Taboo Feelings

by abdlpony

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Pinkie Pie, Sweetie Belle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 14730

Sweetie Belle is a normal filly, at least she thinks so. But even among her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders, she had always been different. Maybe it was some slight bouts of immature behavior or taking after her older sister.

Sweetie Belle is a normal filly, at least she thinks so. But even among her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders, she had always been different. Maybe it was some slight bouts of immature behavior or taking after her older sister. But lately she has felt some strong feelings looming over her, she knows why but won't tell a soul. She won't even be honest with her self. So what does she do? The choice is obvious: She hides. She hides from friends, she hides from families and teachers. She hides her feelings where they can never pop out and ruin what life she has. But is hiding enough?

Editor: Albert Manhattan

Proofreader: Thunderchaser23

Warning: This story deals with things of a slightly mature and definitely 'taboo' nature. I would say exactly what it's about but it is a mystery, just don't be surprised if a few chapters in your brain explodes.

Note: Sorry if your brain explodes.

Published 2013-03-10 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-08 22:53:03 UTC

The Doll

Sweetie Belle hated overthinking things.

Sweetie Belle really hated overthinking things, which was why she almost always chose not to. Not overthinking, however, often allowed her two best friends to sucker her into absolutely absurd ideas that usually got them in trouble. Then again, overthinking led to anxiety, Sweetie hated anxiety even more than overthinking.

Anxiety. That’s exactly what Sweetie Belle felt. It loomed over her for the past couple of months like a rogue storm cloud constantly raining on her mind. Her unease only worsened over time and keeping her thoughts to herself only exacerbated the problem. At times, it was like she was locked in the prison of her own emotions, everyday it became harder to shrug off and ignore.

With a frustrated grunt, Sweetie Belle chucked the doll in her hooves onto the floor of her bedroom. The doll landed on the floor with a soft thud, and Sweetie Belle already questioned her aggressive action. Why she had thrown it was beyond her; it was just on the spur of the moment, so she just left it at that. Oh well, at least she didn't have to overthink it this time. Like every other time.

The filly flopped her body onto her back as she slumped down on her bed, blankly staring up at the ceiling. She tried to lull her thoughts away, but it was to no avail. The unicorn filly let out another groan and tried her best to think of something – anything – to lead her mind away from those awful, guilt-inducing thoughts. So, she decided to think about school, seeming like the most innocent option. While school was something she did actually enjoy, she enjoyed it more so for the praise rather than the opportunities to better herself. Any, and all praise – whether it was from her sister, her parents, or even her friends – gave Sweetie Belle a marvelously pleasant feeling from deep down. Praise from her friends was okay, sure, but it had always seemed to be the adults in her life that made her smile.

Or, at least, that's how it used to be.

Lately, though, those pleasant inner feelings had started to emerge from... other sources. Other sources for which Sweetie Belle had started to – although reluctant to admit it – feel shamefully guilty. Even Sweetie Belle herself had yet to fully comprehend the meaning of these more short-lived and seemingly foreign emotions.

As thoughts raced through her mind, Sweetie reached for her doll again, finding herself frowning. She hated frowning, but for some reason felt like it would help to sooth her glum mood. It did not. It only succeeding at making her feel even worse.

Instead, Sweetie looked down upon the doll in her hooves and began to feel an immediate, familiar rush of euphoria. To others' eyes, the doll was nothing special; it was nothing more than a plainly-shaped, raggedy, old pony doll, made to comfort and entertain small fillies and foals.

In Sweetie Belle’s case, comfort from the doll was exactly what brought upon the problem. But why was this such an issue? Her elder sister Rarity and even her mother still owned dolls, too. They still thought the dolls were cute, so what right did Sweetie Belle not have to enjoy her doll herself?

Unfortunately, how she loved the doll was something that neither she nor her mother could ever fathom. At least, that's what she believed.

Sweetie Belle then smiled nervously. Hugging the doll brought forth warm feelings, and that felt odd. Unfortunately she could never be honest with herself. Without honesty she had no clue what her feelings meant and why the doll made her feel so warm. When she was a foal and barely out of preschool she would often play with her dolls. They made her feel silly, and they were loads of fun but not like this. Memories of her younger years were foggy. Memories of her fellow crusaders, however, felt much stronger.

Crusaders.

Sweetie Belle felt that she would always be there for her friends.

Her friends didn't exactly return the favor. They were never mean, or at least not in her opinion, but they had never questioned her on her odd feelings or her occasional quirks. They would just shrug it off as ”Sweetie Belle simply being Sweetie Belle" like she was just the slightly weird friend in their group. She was weird for occasionally excusing herself from a conversation when she had no need to use the restroom. She was weird for staring at random things. She was weird for laughing at most jokes, even from the colts. She was weird for keeping that doll in her room even when her friends came over to hang out.

At that moment, she felt greatly conflicted. She wanted to yell at her friends for thinking that she was weird. It wasn't just some assumption. She had heard them on numerous occasions whispering about her. She wondered if anypony knew how sensitive her ears actually were, but that was beside any point. She wanted to be mad at them. She also wanted to throw the doll away, but she couldn’t. She would never throw her friends away, or the doll. She just wanted her friends to take an interest in her issues instead of the other way around, but that would also be the worst possible thing.

"Stupid doll..." Despite her anger, she hugged it again. Each hug she gave the doll brought more feelings of guilt, but also more feelings of pleasure. Was that normal? She was almost certain that the answer was no. She felt that, as a pony, she was beyond weird and, despite the feelings of anger of being called weird by her friends, she was at least honest about that part.

"I should go outside..." She chose to not move however. Staring down at the doll became her world. She was worried that by going crusading with her friends that she would do more weird things, or she would drive her friends away. It had never actually come to that, however, even if there was lingering thoughts of their oddest decisions.

"Sweetie Belle, dear, are you in your room?" She heard a voice call, talking about her room, hearing that seemed weird. Their parents were always traveling and, over time, she had possessed two homes and two rooms. The room inside her sisters boutique, though, was mostly considered her real room.

"Coming!" She threw the doll back and then sighed and put on a fake smile. She found her sister finishing up a dress order in the front room. "Right here."

"There you are. What are your plans for the day?"

"Hmm, probably going crusading."

"Probably?"

"Well yeah, I think I will... bye Rarity!"

"...’Bye’?" The filly had ran out of the building far too quickly, and her sister knew something was wrong.

Sweetie Belle headed for Sweet Apple Acres, the location of their clubhouse and the place where her friends would meet. Ten minutes later she found herself inside the clubhouse, debating what to do during their daily meeting. Her mind was everywhere except what she was supposed to be doing.

"What if we... No, we already tried that," said Scootaloo, her voice trailing off.

"Hmm... I reckon we could... Wait. Nope. Tried that too..." Apple Bloom's voice was far too similar to that of her sister's, which made Sweetie smile even more, but her thoughts were still in the wrong place.

"..."

"Equestria to Sweetie Belle!"

Sweetie snapped right out of it, and gave her trademark sheepish smile and shrugged. They rolled their eyes at their 'weird' friend but thought nothing more. Weird was always the word; that’s what they thought or felt they were around her. Unknown to Sweetie Belle, however, that was what they liked about her.

"So now what? We need some ideas to earn our cutie marks!" Scootaloo threw her hooves up in exasperation.

"Hmm, we could um, help Pinkie?" Sweetie Belle squeaked slightly. That was another thing about her, her voice. When she was singing it was beautiful, but when she talked it was squeaky. Every single time she spoke, both fillies had to resist the urge to giggle out loud. It wasn’t considered mean to giggle at her, they figured, since they did love her in a way, but it was still funny sounding.

"We’ve tried that before, Sweetie Belle."

"No, we tried helping her cook things. Pinkie does other stuff ya know!" Sweetie often praised herself on catching smaller details. While both of her crusader friends assumed she meant throwing parties, she was actually talking about other stuff.

"Hey that's right! We could get our party-making cutie marks!"

"Ya!" Apple Bloom cheered. Just a cheer from her friends made Sweetie smirk. They were going to see Pinkie; that would certainly cheer Sweetie up. That was her plan and it was working, even if it wasn't exactly for the reasons that she thought up in the first place.

"Well, let's go!" They boarded the back of a wagon while Scootaloo pulled them forward. Their Cutie Mark Crusader capes flowing in the wind. Sweetie loved the wind even if she hated the insane speeds they were forced to travel. However, there were too many conflicted feelings on what made her happy and she hated that.

"I would love to help you three earn your party-making cutie marks!" Pinkie said.

Sweetie Belle, for all she was worth, was stumped. It was one thing to not notice when they had arrived at their destination, but to actually not notice that she had walked up to the counter was troubling to say the least.

"Cool! So what do we do?"

The pink pony struck a serious pose while she twirled a fake mustache for a while. "Well first, you pay attention you silly fillies!"

"But we are. Oh, Sweetie!"

"Sorry girls."

"Ugh, okay now what?" Scootaloo's patience was wearing out.

"Just follow me!"

Dozens of tasks they tried and dozens they failed. However, just being around the pink mare made it impossible for Sweetie to not smile, even at her own failings. Her friends, on the other hoof, were another story; they frowned a lot. She shrugged and just kept trying.

Out of the four, only Pinkie had noticed that Sweetie Belle seemed to keep closer to her. It wasn't bothersome in the slightest, but it did seem odd. Was it for comfort? Maybe. Pinkie thought that was odd for a filly Sweetie’s age though.

Several hours later, the fillies found themselves tired out. Resisting the urge to drop and sleep, they all left for home, but Sweetie paused before leaving. The party pony was busy cleaning up after their mess and was happy to do so.

Sweetie stood before the party mare. "Hey, Pinkie?"

"Yeppers?"

"Um, do you need any help?" She was begging on the inside for Pinkie to say yes, but she knew it was a fools dream. The party pony was nearly insane with excitement on a daily basis but never rude.

"Oh, you don't have to help silly. I'm good!"

"Are you sure?" Sweetie said, her voice nearing levels of desperation.

"Yep!"

"Oh… Do you need help with anything else?" She had just plunged into pure desperation and it felt wrong. She wasn't asking to help the party pony to be helpful, it was for odd reasons again. And she did have her reasons, it just wasn’t as simple as kindness. Being so weird almost made her sick.

"Um, I think I'm okay. Did you want to… hang out or something?"

"Yes! I-... I mean, uhm... well, yeah I do! You're cool, Pinkie." This was the best excuse she could come up with. She didn't even know if the pony would value being called cool by a filly.

"Heh, well, I guess we could hang out! But I'm kind of foal-sitting the twins later. Are you okay with that?"

Sweetie nodded vigorously. Foals were cute after all. And the Cake twins were never bad.

"Great! Then let's go!" There was no hesitation in Pinkie’s voice, but her brain was throwing red alerts all over the place. Pinkie wasn't stupid, far from it. Sweetie Belle had friends to hang out with, so why hang out with the mare unless she was either extremely bored or she had something to gain? Or even a problem that only the party pony could heal? Pinkie doubted that she could fix a deep rooted issue, but something was definitely going on.

"Cool!" Sweetie had never felt more excited in her entire life to play with foals. She was definitely weird.

Author's Note

So I got an editor for this story finally. He will be fixing any previous mistakes. Also anyone who has read this story should note that anything about Scootaloo being abused from this chapter was removed. I did this because it suddenly makes the sequel not make any sense lol. Sorry about the confusion there. When you focus so much on a story, you sometimes forget that you added little details like that.

Was It Foals?

Nervous excitement, it was always both a welcome feeling and something Sweetie loathed. She was insanely nervous to foalsit. It wasn’t because she felt she might screw up, rather, just being there made her nervous. If Pinkie ever told Rarity that she helped watch the twins then Sweetie would need an explanation, an explanation she didn’t have. She only hoped Pinkie would keep her mouth shut, even if that hope made her feel bad to some extent.

"Ever foalsat before, Sweetie?"

"No," she admitted. Foal care was never really on her mind. Until recently. True, she and her friends enjoyed cute things and that included babies, but for some reason she seemed oddly fixated on the twins right now. She wasn't sure if it was because they were babies or because they were cute, it didn't matter though.

“Then I’ll have to teach ya! Just watch out for Pumpkin’s baby magic,” Pinkie said, shuddering at the thought.

Before Sweetie knew what was happening, Pinkie broke into a grin, grabbed her, and walked off. ‘Baby magic’ gave Sweetie a pleasant feeling for a split second, even if she wasn’t sure what Pinkie meant by that. It made Sweetie think about how nice it was being able to use some magic nowadays.

Pinkie stopped in the doorway to the foals room and said just two words. Two words that barely meant anything, but when dealing with babies could literally mean anything. “Uh-oh.” Judging from the sight of one baby crying while the other smiled and the smell, it was a big ‘uh-oh’. “Well, time for your first lesson!” The mare turned serious for a split second while she eyed Sweetie who took that as her cue to pay attention.

Sweetie straightened up and felt that nervous excitement come back in full force; she felt a bit sick from the feeling, but mostly felt sick from the smell. “Um, that’s not what I think it is… is it?

"Uh-huh. It's not so bad though, once you get used to it."

That was something she most certainly did not want to get used to, but she did want to hang out with Pinkie. Sweetie had no choice but to listen to her.

For a split second, the filly had thoughts of doubt. She was questioning why she was even there, but then she shook them away and hesitantly walked up to the crib. The smell was from the unicorn foal, Pumpkin. The very foal that she was warned about. She gulped and turned her head back to Pinkie, hoping to find a smile but instead finding a stoic expression, she almost looked smug.

"Well?" Pinkie asked.

"What?" It was all Sweetie could think of, hoping her minor confusion would be enough for Pinkie to drop it. That was never going to happen in a million years but she figured she should try. Even if her nervous excitement was still there.

"She needs a change, silly, and you are going to do it!"

"Right." Her face turning into a frown. Without thinking, she used what little magic she knew to gently lift the foal and place her on the changing table. It felt good. Good because she did something right, because nothing had gone wrong, and because it wasn’t something she would get in trouble for.

"Good, now keep going…"

"Right." More frowning, but she was keeping up concentration on multiple objects. Unpinning a diaper, throwing it away and wiping off the mess. Powder flew by along with another diaper, her tongue sticking out as she plugged her nose. Concentrating was difficult with magic. When the diaper was on she sighed and felt nothing. No satisfaction from succeeding in her first diaper change, but no guilt; it was weird.

"Great job! You'd make a great mommy!"

The word ‘mommy’ echoed in Sweetie’s ear, she knew that was wrong.

"Now we can play with the little devils!"

More anxiety and more nervous excitement threatened to overload Sweetie’s feelings. She nodded and let Pinkie grab the foals and bring them down onto the floor. Turning around, she spotted several toys sprawled out on the carpet and one mare who was already getting into the swing of things; she was playing while Sweetie was not. It felt wrong but her body wouldn't move, she felt so stressed that she was going to do something wrong or stupid or even embarrassing.

"Well what are you waiting for?!" Pinkie said, gazing down as Sweetie. The grin on the pink mare was so wide it looked almost hurtful, physically at least.

"It's just… I've never played with babies before." She examined the foals some more, they had no embarrassment and no real goals except having the time of their lives. How could Pinkie play so naturally with them? Probably how she does everything else… She was no Pinkie; it was difficult to not blush at the slightest actions for Sweetie Belle. Just doing the diaper change, she could feel her cheeks flaming hot red. Even playing with her friends, she could always feel the familiar yet annoying feeling of rosy cheeks. Having a white coat didn't help either.

"Aww, it's easy! You just have to be real careful not to hurt ‘em. Just pick up a toy and dig in!" Pinkie grabbed a toy to demonstrate.

Dig in. She expected the filly to know exactly how to play and what to do. She had only ever played with her friends before and they never exactly wanted to practice tea parties or play with stuffed dolls. She then spotted a few dolls and she froze up in response. Pinkie was actually instructing her to play with dolls and she had none of her friends around to make fun or question her! This was her chance so why couldn't she move? She was moving, just slower than she would ever admit. Eventually, she found a stuffed doll, not unlike her own, laying on its side. She used a bit of her magic to pick it up and she grasped it in her hooves. She smiled.

"I think maybe Pumpkin wants you to play, Sweetie."

"Huh?" She looked down and realized that she had been sitting there with the doll in her grasp for over a minute, just smiling. "S-s-sure!" She brought the doll down and without thinking she began to role play with it in front of the foal. The more she played and the more she talked in place of the doll, the sillier she felt; she knew this is what babies loved but why didn't she love it? Because she wasn't meant to! It all made sense in a brief flash of realization. Sweetie Belle was, in fact, a young filly; she was meant to slowly grow up and find her way in life. Playing was common place, but not playing with such foalish things. Pinkie was allowed to because it was her duty to watch over these babies, not Sweetie's. It made her feel wrong again, it made her feel guilty and sick. "Um, Pinkie?"

"Keep going! They're loving it!"

"I know, but I think I need to head home…"

"Already? I thought you wanted to hang out?!"

She wasn't sure if the mare was trying to guilt trip her or figure something out, but it was clear that the filly had to be forceful. "I, uh..." She took a deep breath after dropping the doll. However, both Pinkie and even the foals noticed that she was panting, something was wrong.

"Are you okay? I didn't want to say anything because you were doing so well but you keep panicking and you look all embarrassed you silly—"

The filly laughed weakly and then finally gave in. She didn't cry but she had to tell somepony how she was feeling and it was not going to be her sister or her best friends. "I'm not okay." She finally said it, something she had been waiting to utter for the longest time. She didn't feel fine and faking her happiness was only hurting down inside.

"Uhh, you're not?" Pinkie loved to be silly, she loved to make the most out of other ponies days. Being serious was not her strong point.

"I said I'm not okay."

It took every ounce of herself to not groan or sigh. She had to become serious Pinkie. "Um, well what's wrong?"

"Everything." Admitting it lifted a huge weight from her but some was still present. She still felt confused.

"Everything like in this room? Is it the twins? Is it me?" Pinkie grabbed both the foals and bundled them together so they could play alone while she talked to Sweetie.

"I…" She took another breath. "Well, oh! You can't tell Rarity!"

"Uh, okay but—"

"Or my friends!"

"Right…" Thanking Celestia that a Pinkie Promise was never called up, she promised with her hooves held up high.

"Lately I've been feeling weird. I keep playing with one of my dol— No its my only doll. I like it a lot and there are other things that keep distracting me…"

"What kind of things? Like school or your friends or the doll or—"

"Anything!" She practically screamed. "We go on our crusader meetings and I keep daydreaming! We're out trying to get our cutie marks and I stare at a toy store! I'm out with Rarity and I think about you! I don't know why, but I do. I thought it was the babies here and maybe it is, but why?! Why do I keep thinking about them or my doll, just, why, Pinkie?!" She stopped talking as the pink mare looked on in shock. "I just don't want to feel weird."

"Hmm, I'm not quite sure, Sweetie. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, that's kind of Twilight's gig. Is it only babies that make you feel this way, whatever way that is?" Pinkie had to resist the urge to take out her mustache from before.

Sweetie Belle shook her head. "No! That's what's so confusing! Sometimes it’s dolls or other toys or even some books! Books! I mean I like to go to school but—"

"What books? What kind of books?"

"Books I used to read a lot, it doesn't matter…"

It did matter, the pink mare reasoned but she let her continue.

"Other times it’s other fillies—"

"Okay stop please. You’re being… vague here. What are you feeling exactly when you focus on another filly or book or toy or baby?" Pinkie had lost her silliness, it was for the best she reasoned again, but it still felt wrong.

"Do I have to say it?"

"…Yes, if you really want help. If you don't then all I know so far is that you feel weird around things and other's… Like I said, vague. I'm not stupid, Sweetie Belle, I know some other ponies and I'm sure everypony thinks this way, but I catch more than you would think. I knew something was bothering you if you asked to hang out with me and foalsit! Heh, no offense."

Sweetie blinked at the oddly specific thing the pink mare had said, clearly she was holding that in. "I feel warm and good inside or pleasant? Yeah pleasant. Is that wrong?"

"No, but I'm not sure why you would feel that way for random fillies and toys… Sweetie, not to change the subject, but do you always feel bashful when you play? And I don't just mean with babies here…"

"I guess so. Is that wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, but maybe that's just who you are? It's not a bad thing—"

"But I don't want to be this way! I just want to have fun with my friends and, heck, actually have fun doing it instead of just pretending…"

"Oh, Sweetie…" The party pony wrapped her in for a hug. "I didn't know you felt that way. Do your parents or Rarity or the Crusaders or—"

"No! And they don't need to!"

"Um, yes they do and you are going to tell them straight away!"

"No… No! I'm not telling them anything! You are going to help me fix myself—"

"I already told you, nothing is broken."

It was a simple statement, but Sweetie just knew deep down that she was wrong. "Oh yeah?! I'm not having fun with my friends anymore, I keep staring at weird things, I felt proud to change a diaper… a little, and I… Just help okay?!"

"Hmmm, I'll keep it a secret, but only if you Pinkie Promise me to eventually tell them that something is wrong. They are your family, Sweetie Belle, and they aren't stupid, at least Rarity isn't. She will know when something is up, even if we never tell her."

"Fine, I Pinkie Promise as long as you help me!"

"Deal!"

The Pinkie Sense

“Alright so here we are! Now go and play!” Pinkie ordered while she and Sweetie stood in the middle of the park. Children were playing all over and age did not seem to matter to them.

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“Yeah?”

“Play with who?” Sweetie Belle asked while looking more at the colts than the fillies. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything. All of the fillies in her class knew her more than the colts did and she felt far too embarrassed to admit her issues or risk the fillies finding out.

“Anypony, you silly!”

“Yeah but, uh, can’t we just figure this out with Twilight or something?”

“Nope! That’s plan B, Plan A is to study you from a distance… oh, I’ll just be…“

“Pinkie?” She turned to her left and then her right but the pink mare had disappeared. “How did she—“

“Hey, Sweetie Belle!”

“Hey, Snips and… Snails, what’s up?”

“Not much, we’ve just been kind of bored.”

“Ahh, well –” Sweetie took a quick glance at her surroundings to spot Pinkie but she was nowhere to be found “– do you want to hang out for a bit?”

“Uh, ss-sure,” Snips stuttered out.

“Fine by me.” The other grinned. Sweetie did not like the looks she was given, but she considered the two to be friendly enough.

The three gathered together near a rather large tree under the shade. Sweetie was feeling slightly more relaxed than before despite the lingering thoughts of somepony studying them. She was never really confident in Pinkie’s plans in the past, but she was Pinkie; she figured her plan could work.

“So, what have you been up to?” Snails said in a smooth voice while he did his best to control his stuttering.

“Well…” She figured it would not be in her best interest to reveal everything. “We’re still crusading a lot and it’s kind of annoying that we still don’t have our cutie marks.”

“I can only imagine,” Snips deadpanned.

“Uh yeah…”

“Hmm,” Snails muttered out.

An awkward silence rang over the three, but it did not last for long.

“So will you go out with—“ Snails tried to say but was cut off.

“Okay, we're done.” Sweetie Belle then stood up and left them near the tree. She felt bad about leaving them in the dust like that, but she was in no mood to be dating anypony. She was walking away for several minutes before the pink mare showed up.

“Why’d you turn him down? That was mean, Sweetie!” Pinkie was glaring at her in one of the rare occasions that she felt like showing anger.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t feel like dating! I need to fix this first!”

“And I told you before, you’re not broken, silly!”

“How do you know?!”

“I just do! Trust me!”

“You know something, don’t you?” Sweetie Belle stepped forward to take a dominant stance.

“Sure but—“

“Then tell me! Tell me what’s wrong!”

“That’s not how this works!” Pinkie struck out a serious pose for a second, then began to twirl a fake mustache.

Sweetie stood there in shock. “Is this a game to you? Cause it’s not funny!”

“Well, it’s kind of a game, but you have to play if you want to know what’s wrong! Not that there’s anything wrong with you, but…”

“But?”

Pinkie sighed. “It’s no fun if I just tell you. And you might freak out just like— You almost made me break a Pinkie Promise! Look just play along and I promise you will know what the issue is, kay?” She finished and had somehow found a wooden pipe that she was using to blow bubbles out of.

“Okay…” Sweetie said, feeling far more nervous about her idea than before.

“Great! Now come with me!” It was really more of a command than a suggestion, not that it mattered as the Pink mare was dragging the filly through the White Tail Woods against her will.

Ten minutes later, the two ponies stood in a clearing. Pinkie Pie was smiling away, but Sweetie was frowning.

“Now what, Pinkie?”

“Now… you play!”

The filly groaned. “You keep telling me to do that! Maybe I don’t feel like playing.”

“Oh, everypony always feels like playing, Sweetie. You just need to get in the right mood! Oh yeah, and…” The pink mare jumped in a pile of leaves before she could finish her sentence. Pinkie was giggling and jumping for joy while she splashed dead leaves all over the place.

Sweetie Belle, however, was just standing there, mouth agape, staring at the mare. “Pinkie, how do you do it?”

Pinkie stopped in mid jump and slumped down on the ground. She looked up and found the sad frown of a filly. “How do I do what?” Pinkie tilted her head to the side and, to Sweetie, actually looked confused. Was she acting?

“How do you just play without feeling embarrassed?”

“Oh, that’s an easy one!” Pinkie stood up and walked over to the filly. Smiling, she leaned down and picked Sweetie up, ignoring her protests. Pinkie jumped back into the pile of leaves with Sweetie still clutched in her hooves. Pinkie then let her go and waited for the inevitable, for the filly to play her games of non-sense and enjoy herself.

“It’s just some leaves, Pinkie.”

“Yep!” Pinkie grabbed a small pile of leaves and tossed them towards Sweetie’s face, giggling.

“That’s not funny!” Sweetie grabbed a small pile of her own and hurled them back, but Pinkie was too fast and dodged them all. Sweetie furrowed her brow and began to cast her magic to try and hold the pink mare in place. Pinkie giggled and grabbed some more leaves while her two back hooves were held firmly in place; she then flung the leaves at Sweetie’s face and she lost her concentration.

“Is so funny!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out and began to dodge an onslaught of magically flung leaves from left to right. Finally, Sweetie Belle aimed where the pink mare had not been and hit her just as she went to dodge it. “You got me!” She went on to giggle for a while and Sweetie Belle could not help but let out a laugh of her own.

“Yeah, I got you. Now what? Did that tell you anything?”

“Not yet, but we're getting there. How about we try something else, hmm?” Pinkie finished and smiled.

“What?”

“Follow the Pinkie!”

“Don’t you mean—“

“Nope! The game is Follow the Pinkie!” Pinkie started walking away with a smile on her face until she noticed that Sweetie had not moved. “If you don’t play you will never figure out your feeeeeelings.” She said in a playful tone.

“Fine…” Sweetie muttered and started following Pinkie.

Pinkie looked up as she walked and a quick glance back with her eyes told her that somepony was not following the rules. “You have to do everything that I do Sweetie, or you lose!”

The filly rolled her eyes but looked up, Pinkie then smiled and continued to play.

So they played for who knows how long. Pinkie would sway to the left and to the right in-between gallops. Sweetie followed every action. Pinkie started jumping up and down for one moment, so Sweetie did the same. Pinkie started walking with her head almost to the ground like she was sneaking up on somepony, so Sweetie also did that. Eventually, Pinkie decided to get creative.

Sweetie Belle had remembered this game being far more fun when she was younger, but now each and every action she was almost forced to copy made her feel tired. Pinkie struck the pose of a bunny rabbit and began to hop like one in a circle instead of moving forward. Sweetie Belle hopped up and down until finally she could take no more and collapsed, panting for breath.

“Game over!” Pinkie declared with a slight smug sense of satisfaction.

“Yeah,” Sweetie said, gasping for air, “game over…”

“Did ya have fun?!” Pinkie was bouncing up and down waiting for an answer.

“Sure…” Did she have fun? It was a question she tried to ask herself and tried her best to be honest with herself. “I just…”

“Yes?”

“I remember that game being more fun.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I had fun.”

“I’m so glad, Pinkie. So, did you figure anything out about me?”

Pinkie turned around to face the filly. The mare examined her all over while giving her a sincere smile. Pinkie had her reasons but kept them to herself. “Well… your cheeks flush whenever you do anything out of the ordinary. You like to follow directions even when it leads you somewhere into trouble.”

“Alright, that’s it! You are not acting like Pinkie!”

“What?” Pinkie stammered out while feeling quite nervous.

“I mean you are still acting like Pinkie, but not only are you hiding something, you keep getting all serious every once in a while. Tell me, Pinkie, tell me what is wrong with me. I want to hear it from you right now!”

Pinkie bit her lip and began to chew on it. She knew that she was letting on more than she should and that she was risking quite a lot. She assumed she knew what was wrong, but kept it to herself in order to protect the filly.

“Pinkie, I’m waiting.”

“Riiiiiiiiiight. Do you trust me, Sweetie?”

“How can I trust you if you’re not telling me the truth?!”

“That’s because I’m not exactly sure if I’m sure, you know?”

“No, Pinkie, I don’t know.”

“If I’m right then I’ll tell ya and it should be fine, but if I’m wrong then maybe it’s just something else. So do you trust me?”

“I guess so.”

“Good enough for me! I have a few other things to try so let’s get going!” Pinkie said as she led the way back to her room at Sugarcube Corner.

Sweetie sighed and followed. Surely whatever Pinkie was going to try now would be the wrong thing; nothing they tried thus far seemed to provide answers, why would this be any different? That thought made Sweetie nervous.

Pinkie walked over to one corner of her room and started rummaging through a large chest. It was a toy box, Sweetie realized. This was Pinkie Pie she was dealing with, but even so, why would Pinkie need a toy box? It couldn’t have been for the twins, they had one in their own room.

“Here we go. Blocks!” Pinkie deposited a set of blocks on the ground, very similar in style to the ones in the twin’s room. “Now I want you to play with these and just have fun!”

“Pinkie, I think you’re crazy.”

“And I think blocks are fun, don’t you?” Pinkie never waited for an answer; instead, she began to play with the blocks by stacking them into a miniature castle. The mare then turned up to the filly and smirked. Sweetie Belle hesitated, but plopped down and started to play with the blocks as well.

At first the filly was blushing quite uncontrollably, but it eventually stopped when the two joined forces in their building. Blocks stacked up higher and higher with the two ponies balancing them along. The castle was almost complete, but it was at this moment that Sweetie Belle forced herself to stop.

“I don’t… Pinkie, I think I should go.”

Pinkie took that as her cue to stand up. She hugged Sweetie. The pink mare hugged Sweetie Belle for all she was worth. It was only for a split second that Sweetie hesitated or tried to push her off, but a split second after that, she hugged back. It did not stop her, however, from feeling confused.

“Pinkie?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are we hugging?”

“Because, everypony needs a hug to make them happy! Before you go… I think you should take this.”

Sweetie grabbed a book with her magic just as the hug ceased. Pony Psychology

“But I thought—"

“I never said I was an expert. And in case you’re wondering… I got that from Twilight. Anyway, there is a chapter labeled in there. You should read it and then, when you’re ready, you can come back to me or talk to Rarity or your parents or Twilight.” And then Pinkie scooted her out of her room and shut the door.

Sweetie Belle did not hesitate to run home and open the book, reading in silence.

Twilight's Help

“This has got to be a joke... but she seemed so serious!” Sweetie Belle was not one for skimming through topics. She had read the marked section in the book over and over. None of it made sense. At least, that’s what she wanted to think, but a lot of it did. “I’m not like that... am I?”

She thought over what the book was implying and concluded that it was at least half correct, but the book did warn her that no two ponies were exactly alike and that part made sense. Everything else she read seemed to only get half of how she felt right. It seemed to address a more extreme way of thinking about what she was, and it made her wonder how accurate it was for Pinkie.

“Where do I even start with all of this? Who could I talk to?”

Pinkie already did all that she could, it seemed. Everypony else she knew was instantly ruled out; the sheer embarrassment that would come from telling somepony close to her was a huge deterrent. With a few steady breaths, her thoughts became more calm and calculating, even if only a bit.

Mom and dad are out; I’ve seen them do some pretty goofy things but this would take the cake and just scare them I bet...

She set the book down after glancing over the section of her obsession once more and sighed. “Would Rarity listen? Nope, it took a fight just to get her to join me in the Sisterhooves social...” Sweetie’s brain scanned over the ponies she knew well, and even some that she didn’t, as she desperately tried to think of one that could offer an unbiased opinion into her troubles.

Pinkie Pie would have to sit this one out until Sweetie could decide for herself.Is that why she kicked me out of her room, so I could decide on my own? Hmm...

“Twilight...” It was the perfect choice and for a gleaming second all felt well, until she realized that Twilight, was in fact, best friends with her older sister. She then reasoned that Pinkie was too and Twilight was essentially the town’s psychiatrist; it wasn’t her title but it might as well have been with all the ponies that she had indeed helped. Eventually she decided that Twilight was her best bet to sort her feelings out. Sweetie Belle hid the book under her pillow and dashed out of the boutique once more, silently thanking Celestia that her sister had not noticed.

Her short trip to the library however felt like an eternity because her thoughts would not just linger or stop. What if Rarity finds out and she tells Mom and Dad and they— She shook that thought aside and took a few more steps toward the library. What if they force me to stop? Sweetie took a couple more steps but stopped again. Should I just keep this a secret forever? Should I ever tell Mom? Or Dad… A few more steps were forced. Should I just force myself to stop and— Sweetie Belle stopped in her tracks when she realized that she almost ran into the door of the library. She grunted and forced herself to open the door, walk in, and shut it gently.

“Twilight?” Just calling out her name brought forth a fresh wave of nervousness. She was going to go through a full on conversation regarding herself and it was with a mare that had once enchanted a doll for her to fall in love with.

“I’m up here, Sweetie.”

Sweetie walked up the stairs and found Twilight buried in a pile of books. When Sweetie reached the second floor she froze; Twilight was obviously busy with some complex project, going back and forth between reading books and taking notes. It only made the filly more nervous that she was going to be breaking Twilight away from something important.

“Did ya need something?” Twilight asked while not taking her eyes off her book.

“Yeah...” Sweetie waited patiently for Twilight to turn up from her book, and she eventually did with a quizzical expression that Sweetie could swear had a hint of annoyance. “Um, you see Pinkie, gave me this book...”

“Okay?” Twilight pressed while not getting her meaning at all.

“...About Pony Psychology...”

“About... Oh, um, was it about the same subject that she...” The mare practically mumbled, not wanting to utter the phrase with other ponies around. Sweetie nodded and noticed the same problem, the library was full that day. “Right. Spike?”

“Hmm?”

“I have an issue to deal with, you’re in charge for a bit. We’ll just be in my room.”

“Kay.”

Sweetie Belle began a little game in her head she liked to call Hurry Up Or I’ll Scream. It had been at least twenty minutes since they had walked into Twilight’s room and the mare had not stopped checking notes and a few other books while glancing back at the filly a few times.

“Okay—“

“Finally!” She then sighed when she realized her mistake. “Sorry... Twilight.”

“Uh, it’s okay... Anyway, I’m not really a psychiatrist but I can keep this a secret if you like.”

“Yes please...”

“Even from Rarity?”

“Do you really think that—“

“Yes I do. Rarity loves you more than anything in this world and I don’t think that she has it in her nature to hate you over anything. Even if that thing is wanting to engage in foal related activities—“

“I can’t help it ok—“

“I know, I had to help Pinkie overcome that and even then it took a while. I meant nothing by it, Sweetie. As I was saying though, I don’t think Rarity would ever hate you based on this, but we would have to tell her gently.”

“...Do you promise that she won’t be angry or something?”

“Yes, I promise that. But for now we need to focus on you first. I take it you feel embarrassed about all of this?”

“I really don’t want to be though! Pinkie kind of helped, but only for a few minutes then I went back to just feeling wrong. Except with my doll though.”

“Your doll?”

“Yeah, it’s an old doll from my momm— from Mom. It doesn’t make me feel guilty or anything.”

“So this makes you feel guilty?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot that it makes me feel guilty.”

Twilight nodded while thinking over her next words carefully. She did not wish to give the filly bad advice, but she also did not want to give it behind her parents back. “I can give you advice, but you have to promise me to speak with your sister about this also. Can you do that?”

“Uh, can I think about it and still get the advice?” She asked in a hopeful tone.

Twilight actually did consider this before shaking her head. “How about a compromise? Since my advice relies on you feeling more comfortable, you can wait before telling her, but you will tell her.”

Sweetie considered it for a moment and nodded her head in agreement.

“Good, now even though— Wait, what did Pinkie tell you?”

Sweetie sighed and shared her experience with the pink mare. Twilight’s expression changed from shock to understanding to anger and back to understanding.

“Oh, Pinkie... Well, even though she was mostly correct I feel that Pinkie may have overstepped her boundaries when it came to helping you. So for now I would like for you to take it slow when you do have free time and vent your feelings out.”

“You mean by playing by myself?”

“Well it doesn’t have to be by yourself, but if it helps then yes. And I’m sure Pinkie would be on board for any of these... activities I’ve listed for you. But I think she wants Rarity to at least know before you continue with her. Make sense?”

“I guess so. You think all of this stuff will help?” She skimmed the list and already a few of the things looked questionable.

“Absolutely, if you vent your feelings then you will be less likely to daydream and will start having fun with your friends again!” Twilight grinned, but just hearing that caused Sweetie Belle to sigh and look down.

“Twilight, I—“

“You’re afraid?” A silent nod was all she received. “Well... I probably shouldn’t say this, but Pinkie was too.”

“Really? Pinkie?!”

“Yeah, but not for long. Just try a few things on the list and experiment. There’s no need to go overboard, but just try a few things when you have some free time.”

Sweetie took another look at the letter as she realized that it unraveled to the point of actually hitting the wall on the other side of the room. “You call this a few?”

“I just wanted to be thorough, Sweetie. I’d recommend you borrow those blocks from Pinkie and play with your doll more, but you also need to ease yourself into the more... well I guess I would say just practice more of those activities until they feel natural.”

“And then I’ll stop daydreaming and starting having fun?”

“Well, what do you think?”

“I— hmmm, Twilight?”

“Yes?”

“Is it just Pinkie and me that are like this?” Twilight blinked a few times but did not respond.

“Twilight?”

“Sorry, Sweetie, but I can’t say. If you don’t feel comfortable playing with Pinkie though, then I’m sure you can at least talk to her about this, right?”

“Yeah, sure...” The filly ran through a million ponies in her mind to try and figure out which one in her town had approached the librarian about their issues. “Was this it?”

“Oh, for the most part. You can also take this book home, that might explain a few more things, but that’s it!”

“Thanks Twilight.” Sweetie Belle did not feel like she had accomplished anything, she still felt empty inside.

“Sweetie Belle, it’s going to be alright. This isn’t the end of the world and if you really want this to be a secret then that’s how it will stay. Except for maybe Rarity, but that’s all.”

“Okay,” was all Sweetie could say at that moment.

Twilight had done her research extensively and was quite passive when dealing with the filly. There was no anger or pity or hate, just understanding. Sweetie got the feeling that Twilight understood far more than she was letting on but it did help, even if she still was not thrilled about it all.

“Now what, Dolly?” The doll gave no response. Sweetie Belle nervously shut her door and made sure that she could not hear Rarity. Satisfied she was hidden enough, she began to role play, but her heart did not feel like she was into it and thus she gave up halfway in and sighed. “It’s more fun with Pinkie...”

She set Dolly aside and looked over the list to try and find something that she could enjoy on her own. One of the items gave her an idea.

Sweetie Belle soon found herself inside her sister’s room, eagerly waiting for Rarity to come upstairs after calling her name. She took one last glance at the list before rolling it back up with her magic and giving out a silent prayer that her plan would work.

Dress Up Play.

“Sweetie? What are you doing in my room?”

“Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to dress me up in some outfits.”

Rarity took a moment to mentally go over Sweetie’s words before she made sure that what she heard was correct. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Uh...” Sweetie Belle thought over her options before coming up with a new plan. She felt impatient for trying it, but she figured it was going to come out one way or the other. “I’ll be right back!”

“Okay...” Rarity said, unsure how she should be reacting.

Sweetie had returned while using her magic to levitate her new book in front of her sister’s presence and set it down. “Read this!”

Rarity curiosity glanced over the cover of the book before turning back to the filly. Sweetie Belle nodded slowly and urged her to read.

“A-alr-right, I’ll read this... Sweetie.”

“Just don’t be mad, please?”

Rarity caught a glance at her sister who looked sad. She nodded and gave a small smile while glancing through the first few pages. Sweetie Belle sighed in relief on the inside while she patiently waited for her sister to make any noise other than the turning of pages.

Rarity

Sweetie sat alone in her room, waiting for her sister to finish reading. Rarity was only halfway through the book; Sweetie decided to let her sister be. Several hours of constant silence in her room was driving Sweetie mad and she noticed that she actually began to sweat a bit. She tried several breathing exercises, but she knew deep down that the only thing that would calm her down was her older sister.

Sweetie took in one big, deep breath and let it out slowly. It helped every once in a while, but mainly, it was just a way to keep from being bored. She did not feel like doing anything until Rarity was finished. She tapped her hooves on the floor in rapid succession; the wait was simply driving her mad.

Click-Clank

Her heart skipped a beat when she recognized the sound of her door handle turning. Sweetie turned her face to the door but did not smile or frown, she simply kept her expression as stoic as possible. Rarity walked in, gently using her magic to open the door and close it. She then walked over to her sister’s bed and sat down, for a while nothing was said, until…

“Sweetie?”

“Yes?” Her voice squeaked out far too high for either of their liking.

“…Where did you get that book?” Rarity questioned.

Sweetie Belle blinked a few times. Of all the things for her sister to say, she did not expect that to be the first question. “Um, from Twilight.”

“Well, I’ll have to talk to her about that.” Rarity’s voice almost sounded… annoyed. How could her sister be annoyed at her for getting help?

“But—“

Rarity waved a hoof to stop her. “Now, I don’t know why exactly you have all of this… nonsense in your head, but I need it to stop. I mean diapers? Playing with blocks and foal toys? Honestly, Sweetie Belle, this is wrong and immature.”

“But I never even—“

“I don’t want to hear it. I’ll be taking this doll away from you and you will not be seeing Twilight unless I give you permission. I need to go to speak with her, so you will wait in your room. Am I understood?”

Sweetie couldn’t believe what her sister was saying. After going through all that, she was going to stop all of this. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe Twilight and Pinkie were wrong and she was just a freak after all. All she could do was nod in response and watch her sister leave and the door slam shut.

Rarity wasted no time in arriving at the library. She opened the door without warning and even slammed it in a fit of anger; it was probably more than a proper mare should be doing, but she didn’t care. Twilight was nowhere to be found so she figured it would not be rude to just barge into her room.

“Twilight Sparkle?!”

Twilight was not in her room either, but when she heard her name she came right over. “Rarity?”

“Do you mind telling me what you are doing with my sister?!” Rarity gently levitated the book and brought it into Twilight’s grasp.

“So she told you? Good, that—“

“Good? How is this good, Twilight?!”

Twilight could sense her anger. “Well, I’ll admit this is an unusual situation—“

“Unusual?! That’s what you call this? My sister wants to wear diapers and act like a baby? Ha! How, exactly, could you encourage such behavior?” Rarity’s anger grew with every word.

“Rarity… this isn’t something that Sweetie Belle is indulging in for fun, it’s a feeling. It’s not something she can control easily. This is how she is and she is afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what exactly?” The anger still did not leave her voice.

“If I had to guess, you,” Twilight replied, doing her best to keep any sign of annoyance or emotion out of her tone.

“Me? Why in the devil would she be afraid of me?”

“She’s afraid of disappointing you, Rarity. She looks up to you in the same way that Scootaloo looks up to Rainbow Dash. She loves you more than anything in the world and right now, Sweetie is afraid of losing that and losing herself with all of… well, this.” Twilight finished while gesturing to the book.

Rarity calmed down a bit from hearing this. “Then why does she even bother with this teen foal stuff?”

“It’s just how she feels deep down inside. Lately she has been daydreaming and getting distracted. It took another friend for her to come to grips with what her issue was. And then that friend sent her to me. Sweetie isn’t having fun with her friends anymore because she can’t be honest with them or herself.”

“I-I’ve not heard of any of this!”

“She’s been bottling up her emotions. Why are you so angry about this?”

“She’s my sister! I should know if she’s hurting and I… I…”

“What did you do when she told you?”

Rarity sighed. “Well, I read that book and before that, she made me promise not to get mad. I didn’t exactly lose my temper at her, but I, um…” Rarity levitated the confiscated doll and sighed. Twilight just shook her head.

“What did you tell her, Rarity?” Twilight’s voice was now seething with a hint of anger.

“That she needs to stop?” Rarity said in a voice that seemed far more unsure of herself and her anger than moments before.

“Anything else?”

“…That this is wrong.”

“Rarity!” Twilight scolded. “How could you? Sweetie is already feeling insecure about herself and to get—“

“I know alright! I panicked! I just thought… Just help me fix this please!”

“Okay, first off, you need to apologize to her. Now, the whole reason I sent her this list was to take things slow, so secondly, you need to help her feel comfortable. But slowly.”

“Right. Oh I think I have an idea!” Rarity beamed and lunged forward to give her friend a hug. “Thanks, Twilight!”

“Your wel…”

Rarity ran out and had shut the door behind her.

“…come?”

Rarity was tempted to put her plan into action slowly, but she knew her sister was hurting up in her room. She put her ear to the door and found no crying. She hoped that was a good sign. After gently opening the door, however, Rarity found anything but good signs.

Sweetie Belle’s room was completely torn apart. School books lay thrown out carelessly out of pure frustration. Refined drawings from an earlier time in her childhood that Sweetie had once cherished were ripped up on the floor. Several old toys and gifts from her sister were smashed against her walls.

In the middle of the blast radius laid Sweetie Belle sniffling to herself, her face buried in a pillow.

“Sweetie?”

“…I’m a freak…” Sweetie Belle croaked out and continued to whine into her pillow. Rarity looked down in horror, she had done this to her sister, she had made her feel this way. Rarity did the only thing that came to mind, using some of her magic she levitated the doll right next to her sister’s face and waited.

Sweetie looked over and spotted it. Her tears stopped; only a few occasional sniffles remained. The filly then worked up the courage to look into her sister’s eyes. Rarity wore a sad smile. Reluctantly, Sweetie returned it.

“Sweetie Belle, I’m so sorry. I was wrong… I can’t say I fully understand…” She stopped and noticed that Sweetie winced at this last statement. “…But I want to, if you can forgive me?”

“Yeah… I can,” Sweetie breathed out, but her voice was so shaky all Rarity heard was a whimper and a nod. Sweetie then looked over her room and was on the verge of tears once more.

“Don’t you worry about your room; we can fix it up anyway you like. But for now, why don’t we just spend the day together, hmm?”

A weak nod and a small smile was all she got in response. Sweetie Belle stood up, but Rarity noticed she was barely moving at all and used some of her magic to gently lift her up and placed her on top of her back.

Rarity walked up to the store’s counter and frowned. She used a bit of her magic to lock the door and switched the sign to closed.

“But you said you had clients—“

“Let me worry about that, for now. Wait! Ideaaaaaaa!” Rarity gently lifted Sweetie Belle over to a chair and laid her down. “Just wait there and let me…” She trailed off and began to work on what Sweetie assumed was a dress, but she didn’t care.

Sweetie Belle felt contented to simply lay on the chair and watch her sister work. It reminded her of when she was much younger; she would watch her sister, before it was time to play, just working away. Sweetie almost dozed off, but forced herself to stay awake, curious as to what her sister was making.

Her sister’s work was almost hypnotic and just as Sweetie was about to succumb to sleep, she finished.

“And here we are!” Rarity declared as she used some magic to levitate up a piece of clothing.

“Is that…” Sweetie Belle tried to question, but it died in her throat.

“A sleeper. I figured you might be more comfortable in it and perhaps as your new PJs?”

“Um…“

“You don’t like it?”

“No! I do, it’s just uh… Rarity this is weird,” Sweetie Belle squeaked out.

Rarity, in response, slowly put the sleeper down and considered this. “Yes, it is not a normal circumstance, but this is how you feel, no?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Twilight said to take it slow and I figured there would be no harm in making you one. You don’t have to wear it if you feel pressured…”

Sweetie darted her eyes from left to right slowly and bit her lip. “So let me get this straight. If I put this on around your shop, you won’t care?”

“Not as long as you don’t mind,” Rarity replied with a smile.

“Okay… I’ll be right back?”

Rarity blinked in surprise. “Oh! Certainly, you can just go change in your room, here you are.”

Sweetie grabbed it with her magic and left in a hurry. She looked over the sleeper and found it to be pink in nature with blue colored teddy bears all over, or as much as Rarity could sew in. She blushed when she realized there were buttons toward the bottom on either side. She immediately knew what they were for, but shrugged it off. It took her a single minute and then she was dressed to never, ever go outside in it.

“This is pretty comfy…” She smiled and left her room, giggling a bit.

“I’m terribly sorry dear, but Sweetie is—“

“SWEETIE BELLE?!”

The filly’s heart froze when she saw Apple Bloom standing at the front door with her eyes wide in shock. Sweetie turned to Rarity for guidance, but the mare had her mouth clamped shut.

Rarity knew she had two ways to play this off; tell the truth or a little white lie about asking Sweetie to try out a new clothes line. She bit her lip and was unsure how to proceed; if she lied for her sister then Apple Bloom might be mad later if she revealed the truth. Unfortunately that choice was made for her as Sweetie Belle fainted, falling on the floor. Apple Bloom took a few steps forward and inspected her and then turned to Rarity.

“Alright, ah want some dang answers. Right now!”

Play Time

Apple Bloom glared at Rarity while the mare’s mind blanked.

“Why did Sweetie Belle faint all of a sudden? What were you two doing?”

“The faint? Oh my!” Rarity forgot about her new pajamas and walked up to Sweetie and inspected her. “She seems fine. I think you kind of shocked her… because she was wearing, well, this little get up.”

Apple Bloom raised her eyebrow. “They’re just pajamas, weird looking, maybe, but ah don’t get it.”

Rarity sighed, mostly in relief, but it was also for some other reason. “Just wait here for a moment… I’ll be right back.”

The unicorn mare then levitated Sweetie Belle up in the air and left the room, leaving behind a confused looking Apple Bloom. She then brought in the filly, still in her magic, upstairs and laid her down on the floor. A few moments later, she was out of the foalish pajamas.

“Wha…? Rarity?” Sweetie Belle asked after being woken up with some water splashed into her face. “Did I just faint?”

“Uh, yes you did. Apple Bloom is waiting downstairs…”

The filly’s eyes grew wide in fear.

“But she didn’t see the diaper compartment on those pajamas, she just thinks you wear weird-looking garments is all.”

“Oh thank Celestia. What do I tell her though?”

“The truth if you’d like. Or if that is too far then just say you’ve been stressed lately with some personal things and to leave it at that.”

“Alright, I guess that could work… I’ll just go hang out with her and be back later?”

“Sure. Have a nice day out.”

Sweetie Belle felt odd just leaving her sister with all of this information and walking down the stairs, but she figured there wasn’t much else to say or do.

“Are you okay?!” Apple Bloom asked after seeing her come down.

“Yeah, thanks for the concern, but I’ve been dealing with a few personal things and I’m just stressed out…”

“Uh, alrighty. As long as you’re okay. You are right?”

“Yeah… so, we doing some crusading?”

“Sure! But maybe we better take it easy… not to embarrass you or nuffin, but—“

“That sounds fine to me!” Sweetie replied. Her interruption was annoying but welcome, as Apple Bloom smiled.

“We just need to get Scoots… where’s she live anyway?” Apple Bloom questioned Sweetie Belle, who looked just as confused.

“Hey, girls!”

They both screamed from surprise and found Scootaloo just behind them all of a sudden.

“Scootaloo! Don’t scare us like that!” Sweetie protested and glared at her.

She shrugged. “Sheesh, just saw you two standing there and I figured, why not?”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Well Sweetie just fainted over some, uh, stress or somethin’ and she would appreciate if you didn’t scare us.”

Scootaloo raised one of her eyebrows at Sweetie who simply shrugged and nodded her head once.

“Okay… I won’t? I guess… Can we go crusading now?”

“Sure!” Sweetie squeaked, happy to get her mind off of everything.

Sweetie found that she did daydream, still, while crusading with her friends. Only, this time, it made more sense. She was not fantasizing about random thoughts with the occasional coherent one in its place, she was fantasizing about spending time with Rarity.

Time flew by much quicker with her mind at ease. Her friends did not suspect her secrets. By the end of the day, she was ready to face Rarity once more. She only hoped that Rarity was not too stressed out with cleaning up her mess and taking care of her dress orders.

“Shoot! Still nuffin…” Apple Bloom muttered. It was the end of the day and the three had tried just about a dozen more tasks to earn their marks, but still nothing. “Well, ah better be headed home. I’ll see you two later!”

“Right, uh, home. Bye you two!” Scootaloo called out and left just as quickly.

“Bye!” Sweetie called out and sighed in relief.

She frowned when she noticed that nopony was working the register of the boutique after making her way home. The sign had read closed, but normally Rarity was out in the front during this time.

“Rarity?”

She heard no response, but from the hallway she could tell her door was closed. She used a bit of magic to open her door and saw her sister looking exhausted.

The room was completely redone and looked much nicer. Everything had been fixed, only, her new room was set up far differently. Rarity looked exhausted. And rightly so. Sweetie’s bed contained new sheets and blankets that looked a bit frilly and pink. She had new wallpaper with designs of clouds all over the place. Sweetie knew the wallpaper alone must have been a ton of work. At the foot of her bed were new stuffed animals, including a red dragon. Sweetie smiled.

Rarity turned around and spotted her sister. “Sweetie? Oh! I suppose the surprise is ruined…” She muttered the last part and frowned.

“Rarity, I love it! Were you doing this the whole time I was gone?” She asked in concern.

Rarity sighed with a smile. “Yes I—”

“But your dress orders!” Sweetie interrupted.

“Some things are more important than work. I can just arrange for the orders to come in later, alright?”

Sweetie Belle nuzzled her sister’s cheek and smiled. “Thanks, big sis.”

“Sure. I got you some new toys and I’m considering making you a few new pieces of clothing… I’m not sure how far you are into this.”

“Oh, I’m not sure. I guess we just figure it out as we go?”

Rarity smiled. “A wonderful idea. What shall we try first?” she asked while gesturing to Sweetie’s new set of toys.

Sweetie Belle had to resist the urge to groan. It just seemed natural to the filly to feel embarrassed around her sister. She knew her big sis was trying her hardest to make her feel comfortable and safe. She also knew she was giving up her work to just spend the day together. But asking ‘where shall we start’ when it came to childish activates was not how you did it. No. When you played, you played. And it wasn’t some set structure or set of rules. It was fun and fun did not always have to be governed by a set of laws or boundaries.

Sweetie giggled a little. She had an idea and quickly grabbed the red dragon and her pony doll from before.

“Oh, Spikey, I’ve loved you for so long, but I’ve never had the courage to ask you out!” Sweetie Belle did an impression of Rarity while holding the doll and doing wild animated gestures with it towards the dragon.

Rarity gasped. “I do not sound like that! I—“

“Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah!” Sweetie mimicked kissing noises as she used her two hooves to push the dolls together. “Spikey, you are such a gentlestallion!”

“A gentlestallion would not act that way! I… Oh nevermind.” Rarity tried to fume at her sister, but a pouting lip and quivering eyes stopped her. Sweetie Belle instantly smiled at this and shoved forth the pony doll to Rarity while she kept the dragon one.

“Um, alright, my dear Rarity, let’s explore that castle together!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed in an almost mocking tone.

“Sweetie, I don’t see a—”

Sweetie clamped a hoof on top of her mouth and whispered harshly. “Just pretend.”

And so they did. Rarity needed no further pushing. Sweetie Belle wanted, no, needed to play and so they did. There wasn’t much to play with, but a long stare at the dragon gave Sweetie an idea. The castle inside her own head was long forgotten even though her big sister seemed intrigued to explore.

“Hey, Rarity, I just thought up a new game…”

“Oh? What about the castle?”

“Yeah, I’m bored with that now.” She declared. To Rarity it was like déjà vu; getting bored so quickly was quite common for Sweetie. “Now I want to play dragon tag!”

“Dragon tag?” She asked back to clarify. Sweetie nodded and picked the stuffed toy up.

“Mm-hmm. It’s easy!” She exclaimed with a childlike smile. Rarity couldn’t help but notice that she did look cute, even as she was growing up. Then that smile turned to an devilish grin, her eyebrows slanted. It was quick. Magic enveloped the dragon doll and then it was literally smashed into Rarity’s face.

“Wha?”

“You’re it!” Sweetie dashed off out of the room before the mare could even process what had happened. Working on assumption alone, Rarity picked up the dragon with her magic and was soon searching the building for her sister.

“Sweetie? Sweetie Belle?” There was no answer. She frowned and looked towards the kitchen but found nothing out of place. That was, until she heard something that was foreign at first. And then she realized it was a certain filly blowing a raspberry at her.

“Did you just…” Rarity tried to ask, but Sweetie Belle merely smirked and ran off giggling. “Oh, it is on!”

Rarity did not know where the time went or how she ended up face down on the floor with the dragon pelting her face. But it did happen and she was beaten by her little sister.

Sweetie Belle took a seat in front of her bed and then literally flopped down onto her tummy. It had been three hours since they started and it was fun. “Thanks, Rarity.”

Rarity stood up and sighed. “Sure thing.” She quickly nuzzled her sister.

“What would you like to do now? Sweetie Belle?” The sound of a snoozing filly was all she got in exchange. She giggled and levitated the stuffed dragon over to her; Sweetie grabbed it in midair but kept sleeping. “I wonder how she did that? No matter. Sweet Dreams, my little filly.”

She shut the door and paused. Twilight must know more about all of… this. I think I’ll pay her a visit.

The End

Rarity walked along, trying to think of what exactly she wanted to say to Twilight. She simply wanted to know how uncommon this was and how hard a life Sweetie was in for. She wasn’t even sure if this was an every once in a while affair or something that her sister felt all the time. It was frustrating. She also could not believe that she went from a generous soul to a mean spirited one so quickly; she had hurt Sweetie Belle and it felt wrong. While it was true she had earned a reputation amongst her friends (and sister) for flying off the handle at the smallest thing, at the time, she did not think she was overreacting. But now she felt like the biggest jerk in Equestria for ever doing such a thing.

She huffed and decided that worrying about that was not going to help Sweetie Belle. Rarity was about to reach the library when she bumped, almost literally, into Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie?”

“Oh, hey, Rarity! What’s up?”

“Well, I was just heading to Twilight’s because… Well, just because,” she said quickly. “How have you been?”

“Oh good, thanks for asking! I was just about to look for Sweetie Belle. Is she at your place?”

Okay, that’s weird. “Whatever for?”

“Just because!” she declared happily.

Rarity narrowed her eyes onto Pinkie. “She is resting at my boutique. She had a tiring day. Would you… like me to give her a message perhaps?”

“Oh sure! Tell her, I hope you are feeling better and I hope the book I gave you helped! Anyway, see ya later, Rarity!” Pinkie called back and was starting to walk off.

Book?! Rarity’s voice caught in her throat several times before her brain forced the words out. “Wait! Pinkie!”

“Yes?” Pinkie turned back, still the same grin on her face.

“Are you talking about, um…” Rarity caught herself again and ran right up to Pinkie to whisper into her ear. “…the teen foal stuff?”

“Well sure! Sweetie came to me first for help and I explained what it is. The silly filly didn’t even know the phrase for it. Why?”

Rarity’s face morphed into a frown. “Why? Because she is my sister! Are you, uh, I suppose the term would be adult foal?”

Pinkie blinked a few times and sighed. “That’s, uh, hmm. Yes. I mean, if you put some of the pieces together about how I act all the time…”

“Cheerful and carefree?”

“Yep! Are you mad?” Pinkie asked in a fearful tone.

Rarity sighed and slumped down into a sitting position. “No. I do feel awful though, Pinkie. I told Sweetie this was all wrong. I fixed it of course and I even made her a sleeper.”

“That’s great!” Pinkie exclaimed and gave a halfhearted smile.

“Yeah… but I could still use some help. Will you help me?”

“Well sure I can!” She replied quickly with that same silly grin, a grin that quickly formed into a stoic face. “But can you keep this between us three? Please?”

“Absolutely. And… Wait, Pinkie, am I the first one to find out about what you are?”

The stoic expression wavered and turned into a simple sigh and smile. “You and Sweetie Belle, yes. It’s not exactly an easy thing to talk about. Oh, and I guess Twilight knows a little…”

“Do you feel embarrassed by this?”

“Not anymore, but some of the things I’m into and feel are a bit extreme. The reason I didn’t go jumping for joy with Sweetie Belle is because she is still a filly and I’m not sure to what extent she would go.” Pinkie’s eyes glazed over for just a second before she instantly reverted back to the Pinkie that Rarity knew. “I guess it’s a bit funny; I’m getting all serious about foal feelings.”

“What do you propose I do?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Just let her be herself!” Pinkie beamed with this basic knowledge. It was so obvious; why hadn’t Rarity seen it?

“But you’re not always yourself, are you?” Rarity questioned. Pinkie Pie held her breath for a second and let it out quite loudly.

“No, but I don’t see how I can be. Not all of our friends know. And where can I be a baby and let all my feelings out? That’s kind of a toughie, Rarity.”

Rarity had her hoof under her chin, pondering the ‘toughie’. “I think a nice start would be coming out to our friends. I know that sound scary, but if an up class ‘prissy pony’ such as myself can accept you and my sister for this, I know anypony can.” Rarity grinned and Pinkie was left speechless staring at her. “I know some of the things other ponies call me behind my back you know. But I really don’t think it is a bad idea.”

“Just come out, just like that? I dunno Rarity, there aren’t an awful lot of us. Then again, I never really looked in Ponyville before…”

“Sweetie was the first you knew of?”

“I think so. Sometimes I have my suspicions on other ponies, but I get busy a lot and I guess I was just a bit scared to look.” Pinkie looked down to the ground as she paused before turning back to Rarity. “You know, I bet you’d make a great ‘caretaker’ to Sweetie Belle.” Rarity tilted her head to the side. So Pinkie whispered. “That’s what they call pretend mommies or daddies for fun.”

“But she already has a mom and dad, or is that different?”

“It’s very different. You really should read that book some more. But I was just saying. Anyway, I’m glad Sweetie isn’t freaking out anymore. Anyway, I got some thinking to do.”

“Of course. Oh and, Pinkie? If you do come out to our friends like I suggested you do, mind leaving Sweetie Belle out of it for now? Not that our friends would do this, but I would hate for Sweetie’s friends to find out.”

“Sure! That’s up to Sweetie to tell or not, I guess, just like it’s up to me!” Pinkie paused again and lunged forward for a quick hug. “Thanks, Rarity! You just gave me some hope! But I’ll see you later!”

Rarity smiled and decided that she did not need to see Twilight anymore. She turned around and headed back towards her boutique. Back inside she found Sweetie Belle had just gotten up. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah… that was a good nap. So, now what, sis?”

“How about I make us some hot chocolate and we read some more of that book Twilight gave you. It might help us figure this out a bit better.”

“Sounds good to me!” They both beamed.

Pinkie Pie stood inside her bedroom, simply thinking. It had felt nice to be open about her feelings for something she held dear, something her parents did not even know about. Like that would go over well… She put that plan to inform her parents on the back burner. While that thought did make her a bit uneasy, it wasn’t anything too horrible. She was probably going to tell her best friends first after all, but not her family. That part sucked, she decided. She giggled at her own colorful language that had grown since her time off the rock farm.

But how to tell them? Somehow, just throwing a party at the prospect, even a tiny one just for her friends, was not the best idea. Sure it might work, but it could also fill her friends with awkwardness during the whole thing. She wanted this done quickly, like a band-aid just coming off. Only, she was coming out. Still, something about coming out all at once in front of all of her friends filled her with unease. Maybe a slow band-aid was better?

Let’s see, Twilight pretty much knows. Rarity does too. Spike, Applejack, and Fluttershy and Rainbow still don’t… Okay Spike probably does, who am I kidding? Maybe this isn’t that big of a deal…

She was going to leave Fluttershy for last and somehow get Rainbow on the way. Applejack was closest anyway. She nodded firmly and hurried out of her apartment and home.

The day was close to ending with the sun setting. She knew that if she caught Applejack at just the right time, it would be the end of her work day. Applejack would be pretty tired but still mostly awake and alert. It was perfect. Then she found her, looking tired and exhausted and walking back towards her farm house.

“Oh, Applejack!” Pinkie Pie called out nervously. She did feel nervous after all and maybe a bit stressed.

“Pinkie?” Applejack sighed and took a seat in the dirt to catch her breath. “What ya doing here?”

“Well, I needed to tell you and the girls something. Just, can you keep an open mind? It’ll be real quick and then I’ll be on my way!”

“Uh, alrighty then. Spill it.”

“Okay, mm, ever hear of adult foals?”

“Ah might have… somewhere.” Applejack scratched her head a few times, the two words forming together sounding almost completely foreign to her.

“It’s kind of like a lifestyle, but I guess others call it a fetish.” Pinkie looked over to Applejack who smirked at the last word.

“Ah definitely heard the word ‘fetish’ before. Why? You got one or something?”

“No! Well, not exactly. See, I’m an adult foal,” Pinkie said, watching as Applejack blinked a few times. “It’s like a group of ponies who feel safer acting childish or foalish or getting taken care of…”

“Hmm, alrighty then. Listen, Pinkie, I’m gonna head home. Ah need to get some sleep and—”

“Wait, you don’t care?” Pinkie asked.

At this point, Applejack had noticed that Pinkie was blushing profoundly. She sighed. “Listen, sugarcube, ah really don’t mind one bit whatever lifestyle or fetish other ponies got. As long as you’re not hurting nopony then fine. Ah can’t say I rightly understand it and all, but—”

“Rarity understood it! And she was fine with it, interested even…”

“Rarity huh? Is that supposed to make me feel like a prissy pony or something?” Applejack asked smugly.

“Um, yes? I mean, some of us wear diapers and use them…”

“Hmmph, ah can’t believe Rarity would be interested in hearing about that.” She said in a tone that was nearing anger. “Look, you’re my friend and you always will be. Sorry ah’m not interested in this adult foal stuff—”

“I never said you ought to be! I just wanted my friends to know…” Pinkie replied while playing with her hoof in the dirt.

“Well ah certainly do now. So is that it? You feel better?”

“I guess so,” Pinkie replied while smiling.

“Course you do. Ah remember a family member, a cousin ah believe, came out to one of us that they had a fetish. Now ah know you said it ain’t a fetish and that’s fine. But sometimes the truth coming out just works in a ponies favor. Does that makes sense?”

“Well, sure it does! And no, not a fetish for me. Uh… I guess that’s it!” Pinkie beamed and hugged Applejack for a second. “Thanks AJ! I’ll see you later!” Applejack chuckled and watched her go. Had Pinkie been listening, she would have heard one last thing from her.

“Life is weird…” She muttered.

Okay, that just leaves Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. She looked around and spotted nothing of the cyan colored pony. Fluttershy it is!

Pinkie had decided that her day was going so well that she would hop towards the cottage. She bounced and bounced and bounced until she realized that by doing so she was scaring away some of Fluttershy’s animals. She giggled sheepishly to a few birds that were now popping their heads out of a birdhouse. “Sorry birdies!” Of course doing this only caused them to disappear again.

She blinked, shrugged, and walked away. She had to, of course, stop walking almost immediately as she nearly ran into the mare herself. Fluttershy turned around to face Pinkie and smiled.

“Oh, hello, Pinkie.”

“Hey, Fluttershy! Listen, can I talk to you for a second?”

Fluttershy looked around looking uncertain before turning back to Pinkie. “Um, aren’t we right now?”

“Oh yeah.” Pinkie seemed to doze off for a second before breaking out into a smile again. “Anyway, I needed to tell you girls something. Applejack seemed to understand and so do Twilight and Rarity. You ever hear about an adult foal before?”

“Um, should I?”

“Uh, maybe? Some call it a fetish…’ Pinkie winced when Fluttershy’s eyes widened “…but it’s not to me!” She added quickly and Fluttershy nodded. “It’s kind of like a lifestyle. Adult foals like to dress like babies and act like them too. It helps us relax.” Pinkie couldn’t determine what kind of stare Fluttershy was using so she continued. “And some like to take care of adult foals like a mommy or daddy, maybe even special someponies being together as mommy or daddy.”

“Y-you can do that?” Fluttershy questioned in a shocked tone.

“Of course, silly! Though there’s not very many of us babies. And even fewer caretakers.”

“R-right. It certainly sounds a bit taboo. Um…”

“Yes?” Pinkie asked in an excited tone. She failed to notice Fluttershy blushing a thousand shades of crimson, or the fact that she was pawing at the dirt in the ground.

“S-say t-that somepony wanted to know more about this… Would…” Fluttershy’s voice had begun to squeak, she was stuttering and now she simply trailed off. Pinkie, however, did notice this. Pinkie Pie sat next to Fluttershy and placed a hoof on her back.

“If this makes you uncomfortable I can just stop—”

“No! I just—”

Pinkie could of sworn she heard her cuss under her breath in frustrating.

“Can’t get it out? Feeling too nervous to speak?” Pinkie questioned back softly. Fluttershy nodded a few times with her mouth shut firmly. “Are you saying you might be a baby?” Fluttershy mimicked the same motion only in a firm shake of her head. “Um, mommy?”

“Yes… I don’t think I’d be much good with a real baby. But trying it with another adult sounds fun…”

“Well if I had my book on me… you could read more about it. You better go ask Twilight, she can help!”

“Hmm… I think I know a better way. Don’t worry Pinkie, I can discover this side of myself on my own,” Fluttershy declared confidently.

“Well, okie dokie then! I’ll see ya later, Fluttershy!” Pinkie called out and hopped away.

“Bye!”

Pinkie walked off a bit and took a seat on the bridge that connected Fluttershy’s cottage to think. “Hmm, I can always tell Rainbow tomorrow. Yeah, that sounds good! Besides, I haven’t been into work all day!” She exclaimed out loud, as if it was the most normal thing to say. She started walking away. A few minutes later she found herself nearing Applejack’s farm. She spotted an orange filly that she knew all too well. “Hey, Scootaloo! Slumber party?” She asked in a tone brimming with excitement.

The filly stammered and almost fell off of her scooter. Her scooter dug into the dirt and screeched to a halt. The sun was setting. “Um, yes!” She said rather quickly. “I’m having one with Apple Bloom, so I better get going. Wouldn’t want to be late!” She said nervously.

“Oh, I know what you mean, that’s never good. See ya later, Scootaloo!” She called out and hopped off, feeling a heavy weight lifted from her hooves. Tomorrow would be a bright day.

The End