Paper Pie and the Thousand Year Dream

by zerozoner

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1478

After Celestia and Luna accidentally change all of Equestria due to a drunken dream it's up to Pinkie Pie to get her old world back.

Celestia and Luna have wasted themselves at one of their annual new year’s parties as per usual. With new resolutions both princesses take the rest of the night off to rest, but as they sleep their magic spirals out of control and turns their drunken dreams into the new Equestria. No pony realizes that this Equestria is just a drunken dream except for Pinkie Pie who teams up with an unlikely ally to change Equestria back to normal.

Published 2013-06-27 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-14 19:42:38 UTC

Prologue: Enter Paper Pie

“Rise and shine Pinkie Pie,” cooed a low rich voice.

The familiar voice sent chills running down the pink pony's spine, as she leaped out of her bed onto what was suppose to be the floor ready for a fight. But fear quickly turned to panic as she realized that there was no floor beneath her hooves. She was about to let out a scream of panic when her short lived fall was broken by a sweet smelling cloud made of sugar. Only one being in the universe was cable of such crazy antics.

“Discord! What did you do to Ponyvile!” shouted the mare, at the top of her lungs.

With a brilliant flash of light the master of chaos the lone Draconequus made his appearance from nowhere.

“Oh come now Pinkie Pie is that anyway to treat an old friend like good old Discord? After all didn't I just save you from falling to your doom?”

Giving a quick snort of contempt at the unexpected and unwanted guest Pinkie Pie decided to figure out what he was up to this time. “Well if you didn't destroy reality again I wouldn't have needed saving. Now if you don’t’ want to mhgggmmmmmm-” With a quick flip of his lions paw the Draconequus zipped Pinkie's mouth shut.

“Now listen here Pinkie Pie. You may not believe me, but we’re running out of time here. I’m not responsible for this mess.” The harshness and heaviness of his words struck fear into her very core. This was no longer the reformed Discord that Fluttershy had worked so hard on bring forth. This was the ancient ruler of Equestria speaking to her. With another wave of his paw the zipper disappeared and Discords mannerism seemed to one eighty. Curious as she was Pinkie Pie was too scared about bringing back the old Discord to interrupt him.

“As I was saying friend, this isn't my fault the bizarre world forming around us is not my creation, but the royal sisters. They’re currently sleeping somewhere while being totally wasted with their magical powers spiraling out of control. Thus transforming their drunken dreams into the new Equestria. For the time being I’m using my magic to prevent the two of us from being affected by the changes, but as it is I'm not getting any stronger.”

“Why’s that, I thought all, this chaos, would make you, stronger, not, weaker?” chimed Pinkie Pie, between mouthfuls of cotton candy cloud.

“That’s complicated matter that’s really too far beyond your comprehension Pinkie.”

“Oh yeah prove it!”

“The base theory of-”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

Discord chuckled inwardly, he knew this pony inside and out, to the point that he didn't even have to prepare anything more that those four words to prove his point. If this was the old him and if his very existence wasn't in danger he could have so much more fun with this. But he needed this mare wide awake and for some odd reason he could only think of one way to wake the sleeping pony. With a snap of his tail a pair of cymbals appear in his hands.

“WAKE UP!” Screamed the spirit of chaos, as he slammed cymbals into Pinkie's head. However much to his surprise it took three similar attempts to wake the mare up.

“Ha ha, sorry about that Discord just that whenever somepony tries to explain physics or other nerd talk to me I fall asleep,” said Pinkie Pie groggily, as she cleaned off pieces of cotton candy from her face.

“I see we have more in common than just a sweet tooth and randomness then. To put it simply I’m um...er... I'm weak against chaos infused magic. So the most I can do is protect our minds from believing that the dream world is reality once my barrier is gone.”

“So all we have to do is find Celestia and Luna, get them sober so they can change this world back to normal right?”

“You catch on quickly. But sobering them up is the hard part, this is their dream and their world so we have to play by their rules whatever they may be," commented Discord, though he visibly cringed when he mentioned playing by the rules.

“Couldn't we just play around in this dream world and wait for them sober up themselves Discord?”

“Well I could, but you and your friends would be long dead by the time that would happen. Since the last time they got this wasted it lasted a few hundred years.”

“They can’t be that wasted can they?” insisted Pinkie Pie

“Just before this all happened I switched myself with your pet alligator and they believed it was prince Blue Blood.”

“By Celestia’s nonexistent beard! If they’re that wasted this dream could last a thousand years. Come on Discord, time to save Equestria!”

Without even a second glance Pinkie Pie jumps off what little remains of her cloud in a cannonball fashion. Snapping his griffon claws the Draconequus dons a swimming cap and dives off Pinkie’s bed like a diving board.

A Blinding flash of light greets both of them before pitch black darkness envelops them. From within the darkness ahead of them they hear a concert of crushing, grinding, and smashing sounds. Both of them try to flee from the sounds of doom that lie ahead of them, but find themselves trapped by a mysterious force as they’re moved forward. Even in the gloom Pinkie sees that she is approaching a giant crushing device that would be the end for her, fearing the worse she closes her eyes waiting for it all too… Tickle?!

“Hahahaha Snort!”

For some odd reason she didn't feel any pain. She actually felt all funny inside like she’d swallowed a bunch of feathers that were now tickling her from the inside. She saw the next contraption coming up next and gave a glowing smile wondering what this one would make her feel like. She was crushed, shocked, stamped, baked, rolled, and pressed. All of which should have been painful deaths normally, but here they were amusement rides to her. After the last one she was shoved out into a blinding light along with Discord.

When their eyes finally readjusted to the light, a story book cut out of a ships storage room greeted them. The steady swinging of the lone hanging light and the creaking of the hull signified that the ship was currently at not at a port. But after experiencing such an enthralling circus of emotions the two stowaways paid little heed to their surroundings.

“Wheeeeeeeeee! Let’s do that again Discord!” cheered the mare, as she jumped around like a sugar crazed foal.

“Agreed, but first we have a world to save and my arms to find," remarked Discord, staring at his reflection in a small mirror that sat on the floor.

“Bwahahahahahahhaha" -Snort- "hahahaha! Discord what the hay are you? You look like some sort of over grown mushroom with fangs," roared Pinkie Pie, as she rolled around on the floor hugging her ribs as they felt like bursting from laughter.

“Yes and you look like a paper cut out pony with a funny brown hat." Discord was at a loss, leave it up to Celestia to make him truly embarrassed for the first time in his life he thought. "Can we please move on to more important things like what type of uptight imperialistic world Celestia and Luna have created. I’m sure it will be a rough world with ridged utopia rules, dictatorships, diets, Strawberry Milk, Splenda, and-”

“An entire ocean of chocolate milk,” interrupts Pinkie Pie dreamily, as she stares out the round window of the ships cabin.

“-entire…ocean… of …chocolate… milk….,” stammers Discord, as he stumbles towards the window in his new form.

Not a single word is said between the two of them for the next five minutes, setting a personal record for both of them, as they stared at a slice of personal heaven. Dozens of varieties of cookie flavored fish jump out of the ocean unaware of the two top sugar predators that have been unleashed upon their world. Before either of them can regain their composure the crackling of an intercom breaks the silence of the moment.

“Evening mares and gentlecolts this is your captain speaking. Sorry for the delay due to rough weather earlier, but we’re about to make landing a chocoport so please make ready to depart. Remember that we are not liable for any mugging that happens during or after departure. Have a nice day.”

Licking her lips longingly Pinkie Pie ends her silence record, “You know Discord I might actually enjoy having this adventure with you.”

With a sly chuckle Discord agrees, “Funny I was just thinking the same thing Pinkie Pie... Still want to find my arms though...”

Chapter 1: A Rogue’s Welcome

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