Fluttersized 3: Crusadersized

by Barrobroadcaster

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Adventure, Babs Seed, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 11210

After Fluttershy's BIG adventure in Ponyville, Applebloom is busy back on the farm repairing the barn. When it's determined they'll need to build a sturdier barn, Applebloom is sent to the big city to retrieve materials. Big trouble so

In the aftermath of Fluttershy's giant-sized mishap, Applebloom finds herself and the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders helping to repair the damage around the Apple family farm. When it's decided that a new barn should be made out of new materials, Applebloom, Applejack and the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders are sent to the Big Apple to aquire the new supplies. All is not as it seems on the streets of Manehatten and soon Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo find themselves as part of a plot that threatens Equestria in a BIG way.

Published 2013-04-22 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-29 21:23:50 UTC

A little effort

Applebloom hefted the last piece of splintered wood onto the pile. "All right, I think that's all of it."

"Good job Applebloom. Now that all the wood's all cleared up, we can get started fixin' things 'round here." Applejack commented on the job done and the job ahead of them.

It had taken them the better part of an hour to gather up all the debris from the barn. When the at-that-moment giant Fluttershy broke out of it, the wooden structure had practically disintigrated, scattering pieces of it everywhere. Finally, Applejack, Applebloom and Big Mac had gathered the pieces into a pile. The broken pieces of the Apple family barn suddenly glowed with a green aura and lifted off the ground.

"Why thank you for the generous contribution my ladies." Flam said as the wood levitated over to where he and his brother stood.

"Indeed, with this lumber we should be able to reconfigure the Super Easy Catch-a-Beastie 6001 into the Super Smoother Refuse Mover 6002!" the other brother declared. Applejack just shook her head. It was useless to try to convince those two. She just hoped whatever contraption they constructed didn't cause any more damage than the last one had. The two brothers carried the lumber over to the ruins of their machine, still stuck to the ground and covered in orange goo.

"Looks like they're at it again." Applejack said as she watched the two salesponies.

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh said, seeming to almost stare into the distance to a place and point in time in the future. Applejack sometimes wondered about her brother's stoic nature but more and more she was beginning to realize that he had tended to have the right attitude. Sometimes, she even emulated him.

"You know, I've been thinkin'." Granny Smith said as she swept the dirt path. "With the barn in such a shape, we might just need to get a new barn."

Applejack paused to correct what the older mare said. "Uh, granny? Barn's not really in a shape... it's more in a mass over there. And I think Flim and Flam are using it to build some other sort of other monstrosity. On our property. Right over there. In front of us."

Granny didn't look over but put a hoof to her chin. "I was thinking, the barn could've been sturdier."

"Stuffing it full of Fluttershy probaly didn't help." Applejack commented, watching as a jet of fire erupted from Flim and Flam's machine, scorching one of the brother's hats.

"We should make the next one out of something more durable." Granny said.

"Like what?" Applebloom asked, genuinely curious. "Stone? Steel? Paper ma-"

"Appleluminum." Granny Smith answered.

"Appleluminum? What's that?" Applebloom asked. Applejack turned away from the brothers herself; she had never heard of this mysterious substance either.

"Why, it's just about the sternest stuff there is!" Granny Smith began. "Used to build cellars, grain silos and storm shutters with it out in Haywaii during the storm season. We're not gonna find anything stronger than that to build a new barn." she explained.

"Where are we gonna find any Appleluminum?" Applebloom asked.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "And exactly how much is this stuff gonna cost?"

"Oh, should be pretty cheap seeing as how it ain't storm season. Only places you'd find it would be Haywaii or Neigh York City."

Applebloom perked up when Granny Smith said the name. "Neigh York City?!" she bounced in excited glee. The Big Apple, Neigh York City, was one of the largest cities in Equestria and some of Applebloom's relatives lived in Manehattan, one of the islands that made up the city. Applebloom had never been there but Applejack had at least once. Although she didn't talk much about it, the trip seemed to have had something to do with how Applejack earned her cutie mark.

"Now hold your hooves Applebloom." Applejack said, dampening her little sister's enthusiasm. "We're not going on some vacation while the barn needs fixin'."

"We're not? Drat." Granny Smith said, disappointed. "And Haywaii's so nice this time'a year. Figured I could use this as an excuse to catch me some rays, maybe go surfin'."

"Nnnnno comment." Big Mac said, blinking once.

"Is there any other place we can find this... Appletanium?" Applejack asked.

"Conveniently for the plot of this story, no. Shouldn't take much to build a new barn with though. And while we're at it, we might want to see about reinforcing the farmhouse and a few other things 'round here. Cellar, work shed... fences." Granny remarked as Flim and Flams continued deliberations only meters away led to the knocking over of one of the fences lining the dirt path.

Applejack watched the two salesponies fuss, argue and generally be incompetent while still trying to fix their machine. A sturdier barn was probably a good idea.

"I guess I'll make arrangements and we can head up to Neigh York." Applejack said with a light sigh.

Applebloom was literally jumping at the opportunity. "Can I-"

"No." Applejack interrupted, shooting down the notion of the little filly adventuring in Neigh York. Honestly, Applejack was still a bit upset at Applebloom's slightly less than one hundred percent truthful dealings with Fluttershy and the rest of their friends. In fact, Applebloom's idea to hide Fluttershy in the barn was the reason they were having to build a second one now. As far as Applejack was concerned, this whole, literal mess was a prime example of how any form of dishonesty only led to more trouble.

"Can I come?" Granny Smith asked.

Applejack turned swiftly to face her elder. "No-uh, wait, why are you askin' Granny?"

"I don't know... what are we doing again?"

Applejack uttered a frustrated sigh. "I'm goin' to the train station. You think you can take care of everything here big brother?" she asked Big Mac.

The red stallion turned to her slowly. He stared at her blankly for a moment, the way a pony stares at a storm in the distance before saying, "A giant pegasus destroyed the barn just a few hours ago. Granny's sending you off to buck knows where to get some kind of mineral I've never heard of and those two unicarnies are fighting over a cheese-covered pile of wood stuck in the ground. Does it really look like I have any idea what's going to happen next or what to do when it does?"

"All right, I'll be back soon." Applejack responded as if Big Mac had simply said 'Eeyup' and trotted off down the dirt path to the train station.

"Well, I better go get supper started." Granny Smith said.

Applebloom thought to herself. "Hey Granny, you think I could go see Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo for a while? Tell 'em about what's happened today?"

"I don't see why not. Just be home before sundown." Granny answered.

"Thanks Granny. I'll y'all later."

"Eeeywhatever." Big Mac said, still watching the brothers, either reluctant or refusing to intervene. Applebloom galloped off to Rarity's house. She had to tell the rest of the crusaders about what happened today. Maybe if they all went to Neigh York City, they could all get their cutie marks! If not, at least it would be fun. They might even get to see her cousin Babs Seed. This was too big of an opportunity for the little filly to pass up so she ran as fas as her legs would take her.

Author's Note

Greetings and welcome to Fluttersized, an extremely experimental story by Barrobroadcaster. This is the second installment in the "My Big Pony" series of fan work.
What follows is an interesting tale based around similar and familiar concepts in storytelling reused time and again in various mediums. Those looking for a more 'traditional' story are advised to only view the main chapters indicated by their lack of "Alternate" in the title. For those looking for more innovative entertainment and writing, they are encouraged to continue reading and to pay close attention to the Author's Notes section at the end of every chapter. I hope you do enjoy this story and feel free to ask or comment about anything you have read. Thank you.

Big Trip/Dude, Where's My Sequel?

Applejack and Big Macintosh waited at the station for the train to arrive. Unbeknownst to them, they were not waiting alone.

"So how are we going to ride the train all the way to Neigh York without your brother and sister noticing?" Scootaloo asked, looking out from the bushes the three fillies hid behind.

"Easy... I have no idea." Applebloom said, peeking out herself.

Sweetiebelle quirked an eyebrow. "How do you know it's going to be easy if you have no idea?"

"I don't know. But I know it's gonna be easy." Applebloom said. The train arrived on schedule, a few ponies disembarked but only Applejack and Big Mac boarded. As they did, three stowaways quietly entered the train from the back. This wasn't the first time the three of them had taken an unauthorized and unpaid trip on the rails but it didn't make them any less nervous. Enthusiasm far outweighed fear though; they climbed aboard right after Applebloom's brother and sister.

Scootaloo stopped as they stepped on board the train car. "We're gonna get caught." she said, a slight trill of fear in her voice.

"We'll be fine; it'll be just like when we went to the Crystal Empire." Sweetiebelle said.

"Will both of you shush?" Applebloom said, peeking through the doorway into the passenger's section. The car beyond was empty aside from her brother and sister who were both seated at a bench on the right of the car.

"Follow me." Applebloom instructed. The three fillies crept into the car, trying to making themselves as low as possible to avoid being seen if one of the two happened to look over their shoulder. The train began to move as the three of them hid under one of the benches on the left side of the car behind Big Mac and Applejack.

"Been a while since we we went to the Big Apple, hasn't it brother?" Applejack asked.

"Eeyup." the stallion remarked, his trademark response.

"You know where we're going to find this 'appleluminum' stuff?"

"Nnnope."

"I would assume Aunt and Uncle Orange would know where to find some?"

"Eeeh, probably." Big Mac answered. Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo were just close enough to hear the conversation.

"To be honest, I ain't too keen on coming back here AJ." Big Mac said. His sister looked over to him, surprised. Big Mac was a colt of few words, very few words. The times he didn't reply with a single-word answer she could count on one hoof. Don't ask how, just imagine it being adorable.

"Why's that big brother?" Applejack asked in a cautious but genuinely curious tone.

Big Mac exhaled slowly. "I'm just not fond of crowded cities, everypony in a hurry. Ponies doing ten things at once, not payin attention to where they're going. It's a different town than we're used to."

"I know how it is. I was there for a spell myself. Wasn't too long before I started missin' Sweet Apple Acres. Sure, it's nice... but it ain't home." Applejack said, trying to sympathize.

"You weren't there for as long as I was AJ. Neigh York can change a pony... you can lose yourself real easy." Big Mac said. He looked up as he spoke, going into a mile-long stare. Applejack looked over at him, into his eyes. Was he looking into the past or the future now?

"What do you mean?"

"I've done things I'm not proud of in this city." his gaze dropped as he spoke. "Things I'd rather forget ever happened."

Applebloom squinted her eyes, straining to listen in. Next to her, Sweetiebelle had fallen asleep and was starting to snore softly. A small amount of drool poured from her mouth and pooled on the floor of the train car. The three fillies were so close together, it was impossible for the saliva not to touch one of them. Scootaloo winced in disgust as it touched her front-right leg. Gritting her teeth and gagging, she wiped her leg on Sweetiebelle's coat. The white filly didn't notice and continued to sleep deeply.

"I was young, wanted to make a name for myself, help out the family. Bits were hard to come by, I lived wherever I could, worked wherever I could. Times were tough and it was cold. I got desperate. I... I had to make sacrifices."

"What happened Big Mac?" Applejack asked, her voice filled with compassion and concern.

"It's in the past." he replied, ending the matter. "I've tried to move on, moved back to the farm. But there might be some folks we meet that haven't moved on. Hopefully, this won't take long."

The train car fell silent again. Scootaloo fell asleep herself and soon there were two small drool puddles underneath the bench the three fillies hid beneath. Boredom and the gentle motion of the train might have lulled the other crusaders to sleep but Applebloom stayed awake. What had Big Macintosh been talking about? Applebloom had heard about Neigh York City before. Her cousin Babs Seed had been born and raised there. The city had not been kind to Babs; she'd been bullied in Manehattan because Babs, like Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo had yet to recieve her cutie mark. It wasn't easy being a blank flank and it sounded like being in Neigh York City might be a lot worse. But it was a chance for them all to get their cutie marks, a chance that Applebloom wasn't going to pass up on.

The train slowly pulled into the station at Canterlot to prepare for the long ride up to Neigh York.

Author's Note

a: Michael, there's a problem.
MH: Whuh, what? What's wrong?
a: The top of the story, that's a "3" not a "2".
MH: What's wrong with that?
a: This is supposed to be Fluttersized 2 not 3.
MH: But I submitted both.
a: Not according to this you didn't!
MH: Well, calm down. We'll just look for the other one. We finished it last night right?
a: Yes...
MH: So it should still be in stories. We'll just take a look.
...
MH: Okay, there's Fluttersized, Fluttersized 3, there's the approval messages... hey! I found it! Fluttersized 2, here we go.
a: What's it say?
MH: Scrolling... scrolling... wait what? "We regret to inform you..."
a: What?
MH: Oh no... it was rejected.
a: But why?
MH: Getting to that now... oh wait no, it was reported.
a: Reported?!! Why?
MH: Calm it down Barro. We'll get to the bottom of this. Scrolling... scrolling... oh my gosh, wow.
a: What?!
MH: Holy crap.
a: What is it?!
MH: Barro, Fluttersized 2: The Greatest Clopfic Ever.
a: Whuh... whuh... what?!
MH: Apparently, it was up for 2 hours and added to 3 groups before it was reported.
a: But... but I don't write clop!
MH: Apparently you do. Apparently you wrote the greatest clopfic ever. It got 15 punillion views.
a: ...wait, punillion?
MH: It's like one of those million or billion puns, just with pun in the front.
a: That's actually kind of clever.
MH: I'm just lazy. It got 15 punillion views, 2 punillion likes... oh gawd Barro.
a: What..?
MH: It got favorable reviews. It literally is the greatest clopfic of all time. It's... it's already been translated into an audio book.
a: All this in 2 hours?!
MH: It's been translated into most known languages already and several unknown languages. There's a Klingon version...
a: How did all of this happen in 2 hours?! How... why?! I don't even write clop! What the buck happened?!
MH: That's not the worst part. It's being made into 3 feature-length movies by 3 different studios.
a: Movies?! Wait, how is that the worst part?
MH: ... They didn't ask me to direct any of them!!!
a: Michael, that's not important! Fluttersized 2 wasn't supposed to be a clopfic! We've got to find out how this happened!
MH: Buck yeah we're going to find out how this happened! How dare somepony try to make a movie off my- I mean, our story and not include me! So... how do we do that?
a: Well, who else knew about Fluttersized 2 before it was submitted?
MH: Well, just you and me... hey, wait a minute. Look at the title.
a: "Fluttersized 2: The Greatest Clopfic Ever"...
MH: Who do we know was talking about writing the world's greatest clopfic?
a: Wait... you don't mean...
MH: Stephen Spielbuck and George Lucolt.
a: You think... you think they were talking about my sequel?
MH: I think we should go ask them.
a: Where are they now?
MH: They're shooting for their new film... in Neigh York City.
a: Then we're going to Neigh York City. We're going to have to take the train.
MH: Can't you just write us a quick way to get there?
a: I think I just did.
MH: Ugh...

Once More, With Science

Laboratory of Dr. Weird
South Jersey Shore

Lightning crackled high in the sky above the abandoned Belle Isle Asylum. Rain poured down on the castle and waves crashed on the jagged cliff walls upon which it sat. Inside the haunted fortress, a different kind of storm was brewing.

"Gentlemen," Dr. Weird announced over the thunder. "Behold! I am writing My Little Pony fan fiction!!" he shouted in declaration.

"Hey, that's pretty neat doc." Steve, the doctor's red-haired lab assistant and the room's only other occupant replied.

"Yes." Dr. Weird began. "I put my heart, mind and soul into each and every word. I love this story more than life itself. In a way, it is my child. My legacy..." the doctor trailed off. The room was silent for a full heartbeat.

"Wow, that's pretty cool doc. What's it about?" Steve asked.

"YOU STEVE!!" Dr. Weird yelled. A ray of light shot out from the doctor's laptop and enveloped the lowly aide. In a flash, Steve was sucked into the pc. On the laptop's screen, a 16-bit rendition of Steve appeared amidst a colorful background resembling Ponyville. "MWUHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

"YES, STEVE!!" the doctor shouted. "NOW FIGHT SPIKE FOR THE AFFECTION OF YOUR TRUE LOVE, RARITY!! OH YEAH! THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST CLOPFIC EVER!!!!"

*insert Aqua Teen Hunger Force intro*

Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo were jostled awake as the train stopped. Their wakening noises and yawns were stifled by Applebloom who blocked each fillies' mouth with an outstretched hoof. Applebloom shushed both before their muffled alarms could alert her brother and sister to their position.

The conductor entered the passenger car. Applebloom watched his legs as he got closer to them. Big Macintosh and Applejack presented their tickets as he passed by. The fillies underneath the bench didn't have tickets. If they got caught, it's no doubt they'd get turned in to Applejack or worse: thrown off the train and forced to walk back to the Ponyville. What was worse, dealing with AJ's temper or hoofing it all the way back to Sweet Apple Acres?

Applebloom held her breath as the conductor approached them. She listened to his hoofsteps as he walked by, slowly. When she heard the hoofsteps fade, she let out a silent sigh of relief.

"Lose something?" a voice from behind them asked. The conductor was right behind them! He crouched down and smiled at the three as they turned to face them. "Tickets, please." he said.

Applebloom was at a loss for words. "Uh... um." she stammered, trying to think of something. Her mind was a complete blank, as blank as her backside. As blank as all their backsides.

"You don't have tickets do you?" the conductor asked. The three fillies were shaking underneath the bench, Applebloom's heart was in her throat, Sweetiebelle was on the verge of tears and Scootaloo was twitching uncontrollably.

"So what exactly are you doing here?" the conductor followed up. Again, Applebloom didn't have an answer. She choked and managed an innocent, petrified grin.

"Youthful shenanigans?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The three nodded. "Do you have your Youthful Shenanigans tickets?" They shook their heads.

"Well, I'm afraid you're not allowed on the train without tickets. We can't just have three unaccompanied fillies... especially blank flanks riding the rails by themselves." he said. He'd noticed their lack of... maturity. That actually kind of hurt more than being discovered. The three of them slowly got up from under the bench. For some reason, Applejack and Big Mac didn't notice despite their close proximity.

"You'll have to wait at the train station while we get this sorted out." the conductor said. The three of them got up and the conductor escorted them to the back of the passenger car. The fillies' heads were hung low as they were led out. Applebloom glanced back to see her sister in conversation with her brother again. She'd see them both back at the farm... hopefully. If they started walking soon, maybe they could get back to Sweet Apple Acres by the time her older siblings returned with the appleuminum.

The conductor led them out of the passenger's car to the door to disembark. Two stallions were on the other side, one a white colt with dark brown hair and a dark brown colt with black hair, sunglasses and a beret. The two were apparently boarding the train as the conductor approached the door. The conductor and fillies noticed the two colts through the window on the door but apparently, the first stallion didn't. He opened the door without hesitation right into the conductor's face. The door slammed the conductor into the wall of the car and he slumped to the floor unconcious in a heap.

"Michael, what the hay did you just do?!" the white colt behind him asked. The first colt was still holding the door as he looked down at the unconcious conductor.

"I think I just K.O'd the conductor." the first said.

"What the buck happened? You're gonna get us thrown of the train." the second said behind him as they both stepped on.

Applebloom didn't know what to think as she saw the two colts enter and examine the conductor.

"He's out cold. Nice job." the white stallion said sarcastically.

"Hey, at least this means we can't get caught for stowing away." the brown one remarked with a smile. The white one sighed heavily and shook his head. The brown one looked over and noticed the three little ponettes standing in the doorway.

"Hey. What are you three doing here? Aren't you a little young for riding alone?" Michael asked.

Sweetiebelle, shakily blurted out everything behind them. "We're stowing away so we can go see Babs Seed in Manehattan and try to get our cutie marks in a city well-renowned for opportunity and good fortune for those with an enterprising and ambitious outlook!" Applebloom muffled her friend's muzzle again, a moment before she revealed everything to the two strangers in a single, nervous explanation.

The two stallions shook their heads in confusion. "You're doing what?" the white one asked.

"Uh, youthful shenanigans?" Applebloom offered an answer.

"Oh." the two realized in unison, understanding. "Well, what are we going to do with the conductor?" the whie pony asked.

"Weekend at Bernie's crossover?" the brown asked enthusiastically.

The white stallion facehoofed. "Help me carry him. We'll... leave him at the station or something." The two grabbed the front and back legs of the unfortunate conductor. The three crusaders simply watched them as they hefted the conductor by his lims out of the train. They propped him up at the side of the station. The two colts stood over him for a second, continuing to argue when the train started moving again.

Quickly, the two turned around, realizing the train was departing.

"No! Wait! We're not on board yet!" the white one shouted.

"Somepony stop that train!!" the other yelled but it was too late. The train was already in motion leaving the platform. The two colts galloped after it a ways, Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo watched as the two ran after them. In a matter of moments though, the train had departed. The brown one grabbed his beret off his head and threw it to the ground in frustration.

"Well, don't see that everyday." Applejack said from behind the three girls. The fillies practically jumped off the floor at the sound of the older sibling's voice. "And what the hay are you three doin' here?" she asked.

"We wanted to come with you to see Manehattan. Maybe we'd get to see cousin Babs again." Applebloom admitted.

Applejack frowned. "The city's no place for three fillies to just go wanderin' off in. Y'all should be back in Ponyville helping Twi and the others peel the cheese off the town!"

"We're sorry..." Applebloom said, their gazes dropping to the floor again.
.
"But since we're already headin' out, ya might as well come along."

Their moods perked up immediately. "Really? You mean it?!" they asked.

"You three stay close to me and Big Macintosh. I was plannin' on stoppin' by your cousins' anyway to ask directions. Now, get your flanks back in the passenger's car and no more snoopin' around. We clear?"

"Yes, ma'am!" The three replied simultaneously. Applejack led them back into the passenger's car, their spirits high and enthusiasm returning.

"By the way," Applejack said over her shoulder. "You know the money fer your tickets is coming out of your allowance right?" Applebloom let out a heavy groan as she followed behind.

Author's Note

a: Damn it! I can't believe we lost the train!!
MH: How are we going to catch up? We have to get to Neigh York somehow.
a: When's the next train?
MH: Not for hours, we need to get there now!
a: Uh, maybe we could ask Rainbow Dash? She could get us there in a hurry.
*cloud floats by with a sign hanging on it*
MH: "Out to lunch"?
a: That's Dash's cloud. Wonderful.
MH: Um... let me think... King Sombra!
a: Screentime.
MH: Uh, wing spell!
a: Neither of us are unicorns.
MH: Damn it! Why couldn't you make one of us a unicorn or a pegasus or something! Or an alicorn?
a: I don't know! I just sort of came up with something I guess!
MH: Wait! Twilight's balloon!
a: It's still stuck in the cotton candy clouds.
MH: Clouds...? Hey! What about Discord? Wait, crap. He's still stuck in stone.
a: Yeah. They reimprisoned him right after they scraped him off the street.
MH: If only there was a way we could get him out...
a: Hmm... I think I know of a way.
MH: How is that-OW! What the buck?!
a: Hit me back!
MH: What?!
a: Hit me back! C'mon, put 'em up.
MH: What the hay is wrong with you?! What are you-
a: Fight me. We'll create enough chaos that we'll break Discord out again.
MH: That's insane-OW, stop it!
Discord: Not to that I don't enjoy a good brawl but I thought you should know: I'm already free.
a: Discord? Is that you?
Discord: Who did you expect? King Sombra?
a: We both agreed that would require him to get screentime and that's just not happening. How did you get out again?
Discord: Simple enough this time, Flim and Flam fighting in the first chapter is what did it. And I bet you thought they were in there for no reason.
a: Everything ties together too perfectly... it's almost as if-
MH: This entire thing was planned from the beg-mmmphfaahahahahaha! I'm sorry, I couldn't say it with a straight face.
Discord: So you two need a ride? To the Big Apple?
MH: Yeah. Barro and I are going to find Stephen Speilbuck and George Lucolt and find out why they stole our sequel.
Discord: Fluttersized 2, I heard.
a: You heard about it already? But you were set in stone!
Discord: Stone with a 4G connection. Lucolt and Speilbuck were interviewed about it online, they were credited as co-authors.
a: That's a lie! Michael and I wrote it!
Discord: You wrote the greatest clopfic ever?
a: IT'S NOT A CLOPFIC!!
Discord: According to the article it was. And it's been nominated for an award at the Adult Fanfic Awards in Manehattan.
a: WHAT???!!!!
Discord: It has a good chance to win Best Flank, Best Overall Writing and-
MH: It's been nominated to win awards?!! That's it, I'm pissed off about this now!
a: I DO NOT WRITE CLOP!!
MH: THEY STOLE MY CHANCE TO DIRECT THE GREATEST CLOPFIC EVER!
DISCORD: I LOVE YELLING!
Train Conductor: Can I say something?
All: WHAT?!
TC: The next train won't be here for another six hours but we have a hoofcart you can use.
a: Oh...
MH: A hoofcart? Seriously?
a: I don't care. If it gets us to Manehattan, we'll use it.

Big Names

The flashes of light, the noise, a normal pony would've found it blinding, unbareable. But the stallion everypony was focused on was not a normal pony by any stretch. Tonight, he would prove it. His gaze was slightly lowered, fixed on the path through the chaos in front of him. Ponies on either side of him shouted, trying for his attention, trying to get a glimpse, a reaction, anything. But the stallion's expression was a complete blank. As blank as his flank.

Madison Squaredance Garden, Manehattan
10 years ago

"You ready for this?" his manager asked for the dozenth time. Literally, he had been keeping count.

"Eeyup," he replied, his go-to phrase. He would've answered that even if it wasn't the truth, despite what his little sister would've reminded him. She was still young though but her sense of honesty was impeccable. He thought about his family a lot; it helped him get through things easier.

"Welcome, fillies and gentlecolts to the thirty-eigth annual Manehattan Exhibition!" the voice boomed throughout the auditorium. The announcer, a yellow gryphon in a sportcoat spoke into a microphone held out in front of him. Two stallions, one a bold red and the other a smooth pink with a black mane, stepped into the ring.

The announcer continued, his amplified voice barely able to drown out the noise the crowd was making. The stadium was packed. The red combatant payed no attention to his noise; he was solely focused on his opponent.

Somewhere packed amongst the audience, two other ponies were concerned with something other than the noise themselves.

"They don't respect you," the older one said. The younger said nothing.

"They don't respect you," the first repeated. "That's why you're here. You know that, don't you?"

"I was told to cover this event, that's what I'm going to do," Barro said. He struggled with the camera, something about the white balance wasn't working. Being that everything was so drastically different in color, it was important that he get it adjusted quickly. His colleague already had his camera up and was shooting. Now, instead of trying to help Barro with his own equipment, he'd chosen to delve into the studio's decision to send them both out there to cover what was essentially, a glorified sporting event, a boxing match.

"What? You think an exhibition is that important?"

Barro focused on his camera but didn't ignore the question. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. They told me to cover this story so I'm going to cover it. If nopony else thinks it's important, at least I do."

"Heh," the other pony, a gray-colored pony with a black mane chuckled. "Idealist... I'm wondering."

"Wondering what, Buster?"

"Wondering how long that attitude will last in Fawkes News," Buster replied with another laugh.

Barro sighed; there was no use dealing with ponies like Buster who knew everything. "I'm going to try and get closer."

"Good luck, kid," Buster said. Barro barely heard it over the crowd. His first job, his first real story and somepony like Buster was trying to ruin it with a bunch of neigh-saying. Didn't respect him? Fawkes had hired him two months ago, he'd barely been trained in anything. Respect wasn't even a factor yet.

That was when disaster struck; another pony distracted him for a split-second. Barro was a young colt and sometimes the occaisonal well-endowed mare caught his eye. He saw a beautiful, long, flowing and naturally straight but not too straight golden-almost golden brown mane and he forgot where his hooves were for a moment. He dropped the camera.

The moment Barro felt the camera slip from his hoof, he felt his own heart drop as well. The camera, an expensive hoof-held model on loan from the studio hit the shiney floor and was instantly damaged. Although repairable at this point, the stadium was packed. Soon, multiple legs came down upon the poor recording device and it was annihilated beyond recognition in an amount of time measurable by breaths. Barro watched his story, his investment and his career literally get stomped to pieces in front of him. At the very least and he did mean very least, Buster hadn't seen anything.

"Wow, that sucks," Buster said over his shoulder. The veteran journalist stallion had followed him through the crowd.

Buster laughed again. "I really hope they don't think this is as important as you do," he said. Barro looked at the pieces of his camera. The ponies who'd stomped on them weren't even aware. Only he and Buster knew of his failure. It was then he knew what he had to do.

"This doesn't change anything," Barro informed his colleague.

"What?" Buster asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm going to get closer. I'm going to get my story," Barro replied. He dove into the crowd, pushing his way through to the center of the stadium. Unecumbered by not having to carry a camera, he was able to get through the audience faster. He remembered what he'd been taught when he'd gone to school for journalism, in Manehattan for that matter. His camera was gone but he still had a story to get. He was determined to get it.

"And in the other corner, weighing in at five-hundred and fifty-two pounds, the Undertaker of Sweet Apple Acres, put your hooves together for Liiiiiiiittlllllleeee Maaaaac!" the announcer declared. The red pony, a blank flank raised one hoof in the air, smiled and waved at the crowd. Barro got to the edge of the ring just in time before the fight started. He noticed something strange about the red pony. Well, not entirely strange but at the same time unusual. Something that made them both similar.

The challenger's flank was bare, like Barro's. Like Barro, it was a little odd seeing a pony so old to not have found their special talent yet. If he'd still had his camera, hadn't moved from his position, he probably wouldn't have noticed the small detail. Barro had just found a story.

The fight lasted a long time. The crowd's chanting, incoherent shouting didn't drown out or go away. It remained, like the roaring of an angry sea as two ships clashed in the center of a mighty maelstrom, trading blow for blow against thunderous applause. In the end, the result wasn't that surprising. The challenger lost.

Almost immediately after a winner had been decided and the award had been presented, the stadium emptied out. The endless roar of a zoo became quieter and quieter until finally, the droning left and traveled outside to join the noise of the rest of the world. Barro and Buster were among the last to leave. But Barro wasn't quite done yet.

"Well, got some good footage of the fight." Buster said, his eyes still focused on his camera. "I'll be happy to let you have so- wait, where are you going?" Barro left before Buster could say anything else, he galloped through doors and went backstage. He galloped, looking for the dressing room of the fighter he'd seen that night, the red one. He turned a corner, ran down a hallway and saw what he was looking for: security gaurds standing in front of an open door.

"Woah, woah, kid you're not allowed back here," one of the gaurds stopped him. Both well over a head taller than Barro, his only chance to get through them was to try to talk.

"How did you even get in here anyway?" one asked. "Are you with the press?"

Barro thought quickly. "Uh... does it look like I have a camera?"

"No... and no media cutie mark either. Aren't you old to be a blank flank?"

"Uh, well, kind of. I was wondering if I could just see-"

The security gaurd stopped him. "You're a fan, aren't you?"

Barro answered honestly. "Yes, yes I am," he said. Despite having just seen him, he could honestly say he was already a fan. Especially if he could be persuaded to give him an exclusive interview.

The gaurd hesitated, looked at each other and then back to Barro. "All right, you can see him. Try not to bother the guy though."

"Thank you, I promise I'll be quick," Barro trotted past the two gaurds. The red pony was sitting alone in the dressing room, looking through a matching red dufflebag. He was getting ready to leave.

"Um, Little Mac?"

The red pony looked up at him but said nothing. He appeared to be chewing a piece of wheat or something in his mouth.

"Little Mac?" Barro asked again.

"That's... that's not my name," the red colt replied. "I'm Big Macintosh... Big Mac. Little Mac's just a... just a name my manager came up with. Said it sounded more... humble."

"My name's Barro. Barro Broadcaster," Barro introduced himself, approaching the red stranger.

"Broadcaster? Are you a reporter?" Big Mac asked. Barro nodded. "I'm not supposed to speak to the press without my manager present," Big Mac said.

"Please, Big Mac," Barro begged. "I... I just want to know about you. Please, I lost my camera tonight. If I leave here without a story... I could get fired."

Big Mac paused for only a moment to think. He looked back up. "What do you want to know?" he asked.

"I just want to know about you," Barro said. "Tell me about Big Macintosh." Even though the athlete lost, Barro could tell there was something more about him, something interesting. It turned out, he couldn't have been more right.

The red stallion dropped the dufflebag on the floor in front of him. "I'm... I'm originally from Ponyville. I was born in Sweet Apple Acres and I have two sisters who are..."

All Barro had were his eyes and ears in that dressing room ten years ago. But that was enough. Just because Barro didn't have a camera didn't mean he couldn't make a broadcast. It only meant he couldn't film it, so he would have to tell a story through paper better than any video.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. When Barro was done with the true tale of the boxer known as Big Mac, the audience had a video's worth of story. It would save his flank despite the loss of an incredibly expensive piece of equipment. What started as a disaster turned out to be a triumph for the young reporter called Barro Broadcaster. He left Madison Squaredance Garden late that night, long after Buster had gone home. He smiled as he left the stadium; he had a piece that not a single camera in the world could tell, a story that would shape his career.

Unfortunately, the story didn't end there.

Big Developments

"You... you were a fighter?" Applejack asked, unsure of what to make of it. Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo listened in themselves quietly.

"Boxer," her brother corrected.

Applejack still didn't understand. "So, you lost a match. A long time ago. That's why you're none too eager to head back to Neigh York?"

Big Mac lowered his head again. "There's more to it than that," he said, again his words just hung in the air for a silent moment. Applejack waited for some kind of response from her brother, for him to pick up the story again. But he remained silent as the train pulled into its destination.

The train arrived at Neigh York City in the late afternoon. The conductor would've announced it to the passengers but he was unconcious again. Applejack remained in her seat for another few moments, waiting for Big Mac to say something else.

Her brother took a deep breath. "Well, time to go see our cousins and see if we can find Granny's supplies." Big Mac got out of his seat, Applejack followed. It was clear Big Mac wasn't going to part with this story that easily and she didn't want to pry it out of him. The best she could do was follow and try to be supportive to her big brother.

"Now, the three of you stay in sight," she said to the fillies as she passed by them. "I don't want none of you gettin' lost out there. You stick together and we'll get this over with."

"Yes, ma'am!" the CMC replied. They were excited enough just to be there, even if it was going to be a short trip. The three of them followed Applebloom's older siblings as they walked out of the passenger car and disembarked the train. Waiting at the station was a tan pony with an orange mane and a dark brown filly nearby her.

"Cousin Babs!" Applebloom shouted, running over.

Babs was almost shocked. "What the hay are yous guys doin' here?"(This is the best I can do trying to write this accent)

"We came to see you!" Sweetiebelle said.

"Yeah! A monster destroyed the barn!" Scootaloo added.

"It was really Fluttershy. She became giant and destroyed the town, there was cheese and Trixie and a tank and we tried to hide her in the barn but she was too big and it blew up," Applebloom explained quickly. Babs' eyes went wide as her three friends' excitement quickly overwhelmed her.

"Hi there, AJ, Big Mac," the other pony greeted them.

"Good to see you Sesame!" Applejack said, walking over with Big Mac.

"You enjoy the train ride here?"

"Eeh, can't complain," Big Mac said. The reply was a tad out of character for her older brother, it caused Applejack to raise an eyebrow.

"Well, I got a touch of bad news for ya," Sesame said. "That material granny sent you out here for? The supply's exhausted this season. I'm afraid you've all came here for nothing."

"What?!" Applejack asked, devestated.

"I'm afraid so. I got this letter from Granny Smith just this morning," Sesame said, hoofing over a piece of paper. Applejack looked it over. Indeed, it was in Granny Smith's hoofwriting. In it, Granny apologized for the inconvience and requested that Sesame take in Applejack, Big Mac and even Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo for a week while Granny went to Haywaii to bring back the appleluminum. The letter claimed she'd 'forgotten' that there wouldn't be any in Neigh York at the time with the season for harvesting it being over. Granny Smith had apologized again and strongly suggested that Applejack, Big Mac and the others take the time to go on a little vacation for themselves.

Applejack got done reading the letter and frowned. Granny's message, the circumstances behind it all were all too convenient. While she never jumped to conclusions, it was all too obvious Granny was using this whole trip as an opportunity to take her own leave of abscence on the sunny beaches of a tropical island in the Ponycific. The disturbing image of Granny Smith surfing crept its way into Applejack's mind and she cringed.

"So I guess you guys are stuck here for a while," Sesame said. That seemed to be the case.

"How do ya figure that?" Applejack asked. What was to stop them from getting back on the train and heading home right now?

"Well, that's the last train heading back to Ponyville for at least a week," Sesame said flatly. Behind Applejack, the train had already begun to depart. AJ watched in vain as the locomotive accelerated away. Mysteriously, two colts hopped off the back of it as it left.

"Why is that the last train?" Applejack said, turning back to her cousin.

"I'm not sure but after you guys left Canterlot, the tracks got all messed up somehow. Entire lengths of it got strung out and displaced. Don't know why but no trains will be able to head back to Canterlot until the rails get fixed up," Sesame said.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "What's to stop us from flying? Or walking back?"

Sesame shrugged. "Plot convenience. Or inconvenience in this case, I guess."

"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed. He hadn't even glanced at Granny Smith's note yet somehow Applejack knew he understood already. She turned to her little sister and her friends who had overheard the entire conversation. Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetiebelle were hopping in a circle around Babs Seed.

Babs, awkwardly cowering in discomfort was completely trapped by the adorable display of foalish jubilee. The three fillies continued their excited bouncing, nearly absent-mindedly skipping and chanting expressions of delight as the filly native to the city was encircled in love and left with a complete and utter loss of understanding and words. Big Mac's expression had turned into a mile-long stare, Sesame, standing in fronf ot them both wore a humble and welcoming smile. Applejack sighed heavily, very heavily. This was going to be a long week.

"Well, our place is around the block," Sesame said. "We'll get you guys set up and then maybe got see your Aunt and Uncle Orange,"

"Oh," Applejack started. "You don't have to go to such trouble on our account. We can just-"

"AJ," Sesame interrupted. "If you keep refusing our hospitality like this, it's going to get really complicated for the author to keep making up excuses. It's best if you just go with it." Sesame turned into the station, Big Mac followed her. The four fillies, now in a joyful group followed the two older ponies through the train station. Applejack followed as well, still pondering the circumstances, her stride showed no hint of reluctance.

The group walked through the station and out onto the sidewalk. Currently, they were in Albarny, Manehattan was still an island over. They hailed a stagecoach, which appeared in a decidedly GTA 4-style fashion, got inside and then took it to the Seed's residence in upper Manehattan. You should probably imagine a bunch of other Liberty City-esque stuff because that's all I got as far as imagery goes.

Compared to the Crystal Empire, Neigh York City's buildings were more... contemporary. Where as most of Equestria's buildings were of marvelous, lavish and regal architecture reflecting style, convenience, effeciency, simplicity, good taste and an appreciation a general appreciation for everything, Neigh York City's buildings appeared to be a collection of dull-colored pillars rising out of a solid gray piece of rock. The roads were crowded with stagecoaches, carts, covered wagons and a couple of those lightcycles from Tron.

They arrived at the duplex the Seeds called home. Sesame payed the taxi driver, who thanked her in an overly-familiar Serbian accent. She then led the group into the modest two-story building. Sesame's husband Pumpkin, an orange pony with a green mane greeted them as they entered.

"Cousins AJ and Big Mac! How nice of you to come for a visit!" he hugged them both. Although they were Babs' parents, neither of them had Babs'... unique way of speaking. The origin of their daughter's colorful accent and vocabulary would not be explained in this fan fic.

"So, what would you guys like to do while we're here?" Sesame offered.

"Can we go exploring?!" Scootaloo asked.

"Sure, why not?" Applejack said, having given up on trying to to curb any amount of enthusiasm anypony else had. Big Mac had no objections either, the two of them continued walking into the living room of the duplex's first floor.

Sesame left the fillies by the door for the moment. "I guess I'll take the girls out for some fun. You three going to be okay?"

"No problem, Ses, you guys have fun!" Pumpkin yelled back.

"All righty then, we'll see y'all later," Sesame replied. The older, tan pony led the four fillies back outside for some sort of filler I'm too lazy to come up with right now. Pumpkin led Big Mac and Applejack into the living room of the duplex where they took seats on some comfortable furniture.

"So, how are things back in Ponyville?" Pumpkin asked, starting conversation.

"We lost the barn yesterday," Applejack mentioned. "Giant pegasus destroyed it."

"Ah, heard about that. I guess things like that do happen, though."

"My best friends turn into giants, go on rampages and destroy half the town?" Applejack asked, questioning not only the statement but also what it implied.

Pumpkin thought. "Yeah, I guess so," he finally said.

Applejack was tired in more ways than one. "We should be on our way back to Sweet Apple Acres. We should be trying to fix the barn," she declared.

"AJ," Pumpkin walked over to her. "Sometimes accidents happen."

"When accidents happen, it's up to whoever caused it to be responsible. What we should be doin' is building a new one," Applejack steadfastly proclaimed.

"You can't always fix everything that goes wrong right away, Applejack. The barn wasn't built in a day and it won't be rebuilt in a day,"

The words seemed to be lost on the hardworking mare. "It COULD be rebuilt in a day if we all worked hard, pitched in."

Pumpkin decided to give up there.

"While we're in Manehattan," Big Mac said, "there's something I need to do. Something a little... personal."

"What exactly is that? You've been actin' real... strange since Fluttershy knocked down the barn," Applejack accused her big brother. "You weren't exactly keen on coming back to this town anyway, why are you suddenly so inclined to stay?"

Big Mac's head was submerged in visions of his past again. This was one of the brief moments where the words came easy for him, he felt his mind slip back in time as the story unfolded before him once again.

COHERENT THOUGHT DETECTED! FIRING SURFACE-TO-STORY ANTI-LOGIC MISSLE!

Barro, Michael Hay, Discord and the train conductor rode along the tracks on a hoofcart. Barro and Michael worked the levers, keeping up a steady motion to keep them moving. If they kept up this speed, they would catch up to the train by the time the next sequel to this story was finished.

"Is there... any way... to move this thing faster?" Barro said, tiring from the pushing.

"Why... why did you... suggest that we move the conductor... off the train?" Michael asked, irrititation and exhaustion rising.

"Hey," the conductor said, looking over his shoulder. "You two should be happy I'm letting you use the hoofcart. Assaulting a railway conductor is a capital offense. Not only that, I didn't happen to either of you with tickets." Barro and Michael averted meeting the conductor's accusing gaze.

"Hahaha, you two were planning on sneaking aboard, weren't you?" Discord remarked with a chuckle. "You see? Even without me around, chaos still flourishes!"

"Why don't you make with the chaos and get us to Neigh York faster?" Michael asked.

"Fortunately for you, I'm as eager as you are to get to the Big Apple. And maybe even turn it upside down," Discord said. Three glares chastized the draconequus.

"Not literally!" he waves his arms in defense. "But I do have a solution to our lack of haste. Huzzah." Discord snapped his talons and an outboard motor appeared from thin air. He attatched it to the base of the hoofcart and stuck the propellor in the ground on the side of the tracks. Grabbing the ripcord, he yanked it back. The motor sputtered but didn't start immediately. He yanked it again, more furiously this time. Still, it yielded no results. Finally, he gripped the handle of the cord and jerked it back, almost hitting Michael in the hid with the move and the motor started kicking up a flurry of dirt.

"There. Now, we'll reach Manehattan in no time," Discord said, proud of himself. His pride wouldn't last long however; the hoofcart's boost in speed jumped it off the rails and soon the cart's metal wheels were grinding through the dirt.

"Look what you've done! You derailed us!" Barro shouted, holding on to the cart's handle for dear life.

"Don't worry, everything's under control," Discord said, remainging calm. A being of pure chaos, why wouldn't he be calm? He literally NEVER had any reason to panic. Excluding the few times he became cast in stone, that is. He grabbed the handle of the outboard motor and began to steer the cart. The four of them were now on a vehicle completely free of the rails.

"We might actually get there faster now that we're not following the rails," Michael said.

The conductor nodded in agreement. "There are a few natural turns, slow degrades where the train passes through other stops. We can skip all that now and go straight on to Neigh York."

"Yeah but how do we get across the ravine?" Michael asked.

"Oh, that's easy," the conductor replied. "There's a rail bridge that goes right across, smooth and steady."

"But we're not on the rails," Discord reminded the group. "We're ABOVE logic," he said with a grin. The group didn't try to argue with him; this wasn't season 3 so it was best if he enjoyed his freedom before he was inevitably set back in stone.

"Well, I'm sure they'll build another bridge over it eventually," the conductor said.

"Can they build them in the next twenty seconds?" Michael asked, his vision fixed directly ahead.

"No... why?"

"Because that's how long until we get to the ravine," Michael answered stoically. The group turned quickly. Sure enough, there was a gorge in front of them and they were heading right for it.

"Hit the brakes!" Barro shouted.

"This is a hoofcart, remember? There are no brakes on the chaos train. Or this cart either," Discord answered him.

They were too close to the ravine to jump off. Barro and Michael grabbed the outboard motor and tried to turn them. They turned the outboard motor to the right, trying to change their direction. Both of them let out satisfied sighs of relief as their efforts to change their course seemed to have payed off. The cart turned left and they avoided the ravine.

"Ahh... that was close," Michael remarked.

"Yes but now we're going to hit the rails. I don't think that's quite the right way we're wanting to get 'back on track'," Discord said.

"We can't hit them; at this angle, we'll tear up the tracks!" the conductor shouted. Michael and Barro pulled the motor back in the other direction just as the cart was about to hit the rails. They turned a sharp right. Again, the two were relieved.

"Now we're headed back towards the ravine!" Discord shouted in excited glee. Again, Barro and Michael pulled the motor but this time, they pulled a tad too hard. The handle snapped off and the motor shuttered. Suddenly, it picked up speed, the propeller spun faster and kicked up more dirt behind it.

"Aahhhhhhh!"
"AAAAHHHH!!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!"
The three ponies screamed as the cart raced towards the edge
Discord yawned and rested an elbow on the outboard motor, plunging it further into the ground. At the last second, the cart's front wheels picked up into the air and it flew off the cliff.

"I REGRET NOTHING!" Barro shouted, he, Michael and the train conductor holding on for dear life as they sailed over the ravine. For a brief moment, they were flying. Three ponies and one draconequus flew across the gorge on a hoofcart like nothing the Equestrian Rail Commission had ever seen. Maybe it was simply because Discord was there, maybe it was some random magical fluke, maybe it was because the author thought it sounded better... on second thought, yeah it's definitely the last one. Anyway, the cart somehow MIRACULOUSLY made it to the other side of the ravine, landing in the soft dirt. It wasn't all like the movies though; the passengers were thrown from the vehicle like rag dolls and tumbled through the dirt a good distance, the cart flipping over and sliding to a stop.

Barro spat dirt out of his mouth and tried to stand. His mane, tail and coat were covered in sand. Slowly, he got up to check on the others.

"Michael... Discord... um,... train conductor guy?" Barro called out to them, looking around, trying to shake off the disorientation.

"Of all the times... NOT to have a camera..." Michael remarked, getting up and spitting dirt out of his own mouth. His beret and glasses had been knocked off, revealing tan lines on his face and scalp. He searched for both items, finding them nearby. The glasses were ruined, broken and missing the left lens. The beret was fine, he looked over at Barro and smiled. The jackass was lucky to be alive, now he was grinning like it had been a rollercoaster ride.

"My name... my name's Timely. And I'm okay, thanks for asking," the train conductor said, getting up and dusting himself off. Barro looked around. Discord was nowhere in sight.

"Who wants to go again?!" Discord asked, descending from above. He was holding on to the outboard motor, its propellor somehow becoming large enough that it was keeping him aloft a bit, allowing him to float down gently. "That was amazing, that was astounding that was..."

"Chaotic?" Michael suggested.

"Actually, no it was an entirely predictable outcome. But it was fun anyway!" Discord said, gleefully landing.

"Fun?! Fun...?!! You think that was fun?!" Barro yelled out in rage, the white pony accusing the draconequus. Discord said nothing, thought for a moment and then smiled sheepishly and nodded.

"We're lucky to be alive! I don't even... know how that happened. And now we're stranded in the middle of nowhere with no way to get to Neigh York City!" Barro continued shouting. If he had been any louder, his voice would've echoed off the nearby mountains. Derpy made a small cameo appearance overhead but none of the individuals on the ground noticed her and she, focused soley on delivering the mail didn't notice them either. Still, she's adorable and can make any scene better so she's going in there. I know, I agree with that statement a lot too. Why am I telling you this?

Eh, I'll write her in somewhere towards the end and you guys will be all like, "Oh, so that's what she was doing there! That's so funny!" And I'll be like, "Yeah, I did that. She's just so cute," Bet you ten bits that's exactly what happens. Ah, we'll see. Okay, intermission's over.

Timely looked at the overturned hoofcart. "Well, we aren't going to be getting much use out of this."

"We can't stay here forever. The heat will get to us and then... then the buzzards will come. Just like in those westerns. We'll just be piles of bones and and skulls next to the railroad tracks! Tourists will wonder if they're real or a decoration as they ride past in air-conditioned splender while-"

"Michael, shut up. Discord," Barro said, turning to the mischievious creature. "Discord, there's got to be something you can do. Turn the ground in to ice, make it rain chocolate so we can... swim the distance or something."

"Oh, I wish I could Barro," Discord said, sounding sad. "But being crushed in that last story, my chaotic powers are a little out of touch, so to speak. The only way I was able to craft this outboard motor is from the hoofcart's hoofbrake."

"Wait... so it DID have a brake?" Michael asked.

Discord nodded solemnly.

"I'm able to change things at the moment but as far as making them appear out of thin air, well... I'm going to need a little more time for that," Discord explained.

"Well, while the three of you are figuring it out, I'm going to seek shelter under the cart if you don't mind," Timely said, crawling under the shade of the cart. Michael moved to join him, taking a cautious look over his shoulder at the sky as he did so.

"Wait! The hoofcart!" Barro exclaimed, pointing to it.

"What is it boy?" Discord asked.

"The cart, the cart!" he continued gesturing toward it excitedly.

"Did little Timmy fall down the well?" Discord asked randomly.

"Discord, use your magic on... wait, what?"

Michael Hay burst out in laughter at Discord's continued shenanigans, falling onto his back.

"Grrrr," Barro growled. "Discord, use your magic to fix the cart. Simple!"

Discord folded his arms. "Don't you think that if I could do that, I would've already?" he asked.

Barro ran over to the cart. "There's got to be something we can do. The wheels are mostly intact."

"Hmm," Discord said, putting a claw to his chin. He squinted his eyes and thought about the situation. "You know, I think there is something I can do," his eyes went back and fourth between the white colt in front of him and the cart who's tail oddly enough was wagging ever so slightly.

"Can it get us to Neigh York City?" Barro asked.

"It certainly can," Discord declared. He snapped his talons and the four wheels disappeared off the cart... and reappeared attatched to Barro's hooves.

"Well? Where is it?" Barro asked, looking around. Discord, smiling, drew the young colt's attention and pointed a talon towards the ground. Barro's gaze went down to his hooves slowly. His face came back up in shock.

"What... what are these?!" he asked, raising his hooves. The wheels from the cart were now attatched to the side of his hooves. "What did you do to me?!"

"Congratulations Barro! You're a rocking horse err, I mean, pony!" Michael said.

"What?! WHAT?! This isn't... I can't be..." Barro examined himself in horror. Discord's magic was never that easy.

"This is how we'll get to Neigh York," Discord said. He snapped his talons again and Timely and Michael both disappeared. They reappeared right next to Barro, both with wheels attatched to their hooves. The cart they were underneath collapsed, the parts used for the wheels no longer holding it up. It fell to pieces in the sand.

"Hooray! I've made roller ponies!" Discord clapped his claw-paws happily. "This is just like in generation two when the ponies were wearing roller skates and-"

"NO!" the three shouted, stopping the fiend from breaking the fourth wall any more.

Discord shrugged. "Well, this time it's a lot more awesome because this will get us to Neigh York city in a hurry."

"How? Are you going to pull us there or something?" Timely asked. "Without an engine, we're just loose cars."

Discord pulled out the outboard motor again. "We'll use this!" he said with a sinister smile.

"Oh no," Barro refused. "You are not mounting that on my flank."

"Oh, come on," Discord tried to encourage him. "It won't hurt. We'll get there faster and we can-"

"No," Barro said flatly. "Get it away from my ass, Discord."

"You're no fun," Discord threw the motor casually over his shoulder. "But I did have another idea." Discord snapped his claws again and the three ponies appeared on the rails, hoof-wheels locked in place. Pieces of the hoofcart pushed apart their hooves and kept the wheels alligned and on track. Barro found the entire ordeal uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as turned into an equine rail-based speedboat.

"All right, now, here comes the fun part." The three ponies turned to see Discord behind them. Using his strength, the Draconequus lifted up the rails. The three ponies' wheels began moving forward as gravity pulled them along the track. Discord flew up, higher, gaining more altitude until the three ponies were now rolling along at a decent pace.

"Hey, this is pretty good actually," Timely remarked. Barro looked down. Frozen in place, he had become his own cart. As a side benefit, the increase in velocity created a breeze that cooled them down a bit. Unfortunately though, their momentum slowed as they had nothing to keep it it going.

"We're slowing down," Michael realized. They all knew it. Barro turned around to see Discord, still in the air holding the tracks up. They were bent like ropes in his claw-paws. So much for putting faith in Discord.

Just then, Discord dove to the ground. The rails whipped, a curvature was made in them, a wave of motion raced towards the three ponies.

"Oh SHI-" Barro yelled before the wave collided with them. Their hoof-wheels kept them stuck on track somehow, the rails lifted up off the tracks and the three ponies screamed as the wave accelerated them rapidly. Now flying down the train tracks at break-neck speeds, they were traveling much faster than the train. They continued this rate of motion though they knew it was only a matter of time before they ran out again. What exactly was going to happen now?

The three's speed didn't slow down soon though. They entered a train tunnel. Everything became completely dark and they continued inside, still fast.

"Barro, I'm scared," Michael said from behind him.

Barro squinted. His own heart was pounding but he didn't want to tell Michael that.

Timely's voice echoed out through the tunnels as he spoke up. "Did you fellows know this tunnel was almost built by King Sombra himself? But he wasn't able to start becau-"

"Because it would've required him to get screentime, we know," Barro and Michael said simultaneously.

"Hey! I see a light up ahead!" Barro said. "Uh oh," he immediately followed up with.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked.

"It's the train."

"Why is that bad?"

"Because there's no brakes on the chaos train. And we're the chaos train," Barro remarked stoically. He could practically hear Discord laughing through the tunnel. Barro had to admit... he didn't find what was about to happen very funny at all.

In the passenger car, Applebloom heard a loud crash from what sounded like the back of the train. Sweetiebelle looked up over her seat through the windows that led to the rear.

"What is it?" Scootaloo asked.

"It looks like... three ponies just smashed through the door of the back car," Sweetiebelle said.

"Ha," Scootaloo said, pulling herself up to take a look for herself. "I bet those guys don't have tickets."

"I don't think they need them," Sweetiebelle said. "It looks like the train conductor's with them."

"Huh," remarked Applebloom. "What someponies won't do for a free ride," she said.