'm sorry, Applejack..." she said.

"Ah was askin' if you were hurt by the fallin' box."

"Oh, no...I tripped and fell over onto a plank of wood..." she explained quietly. Twilight and Applejack looked at each other worriedly.

"Pinkie...are you feeling alright?" asked Twilight with a concerned look.

"...no...no I'm not..." said Pinkie.

"Can we do anythin'?" asked Applejack.

"...no...Listen...I would really really appreciate it if you could leave me alone right now..." said Pinkie sadly.

"Oh...okay, Pinkie..." said Twilight.

"Jus' call Fluttershy if ya need anythin'..." said Applejack as she and Twilight went downstairs. As soon as they left, Pinkie's eyes began to tear up.

~I told you this would happen. I told you. I gave you fair warning. But, you didn't listen. And, now look what's happened. You've lost one of your best friends.

-Wh-what do you mean...?

~Didn't you see the look on Rainbow Dash's face after you kissed her?

-Y-yeah...but...I think she was just surprised, wasn't she? It's not like I gave her a warning...

~It wasn't surprise. I'll tell you what that look was. It was horror. It was disgust.

-Wh-what?

~Think about it! She just found out that one of her best friends is a fillyfooler. And, that so called friend tried to get with her! You think she's happy about that?! She's disgusted with you! She's never gonna be able to look at you again!

-I-it was...wasn't it...?

~I told you this would happen. I told you that I was right. Was I?

-Y-yes...you were right...about everything...

As Pinkie had that last thought, her coat visibly darkened. Her mane and tail fell, becoming straight and no longer in their puffy curls. When she agreed with the voice inside, her hair became dead. Lifeless.

Just like her happiness.

Pinkie began to cry. She just let the tears silently pour down her face as she went to sleep, hoping that this was all just a bad dream. She knew it wasn't. The voice inside told her it wasn't.

And the voice inside is right about everything.

And, there's the new chapter. So, after writing it, I realized that Pinkie could be taken as insane. That's not what I'm going for here. You know how in Party of One, whenever one of her "real friends" gives her a suggestion or corrects her, she seems to mindlessly agree with it? I imagine that she has that all the time, and that's what "the voice inside" is. And, whenever she starts to believe what it says is when her mane deflates. So, now that I've cleared that up, I'll just say what I normally do. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter'll be up soon. Hopefully.

Why?

Hi everypony, this is Pinkie Pie. Again. I asked Fluttershy to bring me my journal from Sugarcube Corner this morning, and she came back with it right away. I've been at her cottage for the past couple of days because I got hurt. I tripped and slid over a piece of wood that cut my side. It doesn't hurt too bad. What does hurt is my heart. It aches... The voice inside tells me that it won't get better. She tells me that I'll hurt for the rest of my life because of how stupid I was the other day...

WHY?! WHY DID I DO THAT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

I...I wasn't thinking too well. I've already told you, she makes me stupid whenever I look at her...It's like my brain turns into mush and I can't focus. That's one reason, but...I just don't know. I don't know why I kissed her. I still remember everything about it. I remember pushing her out of the way of the falling box. I remember landing on top of her. I remember her warmth. I remember how her chest moved underneath me. I remember how her breath smelled like fresh rain...I remember the look that she gave me after I kissed her.

I thought she was just surprised. I didn't let her know that I was going to kiss her. I barely knew myself. It just... happened. But, the voice inside tells me that it wasn't surprise on her face. It was disgust. Rainbow Dash was horrified and disgusted at me. She couldn't believe that I was a fillyfooler...she couldn't believe that I kissed her...and she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. The voice inside told me that she wouldn't accept me, that she would me if I told her about my true feelings. She would avoid me, she wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't acknowledge me, she wouldn't want anything to do with me if she found out. But, stupid, stupid little Pinkie Pie had to go and kiss Rainbow Dash. Stupid little Pinkie Pie couldn't very well leave it alone. Stupid little me...

She was right. She was right about everything. She's always right...I should've listened to the voice inside...but, my heart hurt too much. I needed to know if Rainbow Dash felt that way about me. I needed to know if she would accept me. So...I kissed her...I got my wish. I found out how she would react. With disgust. With horror. With hate...That's why I'm asking myself: Was it worth finding out? My heart hurts even more than before...so, why? Why did I need to find out? Why did I have to fall in love with Rainbow Dash? Why does it hurt so much?! WHY?! I j I can't believe that s I don't kn

Sorry...my tears are falling on the page. Staining it. Like Rainbow Dash's image of me. It must be stained. Smeared. Smudged. But, even if the journal is stained, I'll still use it. I won't pretend it doesn't exist. I won't treat it the way she's treating me. Everypony has come to visit me here. The Cakes, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Carrot Top. Even Ditzy Doo has come by a lot to apologize to me. I've tried to tell her that it was my fault that I got hurt, but she won't listen. She keeps saying that the box fell on me, and that it's her fault that I got hurt. I keep trying to tell her that's not true, but like I said, she won't listen. She brings me muffins everyday. I really appreciate it. It's harder to cry when you have something to do, like eat muffins. Everypony's visited me.

Everypony except Rainbow Dash. It's been four days, and she hasn't come. Not even once. She hasn't even knocked on the door or asked about me or anything. The voice inside tells me that's proof that she doesn't want anything else to do with me. She's right, of course...she's always right...about everything...

I only have one wish now. I wish that I could talk to Rainbow Dash one more time. Tell her that I'm sorry. Ask her to forgive me. But, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know how I'll react if she comes to talk to me. The voice inside doesn't know either. I just...I'm sorry. I can't write anymore. I...I'll talk to you all later. I still don't know why I write in this like I'm talking to a whole bunch of other ponies, but I do it anyway. I guess it helps to talk about your problems if a lot of other ponies are listening. I have to go. Fluttershy's calling my name. I guess I'll see you later, everypony.

What? Two consecutive days of updates? What is this madness? Yeah, after I finished the last piece yesterday, I had a sudden impulse to start this one. I finished it purely on instinct of what should go next, then used mind and intellect to augment it. As you can see, my instinct is lackluster at best and my mind and intellect are something to be desired. Anyway, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it. I'll have the next chapter up soon. Hopefully.

Reasons

"Pinkie? Can I come in?" came Fluttershy's muffled voice from outside the room. Pinkie quickly finished writing in the journal and wiped her tears. She threw the journal onto the small bedside table. She took a deep breath and smiled as best she could while she said, "Yeah, come on in, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy walked into the room with a concerned look on her face. "Pinkie...are you feeling alright?" Pinkie Pie's smile faltered for a second, so quickly that Fluttershy almost couldn't see it. Almost.

"Y-yeah, I'm okay...why wouldn't I be?" asked Pinkie, but she soon looked away from Fluttershy to out the window. It was pouring rain outside. She then picked up a tray of muffins from the bedside table and held it out to Fluttershy. "Do you want a muffin?" she asked. Fluttershy shook her head no, and Pinkie put the tray back. Fluttershy stayed silent for a minute, then took a deep breath and spoke.

"Pinkie...I know that you've been crying a lot. And, I know that it's not from your wound. Please talk to me Pinkie. If that's alright with you, I mean..." said Fluttershy, putting a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. Pinkie's smile disappeared completely, and she looked at Fluttershy with sad eyes.

"...okay..." she responded. Pinkie proceeded to tell Fluttershy about everything that happened on that day, from her nervousness in the morning to her passing out from blood loss. Fluttershy listened intently, trying as hard as she could to understand.

"Pinkie, that doesn't sound like Rainbow Dash. She wouldn't be disgusted with you, and she surely wouldn't hate you...are you sure that's what she meant?" asked Fluttershy.

"N-no..." she said quietly.

~What are you talking about? Of course that's what she meant!

"I-i mean...yes, yes it is..." corrected Pinkie, automatically agreeing with the voice inside. Fluttershy had a confused look on her face, but stayed silent for a moment. Finally, she spoke up.

"Pinkie...I think that you might be misunderstanding this whole thing..." she suggested.

~Misunderstanding...I get it. She's calling you stupid! Are you just going to take that? Come on! Pinkie's eyes narrowed.

"Misunderstanding? No, no I'm not! I'm not stupid, Fluttershy! I know that you and just about everypony in Ponyville think that I'm just a little moron, but I'm not! So, do me a favor, and SHUT YOUR STUPID SNOUT!" she snarled. Then, as she realized what she said, her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with a hoof.

"F-fluttershy, I'm so sorry! I-I don't know what came over me..." apologized Pinkie. She expected Fluttershy to leave the room, tell her she had to go run some errands, something like that. She didn't expect Fluttershy to pull her into a tight hug.

"It's okay, Pinkie, it's okay..." said Fluttershy as she hugged Pinkie Pie, who began sobbing into Fluttershy's mane. "We all say things that we don't mean when we're angry...don't worry about it," reassured Fluttershy as Pinkie cried silently in her mane. "Pinkie, I'm sure that you just misunderstood what happened. I'm not saying that you're stupid, okay? How about this. I'm going to go and have a talk with Rainbow Dash about all of this to try and find out what happened. Okay?" asked Fluttershy, still hugging Pinkie. Pinkie sniffled and said, "Okay..." quietly. Fluttershy patted Pinkie on the back once more, then pulled away from the hug. "I'll be back soon," said Fluttershy as she walked out of the room.

~I can't believe you. This is one of the worst things that could've happened. Now, even Fluttershy thinks you're weak! FLUTTERSHY! scolded the voice inside.

-No...that's a lie... replied Pinkie.

~You and I both know that I'm right, sneered the voice inside. Pinkie clutched her head. The voice inside never insulted her before, and it was never able to force Pinkie's actions or emotions. Pinkie knew that it was getting worse. She just hoped that this would all be over before the voice made her do something she would regret. Her thoughts were interrupted by knocks coming from the front door. She heard the soft clopping of Fluttershy's hooves as she answered the door. There was light conversation that Pinkie couldn't quite make out, but she soon heard the hoofsteps coming up the stairs.

"Um, Pinkie?" came Fluttershy's voice. "There's somepony here to see you," she said. "Okay, Fluttershy," replied Pinkie, wondering who it would be. Her eyes widened as she saw the visitor.

A very wet and ashamed Rainbow Dash slowly trotted into the room, leaving small puddles of water where she stood. "H-hey, Pinkie," said Rainbow Dash, trying for a smile but failing. There were a couple of moments of awkward silence. Then, Rainbow Dash heard Pinkie's voice.

"...why are you here?" she asked quietly. Rainbow Dash looked at Pinkie and sighed. "Well...I came to apologize, Pinkie. I...I shouldn't have looked at you that way after...what happened. I should've tried to explain myself after it happened instead of staring at you like an idiot. And...I'm sorry," said Rainbow Dash.

"...why haven't you come to visit me? I'm one of your best friends, aren't I? You've just been ignoring me, avoiding me, haven't you?" asked Pinkie.

"I've...I've just been really caught up at work, Pinkie. There's a huge storm cloud formation moving in from the west, and I've been out for the past couple of days clearing the really bad clouds like there's no tomorrow. You see, if we let those clouds come in, it could really damage..." Rainbow Dash kept talking, but her voice was drowned out by the voice inside.

~Tell her to tell it to somepony who cares.

"Why don't you tell it to somepony who cares, Rainbow Dash? All I know is that you're using work as an excuse to avoid me," interrupted Pinkie. Rainbow Dash's eyes widened at the remark, and Pinkie immediately looked sorry. "I-I'm sorry, Dashie, I..."

~Don't apologize! Pinkie immediately stayed quiet.

"It's okay, Pinkie. I deserve it. I've been a terrible friend lately," said Rainbow Dash. "But, that's not the only reason that I haven't come to see you. I've been trying to build up my courage. I had no idea how you would react when you saw me after what happened," admitted Rainbow Dash.

"To tell you the truth, I didn't have any idea either..." responded Pinkie quietly.

"But...Pinkie. Please tell me something. I just have to know. Why..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "This is going to be a stupid question..."

"Oh, then it should fit you completely," said Pinkie before she could stop herself. Rainbow Dash winced, but continued.

" I deserved that...But, Pinkie...why...why did you k-kiss me?" asked Rainbow Dash. Pinkie gritted her teeth.

"I-I...I can't tell you that..." she said.

~Good...you've finally made a good decision...

"Wh-why not?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Because you would be disgusted...and you would hate me forever..." replied Pinkie.

"Wh-what? I would never hate you forever, Pinkie!" replied Rainbow Dash.

"You say that now, but what about later?!" demanded Pinkie hotly.

"Well, we'll never find out if you don't tell me why!" retorted Rainbow Dash.

"I can't!"

"Why not?! Just tell me!" ordered Rainbow Dash. "Why did you kiss me?!"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" yelled Pinkie at the top of her lungs. "I love you! I...I love you so much, Rainbow Dash...I..."

~Oh, you just cannot resist ruining your own life. Well, you can't run now, Pinkie. You have to make HER run. Tell her how much you hate her.

"B-but...I don't hate her..." responded Pinkie out loud.

~DO IT.

"But...I hate you now...I hate you so much, Rainbow Dash! Why did I have to fall in love with you?! WHY?!" screamed Pinkie. "No...no I don't...Don't listen to me...Gr, you ripped my heart in half and burned the shreds on that day when you looked at me like that! No, no you didn't! You didn't..." Pinkie clutched her head and sobbed.

"P-pinkie? What's going on?" asked Rainbow Dash in complete bewilderment. Pinkie opened her eyes slightly and looked directly at Rainbow Dash.

"Get out..." she growled.

"Wh-what?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Get out...get out. Get out. Get out! Get out get out GET OUT!" yelled Pinkie as she threw the tray of muffins at Rainbow Dash. The tray hit her directly in the face, and as she turned around, she slipped in one of the small puddles of water. She took one last, terrified look at Pinkie Pie before she picked herself up and ran outside of the cottage. Pinkie Pie's chest heaved as she watched Rainbow Dash take flight, hearing Fluttershy's faint yells.

"Rainbow Dash?! Where are you going?!" she heard. Then, she immediately calmed down, and looked at her hooves. She then looked at the muffins scattered all over the floor, and she caught one last glimpse of Rainbow Dash before she flew out of view of the window.

~Wh-what just happened...she won't hurt you anymore...so why are you more depressed than you were before? Why are you still crying? I don't understand... said the voice inside. Pinkie grabbed her head and curled up into a ball on the bed. She whimpered as she sobbed, and she began to hear Fluttershy's hoofsteps coming from downstairs. Fluttershy rushed into the room, a look of worry on her face.

"Pinkie Pie, what happened?!" she demanded. Pinkie had never seen Fluttershy like this before, and it scared her somewhat.

"Fluttershy..." said Pinkie quietly, Fluttershy moved closer to her.

"What is it, Pinkie?" she asked worriedly.

"I...I think I'm going crazy, Flutters..." replied Pinkie, looking straight ahead. "I...I hear a voice in my head...it...it tells me how everything can go wrong...tells me that I shouldn't try to do anything...because I'll just fail in the end...but now...she won't be quiet...she won't stop insulting me...she won't stop making me do these things...She can make me get angry, and she can make me do things...I...I'm insane, Fluttershy" whimpered Pinkie as she moved her gaze to meet Fluttershy's. Fluttershy saw that tears were freely flowing down Pinkie's face.

"Pinkie...you're not crazy..." said Fluttershy. Pinkie opened her mouth to say something, but Fluttershy shushed her. "Pinkie, let me finish. You're not crazy. Everypony has something like that. They're always thinking about what can go wrong...worrying about how they'll never succeed...some of them hear other voices that tell them that, some of them just think it on their own...but, you can't think like that, Pinkie! You have to shut her out..." said Fluttershy.

"But...it's so hard...I don't think I can..." replied Pinkie.

~Don't even try...you know that you'll just fail.

"Pinkie, don't think like that," said Fluttershy. "Come on, stop focusing on things like that. Think about how you can make things better with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie. But, do that later. Right now, you should get some sleep. You agitated your wound during that...argument," said Fluttershy pointing a hoof at Pinkie's side. Pinkie winced as she saw the fresh blood staining the bandages, and Fluttershy pulled a first aid kit out from under the bed. She quickly changed Pinkie Pie's bandages and then gave her a quick hug. "Get some rest. It'll help you figure out what to do..." she said before leaving. Pinkie nodded as Fluttershy left, then set her head down on the pillow. She tried to think about how she could fix this, but her drowsiness decided against it. Her eyes shut as she drifted off into not-so-peaceful slumber.

Oh, look at that, quality has gone down significantly. Sorry about a horrible chapter, but I really wanted to get this out so that I could finish some homework. I was originally going to have this chapter and the next one be just one huge chapter, but I realized that it's not going to work out that way, mainly because I want to keep main chapter lengths steady. So, yeah, I think that I've made the voice inside just a LITTLE too powerful, but it keeps the story moving, so yeah. Again, sorry about a horrible chapter. Hope you enjoyed reading it(don't see why you would; again, sorry about the horrible chapter) and I'll have the next(most likely better) one up soon. Hopefully.

Epilogue: Happiness

Hi everypony! It's Pinkie Pie again, if you don't know me, but I don't see how you WOULDN'T know me, seeing as I'm one of the happiest mares in Ponyville and I'm not afraid to show it! I like throwing parties, I really like having friends who care about me, and I really REALLY like to have fun! Most of all, I love a rainbow.

She's made me the happiest mare that I've been in the longest time. She's smart, she's fast, she's fun to be around, she's beautiful, and all around, just plain amazing! Whenever I saw her before, my mind would get all muddled and fuddled and I wouldn't be able to think straight. Now that we're together, my mind is clearer than ever when she's in the picture. And, that also lets me be even more "Pinkie Pie" that I thought was even possible! Whenever she smiles or laughs, I get filled with a warm feeling, even more so that I used to. But, the opposite is true too; whenever she gets angry or yells at me, I can't even fake being happy anymore. My mane still hasn't gone straight, but she says that I will over time. But what does she know? I can't even hear her that much anymore.

The key words were "that much"; I can still hear her sometimes when it's dark and when I'm trying to sleep. She tells me that everything is going to go wrong. Rainbow Dash is going to hurt me, she's going to leave me, she's going to do everything that would break my heart. I sometimes believe her too. It makes me cry. But, when Rainbow Dash hears me crying, she goes over and hugs me as tight as she can, and she tells me that everything will be alright. The sound of her voice, the smell of her coat, the sight of her loving eyes, everything convinces me that Rainbow Dash is telling the truth. That shuts the voice inside right up.

She knows about everything that happened a month ago. I told her about it, and I made her read my journal too. She didn't really want to, saying things about it "being too personal" and that it "doesn't feel right for me to read it", but I didn't want there to be any secrets between us. She really cares about me, and I really appreciate it.

I remember when we told our friends about us being together. It was about a week after we started the relationship. The hardest one to tell was Applejack; her family is really old-fashioned, and she doesn't believe that two fillies should be together. But, even though she didn't agree at first, she came around eventually, and she's the one who comments the most about how Rainbow Dash and I look adorable together. Fluttershy, well, she already knew about my feelings towards Rainbow Dash, and she was completely supportive from the start. Once Rarity found out about what happened, she thought that Rainbow Dash should've told me sooner, back when I kissed her after the crate fell. She said it would be really romantic; Rainbow Dash said that she was reading too many romance novels. Twilight wants to study us to see what makes a mare attractive to another. I think she's wasting her time, but what can I say? She's Twilight.

I think I've said enough already. I love Rainbow Dash with all of my heart, as corny as that sounds. Or, does it sound cheesy? Icky? I don't know, too many ways to describe it...sorry, I'm getting off track again! She's the one, I know it. She's the mare that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But, I'm not sure if she's ready for that yet. I know that I am, but instead of being Pinkie and going right after her, I think I'll wait. It doesn't sound like me, but being in a relationship changes you. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's good. One thing is for certain: being together with somepony changes your outlook. You see things differently. I know that I do.

I'm not sure if I'm going to write in this journal anymore. If I have anything secret to say, I just need to talk to Rainbow Dash. So, this is probably going to be my last entry. I need to wrap things up quickly, because I have a date with Rainbow Dash that I'm going to be late for in three minutes.

Thank you so much, everypony. Like I said at the start, I don't know who's reading this or who I'm writing to, but I still want to thank anypony who's read this. Writing in this helped me clear up my thoughts. It helped me make the decisions I needed to to change my life. I don't need it anymore, because Rainbow Dash is helping me make those decisions now.

Goodbye, everypony. May your life always be wonderful!

~Pinkamena Diane Pie

The End.

And that's the end of Why I Hate Loving A Rainbow. Sorry for the exceptionally long hiatus, but I had some comp problems that are now fixed. Anyway, I don't think that this epilogue did the story justice, but I hope that it's enough. Thanks to anyone who read this and gave feedback, it was really appreciated. Now, to pen other tales!

Surprise

Pinkie's eyes fluttered open the next morning. She let out a huge yawn as she sat up in the bed. As she did, she realized that she wasn't extremely depressed like she was the day before. She was still down, but not enough for her to start crying. She briefly wondered if that was good or bad, then she began to glance around the room again. The fallen tray was back on the bedside table, albeit without any muffins on it. The puddles and crumbs on the floor were all cleaned up. Pinkie looked at the table to get her journal, but something else caught her eye.

There was a box of Pinkie's favorite chocolate on the table. There was also a rather large bouquet of flowers, all in differing shades of pink, next to the box as well. Pinkie wondered why she didn't notice them before. Then, she realized that they were new. The price was still on the box, and it wasn't cheap. Pinkie heard a light snore come from the corner. She whipped around to see who it was, winced from the unexpected pain, and looked. Fluttershy had moved a chair into the corner, and somepony was sleeping on it.

That somepony was, of course, Rainbow Dash. She had a large bruise on her face and bandages on her right foreleg. She was lying down on the chair, her legs underneath her, and her wings forming a makeshift blanket that kept her warm. She was smiling peacefully as she slept.

-Even...even after everything that I did to her...she still wants to be friends? asked Pinkie to herself as she looked at Rainbow Dash and the things that she brought for her.

~I'm starting to think that she's as bent on hurting herself as you are, remarked the voice inside. Pinkie ignored her as she continued to watch Rainbow Dash. It was as if her negative feelings were slowly disappearing as she watched her. Rainbow Dash began fidgeting slightly. Her legs moved underneath her to try and find a more comfortable spot. Unfortunately, the movement of her legs caused her to lose her balance and subsequently fall off of the chair.

"Augh!" yelled Rainbow Dash as she hit the floor with a loud crash. Pinkie winced. "That...wasn't fun..." said Rainbow Dash as she rubbed her head to alleviate the pain. Rainbow Dash looked up and saw that Pinkie was awake.

"Oh! Pinkie! You're awake! Um, hi! Are you doing better?" asked Rainbow Dash nervously. Pinkie just stared at Rainbow Dash, which did nothing to help her nervousness. "Oh! I...um...I got you some stuff..." said Rainbow Dash as she trotted over to the bedside table. She put the box of chocolates in front of Pinkie. "I got you some chocolate...your favorite...and I got you these!" she said, pointing a hoof at the flowers. Pinkie looked at the flowers and then at Rainbow Dash, whose smile faltered for a second. "Did...was that my fault?" asked Pinkie as she pointed to the bruise on Rainbow Dash's face.

"Oh...yeah...but, it's okay! I hardly even feel it!" said Rainbow Dash, beating her chest with a hoof. She beat her hoof too close to her injured leg, and fell to the ground in pain. "Ow..." she muttered. "That was my fault too...wasn't it...?" asked Pinkie sadly. "Well...I guess...It was mostly MY fault...I didn't watch my step while I was, um, running away from you..." said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie's eyes began watering. If she didn't feel like sobbing before, she did now.

-Dashie's hurt...and it's my fault...

~Why do you care? I can't believe you...

"I...I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash..." said Pinkie, her voice breaking. Rainbow Dash rushed over next to Pinkie.

"No, you're not the one that should be sorry. If anyone should be, it's me..." said Rainbow Dash. "Please don't cry..." Pinkie sniffled, and she held back the tears. "Okay..." she said quietly. "I...I have something to say..." said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie looked up at her, listening. Rainbow Dash took a deep breath before starting.

"Pinkie...listen...I want to tell you that I'm sorry. Again. Everything that I've done that has hurt you, starting with that look that I gave you, I'm sorry about those things. I wish that I could take them back, but I can't," said Rainbow Dash. She hopped into the air, and her wings carried her on top of the bed. She was sitting directly in front of Pinkie now. Pinkie gave her a confused look.

"I told you yesterday that...I was building up courage to talk to you...Well, that's part of the truth...I also...I...I needed the courage for something else too..." said Rainbow Dash quietly, looking away from Pinkie.

"Wh-what...what did you need it for?" asked Pinkie.

"This," said Rainbow Dash. She slowly lifted her good hoof into the air.

~She's going to hit you. She's going to punch you. Slap you. Hurt you.

-I trust her...She wouldn't hurt me on purpose...

~You should trust ME, not her! She's going to hurt you...just watch... Pinkie held her breath as Rainbow Dash began moving her hoof towards Pinkie. She put her hoof on Pinkie's face, and held it slightly. Rainbow Dash quickly leaned in closer to Pinkie's face. Pinkie began to blush furiously. She wanted to ask Rainbow Dash what she was doing, because her mind couldn't concentrate enough to try and think of it herself. Rainbow Dash waited for a couple of seconds.

~What...what is she doing...?

Pinkie soon found out. Rainbow Dash closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against Pinkie's. Pinkie's eyes widened in surprise, then they closed. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie kissed for what felt like ten minutes(but was really only ten seconds), then Rainbow Dash pulled away, waiting for Pinkie's reaction.

~Wh-what just happened?! Why did she kiss you?! This...I don't understand! wailed the voice inside. Pinkie didn't respond. She looked at Rainbow Dash with surprise in her eyes. There were a few seconds of awkward silence. Then, Pinkie broke said silence.

"Rainbow Dash...wh-what...why?" asked Pinkie. Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, then began to speak.

"Pinkie...I don't know exactly when it happened...maybe after I got to know you better after we started pranking...Maybe before then, maybe after...Like I said, I don't know. But...I realized a while back. I couldn't stop staring at you sometimes. Like, I would try to focus on something else, but my eyes kept getting drawn back to you. And, I started having dreams about you. Dreams of you and me being together...I realized that...I love you, Pinkie," said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie's eyes widened. "I wanted to act on those feelings for the longest time. But...I was scared. I wondered what you would think of me. I wondered how you would feel about me. I didn't know if you thought of me as only a friend, or if you could think of me as something more...At the picnic, I wanted to tell you, but I was waiting for the right time. Then, when Derpy nearly dropped the box on me and you saved me, I was thinking about how I could tell you...then you caught me completely off guard by kissing me...

"I thought that I was dreaming when you kissed me. But...the dream soon turned into a nightmare for both of us, but mainly you. That look that I gave you was because I couldn't believe that we felt the same way about each other... And, I couldn't go after you when you ran because I was trying to help Derpy calm down. The next few days, I really WAS swamped at work. I also kept trying to figure out the best way to tell you about my feelings while I was working... When I went to visit you, I didn't know if you would be happy or sad. Either way, I decided that I was going to tell you then, but things didn't really go according to plan...

"So, I decided that today was the day no matter what. You would know about my feelings...and, now you do...I know that you said that you loved me, but...a lot can change in a single day...so...Pinkie. I'm sorry about what I did...And I love you. I want to be with you...so...will you, um...do me the honor of...being my marefriend?" asked Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie had barely finished processing all of the information that Rainbow Dash gave her, and didn't have much time to think about the question.

~She...she's asking you to be her marefriend...I still don't understand...She wants to hurt you...how would this hurt you...? asked the voice inside, confused. The voice seemed faint, for some reason.

-She's not trying to hurt me...she loves me! But...she still hurt me before...I don't know what I should say!

Pinkie pondered the question for a couple more questions. Rainbow Dash waited, then her expression saddened as she interpreted the silence as a no.

"Okay, Pinkie...I understand...I hope that we can still be friends...I guess...I guess I'll see you around," said Rainbow Dash quietly, a single tear running down her face. Pinkie finally snapped out of her stupor.

"Dashie, wait!" said Pinkie. Rainbow Dash turned around to look at Pinkie. A pink blur tackled her to the ground and squeezed her tightly.

"Gah, Pinkie!" said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie looked up at Rainbow Dash with tears of joy in her eyes.

"Yes, Dashie...I will...I want to be your marefriend!" grinned Pinkie. Her coat brightened, and her hair puffed up into its usual poofy glory. Rainbow Dash gave Pinkie a large smile, then returned the hug as she kissed Pinkie.

~What's going on...? asked the voice inside, completely bewildered. She sounded very faint. Pinkie could barely hear her. I don't understand...she didn't hurt you, but...she always does...why is this time different...This...doesn't...make...sense...

-This is love...I would be surprised if it did, thought Pinkie as she continued to kiss Rainbow Dash.

Things were going to turn out all right after all.

Hooray for happiness! I am really sorry for the long wait. I honestly have no idea what I was doing when I could've been editing this. I would say schoolwork, but that would be blatant lies. Anyway, next chapter will probably be the last one, so look forward to that. I'll have it up soon. Hopefully.