Spike's Journal

by WorkingClassWriter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity
Length: 24827

Twilight gives Spike a journal. He is not amused. Nevertheless, he shall write whatever happens to him and his friends in it, no matter how strange. Covers S1, with bonus chapters from the CMC.

Twilight's been dissatisfied with Spike's literary skills as of late, thus casuing her to give Spike a journal. He's not amused, but what can he do?

No matter how much he dislikes the thing, it's his duty to write in it whenever something of note happens. Little does he know that some very interesting stuff is to come...

An observation of what Spike could have wrote in such a book, covering all 26 episodes of Season 1. Also contains some pages from the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

(NOTE:This story was written when I was ten, but please don't let you turn that off! I think that the sequel, Spike's Journal 2, is better, but I am proud that I was able to gain so many likes at such an age. Enjoy!)

Now has a sequel.

Published 2013-03-15 08:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-18 04:19:36 UTC

Introduction: Why The Hay Am I Writing In This?

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies

Introduction:Why The Hay Am I Writing This?
Dear Diary:

First of all, although I know it says "Spike's Journal" on the cover, I'm positively sure that Twilight Sparkle got into the wrong section of the bookstore, and realized her mistake on they way home. Well, to be honest, she is not the most creative mare in the world. When she gave me this, it had blue paint dripping from the cover. Also, I could see a few remains of feathers and glitter. A slight dent obviously told me that she removed a ribbon.

And only one other notification: I am not in love with you, despite the fact that I called you "dear". Clear?

So, anyway, I don't feel like I have to remind myself who I am, but I bet Twilight will read some of this at night, while I'm sleeping. She, she's a pretty good writer and reader, which means if I just right a simple, short sentence or two, I'm bound to get some sort of lecture in the morning.

I'm Spike, a dragon. I live with Twilight Sparkle, a unicorn. Why? Well, for starters, it all began when she ~~kidnapped me from my parents on a secret mission.~~

...Okay, I was just kidding. Really, they say that they found some dragon eggs near a mountain. So, they give the eggs to Princess Celestia, the head of Equestria. I don't know where they eventually ended up in, but I somehow landed up in a testing room in Princess Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns. (Gee, that name's kind of boring, isn't it? Why not make a name like The Institute of Epic And Awesome Spells of Havoc For The Whole Nation? Well, I guess that would be too long.)

So, I had to undergo the unfortunate way to hatch: cracked open by a magical explosion of purple aura. Also, as an addition, I grew bigger. Like...twenty percent bigger? Nah, that's too small. About two hundred percent bigger, something like that. Princess Celestia arrived about five seconds later, ending the spell. Somehow, the filly who had caused me to hatch ended up having two new privileges;1.Being Celestia's private student, and 2.the responsibility of taking care for me.

All this while, I was sucking my tail, probably because my thumb was so small.

Actually, Twilight Sparkle's a pretty good caretaker. One, she's smart, and I appreciate somepony smart. Two, I'm convinced that she can kick flank with her extraordinary magic abilities. Three, she's purple. (Hey, you feel better when there's someone your color, right? Especially when it's uncommon.)

Do I have problems with her? Well, she's way too bookish, she seems to have a case of minor Asperger's, she's can be an egghead sometimes, and she's incredibly asocial. (I heard that word when Twilight was reading a book to herself. That's another habit of hers, and, no, I don't know why they don't just call it antisocial. It's a mysterious world.)

I'm especially concerned on the last one. I mean, she always finds some excuse to avoid hanging out with ponies other than Celestia, family, her foalsitter and me. She almost never leaves our dorm in this ivory tower, and she has never talked to anypony else unless it's about studies. I hope it's resolved soon. I mean, she's been throwing birthday invitations away lately. What is she going to do next, hang a sign around her neck that says "Go Away"?

Did I mention about her being bookish? She's transformed this dorm into a library. Except that the books are for her only, and I'm certain that almost nopony reads these things anymore unless they're old-school principals, royalty, or they somehow transported from five centuries ago to this time.

It seems like she noticed her love of reading wasn't rubbing off on me. (Well, at least for those kinds of books, anyway. Give me a simple chapter, adventure, or picture book and I'll be happy.) So, she gave me this uncreative "journal" and said something along the lines of this: "Spike, my No.1 assistant who delivers tons of letters to my mentor, everyday? If you don't mind, I'm giving you this journal, so that you can write in it every single time something interesting happens."

So, I'm forced to write down every single time something interesting happens, and they have to make sense, which means I have to be honest, like I can't write that Twilight got wings and went trough a portal and became one of those rumored human creatures ,but kept her new wings, and that I went to the moon straight after that. I also have to write a complete summary of what happened. so I can't just say "Today was an interesting day because we picked strawberries". I'll have to described what time we picked them, how we cooked them(if we did), and describe it's taste. Actually. that isn't so bad with strawberries.But still, nothing interesting ever happens around here that much.

Which means that this book will eventually end up in a place I like to call "the basement". Or, it could end up in "the closet."

Really, I wish we could move. I don't enjoy this "fancy life" so much, and from the looks of it, neither does Twilight or her family. But hey, what do we do, give up Twilight's privilege as Celestia's protege and move to Mustangia and become cowstallions? I don't think so.

Still, I live a pretty decent life, so I'm not complaining. I'll just wait for an interesting moment to come, wait for Twilight to get friends, and wait for jelly to fall from the sky. My only other worry with Twilight is that she's looking at filly storybooks now. I mean, she's nineteen. Why the hay does she read those?

And why the hay am I writing in this?

-Spike

Author's Note

Ah. My first fanfiction. It's not that great IMO, but I am satisfied with the way it turned out. Do comment if you're able!

Friendship Is Magic, Part 1(Mare In the Moon)

Spike’s Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiss

Friendship is Magic, Part 1
Dear Diary,

So yeah, what happened today was pretty interesting. But before I tell you the terrifying tale, I've decided I'm going to do something.

You know how ponies do things that usually catch your attention? Like screaming something, saying quirky things and all that? (Well, you can't. You're inanimate, remember?)

I've observed a lot of this, mostly from Twilight. So I've decided that when one of these things happens in an entry, and if there's something unique about them, I'll list what's so special about them. You know, the ponies, not the actions. 'Cuz I've already got enough verbs (and adjectives, adverbs, gerunds, and alliterations) from Twilight.

I'll be calling them "Unique Equine Facts".

So yeah, onto the show.

Yesterday afternoon, I was all alone in the dorm. See, I was wrapping a gift for Moondancer, Twilight's classmate. She was hosting a party today for some reason. So, I decided that I was going to give her a present. A teddy bear. Yes, I know that it isn't really appropriate for an eighteen year-old, but I figured that she probably didn't have an IQ higher than 130, which means she wouldn't appreciate the almanacs Twilight gave me.

As I finished wrapping the present, Twilight rushed in through the door and called for me. So, I made quick work and came. Her order? To find an Equestrian Mythology book. (That series has around twenty volumes, but she only told me to get the thirteenth one, Predictions & Prophecies.)

She destroyed the gift wrap and was totally unmoved by my gift. Typical.

She was looking for the section on the "Elements of Harmony", but the index redirected her to "Mare in the Moon". Now, as far as I know, the mare in the moon was an old pony's tale repeated every Nightmare Night, but she wanted to look at it anyway for some reason. The legend, in complete form, said that she would return the evening before "the longest day of the thousandth year", aided by the stars. (Don't ask me how she could escape with the aid of stars. I have no idea.) After that, she would bring about "nighttime eternal".

That just about got Twilight convinced to send a letter to the princess, using some fancy language I never even heard of. Now, here's what I'm confused about: what's so bad about eternal night? Sure, I know everything would be cold, but there's also such a thing as a heat spell.

Guess what? Princess Celestia agrees with me! She told Twilight to stop reading dusty old books, go to a small town called Ponyville to check on some preparations for tomorrow's Summer Sun Festival, and, best of all: make some friends. Now, Twilight can't disagree with her beloved mentor and princess, can she? She had to follow those orders immediately!

Wrong. The next day, I was listening to Twilight ramble about how making friends did not help save Equestria while a chariot carried us across the sky.

Well, at least she tried. Once we landed, I convinced Twilight to give a go at greeting a pink pony walking down the street.

Alas, the pink pony's reply to Twilight's hello was gasping in midair and running away.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts 1:

Ponies have unusual responses. They can be anything.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, we ventured off to check on the food, which was located in Sweet Apple Acres. That was home to some farmer named Applejack, who seemed to be doing okay. How do I know? Well, she had a big family, so there was more than enough food to give Twilight an impromptu picnic without a worry. Also, Twilight ended up vomiting her food back up after eating too much. Hey, too much of a good thing can be bad for you.

After that, we checked on the weather. The head of the project was some fast mare named Rainbow Dash, who showed Twilight a thing or two by clearing up the sky in ten seconds flat while also messing up her hair.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts 2:
For every good deed relating to their special talent a pony does, there's always a bad result. Well, almost always.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

That was half down, half to go. The next location was Town Hall, to check on the decorations. They were great! In fact, they were so great that Twilight actually attempted to show the benefit of doubt, by being sure that one simple look at them was enough.

However, as we were about to leave, the most gorgeous mare ever appeared. Her name was Rarity, and it fit her perfectly! She had the most beautiful smile and just enough eyeshade. Honestly, I could go on about her for hours. I won't, though, as I promised Twilight that I wouldn't cross two thousand words, and with that last sentence, I had about seven hundred and ninety-nine words. Too bad.

She took one look at Twilight's disaster-zone of a mane and insisted on taking us back to her shop, the Carousel Boutique. I can't describe how generous she was, fixing Twilight's mane and all for free. She even let her try on some outfits. If it weren't for Twilight's decision to run outta there, I would be fanning her right now.

After that, we headed to Ponyville Garden to meet the pony in charge of the music. Fluttershy (said pony) was pretty clever, using birds for the music so she wouldn't waste her saliva. (Okay, that was a bit mean.) But she managed to ask me about my entire life on the way home, apparently fascinated with baby dragons, so bonus points to her for annoying Twilight.

Anyway, when we arrived at the Golden Oaks Library, the place where we were supposed to stay, there was some big surprise party for us! The pony in charge of it was the pink mare who had gasped after Twilight had greeted her. I forget her name, but I remember that it sounded delicious.

So yeah, I'm writing this while Twilight is burying her head in her pillow, worrying about that tale. Well, I think I found the perfect place to live, and I bet that if Twilight adjusts to them, the mares we met could be her friends. Plus, I managed to annoy Twilight a lot of times today. You know what? I think I'll call her to get up and prepare right now.

-Spike

Friendship Is Magic, Part 2(Elements of Harmony)

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
edited by cwiis

Friendship Is Magic, Part 2(Elements of Harmony)

Dear Diary,

Well, the unthinkable has happened.

Twilight has friends.

And, on top of that, remember those Elements of Harmony Twilight was researching? Well, she's the bearer of the most important one, Magic. Please excuse me while I seal a small part of my destiny, making Twilight shout at me, by gargling some juice and spitting it on the page.

(Author's Note: Pretend there is a big splash of water here, filled with saliva. Google Images has failed to supply me with a nice blob of Fresh Harvest, so I have to ask you to use your mind to imagine things other than the scenes in this fan fiction that did not occur in the cartoon. Thank you for accepting this cruel task, which I find no pleasure in doing.)

Huh, that was nice. Seems like something Pinkie Pie would have fun doing. It sure would be funny if she did it in a couple years.

So, I bet if you could talk, you'd be asking who Pinkie Pie is. Well, she's the pink mare who threw Twilight a party last night. She's also one of Twilight's friends. Let me... oh wait, there's no more juice.

I don't know how it happened. All I remember is that Nightmare Moon actually showed up and scared the fudge out of everypony, with the exception of Pinkie Pie, who was being a drama queen and a name guesser at the same time. I fainted 'cuz Nightmare Moon's horn was pointy. Really pointy.

So yeah, when I woke up, Princess Celestia was in front of me looking really excited for some reason. I swear she was so excited that her tail was sticking out of her cutie mark! This is just weird...

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #3

Every ten minutes, something weird happens regarding the current scenario. Most of these events revolve around ponies. Some examples include getting eyelashes, horns, or loss of cutie marks. They also disappear after a second or two.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, there was this big celebration party afterward. There were talks about Nightmare Moon's redemption or something, but I just stared at Twilight most of the time. We had an oh-I'm-so-relieved hug, of course, but she was talking and acting normally (at least compared to how she usually acts). I would have fainted again, but I didn't want to look bad in front of Rarity.

Then Twilight got all mushy-mushy and stated the obvious: if she went back to Canterlot like she was supposed to (since she accomplished what she had to in Ponyville), it would be hard to maintain the new friendships she had made. In response, Princess Celestia told me to take a note. The note was the shortest in Equestrian history. Why?

The note had just one simple, clear message.

We're staying in Ponyville.

So yeah, I think I have an even sweeter life now. The only complaint that I can think of is that Twilight seems perfect now. That's good, but won't she eventually become a celebrity or something? Which means back to Canterlot life again. Which I don't want. Fortunately, I asked Pinkie Pie if she had something for the situation. She didn't let the cat out of the bag, and gave me the exact formula I needed. It looks exactly like water, which is perfect. Now to switch Twilight's drinks...

-Mischievously, Spike

P.S., Pinkie Pie is crazy when it comes to keeping secrets or something. When I told her not to tell Twilight about this, she did some sort of dance...

______________________________________________________________________________________________

My dearest Diary,

Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I've decided to write my own diary after convincing my assistant Spike to make a diary-- I mean, journal of his own. I decided to do this after he claimed that he had a vision that over 70 ponies from an alternate dimension "liked" his journal (whatever that means). I wish I could say more, but I have to stop because I feel sooooo bad right now. I also have a feeling that I want to kick somepony in the gut. What the hay did I ingest?

-T.S.

The Ticket Master

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
edited by cwiis

The Ticket Master
Dear Diary,

It appears that Pinkie's formula worked. Twilight got up ten minutes early this morning and whined that she hadn't started her Hearth's Warming Eve schedule yet. Which means she's sociable, but still over-organized and bookish. Heads up to Pinkie for that.

It's been almost a week since we moved to Ponyville. Today, we helped Applejack pick some apples. Well, Twilight was the one helping pick them. I was doing the "crap, crap, good" test. All crap until I pulled out a big red apple, although Twilight scolded me that my definition of bad may be different from the pony definition of bad, which is why I shouldn't have left those apples on the road. I think she was just jealous that I ate the big red one.

After doing so, I burped. However, instead of burping apples, I burped a letter from Princess Celestia. Okay, there's something I really don't get here. Why can't she deliver the letters herself? Why does she have to use such gross methods?

...Oh wait, now I remember. Backstory time.

See, there was this one time when I was about six. Twilight was mega-studying for her Level 2 Finals. Just as she was about to finish re-reading her twelfth textbook, she got sick. Like, really sick.

While she was bawling her heart out 'cuz she was going to have to study all over again (sometimes I don't understand that mare's dedication, seriously), her mom asked me to call Twilight's dad using some new-fangled invention we had just gotten: the telephone. But, of course, she neglected to tell me how to work the dang thing.

Naturally, I didn't understand a thing, but her mom was waaay too stressed to pay attention to anything other than trying to calm her down. By the time her dad got home, Twilight's tears had already near-flooded her room and her temperature was getting higher, so he rushed off to tend to her as well. Without stopping by to help me out. By the time he came back, I:

-Had removed the 1, 2, 4, 6, and 9 buttons from the telephone.

-Had stacked all encyclopedia books to form a pyramid, with some of Twilight's pens and a handkerchief forming a makeshift flag.

-Had decorated the wall a bit with crayons (I was bored, okay?).

-Was about to call a liquor shop (I thought liquor was like licorice), when her dad grabbed the phone and rushed to explain that the person talking was his son (which is sorta true), and that he only drank non-alcoholic cider and punch.

I ended up grounded for one month, and we had to resort to letters since I wrecked the phone. When her mother leaked out this little incident to the Princess (...okay, vented her frustrations over tea), she did some research on dragons and found out that my species had involuntary muscles with magic that could send a certain essence in and out. The essence happened to be in the perfume she dabbed her letters with (hey, don't ask me).

...Ahem, back to the main topic. The letter she sent today contained two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, which is the most fancy of all the balls in Canterlot, Canterlot being the second most fancy town in Equestria (they did a scientific study and everything). The first is Manehattan in Neigh York, but I think Canterlot's a lot nicer.

She offered the ticket to me, but refused. After all, I have a reputation to uphold. In response, Applejack got all hyped up and begged for the ticket. She said that if she sold her treats at the Gala, she could get a new plow, a new roof, and a new hip. For her grandmother, not her (not even sure what Applejack would do with a hip). I think that would run her about five hundred thousand bits, and her foods would sell for about... maybe twenty or thirty bits apiece? Well, she had good intentions, so Twilight gave it to her.

Or rather, she tried to give it to her. All of a sudden, Rainbow Dash swooped down.They asked her if she was spying, but she said that she was just going to nap when she overheard our conversation. She talked about how if she got the ticket, she'd show up at the Wonderbolts show and do some tricks to impress them, earning her a slot on their team. I think that crashing the show would be a bit extreme (that and I would imagine the Gala's security isn't that light), but she still had good intentions as well.

So who gets to go? Well, AJ suggested they have a hoof-wrestling match to decide the recipient. Fortunately, Twilight (who hates violence) stopped them and said she would decide over lunch (she never did get an apple). Good thing she did, or else they would have had endless ties and false wins. Then they wouldn't end up at the Grand Galloping Gala, but rather the Dull Curing Hospitala.

While we were heading to lunch, Pinkie Pie showed up out of nowhere (really, how does she do it?). Naturally, she found the tickets. The reason she wanted them was 'cuz she thought the Gala would be a giant party and we didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. I'm eternally grateful that she gave me that Anti-Mary-Sue formula the other day, but it was obvious that she didn't really deserve the ticket, at least not as much as the others. First off, she didn't know the Gala most certainly wasn't a giant party. Second, couldn't she have just as much fun at one of her own parties? Still, Twilight promised to consider it.

Two seconds later, enter Rarity, who wants to go to the Gala. Welp, we know who's getting the ticket. The end! ...Wait, she says that she wants to find the perfect stallion there. What? Noooooooo! Don't give the ticket to her, Twilight! Please!

Oh good, there's Fluttershy's pet bunny, Angelo Pavlov Carrot the Third, or Angel for short. Great, he's gonna eat them. That settles that! ...Wait, no! He's giving them to Fluttershy, who just wants to see the castle garden! What kind of a reason is that?

For that matter, why did everypony pick right now to decide to say hi to Twilight?

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #4:

If you're doing something that you wouldn't expect your friends to show up for, they're all gonna show up at once.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

We somehow managed to slip out to lunch to chill out and think. Well, Twilight was the one thinking. I was too busy eating my hay fries. We were so busy with our respective tasks, we didn't notice it was raining. Or maybe it was because it was raining everywhere BUT our table. Oh, by the way, Rainbow Dash was making a hole in the clouds above our table.

That was the start of the endless favors. After that, Rarity styled up Twilight, just like the first time they met. Applejack treated her to a full lunch, or at least tried to. Twilight refused it as soon as she caught on. Fluttershy did some "spring cleaning" in the library (two months late).

And Pinkie Pie... well, I'll give points to her for being about as original as you can get. The second Twilight stepped out of the library, she tossed Twilight into the air with the assistance of a small crowd of ponies. She started singing a song that was so blatantly obvious that it might as well have been called "Twilight, Please Give Me Your Ticket To The Gala".

Of course, Twilight just had to scold Pinkie in front of everypony while mentioning the word "ticket". And of course, Pinkie had to specify they were tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala.

Cue us running from a rabid crowd of ponies we don't even know that well by using silly disguises (including a bonnet and an outdated umbrella) before finally teleporting back home.

And because Murphy's Law was in full effect today, the original let's-get-the-ticket ninjas were already there. Luckily, they had already realized the errors of their ways and said they didn't want the ticket anymore. Well, everypony except Rainbow Dash. She started dancing and singing in celebration until we gave her The Look.

Well, that was enough for Twilight to send the tickets (yes, both of them) back to Celestia. But really, I bet that if she didn't have that close a relationship to Celestia, she would have just thrown them in the furnace after all we went through.

After that, they all did a sappy group hug. I almost puked. Applejack caught on to it and started to tease me, but I managed to hide it when Princess Celestia sent yet ANOTHER letter. Turns out she had extra tickets the whole time and was just waiting for Twilight to ask her for them. Seriously.

The girls didn't seem to mind Celestia's little scheme, but I almost wanted to hit her over the head with the largest, heaviest rock in the universe after what she put me through. Yes, I know Rule #423 of Equestria says that threatening to hit the Princess over the head with the largest, heaviest rock in the universe is considered treason, but I didn't say that, I wrote it. After all, there's no rule against writing it.

Well, their joy was cut short when Twilight stomach practically screamed, reminding her she hadn't eaten for more than half a day. We all decided to go out to dinner. I didn't even step out before I realized that Rarity going to the Gala meant that she was going to have to find somepony (or dragon) to accompany her. Two seconds after that, I burped out yet another ticket. Wonder if Pinkie Pie visited the princess lately. That better be the case, or I'm marching straight to a rock farm. Might as well get a pie while I'm there.

And by the way, I learned something today. It's to never share your opinion with Applejack unless it's a matter of life or death, such as cookies.

-Spike

Applebuck Season

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Applebuck Season

Dear Diary,

Well, for once something happened and I wasn't there. I was sitting around the library reading The Foal-Sitters Club (it's a good series, don't judge me) when Twilight told me I had to go to an award ceremony with her. Turns out it was for Applejack. Apparently there had been a huge stampede. I missed that too 'cuz I was busy getting my beauty sleep. Hey, a dragon has to have his priorities, right?

Thirty minutes and several interrupted speeches later, AJ finally arrived. Well, at least I think it was AJ. If I were nearsighted and didn't have glasses, I would have mistaken it for Granny Smith in orange paint with yellow hair dye (hey, it's never too early to celebrate Nightmare Night). I mean, I have never seen somepony so tired. Except maybe Twilight's mom. Wonder if AJ had foalsitted for a crying nine year-old with a fever lately?

Shortly after she arrived, she walked up onstage to start her speech. And by "start her speech", I mean shove Mayor Mare offstage, make funny faces into her trophy (accompanied by Pinkie Pie for some reason), and fall asleep briefly before dragging her trophy off. If I didn't know better, I'd guess she had too much celebratory apple cider.

Anyway, after the unorthodox ceremony, we headed home. I was doing some light reading (...okay, I was taking a nap) when somepony crashed onto our balcony. Ten seconds later, Twilight was marching out the door. All I know is that she mumbled something about "Applejack buck season". I just assumed she was trying her hand at free-form poetry again and went back to sleep.

Twilight returned about twenty minutes later. She explained that AJ was trying to harvest all the apples in the orchard herself (apparently her family calls it Applebuck Season). Normally she'd have help, but her brother hurt a rib or something and the rest of her family was either too young or too old to help out. Which means Applejack was overworking herself, but she refused all offers of help for some reason. The pony who crashed onto our balcony was Rainbow Dash, who had been exercising with AJ or something. And by exercising, I mean trying to launch herself off a see-saw. Unfortunately, sleepy pony plus see-saw equals crash.

Now, I don't know AJ that well, but I still went to bed a bit worried. After all, that's a LOT of apples. The next afternoon, I found myself helping in a clinic filled to the brim with ponies suffering from food poisoning resulting from bad muffins. Including Pinkie Pie. And here I thought she was immune to food poisoning. Well, the muffins were actually pretty good, so I have no idea what their problem was. Or why they called them "baked bads". Apparently AJ helped bake them, so that might help explain it. After all, pain can be contagious.

Twilight went to try to talk some sense into AJ again, who STILL didn't want to listen. Also, she was on her way to help Fluttershy round up some bunnies. Beethoofen's 5th Symphony, please.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #5:

This is another one dealing with situations where you have something important to do. If you're in the middle of something, your friends will pick that moment to ask for help, and chances are you won't be able to say no. This will usually lead to havoc for the whole town (and possibly nation).

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

After enduring another stampede (this time with bunnies; I have no idea how she pulled that off), I'm pretty sure the whole town wanted to do something to Applejack that I wanted to do to Celestia the other day. Twilight went to visit her a third time (hopefully to smack some sense into her or something). And guess what? She'd finally harvested all the apples herself.

Not. Somepony had the clever idea to plant some apple trees a few miles from the main field, and AJ somehow hadn't noticed them until now. After a brief faint, she FINALLY gave up. Took her long enough if you ask me.

So, we all helped AJ buck the rest of the apples just in time. Well, the ponies did the bucking. I baked some muffins (AJ shared her recipe, and boy, was it a unique one). Unfortunately, nobody seemed to share my taste in muffins, 'cuz they all refused them. Or maybe it was because I joked that they were from the trash. Oh well, more for me.

Here's what I learned today: If your friend's friend is overworking, let your friend do all the work, and just kick back and eat some muffins. After all, muffins are delicious.

-Spike

Griffon the Brush Off

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Dear Diary,

If I had to rank Twilight and her friends from least to most serious, I think it would be something like this: Pinkie Pie>Rainbow Dash>Applejack>Rarity>Fluttershy>Twilight. I put Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash on top 'cuz... well, let's just say they started the pranking season.

See, I was delivering some mail (I lost a bet with the mayor and had to do some of her work). This time, I was going to a real post office since we weren't sending them to Celestia, and I'm pretty sure she's the only one who uses that teleportation perfume on her letters. Well, I accidentally sprayed some of the perfume on the letters while spraying some letters for Celestia. I didn't do anything, though, 'cuz I assumed I wouldn't sneeze (or hiccup). I really should stop assuming things like that.

Not two seconds after I walked out the door, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash scared the heck out of me with a thundercloud (wait, isn't taking nature illegal?). I ended up getting the hiccups and accidentally sending all the mail to Princess Celestia. Hope she wanted a subscription to Horse Life Magazine. Actually, I could chalk this down as my getting revenge on her for the ticket fiasco.

The next day, we were invited to a "welcome party" Pinkie was holding. Now, I had no idea who the party was for 'cuz Twilight didn't tell me, but upon getting invited, Twilight made a face along the lines of "Pinkie, are you nuts?” Silly Twilight, she's a pony, not nuts. Besides, Pie with nuts would taste awful.

When we arrived to the party, I hung out and chatted with other ponies for a while. Unfortunately, that all ended when a mean-looking griffon (that's half-pony and half-eagle, and don't ask me how they came to be 'cuz I don't know, nor do I want to) showed up. Judging from everyone's reactions, I assumed she was the guest of honor. And that nobody liked her. Well, I guess Twilight was kinda right. Maybe Pinkie is part nut. I heard Twilight whisper "Gilda", so I guessed that was her name. Also, Rainbow Dash accompanied her inside. What was an Element of Harmony doing with someone like that?

Anyway, the rest of the party consisted of her being rude to all the guests (especially Pinkie), and her falling victim to multiple pranks. For example, candles that lit back up after being blown out.

...Wait, if it was a welcome party, why were there candles?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #6:

Ponies sometimes use the wrong things for the wrong occasion (e.g. candles at a welcome party). However, you usually don't notice until several hours after the fact for some reason. Probably magic.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Also, even if it was coincidentally her birthday, there were only around eight candles or so on the cake. Huh, Rainbow Dash has an eight year-old friend that she treats like a young adult. These ponies just keep getting crazier and crazier.

Back to the party. Gilda was getting mad after all the pranks and blamed Nutty Pie for them. Turns out Rainbow Dash set them up to teach her a lesson about something or other.

After Gilda stormed off and RD apologized to us, she explained what happened. I guess Gilda was an old friend of hers (beats me as to why) and Rainbow Dash paid more attention to her than to her other friends. Also, Gilda was a bit of a jerk. Twilight apologized as well, since she apparently assumed Pinkie was just jealous of Gilda after she complained about her. Leave it to Twilight to not believe without seeing.

So all in all, I learned... actually, I didn't learn anything. Except maybe that pies come in nut flavors. Although that still sounds awful.

-Spike

Boast Busters

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Boast Busters

Dear Diary,

Guess what? Twilight's not the only unicorn in Equestria with tons of magic. While we were going on a stroll to celebrate Twilight's twenty-fifth spell (it was a spell that gave somepony facial hair; I was her test subject, but she undid it before I could show off to Rarity), we spotted some kids fanboying over somepony who appeared to be a magician. So, we decided to check it out.

They led us to a small stage set up where the local candy vendor used to be, which irked me. But I didn't have time to complain, 'cuz fireworks started going off out of nowhere. Which is kinda unoriginal, if you ask me. Why not use a pinata or something? That would make up for the lack of candy. Oh well, not everypony can be Pinkie Pie.

The magician came onstage in a puff of smoke (seriously, is she trying to be cliché?) and introduced herself as "The Great and Powerful Trixie" (third person and all). Everypony else (with the exception of Twilight and friends) seemed impressed, but honestly, I wasn't too impressed. I mean really, what kind of a stage name is Trixie? It's short for Beatrice, which sounds more like the name of a long-lost love from a book series or something, not a magician.

Anyway, she started boasting about her supposed accomplishments (because apparently doing magic alone wasn't enough to impress the crowd), such as vanquishing an Ursa Major. I'd only learned about species based on constellations earlier that afternoon and wasn't too well-versed on the subject, so I made a mental note to let Princess Luna (Princess Celestia's reformed sister, in case you don't remember) know that somepony was stealing her constellations and banishing them.

The Sporty Duo (Applejack and Rainbow Dash) were also not that impressed. Trixie noticed and challenged them to a match of their special talents. Applejack tried doing some fancy rope tricks, and Rainbow Dash did some neat stunts with clouds. Trixie managed to outshine them both, though. The crowd ate it up even though she was only using basic levitation and telepathy spells. I'm surprised I was the only one who noticed. I mean, I'm not even a pony, let alone a unicorn.

After that, Rarity decided to stand up to her as well. She put on a spectacular display, but Trixie fought back by swapping Rarity's beautiful hair with a green wig! I was enraged (and so was AJ's business partner Carrot Top, for some reason). I knew that the only pony with a similar level of magic was Twilight, so I tried to convince her to get up there and kick Trixie's obnoxious flank. Unfortunately, she thought that everypony would hate her if she went onstage and showcased her talents, since the crowd was slowly tiring of Trixie's showing-off.

After lunch, I tried to spy on Trixie to see if I could find anything to use as leverage against her. Hey, you never know, her spells could have actually been invisible strings and swamp gas. But instead of seeing her plotting a nefarious scheme, I saw the two kids we bumped into earlier (Snips and Snails, or something to that effect) serving her. AS in "fetch this, fetch that, ask me questions and I'll refuse to answer" serving. What the hay?!

Before stomping off, I told them to find proof that Trixie really vanquished an Ursa Major, 'cuz I wasn't buying it for a second. I really need to stop that Doubting Thomas attitude, because... well, let me put it this way. I asked the town ditzes to find proof that Trixie was capable of vanquishing a giant celestial bear. Naturally, they decided the best way to go about doing so was to bring one right into the middle of Ponyville Square. Genius.

Actually, I shouldn't be too mad at them. This ended up benefiting us in two ways. One, Trixie finally confessed that she had made the story up (she claimed that vanquishing an Ursa Major was impossible), and two, Twilight actually ended up vanquishing it herself (by feeding it a water tower full of milk and levitating it somewhere into the Everfree Forest). Turns out it was only an Ursa Minor, which explains why she was able to get rid of it. Given how big it was, I'd hate to see an Ursa Major.

As usual, everything turned out fine in the end. Nopony was mad at Twilight for showcasing her magic (seriously, she gets so paranoid sometimes), Trixie ended up fleeing the town due to shame, and I got my mustache back. Rarity didn't care much for it, probably 'cuz she was cranky due to having to wash her hair a hundred times or so to revert it back to purple (turns out the Not-So-Great and Powerful Beatrice's secret was invisible green hair spray).

Today, I learned that if you want to get a mustache, convince your owner to feed a giant bear some cow milk out of a water tower. Unconventional, but it's guaranteed to work every time.

-Spike

P.S., Haven't received any word from Celestia about that magazine subscription I accidentally sent to her the other day. Maybe she got the message?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Princess Celestia's Royal Diary *Luna, Do Not Read*

Saturday - Received subscriptions to several magazine, including Horse Life and W.I.T.C.H.: The Most Magical Unicorns. Also received tax bills and confirmation of chariot licenses (note that none of this mail was mine) in the same delivery. The mail was dabbed with the royal perfume, which leads me to believe that whoever was responsible might have broken into my faithful student's home and taken it. They were all signed with Ivory Scroll's signature. I think it's time to do something to her town. There's a cave big enough for a full-grown dragon near it.

Dragonshy

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Dragonshy
Dear Diary,

Until now, I never paid much attention to my relatives. By "relatives", I mean bigger dragons, the ones who roam around in caves and those sorts of places. Why? Well, I'm in a cozy library located in a pretty decent, nice little town. I spend all my spare time either sleeping, eating, playing, or (occasionally) reading. And they're stuck in caves filled with insects and mice and whatever. Plus, they eat dead meat. Why pay attention to them?

Becase if I did pay attention to them, I wouldn't have been spending my Saturday off taking care of little rabit rabbits, ducks of doom, and squirrels of suffering. Life tends to bite you in the flank that way.

It all started in the morning. When, I woke up, I saw smoke out the window. Lots of smoke. Enough smoke to practically blot out the sky. Fortunately, it stuck to the sky for the most part, so we were able to see where we were going without running into things. For once, life was almost working in our favor (besides the whole smoke-in-the-sky thing).

While we were heading to Town Square to figure out what the hay was going on, we got a letter from PC informing us that the smoke came from a dragon who was trying out his best Rip Van Wrinkle impression. Apparently Twilight and the gang weren't big fans of that story, 'cuz next thing I knew, they decided to trudge up to the dragon's cave and convince it to look for a cave that wasn't nearby a town inhabited by a thousand citizens. All by themselves.

I really do like those mares, but they can make such weird decisions sometimes.

And, of course, they HAD to bring Fluttershy along for the ride. Which means I was stuck taking care of her pets. I mean, come on, what would she do there? Cry and drown the dragon in tears? Didn't the others know that her animal talent only works with small critters?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #7:

Ponies always seem to forget important details that could potentially save their flanks.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't know how Fluttershy does it, 'cuz taking care of fifty-ish animals is more torture than riding a Ferris wheel after eating several boxes of hay fries, while not being allowed to throw up. I won't even describe it.

I will mention that while taking care of the adorable little trash, I looked at the mountain to see if I could tell what those crazy mares were up to. Well, after about fifteen minutes of watching, I saw an orange blob dragging a yellow blob that appeared to be statue-still. Looks like Team DESU wasn't the perfect team after all, huh?

By the time they came home, I was barely alive. This is only a very tiny exaggeration. What really surprised me was that apparently Fluttershy turned out to be helpful after all. Twilight told me that she scolded the dragon until IT almost cried. Judging from what she told me, you'd think the dragon had burned Fluttershy's stuffed bunny or something. Guess she can have a bit of a backbone when the situation calls for it.

...Wait no, she just fainted after a leaf fell on her back. Ponies really are fickle creatures.

Today, I learned that pets are pure evil. Seriously, if Twilight ever gets a pet, I'm running away.

-Spike

Look Before You Sleep

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Look Before You Sleep
Dear Diary,

It's official. Twilight has gone mad.

You see, I was out getting a refill of that teleportation perfume stuff from Celestia. I mostly offered to go myself in order to check if she actually got those magazine subscriptions from a couple weeks ago. Turns out she did. Not only that, but when I saw Celestia, she was in the middle of writing something about Ivory Scroll, the mayor (Celestia has a bad habit of mumbling while she writes). I have a feeling she thought Ivory was behind the subscriptions. At least she didn't suspect me.

Look, in case you somehow get the ability to walk and talk one day, I don't want you telling anyone I told you all of this. Clear?

Anyways, that kept me out the whole night. Since it was already late when I got to the castle, Celestia let me sleep in one of the guest rooms. When I got back home the next day, Twilight was sleeping. On the floor. Beside her was a note that said:

Twilight,

Hey there. It's been a darn tootin' nine hours since the day began, and in case ya forgot, it's a work day today. Me and Rarity'll be scurrying out in a bit, so don't go thinking we decided to bail on you in the night, ya hear? Sorry for the mess, but we just woke up.

-Applejack

So, that got me wondering how the hay Applejack and Rarity ended up sleeping at Twilight's house. I decided to do some investigating around the house, so I put on my best Sherclop Pones impression and started sleuthing.

I didn't really expect to find too much, knowing how neat and tidy Twilight keeps things, but I found some facial mask cream and marshmallow crumbs laying around by the bookshelves. Naturally, that only got me even more confused. I looked around a bit more before finding a book near Twilight. Guess what? It wasn't the Mareiam Dictionary. It was a book about sleepovers. You know, those girly things where you do nothing but snack and gossip all night?

Then it hit me. Twilight actually had a sleepover with Applejack and Rarity. She actually did something mare-like!

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #8:
Ponies are so routine in their habits that when they do something out of the ordinary, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Like Twilight actually acting like a mare.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

After gaping for a minute or two, I tried to wake Twilight up to make sure it was really her and not a shapeshifter or something, but no dice. I guess she actually slept late for once. Oh well, I don't think shapeshifters are real anyway.

While cleaning up the mess, I made a mental note to ask Pinkie later if she could whip up a formula to effectively get rid of Unique Equine Fact 8. Not that I don't appreciate Twilight doing new things, but if it always ends with me cleaning a huge mess, it's not really worth it. After all, I need sleep.

I didn't really learn any moral lessons today, but I did learn that I need to add "How To Find Out If Your Caretaker Is Really A Shapeshifter" to the library. I can't help but feel that something like that would really come in handy one day.

-Spike

Bridle Gossip

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Bridle Gossip
Dear Diary,

Yesterday, Twilight decided that we had to start exercising more often. Ugh. Well, the day looked nice enough, so I thought that our little jog through town would be just a tiny setback for my awesome Saturday. Well, it got a bit bigger when we realized that there was nopony in the streets. Unless you count Mr. Dustball, but then again, he's not even a pony.

I was just starting to freak out over the possibility of zombies (better safe than sorry, right?) when we spotted Pinkie Pie whispering to us from Sugarcube Corner (her workplace/home). When we went in, it turned out the rest of the gang was there too, including AJ's little sister Apple Bloom.

By this time Twilight had managed to calm me down a bit over the zombie thing, so I decided to give myself a little treat. While I was snagging some Horshey's Kisses, I overheard them talking about how they were hiding from a creepy zebra named Zecora who lived in a nearby wood, the Everfree Forest (which was just as creepy). I didn't hear everything, but I was able to tell that Twilight disagreed (typical) and Apple Bloom was trying to be the center of attention.

I was in the middle of admiring my awesome reflection in the glass shelves when we noticed Apple Bloom had gone missing at some point. The gang went out to look for her, and I was assigned to keep watch over Sugarcube Corner. At least it gave me an excuse to wear some cool armor (a pot on my head; hey, you make do with what you have). By the time Twilight came back to get me, she looked mildly annoyed at everypony else, and she ended up going to bed early. As in right after dinner. She never told me what happened. Probably mare stuff.

By 9:30, she was already tossing and moaning (which is weird, because her Sleep Schedule doesn't have her tossing and turning until 11:25, right after light snoring). I decided that camping outside would get me a lot more sleep. Well, when I woke up, I saw that Twilight had slightly messy hair, bigger eyes than usual, and (get this) a floppy horn with polka dots. Wow.

Before she had time to officially freak out, Pinkie Pie burst through the door faster than usual. Her tongue was twisted and stuck inside her mouth, leaving her unable to speak. Her tongue was also covered in blue polka dots. Either Ponyville had a new fashion craze overnight, or something was up.

Pinkie was followed by a Rainbow Dash who crashed more than Derpy Hooves (the local mailmare), a Rarity who was a hair fuzzball (but still looked good), an Applejack shrunk to the size of an actual apple, and a Fluttershy who had turned into Morgan Freemare.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #9:
Sometimes, ponies will do something so unexpected that you can't help but laugh, even if it's in front of/at your almost-friends, your caretaker, and your crush.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Of course, they came to the conclusion that Zecora had cursed them (except for Twilight, but I bet she was starting to consider it). I found a book that probably had a cure, but unfortunately, the book was called Super-Naturals. Which Twilight thought was a book about ghosts. I mean, come on, she didn't even see the hyphen between "Super" and "Natural". Twilight really needs to get eyeglasses.

Anyway, Apple Bloom decided to sneak out again, this time with AJ hot on her trail. Naturally, they left me to guard the library while they went to find them. Maybe I should get an actual guard uniform if this keeps up.

By the time they returned, I was already halfway writing a fanfic about their exploits (hey, you can't be confronted with a scenario like that and not write about it). Trolling aside, turns out that Zecora was just a local alchemist who didn't even have any metal, and the reason they got so messed up was because they stepped in some sort of plant that does stuff like that. I need to remember to harvest some for April Foals.

Anyway, everypony apologized to Zecora and all was good for once. Seriously, I'm not sure how they thought she was bad in the first place. I don't think anyone around here deals with witchcraft. Except maybe Pinkie. Never can tell with her.

Today, I learned that Twilight doesn't believe in witchcraft either, and most of Ponyville will probably follow her example after this incident. Which means that it probably wouldn't be wise to read Hoofy Potter in public. And it looked like a good series, darn it.

-Spike

Swarm of the Century

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Swarm of the Century

Dear Diary,

Princess Celestia did something wrong again. Today, completely out of the blue, she decided to visit Ponyville (maybe she was trying to get back at the mayor for the magazine thing, still not knowing that I was the actual culprit). Naturally, the whole town went into Neat Freak Overdrive Mode (or in Twilight's case, Default Mode).

I was helping out at the library by putting the books in their proper places, but Twilight decided that she would check how the other ponies were doing with their cleaning. So I got stuck cleaning the floor in her place. Let Spike do all the dirty work, huh? At least the books are tidier.

Plus, there's something I don't get here. I know that Twilight is Celestia's student and all that, but why did we have to clean Golden Oaks if there was no guarantee that Celestia would stop by there?

________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #10
When somepony important is set to come to town, everypony works together to clean the entire town. No exceptions.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, just as I had finished spreading glitter on the floor (that's what she gets for leaving me with the hard work), Twilight showed up with a cute little bug. Yes, a cute bug. Well, forgetting the lesson I learned when I took care of Fluttershy's Army Of Darkness that time the mares went up that mountain, I added it to my metaphorical friends list. I really should have thought it through more, because when I woke up the next morning, there was a whole swarm of insects everywhere. Hurrah.

Twilight ran out, shouting something about Fluttershy (I assume she was the one who gave Twilight the bug in the first place). I was gonna try to catch the bugs until I remembered my recent experience with the pets. So, instead, I sacrificed some of my cookies to distract them and hid in the garden. I'd like to think the cookies died for a noble cause.

By the time Twilight returned, she had gathered Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity. They were going to try "rounding them up", so I stayed behind again to hold down the fort. After ten minutes of waiting, I decided to peek at what they were doing out there.

When I reached the forest border, I didn't see them, but I did see a giant multicolored bowling ball making strange noises and rolling toward the lake. I assumed that the problem had finally been solved and I could finally take a nap.

I was wrong. While passing by the town, I saw a giant swarm of the things eating everything but food. Apparently Twilight had messed up with a spell or something.

That did it. I screamed, tossed my hands in the air, and ran to Zecora's hut. She had no idea what to do with me, and after several minutes of hearing me scream (I never stopped to actually tell her what was wrong), she gave up and threw me out.

By the time I reached the town outskirts, the bugs were gone and the ponies were tearing down all the surviving "Welcome" banners. I heard some of them mumbling about how Celestia had put off her visit at the last minute. Against all common sense, I made my way to the town square to check out the damage.

It was a complete mess. How much of a mess? Well, let's just say that out of the goodness of my heart (and because I won't get ice cream for a month if I don't), I'll probably be helping fix the town. Which means I probably won't be writing again until winter's almost done. See ya then, Diary.

-Spike

Winter Wrap Up

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Winter Wrap Up

Wait, what did I say in the last entry again? That I probably wouldn't write again until winter was almost done? Well, guess what? Winter is wrapped up. Oddly enough, the whole process felt like it only took about twenty minutes, even though it was more like a few hours.

Now that I think about it, it feels like my entire life takes place in twenty minute blocks. Maybe Twilight's been messing around with time spells a bit too much lately.

...Okay, I'm getting a bit off track here. Where was I?

Somehow, we managed to fix the damages from the bug swarm up before Hearts and Hooves' Day. But don't think that I ditched you. The only reason why I didn't write is because I was so busy helping everypony fix the town. That, and nothing interesting happened anyway, probably due to the town taking a collective half-month break from having interesting things happen after the bug swarm, just to be safe. Not kidding, we held a town meeting for it and everything.

A couple days after we finished the repairs, Twilight decided to wake me up early. Like, really early. That's a direct violation of Statement #8 of the Dragon Code, which requires at least twelve hours of sleep a night for young dragons. Hmph! Well, at least she figured out she woke up a bit too early when she walked outside to a faceful of moonlight.

See, we woke up early because it was the day Winter Wrap Up took place (we should really buy a Ponyville calendar sometime). I was a bit confused by the idea, since back in Canterlot the royal family just used their magic to melt the snow, and after that nopony went outside for a few hours. Simple, but efficient. And wet. Seriously, Canterlot practically turned into a waterfall for a few hours every year!

In Ponyville, however, it was a different story. Turns out that everypony wraps up the winter physically. You're not even allowed to use magic. What?!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #11:
Ponies often make rules, regulations, and traditions that either make no sense or are extremely inefficient.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Well, at least it looked fun. There were three main jobs: clear the sky, wake up the animals from hibernation, and clear up the ground (don't ask me what they were going to do with the excess snow when it melted). Unfortunately for Twilight, she wasn't really good at any of those. Her brilliant solution? Sing a song. Really.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #12:
Ponies are constantly bursting into song. Not that said songs aren't catchy, just saying.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, after that heck of an act, Twilight didn't feel any better about her kinda-uselessness, so she decided to try the tasks firsthoof. First up was Rarity, who was making artificial nests for the birds. Twilight must have misheard, because she started making little birdie outhouses instead. Rarity went nuts trying to fix Twilight's nest, but apparently she did quite a number on it.

After that disaster, Twilight decided to try her hoof at clearing the land. Pinkie Pie was skating on the lake to make the ice easier to break up, so Twilight decided to try it out. After all, ice skating can't be too hard, right?

I'm surprised Twilight and Pinkie didn't need to go to the hospital after all the times they crashed.

By now, I was beginning to get ticked off at Twilight, so I told her to just give up and use magic after all. Of course, she declined and decided to try helping Fluttershy wake the animals. Hey, that sounds simple enough. Why didn't she just do that in the first place?

I don't know how she managed to wake up the snakes first, but I haven't seen her run so fast in years.

Once we finally calmed her down, Twilight went down to the farm to help AJ with the plowing. Come on, I can't think of a more unfitting job for her! There's no way she can do this unless--

...Yes! She's finally using magic! Wait, why's she making a giant snowba-- oh no.

Anyway, AJ scolded her after that mess. That must have hurt Twilight's feelings a lot, 'cuz she ran away holding back tears. You know, maybe AJ should have been the Element of Brutal Honesty.

Well, I was trying to comfort her when we realized that Twilight's various hi-jinks were kinda slowing down the whole Wrap Up. Just then, she remembered the one thing she was absolutely superb at: making lists. Twilight took over organizing the various groups, and we just barely managed to get the job done on time.

...At least I think it was on time, 'cuz I fell asleep sometime before we finished. Not sure where, but I woke up floating in the lake. And, since everypony was laughing, I assumed they were trying to pull an early April Foal's prank on me. I may be shivering now, but wait 'til they see my Poison Joke.

Today, I learned that if the rest of the town is doing something important, you should just kick back and not interfere, because chances are you'll just end up running from snakes. That's a good lesson, right?

-Spike

Call of the Cutie

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Call of the Cutie

Dear Diary,

I can't believe this. I was just counting your pages out of boredom (Twilight was babbling on about cutie marks and the wonders of childhood), and I noticed that some of your pages were ripped off. Plus, there was a hoofprint on the next untorn page. I tried complaining to Twilight, but she was too busy going on about some theory on the Celestial Fountain of Youth. I think it's time to do some serious fence-building.

-Spike

_________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, in a nearby clubhouse...

_________________________________________________________________________________

The Official Cutie Mark Crusaders Meeting Record Book

Transcribed by Apple Bloom Hope Apple
Comments by Sweetie Lillian Belle
Arguments and all other stuff by Scootaloo K. Hill
(Note: The Record Book and The Rule Book are two different things. TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Got that?)
P.S. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, are ya reading this? If ya are, lemme reveal a great secret to you. *inhale* Phobos and Cedric are your fathers. Filthy Rich knows about it, so search all over town for him, ya hear?
(Note: Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are fairy tale geeks)[/]

Record 1: How the Club Formed, and Thus, How We Stole Spike's Pages And Totally Got Away With It
Sunday, April 14th, 3PM, Apple Bloom's House

I cannot believe we just did that.
Did what?
Stole some pages from Spike's journal thingy.
Well, we had to, 'cuz Scootaloo lost the originals and his journal was the closest thing nearby.
I told you, I didn't lose it. Some aliens with wrinkled foreheads came out of the sky and STOLE it.
Uh-huh. And we're supposed to be the geeks.
...Can we just go back to what we were SUPPOSED to do?
And that is?
Ya forgot already? This is a record for all our adventures. I was gonna write what happened to me last Friday and Saturday to get us started off.
You? We'd been waiting under that table for six weeks.
Alright, US. So can I start now?
Sure. Whatever.
So, it all started in Science class last Friday afternoon. Ms. Cheerilee was talking about cutie marks. I, of course, didn't have one yet.
And you still don't.
And? So yeah, while Cheerilee was talkin' about it, I decided to play the scribble game to pass the time. Diamond Tiara, of all ponies, passed me a note. Now, being the perfect, attentive student I am, I decided not to pick it up.
Wait. If you're a perfect, attentive student, why were you playing the scribble game?
Let's not dawn on that, Sweetie Belle. Everypony knows that last year, I was so good that the Easter Pony gave me extra coal!
...Right.
Unfortunately, Diamond Tiara tainted my lil' filly heart enough to make me pick up the note. Cheerilee caught me, but, surprisingly, the paper was blank. Turns out DT and her BFFPIC were just trying to get in a jab about me being a "blank flank".
What's a beef pick?
Best Friend Forever and Partner in Crime.
Oh.
Ahem. Anyway, after class, Diamond Tiara invited us to her party celebrating her newfound cutie mark. Which was plain silly. First off, her cutie mark was a tiara and she's not even royalty.
Even if she was, I'm sure she would have been kicked out.
And second, she required everypony to go. If we didn't, she was gonna have some of her personal ponyguards taser us.
Wait, isn't that illegal?
Sure is. Anyway, since there didn't seem to be any alternative, I decided to go with my friend Twist, who still didn't have a cutie mark either. Even though I had a fellow blank flank to accompany me, I still complained to my big sis, Applejack about not having one yet. She began to ramble about patience, until I had a brilliant realization: all of our family's cutie marks were related to apples.
Uh, question. What does your brother's cutie mark mean?
Well, he never finished his food, and he never does.
I've heard worse things to get cutie marks for.
So I was pestering AJ to let me help her sell apples. After a full hour of begging, she finally agreed to bring me along. Unfortunately, she didn't approve of my business tricks.
Which were?
Er, no time to explain. Even worse, when I dropped by Twist's house, turns out she had gotten her cutie mark in the 4 hours since I'd seen her.
Eh, I never liked Twist anyway.
Hey, y'all can't say that about my best frenemy!
Okay. I'm terrrrrribly sorry. May I offerrrrr you some tea?
...Bad Trottingham accent, Scoots. So, I decided I was gonna try to get my cutie mark just in time for the party. First off, I visited Rainbow Dash--
-the world's best pony.
Will ya quit interrupting me? Anyway, she thought I could get my cutie mark in athleticism, rainbows, and dashing.
Isn't dashing part of athleticism?
Actually, dashing is way cooler than athleticism. Mostly 'cuz it's easier to spell.
Well, regardless, it didn't work. Desperate to earn my cutie mark, I marched into Sugarcube Corner and consulted Twilight Sparkle.
Wow, you must have been really desperate.
Pretty sure I just said that. Twilight tried to use one of her fancy-schmancy spells on my to give me an artificial cutie mark. Sadly, nothing lasted more than a few seconds. After that, Twilight tried lecturing me again (naturally), but I was saved by Pinkie Pie, the town's craziest pony.
Isn't the town's craziest pony Derpy Hooves?
Scoots! The impossible has happened! I actually agreed with you!
Well, congrats, you two. The town's SECOND-craziest pony tried to help me bake cupcakes. Unfortunately, mine came out as a lump of coal.
Hey, don't feel bad. Pinkie probably bewitched the cupcakes or something.
Eh, maybe. Well, since I didn't have anyone to comfort me then, I started heading toward the main entrance. And walked right into the party. I had forgotten it was gonna be hosted there.
Odd that DT would stoop to someplace so low.
I've heard of worse places. Besides, she was probably planning to brain-freeze everyone before brainwashing them.
Brainwash?!
Buy some apples!
Err... Apple Bloom? I think you meant to say "crap", and that isn't exactly a swear word.
Oh. I still think "buy some apples" is funnier.
But why in Equestria do you think DT would do something like that? She's not THAT evil.
I... don't know. But I still think she did.
So during the party, Apple Bloom tried to sneak out, or at least hide her flank. Unfortunately, DT, being the Esme Squalor she is, found out that Apple Bloom was still a blank flank anyway. Little did they know that I-- I mean, Sweetie and I were hiding under a table, ready to defend any blank flank!
Hey, now wait just a darn tootin' minute! I thought I was gonna record what happened!
And we were hiding under that table because you played a prank on Rarity by covering her hair in yellow paint! And how did you know about Esme Squalor? I thought you were failing Reading!
Which is exactly why I decided to take AB's job! To practice!
Fair enough.
Anyway, Twilight Sparkle was actually cool for once when she defended us. Even cooler. the other fillies started to take our side. Best of all, Esme and the tap-dancing-fairy-princess-ballerina-veterinarian gave up. Well, at least for now. After that, we officially made a group: The Cutie Mark Crusaders!
I still think my name was better.
What does "Cutie Mark Acquisition Program" even mean?
Guys, I'm trying to focus! We stole some of Spike's journal pages after that 'cuz, as I said, some aliens with wrinkled foreheads stole the original notebook. Meeting adjourned, let's meet up again at the Iron Pony Competition next week. I've got to leave now 'cuz I need to take my dyslexia pills. Bye~!
...Now I've seen everything.
My silent knot is fully tied.
So, should we end the entry?
*nods*

_________________________________________________________________________________
Transcript ends here, although there were what appeared to be ice cream stains at the bottom of the page.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note

Wow. That was one crazy chapter. First one who enlists all the references gets a peek for my next fanfic. And, no, you can't annoy cwiis via Pm by asking him what it is(he's still the editor for it).
Also, the reason why this chapter was so late was because of a.final exams,b.the length, c.my brother was being a pest.

Fall Weather Friends

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Fall Weather Friends

Dear Diary,

Well, I knew that AJ and Rainbow Dash were kinda friendly rivals of sorts, but I never knew they'd take it this far. Last week, they asked us to help out with their own Iron Pony competition. Which interrupted my fence-building, dang it. Oh well, this would be a lot more fun.

At least I thought so. That didn't seem the case after all, because they ended up using me for a few of their ~~torture sessions~~ games, including a lassoing contest and a bull-riding-type-thing. Meanwhile, Twilight was the referee. I mean, she didn't even do anything to stop them!

The other contests were pretty fun to watch, though. Since my services were no longer needed, I decided to take the role of announcer. A crowd had since formed, so why not?

In the end, Rainbow Dash won. Well, that was because she used her wings to win. In other words, she cheated. I think I'm starting to like Applejack a bit more. Sure, she's brutal, but at least she's honest.

Also, when AJ and RD were arguing, everypony was sitting in a corner doing nothing. Nopony even tried to pull them apart.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #13
If something happens and it doesn't affect the entire nation, non-involved ponies just sit back and do nothing. Lazy jerks.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyways, they decided that they would settle their feud at the Running of the Leaves mareathon the day after, and make that the official Iron Pony game. Rainbow wouldn't be allowed to use her wings during the mareathon. If she did, it would be grounds for instant disqualification. Naturally, Twilight was interested by the addition of rules and regulations, so she joined as well. Which made AJ and RD laugh at her. Er, never mind what I said about liking AJ.

I was going to be the referee of the game, but as it turned out, Pinkie Pie beat me to it. Well, fair's fair. She did supply me with that potion. Plus, she let me be a sub-referee. All the fun of being a main referee with only half the ~~calories~~ announcing! I think that out of the Elements of Harmony, I like Pinkie the most next to Rarity. And Twilight, of course. Gotta love ya, Twilight. Just gotta.

We watched the game from Twilight's Twinkling Balloon (we got it as a thanks for saving spring). AJ and RD did fairly well, but after about five minutes of watching them, I got bored and started watching Twilight. She did surprisingly well. In fact, out of about two hundred ponies, she made it into fifth place. Not bad, huh?

Just when Twilight was receiving her medal, I noticed that neither Applejack nor Rainbow Dash was in the top 20. Which was very unlikely. They weren't even in the top 30, either. Or 40. Or 50. By 70, I knew something was very wrong. I really hoped that Rainbow and AJ just stopped to argue, maybe even eat some leaves or something.

By #198, they still hadn't passed. Celestia was just about to search for them (she attends the Running of the Leaves every year) when they finally crossed the finish line. They looked all dirty and sweaty. Very sweaty. And the tape surrounding Rainbow's wings was gone. I don't know the full story of what happened, but I'm guessing she cheated again.

Today, I learned that cheating will prove to be nothing but trouble.

...Wait, did I just smell... character development?

-The New Spike (sorta)
﻿

Suited For Success

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Dear Diary,

Well, I officially found one (1) fault in Rarity. I didn't even know she had one. Well, granted, nopony's perfect, but I honestly thought the worst she did was have the occasional negative thought, so I'm sorta crushed. Anyway, the mess wasn't entirely her fault. So, I guess I should tell you what happened.

I guess that Winter Wrap Up and the Parasprite invasion tuckered us out so much, we forgot all about the stupid Gala. Well, I'm not surprised I forgot about it, at least. The only reason I'm even going is to make sure Rarity doesn't get a coltfriend.

...Okay, I kinda want to visit Pony Joe's too, but can you blame me? His powdered doughnuts are amazing! Anyway, it's mostly about Rarity, at least.

Besides, I finally grew enough to wear that oversized tuxedo Twilight gave me three years ago, and I had some spare shirts in case I needed them for some reason. From the photos I saw from the last Gala, only around half the ponies there bothered wearing anything, and even then it was just accessories, not clothes.

Not realizing that, Twilight and the rest decided that they would get a new dress for the occasion, and that they'd have Rarity design them. Mares, lemme tell ya.

I didn't hear anything else about the whole dress situation for another two weeks. Life around the library was boring 'cuz the only new book we got at my reading level – I'd read all the rest (and in this case, "read" means "read 5 pages of before getting bored") – was Hoofy Potter and the ~~Sorcerer's~~ Ponylosopher's Stone. (Twilight still doesn't believe in witchcraft, so I'm kinda surprised she got it at all. Now, if she'd gotten The 39 Ponies, my small reading life would be complete.)

...I'm getting off track, aren't I? Anyway, Rarity didn't usually take more than 3 days to make a dress, so I got a little worried. For all of 2 minutes, before I dove back into the book.

At the beginning of the third week, I was pondering how the ~~Sorcerer's~~ ~~Ponylosopher's~~ Whoever's Stone got into Hoofy Potter's pocket (life was, for once, so boring that I actually read a fair amount of a book), when Rarity came in looking pretty tense. Apparently some top-class designer (his name was Hoidy Doidy or something like that) was going to be attending her upcoming fashion show, and she wanted me to be the MC. I agreed in a heartbeat, since I'd not been satisfied with the amount of MCing I did with Pinkie Pie at the Running of the Leaves (seriously, it's hard to get a word in edgewise once that mare gets on a roll).

As soon as she left, I got started on writing a fancy introduction. On the day of the show, Rarity still looked tense and I had no idea why. So, when the fashion show came, I made the my speech, the curtain opened, and...

...I'm not sure what Rarity was thinking when she designed those dresses. Either that, or Twilight read Daring Do and the New Hope and/or To Kill a Mockingbird too many times.

I tried to see Rarity after the show to ask what exactly happened, but she was too busy crying, whining about packing, and seemingly trying out for a part in Gone with the Pegasus.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #14:
Unicorns seem to have severe mental breakdowns all the time. Possibly magic buildup? Must investigate further.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Well, I knew that she wasn't in any shape to even leave the house, so I didn't worry about her threats of moving. Still, I convinced Twilight and the gang to talk to Rarity. Not that they needed much more convincing.

Thankfully, it worked. Rarity invited me to another fashion show, and this time, the dresses were much better. That fashion guy (Whitey-Tighty?) even asked Rarity for a few orders. Phew.

Today, I learned that even your crush is capable of being a little too crazy. Also, Twilight might be getting into sci-fi. But meh, who cares?

-Spike

________________________________________________________________________________

Library Request Sheet
Name of Librarian : Twilight Sparkle
Name of Library : Golden Oaks
Category Requested : Fiction
Age Rating : No more than PG-13 (Pony Guidance until 13)

Please underline the books you want to order:
Hoofy Potter and The Chamber of Secrets
Hoofy Potter and The Prisoner of Pegazkan
Hoofy Potter and The Goblet of Fire
Hoofy Potter and the Order of the Alicorn
Hoofy Potter and the Half-Blood Unicorn
Hoofy Potter and The Deathly Hooflows (Pre-Order)
Pony Trek
Pony Trek:Into Darkness
Daring Do and the New Hope (Gold Edition)
Daring Do:The Shadow Empire Strikes Back
Pony Jackson and The Lightning Thief
The Pony Games
The 39 Ponies:Maze of Bones
The 39 Ponies:One False Magic
The 39 Ponies:The Sword Thief
The 39 Ponies:Beyond the Hoof
The 39 Ponies:The Black Circle
The 39 Ponies:In Too Deep
The 39 Ponies:The Hydra's Nest (pre-order)

Payment will be announced and collected when order has arrived via chariot. Please mail to 311 Phoenix Street, Hoffington. Books will arrive in less than a month or you get one (1) free bookmark with your next order.
Thank you for your purchase.

________________________________________________________________________________

My dearest Diary,

I've done something terrible. I... ordered a bunch of science fiction books. I just couldn't help it. I don't believe in curses. I don't believe that there's some sort of history secret. I don't believe in sci-fi. I don't, Idon'tIdon'tIdon't...

-Twilth Spockle

Author's Note

Note:The wrong spelling in Twilight's part was intended.Mainly cause of Twilight Spockle.

Feeling Pinkie Keen

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Feeling Pinkie Keen

Dear Diary,

I now have enough evidence to prove that Twilight needs to go to Doctor Stable's for a brain checkup. The proof? Around three weeks after the last entry, our monthly book deliveries arrived while Twilight was still asleep (she had done a lot of paperwork the night before). Therefore, I had to fetch the books for her. You would not believe how darn expensive they were.

Naturally, I assumed that Twilight had just ordered an encyclopedia set or something. Still, the wrap looked pretty thin for that. Curious, I took a peek. The first book I saw was Hoofy Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. At first, I was happy because we had something interesting for once. However, I couldn't help but notice that this kind of literature was a bit... well, unusual for Twilight. I decided to open the second box, and... it was a Daring Do book. Not even the regular Daring Do. The one that takes place in space. Twilight had ordered sci-fi.

I immediately got a basket, labeled it Delivery Service, dumped all books inside it, threw the wrapper away, and went to bed (to freak out about the orders, though, not to sleep). Later, my private eye saw Twilight secretly carrying the basket and muttering something about not believing in curses or secret serums. Yup, she's definitely gone off the deep end.

After breakfast, she decided to practice magic (guess she wanted to take her mind off the books). Naturally, Pinkie Pie interrupted Twi's training. But for some reason, she wasn't greeting us, but rather looking at the sky. While her tail was twitching. After a few seconds, she rushed to us and said something about something falling. Well, Twilight didn't believe it, but then a frog fell from the sky and landed on her face. You can't make this kind of stuff up.

At first, I thought that frogs were really falling from the sky, and we'd have to call the police again. Turns out, Fluttershy had just dropped a frog (she was taking them to Froggy Bottom Bogg). Still wondering what the hay Pinkie meant, I asked her about it. Turns out she has this really cool psychic power that lets her predict the future!

...and Twilight didn't believe it. But she sure wasn't able to avoid it. Pinkie Pie decided to follow us around town, her Pinkie Sense going off every couple minutes. Twilight ended up needing a bath after a while.

______________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #15
You never know what's going to happen with ponies. For all you know, you could find out that you're really royalty. Or you could just get stuck in a mud pit for five days. Sometimes life sucks like that.

______________________________________________________________________

So after the bath, and Twilight getting knocked around a few more times (along with some sort of speech she gave), she hooked Pinkie Pie up to her Pony Observation Machine (POM for short, obviously). She won it a long time ago at Canterlot Lottery, and she's been hooked on using it on ponies any excuse she could get ever since. So, it was completely natural that she use it at some point on Pinkie. It was also completely natural that nothing worked.

After lunch, I was taking a stroll around town when I spied Twi hiding in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. Well, I was kinda bored, so I decided to tag along. ...Okay, she forced me to follow her. I'm not complaining, though. It was still pretty funny to watch her get more injuries and not have to go to the hospital. I swear, sometimes it's like we live in a cartoon or something!

Turns out that Pinkie Pie knew that Twilight was spying on her all along. Man, sometimes Pinkie can be pretty cool. That is, when she isn't making stuff fall on us.

All of a sudden, she started shaking around. I thought that she was just dancing to the gnashing of Twilight's teeth, but it was another Pinkie Sense thingy. She called it a "doozy" and said that it was going to happen at Froggy Bottom Bogg. Naturally, we all thought it would involve Fluttershy. Fortunately, I was able to tag along because Twilight wanted to go and prove Pinkie wrong. We also brought Applejack along for the ride.

As I was talking to Pinkie about explosions, we found Fluttershy. Well, she looked fine, so Twilight's belief that Pinkie Sense was fake was kinda justified. That is, until a hydra rose out from the swamp. Hoo boy.

Well, it was near impossible to set the hydra's head on fire, so we did the next most logical thing: run like hay.

We somehow managed to escape the hydra. Twilight was about to finally acknowledge that Pinkie Sense might be real. However, she was interrupted when Pinkie found out that the hydra wasn't the doozy.

I could have sworn Twilight turned into a Ponymon for a second. It's too bad I didn't have an Ultra Ball. Still, I think I'm gonna occasionally call her "Ponyta" from now on.

After that, the burnt Twilight finally gave up. Phew. Well, the bad news is that she'll have a higher chance of hogging all the books now.

Oh, and an extra little tidbit: as I was getting ready to deliver Twilight's report to the Princess, Celestia herself dropped out of the sky and took it. Guess Rainbow Dash is the best flier in all of Equestria after all. Well, I haven't compared her to Twi's foalsitter yet. I heard she can fly even after she's tossed by a soldier in the Royal Guard. Not sure what use that could come in, but it still sounds impressive.

Today, I learned that every crazy thing has an explanation, no matter how impossible it may be. Now I just have to find out what Pinkie was talking about when she said that Twilight has a relation to blue blobs and a strange doctor.

-Spike

SPECIAL:Battle of Hooftar(crossover)

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

SPECIAL: Battle of Hooftar(crossover)

Dear Diary,

Well, it's happened. For the first time since she was nine, Twilight Sparkle has joined me in one of my crazy antics. Well, I suppose she had a perfectly good reason to join in, so it's not all that unusual. Plus, it was all kind of a mishap anyway. What kind of a mishap? For starters, it involved Daring Do, a Hoofy Potter book, and mistaken identities. Somepony get the imaginary popcorn.

You see, it all began when Rarity invited us to go to her cousin's twenty-fifth birthday party. It turned out that her cousin was Thornhoof Gallop, a really famous party host. Since Rarity didn't have anypony else to go with her (the rest of the gang had work to do), and since there was a high chance of meeting famous ponies, we decided to tag along.

Unfortunately, two days before the party, Rarity got a fever. Since we still had tickets to the party, Twilight decided we should go anyway and deliver Rarity's present to Thornhoof. Well, I wasn't complaining; I had nothing better to do anyway. It just kinda bummed me out that Rarity wasn't coming along. So, the night of the party, we packed our supplies (including some Hoofy Potter books just in case the party got boring) and took a train for Manehattan.

We had a bit of trouble getting to Thornhoof's birthday party (there was a three-pony-pileup on Mane Street), but we managed to arrive two hours before it officially started. Thornhoof came across as a pretty cool guy, giving us treats as thanks for attending the party. While waiting for it to start, Twilight decided to walk off and chat with a nearby stallion (non-romantically, of course) to pass the time. That's when Thornhoof spotted her. Thinking that Twi was flirting with the stallion (who happened to be his brother), he got really mad and threw us out of the house. Jerk.

Pissed off, Twilight told me to stay near the building and went off to find a bathroom. Although I was kinda mad at Thornhoof, I also felt a bit sorry for him. I decided to give him one of the Hoofy Potter books in the bag Twi brought as a way of making amends. I picked out the thinnest one in the bunch, hoping she wouldn't notice it was missing. Stupid me.

Well, I wasn't that stupid. At least I knew that something was off when he shoved it in his bag, blew me a raspberry, and quickly went inside.

When Twilight came back, she seemed to have cooled off. That is, until she decided to check her bag just in case somepony (or someone) took anything. In a matter of seconds, she noticed her autographed first edition of Hoofy Potter and The Prisoner of Pegazkan was missing. How the hay was I supposed to know?

______________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #16:
The good deeds that ponies do sometimes lead to troublesome results.

______________________________________________________________________

So, I was forced to explain why the book was missing. Instead of panicking, giving me a lecture, or doing both at the same time, Twilight grabbed me and skedaddled around the tower, trying to find Thornhoof to get her book back.

After a minute or two, we bumped into a sign that said "Battle of Hooftar Reenactment". Temporarily forgetting about the book, we decided to investigate. Turned out Daring Do And The New Hope was being turned into one of those TV films (we still have yet to get a TV, but Twi's family has one back in Canterlot and it's amazing). To raise hype, they were shooting this really epic part, the Battle of Hooftar, in public.

Right then, I remembered that we were supposed to be looking for the book. Just as I was about to remind Twilight about it, some guy grabbed us and shouted something about being late. At first, I didn't understand what the hay he meant. Then Twilight told me (through telepathy; she'd learned that spell the day before and was practicing any chance she got) that the scene they were filming involved a unicorn and dragon. I guess that meant the director thought I was in costume. Oh joy.

Since the director was practically steaming, we decided to go along with it and pretend to be the real actors. One of the managers came up and gave us some hoofsabers and they started filming. Since everypony but us was fighting, we realized that we were supposed to duel. Which would be a bit difficult, since Twi is my mother, sister, boss, and best friend at the same time. How can you fight somepony like that?!

...Well, at least I was the good guy, right? Wrong. Twilight was supposed to be somepony in the Rebel Alliance. Me? I was supposed to be a friggin' Imperial Guard. Come on, can't I be the darn hero for once?

So yeah, we tried to recreate a Duel of the Fates. Needless to say, we weren't doing so well. After a few minutes of onlookers staring, Twilight used her telepathy spell again. In a few seconds, a script called for her to call me something that I refuse to write here (hey, what if those fillies grab my journal again? I don't wanna be responsible for them using that kind of language).

As we were trying to decide what to do next (Twi doesn't use that kind of language; she finds it, as Rarity would say, "uncouth"), guess who passed by? Of course, it was Thornhoof, reading a Hoofy Potter book. Forgetting about the whole movie thing, we leaped out and grabbed the book from him.

Well, at least we tried to. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, but we ended up rolling around on the floor and I got crushed at some point.

After that, I heard Twilight pause for a second before shouting something along the lines of "You Pegalon jerk, you squashed Spike!".

She then tackled Thornhoof, grabbed the book, grabbed me, and ran like hay. Fortunately, a train had just arrived. Twilight practically threw the money at the conductor, dragged me off to the back of the train, and closed the curtain. We arrived back in Ponyville around midnight.

Today, I learned to never give gifts to a stranger unless they're penniless. Otherwise, it will lead to big-time trouble (and possibly a role in a movie).

-Spike

Author's Note

So, I guess you're asking if this is a spoof of Star Wars. Yes, yes it is!

A few of you who still respect and/or remember Nickelodeon pior to 2010 are asking if this is a spoof off between Drake and Josh. Yes, yes it is!

...alright, let me explain myself.

See, there are three episodes wherein neither Spike or the CMC don't appear. Since I wanna improve my reading skills in time for high school(yes, a 11 year old going to high school-some sort of bridging system took place), I wanted to do 3 additional chapters to make up for it. Problem? I just realized this two weeks ago, and now I had no idea what to do.

At first, this was gonna be a story wherein Twilight and Spike try on the Twinkling Balloon, but get stranded. It was hard to write.

Then, I cooked up a story about Spike getting sick on April Foals. Since he can't go outside, he instead attempts to make Twilight's life miserable. I...had no idea how to write that, gosh darn it. Hey, I'm Chinese.

Bummed out, I decided to watch Drake and Josh this Saturday. (It's a jolly good series.) Then, I remembered that the Drake and Josh universe had an episode similar to this entry. It involved almost exactly the same thing, except there was a spoof-off called Galaxy Wars instead of Daring Do,and the Hoofy Potter book was instead a Beatles Album. And there were no ponies involved, of course.

So, I guess that explains it. For a list of all books in this slightly alternate universe that are sci-fi, read the list at the end of Suited for Success.

Hope you enjoyed,

-The39Ponies

Stare Master

Stare Master

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

The Stare Master

Dear Diary,

I'm sorta mad at Twilight now. Ya see, she decided to go to Zecora's for some tea last night, leaving me in peace. After she left, I finished eating my early dinner. Then, I decided to take a seven-hour bubble bath along with my toy boat, rubber ducky (don't judge me), and a book. Sounds like the perfect evening, right?

Wrong. Well, it was at first. However, things went downhill once I noticed I had finished half of the book and Twi still wasn't home.

Panicking, I ran to the table and scribbled out a letter to Celestia. At some point, I accidentally knocked over the perfume bottle we use to send the letters. Right then, I had a mini-panic attack and fainted.

I was awoken by Twilight sometime this morning. Turns out, she was turned into stone by a cockatrice. Well, that wasn't all her fault, so I'm not mad at her for that. I'm mad at her because she was mad at me. She scolded me for "spilling the bottle on purpose, not asking anypony for help, and leaving my new Pony Trek:The Next Generation collection soaking wet". Then, without giving me a chance to argue my side, she told me to send a letter off. Hmph!

Well, at least I'll get my revenge when I leave her new Daring Do book open to a certain page for her to find... muahahaha-ahaha-ahaha-ahaha--

...Whoops, my Evil Laugh Recorder got stuck in a loop.

-Spike

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, in a nearby boutique...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

The Official Cutie Mark Crusaders Meeting Record Book

Transcribed by Apple Bloom Hope Apple
Comments by Sweetie Lillian Belle
Arguments and all other stuff by Scootaloo K. Hill

Record 2: How We Spent Our Very First Sleepover, and Thus, How We (almost) Came Face-To-Face With ~~Scootaloo's Cousin~~ Something That Probably Came From Outer Space
Sunday, June 5th, 10 AM, Carousel Boutique

...Well?
Ugh, fine. I'm mighty sorry for calling that... cockledee or whatever your cousin, Scoots.
And I'm sorry for not keeping my promise to host the sleepover at the Boutique.
Apology accepted, I think. So, shall we begin?
*shrugs* I guess.
Alright, then let's start. To celebrate the last day of school, we decided to have a sleepover at Sweetie Belle's place. Unfortunately, she was stuck at her sister Rarity's house. Even more unfortunately, Rarity was busy whipping out some clothes for customers.
Actually, it's called weaving.
Besides, she can't whip things! That's against the law!
Since when are you a police officer?
Since the day I graduated from Scootfleet Law Academy.
Which was?
Yesterday.
...Scootaloo, we graduated from Ponyville Elementary yesterday.
Guys, can ya stop arguing until we finish the Celestia-darned entry? Anyhoo, just when we were about to start crying (since that usually has a 94.7% success rate in getting us what we want), Fluttershy showed up with Rarity's pet cat, Oval.
Opal.
Opal, Oval, same difference. Anyway, Fluttershy, who took a bit of pity on us, decided to let us sleep at her house. At first, Rarity didn't want to impose, but she gave up after a bit of convincing.
Seriously, Scootaloo, where did you get those angel rings?
The bookstore. I bought the Harmony of the Rings collection and got a free ring for each book.
What happened to the books?
I sold them to Twilight for quadruple the price.
...Let us never speak of this again.
Agreed. No more rings, ya hear?
Fine.
So, we journeyed our way over to Fluttershy's house. After dinner, we finally got around to doing the main reason for the sleepover: Crusading! Sadly, Fluttershy didn't agree with our choices. Well, she did have a point. I have ta admit they were a bit... dangerous.
But desperate times call for desperate measures!
I wouldn't exactly call the situation "desperate", though.
Besides, have any ideas for what we could have done instead? Styling, cooking, sleeping, tabletop RPGing, singing, drawing...
...You're kidding, right?
Ah don't think she is, Scoots. Regardless, she told us to go to bed. When we protested, she (get this) sung us a lullaby.
But I made it exciting.
True. But where did you get that moon from?
Some auctioneer. I think his name was Chris Savino or something.
...Did I just hear a wall break?
Nah, all the walls here are sturdy. Besides, all four walls are still here. See?
After that, we snuck out of bed, naturally. We tried for a cutie mark for window-spying, but instead, we noticed that a chicken had gone loose into the Everfree. We decided to be the next big darn heroes and used our ninja skills to search for the chicken.
You still haven't apologized for that argument.
Fine, sorry for calling you a chicken. But to be fair, we ruled out getting a cutie mark in arguing.
Can't this wait for later?
Right, sorry. Anyway, Fluttershy finally caught up to us after a few minutes of unsuccessful searching, but she seemed more worried than angry. She claimed that there was a cockadoodle or something like that on the loose, and that it would turn us to stone. At first we thought she was joking, but then we realized she wasn't when we ran right into it!
That thing was totally spooky. We should dress up as Cockamaholics or whatever for Nightmare Night.
I thought we were going as members of the Enterprise.
...You know what? Let's just be princesses.
No! Let's pretend we're Daring Do and the crew instead!
Scratch that. We're gonna be guardians.
I prefer the term "Harmonybenders".
Wait, changed my mind again. We should go as members of VFD! I could be Beatrice, Apple Bloom could be Sunny--
Whaaat?! Let's just go as Slinkies!
Guys, Nightmare Night is almost five months away! Besides, we already tried for arguing cutie marks!
Fine. Truce?
Truce.
Thank you. Like I was saying, we ran into the Cockadip. All hope seemed lost, but fortunately, Fluttershy used her goofy stare thing to save the day. After that, we turned Ms. Twilight (who was already turned to stone) back to normal and went to bed.
Unwillingly.
For you. So, what did we learn today?
And this is for?
Ms. Twilight said something about learning moral lessons. Also, you seem to be quoting a lot of villains today. Come to think of it, are you sure your eyes are purple and not red?
Yeah, I'm sure. Can we just get this over with?
Okay. So we learned that sleeping late will get you into trouble, that you shouldn't look for things by yourself, and that Cockabees are no laughing matter.
Such helpful lessons.
Well, see you this Wednesday? Applejack said she had a surprise for us.
Sure!
'Kay.
Well, see ya. *leaves*
Farewell, long live, but breathe first. *leaves*
...You know, I think I could get used to ending entries.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Transcript ends here, although there was what appeared to be a drawing of Scootaloo in a unique uniform at the bottom of the page, followed by the words "Oh really". The hoofwriting seems to be Sweetie Belle's.

_________________________________________________________________________________

My Dearest Diary,

I-I can't believe this. After taking a bath, I walked up to my desk and found the book I was reading open to a certain page. Upon investigating, I had the ending spoiled for myself! H-how can Ahuizotl be Daring's father? This just isn't possible... Why did the wind do this to me? Why? Whhhyyyy?

-Twilight Sparkle

The Show Stoppers

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

The Show Stoppers

Dear Diary,

Guess what? Somepony borrowed a book from the forbidden section of the library, aka "Supernatural Fantasy". According to the previous librarian, nopony has borrowed from there in more than thirty years. Well, Mr. Dustball tried to, once, but he wasn't strong enough to carry the book he wanted, and he stayed there until The Great Dust Bunny Invasion (wherein Twilight practically swept the whole library).

The book was called "Ghosts and Goblins". Guess who borrowed it? Of course, it was the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I mean, those fillies never give up. Just a few days ago, they tried a cutie mark for making book pyramids. In the main room of the library. Needless to say, the end result took me hours to clean up.

At first, I wasn't sure how to react until we got an invitation to the Ponyville Talent Contest. I declined to go. After all, it was obvious what was going to happen. Y'know, lousy (not to mention loud) performances? Fortunately, I had to go to Canterlot for errands, so at least I had a good excuse for declining.

Today, I learned that responsibility is the best excuse.

-Spike

_____________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, in a nearby plateau...

_____________________________________________________________________

The Official Cutie Mark Crusaders Meeting Record Book

Transcribed by Apple Bloom Hope Apple
Comments by Sweetie Lillian Belle
Arguments and all other stuff by Scootaloo K. Hill

Record 3: How We Joined A Talent Show, And Thus, How We Became Unintentional Comedians
Monday, June 20th, 9 PM, Some Plateau Near Scootaloo's House

...Well, ya have to admit this isn't so bad.
True, but there are probably bugs all around this place!
It's not my fault my house is in the clouds!
Just like yer head is?
Hey!
...Whoops, sorry.
It's cool. I'm gonna go get some water, okay?
'Kay. Anyhoo, Applejack had a surprise for us last Saturday, which turned out to be a rickety old clubhouse. Fortunately, I was able to fix it with my genius skills.
Sure.
Anyway, after that, we decided to do some crusading. Sadly, we didn't succeed in any of our attempts. At our last stop, Golden Oaks Library, Twilight arrived with Ms. Cheerilee just as we decided book pyramids weren't our thing. Fortunately, our teacher kept Twilight from blowing a fuse. Turns out Ms. Cheerilee was here to tell us that there was an upcoming talent competition! Naturally, we decided we'd give it a shot. I was the choreographer thanks to my kung-fu skills, Sweetie Belle was the set designer, and Scootaloo was--
-the lead singer and composer! Back in eleven sentences flat!
Great. Just great. So, after gathering our materials, we did our jobs. Well, for some reason, we had a hard time actually performing them.
Told you we should have included spaceships in our set, Sweetie Belle.
I'm the artist, and I include what I want to include. And I put Mount Doom instead of spaceships because I wanted to. So that's that.
Yeah. A true Hoofkienknight. Mount Doom indeed.
One does not simply insult a great series.
Au contrarie, mon piet pony! Harmony of the Rings sucks!
YOU SHALL NOT GET AWAY WITH THAT REMARK!
*sigh* I just had to get a Trekkie and a Hoofkienknight for best friends. Guys, can you ever stop arguing?
Scootaloo, will you stop making fun of stuff I like?
Promise.
Thank Celestia. Anyway, we helped each other out in our respective jobs. So, by the day of the talent show, we were ready to put on the best performance ever. Well, when it was our turn to go up, at least. Snips and Snails were up doing magic tricks.
All of which sucked.
...that doesn't sound like a full argument, y'know?
Yer fault for not writing it first. After Snips and Snails, Twist did complex mathematical problems for the crowd.
Wasn't she supposed to cook peppermint or something? What happened?
Er, Winona sort of ate the peppermints. After her, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon distilled perfume.
I thought it was skunk saliva or something.
Let's compromise. Skunk saliva scented perfume.
Charming.
Finally, a decent act came when Sunny Days and Peachy Pie did a poem about roller skates while rollerskating. Still, we were going to be even better!
I still can't understand why Ms. Twilight and our sisters looked worried, though.
Probably because of the stench. And Rainbow Dash isn't my sister. She's related to my stepcousin by marriage or something like that.
Well then.
The play, guys? Well, we were going smoothly at first, but I somehow managed to get my leg stuck in Mount Doom.
I could have just carried you, you know. Like what really happened.
So my hoof would have been bitten off by some unknown creature?
Uh, no.
Besides, nothing must stop the show!
Well, we didn't let anything stop the show. Then, the props collapsed and the fan broke. And everypony laughed at us. Heartbroken, we went backstage...
...and began our epic journey eastward.
I thought we stayed back there and waited.
Sweetie's right. You can't just make stuff up!
Ugh, fine...
We were scared that we'd be laughed at again when we were called out, but turns out that we won for Comedy! Heck, maybe that's our special talent! How can we practice comedy...?
I have an idea!
Guys, shouldn't this be in the Brainstorm section of the notebook?
Well, yeah, but I have a great idea. What if we went to the town mine outskirts and left a note saying "What you are seeking will come on Thursday at exactly 3 PM?" Then they'll think it's true!
...That doesn't even make any sense.
Bah. I'm still doing it anyway.
Yer choice. So, I guess it's nearly bedtime. Remember what we learned last entry?
Yeah, but... what did we learn today?
Well, first of all, our talent might be comedy. Second, you can only win if you have someone with food in their name in your group.
Wait, you're saying we only won because of you?
In the words of my brother, "eeyup".
But Snips and Snails won Best Magic Performer, and they don't have foods in their names!
Well, snails can be food if you're that desperate.
Eeeeeew.
Hey, it's like you two are in sync!
Huh, I guess we are. So, let's celebrate by... finishing the entry, I suppose.
Are you kidding me?! We say the exact same thing, and... wait, the exact same thing? Can you buy me a soda or something? We need to remove the jinx.
Scoots.
Ugh, fine. I get it, you're tired.
Well, bye. Rarity and Applejack are waiting for us over at Sugarcube Corner.
See ya. Now to end the entry... hold on a second! Did they just entrust the club notebook to me? They actually believed in me!

_____________________________________________________________________

Transcript ends here, although there was what appeared to be a wet spot at the bottom of the page, most likely caused by tears of joy.

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Braeburn

Hey, can we postpone the visit to Appleoosa by one week? Ah'm mighty sorry, but Apple Bloom is... well, depressed. She kind of lost her club notebook or something. Those lil' fillies just can't wait to get their cutie marks, can they? Ah understand that ya need that tree as soon as possible, but she's refusing to eat. Guess Bloomberg'll have to wait. Think we can put him south of your town? Sure, there's some migration paths, but Ah don't think there are any more inhabitants there.

-Applejack

A Dog and A Pony Show

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

A Dog And A Pony Show
Dear Diary,

I finally have something positive to say about Rarity again. You see, after Hoity Toity gave her a good review (and I mean a really good review) in Horse Life, she's been getting an increase in orders. In fact, last Wednesday, Sapphire Shores (some singer or something) ordered five dresses from her. The problem? She wanted them completely decked out with jewels. Of course, I volunteered to help Rarity find the gems.

The next day, we set off to the outskirts of Ponyville Mine. Since Rarity has this cool gem-finding spell, actually finding the gems was pretty easy. And digging them up wasn't too hard either. The only thing that ticked me off was that I couldn't eat any of them. Well, at least I got to spend time with Rarity.

Unfortunately, fate doesn't seem to like me being with her for more than twenty minutes. At what I think was 3 PM, some dogs leaped out from the bushes. And not cute dogs like Winona. Big, talking dogs. And boy, did they smell bad. Their looks weren't that good either.

They were called the Diamond Dogs (are they trying to rip off David Hoofie or something?), and they wanted to kidnap Rarity for some reason. At first, I tried to defend her, but the dogs were too strong. After a bit of fighting, she got dragged out in the abyss. After my big "NOOOOO!" (hey, why does Daring Do get to have all the fun?), I ran back to Ponyville and told Twilight and friends what happened.

At least I managed to tell them that Rarity was in trouble. I think I shouted something like "Rarity! Dogs! Mine outskirts! DANGER! Diamonds! Gems! TV Tropes! Banana! Potatoooooo!" (Don't ask me where I got the last three from, I was a bit panicked at the time.)

After spending a few minutes inhaling into a paper bag, I managed to tell them the full story. Still, I was on the verge of a heart attack. The verge continued when we realized that the dogs dug lots of holes to confuse us.

Huh, come to think of it, the dogs are shameless ripoffs. First David Hoofie's songs, then the Emperor's death pits. And by the time we managed to get underground (this involved sacrificing gems and almost kissing Applejack), we were all messed up. To make matters worse, the dogs had dug several tunnels. Now, they're combining the moon and Maredor. Plus, I think there was some sort of scent or something that made me do the "NOOOOO!" shout again.

Fortunately, Twilight was able to copy Rarity's gem spell. We guessed that the path to the dungeon was the tunnel with the most gems. And by the state of our surroundings, we seemed to have guessed right.

Since I was pretty sure that Rarity would be rescued easily, I began to think about what I would say to her when I rescued her. All in all, I decided to reference the Lone Pony Ranger. (And before you tell me that I was copying the dogs, let me tell you that rip-offs and allusions are two different things.)

Unfortunately, near the end of the tunnel, some dogs spotted us. However, thanks to the power of allusions, Applejack managed to toss the dogs off us. When we reached the dungeon door, I grabbed a rock mistletoe (or whatever it was) and shouted "Hi-ho, Twilight! Away!".

Twilight wasn't the least bit happy with this, but after a bit of begging, she agreed to play along. Well, not completely. At this point, I wanted to buy a cowboy costume, get a Trottingham accent, and equip a hoofsaber or a gun (whichever looked better). But there wasn't any time for any of that.

So when we got to the dungeon gates, we found... the Diamond Dogs moaning and shivering in a huddle? Turns out that Rarity had fooled them or something. Still, she did mention later that she was impressed by my performance.

We had gotten more than enough gems (at least half a year's supply) to make the dresses. But still, I couldn't have more than around ten. Well, guess I'll just have to stick to hay fries for a while.

Today, I learned that rip-offs stink and allusions rule. Also, Winona and Hoofy Doo are the only decent dogs in Equestria.

-Spike

Author's Note

Speaking of Maredor, check this out.

Green Isn't Your Color

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

Green Isn't Your Color

Dear Diary,

Two weeks ago, I was invited to a photo shooting by Rarity. Turns out that she had bumped into this famous photographer, Photo Finish. Naturally, we decided to help her out. For some reason, Fluttershy was the model, but we could still encourage her and help her out.

I used this get-together as an opportunity to announce my biggest secret to the ponies I liked most in the gang - Twilight and Pinkie Pie (I liked Rarity too, of course, but I couldn't tell her for obvious reasons). I mustered up my courage, and told them that I have a crush on Rarity.

Unfortunately, Twilight didn't grasp the importance of the secret at first. However, after a brief discussion with Pinkie, she took it more seriously.

When we reached the site, I was a bit suspicious of Finish. First off, she only seemed thirty-five or so, but her hair was really white. Second, her glasses seemed familiar. Third, she had almost the same cutie mark as Twilight, and she didn't even have a horn.

Before I could point this out, the shooting began. She had a neutral opinion at first, but it gradually got more positive. Still, Rarity was quite nervous when the shooting was done.

A few minutes later, Photo Finish made her decision. She wasn't clear on what it was, but she mentioned that she found a pony to "shine all over Equestria". Naturally, we thought she was going to announce Rarity as a top designer. The next day, however, Photo Finish rejected Rarity's creations. That's when we found out she wasn't going to make Rarity into a star. She was going to make Fluttershy into a star.

I felt angry at Photo Finish, sad for Rarity, and worried for Fluttershy. I mean, come on, she's not even model material!

Still, we couldn't do anything. We tried to visit Rarity, but she was whining and putting on a black cloak. She wanted to be alone, so I told Twi and Pink to go out of there... okay, I didn't go out of there when I was saying that. But seriously, she was putting on a black cloak. If I had a crush on her, didn't I have to stay there so she wouldn't turn to the Dark Side or something? (Then again, Twilight said that the latest Daring Do book had Daring wearing black.)

You won't believe this, but Fluttershy turned into a star. In fact, when I went to the book store, everything that wasn't a book had "Fluttershy" printed on it. In fact, there were even some Fluttershy stickers. This put my Ponymon collection on hold due to them being taken off the shelves.

Well, Fluttershy's new job DID help me in some way. Thanks to her pay, Fluttershy was rich enough to buy a TV and some other stuff. One day, she asked me if I could take care of her cottage (she was taking most of her animals with her). That day also happened to be the premiere of the kid-friendly version of Daring Do and the New Hope. I took the job right away.

Unfortunately, while I was watching it, the phone kept ringing. Whenever I answered it, whoever was on the other end would ask ridiculous questions. There was even one caller who asked if Fluttershy could be cast for Eyown for a Harmony of the Rings adaptation. What the hay?!

At first, I just turned the TV all the way up and ignored the phone. However, that made my eardrums scream. I decided to end it all by pulling out the phone batteries (just to amuse myself, I told the last three callers that they had reached Middle-Equestria). When I got back to the TV, the award ceremony had already begun. Groan.

I decided to chill out by going to Ponyville Spa. Rarity and Twilight were there, too. Turns out Rarity was a bit jealous of Fluttershy, and she asked us to keep it a secret. Actually, I don't blame her that much for being jealous. I mean, Rarity's customer visits had dwindled over the week, while Fluttershy was getting her own lemonade brand.

A few seconds after Rarity left, Fluttershy came in. After we told her that Rarity had just left, she admitted that she hated being a model, and was only doing this because Rarity told her to "shine". Twilight was going to tell her the truth, but then Pinkie popped out of the muffin box and warned her about the consequences of spilling a secret. So, Twilight came up with another plan.

The next shooting, Twilight used her magic to make Fluttershy do disgusting deeds while performing. Photo Finish was just starting to denounce her when, suddenly, everypony started clapping. Turns out Rarity was attending the photo shoot to see what the fuss was all about. Not wanting Fluttershy to suffer anymore, she used crowd psychology to get positivity going.

_____________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #17:
Ponies follow crowd (or mob) psychology, especially if the leader of the crowd/mob is wearing a pretty dress. Heck, just ask Lemony Hoofkit.

_____________________________________________________________________

At the end of the show, Rarity and Fluttershy met up together (by now, Twilight almost couldn't hold their secrets any longer). They finally confessed their secrets to each other. Since Fluttershy now knew that Rarity didn't like her being a model, she decided to quit her job.

A few moments after Fluttershy and Rarity left, she couldn't hold it in any longer. Getting her head out of the pot she was holding it in, she slipped out that I had a crush on Rarity. Photo Finish looked absolutely clueless and disgusted. Way to go, Twilight. Way to go.

She asked for my forgiveness at the spa, though. I did so, but I decided to pay more attention to Rarity than her. Finally, Twilight gave up and said that if I wrote the letter, I would get to read her new books before her. Victory!

Today, I learned that if your friend spills one of your secrets, you should always have them give you something before you forgive them.

-Spike

Over a Barrel

Over a Barrel

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

Over A Barrel
Dear Diary,

For a summer trip, we took a train with Applejack to Appleoosa, the place where most of her relatives are from. You see, AJ's family discovered a rare species of apple trees. This tree (named Bloomberg) seemed to grow best in sand for some reason, and Appleoosa had plenty of that. We went along to help her plant the tree.

The road trip to Appleoosa was enjoyable enough, but everypony kept asking me to cook snacks with my firebreath. Which stunk, because I was trying to read Daring Do and the Return of Harmony. And when it was time to go to bed, they kept talking about Fluttershy being a tree or something. I went to camp with Bloomberg.

It wasn't going to get any better when I woke up. I found myself surrounded by a bunch of buffaloes. And they had paint on their faces, feathers on their heads, and really, really sharp horns. For a moment, I actually thought I had been sucked into the book I was reading. Nervously, I got my universes jumbled up and asked to go to Hoofwarts to speak with Hermoneigh Granger.

They had no idea what I was talking about. After a few minutes, I realized this place was real. I found out that they had kidnapped my caboose on purpose, and they felt guilty about it. You see, the place where we were supposed to plant Bloomberg turned out to be their traditional stampeding grounds. Although I had no idea why they had to have those every year, I felt sorry for them.

They treated me to breakfast, which was pretty good. As I was eating my fourth bowl, I learned from the youngest and most friendly in the bunch, Little Strongheart, that a "blue pegasus and pink balloon" had invaded their turf. I figured they were talking about Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. I rushed to the scene and was able to clear up their innocence just in time.

Chief Thunderhooves, their leader, gave them the same food as me. Although Rainbow hated it, Pinkie loved it. After explaining their story to them, we decided that we were going to have a little talk with the Appleloosans. The next day, we went into town. When we got there, however, we ended up arguing instead. I wonder why nopony thought of letting the buffalo stampede first and then planting the apple tree after that, or just simply sharing the stupid land.

_______________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #18:
Ponies never compromise until the end of the day.

_______________________________________________________________________

Anyway, Pinkie called attention on me for a minute. She had this really great idea for a musical number, and I was supposed to be the pianist. Of course, I agreed right away. We performed our song, "You Gotta Share", at one in the afternoon.

Nopony liked it. The only thing everypony could agree on was that it was terrible. Well, I have to admit that the song was a bit lackluster. But, hey, the reason why I didn't make an effort to improve it was that I just wanted to get the whole thing over with so I could learn why Ahuizotl was Daring's father (I had a few unpleasant theories in my head and wanted to get them out as soon as possible).

After that, the sheriff declared war on the buffaloes. Yes, you read that right: war. Come on, we were coming to that?! If this was a TV show, the rating would go up!

Well, we tried to make everypony cooperate, but they were too busy preparing apple pies (this world makes no sense at all!). The only pony who didn't fully approve of the war was AJ's cousin, Braeburn. The same went for the buffaloes: Little Strongheart seemed very reluctant to go into battle.

At two today, the seven of us were stuck in a pie war. If you don't know what that means, let's just say the buffaloes were charging at top speed while the ponies were trying to throw pie at them. All was in complete chaos until the sheriff hit the buffalo chief at full force. For a while, the war stopped. The chief wasn't moving.

...Then, he licked some of the apple pie and said it was delicious. Turns out he only had a minor scratch, and he now understood why planting the apple trees was so important. The townsponies decided to create a road through the orchard so the herd could continue their stampeding tradition. Phew.

Today, I learned that pie is the answer to all your problems. So long, 42, and thanks for all the false lessons.

-Spike

SPECIAL:It's a Flood, Flood, World

Spike’s Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

SPECIAL:It's A Flood, Flood World

Dear Diary,

Movie adaptations of books seem to be massive these days. Hoofy Potter and the Ponylosopher's-or-Something's-Stone was being made into a TV film. Since Fluttershy had a TV, we decided that we would go to her house for movie night. Everypony was enthusiastic about the idea.

Well, everypony except Rainbow Dash. She didn't want to have anything to do with magic or books, or even movies based on them. After a bit of convincing, however, she decided to go with some of her friends from the weather team. We shouldn't have done that. I'll explain why later.

At 6 PM, we had gotten the popcorn, cupcakes, and muffins (although Derpy would probably end up eating half of them before we could even touch them). We were all ready to watch the movie. In fact, we were so excited that we didn't even notice the rain. Pinkie Pie seemed a bit ticked off, though. Seems like she wanted to watch Dora the Pegaxplorer or something (no idea why).

Then, the movie started. ...Well, it was just the usual logos and stuff at first, so we patiently waited. Finally, the real movie came. We saw the Trottingham Forest, and--

There was this big flash of lightning (how ironic) and a thunderclap. Then, the lights went out. Everypony groaned. Fortunately, Fluttershy had a high-tech lamp, too. Problem was, we only had lights and water. No cable. I did a bit of fiddling around and found out that the TV had a crank in case the cable broke. Unfortunately, somepony had to twist it for it to work. Since nopony volunteered (gee, I wonder why), I decided to take the cruel job.

It worked! Except that it seemed like the 3D wasn't going well, and we could barely hear a word of what the characters were saying. Still, we were going to enjoy this the best that we could. After all, nopony except Pinkie wanted to watch Dora. Not even the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Suddenly, it got replaced by a newscast which was even more low-quality. Still, we could make out that the reporters were saying something about floods due to not having enough wingpower force applied on a main cloud or something. Curious, we looked outside and saw that it was raining heavily, accompanied by a flood to boot.

Since the newscast didn't make much... well, sense, Pinkie asked if we could watch Dora. Cranking the best I could, we switched to Ponylodeon Jr., which was in perfect quality (of course).

Right now, practically everypony else aside from Pinkie was grumpy. Feeling pity on them, Twilight revealed that she had brought the original book along just in case. She decided to do some live-reading, which went well until she remembered there were 300 pages to go after the first chapter. Also, her live-reading was accompanied by the sounds of thunder, rain, and Pinkie shouting "Come on, Dora, it's right BEHIND YOU!".

So, things went like that for around 30 minutes. While cranking the TV, I noticed that Twilight sounded tired. She then cut the book short. And by that, I mean: "Hoofy Potter saved the Ponylosopher's Stone from falling into the wrong hands and lived happily ever after until the next book. The End."

Unfortunately, the other ponies were so impressed that they wanted Twilight to read the rest of the books in her bag. Wearily, Twilight got Daring Do:The Shadow Empire Strikes Back.

Just then, the roof started to leak. I tried pointing this out to Twilight, but she was too busy describing Horsth. Praying for a miracle, I continued cranking the TV.

Apparently Celestia wasn't listening, because a wet drop fell on my nose. This made me sneeze, which made me stop cranking, which disconnected the cable. Pinkie was not amused. I tried recranking it the best I could, but it wasn't moving. Not thinking of getting oil, I pulled as hard as I could. The crank snapped out of the machine.

At this point, both Scootaloo (who was coming out of the bathroom) and Derpy (who was getting some muffins) tripped due to a puddle. Somehow, they both managed to roll outside.

Everypony panicked (except Twilight and her audience, who were too engrossed in their respective tasks). Rainbow Dash decided to go out and try to save them. Apparently both of them were fine but stuck in the chicken house. We had no idea how to get them out, and decided that we would try to help them after the rain was over.

At this point, Twilight was cutting corners short again, but she still couldn't resist saying The Line. However, her voice was getting pretty hoarse. Finally, she said It. However, it came out more like "Dexing I sem yur fath".

Right then, I decided I couldn't bear the mess anymore and fainted. I woke up the next morning in a puddle with a fever. Apparently the leaking stopped just before the roof would have collapsed, and the rain had stopped three hours before.

Today, I learned that I hate rain.

-Spike

The Cutie Mark Chronicles

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

Spike's Journal

Dear Diary,

I have a strange urge to write here. Just because. Those fillies must have been hypnotizing me or something. Probably also because Twilight is talking about something again. You see, it turns out she and her friends got their cutie marks at the same time or something.

Normally, this would have been a wonderful but creepy coincidence. However, since it's Twilight, she's babbling about backstories now and how she would love to have them. So, she wrote a letter to the author of the Daring Do books explaining the need for prequels. Well, I think she's taking it a bit too far. On the other hand, at least we might have new Daring Do books. That's always good, right?

-Spike

_________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, in a nearby bakery...

_________________________________________________________________________

The Official Cutie Mark Crusaders Meeting Record Book

Transcribed by Apple Bloom Hope Apple
Comments by Sweetie Lillian Belle
Arguments and all other stuff by Scootaloo K. Hill

Record 3: How We Figured Out How Our Siblings, Distant Relatives By Marriage, Babysitter, Town Baker, and Town Librarian Got Their Cutie Marks, And Thus, How We Learned That Fluttershy Can Actually Sing
Tuesday, July 1st, 4PM, Sugarcube Corner

...So it turns out that we left the club notebook at Scootaloo's all along.
I thought you had actually given in to me!
Uh, we never said that.
...I thought you trusted me.
Yeah, we do, but... oh, fine. You did a good job taking care of the club notebook. Unlike last time. Still, it's quite a shame I couldn't go to Appleloosa.
Rarity said there was some sort of pie war or something.
Ya mean 3.14 ponies were injured? Gosh, that's dang terrible!
How do you injure a fourteenth of a pony?
You--
...Can we just write what happened today?
Oh, yeah. That. So, today, we tried tightrope walking or something for a cutie mark. As usual, nothing happened. Except that we got covered in mud and tree sap. Again.
You weren't doing it properly.
If that's true, you probably weren't doing it properly, either. So, we were out of ideas. That is, until Scootaloo decided that we should ask her... idol, Rainbow Dash, who is related to her step cousin by marriage.
Nope, I recently found out I was wrong. She's my mother's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
That's... very improbable.
Sure is. Does she have a dark helmet or something?
...Forget I said that.
Done. Anyway, while we were searching for RD, we bumped into my sister and she told us her cutie mark tale. I couldn't remember it completely, but it had something to do with homesickness.
I think she accidentally boarded a ship, and really missed her family. When she came home, she felt so glad that her family was there, and realized that it was her true home and that she could never leave it.
Actually--
After that, we went back to searching for Dash. We encountered Fluttershy instead. Her story, whatever it was, was so sweet!
More like sappy. After all, what kind of pegasus gets a cutie mark for crying when the animals who took care of her ran off?
She didn't--
Then, we saw Rarity in distress. Apparently she was sewing a large blanket or something. Out of the goodness of our hearts, we decided to help. Of course, she told us her cutie mark story too. It had something to do with a school play--
She bugged the crap out of everyone for diamonds and diamond accessories. Everyone finally gave theirs.
Hey! That's--
After we helped Rarity, the chain continued when Twilight suddenly jumped out of nowhere and decided to tell us her story.
Uh... she was the child captain of the Enterprise 3, until she decided to stop when her family adopted Spike. Then, she realized how good she was.
Nono--
After she told us that, we decided to take our wagon full speed to avoid bumping into Pinkie Pie. Still, she managed to catch us.
She was a balloon-blower at her balloon farm, which became her hobby. Finally, she made a replica of The Millennium Phoenix out of balloons.
I keep on telling you--
And then, we finally saw Rainbow Dash at Sugarcube Corner. Scoots, you do all the honors.
She--
She did a Sonic Rainboom in a race with bullies to defend Fluttershy when she was nine!
...Uh, I was just about to say that, y'know?
B-but you-I-she-they-it-somepony-I give up.
So, they figured out that the Sonic Rainboom was the reason why they all got their cutie marks. ...Still, I'm not sure how it tied in their stories. Anyhoo, after that, they did a big, sweet group hug.
I still think it was sappy.
So, what did they learn today?
Group hugs are sappy, rainbows are life-changing, and you can't stop an event chain.
...We still have an hour left of free time. Where to now?
We try to tell the truth. I'm sure we'll get our cutie marks for that.
...Nah, let's just write to Hooflastic.
...Who are you? What have you done to my friend? Are you a Dark Lord or something?
No, we'll get our cutie marks for convincing ponies! Hooflastic said they'll take an idea into consideration if more than four ponies request it. Let's suggest Daring Do prequels and give it a chance to happen.
...Fine. Sweetie, since you're feeling a bit down, why don't you have the honor of ending the entry?
...But you never ended one before.
There's always next time. Come on, be the first one to end three entries in a club notebook and get away with it.
Really? Thanks! Ahem... Cutie Mark Crusaders! I've seen in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when our patience fails, when we forsake each other and break all bonds of loyalty. But it isn't this day. An hour of quarrels and disappointed hearts, when the age of crusading comes crashing down, it isn't this day! This day, we end the entry. By all dear you hold on in Mid-i mean, Equestria, I bid you stead. I charge you! Crusaders of the West!
...Fascinating.
Sure, let's go with that.
I now end the entry!

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Transcript ends here, although there seem to be four small holes in the page, probably because of stare burns.
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Owl's Well That Ends Well

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

Dear Diary,

Two days ago, we heard that there was going to be a meteor shower of some sort that night. This particular event wasn't going to happen again for another hundred years, and since we probably wouldn't be able to catch that one (unless Twilight becomes a princess or something, which is highly unlikely), we decided to go.

Well, I had a... slight holdup while heading there. Ya see, Twilight asked me to get an almanac of stars or something. Unfortunately, when I found it, I sneezed fire. And since it didn't have the teleportation perfume on it or anything, it got fully burned. Well, not quite, I suppose. I believe you could see a very small part of the title - it said "SUPERNOV". Panicking, I lied to Twilight and said that I couldn't find it. I think I got a few lumps of coal for that.

Anyways, we finally got there at around seven. We ate dinner there and talked a bit before the actual meteor shower happened. I got thanked quite a bit for my help there. In fact, to my complete joy, Rarity gave me a bowtie which was made especially for me. I think I fainted and landed in the punch after that.

The next day, however, was not so great. When I woke up, I saw an owl perched in front of the clothes hanger. It turns out that in the middle of the night, Twilight had decided to adopt him. In fact, she hired him! She even gave him a name, Owlowicious. She had totally forgotten about me! Well, okay, maybe not totally, but he was still taking my job. The proof? He did all of my usual errands. In fact, when I was buying some quills, he decided to make my efforts worthless by pulling out some of his feathers instead!

This may be considered a form of Heroic Sacrifice, but I knew something was up. I suspected it even more when the owl stole all of the gang's attention. I figured that Coltdemore had gotten tired of his Horseuxes and decided to use cute little head-turning owls instead. That theory made perfect sense!

But before I could report this to Twilight, she suddenly burst into my section of the library. She had found out about the burnt book, and was pretty mad about it. I concluded that Owlowicious had snitched on me, and I decided to teach him a lesson as payback.

The next day, since I was grounded for half a week, I couldn't go reading the new Hoofy Potter book to find out if Coltdemore had made an evil copy of Hoofwig or something. So, I decided to search around Ponyville instead, looking for items I could use in my dastardly plot.

By lunch, I had gathered up a messed-up toy mouse, a stuffy pillow, and some ketchup. Complete with a John Hoofision costume (well, he didn't have a mustache, but hey, I didn't want to be that evil), I created a mess on the floor. I feel a bit uncomfortable even thinking about it, so let's just say I made it look like Owlowicious caught the mouse.

Then again, I should have dressed up as Ahuizotl or something, because Twilight noticed me right away. My act didn't help, and she criticized me for turning to the Dark Side (my excuse of cookies didn't help). She wrapped up her speech by saying that I wasn't the Spike that she knows and loves.

Thanks to my lack of vitamins that day, I thought that she didn't love me anymore. Remembering my lesson with babysitting Fluttershy's animals, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and run away.

That night, I found a cave to sleep in. It had plenty of jewels inside it, so it was basically a no-brainer. Well, I should have looked before I leapfrogged, because when I finished my dinner, I realized there was another dragon in the cave. Who looked exactly like Smaug. And I sure as hay wasn't Bilbo.

Cue me running away like a maniac from the cave. Unfortunately, the dragon had already developed wings (duh). For a moment, I thought I was doomed. I decided to try to send a mental message to Twilight to bury her Pony Trek collection with me so I could read it in the afterlife.

Fortunately, Owlowicious swooped down to save the day by attacking the dragon with all his might. And I swear he was doing it for me. We managed to escape just in time, and I learned my lesson.

Aside from what I wrote to Princess Celestia, I also learned that pets aren't so bad after all. Now, to convince Twilight to get me a falcon.

-Spike

Party of One

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

Party Of One

Dear Diary,

Last week, Pinkie Pie invited us to her pet alligator Gummy's birthday party. I have no idea where Pinkie got him. Nor why Mr. and Ms.Cake would allow Pinkie to keep him. Well, to be fair, he is pretty cute. Plus, he has no teeth. Come to think of it, Gummy is a greener and less intimidating version of me. Huh.

The party was pretty fun to attend. The next day, however, something mysterious was going on. For some reason, Twilight left me and Owlowicious to stay in the library alone that day. Which was a bit uncomfortable, because I still wasn't on completely good terms with the owl. Still, I was pretty much free, so I wasn't complaining.

Then, when Twilight came home a bit for lunch, Pinkie showed up. She asked us to come to Gummy's after-birthday party or something.

___________________________________________________________________________

Unique Equine Facts #18:

Almost everyday is a holiday for mares. Even if they have to make one up. This is very true for Pinkie.

___________________________________________________________________________

This time, Twilight declined, saying she had to go hit the books or something. Which was weird, considering that Celestia wasn't giving her a test or something that week, at least to my knowledge.

That afternoon, Twilight went out again. I had just finished a book, and I was feeling pretty bored. I decided to go window-gazing with Owlowicious. We saw a bundle of hay with sunglasses and a big nose and jacket pass by. We stopped after that, deciding we'd seen enough weird stuff for one week.

In a few hours, however, Pinkie showed up at the library. She pulled me in a corner and presented a big plate of jewels to me. Before I could get it, however, I had to "talk".

I decided to talk about the weather. However, she wasn't satisfied (probably because I accidentally said it was spring instead of summer). She told me to tell her about our friends. I described Twilight and Rarity for a few minutes, but she still wasn't satisfied. Frustrated, she told me to "confess".

Since Pinkie was scaring me like heck, I immediately confessed my deepest, darkest secrets. That still wasn't what she wanted. Scared, I told her to tell me what she wanted me to tell her. She wanted me to tell her that our friends were lying to her because they didn't want to be her friends anymore. I did so.

At first, she seemed victorious. However, in about a few seconds, her hair suddenly deflated. Her pupils also got slightly bigger, too. However, I was too busy eating the gems to do anything. It wasn't until she left with our flour, turnips, pails, and a ball of lint that I knew something was wrong. Oh yeah, her face was half sad and half crazy at that time.

Panicking, I thought the world was coming to a end. I hid under the table and waited for my fate.

Nothing happened. At around ten, Twilight saw me. Turns out the world wasn't ending. You see, today was Pinkie's birthday. The gang decided to throw a surprise party for her. However, Pinkie thought that they had ditched her. The reason why she didn't invite me to the party was because she didn't want me to sleep late. Frankly, I was quite glad I didn't go to the party for obvious reasons.

Today, I learned that although Pinkie Pie is usually nice, she isn't probably an earth pony. Or even horse. Nor Equestrian, for that matter.

-Spike

The Best Night Ever

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

The Best Night Ever

Dear Diary,

So, the Gala ended today. And before I start telling you all about it, let me just say that it didn't go as well as the gang wanted it to. So, let's begin.

Like I said, the Gala took place today. I had decided to wear a top hat with the tuxedo Twilight had given me. I think I looked pretty spiffy. After about an hour of preparing, and Pinkie fiddling with some machines and jumping on trampolines, we were ready to go. Complete with a chariot Celestia had given us, we headed straight for the Gala.

Anyway, when we reached the Gala, we got delayed by a musical number (naturally). After that, I was just about to mention the fun we were going to have together when everypony ran off.

I tried searching for them, but they were nowhere to be found. Which meant that Rarity was probably getting a coltfriend by the end of the night. Bummed out, I went to Donut Joe's shop and got a doughnut overload. Hey, I was sort of depressed.

Before I go on, I have something to confess. I tried to read you to get my mind off the Gala, but I accidentally burped. Which burnt most of the pages. Sorry about that. I'll make it up to you by buying a new diary instead of a real journal. That way, you two can chat. Again, I'm sorry.

Around two hours later, we suddenly heard something from next door. First off, loud music. Second, heavy crashing. Third, the shrieks of animals. I figured out that it was just some naughty fillies and went back to eating my doughnuts.

However, I proved to be wrong when Twilight and friends came in. They looked all messed up. I can't really explain what happened to them, except that the Gala wasn't so grand after all. Also, Rarity's date, Blueblood, was totally a lout. Bad for Rarity, but good for me. Anyways, the gang learned that I was right after all: we should have sticked together.

Today, I learned that I'm always right. Well, I knew that all along. Also that I shouldn't read you while I'm eating something. To be honest, I'm feeling really guilty.

I'll put you in a nice closet. I'll miss you, even if you were a stupid idea. I'll still read you every now and then. Goodbye. May harmony be with you.

-Spike

Author's Note

Welp, it's done. I know that this chapter wasn't good at all, but, sorry. My mind while writing this chapter was thinking about school, time, and Herimone and Ron(please don't laugh), so I sorta rushed. Well, it isn't that bad...right?
Thanks to cwiis for editing this and APoeticHeart and Ramma Chaos for being really great followers. Sorry for my mistakes on the chapters. As mentioned, I'm 11 years old.
Also, things have been going pretty good for me latley. I got The Hobbit and The HP series(I've only read Sorcerer's Stone so far), plus I've gotten decent grades so far. If this keeps up you may see the story by October or September. Also, I plan on doing a readtrough of some sorts, not sure what, but it might be HP. I also plan of doing a pony spoof of Narnia...who knows?
Live long and Prosper!

-The39Ponies