Poker With Pets

by makey101

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Angel, Other, Winona, Random, Human, Tank, Original Character
Length: 1052

A silly one-shot. The story of a man who has an interesting group of friends...

The story of a man, the assortment of friends he plays poker with, and the stories they trade.

A one-shot. For the sake of giving back.

Cover art from the interwebs

Published 2013-03-04 08:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-04 08:20:01 UTC

Full House

"Chad! anti up already!"

"Yeah yeah! I'm getting there!" Goodness was that rabbit impatient. I placed my hand-made chips into the pot. "As I was saying: The white unicorn is insufferable! Can you believe she tried to put makeup on me?"

"HAH!" Barked Winnona "Well ah think ya got off easier than ol' Opal, bless her heart." There was a murmer of agreement. Winnona threw a few chips in.

"Well I think it is simply splendid that Miss Rarity is finally open to letting another one of us in." Mr. Bear added between sips of tea. Mr. Bear daintily placed his call.

"Yeah! do you guys remember when Chad first came? Priceless!" Tank said, slowly adding to the pot, yet making it look bold and arrogant.

"Can it Tank! I thought we weren't going to speak of the First Contact Incident!" Damn. Two queens.

"You call that First Contact? All you did was start gibbering and trying to draw on the ground!" Tank said while dealing the next hand. That got a laugh from everyone.

"I'll have you know that I was trying to prove my intelligence!" Twenty bits into the pot.

"Intelligence my fluffy white tail! You were trying to dig through cobblestone!" Angel Calls.

"Indeed. From what I hear, Miss Rarity was quite stricken with how, as Angel would say, 'Cutsey-Wootsey' you were." Mr. Bear Folds.

Mr. Bear took another sip of tea to ignore the glare coming from the rabbit. The River wasn't much help, but a two pair is better than nothing.

"Ah agree with Bear here. Y'all were so cute trying to make those chicken scratches in the road that 'Rare couldn't help but take ya in!"

"Thanks Winnona, I think... But I just cant get my head around being a pet." I shuffled the deck and anti'd up.

"It isn't so bad. You get food, love, and a warm bed. Better than most critters get."

"Spoken like a true champ, Angel. You really are a softie." Tank raises the pot.

"I mean, she tries to wash me! I can do that myself!" I almost shout, tossing my crappy hand away.

"Are you afraid of baths? You are you sure you aren't a cat?"

"Har har. Its just a human thing. I prefer to keep my privates private."

"Not to Owlicious, apparently." Angel said, folding.

"Ok so I went skinny dipping that one time when I thought I was alone. It was like a billion degrees! I blame Twilight! If she didn't accidentally make Ponyville a greenhouse for a week, I wouldn't have needed to cool off!"

"At least ya can 'skinny dip'! we all have ta keep our fur on!" Winnona deals.

"What about that one time where Rarity wanted to shave you like a poodle?" Angel offers.

That sent a shiver through Winnona. "Whose turn is it anyways? Bear?"

"Quite. I simply do not know what to do with this hand. Are aces high or low?"

Everyone groaned and folded. Mr. Bear looked smug.

"So I hear that Rarity is making you work at the Boutique. Is this your latest attempt to prove your intelligence?"

"Was my latest attempt to prove my intelligence. I thought that I could follow in the footsteps of Owlicious and become an assistant to her." Mr. Bear deals the cards.

"What exactly would that prove? Besides that you have no sense of style?"

"Laugh it up Bear, I might just make you an ensemble" Finally pocket aces.

Mr. Bear cringed. "That bad huh? Don't you worry hun, Applejack ain't good at it either." I call her bluff.

"All I did was make myself a nice comfortable pair of socks and sandals! Its like a tradition where I come from! No self respecting Washingtonian leaves home without them!"

Tank spit out his drink "You wanted to wear socks outside!?"

"Of course! my feet are freezing! I wear socks all the time!"

"Wait wait wait, are you wearing socks right now?" Angel asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Yes?"

"Woah dude! Keep those at home! Nopony wants to see them!"

"Its not like they are lingerie or something."

Silence.

"Right?"

Silence.

"Is that why Rarity looked so horrified when I left?" Silent nods from everyone. "Damn..."

Angel looked like he was about to explode. "So you're telling me that you have been wearing socks for the past seven months?"

Angel couldn't hold it any longer and started laughing. The whole room was in an uproar. This situation was akin to that dream where I went to school in my underwear. Only a bit more real.

"Bwahahaha! Priceless! I can't wait to tell the other animals! This is the greatest thing since Philomina played dead!"

The game is winding down by this point. I go all in to speed it up, That and my amazing hand.

"Yeah yeah laugh it up fur-ball. Full House. Read 'em and weep."

"Four of a Kind. Maybe next time." Angel lays down his hand.

"Damn. Lucky draw."

"There is no luck here, only skill."

"I regret ever teaching you guys this game."

"You are just mad that you lose all the time."

"Its not my fault!"

"It takes a big man to admit their faults. And you are the only man here!" The smugness on this rabbit.

"Dont you use my fancy words against me!"

"Your words are fancy are they? Well I await your intelligent ones." Bear offers.

"Oooo. should I get you some ice for that burn?" Tank is loving this.

"You just wait! Tonight is the night after all." I declare.

"What are you going to do tonight, Chad?"

"The same thing I do every night, Angel! Try to prove my Intelligence!"

"So...see you at Winnona's next week?"

"...Yeah see you then."

Author's Note

Well that was delightful. I apologize if the stream of conciousness poker thing was a bit confusing. It was a casual game. I was thinking of making a full fledged story of this, but I wanted a story that could actually end. I have enough stories that have no direction, that I want to work on endings. I hope you all found this enjoyable as I work on some of my other stories!

BTW this is what he was trying to do for first contact