The Curious Case of Michael Crawford

Michael placed Applebloom on the bed and reached into his pocket, from it he pulled a rifle round.

“This is the bullet I will use to kill that bitch Chrysalis.” he said tossing it in his hand and then giving it to Applebloom.

“Promise you’ll get her?” Applebloom said, a small tear formed in her eye. Michael smiled and made an ‘x’ over his heart. Applebloom looked up at Michael and smiled before walking to the edge of the bed and jumping into his arms. He caught her without a second thought and sighed as he felt her nuzzle into his chest for a moment. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

He gently began to comb his hand through her mane as he hummed a gentle tune to help calm her down. After a few minutes Applebloom had fallen asleep in his arms. He carefully and quietly as he could, set her down on the bed and covering her up before beginning to gather his gear.

After about twenty minutes of gathering, preparing, and carefully organizing his equipment, a small knock was heard at the door. He got up and went over to the door before quietly opening it and peeking outside. It was none other than Twilight standing there with a small smile.

“How is she?” Twilight asked with hope in her voice.

“Better than she was earlier. Sleeping now.” He walked out into the hall with Twilight before gently closing the door behind himself. He turned back to twilight with a small smile and let out a sigh. “So what is going on?”

“I came up to tell you that Princess Celestia has assigned you a small group of her best soldiers. They are the best when it comes to fighting, although one of them is a bit.... Off.” Twilight said rubbing the back of her neck.

“Off? What do you mean off?” Michael asked in curiosity.

“Well... You will see when you meet him. He is the grey pegasus with yellow stripes. He’ll be the only one wearing a set of goggles instead of a helmet.” Twilight said before walking towards the stairs. “They are downstairs when you are ready to meet them.”

“About damn time.” Michael said under his breath before tiptoeing down the stairs, the group of soldiers looked shocked that he was a human, but he ignored it. “Gentlemen, your princess has called on you to serve your nation in a time of need.” Michael began his speech

“Yea!” A soldier spoke for the group. “Woohoo! Time to slaughter some changeling flankholes!”

“You’ll get your chance soldier, in the meantime you will train with one of these!” Michael continued, he picked up his M16 and the room went silent as if even the air stopped to admire the beautiful piece of killing power.

“Ooooh. It’s shiny.” One said. “That the thing that spits fire and makes a hole the size of a apple?”

“Yes, this is the Colt M16 assault rifle, it fires a three round burst and is capable of putting a round up a fleas ass at up to 800 yards. If you pass the test you will be allowed access to this beauty all the time.” Michael continued before being cut off

“Soooo... It’s like shooting a crossbow?” The same pony asked taking a step forward. “Only harder of course.”

“No nothing like a crossbow, it fires three rounds within two seconds. It can put a massive hole in multiple enemies. This thing is one of the greatest weapons in the history of man.” Michael explained, he began to go into the various parts of the M16 and then began explaining the basics of gun safety. “You with the goggles, look down the barrel of this.”

“Hmm? Sorry, I was miles away. Was busy remembering something.” The pony said tapping his chin. “What was it.... Oh yes! How I love the taste of changeling blood.”

The pony grinned showing a set of canines causing a few of the soldiers to scoot away from him. “What? All I did was say something.” He said tilting his head.

“Boy, I like you. You other’s could learn a thing from this guy right here. He is a perfect example...” Michael began, he paused and looked at the pony “Of Sheer INCOMPETENCE!”

“Oooh. You insult me good sir! I am not incompetent! Merely... Mentally incoherent.” The pony said smiling again. “And I have been listening. I know how to load, shoulder and fire that weapon.”

“Oh really, then look down the barrel.” Michael said

“And risk splattering my grey matter all over these book? No thanks.” The pony said waving his hoof at Michael.

“You are a smart one I’ll give you that, Maybe you may just make it.” Michael said with a smile.

“Thanks! Be nice to see if I could get something to eat though.” The pony said scratchign his neck

.

“That is because you are a disgusting meat eater you freak.” One of the other soldiers said to the goggled pony, who simply cringed.

“Meat eater?” Michael cocked an eyebrow. “Want to go get some steak?”

The pony was silent before standing up and saying. “Hell to the yeah I do! Buck you guys!”

“Twilight!” Michael shouted.

“What?!” she replied

“Who did you say had steak again?!” Michael asked

“Fluttershy!” She answered

“Okay, now you boys read up on the basics of cleaning your weapon while Mr. Meat eater and I go get some steak.” Michael said, he smiled at the thought of delicious cow flesh. He could practically taste the sadness in the cow right before it got slaughtered.

“Oh that is complete crap.” One of the soldiers mumbled as he picked up a manual.

“Well if you want to come eat with us you’re welcome too.” Michael said happily, if these boys were going to be Marines they needed more meat in their diets. The pony turned slightly green before shaking his head ‘no’.

“No thanks.” He muttered before he put a hoof over his mouth to stop himself from puking. Michael laughed before putting his soft cap on and walking outside with the other meat eater.

“Soooo.” The odd pony began as he followed Michael. “What’s up with you? Besides killing a bunch of stuff that is.”

“Not much, grew up in a small town in Colorado, raised horses. Joined the marines when I was seventeen. Spent a year in Vietnam.” Michael began. he chuckled a bit.

“Ve-it-nam?... Huh that is strange name.” The pony said nodding as he listened.

“It was a hell hole, land mines, pungy stakes, snare traps, the works”

“Whole lotta nasty traps huh?” The pony said.

“You wouldn’t believe what those bastards did.” Michael said

“Ever seen a comrade get eaten alive?” The pony asked smiling.

“Yes, I saw in this one POW camp we liberated we found one of our guys in a pig pen. The Pigs were just chewing on him while he screamed.” Michael shuddered. “That was the best bullet I ever used.”

“Huh.... Well I wa born into a split special family! Mom was a pony, dad a diamond dog!” The pony said smiling.

“You have dogs here?” Michael raised another eyebrow

“Well yeah. Normal dogs then diamond dogs. The diamond dogs are big bipedal guys. Kinda like you! Only with bent legs and they are covered in fur. And have razor teeth.” The pony said.

“Sound kinda like the Vietnamese women I met.” Michael laughed, this pony was alright.

“Ha! You should have seen this one diamond dog! We just got done riding out one of their tunnels and as a joke me and my friends shaved all his fur off! It was hilarious when he ran out yipping with his tail between his legs.” The pony laughed out loud. “Looked like a massive rat just running away on his hind legs!”

“That sounds awesome!” Michael said with a chuckle “But let me ask you, what is your name?”

“Ah! That is quite the question! It all started long ago...” He began before laughing again before he held out his hoof. “Sorry sorry I couldn’t help myself! The names Azure. Azure Gear.”

“Azure Gear?” Michael said as if processing the name.

“Yup! I craft items from what I can find! I am one of the ponies that built that M-16 from the blueprints in the book!” Azure said smiling. “Had to know how it worked before I built.”

“Well thats good to know, I think this is it.” Michael said pointing to a small cottage, Michael looked at Azure. “Remember Fluttershy is in mourning so we need to be respectful.”

“Really? Who dead?” Azure asked.

“Applejack, one of her best friends.” Michael explained

“Oh god really? I used to know that gal.... Had a nice set of legs on her she did.... Kicked me in the groin.” Azure shuddered for a moment.

“Hey show some respect.” Michael said

“Look I liked her as much as anyone. Even if she did try to nuder me, I will still pay my respects.” Azure said putting a hoof over his heart.

“Ok good.” Michael said, he was standing in front of the door, he rapped his knuckles on the hardwood surface three times. The door opened slowly revealing the Small Yellow Pegasus with a Pink mane.

“Hello miss shy.” Azure said politely and smiling.

“Yes hello ma’am, We are here to inquire on some Bear Food.” Michael said with a somber look on his face

“Oh....Hello.” The yellow mare said sadly. Her eyes were slightly red and a little puffy, mostly likely from the tears she shed for her lost friend. She still attempted to hide her face behind her mane, not to cover her tears, but because she wasn’t used to guests, much more a human and a random pony, knocking at her door. “Let me go and get you that Bear Food.” she said, Michael sensed she just wanted to get rid of him which he understood.

“Of course, take as much time as you need.” Michael said with a respectful smile, the yellow mare disappeared from the doorway and was gone for several minutes before she returned with four large, juicy, plump, mouth watering, succulent T-bone steaks.

“I think I am drooling a bit much.” Azure said as he looked at a puddle in front of him. Michael smacked the back of his head. “Ow.”

“Thank you miss Shy, you have our sympathy.” Michael said, the yellow mare nodded and closed the door.

“.... So can I eat the steak raw now?” Azure asked. “Yes. Raw.”

“Hell its your steak do what you want with it.” Michael said tossing a steak to Azure, he smiled fiendishly “These two are for our squeamish friends back at the Library.

“Oh yeah! Last time I ate something, they both threw up. This will be fun to watch.... Can we cook this now? I am starting to get more hungry.” Azure said as he picked up his steak with a hoof and then put it on his wing.

“Sure.” Michael said, he pulled a small silver object from his fatigues and walked over to a tree. Removing several branches he created a small pyramid of wood, with a flick of his thumb the silver object created a small fire which he proceeded to use to light the larger wood.

“Oooh. Portable fire. I need to make one of those.” Azure said smiling.

“Its called a lighter.” Michael said with a smirk as he removed a cigarette from his fatigues and lit it. “Very handy”

“I’ll say. I tried to find a matchbox to light my cigar one day and couldn’t find one! Was so annoying. To make matters worse I lost the cigar the next day.” The pony said furrowing his brow in annoyance.

“Well actually its better to light a Cigar with a wood match, it seals in the flavor.” Michael began to roast the steak on a stick over the fire.

“Hey want to see a cool trick when you don’t have a stove?” Azure asked smiling.

“Sure.” Michael said puffing on his cigarette

“Heh alright... One second. Gotta find a good stone.” Azure said setting his Steak next to the fire before walking around for a moment. He let out a small ‘Ah ha!’ as he found what he was searching for. He came back with a medium sized flat stone. “Now just find me another rock. Gotta be tall though.”

“Alright.” Michael grunted. As he took a bite from his steak he saw several ponies staring at him with a look of disgust, with a laugh he opened his mouth showing them the chewed steak in his mouth. One of them vomited all over the others, they all looked pissed but just kept walking. “Ya know what? Lets just eat back at the library.”

“Fine by me.” Azure said, Michael kicked some dirt onto the fire and began to walk to the library. He stopped when he heard Azure still looking for a rock and turned around.

“AZURE! Forget the rock.” Michael said annoyed by the Ponies obsession with finding another rock. When the two returned to the library they found all of the others studying just as ordered, they stopped and stared at Michael and Azure when they saw they were carrying several pieces of meat. Michael was eating one with a big grin on his face while Azure was carrying his.

“Oh celestia! Why did you have to bring that stuff here?” one of the ponies shouted, michael shrugged as he took another bite from his steak.

“Because I have a test for you.” Michael said with a fiendish grin, “So this is what its like to be a drill sergeant?” he thought happily “You will fire at the targets outside, the least accurate shooters get to eat the steak with us.” Michael smiled as he saw all the ponies except for Azure turn a shade of sick green. “NOW GET OUTSIDE!” Reluctantly the Ponies walked outside with their M16s. “Azure since you like meat you will not be tested until after the losers have been determined.” Michael said this firmly. The first pony stepped up and aimed the M16 with his magic. When he had finished he had hit the bullseye with every shot. The next two did the same, when the two earth ponies stepped up thy looked worried. Needless to say they failed miserably, Michael looked at them.

“Please don’t make us eat that!” One pleaded

“It’s not fair they get magic!” the other said

“Exactly which is why you won’t be forced to eat it, they will. You need to fire your weapon without magic!” the Unicorns looked shocked and after an hour of groaning, vomiting and cyring they had finished eating the steak. Michael and Azure were rolling on the ground laughing while the earth ponies just sat and thanked Celestia it wasn’t them eating the meat.

“C-Can we go home now?” one of the unicorns said still recovering from his ordeal.

“Dismissed.” Michael said, the Ponies quickly dispersed before he could think of anything else that was as awful as eating meat. The sun was setting and Michael silently walked up the stairs to his bed. He found Applebloom sitting on it with her eyes closed, she was snoring softly. Michael gingerly picked her up and took her to her bed. When she was beneath her covers he went back to his bed to find Twilight sitting there with a smile.

“How was training?” she asked, Michael took of his fatigue jacket and threw it on the ground before sittin on the bed and looking at the stars.

“It went better than I thought which isn’t saying much.” Michael sighed as he felt Twilights fore hoof go over his shoulder. He looked over at her, she had tears in her eyes.

“I just want you to know that if you need anything you just need to ask.” she said with a sniffle, Michael nodded.

“How was she today while I was gone?” He said pointing to the sleeping Applebloom.

“Good until you and your men started shooting.” Twilight said, Michael facepalmed.

“We need a better place to test I know but I can’t find anything.” Michael said frustrated that he had scared Applebloom. He got up from the bed and walked over to his backpack, he picked it up and brought it over to the bed. As he opened it Twilight noticed something about it. It had a small shoebox inside, when michael took it out he couldn’t help but notice Twilight staring at it. Reluctantly he opened it and revealed a small book with several different objects with it. The Title read “Holy Bible”

“What’s that?” Twilight said picking up the book and turning to the first page, michael sighed.

“A gift from my mom.” he said, he looked through the other objects and found an empty shell casing. “This is the shell casing from my first hunting trip, bagged a twelve point buck with this thing. Dad was so proud.” Michael said with a look of nostalgia, Twilight was reading intently, her eyes as wide as dinner plate. Michael Quickly grabbed the book and other objects and put them back in the backpack. “I’d prefer we kept this quiet.”

“Of course.” Twilight said with a serious tone. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” she said as she got up from Michaels bed and walked to hers. Michael lay in his bed for a few minutes just staring at the stars through the window. Soon he was sleeping deeply, but that changed when he found himself on a familiar farm. His mother Tending the Garden, his father fixing the plow. Then a massive flash and everything vaporized. This time instead of standing alone he heard a voice.

“What is this you see that makes you so afraid?” it said, Michael turned to see Princess Luna.

“My Mom and Dad working on the farm, a Nuclear Explosion.” Michael said in a somber tone.

“Fear not my friend, this is a dream that is false. Your family is fine. Now rest and prepare yourself for what lies ahead.” With that the voice vanished and Michael found himself sleeping soundly once more.....