Instinct

by nbander

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance
Length: 5044

Who do you tell a pony better than you that you love her.

Soarin is probably one of the best fliers in Equestria, but that pales in the bucket next to the love of his heart. With her and her alone on his mind everything in his life slips away as he tries to come to grips with it. But sometimes the best thing to do is follow your instincts.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-03 20:18:35 UTC

Instinct

  How can you possibly expect someone to love you if all the time you just seem like a weak nobody. Not that I am, but come on, what’s a Wonderbolt compared to Rainbow Dash. It hurts all the time seeing her, from afar, close by. Had I known then what I did now about her I would of reveled in every second we had together when she won the young fliers competition.

  Now I can only passively watch as she flies by ever so often. It wasn’t the fact that she defeated Nightmare Moon, or even Discord, that drew me in, but something else entirely. I guess I first noticed her when we were together at the gala. A little spunky, a little brash, a little to willing to impress. Can’t say I didn’t catch her knocking the stallion into the air, it was actually funny to see, but when you’re in uniform you try your best to keep a straight face.

  So that was it, her spirit and lack of charm that I liked. I can’t go up and say I’ll protect you because she’s protected Equestria and the Crystal Empire a few times over. What have I done, at best I’ve done a good show, be an inspiration to fillies and colts, heck I think I’m more known for stuffing my face than flying. But who knows. I don’t I’m sure, maybe I’ll try and get the nerve to talk to her sometime when I see her.

Soarin.

  He closed his personal thoughts and tossed them on the bed. It was going to be a long day. He hadn’t slept. Frankly, he hadn’t been able to sleep for the last month, and when he did it was in short fits often interrupted by nightmares. He shook them from his head as he got ready for another day of training.

  Practice gear, you never trained in uniform. His gear, by order of Spitfire was a weighted suit. He at first loved the challenge of trying to fly just as fast as always with the hundred or more plus pounds. Now the thing was heavy, bothersome, and frankly, irksome to the utmost. He wanted to throw it off and do something else but his regimen dictated that he was supposed to do this exercise first after stretches.

  He would of given anything in that moment to trade with Fleet Foot, who was practicing aerial maneuverability. Forget the regimen. “Hey F F.” She stopped what she was doing to look at him. “Wanna race?” A grin spread across her face as she came up.

  “Spits will kill us if she finds out.”

  They chuckled, “I think we’re fast enough she won’t find out, besides she’s at the flight academy till this afternoon.” Fleet nodded rubbing a hoof under her chin as if thinking about it, he already knew her answer.

  “Sure, but not because I want to beat your lousy flying for the what is it?” He turned a shade red and muttered under his breath. “What was that?” She teased.

  “Thirty-eighth.” He mumbled so she could just hear it.

  “What?” She asked still teasing.”

  “Thirty-eight!” His ears were burning red, he knew he wasn’t really the best Wonderbolt out there, but he was still a Wonderbolt. They came to line up on the edge of a cloud.

  “Are you going to fly with that on?” He nodded. “Suit yourself.”

  “To the other side of Cloudsdale and back.” She nodded in turn and threw her wings out stretching them before posing for take off. He didn’t he stood blandly on the edge. “Go.” She shot forward, he fell.

  It was breathtaking, both literally and figuratively. The wind roaring through his mane the feeling of falling. He tumbled, he rolled he spun in his uncontrolled fall. His eye were closed and he savored the moments. Instinct, he spread his wings and righted his fall without slowing. Instinct. Tilting his wings slightly he began to angle his fall. He didn’t care if he won, he just wanted an excuse, but winning on the side would be nice. Using his momentum he turned back to Cloudsdale and began to climb.

  Fleet was already more than half way across Cloudsdale, he was already on the other side, but to far below it to count. Climbing back up he was surprised to find he closed the gap on the city just as Fleet came to the outside of the city. He shot up past her climbing over Cloudsdale, when he gained enough height he began his dive for the Wonderbolt center. He was sped along by the weight he carried, for some reason it had felt unusually light as he climbed.

  He banked hard to one side to avoid another Pegasus. He closed his eyes, taking in the last heart pounding moments. Instinct, opening his eyes he fanned his wings and came to a soft landing on a cloud seconds before Fleet. He grinned as she skid to a stop.

  “That’s cheating.” She said between heavy breaths.

  “I didn’t say that you couldn’t go up and down.” He grinned, knowing in his head that that shouldn’t of worked.

  “No, having-” She cut herself short and a saluted. He cursed to himself as he turned and saluted. “Ma’am.” They said together.

  “At ease.” Spitfire, his friend and captain. More so his captain at times, especially since she spent most of her time at the Wonderbolt academy. “What were you two thinking?”

  “Just a little fun to warm up ma’am.” Soarin said. “It was my fault I asked Fleet to a race, I take all the responsibility.”

  “And Rainbow Dash?” His heart skipped a beat at her name.

  “What about her?” He asked hoping his face didn’t betray his thoughts.

  “Why was she helping you?” His heart dropped into his stomach. Now it made sense.

  “She was pulling me through the air?” He asked, sounding like a idiot.

  “No, she was practically doing all the flying for you.” If his heart could sink any lower into his body it did. “Can you explain that?” He shook his head. “Fleet, back to the obstacle course Soarin, change and meet me in my office.” Now he wanted to die. As Fleet strode past she brushed him with her wing and whispered.

  “Told you you were cheating.” He wanted to shoot her a look. They used to be so close now they all seemed so distant. Maybe, it’s just me. Changing out of his weight suit he cleaned up and trotted to Spitfire’s office. She sat staring out the window and didn’t notice as he entered. He took a seat and waited for her to notice.

  “Something’s been eating at you lately, your flying, frankly, sucks.” She turned to face him. “What’s wrong?”

  “Is this formal or casual?” He asked not sure.

  “Off the record, as a friend.” She added. “It doesn’t take much to see you’ve got something on your mind, care to explain.” She waited not pushing, and he took several deep breaths. It didn’t help that she sometimes made eyes at Rainbow and she would make them back, that never helped.

  “Just some personal stuff I’m sorting through.”

  “Personal stuff…” She said thinking it over. “Okay, does it have to do with your parents?” He shook his head. “Somepony here?” Again he shook his head. “Me?” He hesitated before shaking his head. “Okay. After our audience with the princess I’m giving you two weeks to sort through whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

  “But.” He made to interdict, but she silenced him with a hoof.

  “Something’s bothering you and you aren’t fit to perform if your head is somewhere else.” He hung his head. “I’m not doing this to punish you, you’re one of the best fliers I have.”

  “Lies.” He muttered.

  “What?”

  He raised his head glaring. “Oh, don’t play dumb you made the chart you saw my scores, pitiful.” He could feel her about to talk but began again. “The only reason I’m still here is is because we’re childhood friends.” She didn’t answer. “Fleet is faster than me, come on did you think I wouldn’t know.” Spitfire sighed and tried to speak. “I’m done Spits. I can’t do this anymore, I’ll find something else to do for a living.” He turned sharp on his heels.

  Spitfire finding her voice shouted after him. “Don’t you walk out that door!” He ignored her and did anyway. He trotted off to his room, keeping a straight face as he paced other Wonderbolts. Getting their he began to shove his few belonging into a saddle bag. The door opened behind him. “Don’t try and convince me to stay.” He snapped, holding back a tear.

  “At least see the princess with us.” Spitfire said. “Can you stay for that?”

  He threw a practice uniform across the room and turned on her. His face was contorted in a mix between rage and sorrow. “Fine, but I’m leaving right after. I bet you want my uniform and everything.”

  “No, keep it.” She let out a breath. “You’ll always be welcome back if you ever choose to.” The door closed as she walked out. His hind legs quivered and he slumped to the floor. He let out a quiet sob, not sure if anypony could hear him. And burying his face with his wings he cried softly.

*

  The hours droned on as he packed his things and got ready for their audience. He looked at himself in the mirror. Drab. He thought, How come I never noticed how drab this thing looked. He hated it, hated everything that closely resembled the Wonderbolts. He hated himself. But it was time to go, dawning his goggles so nopony could see his red eyes he stepped out saddlebag in tow.

  Nopony asked him why had was the only one to have a saddlebag as they formed up. Had they he would of said after the audience he was going to take some time off. Not a lie. Spitfire came to the front and they were on their way. The flight only lasted for him a second, his mind on other things, he soon found himself in the courtyard of Canterlot Castle.

  This was one thing he was going to miss. Not being able to come to the castle like this again. As a Wonderbolt he could wander the castle at his leisure, but that was now over. He trotted through the white arches of the castle. He loved the feeling of the soft red carpets, the look of stone, as it shone in the sun, the glitter of glass, as it refracted light. He even loved the little dust mots that floated around on the breeze they kicked up. This all watched under the wary eye of the palace guard in their gold armor.

  None of them needed to been shown where to go for they already knew. It wasn’t long before they stood before the impressively wrought wood doors to the throne room. He tossed his saddle bag beside the door. And a nod from the unicorn closest told him that it was safe. The two unicorns then used their magic and opened the doors before them. They trotted in and bowed low before the Princess of the Sun.

  White, dazzling white like no other pony could hope to keep their coat, not even him. The four colored mane that blew as if a soft breeze were always across her face. A smile so soft and subtle that you could believe she was enjoying the breeze. Her eyes pink and deep with thought, stared down and all he could see was her love for them. She shown like the star she was. She was the second most beautiful pony he had ever seen.

  She opened her mouth to speak, and as she did he heard none of it. He wanted to ask her about Rainbow Dash, or at least her student Twilight that knew Rainbow. He wanted to say what was on his mind to somepony that cared. But he couldn’t, how could he, again he was nothing before the awesome might of another. He felt small and he hoped no pony noticed. Then it was over.

  He wanted to rewind time, he wanted to go back and hear what she had to say, but why. She had been talking to the Wonderbolts, the best fliers in Equestria except he wasn’t a Wonderbolt so she hadn’t really been talking to him, he had just been a place holder. He began to feel sick.

  They left, he didn’t even catch the eye of the others as he grabbed his bag and trotted off for the castle’s main entrance. He didn’t turn to see Spitfire watch him go. He didn’t feel the tears filling up his goggles. But he felt the sun beat down warm on his face as he came outside. He lift his face to it and tried to take in the gentle rays. Taking a deep breath to steady himself he trotted out of the palace and into a new life.

  The first thing he did was change out of his uniform. This he folded and along with his goggles gave to the first foal he met that recognized him. It was an earth pony filly which was strange for Canterlot, stranger still had been the glimmer in her eyes when she saw him.

  “You’re Soarin right?” She asked practically bouncing up and down.

  “Yep.” He said trying to sound cheerful.

  “This is like the best day of my life, just getting to see you so close.” He grinned.

  “I can make it better.” He reached into his bag and gave her the uniform and goggles. Her eyes were so wide he thought they would burst, her smile so wide that it split her face.

  “This is the best day of my life.” She screamed as she raced through Canterlot the her new favorite belongings on her back. This warmed his heart a bit and with that taken care of he took off. Canterlot, definitely not one of his favorite places in Equestria, but it was nice in it’s own sense. Spires, brick houses closely knit together, and the order they followed. Complex but at the same time simple beyond words.

  He had no responsibility and nowhere to go so he just flew around Canterlot, taking in the sites he had always missed, eating at a donut shop run by a stallion named Joe. “Nice pony.” He chuckled coming out with a bag of donuts in his teeth. By now it was getting late and he searched the sky for a cloud to sleep on for the night.

  This took some time given how well the weather ponies kept the sky clear, but one drifted lazily by and he took his place on it as a Pegasus made her way up. Telling her he would soon be on his way with it she left. Settling in he fluttered his wings and the cloud began a gentle sail towards the south. It wasn’t long till Canterlot was drifting away. The sun dipped below the sky and gave way to the moon. He watched for as long as he could as the moon floated through the sky. But soon his tired mind gave way to sleep and as he drifted through the sky, he fell into a deep, troubled sleep.

  Dreams, no nightmares, those were what happened when he slept. And this night was no exception. It always started when he was performing a show. He always thought that maybe this dream would turn out better then the last. It didn’t. He began to trail the rest falling far out of formation and they didn’t seem to care.

  Then he’d always stop and ponies everywhere would start to laugh at him. He would fly away from them and always managed to come home. He never made it in the door as his parents came out and laughed at him. He took off again but didn’t get far as the Wonderbolts led by Spitfire cut him off. They came up and mocked him.

  “You should never have even been a Wonderbolt.”

  “Look, he’s probably going to go stuff his face with a pie or something.” And they all laughed.

  “No he just thinks he can marry Rainbow Dash what an idiot.”

  He turned to fly away but a voice stopped him. “Yeah, an idiot.” It was Rainbow Dash. He saw her flying up to Spitfire and planting a large kiss on her cheek. “Didn’t you know, we’re a couple?” He closed his wings and let himself fall. He hadn’t the slightest care for correction. Her words echoed in his mind followed by the taunt. “Loser, loser Soarin’s a loser.” Instinct. Open wings and correct. He didn’t.

  He came out of his sleep with a start. It was still night out. He looked around frantically, checking to see if in fact anypony was laughing at him. None were. He let out his breath. Only to take it in suddenly as something landed behind him.

  He slowly turned his head to see what it was. “Princess.” And he prostrated himself before her. The Princess of the Night, tall, not so much as he sister. Dark blue, almost black against the night, coat made her look more like her past incarnation. Her mane was another pattern of floating stars that ever admired her beauty. Her eyes. Deep blue and entrapping, a nebular so close yet ever so far away. She said nothing and took to the sky again. She stopped and beckoned him with a nod to follow.

  Finding his wings, he stretched them wide and followed. She flew at a slow and leisurely pace, allowing him to flow without much thought. They flew back to Canterlot, or at least he thought till they flew past it and around the mountain. A small light gleamed in the side of the cliff. To this she steered coming into a steady decent. They came to land in the mouth of a small cave.

  It shouldn’t of been there. He had flown this side of the mount countless time and had never once seen a cave opening of any type before. She motioned with her wing to go inside.

This is it. He thought. That wasn’t a dream and now I’m dead, and oh that was stupid. He did as he was bidden. After a few steps he looked back to see nothing. He swallowed hard. He faced the uncertainty before him. It was a white light pale and warm, and it called to him. He couldn’t hear words but none the less it called to him by name. He felt wind under his wings and flew forward. On the other side he couldn’t keep from letting out a cry. Inside was a meadow as fresh and as open as if it had been outside. As bright as the day, and as cool as the night. A perfect blend as he saw in the shade of the day was night.

  “A rare wonder, but all things can happen in a dream.” He turned to the voice. Celestia lay beside a pool of water looking into it’s mirror. She wore no crown nor her gold shoes, nor her breast plate. His face turned red.

  “Why am I here?” He asked keeping a stammer out of his voice. “Am I dead?”

  She laughed a soft and gentle laugh. It calmed him. She wasn’t laughing at him, but at something in the pond. She then turned to him, and he had to look away.

  “You are in a dream, and I bid you like this so as not to call any more attention to yourself. Things haven’t been going exactly your way.”

  This was true but he wondered how she knew. “Why me?”

  “I do this with all my subjects, I talk to them and want to let them know I care. Some come to me in the Solare Court, others in the Lunar Court of Dreams.”

  “So this is a dream?” She nodded. Now was the time, to ask her anything he wanted, to let himself be heard by another to… He stopped. This is Celestia, does she really want to know the lot of a former Wonderbolt. He was here wasn’t he. He looked into her eyes. Patient, caring, loving. He took a deep breath like he did before a show. Instinct. Letting it out with a low hiss he began.

  “I love Rainbow Dash.” He paused, and looked up to see her reaction. Her face was still a gentle smile. “I love her and she’s all I’ve been able to think about, and I feel stupid about it because I don’t have anything to offer to the mare that saved Equestria at least three time and then the Crystal empire. I mean what am I? I’m not even a Wonderbolt anymore I quit because my scores were worse than a recruits would be.

  “I feel like a foal, and I’ve been so scared to ask her if she likes me and I’m afraid she might like spitfire and augh.” He let his words stop. “I don’t know.” He said after a long pause. “She’s beautiful, she’s graceful. She’s a little brash, but honest and oh so devoted. She acts tough but only because I know that somewhere she’s just another pony that can get scared and be nervous and afraid. She’s beautifully complicated.”

  “So why don’t you just ask her?”

  “But how?” He cried, trying to brush away a tear with his wing. “And what do I have to offer her. I can’t protect her, she’s protected me. She saved my life once from a plummeting death.”

  “You can love her.” He looked up from the small hole he had been making with his hoof. “You can be their for her when she needs someone to lean on. Even the strongest and the best need someone to listen and rest on every now and again. Am I right?” He nodded, know she was talking about him. “You’ll find a way, and you may be surprised by what she says.”

  She placed her forehead to his. “Don’t be afraid to let her know exactly how you feel.” Her touch was like magic, all his worries melted and he could feel peace. “No one’s going to laugh at you for saying what’s on your heart. I promise.” He made to look up at her but instead found himself looking up at the moon. A full silver disk in the sky watching all below. He let a tear flow. Before resting his head on his hooves.

  “Thank you.” He closed his eyes and sleep came on speedy wings and brought with it a deep and dreamless embrace.

*

  He swatted at a prodding hoof. “I’m on vacation.” He muttered. “I don’t have to get up if I don’t want to.”

  “Well, I need to get rid of this cloud so…” His eyes snapped open as the cloud under him disappeared. Instinct. His wings flew open and he flapped to stay airborne. His face twisted into a nervous smile at who was in front of her.

  Beautiful, beyond words, pristine, beautiful. Her mane may have once been a rainbow but were bound to her as her mane and tail. Cyan blue like the sky of a clear summer day. Magenta eyes hiding so much joy and excitement. She had a coy smile on her lips as she turned to look down. He followed her gaze.

  “Opps.” She said as he looked to see his bag of donuts crash onto another pony below. She looked up.

  “Rainbow Dash!” She screeched. “I just had my mane done.”

  “Oh, lighten up, I could come down there and fix it if you like.”

  “No! Absolutely not, one of these days I’m going to teach you proper mane care.”

  “Sure thing Rarity. But not now I got to get this stallion moving and finish cleaning up the sky.” She held in her hooves his saddle bag. “So yeah,” She handed it too him. “The name’s-”

  “Rainbow Dash.” She nodded with a big grin.

  “Already know who I am, can’t blame you seeing what a fine mare I am.” She flex herself in front of him. “What’s your name?”

  “Um, Soarin.” Her jaw dropped.

  “The Soarin of the Wonderbolts. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh and I just kicked your cloud out from under you I am so sorry. Look I’ll find you another one.” She zipped off and in seconds she had returned with a new cloud. “See just like your old one. I thought you looked like him but I mean…” Her words drifted off.

  He let out a nervous laugh. “Uh, no thanks I needed to get up anyway.”

  “So, uh, what brings you to Ponyville?” She asked he noticed turning a slight shade red in the cheeks.

  “Is that where I am. I just fell asleep on that cloud and I guess I drifted off.” He looked up to Canterlot. “Yeah.” Maybe it had been just a dream.

  “So um, not to sound really creepy or anything, want to hang out.”

  “Yes.” He said a little hastily. “I mean um…” He turned red. “Can I tell you something?”

  She looked around seeing if he was talking to somepony else. Then she nodded. He took a deep breath and let it out. Instinct. “I love you.”

  He had done it he said it, he had just told Rainbow Dash, his idol, how he felt. She looked at him for a moment not able to understand at first what he had said. Then it slowly dawned on her and a timid smile crept across her face.

  “I know I’m going to sound like a creeper, but I love you, the way you look, you fly, the way you can take on the world the way your just a little brash, your pride your loyalty, I love everything about you. I’ve just been so scared to come to you and say it, because what do I have to give the savior of Equestria three times over.” He stopped and waited for her to say something.

  “Well, um, ah…” She was at a loss for words. “I- I- I don’t know what to say.” But she was blushing a deep red. “I mean, you’re like a Wonderbolt and I mean so awesome, why would you want to date somepony like me?” Had his head not been attached he thought it would of fallen off.

  “But you’re Rainbow Dash!” He shouted, “Who wouldn’t want to date you!” Her blush grew brighter. “I mean you’ve got stallions talking about you from Apple Loosa to the Frozen north.”

  “But you’re the first to say it.” He was taken aback. “It must of taken some guts to come up and say it.” She winked at him. She had winked at him. “I like Stallions with guts. But I don’t want to be your boyfriend.” He felt like his heart fell out from his chest and had smacked the ground below.

  “Is it Spitfire?” He asked weakly.

  “What?!” At this she flew back a few feet with a disgusted look on her face. “No, I mean she’s nice for a mare , but I don’t swing that way. No!” She shuddered. “I’m not Twilight, I mean after her accident with a spell, and I don’t think Trixie much likes getting the attention either. No, I don’t want a boyfriend, when I can just have you.”

  His heart on the ground skipped a beat. “I’ve- I’ve also been kind of stalking you. I mean since like always I’ve wanted to be a Wonderbolt and you were like the second best next to Spitfire. I would fly off after work and disappear for hours just so I could watch you train. I mean your eating skills may be better than your flying skills. But you’re strong you’ve been the backbone sometimes standing between Spitfire and the rest. You’re strong, and steady, and level headed, and kind that’s what I like about you.” He nodded. “And I don’t care if you can’t fly faster than me or I have to save Equestria I just want someone to love me for me.” She pounced on him and they landed on the cloud she had brought. “What do you think?”

  “I think you’re right.” Instinct. He leaned up into her. She didn’t resist in fact she came closer to him. As their lips met he felt everything fall into place. Instinct. He rolled and put himself on top of her. “Was I really the first?”

  She turned a light red. “Well, no, but you were the only one to say what I wanted to hear.”

  “Will you marry me.”

  “I thought I said yes.” She giggled. “You may not be the fastest flier out there but your fast enough for me.” She pulled him down and they kissed, long and passionate. “I could get used to this.” She whispered as he pulled away again.

  “Me too.” Instinct.

  A voice shouted from below, “Hey Rainbow, hey hey hey, what are you doing? Huh huh huh.”

  Rainbow groaned. “Nothing Pinkie I’ll be down in a minute.” Coming out from under him she hovered in the air. “I’ll see you later?” He nodded. She gave the cloud a push and watched as he went. When he was out of sight. She giggled and shook her hooves in front of her face. “Yes.” Circling Ponyville once she skidded to a stop to see what Pinkie Pie wanted.

  Soarin stared at the sky a big grin on his face. He got to his hooves spreading his wings he took off for Cloudsdale. He moved faster than he ever had before. He could feel the vapors of water flying off of him. Instinct. He looked back to see the water droplets reflecting the sun forming a rainbow like contrail. It looked kind of like Rainbow Dash’s except the colors weren’t as bold. He laughed. “So that’s why she thought I was cheating.” Putting on an extra bout of speed he disappeared into the sky. Instinct.