A tale of Punk kid who thought he drank too much cheap whiskey

by Whatever

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Random, Princess Celestia, Dark, Human
Length: 3238

A 17 year old punk kid is with is friends one friday afternoon drinking cheap booze

A 17 year old punk kid is with is friends one friday afternoon drinking cheap booze, smoking cigarettes and listing to music. Meanwhile Twilight Sparkle is experimenting with a new teleportation spell. Nothing can go wrong, right?
My first Fanfic Ever, just giving it a shot.
Lots of swearing, drinking, and smoking, you have been warned.

Published 2013-03-05 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-08 03:24:15 UTC

Chapter 1: How do you spell: pro-log?

A tale of Punk kid who thought he drank too much cheap whiskey

“Well I've been around the country; and I've met a lot of kids. Some kids are smart, and some kids are dumb, but I don't pass judgement, they're just havin' fun. Some kids get fucked up, and others refrain. Thats what makes the world so great, no one should be the same.”

-Youth Brigade, Sink with Kalifornja

Just another boring ass fucking day, in a boring ass fucking town. The name of the town is Boulder, Colorado. You might say that I'm lucky to live here, ya know? Rich town, good education, right at the door to the Rocky Mountains. Paradise? Just wait till ya meet the people. College douche bags, up-tight rich people, and of course I can't not bitch about the “hippies.” No no no, not the type of hippies that sit around, smoke pot, and talk peace and love all day. I mean the only eat vegan, raw vegetables or tofu, rich, does yoga, Prius driving hippie. Fucking hell, you would think they would crash their expensive ass cars all the time... They can't see jack shit with their heads so far up their ass'.

And now I introduce myself. You see that guy over there on the bench with the long, dirty blonde hair, thin beard and camo jacket covered in patches? Just sitting there having a smoke and looking pissed off? Yeah, thats me; My name is Angus, (yes, like the beef) I am a cynical asshole, and a typical seventeen year old punk kid. I go to school, have my circle of friends, have my music, smoke cheap cigarettes and drink cheap booze. Generally I don't give much of a fuck about school or politics or any of that shit. I pride myself on being the guy parents pull their kids away from, while maybe shooting a dirty look or two.
And boring ass day? Yeah, that'll be fixed soon enough...

My phoned buzzed, I check it, * 1 new text * It's from one my of closest friends. A crazy fucker called Jack.

“Wana git a bottle?”

I think for a second before replying “yeh I geuss, its friday anyway so lets do it, I got 15 to pitch on whiskey” I type, then send

“word, me an Athena are at the library, seein' who be lurkin” says Jack

“cool, im on my way down there” I send the message, get up off the graffiti covered (some of it mine) bench, put on some music, grab my bike, and start riding.
** Elsewhere **

Twilight Sparkle worked feverishly, she was close, so close to finishing a spell to bend the fabric of space it's self. This spell would allow the caster bypass the massive expenditure of energy from moving mass great distances, facilitating long range teleportation. She had been working for weeks, this was not an assignment from the princess, this was just one of many projects she had undertaken over the past months, and she was very close to completing it.

“Maybe, instead of tearing a hole in space, which proved dangerous and difficult to control, I could try simply folding it. Therefore 'moving' the destination to the caster and then back to it's original place... hmm, it's worth a try” Thought Twilight

Her horn began to glow with a magenta aura. She felt the familiar flow of magic run through her. She manipulated the flow of magic and began to cast her experimental spell. Attempting to forcefully move space itself, and bend it to her will was proving difficult, but still she pressed on, determined. Then, there was a knock on the libraries door, breaking Twilights concentration. “Perfect timing” Twilight grumbled

She trotted down the stairs, Spike was doing usual chores, dusting, organizing books. The knocking persisted “I'm coming, hold on” called Twilight. She answered the door and found Rainbow Dash waiting on her porch, “I'm a bit busy at the moment, Rainbow, but what can I do for you?” asked Twilight, letting Rainbow though the door. “Well, I was kinda, well, um, do you have that book I asked for?” asked Rainbow with a slight blush

“Oh, you mean the 'solving the mystery of the masculine' by Blissful Dream?” asked Twilight enthusiastically, Spike look over at them with a smirk, Twilight glared at him, and he look away with a “pfft, mares” expression on his face. “Yeah, that one” said Rainbow, her blush deepening. Twilight giggled slightly, and beckoned Rainbow upstairs.”

** Meanwhile, in 'Merica **

It was a nice day out, not to hot, no wind, a few clouds. I continue on my ride to the library, running red lights and stop signs, disrupting traffic and pissing off the pedestrians. The ride there is short, and I'm there in a few minutes. Riding fast, dodgeing groups of homless people and other kids buying drugs from said homeless people. I locate my friends and a bench and ride up “what up man, Hah! Nice mohwak, ya do that last night? Whats up Athena” I say as I ride up

“Not much” said Athena

“Nothin' much, just waitin' for ya, so we can get this bottle, an yeah, I did” said Jack

“Well I'm here now, lets do it, I'm so sober I'm gonna die. Do ya think I can bum a cancer stick?” I ask

“I only got four left” said Athena

“Yeah, I got ya, but seriously, you need to buy packs more, man, you always bum half my fuckin' cigarettes” said Jack, handing me a Pall Mall, I light it, and inhale the smoke deeply.

“Yeah, well, I need booze money too” I reply
We start walking towards the group of hobos, and find the guy who always buys our liquor. “How much money do we have anyways?” I ask

“I got ten” said Jack

“five” said Athena

“well now, we got enough for a handle (1.75 liter) o KD (Kentucky Deluxe whiskey) an somthin' else, were gonna get fuckin' smashed tonight!” I say with a grin, taking a drag of my cigarette

“Fuck yeah! lets find charles an get these bottles” said Jack

We wonder for a bit, asking around, looking for this guy; and about five or so minutes later, we find Charles the liquor obtaining hobo. “Whatchu' kids need today?” asks Charles with a friendly tone

“A handle o' KD and a seven-fifty of whatever, I don't really give a shit” says Jack, handing Charles the cash “Alright, KD and a random seven-fifty, cool, you guys know the drill, Imma run ova' to Liquor Mart, sit tight” says Charles with a grin, turns, and walks down the path.

“So whats up with you man?” I ask Jack

“Nothin' much, I was over at this stupid ass 'party' last night, drinkin' a bit, an then fuckin' Julian comes up an is all like: 'Dude! Jack! Take this needle an ink an tattoo my ass!'” says Jack With a slight chuckle

“Did you?” asked Athena

“Yeah I tattooed six six six on his ass.” We all laughed pretty hard at this, it's not every day you hear about someone getting “six sixty six” tattooed on their posterior.
About fifteen minutes, half a joint and two cigarettes later, Charles returned with our booze. “Alright, one handle o' KD, and one seven-fifty of skol vodka for ya, I kept the change, you kids have a good night ya hear.” said Charles

We all thank Charles and start walking toward the bridge we all call the “lurk.” It's where high school kids go to drink, smoke pot, graffiti and otherwise be fine, upstanding citizens. There were already some other kids from our school there, they wave us over. “Yo whats up, you kids got any herb?” asks a kid with long hair and a worn knit hoodie, who we all refer to as 'Hippie.' “We got bottles” said Athena

“And I got some hash”

“Cool, here sit down an chill” said Hippie, patting the sand next to him, everyone else moves to make room. We break out the bottles and hash, and start drinking, smoking and playing music off Jacks I-pod and small speakers.

** Meanwhile, In huge ass hollow tree; seriously, thats pretty awesome, ya' gotta admit. **

“Here, 'Solving the Mystery of the Masculine'” Said Twilight Sparkle, handing the good sized hard back to Rainbow. “Heh, thanks Twi, you wont tell anypony about this, right?” asked Rainbow

“Don't worry, this is just between us.” said Twilight

“Thanks, Twi” said Rainbow, with a small smile

“Oh, and while you're here, do you think you can help me with a project? I've been trying to create a spell that will allow the caster to physically move the fabric of space by “folding” it. Moving two points that would otherwise be far apart, closer together on the casters plain of existence.” said Twilight with a smile, and earning a confused look from Rainbow

“Ok, in Equstrian, please Twilight” said Rainbow

“Oh sorry, I got carried away, Im simply making long range teleportation require less energy” said Twilight

“Cool, I don't have anything to do today, so yeah, I'll help you” said Rainbow

“Oh thank you so much, I've been moving objects across the room using this method” explained Twilight, gesturing towards a disorderly pile of books on the opposite side of the room.

“I think I'm ready to try it with a Pony now” said Twilight with a confident smile.

“Umm, ok, so you're going to teleport me across the room? Thats it?” Asked Rainbow, a bit confused.

“Yep, thats it, ready?” Asked Twilight

“Yeah, I geuss” said Rainbow

“Great! Lets begin” said Twilight with a grin. She began to let the flow of magic loose, then began to manipulate it, reciting her custom spell. She began to feel a slight drain on her reserves as the magic took effect, “folding” space.

Suddenly, Twilight encountered a resistance in space “strange” she thought, but still pushed on, then the barrier broke, there was a flash of light and a sound like thunder, and a shock wave. Twilight was thrown several paces back, the shock had thrown objects big and small across the room, It's was amazing neither she Rainbow were hurt. Rainbow had not teleported an inch, she was instead thrown across the room and hit one of Twilight's many book shelves. And where Rainbow was standing, there now lay the strangest creature anypony had ever seen.

Author's Note

My first Fanfic evar, critique is welcome, in fact, rip my writing to shreds.
I know my grammar/spelling is awful.

We are the scum of society. And proud of it.

We are the scum of society. And proud of it.

Chapter 2: We are the scum of society. And proud of it.

** Meanwhile, at the lurk **

A few hours pass. Many bowls and cigarettes were smoked, and many shots were taken. The sun began to set. The merry band of delinquents got progressively more and more drunk. So far, it was adding up to be an excellent evening of drunkenness, vandalism and making noise. A spray paint can begins to clatter.

“Hey guys! I got my cans, lets put some shit up!” I call to my merry band of drunks

“Fuck yeah! Im gonna spread some truth tonight!” Yelled Jack, slurring slightly
I toss the spray can to Jack, who promptly begins to write some lyrics from Johnny Hobo: “An I might be sleepin' in a ditch tonight, but it's alright. Cause whiskey is my kinda lullaby!”

“Nice, I was hopin' to see some of that shit put up on the wall tonight.”

I pick up the can. Trying to think of something interesting to write was proving difficult. In the end, I settle to spray-paint a tank with a cock instead of a barrel with a fat cop driving it; masterpiece! Jack looked over at the drawing.

“Dude, that is the single fucking greatest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.” Jack said, taking a closer look at the fine detail of the war-machine.

“Yeah, not to shabby” observed Athena

“You guys are tipsy, lets get outta here. It's dark anyways.”

“Tipsy my ass! You're the one who just drew a fucking cock-tank or what ever the fuck. I need a fucking cigarette!” Said Jack, taking out a smoke and lighting it.

“Whatever man, lets just get the fuck out of here, go somewhere else, and open up this whiskey.”

“Best idea I've heard all fucking night” Said Jack
We all grab our shit and leave. Holy fuck it got dark fast.

We drunkenly wonder the streets of boulder, singing songs, making noise, talkin' shit at passers by. So far, the night has been going great, and it's only gonna get better.

“Hey guys, lets find an alley, kill this whiskey, smoke a few bowls, get piss drunk, and pass out somewhere” Jack suggested, lighting another smoke

“Sounds like a plan”

“Well, that alley looks fine to me” Said Athena, pointing toward the alley the housed the strip club and all the poor bastards who occupy the place.

Just as were entering the alley, I find a half pack of smokes on the ground. “Well, that sucks huge balls for this person, but too fucking bad.” I light one up, oh sweet cancer.

“Lucky bastard” Said Jack in a playful tone
We find a good spot and I get the whiskey bottle out of my bag, crack the seal and take a large shot. Ahhh, cheap whiskey, it's fun that burns the whole way down. We sit in the alley for a while. We're all pretty smashed at this point. Yep, fucking awesome night so far. Jack put on more music.

“I gotta piss, be right back” I didn't really walk to far, just to the dumpster across the alley.

When I get back, Athena is passed out drunk. Oh well, I've slept in this alley a lot, no one will bother us. I put the half bottle in my bag. Jack lit a cigarette.

“Jack, you already have a smoke going, how drunk are you?”

“Ffuckin' smashed, man” Said Jack, and instead of putting out the fresh cigarette, he simply began to smoke both at the same time. Now Im stating to feel sleepy. That dumpster is looking pretty fucking comfortable at this point, so I hop in. I poke my head back up “Yo Jack!”

“What?” Jack replied

“You crashin here, or goin back to the trailer park?”

“Yeah, tonights a trailer park night, and I gotta water my weed plants, I'll hit ya up in the morning” He said, getting up

“Cool, peace out man”

“Peace” Said Jack

I lay down and get comfortable among piles of cardboard. At least it was cardboard and not the nights food scraps. However, if that were the case... Free dinner.

I begin to drift off into a heavy drunken sleep.
** 3 am, same alley **

I am awoken by a bright light. Swearing loudly, I poke my head over the edge of my dumpster and see a homeless guy staring down the alley. I check the time.

“What in the fuck, it's 3 fucking AM!” I say to the guy. He replies, slurring from cheap hobo wine, “Hey buddy, did you just see a real bright light?”

“Fuck no, it woke me up! was that you? You drunk bastard, if that was you, I'll steal your fuckin' pants!”

“Fuck you man!” Yells the drunk, who then wanders off down the alley, so drunk he doesn't notice his cock is hangin' out. Well, obviously no him. Im not gonna fall back asleep, so I might as well drink the rest of this whiskey. I take the plastic KD bottle out of my bag and start chugging. After about nine shots, I stop and put it back in my bag.

There was another flash, thinking it's the cops, I book shit down the alley. More flashes, fuck.

“Fuck you, you fat pig bastards!” I yell, still thinking the cops are on my ass. Then a massive bang. Im thrown several yards, then pass out.

** Back in the hippie-tastic tree **

“What do you think it is?” Asked Rainbow Dash to Twilight

“I don't know, it must have been teleported here by accident. I've never seen or heard of any creature like this. It's wearing clothes, so I'm assuming it's intelligent. Maybe we should get Fluttershy, she will know what to do” Said Twilight, looking at the creature and scratching her head.

Rainbow was about to take off and get Fluttershy, when the creature stirred. Both of them just stared. Then it sat up, holding it's head in it's in... wait what? “Murrahh, fuck I'm hung over, gotta piss” I get up, not giving much of a fuck how I got inside some where. Damn, I must have been shit faced. Eyes half closed and groggy as hell, I walk down some stairs and out a door and outside to take a piss.

“What just happened?” Asked Rainbow

“I don't know, it's started speaking Equestrian and walked outside. We need to go see what it's up to. We don't need it to cause a panic.” Said Twilight, heading towards the stairs, Spike came running up to her.

“Twilight! An alien just walked down the stairs on two legs and went outside!” Yelled Spike, slightly panicked

“Did you see where it Went?” Asked twilight

“No” Replied Spike

“Enough standing around! Lets go find this, whatever it is!” Said Rainbow, flying out the door
I need to piss, goddamn, it's fucking bright as shit out here. Oh look, a yuppie ass garden, fuck these people, oh man, I'm still drunk. I stumble into the garden, not giving a fuck, I whip my cock out and start pissing in the garden. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeaaahhh” That felt so good, ya know when you take like a minute long piss? Yeah.

“What is it doing!? Oh Celestia! It's urinating in my garden! Maybe it's not intelligent after all, any decent creature would know better.” Said Twilight, slightly annoyed

I heard someone insult me, and being drunk, I just yell “Yeah well fuck you and your yuppie ass
garden you fucking cock sucking piece of shit! Fuck you and your expensive ass house!” I yell, not even looking at the person insulting me. I zip my pants up and look around for this person and getting ready to fight a yuppie bastard. Well, this is surprise.....................“WHAT IN THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE?! WHERE THE FUCK AM I?! FUCK!” There are three fucking aliens staring at me. Oh satan the cuteness is sickening. The purple one is staring open mouthed, the blue one that looks like a rainbow threw up on a... ya know what fuck it. I stare back, not saying shit, oh man I'm still pretty drunk. Cigarette. “Uhhh, hi?” Asked the purple one. I continue to stare, light my smoke then reply, “What the fuck is this place? Who, no what the fuck are you?” I ask, calmly, even though I want to yell at this little purple unicorn thing.

Sorry, cliff hanger, up all night and I need sleep. Maybe this music will help sooth your rage.

Author's Note

Bonus point for catching the Terminator reference.