Chapters The Sad Sad Life Of Poopy McScooperton
Birth
A Stallion sat waiting in the hospital. The smell of disinfectant and disease invaded his nostrils. The stallion brushed his mustache in a vain hope that the hairs protruding from his upper lip might somehow block out the smell. His name was Rubble McScooperton. A proud stallion from a proud family. For years the Mc Scooperton family had bred strong colts and mares, and Rubble was no exception.
On his flank lay the image of a smashed rock, signifying his strength and particular talent for demolition. Rubble was a Construction Colt, though his usual job was to bring down a structure instead of build it up. It was known that Rubble once took down a whole building with just one swing of the sledgehammer. He was a proud stallion and today he couldn't be any prouder. Today the McScooperton line was going to continue. Today his wife would bear him a son and make Rubble McScooperton a father. Rubble shifted into a daydream of the greatness his future son would surely ascend to.
Again the smell of disinfectant invaded Rubble's nostrils, irritating him to no end. He looked to the door, a worried expression washing over his face. It had been 6 hours since his wife went into labor, he didn't know how much longer her could wait. His son was about the be born, his son destined for greatness, how could he wait? Rubble breathed in deep in a attempt to hold off the nervous excitement.
It worked momentarily until he gazed upon the door and the anxiety invaded his mind once more. The anxiety made it hard to be patient but Rubble managed as the hours ticked away. During these hours Rubble slipped into his fantasies. He imagined his future son flaunting a large thick blond mustache, Mares throwing themselves at his feet as he tore through buildings like they were paper. Nothing could stop this mighty McScooperton as he put the other stallions to shame.
The opening of the door threw Rubble out of his day dream. He turned his head to the doctor that exited the room. It was Dr. Redheart, a stallion with an average build. The doctor brandished a mustache much like Rubble's, but crimson red instead of pale blond like Rubble's.
Rubble had never cared much for doctors or their cold jabbing tools, but Dr. Redheart was an exception. The doctor was old acquaintance of Rubble's, having met by coincidence at a bar years ago. The two stallions each bought a few drinks, a few being enough to kill a buffalo in Rubble's case, and drunkenly spoke of their lives. As it would turn out, Dr. Redheart had a daughter 4 years ago.
Rubble had met the doctor's daughter once, after not being to move for 5 days from a hangover the size of Luna's moon. She wanted to become a doctor just like her father. Rubble chuckled remembering this and hoped that his own son would want to become a construction colt just like him. His laughter immediately ceased as he saw Redheart's face. All these good memories were going to have to be pushed aside as it was obvious the doctor did not have good news.
A grimace was painted onto the his face as he looked over at Rubble McScooperton. " I'm sorry Rubble". With these words Doctor Redheart looked down at the ground solemnly.
Rubble's mouth ran dry as he searched for the right words to respond" Wh-what do you mean".
The doctor looked Rubble in the eye. " she didn't make it through childbirth. I'm sorry".
Rubble had not cried in years. He did not cry when he broke his legs, he did not cry when he lost his first home to a fire ,he did not cry when father passed on. In the McScooperton family tears had been considered sign of weakness and were not to be shed, not by colt or mare. It was in this moment that tears began to emerge in Rubble's eyes no matter how hard he tried to fight them back.
"I do have some good news though" Redheart said with a smile that still held signs of sorrow under it,"Your son is alive". Rubble 's wiped his tears away and his eyes met with Redheart's. "Would you like to see him?".
Rubble confirmed his desire to meet his son with a shake of head faster than the eye could see. The doctor led him into the room and inside of it a small foal sat wrapped in blankets atop Rubble's now deceased wife.
At that moment something happened inside Rubble, it was as if something snapped. This was supposed to be his proudest moment, the point where he would start raising a child destined for greatness.
Instead his wife was laying dead before him, and it was all the fault of this child. Rubble knew what he was supposed to feel at the moment. He was supposed to feel pride, accomplishment, love, and joy. Rubble McScooperton felt none of that. What he felt instead was anger and raging hatred, hatred for this small creature. If not for this thing his wife would still be alive. Rubble once again delved into his fantasies. He dreamed about saving his wife from this monstrosity, this tumor that grew inside of her and destroyed her from the inside.
"What are you going to call him?."
These words snapped Rubble back to reality. "Huh?".
"What's his name?" Asked Redheart.
Rubble looked down at the ground , pondering what to name this monster. It took him only a moment to come up with the worst name he could think of. " Poopy... Poopy McScooperton", Rubble said with a gruff tone.
The thin stallion rubbed his red mustache and looked upon the new father curiously. "Poopy?".
" Yes Poopy" Rubble spat at the doctor. " I don't know if that a wise thing to c-", Redheart found himself interrupted by Rubble, who spoke once again in a growling tone.
" I'm his father, I know what's right for him. I decide what his name is". Rubble picked up the foal with his teeth and headed out. He looked down at it as he passed through the hall and growled. Rubble swore his wife would be avenged, that this monster would get what it deserved. He would care for this beast, but nothing more. Rubble McScooperton would cloth and feed this creature that dared call itself his son, but nothing else.
He gazed down onto the foal in shame and anger. This beast took away his wife. He would show it no love in its life. It did not deserve any love, affection, it didn't even deserve to live. It only had a name because he was forced to give it one. This creature was only a day old and Rubble could already feel his hatred for it burning.
Rubble could feel his anger subside for only a moment as he exited that hospital and his focus was drawn away from the foal. Leaving the Medical facility he saw Clyde Pie's wife , Sue Pie, wheeled inside by two pegasus.
Rubble, to be blunt, thought these names were unequestrianly stupid ones. They were like something out of a pointless game for foals. Rubble let out a snort as Clyde and his wife passed by. There was something Rubble had never liked about Pie Family. He couldn't put his hoof on it, though he speculated it might have something to do with the fact that they were rock farmers. The stallion had never liked rock farmers that much.
No, it was probably the fact they were so unponily boring. The Pies rarely added any kind of emotion to their voices, always talking in a near monotone that irked Rubble to no end. The fact that the Pie family supplied the rocks used for making cement didn't help Rubble much, it only meant he had to get involved with them much more than he would wish to.
His eyes moved back to the foal in blankets he was holding in his teeth. While he did not care for this child whatsoever, Rubble would be damned if he ever let Poopy get involved with a Pie. He couldn't stand the idea of a Pie being anything more than business partner, even that involved too much interaction with the Pies in Rubble's mind. Never would Poopy become involved with the Pie family, this he would make sure of.
On the way home Rubble had to fight the urge to drop the foal and "accidentally" stomp it to death. The only thing stopping him was his conscience and the fact that there were ponies all around him that would see him. As much as he hated this creature , he couldn't kill it. Too many questions and too much guilt. After a good 20 minutes of walking, Rubble finally made it to his home, a pure brick house with a shingled roof. This house was another thing Rubble could feel proud of, one of the many achievements he'd accomplished in his life. The instant of pride he felt was instantly dashed as he looked at the foal still held in it blankets. He groaned as he set it on a table and proceeded to glare at it.
He refused to acknowledge this thing as his own flesh and blood. " Your only a day old. I can already smell the stink of failure on you...Poopy." He spat out the words, emphasizing the foal's name, a name he despised and would always burn with anger at the sound of.
"I Already know what you're going to be in life, I don't have to raise you to know that". The stallion circled around the foal that was wrapped in blankets like a predator ready to strike. "You're going to be a failure. You're going to die alone, cold, bitless, without any friends. And you know something else Poopy". Rubble stopped his circling ,again emphasizing the child's name. "No-one is going to mourn you. You were born a loser and you're going to die a loser", he said in whisper as his face neared the foal.
"At least I'll have friends when I go..but you...You'll be lucky to have a funeral, or even a person that gave a buck you died.." With these words he readjusted himself and stood up straight. Rubble headed into the kitchen only looking back once at the foal he would never be a father to. " I Hate you, you failure.."
Perhaps Celestia was listening that day, Perhaps Nightmare Moon or even the spirit of chaos himself. Whatever the reason was didn't matter because from that day on young Poopy suffered at the hands of other ponies. Fated to become his namesake, he was to become the subject of ridicule and despair. This Colt was to be doomed, even in his grandest moments, to a life of loss, hatred, and rejection.
The Sad Sad Life Of Poopy McScooperton
A Friend
Rubble McScooperton rubbed his head. He was having one heck of a hangover. Across the floor lay bottles of Applejack Daniels. Rubble pinched the bridge of his nose with his hooves in a futile attempt to remedy his pounding headache.
Last night he had brought some of his construction worker friends over for a party. For any other pony the levels of alcohol that had consumed would have been enough to kill them, but Rubble McScooperton could hold his booze better than anypony. The stallion had passed out into his chair and stared at the ceiling the rest of the night. gazing up at the plaster he couldn't help but notice that at this particular angle it looked as if there was a indentation of a boat on the ceiling. He pondered the boat indentation for a moment until he grew bored of staring at it. His gaze went from the ceiling to the table across from the chair.
At the table sat a brown furred colt with a droopy blond mane that looked like someone kept dumping water onto it. Poopy was eating breakfast ,a bowl of Wheatie'os. Beside Poopy lay saddlebags brimmed with school supplies, today was his first day at school. Despite the oath, the father couldn't help but feel a bit of pride seeing his son going out into the world for the first time. The feeling was quickly shaken away once he reminded himself of his oath. This child killed his wife. The emotional wall between the wall had to be held up.
It had only been 8 years since the day Poopy McScooperton was born. Rubble's hatred for the child had calmed over the years. Despite this he kept true to the oath he had made years ago. He did all that he was required to do for the colt, nothing more. Poopy was fed, clothed, and given a home, but he was never loved. Being around the tiny colt and taking care of him was still irksome as ever to the large McScooperton.
Poopy finished his cereal, washed his bowl and hitched his saddlebag onto his back. "Bye Dad!", Poopy said with a tilted head and hopeful smile. Rubble merely snorted in return. "Stop talking. Your going to be late and I'm not going to take you there." With that Poopy left the house, his smile no long present.
On his way Poopy could only wonder why his father was so unhappy with him that morning. Thinking back on it, his father was always like that toward him. One year Poopy had made him a picture out of macaroni and glue for Father's day. Instead of a smile as he had seen so many other father give their sons, Rubble only grimaced at his son and proceeded to yell at him for wasting good noodles. After that Poopy received time in the corner and hoof across the face. That was the last time the small colt cried. Rubble told, well more of yelled at, him that tears were for the weak and a McScooperton shouldn't show tears.
Young Poopy took these words to heart. He couldn't bare to seem weak in front of his father. He loved his father more than anything, even if it seemed that the large stallion didn't share the feelings. the little foal couldn't figure out why his father was so disappointed in him. He just figured it was something he was doing wrong. As with all other things Poopy had done wrong before, he resolved to do better next time and make his father proud.
Getting to the schoolhouse was a difficult task. Every time it seemed the path taken was correct Poopy would wind up at a dead end. The most recent path ended with him in front of a group of ticked off chickens. Now covered in scratches and peck marks, he was finally on the right path. A elderly green mare with a apple pie cutie mark kindly pointed out the way for Poopy after shooing away the blood thirsty birds. Soon enough the schoolhouse made itself present to the brown colt. To others it would seem a prison of books and papers, but to Poopy this schoolhouse was like a golden temple shining brightly before him.
He bounced up and down excitedly in a manner similar to a certain pink filly he would soon be meeting. the child could just tell this was going to be a great day for him. He couldn't wait to meet all the students. Rubble may not have liked Poopy very much but that didn't mean his new classmates would feel the same way. Poopy became even giddier. He would finally have chance to make friends and play with other fillies and colts his age. Before school all he had was a stinky old shovel called "Mr. Shovey" that Rubble gave him. While he loved that shovel with all his heart it wasn't a good conversationalist. That and it was smelly too.
Putting the memories of Mr.Shovey aside Poopy bounced inside the schoolhouse and grinned at his teacher, his eyes twinkling in the light. A light blue mare with what could only be described as a toothpaste mane looked down on Poopy and gave him a smile. "You must be the new student" .Poopy only nodded in response. "Would you please tell the class your name". The brown colt looked around the room. In front of him were a variety of colts and fillies, the most notable being grey wall-eyed young pegasus and a poofy maned pink filly. At first glance the children all appeared to all be friendly ponies. "Poopy McScooperton" The young colt declared with a semblance of pride.
All conversation ceased at that moment as every pair of eyes set themselves on the small colt. He gave nervous smile and looked around the room wondering what came next. A roar of laughter shook the room. The McScooperton child could only stand there was a confused look on his face. It soon dawned on him. They were laughing at him. Even the teacher, who was supposed to keep all the children in line, had broken into hysterics. Every hope, every expectation, ever good thoughts that Poopy had had about the school house were instantly shattered that in the next few seconds. He had hoped their laughter would just soon pass and they could get on with the day, but this was not to be . Some of the Fillies even started to throw paper at him and insult him.
Poopy nearly broke into tears , but his McScooperton pride forced them back. What would his father think?. " Why do you keep disappointing me Poopy? why?", that's what is father would say to Poopy if he cried. He couldn't disappoint his father again, not like he had already done so many times. Instead of tears Poopy just looked at the floor solemnly, hoping to escape the gaze of his new classmates.
The laughter seemed like it had gone one forever. Only one pony stopped laughing, A poofy maned pink Earth pony with A three balloon cutie mark. She had a found the name hilarious at first and laughed for a few seconds. However, it stopped being funny when she saw the other fillies start throwing paper and calling their new classmate names. The little pink filly's grandmother had taught her many important lessons. One was to giggle at that which scared her, the other was to laugh with ponies not at them. All the foals were laughing at this colt not with him. She knew what was happening was wrong. Her ears drooped as she sat there, realizing there was nothing she could actually do to make them stop picking on the new student.
Slowly but inevitably the laughter came to a halt. Most of the foals calmed down and returned their attention to the teacher. Only one wall-eyed grey filly was still laughing, but by this point it was obvious the source of her laughter was the large delicious muffin sitting on her desk and not Poopy's name. Poopy ,however, did not notice. He was too depressed by the constant onslaught of names and laughter that had just recently taken place.
The teacher wiped a tear from her eye. "Alright. Take your seat Poopy", Again she and the rest of the class (save a pink earth pony and a cross eyed pegasus) stifled their laughter. Class started normally after that, except for Poopy it was still torturous. The other students would turn their heads and look at him throughout the whole class. He could see their sneers and smirks from the corner of his eyes. How he wished it would end, but it never did.
" I bet his cutie mark is gonna' be manure", Poopy was sure he heard the pale yellow filly with a gold spoon cutie mark that sat across from him say this. The remark hurt him even further because in his current sate he wouldn't be surprised if that's what his cutie mark would end up being. After what seemed like endless hours the school bell finally rang. Poopy hitched up his saddle bag and headed for the door. The teacher waved goodbye as all her students left the classroom. She tried to repress a giggle as Poopy passed by. He lowered his head and ran out to avoid her sight.
Laying under a tree ,Poopy processed all the memories of what had happened that day. One thing was for certain, He did not want to go to school again. Nothing happened as it was supposed to. Instead of warm greeting he was given a barrage of laughter and insults. Once again the tears threatened to cascade down his face but he forced them back with hoof to the face. Poopy sighed and pulled out his favorite treat, A perfectly frosted cupcake he bought from Sugarcube Corner.
Looking at the cupcake, Poopy couldn't help but remember the time he had tried to make his own cupcakes. Rubble yelled at him because the attempt had set off the fire alarm. Poopy had always had an interest in baking, but this interest was not something he was good at nor did his father approve of it. He sighed as he looked at the cupcake. Perhaps the sugary confection would be able to clear his mind of horrible event of the day. He felt himself fall back to the ground when the pink earth filly from earlier suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
Poopy let out a scream of surprise as the pony came down out of thin air. " Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie".
He stared at this pink filly that was seemingly hanging upside down on nothing but air. " H-h-hi", Poopy managed to stutter. "Ooooooh is that a cupcake?! I love cupcakes! Did you make it yourself!?". Poopy was very nervous around this hyperactive pink pony. He had never really spoken to anyone other than Mr. Shovey and his father, neither of which liked to respond. The very idea of actually talking to another pony shook the brown colt to his core. It was at that moment Poopy realized he was shy. Very very shy.
" N-No", Poopy managed to squeak out in response to Pinkie. " I- I'm not very good at baking".
Pinkie let out a gasp. " You like baking too!?". Poopy just nodded slowly. " You like cupcakes! I like Cupcakes! We both like baking!". By now Pinkie's arms were moving faster than a hummingbird's wings. Poopy tried to tell her again that he wasn't good at baking but she interrupted him with another shout. " We should totally be friends!",exclaimed the hyperactive filly as she stretched her arms and fell out of the tree.
Poopy didn't notice she had fallen as he was too stunned with the fact that some pony actually wanted to be his friend. "F-f-friend", He hear himself say to no one in particular. " That a yes?" Pinkie asked with a squeaky grin. Poopy instantly twisted his head to her direction and blurted out " Yes!". The filly just stood there as her smile grew wider. " Aaaaaaaalright! See ya' tomorrow new friend", And with that Pinkie happily bounced off to her home. Poopy could only sit there in joyous bewilderment saying the word "friend" repeatedly to himself.
He wasn't sure if friendship worked that way. He always thought it would have to be slow process, but then again he had never had a friend before. Its didn't matter at this point anyway since there was now somepony who was actually willing to give Poopy a chance.
Coming back to reality Poopy ate his cupcake in one bite and happily bounced back to his brick home. He had managed to make a friend, someone who that didn't yell at him and wasn't a inanimate object. Life was finally looking up for little Poopy.
Author note: Hopefully I didn't take Pinkie out of character. I just see her as someone who will befriend nearly ANYONE.
The Sad Sad Life Of Poopy McScooperton
The schoolhouse hid its age very well. You'd never notice at first glance, but the structure had been used to teach 3 generations of ponies, now reaching 4. The walls had recently been repainted and stood gleaming in Celestia's sun. Its warm colors gave off a calming aura that soothed any pony who wandered near. Inside, the building had been recently refurnished not a year ago. the walls were coated with white paint that complimented the green drapes hanging around the back windows. Paintings of Princess Celestia and a horse added a final touch to the scene. To anyone else this would have been a inviting place, To Poopy McScooperton, it was a prison of shame and humiliation.
The next six months of school had been only a small amount less difficult than the first day. No longer did the teacher giggle at Poopy's strange name, but the students around him continued to laugh in spite of him. Over the Months he had been called every name a foal of eight could think of. Booger breath, blank flank, Dodo, chicken, these only annoyed him. The yellow filly with a gold spoon cutie mark, Gold Spoon, mark had taken to the more adult insults. Colt Crudder, Stallion Slapper, Derpy, he had been called all these and more by the golden filly, not that either of them knew what the words meant.
Today She called him Derpy yet again. At the mention of "Derpy", The cross-eyed grey filly had taken her focus off her muffin and planted it on Golden Spoon. Poopy didn't know why she looked over nor did he care, he was busy attempting to ignore the multitude of insults that came from the wealthy filly sitting next to him. He could ignore most of the verbal attacks Golden Spoon spat at him, but there was one he couldn't ignore no matter how hard he tried. "failure". His eyes widened and her ears perked hearing this. Failure, so many times he had heard this from his father. Every time he tried to make Rubble McScooperton proud he would hear that word.
Golden Spoon opens her mouth with a wide sinister grin. A crack in his defenses had been found and she had full intention to exploit it as viciously as she could. How she enjoyed seeing the suffering of this pathetic pony. She was a sadistic foal just like her mother, Bronze Spoon, her mother who showed her no love. it didn't matter though ,she was a Spoon, she didn't need love. The Spoon family was rich, famous, powerful, prideful. They were the greatest family to exist in Equestria, at least that what Golden Spoon had always been told. This weak little colt, this so called McScooperton, was insignificant in the face of her greatness. He was a rat to tortured and played with, and torture him she would. Oh what fun she would have seeing a McScooperton be reduced to nothing but a quivering jellyfish.
Golden Spoon leaned over and whispered, " I bet your cutie mark is gonna be a turd you bucking failure". Poopy's mouth quivered and he looked at his desk , pained at the harsh words. He hated hearing that word so much. Anypony could tell by looking at Poopy that he had very low levels of self confidence. The word "failure" only served to lower it even further. "It's gonna be a turd, showing how you a complete bucking failure at everything you do", she smiled a wicked satisfied smile seeing Poopy's ears droop as low as his hair. " It's just gonna show how you make everyone feel better about themselves you stupid piece of poop". Poopy continued to look down, Praying to Celestia that Golden Spoon would stop.
Golden Spoon eventually grew bored of taunting the colt named after feces. She needed a different pony to tear down. Her eyes directed themselves to the bored pink filly sitting one seat in front of Poopy. The Spoon's vile grin returned to her lips as she leaned over to desk diagonally across from her. Panic swept over Poopy. Was the rich foal about to insult Pinkie just as she had him? Yes, She was, as he found out the minute Golden Spoon's mouth opened. " Hey, psst, hey you. Bucking freak." Pinkie glanced at the rude Spoon. "What the Hay is that? A cutie mark? ha. What's it for? how much your family wants you to float away?".
Pinkie just stared at Golden Spoon with a vacant expression. No one but Poopy noticed her mouth slide into a faint frown, but it disappeared within and instant. "Nope!", she said in a loud whisper as to not notify the teacher who was going off on a espresso-fueled tangent about Hyper Physics and the possibilities of time travel. "It means I like to party!". And with that a grin appeared on her face. Irritation was plastered on the wealthy Spoon's face. usually the first insult elicited a reaction but this pink pony has just shrugged it off and smiled.
"I doubt that. I bet it means how your family hates you and wants you to float away". She was losing her cool already, she wasn't used to anypony blowing off her insults. " Besides, your parties are the worst I've bucking seen". Pinkie's ear drooped. Bingo! Golden Spoon found the crack in the wall that was Pinkie Pie.
"Yeah. they suck, hard. Your hayseed family may like them but that just means they're a bunch of derpy rock farmers. Bucking loser" . Golden spoon Smirked as Pinkie's hair began to lose some of its poofiness. Poopy felt something he never had before. Inside him a spark of rage ignited. Golden Spoon had gone too far. She could make fun of him, He was Poopy McScooperton, he was a failure and he deserved the ridicule he got. Pinkie didn't deserve any of it though, she was the kindest pony he had ever met.
Forcefully the small McScooperton held himself back. Fear prevented him from slamming his hooves against Golden Spoon's head. The Spoon family was a powerful family. They owned Shining Spoon Silverware, the largest corporation in Equestria next to Barnyard Bargains. If he hit Golden Spoon then there surely would be a price to pay. He might be beaten or even disappear without a trace. The Spoons were that powerful. Imagining how his father might react only made it worse. " You hit a member of the Spoon family!? You're not just a failure Poopy! You're a bucking idiot!!", The words that would undeniably come from his father if he even touched Golden Spoon.
Poopy felt like a rotten apple, A rotten apple that has been sitting in the manure fields festering, filled with worms and surrounded by flies. Here was Golden Spoon berating Pinkie pie, his best friend, his only friend, the only pony to show genuine care for him, and he couldn't bring himself to defend her. All he could do was sit quietly and wait until Golden spoon decided to end her tirade against Pinkie. If he even spoke up against the Spoon she would surely find a way to make him suffer more, or worse make Pinkie suffer. The Spoon family could take away the Pie family farm. They were that powerful. Poopy sat at his desk and sank a few inches in guilt and regret. Poppy was a coward and he hated it. He truely felt like a failure.
Golden Spoon , about to continue her verbal onslaught against the rock farmer, stopped, noticing that the teacher had realized she was talking about math far beyond her student's understanding. "Sorry about that". The blue mare spoke with a embarrassed blush. She turned around, picking up the chalk with her teeth, and wrote on the chalkboard. The chalk crushed against the board producing a rather annoying screech until the equation " 5 x 6" was written out on the board. With a grin the teaching mare asked her students, "Can anyone tell me what this means? ". Poopy paid no heed to the problem that had been drawn up on the board. His focus still laid on Golden spoon.
Rage continued to burn inside him. Was this what his father felt when he looked at Poopy? Like so many times before, Poopy began to daydream. Pinkie lay in a dark room, tied up and unable to move. Beside her was the agitating golden filly, verbally assaulting her and threatening to remove her family's farm. Golden spoon took on the shape of a monster, tentacles spouting from her back as her teeth grew and a long tongue stretched to the ground. Her eyes became those of snakes as her mane grew into sharp spines. She no longer resembled a young mare but a creature of the outer gods themselves. Leaning into deliver the final blow the monster was startled by the sound of shattering wall. A cloud of dust sat in front of the now destroyed wall, softly and slowly settling. As the cloud settled the shape of a colt could be made out. Poopy stepped out of the settling dust, adorned in a leather jacket and sunglasses. "Let her go", he said with calm face.
The beast that was Golden Spoon only looked at him quizzically and with a smug grin replied, "make me". Poopy stood on his hind legs and glared at the creature. "Alright then". Only a Blur could be seen as the monster felt a hoof smash into its face. It let out a loud wail, clutching its face in agony. "It's a good day to die....for you". The beast's eye pushed itself to the jacket clad colt that spoke those strange words. "What?", was all it could ask before a hoof crushed its head against the wall.
Poopy looked upon Pinkie, who was still tied and unable to move. "your safe now Pinkie!" he cried heroically as he ran his hoof across the tight ropes. Instantly the rope snapped in a perfect line. Pinkie was amazed, Poopy was able to cut through the ropes without the need of a knife. " My hero", She said softly. "Anything for you Pinkimena Diane Pie. Anything for you". He stared into Pinkie's eyes. Her eyes shimmered and sparkled in the light. Their faces began to move towards each other.
" Huh!, wha?" the child was torn from his dreams when the teacher called upon him. "Poopy" , stifling a giggle she continued her inquiry. "Can you answer the question on the board?". Poopy looked at the question. Math, He hated math. Of all Subject math had to be his worst. "umm. umm. fifty six?" A roar of laughter came from the class, save pinkie pie and the grey Pegasus. Once more the insults landed upon the brown colt.
The laughter came to an immediate halt. A harsh gaze rested on the class. The teacher stared in disappointment at her students. Quickly her calm demeanor returned and she asked "Can anyone answer the question on the board?".
The lesson about multiplication and how it was supposed to be done droned on, boring Poopy to no end. Desperate to find something else to do, he peered over at the desk of the hyper pink filly in front of him. Pinkie had a pencil in her mouth and paper in front of her. the pencil was being moved to form the shape of a cannon on the paper. Around the picture of the cannon were numerous equations and calculations. It was like looking at another language. Poopy couldn't make heads or tails of the numbers that were sprawled across the sheet.
Three long hours passed and the sound of salvation rang through Poopy's ears. The School bell went off signaling the end of the day. Poopy made sure to give his daily thanks to Celestia for making the lengthy explanation of the mechanics of math go away. Hitching up his saddlebags he watched Pinkie bounce out of the schoolhouse. A smile crept onto his face. Pinkie just had that effect on him, he found it difficult to be sad around her. Trotting out of the school house he ran to catch up to the bouncing pink ball of energy, the grass softly rustling beneath his hooves as he ran. Both the children took the same path home so it gave Poopy time to talk with his friend.
He trotted up beside her. " Hey Pinkie". Pinkie turned her head to "I'm sorry about what Golden Spoon said". Guilt intruded in on Poopy again. He should have helped but instead he just sat there and day dreamed." It's not your fault. She just a mean meanie mean meanie pants". Poopy smiled slightly, happy that Pinkie wasn't mad at him for failing to defend her. "What were you drawing in class?" "Party Cannon Plans", she replied with a smile on her lips.
Poopy looked at his friend quizzically, and eye brow raised. "Party Cannon?". Pinkie responded with a nod. " It's gonna be sooo great! Ya just point it at stuff and BAM! it will be all decorated with balloon and streamers and ribbons and party hats and cloth and cake!". She let out a proud grin. "It does sound neat but when would you ever use it?, Poopy asked, unsure as to how such a device would be useful. "At parties silly filly", Pinky applied a noogie to the top of his droopy mane. "I'm a colt", Poopy told her in deadpan tone. She ignored his comment and continued talking. " Birthday Parties, Cuteceaneras, party parties, Just came to town parties, Cupcake parties", the grin on her face grew wider. Poopy wore a expression of pure surprise and confusion. " Ponies have parties on their birthdays?".
Pinkie's face went into a black stare. " I've never had a party for my birthday, usually my dad just tells me to stay in my room" . Pinkie gasped and then leaped six feet into the air. "You've never had a birthday party!?!", she yelled in disbelief. Poopy could only shake his head "no". "When's your birthday" She demanded , pointing a hoof into his face. "um- um-um N-neighvember sixth. Two weeks from today". Pinkie gasped again. " Mine is on the 7th! Our birthdays are so close. That's so super duper neatly neat!". Poopy didn't see how their birthdays being a day apart was anything special. Apparently for Pinkie, birthdays were a big deal. He didn't really see why, to him it was just another day.
Pinkie once more pointed her pink hoof into Poopy's face. " Poopy I'm gonna throw you the best birthday party ever!", She declared, a look of hard determination on her face. "Wha-", He didn't get to finish. A cloud of dust pushed itself into Poopy's face as Pinkie ran off to her rock farm home. "See ya tomorrow Poopy!", the now distant pink dot yelled. Poopy stood there in a daze, confused as to what had just happened. Shaking his head he trotted back home. Apparently Pinkie was going to throw him a party on his birthday. Poopy appreciated the gesture but he still didn't understand why she would go through the trouble. He wasn't about to reject the offer though, It might be nice to finally experience a party.
Poopy reached his home and headed inside. At the table sat his father, Rubble McScooperton, drinking his fifth bottle of Applejack Daniels that day. The Taste of apples crossed with the lifting sensation the alcohol brought allowed Rubble a few minutes of happiness. He had managed to forget about Poopy until the door opened and the colt walked in. Immediately a frown appeared on the stallions face. The bane of his existence, The failure son, His failure son, had returned home. Rubble Snorted and spoke in a disinterested tone. " Grampa McScooperton is going to be visiting in 2 weeks Poopy. Thought you should know".
Poopy's face became one of terror and anxiety. Grampa McScooperton, the most cantankerous, grouchy, mean, old stallion was coming. The senior McScooperton had visited before when Poopy was 4. He towered over Poopy, burrowing into his very soul with disapproving eyes. " Failure", the only word the old stallion had used to describe Poopy.
The child stood frozen in his position, miserably murmuring the words "oh no...".
Author Notes:
The Sad Sad Life Of Poopy McScooperton
I'm impressed. You made it through the first 3 craptastic chapters of this crap filled story. Your resistant...I'll give you that. I'll break you though... Soon enough you'll give up. The bad writing will break you eventually...
I had no idea what to call this chapter
Only two days had passed since Poopy received the news that Grampa McScooperton would be visiting. Normally Poopy would be riddled with anxiety, But his friend helped to quell that feeling. Pinkie bounced about, catching 10 feet of air with each leap. She and Poopy stood, at least Poopy did, in the fields next to the Edge of the Everfree forest. A large cottage sat behind them in a state of ruin. The grass that made up the roof was rotten and withering, it had to be more than twenty years old. Every window that wasn't completely broken was marked with grease and dust. The door in the front was held at an angle, its hinges slowly rusting off. Sharply different from the cheery green grass around it. No pony could imagine someone wanting the old beaten place; living in such a place would be near impossible. Despite the hideous run down cottage, the fields around it were a favorite of Poopy's. He had always been able to come here and find some peace away from the disapproving looks of his father.
Reaching the farm Poopy opened his eyes in disbelief. The farm was one of the dreariest places he'd ever seen. Nothing decorated the large patch of land in front of him. There was no grass, only stones. Everything was shaded with a grey. Even the trees looked a bit grey. Any pony who had to live in such a place would surely suffer depression from the sheer bleakness of it all. The only thing that had some sort of color was the house and even that was a grey shade. Poopy had been well aware his friend lived on rock farm but this was not at all what he was expecting. It was a huge contrast from Pinkie pie, who was as happy and hyper as could be.
