Every cloud has a silver lining
Of Life and Death
They say that the worst thing a pony can do is to force another to forget.
Doctors and nurses rushed around me, their every movement blurred by the tears that stung my face. I sat, alone, in the center of what could be described by some as a war zone. I would disagree with these few, war casualties had it easy. Large electronic devices whirred and beeped in monotonous tones, their monitors flashing with each passing second. Tubes and wires descended from above, curling themselves down large, metallic poles and arching towards the white bed that floated between. And there, in the center of all that chaos, sat the only creature I cared about more than life, my little brother. My Spikey-Wikey.
My eyes moved up his body, tears wrenching themselves from my already empty tearducts as I studied the various marks that covered my best friend's body. His frail form bruised and bloodied, I could see his eyes squeezed shut as he attempted to hold back the tears of pain that threatened to push themselves over the edge of his reserve.
I pulled myself closer to the bed, the stool that I sat on screeched as I dragged it against the tile floor. As I got closer, I could make out some of the more brutal cuts, and nearly had to stop myself as tears verged on the edge of collapse. I looked down at him as I sat on the edge of the stool, sliding my hooves over his small hand. Slowly his head rotated to face my direction, and his eyes opened a crack.
"T-Twilight..." His cracked lips parted for a moment, only to utter my name. I quickly shushed him, bringing my left hoof to his lips. He nodded, as if in understanding, before continuing. "Twilight, I can see it now. The... lights. J-just like in my lullaby... the o-one you used to sing... to me." He stopped, the little I could see of his eyes glazing over.
"Shhh, no. Don't talk like that!" I shook my head, the tears already starting to slide down my cheeks. "You... you need to s-stay s-strong." I let out a small whimper, squeezing his hand.
"But... they're so beautiful." His voice dropped out for what felt like hours, as we sat in silence. Suddenly, he turned, his eyes locking onto mine. "Twilight... do, do you think there's a heaven?"
I looked at him, my already teary face becoming more soaked. I let out a chocked sob, turning away from him. I nodded slowly, too overcome with pain to be able to formulate words. When I looked back, he had closed his eyes again, and his chest was heaving up and down, as if the simple action of breathing was a monumental task. I turned my head again, letting my tears splash down onto the white tiles. Suddenly, I felt spikes claw squeeze, and his sharp talons dug into my flesh. I whirled, coming face to face with an upright, wheezing Spike. His face was scrunched up into a look of pure, unbearable pain.
"Twilight!" He rasped, his voice barely above a strained whisper. Around me I felt doctors turn, their faces mixtures of worry mixed with concern. "Twilight, it hurts." I could see the tears pouring down his face as his grip tightened. I could feel blood draw from where his claws dug into my forehooves, but I returned his stare, tears stinging my own cheeks.
He pulled me forward, until my face was inches from his. "Make it stop Twilight," he coughed, sitting back. "Fix me Twilight, I...I need y-your hel... help." He coughed again, before falling back onto the pillow, and releasing me. His eyes shut, and he breathed a rasping sigh. Slowly, he turned his head to face me, his tears stemmed. "Sing to me Twilight... you know... the... the song I-I want."
I nodded, even more tears falling over the dam of my emotion. Slowly, I reached out and took his claws in my hooves once more, the blood that flowed from the fresh cuts thoroughly forgotten. I cleared my throat, the cough that I had planned turning into another sob.
When you try so hard but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want, but not what you need,
When you feel so tired and you just can't sleep,
I could feel my voice shake as I watched Spike close his eyes, a faint smile on spreading on his bloodied lips. I could feel my heart begin to quicken, even when the monitor showed his was slowing.
S-stuck in reverse~.
I sucked in a breath, squeezing my hooves again.
And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
I stopped, looking down at my brother, my friend, my final companion, with love. A million different emotions swirled through my body. Pain, anger, pity. But the strongest of these emotions was that of regret. I regret not telling him that I loved him, every single day. I regret that I didn't devote all my time to him, instead of study. But most of all, I regret that I didn't get to live out my life, with him by my side, always backing me, always there as my fall back.
I squeezed again, and he returned it, softly, but it was there.
What could be worse~?
I had to stop, sadness consuming me again. I lifted my hooves from the bed, covering my face, and openly weeping. Around me, doctors and nurses alike, stood, silently staring at the scene unfolding in front of them.
"K-keep..." Spike coughed again, as he spoke up. My eyes shot open, and I was instantly back at his side. I turned up to the closest doctor, my eyes pleading. After a few still moments, he slowly shook his head. I breathed in, my body shaking.
Lights will guide y-you home
I could see Spike breath out, his chest shaking. And yet, his face was content, and his eyes were no longer screwed shut. Instead they lay, barely open, resting against his eyes.
And ignite your b-bones
I hung my head, the flow of tears slowing.
And I will try...
My chest heaved, sobs still breaking through my resolve.
To fix you.
The monitor beside Spike's bed produced one continuous beep. I looked over to where he lay, my eyes frantically searching. His chest was still, and his eyes closed, the faint smile still played on his lips.
"No." I stood, my horn glowing. Instantly, the doctors sprung to work, two of them wrapping their hooves around my forelegs, before dragging me backwards. "No." They pulled me out into the corridor, and I started to kick, flailing my limbs in a desperate attempt to loosen their grips. "No!"
They let go as they pulled closed the doors, a lock flicking behind the white the ivory blockades. I fell to my knees, fresh tears springing up and flowing down my face. Something touched my back, and I shot my gaze up, to come face to face with a pair of of pink locks.
They say the worst thing a pony can do is force another to forget. But truly, remembering is the worst of the two evils.
****
When Twilight had first invited me to come to Trottingham, I must admit I had my doubts. I wasn't exactly used to the large buildings or the bustling crowds, and I couldn't say that I particularly liked them either. Still, Twilight hadn't invited me solely for my own enjoyment, she wanted some company, besides Spike, who was almost never separated from her side. I had accepted, graciously, but with complaint. Twilight knew that I wouldn't want to spend a large amount of time in the city, or away from my animals. But, our friends all had prior arrangements to the particular weekend that Twilight had asked to go, and she was planning on rescheduling. Me, being the loudmouth friend that I was, spoke up, offering myself as a candidate for the trip.
Oh, I should have just kept my big mouth shut! I knew that finding someone to look after my animals was going to be hard, but after convincing Carrot Top that it wasn't too difficult, Twilight and I had set off. Of course I forgot about my fear of tall things, and my fear of large crowds, and my fear of... well, you get the point.
But I have to conquer these fears, because Twilight needs me! Twilight and I had split apart, and she and Spike has gone off in search of a small bookstore, of which the princess was very fond. I, on the other hoof, had heard of the Trottingham animal expo, and instantly gushed, which was a bad decision on my part. But, after only a few hours, I had received an urgent scroll, sent through Twilight's own magic, instead of the usual dragon breath. The writing had been rushed and was smudged by obvious hastiness, which was unlike Twilight. Usually her writing was perfected to the point that it was hard to tell whether or not she was speaking to another pony, or royalty.
And so, here I was, rushing through crowds of hundreds of ponies I didn't know, my mane streaming behind me, and the letter's contents running through my mind. Something about an emergency, which was something I couldn't handle. The thought of one of my friends being in an emergency was... oh I don't even want to think about it.
I pulled my way through the crowd, and emerged into the first open space I had seen all day. Ahead of me, I could make out the shape of the hospital, amidst the large gardens that it was renowned for. I pushed on, through the wrought iron gates and down the harsh gravel road. I could see clusters of ponies making their way around the grounds, with a few nurses pushing those in wheelchairs or leading the way. I rushed past them, waving hurriedly at those who looked. Most of them returned with a smile or a wave, and I felt my strength grow with their kindness.
I stopped short of the doors, my chest heaving, and tried to catch my breath. 'C'mon Fluttershy, you can do this!' I told myself. I put on my brave face, and pushed open the doors. The lobby was packed full with both the injured and cured alike. Doctors rushed around, clipboards between their teeth or floating in front of them, and patients tested their new freedoms or limitations.
The biggest build up of ponies was around what I could just make out as the reception desk. I tried to make my way through the crowd, dodging and weaving through the mass of bodies, but it was just too thick, and I found my way blocked time and time again.
"Oh, um, excuse me." I tapped the pony in front of me on the shoulder, and they whirled around, their eyes hard.
"Can I help you?!" The mare's nostrils flared, and she snorted.
"Oh um, no, that's okay." I backed down slowly, hiding behind my mane. She rolled her eyes, before spinning back to face the desk.
I turned and walked to the other end of the group, asking politely if I could just squeeze through gaps. "Um, can I please?" I tapped again on the pony in front. "Would you mind just-"
"No lady, wait your turn!" The stallion barked, spittle flying out from his mouth. I jumped at the sudden out burst, and I could feel tears well in the corners of my eyes. I closed them, took a deep breath, and held it for the count of ten.
'If someone blocks your path, show them all your wrath!'
"Excuse me!" I screamed, my loud voice echoing throughout the now silent hall. "Thank you." The ponies slowly moved apart, creating a beeline directly to the desk. I marched up to the pony behind the desk, who's mouth was hanging open in a wide O. "Now, I need to find Twilight Sparkle, do you know where she is?"
Slowly, the mare raised a hoof to point at the sign to my right, where the words 'intensive care' were sprawled in cursive. "Thank you." I nodded curtly, before moving out of the crowd and towards the specified door. I felt it slam behind me, and I rested back, my cheeks flushed. I could feel the adrenaline slowly wearing off, and in its place, a sense of worry started to creep through.
'Why would Twilight be in Intensive care?' I rushed forwards again, my pace quickening the more I asked myself that question. I followed the signs through the twists and turns in the white maze that was the hospital, panic slowly settling in. As I reached the final set of doors, they suddenly burst open, causing me to squeal in surprise.
Two large stallions pushed their way forward, a purple mare slung between them, her limbs flailing. I heard the door click shut as they dropped her to the floor, before pushing past me. The mare slowly curled up, her chest heaving, as loud sobs echoed throughout the hall.
I moved forward slowly, my hoof outstretched. Her head shot around at my touch, her large eyes bloodshot. Cuts ran across her cheeks, and I could see both dried blood and tears stained her where they had fell. A large bruise surrounded her left eye, the obvious statement that she had been in some kind of accident, or worse.
"T-Twilight?" In an instant, her hooves were around me, and she had burried her face into my fur, sobbing loudly. I could already feel my own eyes wetting as I embraced my friend, but my mind was still filled with worry. Why was Twilight in intensive care in the first place? And, more importantly, where was Spike?
"Twi-Twilight," I started, my words edged with sadness. "Where's Spike?" I knew the answer even before the question had left my lips. I could feel emotion choke me, and I let out a small whimper.
Twilight looked up to me, her eyes brimming with tears. Her chest heaved, and she could barely even form words. "He-He's..." She stopped, before letting out a low moan and sinking into my chest. I pulled her close, squeezing her as I fought against the tide of emotion that threatened to break the banks of my resolve. I had to be strong, if not for myself, then for her.
Around us, silence pounded against the white-washed walls, being broken only by our cries of pain, of loss. We stayed together, wrapped around one another for hours, neither of us speaking. I for fear of letting out my tears, and her for fear of stopping them.
****
Everypony experiences grief differently. Some with tears, others with reliving the past. But I knew not how to express my feelings, for grief was not something that I readily expierenced. I lived a sheltered life, surrounded by love and happiness. There were hard times, true, But I was never forced to experience loss, pain or anger on a magnitude of this scale. All of these emotions ran rampant on my mind, set free by the loss of Spike.
The most powerful of these was not pain, nor anger or loss. It was regret. The regret that I felt for not telling Spike that I loved him, every single day. Regret for not paying attention, for relaxing. But most of all, the regret that I would never have him by my side throughout the rest of my life, as my final fall back.
I wanted nothing more than to leave, so that Fluttershy and I could rejoin our friends. Celestia knows I need it. And yet, as it does, nature had its own tricks to play. A rogue storm had found its way to Trottingham, and, while large groups of weather teams fought to control it, it was expected to last for days. It blocked all exits in and out of the city, and, without Spike, I had no ways of sending a letter that far. I may be gifted with magic, but I'm no Celestia.
Fluttershy had tried to help, doing everything she could to fix me. But I could tell it was affecting her too, more than she cared to admit. Both her and I knew that this would take more time to heal than we had, and yet that never detered her for a second. If I could, I would've applauded her self control, but any action that wasn't crying was considered impossible at this point.
I had one question spinning arpund my mind, and taking control of my thoughts. One question that I knew I needed to answer.
What do you do when everything you lived for leaves?
Do you continue on, without a single hiccup or mistake? Or do you stop, and stay where you are, at the crossroads between life and death? I, for one, had no answer. So, I did what I did best.
I locked myself away.
Not literally of course, I didn't hide in the bathroom, a cold shower pouring over my head as I tried to forgot. But I locked my mind, my memories away, in an attempt to spare myself more pain than what I was already experiencing. But even the strongest of mental locks can't hold back the floods of emotions that come when you lose somepony, or, rather, someone.
My mind is scientific, and I understand things differently. While others might describe grief as an unstoppable force, I knew it was naught but endorfins my brain had released, after my most recent memories. And that comforted me somewhat, as if just the simple thought of understanding melted away the ice that had locked up my rigid body.
I could tell that Fluttershy thought in no such way. Her mind was one of feelings, and I knew that the more she thought about this, the more it would corrupt and eat away at her mind. So I could tell that she felt it relieving that she had something to do. And that something was me.
Pain was not a feeling that you get from the thought of being hurt, it's the nerve endings under your flesh that send electrical signals to your mind, telling you that you've been hurt. So how do I explain this throbbing torture that rocked through my body?
The simple answer? I couldn't.
****
Twilight Sparkle was not an easy pony to communicate with normally, and in her current state, just getting a word or two out of her was something of an achievement. I had given her a notepad and a pen, in the hopes that she would maybe write out a letter to princess Celestia, or our friends back in Ponyville. Instead of what I suggested, Twilight was using it as some form of diary, or notes. As if she was studying our states.
While I could see her visibly relax as she put her thoughts on paper, she still refused to speak to me, instead using a series of hoof gestures to indicate what she wanted. Some of the things she wrote were personal, and I tried to skim over these parts, both for her sake and mine. But some of the other things she wrote made me stop and think. Yes, I knew that I was using her as a distraction, so I could shy away from my own grief, after all, it was in my name.
But I knew she was right. No matter what I said, I needed help as much as she did. But where was I going to get it? Twilight and I had been trapped in this hotel room for two days now, while this damn storm pelted against our doors. Excuse my language. Twilight needed me, and in a way that helped. A little.
"Twilight, a-are you hungry?" I had crouched down in front of Twilight as she sat, curled on the couch. Her eyes slowly moved down from where they were focused on the ceiling, until they locked onto my own. Her expression was blank, her lips drawn into a thin line. Slowly, she began to shake her head, but at that exact moment, a low rumble erupted from her belly.
"I think your tummy has other ideas," I said, flashing her a forced smile. Her lips cracked apart for a fraction of a second, before pulling themselves back into their grimace. I stood slowly, brushing the lock of hair from in front of her face, causing her to shrink back. I turned towards the kitchen, racking my mind for what we had left in the cupboard.
I whipped open the fridge, peering inside in the hopes that we had something that wasn't daisies. My hopes were dashed when I saw what had been brought on our last shopping trip. Daises, daisies and more daises. While it was my fault, I was still angry. I thought that we would be eating out for most of the week, and so I had only bought what was requested by Spike. Daises and bread.
Sighing to myself, I quickly buttered the bread, glancing up briefly to check on Twilight. She had levitated her notebook over to her, and was busy scribbling away, her blank facade replaced with one of concentration.
"What are you writing there Twilight?" I called out, hoping to spark some kind of conversation. She stopped writing, her head slowly pivoting to look at me, her blank expression returning. "If, um, you don't mind me asking."
She tilted her head sideways, her eyes quizzical. I returned her stare, hoping my worried look would warrant some kind of response. Then, she slowly opened her mouth, her tongue moving as if forming words. After a few moments of silence, she cleared her throat, and I stopped the cutting of daises.
"I," she started, her voice husky, as if it were dry. "Am writing my thoughts about the... the." She stopped, her mouth moving, but her eyes beginning to tear. I lifted myself off the ground and pulled myself over to where she sat, her lips trembling.
She kept her eyes locked on me, and swiveled as I sat on the couch once more. I shushed her, pulling her into a tight embrace. But, after a few moments of silence, I could tell something was wrong. I disentangled myself, holding her at hooves length, and looked her in her puffy eyes. "Do you... want to talk about it?" I asked, my voice low and soft. She slowly shook her head, and my shoulders drooped in defeat.
The pad in front of her rose up to me, the quill scribbling hastily. 'But I can write about it.' I looked up from the pad to Twilight, as she awaited my response with baited breath.
"A-alright then," I motioned towards the pad. "Just, start when you're ready." Twilight sat back at this, the back of the quill tucked into her mouth as she contemplated... something. Then, she lifted the pad up to eye level, and poured out her heart.
****
Just start. How could I 'just start?' This wasn't just a letter to the princess, reporting my findings on that day's adventure. I couldn't 'just start' writing about something like... this.
But, at the same time, how else was I going to convey what I was feeling? What I was thinking?
I lifted the pad up to me, and slowly put ink to parchment.
"Spike, slow down!" I called, rushing to keep up with my small companion.
He craned his neck around to look at me, a faint smile playing on his lips. "Keep up Twilight, we're gonna be late!" I giggled, before setting off at a light canter towards the street he was indicating. The usual bustle of the city had quietened down considerably as dusk approached, and I was thankful for it. While I had grown up in Canterlot, I had spent most of my time indoors, and thus was not used to crowds.
Ahead of me, I could see Spike stop at the edge of the corner, looking in at a store. As I neared him, I could see his expression had become clouded.
"Spike?" I asked, looking at him. He just shook his, before pointing at the door to the small shop. "Closed?! Again?" I stamped my hoof in frustration. "Ugh! Every time."
Spike shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow?" He flashed me an unsure smile, and I returned it, nodding.
"We'll head off extra early, right after Vinyl's show, alright?" I asked, putting a hoof over his shoulders. He nodded in response, before shrugging off my embrace.
I could see his cheeks flush as he crossed his arms. "Twilight," he complained, dragging out my name. "Don't do that." I laughed at his discomfort, before giving him a quick peck on the cheek.
"Anything for my number one assistant!" He blushed even harder, before running ahead. He quickly turned the corner, his claws scraping on the cobbles. I shook my head, smiling to myself, before setting off after him.
I should have been quicker. I should have been next to him at all times. Instead, I had started to relax. Vinyl had warned me about the city, but I didn't pay her any attention, after all, I was an element of harmony, I could handle myself. A short scream instantly cut my relaxed mood, and I sprung forward, screaming out for my friend.
"Spike! Spike!" I rounded the corner, my horn lit. Spike was hanging, blood dripping from his nose, suspended by a green aura. As he saw me, his eyes sprung open, and he shook his head, pleading for me to run.
"Ah, here's our litt' pony." A large green unicorn stepped forward from the darkness, a toothless smile spreading across his cheeks. His accent was a drawl, much like those who grew up in the city's slums. He peeked around to look at my flanks, his companion chuckling. "Them’re some nice bags... Ah wonder wha's in 'em."
He lit his horn, and a yellow glow formed around my satchel. I stared him hard in the face, my horn still glowing.
"Oooh, this 'un's a fighter," he whistled, glancing back at his friend. Instantly, I sent out the spell I had been preparing, a small disc that ran straight into his chest. It dissipated, and he glanced up at me. "Oh, sweetheart, you're gonna 'ave to do better th-" Half way through his sentence he felt his legs fly upwards. He was sent flailing backwards into the other wall of the alley, the echo of a scream on his lips.
"Oi!" His companion yelled, sending out a bolt of magical energy that seared into me. I dropped, tears stinging my eyes. My horn lit again, and I sent out a giant fist of energy. "What the-" The fist smashed into him, and he fell, unconscious, to the floor.
Before they had a chance to get back up, I sent out my aura, grabbing Spike, and turning tail.
Fresh tears stained the paper, causing the ink to smudge and run down the soaking parchment. I had expected this, and yet still it surprised me just how fragile I had become. Even the simple mention of his name could send me careening over the edge. Behind me I could hear Fluttershy sniffle as she finished the last line. I turned to look at her, reading her face as it ran through a list of emotions. Finally she brought her eyes to meet my own, and her mouth began to move wordlessly.
I pulled her forward, wrapping my hooves around her, and resting my forehead against hers, and wept. Outside, the storm raged on, pelting against the windows relentlessly.
****
Before I was already fully awake, I could feel the weight of something pressing down on my chest. Fluttering my eyes open, I could just make out a purple blur through my blurry vision. I sighed, closing my eyes, and sinking back into the couch. Then, realization hit me, and my eyes shot wide open, my wings spreading and a blush forming on my cheeks. Above me, a peaceful Twilight snored, a small smile on her lips. It was the first I had seen in days, and I couldn't deny that it didn't look cute on her.
Is that something that I can say? That she's cute? Well, she definitely looked well rested. I shook the mane from in front of my eyes, using my wings to lift myself up slightly, and slide out from underneath my friend. She moved her head slightly, letting out a small moan, before snuggling into the now empty couch.
Smiling to myself, I turned away from the resting mare and surveyed the small hotel room that we called home. Clothes and bags alike littered the floor, as if the storm itself had found its way into the room. I set myself to work, attempting to remove last night's memories from my mind. Twilight's story had been horrible. Never before had I heard of something so terrifying, so brutal. Oh I had half a mind to found out who these stallions were, and tell their mothers what they had done.
But I knew that wouldn't help, it was a stupid idea! After I had finished picking up the large piles of clothes that Twilight and I had tossed about while searching for something to wear to a banquet, I turned towards the farthest corner of the room, which had been untouched in days. I felt myself stop, unsure of whether to continue. No, I had to be strong, for Twilight!
I stepped forward, over the small bowl that was filled with half eaten gemstones. I moved towards the small bed that had been brought along by the dragon, who claimed he 'wouldn't sleep without it'. My wings moved while I worked, rolling clothes up and tucking them at the base of the joints. Finally, I reached the wicker basket, and I could feel already that this was just going to cause tears. I turned away, my cheeks already stinging, desperately searching for something to take my mind away.
Then, I saw it. Tucked under the corner of his suitcase, glinting softly in the darkness. I dropped the clothes and dove forward, lifting his bag and grabbing the delicate gemstone in my wing. I pulled back and held it up so I could see it in the low light that shone from an almost burnt out candle. Pink and green shone through, etching my face with the lines of the rough gem.
I smiled through my tears, the bittersweet thoughts sending my mind back into memory.
"Fluttershy?" My head shot up from where I was walking, and I spun, glancing around. "Hey Flutters, you in there?" Oh no, I wasn't ready! Spike wasn't supposed to arrive for another ten minutes.
"Oh, um..." I trailed off, grabbing my work from the bench and tucking it under my wing. "I'll be right out!" I called, quickly sliding the small object into the leather bag. I glanced around my messy shed, a worried look on my face. Then, I spun and pushed open the door, almost colliding with the small dragon who stood outside.
"Woah!" He jumped back, and I flushed, my wings snapping against my sides. "What was that?"
I pawed the ground, slipping my muzzle behind my mane. "I-I'm just in a rush is all." I pulled out from my bout of shyness, flashing him a small smile, before hovering in the direction of my small cottage.
"Heh, don't worry about it," he said, returning my smile from earlier. "Everyone's in a rush today, although I don't quite understand why you are though. You aren't going to the Luna festival, are you?" I shook my head in response, and he chuckled. "Yeah, me either. I had more than enough last year!"
"I was planning on staying home and working on your gift for tomorrow," I lifted my wing, feeling the bag shake slightly. "But, seeing as I'm not going to have much time to give it to you tomorrow." I extended my wing as we landed in front of the door, the bag on the tip.
"R-really?" He looked from the bag, up to me, and then back to the bag. When I nodded, he grinned, before picking the bag from the end of my wing. "Thanks 'shy!" He gripped at the mouth of the bag, before prying it open. He tipped it upside down, letting its contents fall out onto his palm. A small gemstone, no bigger than his hand, shone brightly, covering his face with a pink glow.
"It's a joystone, one of the rarest and most valuable of gems," I explained as he examined it in hie palm, a look of awe on his face. "They're also the only stone to appear above sealevel. They form when residual magic gets drawn into a plant, and forms a solid."
He looked up at me, his eyes bit. "'Shy... I don't know what to say."
"Think nothing of it," I said, mimicking Rarity's accent. I pushed past him, and through the door. "And I hear they're also pretty tasty too." I winked, before motioning for him to follow me inside.
As I glided over to the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of him raise the stone up to his mouth, before stopping, and shaking his head.
Even now I could feel myself smile in bliss, despite my recent moods. I slowly lowered the gem back into hie case, and neatly stacked the last of his clothes. Tears dripped down onto the top of the pile, and I jumped back, frantically trying to get the clothes dry again. I slammed the case shut, admitting defeat, and turned back to the couch.
I sighed, the pillows had been put in correct order already, and the usually messy cover had been pressed and laid. My body stiffened as I started to turn, my mind realizing the missing element in the list I had just made.
"Twilight?" I called softly, my ears perking. A murmur returned as answer from the kitchen, and I sighed, before hovering myself over to the small arch that served as an entrance. Twilight sat, slumped at the kitchen table, a steaming mug of what looked like coffee between her hooves.
I let out a relieved sigh, before sinking into the chair on the other end of the small table. "Good morning," I said, smiling at the mare. Her head lifted slightly, and her droopy eyes connected with mine, if only for a moment, before she dropped her back onto the table. "A little tired are we?" She nodded, swiping bedraggled mane from in front of her eyes and taking a swig of the coffee.
The effects were instantaneous, the bags under her eyes seemed to fade to nothing, and her shoulders relaxed. She let out a wistful sigh, and lowered the cup to the table, a small smile on her lips. I giggled slightly, and she gave me a questioning look.
"I'm sorry," I giggled again, before continuing. "It's just that, that's the first time I've seen you smile in three days. She stopped, as if racking her brains, before nodding slowly in understanding. "Ah, thee wonders of coffee."
Twilight stood, downing the rest of her mug in one swig, before moving towards the door. She glanced over her shoulder, her eyes motioning for me to follow. I stood and followed her out of the room, only stopping to survey behind me momentarily. Satisfied with the state of the room, I joined Twilight on the couch once more. She sat, eagerly awaiting me, her eyes scanning my every move.
I looked to her as she soundlessly moved her mouth, as if choosing her next, or first words. "F... Fluttershy," she stopped, her voice raspy. "I... I just don't know what I would've done if you weren't h-h-here." She stopped, her eyes pleading with me to understand. When I nodded, I could see tears start forming again, and I pulled her into a hug, hoping it would slow, or even stop the emotion that had started again. It was becoming a bit of a recurring thing for us to end up on the couch, crying to each other.
"Twilight," I stopped, trying to think of what I could do, what I could say. "I am about to be really assertive here." 'Oh, I hope I know what I'm doing.' "And it would help if you could look at... m-m-me." I glanced down at the ground, a light blush forming on my cheeks. I felt her disentangle from me and look up, her sobbing retracting.
"W-what?" She cocked her head, and I turned away again, before slowly starting to explain.
"E-ever since we met, I..." I trailed off, feeling my voice squeak. "That is to say I, Oh, um." My voice stopped again, and I sighed in frustration. "I really... Oh forget about it!" I lunged forward, pressing my muzzle against Twilight's my cheeks burning. I felt my wings extend behind me with a 'fwoosh'. Twilight's eyes shot open, and she looks from me to my muzzle, Surprise evident on her face.
She struggled beneath my kiss, and I felt my resolve failing as the affects of my actions slowly floated into my mind. I pulled away, gasping for air, and lifting myself off the couch. "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, I must have been-"
"-Fluttershy-"
"-Out of my mind to think that-"
"-Fluttershy-"
"-was even a good idea in th-"
"Fluttershy!" I stopped, turning to face the red Twilight, who had leapt of the couch and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Stop." I breathed out a sigh, before nodding. I could see her breathing slow as she calmed. She shook her head, before continuing. "What you just did there was-"
"Brash and brutish?"
"No."
"Completely unforgivable?"
"No."
"A complete violation of your rights?"
"I was going to say amazing." She sighed, a smile playing on her lips.
I stopped, pawing the ground with a hoof. "Oh." I could feel my cheeks reddening, even before I noticed the look on Twilight's face.
"And while it may have been a little unexpected." I felt my heart sink at these words, fears of rejection already spinning in my mind. "It wasn't exactly unwanted."
I looked up at her, surprise in my voice. "Really?" I asked, almost floating with happiness.
"Fluttershy, we've been best friends for a year now," she paused, giving me a look that some could call condescending. "You really think I didn't notice how you looked at me?"
"Oh well... um, I don't really," I stopped, tripping over my words, as she moved forward, her laughter piercing my thoughts.
She pulled me to her, her previous mood temporarily forgotten. "And you're just so adorable when you're flustered." She looked me in the eyes, a devious smile etching her face. Slowly, she pushed her muzzle forward, eyes closing. I smiled, before finishing the kiss, and uniting our embrace.
****
I did not forget about Spike, or his death, as it was. But Fluttershy's admitting of her feelings, and conformation of my own temporarily distracted me. This is not a bad thing, to block out pain with love. In fact, in my personal opinion, it is the only thing we can do.
How do you move on if you lose everything you love? I don't know, but I'm sure going to try.
****
Dear Princess Celestia
Do you want to know what the ultimate price is that anypony can pay? It is not death, nor hatred or exile. These are petty consequences in the game of life. I know what you say about a life, that it is equal, in turn, to every other one. And yet I don't think it fair that those I love, those YOU love, should be punished in place of others.
Spike is gone, and for that I grieve, as I know you will too. But those who took him from us still live at large. And while the death penalty has been gone from Equestria since Luna's banishment, those who do so should be treated in kind, should they not? I know my writing is morbid and bias, but truly you understand what I am saying, what must be done.
But, every cloud has a silver lining, even a storm cloud as dark as this one. When one door closes, another opens, does it not? It does, for while I have lost someone that means more than life itself to me, I have been blessed with another. Fluttershy, my loyal companion and friend to all, even Discord, is in love with me.
And I think I'm in love with her.
I'm so confused about my mind. Is it the grief causing me to stick to Fluttershy, as an anchor, a support? Or have I had these feelings since day one, and they have just been masked? Only time will tell.
I know this letter will leave you a lot to think about, but truly, I need your support. You are more than just a mentor to me, you are a carer, a kind, compassionate soul who I need right now more than anything. I know, Twilight Sparkle, asking for help, what has the world come to? But at the same time I know you understand, and that you need me too.
Do you still want to know what the ultimate price is? It's the fact that, no matter what you did in life, no matter what you achieved, you couldn't save them. And that thought will rat away at my soul for the rest of my life.
And so, it comes to this. I have though long and hard over these past few days(much to Fluttershy's annoyance), and have decided that I, Twilight Sparkle, hereby resign from my position as the princess's personal protoge, and relieve myself from my studies.
My life has not been hard, but it has been harrowing. There have been good times, and bad times, times where I've laughed so hard I could give Pinkie a run for her money, and cried to the extent where my body was literally depleted of water. I think that I know all there is to know about the trials of friendship, and I want to move on from this stage in my life.
We shall speak more when I arrive in Canterlot.
And thank you, for everything.
Your faithful ex-student
Twilight Sparkle
By Taranasaurus
Author's Note
A/N: Hello again!
Here is yet another entry for the challenge that I'm in at the moment. I have already written and submitted the next story, a Pinkie Pie story, to the judge/s and am just waiting for a reply, which will be next. Hope you enjoyed this story!
And to those of you who are hanging out for the next Trinyl chapter, don't worry, that's in the works too!
Again, thanks for reading.
