Ponyville, Equestria
Ponyville District, Royal Equestria Police Department
As the marked police car slowly rolled down a dark, quiet side street in the Ponyville suburbs, a dark brown earth pony mare began to speak about her job.
Probationary Police Officer Cherry Cloud
“I’ve been on the job for almost eight months now,” the young officer stated, “I’m on my last stage of probation. One more month and I’ll be out on the streets on my own.”
“Or with a partner,” the driver of the vehicle spoke up. He was an older stallion, blue in colour. He was immediately recognizable as an experienced officer.
Police Officer II/Field Training Officer Valor
“Ponyville doesn’t have any two officers sharing cars, but all five are being used right now. She’ll probably have to partner up,” he said. Looking both ways, he made a left turn out of the suburbs and onto the perimeter road. “I guess the point is she’ll be rid of me. She’s a good cop - she’ll be fine out there.” He said, smiling wryly.
A few minutes later, the silence of the night was broken by the crackle of the radio.
“P Victor One Zero Nine, Respond Code 2 High to 114 Pegasus Drive for a 10-14. RP reports possibly hearing a pony in their yard.”
The rookie in the right seat reached over and lifted the radio to her mouth.
“Victor One Oh Nine, show us handling.” She said. The officer in the driver’s seat flipped the car in a u-turn, accelerating the vehicle rapidly.
“A Code 2 High response means we don’t use lights and sirens, but still treat the call as urgent,” the officer explained, “We’re responding to a report of a prowler, which is something we get a couple times a month. Usually it’s just a stray cat, or somepony taking a shortcut through a backyard.”
The officer dimmed the headlights as he turned onto the street, and identifying the house, both cops stepped out of the car.
3:14 AM - Prowler Report
Officer Cherry Cloud pulled out her flashlight, shining it over the front yard while Valor pulled out his personal radio.
“Dispatch, show One Oh Nine Code 6 on the-” His radio call was cut off by a sudden, piercing scream.
“One Oh Nine, we have screams coming from inside the residence, requesting backup!” He said while simultaneously taking off toward the house. “Shoot, we can’t cover the back. Close behind!”
Rearing back, he slammed his front hooves into the door, knocking it down in one blow. Weapons out and up, the two officers went straight for the source of the continuing screams. Climbing the stairs, Valor burst into an upstairs room, Cherry following close behind.
The two officers were greeted by the sight of a muscular, dark green unicorn wrestling a young mare on the bed. “Police! Show me your hooves!” Valor bellowed. Instantly, the stallion jumped off the bed, surprise evident in his features.
“Get on your belly, spread eagle!” Cloud ordered.
As the stallion did what he was told, the female officer made her way over to the victim, now crying on the bed.
“Ma'am? Ma'am?” She asked, receiving no reply. “I’m officer Cherry Cloud. I’m here to help you.”
Outside, Valor slammed the cuffed suspect against the hood of his car as another one, emergency lights flashing, pulled up to the curve. The door opened, revealing a silver unicorn stallion in a black-blue uniform.
Police Officer I Silver Soldier
“Watch your head.” He said as the suspect was loaded into the patrol car.
"We were responding to a prowler report when we heard a scream," Valor explained to the new arrival, "we went in and found him on top of a mare."
"Oh, Celestia," another officer muttered. He was a metallic grey earth pony, three white chevrons adorning his sleeves.
Police Sergeant Iron Hoof
"Is the mare okay? Do we know who he is?” The sergeant asked.
“Neighbor or something,” Valor replied, “and the mare’s fine - just a bit shaken up. They’re taking her to Ponyville General to be safe.”
Inside a nearby ambulance, Cherry Cloud took the victim’s statement.
“He was on top of me,” the mare sobbed. “He told me if I wasn’t quiet, he would kill me. I just started to scream...”
“All right. Listen, these paramedics are going to take care of you, all right? You’re going to be fine.” Promised the officer before stepping out of the ambulance. “Listen, I’ll check up on you in the hospital later, all right?”
Valor walked toward the nearby police car. “We’re going to talk to the suspect right now,” he explained, “see if we can hear his side of things.”
Opening the door, the officer leaned his head toward the silent suspect. “Hey, you want to talk to me?”
For a moment, the unicorn was silent. “Is the magic inhibitor really necessary?” He finally asked, “It’s really uncomfortable.”
“Sorry, it’s staying on. Can’t have you trying to teleport away, can I? Now, I’ve heard from the mare. You want to tell me what happened?” The suspect didn’t reply.
Valor sighed. “You broke into her house, right? I’m guessing it wasn’t to rob it. Sex crimes stick with you forever, you know. You tell me what happened, I could maybe help you out.” There was a few moments pause.
“Alright, man, your decision.” Standing up straight, the stallion shut the door.
“It was a pretty clear case of a break and enter plus a rape,” the officer said, shaking his head. He sighed once more. “These happen rarely, once a year or so. It’s just lucky we were able to respond so quickly.”
Market District
Manehattan, New Yoke
Manehattan District, Royal Equestrian Police Department
“I’ve been working out of Manehattan for five years now,” A middle aged, strawberry ice cream coloured unicorn started, walking down a moderately crowded marketplace. The officer was wearing a standard blue-black uniform, complete with a silver badge and peaked combination cap. Her gun, baton, flashlight, radio, mace, and handcuffs moved around on her belt, ready for use if need be.
Police Officer I Strawberry Bliss
“I volunteer for hoof patrol because I enjoy it,” she continued, “cars are a new thing in Equestria - only the super rich can afford them. Rumors say that Princess Celestia herself funded the ones the department has.”
“Stop! Thief! ” A sudden cry came a few minutes later, drawing the officer’s attention to a young brown earth pony sprinting away from a livid lilac mare standing at a fruit stand. “Thief! Shoplifter!”
“Stay there!” Bliss yelled to the shopkeeper, taking off after the running colt. “Police! Stop where you are!” She screamed.
2:11 PM - Shoplifting
“Hotel Hoof Nine, in foot pursuit of a shoplifting suspect, Seventh Street east of Fletcher- Police, stop right where you are!”
“Hoof Nine, Air 2, ten seconds out.”
“Stop where you are or I’ll hit you with a stun spell!” The policemare screamed. When the suspect sped up even faster, the officer’s horn lit up, preparing to hit the fleeing pony.
WHAM. A night blue pegasus slammed into the colt, seemingly appearing from nowhere. “Stay down!” He yelled, flipping the suspect onto his stomach and kneeling on top of him. The pony responded by kicking his rear hooves back, attempting to slam them into the officer’s side. “Stop resisting! Stop resisting!”
A panting Strawberry finally caught up, assessing the situation quickly. “Stunning!” She called out, lighting up her horn for a second time and firing a single bolt of red-pink magic at the struggling suspect. It hit him directly on his flank, and he stopped kicking as he cried out in pain. Both officers struggled with the suspect for a few moments before Bliss finally pulled his hooves behind his back. The other officer pulled out his hoofcuffs, successfully securing the suspect.
“You got him?” Strawberry asked.
“Yeah, got him. Dispatch, M Hotel Air 2, Code 4.” The officer said, speaking into his radio.
Police Officer I Night Star
“Thanks for the help,” said Strawberry, finally able to catch her breath. She looked up as a marked police cruiser pulled up to their location. “Get up,” she grunted, pulling the suspect onto his rear hooves. Together, they walked him over to the car as another officer, this one a pure white earth pony mare, climbed out of it.
Police Officer II Crown Vic
“What’s your name?” The officer asked, leaning into the pony’s face. The suspect didn’t respond.
“What. Is. Your. Name?” The officer repeated, more forcefully this time.
“Twizzle.” The pony grumbled, scowling darkly. Vic frowned. “How old are you, Twizzle?” She asked.
The colt’s scowl got even darker. “Seventeen.” He grumbled again.
“Seventeen. And what did you steal?” Crown Vic demanded, receiving no reply. “What. Did. You. Steal?”
There was a long pause. “An orange.” He finally responded. Vic stood up straight.
“An orange. A single orange. Is it really worth going to prison for an orange? You couldn’t just pay the two bits?” She asked disbelievingly. “Have you ever had contact with the police before, Twizzle?”
“No.”
Strawberry interrupted the questioning. “I’m going to search your saddlebags now. Are there any drugs or weapons? Anything you could shoot, stab, or poke me with?”
“Nothing.”
The lilac mare with a blond mane was already talking with another officer when Night Star approached them. “Hey,” he called out in greeting.
Police Officer II Stormy Day
“Hey,” the cop returned, “This is Orange Blossom, the owner of the stand. She says she was doing normal business when the colt came up and just snatched an orange. She started yelling at him when he took off.”
Night Star nodded. “Ma'am, do you want to press charges? The colt’s only seventeen.” He asked.
The mare contemplated for a moment before sighing. “No, I guess not. I suppose an apology - and my orange back!- would suffice.”
Officer Crown Vic opened the back door of her patrol car, leaning in to speak with the occupant.
“Alright, listen, Twizzle. You’re catching a break this time - all the shopkeeper wants is an apology. You can do that, right? Otherwise, you’re going to jail.”
The shopkeeper maintained an indignant look as the earth pony was dragged in front of her. There was a moment of pause.
“I’m sorry for stealing your orange.” The colt said grudgingly.
Orange Blossom stared for a moment before sighing. “Alright, I guess that’ll do,” she said.
Officer Night Star reached behind his belt for his keys. “Stand still while we uncuff you,” he instructed.
As the colt walked away, ego destroyed, Strawberry Bliss shook her head. “Young ponies act without thinking sometimes,” she said, “whilesome ponies say the answer is to scare them by locking them up, I think this whole experience will be enough to keep him out of trouble in the future.”
“The Strip”
Las Pegasus, Neighvada
Central Area Command, Las Pegasus District, Royal Equestrian Police Department
An experienced grey earth pony walked down the wide sidewalk, bathed in the multicolored glow of the neon lights. His expert eyes scanned the loud crowd of partying ponies, looking for signs of a crime being committed. His every movement radiated the message that he was a veteran officer; not to be trifled with. The image was reinforced by the intimidating chevrons adorning his sleeves.
Police Sergeant Flat Hoof
“Every night on the strip is unique. You never know what’s going to happen.” He remarked. “Most of the arrests we get are for prostitution and possession, and most of the calls we get are for ponies who don’t know what their limit is.”
“L Papa Sarge Three, what’s your 20?” The radio squawked a few moments later. Raising his right hoof to his radio, the cop triggered the talk button. “Papa Sarge Three, Twelve Hundred block of Fremare.”
“Papa Sarge Three, respond to a 10-56 at Thirteen Thirty Three Fremare. RP reports an intoxicated unicorn in front of a hostel harassing passing pedestrians.”
“Copy, show me handling. Request one additional unit for backup.”
The stallion started to jog lightly down the street. “We’re responding to a 10-56, which is a drunk and disorderly call. Apparently the perp is a unicorn, so we’ll have to watch ourselves. There’s really nothing I can do against magic.”
11:09 PM - Drunk and Disorderly
Arriving on scene, the police officer found a light green unicorn stumbling around. “Heeeeyyoou...” the pony slurred, heading toward two nearby mares. “Whatdyoujust callme?”
“Dispatch, show Sarge Three Code 6A on scene. Sir. Sir!” The cop called out, approaching the stallion, “How’re you doing this evening?”
“Afternoon, officer what can I do foryou?” He said, approaching the officer.
“You been drinking tonight, sir?” He asked rhetorically, “you have any form of identification?”
“Whatdyoucall me, pig?” He literally spat. The officer slowly reached up and wiped the moisture off of his face, his face betraying no expression.
“Okay, sir, I’m gonna need you to get on your belly and put your hooves behind your back.” The Sergeant ordered. As he expected, the drunk wasn’t exactly cooperative.
“Youcantell me wha ta dooo, cop!” The stallion screeched. “You wanna go, wannago?”
“Sir, get down on the ground.” The cop ordered again, drawing his Taser from the left side of his belt. “Sir, this is a magical conduction device. It will send a stream of magical energy rushing through your body. I’ll be forced to use it if you don’t get on the ground right now.”
“Youree taser don’t scare me, you piiiig! Takeyou best sho- AHHHHHHHH!” His rambling was cut off by a sudden scream, joined by the clack-clack-clack of the magical device going off. The stallion slumped to the ground.
“Stay down, or you’ll get it again.” The officer said simply. Walking over, he turned the unicorn onto his belly and handcuffed him slowly. “Now, are you going to calm down?”
When he didn’t receive a reply, the Sergeant nodded to himself. “Dispatch, Sarge Three is Code 4, suspect in custody. You’re under arrest for Public Intoxication,” he said to the cuffed stallion, “you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to legal counsel, and if you can’t afford it, it will be provided to you free of charge.”
“Sarge, you good?” Looking up, the officer caught sight of a tree green stallion walking over from his patrol car.
Police Officer II Forest Path
“Yeah, I’m good. Wanna put this guy in for me?” Flat Hoof called over his shoulder. Forest gripped the hoofcuffs, lifting the stallion to his hooves with a grunt.
“Yeah, sure, Sergeant. Come on, you,” he said to the prisoner, half dragging him across the pavement.
The experienced officer sighed. “We’re going to bring him to the drunk tank in the station tonight, and assuming nothing comes back on his name, let him go in the morning. This happens a lot,” he said, “ponies just not knowing when to stop. End of the day, though, nopony got hurt. That’s really all we can hope for.”
“Central, P Victor Two Four requesting immediate assistance - have four suspects at gunpoint.”
“Gunpoint?! Victor One Four Five, respond code three to assist Two Four?”
“All Units Canterlot East, All Units Canterlot East, we have a Code 37 stolen vehicle. Grey Chevy Suburban, Canterlot Tags, Alpha Tango Tango Fox Six Six One.”
“10-33, 10-33, officer down! I need immediate assistance!”
“Hold the air, hold the air. Code 99, Code 99, officer down at Crawfordshire and Maine. All Trottingham North units respond.”
Next time on Cops: Equestria
Strangest Calls #1
A pony goes missing...
Officers come across a cheetah loose in Vanhoover...
A rescue in the Ghastly Gorge...
Returns Sundays at 10/9 Central
Author's Note
Okay, probably not Sundays at 10/9 Central. Whatever.
Thanks to ArmedBrony for editing.
